Chris Smith and I (mostly) sit back as Alan Bedenko tries to make sense of the Clarence school budget fiasco.

5. Democracy

Why try? I’m not going to try. In fact, I’d support a limited military junta taking control of the WNY area extending out to Wyoming County. We clearly aren’t responsible enough to support democracy. It was a nice go, though. Good job, good effort everyone.

I mean look who the mayor is. Name something he has done as mayor besides get some face time on Terrell Owens’ reality show. No, go ahead and Google it. I’ll meet you back here on Tuesday.

4. Getting Excited About Bands From The 90′s

Everyone here is old. “Holy crap, Guns N’ Roses are coming to town! And only twenty years after being any good!” We are celebrating music from a period when pretty much everyone agreed Rock and Roll died. WE KILLED MUSIC YOU GUYS. THE EVIL IS INSIDE US.

(Editor’s note: For insulting GNR, The Defenseman has been suspended, with pay, until next Friday.)

3. That Guy

YOU HEARD ME.

No, not the child in the front. The animal in the back.

2. Resigning John Scott

I mean there could be worse things you do in the off-season. Like claim that you have been rebuilding since last year when you tried to sign two of the most high priced free agents in the summer. Or that the local fan base is going to have to go through some suffering even though its sports and no one suffers and even if we did we’d be pretty aces at it by now. I mean, come on man, who are we… what? What was that?

1. Voting For This

Hey, we’ve got our own little Best Of I MEAN IT IS THE TRENDING BUFFALO AWARDS THING voting for social media and what not. Don’t vote for this column. It isn’t meant to be taken seriously… much like your romance skills. Boom.

More like snoremance skills.

5. Us Complaining About The Weather

We are excellent at complaining. I mean, just read the junk that I write over here. Maybe we should take a powder from the weather complaints for a few reasons. First, none of our weather can kill us. We actually avoid the natural disasters quite well. No earthquakes, fires, tornadoes, major floods or tsunamis, or hurricanes to speak of. Other towns are routinely erased and rebuilt. We get to complain about grain elevators because Mother Nature has never seen fit to remove them by herself.

Also, for the past few years, the weather has actually been really good to us. Like, sunny and stuff. Weird.

Hey America, move here! The climate doesn’t try to murder you at every turn!

4. Needing A Horse Race As An Excuse To Drink Or Gamble

Tighten up your game, chump– horse betting is for old fat mobsters and Walter Matthau – and both are pretty much dead. You want to gamble? Put some cash down in a dead pool or at the dog track. You know, something with a little more class than horse racing.

Also, you can drink a mint julep at any time, wise guy. Drinking one at Derby time makes you look like a punk. At least that fat horse lost the Preakness so we don’t have to pretend like we care about this dumb sport.

(Editor’s note: Dumb thing #4, if our editors actually edited, would read “Needing A Triple Crown Race As An Excuse To Bet On Horses.” The real issue is that you should learn HOW to bet on horses before you do it. And, seriously, horse racing season is a LOT longer than the 6 minutes you see on television. OTB is open right now… and I’m tempted.)

3. Fisher Price Is For Quitters

What the hell! This is (was?) like the last cool employer we have left and they are busting out the trimmer! Not cool, Fisher Price! What can those people do in California that they can’t do here! Moving them so you can yell at them easier? Weak.

2. Clarence Is For Quitters

What happened to that poor stock photo called “summer portrait of a lovely grandma”?

Hey, jerkoff in the BMW. If you voted against the Clarence school budget, it is because you are a jerkoff. You can’t shell out the extra cash that is DEDUCTIBLE FROM YOUR FEDERAL INCOME TAXES so that kids can still have music classes? Get hit by a meteor. I see you step one foot into the Tony Walker Center to buy a pair of chinos and it is curtains for you, pal. CURTAINS.

Brooks Brothers wearin’ sucker.

1. Paying $325 An Hour To Not Answer Questions About Recycling

You don’t recycle because you are bad at being a human being, and you have to hire a PR firm with a no bid contract that pays $325 NOT TO ANSWER ABOUT IT? Like? Wha… How did… Who… I don’t even…

Whatever. Pay me half of that an hour and I’ll fail at coming up with a solution to your problem too.

