Triplets Plus One = Four Times The Fun

Albert Einstein or Joe Dirt? You Be The Judge

2013-05-23T06:38:00.000-07:00

The third graders at our school put on a Wax Museum every year and are given an important historical figure to write a report about and then they have to dress up as that person, then they also generally go on a field trip to Madame Tussauds on the Strip.

I've known about the field trip for 4 years, so I specifically have never taken my kids there because I thought it would be nice for them to have one field trip we haven't already done in Michele's Summer Daycamp. Plus, it's expensive to get in there. Sure enough, for reasons I've yet to figure out, they cancelled the annual trek to the wax museum. I've heard gossip that the teachers think the kids thought it was boring because they didn't know who anybody was and wax figures aren't exciting.

We're going to the planetarium instead. I'm sure that's action-packed.

I think the concept of picking a historical figure and writing a report and dressing up like them is a super fun idea, but I had THREE to do and when I started googling around the interwebz for costumes, my mental math was adding up to around a 100 dollars to pull off this one hour event. I'm sure you crafty, Pinterest people are all, "OHMYGAH, Michele, I'd spin my own yarn and make fabric to sew the costumes, then shear my own sheep and make my own wigs."

I smack you, Pinterest people.

Here is who my kids were given:

Sally Ride: First American woman in space.

Albert Einstein

Amelia Earhart

I started the expedition to find stuff at the costume store, where wigs were $34.99 each. After the ambulance came and got me back in the car, I drove over to the thrift store, Saver's, where I found two wigs for $4.99 each. They weren't exactly what I was looking for but I thought we could make it work.

"Mom, I don't look like Albert Einstein, I look like Joe Dirt!!!!", Gregory cried.

That kid kills me. Absolutely kills me.

Greg's sole contribution to the entire project was to say, "You bought used wigs? How do you know they don't have lice?"

After the thrift store, I put an alert out to the PTA parents because a lot of them have older kids and have already been through the Wax Museum. Sure enough, I found a parent whose 8th grade daughter was Amelia Earhart in third grade. I found another parent whose son was an astronaut. I found another parent whose husband is a dentist and loaned us a lab coat.

Here are the final results!!!!! I managed for less than $15! WOOHOO!

All the kids were thrilled, except for Austin. He's peeking around the corner, crying his eyes out because he was the only person in the house not participating. He cried and cried and cried. I had to promise him that he could be Abraham Lincoln next year just to get him to stop crying.

Now I'll be looking for a top hat for the next 365 days.

Poor Austin. Bless his heart. It's hard being the only person not doing something.

Okay, so three down, one to go. I can only imagine how fun science project, x3, are going to be. What else do I have in store? Be gentle.

You Should Have A Blog

2013-05-19T07:57:00.000-07:00

We were invited to Sarah's bestfriend's Holy First Communion yesterday, followed by a reception. Greg is Catholic, but I'm not. I've only been in a Catholic church twice in my life and both times it was for a wedding ,so I was unclear on the rules. I asked my friends on Facebook what the proper protocol was.

Michele

May 15

We've been invited to a Holy First Communion and party. Am I supposed to buy the child something? Card? Isn't eternal life the gift?

Is that not enough for you Catholics? Huh?

In Pentecostal church, your first communion signifies that you've accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Savior and you aren't going to spend eternity in hell.................... on fire. We don't get gifts. Thankfully, I always get a bunch of really good advice from my friends.

Gary W If you get a gift with Jesus on it make sure it's Catholic Jesus as opposed to regular Jesus. If he has a glass of wine in his hand, you got the right one.

May 15 at 9:22am via mobile · Unlike · 4

I opted for cash and a card.

Greg was unable to go with us because he was meeting a carpet installer at one of our vacant rental homes, but he told the kids before we left, "You stand when everyone stands, and you sit when everyone sits, and you kneel when everyone kneels, and you sit still, do you understand me?"

When we got to the church, it was packed. I mean super packed and Sarah couldn't see her friend at all. We were fortunate to get a seat, but we did find one next to Gregory's best friend and his father. His father has been hanging out with us a lot lately, He told me he knows more now about what his kid does at school from my FB page than he's ever known in the four years he's gone to school there. Then he told me, "You're interesting to know, but I could never be married to you."

The service was long and really structured but I thought they did a good job following it.

