traveling cyst

Rock n Roll Hit or Myth (4CE reprint Jan. 2012)

2012-02-14T02:57:00.001-08:00

Stolf's Oldies… jan 2012

Rock & Roll Hit or Myth

Buddy Holly's signature eyeglasses were just for show. A myth...in fact, Holly didn't want to wear glasses, fearing it would detract from his rebel image. But he had horrible eyesight...a guitar pick dropped on stage was lost forever. And he couldn't tolerate contacts for more than a few hours. Of course in the 1950s, they were quite primitive, covering almost the entire eyeball. But according to an article in the Wall Street Journal last month, his vision in both eyes was 20/800.

Now if you can only read the top line of the standard chart, your vision is 20/200. That's the threshold for legal blindness, but only if your corrected vision is no better than that. Buddy's vision was correctable…but how bad exactly is 20/800? If your visual acuity goes off the standard chart, they'll use the CF method...count fingers…as in ”How many am I holding up?” If you can see the fingers at 10 feet, but not 11 feet, you're 20/800. This scale goes all the way up to 20/8000, meaning you can't count fingers any further away than a foot.

So according to J. Davis Armistead, Holly's Lubbock, Texas optometrist…who is still alive at age 96... the plan was for Buddy to wear the most “boring,” nondescript frames available. He found them with the “everyman” glasses Phil Silvers wore on TV as Sgt. Bilko, and offered Buddy a choice of black or brown. He chose black, and that was that. Iconsville.

The Beach Boys recorded a song written by Charles Manson. Strange but true, a harrowing sidebar to the history of our music. After his release from prison in 1967, having spent more than half his life behind bars, Charles Manson gravitated to the hippie scene in San Francisco, then Los Angeles. While in jail, he had learned to play the guitar from Alvin "Creepy" Karpis of the Ma Barker gang, and he was convinced he could be "twice as big as the Beatles." Opinions varied, but some really liked his songs, including Neil Young and Dennis Wilson of the Beach Boys. It was Dennis who took him in for a recording session and also let Manson and his followers crash, and trash, his mansion.

One song Dennis especially liked was called "Cease to Exist." He changed the line to "cease to resist," retitled the song "Never Learn Not to Love," and it came out on the Beach Boy LP "20/20" in 1968. Despite the typical Beach Boys sheen, it's not much of a song, altho again, some people seem to really like its weird intensity. But by this time, the friendship was souring. In exchange for giving up writing credits, Manson was given cash and sent packing. Within a year, well, you know what happened. But if you sample a few Manson songs on YouTube, he wasn't that bad a singer. In fact, if all you've ever heard from him is the rambling prison interviews that come out from time to time, you'd hardly believe it was the same person…which I guess was the scary part...

The Beatles never recorded a Christmas record. Half-way between a hit and a myth. Relatively few Top 40 artists recorded Christmas LPs back in the day…most that did are legendary: the Beach Boys, the Supremes, Paul Revere and the Raiders, the Four Seasons, the Royal Guardsmen, the Ventures, and of course Elvis. Others recorded Christmas 45s...like Simon and Garfunkel, the Blues Magoos, Canned Heat, Elton John, the Kinks, Bob Seger (“Sock it to Me, Santa” from 1966). But far more never did, and the Beatles can be included in that group...well, sort of. What the Beatles did do was issue flexible plastic “Christmas Greetings” discs to their fan club members at the end of each year, and these contained unfinished Christmassy song fragments, sounding more like demos or jam sessions.

The best-known is “Christmas Time Is Here Again” from 1967, mainly because a complete 6-minute version has been circulating on bootlegs for ages. Back in 1995, when Capitol Records emptied out their Beatles vault for the Anthology series, a shortened version came out as the flip side of "Free As a Bird." So technically, it can be considered the Beatles' Christmas song...altho it's really no more than a chant set to music, repeated over and over. And of course, it wasn't generally available, nor played on the radio, when the Beatles were a real group in the Sixties, so you make the call.

Tommy James & the Shondells had connections to organized crime. A hit, no pun intended (none taken)…at least to the extent that their label Roulette Records was indeed a front for the Genovese crime family, involved in money laundering and other unsavory sidelights. In his recent book "Me, the Mob, and the Music," Tommy James lays it all out…and this isn't some sensationalized memoir, blown out of proportion to sell copies. If anything, James and the band weren't fully aware at the time just how dangerous their "bosses" really were, these Italian businessmen with names like Fat Tony Salerno and Vincent "The Chin" Gigante. They knew something was "up," but they were naive young pop stars, and it's probably just as well that they were as oblivious as they were to the "business" end of it all.

But another interesting revelation is that the “Crimson and Clover" we all know and love was actually an unfinished version, what's called a "rough mix." James had intended it to be much more elaborate, but when he played it for a Chicago DJ…and it ended up being played on the air all over the country, swapped around from radio station to radio station…Roulette decided to release it just as it was, much to Tommy's consternation. He says that at the time, he hated the released version, but has come to think that "it isn't really so bad." I agree with him!

The Rolling Stones made a TV commercial for Corn Flakes. Not so much a myth as a mistake, because in 1963 they did write and record a 30 second jingle for Kellogg's Rice Krispies. It went: "Wake up in the morning there's a Snap around the place / Wake up in the morning there's a Crackle in your face / Wake up in the morning there's a Pop that really says: Rice Krispies for you and you and you…" They do not appear in the commercial, just the recording, being judged on a "Juke Box Jury"-type panel show. Look for it as a CD bonus track…it's out there!

Where Corn Flakes do come in is the fact that “Good Morning, Good Morning” on the Beatles "Sgt. Pepper" LP was inspired by Kellogg's “The Best to You Each Morning” jingle on TV at the time, both in the US and UK. And yes, the Who really recorded a commercial for Coca Cola, and the Yardbirds did one for Great Shakes powdered mix…seriously.

And it looks like a "hit"…Thanks for all the nice comments I've received on my 3-7 afternoon show on 1340 WMSA in Massena. Catch the blogs at stolf.wordpress.com and deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com. Haven't been any new podcasts in a while at stolfpod.podbean.com, but there are over 50 old ones that are pretty cool, according to Cool Daddy...and old Fourth Coast Entertainment columns are at travelingcyst.blogspot.com. Till next time, let a smile be your umbrella…you'll be happy…and wet…and rock on!

Ask Santa Daddy (4CE reprint Dec. 2011)

2012-01-08T13:41:00.000-08:00

Ask Cool Santa Daddy

Last year in December's column, we uncovered the truth behind several Christmas "myths"…how the "plums" in plum pudding are actually raisins…that the "calling birds" in the "12 Days of Christmas" are really "collie birds" or blackbirds…why those 12 Days do NOT include Christmas Day itself…that poinsettias are not poisonous…who those "mystery kids" are in "A Charlie Brown Christmas"…and how the reindeer Donder was renamed Donner. If you're interested, the entire article is archived, along with other older columns, at travelingcyst.blogspot.com. Those are some of the major Yuletide misconceptions, but there are other points of confusion, and this month, Cool Daddy will address some of those…

Dear Cool Santa Daddy: I know the hemlock is an evergreen…occasionally used as a Christmas tree…I've even seen "pre-lit" artificial hemlocks…but even if poinsettias aren't poisonous, surely hemlock trees must be!

You're right in saying that the hemlock is sometimes used at Christmas time. The most popular Christmas trees are the firs, including the sweet-smelling balsam. Pines are second, again for their wonderful fragrance, and both pines and firs hold their needles for a long time…a major consideration now that the season lasts 6 weeks instead of the 2 or 3 it did when we were kids. That is the reason spruces and hemlocks are not as popular as they once were…poor needle retention. Another popular all-around choice is the Douglas Fir, which is not a true fir…at times it has been classified as a pine, fir, spruce, and its Latin name pseudotsuga means "false hemlock."

But as to the question of the hemlock's toxicity, it is as safe as any of the other evergreens. There are several highly poisonous hemlock herbs…"poison hemlock" which is closely related to parsley, and what killed Socrates…and "water hemlock," a member of the carrot family. The hemlock tree is so-named only because its smell is similar to crushed poison hemlock leaves

Dear Cool Santa Daddy: My dumb cousin tried to tell me that Santa actually lives at the South Pole, not the North Pole, and this had something to do with the Earth's magnetic field, but I couldn't understand what he was talking about, and then my other cousin threatened to beat him up, so he just stopped talking about it. Do you know anything about this?

Well, wherever Santa lives, he doesn't want you guys fighting, so I hope things have calmed down. But yes, I do know a little about what your cousin was driving at. Keep in mind that "true" north and "magnetic" north are not in the same place…the "top" end of the our planet's magnetic field is located in the northern islands of Canada, about 400 miles from the actual North Pole, which is right on the top of the globe, obviously.

And Santa really does live at the North Pole, up by Canada, Greenland, and Russia, and not at the South Pole, which is in Antarctica, so rest assured on that point. The confusion is simply a matter of definition. When a bar magnet is used as a compass, it is aligns itself with the Earth's magnetic field. The problem is, the end that points north is defined as the north pole or end of the magnet. And since opposites attract, what the north end of a magnet is attracted to would be the south end of another magnet or magnetic field. Thus, what's located geographically in the north is by definition the south pole of the Earth's magnetic field, even if it's called the North Magnetic Pole. If you don't get it, that's fine…Santa still loves you…and your cousins too, trust me. But no fighting, OK?

Dear Cool Santa Daddy: Is it true that mistletoe is a parasitic plant, and it's lucky for the trees involved if we harvest it to use for decoration and smooching?

Yes and no. It's certainly true that the mistletoe plant is a parasite, but it's a pretty poor parasite that kills it's host, and for the most part that's not how Mother Nature works. Mistletoe is relatively harmless to a tree in good overall health, altho it will hasten the demise of an otherwise diseased tree. But just remember: What happens under the mistletoe stays under the mistletoe!

Dear Cool Santa Daddy: Is it true that in Canada they once had to destroy millions of postage stamps because they misspelled "Christmas"?

Embarrassing but true, although the misspelled word was "Noël." It happened in November of 1992, when it was noticed that some 60 million stamps had been printed with the "double dots"…a diacritical or accent mark known as a "diaeresis"…over the O instead of the E. In English, this symbol is used to indicate that the second of 2 vowels is to be pronounced separately from the first. Although you seldom see it today, it was once correctly used with such words as coöperation, zoölogy, naïve, the names Chloë and Zoë, and the star constellation Boötes. It was also occasionally used to indicate a vowel was not silent, as with the final E of the sisters Brontë. But it always appears over the second vowel, not the first. Apparently somebody at Canada Post thought it looked more festive over the O…oops!

Dear Cool Santa Daddy: Ever since we were kids, my sister has said that reindeer are a kind of elk. I think she's full of beans, but she just won't give in…what say you?

It's clear that your sister has confused elk with caribou…aha!…and after a lifetime of doing so, is reluctant to admit her mistake.When we were kids, we called elk "wapiti" which is one Indian name for them. But here's the dear truth about the deer in question: Reindeer are a domesticated form of caribou…both are found in Scandinavia, Siberia, Alaska, and Canada. In prehistoric times, the caribou was found as far south as Nevada and Tennessee, and Spain in Europe. Reindeer are somewhat smaller than wild caribou, and are used for their meat, milk, hide, antlers, and as a draft animal. That's right: reindeer steaks, burgers, and meatballs, instead of cow. Sorry, Rudolph. Reindeer and caribou are unique among deer in that both sexes have antlers.

Elk are the second largest deer next to the moose….or the largest if you consider moose too different to be called a deer. The elk was long considered a subspecies of the smaller European red deer, but recent DNA analysis has established it as a separate species. Elk are found only in North America, and typically will weight twice as much as a reindeer or caribou, up to half a ton.

And I realize it has nothing to do with Christmas, but the odd thing is that there is a breed of dog called the Norwegian Elkhound…or "Norsk Elghund"…but no elk there. That's because the word "elk" is derived from the German "elch," Spanish "alce," and French "elan." All these words describe the European moose, which is smaller than the American variety. Encountering the elk in the New World, explorers called it "elk," or in their minds "moose." When they discovered the actual North American moose, they gave it an Indian name, "moose." But neither the moose nor the elk is a caribou, although the reindeer is.

On a personal note, Stolf is back on the radio, on 1340 WMSA in Massena, weekdays for the drive home from work, 3-7pm. Check the WMSA website for internet listening. Despite the sudden reduction in free time, the daily blogs continue unfettered and unsullied at stolf.wordpress.com and deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com. Until next time, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Rock On!

Blazing Saddles (4CE reprint Nov. 2011)

2011-12-12T18:58:00.001-08:00

10 things you didn't know about Blazing Saddles

Mel Brooks' first 2 movies, "The Producers" and "The Twelve Chairs" were hits with the critics, but at the box office, not so much. Their offbeat combination of cerebral comedy and old-fashioned slapstick didn't catch the public's fancy. So for outing #3, Mel chose to go with a gut-punch…"bathroom" humor and salty language, what used to be called "sophomoric," and laid on super thick. No holds barred, nothing and no one spared…to put it mildly: "unsubtle." The result was the greatest Western spoof of all time, and if cynics saw this as throwing in the towel, movie-goers responded: Please, more towels!

Here are 10 things perhaps you didn't know about "Blazing Saddles."

1) Sheriff Who?…The original concept came from novelist and fledgling screenwriter Andrew Bergman. (He would go on to write and/or direct such hits as "Fletch," "Soapdish," "The Freshman, "Striptease" and many more.) His offbeat idea was to plunk a modern-day Black Militant down in the middle of the old Wild West…his draft was titled "Tex X," referencing of course Malcolm X. Mel thought "Black Bart" sounded better, but the ultimate title came to him, says he, while in the shower. And not for nothing, but did you ever notice the initials of "Blazing Saddles"?

2) No Star for You…After his first 2 movies were practically one-man efforts, Mel longed for the collaborative days he spent writing for "Your Show of Shows" in the 1950s…among his cohorts had been Neil Simon & Carl Reiner. Thus he recruited a group of writers, including Bergman, and a young comic he admired, Richard Pryor, who then seemed the obvious choice to play Black Bart…Mel had at first considered James Earl Jones. But he soon discovered that with Pryor's reputation for drug use, and the nature of his standup material, no one in Hollywood would bankroll the project. Thus Pryor remained a writer, and the lead went to Cleavon Little. But one story Mel remembered from the good old days lead to…

3) Punching a Gift Horse in the Head…Sid Caesar, besides being screamingly funny, was also apparently a very violent person. As he recounts in his 1982 autobiography, he was once trail-riding when his wife Imogene Coca's horse began giving her trouble. After she dismounted, he faced the recalcitrant steed…and proceeded to coldcock it between the eyes, knocking it senseless. Oh, really? Well, that's what he says, and Mel had heard the story when it supposedly happened, inspiring the famous scene where Mongo (Alex Karras) does the same.

4) Woof!…Ever wonder what the Indians are saying in Yiddish? Chief Mel and 2 braves trot over to the wagon on their pinto ponies…Mel gives them the once-over, and yes, that is Rodney Allen Rippy, of "Take Life a Little Easier (Jack in the Box Theme)" fame: "Schwartze! (Blacks!)" The braves threaten them with tomahawk and spear, but Mel says: "Na, na, seit nicht meshugge. (No, no, don’t be crazy.)" Then comes Mel’s famous shout, which I always thought was a call to prayer or something, but it’s not that. "Los’ im gehen!! (Let them go!) Cop a walk, it’s alright!" They say thank you and start to move off. "A wie Gesund! (Take care…literally…Stay healthy.) Take off. Hast du gesehen in deine Leben? (Have you ever seen anything like that in your life?) They darker then us! Woof!"

Now "lassen ihn gehen" as I said means literally “let them go.” Pronounced “loz im gain” or sometimes by Gentiles “lossum game,” it’s carny slang, and means: "Quit fleecing the rube, cut the game short, that’s the Sheriff’s son, what are you nuts?" In general, people wouldn’t know what it meant...but there’s a story told about it being said, and the mark, who was Jewish, commenting: “So why didn’t you lossum game me $50 bucks ago?”

5) A Real Gassss…Mel's Governor Le Petomane is named after Joseph Pujols who performed under that name at Paris's Moulin Rouge in the late 1800s. His act was, honest to goodness, flatulence…punctuating stories with various "sound effects," doing melodies, even blowing out candles. And he was a huge hit. Suffice to say, Chapter 3 of his short biography published in 1985 is titled: "Muscular Control Astonishes the French Doctors." Mel also has a cameo in the outlaw recruitment line wearing an aviator's costume. And he does a couple of voices…I won't tell you which, but if it sounds like him, it probably is. In the church scenes, watch for Gene Wilder's future wife Gilda Radner, and Mel's wife Anne Bancroft.

6) Oh You Wacky Kid..The Waco Kid was originally seen as an older character…Dan Dailey was first on board, but was to ill to proceed. Johnny Carson (!!) was asked and refused. Scenes were actually filmed with Gig Young, but he really was drunk and later that day collapsed on the set. The "OK, you win" call went out to Gene Wilder, who had originally wanted the part, but Mel saw him more in the Hedley Lamarr role, to which Gene had said "No thanks." Funny how things turn out sometimes.

7) Honey, I Shrunk Rock Ridge…As was bound to happen, a TV pilot was filmed…but if there was ever a movie that couldn't translate to the small screen, "Blazing Saddles" has to be it. Still, they tried. It was pretty much all Andrew Bergman, with virtually no input from Mel. It was called "Black Bart," with Lou Gossett Jr. and Steve Landesberg in the lead roles. CBS aired it quietly in 1975, over and out. It also featured obnoxious child actor Poindexter Yothers, brother of Tina "Family Ties" Yothers. For good measure it's included as a bonus on the DVD.

8) Steady, Pilgrim…John Wayne was approached to make a cameo appearance. After reading the script, he had to decline, as he couldn't appear in a movie that, um, rambunctious, saying: "But I'll be the first in line to see it!"

