Trini GRITS

What A Difference 3 Years Can Make

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Sun, 09 Jun 2013 17:53:00 +0000

Wow!!

I can't believe I have not blogged in three years. Where did the time go? Why have I been so busy? What have I been doing with my time? Beats me!!! All I know is that life has been happening and I've been going with the flow of it. I'm finally ready to get back to blogging. If you want to continue to follow my adventures head on over to wordpress.....

https://sweetteaandroti.wordpress.com/

It will be the same fun talk but a new look and topics. I have changed the name to Sweet Tea and Roti.

Can't wait to see you all there!!!

Well, Hello there.......Sergeant!

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 02:35:00 +0000

I know I haven't posted in almost two months but that's changing. Between work and other commitments, I have just been super busy. I'll get to what I've been up to in another post coming up but I wanted to just post something about Detective BD...... ahem, excuse me - Sergeant BD for a minute. Yes, you read that right, Detective BD is now Sergeant BD and I couldn't be any happier than I am for him right now.

The week after I first met BD, he was taking his Sergeant's exam and he scored really well on the exam but was not selected at that time. A few months after that, back in February, he made Detective and I was so proud of him. This past Thursday I got a text from BD that he made Sergeant. I was so happy because I knew he wanted this more than anything and he was super excited. I went to see BD the next night and he showed me his new badge and new ID card. He was soooooo cute because it was as if someone told him that he had won the lottery. He told me how he found out and how honored he was in the way that it happened - while he was doing his job and while he was wearing his uniform.

I cannot begin to tell everyone how proud I am of BD. He is a great officer and even greater man. When I think of BD all I can do is smile because I think of all things that he adds to my life and how he makes me happy, I can't help but be thankful for him. Congratulations Sergeant BD, no one is more deserving than you. I am so proud of you, sweetie and I love you.

Be A Priority and Not An Option - Part 2: Balancing Act: I Loved My Man More Than Myself

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 03:07:00 +0000

I found this article on Essence.com and it home for me. Not only did it hit home; it knock on the door, let itself in, made a drink and was relaxing in my bed - straight chillaxin'. I felt as if the author had been ripping out the pages of my life story. I have been here in this situation and I was she. I have recently found myself falling into that old comfortable sweet spot with BD, that I had with my ex and I just have to be cognizant of the repercussions of my actions. Read the article and then see my response immediately following.

Here's the article:

I thought I met my future when I was 24-years-old; now I've finally accepted the experience was destined to be part of my past ...at least for now.  *Steve was unlike any man I'd ever dated. He was larger than life, both physically and experientially. He was tall, dark, and handsome... and weighed around 400 pounds -- but I never saw his size. From the moment we met at an event, my instinct was to cater to him. We didn't exchange information that day, but I did think about Steve. Apparently, he thought about me too.

For the next few weeks he put a full court press on my friend's husband for my telephone number. When we finally spoke, it was like my left leg finally found the right one; we were in step. We talked on the phone for hours, and after a 12-hour marathon date (dinner, bowling, golf, dessert and driving around the city) we saw each other every day for about three weeks. Soon we were entrenched in the normal routine of dating and things naturally fell into place. Our relationship seemed ideal. Steve was a record company executive and rolled Big Willy style, a new experience for me. We traveled extensively, dined at fine restaurants and attended events out of my normal recent college grad circle. I loved the experience, but still knew it wasn't enough. There were some major red flags. Steve did not like labels and found it cumbersome to use the title of boyfriend/girlfriend -- though he wanted us to wed. He also did not want me to be formally introduced to his son -- he claimed it would be too much drama with his ex and I was idealistically expecting an "All of Us" moment. Lastly, Steve was very much a man who put his wants before my needs.

Over the course of six years, Steve and I lived together, broke up, got back together and split up on several occasions. There was one constant: I always conceded to his demands. At the time I thought that's what a good woman did, you know; follow her man's lead. After all, he was a great guy. He was a responsible father. He was a determined provider. I realized there was only one thing he wasn't: my husband. The problem is that I treated him like he was, from the jump. I also thought it was my duty to put Steve's wants and needs ahead on mine. The more I did it, the more he expected of me. Steve wanted to me to silently follow his lead, and as long as I did he was happy. I wasn't. I dreaded standing up for myself, asking to discuss issues or questioning his choices -- all lead to confrontations. But as I grew as a woman, I couldn't help it. I wanted to know the whys and whens of our life together; I was his partner, not his child. I walked away from Steve many times. He always came for me. I always took him back... until now. Over the last 12 months both of us underwent surgeries. Mine was a day procedure, but I was scared and wanted him with me. Work obligations kept him from attending the surgery, but he chose not to visit me in the days that followed.

A few months later, Steve underwent major surgery and asked that I stand by his side, as his wife. I was elated but wary. Still, the man I loved needed me and I was there. I stayed with him at the hospital, moved back in with him and prepped for our life together. Then he decided to modify our plan. Steve had a change of heart about our destiny post-surgery and asked me to leave his home -- though I was unemployed and had given up my apartment to pursue our life together. I was devastated but not totally surprised. I realized that Steve would always expect me to be there when he needed me but couldn't deliver the same. I always accepted what he offered, and stepped up to his demands. Sadly, I never set my own. This allowed him to have what he wanted but always left me feeling unfulfilled, used and underappreciated.

In hindsight, I guess my hourglass figure isn't the only thing I got from my mama. I grew up watching her be accommodating to everyone around her and being okay with receiving little in return. Today I'm shipping off that unwanted baggage and marking it "return to sender." I finally understand that bending to fit and complement your mate only works when they are willing to flex too. I can't love someone more than I love myself. I won't settle for someone who says they love me but doesn't show it. Lastly, I will never "play wife" when I'm not. When the man I'm supposed to wed finds me, he'll have a good thing. I will shower him with love and devotion. I will compromise and be selfless. I will be understanding and self-reflecting. Most importantly, I will know I have a good thing when he's doing the same. *name changed

My relationship with BD is wonderful, great even, but I find myself putting certain things I want to the side in order to accommodate BD’s feelings. The sad part is, he has no idea (well he will, once he reads this) but I just try to avoid conflict at all costs. In my last relationship we fought every, and I mean EVERY single day. From the time we hit the door until the time we went to bed; we fought, yelled, slammed doors, threw items at each other and I cried rivers of tears. I don’t think it’s possible for me to cry for the next five years, that’s how many tears I shed. I vowed that when I got out of that relationship I would not fight again like that in any relationship, at all. I refuse, it's not healthy and most certainly not worth it. That relationship was toxic in every way and I paid the price dearly for it - emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically.

BD is nothing like my ex, thank you God, but I find myself not being vocal about what I need and desire in our relationship because in my last relationship I was very, very vocal about every single thing that bothered. I'm trying a different approach by choosing my battles carefully and only bringing up the things that are really important and concern me but it doesn’t seem to be working. I find myself being sad a lot because BD says or does something that disappoints me and I just bottle it up. Yesterday, BD said something that shook me a little to my core and I got scared and a little nervous about our relationship. Instead of talking to him, I just completely shut down. When I say completely, I mean completely. I had to put on sunglasses so he wouldn’t see the tears welling up in my eyes and I tried to run out of his house faster than Usain Bolt on the track so he wouldn’t see the tears rolling down my face. I should have been vocal about my feelings at the time but I wasn’t. It was in one part due to not wanting to have a conversation with hurt feelings as a companion, another part due to me being tired and stressed from my workload (I really miss owning my own business and the feeling it gave me) and another part due to him getting ready for work; I didn’t want to have that type of conversation with him when I need him to go to work mentally clear and prepared. Was it wrong for me to hold it in? Yes. Did I do it for the right reasons? Probably not, but my intentions were pure.

I find myself holding back sometimes in my relationship because I don't want to give more than what I receive. I think BD sometimes may feel I don't completely open up or feel the same way about him that he does for me; but I do. I love him deeply but I'm just scared. This relationship scares me the most out of any that I have been in, in the past. Not because of my last break up but because I absolutely adore BD. He and I make such a great team and the ease in our conversation, the comfort we have with each other is very frightening because I almost feel like it is a dream and it's not real. I told my friend that BD is that guy that a woman never forgets and will do one of two of things: he will either make me love him forever or he will break my heart into a million little pieces. I’m hoping that I can love him forever but that’s not entirely up to me.

I want to give BD all of me completely but there are some things I need from him, so that I can do that. I need for us to find a common ground on where we see this relationship going and to compromise on where we differ. If he wants to travel down this road with me, I know this would be a love and relationship that would touch other people. There is something about us when we are together that I can’t explain. It’s like putting hydrogen and oxygen together to create a reaction. I feel it every time I’m in his presence; this is definitely one of those relationships that come once in a lifetime. If someone were to tell me that this was to be the last relationship I would ever be in, in my lifetime I wouldn’t even be sad or upset because it has been magical so far. I have so many good memories from our short relationship to last me two lifetimes. I hope that BD and I can really sit down and be honest with each other about our past, our hurts, and dreams for our future. I don’t want to be like the author of this article or the woman I was with my ex again. I want to find that place where I can love him but not forego loving myself to just make him happy. I need to find the balance between my needs, his needs and our needs in order to have healthy, happy and long relationship.

Please share your thoughts on how to compromise with a mate without compromising who you are.

Six Love Talks That Bring You Closer

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 13:40:00 +0000

Six Love Talks That Bring You Closer

Maya and Jack had ten years together, but they didn't have these soul-baring conversations until the last days of his life. Take a moment to read their story, and then be inspired by them to have these honest talks with the person you love, now.

By Maya Fulcher, as told to Amy Spencer

Maya and Jack didn't have these soul-baring conversations until the last days of his life. Start them now, she says, with someone you love.

At first it sounds like a movie cliché: Jack and I met at a wedding where I caught the bouquet. I'd noticed him the minute he walked in, so when he asked me to dance, I was giddy. After one song, I felt like I'd known him my whole life.

But on our second date, Jack pulled some pills out of a vial on his key chain and said that he had a liver disease. At 15 he had been told he'd live a year, but at 27, after lots of medicine and procedures, he was healthy, playing racquetball, mountain climbing … and having dinner with me. I thought I could handle it. I was just 19 and didn't grasp how serious his condition was. I did know pretty fast, though, that we were serious. As we dated and got close, I could imagine being with him forever.

