traveling cyst

2015-04-01T11:30:00.002-07:00

RESUME


Mark John Astolfi aka "Stolf"
PO Box 2387 Teaticket, MA 02536
315-528-3119

Born 6/20/51 Salem, MA
Raised Danvers, MA, high school DHS '69
College: BS philosophy, minor in math, MIT '73

WSLB et al, Ogdensburg NY 1974-2010
Morning DJ 36 years with same radio group upstate NY
   At various times also Commercial Copywriter, Program Director,
   Music Director, Production Manager, Operations Manager

WMSA Massena NY 2011-2012 Afternoon DJ and Production Manager

WSLB et al, Assistant Operations Manager, March 2012-present

Experience in recording, production, copywriting and promotion,
   news and sports reporting, computer automation, humor & satire

Wrote column Stolf's Oldies in "Fourth Coast Entertainment" 2007-2014

Published monthly joke service "Cozmik Debris" for 8 years in 1990s

audio samples... stolfspots.podbean.com

podcast... stolfpod.podbean.com

blogs…relatedhowagain.wordpress.com

  deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordress.com

stolf.wordpress.com

articles… travelingcyst.blogspot.com

What's In a Name? (4CE reprint Feb. 2013)

2013-03-18T18:32:00.002-07:00

4ce Feb 2013 stolf's oldies

What's In a Name?

I was startled to read in a local newspaper's birth announcements that a boy had been born in Massena in early December and given the first name "Lucifer." I will not mention further details, out of curtesy…but certainly not out of any sense of privacy, since it was right there in the newspaper! But suffice to say, "Lucifer" is Latin, meaning "bringer of light," referring to the planet Venus, the Morning Star. Believe it or not, this name was not always associated with Satan…indeed, it is used only once in the Bible, taunting a fallen Babylonian King.

What's more, as I understand it, only the King James Version uses this L-word…other versions say morning star, daystar, or other phrases. If you're interested, check Isaiah chapter 14. There is even a St. Lucifer, a bishop of Sardinia, and his church exists to this day in the city of Cagliari. Other Lucifers? There's an asteroid named Lucifer, discovered in 1964…and in Disney's "Cinderella," Lucifer is the Wicked Stepmother's dastardly cat.

Then there's the "Lil Abner" comic strip, where Pappy Yokum's full name is Lucifer Ornamental Yokum. Typical of Al Capp's "wicked" sense of humor, no? Mammy Yokum's real name is Pansy Hunks…and Daisy Mae's maiden name was Scragg…not to be confused with Wilma Flintstone who was a Slaghoople...or

Morticia Addams, born a Frump.

Blondie Bumstead's maiden name was Boopadoop…sounds pretty ridiculous today, but it wasn't back in 1933 when she was a flapper, and married the son of railroad magnate J. Boiling Bumstead…ouch! On "The Honeymooners," Trixie Norton's maiden name is unknown, but her real first name is Thelma…yup, same as that of a relatively recent First Lady, Pat Nixon. If you were thinking of Lady Bird Johnson, her first name was Claudia. On "The Dick Van Dyke Show," Moshe/Maurice "Buddy" Sorrell's wife Pickles was born Fiona Conway…and like Trixie Norton, she was an ex-show girl.

Now see if any of these names ring a bell: Jonas Grumby, Roy Hinkley, Thurston Howell the 3rd, and Eunice Wentworth. If I had given that last one's married name as Lovey Howell, and included Ginger Grant and Mary Ann Summers, you probably would have known you were on Gilligan's Island. The first 3 were the Skipper, the Professor, and the Millionaire. The show's creator Sherwood Schwartz said he always thought of Gilligan as a "Willie," but that name never made it onto the show, so it isn't "official."

Likewise, Peter Falk's Lt. Columbo never had a first name…while Jack Klugman's Quincy sort of did…in one episode, we see his business card and it reads "R. Quincy." Rudolph? Roderick? Rembrandt? Nobody knows.

But speaking of "ringing a bell"…or "striking a familiar note"…the Ruby Begonia catch-phrase from "Rowan and Martin's Laugh-in" was originally from the radio version of "Amos and Andy." And in the park bench sketches, Ante Johnson's dirty old man is named Tyrone F. Horneigh (pronounced horn-eye) while Ruth Buzzi is Gladys Ormphby.

One great source of controversy is whether Barbara Felton's Agent 99 character on "Get Smart" had an actual name. Now over the course of 5 seasons, she used many aliases while on assignment. In the 3rd season episode "99 Loses Control," she accepts a marriage proposal from a wealthy suitor…who turns out to be a KAOS agent, naturally…and tells him her name is Susan Hilton. I remember watching this and thinking: Aha, so that's it! Trouble is, at the end, Max calls her "Susan" and she says: "It's 99, Max. Susan isn't my real name."

What makes "Susan Hilton" different from her other false names…and why many fans still argue in favor of it…is that Max really believes that's her name, and is miffed that she told someone else but not him. Now I know what you're thinking…what about the scene in the Season 4 episode where they get married…"Do you, so-and-so, take…" Conveniently, when her name is spoken, one of the guests coughs! And in fact, creator and writer Buck Henry said there was a running battle about whether her real name should be revealed…and he won, as it never was.

Of course, on the subject of seldom mentioned "real names," you have to take things with a smidgeon of sodium chloride…because sometimes there are inconsistencies…like Mary Tyler Moore's maiden as Laura Petrie. It was originally Meeker, which was her married name at the time. When she divorced Dick Meeker, Laura's maiden name switched to Meehan…so it's a trivia question with 2 different answers. At least we know her best friend and neighbor was born Mildred Krumbermacher.

But sometimes names are remembered and persist over time. In the same Sunday paper where I read about little Lucifer, there was a Beetle Bailey comic strip where we see his younger brother Chigger. The strip started in 1950 and I daresay Chigger has been seen or mentioned only a handful of times over the past 60-plus years. To go along with "Beetle," a chigger is a mite.

Then we have "clegg," another name for the horse-fly. And it's appropriate to mention it since this February marks the 49th anniversary of the Beatles first appearance on Ed Sullivan. But what's that have to do with Capt. Clegg, a fictional pirate in a series of books written in the early 20th century by Russell Thorndyke?

It goes back to 18th century England, where Christopher Syn is a student of divinity at Queens College, Oxford. His Spanish-born wife runs off to sea with his best friend…yikes!…and Syn takes off after them, eventually becoming a feared pirate, using the name Capt. Clegg. After a close call with the King's Navy, he decides to settle down as Vicar at Dymchurch-under-the-wall, in Kent, along the coast of the English Chanel…and in his spare time, leads a band of public-spirited smugglers as the Scarecrow of Romney Marsh.

This 3-part show was watched by many of us Baby Boomers on Walt Disney…thus we missed the Beatles, altho we sure did hear about them the next day! And if all of this Capt. Clegg business doesn't sound familiar, it's because Disney left all of it out of his version. In the original novels…plus the George Arliss 1936 movie "Dr. Syn," and the 1962 Hammer film "Night Creatures," with Christopher Lee as "Parson Blyss"...Capt. Clegg is a dark, ruthless character.

For example, when a large Cuban mulatto betrays him, Clegg has his tongue cut out and maroons him on an island…only to be recused by a British naval officer who's hot on the trail of Clegg, and who doesn't believe he's really buried at Dymchurch as a headstone there claims. Eventually, the mulatto recognizes Dr. Syn as Clegg and complications ensue…including Syn's death at the end, and his burial in Clegg's previously empty grave. A little strong for Disney, who toned it down and changed it around considerably.

Another odd thing is that in the introductions to the 3 parts of the Scarecrow series, Walt Disney talks as if Dr. Syn were a real person. Yes, there were smugglers at that time, but they didn't play the benevolent Robin Hood role by any means…and yes, the area still holds Dr. Syn festivals, but that's because of the books and movies, not any historical figure. Welcome to Fantasyland…"Take the King's gold, share it among you!"…and rock on!

Quickies... (4CE reprint Jan. 2013)

2013-03-18T18:30:00.003-07:00

4ce jan 2013 stolf's oldies

Quickies...

Remember "quickies" from Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In? Got some this month, a potpourri of strange and wondrous sidelights on Baby Boomer pop culture…

>>> The Doors' bass-player…If you loved their records, and especially if you were forming your own rock group, you may have noticed that their lineup wasn't traditional: nobody played bass guitar. Keyboard player Ray Manzarek doubled up…playing an organ with his right hand, and the bass line with his left, using a small keyboard instrument from Fender called a Rhodes piano bass. It had 19 white keys and 13 black, covering 2 and a half octaves. And apart from Jim Morrison, these guys were stellar musicians…for example, "Light My Fire" started out as a folk song, and was converted into what was almost a bosa nova beat…why?…because musically they thought it sounded cool…and right they were.

>>> Mad magazine…originally, in 1952, it was a comic book called "Tales Calculated to Drive You Mad." The stories were parodies of other comics, movies, and TV shows…stuff like "Superduperman," "Little Orphan Melvin," and "Howdy Doodit." In 1955, after 23 comic book issues, it was converted to the magazine format we all know and love. And it's still around, now published 6 times a year, just as it was originally, before going monthly in 1954…except now it costs $5.99…cheap!

>>> Donkey Kong…why "donkey"? What's that got to do with a gorilla? In 1981, Nintendo was trying to license the Popeye characters for a video game. When that deal fell through, they assigned Shigeru Miyamoto the task of coming up with original characters. Donkey Kong was his version of Bluto…and he believed that "donkey" in English meant "stupid," so that Donkey Kong would be seen as "the stupid ape." Wrong…but delightfully so, and the goofy name stuck…even to the extent of becoming a breakfast cereal, remember?

>>> Why are there 2 teams in the minor league American Hockey League with the same nickname…the Norfolk Admirals and the Milwaukee Admirals? Norfolk came first, at least as an AHL member, as an expansion team in 2000. The Milwaukee team dates from 1970, first as an amateur team, then a member of the U.S. Hockey League. They joined the International Hockey League in 1977, then the American Hockey League when the IHL folded in 2001. And it was simply decided that, given each team had a legitimate claim to the nickname, neither would have to change.

>>> Another example of double nicknames would be the Canadian Football League with the Ottawa Rough Riders (which folded in 1996)…the "Eastern Riders"…and the Saskatchewan Roughriders or "Western Riders." The reason is: before a merger in 1958, the Eastern and Western divisions of the CFL were actually 2 separate leagues, that didn't play each other except for the Grey Cup. Also, the Hamilton Tiger-cats resulted from a merger of 2 older teams, the Hamilton Tigers and the Hamilton Wildcats.

>>> Salem, Massachusetts…the town where I was born…was the 8th most populous city in the US in 1790, with close to 8,000 people. Bear in mind, #1 New York City had just 33 thousand…and #3 Boston a mere 18 thousand. (Who was #2? If you said Philadelphia, you get the gold star.) Salem didn't fall out of the top 10 until the 1830 census. And not for nothing, but in 1950, Ogdensburg had more people than Anaheim, California…16,166 versus 14,556. In the next decade of course, Anaheim's population would grow to over 100,000…thank you, Mr. Disney.

>>> And one thing that makes all Salemites wince is when they hear that witches were burned there. Burning was a medieval form of execution in Europe. Instead, 19 accused "witches," women and men both, were hung during the Witchcraft Hysteria in 1692. And one man died while being tortured, crushed by heavy stones…"pressed to death" as they recorded at the time.

>>> One of my favorite movie bloopers….in the Dirty Harry movie "Sudden Impact," Clint Eastwood has a pet bulldog. In some scenes it is clearly a male, in others, a female. A bulldog doesn't have a lot of hair, you see. If it had been a long-haired dog, well...oh, never mind…why am I explaining this to you? Sheesh.

>>> 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9…10!…That psychedelic number counting animation on the early episodes of "Sesame Street" was voiced by none other than Grace Slick, lead singer of the Jefferson Airplane.

>>> But did you know that Slick wasn't the group's original singer of the group? That was Signe Anderson. She was with them for a year, and sang on their first LP "The Jefferson Airplane Arrives" from 1966. She left the group to have a baby, and was replaced by Grace Slick, from the group the Great Society. "Somebody to Love" and "White Rabbit" were songs the Great Society performed, and of course became hits when recorded by the Jefferson Airplane.

>>> Likewise Blood, Sweat and Tears…Al Kooper was the lead singer on their first LP, subsequently replaced by British-born Canadian David Clayton-Thomas. On their Greatest Hits collection, you can hear Kooper singing on "I Can't Quit Her." Alex Chilton of the Boxtops and Steven Stills were considered as replacements before Judy Collins recommended Clayton-Thomas. And the whole idea of a jazz-rock group with a prominent horn section? It came from their admiration of the Buckinghams' pop sound…just jazzier.

>>> Turkey and Russia…geography buffs recognize these as the 2 countries that are part of both Europe and Asia…but what country is in both Europe and Africa? That would be Spain. It claims as its sovereign territory 2 ports on the northern coast of Morocco…Ceuta and Melilla. They are not considered colonies, but an integral part of the Spanish state….and have been since the 1500s, long before Morocco gained independence from France. Morocco doesn't see it that way, but there you go. Such geographical oddities are known as "enclaves" and there are a lot more of them around the world than you'd think…um, which country am I in again?

>>> Come to think of it…while it's not quite the same thing, there are 3 localities in the US that you cannot get to by land without first passing through Canada…they are "internationally discontiguous" as you might say. Can you find them? Rainy day fun for the whole family.

>>> Who is Ponsonby Britt? Watch an episode of "Rocky and Bullwinkle," "Hoppity Hooper," or "George of the Jungle," and you'll see his name in the credits as Executive Producer. Except there was no such person…it was just an inside joke by Jay Ward and his crew.

>>> Who or what is Bibendum…nicknamed Bib? He is the tubular Michelin man, mascot of the tire company since 1894. His name comes from a quote from the ancient Roman poet Horace: "Nunc est bibendum"…meaning "Now is the time to drink." It refers to the Michelin tire's ability to perform in rainy weather, "drinking" the water from the road.

>>> Buddy Ebsen was Walt Disney's original choice to play Davy Crockett…until he saw Fess Parker, and Buddy was denoted to second banana George Russell. And Buddy was also slated to be the Scarecrow in "The Wizard of Oz"…replaced by Ray Bolger when he was found to be allergic to the aluminum makeup. Back in Kansas, the Scarecrow was a farm-hand named Hunk…and oddly enough Ebsen would eventually play a Hunk…Hunking "Hunk" Marriner, sidekick on the 1958 TV series "Northwest Passage"…it had been Walter Brennan in the movie. BTW, Hunking is a British surname. Till next time, rocking on!

Merry Weirdmas! (4CE reprint Dec 2012)

2013-02-04T07:45:00.001-08:00

4ce dec stolf's oldies

Merry Weirdmas!

There are literally thousands of offbeat Christmas records…"novelty records" they're collectively called. I'd like to recommend to you some of my favorites. If you're interested, all can be heard, as of this writing anyway, on YouTube…except for one. And we might as well start with it…

"Santa Fly"…by Martin Mull 1973 When you consider all the rarities, oddities, and atrocities you'll find on YouTube, you wonder how this one slipped through the cracks. Who else but Martin Mull would think of combining Santa Claus with the churning funk Blacksploitation soul sound of "Super Fly." But then, that was his job. Great opening: department store Santa asks the kid what he wants for Christmas, and he says "I wanna get DOWN!"

"I'm Gonna Lasso Santa Claus"…by Brenda Lee 1956 There are many sub-genres of what I call anti-Christmas records…I Hate Santa, Santa Hates Me, Christmas Bums Me Out, etc. The most intense of these is the Violence Against Santa category. Surprisingly popular…but then as Gramps would say, if everybody liked the same thing, they'd all be after your Grandmother…no kidding. Included in this group are a good dozen different songs about Santa getting stuck in the chimney…usually he's rescued in time for Christmas, but, horrifically enough, not always. Now in this one, Little Miss Dynamite does explain why she plans to assault St. Nick, and it's all in a good cause, I guess. It's one of her earliest recordings, she's only 11, but the talent and energy that would propel her to stardom is definitely on display. Compare with...

"Are My Ears on Straight?"…by Gayla Peevey 1953 This tyke from Oklahoma was very popular as a kid singer, especially Christmas records and a few others, including some for Easter. As she grew older, she tried to translate that into an adult career, with no success…although her "Robot Man" from 1960, recorded under the name of Jamie Horton, is a goofy treat. Her biggest Yuletide triumph is "I Want a Hippopotamus For Christmas." I always wondered if it was legit…or just a Dr. Demento-type hoax, as the line "…and give him [the hippo] his massage" sounded a bit, um, odd to me. But it was for real, and was even used by an Oklahoma City zoo in a campaign to raise money to buy one. "Are My Ears on Straight?" is from the point of view of a doll that was broken, taken to the repair shop, and hopes she'll be fixed in time for Christmas morning. A charming little record, although who in the world would even think of such an idea for a song? Luckily, someone.

"I Fell Out of a Christmas Tree"…by Little Rita Faye 1953 Here's another moppet, with nowhere near the panache nor pipes of Gayla. No, she wasn't climbing the tree…that's how she was born on December 25th: "I slipped off the highest limb and tumbled to the floor / No one was there to pick me up, my folks were all next door." Stork? Cabbage patch? Who needs 'em? The lyrics are as quirky as the concept…and why it never become a Christmastime standard is a mystery to me…ho ho ho. As Rita Faye, no longer "Little," she tried to crack the teen market in 1962 with "Salt and Pepper," a "Mashed Potatoes" answer song…what, no paprika?

"Can You Fix the Way I Talk For Christmas"…by Joe Pesci 1968 Then we have grown-ups pretending to be kids. Yes, this is THE Joe Pesci, calling himself Joe Ritchie, from the LP "Little Joe Sure Can Sing"…well, no he can't, actually. Once he was famous, it was re-released as a 45 under his real name. The label also credits Frank Vincent…he's the voice of Santa...Joe's lifelong acting buddy, who played Billy "Shine Box" Batts in "Goodfellas," and Phil Leotardo on "The Sopranos." The song is a take on Porky Pig, about a little boy who wants to stop stuttering for Christmas…big surprise, at the end of the song he does. Even in these politically correct days, you can still get away with that if it's done with good-natured humor…Sylvester Swine's hilarious "Blue Christmas" for example. But Joe's routine here is mechanical and listless…and extremely unfunny. Still, a "before they were stars" classic if ever there was one.

"Santa Got Lost in Texas"…by Michael Landon 1963 Speaking of Little Joes…from what seemed like a good idea at the time, a Christmas LP by the cast of "Bonanza." It's a jolly record, done in a rousing sing-along style. Jeff Carson recorded a version in 1995, but the original is the best. And yes, Landon was Jewish, born Eugene Orowitz on Hallowe'en, 1936…but Joseph Cartwright wasn't, get it? Mazel tov, pard'ner.

