Trees Lounge

Gettin' Fit

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 10:11:04 PDT

We have a new blog. Change your books. Update your RSS feeds. We're rehabbing ourselves. Aural Fitness

Maia Hirasawa -- A Great Video

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 10:55:00 PST

I'm not sure if I should call this girl the Female Ron Sexsmith or the Japanese Regina Spektor. Actually, I'm not going to call her either because she's Swedish and she sounds closer to Bjork sucking on a jawbreaker (the candy, not the band, fool.)

I love this video. I love the rat. The song is brilliant. Let it shine on you.

Your Action Required

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 09:41:00 PST

Hey kiddies -- I know that I haven't been the best about keeping ya'lls updated, but I've been too busy drinking from the bottle and watching the Anna Nicole Smith hearings. Enough about me... let's pretend that this site isn't a giant ode to my ego and instead for a moment that it's about you, the lonely forgotten and blog reader. Your input into my site is crucial because we are at a crossroads. At one time we had us some pretty nice digs to hang with here -- blogger was cool and new, ezarchive was content hosting some great music, I was excited to be writing about the united states and shooting my dirty musical wad on your collective faces. Ezarchive is worthless. Blogger is boring. New music mostly sucks. So those hallowed days are gone. Fly the flag at half mast, celebrate with some jazz and bury me out by the interstate. Then help me decide where we want to go. I like Trees Lounge. I like talking with you. I like writing about new music. Old Music. The United States. My dislike for cats. So I don't want this to completely end. I want this to begin.

Going forward I am considering purchasing myself -- ahem.... ourselves -- a server. A shiny one with lots of fans and plenty of space for my mp3s to squeeze through a tube and then trickle into your ears. A domain. Wordpress. We're talking about Terrabytes and gigaHURTZ, booya! Seeeexxxxxxxxxxxy. So here's where your input comes in -- domain names, site names, etc. I have a few different options:

Stay with the name Trees Lounge and get a Trees Lounge related domain:
trees-lounge.com (ok, but I hate dashes)
treeslounge.net (I equally hate .nets)

Stick with Trees Lounge and get a RELATED domain:
feelinglessandless.com (dig it, but it is awfully emo. Let's not kid ourselves -- it's a music blog -- it's emo. It's probably embarassing to refer to at the bar when others can hear me. Fawk.)
orderonemoreround.com (confusing? beautiful? insane?)
drinkingandbicycles.com (it's about passion. it's not that emo. ??)

Change the name of the site completely:
drinkingandbicycles.com (I like it but I'm not sure I'm ready to abandon Trees Lounge)
youmakeafistimmatakeanap.com (ok, this one isn't serious... but you should tell me in the comments what it should be instead.)

Ok... now all three of you be nice and leave me a comment with your opinion. Stu, Kris, and that mysterious Google.com guy.

edit: We're up to four regulars, now! Thanks, Kathy!

This Chick is Spaced, yo.

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 18:06:27 PST

Lisa Marie Nowak, Astronaut, drove all night from Houston to Orlando,. She wore diapers so she would not have to stop. Her plan was to kidnap her rival for the affections of another Astronaut. She was caught at Orlando International Airport wearing a trench coat and wig and had a knife, BB gun, rubber tubing and plastic bags. Once U.S. Air Force Capt. Colleen Shipman arrived, Nowak followed her to the airport's Blue Lot for long-term parking, tried to get into Shipman's car and doused her with pepper spray.

Please read this story while humming America The Beautiful.

Link

From His Kitchen to Yours

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:18:08 PST

So there have been plenty of requests for new content, and old. I know that you kids are eagerly waiting for the 50-states project to resume -- and I'd love to resume it -- but I have no hosting. EZArchive is worthless and I can't find any other free or paid service that allows direct linking for the embedded player and unlimited downloads. If you know of one, let me know and I'll get right on throwing Mississippi up here for ya'lls.

Thanks for the support. It really helps.

How is this even possible?

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Wed, 10 Jan 2007 09:55:21 PST

So this new remix of Fat Joe's Make It Rain features R. Kelly and TI (sorry kids, couldn't find the mp3). And you know... it's alright... but it made me really curious about this disorder that I'm convinced I have. I consulted with a friend who is a psychiatry student and she couldn't come up with a name for my problem, but I'm certain that it does exist and that it must have a name -- since it doesn't effect my life that much I've never bothered to really focus on it. The problem is that sometimes I have problems distinguishing my dreams from my reality. Like -- 3 years ago I had this dream that R. Kelly was video taped pissing on a 13 year old girl and the video was released and the future of his career was seriously in jeopardy. The dream was pretty elaborate -- Dave Chappelle even made an appearance on a dream-based version of his show and had a joke about the incident where R. Kelly was singing a song called "Piss On You." For the last 3-years I've been convinced that this actually happened, but then today I start listening to this track and during the chorus I hear R. Kelly singing, "I make it rain/I make it rain/I make it rain on these hoes" and my reality snaps into focus and I realize that I'm so fucked up and this disorder has really gone too far. Yes, I have dreams about R. Kelly pissing on 13 year old girls and then believe that they are real. Fuck.

Also -- I hate the way Lil' Wayne talks out the side of his already crooked ass mouth.

Big Ups 2007 - Brother Ali Drrrrrrops

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Wed, 10 Jan 2007 09:56:11 PST

Brother Ali's first release in 2003 was fah sure one of my favorite albino hip-hop releases of the last five years. The Brother straight up rocks the mic like I flow ridiculous blog entries. When Rhymesayers and the rest of the local outlets started hyping a 2007 Ali release my pants started to tighten. I couldn't wait. So today is the end of that wait.... new tracks... new album.... and it is everything I hoped for. From the curtains to the carpets the beats and the words inspired me to post a blog entry. These tracks are so fly that you need a swatter. (Damn I'm good.)

Also -- could one of you loyal readers that loves me oh-so-much buy me this?

