Treasures from Darkness

Endings

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Fri, 20 Nov 2020 20:51:00 +0000

Well, it is a few weeks since I last posted. Let's see what sense I can pull from this head and manage to use it to write something someone would like to read.

Well, it's really "much ado" about the same three or four topics which I've already dealt with in past posts. I don't want to beat that poor, dead horse....Let us move on, shall we?

I haven't yet decided what to do about next year in terms of continuing this blog. Between my uneventful life, my mental illness and diminished mental faculties I am really struggling with frustration which is often burdensome, as I search for topics about which to write. My inclination is to say that I have said all that I have to say and leave it at that. I want to tell you that there are 10 years' worth in the annals of this blog. The search feature will have to be your best friend though because Blogger changed the manner in which they allow you to navigate around old posts. They don't even tell you what year or month it is that you are looking at. My advice is to pick a topic and using the search function (in the side bar to the right.) And be aware that it shows up in tiny print..another peeve I have. You have to search in order to search!

Anyway. Once you find a period of time or a topic that you want to explore, at the end of each blog there are two arrows--one for Older Post and one for Newer Post....that's the best way to follow through a span of time consecutively...just keep clicking the "newer post" arrow and read on. And you can always find the date the post was written at the top of the post near the title.

So if you want to read Cynthia's mind before it had completely departed...have a party! I'll bring the popcorn. hahaha.

But seriously.

This blog has given my life some sense of purpose and accomplishment. It has gone through seasons of high readership and low. (understandably, it is in one of those slumps right now). Through it, I have made friends and gained a list of people to pray for. If you are the family member of a mentally ill person, I pray that this will help you to gain understanding and compassion for what they are going through. If you, yourself, are mentally ill I hope to have encouraged you to keep on striving for more,,don't be content just to take up space. You have a serious mental illness but that doesn't mean all life, meaning and hope for the future have evaporated. Think of something you want to accomplish and then take steps, even baby steps, in that direction.

I think that the sentence that would most explain my emotions and thoughts right now is this statement I saw on a T-shirt: "Fall down 7 times; Get up 8"

God bless and thank you for reading.

As Things Stand

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Tue, 03 Nov 2020 10:19:00 +0000

This post will not "wow" you with style or insight. I feel a decided lack in both areas. However you are probably wondering if I fell off the earth--so my purpose here is mainly to inform.

For some past months I have been "pursued" by a hacker/identity thief.. According to my family, he doesn't exist but is a figment of my psychosis. As a result I was railroaded into a hospital admission....although, I confess, it was necessary. My fear and anxiety over the situation had caused me to dip back into psychosis...and I was struggling with delusions and hallucinations as well as a load of paranoia. There were a total of three hospital stays in recent memory. They did help although I am appalled by the advancement of my illness. I can no longer pretend that I am "normal" (is anyone?) and because my husband no longer wants me to live in "his" home (it is half mine)--I am looking into other living alternatives. Believe me, there are not a lot of options....at least not where I live. It is easy to see how people with SZ so often live on the street. A family member or room mate point to the door and say "OUT!" and there is no recourse for them but to go. There are not too many people who are willing to share a house with someone who has SZ.

When I was in my 20's I lived in a group home--and I HATED it. Because you see, in my eyes, I was normal and this was all a terrible mistake. I thought I was better than the other residents. and had never been homeless....so I did not appreciate a somewhat comfortable bed and the half a room that was mine to call home or having sufficient food to stave off hunger. From there I moved to a "Supportive Apartment" run by the same organization that ran the house. I shared the apartment with two other young women and had the luxury of being assigned the one single bedroom. My roommates varied from nice enough to a real ***** who set off every paranoid alarm in my brain. I was terrified of her and she hated me and did her best to worsen my paranoia.....

Anyway.

I wanted out of the "System" - I didn't belong there (just ask me!) So when a marriage proposal came from the man I was dating, I was very relieved that I would no longer be living in a group home. That lasted for 30 years of functioning adequately well enough to keep a house and raise a daughter. But in the past 10 years, things have begun to slide. I was kind of unaware of it until my social worker in the last hospital visit, asked me if I thought I belonged in a state hospital. I almost yelled a vehement "NO!!" - Honestly it was not a thought that had crossed my mind in the past ten years when the question had come up one other time.My social worker said "You have a chronic, degenerative brain disease. These episodes are not going to lessen. They will get worse and do you really want to hurt your family by going in and out of the hospital all of the time?"

Add that to that the fact that my father is quite worried about what will become of me when he is gone. He wants to have me set up in some kind of long term solution. I really never thought it would come down to this. I mean, I knew it was a degenerative, chronic disease but never really considered in real life what that implied. So now, with my husband becoming more and more angry and constantly demanding that I leave ...I am under pressure to find some kind of alternative I can live with....and am not coming up with a bunch of options.

So.

Right now life is hard and I am in a bad spot. God has some kind of solution in the works--I just hope he reveals it soon. I would not survive a single night on the street. My pain levels are so severe that even a trip to the store is barely endurable. And as far as my walking ability? from my house down the driveway is about all I could manage.

This is how things are right now. I have basically destroyed all of my friendships - or rather, my friends could not deal with my illness and one by one have bowed out of my life. My mom has gone to heaven and it won't be terribly long until my father does as well. And then? I have my daughter although my illness has been very hard on her and I know she has some mixed feelings about me.

If you pray to the Lord Jesus, please pray for me....that there will be an acceptable solution for me to have shelter and food. Pray for my husband. ..and for my daughter. Thank you.

A New Year's Resolve in September?

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Wed, 23 Sep 2020 10:30:00 +0000

I was blessed when, on Saturday, my daughter came to spend the day with me. She took my computer and checked everything out.....and declared it "Hacker-free".... as much as I want it to be determined to be safe and clear...I just have so much trouble believing that. And my constant fear and hyper-alertness to everything that goes on with my accounts such as Google...and my terror when something occurs of which there is no explanation besides human finagling...all this has become part of my world. It's as though someone said to me ," See your husband there? well, he doesn't exist. You have created him in your sick mind." It has made my husband furious and my daughter, frustrated....and me ? Alone and scared.

My daughter recently bought me the "Filament Bible" which is a Bible that is synced with a QR scanner --which is an app you can install on your cell phone. I still have some problem working the scanner--shaky hands make that a challenge--but if you are reading a book of the Bible and studying it, you don't have to scan much....you can navigate from your phone's screen. There are numerous resources on the App which are all relevant to the Scriptures you are reading. You can find info and "Study", you can find material on which to "Reflect" or charts, maps and graphs which invite you to "See". You can take it at your own pace. You can nibble and graze, or you can dig deeply into a subject.--and you can take as much or as little time as you can or want.

I am studying the book of Ezekiel who was quite a character...but he was sold out to obeying God and was willing to suffer pain and public humiliation in the pursuit of obedience to his God. I'm no prophet but I do relate to his "weirdness" and am being blessed by his life. The only objection he had ever raised to one of God's directives to him was his repulsion at the thought of fueling his fire where he was to bake bread--with dried, human dung. Now I would protest also but merely because of its grossness. But Zeke didn't like the idea because it would render him ceremonially unclean. He had kept the Law all his life and the thought of besmirching his record of obedience was horrifying to him. And you know what? God listened to him and agreed he could use cow dung. (Me? I'm thinking I would have pushed for charcoal brickettes.!)

My plan is to continue to use the Filament Bible (forever ??? Maybe). through the coming year. I'm going to do topical studies, word studies, character studies and studies on books of the Bible. I really like this idea. I have the structure of a study guide and library of resources---and the freedom to do whatever I want with the material and to go as slowly or quickly as I want.

2020 was kind of a year of spinning my spiritual wheels. In 2019 I read the whole chronological Bible and that was awesome...but I thought I was ready for something new in 2020 but never really arrived at what that "something" should be. So I spent my times of Penuel, just paging through my Bible and grazing, randomly. It was half-hearted and I got little out of it. It was, I am sure, what made this year so unsatisfying and such a spiritual struggle in seeking: purpose, worship and hearing God's voice through his Word..The year was not a total waste. God spoke to my heart a number of times and I think I did progress and grow in being able to discern God's voice out of the noise in my mind and spirit.

But I have determined that 2021 will be a year of increased intimacy and learning. One thing I HAVE done right in 2020 was a greater focus on Bible memorization. I learned several entire chapters and some smaller passages. I will continue with that. Right now I am learning Psalm 91 which should be fairly easy because I am already very familiar with it. Having schizophrenia, probably one of my greatest emotional struggles is the struggle with fear. Fear of things real (like my future and also what I will do in the face of the current shortage of my main psych med) and fear of things that exist only in this short--circuited brain of mine. And in the face of national instability and uncertainty here in this country and really, world-wide, Psalm 91 is an incredibly relevant and powerful chapter..

One of the best things for me in the face of a fading year and the anticipation of a new year, is the planning of my times of Penuel for the next 365 days (as I have explained before, Penuel which means "the face of God" is what I call my Quiet Time with the Lord each day.) I'll probably write more on that in the coming months.

So study, more focus on prayer, and memorization lie in the year ahead. I also plan on spending less time online and will probably share less of my guts and will guard my privacy a little more. Hacker or none, I have too much hanging on the laundry line and it is a risk. And the last area of focus will be to continue to lose weight... This past year I have lost about 60 lbs. I know it is only September, but I like to plan for the year ahead...even though the way it turns out usually has nothing to do with my plans, but "Those who aim at nothing, will reach it." The coming of fall always motivates me to think ahead. I do not always keep my goals but I do accomplish more than it would were it not for my aspirations.

Miracle or Madness?

