(How do I explain that sarcasm does not translate well to a written medium?)

For the three people who are pouring over spring training stats and finding cause for celebration, please bear with me.  Frankly, I’m much more encouraged by the fact that Nick Weglarz is getting off to a fast start than discouraged that Travis Hafner has two walks and no hits in six plate appearances this spring.

Weglarz could be the Indians answer for a DH when Hafner and Russell Branyan are no longer with the team.  Highly regarded as a prospect for his bat, the 22-year-old will probably start the year by repeating AA or starting with the Clippers at AAA.  He’s coming off a 2009 campaign in which he apparently struggled, hitting just .227.  But a .245 BABIP indicates that he’s unlikely to have a BA that low again and whether he starts the year at AA or AAA, he could rise quickly.  The fact that neither Hafner nor Branyan have a clean medical history could definitely play in young Nick’s favor.  With unlucky Jordan Brown on the shelf for the next 4-8 weeks for recovery from arthroscopic surgery, Nick Weglarz’s place in the organization may yet be determined.  He probably needs another year of seasoning in the minors, but a solid season could solidify his role with the Tribe in 2011.

But even the encouraging start by Weglarz needs to be overlooked.  What was Cliff Lee’s spring training ERA in 2007?  Somewhere north of 11?  This time of year is for pitchers to work on pitches, hitters to work on timing and teams to work on communication, signals, fundamentals and the like.  The results should be viewed with equal skepticism.  Honestly, what would anyone be saying if our Feathered Friends were 0-4?

“It’s just Spring Training.  It don’t mean nothing.”

The Tribe got a leadoff home run from Asdrubal Cabrera and never looked back.  Brian Buscher and Nick Weglarz also homered.  Weglarz’s opposite-field 2-out 3-run shot off of Sam LeCure in the 6th pushed the Indians lead to 9-0.

Rookie Jordan Brown was slated to start left before the game but tweaked his knee in conditioning drills prior.  He is listed as day-to-day.  This poor guy really can’t catch a break.

I’ve already put together my 2010 wish list, but here’s what I think we can realistically hope for in 2010 from a Tribe standpoint.

• Grady Sizemore will return to his hitting ways, bat over .270 and be the Indians most productive hitter.
• Fausto Carmona will find his groove and produce something between his great 2007 season and the past two forgettable seasons.
• Justin Masterson will have a good, full season and will show promise for 2011.
• The Indians will be able to trade Jake Westbrook and Kerry Wood before the July 31 non-waiver deadline.
• Russell Branyan and Travis Hafner will combine to be one very good DH; Matt LaPorta will become the Indians first baseman.
• Michael Brantley will prove he is a competent Major League leadoff hitter.
• Lou Marson will give the Indians food for thought, allowing Carlos Santana to be brought to the Majors slowly.
• One of the pitchers who fills the fourth or fifth starter role at some point during the season will step up and separate themselves from the pack.
• Chris Perez will become the anchor to a solid bullpen; Hector Ambriz will develop into a good set-up man; Rafael Perez and Tony Sipp will establish themselves as very good left-handed relievers.

I don’t think any of this is too much to hope for.  Do you?

Finally, on an injury news note, Matt LaPorta and Russell Branyan are still on “limited workout schedules” according to manager Manny Acta.  It may be a few days before we see them get into Cactus League games.  Yes, folks, its already starting, but, fear not, hope does indeed spring eternal – or something like that.

1. Asdrubal Cabrera
2. Grady Sizemore
3. Shin-Soo Choo
4. Travis Hafner

And while its probably a wise decision not to throw rookie Michael Brantley into the leadoff spot (especially since its likely he’ll be leading off for the Columbus Clippers to start the year), the idea of batting Cabrera leadoff will only fly so long as Cabrera matches what he did in 2009.

Over the winter, I suggested the Indians should trade Cabrera based on the fact that he’s very unlikely to even sniff .300 again this year.  So the real question is, at what point will Manny Acta consider putting Grady back in the leadoff spot?  What if the Asdrubal from 2008 shows up and you get a leadoff hitter batting .259/.346/.366?

And while it worked stupid well for the Phillies last year, why would you put your two best lefty hitters back to back with a third lefty behind them in Hafner?  Wouldn’t it make more sense to have a right-handed bat in the 2 or 3 spot to break up the lefties?  Oh that’s right, the Indians failed to go out and acquire a right-handed hitter during the off-season.  They spent their $3 million on Mike Redmond and Russell Branyan.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we had a right-handed hitting first baseman that we could slot into the 3-hole.  Oh wait, that’s right, we have Matt LaPorta who will likely bat 7th and play left field thanks to the geniuses who signed Russell Branyan and promised him full-time ABs.  Seriously?  What makes anyone think this lineup needed more power?  You think someone’s going to make the decision to come to the ballpark to see Branyan because he’ll either strikeout ingloriously or hit a tape-measure home run?  Wouldn’t they be more willing to spend their hard-earned money to see kids that will be with the team for the next three-to-five years working hard every day to earn their spot in the lineup?