"Donde Este Santa Claus?" by Augie Rios 1958 Another non-PC selection, trending towards the Speedy Gonzales/Frito Bandidto archetype, as was typical of the Fifties. But it's just another cute little kid singing, it's in English except for the question in the title, and you know how on "Santa Claus and His Old Lady" Cheech starts out with:: "Ma-ma-masita, donde este Santa Cleese…da vato wit da bony knees...he comin' down da street wit no choos on his feet…"? He's just trying to do a version of this song…see, you learned something. And before you ask, "vato" is Mexican slang for "man" or "dude," man.

"Outer Space Santa" by Lawrence Welk 1958 The decade of 1950s was the Golden Age of Christmas novelty records, especially the 3 year span from 1957-59…after all, it gave us the Chipmunks! Especially popular were songs about satellites, sputniks, flying saucers, and men from Mars. Tunes like "Santa Meets the Purple People Eater" by Sheb Wooley, "They Shined Up Rudolph's Nose" by Johnny Horton, "Capt. Santa Claus and his Reindeer Space Patrol" by Bobby Helms, and tons more. This one features the Lennon Sisters, delightfully low-tech retro sound effects, and incongruent lyrics like: "Outer Space Santa, shining up the stars / Outer Space helpers, packing them in jars." Jars of stars? Huh? Hey, don't worry about it…it's spacey!

"Father Christmas" by the Kinks 1977…Here's another Violence Against Santa number…one of the few hard-rock Christmas songs that really works. Ruffians are attacking Santa for giving toys to "all the little rich boys." Is there nothing Ray Davies couldn't do…apparently not.

"Little Mary Christmas" by Roger Christian 1962…Don't get me wrong…the Weirdmas songs I've mentioned are quite entertaining and I enjoy listening to them…but this final one is an exception. You have to hear it once to believe it, but then never again. Roger Christian was a car-crazy Los Angeles DJ who wrote lyrics for the Beach Boys, Jan & Dean, many others. But this is a rather creepy Yuletide misstep. See, Little Mary is a physically challenged orphan, and Roger's dour recitation sets us up for an even bigger tragedy, but it's all a narrative trick, and we get a happy ending after all..but who needs it? It's smarmy and unsettling all at the same time, and Roger's tone of voice is almost menacing. This used to be hard to find, but it's now on a CD Christmas collection assembled by John Waters, of "Hairspray" fame.

Have a great Christmas…and as I like to remind folks this time of year…as well as at Easter and Thanksgiving too…don't forget to eat something! Keep your strength up…so you can rock on!

Mini-Series Mini-History: The Sequel (4CE reprint Nov 2012)

2013-02-04T07:43:00.000-08:00

4ce nov stolf's oldies

Mini-Series Mini-History: The Sequel

Last month we asked, what was the first TV miniseries? My answer was The Blue Knight (11/13/1973). It was shown on 4 consecutive nights…but if the episode length of 1-hour disqualifies it in your mind, then the answer would be…

QB VII (4/29/1974)…It's overwrought hoopla certainly dwarfed "The Blue Knight"…getting the full cover treatment from TV Guide, plus a long feature article…the one accompanying "The Blue Knight" was about creator Joseph Wambaugh, not the show. But it was broadcast over 2 consecutive nights, episodes of 3 and 3½ hours. If that means it was really a 2-part movie and not a true miniseries, then the answer is…

Rich Man, Poor Man (2/1/1976)…The first pair of 2-hour episodes shown back-to-back Sunday/Monday, then for the next 7 Mondays, some 1 hour, some 2 hours, for a total of 9 episodes and 13 hours, spread over a month and a half. And early on, the weekly format was the miniseries format of choice, until it was eclipsed by the consecutive night format. But if that is a disqualification, then we must move on to…

Roots (1/23/1977)…12 hours, 8 consecutive nights, meets all the tests, no? And indeed it is most often cited as the “first.” But perhaps you are a TV maven who knows everything, and you have a different esoteric choice. I’m certainly open-minded, so let’s review 4 more candidates, starting with…

Vanished…NBC 1971…Again, based on a best-selling novel and with an all-star cast, lead by Richard Widmark…and it was a “first”…the first 2-part made-for-TV movie ever, airing for 2 hours on March 8th, concluding with 2 more hours the next night. Granted, the term miniseries hadn't been invented yet, but it all comes down to the question of whether a 2-part movie is a miniseries. After all, "QB VII" was a 2-part movie in its premiere broadcast…then shown over 3 consecutive nights a year later…and to further muddy the water, "The Blue Knight" was rerun in 1975 over 2 nights instead of its original 4. When "The Godfather" debuted on TV in November of 1974, it was shown over 2 nights, oddly Saturday and Monday! Of course, 3 years later, it would be re-edited with "The Godfather Part 2," shown over 4 consecutive nights, and was considered at the time every bit a miniseries as "Roots" and "Washington: Behind Closed Doors," which was the second blockbuster 12-hour consecutive night miniseries, on ABC in November of 1977.

And how do we classify "Jesus of Nazareth" from March of 1977? It had just 2 parts, each of about 3 hours and 15 minutes…but it was broadcast not on consecutive nights, but on 2 consecutive Sundays. So does "Vanished" get grandfathered in or not? It’s up to you…some people today do refer to it as a miniseries. Turner Classic Movies is more cautious…they call it the "first long-form TV movie…which paved the way for subsequent miniseries."

The Forsyte Saga…PBS 1969…So far, we've been provincial about it and excluded British shows, even when broadcast on American television. But how do they fit into the miniseries mix? The first thing you must understand is the terminology. For example, we call "The Man from U.N.C.L.E" a series…they call it a programme, because to them "series" means something else…we would say UNCLE ran for 4 seasons, while they would say it had 4 series. In the UK, an open-ended programme could have anywhere from 10 to 40 episodes in a series. But going back even to the 1950s, they also had what could be called a "short form" or "limited" programme, which, like a miniseries, told one story with a beginning and an end, and was planned for a definite number of installments…they call this a "serial." One example was the science fiction adventures of Dr. Quatermass…these consisted of 3 series, broadcast in 1953, 1955, and 1958…each story was told in 6 weekly episodes.

So a British serial sounds a lot like an American miniseries. Still, where do you draw the line? You probably wouldn't consider "The Prisoner" a miniseries…but Patrick McGoohan planned it for just 7 episodes, while his network wanted 26 episodes, and a deal in the works with CBS called for 36. He managed to crank out 17, airing in England starting in September of 1967, and in the US in June of 1968. Still, despite an opening episode that sets up the mystery, and a closing episode that resolves it, each hour really is a self-contained story, albeit with limited references to what's gone on before.

Which brings us to "The Forsyte Saga," a serial consisting of 26 1-hour episodes, based on the novels by John Galsworthy, which debuted in the UK in January of 1967. That might seem long for a miniseries, but don't forget "Centennial"…first shown on CBS as 12 weekly episodes in 1978-79, sometimes on Sunday, sometimes on Saturday, either 2 or 3 hours each night, for a total of 26 hours. Then repeated on TBS in 1984 as a sort-of consecutive night miniseries, with the12 episodes spread out over 17 days, skipping Fridays and Saturdays.

In any event, PBS (then called NET) took a chance and imported "The Forsyte Saga" in November of 1969, running it weekly, and it was a huge success. This lead to what might be called a "miniseries series," and that would be "Masterpiece Theatre," which gobbled up the many British historical serials produced in the wake of "The Forsyte Saga," starting with "The First Churchills" in January of 1971. But perhaps you don't want to count Public TV…it's just too different, with no commercials and all…in that case, let's try…

The Six Wives of Henry VIII…CBS 1971…Originally broadcast in UK, 6 weekly 1-hour episodes, starting in January of 1970… then in the US, again weekly, beginning August 13, 1971. Miniseries or not? I report, you decide. I’m sticking with "The Blue Knight." But as you can see, it all hinges on the definition of miniseries. Remember "Primal Man"? Very cool show…4 1-hour episodes spread out over a year and a half, the first in December of 1973. You could call it a series of specials…not really that much different from the Peanuts specials that were similarly spaced out…yet at the time, it was called a miniseries. Or consider the initial run of "Dallas"…5 weekly episodes in April of 1978. Today we might call that a "limited run preview," since it was intended to introduce the first full season debuting in the Fall…but back in the day, it was a miniseries. So if we stretch the definition to the breaking point, we get…

Davy Crockett…ABC 1954-55…Yes, some people call that a miniseries…Wikipedia sure does…and as one blogger put it when Fess Parker died in 2010: “His death brings to mind the miniseries that made him a star…” But betwixt and between all the qualifications and quibbles, I can definitely say IT WAS NOT! 5 1-hour episodes, each a self-contained story, spread out over a full year’s time, and broadcast as part of the anthology series "Disneyland," the forerunner of "Wonderful World of Color." True, it was accompanied by miniseries-level hype, one of the first TV shows to explode into a full-blown fad…and I reckon it sold more merchandise than "Shogun" or "Winds of War"…I mean, were there "Roots" Hallowe'en costumes? I don't think so. Lunch boxes maybe, I just don't remember. But there you have it…good night, good luck, and keep rockin'!

Mini-History of the Mini-Series (4CE reprint Oct 2012)

2013-02-04T07:38:00.002-08:00

Stolf's Oldies October

Mini-History of the Mini-Series

What was the first mini-series on TV? If there were ever a case of “depends on how you look at it,” this is it. You'll often hear that it was "Roots," but several other candidates are also mentioned. How come? Isn't the first, THE FIRST? No, because back in the day, 3 different formats...and inevitable variations...were considered "mini-series."

Consecutive Night Mini-series…A traditional “see you next week” series continues season after season as long as viewers watch it and it’s profitable to produce. A mini-series is more like a movie or a one-shot “special” in that it has a definite story to tell with a beginning and an end. Here, the episodes aired on consecutive nights…1, 2, or all 3 hours of prime time. To me this is the essential innovation of the mini-series genre…you didn't have to wait 7 days to see what happens.

Weekly Mini-series…This resembles an ordinary series, in that the installments are aired once a week…but when it’s over, it’s over. There were variations…the first 2 or last 2 episodes may have been on back-to-back nights, for greater impact. But again, this is how it was planned…it was not dependent on viewership for it to continue. I know of no mini-series of any kind that “stopped” in the middle due to poor ratings.

2-Part Movie…Which is to say, a “made-for-TV” movie which is split into 2 parts, and is broadcast on 2 consecutive nights. Unusually long theatrical movies were shown on TV over 2 nights as well. Would you say that really isn't a mini-series...because only 2 nights in a row isn't much of a "series"? Trouble is, from the very beginning of the mini-series phenomenon, and then even more so as the genre became popular, 2-part movies WERE called mini-series, which is why there are several candidates for “first.” Let's sort them out…

(1) The Blue Knight…NBC 1973…aired on 4 consecutive nights, Tuesday thru Friday beginning November 13…each episode one hour, at 10PM. An adaptation of Joseph Wambaugh’s novel of the same name, starring William Holden as the world-weary veteran cop on the beat, Bumper Morgan…it was made possible by Wambaugh’s success with the anthology series "Police Story." It spawned a short-lived regular series 2 years later with George Kennedy. Lorimar, the production company that made it, considers it to this day the first mini-series and so do I...so that's my answer: THE BLUE KNIGHT!

TV Guide’s Fall Preview issue that year (9/8/73) described it as a “miniseries of 4 one-hour dramas.” This is the first time I am aware of them using the term...but they also mentioned a “6 hour miniseries”…that would eventually air 5 months after "The Blue Knight"…and that was…

(2) QB VII…ABC 1974…ran for 3 hours on Monday April 29, and for an unprecedented 3 and a half hours the following night. Besides You-Know-What, this is the one most often cited as the first. But it's tricky, because technically "QB VII" was a 2-part movie! Again, based on a best-selling novel…and there are several reasons why it certainly might be considered the first, despite "The Blue Knight" being chronologically first. It established the idea of each part being longer than the typical dramatic series' one hour. More importantly, it was promoted as an EVENT. Yes, "The Blue Knight" was obviously innovative in its 4-night format, but here’s what TV Guide said in the extensive article that ran the week of "QB VII"…

“The most ambitious, longest, and certainly the most expensive single movie project yet produced for television…a mammoth commitment by ABC…a sizable risk…everyone involved seems to possess a sense of pioneering, of participating in a very special dramatic venture.”

It’s hard to read such commentary, and not sense a “first” in there somewhere. But notice that now they're calling it a “movie,” and nowhere in the article or in ABC’s advertising was the word “mini-series” used. In fact, the full-page ad touts it as an “Electrifying World Premiere,” exactly what they'd call movies, theatrical and made-for-TV alike. "The Blue Knight" was successful, and praised by critics, but it had nowhere near the build-up or the impact…and "QB VII" got the full TV Guide cover to itself the week it was on..."The Blue Knight" did not. "QB VII" proved the concept, and its success told the industry you could spend lots of money…and lots of time…on one story, and that lead to…

(3) Roots…ABC 1977…aired for 8 consecutive nights, Sunday thru Sunday beginning January 23…some nights for 2 hours, other nights for just 1, for a total of 12 hours, doubling the length of "QB VII." Most commonly cited as “the first mini-series.” And a blockbuster is was, one of the few mini-series to have a sequel, the 14-hour "Roots: The Next Generation" 2 years later. Unprecedented publicity and advertising…this time a full 2-page spread in TV Guide.

"Roots" is thus remembered as the mini-series that burst the genre wide open…and that would continue to be the hottest programming format for the next 2 decades. Certainly "Roots" deserves to be “first” in some sense, altho not technically first as we have seen. But here’s a curious thing: "Roots" was broadcast over 2 ½ years after "QB VII"…so what was happening in the meantime? And that’s why I had to divide “mini-series” into 3 distinct formats, because of…

(4) Rich Man, Poor Man…ABC 1976…9 episodes, beginning Sunday February 1st for 2 hours, 2 hours the next day, Monday, then continuing for 7 more consecutive Mondays, each one hour, except the final 2, which were 2 hours long, for a total of 13 hours, spread over a month and a half. And there’s the dilemma in defining “mini-series”…at the beginning, they really hadn’t settled on the format: consecutive nights or once a week?

The trouble with calling "RM, PM" the first mini-series is that several other weeklies preceded it…"Moses the Lawgiver" on CBS, 1-hour episodes for 6 weeks…and Judd Hirsch in "The Law" on NBC, one hour, then one hour the next week, then skipping a week, then finishing with a 3rd hour. But do these qualify, with no segments longer than 60 minutes? The format was in a state of flux…and get this: when "QB VII" was re-run a year after its initial broadcast, it was spread out over 3 consecutive nights instead of the original 2...so NOW it was a mini-series, and no longer a 2-part movie??

Yet while it seems that "RM, PM" can't really be the first, at the time it was indeed considered the trendsetter…TV Guide’s Fall Preview (9/18/76) called it exactly that, listing the many mini-series that were being developed in its wake, including "Roots." And the fact remains, in 1975 and 1976, apart from the "QB VII" re-run, there were NO consecutive night mini-series. So there is a case to be made..."RM, PM" was also one of the few to merit a sequel, again a weekly...and it is considered to this day one of the best of the breed.

And altho the term “mini-series”…or "miniseries" without the hyphen…surfaced in 1973, it was not used exclusively…”multi-part production” and “multi-parter” were common. And really, “mini-series” was from the beginning just too mundane for the network hype machine…they were often termed “Novels for Television." But those who love to quibble and nitpick sometimes suggest 4 other possibilities for the "first mini-series"...we'll reminisce about those and weigh their qualifications next month...till then, rock on!

On the Road with Cool Daddy (4CE reprint Sept 2012)

2012-10-15T09:28:00.001-07:00

On the Road with Ask Cool Daddy

Dear Cool Daddy: I know that the auto industry took a 42 month "vacation" from domestic production during World War II. Which auto makers active at the start of the pre-war shutdown didn't emerge for the post-war boom?

The answer, oddly enough, is none…every auto maker active when the freeze began on January 1, 1942 came back to life when it was lifted on July 1, 1945. These were the Big Three…General Motors, Ford and Chrysler…and the Middle Five…Hudson, Nash, Studebaker, Packard, and Willys-Overland. Even the diminutive Crosley compact, introduced in 1939, continued until 1952. And Checker, making cabs since 1922, survived until 1982.

As Baby Boomers growing up in the '50s and '60s, our dads, uncles, and grandfathers regaled us with the glories of extinct makes from the past. In the first 3 decades of the 20th century, hundreds of auto companies came and went…it was tough to compete with the Ford Model T, which would eventually lay claim to literally half the cars on the road. Thus the "shake out" had pretty much been completed by the time the stock market crashed and the Great Depression hit in 1929. There were less than 30 car companies left, and those below the Middle Five folded fast, even though most had existed for over 20 years.

Erskine, Kissel, and Moon ended production in 1930. Jordan, Gardner, Durant and Dupont were gone after 1931. Essex folded after 1932, Peerless and Marmon after 1933, Franklin after 1934. The second half of the decade saw the demise of Auburn, Cord, Cunningham, Duesenberg, Pierce Arrow, Reo, and Stutz. Hupmobile and Cadillac's LaSalle gave up the ghost in 1940, as did Graham-Page. Its assets were sold to to Kaiser-Frazer in 1947, which in turn merged with Willys as Kaiser-Jeep in 1963, bought out by AMC in 1970…the last of the Middle Five still standing.

Dear Cool Daddy: I don't ever remember seeing a "pink Cadillac" back in the day…was there really such a thing?

Pink Cadillacs are associated with the 1950s, when everything about autos was the most flamboyant. For example, Aretha Franklin's 1985 song "Freeway of Love" mentions a pink Cadillac, and the drawing on the 45 picture sleeve is a pink convertible, altho not a production model…it's the LeMans dream car from 1953, a full-size 2-seater. In the black-and-white music video, her 1957 Seville hardtop turns pink with a white top at the very end. But if you examine factory paint-chip charts, you won't find the bright, gaudy, in-your-face PINK pink we're talking about.

Closest are subdued hues like "Mountain Laurel" from 1956-57, and 1959's "Wood Rose"…what today might be called "dusty mauve." Salmon/Coral/Peach was also available some years. But Cadillac colors were always on the conservative side, especially compared to the wild shades everybody else was offering...and those snazzy 2-tone and 3-tone combinations.

The mystique of the Pink Cadillac started with Elvis...he owned 2...repainted by a neighbor in a color they nicknamed "Elvis Rose"...note: NOT pink! The first was a 1954 model, totaled when the brake linings caught fire. The second was the famous 1955 Series 60 that's still on display at Graceland. It originally had a black top, but was repainted white to match the first one around the time Elvis had it reupholstered.

