Trakehners and Dreams

Two Years Fly By

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 14 Jun 2015 20:18:00 +0000

Looking at the posts from over a year ago- it makes me cringe to see how stressed out and in need of help I was.

Lexy (Lexie) went to get chemotherapy at Cornell University. I surrendered her to a rescue last April. Lexy is doing well but the chemo didn't work as well as we had hoped. I haven't seen her in over a year.

My two Trakehners and I have moved around a lot in the past year. I'm finally getting back on my feet. Well, for the most part. As it stands right now, I am working full time and not doing much by way of horse time. Most days I do what I need to do and then go home. The horses are twenty minutes from my house.... Since I do rough board that means I'm at the barn twice a day. Forty minutes of driving a day is definitely a downer.

Also, I feel guilty. Like I should sell them so I can pay down my debts. Why do I keep holding on to them when logic and good sense tells me to cut my losses. I got myself way in over my head and here I am pretending everything is fine and dandy when it's not.

I'm questioning my sanity right now.

I was writing for the American Trakehner Association but my new job pretty much takes all of my energy and writing for the ATA is more than I can swallow at the moment. It seems like life is too much to swallow. I keep thinking today will be different. Today will be better.

My paranoia is kicking in- I keep thinking someone is going to come and take my horses from me but I can't think like that. I can't draw that negative energy towards me. I have to believe that a miracle will happen. That my hardwork and determination aren't going to blow up in my face.

Fae is a lovely filly. She's gorgeous. Her trot and canter are both floaty and ~~I can't wait~~ help but wonder what it will be like to ride her. That is if I ever get enough energy to do anything more than daydream about riding.

Everything is so much work and honestly, it feels like no one understands why I'm pitching such a bitch fit. The stress of keeping them is wearing away my optimism more than anything else. If keeping them is stressing me out so much then why do I keep them? Why do I still dream of riding when the thought of grooming them makes me want to curl up and cry. Why do I do this to myself. If I loved them, really loved them I would sell them to people who could care for them properly. I'm being selfish and I wonder if my selfishness is detrimental to them.

These aren't the greatest photos of them. I'm feel hollow. Like I have to make a decision and I know what the answer should be but every day I tell myself I'll make that decision tomorrow.

Oh and this was Fae in August of 2013

Check out my other blog

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 17:37:00 +0000

http://sanityequalshorses.wordpress.com/

This is where I've been posting my blog posts related to horses. Of course there is much more going on than what I post but I try to keep pretty regular posts.

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 19 Dec 2013 16:58:00 +0000

Lexy and her lessee love each other. I'm so excited for them. Eventually, the lessee will buy Lexy; which is great for everyone involved.

Which means I needed to make some other changes.

I have fought long and hard to keep Julie and Fae but I have nothing left. I have no more fight, no more ways to keep them.

So they are up for sale.

I know, I'm a horrible horse owner. I was stupid. What is more stupid is not being able to pay their bills and more importantly not able to pay my bills. I have narcolepsy and it is hard for me to function; let alone hold a full time job. My narcolepsy is getting worse and I cannot continue to own them and hope everything will magically get better.
If I can't feed them or put bedding in their stalls then I have no right to think I should keep owning them. That is stupid thing to believe in.
I'm thankful for the opportunity to own them and I will make sure that they find a good home.

http://newhaven.craigslist.org/grd/4249975372.html

I have two people coming to look at them this afternoon.

Update

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 17 Nov 2013 23:58:00 +0000

The lovely horses in my life are doing well.

If only the good times lasted longer than they do.

Tuesday Morning Update

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 15 Oct 2013 13:51:00 +0000

Where do I begin. How do I relate to my readers and convince them that helping me during this tough time will also help them.

Or maybe I should say that my readers' generosity will help keep the horses in my life happy. As well as help Fae grow big and strong.

The ultimate goal for Fae is the Olympics.

Which means a lot of time and lots of money.