When the service was over, the girls were adamant about getting through the crowd to see their friend, so they started making their way to the front of the church, while the boys went the opposite direction with their friend. Amanda really wanted to see the fancy dress, but we never get did get through the throng of people. What I didn't realize is that their friend and father were leaving immediately to go to his basketball game, so my boys were actually left unattended in the outer area of the nave, where the Holy Water and candles were.

Imagine my mortification to walk out of the sanctuary to find Austin and Gregory with their arms submerged in Holy Water up to their armpits, splashing it.

"What are you doing? Get your hands out of there.", I whisper screamed at them through gritted teeth.

Everyone was glaring at me like I was the worst mother ever in the entire world. Greg never told them about Holy Water in his Catholic tutorial. So they both took their arms out and started flinging the water off on the floor. Could I die right there? Over the last nine years of parenting, I've searched for the hidden Escape Hatch so many times, you have no idea. Where is it?

"We didn't know, Mom! We thought it was a fountain.", Gregory said when we got outside.

When I talked to their friend's father later, he said, "Have you ever thought about blogging? With everything that happens to you all the time, you should have a blog."

I've Got A Job For You

2013-05-11T07:47:00.001-07:00

Third grade is winding down. We had Moms and Muffins and Teacher appreciation week, so I've been working and living at the school in between. I have to say that at this stage in the game, I feel like a well oiled machine. Getting all the functions together is easy now. I can remember being stressed out of my mind feeling responsible for 400 children and their parents and now It's like, "Meh."

Roll the tables out. Decorate. Get food. Clean it up. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Gregory and the girls recited the Pledge of Allegiance.

Then the girls recited a poem, If You Give A Mom A Muffin.

Next year I'll be in charge of Grandparent's Day, Moms and Muffins, and Pizza Lunch. Pizza lunch is by far our biggest fundraiser and we had a parent go ballistic on us during our last lunch. We sell pizza for $4 at lunch and anyone can buy it if they choose to. If not, they can eat their own lunch or school lunch.

This parent called the school 5 times and called our PTA president because she was LIVID that not EVERY CHILD gets pizza lunch.

"It's a fundraiser.", we told her.

"Does every child get pizza? That's not fair!!!"

"We make $4000 a year selling pizza so that we can give free food to all the children at Moms and Muffins and Dads and Donuts and we give money to teachers for supplies and we give money for field trips.", everyone told her.

That didn't sway her at all. She was irate. How could we sell pizza when someone might not be able to buy it? She's from New Jersey if that explains anything. You know who you are.

I finally came up with this brilliant idea.

'We're sorry Pizza Lunch makes you upset. If you can think of a different way to make $4000 to fund all our activities, we are all ears. In fact, we have an opening for a chairperson of the fundraising committee. Would you be interested in running it and brainstorming on how to get $4000?"

We've never heard back from her.

I'm going to start offering positions to every person who complains from now on. Don't like something? You are now in charge.

I've got a job for you!!!

Are You Cheating On DAD?

2013-05-05T07:20:00.001-07:00

When I lived in Tucson, Arizona 20 years ago, I ran an insurance agency next to a beauty salon. Greg lived in Phoenix and for 1.5 years, we commuted back and forth and saw each other once during the week and on weekends. I made friends with the guy who worked in the salon next door. We were in our twenties and making our way up the food chain, and Brian was a hoot to hang out with because he's a drama queen and everything is fabulous and when you are with him, you are also fabulous.

We reconnected on Facebook about a year ago and Brian was shocked that Greg and I were still together and that we had four children.

"You used to call children little shits.", he reminded me.

Then all my triplet mom friends jumped in and said, "She still does."

When Brian isn't getting into cat fights with my triplet mom friends on Facebook, he entertains us daily with his musings of our lives compared to his, as a childless, gay man.

Last week, I posted that once you have kids you are never in control of your own life again and Brian said, "I don't know anything about that, how dreadful for you."

So Brian and his sister were coming to Vegas last week, and the plan was for us to hang out all day and do what Brian does best, "Shoppie, Lunchie, Drinkie", which fits nicely in my Ladies Who Lunch theme, and then we were going to go pick the kids up from school, introduce them to Auntie Brian, and Brian was going to teach them to make their own pasta noodles, which is one of his specialties. Except the kids were all sick all last week. They had pink eye and hacking coughs and fevers. It was a nightmare and as his impending visit got closer and closer, I began to think I wouldn't see him at all.