Buffalo, I know you miss the playoffs, and I feel your pain – but if there is anything we need right now, it must be experience and confidence in net for the Blue and Gold after Ryan Miller leaves (especially if he decides to leave sooner rather than later).

Enroth was named the tourney’s top netminder. He allowed just 8 goals in 7 games, including 2 shutouts. These are the latest accolades in a career-long journey which has earned him a shot at a starting position in the NHL.

We’ll miss you Ryan. Oh, and:

#MillerForKane

Because it never gets old.

Smart Thing 1: Students Receive Anti-bullying Awards

It’s difficult to get a true measure on how far we’ve come as a society since the death of Jamey Rodemeyer, who took his own life just about a year and a half ago after years of being bullied. I guess as adults, we like stats and numbers to measure progress.

Well, here’s a quick stat (from YNN):

“More than 200 people came out to Lorraine Elementary in South Buffalo to run and walk to put an end to bullying.

…Since their son’s death Traci and Tim Rodemeyer have become advocates for anti-bullying programs in schools and legislation to combat bullying. They say Saturday’s run is just another way of making sure the issue of bullying doesn’t fade away.

‘We honestly feel deep in our hearts is if we go to an event like this if we touch one family, one child, and that they can make a change in their life we feel that it’s worthwhile,’ said (Traci) Rodemeyer.

In fact, they’re already seeing a change. Eight students here at Lorraine were given the first Jamey Rodemeyer Active Bystander Award for taking a stand against bullying.

Seventh grader Zachary Holewka was one of the students recognized.

‘Whenever I saw bullying I’d just report it to the nearest teacher, because students should have a safe environment to learn in the school building,’ said Holewka.

‘We see changes already we see people talking about it, so if we can just get it going, get the dialogue and that going, that’s our goal and we’ll just keep pushing that,’ said Rodemeyer.

It’s amazing for someone like myself (of somewhat an older generation) to see that a student is willing to stand up to bullying, and to actually put his name in print. That in itself is major progress in the bullying culture. Zachary Holweka is still a child, yet he is still helping to lead his peers into a better future.

Stats and numbers give us some meaning, some measure of progress. But now we have a movement, we have names – we have champions of Jamey’s legacy. And of course, when we have champions, our numbers grow stronger.

I’ll take that over stats anyday.

Smart Thing 2: Pianos in Public Buffalo

If you haven’t been to Canalside yet this year – well, what are you waiting for? One of the newest additions to the growing district is an outdoor piano, set in place by artist Mark Weber.

His Kickstarter effort aims to repurpose old pianos and place them around the city for public use. Questions about how these will last are quick to come to mind, but Weber has the answers already in place:

“Everyone asks, ‘What about rain?’ The piano at Canalside has a custom made canvas cover. Then they ask, ‘What about vandalism?’ The Canalside piano is chained to the boardwalk’s strong wall. Security guards and cameras watch over the area. Of course, people want to know, ‘What about tuning?’ There are two piano tuners regularly checking up on the pianos to help make them sound decent. Remember, they’re outdoors and old, so they’re not perfect, and that’s okay.

In the unlikely event that a piano is stolen, hopefully the police can retrieve it since it’s colorful, big and unique-looking. If not, a replacement piano will have to be painted and placed at the site.”

Please head over to Mark’s kickstarter page and make a donation. With a modest goal of just $4,000, this project seems like a no-brainer for all of us to get behind to continue to improve upon the experience of life downtown and along the waterfront.

You can also find Mark on Twitter at @MeetMarkWeber.

Smart Thing 3: The Diversity Prom

This is a wonderful idea and opportunity for the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) community in WNY: a big time prom for LGBT youth. A prom that comes without the burden of being ostracized – or from being banned outright – from basic attendance and acceptance. From Generation Why:

“Sadly, many gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender students often opt out of attending prom with their significant other, while some schools in the US actually ban (same)-sex couples from attending.

For the first time ever, the Gay & Lesbian Youth Services of Western New York are hosting a prom for Buffalo area teens who identify as part of the LGBT community.

The event is scheduled for Friday, June 7th at Ashbury Hall/Babeville, which is a 19th century historical landmark owned by Ani DiFranco, a bisexual entertainer and Buffalo native.”