Just for Stu

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Mon, 08 Jan 2007 13:34:17 PST

I may only have one reader, but he is loyal. I receive comments from him on a regular basis and he usually chides me for my lack of updates. You see -- Stuart has nothing better to do with his time then try and beat me up over not keeping my blog regularly updated. Is it because of this that Stuart is a loser, or is the fact that he's a loser responsible for his comments?

Here is what we do know:

Stuart is very fond of Xtina, Nelly, Staind and Gwen Stefani. (Which would explain why he reads a music blog like this one... sheeesh.... ) Stuart is hung like a "long horse." Stuart is consistently irritating. Stuart is the only reason I even update this damn site.... well... and the chicks.

Fuel My Internet Addiction

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Mon, 04 Dec 2006 14:10:33 PST

This is exactly the sort of reason I have an internet addiction. And this is almost exclusively for you, Stuart. Do not let anyone from the CONSPIRACY try and convince you that the Long Horse did not exist. Let us bow our heads for such a grandiose creature that fell victim to a cold, heartless, war-mongering, imperialistic and non-long-horse loving vector of modern stampedering.

Recontextualization vs. Reactionarians

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Tue, 21 Nov 2006 08:57:07 PST

Ok so seriously... watch these two videos. Obviously a joke. How did David Cross get so fucking good? This just takes him to the next level in my mind. If I saw this on Saturday Night Live it would make me shit happiness for days. Oh and damn.... is that Johnny Marr on the accompaniment?

Now watch this. Holy Bicycles! David Cross was just doing a cover! Now Bank of America is suing him and they might actually have a case! GOOD LORD NOW KILL ME>>>

HOLY TECHNOLOJESUS!

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Wed, 15 Nov 2006 19:54:47 PST

Who's Your Indie Crush?

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Mon, 06 Nov 2006 19:31:02 PST

I don't know about you guys, but I've been trying real hard to get myself an indie crush for years now. I know, I know: there has to be a better adjective than indie, right? But you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah: Beyoncé's smoking hot; we get it. And Britney Spears did this photo shoot for the New York Times a few years ago that blew me away (there's a good pun in there somewhere). But I'm talking about the kind of crush that has cred.

And it's not that I haven't been looking. I tried Meg White for a while, but she's all knockers, no personality. And I tried Karen O, but she's just not a hottie. (Pictures of her were still scarce for a while after Albert Hammond, Jr. wore that pin on SNL, so for a long time I had a pretty intense aural crush with just a few face-covering photos to aid me.) And what are my other choices... M.I.A.? Lady Sov? Joanna Newsom? Yeah, Newsom's a maybe. And alright, alright, there's always Chan Marshall, but she's a model now (don't believe me?), so I feel like she's up there with the professional hotties. And Regina Spektor is really cute, but I'm pretty sure she's way too old for me. The girls from Fannypack? Uh-uh.

So here comes Uffie. I can't take her seriously, and I can't say that her rapping is any good. But the lyrics are certainly adorable and hilarious, and the electro beats complement their uh, sensuality. She's on Ed Banger records, for all you kids who keep track of that. (Maybe you know labelmates Justice.) Oh, and did I mention that she's a genuine, certified smoking hot girl? Have doubts? That's her up there in that photo. And some Italian magazine that seems really cool, but most of the content of which I can't read has a bad ass photo shoot of her. So go knock yourselves out (that good pun is just too obvious).

She doesn't have an album out, and there are just a handful of singles she's released, but she's my official indie crush. Who's yours? I think girls have a few more options than us fellas, but I'd be happy to get comments from both sexes.

And in addition! I'm going to post what I believe is Uffie's total output to date. If not total, it's certainly the vast majority. Voici:

Uffie - "Pop the Glock (Original Mix)"

Uffie - "Pop the Glock (Sebastian Remix)"

Uffie - "Ready to Uff (Mr. Oizo Mix)"

Uffie - "Ready to Uff (TV Track)"

Uffie - "Hot Chick"

Uffie - "In Charge"

The Farnsworth Parabox of Damien Rice

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Thu, 02 Nov 2006 09:42:00 PST

I'm sure most of you are familiar with the theory of parrallel universes. The simple idea that if you were to rotate the earth 180 degrees on it's orbit (landing it directly behind the sun), you would find a planet equal to the earths dimensions but completely opposite in every way. It would serve to balance out the beauty, depravity, poverty, excess, and spirit of this world. It's an anti-earth. It's the idea that a very popular episode of Futurama is based on.

Well -- there was a slip-up here on our own earth and Damien Rice fell into a Farnsworth Parabox. He stumbled out and it was Universe # 10393 or something where the molasses-voiced Damien and his soundtrack ballads came out as Plan B. I call it Grind, but keep in mind that I'm an idiot. Other idiots will call it Eminem with an accoustic guitar and a british accent or Sage Francis covering Everlast. Still even more idiots will go drrrr.... drrr....... Regardless. I do like Plan B. Something tells me that he'll be on less soundtracks next year than the new Damien Rice material -- but maybe in an alternate universe somewhere, the opposite is true.

The first song is the controversial anti-censorship track, Sik 2 Def, and the second track is a live accoustic version of Who Needs Action, When You've Got Words that I've had stuck in my head for a couple of days.

A Moment For You and I (and Joe)

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Tue, 31 Oct 2006 14:37:19 PST

So the blog has been infused with new life. I am posting again, Joe is posting quality material, and with any luck we will lure some readers back after I left them in lurch earlier in the summer. Why did i abandon you, dear reader? Well it was a combination of several thing.... first of all I am the epitome of lazy. Like seriously.... to even get out of bed in the morning is a task and I haven't figured out how to just THINK of a post and make it happen. Second is that EZArchive (the host for all of my mp3s) basically went TITS UP and left me without a good place to put all these grey-area-legal-wise mp3 files. Like, I couldn't upload -- I couldn't download -- I couldn't email them -- they were just POOF gone.

Today they are back.

So with that, and with Joe's help, Trees Lounge is back.