So, Manny, how long will you stick with Cabrera in the leadoff spot?  My guess is that by May 15, you’ll see Grady batting leadoff again.  Not because he’s a better leadoff hitter (he should be hitting third), but because he’s the only leadoff hitter the Indians have once Brantley goes down to AAA.  Can you imagine Jhonny Peralta trying to leadoff?

Especially in redraft leagues, Branyan’s presence now does two things for the fantasy owner:

1. Allows you to get a slightly cheaper price on Matt LaPorta at auction because he is now guaranteed fewer at bats.
2. It drops Michael Brantley from an auction player to a reserve player that you can grab on the cheap.

There’s no way Pronk and Branyan are going to combine to play 162 games.  Someone will have to pick up those at bats and it’s not going to be all Trevor Crowe and Andy Marte (or maybe it will be – shudder).

My guess is both Jordan Brown and Brantley will begin the year in AAA, biding their time until injuries strike.  When Branyan or Hafner go on the DL, Brantley will be the first one called up.  LaPorta will move to first and Brantley will at least platoon with Crowe in left.

There is one other possibility, albeit a little more remote.  Branyan could actually crush AL Central pitching (he did have a very good April/May last year) and work his value high enough that the Tribe can actually trade him in June.  All right, all right.  I’ll put the crack pipe down and slowly back away.  But it could happen.

“This is not what we need right now. A true fan would be excited about the infusion of young talent.”  Ok.  Fair enough.

I’d probably be the first to come back with a snarky comment about how great it is to have such a young team – one that would be amazingly good in three years if absolutely everything went right with development and health.

I am gonna throw the youngsters some love here.  Those of you hoping that the town of the Indians’ Spring Training complex is actually a foretelling of the future, there is a lot to be hopeful for here.  In fact, over the next few blogs, I’m going to take a look at a few of them and see how their 2010 season could play out.  Let’s start behind the dish.

Lou Marson

What?!  You thought I was going to say Carlos Santana?  Invariably, projections for Marson are going to run the gamut both in terms of playing time and performance.  He has but 76 PAs at the Major League level.  I really like that he’s consistently shown the ability to take a walk at every level he’s played at.  Unfortunately, he also likes to strikeout more than he walks.    Still, better to be too patient than a free swinger.  His defense is good and he could stick because he’s shown the ability to approach and call a game professionally.  70-80 games and 300 ABs is not out of the question.  I’ll say he’s a .250 hitter in those 300 ABs with 20 doubles, 5 HRs and 35 RBIs.  If he beats out Wyatt Toregas out of spring training, which I think he will do.

But the real question for Marson is how long he’ll hold off Carlos Santana.  Santana has Victor Martinez written all over him, especially with that bat of his.  But if Marson proves his defensive prowess and develops an important rapport with the younger pitchers who step up and succeed on the staff, that could push him into more playing time, particularly if his bat proves capable and not harmful.

Manager Manny Acta as Lou Brown – Think Manny sold white wall tires in the off-season?  They both have a little of that calm, sage demeanor about them.  Whether Manny is willing to piss on Jhonny Peralta’s contract or not is another matter.

Catcher Mike Redmond as Jake Taylor – Will Redmond bunt for a single with the division on the line?  With so much time on his hands, he’s likely already read Moby Dick.

DH Travis “Pronk” Hafner as Pedro Cerrano – Not sure if Pronk has resorted to Voodoo just yet, but straight ball he hit very much.  Lefties, not so much.  Makes you wonder if Mark Buehrle will get traded to the Yankees so that he can play the role of left-handed curveball specialist, Steve Jackson.

Outfielder Michael Brantley as Willie Mays Hayes – He can certainly run like Hayes, but can he continue to hit well?  That’s the big question.  One thing can be sure: he will not be performing his own stunts in his movie during the off-season.

Pitcher Jake Westbrook as Eddie Harris – Perhaps a Vaseline ball will give Jake the needed confidence coming off extended rehab from TJ surgery.  Perhaps Paul Byrd would have made a better Eddie Harris, but Westbrook is the oldest pitcher on the team, so he’ll have to do.

Third baseman Jhonny Peralta as Roger Dorn – I want to see Peralta get down and do the knock down drill Dorn had to do in the movie with Pepper pounding him with grounders at third.  Advice to Peralta: take the room Santa Fe but don’t cheat on your wife.

Pitcher Fausto Carmona as Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn – Perhaps Carmona’s path has followed that of Vaughn’s through the first couple movies and here he is ready to recover from throwing too many Eliminators.

“These guys don’t look too good.”  Well, maybe, but they were wrong in the movie.  Maybe they’ll be wrong here?

Are ya kidding me?