9) A Torch Song to Light the Way…Mel wrote the title theme and advertised in the trade papers for a "Frankie Laine type" to sing it…instead, the real deal showed up. The story is that Frankie didn't know the movie was a comedy, and Mel didn't want to tell him. Now I suppose that's plausible…the lyrics are written pretty much straight…the only hint that something might be amiss: "He made his blazing saddle a torch to light the way!" OK, in hindsight, the dude's rig is on fire, but it could have simply meant that it was festooned with glittering gold folderol that reflected the blazing noonday sun, right? Still, you think Frankie Laine didn't know what he was getting into with Mel Brooks, for gosh sakes?

10) And Don't Call Me "Shirley"…But let's face it, Mel Brooks is full of stories. He claims that actress Hedy Lamarr threatened to sue over his naming Harvey Korman's character "Hedley Lamarr," and they settled out of court. What I say is: Why try to track this one down and spoil the fun? Trouble is, it fits a little too neatly with the scene where Hedley bristles when Le Petomane gets his name wrong, but the Governor says: "What are you worried about? This is 1874. You'll be able to sue her!" Anyway, Mel says he was flattered that she noticed.

More groovy stuff from Stolf daily at stolf.wordpress.com and deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com…and till next month, rock on, doo-dah! doo-dah!

You Might Be...Part 4 (4CE reprint Oct 2011)

2011-11-12T17:32:00.001-08:00

You Might Really Be a Baby Boomer If…

Three past columns that received a lot of nice comments were "You Might Be a Baby Boomer If…," "Son of…," and "You Might Be Old School If…" If you'd like to revisit them (can you be nostalgic for nostalgia?), I've posted them on my 4CE reprint blog, travelingcyst.blogspot.com. Here's another batch, fresh from the EZ-Bake memory oven…I replaced the light bulb.

You Might Really Be a Baby Boomer If…

…there's a tune stuck in your head (a cerebro-musical inversion) and it's just as well, since it's one the oldies stations won't play anymore.

…you always called that cigarette "Paul Maul"…not "Pell Mell"…and to this day it's never bothered you.

….to you,"Go suck an egg!" and "Your mother wears army boots!" are still perfectly serviceable insults.

…you always planned that if you ever got invited to dinner at the White House, you'd be sure to steal an ashtray…d'oh!

…your grandmother had a clock with roman numerals and you figured that was because she really didn't care to figure out what time it was…

…it wasn't called recycling, it was a paper drive.

…the safety officer from the local police department taught you to ride your bikes "Single file, Indian style."

…you see a ballplayer on TV and think: "Oh, is he still playing?"…and it turns out to be his son. That happened to me with Steve and Nick Swisher, among others.

…but all things considered, you'd take Bobby Bonds over Barry any day of the week.

…you wonder whatever happened to S&H Green Stamps. Actually, they're now virtual, on the net as Greenpoints. But waddya do, lick the screen? Then paste it where?

…you also wonder whatever happened to tramps, hobos, and bums…now you only see them on Hallowe'en night, right?

…when you go cross-county skiing, you prefer a country that's really narrow...

…you remember when "special teams" were called the "suicide squad." When did it change? Well, a cover story in LIFE magazine dated December 3, 1971 used both terms, although it did say "Suicide Squad" on the cover.

…and the pass rush wasn't a "blitz" but a "red dog"…woof woof.

…you miss having to wonder who's calling on the phone.

…you don't mind "fingers" when someone is passing or serving food. Those plastic gloves were invented for just one thing…and it's at the other end, darn it!

….you remember Thor before he had a beard. A what? Yeah, buy a comic book and see for yourself…if you've got a spare $3.99 lying around…or is it up to $4.99 now?

…but to you, they were always funny books, not comic cooks. See, you started with Woody Woodpecker and Sugar and Spike…then graduated to Batman and the Green Lantern, but they were still funny books, because that's what they were.

….you and your spouse only "do it" on your birthday anymore…and you wish you still celebrated them!

…you understood that when you were dating a guy in uniform, that was it…that's as good as it got, there was nowhere else to go. Although my sister dated one, but it didn't work out…she was supposed to call him "sir." Gosh, and I remember this girl, I had such a crush on her…she was 2 years ahead of me in school. Now that I think about it, she was 2 years ahead of me in everything. Turns out, Boy Scouts didn't count as a uniform.

…you certainly can believe its not butter...you just can't believe how much it costs!

…you miss reading a story every other day in the newspaper about somebody seeing a flying saucer.

….you always liked it when your grandfather would say: "I bet your grandmother she wouldn't marry me…she called my bet and raised me five!"

…you remember when the Parade Magazine that came with the Sunday paper was big enough to wrap a baby in...not that you would, I'm just sayin'.

…but winning $5 in a newspaper coloring contest made you feel like Scrooge McDuck, only more artistic.

…you thought you'd never get over seeing Joltin' Joe DiMaggio in a green-and-gold Oakland A's uniform…he was a coach in 1968 and 1969. But you did.

…you never could see what was wrong with prayer in schools…after all, that's how you got through!

…you miss the days when TV and radio reporters, of either gender, didn't sound like Valley Girls.

…when the 1964 1/2 Mustang came out, you asked your math teacher if they could actually do that? I mean, could it really be half a year?

…and you can't believe that today supermarkets will sell you half a pie. You see that and think: Who wants a pie that somebody ate the other half of?

….you're a girl…and you knew what "It's snowing down south" meant.

…or you're a boy…and what it meant when someone said: "Do you have a license to sell hotdogs?"

…you remember when the ballplayers who wore batting gloves were weird, not the other way around...and an outfielder was called a "ballhawk."

….your favorite toy made sparks!

…you think of your parents as The Generation That Used Mothballs On Everything.

…you remember when there was no such thing as pre-screening…you either fixed the back door or you didn't...

…you never ordered the salad instead of the potato, and never regretted it.

…you remember graduating from green plastic army-men to Battlewagon, Tiger Joe, and Johnny Seven -- One Man Army.

…you know the difference between Capt. Windy Scuttlebutt, Capt. Horatio Huffenpuff and H. R. Pufnstuf.

…but you liked to root for the bad guys…Oil Can Harry, Snidely Whiplash, Crabby Appleton & Isotope Feeney, Poison Zoomack, Simon Bar Sinister & Riff Raff, Badlands Meenie & J. Skulking Bushwhack, Dishonest John, Mr. Bluster…and Savoir Faire is Everywhere!

…and speaking of which, you always wondered where Cecil's legs went to…

But seriously, you qualify as a bona fide blue-ribbon Grade "A" Baby Boomer if…you used to think so, but now you know so. More of this kind of stuff daily at Deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com and Stolf.wordpress.com. Plus old radio & TV commercials at Stolfpod.podbean.com. Till next month, don't give up the baby, Faith…and rock on!

Not Everything is Relative But These Are... (4CE reprint sept 2011)

2011-09-28T08:37:00.001-07:00

Not Everything is Relative, But These Are...

You might be surprised who's related to whom. For example…

The Lone Ranger and the Green Hornet...No way? Way! Both were radio shows originating on WXYZ in Detroit. As you may recall, John Reid was the only Texas Ranger left alive after a party of 6, lead by his brother Captain Dan Reid, were ambushed by Butch Cavendish's Hole in the Wall Gang at Bryant's Gap. Dan's son, also named Dan, eventually became the Lone Ranger's junior sidekick. Remember his horse Victor? Britt Reid, the Green Hornet, was later established as the younger Dan's son, thus the grand nephew of the Masked Man. When the Lone Ranger property was sold to another company in the 1950s, this familial connection was pretty much forgotten.

Fred Flintstone and his son Fred, Junior…Never heard of him? He was included in some of the early publicity material before the show hit the air in 1960, and is featured in the first of the Flintstones' many Little Golden Books…a smirking little cave-boy with hair over his eyes and a big letter F on his bearskin. Needless to say, this went no further, Fred Jr. never appearing on TV or anywhere else. Maybe a velociraptor got him?!

Dionne Warwick and Whitney Houston…When you hear they're related, you might assume they're aunt and niece due to the 23-year age difference, but they're actually first cousins. Whitney's mother Emily "Cissy" Drinkard and and Dionne's mother Lee Drinkard were sisters. They performed professionally as the Drinkard Singers, along with siblings Larry, Nicky, Anne, and Marie. Dionne was born Marie Dionne, named after her aunt, who herself was nicknamed "Rebbie" by the family.

And Dionne's family name was Warrick, but after it was misspelled Warwick on her first single, she decided to keep it that way. In 1971 she added an "e" to the end, as Warwicke, on the advice of her numerologist, and also to honor her then husband, actor and drummer Bill E-for-Elliot. When they divorced in 1975, she not surprising switched back. By the way, singer Thelma Houston is not related to any of them.

Candice Bergen and Polly Bergen…NOT!!! This is a common mistake. They are not related…Polly's real last name is spelled Burgin. Funny, when Edgar's daughter Candice was born in 1946, she was often called Charlie McCarthy's little sister. Another no-go is actor Adam Baldwin, who is no relation to the acting Baldwin brothers Alec, Daniel, Billy and Stephen.

Beetle Bailey and Lois Flagston…That's Lois from the comic strip "Hi and Lois." When the Korean War ended in 1953, Mort Walker feared people would tire of military gags, so he drew a sequence where Beetle visited his married older sister, her husband, and 3 kids…none of whom, I should point out, looked anything like they do today. Readers wanted the old Camp Swampy gang back, but the idea had enough potential to be spun off as its own strip, co-created by Dik Browne. That's why you'll occasionally see Beetle and Lois making appearances in each other's funnies to this day.

Kate Bradley and Pearl Bodine…This was mentioned just once, as kind of an inside joke, since actress Bea Benaderet played both parts. She was originally up for the roll of Granny on "The Beverly Hillbillies," but they decided the peripatetic Irene Ryan was a better fit, more of a Mammy Yokum type. Bea was offered the role of Jed's cousin Pearl Bodine, Jethro's mother, making Jethro and Elly May second cousins. She played this part for one season, then left to portray Kate Bradley on "Petticoat Junction." But since the 2 shows, and "Green Acres" for that matter, all took place in the same TV "universe," there were frequent character crossovers. In one series of episodes in 1968, Granny visits Hooterville to help look after Kate's newborn granddaughter.

Why does Dr. Granny do this? Because Pearl can't help with the baby as she sprained her back a waltz contest, and Pearl is Granny's son-in-law's first cousin, which is close enough kin for Granny. But the $64,000 question: Why was Pearl going to do this? It's implied, but never explicitly stated, that Pearl and Kate are somehow related. Now this may be a "kin of kin" situation, because oddly enough, Jed has no idea who Kate is. In fact, a running gag is Granny trying to explain it to him. He finally gives up, saying: "This is the most confused I ever been without Jethro in the house!"

Jerry Lee Lewis and his wife…OK, third wife. This caused quite a stir in 1957, he 22 years old, she just 13, and relatives to boot…altho this was unremarkable where they grew up in eastern Louisiana, and completely legal. Many different relationships are mentioned, but I'm here to tell you beyond the shadow of a doubt that they were first cousins once removed. Myra Gale Brown was the daughter of J.W. Brown, whose band Jerry Lee joined and eventually took over. Since J.W.'s mother and Jerry Lee's father were siblings, they were first cousins. Myra Gale is one down from that so it's first cousins once removed.

You might also hear that Jerry Lee Lewis, Mickey Gilley, and Jimmy Swaggart were "cousins," and in a roundabout way they were, altho their mothers were not sisters, as the 3 different surnames might suggest. Jerry Lee's father, Mickey's mother, and Jimmy's paternal grandmother were siblings, making Jerry Lee and Mickey first cousins, and both of them first cousins to Jimmy's father "Son" Swaggart. But also, Jerry Lee's mother and Jimmy's mother were sisters, making them first cousins on that side, while first cousins once removed on the other side. Honestly. Jerry Lee's dad Elmo had 10 siblings, you see.

Monsignor Berube and me…As are many Baby Boomers these days, I've been investigating my family tree, and my mother is a Berube. According to L'Association des Familles Berube, all in North America are descended from Damien Berube, a stone mason who arrived in Quebec from Normandy in 1671. Many North Country residents fondly recall the late Fr. Louis D. Berube. He was born in Belleville, Nova Scotia, raised in Lynn, Massachusetts, and served the Diocese of Ogdensburg until his death in 1999. Turns out he was my mother's 6th cousin, making him my 6th cousin once removed. Our lines diverged early on…he's descended from Damien's son Pierre, while I'm a 6th great grandchild of Damien's other son Mathurin.

A note from last month…While my baseball bar bet of a batter seeing 15 balls and strikes with just one plate appearance was correct as far as it goes, I have since realized, to my everlasting chagrin, that it didn't go far enough! The batter could come to the plate one more time, work the count full, then have the game end when a baserunner is caught stealing or picked off…for a grand total of 20 balls and strikes on just one at bat. Thanx to Jordan Walden and Curtis Granderson for showing me the light!

And once again, you can read older "Stolf's Oldies" columns at travelingcyst.blogspot.com. I post the previous month's when the current month's hits the stands. My daily blog at stolf.wordpress.com is now over a year old with no sign of letup. Woof! Check deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com, which is also daily, and on Sundays devoted to "Genealogy for Baby Boomers." Not to mention my podcasts: stolfpod.podbean.com and thewholething.podbean.com. Hey, if I don't toot my own horn, who else will? Plus, that would be slightly unsanitary. Till next month, keep on chooglin'…and rock on!

You Might Be Old School If...

2011-09-28T08:33:00.001-07:00

you might be Old School if...

...you take your hat off when you sit down to eat...(now THERE'S a generational divide!)

...you remember when a foreign car actually came from a foreign country.

...when it's reported that something is "turning into a circus," you think to yourself: Cool, I like circuses.

...you were around when televisions were a fire hazard...all those hot tubes, you know.

...same thing with copy-machines. I remember the one in the library where I grew up had a fire extinguisher attached to the side.

...you watch the Three Stooges today and they're funnier than you remember. (Guess you just grew into them.)

...you recall what we did before energy drinks...we ate a candy bar...because in a way that seems hardly possible today, candy could be good for you.

...you know that "free" means you positively 100% don't have to pay anything for ANYTHING!...for example, 4th Coast Entertainment is FREE!

...you also know that saying "God bless you" when someone sneezes doesn't commit you to any particular religious belief or bind you to a specific sectarian orthodoxy, so you say it, to be polite.

...ditto "Merry Christmas."

...and speaking of Christmas, you know all the words to "Deck Us All With Boston Charlie."

...and while we're at it, you can sing "Don we now our gay apparel" without sniggering.

...you think today's sitcoms are as funny as a crutch.

...oddly enough, you miss the days when you could cut your foot by stepping on a pull-tab. (I mean, there was something so satisfying when that tab snapped off...it was almost worth the risk of tetanus.)

...you always wondered if there was a connection between "notary public" and "notary sojac."

...you finally find what you're looking for around the house, and you put it back in the first place you looked, on the assumption that the next time, that'll still be the first place you look.

...likewise, you never run out of anything, because you always have a backup, and replace the backup.

...and furthermore, you pick a coin up off the street even if it's just a penny, because what the heck, money's money.

...of all the different versions, you like the original "Star Trek" best of all. (And if you do, check out stolfpod.podbean.com #20)

...you acknowledge that an Egg McMuffin, as good as it is, is just a poor man's Eggs Benedict.

...you ever said to a customs agent or border guard: "But you know me!"

...or you ARE a customs agent or border guard, and ever said to yourself: "But I know him!"

...you let sleeping dogs lie, and expect them to return the favor.

...you believe that the only foods that aren't good for you are inedible to start with, so what's the problem?

...you miss fiddling with the vertical hold.

...you can still make "Junior Birdman" goggles.

...you hope that when you get senile, the last thing you forget is how to read a box score.

...when Ethel Mertz talks about how Fred "makes love," you don't freak out, because you know she means it in the old sense of talking lovey-dovey mush to each other...also known as billing and cooing, remember?

...your motto is: Measure twice, cut once, beat into place.

...your first key-ring was one of those chains with little metal balls, and a clasp on one end that the ball on the other end snapped into.

...you understand why people who are always late are always in a better mood than the people who have to wait for them.

Ogden Nash was Old School: "A bit of talcum / is always walcum."

Erma Bombeck was Old School: "Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."

Casey Stengal was Old School: "Good pitching will always stop good hitting and vice versa."

Woody Allen was Old School: "I've been seeing my analyst for 15 years. I'm giving him one more year, then I'm going to Lourdes."

Fanny Brice was Old School: "Having a baby like pushing a piano through a transom." (BTW, a transom was to create cross-ventilation before there was air-conditioning...)

Fred Allen was Old School when he described the advertising firm of Batten, Barton, Durstine & Osborne: "It sounds like steamer trunk falling down a flight of stairs.”

Ann Landers was Old School: "The best things in life aren't things."

Phyllis Diller was Old School: "I tell the kids, no running in the house, unless you're on your way OUT!"

Your Mom was Old School: "There are 2 kinds of people in this world: those who like cats, and those who don't, for example: Hitler."

Your Dad was Old School: "In this house, I'm the boss, and what the boss says, goes!"...and you asked why?...“Because I'm the boss and I said so!"

You're definitely Old School if you recognize the above circular argument as a perfect example of "begging the question"...and you wince every time someone says "that begs the question..." when what they mean is "that raises the question..."

And finally, you just might be Old School if you understand that the days are long, but the years are short. So the next time you get the chance...no, better yet, make the time for it...and rock on!

Son of You Might Be a Baby Boomer...

2011-09-28T08:32:00.001-07:00

son of you might be a baby boomer if…

...you've experienced one of the 3 stages of leaving your fly open...(1) you do and you catch it...(2) you do and you don't catch it...(3) you don't particularly care one way or the other....or you've reached one of the 4 levels of getting on in years: (1) cops are younger than you...(2) your doctor is younger than you...(3) the President is younger than you...(4) the Pope is younger than you.

...you once bought a cheapo madras sports jacket and the darn thing just wouldn’t bleed.

...you never ate at IHOP because your Mother was opposed o the whole concept: "You want pancakes?...I'll make you pancakes..."

...you once upon a time thought Truman Capote just talked funny, that's all.

...you remember the Great Pen Escalation...when 3-color pens were rendered obsolete by 4-color pens...they added green. (And they had pens that looked like filter cigarettes, right? You can still sometimes find old ones on EBay...)

...and speaking of smokes, you remember when a carton of cigarettes made a perfectly appropriate Christmas gift.