The good news is also the bad news though -- with the new EZArchive, the old links are all gone. That means everything older than about 4 days ago has now been flushed down the toilet. My dream to complete all 50 states and post them all up together may never happen. That being said, I'm going to continue where I left off in the next few days and jump back into the states project. The good news? We're back. We'll have even more BRILLIANT CONTENT that you can be assured to COUNT ON and we'll be offering a bi-geographical perspective on the music scene with my sorry ass being situated here (ahem... near) the twin-cites, and Joe being cozily tucked away in Irvine, CA. I'll be focusing on my normal themes of drinking too much and not being funny -- Joe will be focusing on his love for Lil' Wayne and all things from Jamaica. Or maybe I'll just let him let you know what he'll post about.

To Welcome myself back I am going to take this opportunity to reiterate something that I've been telling you for years now. This band: I still like them, and you still don't listen to them. The Baptist Generals.

Chris Flemmons plays/writes insanely beautiful melodies, has terrible recording equipment, a drinking problem, a tendency to smash his equipment in the middle of a track, and an ability to play the guitar like a FUCKING DRUM.

Edit: Also if there is any doubt as to whether or not Trees Lounge can be a two man show, can you please click the link below of Joe in the Panda suit. I mean -- he has boozed up eyes, an empty bottle of jack daniels, and he is wearing a god-damned panda costume. If anyone can outdrink that picture and then send me evidence of it glued to the top of a case of Jim Beam and then make quality posts about stolen mp3s -- WELL I'D DAMN WELL GIVE YOU A PASSWORD TO POST, TOO!

Best Song About File Sharing. Ever.

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Wed, 01 Nov 2006 13:59:14 PST

So at some point this morning I realized that every post of mine thus far is really just a "Best Ever" post. I had the Best Song. Ever.

And I also had the Best Rock Song. Ever.

So in that vein, I want to add the Best Song About File Sharing. Ever.

The Tiny: "Everything is Free"

If you're not yet on the Tiny bandwagon, it's time to get on board. Despite it's diminutive size, there's still a lot of room left up here. As best as I can figure out, The Tiny are a three-piece from Stockholm. They're also great; Rob and I both have an avowed love for them.

But wait! There's more! Now for the Best Song by The Tiny. Ever.

The Tiny: "Closer"

Well that pretty much kicks off my newly-named series: Best Song... Ever.

(Also! One of Rob's favorite comedians, Ze Frank, does a great bit about Worst... Ever that I admit to cribbing a little for the name of my series. Enjoy it here! Err... how the hell do you imbed flash?)

EDIT: As per a comment, "Everything is Free" does look like it was originally a Gillian Welch song. If possible, avoid listening to that version because it may ruin The Tiny's, in so much as it totally blows, and you may not be able to get it out of your head. So kudos to Gillian Welch for writing a poignant song. But bigger ups to The Tiny for singing it and then totally making me cry.

Halloween Is So Last Weekend

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Tue, 31 Oct 2006 14:06:18 PST

Halloween is Tonight? Well all my parties were last weekend. I don't know how yours went, but I broke a mirror I was wearing, climbed a balcony four times, played a lot of swords (hard to explain), and was an all-around jackass. In commemoration of the fact that I'm still damn tired, I'm posting a song that really gets at the essence of how I felt walking home alone at 4:00 in the morning.

In addition, it's arguably the greatest rock song ever recorded. Not even shitting you.

Rocket from the Tombs - "Ain't It Fun"

And as a BONUS!

What says Halloween more than Black No. 1?

Type O Negative: "Black No. 1 (Little Miss Scare-All)"

Save a Tree; Write a Blog

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Tue, 31 Oct 2006 14:05:54 PST

Rob needed to call in some reinforcements, so I’m gonna be helping him out a bit here and there so Trees Lounge doesn’t completely die. The States thing is his, and I’m leaving it to him to keep that up, but I’m adding a series of my own:

Cool Shit from Sometime Not Now

Cool Shit, if you’re into the whole brevity thing. It’ll be songs, albums, discographies… well… it’ll be a lot of things, and I’m not going to pigeonhole myself right now. I don't even know that it needs a name, but it's getting one anyway.

To start it off, I’ll post my favorite song:

Baal – Exuma

That’s right—like a teenage girl—I have a favorite song. Among the mounds of music I listen to, there is actually one song that stands out above the others. And I’m cool with that. In the future I’ll give more context to what I post, but for now, just take my word on this.

Do They Know it's Halloween?

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 11:24:27 PDT

This post can only come from outer-space or underground, or some nonsensical place. I'm not sure where it comes from. I do know that it is a Halloween song produced by the North American Halloween Prevention Initiative. I do know that it was designed as some sort of fund-raiser. I do not know exactly what the funds were for or how they assembled such an incredible cast for such a seemingly bullshit project -- I do know that the song sounds like what would must exist on the other side of the sun.

The cast includes: Beck, Sum 41, Les Savy Fav, the Arcade Fire, Sonic Youth, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Joey Waronker, Sloan, Peaches, Feist, Devendra Banhart, Wolf Parade, Postal Service, Buck 65, Elvira, Malcolm McLaren, Gino Washington (for more on him, see "Gino vs. Geno" at Complicatedfun.com), Roky Erickson, Rilo Kiley, Sparks, Tagaq, and producer Steven McDonald of Redd Kross

North American Halloween Prevention Initiative - Do They Know It's Halloween?

Pitchfork Media Infinite Playlist RSS Feed

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 10:47:54 PDT

Yesterday Pitchfork Media began a project called the infinite mix-tape. It's a great idea -- post new tracks in a mix-tape like format on a semi-regular basis. Except -- like most things Pitchfork does they nailed the idea and fumbled the execution. They provided a kickass way of seeing tracks, but a cumbersome, outdated, crappy one of downloading them. They needed a podcast!