He does mention a pink Cadillac in his early recording, "Baby, Let's Play House." When he returned from the service, Elvis gave the 1955 to a buddy, in favor of a 1961 Coupe deVille, white with a pink roof. Mary Kay Ash of Mary Kay Cosmetics gave Pinkillacs to her top salesmen beginning in 1969, painted "Mountain Laurel Blush" at the dealership to match her compact cases. But despite no eye-popping pink on the official Cadillac pallet, its fame compelled Lincoln to respond in the form of an over-the-top 1956 lavender…what they called "Wisteria"…not to mention a pinker "Amethyst" and a peachy "Island Coral." Shield your eyes...

Dear Cool Daddy: I've noticed that Andy Griffith as Sheriff Taylor is always driving the latest model Ford...can you date the episodes by the model year of the squad car?

Only approximately…that's because they started filming for the new fall season in the summer, too soon for the new model year. So the first half of a season contained the previous year's model, then the new patrol car generally debuted in the spring. Thus, a 1960 Ford could indicate the 1959-60 TV season (an episode shown in the spring of 1960) or one from the 1960-61 season (originally aired in the fall of 1960.)

As was mentioned each week in the closing credits, Ford provided vehicles for the show. That's why you'll see all those Thunderbirds, Mustangs, old Fords, new Fords, and that groovy Mercury Comet with the slanty tail-lights that pops up in episode after episode, year in and year out. The squad car was generally a Ford Galaxie, sometimes a base model Ford Custom. But the citizens of Mayberry certainly saw to it that their lawman always had the newest ride!

Dear Cool Daddy: I heard that Jan & Dean's "Dead Man's Curve" was a about a real place, and a crash by Mel Blanc, the Man of a Thousand Voices. Hit or myth?

Mostly hit. Jan Berry wrote the music and DJ Roger Christian wrote the lyrics for the imaginary race between Jan's Sting Ray and Roger's Jaguar XKE. The route runs west thru Los Angeles along Sunset Blvd...besides the legendary Schwab's drugstore, where Lana Turner was supposedly discovered, they mention real cross-streets...Vine St, Crescent Heights Blvd, La Brea Ave, and North Doheny Drive. The only discrepancy is: "He passed me at Doheny and I started to swerve / But I pulled her up and there we were at Dead Man's Curve." This downhill right-hand curve...just past Whittier Drive, north of the UCLA campus…is actually a good 4 miles west of Doheny Drive…that had to be one long "swerve"!

Roger Christian originally wanted the race to end in a tie, but Jan thought it would be cooler for one of them to spinout. By the time the song came out in March of 1964, the roadway had been repaired and was no longer as dangerous…the trouble was a bow to the outside that would force cars into the oncoming lane if they were coming down the hill too fast…especially treacherous at night.

The song was indeed inspired by what happened to Mel Blanc on January 24, 1961…but he wasn't racing anyone…he was coming uphill the other way, east into Los Angeles, when he was hit head-on by a college student, who suffered only minor scratches. Mel almost died from his injuries, and had to take a hiatus from recording Barney Rubble's voice for "The Flintstones." That's why for several episodes, it sounds like somebody else doing the voice...because it is…Hanna-Barbera's jack-of-all-trades Daws Butler.

At the time of the accident, it was reported that there had been 6 fatalities there in the past year...other sources say 23 accidents and 3 fatalities in 2 years. But almost losing Mel spurred the DPW into action. BTW, there are 2 versions of the song. The original on the "Drag City" LP says "my frenched tail-lights," and lacks the skidding and crashing sound effects. The more familiar 45 version says "my 6 tail-lights"…yes, Sting Rays had 2 on each side, but it was a common custom trick to add a third, mimicking the triple tail-lights on the big Impalas. Till next time, pleasant motoring…and rock on!

Land of the Rising Fastball (4CE reprint August 2012)

2012-09-16T08:00:00.002-07:00

Land of the Rising Fast Ball

With the success Japanese ballplayers in the US, Yu Darvish being the latest, you might be interested in how baseball differs between our 2 countries. And yes, Darvish is not a Japanese name…his father is Iranian.

There are 2 leagues in Japan, each of 6 teams…the Pacific League uses the DH, and the Central League doesn't. Each plays a 144-game season which includes inter-league play. Rules are pretty much what they are in the US. The ball is slightly smaller, with larger seams, and supposedly wound tighter…ballparks are also smaller. One major difference is that there is a time limit on the games...if the score is tied after 12 innings, it goes into the record books as a tie and is not replayed. A team will typically have around 10 ties a season, and while they are listed in the standings, ties are not counted towards the winning percentage…thus a team can finish ahead of another team that has more wins, as can still happen in the NHL.

This time limit exists so that fans can catch the trains home...altho if they can, they'll stick around for the traditional on-field post-game player interviews. Even so, televised games are routinely cut off in favor of regularly scheduled programs…so every game is potentially a Heidi Game!

There are also 2 minors leagues, the Eastern and Western Leagues, fed by high school, college, and amateur industrial leagues. The high school championship tournaments are especially popular, almost as much as Major League games. Players switch teams far less frequently, and the Japanese custom of employment-for-life applies even after one's playing career is over.

Teams are owned by big corporations in other industries...and named after them. Thus Tokyo's Yomiuri Giants and Nagoya's Chunichi Dragons are both named after newspapers, Yomiuri Shimbun and Chunichi Shimbun. And if you ever wondered about the Nippon Ham Fighters and what the heck is a Ham Fighter…they're actually the Fighters, owned by Nippon Ham!

The post-season playoffs are known as the Climax Series. Stage I in each league is between the 2nd and 3rd place teams, best-of-5. If 2 teams are tied for 3rd, the team with the better record the previous year advances. The winner goes on to face the 1st place team in Stage II, but with a twist: as a reward for finishing 1st, that team starts the 6-game series credited with one win…thus it needs to win only 3 to advance, while the Stage I winner must win 4. Interesting idea, altho many players dislike this rule, and it's only been in place for both leagues since 2007…the Pacific League introduced it in 2003.

The 2 league champions then meet for the 7-game Japan Series. Tie games are still possible in the postseason, when the time limit expands to 15 innings…but as in the regular season, ties are not replayed. Thus a post-season series itself can end in a tie, in which case the tiebreaker is the teams' regular season records.

In Japan, attitudes towards coaches and umpires are strangely reversed. Teams have more coaches than American teams, and along with the manager, they rule with an iron fist...literally, since they are allowed to physically strike a player, who then must apologize to the coach! On the other hand, despite the fact that umpires are ritually saluted by the batter when he comes to the plate, their control of the game is less overt. Consider what happens in the US with a disputed call. The manager comes out to argue, a player might have to be restrained, but the call stands. In Japan, the umpires will huddle among themselves for as much as 15 or 20 minutes...and when their decision is finally announced, they will apologize for the delay. Needless to say, in Japan Armando Galarraga would have had his perfect game!

The Japanese are oddly fascinated by blood types...that's right, A, B, AB, and O. They are like astrological signs, believed to predict personality traits and the potential success of romantic matches. Blood types are a hot topic month after month in women's magazines, and they are important in baseball as well. Which is not to say the stars are ignored: astrological predictions based on the position of Mars are also a part of Japanese baseball.

Back in the day, teams were allowed only 2 foreign players, usually Americans…called "gaijins," literally outsiders or aliens, but used more in the sense of "helpers." Today the limit is 4 per team, and they can become fan favorites if they earn it on the field. Here are some gaijins you might recognize: Jerry Adair, Matty Alou, George Altman, Ken Aspromonte, Don Blasingame, Clete Boyer, Don Buford, Larry Doby, Jim Gentile, Frank Howard, Davey Johnson, Willie Kirkland, Jim Lefebvre, Roman Mejias, Don Newcombe, Joe Pepitone, Wes Parker, and even Aaron Pointer, older brother of the Pointer Sisters, who went on to a long career as a ref in the NFL.

Also Andre Rodgers, Richie Scheinblum, Daryl Spencer, Bart Shirley, Dick Stuart, Lee Thomas, Fred Valentine, Zolio Versalles, and Don Zimmer…not to mention Buddy Bradford, Willie Davis, Clarence Jones, Roger Repoz, Tony Solaita, Walt "No Neck" Williams...and brothers Leon and Leron Lee, one of whom is the father of Derrek Lee. The Japanese are far less tolerant of foreigners than we are, especially those who refuse to fit in. Tom Selleck's 1992 movie "Mr. Baseball" was right on. This plays into the important Japanese concept of "wa."

Wa means team harmony or cooperation...prima donnas of any kind in Japan are few and far between. As they say, "The nail that sticks up is the one hammered down." There is also "ma," meaning a pause or hesitation…almost what we would call a "psyche." It is a powerful weapon for the pitcher, and altho balks are in the rule book they are seldom called. Japanese fans are very keen on the individual match-ups between pitchers and batters, and these are discussed and analyzed in great detail...and yes, blood types must be considered! Often a pitcher and batter are fondly remembered as a pair, and their many battles are the thing of baseball legend. For example, one book devotes 6 pages to describing Ichiro's first at bat against Dice-K in 1999. When they first faced each other here in 2007, Japanese headlines called it "Genius vs. Monster"…I'll let you guess which was which!

There are many other different baseball customs: when crossing the plate after a home run, a player is presented with a stuffed animal. Foul balls hit into the stands are not kept as souvenirs but returned to an usher. Up until 2010, balls and strikes were counted backwards...a full count was 2-and-3...but now Japan does it like the rest of the baseball world. A winning manager is tossed into the air, like Eskimos with a bear-skin.

At home, teams have organized rooting sections, much like in college football, with songs, chants, drummers and other noise-makers. These are lead by a man in white gloves, resembling a Japanese traffic cop. There are actually try-outs for these fan clubs, and some of the members are paid, either by the team or by the local crime syndicate…which operate much more openly in Japan. You might have been surprised to hear of the Yakuza organizing relief efforts after the March, 2011 earthquake, mobilizing far quicker than government authorities. But folks, we're not in Kansas anymore, you know?

Don't miss weekly genealogy at deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com and other Stolf stuff at stolf.wordpress.com. Till next time, keep in mind: you've gotta have wa…and rock on!

10 Things You Didn't Kn-O About Hawaii Five-0 (4CE reprint July 2012)

2012-08-17T01:44:00.001-07:00

10 Things You Didn't Kn-O About Hawaii Five-0

Back in the day, I was a big fan of private eye shows and secret agent/spy series...cop shows, not so much. But by the 1970s, "Hawaii Five-0" had grown on me, and I can honestly say I'd rather watch that show today than any other crime drama, bar none. Steve McGarrett is the quintessential no-nonsense, chisel-jawed good guy. Viewers agreed, as the show ran for 12 seasons, 1968-1980...but here are a few things you might not have known...

(1) So which is it, Five-Zero or Five-Oh?… "Five-0" refers to Hawaii being the 50th state, so the short answer is, it's a zero, since there's a zero in the numeral 50. But it's always pronounced "oh"…just as James Bond is called "double-Oh-7," not "double-Zero-7." To check this, I examined half a dozen magazines and both local and national newspapers from the 1960s, and with one exception, all used a type-face (the old-fashioned word for "font") that distinguished between a zero and a capital O...the the capitol O is fat and rounder, the zero skinny and oval-shaped. That one exception, oddly enough, was TV Guide, which used a skinny 0 for both.

And if you grant that the title graphic of the show's opening sequence ought to be definitive...from season 1 thru season 12, they used a skinny 0, not a fat O. True, the O cropped up occasionally in print, like in the liner notes on the cover of the soundtrack LP on Capitol Records. But typewriters in the 1960s were just making the transition from one key for both…to separate keys, one for each, so there could still have been confusion. This wouldn't even be an issue if it weren't for that current "reboot" series on CBS. They've officially said several contradictory things on this subject...all I can do is look at their opening graphic...and I see a capital O, not a skinny zero. If this is indeed to distance it from the original series, so be it.

(2) But no, it's not real... Because Hawaii is the only state that has never had a state police force. This ironically was the inspiration for the series: producer Leonard Freeman was talking with then Hawaiian governor John Burns about his unsuccessful attempt to sell a state police force to the state legislature, and thought: great idea for a series!

(3) Was Wo Fat really Chinese?... The character yes, a Communist agent. The actor no, altho he's generally assumed to be. Kenneth Dickerson was born in Spring Lake, New Jersey, of British, Egyptian, and Sudanese stock. He changed his name for show business to Khigh Dhiegh when he found his career niche. By the way, it's pronounced to rhyme with Eye Dee...not Die or Day as you'll commonly hear.

(4) Tabac, anyone?... Well, just about everybody on TV smoked in those days, so the fact that Steve McGarrett did not, nor did he drink except for the occasional ceremonial sip of bubbly, further set him apart from the run-of-the-mill TV hero. For the record, on the show Danno occasionally enjoyed a cigarette, and of course Chin Ho had his pipe.

(5) Speaking of Danno, what's up with the pilot episode?... Titled "Cocoon," it was a 2-hour movie broadcast 6 days before the series premiered in September of 1968. A few things were changed from the pilot to the actual series...Steve got a bit less intense, Chin Ho less jovial, gone for the most part were the Hawaiian print shirts...and oh yeah, they got a new actor to play Danny Williams. Tim O'Kelley was Danno in the pilot, and his approach was a little too, shall we say, earnest? Test audiences didn't connect, like they would with the more laid back James MacArthur. In syndication, the pilot was shown as a 2-part episode, and apparently nobody cared if viewers noticed the Danno discrepancy...sort of like "the 2 Darrins" on "Bewitched."

(6) And speaking of syndication, isn't there a lost episode?... Indeed, the 16th episode of the 2nd season, called "Bored, She Hung Herself," shown once then never again...not as a repeat, not in syndication, not even on the 2nd season DVD box set. It concerned a group of hippies who practiced an esoteric meditation technique involving simulated hanging...and sure enough, one ends up hung for real, and dead. Altho hushed up at the time, apparently someone who saw the show tried it, and died...hence the the episode's disappearance.

Copies do circulate among collectors, so you could probably see it if you wanted to bad enough...but the consensus is it's not that great an episode...just lost. Interestingly, this episode was directed by John Newland, the host of "One Step Beyond." But it does remind us that "Hawaii Five-0" did occasionally dabble in the "weird" or "kinky" plot elements that would become so popular decades later.

(7) Where'd Zulu go?… Born Gilbert Lani Kauhi, Zulu (a high school football nickname) was the ultimate Waikiki beach boy...a surfer, singer, comedian, disc jockey, even served a tour in the Coast Guard. He was hired for the show because of his burly native looks and became famous for bursting thru the door during the opening sequence. But he was frustrated by having nothing to do but say "Yes, Steve, no, Steve" week in and week out for 4 seasons. Long story short, a series of unfortunate circumstances resulted in his losing his temper during a taping, and saying some things that he shouldn't have. Exit "Zulu as Kono." He remained a popular Hawaiian celebrity and night club entertainer until his death in 2004...and indeed had a part in the 1997 revival attempt.

(8) What revival attempt?… It was a TV movie by Stephen J. Cannell, but the brass at CBS didn't like it and it never aired. Gary Bussey was the new lead cop with Russell Wong as his right-hand man…and Danny Williams was now the governor! The roles of Kono, Duke, Truck, Che Fong and even Chin Ho were reprised by the original actors…this despite the fact that Chin Ho Kelly had been killed in the final episode of season 10. Apparently Cannell wasn't aware of this, and nobody, least of all actor Kam Fong, bothered to mention it until the movie was completed. Maybe he needed the work…

(9) The Magnum Connection…"Hawaii Five-0" ended its long run in the spring of 1980, and Tom Selleck's "Magnum P.I." premiered that fall…a coincidence? Think again, my friend. CBS had a lot of money invested in the extensive Hawaiian sets and production facilities, and wasn't about to let it go to waste. What's more, there were even hopes of getting Jack Lord to do a few cameo appearances as Steve McGarrett, which is why there are Hawaii Five-0 references during the first season…like when Magnum says of of an old Navy buddy: "Putting Dan on this stuff was like making McGarrett the meter maid." But Lord couldn't be coaxed out of retirement, and that was that.

(10) But in the beginning… It's always interesting to find out what might have been. Leonard Freeman's original name for the series was "The Man"…kind of bland, altho perhaps not so much back then, when "the man" was synonymous with "the fuzz." Richard Boone was his first choice to play McGarrett, and that made sense since at the time he was actually living in Hawaii, but he turned it down…as did, of all people, Gregory Peck! Fortuitous, I'd say, given who they eventually got.

Don't forget the weekly blogs at stolf.wordpress.com and deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com…plus "car tunes" weekdays starting at 3pm on 1340 WMSA in Massena…and as was told to me along the coconut telegraph: rock on!

Ask Cool Daddy 4 (4CE reprint...June 2012)

2012-07-13T03:54:00.002-07:00

"Ask Cool Daddy 4"

Dear Cool Daddy: Did we ever find out why the 1969 disaster film "Krakatoa, East of Java" was so named, when that island volcano is actually west of Java?

No authoritative explanation has ever emerged, altho there are a couple of stories out there. One says the mistake wasn't noticed until after the advertising and publicity material had been prepared, and it was too late by then to change it. Another says that the producers knew it was wrong from the beginning, but just preferred the sound of it, calling to mind the popular movie "East of Eden" from 1955. And as it was pointed out at the time, since the world is round, Krakatoa really is east of Java...eventually!

My personal theory is that they may have been confusing the 1883 eruption of Krakatoa with the 1815 eruption of Mt. Tambora, which is indeed located east of Java. Tambora is believed to be the biggest volcanic explosion in recorded history. It spewed 40 cubic miles of ash and another 400 cubic miles of sulfurous gas into the atmosphere, disrupting agriculture worldwide, and resulting, a year later, in The Year Without a Summer, when snow fell in July over Maine and northern Europe. Tambora killed 10,000 outright, and another 60,000 due to starvation and disease.

Krakatoa was bad, but not that bad. It received more worldwide notice because it was in the middle of international shipping lanes, while to that extent, Tambora was more "out of the way." When the movie was re-released to theaters, it was renamed "Volcano," altho it's back to the original infamous title on DVD. And it's a shame that it's mainly remembered for the geographical goof-up, since it's an excellent movie, especially the tidal wave effects, still impressive 40 years later.

Dear Cool Daddy: Franco-American canned spaghetti was a staple on Baby Boomer lunch-tables…but am I the only one who noticed that while spaghetti is Italian, “Franco” means “French”?

Well, at our house “franco-american” was the generic term for that mushy, orange-colored pasta…if Chef Boy-ar-dee was on sale and Mom fixed it for us, we’d look at our plates and say: “Oh boy, franco-american!” And I really did like it…it had a pleasant little tang to it, as I recall. We would also from time to time have real spaghetti, in a real sauce with meatballs, so we didn’t really think of Franco-American as spaghet’, any more than we would macaroni or lasagna. But I noticed it was "French" eventually, and the reason is what you might expect...the company was started by a French immigrant, Alphonse Biardot, in Jersey City in 1886.