...and speaking of Christmas, your family waited till Christmas Eve to put up the tree and nobody reported your parents to Child Protective Services.

...you remember when a total eclipse was a big deal...(overprotective parents warned: don't get too close!)

...you remember when the proper response to "thank you" was "you're welcome", not "no problem"...(cuz, like, y'know, what if it had been a problem?...)

...one of your friends says "When I was in college, I experimented with sex" and you think: "Oh yeah? Who was your lab partner?"

...or they confess: "I used sex"...and you wonder: "To do what? Unstick the lid of a pickle jar?"

...you misplaced your Knit-Wit Doodle-Loom years ago...(don't fret...they still make 'em!)

..."stay out of the draft" was a pun...and a deadly serious one at that.

...you go back to a time when, if you weren't paying attention watching TV, you could miss the commercials....('60s shows had 6-8 minutes of ads per hour...today, it's 15-20 minutes.)

...this joke makes sense: "She: Let's get married and not tell anyone...He: What if we have a baby?...She: Oh, we'll tell the baby..."

...growing up, your family communicated by posting Dear Abby columns on the fridge.

...you once owned a pair of pajamas in a print that looked like newspapers.

...and one night you were so bored you tried reading them...("Sleepy Time Gazette"...uh-huh...)

...you take off your glasses to see something.

...looking back on it, you realize that Mr. Spock on "Star Trek" was a complete rip-off of Mingo on "Daniel Boone", only Mingo was nicer.

...you thought you were cool because you could say "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" backwards...(know what?...you were...I know I was...)

...today's cars all look like somebody took a giant meat cleaver and chopped the trunk off.

...on "Quincy", you didn't feel the least bit cheated when they didn't actually show the dead bodies.

...you can't imagine Apollo 13 as: "Houston, we have issues..."

...you consider "Gilligan's Island" to be the original reality series.

...it doesn't seem that long ago that not one person in 50 could name whose picture was on a $50 bill...(not only that, some businesses refused to accept them!)

...you remember when Germans manufactured the best veeblefetsers...ours was a Gazachstahagan, as I recall...

...you had a weird neighbor with a pencil-thin mustache who would always mow his lawn on Sunday morning wearing a bath-robe and black socks.

...you liked reading the plot summaries in the old TV Guide, like: "Scientists think Flipper swallowed a rare fish and they want to dissect him." (So help me, I'm not making this one up...)

...you were once deeply concerned about what was happening in Brenda Starr's life.

...you remember when copy-machines used to actually suck in your original document, and every once in a great while, didn't spit it back out.

...you remember when liking show-tunes had nothing to do with your sexual orientation.

....because sexual orientation had solely to do with what color your bike was.

...your sister got an aqua-colored princess phone for her room, and she tried to take pictures with it...talk about being ahead of your time!

...the universe was once in perfect balance: baseball cards cost a penny apiece.

...you miss whitewall tires, Colorforms, sonic booms, wood paneling, "Concentration", slot-cars, the Green Hornet, the Green Lantern, toaster pizzas, Rootie Kazootie, "The Secret Storm", "The Edge of Night", Sir Bagby, pull-tabs that came off, yo-yos that lit up, granny glasses, Peter Potomas, Tressy & her little sister Cricket, Tussy, Mr. Novak, Mr. Machine, double features, the clink of milk bottles, U Tant, Moms Mabley, Lefty Frizzell, Babe Parilli, bolo boards, "Sea Hunt", the Teaberry Shuffle, Four Jacks and a Jill, a crayon called "flesh", the California Golden Seals, "mock apple pie" made with Ritz crackers...

...and getting 9 LPs for a penny, if you agreed to buy just 3 more LPs at regular Club prices over the next 2 years...well, till next time, you're not getting older, you're getting smellier...so rock on!...

You Might Be a Baby Boomer If...

2011-09-28T08:31:00.001-07:00

YOU MIGHT BE A BABY BOOMER IF.....

....you paid more for your last car than your first house.

....you wonder how that comic book company ended up making computers. (Sorry, it's a different Dell!)

....you say "a couple of years ago", and it turns out it was 15 years. (Or maybe even 20...)

....you remember Formosa. (Kids, it's now called Taiwan.)

....you didn't have the benefit of Viagra; the best you could do was Vitalis.

....you remember why the sides of double albums were numbered 1-4 and 2-3, instead of 1-2 and 3-4. (Forgot? It was so they'd play in the right order when stacked on the spindle of an automatic play record-player.)

....you think "pre-paid" means you don't have to pay for it, because it's already been paid for. Duh. (And while we're on the subject, the next time they offer something "on demand", call 'em up and demand you get it for free. Isn't that what "demand" means?)

....you remember when Six Flags meant over Texas, not over everywhere

....and there was only one variety of Hershey's Kiss (instead of 497.)

....and carob was the next big thing, replacing chocolate.

....and you once accidentally called your mother "man". (Ooops, sorry, man....I mean....)

....you know the difference between Peanuts Hucko and Peanuts Lowrey.

....you find it a sobering thought that John Lennon's son is a has-been

....you remember where you were when postage when from 4 to 5 cents.

....you hear "Kinko's" and all you can think of is a perverted clown

....deep down in your heart of hearts you know the ground CAN cause a fumble. That's the whole point: you're on the ground and you don't have the ball. You failed to DOWN the ball! El pelota libre! (And you throw something at the TV when someone scores one of those phony "nick the pylon" touchdowns.)

....you look at those before-and-after weight-loss ads, and the "before" appeals to you more than the "after."

....you remember when changing the channel was good exercise.

....you collected one or more of the following: match-book covers, milk-bottle caps, Christmas seals, troll dolls, miniature metal license plates, wire puzzles, political buttons, swizzle sticks, valentine cards, elongated pennies, or gum wrappers (which you then wove into gum wrapper chains, remember?)

....you realize that when they say "infra-structure", they mean "public utilities."

....the only time you were allowed to eat supper in the living room was when "The Wizard of Oz" was on.

....the only time you saw a golden retriever was on your Dad's "Field and Stream" calendar.

....there was a time when everyone you knew owned a frisbee.

....you ever drew on the entire Etch-a-Sketch screen to seen the mechanism underneath.

....you remember when you could smoke in your hospital bed. (I did it...still can't believe it.)

...you "ruined" your bicycle by retrofitting it with high-rise handle-bars and a banana seat. ("Ruin" was the word your parents used.)

....you go back to the days when the only man who wore an earring was Mr. Clean.

....you miss Fizzies, greenie caps, Quisp & Quake, space-wheels macaroni, Ayds diet candy, bubble pipes, suicide Coke, color-by-number, Corn Diggers, butterfly sleepers, Cocoa Marsh, Hamilton's Invaders, space food sticks, slot-cars, Odo-Ro-no, Flav-R straws, oleomargarine, Wink grapefruit soda, Beach-Nut Hot Shot gum, wiggle pictures, Sugar Chex, Testor's Pla enamel, the Teaberry Shuffle, and "What? No Bosco?"

....some or most of the following ring a bell (waaaaay off in the distance): David Suskind, Nani Darnell, Arnold Zenker, Fay Spain, Spain Musgrove, Jinx Falkenberg, Sir Monty Rock III, Snooky Lanson, Marlin Perkins, Gayla Peevey, Bash Kinnett, London Lee, Christine Jorgensen, Jon Gnagy, Penelope Tree, Pete Best, Freckles Brown, Wyomia Tyus, Billie Sol Estes, Winky Dink, Irish McCalla, Sylva Koscina, Gabriel Heater, Christian Herter, Suzy Knickerbocker, Ersel Hickey, Cookie Gilchrist, Skeeter Davis, Duke Carmel, Mamie Van Doren, Monique Van Vooren, Big Daddy Roth, Little Iodine, Elmer Sneezeweed, Hector Heathcote, and Clyde Crashcup, not to mention Biggy Rat and Itchy Brother.

And, in the final analysis, you are very likely a Baby Boomer if you understand, as I do, that if they'd had genetic counseling back in 1950, you wouldn't be here. Till next time, rock on, geezer!

out in left field (4CE reprint aug 2011)

2011-09-05T07:18:00.001-07:00

It's been a while since I wrote about our National Pastime, so as the dog days of August roll in, here are a couple of oddball sidelights on baseball.

The Organized Baseball Career Home Run Record…Which is to say, who has hit the most, Major and Minor League careers combined? The subject of Minor League home runs is an interesting one. You would think that any farm-hand who showed notable power would be promoted fairly quickly…and sure enough, among players who hit 400+ in the Majors, hitting 50+ in the Minors is unusual. But prior to the 1960s, the Minors were a popular form of local entertainment, and a player could be a "career" Minor Leaguer, with just a cup of coffee in the Bigs, or not even that. This was especially true in the Pacific Coast League, where salaries were high and the weather appealing.

Nationally televised games turned the Minors into the "prospect-driven" enterprise they are today, altho the Mexican League, while technically part of the system, remains a viable option for lifetime employment. Sure enough, the top 4 on the all-time Minor League home run list played virtually their entire careers there, lead by Hector Epsino's 484. But of 51 minor leaguers with 300+ career dingers, the top 3 Major League totals are 80, 76, and 46. This tells me most were indeed farm-hands "for life," lacking either the talent or the inclination to go any higher.

At the other end of the spectrum, I added in Minor League home runs for all players with 400+ in the Majors. None under 500 reached as high as 600, altho Carlos Delgado's Major/Minor split of 473/125 put him just 2 shy. Of those with 500+, their new position on the list changed by no more than one or two places…with only Willie McCovey's 512/105 jumping him from 18th to 12th. But significantly, Hank Aaron is back on top, his 755/31 beating Barry Bonds' 762/20 by 4. Babe Ruth had just 1 homer in the minors, Willie Mays just 12.

Then there are the half-and-half players like Steve Balboni 181/239, Hank Sauer 288/157, Jim Gentile 179/245, the original Frank Thomas 286/100, Vince DiMaggio 125/273, Ripper Collins 135/193, and Zeke Bonura 119/132. This bunch is lead by Dick Stuart and his 228/222 split…it's believed that Dr. Strangeglove is the only player in Organized Ball history with 200+ home runs in both the Majors and the Minors. Russell Branyon is closing in, at 190/210 coming into this season. But looking over an entire career, hitting 200 homers down on the farm appears to be the kiss of death. Of the 166 players I've found with 200+ in the Minors, only 4 had 100+ in the Majors, and only 8 more had between 50 and 99. I suppose the moral is: Whether you play in the Bronx or Paducah…you only have so many in ya.

The Grand-Daddy of All Bar Bets…A player sees a total of 15 balls and strikes in a game but is credited with just one plate appearance. Sounds impossible, right? You get a full count, 3-and-2, then the payoff pitch, for at most 6 balls and strikes…unless there's a trick to it. And in this extreme case, there are TWO tricks to it!

The first trick is obscure rule 10.15b, which states that if a player is unable to complete his at bat, the pinch-hitter is charged with whatever the outcome is, except if the count was 0-and-2, in which case a strikeout would be charged to the original batter, with the pinch-hitter getting credit for nothing, not even an at bat.

So let's say its 1962, and Diamond Jim Gentile is up. He takes a savage swipe, and knocks himself silly. Dick Williams…yes, the recently departed skipper of the 1967 Impossible Dream Red Sox…assumes his at bat with the count 0-and 2, takes 3 balls, then strikes out. K charged to Gentile, Williams' total: balls and strikes 4, at bats 0.

His next time up, he works the count full, then Whitey Herzog is caught stealing to end the inning…running total: balls and strikes 9, at bats 0. Third time up, another full count, then he strikes out…final total: balls and strikes 15, at bats 1. Which just goes to show you, never take a bet in a bar!

Has Anyone Ever Batted .500?…The Major League record for highest batting average for a season is Nap Lajoie's .426 with the A's in 1901. In the Minors, the record is Gary Redus' out-sized .462…that's 117 for 253…with Billings of the Rookie level Pioneer League in 1978. Their season was only 68 games, and they went 50-18…but Gary played in every one of them. Occasionally you have a player who bats 1.000 for a season, going 1/1 or 2/2…pitcher Bruce Chen had 3 1/1 seasons! But Majors or Minors, what's the longest extended period a player has hit .500? Does a data base exist of every game ever played, at every level, day to day? If so, and if the server doesn't crash, maybe we'll day find out some day.

But for now, the record to beat has to be Joe Wilhoit. With the Class A Wichita Jobbers of the Western League, from June 14 to August 19, 1919, he hit in 69 consecutive games, the Organized Ball record, at an astonishing .515 clip…that's 153 for 297. Think of it…for over 2 months, he essentially got a hit every other at bat! It would surprise me if anyone at any level has ever been that hot for that long. After all, baseball is a game where even the best of them can end his work day having accomplished absolutely nothing.

Shamsky's Category-Busting Record…Art Shamsky was a run-of-the-mill outfielder for the Reds, and later the Mets. But over 2 games in 1966, he was simply amazing, hitting 4 home runs in 4 consecutive at bats, one of only 7 players to ever do that. What's more, with each one, the Reds either tied the score or took the lead…and his streak started with a pinch at bat in the 8th inning!

August 12, 1966, Red hosting the Pirates, behind 7-6, Shamsky pinch hits for pitcher Joe Nuxhall and blasts a 2-run homer to give the Reds the lead. But the Bucs score in the top of the 9th to send to it extra innings. They score again in the 10th, but Shamsky, now playing left field, hits a solo shot to keep the Reds in it. In their next ups, the Pirates score 2 this time, and sure enough in the bottom of the 11th Shamsky hits a 2-run dinger to tie it up again! But despite his heroics, Cincinnati eventually lost 14-11 in 13 innings.

2 days later, Shamsky gets another pitch hit opportunity, and again homers, a game the Red would also lose. But no other non-starter has ever hit 3 homers in one game. And only 2 other payers have hit 2 extra-inning home runs in the same game…the St. Louis Browns' Vern Stephens in 1943, and Cleveland's Willie Kirkland in 1963. End result: Art Shamsky's bat is in the Hall of Fame, even if he isn't. There's no getting around it, baseball really is a funny game.

On another note, if you want to read past "Stolf's Oldies" columns, a number of them are posted at travelingcyst.blogspot.com. Also, there are my daily blogs at stolf.wordpress.com and deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com. And if you miss Cool Daddy, we're together on 2 podcasts: stolfpod.podbean.com and thewholething.podbean.com. Till next month, my friend, take a moment and rock on!

ask cool daddy 3 (4CE reprint july 2011)

2011-08-15T03:52:00.000-07:00

Ask Cool Daddy 3

I was told recently that the Davy Crockett coonskin cap I had as a kid wasn't real raccoon. Say it isn't so!

Sorry, but unless yours was handed down from your great great grandfather, it probably is so. The fashion was adopted by the early settlers from the Indians, and any furry animal unfortunate enough to be the size of a man's head would do, including skunks. Many famous historical figures sported one, including both Lewis & Clark, and when he ran for President in 1948, Tennessee Senator Estes Kefauver. But Davy Crockett wore one only on occasions when the public expected it, and Daniel Boone disliked them and never did.

When I was a kid, we were too poor to get them, so my brother and I took turns wearing the cat. Which wasn't so crazy, considering the early style was to leave the head on the front of the cap, like those fox stoles our mothers wore. In any event, during the 1950s, coonskin caps were made of rabbit fur, sometimes but not always with a real raccoon tail…the rest of the coon being used for other fashion purposes, such as coats and collars. There was even a white version for girls, named after Davy's wife Polly. Most Daniel Boone hats of the 1960s were entirely synthetic.

Back in the day, I remember a cereal called Sugar Chex, but nobody believes me. Cool Daddy to the rescue?

Indeed. For years, Ralston Purina, then General Mills who bought the line in 1997, experimented with presweetened versions of Chex cereal. It appears they've finally gotten it right, with the slightly sweet Honey Nut, Chocolate, and Cinnamon varieties (Strawberry Chex is no longer made.) But just as pet-food makers refuse to tell you that your dog or cat's favorite flavor is "fat," the human brain is hard-wired to prefer "sugar" as its flavor pick. And when RP's first attempt to expand the iconic Wheat-Rice-Corn Chex trio came in 1966, it was presweetened.

It was called Mr. Waffles…how's that for a typically goofy Sixties product name? But it was shaped like Chex, and came in 2 flavors, regular (i.e. "sugar") and banana. What you're probably remembering was the relaunch of the regular version as Sugar Frosted Chex several years later. The final push came in the early Seventies, as Sugar Chex, then Super Sugar Chex, featuring Casper the Friendly Ghost on the front. They gave up the ghost sometime after 1974. A slightly sweet Honey Graham Chex existed briefly in the late Eighties.

Frosted Rice Chex Juniors came and went quickly in the early Nineties, followed by Frosted Mini Chex a decade later. They retooled it by making the squares normal size as Frosted Chex around 2009, and that seems to be still available anecdotally, altho it's not listed on the official Chex website. And good breakfasting to you…

Is it true that Beatles manager Brian Epstein had an American group in his fold? I can't remember which, though.

But as I suspect you suspected, Cool Daddy can. It was the Cyrkle, the weird spelling suggested by none other than John Lennon. They were from Easton, PA, home of Crayola crayons. Epstein signed them on the suggestion of his American business partner, and they were an opening act on the Beatles 1966 American tour. Their 2 hits were "Red Rubber Ball," written by Paul Simon, and "Turn Down Day." And there's a video floating around the web of Simon & Garfunkel performing "Ball" live in 1967.

He actually co-wrote it with Bruce Woodley of the Seekers. The Cyrkle heard it while touring with S&G, and Paul said: "You like it? It's yours." They also recorded "Cloudy," but in a classic case of "what were they thinking," passed on another song he offered them, "59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin' Groovy)." Another irony is John Simon, who was the Cyrkle's producer, but no relation to Paul, altho Paul has a younger brother Eddie, also in the music biz. John went on to work with the Band, Blood Sweat & Tears, and Big Brother & the Holding Company.

I always like hearing about what might have been: the first choice to play a famous TV or movie role that went to someone else…got any for me?