I'm not taking credit for this work. I just jumped through some hoops to generate an RSS feed and then a few more hoops to generate the Podcast feed. Now you can add it to your iTunes or (like me) your J River Media Center.

Pitchfork Media - Infinite Mixtape Podcast

The 50 States: July 4th Compilation

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Thu, 29 Jun 2006 09:10:02 PDT

So I'm 23/50ths of my way through the 50-states project. I started strong but then hit a wall and have been slow slow slow to update lately. My original plan was to pace myself so that the last state would be posted today and then this post would hit like an atom bomb on July 4th. That is obviously not going to happen.

What is going to happen is that i'm going to give you guys the rundown on the first 23 awesome states that we have. (Including 700+ mp3s!!!!) Then I'm going to resume regular posting next week starting with Mississippi (it's all uploaded and ready to go, folks.)

In the mean time, thanks for keeping your love steadfast, and big ups to my man Uncle Sam.

Sufjan Stevens - The 50 States Song (live)

The other group that (I'm aware of) embarked on a 50-state project was They Might Be Giants. They alo did their own version of the 50-state song.

They Might Be Giants - The 50 States

So, with the introduction out of the way, it's best to start at the beginning, yes?

Alabama

Alabama. Declared a state in 1819, Alabama has given us such innovations as Mardis Gras (I promise, it came from here, not LA), the rocket that went to the moon, first electric trolley system, the civil war, Hank AAron, Willie Mays, a band with the same name that can live up to all of the stereotypes, the first Miss America with a disability, Nat King Cole, Emmy Lou Harris, Hellen Keller, Joe Lewis, Rosa Parks, and the most covered song of all time.

Alaska

The grandest state of them all was admitted to the union in 1959, but the US actually purchased the land in 1867 for 2 cents per acre. If you were to overlay a map of alaska over a map of the US, you would find that Alaska can actually reach from east coast to west coast. It's frickin big, jack! The land was mostly considered worthless until gold was found in 1880 by Joe Juneau. This kicked off a massive Gold Rush and accounts for the reason why anyone at all lives there today. Japan invaded the Aleutian Islands in 1943 which began the 1000 mile war. This state has given us such things as oil, seafood, eskimos, dog mushing, bears, Jack London, and also that really crap dog movie with Cuba Gooding Jr.

Arizona

I've begruddgingly traveled a few times to the southwestern furnace dubbed Arizona. My last trip was in the summer of 1998 and I hiked up a mountain in something like 135 degree weather. I'm not sure that this state has any grass outside of golf courses, but they do have the grand canyon which is one of the most awesome things I have ever seen.

Arizona -- admitted to the union on Valentines Day, 1912 it has given us such great things as petrified wood, the second largest depository of retirees, a flippant disregard for daylight savings time, a billion canyons, seventy gazillion cactuses, London Bridge, the worlds largest solar telescope, Ceasar Chavez, Tombstone, The Apache Kid, Geronimo, Charles Mingus, Linda Ronstadt, and Kerri Strug (yup, her.)

We love you Arizona.

Arkansas

My grandma is from Arkansas. She's between here and completely batshit insane at any given moment. She loves to tell me about her boyfriend named Bill Clinton, but if I bring up Hillary she'll just start crying and telling me how beautiful she used to be before she got evil. I just say, yeah whatever g-ma. Love yas.

Arkansas has given us more than just my crazy Grandma, however. After becoming a state in June of 1836, Arkansas has given us such great things as Wal-Mart, the national duck calling championships, General Doughlas MacArthur, Scott Joplin, Johnny Cash, and John Grisham.

We love you, Arkansas.

California

Oh California, you glutton for publicity. You bastian of public relations and sunshine. The golden rays always cast you in a favorable light. You are honey colored in perpetuem on every map ever made. Until you make that great swan dive into the pacific you will remain the west of which there is no wester. You are always the destination, never the departed. You can shake people, suffocate them, burn them, leave them in the dark, and yet you are still at the top of every kids wish list. In fact, out of every song ever written about you -- only Death Cab for Cutie wanted to get away from your evil clutches.

California was dubbed a state in September 1850. California gives us such great things as really big trees, turkeys, avocados, the Hollywood Bowl, The Walk of Fame, movies, porno, one out of every eight US residents, five-hundred-thousand earthquakes, raisons, grapes, wine, the most beautiful sunset ever witnessed, and the highest and lowest points in north america. Oh, and every major celebrity ever. Aaaaaand the coolest state moto: EUREKA!

No doubt about it, we love you California.

Colorado

Colorado is on my destination list every year because of it's epic snowfalls. (Let's just ignore that I usually only layover there until I get to the real destination -- salt lake city.)

Colorado was made a state in 1876. It has given us such great things as the US Air Force Academy, Mike the Headless Chicken, the cheesburger, the Valentines city of Loveland, the rodeo, mountains, more microbreweries per capita than anywhere else, the highest suspension bridge in the world, 20 rivers, Jack Dempsey, Tim Allen, and my bitch of an ex girlfriend.

Connecticut

Connecticut so curious a place are you. You remind me of the blue power ranger -- you are strong by yourself, but you are mighty when teamed up and in a MEGAZORD configuration! What would connecticut be without New York, New Jersey, and Massachusets? Why it would just be a little bity place where rich kids go to college and that I can never remember where to put it on the map. I will give one thing up to you -- you are one of the only states that refused to ratify the 18th amendment! SALUT!

Connecticut you pioneered statehood in 1788. You brought us such great things as the telephone book, the worlds first nuclear sub, cattle branding, the oldest US newspaper, the hamburger, polaroid camera, the helipcopter, color television, speed limits, lollipops, license plates, the WWF, silverware, PEZ, Ethan Allen, Benedict Arnold, PT Barnum, Charles Goodyear, Nathan Hale, Katharine Hepburn, Annie Leibovitz, JP Morgan, and Noah Webster.

We love you, Connecticut. Now give us some more music with which to celebrate you!