Eventually the liver infections came back, and within five years we got news from his doctors: Jack would need a transplant to live — and, said to Jack, to get married. He didn't want to propose with a bad liver. He couldn't bear leaving me behind.

Finally, on July 2, 2005, Jack had his transplant. But the surgery didn't have the happy outcome we'd hoped for. The doctors found gallbladder cancer. Still, seven months later, at sunrise on a beach near the hospital, Jack got down on one knee and proposed. He was so bloated from chemo-induced kidney failure that I had to help him get back up. But I had no doubts. However long I could, I wanted to be his wife. A few weeks later, after a session of dialysis (to celebrate, the clinic staff sang the wedding march: "Dah dum dah dum …"), we eloped.

Our hope for a full future lasted not quite three years. Then things went bad. Every medical complication you could get, Jack got. Finally, together we made the decision to stop chemo and begin hospice care at home in August 2008. One night in his last couple of weeks, I said to Jack, "What do you want to talk about? What do you want to say to me?" That's when our amazing nightly talks started. We shared it all, things we'd never brought up in our 10 years together. Jack died on September 21, 2008, but I can say I have no regrets. Well, that's not entirely true. I wish we'd talked about all these things sooner. So I beg of you, talk about the tough subjects. In honor of my Jack, when you're with someone you love, ask each other these questions:

1. What did you really think when you first met me? After we danced at that wedding, we were walking in an alley by the restaurant, and Jack said, "Oh, look — a shooting star!" We stopped and gazed at it silently. All those years later, Jack said, "I never told you what I wished for. What I wished was, 'I wish she were mine'." He'd never told me that. Life's too short — why not say what's in your heart?

2. Do you believe in God? We'd never really talked about religion. Jack's parents are Jewish and Catholic, but he wasn't raised as either. I'm Catholic but didn't want to push that on him. In our last weeks together, we asked each other: Where am I going? What is my life about? What about my soul? At Jack's request, a priest even came to do a blessing and, eventually, last rites. I think it was a real comfort for him.

Just as Jack found faith, I now believe that energy is all around us. While Jack was sick, for instance, we would talk by walkie-talkie when he was in bed and I was in the kitchen. He died at 10:00 A.M. on a Sunday, and from noon on, that walkie-talkie made static noises, like it did when he would talk to me. I still get chills. I know it sounds a little crazy, but I absolutely think Jack was letting me know he was there.

3. What little things do you love about each other? In his last weeks, Jack kept a journal. He wrote, "When we played Rock Band, I loved how something so simple could make you so happy." I had no idea! My "little thing" was a baby photo I'd seen of Jack in his playpen, laughing. Whenever he'd laugh a really deep belly laugh, he looked just like that. It warmed my heart, and I told him so. Let each other in on the secret moments you cherish.

4. What was missing when you were growing up? We'd talked about our families before, of course, but in the end, we spoke a lot about what we didn't get growing up, and what we hoped we had provided each other. Jack, for example, wished he'd gotten more spoken "I love yous," so I gave that to him. Through the years, my mother and I faced economic struggles, so Jack did everything he could to make me feel safe financially.

5. What would you change about each other? Jack knew that I'd always had a type-A personality, so he had to teach me it's OK to relax and enjoy life. Over the years, he got me to try skiing, kayaking, even snorkeling in Hawaii! But in those last two weeks, I think Jack worried that, without him, I wouldn't keep trying new things. Jack said to me, "I want you to be more adventurous. I want even more for you." As a tribute to him, I've parasailed and am about to go to Tuscany with a girlfriend. And a few months after Jack's death, I went to the Bahamas with another girlfriend — a trip he had actually planned for me, saying, "I think it's something you'll need to do."

6. What are your greatest fears? I don't mean if you're scared of bugs or heights; I mean the real things. Jack, for instance, wasn't afraid of dying. He was more scared of what would happen to me afterward — that I'd fall into a bad relationship or drink too much or maybe even want to end my life. Most of all, though, he said, "I'm afraid of leaving you."

I then shared my biggest fear, which was having to move forward and have a life after him. I was very candid with Jack about this, about not wanting to marry again. My mom said, "You're too honest. You have to stop upsetting him." But I had to tell him the truth. And Jack gave me the greatest gift. He said, "I want you to meet someone and have the family we couldn't." And as painful as it was for me to hear those things, I'm now so glad he told me that. I know that when I'm ready, I'll just say, "Jack, send me someone to love."

On the first anniversary of Jack's death, I visited the cemetery rose garden where I'd scattered some of his ashes. I brought some flowers, sat down and talked to him for a while. The hardest part, still, is when I want to tell him something and he's not there. So please, for me — for Jack — if you feel it, say it. Don't ever waste that chance.

What Real Women Expect from Men

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 01:23:00 +0000

What Real Women Expect from Men

Esquire asked 36 American women at five definitive ages what they wanted out of a guy their age. Here's what they believed, in their own words.

At 18:

He should be compassionate, at least. There have to be some teenage boys with compassion!

He should be good with the parents.

He should have a goal.

He should know how to whittle wood.

We don't expect very much, to be honest.

At 27:

He should be reliable.

He shouldn't rely on text messaging as a tool of courtship.

He should have a "way" about him.

He should have traveled the world.

He should know how to cook one thing really well.

He should have a political affiliation.

He should, every now and then, substitute a light beer with Scotch on the rocks.

He should behave as if his mother raised him correctly — even if she didn't.

At 35:

He should not have a belly.

He should have decided on a sexual preference.

He should possess the thoughtfulness required to help a mom with a stroller and two kids up the stairs.

He should not have mommy issues.

He should have moved on from pickup lines to conversation starters.

He should want the party to end at some point.

At 44:

He should be a real partner.

He should still be eager to learn.

He should be able to sing along to all the songs on Boston's first album.

He should be financially secure.

He should understand the importance of jewelry in a woman's life.

He should take out the garbage without being asked.

He should be sexy.

He should be a gentleman.

At 53:

He should work out.

He should smell like something: aftershave or cologne.

He should know politics.

He should be faithful.

He should like Bob Dylan.

He should dance.

He should not be addicted to his work.

He should admit his mistakes.

Tactical Gear

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 01:22:00 +0000

This post is very random but whatevs, it's my blog!!!!!

Since BD has become a detective he no longer wears a uniform, only when he works his part-time job at a local night club and even then when he does I don't get to see him because he works very, very late. He goes to work now in suits and ties - which he looks amazingly hot in, btw. A couple of weeks ago, I met BD and his brother for dinner and BD was wearing his tactical gear because he had just come from work and he looked soooooo freakin' amazing. Even though his guns still scare me, he had on his pretty cool thigh holster ( a la Jack Bauer) and I wanted to jump him right then and there. If I could have BD dress in tactical gear every day maybe minus the big gun, I would. I think BD looks great in whatever he wears but it's something about seeing him in his tactical gear that I love. The things I like, go figure.

Get It On The Dance Floor

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 03:25:00 +0000

Wow!!!! Wow, is all I can say in regards to this video. They are really getting it on the dance floor. If only I could convince my family to do this. The sad part is, knowing that half of them would thoroughly enjoy doing this and make a huge production out of it. This was great from beginning to end and I couldn't stop watching it over and over!!!! I feel like I need to recruit my family and friends, and choreograph a routine for my 30th birthday party, just for kicks. I hope you all enjoy this as much as I did, it made my day.

Missing Opportunities and The List - Response to 5 Traits In A Mate That Are Not Deal Breakers and Stop Being So Picky

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 03:24:00 +0000

By now, I hope you all have had a chance to read 5 Traits In A Mate That Are Not Deal Breakers and Stop Being So Picky. I found both of these articles to be interesting especially since my friends and I were having a recent discussion on the type of men we wanted to marry and whether or not we had a mental checklist to compare the men we meet, date and love to. We all know I had my little list about what I wanted in a man, but since having met BD that has all changed. When it comes to dating/ relationships we all have a vision of what we desire (some don't and those are the ones I feel sorry for) in a mate, good, bad, and indifferent; however some of the qualities we desire are somewhat on the superficial side. We focus on the nonessential instead of the important essential needs that help us be our better selves.

How many times do we say that there are not any good men/ women out there? We make lists and check them off as if we are shopping in a grocery store. Women require men to be a guy's guy who is super athletic, extremely romantic, intelligent, powerful in regards to career and breathtakingly handsome. Guy's want a woman who is funny, laid-back / low maintenance, porn star in the bedroom, supportive, non-combative, sweet as apple pie, excellent cook with a super model figure and face.

How many relationships have we ended because the person we are with doesn't have ALL 200 or so characteristics of the desired traits we want? How many times do we let great people walk out of our lives because we feel that someone better and who meets all of our "requirements" will come along? I'll be the first to raise my hand that I have done that. I've walked away from some great guys because I felt at the time I would find someone better that would better represent in totality all of the things I desired. I wanted it all the whole package and I did not want to settle for anything less. When you base your desires off of superficial wants instead of truly desiring the important needs, you end up in a relationships that are not beneficial to either party and can result in more heartache and headache then you intended.

Let's talk about me and BD for a moment. If had allowed other people's opinions and my so-called "expectations criteria list" define the man I wanted instead of the man I needed, I would've never felt or experienced what I feel for BD. If you've read my previous post on what I want in a man, then you know that I had an extensive list of what I wanted in man and I've learned that I can't be in control of everything. A list is not an actual person with life experiences, emotions, every day problems and situations.

After first meeting BD, I tried several, and when I say several - I mean several (Thank God, BD is patient and has a kind heart), times to walk away and end whatever potential relationship we were going to have even before one even began for two reasons:

1. I allowed other people to get inside my head and ear and gave them permission to tell me that he would not be good for me (I usually don't allow people to influence my decisions but my judgement was clouded temporarily because I was afraid of being hurt due to just getting out of a long term relationship. Not an excuse, but I plead temporary insanity.)