***

Note: “3 Smartest Things” is being produced to go along with the “5 Dumbest Things” series here on TB. “Why three,” you ask? Well – far be it from me to break our time honored tradition of berating each other on the progress of our fair Queen City. Tell you what, when the new Peace Bridge goes up, we’ll go up to five. And of course, feel free to follow me on Twitter to discuss all things trending in Buffalo, and check out my blog “Buffalo Sabres Nation” when you’re bored at work. Your boss will appreciate your increased productivity afterwards.

Beer, mixed drinks, wine, mac & cheese, quesadillas, french fries and more all for $20 with donation of a household item!

Come join the Ronald McDonald House of Buffalo Young Professionals group on Thursday, May 23rd from 5:30-8:30pm at Fat Bob’s Smokehouse to network and learn more about the Ronald McDonald House and how they help the community. The recently formed young professionals group is hoping to help spread the word about the Ronald McDonald House of Buffalo to raise community awareness and support.

For those that don’t know, RMH of WNY offers a home-away-from-home for families who have sick children that are receiving care in Buffalo area hospitals. They provide home cooked meals and transportation to and from local hospitals so the families can face the weight of illness together. They truly provide a wonderful service to those in need.

You can learn more about the volunteer opportunities at the house or you can just have drinks with friends and enjoy the amazing food Fat Bob’s is known for (the mac & cheese is worth it alone!). Either way you’re supporting a wonderful cause!

Contact Breanna Pugh (@BreWLP) with any questions.

The #Sabres have signed forward John Scott to a one-year contract extension. Details: ow.ly/1WrZVb

— Buffalo Sabres (@BuffaloSabres) May 20, 2013

So let’s take a look at John Scott by the numbers…

• 6’8″ 270lbs (great)
• Played in 34 of 48 games (ok)
• Zero goals, zero assists (Well, he almost scored that one time)
• 3 epic photobombs (excellent)

Photobomb 1 – The Wanderer

Photobomb 2 – The Inspector

Photobomb 3 – The Fuzzy Navel

BONUSBOMB – The Bruin Bomb

Add it all up, and John Scott provided some of the only bright moments to an otherwise dark and gloomy Sabres season.  We’re happy to have him back and here’s to many more photobombs and bloody Boston Bruins.

And if John’s hockey career doesn’t work out, he can always go back to the movies.

No, Chan Gailey wasn’t officially his own offensive coordinator but… yes, he was.

Sorry, Curtis Modkins.

He also writes for Trending Buffalo and sometimes joins me on the TB Podcast.

Today, we complain about people. (Yes, it’s a recurring theme.)

Buy Greg’s book.

Dave Attell is brilliant. He’ll play 2 shows tonight and 2 more tomorrow, each to a room packed with people laughing, feeling evil for laughing, and subsequently laughing even harder at that.

(Tickets for Saturday’s early show are no longer available online, but you can find tix for the other shows here.)

It’s been a great first 6 months for Helium, with performances from Jim Norton, JB Smoove, and Mike Birbiglia (among many others) in the books and upcoming dates with Bobby Lee, Doug Benson, and Mark Maron.

And Helium isn’t the only place in town to find top national comics. Kleinhan’s Music Hall has suddenly stepped up its comedy game– Louis C.K. and Aziz Ansari each played there recently, and Bill Burr and Bill Maher are on the schedule.

Add in the rising local comedy scene and it’s really starting to feel like we’re on to something.

People like to laugh.

Who knew?

Now you can, but your experience will be marred by the etchings of the lowest ranking members of our society– vandals.

The ping pong table, put in place for public use just a week ago, now features new “artwork”– a game of tic-tac-toe and curse word beginning with the letter F.

Is vandalism the most heinous offense that one can commit? No. But in a world where we throw around the term “senseless crime,” I defy you to name one less justifiable.

I won’t quite recommend the death penalty for the perpetrator(s) but I could be convinced. As a society, we have no use (and should therefore have no tolerance) for the type of person who looks at something and says “Hey, this is nice. People of the community can enjoy it. I’m going to ruin it.”

Looking for a suspect? Just a hunch– start with the guys who were going after Lindy Ruff’s kid on Twitter when the Sabres were struggling. It might not be them, but they’re cut from the same worthless cloth.