If I’m Jordan Brown, I’m buying a copy of Rosetta Stone’s Japanese lessons and getting my agent to demand my release.  What does this poor guy have to do to get a shot in the Majors?  Yes, I’ve been on his bandwagon all off-season.  Call it a hunch.  Yes, it’s the same hunch that once made me think players like Royce Clayton and Endy Chavez would be stars, but its also that same hunch that gave me clues into guys like Rafael Furcal and Albert Pujols (back when he was Alberto).

More importantly, and I guess the reason I’m really angry, is if the Indians were going to spend a little money this off-season, why spend it on something you don’t need at the last minute?!  It’s almost like the Dolans sat there and said, “Ok, Shapiro, we’re going to give you $3 million to spend on player personnel this winter, but you can only have $1 million of it before pitchers and catchers report.  Oh and you can only get one player you actually need.”  I mean, how much did Chien-Ming Wang cost the Nationals?  I suppose we’ll find out in a week or two, but he would have been a nice backup plan if Westbrook and/or Carmona aren’t up to snuff after the first couple months.

Mr. Miyagi put it best in Karate Kid and the same thing applies to the Tribe here.  “You walk down road.  You walk right side, safe.  You walk left side, safe.  You walk middle of road, sooner or later, squish, just like grape.  Build baseball team, same thing.  You build baseball team yes, safe.  You build baseball team no, safe.  You build baseball team maybe so-so, sooner or later, squish, just like grape.”  This is exactly what the Indians are doing with Branyan.  They can’t decide if they want to take their skirt off and actually rebuild the team.  Pull the band-aid, gang.  You’ll be better off in the long run.

You know how sometimes a lack of common sense on the part of others can incense you so much that you ramble, rant and mumble on and on, sometimes incoherently, until you look around and realize that people stopped reading three paragraphs ago…

There’s a plethora of free agents left on the market.  While I’m sure most of you are comforted knowing that Jamey Wright has been signed to a minor league deal with a spring training invite, I still think the rotation could use a boost.  Instead, the Tribe seem more focused on adding more bats.  Names like Hank Blalock, Russ Branyan and Jermaine Dye have been linked to the Indians recently as options for first base.  Here’s a smattering of who else is out on the market.

IFs – Tony Clark, Robb Quinlan, Felipe Lopez, Joe Crede, Carlos Delgado, Marlon Anderson, Mike Lamb, Ramon Martinez, Nomar Garciaparra, Rich Aurilia, Mike Sweeney, Dmitri Young

OFs – Rocco Baldelli, Garrett Anderson, Lew Ford, Jonny Gomes, Darin Erstad, Tim Raines Jr, Wily Mo Pena, Geoff Jenkins, Dave Roberts, Endy Chavez, David Delucci, Jason Lane

Pitchers – Bartolo Colon, Paul Byrd, Billy Traber, Kip Wells, Adam Eaton, Alan Embree, Glendon Rusch, Jarrod Washburn, Kiko Calero, Brian Lawrence (remember him?), Brandon Backe, Mike Hampton, Sidney Ponson, Doug Waechter, Dustin Moseley, Eric Milton, Jason Schmidt, Jesus Colome, Eric Gagne, Braden Looper, Ron Mahay, David Weathers, Chien-Ming Wang, Shawn Chacon, Edgar Gonzalez, Brett Tomko, Jerome Williams, Pedro Martinez, Chan Ho Park, Jorge Julio, Mark Prior, Duaner Sanchez, Matt Kinney, Noah Lowry, Todd Wellemeyer, John Smoltz, Juaquin Benoit, Jason Jennings, Odalis Perez, Mike MacDougal, Julian Tavarez, Ron Villone

Anyone else in favor of expansion?

I’m not saying all of these names are viable options for the Indians, but there’s a couple in there that could help to make this team competitive for 2010.  Why wait until 2011?  Friends of the Feather, you need a lot to go right in terms of talent development for 2011 to be a competitive year, particularly from a pitching standpoint.  What’s the point of building for tomorrow when tomorrow may be no better than today?!

Let’s put all of that aside for a second.

Hudson has a history of starting hot.  Last year he was hitting well over .330 by June 1.  If you’re the Indians, why not offer the extra $1 million it takes to get him signed and trade him after two months.  That gives Jason Donald time to recover in the minors, getting the timing on his swing back and you don’t have to depend on Luis Valbuena plus the parade of right-handed hitting options the Indians have gathered during the off-season at virtually no cost to them.  The $2 million is worth it for two reasons: 1) If the team does start hot, you have a second baseman in place you can make a run with. 2) If the team is what everyone else expects it to be, you can trade Hudson for a prospect and your commitment to Hudson ends once you trade him to a larger market team that can afford the $4 million for the remainder of his salary for 2010.

Is $2 million a lot to spend to get a prospect?  Yes, but if the team does start hot, Orlando Hudson can fetch a starting pitcher that could help you now.  That’s a gamble worth taking in my book.