2. BD was not the package I thought my dream guy would be in. I'll explain this point in a moment, but I had a picture in my mind and when he arrived in my life, the two didn't match in my mind.

In my dreams, my ideal man was at least 6'0 but I had a preference for 6'2 or taller. I wanted a man who was close to my age, no more than 3-5 years older, never married and no kids. I wanted a corporate, suit and tie type of dude who can also switch up and rock tailored jeans and button downs out of work. In reality I wanted the male version of me - minus the height (we all know I'm a shortie, I'm only 4'11"). I wanted a man who could cook, who was extremely romantic. A man who could make laugh and was spontaneous, etc. I really wanted a man that would just be everything to me an was the male version of me. I wanted a person who did not exist and could not exist because I was expecting a man to be all things to me and that's just not how men, people for that matter, operate.

BD came into my life when I was just getting out of my previous relationship and I was really set that the next man who came into my life was GOING to meet my requirements and I wasn't going to have it any other way. Before I even met BD, I had it set in my mind that if he didn't fit my criteria I wasn't going to waste my time and for a short time, I acted as if BD was just someone cool to hang out with until I found what I wanted. I was ever so wrong to think that, because BD is everything I could ever want and need. Yes, he's 10 years older than me. Yes, he's been married before. Yes, he has a son. Yes, he's a cop. BD is definitely not what I expected but certainly what I needed. Does he do things that drives me crazy? Yes. Do I do things that drive him crazy? ABSOLUTELY!!!!! At the end of the day, all that he is, is why I love him and everything I am, is why he loves me. The me I was a few years ago would have never opened up and accepted BD for who he is and the love he gives me, thank God for maturity and wisdom.

I'm not advocating you give up your standards I'm just saying to keep your feet planted on the ground in reality instead of head high in the sky in fantasy. I'm not saying to settle for any man, but I am saying to compromise so that both you and your partner meet in a place that works best for both of you. The key is to understand settling vs. compromising. To settle for just anyone is giving up on your core values for the sake of not being alone, but to compromise is to accept your differences without having to give up yourself. Relationships and life in general are all about compromising. We compromise when shop in a store in regards to quality and price, we compromise at work when issues arise, we compromise when it comes to family and friends; so why would you expect the person who you want as your life partner to be all things to you, knowing you probably aren't going to be all things to them? I've said this before and I'll say it again, you may have your list but so does the other person - they may meet your criteria, but the risk is, you may NOT fit theirs.

Don't pass up anyone because he or she is not absolute perfection, just be happy with who they are, how they make you feel and content that even in spite of their flaws they are good enough for you. Life is full of surprises and you get more than you would ever expect when you just let love be and focus on the important details that will overall make you happy.

Stop Being So Picky!

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 17:47:00 +0000

Stop Being So Picky!

To read in it's entirety click here. Stay tuned for my thoughts and opinions.

A Q& A with author Lori Gottlieb, whose new book "Marry Him: The Case for Mr. Good Enough" is coming out. Here, Gottlieb asserts that feminism has no place in love, dating after 40 is hellish and details why marriage should always be the endgame. By Lauren Iannotti
Lauren Iannotti: The first thing I would ask you is I know the Atlantic piece this was based on was the fourth most commented-on piece in the history of the magazine. What kind of feedback were you getting after the story came out initially in 2008?

Lori Gottlieb: I got a lot of feedback. The most interesting was from men who said, "Thank you for writing this because women are so picky, they will not date us, they will not stay with us, they find everything wrong with us." Married people was the other unexpected demographic responding. They were saying that either they totally agreed with the piece because they'd been married and they know what's important in marriage now, or that they're really glad that they picked the right person, not someone with these qualities that don't matter in a marriage, and that they want their single friends to learn that. Or it just made them appreciate their husbands more. And I think the single women, there were two camps: There were a lot who said, "This is something I really didn't want to hear and at first I was kinda offended by this but when I really look at my dating life and my friends' dating lives, I can see myself in this and I'm scared because I don't want to think of myself as being in that position. So it's given me something to think about."

And then there were others who wrote to me as if I was a dating expert — which, believe me, I'm not, and I'm trying to make that very clear — but they said, "Look, I'm with this guy; do you think I should be with him?" But I think the scariest letters from single people were the ones that said, "I just got engaged because of your article!" And I thought, Oh no, no, no, no! Five years from now you're going to write to me and say, "I just got divorced because of your article!" Because I was basically using a lot of hyperbole to make a point, which is that we need to have more realistic expectations. But in the article I didn't specify — well, what does that mean? What does that mean? Okay, so how much compromise is too much compromise? So, in the book I really go to the experts and I try to find out what that means and I try to apply it in my own life.

LI: Right. And of course bloggers have their own way with hyperbole. I remember someone suggesting that you meant we're supposed to tolerate abuse in order to have a husband.

Lori: When I was actually saying, if he is 5'7" don't not go on a first date because of that.

LI: You start with a stat, about the decline in marriage rates since the '70s. Then you argue that we're the problem. But the assumption is that everyone wants to be married. There are moments when you sound desperate like: It's all about marriage; it's all about marriage! I know it's hyperbole, like when you compare being single after 40 to being in the PSA with the teenager who's strapped to a bed after being in a drunk-driving accident. But is the premise of this book that every woman wants to get married?

Lori: Oh, absolutely not. I say throughout the book that it's not for someone who isn't interested in having someone to spend your life with. But the thing is, statistically, most women do want to go through life with a partner. And I think that what's tricky about this, and why a lot of women in their 20s will be more offended than the women in their 30s, who looked at this with more, perhaps, life experience, is that in your 20s, because of this whole idea of empowerment and we-don't-have-to-compromise-on-anything and we're so independent and self-sufficient, a lot of us think, "Well of course I wanna meet my soul mate and of course I wanna get married, but if it doesn't happen — that's okay, I will be okay." Better to be alone for the right reasons ....

But they don't realize how the landscape's going to change among their peer group, once they're in their 30s and 40s and 50s. They're not going to be surrounded by that surrogate family of single friends anymore. Many people are going to be married and have families of their own and you're going to be the third wheel at everything, and I think it's lonely in a lot of ways. There are women who get into their 30s and 40s and still say, "You know what, I'm happy not being married." But they're few and far between. And so if you're one of those women, this isn't the book for you, but this is a book for the vast majority of women in our culture who do want to go through life with a partner.

LI: It's a cautionary tale? You're telling young women to settle?

Lori: I have to define that! I want to represent "settling" in the light that it's intended. There's sort of a wink-wink with that word in the title. As I say in the beginning of the book, settling in our culture has this very negative connotation like you're picking the schlubby guy who repulses you. That's not what I'm talking about. What I'm saying is we consider picking someone who doesn't meet everything on our checklist. Like that's sort of what our culture is like: "Well, he's not this or that or the other thing, and am I settling?" We're so worried that we're settling if we don't get 100 percent of what we want. So I'm encouraging women to, yes, not get 100 percent of what they want. Some people call that settling, some people don't. I call it finding a great husband.

LI: You talk about our culture, and I feel that the media has a lot to do with this, because there's a lot of negative stuff about marriage and trying to be in a marriage on TV. But is there a sense that the media is pushing the idea that either you're with your Brad Pitt superstar guy who runs in at the last second and blah blah or whatever it is from He's Just Not That into You or you're settling with Barry the orthodontist from Friends. Movies tend to set up a black-and-white choice — do we internalize that and see our choices that way?

Lori: Well, I think because our culture tends to emphasize going for the best in every aspect of our lives that we apply that to dating too. We're maximizers in every area of our life, but the problem with doing that is we're treating dating like we're consumers, like we're "shopping" for a husband. People use that metaphor all the time. I don't use that metaphor at all. It's the idea that you want to get the best product with a husband, and I think it's just fantasy. And there's nothing wrong with fantasy, but the problem is people do internalize that and, as I said in the book, if you had asked me if I thought that anything in the media actually influenced my real-life dating decisions, I would be so dismissive of that and say, "Of course not. I'm a thinking, smart person. That I'd be influenced by Sex and the City — are you crazy?"

But the fact is we do have this cultural ideal of what Mr. Right looks like and everyone's got their own take on that, but there are the overarching themes, and they usually have something to do with: He's going to look a certain way, or he's going to have this job or this kind of income, and he's going to have this sense of humor and he's going to be romantic in these ways and he's going to be so in love with me in these ways and this is how he's going to show it. Everybody has their strong points and their less strong points, and we tend to focus on the less strong points in search of something better. And that's very dangerous. And we see that in the movies; that's always the thing in the movies, like "Is this guy good enough for me?"

LI: You have a great moment where you say we look at romantic comedies like they're documentaries.

Lori: Yeah, and that woman who said, "I broke up with my boyfriend because I was expecting a romantic-comedy response." And that's when she was 27 and was in love with him and she thought, Well if he can't give me that romantic-comedy response he must not really love me. Now she's single, approaching 40, and thinking of having a baby on her own. Well, you know she regrets that decision.

To read in it's entirety click here.

Five Traits in a Mate That Are Not Deal Breakers

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 17:40:00 +0000

Found this article and the follow-up Stop Being So Picky on MSN. I wanted to post them and then offer my thoughts. Read, enjoy, and talk amongst yourselves. I'll be posting my views on these pieces shortly.

Five Traits in a Mate That Are Not Deal Breakers

Have you decided that you will only marry a man of a certain height, profession or hairstyle? The author of a provocative new book reveals why you're wrong about Mr. Right. By Lori Gottlieb

A couple of years ago, I wrote a magazine article called "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough." In it, I confessed that, having found myself still single at 40, I'd come to an eye-opening realization: Had I known when I was younger what would make me happy in a fulfilling marriage, I would have made very different choices in my dating life. It was a hyperbolic essay with a serious message: Look for the important qualities in a partner, and let go of the stuff that won't matter five, ten or 20 years down the line.

I've never believed that we should stop looking for Mr. Right (we shouldn't!) — but I do think that by changing our rigid idea of who Mr. Right is, we're more likely to find the right Mr. Right. You can't just order up the perfect husband á la carte — I'll take a little of this, a little of that, less of this and more of that. A guy is a package deal, as are we. Recognizing that isn't settling. It's maturity. The key is to focus on the qualities that lead to long-term romantic happiness.