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Thu, 10 Sep 2020 07:45:00 +0000

I know that I have been quiet. I've been trying to make sense of my brain which seems sometimes, to have taken leave. Is Eric right? There's nothing here in my cyber world, other than that which my sick brain has PUT there? That is just so hard to believe. I mean, when your eyes are looking at something that you have never seen before and there is no doubt in your mind that what you are looking at is indeed real--and then someone tells you, "no. It is not real" what do you do with that? Do you willingly place it on the scrap heap of delusion and adopt a third party's assessment of what is real and what is not, when to do so is to "deny thyself and refute thy name"? Would doing that buy me any peace at all in this strife-torn house? It would certainly be nice to be able to do that. But it is not so easy to deny thyself when every bit of evidence is corroborated by my senses--by the very things I use to determine in every sense, what is real and what is not. I mean if I throw that out--turn it on its head--what am I left with? What is real? Is anything real and trustworthy? If you tell me that I have no sensibility by which I can say, "This is real" and "this is not" then you are throwing me into some deep, stormy water without a dependable craft in which to stay afloat.

But on the other hand, when what I feel is real, is displaying some very scary capabilities to wreak havoc and destruction in my life, it is tempting to say to it, "Hah! you are not real and therefore you have no ability to touch me or harm me." which gives it (them) the license to do what they will at potentially great expense and harm to me. Its very power and terror comes from its true potentiality and "reasonableness." It could be real. I pray to God that it is not but must keep alert to signs that it is. It is this last sentence that has my husband and daughter in an uproar. They lean to the position that I should believe NOTHING that my brain or senses tell me. And because I have been unable (and maybe unwilling) to do that, they are angry. I really wonder what they would do if roles and symptoms were theirs instead of mine?

On another note, I saw an ad for a Bible which is "Filament enabled". It is an NLT study Bible with large print and a pretty cover and access to an online treasure trove of study resources. I don't know if you've heard of the Filament Bible. It is a Bible that interacts with the reader online by presenting every type of resource one could want, including even a collection of worship music (and I am hoping: hymns). My daughter ordered it for me because (due to nonsense. I confess), my credit cards are in the process of being replaced and I'm waiting for them in the mail. I'm so excited by this Bible because I have been HUNGRY for more of God and more of his Word...but have been at a loss as to topic or method of study. I think that my first study in this new Bible will be the book of Ezekiel. HE saw things that no one would believe either. I heard someplace that Ezekiel was schizophrenic. I know that the line between prophecy and SZ is a narrow one. I believe that prophets as well as those with SZ are privy to sensibilities that stretch the borders of the ordinary man's grasp and faith. And I think that were a person with SZ to see a field of dried up human bones, he would be much less challenged - than a normal person would be-to believe what he was seeing should he see flesh appear upon that dead army and he would be more willing to call forth breath for those long dead. God pushes mankind WAY out of our comfort zone and the psychotic mind is much more comfortable in the territory of the miraculous than is the average man. And I think, therefore, God has a special place in his heart for those of us who find Reality a question and an effort.

Well, I didn't cover any of the things I had intention of writing about but perhaps that is just as well. Maybe next time.

The Breakdown of my Breakdown. Pt 2 of my discussion of what I've recently been through.

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Wed, 02 Sep 2020 22:18:00 +0000

The last post was written prior to my most recent issues....This post picks up a month or so later. Things were unraveling in every part of my mind, and life. The thing is that I could not admit or comprehend my state of fragility---or the extent of the disconnect going on in my brain. I'm afraid I can not give much of a coherent breakdown of my breakdown. There were struggles at home and I went from appointment to appointment looking for a hand too draw me from the abyss. Honestly I do not have any clear memories of that time. All I can tell you is that it was desperate, scary time. The "Shadow People" were still monopolizing my thoughts and time. Nothing was safe and I felt that I would never escape their strangle hold on me.

Long story short: I was admitted to the psych floor at our local hospital.

And then,there in the hospital, once again, I bent to pick up a piece of paper on the floor and there it went. My hip bone slipped out of the rubber cuff that holds it in place...just three months after having the surgery done the previous time. This time I had to wait about 3 days on the ortho floor with my hip out of place and in enormous agony.

I'm realizing as I write this that I'm mixing up the facts and timeline. I really don't have a clear idea of how this whole thing transpired. But the upshot is that I got a new hip joint and from there was shipped over to BHU (Behavioral Health Unit). And I was truly a mess. But true to form, I hid it pretty well (at least I THOUGHT I did! Now that I was away from my triggers on line..my paranoia turned to my more immediate surroundings. I was certain that a group of nurses, aides and one person from administration, were actively seeking to have me admitted to a unit for people with dementia. I went from extreme to extreme emotionally. It was a miserable time for me. I was filled with fear and panic. I could not confide in anyone for fear they were a part of my group of hate-filled nurses and staff.

After I was cleared medically following that hip replacement, I was transferred to BHU only to discover more of the hateful staff there. My doctor there was one of the head docs in that department. He was a Chinese man and I sometimes had to ask him to repeat himself so that I could understand what he was saying. He (correctly) diagnosed the problem as paranoia and delusional thoughts...both, symptoms of my original diagnosis as Chronic Paranoid Schizophrenia. And as these two or three weeks in that hospital I was able to look back on my years of sickness, even encompassing years where I was "well" and "symptom free." I was able to see how, throughout my entire life since age 16, I was constantly ensconced in one or more areas of serious struggles with paranoia.

My doctor there said that in cases like mine where it has gone without being dealt with early on, it can be hard or impossible to get the delusions and fears to go away. Rather, the focus must be on my response to the crazy situations my brain drums up. When the doctor and his team of interns and residents told me on Monday that I was going to have to leave on Wednesday since my insurance had decided I was ready to be discharged, I cried that day and had a terrible anxiety attack. But a staff member helped me using herbal remedies to calm me down. Lavender oil and chamomile tea. It worked. On Tuesday I was in good shape. Most of the hospital stay I spent in my room but on Tuesday, I attended all the groups and was more active. Pain blew me out of the water and pretty much made sleep impossible on the night prior to my discharge today but for the first time in a long time I had an inkling of peace.

When I contemplated coming home to a computer and cell phone full of malevolent forces my stomach dropped inside...my throat closed in fear. But I made some rules: I would only be online for short times and would look for other ways to stay busy. I would only look online if there was someone here with me who could be the reality test for me. Well I broke all those rules. I got involved in putting out some fires and recovered my Google account as well as a secondary email address that had gotten messed up.

It is with complete amazement that I witness how intricately my brain works and how much smarter it is than the rest of me :) Incredible that it could create such believable scenarios with perfect detail. I have found that logical questions are helpful to restore reality to my mind. And when I ask these questions, much of the fear subsides. I do think that someone is definitely playing hankie pankie with my accounts. There are some sites that he has joined and it seems he is also making use of my YouTube account. But even knowing that, I'm okay. I will ferret out all these problems and deal with them one at a time. And I know just the right person to help me with that. That is not my concern tonight. I have other things more profitable to think about.

I know this post does not really reveal the guts of what happened to me at the hands of this illness. But it's all that I'm capable of explaining right now. Maybe later there will be some light thrown on the dark areas of confusion and fear...but for now this will have to do.

"Do Not Panic Before Them"-- My recent Decline: PART ONE

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Sat, 08 Aug 2020 06:07:00 +0000

This post was written in February and is the introduction to a series based on my recent experiences as a Schizophrenic woman struggling with her illness.

"So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deut. 31:6

The signs were there---for a long time. Irrational fears. Forgetfulness. Losing the ability to use logic. Obsessions and terror about things like head lice and identity theft. The internal pressures in my brain were building up to a great implosion. And on August 1st, it happened.

It started with an email from Google that an unauthorized person was in my Google account. So I ousted him and changed the password. A little while later, I checked, and he was gone. Then another note. I repeated the process...and then he came back almost immediately. It was like he could see my new passwords as soon as they were posted. I panicked. Hyperventilating and sweating I racked my brain for a strategy...but came up with nothing. I went to my other email site and found it FULL of security breach alerts...from almost every site I frequent. I finally shut the computer and laid on my bed in the darkness, eyes wide and terrified.

The next morning I emailed my friend who owns a computer shop in town. He's my repair guru and over the years we grew to trust each other and I enjoy doing business with him. He listened to my panicked description of the problem--and said something unexpected. "Cynthia, shut the computer down and do not touch it for a week. Your marriage needs your attention and you are too wrapped up in this."

I was dubious...I mean, wasn't that dangerous? But I agreed to listen to him. But I couldn't help myself. The next day I went onto my Kindle Fire. This guy was everywhere. I knew what town he was from and what device he was using...but that was IT. He, on the other hand, appeared to know what color underwear I was wearing. I was terrified. I couldn't breathe. And then he spotted the Kindle I was on and began his attack on me there. I shut it down. Only to get onto my smart phone the next morning. I realized that he was working on wifi....he should have no access to my text messages. For a day or two that went okay...but they (now he was joined by an Oriental woman...I felt quite sure) caught on to my strategy and began to intercept my text messages also. Soon it became apparent that they could see me and hear me as well.

It had the flavor of an international data breach. One that would topple governments. Much more was at stake than my bank account. (oddly, they never touched any of my finance accounts or even Amazon. ) I did not know what they were really looking for but knew that it was something nefarious. And I was scared. My fear knew no boundaries. It was all consuming. I couldn't put my cell phone down. I had to keep on top of them or Lord knows what would happen.

I knew I was sick. It took a couple of days for me to realize it. But finally it dawned on me. I needed help. I talked to my husband and we agreed to follow the med protocol the hospital always used on me when I was admitted and it had always worked. But even so...I needed more help. I called my psychiatrist's PA whom I see every couple of months. She increased my medicine dose and added Abilify at my request. Then she told me her boss wanted to meet with me in a phone session. I was scared of him. I had never met him but in my mind he was frightening.