Delaware

Next stop is Delaware: shaped like a lima bean, I really don't know much about you. You have the appearance to outsiders of being a lonely, misplaced state -- but I'm sure if I cracked you open, you'd be full of love and rasberry flavored chocolates. You've yet to invite me over for blueberry pancakes, but if you were so inclined on some sunday monring (and expressed me some first-class tickets and a bottle of makers mark) I'd be there in a heartbeat.

Delaware, you were admitted to the union on a sunny day in 1787. You were a trailblazer when you were the first to ratify the US Constitution. You brought us such great things as The Methodist Church, log cabins, the automatic flour mill, nylon, Robert Bird, E.I. du Pont, Henry Heimlich, and Julius Johnson.

Delaware, even though are you small -- you still have songs written about you, and for that, I love you.

Florida

Florida, you are warm. You are surrounded by sand and water. You are the mecca of rednecks and old people. I once took a long vacation (3-months) to you. Unfortunately, however, you do not have that many good songs written about you -- you do, though, have lots of ehhhh alright songs.

Made a state in 1845 florida is the one that brought us such things as space flight, the Boggy Bayou Mullet Festival, Gatorade, suntan lotion, refrigeration, riding lawn mowers, a river that flows north instead of south (St Johns River), alligators (FUCK OFF), an ATM machine for rollerbladers, 700 million cigars per year, the worlds largest strawberry shortcake, the sports fishing, shark, and dive capitals of the world, the longest river sailboat race in the world, Disney World, gun-toting-convenience-store-clerks, Pat Boone, Fay Dunaway, AJ McLean, Jim Morrison, Sidney Poitier, Janet Reno, David Robinson, and suspicious voting activities.

Never the less, we love you Florida!

Georiga

Georgia, I visited you once and you thoroughly reminded me of that old ladies house in Great Expectations. You struck me as once grand, once dignified, once a beacon of southern money -- but now eroded, blown, struck, toppled, and decayed into dust. Your plantation manors and civil war remnants are now their own special kind of beautiful -- though only relics of what once was, they offer a striking and vibrant example of the leftovers of industrialization. Today, Atlanta is one of Americas landmark cities -- ripe with culture, class, and Ludacris.

Georgia, you became a state in 1788. You are the nations number one producer of peanuts, peaches, and peacans. You can appreciate fried chicken, and in Gainesville you outlawed eating chicken with a fork. You have also given us such great things as Vidalia onions, the Masters golf tournament, Coca-Cola, the bloodiest battle in American history (Chickamuga), the worlds largest sculpture, Jimmy Carter, the first state university, Ray Charles, Ty Cobb, Lawrence Fishburne, Amy Grant, Oliver Hardy, Hulk Hogan, Doc Holliday, Martin Luther King, Jr, Gladys Night, Blind Willie McTell, Otis Redding, Burt Reynolds, Little Richard, Jackie Robinson, Ray Stevens, Clarence Thomas, Travis Tritt, and Trisha Yearwood. Oh yeah, and Outkast.

You've also got about eleventy billion songs about you. I decided to stop after I found 50 (ok, maybe only 49) good ones.

Hawaii

Hawaii, you thief of hearts. You are the volcanic topping on a paradise sundae, the ultimate honeymoon destination for crusteceans, coral, and the jet setting japanese. You have a language that is a completely mystery to me, and a joyous mystery at that -- a conundrum of beautiful consonants and diabolical punctuation. I bet you are warm right now, and I bet since it's the ides of March that many of my millions of readers are headed for your basaltic embrace -- to put their feet onto your warm sand and thaw their bones of the cold and misery that is a midwest winter.

Hawaii, you were scooped up in 1959 by the good ole' US of A. You give us all pineapples, and you're the only US state to grow coffee. Honolulu is geographically the largest city in the world, and hawaii overall is wider than any other state including AK and TX. You've given us such things as Hawaiian Standard Time, worlds largest wind generator, macadamia nuts, the only royale palace in the United States, and the worlds biggest telescope.

We love you, Hawaii. You have LOADS of good songs about you, here's a handful.

Idaho

A girl I once knew was driving through the middle of nowhere Idaho with her parents during their spring break, family outing. A bullet came through the door and went into her leg and she almost died of blood loss. That's the only person I know that has ever been to Idaho.

Idaho, you were admitted as a state in 1890. It is still illegal to give someone from Idaho a box of candy weighing more than 50 lbs. Also, your contributions have been slight -- you have given us potatoes, Gutzon Borglum, Harmon Killebrew, Ezra Pound, and Picabo Street.

Never the less -- we love you, Idaho.

Illinois

Oh Illinois -- noble displayer of cornfields and silos. You put the heart in heartland, and the plain in plains. Drive east and you'll find the silos keep getting bigger and bigger until they are skyscrapers. Stop before the lake and you're in for a treat. Chicago is a city of the world, one of the most beautiful cities I have ever visited and I still make nearly monthly trips. I am in awe of your public library, your giant chrome jelly bean, and the Sears Tower. You're also the only place in the US I have ever been that has a 4am bartime, and for that -- well for that, I salut you!

Illinois, you have such distinguishing features as the worlds first aquarium, the worlds first skyscraper, the tallest building in north america, Metropolis, you were the first state to ratify the 13th amendment, McDonalds, Ronald Reagan, a huge fire, Abraham Lincoln, the ice cream sundae, worlds first silo, countries highest percentage of personalized license plates, the largest public library, Jane Addams, Gillian Anderson, my grandparents, Jack Benny, Ray Bradbury, Jennie Garth, Cindy Crawford, Richard Daley, Miles Davis, Walt Disney, Harrison Ford, Benny Goodman, Dorothy Hamil, Ernest Hemingway, Charlton Heston, Wild Bill, Rock Hudson, James Jones, Quincy Jones, David Mamet, Bill Murray, Bob Newhardt, Richard Pryor, Sam Shepard, Raquel Welch, Wilco, Andrew Bird, The Smashing Pumpkins, and and and, and the Oreo factory. Oh yeah, and you crazy micks in Chicago are going to dye the freakin' river green this weekend!