In my new book, I asked experts, including marital researchers, sociologists, neurobiologists, couple therapists, behavioral economists, matchmakers, clergy and even our mothers (God help us!) how to tell the difference between smart compromises (which lead to happiness) and settling (which doesn't). The answer is complex — and different for everyone. But here are five basic things I learned I should cut a guy some slack on before I assume he's not The One:

1. His height

Let me say upfront that I'm 5'2". With one-inch heels. And yet I always preferred to date guys who were taller than 5'9" (and so I could kiss them while barefoot, shorter than 6'0"). But one expert explained how limiting this was: "Let's say there's a 50 percent chance you could be with a guy who's 5'9". That's a height you like, but it could go either way depending on what else he brings to the table. There's probably a five percent chance you could be with somebody who's 5'4" — but there's a chance. Maybe if you spent an hour with Danny DeVito or Robert Reich, all of a sudden you would say, 'You know what? This is somebody I could actually spend my life with' — even though the height is never going to be ideal. On the other hand, take somebody who's unkind. There's a 100 percent chance you won't want to be with him. So I'm saying, what are the real irreducibles as opposed to the unlikelies?"

2. His online dating profile

A Northwestern researcher who studies online dating (yes, there are scientists who make a living doing this) told me that I shouldn't get too specific about my search parameters in online dating because in his research, he found that "there was a lack of correlation between what people said they wanted on a questionnaire, and what they actually pick when they meet a real, live person." Moreover, he added, don't rule out a guy because you think you know what it means that he misspelled a word or likes Madonna. You have no idea who this person is until you meet him. An online profile, he said, "is like reading the ingredients on a box of food and trying to imagine what it would taste like."

3. His occupation

Yes, alpha males are sexy and charming. But they aren't always the best partners for me, especially if they travel for work all the time, need to be the center of attention and don't have the same ideas about how to run a household that I do. As a dating coach explained to me, many women are attracted to super-ambitious and charismatic guys who are leaders — but it's hard to find a person who has that kind of personality and also makes time for you and is able to put you first when it counts. Now Joe, the cute elementary school teacher, on the other hand ... you get my point.

4. His age

The thing about being picky is you have to know what to be picky about. Apparently, I wasn't picky enough on the things that matter (shared values, reliability, "getting each other") and was too picky on the things that don't (his age). While I wouldn't want anyone to mistake my husband for my father, it's foolish to decline a set-up with a guy just because he's got less hair and more wrinkles than I do. This might sound beyond obvious, but many women end up dating guys with a chemistry of "9" and a compatibility of "5." The happiest couples, though, have both a chemistry and compatibility of "7." Would I be more naturally attracted to a guy who's my age? Yep. Would it matter that much in the scheme of things if he was 12 years older but still handsome? Probably not. Am I going to be more wrinkled one day and thrilled to be with a man who finds me attractive anyway? You bet.

5. How he compares to "my type"

One expert told me that when she first met her husband, she had no interest in him at all. He wasn't her type. He didn't fit her image of the kind of guy she imagined herself with. She was Ivy League-educated, and he was a potter. At first there were no sparks. Nada. But the more time she spent with him, the more she liked him. And then the sparks flew. They've been married for 20 years. "In America," she explained, "when a potter makes a pot, they put a glaze on it and put it in the kiln and know exactly what it's supposed to look like when it comes out. But when the Japanese make a pot, they put it in a wood-fire kiln that could be any temperature, and when they take the pot out, it's not always exactly like they thought it was supposed to look like. And they say, 'Oh, wow, this is what the fire did to the pot and it's gorgeous!' They believe there's no beauty in perfection. So instead of knowing what the person sitting across from you is supposed to be like, the question you have to ask is, 'Do I like it?' instead of 'How does it compare to what I thought I wanted?' People can surprise you."

Indeed. I ended up falling hard for a 5'6", balding, bow-tie-wearing guy I almost didn't e-mail on Match.com. He wasn't who I had in mind, but he was who I wanted to be with. And that, of course, is the thing that matters most.

Lori Gottlieb, a frequent commentator for NPR, is the author of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, just published by Dutton. Her memoir, Stick Figure, was a national bestseller.

Put Your Game Face On - Preparing For Shift

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 13:26:00 +0000

I wrote this post a while ago and never shared it, so here it goes:

I read a post on Behind The Blue Line via A Police Wife and I had 'aha' moment. This soooooo explained a lot to me why BD does what he does. Of the times I've been around BD and he has to prepare for work I notice a change in him, it's like his mind goes somewhere else. I'll be talking about one thing and then he'll just jump in the conversation with something totally off topic. BD, in general, is random in conversation (usually that would annoy me, but for some reason his randomness doesn't bother me) but when it's time to get ready for work it is escalated x10. I don't even think he knows he does that.
When he's not talking to me when he's getting ready for work or just said something out of the blue and not on topic, I've learned from this post that it's not because he's ignoring me or not listening, he's just preparing his mind to go into work (By the way BD, I love helping you get ready for work - I think it's cute that you let me button the buttons on your shirt). I've even noticed that as BD is walking out the door, his mood and facial expressions change. It's like he takes on a different personality, I've already told you about his cop face and it's scary. I can respect and honor him getting his mind right, I just wasn't aware of what was going on. Whatever he needs to do to keep him safe and bring him back home safely, I am all for. This was a very helpful post. One day, I'm going to pack a suitcase and take a little trip in the place he calls his mind - I think I can handle it. There is soooooooo much I don't know in how to deal with dating/ and or relating to a cop but I'm learning. These types of posts on other blogs and talking to family and friends in law enforcement are helping me to better understand BD, his career and how I can be truly supportive to him.

Here's the post:

One aspect of this job that often comes as a surprise to the family and loved ones of police officers is the change that overcomes their officers in the hours leading up to the start of shift. No, the officers do not go through a science fiction style metamorphosis; instead officers likely exhibit subtle and sometimes not so subtle changes in personality.

My hubby calls it the ‘Ha Ha Factor’, as in I have none when I’m getting my game face on.

I’ve already mentioned in previous posts about preparing for this job. It is easy to tell if you are physically able to this job, because you’re either going to pass the physical test or not. You’re either fit enough to chase after a suspect and take him into custody, or you’re not. If you’re not, train harder and be prepared to make the permanent life style changes required. It’s pretty simple.

Mental preparation is different. You have to ask yourself several questions about your readiness and willingness to take action if called upon, but it’s even more involved than that.

Every day, BEFORE you leave your house to go to work, you should be mentally prepared. In much the same way an athlete psyches themselves up before a big game, you should be going through the same ritual. Not to be overly dramatic (okay, maybe I mean to), but you have to be in top mental condition because every time you put a uniform on you are making yourself a target for those who despise law enforcement. You need to be ever alert, ever watchful, and constantly aware of your surroundings. You need to find a balance and not become paranoid. You need to go home to your family at the end of your shift.

To illustrate this point I’ll use myself as an example and delve a bit deeper into the ‘Ha Ha Factor’.

When I’m working night shift I usually have the house to myself during the day. I’m able to go through my pre-work ritual – grocery shopping, prepare meals, have a nap, get up, have coffee, go for a work out, take a shower, eat breakfast while the family eats dinner, go to work. I’ve a very set routine and have been going through this ritual for years.

But on the occasions where hubby is around during the day he notices a big difference in my personality. He says I’m more serious, more focused and less likely to engage in conversation. He says I have no sense of ‘Ha Ha’ about anything. It’s not that I’m miserable, cranky, or being a you-know-what, it’s just that my ‘Ha Ha’ has taken leave in favour of my ’Game Face’.

At first, many years ago, hubby thought I was snubbing him and he got upset. I was a bit flabbergasted as nothing was further from the truth, and during the resulting discussion we came to a few conclusions:

Being a police officer requires mental alertness at all hours of the day
A police officer needs to go through the mental ‘What-if’s’ on a regular basis
A police officer needs to ‘get in the game’ long before it’s time to put on the uniform and get in the squad car
Sleep is NOT over rated
A sleepy officer is not an alert officer
An officer who is not alert is at a higher risk of getting hurt (for a multitude of reasons)
The family of an officer should recognize that the officer needs sleep and time to decompress
The officer needs to realize his/her family also needs attention, love, and understanding

In short, if an officer does not mentally prepare for the shift they may not come home from it.

When I put it like that, hubby got it.

Now, hubby understands my aloofness before a shift isn’t personal, it’s a necessity. He understands that in my mind, I am already hunting for the bad guy, already out-thinking the bad guy, already running though the possible scenarios of the upcoming twelve hours. He knows my well-being counts on it, and he has chosen to understand it and accept it. For that, I love him dearly.

It can’t be easy being married to a cop.

Visions of Marital and Motherhood Bliss Danced in Her Head

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Sat, 29 May 2010 00:29:00 +0000

Depending on what day of the week or what mood I was in when you ask me, I used to think I didn’t want to get married and have children. I think that has to do with the leftover sour taste in my mouth from my previous relationship but over the last week or so, I’ve been really mulling over the possibility of what married life and motherhood would be like, especially with BD. I’m not viewing in my sugary fantasy, constant and continuous marital bliss or motherhood perfection because I know it won’t be, and I’m okay with that. When you work in the industry I work in, dealing with weddings and special events, you only get one opportunity to make it perfect and there are no room for excuses or mistakes; so it’s a little hard for me to turn the perfection machine off when it comes to my personal life outside of work.

I’ve always dreaded getting married or having kids because I would want everything to be perfect and in order for that to happen in my mind I would have to control all aspects and parties involved and it just simply is not possible. Everyone has his or her own personalities, likes and dislikes, opinions and decisions. I’ve grown up and realized that I can’t control everything and that people are whom they are and there is nothing I can do about it. People disappoint you sometimes but that’s their bag they have to carry and not yours. I know I can find a good comfortable place in the idea of marriage, but motherhood still makes me a little nervous. Not that I don’t love kids because I really do, but I envision my children hating me because I would be that mom that would love her kids too much and they would hate me just for that reason alone. I understand that at some point in their lives kids go through these phases of “I don’t need mom and dad” and “I have the meanest, strictest parents in the world” but it would break my heart if my kid stood in my face and told me they hated me. I know they are going to but it would still be devastating. All I want is to raise healthy, well-rounded, happy children who know that I will go without just so that I can provide them with all the tools necessary so that they can live a happy and successful life. If in the end if they understand that, then I guess the process to getting them there will be all worth it. I know we’ll have some good and bad days but as long as my children know that I love them more than life itself and that what I do is out of love then we’ll be okay.