Yup, I got a doozie: Tom Poston was the first choice of Buck Henry and Mel Brooks to play Max on "Get Smart." But often not getting your first choice turns out to be the charm…can you imagine Agent 86 without "that voice"? Actually, the voice goes back to Don Adams' early days as a standup comic, and was supposed to be his impression of William Powell. Not for nothing, but Don Adams' real last name was Yarmy, and he had a younger brother named Dick Yarmy, also a comedian and actor.

But really, the whole character of Maxwell Smart was lifted directly from that of Byron Glick, the inept hotel detective Adams played on an earlier series, "The Bill Dana Show," which lasted a season and a half, 1963-65, with Jose Jimenez as an elevator operator. Since there weren't enough episodes made, this show was never marketed for syndication, but it would be a treat for Baby Boomers to see today. The hotel manager was played by Jonathan Harris, Dr. Smith on "Lost in Space"…Gary Crosby was the bellhop…and Maggie Peterson, Charlene Darling on "The Andy Griffith Show," was a waitress.

Talk about "Look who it is!" moments…on just the first handful of episodes, you'd see Sue Randall, Miss Landers on "Leave It To Beaver"…Percy Helton, that squeaky-voiced, hunchbacked actor…and 3 familiar faces from Mayberry: Jack "Howard Sprague" Dobson, Sue Ann Langdon, and Rachel Ames, longtime stalwart on "General Hospital" as Nurse Audrey…wow! Needless to say, "The Bill Dana Show" was a Danny Thomas production, as was "The Andy Griffith Show."

Do you remember a toy set called Hamilton's Invaders? I wanted it for Christmas, but never got it. But who the heck was Hamilton?

This was one of the more interesting play-sets of the Sixties, made by Remco from 1964-65. The basic premise was simple enough: giant bugs and spiders attacking, and blue plastic "army men," called Blue Defenders, fighting back with tanks, jeeps, and the "Hornet Helicopter." There was even a pistol and a helmet with goggles so you could personally join in the battle. The whole deal was reasonably popular with kids…legend has it that it was discontinued because Moms didn't like the idea of large, almost foot-long creepy crawlers scuttling across the floor with the pull of a string, altho they were later reused in "Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea" play-sets.

But the part of the concept that seemed a little off was naming the lead bug "Horrible Hamilton." Given other monster names of the day, like Godzilla, Gorgo, Konga, Caltiki, and Mothra, "Hamilton" didn't seem to fit. Was this the kind of name your creepy old great uncle might have had, like Murgatroyd or Algernon? Wouldn't Boris or Igor have been at least a little better? And why was the logo of the Blue Defenders a Horrible Hamilton bug head, with the words "Hamilton's Invaders," as if they were on the bugs' side? Perhaps you really were supposed to be rooting for the bugs over the soldiers, given the popularity of giant creature movies at the time. Reminds me of the time I took my wife to see the movie "War and Peace." She rooted for War.

Till next month, check out Stolf's phenomenal blogs and podcasts, all linked at deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com…and as always, rock on!

invasion USA! (4CE reprint june 2011)

2011-07-02T16:37:00.000-07:00

Invasion USA!

April's column had this list of British Invasion groups: Dave Clark Five, Animals, Billy J. Kramer and the Dakotas, Searchers, Rolling Stones, Swinging Blue Jeans, Herman's Hermits, Gerry and the Pacemakers, Freddie and the Dreamers, Manfred Mann, Nashville Teens, Honeycombs, Small Faces, Kinks, Them, Yardbirds, and Zombies…and the number of times they appeared on "American Bandstand" in 1964 and 1965, combined: zero.

Take that same list and check the "Ed Sullivan Show": 24 appearances, including 7 by the Dave Clark Five, 4 each for the Animals and Gerry & the Pacemakers…even the bad boy Rolling Stones were invited back for a second go. And Sullivan did around 40 shows per year, while Dick Clark was on every week. The old geezer really understood show biz. In fact, the DC5 were on one month after the Beatles, for 2 consecutive Sundays. I can still remember the buzz on the school bus that Monday morning, how the Beatles were history, one-month wonders, and the Tottenham Sound was the new sensation.

But the British Invasion was in full swing. The earliest use of that term I can find in Billboard magazine is March 21, 1964: BRITISH INVASION OF U.S. SPREADS. REDCOATS WIDEN BEACHHEAD HERE. And on the Hot 100 chart for April 4, Beatle singles were in positions #1, #2, #3, #4, and #5, with 7 more ranging from #31 to #79...an astonishing feat not likely to ever be repeated. Record companies scrambled to sign British bands, and not surprisingly, they looked first to the Beatles' hometown of Liverpool.

Here are the British groups that charted in 1964, with the Liverpudlians marked with an asterisk: February: Dave Clark Five...March: *Searchers, *Swinging Blue Jeans...April: *Billy J. Kramer & Dakotas...May: Rolling Stones, Peter & Gordon, Hollies, Chad & Jeremy, *Gerry & Pacemakers. There was a summer lull…nothing new in June or July, only the Animals and Lulu in August. Then September saw Manfred Mann, the Kinks, Nashville Teens, Honeycombs...October: Herman's Hermits, Zombies...November: the Hullabaloos, Marianne Faithful...and December: Petula Clark joined the fray. Several other British bands released singles in 1964, but wouldn't see chart success until 1965 or later: the Who, Yardbirds, Them, Wayne Fontana & Mindbenders, Freddie & Dreamers, Fortunes, Spencer Davis, and Ian Whitcomb.

And the record bins were packed with British groups that got squeezed out in the stampede, and never hit the charts. Liverpool groups included the Merseybeats, Mojos, Escorts, Undertakers, Ian & Zodiacs, the Big Three, King-Size Taylor & Dominos…even Rory Storm & the Hurricanes, Ringo's old group, had a 45 out on Columbia, one of the few major labels, along with RCA and A&M, that didn't jump in with both feet. From all across Great Britain came the Rockin' Berries, Applejacks, Gonks, Snobs, Fourmost, Paramounts (with Gary Brooker, later of Procol Harum), Pretty Things, Screamin' Lord Sutch…even Pete Best, the Beatle's old drummer, cut some records, but made barely a ripple.

By my rough estimate, 25% of the weekly Top 40 slots and 18% of the Hot 100 slots were held by British artists in 1964. These percentages actually increased a little in 1965, but by that time an American Response was beginning to emerge. Altho paradoxically, in one sense there was virtually no American Response at all!

Sure, kids grew their hair long and got groups together, practicing in garages across America. Even my erstwhile sidekick Cool Daddy was in a group, Ringo Kuryakin and the Agitation Stipulation. I asked if he was Ringo, and he said no, he was Agitation. And they didn't have a garage, so they'd practice in the drive-way before his dad got home from work. Many of these groups would attain local fame, playing dances and clubs, and some even had regional hit records. But can you name one national hit from 1964 by an American group that sounded even remotely like the Beatles?

The closest I can come up with is "She's the One" by the Chartbusters, and if you've never heard it, it only reached #33 in July of 1964. They followed the typical pattern: house band at the Crazy Horse in the Georgetown section of Washington, D.C…recorded a couple albums for the budget label Diplomat as the Manchesters…Tom Hanks said they were the inspiration for the one-hit Oneders in the movie "That Thing You Do." The Beau Brummels had 2 hits in early 1965, then faded away. Many people think of "Lies" by the Knickerbockers, certainly the closest an American group came to capturing the Beatles Sound, but it barely snuck into the Top 20 in December, 1965, almost 2 years after B-Day.

Simply put, trying to copy the Beatles didn't cut it with the record-buying teens. As I said last month, there was too much of the "real thing" around. What the Beatles did do for American pop music was invigorate it like nothing else could. The look, the style, the clothes, the hair, the whole idea of "a group"…the attitude, the atmosphere, the "scene" if you will…it was something new, fresh, exciting. Young American musicians took their cue from the Beatles, and what did they come up with?

Add the Beatles to the surf bands and you got the Kingsmen, the Premiers, Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs, the Barbarians, the Leaves with "Hey Joe," the Music Machine, what was then called "punk," but is now referred to as the "garage bands." Take the Standells…when they appeared on "The Munsters" in 1965, they were a lame imitation of the Beatles, with something called "Come On and Ringo." By 1966, they were snarling with "Dirty Water."

Add the Beatles to rhythm and blues and you got the Blue-Eyed Soul of the Young Rascals. Even black music was energized…listen to Motown recordings before and after B-Day, and hear the pop sheen Barry Gordy was astute enough to apply to the Sound of Young America. Add the Beatles to country & western and you got the Byrds and Buffalo Springfield, leading to Poco, America, and the Eagles. Add the Beatles to folk, and out comes the Mamas and Papas, Lovin' Spoonful, Simon and Garfunkel…and when Bob Dylan went electric, it was time for the Yanks to take back their music!

Add the Beatles to harmony groups like the Lettermen, Four Preps, even the Four Seasons, and you got the Turtles, the Buckinghams, the Grassroots, and especially the Association. Add the Beatles to big band jazz with a horn section, and you got Blood Sweat & Tears and Chicago. And there was Paul Revere and the Raiders, who had been copying whatever sound was hot since 1961 with little success, until they hit their stride in 1965.

Then came the Monkees, further commercializing what was a blatantly commercial enterprise to begin with, and you got the stripped down silliness of bubble gum, followed by the bouncy records of the early 1970s, today collectively labeled "Sunshine Pop." And ironically enough, the Beatles took note of it all, and themselves fed on the emerging new American sounds. It was only after the Beatles weren't the Beatles anymore that real imitators emerged: Badfinger in the UK, the Raspberries in the US, the whole Power Pop movement, and the Electric Light Orchestra, an outgrowth of one of the most Beatle-like British bands, the Move. And the Move never hit it big in the US…they were just too Beatley for their own good.

In short, what a time to own a transistor radio! Catch you on the web at Deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com, and c'mon baby let's do the rock on!

beatlemaniapalooza! (4ce reprint may 2011)

2011-06-14T18:25:00.001-07:00

Beatlemaniapalooza!

Follow the leader, jump on the bandwagon, ride the coattails, monkey-see monkey-do. Just trying to profit from something that you yourself had nothing to do with. It's safe to say the music industry has never seen a tidal wave like that which followed the Beatles. Today they're collectively called "Beatle Novelty Records." A harsher term might be "exploitation"…or would that be Beatsploitation? And one of the earliest tries to cash in on the Beatles involved the Beatles themselves.

In June of 1961, German producer Bert Kaempfert wanted to record an LP with British rocker Tony Sheridan, who'd become popular performing in German clubs. The Beatles had sometimes accompanied him on stage, and they signed on to record 7 songs…5 as the backup "Beat Brothers," and two more on their own, John Lennon singing "Ain't She Sweet," and an instrumental called "Cry for a Shadow." These cuts were released in Germany and the UK, but a planned US issue on Decca in April of 1962 was scrapped after promo 45s sent to radio stations generated little response. Thus in the first weeks of 1964, MGM rushed these old recordings back into print, and altho none charted very high, they were out there…and "Cry For a Shadow, dedicated to Cliff Richard's backup group, is actually quite catchy.

Oddly enough, the very first American tie-in record technically came out before the Ed Sullivan debut on Feb 9, 1964. That's because it was by an American folksinger named Bill Clifton, who was touring in England in late 1963. He recorded a song written by Geoff Stephens, who went on to pen "Winchester Cathedral," "There's Kind of Hush," Tom Jones' "Daughter of Darkness," and Marry Hopkins' "Knock Knock Who's There." It was done in a gently mocking "talking blues" style and called "Beatle Crazy"…out in England in December, then in the US soon after B-Day. An ad for London Records in Billboard proclaimed: "Boston Breakout! Comedy Smash!" Well, It charted in neither country, but Clifton was first off the mark.

But the initial deluge was incredible…you had recordings by groups called the American, Canadian, Japanese, and Female Beatles, even the Beatle-ettes. You had the Bootles, Bagels, Beagles (real "singing" dogs), Weasels, Haircuts, Bearcuts, U.S. Beatlewigs, Liverpool Wigs, not to the mention the Liverpool Kids, Lads, Beats, Set, and Five...and the Mersey Bugs, Birds, Lads, Sounds, and Beats (not to be confused with the one-word Merseybeats, one of Liverpool's most popular groups.) If it was an insect…the Bugs, Buggs, Bedbugs, Teen Bugs, Termites, Beehives, Boll Weevils, Butterflies, Grasshoppers, Insects, Roaches, Lady Bugs, Lady Birds, Bug Men…or sounded the least bit British…the Bulldogs, Beefeaters, Limeys, Livers, Redcoats, Mad Englishmen, Whippets…you'd find it in the 45's bin.

Some were decidedly anti-Beatle, like "Beatle Bomb" by the Exterminators…flipside: "Stamp Them Out." But most were unabashed love-fests. You wanna dance? You could choose from the Beatle Dance, Bop, Blues, Bounce, Jump, Walk, Beat…or just "Do the Beetle" with Gary Usher, who with Roger Christian took time out from his surf and hot rod records to produce Capitol's documentary LP "The Beatles' Story." That in itself was an unprecedented marketing ploy, and 2 discs to boot! Who else got a documentary record? The Stones, Led Zep, the Eagles, Elton John? Nobody but the Fab Four.

Now most of these cash-in records were cheap, fly-by-night productions. But there were numerous well-established "budget labels" that did a good business with low-priced copies of currently popular songs and styles, and these sprang into action. Best known perhaps is "Beatlemania! in the U.S.A." on Wyncote by the anonymous Liverpools. The issue of Billboard that hit the stands the day before B-Day actually featured it in the LP Spotlight section, commenting: "Could be a solid seller." And while the Beatle songs they covered are pretty lousy, several other cuts aren't too bad, with an almost Mersey Beat style. Still, the ripoff nature of this enterprise is betrayed by the fact that Wyncote soon released a speeded up "Chipmunks" version of the record, using the exact same music tracks!

A few of the copycats went on to bigger things. "I Wanna Be a Beatle" by the Unbeetables featured Gene Cornish, a founding member of the Young Rascals. And then there was "Ringo, I Love You" by Bonnie Jo Mason, who turned out to be none other than Cher.

Many legitimate artists also took a shot. You had Beatle take-offs and tributes from Ella Fitzgerald, Chuck Berry, the Angels, Rolf Harris, Homer and Jethro, Vito & the Salutations, Casey Kasem, Lou Monte, Allen Sherman, Little Peggy March, Sonny Curtis, the ex-Cricket best known for the Mary Tyler Moore theme, and even rockabilly legend Billy Lee Riley ("Red Hot" and "Flying Saucer Rock & Roll") with an album of Beatle songs on the harmonica. Gene Moss did a vampire version, "I Want to Bite Your Hand." Buchanan and Greenfield issued the requisite "break-in" single called "The Invasion." One of the most popular novelty LPs was by David Seville and the real Chipmunks, and it's even made it to CD, such was its lasting if goofy appeal.

And we've only been surveying 1964. As time progressed, and it became apparent the Beatles were no mere flash-in-the-pan, every conceivable variation and adaptation of their music was put out at one time or another…Country & Western style, Tijuana Brass style, Bossa Nova, Motown, all manner of classical styles from symphonic to chamber music, Polkas, you name it. Even Capitol Records mined this vein early on, with the Hollyridge Strings series of "Easy Listening" instrumentals. Sample them today on CD and you'll find them surprisingly upbeat and creative, thanks to the talented Stu Phillips.

Records of course were just the tip of the merchandising iceberg. Tie-in products, officially licensed or otherwise, flooded the market, perhaps the strangest being Baskin-Robbins "Beatle Nut" ice cream, pistachio with walnuts and a chocolate swirl. But we must ask: Were any of these novelty records any good?

Yes, some of them are very good, and a joy to listen to almost 50 years later. But here we come to an interesting point: none of them sold very well, at least not compared to "real" records that were tabulated on the national charts. In fact, only one cracked Billboard's Top 40…"We Love You, Beatles" by the Carefrees, studio singers from England, who adapted a song from "Bye Bye Birdie"…and that only peaked at #39. Just a handful of others charted, all stalling in the mid-80s on the Hot 100, and all during the first crazy months of Beatlemania…"The Boy with the Beatle Hair," a nice girl-group sound by the Swans…"A Letter to the Beatles," the last chart entry for the Four Preps…and Donna Lynn's energetic "My Boyfriend Got a Beatle Haircut," released the day after B-Day, but recorded in January. Those last 2 were on Capitol, of all labels. I guess they finally woke up.

But the fact of the matter was, the Beatles were terrifically prolific, churning out tons of product, more than enough to gobble up a major portion of a teenager's record budget. And with any shekels left over, there were plenty of other British groups to choose from. That'll be the focus next month in the final installment of this Beatles series: the English artists that rode the British Invasion avalanche in the Beatles' wake…but how it was ultimately "The American Response" that changed the face of our music. Till next time, let's do it in the road at deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com…and rock on!

the beatles go boom! (4CE reprint april 2001)

2011-05-18T18:06:00.001-07:00

The Beatles Go Boom!

B-Day, Feb. 9, 1964, 8pm. Everyone remembers that episode of "The Ed Sullivan Show"…like they remember where they were when Kennedy was shot, or the Challenger disaster, or 9/11. Reading people's stories on the Internet, a certain pattern emerges…Dad was appalled, wanted to change the channel…Mom was more receptive…and of course the kids went bonkers. The next day, on the school bus and on the playground, everybody was talking about it. A few sour-puss teachers, especially music teachers, had some unkind thoughts, and predictions, to share with their students.

Me, I missed it. I was 12 at the time, but being the oldest of 5 kids in a one-TV family, what we watched tended to skew to the young end. We were watching "Walt Disney's Wonderful World of Color" on NBC, as we did every Sunday night, 7:30 to 8:30. It was the first of 3 episodes of Patrick McGoohan as "The Scarecrow of Romney Marsh." Great show, I have no complaints. But it took several decades before Baby Boomers felt brave enough to admit they'd been watching the Scarecrow, too. Some were even watching "The Travels of Jaimie McPheeters" over on ABC, with Tiger Beat heart-throb Kurt Russell, and the Osmond Brothers…that's Alan, Jay, Merrill, and Wayne…no Donny, altho the 7-year old had joined the "family business" the previous year on "The Andy Williams Show."