In addition to that, he was following my Food Stamp Challenge on Facebook, which he thought was the dumbest thing ever. OMG. Who goes to the Dollar Store? On purpose?!

The Sunday before he was coming and before the plague set in, we were at Greg's mom and I was telling her all about my plans to hang out with Brian on Friday, then drive to California on Saturday for Fred's memorial, when Amanda overheard my conversation and said, "Mom, you are CHEATING ON DAD?"

And Gregory said, "You are going to lunch WITH A MAN?"

We had to explain to the kids that Brian is gay and I wasn't going to run off with him.

"You sure know a lot of gay people, Mom.", Sarah noted.

Greg has also known Brian for 20 years and Brian said, "Greg tolerates me like the husband tolerates the cat the wife brings from college."

When Friday finally arrived, I sent the kids to school and made my way to the 47th floor of the Palazzo, where Brian and his sister had a 3000 square foot, 2 bedroom, 3 bathroom suite.

Brian greeted me, "The Food Stamp Challenge is OVER, darling."

Oh my goodness, was it EVER!

In addition to having my birthday brunch, Brian made a makeshift salon in the foyer.

Gave me a new haircut!!!

Then he got me a new Jonathan Kon handbag, which he said only skinny girls can carry.

Then as if that wasn't the greatest, we headed over to Nieman Marcus for lunch.

I told him while we were at lunch that I was going to go to hell for sending my kids to school that day and literally five minutes later, my phone rang and it was the school nurse. Amanda, the only one that hadn't gotten sick, was in the office with a fever. The nurse is my Facebook friend, so she said, "I'm so sorry to call you, Michele. I tried to call your husband and your mother-in-law because I know you are brunching."

For once in his entire life, Greg answered his phone and went and got Amanda and got to continue my splendid day.

Suffice it to say, Brian cancelled his Home Visit with the children because What Happens In Vegas, Doesn't Stay In Vegas if you hang out with my children when they are all sick.

But if any of you are needing a makeover and live near Jefferson, Ohio, I encourage you to look Brian up. Everyone should feel and look fabulous for a day!!!

What a way to end the Food Stamp Challenge!!!!

He Was One Of The Peckers

2013-05-03T06:35:00.001-07:00

Homework Helpers

Greg's mom came over for dinner last night and she had absolutely no idea I had new chickens and turkeys because I haven't been blogging. In fact, she had absolutely no idea about anything and it was disconcerting to me that I had to give her a complete rundown of everything I've been doing so I've got to catch up.

When we were in California on Spring Break, Bob put 14 eggs in the incubator and four hatched and three lived. One was born with his intestines outside of his body and died immediately. I'm so glad the kids didn't see that. Ohmygosh. Then Bob bought me three turkeys for my birthday last week. So I've got six little ones in a brooder at my house because we also have our meat chickens still and I don't have anywhere to put the babies at Bob's house.

They live on the back porch in a rubbermaid container during the day and in Greg's garage at night.

As you can imagine, Greg is THRILLED about having barn animals in his sacred domain.

Say Facebook!

The kids named them all and we've been letting them roam around the yard at night. Everything was going great. Then when we woke up yesterday, one of the turkeys was dead and before I could grab it out of the brooder and toss it in the garbage can, the kids saw it and OHMYGOSH, it was Austin's turkey and he cried and cried and cried. He was so upset, I had to tell his teacher what was going on when he got to school with big puffy eyes.

The boys have had pink eye for 10 days now, but that's another blog post.

The only way I could get Austin settled down was to say we'd have a funeral for the turkey after school.

So when Greg's mom came over for dinner last night, Austin asked, "Is Grammy here for the services?"

And Greg's mom was like, "What turkeys?" because I haven't been blogging.

I woke up in a fright this morning in hopes that none of the other two turkeys died last night or we're going to have holes all over the backyard and Greg is REALLY going to freak out.

The Most Important Thing You Will Ever Do In Your Life

2013-04-21T22:53:00.000-07:00

This week will be the beginning of the most important thing my children have ever done before. It has been built up in their minds since the day they started first grade. It has given Amanda nightmares since second grade because it is SO IMPORTANT. They will actually have a party tomorrow to kick off the beginning of this VERY, VERY, VERY important week.