I had a dream the other night that BD and I were married, happy together and happy to be raising our children. Normally dreams like that scare me and freak me out, but I woke up and I thought it was really nice and that I’d like to be living that life with BD even with the good and the bad. I’ve really been thinking hard the last 2 to 3 weeks about where I want this relationship to go and what I would be willing to do to make sure that we are both happy and understand each of our expectations for the relationship. It’s opened me up to a whole new bag of feelings and emotions, but it feels good and I’m not scared at all.

I’m still working out my issues on the idea of being a wife and mother but my relationship with BD has given me many happy thoughts about it. The relationship I have with BD is the most relaxed and comfortable relationship I have ever been in. We are very different in a lot of ways, we’re okay with agreeing to disagree on some points of view and both agree that we are very similar in some of the things we like and dislike. I can see myself being married to BD, definitely being very happy in life with him and raising a family. Who knows what the future may hold for us and if BD finds me worthy enough to be in his life for the rest of our lives. Proverbs 18:22 states that “Whoever finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of the LORD.” I hope BD finds me to be a good thing.

Dating with Children

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Sat, 29 May 2010 00:29:00 +0000

If my relationship with BD weren’t hard enough with me having to worry about him because of his job as an officer, throw into the mix that he is also a father to a young son. If our relationship were to progress to a far more serious level like marriage, then not only would I be sharing my life with BD, but I would also be sharing my life with his son, his son’s brother, his son’s mom and her family. BD comes as a family unit and I would definitely happily embrace the whole unit, no questions asked, because I love BD very much. I can’t take one without the other and I wouldn’t want to. Not only is BD raising his son but he is also a great male role model for his son’s brother. That is the kind of man he is and the kind of heart BD has and one of the many, many reasons why I love him. I truly honor him for having the courage and being there for someone else’s son and being a shining example of a man.

I’ve not met BD’s son yet but I’ve seen pictures of him and he is an adorable young man. I must say that the way BD

My life with BD, if the relationship should get to that point, will need to be discussed in detail about what we both think is necessary to be unified as a family unit. For me, I think the most important thing is that BD’s son; his son’s brother, his son’s mother and her family understand that they are important and integral in our lives and are always loved and welcomed. I clearly understand that as we move forward that I’m not just entering into a serious relationship with just BD but I am entering a family and I don’t want to overthrow that dynamic off too much especially if it works.

Dating anyone with children is stressful but I feel it necessary to take a step back and look at the picture as a whole and ask myself is BD worth it and he most certainly is. Dating someone with a child is hard and a great responsibility for both parties involved. It weighs very heavy for the person without the children just as much for the parent of the child. Yes, it’s different than dating someone without children but you have to ask is your significant other worth it. I get asked a lot how I feel that I haven’t met BD’s son yet, but my answer to that is - BD’s priority above all else, even me, is his son. Just because BD has not introduced me to his son doesn’t mean I don’t matter to him, it means he is protective and cares deeply about his son’s well being. He doesn’t want women coming in and out of his son’s life and I truly respect that. Children watch what you do and see everything. They do everything they see their parent do, so what I would want for BD’s son to see if BD and I do get to that point is that his father and I are a strong team and that we have a healthy and happy relationship. When the time comes for him to date and choose a mate of his own, he will perfect examples of what a great relationship looks and feels like set by his mother/ his father and I.

Being a parent is hard. Being a parent and dating is even harder; however when you find the right person, who is patient and understanding, it can be a true joy. When the time comes and BD feels it is right for me to meet his son, I will never push myself onto him, never demand that he like me; and most importantly, never try to replace his mother. I would want a relationship with his son to happen naturally and not be forced. I’m not looking to be his mother because he already has one. As long as he knows that I’m a woman who loves his daddy and will love him and his brother just as much and will do whatever it takes to make them all happy, that is all that matters to me. When we get to that point, I’ll let BD tell me the short term and long term roles he would like me to play in his son’s life.

In my vision of the kind of man I wanted to fall in love with, I in no way saw myself being with someone with kids. I just envisioned meeting someone, getting married, buying a house and starting our own family – old-fashioned, I know but that’s what I had in mind. Having since met BD, falling in love with him and seeing the love he has for his son just by him talking about him, I have changed my tune. In order for this relationship to work with all parties involved, it’s going to take a little maturity, a whole lot of flexibility and willingness on everyone’s part.

What I've Been Up To

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Sat, 29 May 2010 00:29:00 +0000

Well, I clearly have bee absent from the blog for more than a month. I have been super busy adjusting to some new changes in my life. I’ve moved into a new apartment, which I have to admit I absolutely love. I started a new job, after having been offered several jobs in Dallas, TX; Savannah, GA; Hilton Head, SC and Atlanta, GA. It was touch and go for a minute because I ABSOLUTELY did not want to leave Atlanta. I even had decided to move to Dallas (I cried to BD for 2 weeks because I had made Atlanta my home for the past 8 years and I didn’t feel it was time to go yet). I was one week out from moving to Dallas when I got a job offer in Atlanta that I felt was a better fit. Even though I turned down quite a bit of money to stay in Atlanta, I don’t mind at all. I do what I do because I love it not because I only want the money. There is nothing like the flexibility of being in the hotel/hospitality/ tourism industry. I can still do my job and focus on launching my business, so for that I am truly thankful. I’m happy I decided to stay because for right now this is where I need to be.

Even though I’ve had to put Nursing School on hold for right now, I have some huge projects that I’m working on right now outside of work and I am so SUPER DUPER excited about them. I’m redesigning and launching my business (YAY!!!!), I also have another project I’m working on that I can’t discuss until everything is finalized, just know that it’s HUGE and is a really, really big deal. When it’s all said and done, what I’m working on will be available WORLDWIDE and I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am. I can’t wait to share the details.

As far as BD and I go, we have been going great. I can’t speak for him entirely but I think he would agree with me when I say that we have definitely built and are continuing to build upon a strong and solid foundation for our relationship. I find something new to fall in love with him for everyday. He is an absolute gentleman and words cannot express how much I care about him deeply. Everything seems to be going great and I love the connection I feel between BD and I right now. He makes me feel like a princess.

Other than the move, new job and BD and I growing our relationship stronger; life has been the same. I feel like I’m in a really good place where everything is working out beautifully. I have nothing to complain about at all. I’m just sitting back and FINALLY, for the first time in a couple years, just completely and thoroughly enjoying life and everything in it.

Vintage, Estate and Antique Jewelry: A Love Affair

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 23:32:00 +0000

I am a hardcore vintage, antique and estate lover, especially when it comes to clothes and jewelry. One of my favorite websites, Fay Cullen, had a priority viewing today of the new pieces that hadn't hit their website yet and oh my, my, my..... one of their new pieces soon to hit the site jumped right out at me. I'm not a diamond kind of girl, I am more into colored gems like Rubies, Emeralds, and Sapphires, etc but this was calling my name. I noticed they are selling the setting without the center stone, so I may just purchase it and place one of the loose colored gems I have and make my perfect ring. Take a look at this beauty.........................

How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count The Ways.......................

Is this not the most darling thing you have ever seen? Oh, I am so in love with this ring setting. Again, I can do without the diamond but I wouldn't be mad if it had it either. I'm seriously thinking of purchasing this for myself.

While I was browsing the site today, looking for a possible gift for my mom for Mother's Day, I found some other pieces that I love.

They also sell cute and stylish jewelry gift boxes to put your purchases in. Even if you buy your jewelry somewhere else and just want a WOW presentation these gift boxes will certainly do just that .

I love Faberge Eggs and I want to purchase a few of these to hold and display my favorite rings in.

If you are looking for the perfect gift for yourself (I believe in purchasing gifts for myself), gifts for a special loved one or just want to admire the beauty of Fay Cullen's beautiful jewelry visit: www.faycullen.com

They have a brick and mortar jewelry store as well as their online shop, so if you are located in the Miami, Fl Area make an appointment to visit them.

I'm Going On A Trip

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 20:32:00 +0000

I apologize for the lack of posts recently but I have still been trying to decide on some major life decisions and I’ve also not been feeling well. I hate not feeling well! My mom called and said my dad was requesting I make a special trip home this weekend for Good Friday Services and Easter (My parents are pastors). I think it would be a good time to go get some parental advice, have some Mommy TLC (that is what mom’s do best, right?) and just recharge all at the same time. While I’m preparing for my trip I thought I’d share some visuals of where I grew up and where I’m going. (Click the pictures for a larger view)

In my mind I'm goin' to Carolina 

Can't you see the sunshine

 Can't you just feel the moonshine

 Ain't it just like a friend of mine 

It hit me from behind 

Yes I'm goin' to Carolina in my mind

~ Carolina In My Mind by James Taylor

I’m going where the palmetto stood tall in the moonlight to defend our coastal fronts and along with the crescent moon, are the symbols of our state

I’m going to the place where the marsh, rivers and ocean meet

I’m going where the sun kisses the cranes hello and goodbye, every day as it rises and sets

I’m going where there is always a never-ending pot of Frogmore Stew (low country boil, depending on what region you are from but in my neck of the woods it’s frogmore stew). Don't worry no frogs are harmed or used for this delicious meal. The name comes from the small community on St. Helena's Island that the soups creator is from.

I’m going to a place where fishing, shrimping and just boating period are a way of life

I’m going to where the lighthouses stand sentry among the palmettos as guards and guides to our waterways

I’m going where the homes are stately and regal reminding of us a bygone era when life was truly sweet and simple (and in some places it still is the same way)

I’m going to where the art of sweet grass baskets is not taught in a school but in lessons learned sitting on the front porch passing from one generation to the next

I’m going where if the ancient oaks dripping with Spanish moss could talk they would tell the history and tales of the people and things they have seen.