His most prominent line was soups, many with a decidedly French twist…green turtle, terrapin, chicken consommé, purée of game, mulligatawny, mock turtle, ox-tail, tomato, chicken gumbo, French bouillon, julienne, pea, printanier, mutton broth, vegetable, beef, pearl tapioca, clam broth, clam chowder, and others. The Franco-American Food Company also made canned sauces, patés, custards, and puddings…in fact, an early advertisement reads: "English Plum Pudding made by a Frenchman! Why Not?"

They were sold to Campbell’s Soup in 1915, accelerating the ethnic diversification. The earliest I can find Franco-American spaghetti is around 1930…and it was marketed as being in the style of Milan…“à la Milanaise”…which is of course French…in English that would traditionally be “Milanese”…today you also see “Milano”…in Italian it's “alla Milanese.” There seems to be no agreement as to what style that is today…sauce having cream as a key ingredient…or fennel and sardines…or ham and mushrooms…or who knows? Back then, it was parenthetically explained as “tomato sauce with cheese”…and it became the Franco-American brand’s flagship product.

Dear Cool Daddy: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

The egg... just think of it as a baby chicken. It will grow up to be an adult chicken, but as an egg, it's a chicken already. You can't have a grown chicken without first having a baby chicken, or a chicken egg. But you can have a chicken egg without having a mama and papa chicken who made it, which is the whole idea behind the biological process of mutation.

To take a real-life example, it is believed snakes evolved from lizards. The gene for the legless mutation occurred during the creation of 2 lizard gametes, the ovum from the mother and spermatozoa from the father, that united to result in a legless offspring....which, if it could survive, would propagate a new species...snakes. So in this case, you would have had a baby snake without it having adult snakes as its parents. But an adult snake can only grow from a baby snake, not from a baby lizard. Which is just another way of saying, the first thing that was a snake was a baby snake, not an adult snake. And for snakes...and chickens too...that means the egg came first.

Dear Cool Daddy: A war (ha ha) was broken out at our house over which actors from the movie version of "M*A*S*H" recreated their roles on the TV show. We agree on Gary Burghoff as Radar, but my husband thinks there was one more, but he can't think of who. Care to referee?

Little old peacemaker me. Your husband is correct...there was one other...that was actor G. Wood who played General Hammond in the movie, then in the first couple of episodes of the series, and never again. "G." was his professional name...he was either George or Gene, depending on who's telling it. But interestingly, there were 3 other actors who appeared in both versions of M*A*S*H, altho as different characters.

Corey Fischer was Capt. Baldini in the movie, then the guitar-strumming dentist Capt. Phil Cardozo in the 2nd season episode "Five O'Clock Charlie." Timothy Brown was Cpl. Judson in the movie, and Capt. Spearchucker Jones in 6 TV episodes, taking over the role from Fred Williamson. And finally, John Fujioka appeared briefly, and uncredited, as a Japanese golfer in the movie, and in 3 different guest roles on TV.

The thing is, when M*A*S*H made the transition from large screen to small, there was at the start some indecision as to which characters would be carried over. Obviously, the lead surgeons were cut from 3 to 2, with Capt. Augustus Bedford "Duke" Forrest (Tom Skerritt in the movie) the odd man out. Hawkeye, Trapper, Radar, Col. Blake, Hotlips, Frank Burns, and Father Mulcahey, no longer nicknamed "Dago Red," were retained...and of course, Spearchucker was tried but dropped.

Aussie "gas-passer" Ugly John Black (Carl Gottlieb in the movie, John Orchard on TV) appeared in 10 episodes, sometimes as sort of a surrogate "3rd surgeon" if the plot called for it. Swamp houseboy Ho-Jon (Kim Atwood/Patrick Adiarte) was on 7 TV shows, the naive Pvt. Boone (Bud Cort/Bruno Kirby, then Robert Gooden) on 3, and Lt. Dish (Jo Ann Pflug/Karen Philipp) on 2. Also absent from the TV version was the suicidal dentist Walt Waldowski, the Painless Pole...altho he's supposedly mentioned a couple of times...I don't remember that, but listen closely next time you're watching!

And the next time you've got the movie on, watch for Ed O'Neill from "Married With Children," who's said to have an uncredited cameo as an MP. Till next time, weekly blog at stolf.wordpress.com, Genealogy for Baby Boomers at deepfriedhhoodsiecups.wordpress.com...and if you have any time left from cleaning the pool, rock on!

Related How Again? 2 (4CE reprint...May 2012)

2012-06-16T18:09:00.004-07:00

"Related How Again? the 2nd"

Rhoda Morgenstern's siblings. A "retcon" is when an established fact in a continuing work of fiction is changed…it stands for RETroactive CONtinuity….yes, essentially changing the past. Sometimes, a suitable explanation for the change is given or can be inferred. Other times, the change is completely inconsistent with the original circumstances, and you are just expected to accept it. Such was the case when the Rhoda Morgenstern character on "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" was spun off into her own series in 1974. She now had but one sibling, her younger sister Brenda, and no others, complete with old photos and home movies to prove it.

But things were different on the original show. In one episode, her mother Ida comes to visit, and mentions Rhoda’s brother and sister, Arnold and Brenda. A “younger brother” is referred to in several other episodes, maybe Arnold, maybe not. Then later in that episode, Ida says she is next going to visit "your sister in Chicago"…is this Brenda or a different one? We don't really know, so that's either 1 or 2 sisters so far, and at least one brother.

The only sibling we ever see in person is Debbie, played by Liberty Williams, whose claim to fame, apart from sharing her first name with a fictitious outlaw of the Old West, was her role as Elizabeth Montgomery's grown-up daughter in the short-lived sitcom "Tabitha." Mary and Rhoda went to New York City for her wedding…remember Brett Somers as “Aunt Rose”? Did Debbie at one point live in Chicago? Now we're up to either 2 or 3 sisters.

And once, in keeping with the story-line of Rhoda's bad luck with men, she told of how she was once so depressed, she slept thru her sister's wedding…which was just as well, since her sister was marrying her ex-fiance. This sister can't be either Brenda or Debbie, so that's 3 definite sisters…and if none of these 3 lived in Chicago, that's 4 all together. Along with Rhoda and Arnold, a total of either 5 or 6 siblings…a far cry from just 2, wouldn't you say?

At least that's how the Fan Logic game works. The truth is, the writers weren't keeping track, and figured they could get away with just an unmarried Brenda, since viewers would have forgotten the married Debbie…except of course some of us didn't, not then, and not now either. But that's the TV Universe…love it or leave it.

On "The Addams Family," whose Uncle was Fester? The simple answer, based on the TV series which ran 2 seasons from 1964-1966, is he is Morticia's uncle…his full name is Fester Frump and her maiden name is Morticia Frump…case closed. Granted, he sometimes talks as if he were a biological Addams, sharing the distinct peculiarities of the Addams lineage…altho oddly enough Morticia sometimes does that too! But in a 2-part flashback episode to Morticia and Gomez' courtship, he is clearly established as the brother of Morticia's mother Hester Frump, portrayed by Margaret Hamilton…the Wizard of Oz witch, naturally.

The problem is, there were also 2 animated Addams Family series, a made-for-TV movie, 2 theatrical movies, an additional direct-to-DVD movie, and a revival TV series "The New Addams Family" which ran on the Fox Family Channel for 2 seasons in the early 1990s. And if you were puzzled when the 1993 film came out and Fester was now Gomez' brother…hence uncle to Pugsley and Wednesday, and no longer to Morticia…you had apparently forgotten that that's how it was in the 1973 cartoon series…and has been in every other production since the original.

Grandmama's relationship to the clan is similarly confused. The TV series was based on Charles Addams' cartoons in the New Yorker Magazine, published beginning in 1938. The characters never had names, so for the series, he came up with some…in fact, one of his original names for Pugsley was "Pubert," re-used for the mustachioed new baby brother in the 1993 film. In his original notes, she was Granny Frump, Morticia's mother…but for the series she was Gomez' mother. Then in the subsequent productions she alternated between the two…with names like Eudora Addams and Esmerelda Frump. This confusion was slyly referred to in the 2010 broadway Addams Family production, with a "My mother? I thought she was your mother!" gag.

And there was another inside joke by the writers, acknowledging the inconsistencies…in "The New Addams Family," where there was no longer a Pubert, Wednesday remarks that there was a third sibling, but they ate it. Hardy-har-har.

Why wasn't Marlo Thomas one of her father's daughters on "The Danny Thomas Show"? It seems like it would have made perfect sense. After all, the inspiration for the show was Danny's own family and home-life. The initial premise was that his character, being a nightclub singer and comedian, was away from home much of the time, which was true in real life. In fact the series original title, "Make Room For Daddy," was what his wife Rose Marie Thomas would say when the children were little and they had to stop sleeping in her bedroom because their father was coming home. The first episode, aired Sept. 29, 1953, was titled "Uncle Daddy." But there were 2 reasons why Marlo was not a daughter on the show.

The first was that she was simply too old. When the show debuted, she was a month shy of her 16th birthday. Danny's 2 TV children, Sherry Jackson as Terry and Rusty Hamer as Russell, were in real life aged 11 and 6, just about the ages of Marlo's 2 younger siblings. The character of Terry was named after Theresa Thomas, nick-named Terry, and as an adult spelled "Terre." Rusty was patterned after Charles Anthony Thomas, or Tony. So as not to be left out, Danny's on-screen wife was named Margaret, which was Marlo's real name…Marlo was how as a child she mispronounced Margo, the family's nickname for her.

The other reason was, Marlo wasn't yet committed to being an actress. She went on to college at USC and earned a teaching degree. Then she was a teacher for a brief time before finally succumbing to the acting bug. Interestingly, in her first 2 TV roles in 1960, on "Dobie Gillis" and "77 Sunset Strip," she was billed as "Margaret Thomas." And indeed she did appear just once on her father's show…on March 27, 1961, an episode that served as the pilot for the sitcom "The Joey Bishop Show," which debuted that Fall. It lasted for 4 seasons, and for the first season, she played Joey's starstruck younger sister Stella. Other regulars included Abby Dalton as his wife, Corbett Monica, Madge Blake, Guy Marks, Warren Berlinger, Joe Besser, Joe Flynn, and for one season, Bill Bixby.

Marlo Thomas' breakthrough came on the stage, in the London production of "Barefoot in the Park" in in 1965, which lead directly to her starring role in "That Girl" in the Fall of 1966. For the record, Danny acted with his daughter 4 other times...early on in "Zane Grey Theatre"...once on Danny's series "The Practice" in the 1970s...and twice on "That Girl"...the first time in a cameo as a priest..."father," get it?...then several years later when Danny appeared as himself, the actor. Till next time, good luck twice removing those 3rd cousins…and rock on!

Silver Screen Beatles...Not! (4CE reprint April 2012)

2012-05-18T16:48:00.000-07:00

The Silver Screen Beatles...Not!

Did you ever wonder why, given the phenomenal success of "A Hard Day's Night" and "Help!", the Beatles never made a third live-action movie? Well, those days of doubt and confusion are over, my friend. Read on...

Of course they did film the 60-minute "Magical Mystery Tour" for television in 1967. It was aired on Dec. 26, 1967 on BBC1 in black and white, then 10 days later in color on BBC2. The music was a hit (an LP in the US, a double EP package in the UK), but the aimless shenanigans of the film were roundly panned by all and sundry. As a result, it didn't see theatrical release in the United States until 1974, and wasn't on TV here until it was syndicated in the early 1980s, making its network debut of sorts on USA's "Night Flight" program in May of 1985.

To tell the truth, I've found it's grown better with age, a charming cultural relic of a unique moment in time. One highlight, which isn't on the LP, is the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band's performance of "Death Cab For Cutie," a send-up of the "teen death" record fad of the early 1960s.

In 1968 came the animated "Yellow Submarine"...altho the Beatles appeared as themselves in a scene at the end, the voices throughout the movie were done by others. In fact, half-way thru the recording, "George" was discovered to be a deserter from the British army and dutifully arrested. "Ringo" covered his part of the rest of the film. And in 1971 came the documentary "Let It Be."

But if it seemed to you a natural course for the Fabs to hit the silver screen for a third go-around, so also did it seem to Brian Epstein …not to mention the fact that they had a 3-film contract with United Artists, which eventually had to be satisfied by "Yellow Submarine." The problem was finding the right script. Three projects were seriously considered...but the chances of a third Beatles live-action feature film all but died when Brian Epstein did, on August 27, 1967.

The most publicized of these was called "A Talent For Loving." In fact in 1965, before "Help!" was even completed, it was announced the third Beatles flick would be...of all things...a western! Which made perfect sense, appealing to the Americans obviously, and also to all the would-be buckaroos in Europe, of which the Beatles themselves were four. For the script, Richard Conlon, author of "The Manchurian Candidate," adapted his light-hearted novel of 1961 about a horse race from the Rio Grande to Mexico City in 1871, the prize being a wealthy bride.

No reason for the Beatles ultimately rejecting "A Talent For Loving" has ever emerged...the basic premise was perfect for the Beatles...more of the same, with a different twist. The movie was eventually made in 1969 with a different cast, including Richard Widmark, Caesar Romero, Genevieve Page, Caroline Munro, and Israeli actor Topol. For home video it was renamed "Gun Crazy."

The second possible movie, in development in late 1966 and early 1967, was called "Shades of Personality"...to be shot in Spain and directed by heavyweight Michelangelo Antonini of "Blow-up" fame. The plot involved a man, to be played by John, whose personality split into 3 separate individuals: Paul, George, and Ringo. But by this time, studio recording was consuming all of the Beatles time and energy, and "Sgt. Pepper" took precedence.

But also in the works at this same time was "Up Against It." Brian Epstein commissioned this script from up-and-coming comedic playwright Joe Orton…it was set in a future where women ruled, men were subservient, and involved political assassination, cross-dressing and hints of "alternate lifestyles." The Beatles weren't too keen on much of the concept, and Orton's work on a re-write ended with his murder just 18 days before Brian Epstein's death. In fact, his body was discovered by Epstein's chauffeur, sent to fetch him for a meeting on the project. It was later considered as a vehicle for the Rolling Stones, costarring Ian McKellen, but that plan also came to naught. More than 20 years later, in 1989, an off-Broadway musical based on the unused script, with music by Todd Rundgren, came and went amidst some fanfare. Demos of his songs were later released in Japan on a CD, but they are no great shakes, sad to say.

Without Epstein, the Beatles were rudderless and the world saw the inevitable results. Let's face it, these cats weren't businessmen! But among the many other ideas pitched to the Beatles over the years, probably the most intriguing was Disney's animated version of "The Jungle Book." Remember the four "moptop" vultures, who spoke with cockney accents? They were indeed intended to be portrayed the Beatles, and Epstein was in negotiations with Walt when the lads got wind of it. John was especially adamant against lending their voices....their disappointment with the Saturday morning Beatles cartoon show was still fresh in their minds, and the matter was dropped.

It's ironic, since "The Jungle Book" is most famous for its wonderful musical score…it was the first animated movie soundtrack to earn a gold record, and "Bare Necessities" was nominated for an Oscar, losing to Dr. Dolittle's "Talk to the Animals." Imagine it with a song or two by the Beatles! The strange thing is, Walt Disney died during the production, in December of 1967, within months of the deaths of Epstein and Orton.

A remake of the Three Musketeers was another idea seriously considered, and it again would have been an interesting vehicle for the Beatles...a "period piece" infused with their own brand of mayhem. Again, it was the Beatles themselves who weren't convinced...altho interestingly, when a new "The Three Musketeers" hit the screen in 1973, it was directed by Dick Lester, who had also directed "A Hard Day's Night" and "Help."

John Lennon pushed hard for purchasing the rights to "Lord of the Rings." He saw himself in the role of Gollum, with Paul as Frodo, George as Gandalf, and Ringo as Sam. The others didn't share his enthusiasm, since John saw himself as the star, and as Paul remarked: "The strength of the other films is that we're all equal." In any event, J.R.R. Tolkien himself balked at turning the Beatles loose in Middle Earth, and that was that.

One of the oddest near-misses was early on in 1963, when the Beatles were big in the UK but hadn't yet conquered the US or the world. Titled "The Yellow Teddy Bears," it concerned a group of schoolgirls who wore yellow badges to indicate they'd "done the deed," if you get my drift and I think you do. A bit too cheeky for the Fab 4's image? Apparently the problem was that they would have had to sing other people's songs, and their response was thanks but no thanks. The movie was made without them…pop singer Iain Gregory fronting Kinky Carson and the Embers…and the home video years later was re-titled "Gutter Girls." Lovely.

But it's interesting to note that all four Beatles worked on individual movie projects in the late 1960s. John appeared as Musketeer Gripweed in Dick Lester's WWII satire "How I Won the War" in 1966. Ringo was with Peter Sellers in "The Magic Christian" in 1969, the title song sung by Badfinger and writen by Paul. (The title, by the way, was the name of a yacht.)

George composed and performed a soundtrack of Indian music for the movie "Wonderwall" in 1968. Jane Birkin was in it, as a photographer's model named Penny Lane, but the meandering film wasn't even a cult favorite until its re-release in the 1990s. The best solo cinematic effort was Paul's well-received scoring of the 1966 comedy "The Family Way," the travails of a newly married couple played by Hayley Mills and Hywel Bennett. Till next time, keep watching the screen…and rock on!

The 60's...What a Joke! (4CE reprint March 2012)

2012-04-15T04:39:00.000-07:00

The 1960s…What a Joke!

This month's column is dedicated to the proposition that the 1960s…were a joke. Specifically, Elephant Jokes and Tom Swifties.

How can you tell if there's an elephant behind you? You smell the peanuts on his breath. How can you tell an elephant's been in your refrigerator? You see his footprints in the butter. And if the reaction of adults was "That's dumb" or "That doesn't make any sense," well, that suited us kids just fine, didn't it?

The Elephant Joke craze appeared about the same time as slot-car racing and bikes with high-rise handle-bars and banana seats. According to a scholarly article (seriously!) in a folklore journal in 1967, Elephant Jokes first appeared in Texas in the summer of 1962. They spread to California by early 1963, and by that summer had gone national. LIFE magazine first mentioned them in October 1963, and by the summer of 1964, this joke was sent in to Boys' Life: Why did the elephant wear sunglasses? He didn't want to be recognized with all the Elephant Jokes around.

How did the elephant get in the oak tree? He sat on an acorn and waited 20 years. Why did the elephant paint its toenails red? To hide in a strawberry patch. How do you fit 4 elephants in a Volkswagen? 2 in the front, 2 in the back. How do you fit 5 elephants in a Volkswagen? Put one in the glove compartment. What game do elephants play in a Volkswagen? Squash!

Elephant jokes began with the absurdist premise that you didn't know how big an elephant was, and quickly expanded from there. They were sort of anti-riddles, eschewing the clever puzzles of old-fashioned riddles, and the tortured puns of more modern ones, although play-on-words were sometimes involved, like: How do you stop a charging elephant? Take away his credit card. How do you get an elephant out of a theater? You can't, it's in their blood. (OK, maybe that was a little sophisticated, but I remember getting it.)