Interestingly enough, depending on where you lived in the North Country, you might have watched both the Beatles and the Scarecrow! That's because while CBS programming was broadcast on Channel 7 WCNY (they changed to WWNY in 1965), CJOH out of Ottawa ran Disney earlier in the evening, at 6:00. One Baby Boomer, told me he watched the Scarecrow, then went to bed. His dad woke him up and said: Kid, you've gotta see this!

And 47 years later, I finally watched the Beatles, too. Their appearances on 3 consecutive Sundays are available on DVD, just as they originality aired, complete with all the other acts and the original network commercials. It was an eye-opening experience to say the least. On B-day the Beatles performed live and they were at the top of their game, altho the reaction shots of the girls in the audience losing their minds looked to me to be pre-recorded clips from earlier in the day.

Two of the other acts on the show are of interest. Davy Jones, future Monkee, sang as part of the cast of the Broadway show "Oliver." He had just turned 18, but was already a seasoned pro, and arguably had even more stage presence than the Fab Four at that point. Then there was McCall and Brill…Mitzi and Charlie…a husband and wife comedy team in the Nichols and May/Stiller and Meara mold. They did a so-so routine about a talent agent auditioning female singers, but had the presence of mind to put in a Beatle joke, which got a screech from the audience.

The next week, the entire show was broadcast from Miami, or as Ed called it "Miamah," with the Beatles again live, altho not nearly as good. The 3rd week, it was a segment taped on the afternoon of B-Day, and it's here you can see the resemblance to the reaction shots from the first week. I'm thinking that even for the Beatles, they only had so many cameras to work with.

But an intriguing story that's seldom told is Dick Clark's part in all of this. And Jack Paar's as well. Because the explosion of popularity in the wake of B-Day had been foreshadowed a month earlier when Jack Paar aired a complete clip of "She Loves You" on his Friday night 10PM variety show on NBC, January 3. Not surprisingly, he had some sarcastic things to say about the sorry state of the British Empire. But sales of the single, up until then lackluster, shot thru the roof. Ed Sullivan must have smiled, knowing he'd been on the right track all along.

And that's the big question: how could an old geezer like Sullivan have scooped the King of Pop, the Eternal Teenager, the Hitmaker Himself, Dick Clark? Recall that after 2 Beatles singles in 1963 went nowhere, Vee Jay passed on "She Loves You," and the small Philadelphia label Swan put it out in mid-September. Swan owner Bernie Binnick was a friend of Dick Clark's, and when he pitched the record, hoping to get it played on "American Bandstand," Clark was unimpressed, saying it sounded like Buddy Holly and Chuck Berry mixed together. When Binnick showed him a picture of the group's unique look, Clark opined: "You're insane…it'll never fly."

"She Loves You" was duly played on the Rate-a-Record segment and earned 71 out of 98, considered a poor showing. When shown the photo of the group, the kids giggled. Clark figured the Beatles were going nowhere. He later admitted: "We all found out the truth soon enough." And to his credit, the Saturday following B-Day, "American Bandstand" featured a telephone interview with the Lads, followed by another phone call in April, then 2 shows devoted entirely to the Beatles…one in July, promoting the movie "A Hard Day's Night," and another in October.

But the Beatles never performed live on American Bandstand. In fact, for the years 1964 and 1965, the total number of live appearances by the Dave Clark Five, the Animals, Billy J. Kramer and the Dakotas, the Searchers, the Rolling Stones, the Swinging Blue Jeans, Herman's Hermits, Gerry and the Pacemakers, Freddie and the Dreamers, Manfred Mann, the Nashville Teens, the Honeycombs, the Small Faces, the Kinks, Them, the Yardbirds, and the Zombies, COMBINED was…0. That's right, zero, nada, zilch. British groups of any note, as opposed to duos, didn't crack the show until the Hollies in November of 1966, almost 3 years after B-Day.

The best 1964 could offer was: the American Beetles from Florida on June 20th (as the Razor's Edge, they had minor success with "Let's Call it a Day, Girl" in 1966)…the Standells on August 29, 2 years before they'd hit the charts with "Dirty Water," Chad and Jeremy on November 28th, and that was it. 1965? The first successful American "beat" group the Beau Brummels in February…the Standells again, the Beau Brummels again, the Liverpool Five (who?) in August…the Gentrys, Gary Lewis and the Playboys…then in January of 1966, Chad and Jeremy returned, and Peter and Gordon were on the following week. Is it just me or did Dick Clark simply not get it?

He insisted on booking Jan and Dean, Johnny Rivers, Fabian, the Hondells, Dick and Dee Dee, Duane Eddy, Donna Loren, Johnny Mathis, Roger Miller, Trini Lopez, Bobby Vee, Gale Garnett, the Ventures, the Newbeats, lots of soul and R&B performers, and a salute to Elvis. Well and good…it didn't seem to affect the show's popularity, as it would continue for decades. And he did branch out in the late 60s with the hipper "Happening" and "Where is the Action Is." Still, he seemed to be breaking the cardinal rule of music programming: you play what they want to hear, not what you personally like. Or was he just being "patriotic," if you get my drift?

Groovy Stolf Stuff on the web at deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com…and till next time, rock on, yeah, yeah, yeah!

your 1st beatles collections (4CE reprint march 2011

2011-04-01T06:02:00.001-07:00

"Your First Beatles Collection"

For the next several months, I'll be writing about the Beatles, and the year 1964, when Beatlemania hit the USA with such force as to explode Frankie Valli's head and the heads of 2 of the other Four Seasons. Only Bob Gaudio somehow kept his composure. Just kidding, folks, but you get my drift.

Now as we tuned in to the Ed Sullivan Show at 8pm, Feb. 9, 1964…"B-Day":…some of us were taken by surprise by what we saw and heard. But there had been extensive publicity leading up to the show…after all, 73 million people didn't just happen to be watching. And many of those were already hard-core "Beatle people," because the Beatles were already starting to conquer the Billboard Magazine record charts.

As of that Sunday, "I Want To Hold Your Hand" was celebrating its 2nd week at #1, where it would stay for another 5 weeks. "She Loves You" was at #7…it would be #2 for those next 5 weeks, then the 2 songs would trade places for another 2 weeks. "Please Please Me" and "I Saw Her Standing There" were also starting to climb. And the Beatles first American LP "Meet the Beatles" was #3 on the Albums chart…it would spend the next 11 weeks at #1, and a total of 21 weeks, almost half a year, in the top 10. What a difference from the previous year!

"We don't think the Beatles will do anything in this market." That was Capitol Record's judgement when their sister company Parlophone sent over a copy of "Please Please Me" in January, 1963. Over the course of that year the Beatles released 2 LPs in their homeland…"Please Please Me" and "With the Beatles," with 14 tracks on each. And starting with "Love Me Do" in October of 1962, they also released 5 singles, 3 of which were not included on either album, which came to be the practice in Britain, for a grand total of 34 songs. And they were selling well everywhere, Europe, Australia, Asia, just not here. Because Capitol simply wasn't interested.

But there were plenty of hustlers in the music business willing to take a flier on just about anything. Thus the single "Please Please Me" backed with "Ask Me Why" came out on Chicago's small VeeJay label in February, 1963. It was played for a couple weeks on Chicago radio station WLS, reaching #35 on their weekly survey, but went virtually unheard elsewhere. In May, VeeJay tried again with "From Me to You" backed with "Thank You Girl."

Billboard's Hot 100 chart had a "Bubbling Under" section that listed between 20 and 40 additional singles. "From Me To You" actually bubbled for 3 weeks in August, reaching #116. This was thanks to Del Shannon. After touring in England, and witnessing first hand the growing Beatle hysteria, he released his version of "From Me To You" in June, 1963. It spent 4 weeks on the charts, peaking at #77. That was the only reason the Beatles made it even as "high" as #116, as a few stations tried playing the "original" version, but again, listener response was nonexistent.

As Autumn approached, even VeeJay was losing heart, and in September they passed on "She Loves You." It was released on the small Philadelphia label Swan, backed with "I'll Get You," in the hopes of getting the Beatles played on American Bandstand. Dick Clark gave it a listen and was unimpressed. He put it on his Rate-a-Record segment and the crowd gave it low marks. But by this time, there were rumblings that something was about to happen. The buzz got louder in November when Ed Sullivan announced he had signed the Beatles for 3 appearances in February, 1964. Bolstered by this publicity, VeeJay re-released the LP "Introducing the Beatles," which was the Beatles first UK album, minus 2 cuts they no longer had the rights to. They'd originally put it out in July and it failed to chart…meaning 200 LPs in the US at that time were more popular than the Beatles! Of course in early 1964, it would spend 8 straight weeks at #2, lodged right behind "Meet the Beatles."

The Sullivan announcement also prompted Capitol to finally stick a toe in the water, and they scheduled "I Want To Hold Your Hand" for a January 13th release. "Leaked" copies starting airing on US radio stations, beginning in Washington DC, thanks to a record brought over by a BOAC stewardess, and the date was moved up to the day after Christmas. Even then, it took the single almost a month to debut on the charts at #45…#3 the next week, then its run of almost 2 months at #1. The first American album "Meet the Beatles" was released on January 20th. It was their 2nd British LP with 4 songs removed and 2 others added.

Of special interest to Northern New York Baby Boomers was the Canadian situation. Like the US, Canada lagged behind in catching the Beatle bug in 1963. After a 45 release of "Love Me Do"/"PS I Love You" tanked early in the year, Capitol of Canada laid off until almost the last minute. They released "With the Beatles" under the title "Beatlemania With the Beatles" in November, a 45 of "Please Please Me"/"Roll Over Beethoven" in December, and a slightly revamped "Please Please Me" album retitled "Twist and Shout" in January, 1964.

So here's the tale of the tape. On B-Day, between the VeeJay LP and 45s, the Swan 45, and Capitol's "Meet The Beatles," American fans had 30 of the 34 Beatles songs released thus far. Missing from "With the Beatles" were "Please Mr. Postman," "Roll Over Beethoven," "Devil in Her Heart," and "Money." If you had access to Canadian records, the first 2 were on a 45, and all 4 were on the "Beatlemania" LP. They would arrive officially in the US in April on the "Beatles Second Album."

But there's more! If you liked to spend your afternoons after school sorting thru the singles bin at your local record store, and grabbed anything that said "Lennon-McCartney" on it, you also had 5 Beatles songs performed by the Brian Epstein-produced Billy J. Kramer and the Dakotas on Liberty, a subsidiary of Imperial Records. Released between June and November of 1963 were "Do You Want To Know a Secret?," "I Call Your Name," and 3 songs the Beatles wrote but never themselves recorded: "I'll Be On My Way," "Bad to Me," and "I'll Keep You Satisfied." And in November of 1963, ATCO released another "orphan" Lennon-McCartney composition, "Hello Little Girl" by another Epstein group, The Fourmost.

Who's to blame? An executive at Capitol Records named David Dexter. In 1963, he turned down not only the Beatles and Billy J. Kramer, but also Gerry and the Pacemakers, the Hollies, the Animals, the Dave Clark Five, the Swinging Blue Jeans, the Yardbirds, and Herman's Hermits! He signed only Freddie and the Dreamers…and in all fairness, their only single in 1963, "I'm Telling You Now" failed to chart. Two years later it would zoom to #1. Till next time, keep that 20/20 hindsight in sharp focus, check out Deepfriedhoodsiecups.Wordpress.Com and the wonderful Stolf Stuff links you'll find there, and rock on!

ask cool daddy 2...(4CE reprint feb 2011)

2011-03-14T16:24:00.001-07:00

"Ask Cool Daddy 2"

Did the Beatles write the Rolling Stones' first single? Not the first, no, ironic as that would have been. While fans supposedly split into warring factions, Beatles versus Stones, the objects of their affection remained good mates from way back. Actually, as I recall it, there was hardly anybody who didn't like both. But the first record released by the Stones was June 1963, A-side Chuck Berry's "Come On," B-side Willie Dixon's "I Want to Be Loved." It spent 14 weeks on the UK charts, reaching #21. In November 1963, their 2nd 45, again only in the UK, was a Lennon-McCartney song "I Wanna Be Your Man," backed with a self-composed instrumental called "Stoned." It was a bigger hit, up to #12.

Why did the Beatles give their song away, one they would eventually record themselves? Because in those days, they "hustled" their music. There were 2 ways to make money with records: record your own and sell them, or write songs for others and receive royalty payments. That's what ASCAP and BMI are for…to pay composers, not performers. The Beatles did both, with a passion. The first U.S. release by the Stones came in March 1964, Buddy Holly's "Not Fade Away" backed with "I Wanna Be Your Man." It reached #48, white the same A-side, with a different B-side, went to #3 in England.

Wasn't that catchy tune Ernie Kovacs used for his Nairobi Trio skits recycled a decade later for the Colt 45 Beer commercials? They do sound similar, but they are really different pieces of music. The "Song of the Nairobi Trio" was originally titled "Solfeggio," written by jazz harpist (that's harp, not harmonica!) Robert Maxwell. Solfeggio is Italian for a form of vocalese where each note is sung with it's corresponding do-re-mi syllable. The recording Kovacs used was by Maxwell's orchestra, with vocals by the Ray Charles Singers, no not that one, the other one, Perry Como's Ray Charles. The jingle on the Colt 45 Malt Liquor commercials with Billy Van was written by Canadian legends of jingledom Jerry Toth and Dolores Claman. It was officially titled "A Completely Unique Experience." In 1968 Claman also composed the Hockey Night in Canada Theme.

I love both Henry Mancini's "Peter Gunn" soundtrack albums. Should I search out and watch the shows? For great 1950s-style crime drama, yes, definitely…but for the music, not so much. Hank of course revolutionized TV music, replacing orchestral violins with cool jazz. Even the syndicated western "Shotgun Slade" used anachronistically hip tunes, and that was a selling point. But as great as that swinging music was, "Brothers Go to Mothers," "Dreamsville," The Floater," and all the rest were actually fleshed-out arrangements based on brief motifs used on the show, what they call in the business "cues." Even the iconic Peter Gunn Theme ran less than 60 seconds at the beginning and end of each half-hour episode. So yes, you will hear bits and pieces you'll recognize, and a bevy of sultry nightclub singers to boot, but don't expect to hear Peter Gunn's greatest hits. It didn't work that way…same thing with other TV soundtrack records from the period.

For once and for all, was the Buoys' song "Timothy" really about cannibalism? It sure was, and the 20-year-old composer of the song never denied it, not then, not ever, and that was Rupert Holmes…yup, the "Pina Colada Song" guy. He was kicking around the music business in the late 1960s, and got a band from Wilkes-Barre, PA signed to Scepter Records, home of Dione Warwick and B.J. Thomas. The deal included one single, but they understood there'd be virtually no promotion of it. So Rupert figured, why not put out something that would be automatically banned, based on the time-honored principle that bad publicity is still publicity. The mining disaster and subsequent scarfing of poor Tim was inspired by Tennessee Ernie Ford's "16 Tons"…he thought the description of "a man" in that song sounded like a recipe, and while not a member of the Buoys, he did play piano on the track.

The rest is one-hit-wonder history. "Timothy" was one of the slowest rising hits ever, gaining popularity thru word of mouth, as radio stations fussed over whether to play it. In some markets, one station did, while its crosstown rival didn't, but it was that way with a lot of singles. Scepter Records felt blind-sided and tried to push the story that Timothy was a mule, not a person, but Rupert refused to go along. It's said there's a censored version with different lyrics, but I've yet to find it. Something to look forward to, sez me.

Yeah, but the Purple People Eater is called that because he eats purple people, right? Of course, and he even says so in the song…when asked "What's your line?" he replies "Eating purple people and it sure is fine." The counter-argument is that he's the one that's purple, not the people he eats. Well, it's both, so why are we having this discussion? Maybe that's how he gets to be purple, did you ever think of that? Sheb Wooley wrote and recorded this classic. Soon after, "The Purple People Eater Meets The Witch Doctor" was written and recorded by Joe South, and covered by the Big Bopper. Sheb came right back with "Santa and the Purple People Eater" just in time for Christmas. Man, those were the days...

It was labeled "Ameriachi," but did Herb Alpert & the Tijuana Brass ever recorded any real mariachi music? Not only didn't they, Herb said in interviews at the time that he purposely avoided it. Yes, he was from Los Angeles, and was influenced by the rowdy excitement of the music he heard at bullfights in Tijuana, but even his breakthrough single "The Lonely Bull" was originally titled "Twinkle Star." The first 2 Tijuana Brass albums especially did have some ethnic touches, even German oom-pah…and early publicity described it as "Tex-Mex" flavored, but Herb was aiming for something else. Real mariachi has kind of a hurry-up waltz beat, and the TJB sound was pure American pop all the way.

I heard that the group Poco was originality named Pogo…true? Absolutely! They signed with Epic records in February 1969, but by April, Pogo comic strip artist Walt Kelly had gotten wind of their name and threatened to sue. So they came up with the bright idea of changing Pogo to Poco…this worked especially well with capital letters, the G morphing into a C. Thus the their name recognition was pretty much retained, and presumably some letter-head was salvaged as well. Till next time, go to deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com and follow the groovy links...and whatever you do, rock on!

RESUME

2011-02-07T20:18:00.000-08:00

Mark John Astolfi

714 Elizabeth St. Ogdensburg, NY 13669

315-393-1645 home 315-528-3119 cell

Born 6/20/51 Salem, MA

Raised Danvers, MA, high school DHS '69

College: BS philosophy, minor in math, MIT '73

Work: Morning DJ 36 years with same radio group upstate NY

WSLB/WGIX Ogdensburg NY 1974-2010

At various times also Program Director, Music Director, Production Director, Operations Manager

WMSA Massena NY 2011-date PM Drive DJ and Production Manager

Currently write column Stolf's Oldies in "Fourth Coast Entertainment" since 2007

Published monthly joke service "Cozmik Debris" for 8 years in 1990s

daily blogs… stolf.wordpress.com

deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordress.com

articles… travelingcyst.blogspot.com

podcasts... stolfpod.podbean.com

thewholething.podbean.com

audio samples... stolfspots.podbean.com

xmas hit or myth? (4CE reprint dec 2010)

2011-01-22T06:21:00.001-08:00

"Christmas Hit or Myth"

√ Plum pudding once contained plums.