I’m going where the smell of salt water in the morning air is the best wake up call you could ever get. There is nothing like it and you never get it out of your system.

I’m going where the seafood is fresh, abundant and a standard part of every meal from shrimp and grits for breakfast to oyster roasts rounding out the evenings.

I’m going where the local 55-year old plus drugstore still has a lunch counter; hand dipped ice cream, old-fashioned milkshakes and a real soda fountain. It has to be the last of it’s kind.

I’m going where Main Street is still MAIN Street. Check out the seashell sidewalks.

I'm going where this is my family's sentiment

I’m going where this sweet little antique and movie prop shop is the marker that tells me I’ve finally made it.

I’m going………………..home

This is my grandmother’s driveway after it snowed last month. It looks like a postcard. Thanks K for posting this pic on facebook.

Anything is bound to happen while I’m home, so I’m sure I’ll come back with some great things to share with all of you.

Why????????

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 02:44:00 +0000

What is going on in the universe this week? Just as I'm about to end my last day of work in my event and hospitality field to start nursing school, I get flooded with phone calls from friends of friends wanting me to personally design and plan either their weddings or corporate gala events. Whyyyyyyy????? Is the universe telling me that I might need to rethink leaving my field? Is the universe telling me that you have a gift and a passion and you shouldn't turn your back on it to feed my need for security? Is the universe telling me that I'm making a mistake and need to really be focusing on starting my company? I am so confused right now, I don't even know what to do.

At one point in my career, I owned my own design firm but had to give it up because it was a conflict of interest when I started working for another company. I love what I do; I eat, breathe and sleep it. I study every photo, book, magazine, blog, television show, and anything event planning and design I can get my hands on but due to the economy and people not being able to afford luxury services right now, it's definitely a little harder to maintain a business. I don't do what I do for money, I do it because I love it but there are always bills to pay and people don't understand that. Just like you have bills, so I do -- think about that the next time you complain about paying for a service that you think is too pricey, especially if it is worth it. If people knew the level of work that went into each and every minute detail of the services that event specialists provide they wouldn't complain about our pricing. We may not paint with brushes but what we do, what I do, is art and masterpieces in itself. It may last for a few hours in a person's eyes but in hearts and memories it will last for a lifetime.

I am so confused right now. I don't know if I should move forward with my next step into pursing a nursing degree or do what my dream has always been to be, have a successful boutique event design firm or do both. It will be hard to do both but if I stay organized and have a strong support system around, I may be able to pull it off. I have so many questions and not enough answers. Why can't I have a button to push that gives me the right answer to all of my questions? I need some time to think but I feel I might not have enough time. I'm going to pray and seek guidance in what I should do. I'll let you know what I decide.

Be A Priority And Not An Option

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 20:16:00 +0000

“Never let someone be your priority, while you remain their option.”

~ Anonymous

I'm the person my friends always come to for advice even if it's at 1 or 3 o'clock in the morning. I got one of those calls this morning just when I was just getting to sleep, from a friend calling in me tears about the state of her relationship and how it was over between her boyfriend and her. My friend was in a long-term relationship like me (5 years) and her significant other called her up and told her that he didn't have the same passion he once had for her and wanted to take a break to date other people and see what his options were. Whoooooooo!!!!!! That's all I can say without incorporating a few colorful choice words for him. I really wasn't prepared for this call, especially since my own wounds haven't fully healed. However, me being the friend that I am I just couldn't let her suffer alone. I packed up my "Girlfriend Break-Up Kit", wearing my pajamas and all and headed over to her house for a very long and tearful night. She just kept asking over and over, 'what did I do wrong?' Instead of blaming him for his stupidity and ignorance in not seeing and respecting the beautiful and wonderful woman that she is and how much she loved and cared for him over the years, she decided to blame herself and it got me thinking about how I had the same mentality, asking the same question and crying the same tears; along with plenty of other women as well (even some men). The process in breaking up is brutal especially if you don’t see it coming, you blame yourself, going over the things you should have done differently and how if they take you back, what you will change. Unfortunately, in relationships the other person doesn’t have to live with these emotions, they are just on to the next one leaving you holding the emotional baggage. For my girl, I offered up the best advice from one of best guy friends, which helped me when I was going through my own break-up. He told me, ‘never let someone be your priority, while you remain their option’.

It’s no secret I have a weakness -- I see people better than they really are or better than they see themselves. My expectations and trust of people always gets the best of me because I place them high on top of the totem pole instead of leaving room for their faults and issues so, when they do something that goes against what I think of them; I always, always end up being disappointed and in tears. When getting involved in a romantic relationship this kind of thinking has always lead to my own personal heartbreak because I chose to make a man my priority when he only considers me his option.

I am no longer choosing to be this way, at this point and stage in my life I am choosing to be selfish in life and in love. I'm choosing to look out for me and no one else. Everyone, who reads this blog or is apart of my circle of friends, already knows that I got out of a 7-year relationship nine months ago and not just 3 months after our break-up he proposed to someone else. I should feel a little jaded about life and love, but I don't. The thing that pisses me off more than anything about that situation is I gave up so much, such as job opportunities, to be with him because I believed in and trusted him. Not only that, he knew for the last two years (2 YEARS - he told me that himself) of our relationship (even after he proposed to me, mind you) that he didn't want to me marry me. He didn't say anything or make mention of having doubts to me at all. He never once communicated to me he was having cold feet or doubts; he just acted like his same old self. One night I went to sleep in a relationship and the next morning I woke up, sat down at the breakfast table and was left sitting there single and alone. He deserves an Oscar for his performance because I, nor anyone around us, saw the break-up coming. All of that is neither here nor there at this point because I met BD as a result of his stupidity and I am very grateful. I think I should send him and his new fiancée a quiche or bottle of champagne for making my life that much better. I say all that to say this, had I been paying attention and realizing that hey, I'm no longer first in his life, he's not talking to me like he used to, something in him has changed; then maybe I would have realized I had became an option to him. With options, there are choices, with choices there are decisions and as you can see he decided not to choose me.

In 2010, my year of possibilities, I am choosing to be my own priority and not anyone's option. Don’t know whether you are someone’s option or priority let me help you: Being an option is not a relationship; you are just filling a void for that particular time and place. You probably see each other when it is convenient for the other person, without them considering if it works for you. When you are an option, you can solely be a collector’s item added to the gallery of various other treasures, just to stroke their ego. Being an option means getting that last minute call when all their other plans have fallen through and you are their last resort. Don’t call me at 7 o’clock in the evening on a Saturday and ask if I want to go on a date because you are most likely going to get called everything but a child of God. As a side note, I don’t do catchall phrases either; if you want to see me then all you have to do is be upfront and ask me. Don’t beat around the bush and give hints, trying to prod me into introducing the idea. The worst I could say was no, I’m busy or no, I don’t want to and usually I’m not going to do that if I have a free schedule: especially if I’m interested in you. Back to options and priorities…. Being an option also means having a purely sexual relationship –no dates, no conversations, no meeting friends and family, just purely sexual. When you are priority, you know that you are a priority. Being a priority is being in a relationship; it does not need to be spoken where and with whom you are spending your free time, you both are making time for each other according to both schedules and are making plans in advance. Being a priority is like being a rare one of a kind precious item that someone will whole-heartedly cherish and will always be the featured showcase, their pride and joy. Being a priority is not just about the sex; it’s about building a foundation of friendship that blossoms into a solid and firm relationship. It means going on dates, having good conversations, meeting the important people in his/ her life. If you are a priority and it’s important to him/her then they should make an effort to incorporate you into their life and vice versa. Get the picture? If you are being treated like an option instead of a priority, all I ask is that you have the courage to walk away.

A friend of mine once told me this and it has always stuck with me:

Women are like the apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. BOYS don't want to reach for the good ones, because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they get the rotten apples from the ground that are not as good, but easy to get to. So, the apples at the top of the tree think something is wrong with them, when in reality they are amazing! They just have to wait for the RIGHT MAN to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb to the top and reach for his perfect apple.

When it comes to me, I choose to sit tight for the right man to come along, climb to the very top of the tree and pick me. Wait, what about BD? How does he fit in your new method of thinking? Whether that man is BD or not, I don’t know. BD knows how I feel about him and I know how he feels about me but experiencing what I’ve gone through with relationships, feelings hold no bucket of water for me. Yes, I love BD but nothing changes, if I am not a priority in BD’s life than I most certainly am not going to be his option; I will not stick around just wishing and hoping for his love and attention. I don’t care how wonderful he treats me but if there is no future for us, than I have to shoot the deuces, shed a couple of tears (because he is a good guy) and keep it moving. Words hold no weight with me anymore; I believe only half of what I hear and all of what I see. BD is from Missouri, the show me state, so he can appreciate this when I say this – I’ll believe it when I see it! All I’m going to do is make decisions for my happiness and me and not worry about all the rest. Until otherwise noted, not implied, but noted, I’m going to do me. For the most part, BD treats me like a priority anyway, if he’s not and making me an option than he's very good at acting; but I think he's on the up and up. I only have one thing that irks me, just a little, about BD but it is who he is and either I'm going to learn to love and deal with it or not. It comes with the job, so whaddya’ gonna do?

I've learned in my own personal situation and watching my friend go through hers, that no matter how much you make someone a priority in your life, if they only treat you as an option you need to run as fast as your feet can carry you. I don't care how good of a person you are, you can be an angel sent down from heaven, but if they don't realize how special you are or if they are not in a place where they are prepared and ready to receive you, don't even waste your time. People DO NOT change, they show you exactly who they are and it is what it is. I shouldn’t have to coerce, convince, rationalize, trick, manipulate, buy, or plead with ANYONE to love me; either you do or you don't. If a person can't remotely even say the words I LOVE YOU and you've been exclusive for a while then there is nothing left for me to do but say goodbye. I've learned not to be afraid of leaving or just simply saying goodbye. You can’t make anyone stay in your life. It’s not that they are a bad people, it just means that you are not traveling in the same direction, so let them hop off at the next train stop and keep your focus on where you're headed and just be mindful that eventually one of the passengers you stop for will be going in your direction and will share the same final destination. A relationship can only last as long as BOTH parties want the other involved. If one of you decides you want out that is it; it’s no more, it’s finished, it’s over, it’s done and dead!

