triggXR

Mark Doty--poet & memoirist [at Centrum this summer]

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 06:26:00 +0000

the new triggXR

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 19:00:00 +0000

Check out the new triggXR!

I've decided to go ahead and close this blog in light of my recent graduation. triggXR also seems full and "heavy" with my experience in my doctoral studies which have now ended. I plan to keep the original triggXR posted except to fix broken links. I'm trying to emulate a starting with a fresh "pallette" or journal by moving the triggxr2.com.

YA-TA! master's workshop here I come!

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 18:18:00 +0000

Today I got an email from the good people at Centrum who have accepted me into the master's workshop with Mark Doty! There is something to be said for uploading your crappy poems and not looking back. I got my money's worth for that PhD. If I can overcome the voice in my head that writes for science publication maybe I'll be a poet again. Or I keep the voice and make an inner choir.

I had to go over the poems to get them formatted for submission. I was amazed by how much the language and the phrasing that I used in the 90s anticipated the explosion of the information age yet to come with the internet. Now having read the postmodernists I understand my own poems better. I was doing postmodernism without knowing a thing about it except that Jane Miller had called herself a PoMo poet. I love that Jane Miller.

I always said the poems were written using a formula (which really is written down somewhere in one of my journals). What I remember about the formula is that it included found language and broken sentences, and had to somehow be glued together with a true emotions story line of some sort.

No decision about whether to update this profile, or start another one. I do have a few ideas.

Back to snow, book chapters and polishing crappy papers to submit to medical & nursing journals.

the fate of this blog

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 05:19:00 +0000

I was just about to change the profile on this blog to reflect my recent graduation when it occurred to me that perhaps I shouldn't. I've struggled with finding a way to use the computer to replace the old journals into which I used to hand write my notes. Those each came to an end and I'd start another, decorate the cover with whatever I had on my mind at the time. What if this blog were to come to an end and I started another one for the next period of my life?

I've already started a rather dry blog at www.aethno.com/wordpress which I'm using to construct an autoethnography of my doctoral studies. I mean for that to be a tool for learning autoethnographical research methods.

I'll think about it before I change the profile. If I change the profile, it won't reflect the profile that I used to start this distinct collection of writings and musings.

I think if I start another one I'll call it triggXR with a 2 in it somewhere.

Cabin Fever

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 04:07:00 +0000

It has snowed every day here for one week. The temperature has stayed below freezing so we have snow frozen over snow. As you can see my sled dog mix loves it. When he comes in the house he has snowflakes embedded in his outer fur layer. We've seen him lay down in the snow and cover his nose with his tail, but I haven' t caught a picture of him doing that.

I've made it to the hospital and back the last 3 days in my VW but today I could not get home on my own. I got stuck in an intersection on a hill when I had to stop for the light. The snow was finally just too deep for Paloma. A man came by and offered to tow me for 20 dollars and I took him up on it. I told him I wanted to give him some more money but we'd have to stop by the cash machine. He got me up the worst of the hill, followed me into BankofAmerica parking lot and I got 100.00 out for him. Before I gave it to him he told me about being mugged when he stopped to help someone the day before. One of the bandits asked him for change for a 100 dollar bill and when he reached into his pocket, the other bandit hit him with a 2x4 and sped away--they weren't stuck at all! I thought he was going to cry when I gave him the 100 bucks. It's not often you get to see money solve a problem in person. He showed me his lower lip which had two large cuts and was very swollen. I told him I was putting a blessing on him for being such a good Samaritan.

I've been getting a sick pleasure out of documenting my smaller pets struggle with our inappropriate weather. The cat insisted on going out this evening, but seemed to ask us to leave the door open while she did her business. I just caught a shot of her falling through the ice on the surface of 7 layers of snow as she no doubt wanted to slip off privately to take care of business. She sunk like a rock. I ordered my partner to go out with the cat to make sure she was safe! Fortunately the cat turned around and came back in the house. I guess the litter box doesn't seem so bad under the circumstances.

There are a lot of us here in Seattle who don't really understand this snow or where it comes from. Have we stolen the snow of some barren ski slope? Some little town that needs the revenue gleaned from snow bunnies? This morning I saw someone skiing down my street. It just never snows like this here! And there's a reason we don't live in Madison, WI, or Minneapolis, MN, and it's been right outside my door for a week!

We have 2 little 10 pound dogs who have to go out every so often to do their business. This is the only time that I don't mind my sister smoking--she takes the dogs out with her every time she needs a cigarette. We aren't beasts but we just got these little dogs house trained after very long time and a lot of work. We bundle the dogs up in "layers" of dog coats. They look ridiculous but they bravely go out and face the weather.

I've been using the time to break in my new laptop and polish up my poems to send off to Centrum. I just put them all into one file and uploaded them without hesitation. That's what a dissertation has done for me! Doesn't matter how crappy you suspect your work might be, you hand it in. You are done when you turn in your last crappy paper. My work always seems crappy to me. I might be a little obsessive compulsive.