What's gray and comes in a can? Campbell's Cream of Elephant soup. What's gray and has a trunk? A mouse going on vacation. Why are elephants wrinkled? Did you ever try to iron one? How do you shoot a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun. How do you shoot a red elephant? Hold its trunk till it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

Many of us stocked up on them by buying "101 Elephant Jokes" at a Scholastic Books fair at school. Someone was recently asking $300 for a copy on eBay…good luck with that. How do you get down off an elephant? You don't, you get down off a duck. How do you make a dead elephant float? Ginger ale, 2 scoops of ice cream, and a dead elephant. And some parodied other riddles, like: Why did the elephant cross the road? It was the chicken's day off. Why did the elephant wear red suspenders? Because the fireman finally bought a belt.

Eventually, other animals and other things got into the act: What's purple and swims in the ocean? Moby Grape. A group of San Francisco musicians were so tickled with that they named their rock group after it. Another good name for a group would be the Ball-Point Banana…you know, what's yellow and goes click click? What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it? Nothing, it just gave out a little wine…OK, so there were a few bad puns mixed in here and there.

One of my favorites was a two-parter: Why do ducks have flat feet? To stamp out forest fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out flaming ducks. As with all fads, Elephant jokes soon died out, but not before clueless grown-ups got into the act and psychoanalyzed the whole deal, citing everything from racial aggression to "an ambient father figure," whatever that means. But google "Elephant Jokes" on the internet today and you'll get over 11 million hits…so I guess kids young and old still enjoy the iconoclastic buffoonery that was at the heart of it all.

Appearing at the same time, Tom Swifties were more sophisticated, appealing to both kids and adults. TIME magazine announced their arrival in their May 31, 1963 issue, although again their origins are hazy. Perhaps an English teacher dreamed them up to enliven Vocabulary Day. Tom Swift was of course a youthful inventor in juvenile fiction, beginning in 1910 with "Tom Swift and His Motor Cycle"…and soon came "Tom Swift and His Aerial Warship," 'Tom Swift and His Photo Telephone"…we used to joke about "Tom Swift and His Electric Grandmother."

But the series continued thru the years and new books are still published today. Baby Boomers might remember Tom Swift's Atomic Earth Blaster, Diving Seacopter, Triphibian Atomicar, Megascope Space Prober, and Ultrasonic Cycloplane. I heard they were going to do one with an his Automatomic Autosuggestive Subvibratory Superaccelerator, but ran out of space…no wait, that was from a 1944 science fiction story by Fredric Brown called the "The Yehudi Principle." Sorry 'bout that.

But to get to the point…in the opinion of some critics, series author Victor Appleton never met an adverb he didn't like, and that led to the Tom Swiftie formula: I need a pencil sharpener, said Tom bluntly. Nay, said Tom hoarsely. Is the doctor ready to see me, asked Tom patiently. Our boat is sinking, said Tom balefully.

And the puns got worse and worse. My oar is broken, said Tom robustly. I have no recollection of the last 24 hours, said Tom lackadaisically. Is this Japan or China, asked Tom, disoriented. I'll never be a realtor, moaned Tom listlessly. I have multiple personalities, said Tom, frank and earnest. This just doesn't add up, said Tom, nonplussed. They had to amputate at the ankles, said Tom, defeated. This is mutiny, admitted Tom bountifully. And then you lose some, said Tom winsomely. Ouch!

I manufacture tabletops, said Tom counterproductively. My EKG came out OK, said Tom wholeheartedly. Send that SOS again, said Tom remorsefully. A steamroller can't hurt me, Tom flatly denied. We're off to Scotland, said Tom clandestinely. Think about the number between 7 and 9, Tom suggested considerately. That is one ugly beast, said Tom hypocritically.

But you didn't really need an adverb per se: There goes my hat, cried Tom off the top of his head. I will not finish in 5th place, Tom held forth. Don't add too much water, said Tom with great concentration. The average frequency of my voice is 160 Hz, said Tom in measured tones. Yeah, they could get pretty elaborate!

Or you could do it with just the verb: Keep the fires burning, Tom bellowed. I'm dying, Tom croaked. I fixed your pipes, Tom rejoined. Save the whales, Tom spouted. The sun is rising, mourned Tom. And other folks got into the act: If we're going to Oz, let's hit the road, Auntie Em barked. Well, OK, there were a million of them…probably my favorite was inspired by those pipes Tom fixed: Your fly is open, was Tom's zippy rejoinder.

I googled Tom Swiftie and came up with 94 thousand hits, so they still have a few fans. And then there were Shaggy Dog Stories…but that's a tail for another column. In the meantime, if you can't get Stolf and Cool Daddy the old-fashioned way, over the air…try the internet at 1340WMSA.com. Blogs daily at stolf.wordpress.com and twice a week at deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com. And hope to see you at the Ogdensburg Boys and Girls Club Expo! Till next time, rock on, said Stolf, taking it for granite.

Beach Boys Hit or Myth (4CE reprint Feb. 2012)

2012-03-12T16:34:00.000-07:00

Beach Boys Hit or Myth

The group's original name was Kenny and the Cadets. You'll often hear this said…it's essentially a myth, although the explanation is a bit complicated. The group Brian Wilson formed in high school with his brothers Dennis and Carl, and cousin Mike Love was called Carl and the Passions. (Mike's mother was the brothers' Aunt Emily, sister of their father Murry.) Brian came up with that name to entice Carl to join…he was more interested in cars and girls than music. By the time they made their first studio recordings in the fall of 1961, at the small Los Angeles record company Candix, their name was the Pendletones, after their favorite brand of shirts, Pendleton…plaid shirts, not the vertically striped ones they would make famous. When they got the first 45s of their song "Surfin'," they were surprised to discover they were now the Beach Boys. Candix promo man Russ Regan explained that label owner and producer of the record Hite Morgan instructed him to "change the name to something more commercial."

But it hardly mattered…when they first heard their record played on the radio, while driving down Hawthorne Avenue in Brian's 1957 Ford, Dennis recalled: "Nothing could ever top the look on Brian's face, it was the biggest high ever…and Carl was so excited he threw up." So where did Kenny and the Cadets come in?

While at the Candix studio, Hite Morgan asked the group to add vocals to the instrumental tracks of 2 songs his son Bruce had written, which had been recorded by other musicians. Their mother Audree Wilson added her voice as well, and these were released in 1962..."Barbie" backed with "What Is a Young Girl Made Of?" So it's the Beach Boys singing, but not playing…and in any event, it was never the official name of the group, just a name on a record label.

Brian Wilson recorded in mono because he was deaf in one ear…A half-truth if there ever was one. Brian is indeed almost completely deaf in his right ear. Depending on who tells it, this was either a condition from birth, or because of a beating from his father. But he recorded in mono because everybody did. Stereo records had been invented to recreate the left-to-right sweep of a symphony orchestra…as a practical matter, stereo wasn't really relevant to pop music. Consider the Beatles: early on they recorded on 2 tracks, music on one, vocals on the other, then mixed them to mono and went home. It was up to the engineers to put together the stereo mixes, which is why they had that weird half-and-half sound…vocals in one speaker, music in the other…prompting Capital to invent "Duophonic," boosting highs in one channel, lows in the other, nicknamed "fake stereo."

Beach Boy stereo mixes were better, since Brian recorded to 3 tracks…but up until the mid-1960s, his concept of a song's ultimate sound was meant to be mono, "all in one place," again with an engineer determining the stereo separation. This explains for example why in the instrumental break of the song "Wendy," you can hear someone cough. The cough is buried deep in the mono mix and hence inaudible, but it's clear as day in the stereo mix. Why was it left in? Probably an oversight that nobody thought worth fixing…after all, mono records far outsold stereo at the time, and pop music in those days was thought to be almost as disposable as newspapers…kids would listen to records till they got tired of them, then buy new ones.

And that's why if you really pay attention, you'll hear mistakes on all kinds of records, from the Beatles to the Supremes, and everyone in between. Warning: newer CD stereo mixes of "Wendy" edit out the cough…spoilsports!

The Beach Boys recorded a version of the Beatle's "A Day in the Life"…That's a blooper you'll encounter from time to time…confusing it with the Brian Wilson song "A Day in the Life of a Tree" from their 1971 LP "Surf's Up." They did record 3 Beatles tunes on their 1965 "Party" LP…"I Should Have Known Better," "Tell Me Why," and "You've Got To Hide Your Love Away." The Beatles returned the favor with their Beach Boys spoof "Back in the U.S.S.R." John Lennon wrote it in early 1968, while in India with the Maharishi…but Mike Love was also at the ashram, and suggested to John that it would sound more like the Beach Boys if he put in lyrics about girls…like from Georgia and the Ukraine…and John was happy to oblige.

The Beatles, minus Ringo but plus Donovan, even performed the impromptu "Happy Birthday, Michael Love," done with a Chuck Berry beat, on his 27th birthday, March 15th. Mike preserved the song on a cassette tape…debuted it on a radio show in 1976…and it's been hitting the bootleg circuit ever since. But this brings up an interesting point: most of the top artists were more buddies than rivals,…which is why on the 1964 LP "In Concert," the Beach Boys perform "Little Old Lady from Pasadena"…it was all about pleasing their fans, not "our songs" versus "their songs." And of course, Brian wrote songs for Jan and Dean, although not that one...and the duo was an opening act for some of the Beach Boys live shows.

Glen Campbell was a Beach Boy…He certainly was, in every way except "officially." Instrumentally, the Beach Boys could hold their own live on stage, but Brian was a perfectionist, so for studio recordings he often brought in others…like Glen Campbell to supplement Carl's guitar work. Glen was a member of the so-called "Wrecking Crew," a group of studio musicians who performed on hundreds of recordings…did you know for example that the piano bit at the end of the Tijuana Brass' "A Taste of Honey" is played by Leon Russell?

So when an anxiety attack forced Brian to stop touring in late 1964, Glen was the natural choice to take his place. On stage he played bass and sang high harmonies. But after about a year, his own budding career as a singer prompted his replacement by Bruce Johnston. And actually, the precise Beach Boys lineup in the earliest days is often misunderstood…13-year old David Marks was not an original member as is often supposed.

The Pendletones that recorded for Candix consisted of the 3 Wilson brothers, Michael Love, and their high school buddy Al Jardine (the one who looked like a Kennedy!) But Jardine's first love was folk music, so by the time they signed with Capitol Records in April of 1962, he'd quit and been replaced by Marks, who lived across the street from the Wilsons, and often jammed on guitar with Carl. Marks played on the first 4 Beach Boys LPs, and in over 100 concerts and TV appearances. Then in the spring of 1963, Al Jardine returned to temporarily replace Brian Wilson on the road…but Brian was back on stage by October, replacing Marks who quit over disagreements with their manager, the brothers' father Murry Wilson.

Marks, along with Mark Groseclose, a drummer who filled in several times for Dennis on stage, formed the group the Marksmen, and released one of the first 45s on Herb Alpert's A&M records, co-produced by Russ Regan, that Candix promo man who re-named the Beach Boys. Jeepers, was everything back in the day connected to everything else? Yeah, pretty much!

And speaking of who's related to who, got a genealogy question? Send it to stolf@hotmail.com, then watch for the answer Sundays on "Genealogy for Baby Boomers" at deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com. Don't forget the daily blog at stolf.wordpress.com…and Cool Daddy tries to steal the show weekdays 3-7pm on 1340 WMSA. Till next time, be true to your school, get some help from Rhonda, and rock on!

Rock n Roll Hit or Myth (4CE reprint Jan. 2012)

2012-02-14T02:57:00.001-08:00

Stolf's Oldies… jan 2012

Rock & Roll Hit or Myth

Buddy Holly's signature eyeglasses were just for show. A myth...in fact, Holly didn't want to wear glasses, fearing it would detract from his rebel image. But he had horrible eyesight...a guitar pick dropped on stage was lost forever. And he couldn't tolerate contacts for more than a few hours. Of course in the 1950s, they were quite primitive, covering almost the entire eyeball. But according to an article in the Wall Street Journal last month, his vision in both eyes was 20/800.

Now if you can only read the top line of the standard chart, your vision is 20/200. That's the threshold for legal blindness, but only if your corrected vision is no better than that. Buddy's vision was correctable…but how bad exactly is 20/800? If your visual acuity goes off the standard chart, they'll use the CF method...count fingers…as in ”How many am I holding up?” If you can see the fingers at 10 feet, but not 11 feet, you're 20/800. This scale goes all the way up to 20/8000, meaning you can't count fingers any further away than a foot.

So according to J. Davis Armistead, Holly's Lubbock, Texas optometrist…who is still alive at age 96... the plan was for Buddy to wear the most “boring,” nondescript frames available. He found them with the “everyman” glasses Phil Silvers wore on TV as Sgt. Bilko, and offered Buddy a choice of black or brown. He chose black, and that was that. Iconsville.

The Beach Boys recorded a song written by Charles Manson. Strange but true, a harrowing sidebar to the history of our music. After his release from prison in 1967, having spent more than half his life behind bars, Charles Manson gravitated to the hippie scene in San Francisco, then Los Angeles. While in jail, he had learned to play the guitar from Alvin "Creepy" Karpis of the Ma Barker gang, and he was convinced he could be "twice as big as the Beatles." Opinions varied, but some really liked his songs, including Neil Young and Dennis Wilson of the Beach Boys. It was Dennis who took him in for a recording session and also let Manson and his followers crash, and trash, his mansion.

One song Dennis especially liked was called "Cease to Exist." He changed the line to "cease to resist," retitled the song "Never Learn Not to Love," and it came out on the Beach Boy LP "20/20" in 1968. Despite the typical Beach Boys sheen, it's not much of a song, altho again, some people seem to really like its weird intensity. But by this time, the friendship was souring. In exchange for giving up writing credits, Manson was given cash and sent packing. Within a year, well, you know what happened. But if you sample a few Manson songs on YouTube, he wasn't that bad a singer. In fact, if all you've ever heard from him is the rambling prison interviews that come out from time to time, you'd hardly believe it was the same person…which I guess was the scary part...

The Beatles never recorded a Christmas record. Half-way between a hit and a myth. Relatively few Top 40 artists recorded Christmas LPs back in the day…most that did are legendary: the Beach Boys, the Supremes, Paul Revere and the Raiders, the Four Seasons, the Royal Guardsmen, the Ventures, and of course Elvis. Others recorded Christmas 45s...like Simon and Garfunkel, the Blues Magoos, Canned Heat, Elton John, the Kinks, Bob Seger (“Sock it to Me, Santa” from 1966). But far more never did, and the Beatles can be included in that group...well, sort of. What the Beatles did do was issue flexible plastic “Christmas Greetings” discs to their fan club members at the end of each year, and these contained unfinished Christmassy song fragments, sounding more like demos or jam sessions.

The best-known is “Christmas Time Is Here Again” from 1967, mainly because a complete 6-minute version has been circulating on bootlegs for ages. Back in 1995, when Capitol Records emptied out their Beatles vault for the Anthology series, a shortened version came out as the flip side of "Free As a Bird." So technically, it can be considered the Beatles' Christmas song...altho it's really no more than a chant set to music, repeated over and over. And of course, it wasn't generally available, nor played on the radio, when the Beatles were a real group in the Sixties, so you make the call.

Tommy James & the Shondells had connections to organized crime. A hit, no pun intended (none taken)…at least to the extent that their label Roulette Records was indeed a front for the Genovese crime family, involved in money laundering and other unsavory sidelights. In his recent book "Me, the Mob, and the Music," Tommy James lays it all out…and this isn't some sensationalized memoir, blown out of proportion to sell copies. If anything, James and the band weren't fully aware at the time just how dangerous their "bosses" really were, these Italian businessmen with names like Fat Tony Salerno and Vincent "The Chin" Gigante. They knew something was "up," but they were naive young pop stars, and it's probably just as well that they were as oblivious as they were to the "business" end of it all.

But another interesting revelation is that the “Crimson and Clover" we all know and love was actually an unfinished version, what's called a "rough mix." James had intended it to be much more elaborate, but when he played it for a Chicago DJ…and it ended up being played on the air all over the country, swapped around from radio station to radio station…Roulette decided to release it just as it was, much to Tommy's consternation. He says that at the time, he hated the released version, but has come to think that "it isn't really so bad." I agree with him!

The Rolling Stones made a TV commercial for Corn Flakes. Not so much a myth as a mistake, because in 1963 they did write and record a 30 second jingle for Kellogg's Rice Krispies. It went: "Wake up in the morning there's a Snap around the place / Wake up in the morning there's a Crackle in your face / Wake up in the morning there's a Pop that really says: Rice Krispies for you and you and you…" They do not appear in the commercial, just the recording, being judged on a "Juke Box Jury"-type panel show. Look for it as a CD bonus track…it's out there!

Where Corn Flakes do come in is the fact that “Good Morning, Good Morning” on the Beatles "Sgt. Pepper" LP was inspired by Kellogg's “The Best to You Each Morning” jingle on TV at the time, both in the US and UK. And yes, the Who really recorded a commercial for Coca Cola, and the Yardbirds did one for Great Shakes powdered mix…seriously.

And it looks like a "hit"…Thanks for all the nice comments I've received on my 3-7 afternoon show on 1340 WMSA in Massena. Catch the blogs at stolf.wordpress.com and deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com. Haven't been any new podcasts in a while at stolfpod.podbean.com, but there are over 50 old ones that are pretty cool, according to Cool Daddy...and old Fourth Coast Entertainment columns are at travelingcyst.blogspot.com. Till next time, let a smile be your umbrella…you'll be happy…and wet…and rock on!

Ask Santa Daddy (4CE reprint Dec. 2011)

2012-01-08T13:41:00.000-08:00

Ask Cool Santa Daddy

Last year in December's column, we uncovered the truth behind several Christmas "myths"…how the "plums" in plum pudding are actually raisins…that the "calling birds" in the "12 Days of Christmas" are really "collie birds" or blackbirds…why those 12 Days do NOT include Christmas Day itself…that poinsettias are not poisonous…who those "mystery kids" are in "A Charlie Brown Christmas"…and how the reindeer Donder was renamed Donner. If you're interested, the entire article is archived, along with other older columns, at travelingcyst.blogspot.com. Those are some of the major Yuletide misconceptions, but there are other points of confusion, and this month, Cool Daddy will address some of those…

Dear Cool Santa Daddy: I know the hemlock is an evergreen…occasionally used as a Christmas tree…I've even seen "pre-lit" artificial hemlocks…but even if poinsettias aren't poisonous, surely hemlock trees must be!

You're right in saying that the hemlock is sometimes used at Christmas time. The most popular Christmas trees are the firs, including the sweet-smelling balsam. Pines are second, again for their wonderful fragrance, and both pines and firs hold their needles for a long time…a major consideration now that the season lasts 6 weeks instead of the 2 or 3 it did when we were kids. That is the reason spruces and hemlocks are not as popular as they once were…poor needle retention. Another popular all-around choice is the Douglas Fir, which is not a true fir…at times it has been classified as a pine, fir, spruce, and its Latin name pseudotsuga means "false hemlock."