They will be taking their very first standardized CRT this week and the vast sum of their accumulated knowledge thus far, will be measured in neat, little bubbled columns, where the results of one single day will impact our school's rating, our principal's career, our teacher's paychecks, our school's future, my property values, and our federal funding.

I think I choked on my own spit when I got a parent bulletin to attend a CRT Parent Training class a couple weeks ago. I couldn't imagine what they could possible TRAIN me to do to help my kids bubble in the correct answers, that they haven't taught them in the last four years of academic instruction.

Insert microchip in arm while sleeping.

As it turns out, I didn't go, but I heard they trained the parents for 30 minutes to feed their children and make sure they go to bed on time. Would you believe I've got that part covered?

So what are the odds that on the most important week of their lives, I've got all three with head colds? What's it say about that in the goddamn training manual?

Oh Em Gee, Are You Okay?

2013-04-21T07:31:00.001-07:00

On Day 11 of my food stamp challenge, I went into the school office to volunteer for the PTA Pizza Lunch, and the school nurse approached me and hugged me.

When I walked into the school office today, the nurse said, "Michele? Are you OH-KAY? What is GOING ON? WHY ARE YOU AT THE DOLLAR STORE?"Like · · Promote · ShareAnne, Valerie, Jill and 5 others like this.Michele I am cracking up. I wonder if someone will start a collection plate for me by the time I get to the PTA meeting today?
April 11 at 1:26pm · Like · 5Diane I'll tell ya the dollars stores around here have JUNK! Your dollar stores sound awfully nice.
April 11 at 1:28pm · Like · 1Michele They have plenty of junk, too. I'm only there for the produce and crappy, plastic stuff from China.
April 11 at 1:29pm · Like · 4Stephanie And valentines for others.
April 11 at 1:33pm via mobile · Unlike · 3Michele I have to tell you guys, we ate the strawberries today at school and they are DELICIOUS.
April 11 at 1:34pm · Like · 1Michele I'm pissed I didn't buy more now.
April 11 at 1:34pm · Like · 1Michele Oh, and when I was at Trader's today, the cashier swore to me that wine *actually* counts as a serving of fruit. I was like, "Oh-kie Dokie."
April 11 at 1:36pm · Like · 10Amy How is everybody not at the Dollar Store if they're selling fruit for $1?! The Dollar Store I used to shop at when I lived in Los Angeles started selling real food and I was there all the time.
April 11 at 1:38pm · Like · 1Michele http://www.chacha.com/question/does-wine-count-as-a-serving-of-fruitDoes wine count as a serving of fruit? | ChaCha
www.chacha.com
Does wine count as a serving of fruit? ChaCha Answer: Just 3/4 cup of juice (6 ounces), including wine, counts as one serving of a fr...
April 11 at 1:39pm · Like · 3 · Remove Preview Michele Look, the internet says so, so it must be true.
April 11 at 1:39pm · Like · 10

By Day 11 of this challenge, everyone assumed that Greg and I had hit Skid row, since I was shopping at the Dollar Store. People were concerned for me.

Food Stamp Challenge: Day 11, I worked this morning so Greg fed the kids breakfast and I know he gave them cereal from his secret stash. I don't buy cereal and I don't feed my children cereal because the extrusion process of heating grains to high temperatures, then the high pressure used during the processing, kills all the nutrients in the grain - specifically fatty acids and amino acids. Greg doesn't buy into that theory. I'm going to say $2 for breakfast because I have no idea. The kids had PTA pizza at lunch today. If you paid for six pizza days at the beginning of the year, you got one lunch free. So today was free for them and I got pizza for working. I will work for food. I DID bring them strawberries to eat with lunch. I tried my cracked crock pot and made shredded chicken for tacos tonight. Chicken tenders were 1.99 per pound. I dumped salsa, chicken broth, salt, garlic, onion powder, and a little cumin on the chicken and cooked it for 8 hours. I did use organic taco shells from Trader's because I can't bring myself to buy GMO corn on purpose. They are expensive, though. $2.99. So dinner was like $9. My friend April makes her own organic corn tortillas from scratch, so maybe she'll chime in. April, do you do crunchy tacos or just soft? What oil are you frying in?