Indiana

Indiana, I wanted to comment that I felt like you had lots of interstates. I didn't want to upset your great citizens and it's true -- the only times I've visited indiana is on my way to somewhere else -- but you actually do have more miles of interstate than any other state!. You have also given us such great things as the Indy 500, the beginning of the Lewis and Clark expedition, the P47 fighter plane, Raggedy Anne, the first professional baseball game, James Dean, David Letterman, the only rotary jail in the US, top-quality limestone, studebakers, Van Camps Pork and Beans, a John Dillinger prison escape, the Gatling gun, the center of the underground railroad, Larry Bird, Bill Blass, Jimmy Hoffa, Michael Jackson, Shelley Long, Cole Porter, Kurt Vonnegut, and Wilbur Wright.

I'll also go ahead and say something that actually may piss some people off. Gary is actually the scariest, shittiest city that I think I have ever been to. I never feel safe there. Despite that, we still love you, Indiana!

Iowa

Iowa you low, fat, agricultural beast. I drive through you constantly to get to Kansas. Your roads are straight (except for the most crooked one in the country -- pictured), your balance is strong, and you have a very odd method of influencing your might on presidential elections. I don't dislike you, Iowa.

You've given us the likes of the worlds largest strawberry, covered bridges, the worlds shortest and steepest railroad, quaker oats, a sprint car museum, Herbert Hoover, John Wayne, Glenn Miller, Winnebagos, Johnny Carson, Buffalo Bill, George Gallup, Ann Landers, and Slipknot!

We love you, Iowa.

Stick with me here, these next 3 get a little \../ and try and shake that iowa sound.

So the next songs are probably about somewhere in the UK. Doesn't matter -- let's assume they're about waterloo, ia because that fits my theme much, much better!

Kansas

// insert some beautiful picture of kansas here, because blogger sure as hell isn't going to cooperate with my desire to make one appear //

Kansas is the heartland. A steady batch of corn and wheat whizzing past our rock-filled bus' windows. Kansas, you have lawrence. Lawrence, one of the coolest college-towns in the country. The town that seems small but draws national bands on a nightly basis. The town that is all coeds and fast-food. I like lawrence.

Kansas has given this country such great things as the nations biggest ball of twine, Amelia Earhardt, Dwight D Eisenhower, nations largest concentration of wild grouse, wheat, wheat, more wheat, Pizza Hut, Fatty Arbuckle, Bob Dole, Dennis Hopper, Stan Kenton, Barry Sanders, oh yeah, and tornadoes.

Kansas -- you seem to be confused as to where Kansas City stops and Missouri begins. Because of that, I am going to assume that all songs about Kansas City are about Kansas City, KS. Actually -- if I were smarter I would assume that they were about Kansas City, MO since that is the bigger more metropolitan part, but I'm not smarter and it's a lot easier to include these songs with Kansas. Plus -- who really cares.

Kentucky

Now -- onward towards Kentucky.

Kentucky was made a state in 1792. It's been sitting down there representin' the BACKBONE of southern culture for a loong, long time. In that time it has given us things like the kentucky derby, cheeseburgers, corvettes, the first commercial oil well, KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN, Abraham Lincoln, Jefferson Davis, a wet Christian County and a dry Bourbon County (oh, the irony!), the birthday song, post-it-notes, bluegrass, the unveiling of the electric light bulb, the radio, fort knox gold warehousing, and millions of stereotypical toothless, truck drivin', wife beatin', beer drinking' rednecks (or is that milwaukee I'm thinking of?).

People from Kentucky include Muhammed Ali, Crystal Gayle, her sister Loretta Lynn, Casey Jones, Bill Monroe, Diane Sawyer, and the great great great Hunter S Thompson.

We love you Kentucky!

Louisiana

Louisiana you have given us such things as the worlds largest mardis gras celebration, simultaneausly the worlds largest display of worlds gone wild fodder (amen!), the united states' largest capitol building, the super superdome, the longest bridge over water in the world, oldest railway line in operation, crawfishes, cajunnesss, Louis Armstrong, Geoffrey Beene, Truman Capote, Fats Domino, Bryant Gumbel, Jerry Lee Lewis, Wynton Marsalis, Jelly Roll Morton, Huey Newton, Cokie Roberts, and is also the HIPPEST hurricane target of the 21st century.

Louisiana, we love you -- but we love you so much that we gotta beg you to quit building your cities so damn close to DANGER! Here's an even 100 songs for you, woot!

Maine

Maine gives us such great things as the eastern most city in the United States, lobsters, blueberries, the York that preceeded New York, toothpicks, Steven King, Dubya's summer home, LL Bean, Lighthouses, nations first sawmill, nations first incorporated city, the first american ship, the first naval battle in the us, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, and this beautiful collection of songs.

Maryland

Maryland, daughter of the east. I'm sure you had quite a place in the American Revolution, and I toast to you. I've enjoyed every visit I've ever made to you and for that I'm thankful. Baltimore proved to have plenty of songs about it, but I can't help but feel I didn't give the rest of the state a very fair shake. I've also completely forgotten to include songs about oysters or crabs -- but as editor of this I had to make a decision and even though you, sweet Maryland, contribute a lot of those things, it seems like you're not believable as the ONLY producer/supplier/deliverer of these things. Don't hate me too much, such is life. Suffer thee as well, Maryland.

Maryland, you have given us such great contributions as the US Naval Academy, the first catholic cathedral in the united states, the first school in the united states, first DENTAL school in the us, Babe Ruth, Cal Ripken Jr, Billy Ripken, some other baseball guys, Francis Scott Key, The Star Spangled Banner, the National Aquarium, the first hot-air balloon launch, the telegraph pole, recipient of the first telegraph message, workmens comp, Greenbelt, the methodist church of america, more miles of shoreline than any other state (4400miles!), Spiro Agnew, John Wilkes Booth, James Cain, Frederick Douglas, Philip Glass, Billie Holiday, Johns Hopkins, Thurgood Marshall, HL Mencken, Upton Sinclair, Harriet Tubman, Frank Zappa, John Waters, 2Pac.