Life is too short to play with people's emotions, that’s how people get hurt and nowadays get killed – example no. 1: Steve McNair. I’m the type to just walk away from you and leave it at that but some of these people around here need much prayer and therapy – they’ll kill a person for simply not calling on the phone. Ladies and gentleman, I have a request – it’s simple but necessary, start being accountable for your actions. If you know you don’t want the relationship to progress any longer or don’t see it going anywhere, please be man or woman enough to say so and let them go. If you are tempted and/ or preoccupied by other people and things, let them go. If you know that your heart is not in the relationship or you are not putting forth the same amount of energy into it as the other person, let them go. STOP BEING SELFISH!!!!!! JUST LET THEM GO!!!!!!

I hope that my past experience and my friend’s current situation is a lesson and an example to any women and men (it can happen to them to) that one should never get so comfortable in a relationship, even if you’re married/ committed -- it can happen to you too, that’s much worse but I don’t want to even touch that. Most times, what you put out is what you receive back. If you consistently run into the same problems in life or you feel like you are repeating the same things over and over, maybe YOU are doing something wrong. Try a new approach, stop putting other people before your own happiness if they are not willing to be selfless and make you a top priority in their life. My advice, be cautious but courageous in who you give your heart to. If you both agree to make each other a priority then make the decision every day to truly be who you are and choose to be in that relationship and commit to it. Relationships take work - from both people involved, not just one person. Nothing is perfect 100% of the time, but when both people are willing to put in the work, a loving relationship with a deep connection is the prize at the end of the day. When you are feeling like your relationship is in a rough spot then there is nothing wrong with doing a relationship system check every once in a while to check or reenergize the status of your relationship.

I’m writing this at 5 o’ clock in the morning just as my friend has finally cried herself to sleep (I’m going to pay for this later on in the day but it‘s worth making sure that she knows someone is there for her), I feel so bad for her and understand her pain but whether she knows it or not, this may just be the best thing for her and God may have someone greater for her around the corner. It’s going to be hard for her to deal with this for a while but she has me and all of her other friends to support her during this time and remind her that she is a rare one of a kind vault diamond and should expect to be treated as such. When you walk into an established jewelry store and not a chain jewelry store, there is a vault in the back off the showroom floor that they keep the most prized and most expensive jewels. You see, any and everyone can come in and view, touch and try on the diamonds in the case on the floor but only a person of high esteem, who has been found worthy will be taken to the vault to view and touch the most valuable gems, not the ones in the floor cases. I want my girl to know that she is the diamond in the vault and that a man who wants to even get a glimpse of her beauty and glory, needs to have clearance not to just go back and gaze upon her but to actually purchase because she is just that precious and rare. Don’t be the diamonds in the case, be a vault diamond. Would you want something that anyone can touch or try on? Absolutely not! So, if you want someone worthy of going to the vault looking specifically for you, then you first have to be and know that you are worthy yourself.

Please know, that there is no definite formula or hard rules when it comes to dating or relationships, you have to do what you are comfortable with so know your boundaries and don’t waiver, there is somebody who’ll say, I will respect your opinions, I will provide you with what you need (not just financial but what you really need emotionally, physically, sexually and spiritually) and I WILL LOVE YOU. You might have to go through some bad breakups and bad situations but all of that is to teach you to know what you do and don’t want. It’s to teach you to set your boundaries and stick to them. It’s to teach you that you are so worthy of so much more and if you hold on the right one will come along and confirm it. Patience is a virtue.

“You gotta dance like nobody’s watching. 

Dream like you will live forever. 

Live like your going to die tomorrow. 

And love like it’s never going to hurt.”

11 "Don't-Tell-the-Wife" Secrets All Men Keep

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 22:58:00 +0000

11 "Don't-Tell-the-Wife" Secrets All Men Keep

WebMD Feature from "Redbook" Magazine

By Ty Wenger

I was in the ninth grade when I learned a vital lesson about love. My girlfriend at the time, Amy, was stunningly cute, frighteningly smart and armed with a seemingly endless supply of form-fitting angora sweaters. And me? Let's just say I was an adolescent Chris Robinson to her budding Kate Hudson -- and well aware of my good fortune.

Then one day, as we stood in line for a movie at the mall, Simone Shaw, junior high prom queen, sauntered by. Suddenly Amy turned to me. "Were you looking at her?" she asked. "Do you think she's pretty?"

My mind reeled. Of course I was looking at her! Of course she was pretty! My God, she was Simone Shaw! I paused for a second, then decided to play it straight.

"Well, yeah," I chortled.

Five days later our breakup hit the tabloids (a.k.a. the lunchroom).

There comes a time in every man's life when he discovers the value of hiding the grosser parts of his nature. He starts reciting the sweet nothings you long to hear: "No, honey, I play golf for the exercise." "No, honey, I think you're a great driver." "No, honey, I wasn't looking at that coed washing the car in the rain."

We're not lying, exactly. We're just making things...easier. But Glenn Good, Ph.D., a relationship counselor, disagrees, and maybe he has a point. "These white lies are pretty innocent, but they can turn confusing," he says. "Many women think, If he's lying about himself, is he also lying about something else? Is he having an affair? To establish trust you have to tell the truth about the innocuous stuff."

And so, in the interest of uniting the sexes, we've scoured the country for guys willing to share the private truths they wouldn't normally confess. Some are a bit crass. Some you've always suspected. Some are surprisingly sweet. (Guys don't like to reveal the mushy stuff, either.) But read on, and you may discover that the truth about men isn't all that ugly.

Secret #1: Yes, we fall in lust 10 times a day -- but it doesn't mean we want to leave you

If the oldest question in history is "What's for dinner?" the second oldest is "Were you looking at her?" The answer: Yes -- yes, we were. If you're sure your man doesn't look, it only means he possesses acute peripheral vision.

"When a woman walks by, even if I'm with my girlfriend, my vision picks it up," says Doug LaFlamme, 28, of Laguna Hills, California. "I fight the urge to look, but I just have to. I'm really in trouble if the woman walking by has a low-cut top on."

Granted, we men are well aware that our sizing up the produce doesn't sit well with you, given that we've already gone through the checkout line together. But our passing glances pose no threat.

"It's not that I want to make a move on her," says LaFlamme. "Looking at other women is like a radar that just won't turn off."

Secret #2: We actually do play golf to get away from you

More than 21 million American men play at least one round of golf a year; of those, an astounding 75 percent regularly shoot worse than 90 strokes a round. In other words, they stink. The point is this: "Going golfing" is not really about golf. It's about you, the house, the kids -- and the absence thereof.

"I certainly don't play because I find it relaxing and enjoyable," admits Roland Buckingham, 32, of Lewes, Delaware, whose usual golf score of 105 is a far-from-soothing figure. "As a matter of fact, sometimes by the fourth hole I wish I were back at the house with the kids screaming. But any time I leave the house and don't invite my wife or kids -- whether it's for golf or bowling or picking up roadkill -- I'm just getting away."

Secret #3: We're unnerved by the notion of commitment, even after we've made one to you

This is a dicey one, so first things first: We love you to death. We think you're fantastic. Most of the time we're absolutely thrilled that we've made a lifelong vow of fidelity to you in front of our families, our friends and an expensive videographer.

But most of us didn't spend our formative years thinking, "Gosh, I just can't wait to settle down with a nice girl so we can grow old together." Instead we were obsessed with how many women who resembled Britney Spears we could have sex with before we turned 30. Generally it takes us a few years (or decades) to fully perish that thought.

Secret #4: Earning money makes us feel important

In more than 7.4 million U.S. marriages, the wife earns more than the husband -- almost double the number in 1981. This of course is a terrific development for women in the workplace and warmly embraced by all American men, right? Right?

Yeah, well, that's what we tell you. But we're shallow, competitive egomaniacs. You don't think it gets under our skin if our woman's bringing home more bacon than we are -- and frying it up in a pan?

"My wife and I are both reporters at the same newspaper," says Jeffrey Newton, 33, of Fayetteville, South Carolina. "Five years into our marriage I still check her pay stub to see how much more an hour I make than she does. And because she works harder, she keeps closing the gap."

Secret #5: Though we often protest, we actually enjoy fixing things around the house

I risk being shunned at the local bar if this magazine finds its way there, because few charades are as beloved by guys as this one. To hear us talk, the Bataan Death March beats grouting that bathroom shower. And, as 30-year-old Ed Powers of Chicago admits, it's a shameless lie. "In truth, it's rewarding to tinker with and fix something that, without us, would remain broken forever," he says. Plus we get to use tools.

"The reason we don't share this information," Powers adds, "is that most women don't differentiate between taking out the trash and fixing that broken hinge; to them, both are tasks we need to get done over the weekend, preferably during the Bears game. But we want the use-your-hands, think-about-the-steps-in-the-process, home-repair opportunity, not the repetitive, no-possibility-of-a-compliment, mind-dulling, purely physical task." There. Secret's out.

Secret #6: We like it when you mother us, but we're terrified that you'll become your mother

With apologies to Sigmund Freud, Gloria Steinem -- and my mother-in-law.

Secret #7: Every year we love you more

Sure, we look like adults. We own a few suits. We can probably order wine without giggling. But although we resemble our father when he was our age, we still feel like that 4-year-old clutching his pant leg.

With that much room left on our emotional-growth charts, we sense we've only begun to admire you in the ways we will when we're 40, 50 and -- God forbid -- 60. We can't explain this to you, because it would probably come out sounding like we don't love you now.

"It took at least a year before I really started to appreciate my wife for something other than just great sex; and I didn't discover her mind fully until the third year we were married," says Newton. "But the older and wiser I get, the more I love my wife." Adds J.P. Neal, 32, of Potomac, Maryland: "The for-richer-or-poorer, for-better-or-worse aspects of marriage don't hit you right away. It's only during those rare times when we take stock of our life that it starts to sink in."