Maya Angelou -- I Rise

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 03:07:00 +0000

poet sunday--Maya Angelou singing

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 03:03:00 +0000

Mulberry Fields--Lucille Clifton

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 01:54:00 +0000

poem Sunday--Lucille Clifton

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 01:50:00 +0000

poetry sunday--Jorie Graham

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 01:42:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 01:37:00 +0000

Poets.org: Letter to God, by Mark Doty

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 01:28:00 +0000

This page was sent to you by: triggXR, triggxr@gmail.com

Message from sender:
This is a good poem. I uploaded some poems today in application for the master class with Mark Doty at Centrum this summer. It seems that since I've defended my dissertation I'm totally over the hangups about submitting my work. Some people will like it, some won't!

Letter to God
by Mark Doty

Listen to the recording on Poets.org.

Subscribe to Poets.org: Never miss a verse. Poets.org offers several ways to keep you informed and connected to the poetry world. Sign up for our free newsletter today.

Go Mobile; Bring Poetry: The entire collection of over 2,500 poems on Poets.org, as well as hundreds of bios and essays, is available in a mobile format. Visit the mobile site now.

Discover thousands of poems, biographies, essays, audio clips, and more at Poets.org.

Copyright © 2008, Academy of American Poets
Donate Privacy Policy

Mark Doty--poet & memoirist [at Centrum this summer]

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 02:57:00 +0000

the PhD is a done deal

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 03:06:00 +0000

No time to blog, I was getting my defense done along with all the last minute stuff that included. I've also been learning wordpress and set up a wordpress newspaper theme blog for my professional organization. And I've been working on another blog for an autoethnography of my doctoral studies. That will give me something to do for a while.

poem saturday--albert goldbarth

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 18:51:00 +0000

The Talk Show

frankly, I don't know if it's legal for me to post other people's poems here. I love them and I want to share them. Today I'm sharing a link.

hello poems, hello world

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 18:26:00 +0000

I have been searching for poems and music since we moved into this house. We moved in and never looked back. We have boxes in the basement that we have not touched since we started parking in front of the house. The rules say that we should just get rid of them. That would include my cookbooks and many of my other books so we are not following that very tempting rule. I still don't have room for all my books upstairs.

I'm covered with dust. The basement is under reorganization due to the bathroom remodel so a few things have bubbled up including a box of poetry and a box of music. But not the poems I was looking for! I found Broumas so you'd think I'd find Bell! He's not my favorite poet, but one of his poems has a line that I never forget:

...don't let them tell you I didn't love your mother
I loved her....

But what poem, what book?

I did find all the books that tell me how to be a writer and William Carlos Williams stories. Apparently I carried a box of books directly to the book case in my room and promptly put something in front of them. Jane Miller is back. I have two copies of American Odalisque and I did find Memory at These Speeds.

The best part is that poetry is back and I'm not in pain or mourning. Poems, I missed you.

memories at these speeds

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 17:49:00 +0000

Jane Miller has a book of poems that I love by that title. Today I understand what she means. Yesterday I was triumphant about my finds from the prom years. Today when I tried to reorganize the envelops into plastic boxes for safety I felt this knot in my chest, like I was on a roller coaster at the scary high fast curve. If I can find my poetry books, I'll post another Jane Miller poem.

This might be harder than I thought. I did find a story from PennyK and a series of letters to ClearCreekGirl from her son. These artifacts are like a gold mine in a field of landmines.

poem monday---marvin bell (a poem I tore out of a journal and saved 20 years ago)

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 17:59:00 +0000

Spot Six Differences

Hand is moved. Sleeve is longer. Hat is
different. Bone is moved. Gloves are
missing. Dog is missing. Nozzle is moved.
Tail is shorter. Country is missing.
Air is darker. Background is closer.
Lines are fuzzy. Shapes are general-
ized. Mouth is open. Dog is hiding.
Air is shorter. Hand is longer. Hat is
missing. Tail is moved. Gloves are
different. Nozzle is open. Window is
brighter. Dress is shorter. Country is moved.
Air is darker. Sleeve also. Bone is missing.
Lines are fuzzy. Background is closer.
Shapes are open. Gloves are general-
ized. Mouth is open. Hand is hiding.

memory lane--the 80s

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 17:58:00 +0000

I went to a wonderful Halloween party last week. It was at the home of a dear friend and her partner--a new friend. I hadn't had my friend for many years, 15 years I'm embarrassed to say. We had a falling out over something stupid, and didn't speak for a long time. I really hurt her feelings. Of all the friends I've missed, I missed her the most. She loved me, she knew me well, she recognized my bullshit, and she called me on it some of the time. I think she let a lot of things pass because of how much she loved me.