Right now, I am trying to secure a job that can provide financial support for my long term Olympic goals. Short term my money situation is pretty bleak.

The horses don't have any grain.

They go through about 150 lb of grain a week (go through one bag every 2 1/2 days). Right now I am working 11-12 hours days with minimal results and so I have very little time to care for them. I want to provide for them but I am having trouble on the financial and time management front.

So if you have a dollar or two in your bank account (which I don't, actually) and you have any interest in seeing these horses stay with me please contribute to this fund.

It's not a huge amount but every bit helps and at some point in everyone's life they need help. I just hope that one day I get the opportunity to help out others like I've had so many people help me out.

Also please pass this along as the more people who read it the more responses we get. Facebook is inundated with "help this pet or help that one" and I'll admit I've grown numb to those photos. You do know me though, you know my struggles. Read my blog, read how I've gone through the ups and downs. The fears and the hopes of striving for this goal. You know who I am and you can come and see my horses in person if you want. I am not perfect, but I do love my horses and I only want what is best for them. So help the horses or help me or contribute to a better tomorrow or the restart of a dream.

I dream of a better future and I hope you do too.

http://www.microgiving.com/cause/help-feed-fae

Update On The Girls

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 14 Oct 2013 02:12:00 +0000

I've been in a bit of a flux lately. Not sure if the horses were staying or going and it turns out the answer was both.
As in the moved from their old barn to a place much closer to me- a place that suits our needs much better. All three loaded and trailered like a dream. Fae was fantastic. Takes after her mom 100% and Lexy was great too.
The other great thing about the new place is that the three of them get turned out together. I was extremely nervous to put the three of them in one paddock so we turned them out in the ring which is huge. They immediately galloped around for a bit, Julie pinned her ears at Lexy and Lexy respected the warnings. Now Julie and Lexy are best buddies and Fae gets to do her own thing. Lexy acts like she was Julie's foal at one point and is now grown up. It is a very weird thing to watch... Julie mothers both of them but also lets them do what they want. Lexy has gotten more relaxed now that she is turned out with Julie. I'm sure they've communicated to each other and Julie has told Lexy that I'm a nice person- at least I hope so.
At any rate I lead the three of them together and they are fine. A perfect little herd.
Here is a photo I took this morning.

Here is the video of their first time out together. No bucking or biting, just a few ear twitches and glares.

Where we are now

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 08 Sep 2013 18:56:00 +0000

In the past two months I went from having one horse to three. I quit my job and spent some time recuperating from several years of emotional strain. I also witnessed several of my dreams being fulfilled and I got to live the dream. For a few days at least.
Dreams need money to fuel them and I lack that money. I don't want to admit it but I have to. I made a huge mistake. I messed up and I have dragged too many people into this.
Why do I post this on here instead of on my other blog?
Because this is specifically about my horses.
I don't have any more grain for them and I have no money to buy more. I am out. I have hay but these guys need grain to fuel their bodies. Julie is producing milk, Fae is growing quickly and Lexy is putting on weight.
I will not be a hoarder and hold on to my animals when doing so would make their health go down hill.
I will not be that person on the news who is seen as a misinformed animal person who was too prideful to let go of their horses.
I love my horses and I have done whatever I could to keep them fat, happy and healthy.
I can no longer do that.
It is my mistake. I own that mistake. I took on too much and now my animals are paying the price.

My loss is the opportunity for someone or several people to buy several amazing animals.

FOR SALE (or long term free lease): Immediate sale!