The morning of my conversation with him, I showered in case he did a video call. My hair needed help. When the phone rang, a gentle voice said "Hi honey, how are you doing?" He was nothing like I'd anticipated. I told him I needed more meds... that I was in hell. He wanted me to wait until next Monday (which was about 5 days away) to increase the med since it can take that long for an increase to kick in its effect. I managed to talk to him fairly normally and wondered if he could possibly guess how severe my suffering was since I masked it so well.

Then. On Thursday....things got completely out of hand. I looked at my cell phone in disbelief ...message after message flashed on it ...An emoticon with an evil, satanic leer grinned at me...There was now an entire team of these sadists out to destroy me. I was overcome with fear.. But . Yet. Something....wasn't right. How could any person do all this so quickly? No one could type that fast. No. it had to be something else. I knew it. It was demons. I called my friend Jim and told him a little of what was happening. He started to speak truth to me. "Cynthia. Jesus is Lord. Jesus is King. Only He can help you. He is the most powerful." I decided to go to Jim's house and show him my phone. So his caregiver and my friend, picked me up and drove me there. I turned my phone on to show him...and stopped in stunned amazement. There was my email. Circumspect and normal. No demons. No icons. No threats.....just ...email.

A thought began to tentatively bubble up to my surface consciousness. What if there really WAS no one there? What if it is all my sick mind? It was an astounding thought. HOW could my brain manufacture security alerts etc, that were so believable? Wow.

I am a freakin' schizophrenic.

I mean, obviously I knew that...but the incredible power of my sick brain had heretofore eluded me. So. I took a deep breath and put down my cell phone. Later I went to sites I had not dared to open while I was on the run from THEM. Now, I began to breathe a little easier . But then I thought of my laptop....abandoned for the entire week. And the terror began to tingle down my spine again. That was where my Google account was...probably by this time they would not let me reclaim it as rightfully mine. It was lost to these shadow people. I decided that I would take it to Tommy (my computer friend) and would do it in his presence...so if anything weird were to happen, he would know what to do.

On Friday I emailed Tommy, and sadly, he had had a death in the family and would not be available. He suggested I call his shop and get together with one of his employees. No. I took a deep breath and opened my laptop. I signed on and went to Youtube. (a Google site)...no problems there. Then I went to Gmail. I clicked on my account -- in amazement that my password worked-- and saw that all was well. No mention of an intruder. I saw my password change on August 1st but otherwise...nada.

I was relieved and I confess, gobsmacked (as my friends over the Pond say). I have no idea how this began or if there ever was an intruder. I still am nervous. I was on my cell tonight with a friend and suddenly all my windows shut down...inexplicably. And terror grabbed me by the throat. I am gun-shy and I suspect I will be for awhile. I still have thoughts of "THEM" and think that maybe they are laying low for a while just to make me get careless and then they can finish me off once and for all.

This afternoon my husband came to my room and said, "I want you to know that I am impressed and I am PROUD of YOU. This is the first time in 30 years that you have admitted you are sick and realized that you need meds. You trusted me enough to let me tell you what meds to take and you took the initiative and called a doctor and came up with a plan. I am impressed." Those words made this whole hellish experience a little more tolerable. Worthwhile. Those words mean a lot to me. My husband is not one given to compliments...to me, anyway...and hearing them brought tears to my eyes. My illness has brought all kinds of hell to my family and a lot of that hell was caused by my belligerence and refusal to cooperate with anyone's attempts to help me. It's not so much the schizophrenia that was the problem. It was my stubbornness. Before I had always let the tide of insanity carry me out to sea in a great swooosh. This time I fought back..not with the doctors or my family but against the illness itself. I fought back with the only weapons we have which almost always will work: prayer, medications and being honest with my health care professionals.

The last two psychotic episodes I've had were different. They were FILLED with heart-stopping terror. I never want to experience that again. But I know I probably will. Maybe now, however, my approach will be different. Thank you to my husband and daughter who did not let them lock me up and throw away the key as they were advised by my doctors to do. Yes, I damaged our relationships. Things are not the same. But I appreciate them on a whole new level now.

After I closed my Google page and was totally befuddled by all this..I looked at the email that was open on the screen. It was one of my daily verse emails. And it seemed to me to be so appropriate. A perfect ending.*

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*See the verse at the beginning of this blog.

I played the following song over and over in the past week.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_v3i2k6Psc&list=RD-EINvnCqgjc&index=6

Special Guest Author: Julie Zine Coleman

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Wed, 29 Jul 2020 04:41:00 +0000

Today I bring you a special gift---an article by author Julie Zine Coleman,whom I met at a writers' conference in Philadelphia quite a few years ago now. I'm honored that she has agreed to write a post for us here. Julie's great love is deep study of the word of God, and unpacking it to bless the rest of us as well as equipping us to study deeper and better ourselves.

How to Go Deeper into God’s Word (part 1)

By Julie Zine Coleman

It has been said that the Bible is the least read bestseller on the market. Most people purchase their Bible believing it to be the inspired Word of God. Why then aren’t we reading it?

Honestly? Finding something fresh or inspiring in the Bible that relates directly to our life experiences can be a challenge. It was written thousands of years ago. The language can be archaic, and the literary style and content often feels out of date. It’s hard to know how to jump in.

How can we move past a superficial reading to finding fresh meaning in our study of Scripture? It’s not rocket science. There are three basic steps to hermeneutics (interpretation of Scripture) that should be followed in order to determine the intended meaning in a passage: observation, interpretation, and application.

This article will cover the first step, which is always observation. It is our human tendency to give something a good read, then jump right to interpretation. But when we rush through observation, we will miss so many important details that will make the passage come alive. Every word is there for a reason. The best way you can start digging is to know what the passage says.

1. Before you do anything, pray.

1 Corinthians 2:11-16 tells us “the thoughts of God no one knows except the Spirit of God. Now we have received… the Spirit who is from God so that we may know the things freely given to us by God…those taught by the Spirit.” Ask the Holy Spirit to teach and guide you. He will be faithful to do it.

2. Approach the passage with a clean slate.

One of the greatest killers to our potential to discover truth is approaching Scripture with the attitude: “I already know that.”

3. Look for what is emphasized (find repeated words or ideas).

4. Look for the main point of the passage. You can also find supporting details in many passages. Often the author gives several examples to flesh out a main point.

5. Note anything you learn about God. After all, Scripture is one big revelation of Him! There’s so much to look at and investigate and discover about Him:

How he interacts with individuals

What he values

What is his desire for us

His master plan from the beginning

Faith, grace, mercy, forgiveness

Character traits: how He defines Himself

6. List reasons the author gives for something.

7. Note parallel ideas being presented.

8. Note signal words.

· For indicates the author is about to list a reason.

· Therefore, so that, for this reason indicate the author has just given you a reason. What follows then will be our appropriate response.

· Therefore can also indicate a summary or conclusion is about to be made.

· But, however, nevertheless signal contrast. Look to see what two things are being compared.

9. Find the pronouns (he, she, it, they, them) and determine the antecedent (the word they are replacing).

10. Ask questions. Is there something you don’t understand? Write it down. I keep a list with every passage I study. Keep these handy for when you come to a stand-still in your observations. They might give you something else to look for and get you moving again!

The way I approach any passage is to first print it out, copy and pasting from a site like biblegateway.com. Then, as I discover these things, I use colored fine-point sharpies to mark it up. I draw arrows to related things, draw boxes around important words, circle, underline, etc. No color means anything specific. I just change colors with every new thought or idea to help me visualize what goes with what.

Don’t be in a hurry. Spend at least 20 minutes and two or three days in this first step. You will be surprised what you will find that you might have brushed right past with a superficial reading.

Once you have spent ample time in observation, you will be ready to move into the next step: interpretation (we’ll cover that in another article). The more you practice good observation tactics, the better you will get. Time to get started!

Please visit Julie on her web page to learn more about her and what she is doing: http://juliecoleman.org/about-julie/

(Julie's first book can be found at: https://www.amazon.com/Unexpected-Love-Heart-Revealed-Conversations-ebook/dp/B00A0VP5OU/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=julie+coleman&qid=1595996368&sr=8.

She is hard at work on her second book and we will be seeing it in bookstores and on Amazon soon. Please grace her by writing a comment on this post. She has two more articles to follow up on this one. Please let her know if you liked this first post.

A Love Like you Can't Imagine

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Sat, 18 Jul 2020 14:56:00 +0000

I have a binder chock full of articles I have written as I have traversed this life of faith and probably hundreds more on my computer. I opened the file on my computer and started reading. This article was written at least 10 years ago as that is when it was last edited. Things were very different for me back then. It was a whole lifetime ago. But still, we can learn from our past selves and be challenged by them as well. I hope you enjoy this blast from my past.

I have a friend who ministers to the Cambodian people as a doctor and a follower of Christ. He sent me an article written by Henry Nouwen that made him think of me when he read it. As I read this article some things began to click and come together for me…I want to try to elucidate them here to both convey my thoughts to you and to also consolidate and maybe get a better grasp on them myself.

The article talked about Solitude and the importance of coming to a solid understanding during our times of being alone with God, that we are His Beloved. That is our identity…All that we are and do must spring from that fact–and if we can really grasp this-- we will be able to endure much hardship and much success. If we solidly understand this truth: we will no longer need to seek affirmation, attention, or adulation from others…because we will have all that we need from the One who so fervently loves us. All of that nameless longing that we have (especially those of us who did not come from very affectionate homes) for love and security will be satisfied in abundance by our Father’s love. Last night God reminded me of the following verse.

Jeremiah 31:3

³The LORD appeared to him from afar, saying,
”I have loved you with an everlasting love;
Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness.