We love you, Maryland.

Massachusetts

Oh massachusetts, you are certainly on the list of heavily influential music-locales. You have given us countless fantastic bands, but you've also given us other contributions as noteworthy as the Salem With Trials, the first subway system, John Adams, John Quincy Adams, JFK, and George HW Bush, Volleyball, a house built out of newspaper, namesake of the Fig Newton, Plymouth Rock, Basketball Hall of Fame, the US's first public park, worlds first basketball game, Dunkin Donuts, Howard Johnsons, Zip-Codes, the birth control pill, Americas first college (Harvard), first commuter railroad, first public elementary school, The House of Seven Gables, a big tea party, thanksgiving, vulcanized rubber, the sewing machine, the first nuclear sub, the USS Constitution, and Titleist golf balls.

Mass has also given us Samuel Adams, Susan B. Anthony, F. Lee Baily, Clara Barton, Leonard Benstein, Johnny Appleseed, ee Cummings, John Copley, William Coolidge, Cecil B Demille, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Ben Franklin, Buckminster Fuller, John Hancock, Nathanial Hawthorne, Oliver Wendell Holmes, Leonard Nemoy, Albert Pike, Edgar Allen Poe, Paul Rever, Dr Seuss, Thoreau, and Eli Whitney.

Michigan

Our journey continues northward -- to that great state of music, Michigan! Detroit has been relavant to pretty much every music scene ever. I'm pretty sure during the times of Louis XIV's Baroque performances there was someone doing it with more energy and with a fatter sound in Detroit. It just seems like that is how MI has been representing FOREVER. I should have included more motown, but very little of it is actually about the state, and I'm just not very familiar with motown. Plus -- I think I have enough songs below. I did really screw the pooch by forgetting stevie wonder, but you, dear readers, will have to forgive me this.

Don't forget, Michigan also gave us such things as: cars, cement, limestone, worlds largest dairy herd, magic supplies, boats, first state University, the Mackinac Bridge, dry cereal, ginger ale, worlds only floating post office, the largest crucifix in the world, most freshwater shoreline in the world, more shoreline than every state but Alaska, 116 lighthouses, copper, first regular airline route, phone numbers, the first state police radio system, Ellen Burstyn, Francis Ford Coppola, Thomas Dewey, Edna Ferber, Henry Ford, Magic Johnson, Ring Lardner, Charles Lindbergh, Madonna, Ted Nugent, John Parsons, Gilda Radner, Riana Ross, Steven Seagal (fuck yeah!), Bob Seger, Tom Selleck, Lily Tomlin, Stevie Wonder, and BOB ROCK.

Minnesota

Minnesota. I consider you my home. I love you a lot. You beam beauty, exude soul, and freeze me to the bone in just the right way. Despite my every effort to escape you, I still continue to live near by. Listen to The Hold Steady and try to seperate Craig from Minnesota. Even though he relocated to NYC -- his songs are still all about his visits to the twin cities and I think that everyone out there can feel that connection to home. These songs represent my connection to home.

Of course, readers that know me might be scratching their heads. See, I actually live in Wisconsin. Well.... geographically, yes.... but my heart belongs to Minnesota. And I could hit the state with a rock thrown from my front-porch.

Minnesota, besides my endless adoration you have also supplied this great country with such things as The Mall of America, Masking and Scotch Tapes, wheaties, bisquick, HMOs, the bundt pan, Aveda, Green Giant, oldest continuously running theater, largest dinner theater, the worlds largest pelican statue, the countrys largest urban sculpture garden, the largest regional playhouse in the country, the skyway system, more golfers per capita than anywhere else, the Metrodome (only facility to ever hold a super bowl, world series, and NCAA final four), more shoreline than California, Florida, and Hawaii combined, first heart transplant and first bone marrow transplant in the US, lutefisk, the Mayo clinic, worlds largest ball of twine, the stapler, the first climate controlled mall, water skiing, worlds first childrens library, the automatic toaster, Rollerblades, armored cars, Tonka Trucks, Hormel Chili, SPAM, super computers, Milky Way, Snickers, and 3 Musketeers candy bars, more boats per capita than anywhere else, Greyhound Bus Lines, the snowmobile, rice cakes, Bob Dylan, F Scott Fitzgerald, Judy Garland, Garrison Keillor, Jessica Lange, Sinclaire Lewis, John Madden, Roger Maris, Eugene McCarthy, Walter Mondale, Jane Russell, Winona Ryder, Charles Shultz, Kevin Sorbo, and who could forget Jesse Ventura and Prince.

I'm not Dead!

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Tue, 20 Jun 2006 12:14:16 PDT

Hey fans -- i appreciate the comments I have recevied lately inquiring about my well-being, and what can I say? I'm well!

I have Mississippi ready to go for you and a handful of new bands ready to make your head spin. So where have I been? I've just been busy living life. The last month has brought full-on summer, drunkeness, heartbreak, redemption, tomfoolery, travel, lust, extravegance, hopelessness, and motorcycles.

So -- if I have these posts ready to go -- why is this here? Well, EZARCHIVE is just blowing goats for the last 10-12 days and I can't upload my files. I've tried everything to get the 90+ files it is going to take to properly toast Mississippi onto the server and I've only been met with rejection. I'll work on it, but I just want you to know that I love you and I appreciate your dedication.

You all make this giant blue rock seem much less lonely.

Also -- if you want some updates just go ahead and browse through the archives. Most of the files are still available, and I think I used to be waaaaaay funnier.