The 80s were hard for me. I didn't know how to be on the planet. My astrologer says it was because I'm actually from another planet. I suspect it had more to do with the AIDS epidemic and what that taught me about medicine and politics, and my inexperience with having friends in general. Let's just say I was a difficult child and leave it at that.

The end of the 80s were even harder due to the deaths of several people close to me within a short period of time. They don't tell you that when those close to you die, they take part of you with them. I lost what I'd learned about "how to be on the planet," and was left with an aching gaping hole.

During the 80s and early 90s I wrote constantly. When I wasn't working as a nurse to make money, I was writing or engaged in some other humanity building activity like dancing or going to some 'cultural' event.

When my friends died I was paralyzed and in horrible pain. I no longer wrote because it was too painful. One friend was a man with AIDS who worked nightshift with me and always knew when I was writing something new. Another friend died in a climbing accident. I wrote her letters every day for 7 years. It was her contribution to my becoming a writer. The other friend was a poet who took his own life. These deaths all happened within 8 weeks.

I was silenced by the pain and I pulled away from my life thinking that this would give me some relief. [It did not.][There are no shortcuts in grief.] I packed my life away in labeled manila envelopes with dates on them.

Anyway, after spending a grand Halloween evening with my friend, and feeling like I had finally bridged the gap between the 80s and now, I started looking for my past life as a poet. I was hoping to find some material for my NaNoWriMO project. I found all kinds of amazing things, including a poem from Marvin Bell which I apparently tore out of a journal and saved. Looks like it was on my bulletin board for a while. I'm putting it on the next entry.

My partner has been helping me to find my envelopes that have been tucked away and she has been putting up with my crap in the middle of the floor! [This is a big deal because we are also remodeling.] I have not found my poetry books yet, so this is not my favorite Marvin Bell poem.

poem thursday--Mina Loy

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 15:01:00 +0000

On Third Avenue

1
"You should have disappeared years ago"--

so disappear
on Third Avenue
to share the headless incognito

of shuffling shadow-bodies
animate with frustration

whose silence' only potence is
respiration
preceding the eroded bronze contours
of their other aromas

through the monstrous air
of this red-lit thoroughfare.

Here and there
saturnine
neon-signs
set afire
a feature
on their hueless overcast
of downcast countenances.

for their ornateness
Time, the contortive tailor,
on and off,
clowned with sweat-sculptured cloth
to press

upon these irreparable dummies
an eerie undress
of mummies
half unwound.

2

Such are the compensations of poverty,
to see---

Like an electric fungus
sprung from its own effulgence
if intercircled jewellery
reflected on the pavement,

like a reliquary sedan-chair,
out of a legend, dumped there,

before a ten-cent Cinema,

a sugar-coated box-office
enjail a goddess
aglitter, in her runt of a tower,
with ritual claustrophobia.

Such are compensations of poverty,
to see---

Transient in the dust,
the brilliancy
of a trolley
loaded with luminous busts;

lovely in anonymity
they vanish
with the mirage
of their passage.

-----from Compensations of Poverty [poems 1942-1959,]
in The Lost Lunar Baedeker Poems (1996)
selected & edited by Roger L. Conover

Mina Loy
at poets.org
at wikipedia

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 14:52:00 +0000

wordle--paper #3

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 02:44:00 +0000

24 days lost

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 02:20:00 +0000

No, I didn't lose 24 days. I have been busy with final drafts, job apps and job interviews. I heard from my reading committee that they have accepted my last paper with a few minor changes. Now to the whole committee for the final defense. Then I'll really be Dr. T!

Otherwise sleeping well, covering vacations and having my bathroom remodeled. I have quite a few options for after graduation. I'm not complaining but it's hard to predict what I'm going to be doing even 6 months from now!

Postdoc? Fellowship? Teaching doctoral students in Texas? Something else? Hard to tell!

More to follow as it all unfolds!

halloween 2007

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 16:13:00 +0000

the doctor made a mistake!

noreply@blogger.com (triggxr) — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 02:23:00 +0000

Mom doesn't have cancer! Woohoo! She also can now stand at the sink for 8-12 minutes!

I'm dissertating a lot lately and don't have much time for this blog. I think I'm close to the final draft of that last paper.

I did add a player for the Performance Poetry IndieFeed. Check it out! I listen to them on my iPod when I'm going to sleep at night. Podcasting has opened up a new portal for me to reach through for surprises.

We are having our bathroom overhauled and adding a new one upstairs. When we got the sink/cabinet out to the light of the day, we couldn't believe how horrid it was and how long we just overlooked it. Now I can hardly wait to say buh bye to the pink tub.

Shopping for the stuff to go into the new bathroom. Found a like new low flow Kohler Cimmaron at the 2nd Use for 100 bucks! Some old growth 2x4s at Earthwise Salvage.