Sometimes God is “afar” off to us but it is He who takes the initiative to “appear” to us (in Hebrew, the word for “appear” means to reveal oneself to another). God will approach US and make us understand the fact of how greatly we are loved by Him. This love has no end and no beginning…it exists for all time. And God grants us favor and blessings so that we will be drawn toward Him; compelled by His kindness to approach, to know Him, and then to enter into the relationship of both a child with our parents and also a spouse with our beloved Lover. God’s love has both the acceptance and comfort of an ideal parent and also the passion of a lover – and thus it fulfills, completely, every innate need we have.

The next thought that God gave me along these lines was that we are as important as is the One who loves us. Obviously, we are not as important as God but He loves us so much, that this is true in a real way. He literally left heaven’s splendor, took on the limitations and weakness of a man’s body, and came on a passionate pursuit with the purpose of saving us from the sin that had a death-grip on us and which would have stolen us, His bride, away from Him forever. This mission necessarily involved Him dying in the pursuit of that purpose at the hands of some of those Beloved ones He had come to rescue. This death of our lover, was our judgment day–and HE bore the penalty that we deserved, for us, there on that cross. So, because our Father/spouse gave His life for ours, He assigned that importance to us and therefore we are counted as valued and greatly treasured. This hit me hard, because, then it is true that I AM NOT MY OWN – I have been purchased with a very high price which makes me valuable…and therefore it is very wrong of me to deliberately injure or abuse this body as I did sometimes. It is the possession of the King. It is the highly esteemed possession of the King….Therefore, no matter how worthless the enemy of our souls makes us feel, we must understand that this is a lie from hell and we, instead, have an inestimable value.

That is hard for me to grasp; hard for me to FEEL. While on one hand it delights me; on the other it is hard to believe. I think of my unworthy behavior; of my weakness; of this body that I am not so fond of–and I wonder with the hymn writer, “How can He love me so?” But that is the first and foremost fact that God desires us to know about ourselves. And once we do, we will never again be the same. We will walk in confidence; we will not give anyone the power to convince us that we are worthless or not beautiful; we will never have to seek attention or affirmation from others on this earth;…are you getting this picture?? Are you bowled over in amazement? If you’re not, then you’re not getting the picture!

Worship will change for us as well. We will not value things that are of little or no significance anymore… Our Lover will be all that we desire. And the Bible says that “We love because He first loved us.” That means, if you think about it, that UNTIL WE GRASP THE FACT OF HIS LOVE FOR US, we will be unable to really love Him. And therefore, our worship will really be empty and powerless because it is not springing up from a well full of His amazing love for us. We cannot give what we have not been given. And we cannot GET what we so greatly need and desire from anyone or anything on this earth. We were created for relationship with God. Nothing else will ever satisfy that longing and need.
These things all sound wonderful–but I still have not fully grasped them…nor will I ever comprehend it entirely. It is a truth that we understand a little bit more at a time as He enlarges our capacity for Him and His love. I hope that my words have enlarged your capacity to comprehend the truth of these things as well. If we can get but an inkling, our lives will never again be the same!

Fools Rush In

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Sat, 04 Jul 2020 15:20:00 +0000

Sennacharib was attacking Jerusalem and he sent King Hezekiah a pompous, arrogant, blasphemous, and utterly terrifying letter. The King called for prayer and fasting and he went into the temple…he spread out the letter before the Lord. Stated his case and waited for instruction from the Lord.

Have you ever gotten a bill that you KNOW is wrong? Or simply one that is beyond your means to pay?

I have practiced Hezekiah's approach for years. Of course it could be called procrastination but I prefer to call it, “Marination” … It is no exaggeration to say that with every hospital stay of mine, I will get handfuls of such mail.

So I spread them out before God , state my helplessness to him and tell him I need his help.

Then I pile up the letters…and ignore them for days. I do marinate them in prayer though. And I have NEVER had to pay a bill that was 1) wrong or 2) exorbitant. Tens of thousands of dollars were owed in some of these bills…and by the time I felt right about calling, I was told “You have no balance.”

Recently I had IV antibiotics in the hospital and they were continued at home. However my husband’s job changed insurance carriers and I had a NUMBER of doctors and expensive antibiotics…NONE of which were covered. The IV therapy I got at home was $50,000. My respiratory company had a similar bill.

So they marinated in my prayers.

And I did not owe a penny.

This is not to say that you will never have to pay another bill. It might mean waiting on God to provide the means to pay. In any case, keep a still, confident heart before God and your need. Read Ps. 62. Waiting on the Lord, not taking a step until he said to…What is that song? “Fools Rush In”….yeah.

The Gifts of Friends

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Sat, 27 Jun 2020 14:34:00 +0000

I have not written...because I just have not had a lot to say. But maybe there is more to be said than I had thought. A friend gave me a Prayer Journal which has a Scripture passage for the week and then several sections of topics like: Reflect; Lord, thank You; Teach me; Guide me; Things on my heart. etc. And this beautiful gift from my friend has been of great help to me. It never ceases' to amaze me, how I just "Happen" to read something that was possibly chosen from Scripture years ago by a person who doesn't know anything about me or my circumstances, yet God's Spirit guided them to put THAT verse on THAT day and then, directed my "steps" to read that passage right smack in the center of my need.

I was feeling down one day last week. Being trapped in the house by several factors, one big one of which is the Coronavirus, with a moody husband for 24/7 for months on end had me feeling strangled and trapped. I confessed to my prayer journal after reading Psalm 106:1 (Praise the Lord, Give thanks to the Lord for he is good; his love endures forever), "I am sad and depressed. I don't much feel like giving thanks." But then I got a call from a quilter friend who said she was stopping over to drop off a lap quilt she had made for me! I was bowled over by the love of a friend and by the love of my Heavenly Friend who knew I needed some evidence that someone in the universe cared about me.

In the next day or two my husband and I were (as is very common for us) NOT feeling friendly and I was reflecting on how far astray things had fallen in the 32 years we've been married. And I returned again to Ps. 106:1 and this time, the phrase that leapt out was "His Love endures forever." Unlike earthly love which can be hurtful and disappointing and die an ugly death....GOD's love doesn't flicker or fade.

Then this past week --following a few days of peace and praise, I read the verse for the new week. Isa 43:2 (When you pass through the waters, I WILL BE WITH YOU; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.) And sure enough I was facing "heavy turbulence" in my spirit. There was another verse at the top of the next page in small print. Psalm 18:6. And when I read it, the wild beauty of the language of God's search and rescue on behalf of his beloved spoke oceans to me. In fact the poetry of that entire chapter makes it worth your trouble to go and look it up. Look it up in the NASB or the NJKV for the full effect.

Those two passages are for this week. Yesterday my laptop did cartwheels in the air and landed hard, with a crunch of plastic. And my cell phone battery is almost dead. And I need new glasses-multiple pairs with very expensive lenses. And I need dental work.... And I was feeling burdened and the sulfuric waft of smoke from Hell's fires that never go out were a stench to my nostrils and I heard the enemy's snicker as I considered my response to all of this. Both of the above passages came to my mind. I can feel the heat. But I will not be burned. This, HE has promised. My Lord HEARS my cry for help and mercy and he is "riding the wind" to come to my aid.

Thank you my generous friend ( you know who you are) for this gift of encouragement to me in this hard span of time. The future and it's challenges and fears is NOT a mystery to God. It doesn't make him the least bit nervous. "All my days were written in your book, before they came to be" (from Ps 139, I think). He brought me in and he will bring me out. Out of the fire and smoke and "into his glorious light".

So Who's Afraid?

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Fri, 12 Jun 2020 15:52:00 +0000

The following is an email I sent to a friend this morning. And then I thought that maybe, in these perilous days, there may be some who are struggling with fear or uncertainty...so I'm posting it here as well.

cynthialottvogel@gm

w retur

I'm such a scaredy cat. I was out with a friend and it was a nice day out when suddenly, within minutes the sky grew dark and a POWERFUL storm suddenly appeared. Trees were falling all around us and the thunder was deafening.I was terrified...and my friend was LAUGHING...."You all 'fessed up,Cyn?" and truly it did look to me like we were not going to survive. And he was exulting in the power of God displayed in that storm. Later, I pondered his reaction and my own. And I was ashamed of myself. Surely, we were as secure in God's hands in that storm as we were in the moments before it. But I have this "thing" with storms. They terrify me. And I know that God wants me to get over ,it.And he has been working on me ever since.....displaying to me that the paths of storms are absolutely under his command.That whether or not trees fall and power goes out is in his domain also. That hurricanes are no more of a problem to him than are April showers.

And now, God is taking me through that same journey of burgeoning trust as these "last days" events are developing and the future looks as dark as that stormy sky was. And I confess: It scares me. And I KNOW that my response more rightly should be joy and shouts of "YEAH!!!! EVEN SO COME Y'shua!!!

I do feel some of that....but as I go on in my faith journey, I am becoming more and more convinced that we,as Christians,are going to be here and will suffer tribulation and persecution prior to Jesus' return. I see that God's work in my heart re: the storms ,is the same process in these future events.it's a journey of trust and absolute faith in the love and might of our God...who knows exactly what he is doing. I desperately want to be an overcomer. And I know that for that to happen there is going to be hardship...as surely as the birth of a child means pain. You know? In the weeks and days prior to the birth of Alexa,when I thought of her arrival,I did not think of it with fear. It was pure anticipation. And even in the midst of a very painful,difficult labor--I had no regret,no fear --I was completely focused on the thought that I would be leaving that hospital with a bundle of joy.

I do not think it was accidental for God to call the beginning of these things beginning to come apart as "birth pains" ...We have the sure and certain promise of a new kingdom coming. and the defeat of the serpent/dragon. Whatever we have to go through first, is not out of God's control and he promises strength to us when we need it. Surely it is a workout of our faith and we should welcome the times of growth and preparation which will come first and most of all.TRUST His love for us and keep the promise of the Kingdom coming shining first and foremost in our sights...The picture of Jesus coming on a white horse with the words "Faithful and TRue" tattooed on his thigh and the pure joy of that moment...must compel us forward. The sights and wonder of Revelation chapters19 and 21 must sustain us. EVEN SO COME!