But as to the question of the hemlock's toxicity, it is as safe as any of the other evergreens. There are several highly poisonous hemlock herbs…"poison hemlock" which is closely related to parsley, and what killed Socrates…and "water hemlock," a member of the carrot family. The hemlock tree is so-named only because its smell is similar to crushed poison hemlock leaves

Dear Cool Santa Daddy: My dumb cousin tried to tell me that Santa actually lives at the South Pole, not the North Pole, and this had something to do with the Earth's magnetic field, but I couldn't understand what he was talking about, and then my other cousin threatened to beat him up, so he just stopped talking about it. Do you know anything about this?

Well, wherever Santa lives, he doesn't want you guys fighting, so I hope things have calmed down. But yes, I do know a little about what your cousin was driving at. Keep in mind that "true" north and "magnetic" north are not in the same place…the "top" end of the our planet's magnetic field is located in the northern islands of Canada, about 400 miles from the actual North Pole, which is right on the top of the globe, obviously.

And Santa really does live at the North Pole, up by Canada, Greenland, and Russia, and not at the South Pole, which is in Antarctica, so rest assured on that point. The confusion is simply a matter of definition. When a bar magnet is used as a compass, it is aligns itself with the Earth's magnetic field. The problem is, the end that points north is defined as the north pole or end of the magnet. And since opposites attract, what the north end of a magnet is attracted to would be the south end of another magnet or magnetic field. Thus, what's located geographically in the north is by definition the south pole of the Earth's magnetic field, even if it's called the North Magnetic Pole. If you don't get it, that's fine…Santa still loves you…and your cousins too, trust me. But no fighting, OK?

Dear Cool Santa Daddy: Is it true that mistletoe is a parasitic plant, and it's lucky for the trees involved if we harvest it to use for decoration and smooching?

Yes and no. It's certainly true that the mistletoe plant is a parasite, but it's a pretty poor parasite that kills it's host, and for the most part that's not how Mother Nature works. Mistletoe is relatively harmless to a tree in good overall health, altho it will hasten the demise of an otherwise diseased tree. But just remember: What happens under the mistletoe stays under the mistletoe!

Dear Cool Santa Daddy: Is it true that in Canada they once had to destroy millions of postage stamps because they misspelled "Christmas"?

Embarrassing but true, although the misspelled word was "Noël." It happened in November of 1992, when it was noticed that some 60 million stamps had been printed with the "double dots"…a diacritical or accent mark known as a "diaeresis"…over the O instead of the E. In English, this symbol is used to indicate that the second of 2 vowels is to be pronounced separately from the first. Although you seldom see it today, it was once correctly used with such words as coöperation, zoölogy, naïve, the names Chloë and Zoë, and the star constellation Boötes. It was also occasionally used to indicate a vowel was not silent, as with the final E of the sisters Brontë. But it always appears over the second vowel, not the first. Apparently somebody at Canada Post thought it looked more festive over the O…oops!

Dear Cool Santa Daddy: Ever since we were kids, my sister has said that reindeer are a kind of elk. I think she's full of beans, but she just won't give in…what say you?

It's clear that your sister has confused elk with caribou…aha!…and after a lifetime of doing so, is reluctant to admit her mistake.When we were kids, we called elk "wapiti" which is one Indian name for them. But here's the dear truth about the deer in question: Reindeer are a domesticated form of caribou…both are found in Scandinavia, Siberia, Alaska, and Canada. In prehistoric times, the caribou was found as far south as Nevada and Tennessee, and Spain in Europe. Reindeer are somewhat smaller than wild caribou, and are used for their meat, milk, hide, antlers, and as a draft animal. That's right: reindeer steaks, burgers, and meatballs, instead of cow. Sorry, Rudolph. Reindeer and caribou are unique among deer in that both sexes have antlers.

Elk are the second largest deer next to the moose….or the largest if you consider moose too different to be called a deer. The elk was long considered a subspecies of the smaller European red deer, but recent DNA analysis has established it as a separate species. Elk are found only in North America, and typically will weight twice as much as a reindeer or caribou, up to half a ton.

And I realize it has nothing to do with Christmas, but the odd thing is that there is a breed of dog called the Norwegian Elkhound…or "Norsk Elghund"…but no elk there. That's because the word "elk" is derived from the German "elch," Spanish "alce," and French "elan." All these words describe the European moose, which is smaller than the American variety. Encountering the elk in the New World, explorers called it "elk," or in their minds "moose." When they discovered the actual North American moose, they gave it an Indian name, "moose." But neither the moose nor the elk is a caribou, although the reindeer is.

On a personal note, Stolf is back on the radio, on 1340 WMSA in Massena, weekdays for the drive home from work, 3-7pm. Check the WMSA website for internet listening. Despite the sudden reduction in free time, the daily blogs continue unfettered and unsullied at stolf.wordpress.com and deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com. Until next time, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Rock On!

Blazing Saddles (4CE reprint Nov. 2011)

2011-12-12T18:58:00.001-08:00

10 things you didn't know about Blazing Saddles

Mel Brooks' first 2 movies, "The Producers" and "The Twelve Chairs" were hits with the critics, but at the box office, not so much. Their offbeat combination of cerebral comedy and old-fashioned slapstick didn't catch the public's fancy. So for outing #3, Mel chose to go with a gut-punch…"bathroom" humor and salty language, what used to be called "sophomoric," and laid on super thick. No holds barred, nothing and no one spared…to put it mildly: "unsubtle." The result was the greatest Western spoof of all time, and if cynics saw this as throwing in the towel, movie-goers responded: Please, more towels!

Here are 10 things perhaps you didn't know about "Blazing Saddles."

1) Sheriff Who?…The original concept came from novelist and fledgling screenwriter Andrew Bergman. (He would go on to write and/or direct such hits as "Fletch," "Soapdish," "The Freshman, "Striptease" and many more.) His offbeat idea was to plunk a modern-day Black Militant down in the middle of the old Wild West…his draft was titled "Tex X," referencing of course Malcolm X. Mel thought "Black Bart" sounded better, but the ultimate title came to him, says he, while in the shower. And not for nothing, but did you ever notice the initials of "Blazing Saddles"?

2) No Star for You…After his first 2 movies were practically one-man efforts, Mel longed for the collaborative days he spent writing for "Your Show of Shows" in the 1950s…among his cohorts had been Neil Simon & Carl Reiner. Thus he recruited a group of writers, including Bergman, and a young comic he admired, Richard Pryor, who then seemed the obvious choice to play Black Bart…Mel had at first considered James Earl Jones. But he soon discovered that with Pryor's reputation for drug use, and the nature of his standup material, no one in Hollywood would bankroll the project. Thus Pryor remained a writer, and the lead went to Cleavon Little. But one story Mel remembered from the good old days lead to…

3) Punching a Gift Horse in the Head…Sid Caesar, besides being screamingly funny, was also apparently a very violent person. As he recounts in his 1982 autobiography, he was once trail-riding when his wife Imogene Coca's horse began giving her trouble. After she dismounted, he faced the recalcitrant steed…and proceeded to coldcock it between the eyes, knocking it senseless. Oh, really? Well, that's what he says, and Mel had heard the story when it supposedly happened, inspiring the famous scene where Mongo (Alex Karras) does the same.

4) Woof!…Ever wonder what the Indians are saying in Yiddish? Chief Mel and 2 braves trot over to the wagon on their pinto ponies…Mel gives them the once-over, and yes, that is Rodney Allen Rippy, of "Take Life a Little Easier (Jack in the Box Theme)" fame: "Schwartze! (Blacks!)" The braves threaten them with tomahawk and spear, but Mel says: "Na, na, seit nicht meshugge. (No, no, don’t be crazy.)" Then comes Mel’s famous shout, which I always thought was a call to prayer or something, but it’s not that. "Los’ im gehen!! (Let them go!) Cop a walk, it’s alright!" They say thank you and start to move off. "A wie Gesund! (Take care…literally…Stay healthy.) Take off. Hast du gesehen in deine Leben? (Have you ever seen anything like that in your life?) They darker then us! Woof!"

Now "lassen ihn gehen" as I said means literally “let them go.” Pronounced “loz im gain” or sometimes by Gentiles “lossum game,” it’s carny slang, and means: "Quit fleecing the rube, cut the game short, that’s the Sheriff’s son, what are you nuts?" In general, people wouldn’t know what it meant...but there’s a story told about it being said, and the mark, who was Jewish, commenting: “So why didn’t you lossum game me $50 bucks ago?”

5) A Real Gassss…Mel's Governor Le Petomane is named after Joseph Pujols who performed under that name at Paris's Moulin Rouge in the late 1800s. His act was, honest to goodness, flatulence…punctuating stories with various "sound effects," doing melodies, even blowing out candles. And he was a huge hit. Suffice to say, Chapter 3 of his short biography published in 1985 is titled: "Muscular Control Astonishes the French Doctors." Mel also has a cameo in the outlaw recruitment line wearing an aviator's costume. And he does a couple of voices…I won't tell you which, but if it sounds like him, it probably is. In the church scenes, watch for Gene Wilder's future wife Gilda Radner, and Mel's wife Anne Bancroft.

6) Oh You Wacky Kid..The Waco Kid was originally seen as an older character…Dan Dailey was first on board, but was to ill to proceed. Johnny Carson (!!) was asked and refused. Scenes were actually filmed with Gig Young, but he really was drunk and later that day collapsed on the set. The "OK, you win" call went out to Gene Wilder, who had originally wanted the part, but Mel saw him more in the Hedley Lamarr role, to which Gene had said "No thanks." Funny how things turn out sometimes.

7) Honey, I Shrunk Rock Ridge…As was bound to happen, a TV pilot was filmed…but if there was ever a movie that couldn't translate to the small screen, "Blazing Saddles" has to be it. Still, they tried. It was pretty much all Andrew Bergman, with virtually no input from Mel. It was called "Black Bart," with Lou Gossett Jr. and Steve Landesberg in the lead roles. CBS aired it quietly in 1975, over and out. It also featured obnoxious child actor Poindexter Yothers, brother of Tina "Family Ties" Yothers. For good measure it's included as a bonus on the DVD.

8) Steady, Pilgrim…John Wayne was approached to make a cameo appearance. After reading the script, he had to decline, as he couldn't appear in a movie that, um, rambunctious, saying: "But I'll be the first in line to see it!"

9) A Torch Song to Light the Way…Mel wrote the title theme and advertised in the trade papers for a "Frankie Laine type" to sing it…instead, the real deal showed up. The story is that Frankie didn't know the movie was a comedy, and Mel didn't want to tell him. Now I suppose that's plausible…the lyrics are written pretty much straight…the only hint that something might be amiss: "He made his blazing saddle a torch to light the way!" OK, in hindsight, the dude's rig is on fire, but it could have simply meant that it was festooned with glittering gold folderol that reflected the blazing noonday sun, right? Still, you think Frankie Laine didn't know what he was getting into with Mel Brooks, for gosh sakes?

10) And Don't Call Me "Shirley"…But let's face it, Mel Brooks is full of stories. He claims that actress Hedy Lamarr threatened to sue over his naming Harvey Korman's character "Hedley Lamarr," and they settled out of court. What I say is: Why try to track this one down and spoil the fun? Trouble is, it fits a little too neatly with the scene where Hedley bristles when Le Petomane gets his name wrong, but the Governor says: "What are you worried about? This is 1874. You'll be able to sue her!" Anyway, Mel says he was flattered that she noticed.

More groovy stuff from Stolf daily at stolf.wordpress.com and deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com…and till next month, rock on, doo-dah! doo-dah!

You Might Be...Part 4 (4CE reprint Oct 2011)

2011-11-12T17:32:00.001-08:00

You Might Really Be a Baby Boomer If…

Three past columns that received a lot of nice comments were "You Might Be a Baby Boomer If…," "Son of…," and "You Might Be Old School If…" If you'd like to revisit them (can you be nostalgic for nostalgia?), I've posted them on my 4CE reprint blog, travelingcyst.blogspot.com. Here's another batch, fresh from the EZ-Bake memory oven…I replaced the light bulb.

You Might Really Be a Baby Boomer If…

…there's a tune stuck in your head (a cerebro-musical inversion) and it's just as well, since it's one the oldies stations won't play anymore.

…you always called that cigarette "Paul Maul"…not "Pell Mell"…and to this day it's never bothered you.

….to you,"Go suck an egg!" and "Your mother wears army boots!" are still perfectly serviceable insults.

…you always planned that if you ever got invited to dinner at the White House, you'd be sure to steal an ashtray…d'oh!

…your grandmother had a clock with roman numerals and you figured that was because she really didn't care to figure out what time it was…

…it wasn't called recycling, it was a paper drive.

…the safety officer from the local police department taught you to ride your bikes "Single file, Indian style."

…you see a ballplayer on TV and think: "Oh, is he still playing?"…and it turns out to be his son. That happened to me with Steve and Nick Swisher, among others.

…but all things considered, you'd take Bobby Bonds over Barry any day of the week.

…you wonder whatever happened to S&H Green Stamps. Actually, they're now virtual, on the net as Greenpoints. But waddya do, lick the screen? Then paste it where?

…you also wonder whatever happened to tramps, hobos, and bums…now you only see them on Hallowe'en night, right?

…when you go cross-county skiing, you prefer a country that's really narrow...

…you remember when "special teams" were called the "suicide squad." When did it change? Well, a cover story in LIFE magazine dated December 3, 1971 used both terms, although it did say "Suicide Squad" on the cover.

…and the pass rush wasn't a "blitz" but a "red dog"…woof woof.

…you miss having to wonder who's calling on the phone.

…you don't mind "fingers" when someone is passing or serving food. Those plastic gloves were invented for just one thing…and it's at the other end, darn it!

….you remember Thor before he had a beard. A what? Yeah, buy a comic book and see for yourself…if you've got a spare $3.99 lying around…or is it up to $4.99 now?

…but to you, they were always funny books, not comic cooks. See, you started with Woody Woodpecker and Sugar and Spike…then graduated to Batman and the Green Lantern, but they were still funny books, because that's what they were.

….you and your spouse only "do it" on your birthday anymore…and you wish you still celebrated them!

…you understood that when you were dating a guy in uniform, that was it…that's as good as it got, there was nowhere else to go. Although my sister dated one, but it didn't work out…she was supposed to call him "sir." Gosh, and I remember this girl, I had such a crush on her…she was 2 years ahead of me in school. Now that I think about it, she was 2 years ahead of me in everything. Turns out, Boy Scouts didn't count as a uniform.

…you certainly can believe its not butter...you just can't believe how much it costs!

…you miss reading a story every other day in the newspaper about somebody seeing a flying saucer.

….you always liked it when your grandfather would say: "I bet your grandmother she wouldn't marry me…she called my bet and raised me five!"

…you remember when the Parade Magazine that came with the Sunday paper was big enough to wrap a baby in...not that you would, I'm just sayin'.

…but winning $5 in a newspaper coloring contest made you feel like Scrooge McDuck, only more artistic.

…you thought you'd never get over seeing Joltin' Joe DiMaggio in a green-and-gold Oakland A's uniform…he was a coach in 1968 and 1969. But you did.

…you never could see what was wrong with prayer in schools…after all, that's how you got through!

…you miss the days when TV and radio reporters, of either gender, didn't sound like Valley Girls.

…when the 1964 1/2 Mustang came out, you asked your math teacher if they could actually do that? I mean, could it really be half a year?

…and you can't believe that today supermarkets will sell you half a pie. You see that and think: Who wants a pie that somebody ate the other half of?

….you're a girl…and you knew what "It's snowing down south" meant.

…or you're a boy…and what it meant when someone said: "Do you have a license to sell hotdogs?"

…you remember when the ballplayers who wore batting gloves were weird, not the other way around...and an outfielder was called a "ballhawk."

….your favorite toy made sparks!

…you think of your parents as The Generation That Used Mothballs On Everything.

…you remember when there was no such thing as pre-screening…you either fixed the back door or you didn't...

…you never ordered the salad instead of the potato, and never regretted it.

…you remember graduating from green plastic army-men to Battlewagon, Tiger Joe, and Johnny Seven -- One Man Army.

…you know the difference between Capt. Windy Scuttlebutt, Capt. Horatio Huffenpuff and H. R. Pufnstuf.

…but you liked to root for the bad guys…Oil Can Harry, Snidely Whiplash, Crabby Appleton & Isotope Feeney, Poison Zoomack, Simon Bar Sinister & Riff Raff, Badlands Meenie & J. Skulking Bushwhack, Dishonest John, Mr. Bluster…and Savoir Faire is Everywhere!

…and speaking of which, you always wondered where Cecil's legs went to…

But seriously, you qualify as a bona fide blue-ribbon Grade "A" Baby Boomer if…you used to think so, but now you know so. More of this kind of stuff daily at Deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com and Stolf.wordpress.com. Plus old radio & TV commercials at Stolfpod.podbean.com. Till next month, don't give up the baby, Faith…and rock on!

Not Everything is Relative But These Are... (4CE reprint sept 2011)

2011-09-28T08:37:00.001-07:00

Not Everything is Relative, But These Are...

You might be surprised who's related to whom. For example…

The Lone Ranger and the Green Hornet...No way? Way! Both were radio shows originating on WXYZ in Detroit. As you may recall, John Reid was the only Texas Ranger left alive after a party of 6, lead by his brother Captain Dan Reid, were ambushed by Butch Cavendish's Hole in the Wall Gang at Bryant's Gap. Dan's son, also named Dan, eventually became the Lone Ranger's junior sidekick. Remember his horse Victor? Britt Reid, the Green Hornet, was later established as the younger Dan's son, thus the grand nephew of the Masked Man. When the Lone Ranger property was sold to another company in the 1950s, this familial connection was pretty much forgotten.

Fred Flintstone and his son Fred, Junior…Never heard of him? He was included in some of the early publicity material before the show hit the air in 1960, and is featured in the first of the Flintstones' many Little Golden Books…a smirking little cave-boy with hair over his eyes and a big letter F on his bearskin. Needless to say, this went no further, Fred Jr. never appearing on TV or anywhere else. Maybe a velociraptor got him?!

Dionne Warwick and Whitney Houston…When you hear they're related, you might assume they're aunt and niece due to the 23-year age difference, but they're actually first cousins. Whitney's mother Emily "Cissy" Drinkard and and Dionne's mother Lee Drinkard were sisters. They performed professionally as the Drinkard Singers, along with siblings Larry, Nicky, Anne, and Marie. Dionne was born Marie Dionne, named after her aunt, who herself was nicknamed "Rebbie" by the family.

And Dionne's family name was Warrick, but after it was misspelled Warwick on her first single, she decided to keep it that way. In 1971 she added an "e" to the end, as Warwicke, on the advice of her numerologist, and also to honor her then husband, actor and drummer Bill E-for-Elliot. When they divorced in 1975, she not surprising switched back. By the way, singer Thelma Houston is not related to any of them.