Maybe it still does, if you dig around in there, you might find some? Nope, this is a myth. In Merrie Olde England, "plum" meant dried fruit in general, almost universally raisins, since they were the most affordable. Even "currents" were small imported raisins,"raisins of Cornith." If you could afford it, you could use dried apricots, figs, dates, even prunes, but basically plums were raisins. Little Jack Horner's Christmas pie was mince-meat, the plum on his thumb a raisin. Sugar-plums were candies made from dried fruits. Fruit-cake was often called plum-cake. But then the French call French-fried potatoes "pommes frites," literally fried apples, so there you go. Plumb interesting if you ask me.

√ The 4 calling birds in "The 12 Days of Christmas" are mynah birds.

Or parrots, or magpies, or some other loud-mouthed budgies? Nice try, but no dice. Originally, it was "colley birds," also spelled colly or collie, meaning blackbirds. Collie was Scottish for black, from coal, and indeed the original Collie dogs were black, not Lassie-colored. Also, the 5 golden rings do not refer to jewelry but to ring-necked pheasants, so the first 7 gifts are all birds. And what was a partridge doing in a pear-tree? It's believed the original line was "a partridge, un perdrix," French for partridge, pronounced pear-dree. Partridges may perch in a tree occasionally, but they are primarily ground-dwelling fowl, and build their nests there.

√ The 12 Days of Christmas do not include Christmas Day.

This is a festive hit, because the 12th Day of Christmas is the Epiphany, Jan. 6th, and if you include Christmas Day, that's 13 in all. The idea in olden times was that the 12 Days of Christmas were a time of celebration, merry-making, and especially on the Epiphany, playing practical jokes. These activities were inappropriate to the holiness and solemnity of Christmas Day itself, so the revelry started the next day, St. Stephen's Day, Dec. 26.

What throws people off today is the celebration of Twelfth Night on the night of Jan. 5, the eve of the Epiphany. After all, what comes after the 12th Night? The 13th Day, and since there are only 12 Days of Christmas, the Epiphany must be out. Counting back, the First Day would then be Christmas itself. What's being forgotten is this: the 24-hour calendar day used to be reckoned differently than it is today…it didn't start at midnight, but rather approximately 6 hours earlier, at sundown the previous day.

So 12th Night was not followed by the 13th Day, but by the12th Day. In the same way, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were the same day, not 2 consecutive days. Ditto New Year's Eve and New Year's Day, which is why New Year's Eve is sometimes called "First Night," but that's the first of 365, not 12, of course.

√ Poinsettias are poisonous so don't eat them.

I agree with the "don't eat" part, but the poisonous part is a complete myth. Poinsettias were introduced to the US in 1928 by Joel Poinsett, Minister to Mexico. In the wild, plants grow up to 16 feet tall. The actual flowers are small yellow or green bits, surrounded by large red bracts, specialized leaves designed to draw in pollinating insects. No one seems to know why poinsettias are thought to be toxic. Over the years, public displays of poinsettia consumption haven't seemed to convince anyone. According to the American Association of Poison Control Centers, you could eat 500 bracts with no ill effects.

√ During the dance scene in "A Charlie Brown Christmas," the 2 twins in purple, and the kid in orange with the buzz-cut, doing those side-to-side shrug moves, are no-name extras, thrown in to simply fill out the crowd.

Good Grief, Red Baron! Wrong, wrong, and wrong. They debuted in the comic strip in 1963, and the boy is named 555 95472, or 5 for short. His twin sisters are 3 and 4. He explained: "My Dad says we have so many numbers these days, we're losing our identity. He's decided that everyone in our family should have a number instead of a name." Lucy asks: "This is his way of protesting?" 5 replies: "No, this is his way of giving in!" After a month of numbers-for-names gags, the siblings did fade into the background, used only when extra kids were needed. By the way, 95472 is the Zip Code for Sebastopol, California, north of San Francisco, where Charles Schulz was living at the time, which pretty much settles of question of where the Peanuts strip takes place.

√ The 7th of Santa's reindeers is named Donder, not Donner.

That's technically true, but if you correct someone who says "Donner," don't be surprised if they tell you to go sit on a pine-cone. Here's the history behind the myth-tory…

1823, "An Account of a Visit from Saint Nicholas" is published in the Troy Sentinel newspaper on Dec. 23, anonymously. The 7th and 8th reindeer are named Dunder and Blixem, a Dutch exclamation, literally "Thunder and Lightning!" This makes sense, since we're in Rip Van Winkle country, and the poem sets out the traditional Dutch image of St. Nick, jolly fat elf, pipe in mouth, etc. The poem is popular, and printed annually.

1837, For the first time, Clement Clark Moore, a Bible Professor at a New York City Seminary, is credited as the author. Also, publisher Charles Hoffman has changed Blixem to Blixen, to rhyme with Vixen, and Dunder to Donder, closer to the English pronunciation.

1844, Moore publishes his own version, retaining Donder, but changing Blixen to Blitzen, and this is the standard version generations of children grew up enjoying.

No one knows precisely when the switch to Donner occurred, but Snopes.com found the New York Times' earliest use of that name was in 1906, and the paper explains: "[they] were originally given Dutch names, Donder and Blixen (Blicksem), meaning thunder and lightning…it is only modern publishers who have rechristened them with the German Donner and Blizten." And indeed, Donner is German for thunder. Then in 1949, Gene Autry's recording of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" pretty much fixed Donner in the public's mind, and ear.

Interestingly, in 1947 a German author translated the poem, naming the reindeer: Renner, Tanzer, Flieg and Hitz, Sternshnupp, Liebling, Donner and Blitz. In English: Racer, Dancer, Fly (the insect) and Heat, Shooting Star, Darling, Thunder and Lightning. Near as I can parse it, Blitz is "lightning," Blitzen is "flashes of lightning." Vixen would be Fuchsin in German, but it's replaced to make a rhyme. And yes, the German botanist who named the Fuchsia plant was Mr. Fox. Till next time, Merry Christmas, y'all...see you on the net…stolf.wordpress.com and stolfpod.podbean.com…and rock on!

meet the beetle (4CE reprint nov. 2010)

2010-12-07T16:46:00.000-08:00

This is the 60th anniversary, 61st year, of Mort Walker's Beetle Bailey comic strip. Back in September, they ran 2 weeks of classic strips, including black-and-whites on weekdays (yeah, some papers have color strips all week, including locally the Syracuse Post Standard.) Also, a Sunday strip from 1955, showing how Sarge and Beetle have changed over the years. And earlier this year, the Post Office issued a Beetle-and-Sarge stamp as part of their Sunday Funnies series.

Here are some things maybe you didn't know about everybody's favorite boot on the ground, and remember, in November you can see pictures of some of the things mentioned here on my blog at stolf.wordpress.com

You're at the College Now...When the strip began on Sept. 4 1950, in 12 newspapers (today it's 1800 worldwide), Beetle was a sophomore at Rockview University. His pals included Bitter Bill, Freshman, Diamond Jim, Sweatsock, a different Plato, Flash, Lank, Tickets, his girlfriend Buzz Breezy, and his nemesis Prof. Hackle. When Beetle enlisted in the Army in late March 1951, as many college men did ahead of being drafted for the Korean War, the college crew disappeared. They seem to make cameo appearances every couple of decades, last sighted Sunday 9/20/09.

The Early Recruits...It took over 20 years for the current line-up to solidify. Gen. Amos Halftrack, Sgt. Orville Snorkel, and Capt. Sam Scabbard were there at the beginning. Cookie seemed to get his trademark features one at a time…the t-shirt, the stubble, the tattoo, the cigarette butt, each arrived separately, and he settled into his present form after about a year. In one early strip he even has a last name: Sgt. Jowls.

But the original troop compliment was completely different: the big lug Canteen, the country boy Bammy, the sharpster Snake Eyes, Fireball, Dawg, Big Blush, Duke, most were gone within a year, altho Bammy made occasional appearances thru the early 70s. Killer arrived in May of 1951, and became Beetle's main buddy. Curley-haired Julius arrived as the General's driver in 1952, then called Julian. Various one-shot majors eventually evolved into Major Greenbrass in 1953.

Mort has said he tried to introduce at least one new character a year, to keep things lively, and while most didn't last, some became regulars: Zero (1953), Cosmo (1955), Lt. Sonny Fuzz and Otto the dog (1956), Rocky and Chaplain Stainglass (1958), Plato (1963), shrink Dr. Bonkus (1967). The last 2 new characters of any significance were Lt. Jackson Flap (1970, with big Afro hair), and Miss Sheila Buxley (1971).

Lost in Action...A full-panel strip from 1971 showed an "A" Company group photo shoot, and present are several 60s characters who have since been shipped out: Moocher the mooch, big dumb Ozone (even dumber than Zero), and the hen-pecked Pop, a short-lived try at domestic humor…and it's also one of Bammy's latest appearances.

There was never a regular Colonel…with such a large cast, Mort included only as many officers as he really needed, altho there are occasional walk-ons, and one even had a name: Col. Hatchett. Then there are Beetle's parents and little brother Chigger, from the college days, and seen now and then ever since.

The Sergeant's Wife...Snorkel had a wife on camp, for one strip only: Sunday 5/10/53. She was needed for the punch line, was un-named, and never seen again. In fact, within a few years, Sarge was attending USO dances looking for women, so something must have happened...probably Mort forgot about her!

So where is Camp Swampy?…It's based on Camp Crowder, Missouri, same as Rob Petrie on "The Dick Van Dyke Show." In one Sunday strip in 1955, Beetle and Killer get a weekend pass to visit the state capital, said to be Jefferson City, so that pretty much settles that.

Meet the Big Sister...When the Korean War ended, Mort Walker sensed interest in military gags might wane, so he introduced a series of strips where Beetle spent some time visiting his big sister Lois, who had married Hiram "Hi" Flagston, and their 3 kids. Readers didn't take to it, and it was back to Camp Swampy to stay. Still, the Hi and Lois idea seemed to have merit, so a spin-off strip began, written by Mort and drawn by his friend Dik Browne. That's why to this day, characters from the 2 strips make occasional crossovers. Hi and Lois looked completely different back then, and their kids were different too...see my blog for examples.

The Alternate Universe... Beetle Bailey comics books date from 1963-1994, but the Dell issues from the 50s and early 60s are the most interesting because there are many incidental characters that were never in the newspaper strip, some unnamed, others with such monikers as Major Calamity, Capt. Typhus, eye doctor Capt. Bloodshot, frogman Capt. Finny, shrink Dr. Fruitcake, Cpl. Plunger from the maintenance corps, stuff like that. The one non-strip continuing character was Capt. Scabbard's rascally son Montague. A story in 1959 featured a "big-boned" WAC named Drucilla, sort of an early version of Sgt. Lugg.

And guess what? Mort Walker only drew the first 3 issues, and I'm guessing he didn't do the writing either, based on goofs like Gen. Amos Halftrack once being called "Henry" by his wife and other inconsistencies. But the long-form stories, as opposed to the 2 or 3 panels in a daily strip, are quite amusing, including one called "Beetle in West Berlin." No, it's not a serious story, thank goodness. There was also a filler strip called "Vinny the Vet," about a newspaper reporter, but these weren't as good, mostly slapstick. Even a text story once per issue about Froggy Phlippe, a kid who's father is Sergeant Phlippe, but there seems to be no connection to Beetle's world.

Don't forget to check Stolf's Blog at stolf.wordpress.com this month for pictures of the Camp Swampy crew, old and new. I also have a new blog called Deep-Fried Hoodsie Cups, at deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com. It's primarily for those who grew up where I did, on the North Shore of Massachusetts, but there are things of interest to all Groovy Geezers and Baby-Go-Boomers. And after an unplanned switch from PC to Apple, new stuff to hear at stolfpod.podbean.com is coming…till next time, rock on!

number please? (4CE reprint april 2009)

2010-11-14T15:30:00.000-08:00

This month I got to thinking about something else that no longer exists: telephone exchange names. Famous ones like Manhattan's "BUtterfield 8", the title of a John O'Hara novel and subsequent movie starring Elizabeth Taylor. Glenn Miller's tune "PEnnsylvania 6-5000" was the number of the Pennsylvania Hotel; Bugs Bunny spoofed it in the cartoon "TRansylvania 6-5000." The Flintstones were almost named the Gladstones after an exchange in the Pacific Palisades section of Los Angeles. And who can forget MUrray Hill, the Ricardos' exchange on "I Love Lucy."

Others were fictitious, like the Marvelettes' "BEechwood 4-5789" (Columbus, Ohio did have BEachwood.) There was TIdewater 4-10-0-9, a non-existent Norfolk, Virginia number Chuck Berry calls in the song "Promised Land", although dialing 844 might have given the exact time, as it did in other cities. No actual exchange corresponded to the Partridge Family song "ECho Valley 2-6809", as far as we know; yes, there's a web-site that attempts to collect ALL the exchange names ever used, called the Telephone EXchange Number Project. A long-forgotten 50s private eye show called "COronado 9" was the exchange of Rod Cameron's character in San Diego, but it wasn't real. There is a suburb called Coronado, but they had HEnley 3 and HEmpstead 5.

I grew up north of Boston, and ours was SPring; neighboring towns had PIoneer, WAlker, TUcker, and JEfferson. Boston itself had dozens, a famous one immortalized in a radio jingle: "How many cookies did Andrew eat? Andrew ate eight thousand." For some reason this is remembered as an all-night drug store, but it was actually a carpet-cleaning company Adams & Swett, which still exists. "How do you keep your carpets neat? Call ANdrew 8-8000."

In the North Country, Massena had ROckwell, Potsdam = COlony, Morristown = DRake, Heuvelton = FIreside, Hammond and Madrid = DAvenport, Waddington and Norfolk = EVergreen, Norwood = FLeetwood. Canton's FT6 didn't stand for anything, what was called a "selected letter" exchange. Need to call Watertown? That would be SU2 or SU8, which stood for SUnset. Many communities, including Ogdensburg and Gouverneur, never had an exchange name, and for the reason, we need to know a little about the history of telephone numbers and how placing a call changed through the years.

Many people today think exchange names were just an easy way to remember numbers, but that was only part of it. An "exchange" was actually your local telephone company office or "central", where the switchboard operators and switching equipment were located. In the beginning, you jiggled the receiver hook to get the operator's attention, then told her the town and name of the person you wanted to call. As subscribers increased, they were assigned a number consisting of 1 to 4 digits. A letter following the number meant a party line, usually a W, J, M, or R.

But as time went on, it became clear the only efficient way to handle the enormous increase in phone usage was Direct Dialing, where the customer did all the work. To accomplish this, local numbers had to be standardized to 4 digits, then the locality pinpointed with an "exchange number", originally 2 digits long. This began around 1928. Bigger cities soon expanded to 3 digits, and eventually everyone did. Identifying them with a mnemonic word grew out of the habit of telling the operator the town you wanted; where possible, the name of the town became the exchange name. In cities large enough to have more than one exchange office, they were often identified by the street they were on, which is why many exchange names sounded like street names.

But the number of phone numbers that could be assigned with words was limited: 55, 57, 95, and 97 had no easy letter match. 1 was not used as an exchange number, not because it would one day indicate a long distance, but because of "dial-pull." With a rotary dial, the phone company equipment recognized a number by the number of "pulses" or interruptions in the current ("dial tone") it detected. Dialing a 3 for example interrupted the dial-tone 3 times: click-click-click. In fact, if your rotary dial ever stopped working, you could reach your party by tapping the cradle button where the receiver rested. 0 came after 9, and not before 1, because 0 was actually 10 clicks. But when you first picked up the receiver, a slight jiggle might make the switcher think you had dialed a 1 when you hadn't, so all leading 1's were considered "noise" and ignored.

Also, 0 could not be used, being reserved for contacting the operator. Some phones did have the letter Z with the 0: this stood for Zenith, which was used for toll-free numbers before 800 became standard. Interesting use of 0: remember the "Honeymooners" episode where Alice gets a baby-sitting job & Ralph thinks she's fooling around on him? ("Gee, I didn't know Davy Crockett was so FAT!") The phone number was originally BEnsonhurst 3-7741, but when this was found to be a working number, they went back and dubbed in BEnsonhurst 0, which wasn't.

Thus, by eliminating exchange names, All Digit Dialing freed up more possible number combinations, and this was the sole reason it was phased in, beginning in Wichita Falls, Texas in 1958. No, people didn't like it; one famous sign read "Give Me LIberty, or Take Out the Damn Phone!" (That's LIberty with a capital L-I.) Noted academic S. I. Hayakawa formed the Anti Digit Dialing League, and protest songs were recorded by Stan Freberg and Allan Sherman. But Ma Bell really didn't have a choice. They needed more numbers!

Ogdensburg didn't convert to Direct Dialing until after the All Digit switch had begun, so 393 wasn't assigned an exchange name. The phone company had issued a list of suggested names several years earlier, so the Maple City's exchange could have been EXeter 3, which sounds pretty cool to me. By this time, the North American Numbering Plan was being established to take operators out of the long distance dialing loop, and the whole process was repeated, this time with area codes. Big cities got numbers with low dial-pull, like 212 for New York and 312 for Chicago. Till next time, think about this: how come when you dial a wrong number, it's never busy?....and rock on!

ask cool daddy...(4CE reprint oct 2010)

2010-11-01T19:14:00.000-07:00

Ask Cool Daddy...

Why doesn't Olive Oyl have breasts?

Well, sometimes she does. For example, in "Parlez Vous Woo," released in 1956, she's wearing a sleeveless gown and definitely has, um, definition. This cartoon is also interesting for having Bluto WITHOUT his beard (it's part of the plot.) But yes, typically Olive is extremely thin, so it looks like she doesn't. But she's a woman, she has breasts. After all, in the minimalist style of cartoon drawing, not everything is --- why am I explaining this to you? GROW UP! She has 'em. Blow me down.

On the Dick Van Dyke Show, what is Laura's Petrie's maiden name?

Mary Tyler Moore's character actually has 2 different maiden names: At first is was Meeker, her husband;'s last name at the time. After they divorced in 1961, it was changed to Meehan.This was standard operating procedure: consistency in details wasn't a high priority. Popular culture was throwaway culture, not intended to be around 40, 50 , 60 years later. Today you can get a college degree in it. Who knew?

Cool daddy, are you really part Polish?