What's in YOUR Head?

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Sat, 06 Jun 2020 08:31:00 +0000

For some years Bible Memory has been heavy on my heart. I learned hundreds of verses as a grade-schooler, learned books while studying for quiz team, and as a young mom learned, while waiting during ballet or swimming classes to be over I, learned verses I'd printed on 4"x6" cards. At one point I devised a whole memory system that my pastor had me present to the adult Sunday School class. I was disheartened by the lack of enthusiasm I encountered. Don't people know how critical it is? Only one person took my challenge and completed the program I had invented. What will people do when one day it will be illegal to possess a Bible? How do people ascertain God's will when they must make a decision and don't have a Bible and Concordance to consult? And most importantly, how do they know if the quiet voice in their mind is truly the Voice of God?

I've been memorizing Scripture again. I just re-learned Ps.34, which I had learned close to 20 years ago while I was stuck in the hospital during one of my month long stays in the days before free TV and phone in the hospital (thus I didn't rent either one of them.). And it was also back in those Dark Ages before laptops, tablets, and smart phones. So God pulled the plug on all of my possible diversions--except to read and memorize Scripture. I had read a brief book on the topic of memorizing large portions of Scripture by way of faith.

My decision to memorize all 22 verses in Psalm 34 came from reading a book by Adam Houge called How to Memorize Scripture Fast and Easy. And truthfully, it worked but ultimately it failed - if my goal was to be able to quote it verbatim 6mos.after learning it. And that failure was my own fault because I did not keep up with reviewing it. That early effort did help me as I have relearned the chapter. My biggest problem is not learning the words, but learning the sequence. And for this problem I have devised all kinds of mnemonics to help me. Hey, maybe I should write a book on memorizing Scripture!

Recently I stumbled across a man named Tom Meyer, the "Bible Memory Man." (* Please read the note at the end of the post.)I watched all the videos of his I could find and then ordered his book--(which turned out to be a waste of $20 because it was written using the King James Version--which was not the translation I wanted to learn.) Anyway. his method did not work for me. Repeating and repeating and repeating some more might work but for me, it is just boring. Although, to be fair, he also used a form of sentence graphing -- like we learned in school waayy back when we were taught English grammar. Tom doesn't graph nouns,verbs, etc. Rather he draws out a graphic of the verse based on its content. I have a friend/author Julie Coleman who also does this and I had also done it in past years. I'm going to invite her to write a guest post for us here on my blog.

I prefer to find patterns in the verses and to make use of factors such as alphabetization.

For example: there are two verses -Psa.34:4&6- which are similar ideas but which are worded slightly differently (this is a common occurrence in Hebrew poetry). Verse 4 says "I sought the Lord and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears." Vs. 6 says "This poor man cried and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles." Three of the key word pairs could easily be forgotten or mixed up between the two verses...the keys are "answered"and "heard"; "delivered" and "saved"; and "fears" and "troubles"...If you look closely you will see that all three of the key words from verse 4 are alphabetical and come from the early part of the alphabet. The words in vs.6 are also alphabetized but come from the latter part of the alphabet. (this is true of the NASB, which is the version of the Bible that I am using. This concept may have to be adapted to fit whatever words your translation uses.)

To me, devices such as this are much more interesting and usable than repeating a hundred times is. You can also make note of echoes and refrains, numbers, the use of proper nouns and pronouns, noting key words for repetition and also rephrasing with synonyms. Make note of the various names used for God. Don't get me wrong....it is important to repeat over and over (not 20x for the whole chapter in one sitting--unless you are way more patient than I!) Another device that you will likely find useful is https://biblememory.com/

This website has a variety of methods to learn Scripture that keep it interesting.There is also a ranking system to see how you stack up against the tens of thousands of users on that site and a point system and badges you can earn. And you earn even more points by reviewing your verses. I use this system for learning side by side with repetition and mnemonics.

I know I have written on this topic before. Please consider taking me up on this challenge. If learning /memorizing is unfamiliar to you, choose one verse. Just one... or a short passage...and learn it. Sometimes I write the passages in my very best penmanship so that I'm concentrating and connecting with the words I write. Even better, say the word out loud and better still?---Make up a tune so you can sing the verse to yourself. In this way, you can praise and bless God as you obey Him. Not only that but memorization is the very best means there is for maintaining the plasticity of the brain and staving off dementia and poor recall. Really? The only reason we have for not memorizing is laziness and the efforts of the evil one who wants nothing more than to keep God's Word out of your head. Don't give into his lies and excuses. Learn warfare Scriptures like 2Cor. 10:3-6. This is war!

___________________________

* Please do not misunderstand me. Tom Meyer is my hero....his accomplishments are jaw dropping. His presentation is remarkable also. I also did not mean when I used the word 'boring" to repeat Scripture over and over, that the Bible is boring. My problem when I repeat something over and over, my mind shuts off --I need something more active

A Re-post...Praying in Jesus' Name

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Tue, 26 May 2020 08:45:00 +0000

I have liked to consider myself somewhat of a prayer warrior...at least in years past. Recently however I have struggled to pray. I do not taste the sweetness of His presence as I have in the past. Because He is good and he knows that I truly love him and will listen to his correction of my heart of prayer...he has continued to answer my prayers,, sometimes in astounding ways. But the intimacy of the "prayer closet" is gone.

I have been reading a book by O. Hallesby called "Prayer" and have found it to be very helpful. I'm reading a chapter now on the essentials of prayer and he has a section entitled "Praying in Jesus Name" I will be honest. I will be shockingly honest. I have found myself eliminating that addendum to the closing of my prayers. I failed to see the importance or the use of it. I did not understand its significance....and here in this book I have found out why we are to insert the holy Mysterious name of Jesus and what happens when we don't. Our prayer life begins to struggle, to weaken. Our hearts seem to be too sinful to share the intimacy with the Lord that I once had and I felt unworthy of time with HIM.

Mr (or Mrs.) Hallesby explained that dryness of prayer time, and a lack of worthiness all come as a result of our failure to append the name of Jesus into our prayers. It is not a kind of silly format that we are to give to our prayers. It is rather, the understanding for us and the pathway for our prayers to make it to the Father's Throne. This can only come by the holy name of the sinless second person in the Trinity. He took on my sinful heart and bathed it in his blood. It is He that grants entrance to the Father as He wore my sins on His beaten, bloodied back.

It is by His importunate pleading on my behalf that brings my prayer to the Father's eyes and it is with the Love the Father has for Jesus and through Him, for me that brings answers to my pleas as well as intimacy and sweet communion between my heart and that of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. It is not merely like affixing a stamp on your letter....NO maybe it is exactly that. You may have the most important letter in the world to be mailed...but without a stamp, it is going nowhere. The stamp is essential. Jesus' mysterious Name is equally essential. It is for certain that I will not send my prayers without adequate payment any longer.

All Good Things Must End

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Thu, 21 May 2020 10:02:00 +0000

I've been at my dad's house for a week and am returning home this coming Saturday. I do not want to go back home (although my recliner is WAY more comfortable than this recliner (a.k.a. "instrument of torture") is here. I can barely stand up from sitting on it and cannot do so without a cry of pain.

I am constantly appalled by how limited I am in walking distance tolerance...doing ANYTHING useful...can't even stand long enough to wash off more that 3 or 4 dishes in the sink...Just now I walked into the kitchen ( I use Canadian forearm crutches) and the pain was so bad from that 20 second walk that I had to sit in a kitchen chair until I could bear to walk to the refrigerator.

Sometimes I feel guilty about being so challenged physically. And mentally too. I tell myself I really should get a job. Or clean and paint my daughter's bedroom and then --I need to use the bathroom and barely make it back to the recliner before tears come. If I can't sweep my kitchen floor...then no, Cynthia, you cannot work! And then I think of all of the things I once did, so easily --and it is heartbreaking to think I will never do those things again. I just haven't gotten used to or accepted that reality.

I could never write another book. My vision, hands and my brain are all in the way of that. You may have noticed wrong word substitutions or wrong tenses, or other errors. Years ago this would never have happened. Now I have to proof read every single sentence and the errors are so pervasive and sneaky, I sometimes miss so of them. It could maybe be caused by brain fog from autoimmune disease. Or the encroaching damage to my brain from SZ (Schizophrenia) ...or my medications. Or ECT or all of the above.

I really need to seek to be filled daily with God's Spirit. I think that too much of what I do is being done by self-effort. Even here in the quiet --where i literally have a prayer closet, it is hard to focus; hard to pray. Often it takes me hours in Penuel, not because I am accomplishing much but because my brain is so inefficient and distractable. I have been floundering in a sea of indecision about what to do next for Penuel (my "Quiet Time") ..I finished the chronological Bible. I want to do more memorization. I would really like to learn some longer passages - like chapters or even short books in the Bible but again I have been stalled by the "what should I do next?" problem. I also want to study some passages in depth. And also want to do some reading in the Christian classics. But that is a HUGE bite to chew. And maybe something will have to go. Tom Meyer (the "Bible Memory Man" --Google him!) said it takes him one HOUR a day of study and a month of that to learn one chapter. And over a year to memorize a book. He knows 20 books by heart....Even tough books like Genesis (with all the geneologies and numbers of years each person lived.) and like Revelation. I admire him to no end. I have ordered his Study Memorization Bible and am waiting for it to arrive in the mail.

I will figure it out and I will spend some time listening and waiting for God to speak before I move forward in any direction.