FEINJUWEL

Excellent broodmare and excellent under saddle horse. Three amazing gaits and a lovely personality. Clips, loads, trailers quietly. A dream horse that will do what ever you ask of her. An older mare that looks and acts half her age. Would be a fantastic broodmare. Seen above with her 2013 filly by Lord Cosmo.
Did I mention she has amazing bloodlines and that she is a registered Trakehner. They don't breed them like this anymore.
Price is firm at $3500

FOR SALE:

Fate's Jewel
2013 Trakehner Chestnut filly out of Feinjuwel (by Kronjuwel) and by Lord Cosmo.
Are you looking for royalty and beauty and brains?
If so then you have found her. She is a miracle baby with the sweetest, most personable attitude I have ever met. This filly is something I wanted for a long time but unfortunately finances forces sale. She was born August 6th 2013 and will be weaned by spring 2013. She has beautiful movement and good bone structure. I can go on and on about her but the truth is one look and she'll steal your heart as well.
Priced at $12,000 she is a steal at this price. She will be worth five times that amount in a few years. She is a great investment opportunity and I would consider offering partnerships in co-ownership if you would rather own part of a horse but not have to deal with the day to day care.

This filly is sure to please who ever buys her as she has the athletic ability to go in any direction. She stands to be groomed, picks up her feet, leads and takes dewormer fine. Has had extensive desensitization training. An excellent addition to any horse lover dreams. Buy her now before her price increases upon weaning.

FOR SALE (or long term free lease):

GALEXY

A 2005 Blue Roan Medicine hat pinto mare this girl has lots of love to give. Originally I had planned to use her as a lesson horse/ training project but my time and budget do not allow for those plans. She came from Camelot and went through quarantine. She is up to date on deworming, teeth floating and hooves as well as shots. This girl is skittish and requires a patient hand. She has learned to trust me in the past two and half months I have owned her and she is a very sweet horse. She has been lunged and has had a saddle on but no riding training. She wants to please. This girl is really special and really deserves a special someone to take care of her.

I think she would best be suited as a companion horse as she has multiple (I mean multiple) lumps and bumps. It is most likely some form on equine cancer but do not let that scare you away. Equine cancer is different than human cancer and she has plenty of life left to live. She is a relatively easy keeper and loves being in a stall. She leads quietly. Loads and picks up her feet. She will do what ever you ask of her as long as you are quiet and gentle. This mare is a diamond in the rough looking for someone willing to polish her up real nice. She loves other horses and is extremely submissive. Not a mean bone in her body.

Ideally I would like to make back what I've put into her but I really want to find someone who is the right fit for her. She can be registered with the pinto association for less than $200. She would make a great broodmare. She loves my 2013 foal.

She could be a riding horse as she seems to enjoy working. She has three lovely gaits and moves like a horse twice her size. She would throw beautiful foals.

All offers will be considered

All horses are for immediate sale. Those interested in Feinjuwel and Fate's Jewel take note that Fae won't be ready to be weaned until February 2014. If someone was interested in both Feinjuwel and Fate's Jewel I would sell them together for $14,000. Alone Feinjuwel is $3500 and Fate's Juwel is $12,000. Will consider payment options as long as buyer can prove they have the funds for the long term care of these animals.

Feinjuwel and Fate's Jewel won't be able to leave where they are until February 2014. Month to month cost is to be split between buyer and seller.

Galexy is ready to leave at any time.

Videos of all three are available upon request.

Serious inquiries only.

Contact:

Felicia Fountain

5853653205

Felicia.j.Fountain@gmail.com

Sharing Fae's Story

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 13 Aug 2013 17:53:00 +0000

I want to share Fae's story.
To get it out there that all things are possible if you hope enough and have faith that things will work out.
Oh and if you get a little crazy sometimes and do things that are illogical.
Help me get it out. I just contacted Warmbloods Today to do an article for them to share Fae's story. So hopefully they'll get back to me and I'll be able to write something up.
Fan base (well, Fae's fan base) help me get her famous!

Who wants to see Fae be famous?

Let's make this a Disney story!!!!
Underdog, uncertainty and impossible odds!