Sort of. I'm half Pomeranian and half Dalmatian. As Stolf says, "You dog you!" Besides being canine breeds, both are old European states. Pomerania is now half in Germany, had in Poland. Dalmatia was a country on the Adriatic coast, pretty much where southern Croatia is now .Speaking of dogs, what were traditionally known as German Shepherds became very poplar after WW1 when American soldiers brought them home, especially with Strongheart and Rin Tin Tin in the movies. But for a time they were called Alsatians, and in the UK they still are, after Alsace, the French province bordering on Germany. For some, "German" was not politically correct; yeah, they had it back then, just didn't call it that.

I can't for the life of me remember where the phrase "And thats' the truth, pffffft!" comes from. Can you help?

But of course. Funny thing, though, it first flashed through my mind that it was Gilda Radner on "Saturday Night Live," but that's wrong. It was Lilly Tomlin's catch phrase, as Edith Ann on "Laugh-In." Gilda's character was Judy Miller, as in "The Judy Miller Show," and her Brownie uniform, remember? And before you ask, Emily Litella called Chevy Chase "Cheddar Cheese." That character was based on Gilda's childhood manny Elizabeth "Dibby" Gullies, who was a little deaf, big surprise.

I heard that on Hallowe'en you give out those dumb Dum Dum pops. So what's the story on the Mystery Flavor, just a random flavor?

Dum Dum pops were invented in 1924 in Akron, Ohio, and have made since 1953 by the Spangler Candy Co. They're great, are you insinuating otherwise? No treats for you, dummy. But as to your question, there are 2 stories floating around out there, both of which make sense. Story 1: When it's time to switch flavors, they don't shut a machine down just for that, so for a while the pops are made with a mix of the 2 flavors, until the old one is depleted. Those hybrids are set aside for Mystery Flavor wrappers.

Story 2: On the final assembly line, pops that come along unwrapped or partially wrapped are pulled out, and instead of matching them with their correct wrappers, they become Mystery Flavors. Now on their website, Spangler is pretty cagey, saying only that the Mystery Flavor "continuously changes and is not limited to current Dum Dum flavors." Sounds like both stories could in fact be true. Or perhaps they use it to test new flavors. This year I think I'll investigate.

Did the caps we used with cap pistols really contain a tiny amount of gunpowder?

Hate to have to harpoon a cherished childhood memory, but the answer is no. Whether of the red roll or Greenie Stik-M variety, caps had no gunpowder, or "black powder" as we say today, which is a blend of potassium nitrate, charcoal and sulfur. This is not to say caps weren't potentially dangerous, however, but it would take an awful lot of work to scrape together (literately) enough "stuff" to do any real damage, and you'd probably lose interest.

And that "stuff" was a tiny bit of a compound called Armstrong's mixture, primarily potassium chlorate and red phosphorus, sometimes with some some sulphur. But it is a high explosive, used in quantity for pyrotechnics. So yeah, while caps weren't the real deal, they were close. Loved that smell...I packed a Mattel Fanner 50 with that trick swivel holster, plus a Hubley Buntline Special with the black & red swirly grips. Sweeeeet.

For once and for all, are tomatoes fruits or vegetables?

Well, listen, I'm Old School, so for me, tomatoes always were and always will be planets. Sure, they're small, but....wait, that's not...what was the....

Try to focus: tomatoes, fruits or vegetables?

Right, focusing. Depends on how you use the words. After all, underwear could be a fruit, as in "--- of the loom." Botanically, yes, of course, the tomato is a fruit, just as a walnut is technically a seed and not a true nut, and the beautiful red parts of the poinsettia plant at Christmas are not petals, but bracts. But the botany classroom is a far cry from the kitchen, and as far as foodstuffs go, the tomato is a vegetable. Anyone who says otherwise is just trying to start an argument. Try changing the subject with: "Which is the better Ocean, the Atlantic or the Pacific?" or "How 'bout them Bills?"

Generally, fruits have more sugar. A rough but serviceable rule could be: Veggies: salads and side dishes; Fruits: deserts and mixed in breakfast cereal and yogurt. Sure, there's cucumber ice cream, but they're just trying to be smart alecs. Other crossovers include Hawaiian pizza with tomato & pineapple, Waldorf salad which includes apples along with the greenery, and V-8's line of mixed-up Fusion drinks. I saw a cocktail meatball recipe in the paper recently that included grape jelly and chili sauce.

One interesting sort-of overlap was back when gelatin-encased "salads" were popular; I can still see an ad showing one containing only olives, with their pimentos, looking like decranialized eyeballs. So in 1964, Jell-O came out with a line of vegetable flavors for just that purpose. That's right, tomato, celery, Italian salad, and mixed vegetable favored Jell-O. They were only available for a few years. I wonder is anyone liked eating them "plain."

You know, despite all the tomato sauce you associate with Italian cooking, tomatoes came from the New World, and were brought to Europe by the Spanish. At first people thought they were poisonous and refused to eat them. Not as crazy as it sounds, since the tomato plant is of the family Solanaceae, which includes deadly nightshade/belladonna, jimson weed, and tobacco, as well as potatoes, eggplants, chili peppers, and oddly enough the petunia. Till next time, never be afraid to ask...and rock on!

perfect games (4CE reprint, sept 2010)

2010-09-30T17:01:00.000-07:00

"Near Perfect"

On June 2, Armando Galarraga of the Tigers pitched a perfect game against the Indians, the 3rd perfecto in the Majors this season. There, I said it. If you're a baseball fan, you know what happened: ump blew the call at first, everybody knew it, he even admitted it later. I say: give the kid his perfect game. Since when can't you correct an obvious mistake? Since baseball, that's when! And I thought at the very least we were going to get some kind of instant replay out of this mess...so where is it?

Since I haven't written about our nation's pastime for a while, I thought I might remind you of 3 other infamous "near perfect" games, 2 duly heralded in baseball lore, and one you might have missed. But first, here's a quickie quiz, with the answer at the end of the column: if you pitch a perfect game, you allow no base-runners, yet your team could still have an error! How is this possible?

On June 23 1917, Boston's Babe Ruth walked the first Washington Senator he faced on 4 pitches. He argued with the ump, was ejected, and had to be escorted off the field by the police. Ernie Shore took the mound, and on his first pitch, the catcher threw the base-runner out at 2nd. Shore then retired the next 26 batters he faced. 27 up, 27 out, and Shore was on the mound for all of 'em. Perfect game? It used to be, now its listed simply as a combined no-hitter...more on that later in this article.

May 26, 1959, Pittsburgh at Milwaukee, and what many (including myself) consider the greatest pitched game in baseball history. Journeyman Harvey Haddix had a perfect game thru 9 innings. But the game was scoreless, so Haddix pitched 3 more perfect innings! Think of it: 36 up, 36 down. Then disaster stuck. Leading off the bottom of the 13th, Felix Mantilla reached on 3rd baseman Don Hoak's error. Sacrifice bunt by Eddie Mathews, intentional walk to Hank Aaron, Joe Adcock homered, but his hit was reduced by rule to a double when he passed Aaron on the base paths. Haddix lost 1-0, no perfect game, no no-hitter, no nuthin'. Altho I love what he always said: "I know what I did." And so do we, brother, so do we!

One that may have slipped thru the cracks: On June 3 1995, Pedro Martinez with the Expos had a perfect game thru 9 versus the Giants. But again, no score. Expos did score in the top of the 10th, but in the bottom Martinez yielded a lead-off double to Bip Roberts. Mel Rojas relieved, and retired the side. A perfect game for Pedro by the old rules, but not anymore...we're getting to that.

How many perfect games have been lost in the final at bat? The answer is 10, of which 8 were "clean," a base hit by the 27th batter. No doubt Yankee fans will recall Boston's Carl Everett and his 2-strike single off Mike Mussina in 2001. The other 2 finished up as no-hitters. On July 4 1908, Hooks Wiltse of the Giants hit the 27th Phillie he faced, settling for a 10-inning no-hit win. More controversial was the Cubs-Padres game of Sept 2 1972. The 27th batter, pinch-hitter Larry Stahl, worked the count full against Chicago's Milt Pappas, then walked on a borderline pitch. Pappas got his no-hitter, but never forgave the ump, who happened to be sophomore Bruce Froemming, who went on to umpire 35 more years, and call 10 more no-hitters.

Now losing a perfect game or even a no-hitter in the 9th inning is a tough break. Losing it long after the game is over sounds nuts, but on Sept 4 1991, 50 no-hitters disappeared from the record books, as Fay Vincent’s Committee for Statistical Accuracy re-defined a no-hitter. The old rule was: after 9 innings, the meter stopped running and your no-hitter was in the books, no matter what happened in extra innings. The committee changed that: however many extra innings the game went, it had be hitless (or perfect) for all of them or no cigar. This has some logic to it, but there was logic to the old way too. 12 such no-hitters were expunged. The new rule also required a minimum of 9 innings, thus dumping 38 more, including 3 "perfect games" that went only 5 innings, and one that went 7.

I think the 9-inning no-hitters should have stayed. Some players lost the only no-hitter they had. Or take the case of Jim Maloney (who should be in the Hall of Fame!) He was formerly credited with 3 no-hitters: one of 9 innings, one of 10 innings, and one that was hitless thru 10, hit in the 11th. Now of course he only has 2. Both those 10-inning hitless efforts came in 1965, a little over 2 months apart. Pretty smooth if you ask me.

I do agree that those less-than-9-inning no-hitters deserved to go, especially one by the Giants' Mike McCormick on June 12 1959. He pitched 5 hitless innings against the Phillies, then allowed a hit in the 6th. The game was called due to rain, with official stats reverting back to the 5th, and thus a no-hitter for Mike! Now in all fairness, this wasn't his fault, but talk about a cheapie!

But worst of all is the case of a visiting pitcher losing a game, and since the home team didn't bat in the 9th, pitching only 8 innings, but at the same time allowing no hits! 3 such games were wiped out in the 1991 purge, including Yankee Andy Hawkins' weird 4-0 no-hit loss to Chicago in 1990. In 1992 Matt Young also lost an 8-inning no-hitter on the road, 2-1 to Boston. Mind you, in such a case the pitcher IS credited with a complete game! Common sense says that's a no-hitter.

Then you have what I call a "back-end perfect game." This is where the pitcher surrenders a hit to the lead-off batter, then retires the next 27. It's not mentioned anywhere in the record book, obviously, but it's happened 3 times: Robin Roberts (Cin-65), Jerry Reuss (SF-80), and Jim Bibby (Atl-81). Wild, no?

Finally, on another stat entirely: I know of only 2 players to hit 20+ homers in a season, but fail to have at least twice as many RBIs: Kevin Maas 21/41 (Yanks-90) and Chris Duncan 22/43 (Cards-06). (Mark McGwire's half-season with the Cards in 1997, he was 24/42, but he had enough RBIs with Oakland to make up for it.). For 30+, closest appear to be Rob Deer 32/64 (Detroit-92) and Hanley Ramirez 33/67 (Miami-08.)

QUIZ ANSWER: An error is defined as a fielding muff that results in either the batter getting on base, or his time at bat being prolonged. That second part is just a fancy way of saying an error can be given on a foul ball, for example, an easy pop foul that drops out of the first baseman's glove. E3, but no base-runner, hence perfect game! Till next time, watch that invisible man on 3rd, and rock on!

PS....Can't get enough of Stolf? Force yourself, or better yet, check out my daily blog at stolf.wordpress.com. And Cool Daddy, the Weird Beard to the Feared, joins yours truly at stolfpod.podbean.com and thewholething.podbean.com. Listen often, and you'll always have good luck!

more mayberry trivia (4CE reprint, aug 2010)

2010-09-07T06:23:00.000-07:00

10 MORE Things You Didn't Know About Mayberry

(1) Where in North Carolina is Mayberry supposed to be located? That's the $64,000 question, and worthy of an entire column. For now, I'll tell you where Mayberry ISN'T. It isn't where Andy Griffith's home town of Mt. Airy is, near the northwest border with Virginia. He has said Mayberry IS NOT meant to be Mt. Airy, although he acknowledges that most people think it is. Yes, there is a nearby town called Pilot Mountain. Yes, several times Andy is reading a Mt. Airy newspaper, although usually it's the Mayberry Gazette. Yes, a handful of real-life Mt Airy people and places are mentioned on the show. But there's one big problem.

Mayberry is time after time said to be SOUTH of Raleigh, the state capital, and Mt. Airy is NORTH. Sure, Mayberry is occasionally north of Raleigh, too; in at least one episode it's BOTH! But this is typical: not all the places mentioned on the show are real, and the real ones aren't always where they're supposed to be. Nobody kept track, it seems.

(2) But while we're on the subject, Mt. Airy is also the home town of singer Donna Fargo, and the adopted home of the original Siamese twins, Chang and Eng Bunker. Don't confuse Mt. Airy with Mt. Idy, the fictional town made famous by Cliff Arquette as "Charlie Weaver." The routine was inspired by a friend of his mother's, whose letters from Mount Ida, Arkansas she would read aloud to the family.

(3) "What did the mirror say to the dresser?"...Aunt Bee poses this riddle once, but doesn't give the answer. In an interview, the writer said that's because it was a little racy, at least for her: I DON'T MEAN TO CAST REFLECTIONS, BUT YOUR DRAWERS ARE OPEN.

(4) "Never Hit Your Grandma With a Great Big Stick"...Dud suggests this song for the Darlings to play, but it always makes Charlene cry. The title is no doubt inspired by a real Spike Jones song "Never Hit Your Grandma with a Shovel." Good advice, generally speaking. (I don't know your grandma.)

(5) "Gilligan's Island" connection...In the second season episode "The Farmer Takes a Wife," The Skipper, Alan Hale Jr., is a farmer who continually calls Barney "Li'l Buddy" (!!!) And on March 30, 1964 Bob Denver took over the role of Charlene's husband Dudley Wash. He would star as Gilligan in the fall, and the network wanted to remind viewers what Maynard G. Krebbs looked like without the beard.

(6) Opie's name?...The standard answer is it's from Opie Cates, a band-leader and radio actor born Opal Taft Cates, whom Andy & producer Sheldon Leonard are said to have listened to. But then there's Opie Lee Shelton, real-life boyhood friend of Andy Griffith. Also, on "Dennis the Menace," a year before "Andy Griffith Show" debuted, Dub Taylor played a handyman named Opie Swanson in 3 episodes. Another intriguing foreshadowing: Howard "Floyd" McNear as a barber on "Leave It to Beaver"...named ANDY!

(7) All in the family...Andy's then wife Barbara is in the choir in the episode "The Song Festers," and even has a speaking line. Don Knotts' daughter Karen played Opie's secretary in the TV-movie "Return to Mayberry." Ron Howard's dad Rance and brother Clint (as Leon) appeared in a number of episodes. And Bee's niece Martha was played by actress Candace Howard, but I checked: no relation.

(8) Malcolm Merriweather's paper tree...the one he made for Opie? It's a real thing, various websites have instructions, just Google it.

(9) Famous faces you'll see before they were famous: Lee Van Cleef, Rob Reiner, Jack Nicholson, Barbara Eden, Bill Bixby, Michael J. Pollard, Jamie Farr, Harry Dean Stanton, Arte Johnson, Keye Luke, Morgan Brittany (using her real name Suzanne Cupito), Terri Garr (look quick!), plus "Murray Slaughter," "Father Mulcahy," "Sam Drucker," and "Grandma Walton."

(10) Finally, as promised, Aunt Bee is Andy's WHAT?...After watching and enjoying the show all my life (I just turned 59), the pieces began to fall into place recently, triggered by something Andy said in the episode "Bee's Crowning Glory": "Family's lived in this county 3 generations, first time we didn't wear our own hair." He obviously meant adult generations, since Opie wouldn't wear a wig, so that would be Andy, his father, and his grandfather.

Curious, since counting Andy there are 6 generations, not 3, back to Mayberry hero Seth Taylor, Bee's great great grandfather. And if Bee grew up in West Virginia (episode: "Aunt Bee's Cousin"), her brother, Andy's father, grew up there too, right? And their father, Andy's grandfather, was in West Virginia as well. Yet the Taylors are a Mayberry clan. Something didn't compute. OK, what if Bee were Andy's father's 1st cousin, not sibling!

Andy's grandfather could have grown up in WV, with his siblings (Bee's father and cousin Bradford's father), then moved back to Mayberry as an adult, and there are your 3 generations. But playing the "fan logic" game, is there any evidence that Bee is Andy's father's cousin, not sister? Yes! The smoking gun is the episode "Baby in the House." Bee is on the phone with her niece Martha and Andy tells Helen: "My 2nd cousin." Bingo!

Your aunt's niece could be you, your sister, or your 1st cousin, but not your 2nd cousin. A 2nd cousin is the child of your parent's 1st cousin, and there it is. Bee has no children, but her siblings are Andy's father's 1st cousins, and their children are Andy's 2nd cousins. Sure enough, in another episode, Bee mentions "Opie's Uncle Todd," the wiper on the oil tanker, and once again Andy comments "My 2nd cousin," meaning the son of his father's 1st cousin, perhaps Bee's rum-cake-loving brother.

So there's your scoop. Andy's father is Bee's 1st cousin, and thus Andy and Bee are 1st cousins once removed. Those who assume Bee and Andy's father are siblings are indeed making an assumption, and not once in 249 shows does she, or anybody else, say that she is! Till next time, try to act like some-BODY, you little buzzard...and rock on!

PS: Lots of new ones since last time at stolfpod.podbean.com. Try it, you'll like it...and I wanna get my hit count up! Plus a spin-off: thewholething.podbean.com. And my new daily blog at stolf.wordpress.com.

alvin!!!!! (4CE reprint dec 2009)

2010-08-24T06:39:00.000-07:00

ALLLLLLVIIIIIN !!!

Once upon a time in the 1950's there were 3 executives at Liberty Records named Al, Ted, and Sy, which is to say Alvin Bennett, Theodore Keep and Simon Waronker. They're gone now, but their names live on of course as the Chipmunks. This month, everything you didn't know you wanted to know about the rodents and their Baby Boomer Christmas perennial "The Chipmunk Song."