The Good Fight- a Repost

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Sat, 09 May 2020 04:49:00 +0000

The following is a post I wrote in May of 2016. I am glad to note that my struggles now are different than they were at the time of this post....but the struggles back then were real and were necessary to bring me to where I am today. I hope you find something in here that speaks to you at the soul level.
_______________________________
I get daily verses sent to me by two different websites. Today, I was really struck by one of them. Here it is:

Fight the good fight for the true faith. Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you, which you have declared so well before many witnesses. 1 Timothy 6:12 NLT

I had just been crying out to the Lord for a passion for Him like the apostle Paul had. My heart has been cold, hard, and dull. And here--what do we see? Paul said to fight the good fight for true faith. It is a struggle. A constant struggle with unbelief. Unbelief is not only not believing in the existence of God. It is also to live in a way that does not in any way take into account the Living, Holy God -- who has called us for a specific purpose: to live a life of passionate commitment to Himself and His plans for our lives. Or unbelief is to "throw God a bone" every once in a while; a "please help me" prayer or an "I'm sorry for ignoring you" and then to go on and continue to ignore Him.

No, God has called us to much more than that. He has called us to intimacy and wonder. He has called us to worship and given us the magnificent gift of Prayer, by which we can profoundly impact our world. If we don't live out these callings or take advantage of His gifts, we are living in unbelief.

Notice that Paul calls this struggle with our fleshly, sinful selves, a "good fight." Why is it good? Wouldn't it be much better for us to simply obey and be faithful 100% of the time? I don't think so. While we are engaged in this battle we are under no illusions about the strength or the foulness of our own flesh (meaning the sinful self and its desires for comfort, pleasure, and conquest). Fighting causes us to use spiritual muscle. And as you know, when muscles are used, they become strong.

Fighting this strong opponent will mean that we do lose some of the skirmishes. It will give us a healthy respect for the strength of the enemy. And it will cause us to rely more heavily on God. We will learn to cry out to Him and to learn from Him how to do battle.

So yes. It is a good fight. It will make us or break us. It will separate the chaff from the wheat. This too is good. It will clearly demonstrate those who truly believe and those who believe for a season but are scorched by the sun, or die from lack of root. (see Matthew 13).

For me, today, it was a good word. I am feeling spiritually dry and frustrated. I know I deeply believe in and love the Lord. I know I would die for Him...but to live day and in and day out struggling to remain faithful? Struggling to pray and to study? Struggling against besetting sin? This is where I'm being tripped up. And it was a deep encouragement to me to read that this is a GOOD fight. I'm not a failure as a Christian. Rather I am a battle weary warrior, who after pausing a bit, will once more take up the sword and shield and go to it with the enemy and my own flesh and I will fight stronger and smarter with every battle.

So when you feel like you are failing to walk to the walk...failing, in the privacy of your own heart, to passionately pursue God...do not hate yourself and throw in the towel. Pick yourself up ...allow GOD to pick you up, wipe the mud off your face and send you once more into the fray.

It is a good fight. And it is made all the better to see that Paul and Timothy had to fight the same battle. It is good to know that God not only understands our weakness--it's part of how He made us. No one springs from the womb fully grown and clad in armor. We are born weak. Dependent. And our whole lives are to be dedicated to the pursuit of God and a life of holiness. And it is a good fight.

Quarantine Thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Thu, 16 Apr 2020 10:35:00 +0000

Yes, I'm still here.   Yes, still on "house arrest" in week 5 of our quarantine. Thankfully my husband had switched to working 4 days at home and one in the office there some time ago....and now, with COVID19 out of control, he is working totally at home--at least for now. I am thanking God that I did not raise a fuss about him switching to being home almost all the time. That has been difficult and I have had to make sacrifices--but God knew what He was doing by getting the new computers etc purchased and set up here before this all hit the fan.

I have a couple of directions I could go in this post...I will see where God leads me.

Last week, I was reading Romans in my time of Penuel (Hebrew for "Face of God" which is what I call my devotional time).One definite benefit of this quarantine is that I am spending a lot more time in the Word and also in prayer....God has been showing me something, a bite at a time. This is where it started: On this day in particular, I was due to read 4 chapters in the book of Romans and I began with Chapter 8 which is likely the most well-known chapter in Romans and one of the most studied chapters of the Bible as well.

When I was in high school, the teens had this "game" or competition in a given book of the Bible which changed each year. It was called "Quiz Team" and it was a competition, (I hate to call it a game....it was dead serious to us back then) where five or six kids from 2 teams from different churches in our district, would sit in a row in front of a panel of judges. The judge would begin to read a question which could be from the most obscure verse in the book of the year and as soon as we thought we knew both the complete question and the answer we would leap from our seats...We were seated on pressure activated pads and once we jumped, a light would go on showing which teen had been fastest....and blocked all the other responses. We would compete, church to church and finally at a district level and ultimately at a National Level.

Anyway, one year we studied the book of Romans...and that meant, basically that we memorized the entire book and were prepared to know ANY question that might be asked about the text. That was about 40 years ago. ( GOOD GRIEF!!!) and while I can no longer quote the book, chapter and verse, I am still quite familiar with it.   And this day as I began to read Chapter 8, suddenly I was gripped by the familiar words. The first verse "And there is therefore, no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus" impacted me forcefully almost bringing me to tears. Because you see, I have been struggling with a lot of self-condemnation and therefore it was really hard to grasp that the God who created me and who is Himself, holy and sinless, would not have a word to speak against me; would not have judgement and criticism to pour on me. Yes, I still am blown away by the enormity of this - even after many years of being a follower of Jesus.

How can He love me? How can He not be firing up the flames of hell in preparation for my arrival following Judgement?

I knew that is what I deserve and the beauty of the sacrifice of God's Son, who is God, Himself, is beautiful--and almost beyond comprehension. Yes, even after all these years of being God's Beloved child, I sometimes struggle to understand that when God looks at me, He sees His Son, stretched out on that cross and His precious blood poured out on me, cleansing me from my sin. I thought of my sins....sins that God has now forgotten and deliberately buried in a bottomless sea of oblivion where they will never be dredged up again in His thoughts...but my thoughts about myself are not so loving. The enemy, the accuser of the children of God, loves to bring these failures up and dangle them like rotten fish under my nostrils. (I read a great quote: "When satan reminds you of your past, just remind him of his future!!")

And this is what I want you to understand. In the subsequent verses it is clear that we have a HELPER---a God who is Spirit, who is standing by waiting for the word from us ..."HELP me! Help me, Lord,to forget the things you have forgotten. May they serve only to make me adore you more. May they help me to treasure the blood of Christ Jesus to a greater and greater degree. May they cause me to increase my understanding of your unfathomable Goodness and Mercy. And help me today to live a life worthy of my calling as your child. Help me to say "no" to sin. Give me strength when tempted."

My pastor has been posting a series of reflections on Facebook Live to encourage us through these dark, lonely days as we wait for COVID19 to burn itself out and for a return to normalcy; (a normalcy which, we are now understanding, may take years and may not ever come.) In these segments the pastor has discussed how the Holy Spirit helps us to live a holy life. He helps us to pray - and in fact --prays alongside us and makes our prayers more powerful and holy than they were in our hearts. He is ready and poised to act to help us to live more and more sinlessly as years pass. all we need to do is to ASK---and He will unleash His great power on our behalf.

And this concept of inviting the Spirit to fill our hearts and minds and help us to live holy lives and pray powerful prayers, is echoed in the verses of Romans 8. That morning and in fact the whole day, shone with significance for me. It gave me hope that I am not without resources in my quest to be what God wants me to be. I will leave you with a passage from this chapter...and I wholeheartedly suggest and encourage you to look up this entire chapter (https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+8&version=NLT )
And read it...slowly, prayerfully...put it to the test. If you have the Spirit of God living in you,(which He IS if you have allowed the blood of Jesus to buy your pardon from punishment), ask Him to help you understand the amazing truth of this chapter. I pray that He will answer you as He did for me. I never got to the other 3 chapters that morning...I read and re-read Romans 8 over and over. It is our "Paid in Full" receipt and declares to us the treasures that we own as God's Children.

¹²Therefore, dear brothers and sisters,you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do. ¹³For if you live by its dictates, you will die. But if through the power of the Spirit you put to death the deeds of your sinful nature,you will live. ¹⁴For all who are led by the Spirit of God are childrenof God.

At Home and Afar

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Tue, 07 Apr 2020 08:32:00 +0000

illustration by my daughter, Alexa

It has been some time since my last post. It has been three(?) weeks of cabin fever, trapped in my house, my husband and I who are both high risk for the Coronavirus. I have not talked to anyone, except for my husband, my father, a ZOOM prayer meeting with others in my church, and briefly with a neighbor/friend who has been an angel to me, picking up stuff from the grocery store for me. Pain is still my constant companion and nemesis. Thankfully my new hip joint has healed and no longer is painful. Of course my other hip will also be due for a revision. surgery...and my knees have now joined the fray ...but the worst problem (aside from the most likely irreparable pain in my feet and ankles) is now my left shoulder. My right one is almost unusable due to a botched replacement surgery and will probably just have to be endured. But the left one is demanding attention....

All of my April (and some from March) doctor appointments have been rescheduled for May or June. I am hoping that MAYBE by then, there will be some improvement in the situation that will make it possible to go out of the house. I read last night that the next two weeks are expected to be the apex of the virus when things will get dramatically worse. There will be many deaths and many new cases. Right now--as of yesterday or so,--there are only two cases of COVID-19 in the county where I live and one of these has been a fatality. In the next county (over the NY border) at the hospital where I always go, there have been a number of deaths.