Love

Robert

An Owl Made Me Do It: Orillia Opry

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Mon, 22 May 2006 15:08:18 PDT

The theme of this last weekend was the theme of most of my weekends, ahem -- binge drinking. I had four fun-filled, wild nights, of boozin' it up, kicking ass, and taking names. The secondary theme of the weekend however, was "O RLY?" I saw an owl picture somewhere and underneath it was these words and it became permanently emblazened in my head. I kept saying the phrase and everyone around me grew sick of it. I did it in this adorable little voice that sounded like an owl had just learned how to hit the helium bong and endlessly tease message-board suckers. I cracked myself up.

Then I emailed the little owl to my lady friend and my roomate -- then they got in on the ORLY action. Then we all started doing it, much to the displeasure of everyone else around us. (My roomate doesn't have the voice down, my lady friend most certainly does.) Girls, take note, if you ever get into an argument with me -- cock your head to one side, open your eyes really wide and squawk "O RLLLLLY" and then I'll laugh and love you forever.

Monday morning appears cold and alone on my doorstep this morning, and I start browsing through my usual assortment of music sites and podcasts. Boring, more boring, more boring and most boring (uk indielectro is so daammmmn tired right now). Then Orillia Opry shows up. That's right..... ORILLLLLLIA! The music was good, the name was coooing in my head all weekend and I'd never even heard of them.

It was fate.

So now, dear readers, this fate comes your way. Spend this morning eating cheerios, listening to a fantastic new band, and browsing through Orly Owls. You will live longer for doing so.

Oh yeah... and if you want to hear what this music SOUNDS like, instead of what it has to do with me... check out Said the Gramaphones Write-Up. It involves CSI: Miami, Peter Lorre, parmesean pesto pasta, and the SATs.

Rhyme That With Orange, Hustlers

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Wed, 17 May 2006 13:39:09 PDT

Hey you ~~bastards~~ fans! I'm not going to have much of a post today, but I just wanted to let you know: yesterdays post KICKED ASS. I'm serious over here. I'm not one to toot my own horn constantly (oh wait..... fawk!) but it was seriously worth every mp3 blogsite in the world to shoot me some love for it. Not only did I drop a $1,000,000 word, but I also poached a killer video and put it on YouTube.

Now... scroll down and leave me a comment so that we can debate whether you think I made that word up or not (I promise I did not). Try as I might, however, I can not find any validation that it is actually a proper word. Someone please either give me the right word for a 29-piece ensemble or else this one is headed to those savages over at Meriam-Webster for inclusion in their next edition. How dare they leave it out?

Jets to Brazil - Orange Rhyming Dictionary

Todays Word: Icosikaienneatet

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Tue, 16 May 2006 10:51:37 PDT

Ok so get this -- the word, "icosikaienneatet" returns absolutely, positively, ZERO GOOGLE RESULTS. Yet, I'm confident that it is actually a word. I fully intend to make this page one of the biggest draws on the internet by single-handedly dominating this search term.

Ever heard of the game google-whacking? The object is to put two common words together into an uncommon phrase. You win when you type in a two-word phrase and only get one result. Try "calgarian voluptuary" as an example of how to win.

Well, I don't know what the game I just invented is called, but the goal of it is to put a single, undisputably correct word in your website and have it come up as the ONLY WEBSITE IN THE WORLD that has ever used that word. In fact, not only did I invent the game, but I'm also the first international champion at it, and will be the only international champion for a long, long time.

You see the prefix (ahem.... icosikaiennea) means "29" and the "tet" indicates a musical group (as in octet, quartet, sextet, nonet, etc). Thus, the complete word, Icosikaienneatet: A group of 29 musicians.

That brings us to I'm From Barcelona. An icosikaienneatet from (I'm assuming here) Barcelona. Why did I decide to post this video, dear reader?

Yesterday I received a comment from D. Valentine:

D Valentine said...
I love this group. Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou for posting this. Dude, I haven't run into a lame post from you yet. I'm moving you to the top of my MP3 bookmarks.

5:00 PM

I felt so flattered, that I was all, "well.. I can't let her/him down ... I better get right to it and post something LAME." Then I remembered what I had read on Jesus' page the other day and figured it would be a perfect lame-ass post to steal. (I mean, if you're going to steal a post... you might as well steal it from Jesus, rigggggghhhht?) So I You-Tube'd the video, google-owned a CHOICE word, typed up some garbage in this a-here little box, and BAM: You dear fans now have a lame, lame, lame post.

Of course, it's not that lame at all. I mean, the video is lame in this really cool way. The song is lame in this we-just-totally-one-upped the polyphonic spree sort of way. The fact I stole it from Jesus himself is... well actually... not lame at all. And finally my world-dominance of the word Icosikaienneatet is COMPLETELY LAME.

Ok... enough rambling... onto the video....

The Round-Up

rbosworth@gmail.com (Your (optional) podcast author name) — Mon, 15 May 2006 13:40:02 PDT

The Old Ceremony at Songs: Illinois : Wow. This band just plain kicks my ass. I wish I knew what genre to call this. He say's it's like Gogol Bordello, but I don't buy it. It's more "avant-garde, old-timey, whatever Andrew Bird used to do but then redone with a fresher style" type of music. Also, they copped their name from a Leonard Cohen record. Holy crap... did I just forget the word iconic? AN ICONIC LEONARD COHEN RECORD (is there any other kind?) Check it.

Beirut at 3Hive : I was going to do a Beirut post last week. Seeing the review pop up on Pitchfork sort of dissuaded me. I knew that someone else in this blog-biz would handle it better than I would be able to. At best you could have expected me to get drunk and make some sort of reference to how I like just about any sort of lo-fi slash indie with trumpets, clarinets, and a Neutral Milk Hotel connection. Oh wait... I guess Shan did the same thing except with waaay less alcohol than I would have. Go, go, go Coherency! (also... are all of 3Hives mp3s legal? DAMN that's cool.)

Beatles vs NIN Mashup at Work for It : I like me some mashups. This one makes me feel like the world is ending. God bless whoever made this. This song is proof that there is a God, that he made us, and that he gave us ears for exactly one purpose: this song.