Candice Bergen and Polly Bergen…NOT!!! This is a common mistake. They are not related…Polly's real last name is spelled Burgin. Funny, when Edgar's daughter Candice was born in 1946, she was often called Charlie McCarthy's little sister. Another no-go is actor Adam Baldwin, who is no relation to the acting Baldwin brothers Alec, Daniel, Billy and Stephen.

Beetle Bailey and Lois Flagston…That's Lois from the comic strip "Hi and Lois." When the Korean War ended in 1953, Mort Walker feared people would tire of military gags, so he drew a sequence where Beetle visited his married older sister, her husband, and 3 kids…none of whom, I should point out, looked anything like they do today. Readers wanted the old Camp Swampy gang back, but the idea had enough potential to be spun off as its own strip, co-created by Dik Browne. That's why you'll occasionally see Beetle and Lois making appearances in each other's funnies to this day.

Kate Bradley and Pearl Bodine…This was mentioned just once, as kind of an inside joke, since actress Bea Benaderet played both parts. She was originally up for the roll of Granny on "The Beverly Hillbillies," but they decided the peripatetic Irene Ryan was a better fit, more of a Mammy Yokum type. Bea was offered the role of Jed's cousin Pearl Bodine, Jethro's mother, making Jethro and Elly May second cousins. She played this part for one season, then left to portray Kate Bradley on "Petticoat Junction." But since the 2 shows, and "Green Acres" for that matter, all took place in the same TV "universe," there were frequent character crossovers. In one series of episodes in 1968, Granny visits Hooterville to help look after Kate's newborn granddaughter.

Why does Dr. Granny do this? Because Pearl can't help with the baby as she sprained her back a waltz contest, and Pearl is Granny's son-in-law's first cousin, which is close enough kin for Granny. But the $64,000 question: Why was Pearl going to do this? It's implied, but never explicitly stated, that Pearl and Kate are somehow related. Now this may be a "kin of kin" situation, because oddly enough, Jed has no idea who Kate is. In fact, a running gag is Granny trying to explain it to him. He finally gives up, saying: "This is the most confused I ever been without Jethro in the house!"

Jerry Lee Lewis and his wife…OK, third wife. This caused quite a stir in 1957, he 22 years old, she just 13, and relatives to boot…altho this was unremarkable where they grew up in eastern Louisiana, and completely legal. Many different relationships are mentioned, but I'm here to tell you beyond the shadow of a doubt that they were first cousins once removed. Myra Gale Brown was the daughter of J.W. Brown, whose band Jerry Lee joined and eventually took over. Since J.W.'s mother and Jerry Lee's father were siblings, they were first cousins. Myra Gale is one down from that so it's first cousins once removed.

You might also hear that Jerry Lee Lewis, Mickey Gilley, and Jimmy Swaggart were "cousins," and in a roundabout way they were, altho their mothers were not sisters, as the 3 different surnames might suggest. Jerry Lee's father, Mickey's mother, and Jimmy's paternal grandmother were siblings, making Jerry Lee and Mickey first cousins, and both of them first cousins to Jimmy's father "Son" Swaggart. But also, Jerry Lee's mother and Jimmy's mother were sisters, making them first cousins on that side, while first cousins once removed on the other side. Honestly. Jerry Lee's dad Elmo had 10 siblings, you see.

Monsignor Berube and me…As are many Baby Boomers these days, I've been investigating my family tree, and my mother is a Berube. According to L'Association des Familles Berube, all in North America are descended from Damien Berube, a stone mason who arrived in Quebec from Normandy in 1671. Many North Country residents fondly recall the late Fr. Louis D. Berube. He was born in Belleville, Nova Scotia, raised in Lynn, Massachusetts, and served the Diocese of Ogdensburg until his death in 1999. Turns out he was my mother's 6th cousin, making him my 6th cousin once removed. Our lines diverged early on…he's descended from Damien's son Pierre, while I'm a 6th great grandchild of Damien's other son Mathurin.

A note from last month…While my baseball bar bet of a batter seeing 15 balls and strikes with just one plate appearance was correct as far as it goes, I have since realized, to my everlasting chagrin, that it didn't go far enough! The batter could come to the plate one more time, work the count full, then have the game end when a baserunner is caught stealing or picked off…for a grand total of 20 balls and strikes on just one at bat. Thanx to Jordan Walden and Curtis Granderson for showing me the light!

And once again, you can read older "Stolf's Oldies" columns at travelingcyst.blogspot.com. I post the previous month's when the current month's hits the stands. My daily blog at stolf.wordpress.com is now over a year old with no sign of letup. Woof! Check deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com, which is also daily, and on Sundays devoted to "Genealogy for Baby Boomers." Not to mention my podcasts: stolfpod.podbean.com and thewholething.podbean.com. Hey, if I don't toot my own horn, who else will? Plus, that would be slightly unsanitary. Till next month, keep on chooglin'…and rock on!

You Might Be Old School If...

2011-09-28T08:33:00.001-07:00

you might be Old School if...

...you take your hat off when you sit down to eat...(now THERE'S a generational divide!)

...you remember when a foreign car actually came from a foreign country.

...when it's reported that something is "turning into a circus," you think to yourself: Cool, I like circuses.

...you were around when televisions were a fire hazard...all those hot tubes, you know.

...same thing with copy-machines. I remember the one in the library where I grew up had a fire extinguisher attached to the side.

...you watch the Three Stooges today and they're funnier than you remember. (Guess you just grew into them.)

...you recall what we did before energy drinks...we ate a candy bar...because in a way that seems hardly possible today, candy could be good for you.

...you know that "free" means you positively 100% don't have to pay anything for ANYTHING!...for example, 4th Coast Entertainment is FREE!

...you also know that saying "God bless you" when someone sneezes doesn't commit you to any particular religious belief or bind you to a specific sectarian orthodoxy, so you say it, to be polite.

...ditto "Merry Christmas."

...and speaking of Christmas, you know all the words to "Deck Us All With Boston Charlie."

...and while we're at it, you can sing "Don we now our gay apparel" without sniggering.

...you think today's sitcoms are as funny as a crutch.

...oddly enough, you miss the days when you could cut your foot by stepping on a pull-tab. (I mean, there was something so satisfying when that tab snapped off...it was almost worth the risk of tetanus.)

...you always wondered if there was a connection between "notary public" and "notary sojac."

...you finally find what you're looking for around the house, and you put it back in the first place you looked, on the assumption that the next time, that'll still be the first place you look.

...likewise, you never run out of anything, because you always have a backup, and replace the backup.

...and furthermore, you pick a coin up off the street even if it's just a penny, because what the heck, money's money.

...of all the different versions, you like the original "Star Trek" best of all. (And if you do, check out stolfpod.podbean.com #20)

...you acknowledge that an Egg McMuffin, as good as it is, is just a poor man's Eggs Benedict.

...you ever said to a customs agent or border guard: "But you know me!"

...or you ARE a customs agent or border guard, and ever said to yourself: "But I know him!"

...you let sleeping dogs lie, and expect them to return the favor.

...you believe that the only foods that aren't good for you are inedible to start with, so what's the problem?

...you miss fiddling with the vertical hold.

...you can still make "Junior Birdman" goggles.

...you hope that when you get senile, the last thing you forget is how to read a box score.

...when Ethel Mertz talks about how Fred "makes love," you don't freak out, because you know she means it in the old sense of talking lovey-dovey mush to each other...also known as billing and cooing, remember?

...your motto is: Measure twice, cut once, beat into place.

...your first key-ring was one of those chains with little metal balls, and a clasp on one end that the ball on the other end snapped into.

...you understand why people who are always late are always in a better mood than the people who have to wait for them.

Ogden Nash was Old School: "A bit of talcum / is always walcum."

Erma Bombeck was Old School: "Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."

Casey Stengal was Old School: "Good pitching will always stop good hitting and vice versa."

Woody Allen was Old School: "I've been seeing my analyst for 15 years. I'm giving him one more year, then I'm going to Lourdes."

Fanny Brice was Old School: "Having a baby like pushing a piano through a transom." (BTW, a transom was to create cross-ventilation before there was air-conditioning...)

Fred Allen was Old School when he described the advertising firm of Batten, Barton, Durstine & Osborne: "It sounds like steamer trunk falling down a flight of stairs.”

Ann Landers was Old School: "The best things in life aren't things."

Phyllis Diller was Old School: "I tell the kids, no running in the house, unless you're on your way OUT!"

Your Mom was Old School: "There are 2 kinds of people in this world: those who like cats, and those who don't, for example: Hitler."

Your Dad was Old School: "In this house, I'm the boss, and what the boss says, goes!"...and you asked why?...“Because I'm the boss and I said so!"

You're definitely Old School if you recognize the above circular argument as a perfect example of "begging the question"...and you wince every time someone says "that begs the question..." when what they mean is "that raises the question..."

And finally, you just might be Old School if you understand that the days are long, but the years are short. So the next time you get the chance...no, better yet, make the time for it...and rock on!

Son of You Might Be a Baby Boomer...

2011-09-28T08:32:00.001-07:00

son of you might be a baby boomer if…

...you've experienced one of the 3 stages of leaving your fly open...(1) you do and you catch it...(2) you do and you don't catch it...(3) you don't particularly care one way or the other....or you've reached one of the 4 levels of getting on in years: (1) cops are younger than you...(2) your doctor is younger than you...(3) the President is younger than you...(4) the Pope is younger than you.

...you once bought a cheapo madras sports jacket and the darn thing just wouldn’t bleed.

...you never ate at IHOP because your Mother was opposed o the whole concept: "You want pancakes?...I'll make you pancakes..."

...you once upon a time thought Truman Capote just talked funny, that's all.

...you remember the Great Pen Escalation...when 3-color pens were rendered obsolete by 4-color pens...they added green. (And they had pens that looked like filter cigarettes, right? You can still sometimes find old ones on EBay...)

...and speaking of smokes, you remember when a carton of cigarettes made a perfectly appropriate Christmas gift.

...and speaking of Christmas, your family waited till Christmas Eve to put up the tree and nobody reported your parents to Child Protective Services.

...you remember when a total eclipse was a big deal...(overprotective parents warned: don't get too close!)

...you remember when the proper response to "thank you" was "you're welcome", not "no problem"...(cuz, like, y'know, what if it had been a problem?...)

...one of your friends says "When I was in college, I experimented with sex" and you think: "Oh yeah? Who was your lab partner?"

...or they confess: "I used sex"...and you wonder: "To do what? Unstick the lid of a pickle jar?"

...you misplaced your Knit-Wit Doodle-Loom years ago...(don't fret...they still make 'em!)

..."stay out of the draft" was a pun...and a deadly serious one at that.

...you go back to a time when, if you weren't paying attention watching TV, you could miss the commercials....('60s shows had 6-8 minutes of ads per hour...today, it's 15-20 minutes.)

...this joke makes sense: "She: Let's get married and not tell anyone...He: What if we have a baby?...She: Oh, we'll tell the baby..."

...growing up, your family communicated by posting Dear Abby columns on the fridge.

...you once owned a pair of pajamas in a print that looked like newspapers.

...and one night you were so bored you tried reading them...("Sleepy Time Gazette"...uh-huh...)

...you take off your glasses to see something.

...looking back on it, you realize that Mr. Spock on "Star Trek" was a complete rip-off of Mingo on "Daniel Boone", only Mingo was nicer.

...you thought you were cool because you could say "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" backwards...(know what?...you were...I know I was...)

...today's cars all look like somebody took a giant meat cleaver and chopped the trunk off.

...on "Quincy", you didn't feel the least bit cheated when they didn't actually show the dead bodies.

...you can't imagine Apollo 13 as: "Houston, we have issues..."

...you consider "Gilligan's Island" to be the original reality series.

...it doesn't seem that long ago that not one person in 50 could name whose picture was on a $50 bill...(not only that, some businesses refused to accept them!)

...you remember when Germans manufactured the best veeblefetsers...ours was a Gazachstahagan, as I recall...

...you had a weird neighbor with a pencil-thin mustache who would always mow his lawn on Sunday morning wearing a bath-robe and black socks.

...you liked reading the plot summaries in the old TV Guide, like: "Scientists think Flipper swallowed a rare fish and they want to dissect him." (So help me, I'm not making this one up...)

...you were once deeply concerned about what was happening in Brenda Starr's life.

...you remember when copy-machines used to actually suck in your original document, and every once in a great while, didn't spit it back out.

...you remember when liking show-tunes had nothing to do with your sexual orientation.

....because sexual orientation had solely to do with what color your bike was.

...your sister got an aqua-colored princess phone for her room, and she tried to take pictures with it...talk about being ahead of your time!

...the universe was once in perfect balance: baseball cards cost a penny apiece.

...you miss whitewall tires, Colorforms, sonic booms, wood paneling, "Concentration", slot-cars, the Green Hornet, the Green Lantern, toaster pizzas, Rootie Kazootie, "The Secret Storm", "The Edge of Night", Sir Bagby, pull-tabs that came off, yo-yos that lit up, granny glasses, Peter Potomas, Tressy & her little sister Cricket, Tussy, Mr. Novak, Mr. Machine, double features, the clink of milk bottles, U Tant, Moms Mabley, Lefty Frizzell, Babe Parilli, bolo boards, "Sea Hunt", the Teaberry Shuffle, Four Jacks and a Jill, a crayon called "flesh", the California Golden Seals, "mock apple pie" made with Ritz crackers...

...and getting 9 LPs for a penny, if you agreed to buy just 3 more LPs at regular Club prices over the next 2 years...well, till next time, you're not getting older, you're getting smellier...so rock on!...

You Might Be a Baby Boomer If...

2011-09-28T08:31:00.001-07:00

YOU MIGHT BE A BABY BOOMER IF.....

....you paid more for your last car than your first house.

....you wonder how that comic book company ended up making computers. (Sorry, it's a different Dell!)

....you say "a couple of years ago", and it turns out it was 15 years. (Or maybe even 20...)

....you remember Formosa. (Kids, it's now called Taiwan.)

....you didn't have the benefit of Viagra; the best you could do was Vitalis.

....you remember why the sides of double albums were numbered 1-4 and 2-3, instead of 1-2 and 3-4. (Forgot? It was so they'd play in the right order when stacked on the spindle of an automatic play record-player.)

....you think "pre-paid" means you don't have to pay for it, because it's already been paid for. Duh. (And while we're on the subject, the next time they offer something "on demand", call 'em up and demand you get it for free. Isn't that what "demand" means?)

....you remember when Six Flags meant over Texas, not over everywhere

....and there was only one variety of Hershey's Kiss (instead of 497.)

....and carob was the next big thing, replacing chocolate.

....and you once accidentally called your mother "man". (Ooops, sorry, man....I mean....)

....you know the difference between Peanuts Hucko and Peanuts Lowrey.

....you find it a sobering thought that John Lennon's son is a has-been

....you remember where you were when postage when from 4 to 5 cents.

....you hear "Kinko's" and all you can think of is a perverted clown

....deep down in your heart of hearts you know the ground CAN cause a fumble. That's the whole point: you're on the ground and you don't have the ball. You failed to DOWN the ball! El pelota libre! (And you throw something at the TV when someone scores one of those phony "nick the pylon" touchdowns.)

....you look at those before-and-after weight-loss ads, and the "before" appeals to you more than the "after."

....you remember when changing the channel was good exercise.

....you collected one or more of the following: match-book covers, milk-bottle caps, Christmas seals, troll dolls, miniature metal license plates, wire puzzles, political buttons, swizzle sticks, valentine cards, elongated pennies, or gum wrappers (which you then wove into gum wrapper chains, remember?)

....you realize that when they say "infra-structure", they mean "public utilities."

....the only time you were allowed to eat supper in the living room was when "The Wizard of Oz" was on.

....the only time you saw a golden retriever was on your Dad's "Field and Stream" calendar.

....there was a time when everyone you knew owned a frisbee.

....you ever drew on the entire Etch-a-Sketch screen to seen the mechanism underneath.

....you remember when you could smoke in your hospital bed. (I did it...still can't believe it.)

...you "ruined" your bicycle by retrofitting it with high-rise handle-bars and a banana seat. ("Ruin" was the word your parents used.)

....you go back to the days when the only man who wore an earring was Mr. Clean.

....you miss Fizzies, greenie caps, Quisp & Quake, space-wheels macaroni, Ayds diet candy, bubble pipes, suicide Coke, color-by-number, Corn Diggers, butterfly sleepers, Cocoa Marsh, Hamilton's Invaders, space food sticks, slot-cars, Odo-Ro-no, Flav-R straws, oleomargarine, Wink grapefruit soda, Beach-Nut Hot Shot gum, wiggle pictures, Sugar Chex, Testor's Pla enamel, the Teaberry Shuffle, and "What? No Bosco?"

....some or most of the following ring a bell (waaaaay off in the distance): David Suskind, Nani Darnell, Arnold Zenker, Fay Spain, Spain Musgrove, Jinx Falkenberg, Sir Monty Rock III, Snooky Lanson, Marlin Perkins, Gayla Peevey, Bash Kinnett, London Lee, Christine Jorgensen, Jon Gnagy, Penelope Tree, Pete Best, Freckles Brown, Wyomia Tyus, Billie Sol Estes, Winky Dink, Irish McCalla, Sylva Koscina, Gabriel Heater, Christian Herter, Suzy Knickerbocker, Ersel Hickey, Cookie Gilchrist, Skeeter Davis, Duke Carmel, Mamie Van Doren, Monique Van Vooren, Big Daddy Roth, Little Iodine, Elmer Sneezeweed, Hector Heathcote, and Clyde Crashcup, not to mention Biggy Rat and Itchy Brother.

And, in the final analysis, you are very likely a Baby Boomer if you understand, as I do, that if they'd had genetic counseling back in 1950, you wouldn't be here. Till next time, rock on, geezer!

out in left field (4CE reprint aug 2011)

2011-09-05T07:18:00.001-07:00

It's been a while since I wrote about our National Pastime, so as the dog days of August roll in, here are a couple of oddball sidelights on baseball.

The Organized Baseball Career Home Run Record…Which is to say, who has hit the most, Major and Minor League careers combined? The subject of Minor League home runs is an interesting one. You would think that any farm-hand who showed notable power would be promoted fairly quickly…and sure enough, among players who hit 400+ in the Majors, hitting 50+ in the Minors is unusual. But prior to the 1960s, the Minors were a popular form of local entertainment, and a player could be a "career" Minor Leaguer, with just a cup of coffee in the Bigs, or not even that. This was especially true in the Pacific Coast League, where salaries were high and the weather appealing.

Nationally televised games turned the Minors into the "prospect-driven" enterprise they are today, altho the Mexican League, while technically part of the system, remains a viable option for lifetime employment. Sure enough, the top 4 on the all-time Minor League home run list played virtually their entire careers there, lead by Hector Epsino's 484. But of 51 minor leaguers with 300+ career dingers, the top 3 Major League totals are 80, 76, and 46. This tells me most were indeed farm-hands "for life," lacking either the talent or the inclination to go any higher.