I have been wondering how things are on the world stage--apart from the virus-- I guess maybe some of that might be found in the back pages of a newspaper...but I never see a newspaper. For example: how have the situations with Russia, China, Syria and Israel been politically? Or has that all been completely moved to a back burner as survival has eclipsed all of that stuff into a stasis? Might that not demonstrate that all these tensions really are not what matter most? We are all human beings--eating, breathing, sleeping and trying to stay alive in this problem plagued planet...Can we not maybe put aside political pretension and animosity and just play nicely in the sandbox?

But I know, the sinful resentments, edacity, and tensions that plague this sinful globe are the result of the core problem of sin and there is only one cure for that: the blood and resurrection of Jesus...He is our only hope and we know, from his words in Scripture, that things must deteriorate and climax in the devastation of this planet and all of its evils. This is necessary so that the New Earth can be born, ruled by Y'shua the Messiah when he establishes his Kingdom --when finally we will have the peace that right now, we can only dream about.

Be safe, my friends. Go grocery shopping and then GO HOME and STAY THERE for the next two weeks.

A Song of Hope: The Blessing

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Sat, 28 Mar 2020 09:02:00 +0000

The new video called "The Blessing" by Kari Jobe and Cody Carnes and Elevation Worship (I just posted it here ) just broke my heart. I have been sitting here from 2:00 AM until now (4:30AM) in prayer. I have been greatly burdened by the disaster that has overtaken our world. A friend from Australia said to me yesterday "Our world will never be the same after this virus has devastated it" and she is right. After the terror, and the horror will come grief.   Grief like the world has never known.

And in the midst of the burden of these thoughts, God led me to listen to this song. I've already been listening to "Graves into Gardens" (by Brandon Lake and Elevation Worship) ...and God crashed through my despair and night with these words from the Blessing "HE IS FOR YOU"----when it seems like God has turned his back and abandoned his creation, when he has left us to drown in our sins as, literally, our lungs drown in the final stages of this disease. But no...his favor surrounds us. He hurts us to heal us--as any surgeon can tell you. Surgery hurts but it heals. God is shouting to us through this darkness..."I am here. I have not forgotten you. I am FOR you. I LOVE YOU."

I have not cried tears for a very long time. I have cried out in pain. I have felt deep sadness...but no tears. Tonight, hearing those four words ("I am FOR you!!) broke me. Not a lot of tears--only two or three but the agony of this planet was contained in those tears. They were hot tears...escaping from the conflagration in my soul. Burning tracks down my cheeks and there was the impossibility and the incontrovertability of the fact that GOD LOVES US! He loves you. He loves me. He loves every person who right now is struggling to breathe --and their last breath is not far away. He is screaming into the darkness " I LOVE YOU. COME TO ME, you who labor (for breath) and are heavily burdened, and I will give you peace!"

The possibility exists that tomorrow, or today, you may come down with this plague that is decimating our globe...and you may have only days left to live. That is a real possibility for every person alive right now.   I have to ask you a question. The most important question you will ever have to answer---and that is: "Are you ready to meet God?" Because you will meet him and if you do not have the blood of Jesus obliterating your sin--then that sin stands forever between God and you and if you do not have the forgiveness and mercy that Jesus purchased for you on the cross, then that sin will keep you from the embrace of God.

Hell is real.   And it is worse than this virus. And the numbers of people on their way there,or already there, blows the stats of this virus out of the water. And the thought that there are so many doomed to destruction needlessly breaks my heart and it breaks the heart of God.. You see, there IS A REMEDY! There is an antidote. It is the blood and suffering of Jesus --God himself--who paid for your admission to his kingdom. But if you don't accept the remedy, if you do not make it your own, then it will not help you..but it will stand as a testament to your hard heart and the sin which you have permitted to destroy you. Needlessly. Oh my friends...ask yourself, search your heart and be honest about where you stand with God. Have you made him your Lord?

The Whines of War

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Thu, 26 Mar 2020 14:55:00 +0000

Today's verse from Bible Gateway was Phil. 1:29. Here it is:

For you have been granted [the privilege] for Christ’s sake, not only to believe and confidently trust in Him, but also to suffer for His sake, (amplified version).

This verse struck me in this virus obsessed time the world is living in. And my mind filled in some blanks and read it this way. "For you have been granted the privilege of ---for your own sakes--not only to believe and confidently trust (as you should) but also to WHINE for his sake as you suffer."

I was just taking stock of how many meals I have the ingredients to make, and how many things, like cereal and yogurt we are out of. My dad can take me shopping a week from tomorrow, but it won't be early in the day so there may be nothing on the shelves. ...and I realized that there would be almost nothing in the house to eat before Friday.   I was just out of surgery (hip replacement) when this whole COVID19 exploded around us. I didn't have an opportunity to stock up on food. When I was at Dad's following my surgery we went twice to Job Lot and I got some food there...no refrigerated or frozen items there but got some good pastas and beans etc. The problem with everything I got except for snack food, requires cooking and clean up. And my ankles HURT !! I cannot stand for more than a minute.

(DO YOU HEAR IT? The whiiiiiiine?)   I think a lot of us feel we have divine authority to whine. It has been granted to us!
But wait....that is not what the verse says, is it? Here are the active words in the verse: God has granted us a privilege..yes to believe and yes to have confidence and trust in Jesus but ALSO to suffer for his sake. And that suffering comes hand and glove with the confidence and trust. And did you see? The suffering and the testing of our faith is not only for Christ's sake....it is for OUR OWN SAKES as well!! Have you taken some time during this social fast to spend time in prayer and reading the Word? Have you interceded on behalf of the world's economy, and its leaders? If not please do so.How is this suffering for our sake?? Because if we do it cheerfully, with faith, and joy in bringing Jesus honor if is credited to our account; If we do not panic or hoard food or other necessities--which hurts our neighbors and everyone around; it we say in prayer, "Lord I don't know what you are doing but your Word warns us that such things must happen before Jesus returns - our reigning king. So therefore KNOWING that this test comes from the hand of God to limit Satan's victory and to bring about your Kingdom, then we can rejoice.

We, Christ's followers are on the earth for these reasons:
--To bring him joy and to enjoy a relationship with Him.
--To actively engage the powers in the spiritual realms --to limit the enemy's power and to overcome his work on this hurting planet.
--To come alongside as warriors of Light to battle on our knees and to love and care for our neighbors and thus defeat the deeds and purposes of the enemy.

And what effect does all of this have on us? Here is where that "FOR OUR OWN SAKES" comes in. We will reap blessing for our obedience. We will have our needs met. We need not fear the forces of evil at work all around us. We will have completed another step in our training as warriors. In a war, a wound is a mark of glory. It shows the sacrifice the soldier has made for a cause higher than himself and it will bring reward and acknowledgement by the rulers. Although the benefits God grants us are way more lasting and valuable than is a metal star and apiece of ribbon.

So all this is to say...yes you are suffering. We ALL are suffering. Let's do it for Jesus, and thank Him for the opportunity to battle for his kingdom and praise him that we are one step closer to the return of Christ and the establishment of His Kingdom.

In Times of Darkness, how may we be Children of Light?

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Tue, 17 Mar 2020 19:12:00 +0000

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Phil. 4:6-7 (NLT)

The world has been rocked of late by an illness that is highly controversial. The Coronavirus or "COVID-19" is the topic of every conversation it seems. A couple of days ago, a state of National Emergency was declared giving the government more power and more funds to deal with it. Curfews were established. Quarantine of people who display symptoms. And yesterday all nonessential businesses were ordered to be shut down. These steps were welcomed by some as necessary and prudent in dealing with this dangerous virus that has spread globally from its origin in China in just a few days. But others view the power shift with less approving eyes. The virus killed far fewer than the flu did over recent past weeks. The government, according to many, over stepped its authority by ordering businesses to close, in effect bankrupting the owners of these establishments as they are often the only source of income for their owners.

I have thus far, avoided discussions of political implications in my writing online. I have political views but really hate dissent. I am not an argumentative person. So I will not be pursuing the right or wrongness of the handling of this crisis.

However there are areas that we all face that have been caused by recent events in our world. One of these is the fear that is pervasive these days. Questions about finances, obtaining food and supplies, and the fear of becoming one of the stricken with this virus are prevalent in every level of society.

But how about those who claim to be Children of the Light? Children of God? How are we to spread the Light we have in us....to be ports in the storm? I think that the first order of business is to--with the help of God--inspect our hearts. Are we fearful? Are we anxious? Are we sources of dissension or of peace? Spend some time quietly before the Search light of God as he points out areas in our hearts that need to be corrected. Confess your fear and distrust. Ask God to bring your heart into alignment with his character.

I really love the verses I've posted at the top of this article. 1) Don't worry. 2) bring every concern to God in faith-filled prayer. 3)Trust him to meet your needs. 4) thank him for all he has done and will do in response to your needs. I fully believe that we are to accomplish step #4 before we actually receive any provision or visible answers to our prayers. This is a prayer offered in faith and it is a sweet aromatic offering to the Lord Yahweh. Lastly (but not "leastly") pray for our country and especially for our leaders--that they would make God-honoring decisions and that this illness would soon have a cure. Pray for those who have been smitten with it and for their families and caregivers..

And then go and walk and live in peace. Speak Truth in Love and guard your heart from fear.
Be a source of blessing in these dark days. Shine the light of God's truth. And may God bless your families as maybe you are forced to spend more time together. May God use all of these things as a power for good in your life.

Do NOT forget to support your church financially when maybe you can't meet and be faced with an offering plate. Drop off your offering or put it in the mail. Share with those who have needs. And trust God to meet YOUR needs--as he certainly will.

Is Your God Needy?