First, though, why that title? After all, the hundreds of recordings that came after were all "chipmunk songs", right? Well, Ross Bagdasarian, a.k.a. David Seville, didn't know the record would give birth to a franchise that's still going strong today. As far as he was concerned, this could’ve been the first and last chipmunk song. But it went to #1 in 1958, and when re-released in 1959 and thereafter, it was subtitled "Christmas Don't Be Late", and had a new B-side, the follow-up hit "Alvin's Harmonica." The original 1958 flip was a non-Chipmunk instrumental called "Almost Good", which is actually pretty good.

Ross Bagdasarian, born in Fresno, California, was an aspiring actor, musician, composer and dialect comedian. With his cousin, playwright William Saroyan, he recorded "Come On-a My House" in 1951, a song they had written together in 1939. His then wife Kay Armen also recorded a version with the Ray Charles Singers (see last month's column!), but it was Rosemary Clooney's smash version that convinced Ross maybe he did have a future in music. Moderate chart success came in 1955 with "The Trouble With Harry" by Alfi & Harry. He was Alfi, Harry was Mark McIntyre, another Liberty Records exec, and father of the singing duo Patience and Prudence. (Ross is sometimes incorrectly credited with being their dad.) On this single, Harry is a wayward piano-player, and Alfi provides the narration, becoming exasperated with Harry's antics, a routine that would be re-cycled for the Chipmunks phenomenon: ALLLLLLLVIIIIIIN!!!!

But further Alfi & Harry singles tanked, as did a "David Seville" album. (Ross was stationed in Seville, Spain during WWII.) The song "Witch Doctor" was a last-gasp effort, and it scored big, #1 in Billboard, thanks I believe more to the catchy "oo-ee-oo-ah-ah" chorus than the squeaky high voice; the voice gimmick was tried again, but wasn't enough to save the lack-luster follow-up "The Bird on My Head." Still, Ross figured if one squeaky voice is good, 3 must be better. And boy was he right.

Speed manipulation had been used before. Remember "The Wizard of Oz"? Some early 50's records used fast adult voices to simulate a children's chorus. From the invention of tape recorders in the 1930s, they generally had several speeds. In fact, an early application which apparently fizzled out fast was called "speed telephoning"...playing a recorded message over the phone at fast-speed, then slowing it down for playback. But the speeded voice was difficult to understand; that's why Disney's Chip 'n' Dale spoke in such short, clipped phrases. You could only double or halve the speed, nothing in between. Variable speed recorders were complicated and expensive, but Ross bought one for the price of a decent used car, and fine-tuned the technique to make the voices intelligible. But the real innovation was the use of multi-track recording, pioneered by Les Paul, who BTW claimed he gave Ross the key idea.

And that idea was to take a pre-recorded music track, slow it down, sing along with it, then speed it up again. The slowed down music would be back to sounding normal, but the normal voice would now be squeaky. Contrast that with Danny Kaye's 1942 record "The Babbitt and the Bromide", where 2 stuffy society gents trade pleasantries, and when they arrive in heaven, the chorus is speeded up, voices, music and all. One of the first things I did when I came to work at WSLB in Ogdensburg was to try the technique with another DJ as the Singing Squirrels, Monty & Raoul. You can hear our primitive effort on Dec. 18's Zillion Dollar Friday on WGIX 95.3...at 7am we'll do a Chipmunks special.

But the innovation didn't end there. Each of the voices on "The Chipmunk Song" had to be recorded, along with the slowed down music, separately. With only 2 tracks on recording tape, that would have meant a lot of re-recording (called in the business "bouncing") and a subsequent loss of fidelity. So Ross used 4 tape recorders, one for each voice! And how did he synch them all up perfectly? By recording on 35mm film stock, which was easy to synchronize, since a movie's picture and soundtrack obviously have to be precisely aligned.

(As a curious sidelight, cigarettes were instrumental in the development of the modern tape-recorder. Up thru the 1920s, magnetic recording was done on steel wire or thin steel strips, which were expensive and impractical: for edits or repairs, they had to be welded! Meanwhile, a German tobacco company wanted to replace the thin bands of gold on the tips of their high-end smokes with something less expensive. Austrian inventor Fritz Pfleumer came up with a way to bond thin strips of bronze onto paper, and while bronze isn't magnetic, it occurred to him the same method would work with an iron alloy that was. Thus, the tape came first, with the modern recorder being redesigned around it, the paper backing eventually replaced by flexible plastic.)

Released in late 1958, "The Chipmunk Song" sold 4 million copies in 7 weeks. A month after that Christmas, Ross turned 40, hardly an overnight success. The single came in a picture sleeve illustrating the chipmunks as ugly cartoon rodents, identical except for the initial on their sweaters. On the "Ed Sullivan Show", they were hand puppets. Eventually they became more like little boys on the animated "Alvin Show" which began in 1961. Interestingly, on that show the Chipmunks want to sing "Witch Doctor." Dave says: "I already made that record." Alvin replies: "Not with us you didn't!" And so they do.

What followed was an avalanche of squeaky voice imitators, all manner of insects, birds, creatures and critters. Artists like the Coasters ("Charlie Brown" and "Little Egypt") and Sheb Wooley ("Purple People Eater" and "Luke the Spook") jumped on the bandwagon. One of the strangest was Jesse Lee Turner's "Little Space Girl." She wants to marry him, but he demurs, because she has multiple arms, lips, eyes, etc. Well, Ok, he finally gives in. And on thru the 60's & 70's...Ray Stevens ("Bridget the Midget"), David Bowie ("The Laughing Gnome"), the Cowsills ("Gotta Get Away"), a CB radio take-off with Shirley & Squirrelly, and coming full circle when Chip 'n' Dale recorded "The Chipmunk Song" in 1981.

Then there's the version of "The Chipmunk Song" the Chipmunks recorded in 1968 with Canned Heat of all people..."Hey you mice, get out of our recording studio!" Ross Bagdasarian died in 1972, but his son Ross Jr. took over, and recently turned 60, making him 9 years older than his 3 little brothers. Till next time, hope you get that hula hoop...(how do you wrap a hula hoop?)...and rock on!

hit or myth? (4CE reprint may 2010)

2010-08-16T07:21:00.000-07:00

You may have noticed I deleted all the "Baker's Dozen" columns. They are now a daily feature at Stolf's Blog, http://stolf.wordpress.com. Instead, I'll post some more reprints from "4th Coast Entertainment", viz....

Hit or Myth?

As a young man, Fidel Castro had a pitching tryout with the Washington Senators. One of the all-time great "what-if" rumors, but completely false. What makes it sound plausible is the fact that of the 47 Cubans who played in the majors from 1935-55, 31 spent time with the Senators. Owner Clark Griffith liked those low wages, so they say. Plus, Castro was big in baseball, soccer and track in college, but he graduated with a law degree, and worked early on as a lawyer. Everybody in Cuba knows he didn’t have the level of playing skills needed to be a pro, writes Yale Professor Roberto Gonzalez Echevarria in his history of Cuban baseball.

Soon after the revolution, Castro did pitch in an exhibition game with his team Los Barbudos ("The Bearded Ones.") According to "The Sporting News," he pitched one inning, and notched 2 K's, with help from the umpire: "When the arbiter called the batter out on a high, inside pitch, Castro dashed to the plate and shook hands with the ump." It's good to be the king.

Charles Manson auditioned to be a Monkee. Another oft-told myth bites the dust. It is well-documented that he was in prison at the time on a ten-year mail theft and forgery rap. Among the 437 hopefuls who did answer the ad in "Variety" was Stephen Stills. He recounts how they liked his overall looks, except for his crooked teeth and thinning hair. They asked if he knew anyone who looked like him, and he recommended a Greenwich Village buddy of his, Peter Tork!

Superman failed his army induction physical. A hit, although oddly enough, it didn't happen in the comic books. Closest we get is this note in Superman #25, Nov/Dec 1942: "Millions of Superman readers will recall that Clark Kent tried to enlist, but was rejected for faulty vision when his x-ray vision penetrated the eye-chart and read a different chart in the next room." This happened on Feb 18 1942, in the daily Superman newspaper strip.

Says a bewildered Clark: "There must be some mistake!...The Army doesn't want me?" The doc replies: "You're physically superb, except you're obviously blind as a bat...you muffed every line." Sure enough, the next panel shows how he x-rayed though the wall. But no worries: he realized, as the note says, he could "be of more value on the home front operating as a free agent."

Eddie Haskell of "Leave It To Beaver" grew up to be Alice Cooper. Total myth, although Alice himself is inadvertently to blame. Eddie was played by actor Ken Osmond, who grew up to be an L.A. cop (and not porn-star John Holmes, as another rumor has it.) In the late 60s, Vince Furnier and his band the Spiders were struggling, so they decided to take a more theatrical approach, with the new persona "Alice Cooper."

Publicity at the time claimed a ouija board told Vince he was the reincarnation of a 17th century witch by that name, but this was a complete fabrication. Today he says he just picked the name out of the air, because it sounded like "a sweet little girl with a hatchet behind her back." Aunt Bee's replacement on "Mayberry RFD", Alice Cooper, played by Alice Ghostly, is apparently just coincidence, as is the mother of Archie's friend Betty, also Alice Cooper.

But what launched the story was Vince's statement in an interview that as a kid he was Eddie Haskell. He meant that was his obnoxious personality, but it was taken literally. An interesting note on Eddie Haskell: in the pilot episode, the character, then named Frankie Bennett, was played by a young Harry Shearer, best know as Spinal Tap's bass-player, and for numerous voices on "The Simpsons." Wally was also played by a different actor, Paul Sullivan, as was Ward, Casey Adams.

Speaking of the Monkees, Jimi Hendryx was once their opening act. True! But what were they thinking? Well, what they were thinking was: Wow! This guy is good! The Monkees just wanted to watch & listen to him perform every night. For Jimi's part, he had 3 top-ten hits in England, but zip stateside, so he figured it'd be good exposure, despite having called the Monkees, in an printed interview several months earlier, "dishwater."

So he signed up for a summer tour in 1967, with predictable results. He's going "foxy...lady..." while the fans are screaming "Davy...Davy..." After half-a-dozen shows, he snapped, flipped the audience the bird, and stormed off the stage. The Monkees let him out of his contract, parting ways amicably. "Purple Haze" was just breaking over the horizon...

The lyrics to John Fred and the Playboy Band's "Judy in Disguise with Glasses" make no sense. This is a half-truth, because some of them actually do make sense. The group from Baton Rouge enjoyed regional success as a boogie-oriented bar band, and if you're looking for "new oldies," their greatest hits CD is highly recommended. "Judy" came about when John Fred Gourrier misheard the lyrics to "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" and the whole thing was meant as a goof, which nonetheless catapulted them to their 15 minutes of fame. They hated the song, but whutcha gonna do?

Some of the lyrics have been deciphered: "Cross your heart with your living bra" of course refers to the Playtex advertising slogan. "A circus of horrors, that's what you are" is from a 1960 British horror movie by that name. More obscure is the line: "Keep wearing your bracelets and your raras." That's how you'll see the lyrics listed, but it should be spelled "rah-rahs." It was slang in the South 2-tone Oxford shoes, the kind cheerleaders wore. Up north we called them saddle shoes.

But the lines "a chimney sweep sparrow with guise [guys?]" and "you made me a life of ashes" really don't make any sense, if that's what he's really singing. The mystery is why someone doesn't just ask the dude. Also, you may read that John Fred's dad Fred Gourrier was a local celebrity, having played shortstop for the Detroit Tigers. What people don't realize is for 40 years there have been reference books that list everybody who ever played in the Majors, even if for just one game. Now it's all on-line, and if your name ain't there, game over. Turns out Fred was in the farm system, but never made it to The Show.

Postscript on the "Man from U.N.C.L.E." column... The internet says Del Floria, whose tailor shop in NYC "on a street in the East 40's" was the "agents' entrance," had no first name. Wrong! In "The Concrete Overcoat Affair," Mr. Waverly calls him "Bill." That's what happens when you buy the complete DVD set, a Christmas gift from me to me, and watch the whoooooole thing. Anyway, you saw it here first...till next time, rock on!

t.r.i.v.i.a. from u.n.c.l.e. (4CE reprint, Feb 2010)

2010-06-19T18:24:00.000-07:00

S.T.U.F.F. from U.N.C.L.E.

One of my favorite TV shows from the 60s was "The Man from U.N.C.L.E." Significantly, the two stars are still acting 46 years after its debut in 1964: David McCallum as Ducky on “NCIS” and Robert Vaughn on the British show “Hustle.” Here are some de-classified nuggets from the MFU dossier.

"The Ian Fleming Affair"....MFU was the first TV show to capitalize on the 007 craze, but what's little known is that James Bond creator Ian Fleming actually had a hand in its early development. Producer Norman Felton was inspired by both the Bond books and Fleming's travel book "Thrilling Cities." When he heard Fleming was visiting New York City, he flew out to take a meeting. Fleming had a bad heart and on his doctor-prescribed walks around Manhattan, he regaled Felton with tales of his life, his family, his books, anything but a new TV show. Eventually, Fleming produced a wad of Western Union telegram blanks, covered with scribbled ideas, including the name "Napoleon Solo", as well as "April Dancer," intended as UNCLE's Miss Moneypenny, but used two years later for the spinoff GFU series. Better than her original name "Cookie Fortune", no?

The series was to be called "Ian Fleming's Solo", but back in England, the Bond people pitched a fit, especially since "Solo" was the name of a minor villain in the soon-to-be released movie "Goldfinger." The out-of-court settlement allowed the character's name to remain, but not as the series title. (The recently released DVD box set does include the pilot episode, with the title "Solo.") In return, NBC's publicity was to make no mention of Fleming's involvement. He died August 12, 1964, five weeks before MFU hit the air.

"The Wrong K-Man Affair"....In that pilot, the head of UNCLE is Mr. Allison, played by actor Will Kuluva. It's mostly Napoleon Solo's story, with David McCallum's Illya Kuryakin appearing in just a few scenes. The network bosses approved the show, but producer Felton was told that guy with the K-name had to go. He assumed they meant Kuluva, who was replaced by Leo G. Carroll as Mr. Waverly, basically recycling his role of "The Professor" from Hitchcock's "North By Northwest." It later came out that they had meant ditch Kuryakin, since they felt viewers could never relate to a "good" Russian. An exec reportedly told Felton it was the best mistake they ever made.

"The Beam Me Up Scotty Affair"....One first season episode is famous for pairing William Shatner and Leonard Nemoy two years before "Star Trek." In the "Strigas Affair", Shatner plays a small-time pest exterminator recruited by UNCLE to help discredit an Eastern European ambassador played by Werner Klemperer, pre-Colonel Klink. Leonard Nemoy was his ambitious though blockheaded deputy. James "Scotty" Doohan also appeared in a first season show as a merchant marine officer.

And the choice of Robert Vaughn as Solo was a result of his staring role on "The Lieutenant", a series about life on a Marine Corps base. It was produced by, you guessed it, Gene Roddenberry. Had UNCLE not come along, would Vaughn have seen service on the Starship Enterprise? I sort of see him as a prissy doctor, along the lines of Robert Picardo on "Star Trek: Voyager."

"The C.A.R.S. from U.N.C.L.E. Affair"....We remember muscle cars and pony cars as the hot rides of the Sixties, but for grown-ups, there was nothing cooler than a powerful, full-size convertible. Thus, in the first season, the agents drove big Chevys and Pontiacs, and in the pilot, a Lincoln Continental. During the second season, it was Mopar: Polaras and Furys, an Imperial for Mr. Waverly, and Belvederes for taxi-cabs. Things lightened up in the third season: they drove a Dodge Charger for a while, the original one with the extreme fastback. Then came the legendary UNCLE-mobile.

Marbon Chemical, a division of Borg-Warner, built the one-shot CRV, a car to showcase its thermo-plastic Cycolac. AMT turned it into a model kit, re-named it the Piranha, and hired customizer Gene Winfield to built several more full-size versions. For UNCLE, he added gull-wing doors and lengthened the rear end to accommodate enough spy weapons to make an Aston-Martin jealous. Trouble was, the UNCLE car was always breaking down and was difficult getting in and out of. With a glass bubble roof (actually the gull-wing doors), no windows and no AC, it got unbearably hot inside in no time. Then there was the problem of "secret" agents driving around in what was essentially an instant auto show. It was used in just a handful of episodes, and once on GFU; a real "no-go showboat."

"The Affair of the Affairs Affair"....Giving each episode a similar title (it was originally to be "File") had a long history: the original "Dragnet" had "The Big ...", "Perry Mason" was "The Case of the ...", "Burke's Law" had "Who Killed ..." Interestingly, the agents actually referred to their missions as "affairs", although the code-name never matched the actual episode title. Thus "The Four Steps Affair" was called during the episode the "Rubiyat Affair", "The Double Affair" was referred to in the show as the "August Affair", etc. Perhaps the direct inspiration was the long-running radio drama "Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar." From 1949 to 1962, virtually all of the 811 weekly installments were called "The thus-and-so Matter", although episode #20 was "The Fishing Boat Affair."

"The Please Don't Shoot the Daisies Affair" ....A TV crossover is when characters from one series appear on another, but would you believe both Napoleon and Illya on the family-friendly sitcom "Please Don't Eat the Daisies"? The episode was titled "Say Uncle," and began with the boys playing UNCLE agents, then becoming convinced their Pop was a spy after seeing him with you-know-who. Pretty silly, but those were the days. UNCLE was thanked for its cooperation in the credits, just like on the real MFU show. Then there was the time David McCallum hosted "Hullabaloo" in character as Illya. “Hi, I’m not a real person…”

MFU was cancelled in January 1968, midway though its 4th season. The Boston NBC affiliate didn’t even air the last few episodes; we had to watch the snowy reception of a Providence, R.I. station. But by its passing, MFU gave life to two other classics: it was replaced on Monday nights by “Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In”, which revolutionized comedy on the Tube. In fact, the very next week, during the party scene, when Dick says "My mother married my step-father's brother by a previous marriage...you might call me the man from uncle," a waiter turns around: its Leo G. Carroll, who pulls out his pen communicator: "Mr. Kuryakin, get over here fast...I think I've found THRUSH headquarters at last."

And MFU was beaten in the ratings by “Gunsmoke,” slated for cancellation but given a reprieve by CBS president William Paley, who loved the show. It ran for another 8 seasons! Till next time, open Channel D, overseas relay….and rock on!