Fate's Jewel is HERE!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 08 Aug 2013 02:10:00 +0000

It's a Filly!!!!!
Chestnut with 4 white legs? Maybe I don't know it's hard to tell because she's so little and new and squirmy. Julie was in foal for 363 days. That's pretty much a year. The foal is healthy. Leggy!!! and doesn't know what to do about her legs. She's easily distracted and wants to stand up but just can't seem to figure it all out. Julie is very interested in her and talks to her all the time and freaks out if she can't see her. She makes me nervous because I'm afraid she is going to step on Fae but I just have to trust that Julie won't do that and that she'll learn how to be a good mom.
UPDATE (extended) 8/7/13
Fae has been alive for a day and a half and has gotten so much stronger. She had low blood serum (plasma/passive transfer of antibodies) levels and so my vet wanted to do a blood plasma transfer on her. We were able to get about 1/2 a liter into her. She was supposed to get a liter. I hope it is enough because we are not going to attempt to do that to her again. She's too little and I'm afraid she is going to break so I'd rather not scare her or teach her to distrust humans.
Julie is a fantastic mom. Obsessive most of the time. Makes Fae get up and eat often and she also will chase Fae around if she thinks Fae should eat. Julie is so funny. talks to Fae all the time and gets nervous if she can't see her.
I could write more about them. I love watching them interact and seeing Julie learn how to be a mom. Today my horse started to return wanting my attention as well as making sure Fae was ok. She's getting better about being a mom. Not nearly as nervous. She'll walk on Fae or almost step on her and I grit my teeth but Julie won't hurt Fae. She loves her too much and she's so happy she's a mom. I think she knows Fae is weak or at risk and that is why she is so focused on her. Julie is such a good mom.

here are some videos of Julie's foaling. Don't mind my voice. (if they load)

Foal Watch

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 03 Aug 2013 08:15:00 +0000

So Julie is 20 days past her due date. She sat for about 3 weeks with no progression my vet finally suggested putting her on Equidone and it was a miracle drug. After three doses she developed a huge udder and there were lots of changes on the milk tests. Her whole body changed. Not sure if she had fescue toxicity or if being sick during some of her pregnancy gave her some issues but well not I'm sitting here at 4 AM watching the foal camera and doing foal watch. Never thought this day would come. It feels like an eternity since I decided to breed her and we went through her who pregnancy. It's been almost a year actually. 354 Days.
My vet wanted me to send her to Tufts to foal out but I just didn't have the money to do it and I was nervous about moving her. I'm a control freak and having her out of my reach was something I just wasn't comfortable with.

Ok random photo updates. Lexy is the Pinto. She's looking good. I brought her from quarantine to where Julie is boarded and oh you know just turned them out next to each other. I know not the brightest move. Lexy is doing great here at Willow Creek. She is really starting to open up and she is starting to trust more. She actually lets me catch her when it is time to come in. She screams at me because I bring Julie in first and Lexy thinks that I should bring her in first. She's better about being groomed. Still doesn't want to pick up her feet but that will get better with time. Now I just need to get them feet trimmed to a normal length.
Julie is the bay in the center paddock. She loves having buddies and shade. I'm so glad I got to move her from her old paddock to her new one.
I have to go check on Julie in a few minutes. Hope you liked the update.