Secret #8: We don't really understand what you're talking about

You know how, during the day, you sometimes think about certain deep, complex "issues" in your relationship? Then when you get home, you want to "discuss" these issues? And during these "discussions," your man sits there nodding and saying things like "Sure, I understand," "That makes perfect sense" and "I'll do better next time"?

Well, we don't understand. It doesn't make any sense to us at all. And although we'd like to do better next time, we could only do so if, in fact, we had an idea of what you're talking about.

We do care. Just be aware that the part of our brain that processes this stuff is where we store sports trivia.

Secret #9: We are terrified when you drive

Want to know how to reduce your big, tough guy to a quivering mass of fear? Ask him for the car keys.

"I am scared to death when she drives," says LaFlamme.

"Every time I ride with her, I fully accept that I may die at any moment," says Buckingham.

"My wife has about one 'car panic' story a week -- and it's never her fault. All these horrible things just keep happening -- it must be her bad luck," says Andy Beshuk, 31, of Jefferson City, Missouri.

Even if your man is too diplomatic to tell you, he is terrified that you will turn him into a crash-test dummy.

Secret #10: We'll always wish we were 25 again

Granted, when I was 25 I was working 16-hour days and eating shrimp-flavored Ramen noodles six times a week. But as much as we love being with you now, we will always look back fondly on the malnourished freedom of our misguided youth. "Springsteen concerts, the '91 Mets, the Clinton presidency -- most guys reminisce about the days when life was good, easy and free of responsibility," says Rob Aronson, 41, of Livingston, New Jersey, who's been married for 11 years. "At 25 you can get away with things you just can't get away with at 40."

While it doesn't mean we're leaving you to join a rock band, it does explain why we occasionally come home from Pep Boys with a leather steering-wheel cover and aBorn to Run CD.

Secret #11: Give us an inch and we'll give you a lifetime

I was on a trip to Mexico, standing on a beach, waxing my surfboard and admiring the glistening 10-foot waves, when I decided to marry the woman who is now my wife. Sure, this was three years before I got around to popping the question. But that was when I knew.

Why? Because she'd let me go on vacation alone. Hell, she made me go. This is the most important thing a man never told you: If you let us be dumb guys, if you embrace our stupid poker night, if you encourage us to go surfing -- by ourselves -- our silly little hearts, with their manly warts and all, will embrace you forever for it.

And that's the truth.

11 Secrets Men Don't Know About Women

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 22:50:00 +0000

I read this today from and I had to laugh, some of this true and some just down right funny.

11 Secrets Men Don't Know About Women

The truth about "girls' night out," wedding obsessions, and more revealing insights into the minds of women.

By Stacey Grenrock Woods

1. Women don't like explosions, in art or in life.

2. Women aren't as funny as men. We're often cleverer, frequently wittier, but to be really funny demands a certain clownishness that our grace just does not allow. It's fine, really it is.

3. We grow pathetic goatees and look awful in cargo shorts anyway.

4. Women are aware of about 10 percent of the things men actually think and say about us. Best to keep it under five.

5. Women love to be taken out to eat. It makes our day.

6. A clean apartment will get you more bedroom antics than you'd think.

7. Given the chance, women will smell and re-smell the scented-candle display at the store. We really can do this for ages.

8. Our clothes are complicated, our shoes unforgiving, and our constitutions delicate, so please, valet park.

9. Every living woman likes wedding stuff. Even lesbians.

10. "Girls' night out" is usually some other woman's idea.

11. Women would rather be with you. We like you. Honestly, we talk about you all the time.

Buy One Ticket, Get One Free to South Pacific at The Fox

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 20:12:00 +0000

In my high school performing arts department, I was in our production of South Pacific and it quickly became one of my favorite musicals with one of my favorite songs, Some Enchanted Evening. I was so hung up on Some Enchanted Evening that I used dream of having a guy who could sing, and sing well, sing this song to me all the time. How romantic and dreamy would that be? I'm so glad that South Pacific is coming to Atlanta and I'm definitely going to see this production. My Wonderful Guy BD won't be able to attend, but that's okay, I'll be taking one of my girls with me. If you are in the Atlanta, please come out, wash that man right outta your hair (only for the night) and maybe I'll see you there. South Pacific will be in Atlanta at the Fox Theatre from April 6-11, 2010. Have an Enchanted Evening!!!!!!

Please visit this link: Buy One Ticket, Get One Free to South Pacific at The Fox

Happy Birthday Mommy

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 20:56:00 +0000

Happy Birthday to the best mommy in the world!!!!!!!! I love you more than sprinkles and chocolate pudding. I love you more than springtime and roses. I even love you more than those other children of yours, David and Cindy.

To the woman who is a shining example of the true essence of womanhood and has proven by example that grace, dignity, poise and character are true virtues, I say Happy Birthday.

I told you once before that superman has nothing on you, because he could never, ever remotely do all that you do. How do you find the time to be a professional woman, wife, mother, sister, aunt, daughter, best friend, counselor, pastor's wife, co-pastor and all the other titles that you hold? I will never, ever know. Even in the midst of your hectic schedule you still find time to make sure that David, Cindy and I are never without. If I can grow up to be just half of the woman that you are than I know that I will be the better for it.

Thank you for being the perfect template of a Proverbs 31 woman and being my first and most important role model. God could have given me to any mother but I am so thankful that He gave me to you. You taught me and instilled in me the love of God and to respect others. You taught me that it's not enough to be pretty, but I have to be pretty and smart. You taught me that true beauty starts on the inside and with me, so I wouldn't fall hard for the first man who told me I was beautiful. From you I've learned that it's okay if I fight a boy who is picking on me, even if I'm in a dress and that if I do fight I had better win. Through you I've learned to always use the good china, lay out a table and always have proper dining etiquette. I've learned that the details DO matter and that if you do it right the first time, you won't have to revisit it again. You taught me to not only just trust what I hear or see but to trust what I know. You told me that a person couldn’t say or do anything that is not already within them. Most importantly, I simply learned from you to be a woman.

Thank you for your words, whether I want to hear them or not. Thank you for your honesty and patience. Thank you for being the best teacher I could ever have. Thank you for teaching and showing me the world; I have experienced so much in my short existence than some people will ever in their whole entire life because of you. Thank you for not allowing me to give up on myself when I wanted to. Thank you for going to every theatre production, dance and vocal recital, every cheerleading competition and game. Thank you for allowing me to find my own way. Thank you for allowing me to find my own voice, a voice in which also echos yours. Thank you for just being you.

Just when you think I wasn't listening or paying attention, I prove to you that I got the lesson and that I am. Some women don't want to turn into their mothers when they get older but I'm the opposite; I want to be just like you and I see it becoming more evident every single day. I hope that one day when I have a family of my own that I can be a reflection of you and all the wonderful things you have taught me. I hope my children will see in me what I see in you. I Love you much!!!!!!!

THINGS MOM TAUGHT ME

· My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE 

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"

· My mother taught me RELIGION 

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

· My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL 

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

· My mother taught me LOGIC 

"Because I said so, that's why."

·
My Mother taught me LOGIC...#2

 "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

· My mother taught me FORESIGHT

 "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

· My mother taught me IRONY

 "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

· My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS

 "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

· My mother taught me about CONTORTIONIST 

"Will you "look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

· My mother taught me about STAMINA 

"You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."

· My mother taught me about WEATHER 

"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

· My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS 

"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen THEN?"

· My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY

 "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!"

· My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE 

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

· My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION 

"Stop acting like your father!"

· My mother taught me about ENVY 

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

· My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION... 

"Just wait until we get home."

· My Mother taught me about RECEIVING

 "You are going to get it when we get home!"

· My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE... 

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

· My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD... 

"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

· My Mother taught me ESP...

 "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"

· My mother taught me HUMOR 

”When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

· My mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT 

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

· My Mother taught me about GENETICS... 

"You're just like your father."

·
My Mother taught me about my ROOTS... 

"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

·
My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE...

 "When you get to be my age, you will understand."

· And my all time favorite...JUSTICE... 

"One day you'll have kids ... and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Happy Law Enforcement Anniversary Detective BD

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 20:55:00 +0000

Today is Detective BD's 19th Anniversary in Law Enforcement.

See, sweetie, I was listening and paying attention. To the hottest, sexiest and most desirable Detective I know - Happy Law Enforcement Anniversary dahling, I hope you have a great evening at work, I'll be enjoying a bottle of wine for you. I'm just letting you know now so that when you talk to me later, you are not wondering why I sound so funny. Go out there, investigate and make me proud. If no one else tells you today, I think you are wonderful. You are ALL the man that I need. Love you.

Weddings and Events - Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 21:35:00 +0000

As promised, here is Part 2 to my first weddings and events post. The following events are by far my absolute all-time favorites. The photos are of 2 different weddings at the uber-gorgeous Georgia Aquarium and a breathtaking Bar Mitzvah. As a side note, to anyone in the Atlanta area I highly recommend the Georgia Aquarium for any event; the staff and venue are absolutely amazing and just wait until you see the view that awaits in the ballroom. Enjoy!

Do you see that cut out in the left of this picture, that is the huge window to the Beluga Whale tank that is inside the ballroom. The next set of photos shows the scale of the tank and some close-ups of the Beluga Whales I took while setting this wedding up.

This is the dance floor being set up in front of the tank. It's a gorgeous backdrop to a couple's first dance.

Now, back to event photos.............

Check the Beluga swimming in the tank in the background

This picture is courtesy of the Baker's Man, who is totally awesome by the way. He is a TRUE artist and his work is outstanding. I personally recommend him.

This is my crappy photo but you get the idea.

The groom was apart of Roswell SWAT and this was his groom's cake with blinking sirens and all. It was AMAZING!!! It's funny because I was joking this day that I need to find a SWAT officer (I was joking at the time, because everyone knew what my rule was) and only 2 months after this event, I met Detective BD, who happens to be on the SWAT team. God is so funny!!!!

Quote of the Day

noreply@blogger.com (Trini GRITS) — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 21:26:00 +0000

"Every flower must grow through dirt."

~Anonymous

Don't these peonies make you want to have a whole bunch right now? I know I do and I can't wait to head to the farmers market and get some peonies from my favorite vendor. I love spring and summer.