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Fri, 13 Mar 2020 11:41:00 +0000

I apologize once again for my silence. About 3 weeks ago I was sitting on my recliner and leaned forward to pick up something and POP----my hip came out of the socket. This is one of the most painful experiences on earth. I had to go to the hospital via ambulance. I needed emergency surgery but due to a few situations, had to wait for several days before it could be done. After the surgery,once I was stable,I was transferred to the Inpatient Rehab unit of the hospital. Interspersed throughout all these events, the blessings of God were often displayed and activated by the loving, kind hands of people. God blessed me time and again in small ways, like bringing me cups of coffee from the nurses's office long before the meal tray arrived with it's burnt, lukewarm offerings. Things like people on the staff, from the housekeepers, to the meal servers and the nurses remembering me from my days of working at that hospital more than a decade ago...or from prior hospital stays, blessed me.

I came away feeling so loved by God. Throughout the hardship and the pain....there were threads of love, comfort, and joy woven all through the experience. I left the hospital into the panicked waters of fear of COVID-19---the purchasing of water and toilet paper creating shortages and feeding fear. Yes, staff wore masks most of the time and wiped every item they or the patients touched with bleach and constantly washed hands. But there was no panic or fear---even on the rehab unit which housed the most serious of the high risk patient population for this virus. I know that these hospital worker came to work understanding and accepting the risk of infection and because that is one of the facts of being a healthcare worker, they came and did their jobs. I extend to them my thanks.

The following paragraphs are the rough workings of a post I started weeks ago....and decided to publish just in case you are interested.It feels relevant to me having just come from the situation I just described and having received blessing upon blessing from God.

-------------------------

I am just today reading a passage in the book of Acts chapter 17, verses 24 and 25.
"He is the God who made the world and everything in it. Since he is Lord of heaven and earth, he doesn't live in man-made temples, 25 and human hands can't serve his needs--for he has no needs. He himself gives life and breath to everything, and he satisfies every need. [Act 17:24-25 NLT]

Paul was in Athens when these lines were penned by Luke. Athenians worshiped everything on heaven and earth it seemed. I'm not going to tear this passage apart and feed it to you mouthfuls at a time. The Holy Spirit can do that. I was just struck by two statements in particular :

"human hands cannot serve his needs---for he has no needs. He himself gives life and breath to everything and he satisfies every need."

1) God has no needs. Regardless of our belief as to how we may help him along by our service or our wisdom--that is pure, mistaken pride speaking. God does NOT NEED YOU to achieve his great purposes. Even when Israel sinned through her idolatry and God was furious with the sinful , traitorous hearts of his people. -- So furious that he was about to throw out hundreds of years of history with his plans for a promised land to Abraham and his progeny and destroy them all in the wilderness and make Moses the father of the Promised Land...and make him into a great nation. God was NOT stumped or stymied or helpless in the face of Israel's sin. He did not need them at all in order to possess the land and make them a great nation. He will simply make another way. God does not need your advice or even your obedience --YOU are the one who needs that. And although it breaks his heart to be rejected, eternity marches on. God's love within the Trinity, was complete and joyful. Think of eternities past where God did not have a people yet to be lined up with the brilliant loving plan of the Lord. He was completely satisfied and replete with the joy of unadulterated love that exists between the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit.

And now we come to :
2) God shares with us clods of clay, the wonder of life and breath --he gives us Life and not only that but for every one of us he has heard our cries and has given us what we think we need at the time --often later to find it was the Giver, not the gift, that we really needed. But he humors us and he blesses us and out of his replete supply of blessings and gifts he puts into each of our lives so many blessings that it would be impossible to capture each one of ours in a single day with our attention and gratitude.

I find great comfort and joy in the God of Repletion-"from Whom all blessings flow." No need is too hard for him to make into a reality And in times of duress and we need something as simple as a warm blanket...there too he grants our needs.

Consider the Maples

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Tue, 03 Mar 2020 10:06:00 +0000

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are

higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. Isa 55:8-9

Have you ever "bossed" God around? Told him how you think he should handle your requests or how to work out a situation with people in your life? I have.

This verse really struck me this AM. Consider God. Consider a maple leaf with its intricate web design. Consider the process of photosynthesis by which the tree is fed and by which life giving oxygen blesses the earth....And the gift of Maple syrup which exists as a sweet gift from the hand of God.

That is one leaf. There are between 22,300 and 66,500 leaves on a tree. And how many billions of trees grace the landscape? The whole design is so intricate and brilliant in knowledge. And we think WE know how to do things "right" ??

I'm going to stop bossing God around.....because if he was to let me have my way....things would get messed up in a hurry.

"..Thy will be done, on earth --as it is in Heaven" Mt 6:10

And so it Goes

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Thu, 27 Feb 2020 23:42:00 +0000

Last Thursday, I dislocated my left hip. when that happens you must do every thing you can not to have it bumped or moved..but when the ambulance came and they got me onto the chair and got me down the steps and then onto the stretcher, all bets were off..I screamed whenever the ambulance hit a bump or made a turn. well Maybe "screamed" was the wrong word. "Yelled " might be more like it.
My memories of the days that followed are limited...but I do know that one of the male nurses who took care of me took care to make me as comfortable as possible.

And I had a hellish two days of psychosis ...somehow my psych meds were never given to me And it wasn't long before I was off and running. I was hallucinating and feeling scared...like I was being pursued. it was terrifying. I didn't know I was in a hospital room. I did some irrational things, like calling 911 while yelling "help"...so the police came charging my house and scared DH to death. He had to convince them that he hadn't chopped me up and stuck me under the kitchen sink. Finally he was able to prove to them that I was in the hospital. Needless to say, he was not a happy camper.

I'm still in the hospital and waiting for Insurance clearance for me to be admitted to Rehab.

I will try to keep you posted.

How Does HOPE Play into the Equation?

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Sat, 15 Feb 2020 21:36:00 +0000

Lately I have been thinking on the topic of Hope. We know from the "Love Chapter" 1 Cor. 13 that in the end of time, Faith and Hope are trumped by Love. In heaven, you see our faith is realized. We will see with our eyes the fulfillment of all of the things we once accepted by faith. We won't have to BELIEVE in God....we will see Him and interact with Him right in front of us. And Hope too, will go through a similar demise. It is only Love which will remain.

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between faith and hope? Hebrews 11:1 (the Faith chapter) shines some light here.
"Faith is the essence of things unseen. The Substance of things hoped for." Faith is the belief that we will receive that for which we HOPE. The hope is the wanting. Faith is the engine that pulls the train to your desired destination. It is faith that saves us. Not hope. We do not HOPE that there is a God in heaven who adores us. We believe that there is.

Romans 5:5 NKJV — Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Have you ever had crushed hopes? Disappointment goes hand in hand with a hope that has proven to be false, or what is not best for us. But the hope that GOD gives us does not ever disappoint us. So if you are feeling disappointed in a hope that did not transpire, your hope was not God's best for you. You can put your faith in that. God demonstrated this love and poured out the abundance of that love toward us by pouring out his goodness on us first through the life, death and resurrection of His Son and then continues to manifest his great love to us by caring for us and providing us with a Hope that circumstances and other people cannot kill or squelch. And at the end of the lives of God's children the ultimate realization of our hope and faith occurs when we get to the heaven God has prepared for us. It is then that we can say goodbye to our companions Faith and Hope and embrace, and be embraced by, the Love that God has given us of but tiny glimpses and there we will be overwhelmed with the depths and power of that Love.

Hang on to your hopes. Don't let anything kill them, as long as you know that they are for things that God has promised you. And look forward to that great day when all of our hopes will be met in a solid reality because of God's great Love for us.

Praying IN Faith for MORE Faith--a re-post

noreply@blogger.com (Cynthia Lott Vogel) — Sat, 08 Feb 2020 14:24:00 +0000

This morning I was reading a daily devotion I get in my email from www.BibleGateway.com, a quote by Rev. John Piper, one of my all -time favorite ministers of the Lord. Here are parts of the paragraph he wrote:
'Jesus prays for Peter's faith to be sustained even through sin, because he knows that God is the one who sustains faith. So we should pray for ourselves and for others this way....Let us pray daily: “O Lord, thank you for my faith. Sustain it. Strengthen it. Deepen it. Don't let it fail. Make it the power of my life, so that in everything I do you get the glory as the great Giver. Amen”'

In yesterday's post I told of how God has strengthened my faith by His daily responses to my prayers for small-to-God-important-to-me needs. I have seen my faith grow through these God-encounters but it never really occurred to me that this process of faith-growing, is really a gift from God to me...so that in my next crisis, my next need, my next conversation about Him with others--I will have the wherewithal to get through the situation in a way that brings Him glory.

And, as in any gift I receive from God, it is important for me not to take it for granted or to presume on God's goodness and try to use this gift for my own benefit or glory. Rather, daily I need to ask Him for that day's allotment of grace--and faith--and to thank Him with heartfelt gratitude for the work He is completing in me. It is so easy, isn't it, when we get a "big" answer to prayer, to want to pat ourselves on the back and congratulate our faith for having pulled it off.

Any time we ask for a response from God--whether for our own need or for someone else--it is critical that we do so in humility and with a spirit of deep gratitude, never falling prey to the temptation to conclude that we have the ability to wrest a reply from God for our need. As Rev.Piper said in the article mentioned above, the prayer of the desperate father "Lord I believe; help my unbelief!" is a good one. This man recognized his helplessness to heal his son but he knew that he had come to One who could get the job done. And it is this posture we take before God every time we bring our requests to Him.

Once my mom called me in tears, with a desperate prayer request. I prayed with her and ending the prayer, I said, "And Lord please answer this prayer before I say 'amen' and may our faith be strengthened by that." And do you know, her doorbell rang with the answer to her prayer....before I said "amen"!!! And God honored my request for more faith as a result in me and I hope in her as well. This is the way God delights to answer our prayers. Prayers offered in faith, for faith.

So as I approach my prayer list, I will begin it with a request from God to grow my faith and I will end it with thanksgiving to the Father for enabling me to pray in faith for those needs. Who knows what great things God will do in His people who begin to ask Him to grow their faith?