Taking A Chance

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 11 Jul 2013 18:27:00 +0000

Now this blog is supposed to be about my Trakehners and pursuing my goals with them.
I love the breed but more importantly I love horses.
I check out an auction site every week that lists horses available for purchase. I usually look at the pretty ones and hope that they find good home but then I one caught my eye. She was listed as a 4 yr old appaloosa looking thing. I had to have her. The pictures didn't show much but there was just something about her that made me go crazy and buy her.
So I bought her via the phone and then picked her up three days later and brought her to quarantine. Yes she was skinny and she had lumps all over her. She turned out to be a very dirty tovero grey and white paint/pinto. Ok, I thought to myself no big deal she's not as trained as I thought but you know what she has a lot of personality and seems like she just wants somewhere to feel safe. So going against all reason I continued to pour money into her.
My vet came on Monday (this past Monday) and took blood for some bloodwork. He also looked at her teeth and said she is somewhere between 8-11 years old. In addition to that he said she was probably a nurse mare. I won't go into detail about what a nurse mare is but know that it leaves a lot of foals orphaned in favor of more expensive foals. Then he saw her lumps and bumps and said that they are probably tumors. The bloodwork came back and one of the markers for lactate was out of normal range. Which means more tests.
Sometimes taking a chance yields good results. Like the job I took and deciding to live where I live. Sometimes taking a chance yields unfavorable results- when I was in middle school a stray cat came to my house and wouldn't leave. So after three days my parents said we could keep the cat. They took her to the vet, spent money on her and then two days afterwards she died on our kitchen floor. Her name was Diamond and she was a very sweet cat. My step-dad was annoyed that she croaked so soon after we put a lot of money into her but then he said something like "Well, maybe she needed a place to feel safe; a place where humans looked after her so that she could die in comfort."

Lexy is a sweet mare. She seems like she's had a rough go of life and she's young. She has so much ahead of her and yet maybe not much longer. Everyone loves her as soon as they meet her. She is a gentle soul. So maybe she doesn't have much time left on earth. Maybe I am her hospice care. Maybe I felt the urge to help her because no one else would.
I write this not because I want advice on what to do but because I want to share her story. I want to let you know that sometimes a creature just needs to know that there is good in the world. That they have a place where they can convalesce in peace and then leave this world knowing that they were loved. Even if it was for only a short time.

On the plus side.
She has gained weight in the week I've owned her. She seems like she loves everything about life now and if she only has a short time left here I'm going to do my best to help her live each day to its fullest and do whatever I can to help her heal. Who knows. Maybe a miracle will happen. Maybe she doesn't have cancer and maybe I'm worried for no reason but I have to prepare and accept that maybe I'm pouring a lot of money into a creature that is "a pit" so to speak. I should be worried and stressed because I do have two horses who need their bills paid but I know that I rescued Lexy for a reason and that the money for her care will come to me when I need it. I just have to have faith and trust that I am doing the right thing.

Here are some pictures

These photos of her eating the grass are a week after I bought her and regular meals and two baths....

Staying clean isn't her style

These photos in the stall are from the second day she was in CT

The pictures below are the day I got her from auction. She walked right on the trailer.

The next step in my career

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 02:18:00 +0000

So here's a question:
What does one do when your job is going well; everyone loves you and you enjoy what your doing but you aren't getting the training you want and then you find a job that sounds fantastic- a good stepping stone into the horse industry- the question do I stay or do I go?
It's not that it's a dead end here, where I'm at but I feel like I'm not growing as a rider and that I'm sacrificing my dreams (of competing etc) to be the coach and the trainer.
That saying "those who can't do teach" burns my ears and I want to do; I just never had the opportunity to do. I want to show and I want to be a top rider; but where I'm at right now that won't happen.

I have my horse (soon to be 2) and I have to think about and can I afford to move down to VA with two horses? One that is semi-retired and the other that won't be doing anything for several years...
On the plus side the farm is an active breeding facility and they do eventers and dressage and it sounds glorious.

I am a loyal person so I will not leave my job for now but I hope that when it is time for me to leave that that position down in VA is open and that I'd be able to work there.

I've always been career minded; I guess I need to weigh the options.

The Duchess is feeling better

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 03:08:00 +0000

First and foremost:
I was an idiot to breed Julie. I should have realized it was going to be way above my salary level. I think with my heart too much.