At the other end of the spectrum, I added in Minor League home runs for all players with 400+ in the Majors. None under 500 reached as high as 600, altho Carlos Delgado's Major/Minor split of 473/125 put him just 2 shy. Of those with 500+, their new position on the list changed by no more than one or two places…with only Willie McCovey's 512/105 jumping him from 18th to 12th. But significantly, Hank Aaron is back on top, his 755/31 beating Barry Bonds' 762/20 by 4. Babe Ruth had just 1 homer in the minors, Willie Mays just 12.

Then there are the half-and-half players like Steve Balboni 181/239, Hank Sauer 288/157, Jim Gentile 179/245, the original Frank Thomas 286/100, Vince DiMaggio 125/273, Ripper Collins 135/193, and Zeke Bonura 119/132. This bunch is lead by Dick Stuart and his 228/222 split…it's believed that Dr. Strangeglove is the only player in Organized Ball history with 200+ home runs in both the Majors and the Minors. Russell Branyon is closing in, at 190/210 coming into this season. But looking over an entire career, hitting 200 homers down on the farm appears to be the kiss of death. Of the 166 players I've found with 200+ in the Minors, only 4 had 100+ in the Majors, and only 8 more had between 50 and 99. I suppose the moral is: Whether you play in the Bronx or Paducah…you only have so many in ya.

The Grand-Daddy of All Bar Bets…A player sees a total of 15 balls and strikes in a game but is credited with just one plate appearance. Sounds impossible, right? You get a full count, 3-and-2, then the payoff pitch, for at most 6 balls and strikes…unless there's a trick to it. And in this extreme case, there are TWO tricks to it!

The first trick is obscure rule 10.15b, which states that if a player is unable to complete his at bat, the pinch-hitter is charged with whatever the outcome is, except if the count was 0-and-2, in which case a strikeout would be charged to the original batter, with the pinch-hitter getting credit for nothing, not even an at bat.

So let's say its 1962, and Diamond Jim Gentile is up. He takes a savage swipe, and knocks himself silly. Dick Williams…yes, the recently departed skipper of the 1967 Impossible Dream Red Sox…assumes his at bat with the count 0-and 2, takes 3 balls, then strikes out. K charged to Gentile, Williams' total: balls and strikes 4, at bats 0.

His next time up, he works the count full, then Whitey Herzog is caught stealing to end the inning…running total: balls and strikes 9, at bats 0. Third time up, another full count, then he strikes out…final total: balls and strikes 15, at bats 1. Which just goes to show you, never take a bet in a bar!

Has Anyone Ever Batted .500?…The Major League record for highest batting average for a season is Nap Lajoie's .426 with the A's in 1901. In the Minors, the record is Gary Redus' out-sized .462…that's 117 for 253…with Billings of the Rookie level Pioneer League in 1978. Their season was only 68 games, and they went 50-18…but Gary played in every one of them. Occasionally you have a player who bats 1.000 for a season, going 1/1 or 2/2…pitcher Bruce Chen had 3 1/1 seasons! But Majors or Minors, what's the longest extended period a player has hit .500? Does a data base exist of every game ever played, at every level, day to day? If so, and if the server doesn't crash, maybe we'll day find out some day.

But for now, the record to beat has to be Joe Wilhoit. With the Class A Wichita Jobbers of the Western League, from June 14 to August 19, 1919, he hit in 69 consecutive games, the Organized Ball record, at an astonishing .515 clip…that's 153 for 297. Think of it…for over 2 months, he essentially got a hit every other at bat! It would surprise me if anyone at any level has ever been that hot for that long. After all, baseball is a game where even the best of them can end his work day having accomplished absolutely nothing.

Shamsky's Category-Busting Record…Art Shamsky was a run-of-the-mill outfielder for the Reds, and later the Mets. But over 2 games in 1966, he was simply amazing, hitting 4 home runs in 4 consecutive at bats, one of only 7 players to ever do that. What's more, with each one, the Reds either tied the score or took the lead…and his streak started with a pinch at bat in the 8th inning!

August 12, 1966, Reds hosting the Pirates, behind 7-6, Shamsky pinch hits for pitcher Joe Nuxhall and blasts a 2-run homer to give the Reds the lead. But the Bucs score in the top of the 9th to send to it extra innings. They score again in the 10th, but Shamsky, now playing left field, hits a solo shot to keep the Reds in it. In their next ups, the Pirates score 2 this time, and sure enough in the bottom of the 11th Shamsky hits a 2-run dinger to tie it up again! But despite his heroics, Cincinnati eventually lost 14-11 in 13 innings.

2 days later, Shamsky gets another pitch hit opportunity, and again homers, a game the Red would also lose. But no other non-starter has ever hit 3 homers in one game. And only 2 other payers have hit 2 extra-inning home runs in the same game…the St. Louis Browns' Vern Stephens in 1943, and Cleveland's Willie Kirkland in 1963. End result: Art Shamsky's bat is in the Hall of Fame, even if he isn't. There's no getting around it, baseball really is a funny game.

On another note, if you want to read past "Stolf's Oldies" columns, a number of them are posted at travelingcyst.blogspot.com. Also, there are my daily blogs at stolf.wordpress.com and deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com. And if you miss Cool Daddy, we're together on 2 podcasts: stolfpod.podbean.com and thewholething.podbean.com. Till next month, my friend, take a moment and rock on!

ask cool daddy 3 (4CE reprint july 2011)

2011-08-15T03:52:00.000-07:00

Ask Cool Daddy 3

I was told recently that the Davy Crockett coonskin cap I had as a kid wasn't real raccoon. Say it isn't so!

Sorry, but unless yours was handed down from your great great grandfather, it probably is so. The fashion was adopted by the early settlers from the Indians, and any furry animal unfortunate enough to be the size of a man's head would do, including skunks. Many famous historical figures sported one, including both Lewis & Clark, and when he ran for President in 1948, Tennessee Senator Estes Kefauver. But Davy Crockett wore one only on occasions when the public expected it, and Daniel Boone disliked them and never did.

When I was a kid, we were too poor to get them, so my brother and I took turns wearing the cat. Which wasn't so crazy, considering the early style was to leave the head on the front of the cap, like those fox stoles our mothers wore. In any event, during the 1950s, coonskin caps were made of rabbit fur, sometimes but not always with a real raccoon tail…the rest of the coon being used for other fashion purposes, such as coats and collars. There was even a white version for girls, named after Davy's wife Polly. Most Daniel Boone hats of the 1960s were entirely synthetic.

Back in the day, I remember a cereal called Sugar Chex, but nobody believes me. Cool Daddy to the rescue?

Indeed. For years, Ralston Purina, then General Mills who bought the line in 1997, experimented with presweetened versions of Chex cereal. It appears they've finally gotten it right, with the slightly sweet Honey Nut, Chocolate, and Cinnamon varieties (Strawberry Chex is no longer made.) But just as pet-food makers refuse to tell you that your dog or cat's favorite flavor is "fat," the human brain is hard-wired to prefer "sugar" as its flavor pick. And when RP's first attempt to expand the iconic Wheat-Rice-Corn Chex trio came in 1966, it was presweetened.

It was called Mr. Waffles…how's that for a typically goofy Sixties product name? But it was shaped like Chex, and came in 2 flavors, regular (i.e. "sugar") and banana. What you're probably remembering was the relaunch of the regular version as Sugar Frosted Chex several years later. The final push came in the early Seventies, as Sugar Chex, then Super Sugar Chex, featuring Casper the Friendly Ghost on the front. They gave up the ghost sometime after 1974. A slightly sweet Honey Graham Chex existed briefly in the late Eighties.

Frosted Rice Chex Juniors came and went quickly in the early Nineties, followed by Frosted Mini Chex a decade later. They retooled it by making the squares normal size as Frosted Chex around 2009, and that seems to be still available anecdotally, altho it's not listed on the official Chex website. And good breakfasting to you…

Is it true that Beatles manager Brian Epstein had an American group in his fold? I can't remember which, though.

But as I suspect you suspected, Cool Daddy can. It was the Cyrkle, the weird spelling suggested by none other than John Lennon. They were from Easton, PA, home of Crayola crayons. Epstein signed them on the suggestion of his American business partner, and they were an opening act on the Beatles 1966 American tour. Their 2 hits were "Red Rubber Ball," written by Paul Simon, and "Turn Down Day." And there's a video floating around the web of Simon & Garfunkel performing "Ball" live in 1967.

He actually co-wrote it with Bruce Woodley of the Seekers. The Cyrkle heard it while touring with S&G, and Paul said: "You like it? It's yours." They also recorded "Cloudy," but in a classic case of "what were they thinking," passed on another song he offered them, "59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin' Groovy)." Another irony is John Simon, who was the Cyrkle's producer, but no relation to Paul, altho Paul has a younger brother Eddie, also in the music biz. John went on to work with the Band, Blood Sweat & Tears, and Big Brother & the Holding Company.

I always like hearing about what might have been: the first choice to play a famous TV or movie role that went to someone else…got any for me?

Yup, I got a doozie: Tom Poston was the first choice of Buck Henry and Mel Brooks to play Max on "Get Smart." But often not getting your first choice turns out to be the charm…can you imagine Agent 86 without "that voice"? Actually, the voice goes back to Don Adams' early days as a standup comic, and was supposed to be his impression of William Powell. Not for nothing, but Don Adams' real last name was Yarmy, and he had a younger brother named Dick Yarmy, also a comedian and actor.

But really, the whole character of Maxwell Smart was lifted directly from that of Byron Glick, the inept hotel detective Adams played on an earlier series, "The Bill Dana Show," which lasted a season and a half, 1963-65, with Jose Jimenez as an elevator operator. Since there weren't enough episodes made, this show was never marketed for syndication, but it would be a treat for Baby Boomers to see today. The hotel manager was played by Jonathan Harris, Dr. Smith on "Lost in Space"…Gary Crosby was the bellhop…and Maggie Peterson, Charlene Darling on "The Andy Griffith Show," was a waitress.

Talk about "Look who it is!" moments…on just the first handful of episodes, you'd see Sue Randall, Miss Landers on "Leave It To Beaver"…Percy Helton, that squeaky-voiced, hunchbacked actor…and 3 familiar faces from Mayberry: Jack "Howard Sprague" Dobson, Sue Ann Langdon, and Rachel Ames, longtime stalwart on "General Hospital" as Nurse Audrey…wow! Needless to say, "The Bill Dana Show" was a Danny Thomas production, as was "The Andy Griffith Show."

Do you remember a toy set called Hamilton's Invaders? I wanted it for Christmas, but never got it. But who the heck was Hamilton?

This was one of the more interesting play-sets of the Sixties, made by Remco from 1964-65. The basic premise was simple enough: giant bugs and spiders attacking, and blue plastic "army men," called Blue Defenders, fighting back with tanks, jeeps, and the "Hornet Helicopter." There was even a pistol and a helmet with goggles so you could personally join in the battle. The whole deal was reasonably popular with kids…legend has it that it was discontinued because Moms didn't like the idea of large, almost foot-long creepy crawlers scuttling across the floor with the pull of a string, altho they were later reused in "Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea" play-sets.

But the part of the concept that seemed a little off was naming the lead bug "Horrible Hamilton." Given other monster names of the day, like Godzilla, Gorgo, Konga, Caltiki, and Mothra, "Hamilton" didn't seem to fit. Was this the kind of name your creepy old great uncle might have had, like Murgatroyd or Algernon? Wouldn't Boris or Igor have been at least a little better? And why was the logo of the Blue Defenders a Horrible Hamilton bug head, with the words "Hamilton's Invaders," as if they were on the bugs' side? Perhaps you really were supposed to be rooting for the bugs over the soldiers, given the popularity of giant creature movies at the time. Reminds me of the time I took my wife to see the movie "War and Peace." She rooted for War.

Till next month, check out Stolf's phenomenal blogs and podcasts, all linked at deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com…and as always, rock on!

invasion USA! (4CE reprint june 2011)

2011-07-02T16:37:00.000-07:00

Invasion USA!

April's column had this list of British Invasion groups: Dave Clark Five, Animals, Billy J. Kramer and the Dakotas, Searchers, Rolling Stones, Swinging Blue Jeans, Herman's Hermits, Gerry and the Pacemakers, Freddie and the Dreamers, Manfred Mann, Nashville Teens, Honeycombs, Small Faces, Kinks, Them, Yardbirds, and Zombies…and the number of times they appeared on "American Bandstand" in 1964 and 1965, combined: zero.

Take that same list and check the "Ed Sullivan Show": 24 appearances, including 7 by the Dave Clark Five, 4 each for the Animals and Gerry & the Pacemakers…even the bad boy Rolling Stones were invited back for a second go. And Sullivan did around 40 shows per year, while Dick Clark was on every week. The old geezer really understood show biz. In fact, the DC5 were on one month after the Beatles, for 2 consecutive Sundays. I can still remember the buzz on the school bus that Monday morning, how the Beatles were history, one-month wonders, and the Tottenham Sound was the new sensation.

But the British Invasion was in full swing. The earliest use of that term I can find in Billboard magazine is March 21, 1964: BRITISH INVASION OF U.S. SPREADS. REDCOATS WIDEN BEACHHEAD HERE. And on the Hot 100 chart for April 4, Beatle singles were in positions #1, #2, #3, #4, and #5, with 7 more ranging from #31 to #79...an astonishing feat not likely to ever be repeated. Record companies scrambled to sign British bands, and not surprisingly, they looked first to the Beatles' hometown of Liverpool.

Here are the British groups that charted in 1964, with the Liverpudlians marked with an asterisk: February: Dave Clark Five...March: *Searchers, *Swinging Blue Jeans...April: *Billy J. Kramer & Dakotas...May: Rolling Stones, Peter & Gordon, Hollies, Chad & Jeremy, *Gerry & Pacemakers. There was a summer lull…nothing new in June or July, only the Animals and Lulu in August. Then September saw Manfred Mann, the Kinks, Nashville Teens, Honeycombs...October: Herman's Hermits, Zombies...November: the Hullabaloos, Marianne Faithful...and December: Petula Clark joined the fray. Several other British bands released singles in 1964, but wouldn't see chart success until 1965 or later: the Who, Yardbirds, Them, Wayne Fontana & Mindbenders, Freddie & Dreamers, Fortunes, Spencer Davis, and Ian Whitcomb.

And the record bins were packed with British groups that got squeezed out in the stampede, and never hit the charts. Liverpool groups included the Merseybeats, Mojos, Escorts, Undertakers, Ian & Zodiacs, the Big Three, King-Size Taylor & Dominos…even Rory Storm & the Hurricanes, Ringo's old group, had a 45 out on Columbia, one of the few major labels, along with RCA and A&M, that didn't jump in with both feet. From all across Great Britain came the Rockin' Berries, Applejacks, Gonks, Snobs, Fourmost, Paramounts (with Gary Brooker, later of Procol Harum), Pretty Things, Screamin' Lord Sutch…even Pete Best, the Beatle's old drummer, cut some records, but made barely a ripple.

By my rough estimate, 25% of the weekly Top 40 slots and 18% of the Hot 100 slots were held by British artists in 1964. These percentages actually increased a little in 1965, but by that time an American Response was beginning to emerge. Altho paradoxically, in one sense there was virtually no American Response at all!

Sure, kids grew their hair long and got groups together, practicing in garages across America. Even my erstwhile sidekick Cool Daddy was in a group, Ringo Kuryakin and the Agitation Stipulation. I asked if he was Ringo, and he said no, he was Agitation. And they didn't have a garage, so they'd practice in the drive-way before his dad got home from work. Many of these groups would attain local fame, playing dances and clubs, and some even had regional hit records. But can you name one national hit from 1964 by an American group that sounded even remotely like the Beatles?

The closest I can come up with is "She's the One" by the Chartbusters, and if you've never heard it, it only reached #33 in July of 1964. They followed the typical pattern: house band at the Crazy Horse in the Georgetown section of Washington, D.C…recorded a couple albums for the budget label Diplomat as the Manchesters…Tom Hanks said they were the inspiration for the one-hit Oneders in the movie "That Thing You Do." The Beau Brummels had 2 hits in early 1965, then faded away. Many people think of "Lies" by the Knickerbockers, certainly the closest an American group came to capturing the Beatles Sound, but it barely snuck into the Top 20 in December, 1965, almost 2 years after B-Day.

Simply put, trying to copy the Beatles didn't cut it with the record-buying teens. As I said last month, there was too much of the "real thing" around. What the Beatles did do for American pop music was invigorate it like nothing else could. The look, the style, the clothes, the hair, the whole idea of "a group"…the attitude, the atmosphere, the "scene" if you will…it was something new, fresh, exciting. Young American musicians took their cue from the Beatles, and what did they come up with?

Add the Beatles to the surf bands and you got the Kingsmen, the Premiers, Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs, the Barbarians, the Leaves with "Hey Joe," the Music Machine, what was then called "punk," but is now referred to as the "garage bands." Take the Standells…when they appeared on "The Munsters" in 1965, they were a lame imitation of the Beatles, with something called "Come On and Ringo." By 1966, they were snarling with "Dirty Water."

Add the Beatles to rhythm and blues and you got the Blue-Eyed Soul of the Young Rascals. Even black music was energized…listen to Motown recordings before and after B-Day, and hear the pop sheen Barry Gordy was astute enough to apply to the Sound of Young America. Add the Beatles to country & western and you got the Byrds and Buffalo Springfield, leading to Poco, America, and the Eagles. Add the Beatles to folk, and out comes the Mamas and Papas, Lovin' Spoonful, Simon and Garfunkel…and when Bob Dylan went electric, it was time for the Yanks to take back their music!

Add the Beatles to harmony groups like the Lettermen, Four Preps, even the Four Seasons, and you got the Turtles, the Buckinghams, the Grassroots, and especially the Association. Add the Beatles to big band jazz with a horn section, and you got Blood Sweat & Tears and Chicago. And there was Paul Revere and the Raiders, who had been copying whatever sound was hot since 1961 with little success, until they hit their stride in 1965.

Then came the Monkees, further commercializing what was a blatantly commercial enterprise to begin with, and you got the stripped down silliness of bubble gum, followed by the bouncy records of the early 1970s, today collectively labeled "Sunshine Pop." And ironically enough, the Beatles took note of it all, and themselves fed on the emerging new American sounds. It was only after the Beatles weren't the Beatles anymore that real imitators emerged: Badfinger in the UK, the Raspberries in the US, the whole Power Pop movement, and the Electric Light Orchestra, an outgrowth of one of the most Beatle-like British bands, the Move. And the Move never hit it big in the US…they were just too Beatley for their own good.

In short, what a time to own a transistor radio! Catch you on the web at Deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com, and c'mon baby let's do the rock on!