Side note:
I put Fae on allbreedpedigree which means she has to be born and live. We're worried about Fae being in distress/ the possibility of Julie aborting and I'm really really hoping we have a normal foaling in July and that all of my stress and worry is for nothing.
Julie is doing better. She's eating all of her grain but not much of her hay, luckily I have her on Hay stretcher and on Dengie so she is getting fiber. She's still picky about her food and I have to put a ton of corn oil on it for her to even think about eating her grain. I never thought a mare would be this ridiculous while being pregnant. I guess it comes with being the Duchess of the world and having me as her slave. Yes, I know where I stand in the world. I'm the one who makes sure her every whim is taken care of. I'm her herd and I guess that means she acts more human like than I'd like to admit.

She's doing better, that's the important thing. Now I just have to figure out how I'm going to afford this next vet visit and my rent and my loan bills and maybe even food for me...

My needs are last on the list. Hers are first.

I refer to Julie as the duchess because she is very poised as a horse and holds herself above everyone else. She isn't merely a princess or a queen but a stately mare who quietly rules the barn while she lets other horses think they have the power; but they don't.

Farm Name Ideas

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 05 Jan 2013 15:53:00 +0000

So in my quest to achieve my dreams I need to come up with a farm name.
Julie is doing much better; I've spent way too much money that I really don't have, on her but she's doing better and she's happier. So I'm just waiting on the blood work to make sure she is still pregnant and that everything is normal. I still have more stuff I need to buy like shots for her and supplements to keep her well and healthy.

Random rants I know.

Anyways names for my future farm:

Dream-it Trakehners

Jeweled Trakehners

Fountain Farms

Serendipity Stables

Trakehners of Fate

And there's more I guess.

If you want a generator for farm names: name generator

2012 woes

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 02:18:00 +0000

Being a horse owner is never easy, neither is having to make the decisions that come with it. Julie has had a rough month. It's been one thing after another since Dec. 11th and we're both exhausted and tired.
She had a fever and lymphangitis, She is anemic and won't eat. She keeps rocking all of her weight on her front end and I'm worried she's developed laminitis. I'm waiting for her to colic. She might have ulcers.
She's lost so much weight and I don't know if the foal is ok or not.

She needs so much attention and care and I cannot give it to her physically, mentally, emotionally or financially. I'm beyond stupid. I don't think she's going to get better. She's losing that will to live and I'm losing hope. She doesn't like sharing me and I'm just tired of dealing with her. I'm tired of everything. 2013 is going to be full of tears just like 2012 was.

I think 2013 might see me walk away from horses permanently.

November Nuances

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 19 Nov 2012 23:59:00 +0000

So, it's been a while since I posted on here. It seems like everything is flying by and this year is taking me on a far, far away ride.

Julie is doing pretty well, she's gotten fat. Not baby fat but fat, fat so she's had her food cut back. Also she still isn't moving very soundly and I think we need a new farrier. A part of me just wants to sell Julie and buy a gelding that is in shape and ready to compete. The cost of having two horses is really getting to me.

What did I get myself into.

Even though I think I should sell Julie I am still looking at buying more horses and dreaming of my breeding/training farm.

Here is the stallion I want to buy:
Admired by All

I could register him as a Trakehner and as an American Warmblood (with the American Warmblood Registry)

The other mare I want for my breeding farm right now is this beauty:
Xena

Which means I really need to get a truck and trailer and my own property.

Oh yea, there's that whole money thing again.

My goal is to have a horse farm where I breed Trakehners and American Warmbloods for eventing and as solid all around mounts.

There's that saying...

If wishes were horses, dreamers would ride. I'm definitely a dreamer and now I just need to find the right path to ride my horses down.

If only my brain would get to work and start creating more stories so that I can eventually make enough money to buy a horse farm
Like this one

I don't need a house I just need a nice barn with land.

45 Day Check

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 25 Sep 2012 02:13:00 +0000

So I haven't been very good about posting on this blog but I have been a little busy... what with working full time and stressing out about whether or not Julie is still pregnant but my worries are unfounded. This makes me wonder what I'll be like if I'm ever pregnant. A post for a different blog at a different time.
Here is a video of Fae's 45 day check and guess what you can totally see Fae's head

Here is another. Fae is getting so big!

It's Official, Official

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 28 Aug 2012 23:29:00 +0000

Here's Fae!!!

My gorgeous baby! So amazing

It's Official

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 25 Aug 2012 00:40:00 +0000

It's official! The vet came out today and confirmed that Julie is in foal. My vet will come out again in 10 days and I'll get to see the heart beat!

Julie and I are definitely much more relaxed now that I know my money wasn't wasted and that my dream is coming true. She certainly knows she's pregnant. She's been acting differently and has been very careful around other horses. She also doesn't pee outside anymore but instead waits to pee until she is in her stall.

She's already moving differently and if she is anything like her dam, Julie is going to get "as big as a house" I'm just happy that Fae looks great (even though she is just a mass of cells right now).
This is certainly going to be an adventure. There was a lot of other things I wanted to include in this post but I'm too tired and relieved to expand on my thoughts.

I'll post the Ultrasound when I get it.

Stress in the Head

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 19 Aug 2012 19:03:00 +0000

Who would have thought there was so much stress and worry when it comes to creating a life. I'd much rather plan for a foal than a human babe...

It seems that I under planned and that I am out of the funds I thought would last me the year.

The vet is supposed to come out this week to check and see if Julie is pregnant but I don't know if I have the money to do that.

This past week was nice- no vet visits and no disruptions; both Julie and I were happy to be able to relax.

I can't stress her out, but how much stress is too much stress? What am I to do. She's peed in her stall a lot lately and every day I clean out her stall I always wonder if she expelled a microscopic ball of cells and if I tossed 3000 into the trash.

So much stress and I know she feels it. Why, oh why did I allow myself to be fooled into thinking I could afford this.

Dreams achieved and Dreams lost. Hopes found and Hopes destroyed.

Am I the only one who fears dreaming too much? Am I the only one who wonders if Hope disguises a more malevolent emotion....

Of course I wanted to write a cutesy post about Julie's progress and all that stuff but all I feel is fear and worry; did I do something stupid?

Most probably yes.

Two Weeks' Notice

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 13 Aug 2012 02:31:00 +0000

The vet will come back in two weeks to check Julie to see if she is pregnant.
She can do everything she normally does but she shouldn't be stressed because if she is the pregnancy is the first thing to go.

Considering I haven't been in a good mood and I feel anger bubbling under my skin these next two weeks are not going to be good. At least I have three days off next week.

Yesterday the stallion at my work decided to test me and tried to bite me. He didn't succeed and in his overzealous backing up he somehow landed/stepped on my right foot and it's all swollen but nothing is broken.

Oh yea, check out Cosmo's shoulder

It's a running horse! How cool is that.

I hope Fae has color. I love bays but I want something more than just a bay with a star (although I love bays with stars).

The Start of a Life

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 10 Aug 2012 11:39:00 +0000

Yesterday at around 5 PM Julie was inseminated with the first dose of semen. It's surreal. I can't believe that she will be having a foal. My dream is finally coming true. Of course there will be lots of stress and worries and "I can't believe I thought this was a good idea" moments but in 11 months Julie's baby will be a reality.

She was a superstar about being bred. She didn't need any kind of drugs and she was very good about everything. Afterwards I had to walk her around for a bit to prevent her peeing right away. She knows that something is up. I'm sure she's figured out that we are breeding her and the whole barn has been on edge these past few days. It's been kind of stressful having all of these horses grumpy and clamoring for my attention. I wonder if they all realize that Julie's going to have a baby.

So my friends want to throw me a baby shower and I'm excited about that. It's amazing to think that Julie is going to have a foal. I wonder who is going to be more protective; me or her. Hopefully she won't reject the foal and hopefully she'll be OK when she foals out. Hopefully I'll have the money I need to pay for everything.

Money is my biggest worry right now.

Here is a picture of Julie that I took while walking her in our round pen.

Here is the container the semen came in:

It's strange to think that two small cells can create a large 1200 lb horse.

Here's the the beginning of a new journey. There is more to the story about the container getting to us. If I remember to write about it later I will.

The Next Step

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 06 Aug 2012 22:25:00 +0000

The shot I gave Julie on Friday dissolved the CL on her left ovary. She is in a good heat and we will be breeding her this Thursday.
Fingers crossed that everything will go smoothly.

I already know the foal's name:
Fate's Juwel

I hope the foal is a filly.

Other good news it looks like she is only going to ovulate on her left ovary which means no twins and that is a very good thing.

Now that it's heading towards the next step I am starting to freak out about money. I'm crazy for doing this. I can afford one horse on my salary but not two and there is no way I'm selling either horse.

Ugh, well, I guess I better stop spending money and I should start saving it.

Fate is my vacations and my new cars and my new clothes and my free time. Fate is my opportunities to travel. All of the other things I want to do I have to give up.

Maybe the foal's barn name with be Faye.

Yea I think it'll be Faye or Fae or Fey or Fay. I'm not sure yet I don't like the "t" in Fate. It's a hard sound and I don't think it'd last as a barn name for 25+ years.

My horses' names were/are: Maggie, Mikey, Julie and I leased a horse named Katie but the 't' in Katie is softened by the 'i' which Fate doesn't have.

So scroll down on this page those pictures make me so excited for next July (if everything goes smoothly)

I hope I can pay for everything. I feel grey hairs growing.

Time for a Hormone change

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 03 Aug 2012 19:13:00 +0000

Horses never seem to do what you want them to do. Julie has decided not to go into heat; when the vet came out on Wednesday to check her she still had a huge CL on her left ovary (which means she wasn't going into heat any time soon). He gave me a hormone to short cycle her- it's called estrumate and what it does is that it dissolves the CL and she goes into heat. He said that she'll probably go into a really strong heat by Sunday and that we will be breeding her next week. The down side to this drug is that she is more likely to have twins but since it is dangerous for horses to have twins he is going to have to pinch (abort) one of the zygotes to prevent her from aborting both of them around the 9th month of her pregnancy.

I don't want to have to chose a foal to abort. It's a loss of a life and although it'll only be a ball of cells when he pinches it I still get a sick feeling in my stomach thinking about it.

Now that the initial "yippeee! I get to breed my horse!" has worn off I'm starting to add up the numbers in my head and it's beginning to hit me that I am doubling (if not tripling) my horse expenses and the ball is rolling too fast now to stop it.

Am I crazy? How on earth am I going to be able to do this. I want a foal from her so badly but I don't know if I can afford it and I can't dig myself into another financial hole.

My high school animal science teacher said that you only want to breed a mare if you want an exact replica of her. At least I'm breeding Julie for exactly that reason.

The waiting game

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 26 Jul 2012 01:00:00 +0000

I never thought I'd be waiting for my mare to go into heat. Usually I say oh, great she'll going to be ridiculous for the next couple of days because all she wants to do is be with other horses. This is the first time I've ever wanted her to go into heat. I want to get her breed before it gets too late in the season and it seems like it is taking forever for her to hit estrous. My dreams are filled with Julie having a baby but me not being the one to raise it or me not seeing it born or me losing the foal in some disaster. Financially I'm set for now but I have to keep reminding myself that the first year of the foal's life is going to be very expensive. I just hope I can save enough money to keep both of them; otherwise I'm going to have to choose between mother and daughter and I couldn't do that.
I'm so worried that Julie won't get in foal/ that I'm being very foolish by breeding her.

it comes down to the fact that no other horse is Julie's baby. No other horse is out of her. I know there are plenty of rescues out there and I'll donate some food to one of them come winter but I just want a foal from Julie; I always have and I always will.

Fingers crossed that she gets pregnant from the first insemination and that I'll be able to keep to a budget and save my money so that I can keep both of them.