This was the day people told my I was CRAZY. I was like, "Which part?" and they said, "All of it." My friend april did chime in with her recipe for corn tortillas and you can see that right here on her blog.

On Day 12 and 13, we were in Zion, but I brought all our food in the camper.

Best part of having an RV!!!! We ate camp food while we were there, just in case anyone is worried that my kids never get to eat junk.

Food Stamp Challenge: Days 12 &13: Friday night we ate hot dogs, chips, and Dutch oven cobbler. You know, camp food. My friend Misti brought and made the cobbler which was delish. We brought all our normal food for breakfast and lunch. I did splurge on ice cream at Zion Lodge which was $11. Dinner last night was hamburgers, beans, and mac and cheese. I'm overbudget for the last two days by 4 dollars. Not bad for vacationing.

On Day 14, we just had omelets for dinner because when we got home from camping, I had to unload and clean the whole RV.

Food Stamp Challenge: Day 14. The kids ate omelets for dinner last night. It cost like $3. I was busy after our camping trip. See picture if you need an explanation.

Food Stamp Challenge: Day 15. I can't believe I've made it halfway through this thing. I just added all my receipts up and I've spent $257.75 this month. I think I'm going to make it under the $594. Last night's dinner was Honey Garlic Chicken. This is one of my children's favorite meals. It's by no means good for you since it's fried in oil, but it does taste EXACTLY like the chicken you get in Chinese restaurants and once you learn the batter, you can make General Tso, sweet and sour, or orange chicken. Total cost: $8.50

This is the link for the Honey Garlic Chicken.

So I made it halfway through the month well under budget, even including eating out and going camping. I did find it interesting people's reaction to me being on a budget or finding the cheapest food available. Now that I'm doing this thing, it makes me wonder why anyone would want to pay more for food, regardless of whether you get food stamps or pay for it yourself? I've saved so much money over what I would normally spend that I'm giddy.

To Be Continued...............

And The Challenge Continues..................

2013-04-18T10:59:00.002-07:00

I am 18 days into the Food Stamp Challenge and I've wanted to quit for 10 days. But I won't quit now. Must finish challenge. Must continue.........I am a robot.

One of the things Greg's mom and I talk about all the time is how every dinner is like a Sunday dinner for me when you have this many kids. That's what it feels like to me, anyway. I estimate that by the time I prep, cook, serve, and clean up dinner, I've been in the kitchen for at least 2 hours. I can see why most people would just not have this kind of time and resort to prepared food, thus increasing their food bill.

Food Stamp Challenge: Day 6, Dinner. Chicken Enchiladas, Spanish rice, refried beans. I used 2 pounds of chicken tenders that I got on sale for 1.99. I boiled the chicken, shredded it and added sour cream and a can of green chilies I got for 63 cents then rolled them up in 10 flour tortillas I got for 1.00. I used a large can of Las Palmas enchilada sauce that I got on sale for 1.99. I made the spanish rice from scratch for about 75 cents and the can of organic beans from Trader's were 1.00. I cut one tomato and 1/3 head of romaine. Here's what the challenge has done to me. Normally I would have made a whole recipe of Spanish rice, then the leftovers would have sat in my fridge for 2 weeks until I cleaned it out and tossed it to my birds. This time I made half and only had a smidgen left. I'm really trying to cut down on waste. Total cost 9.50. I have four enchiladas leftover for lunch today.

One of the things the challenged forced me to do was start making my own granola bars again. I estimated that I was spending at least $10 a week at Trader's on granola bars, which I can make for half that price.

I am using my friend Kris' recipe. She has an ebook entitled Off The Shelf which you can purchase for $2.49 at this link. It also has a similar version of Po Man's Syrup in it. She didn't write the book to be frugal, but coincidentally, it's often times cheaper that way and that works for me.

Greg and I immediately got in a fight about the cost of making granola bars versus buying them since he'd just purchased a bunch from the Dollar Store.

Greg and I just got in a huge debate about his granola bars versus my homemade granola bars. He's all, "I got these for 1 DOLLAR at the Dollar Store." They are Kellogg's Plus Fiber. They have FORTY ONE ingredients in them. FORTY ONE. I had to get a magnifying glass because I can't even read that sort of mess, but it includes BHT, which aggravates ADHD symptoms.

This was my favorite comment on that thread on Facebook.

Zsuzsanna I always wonder who buys their food at the Dollar Tree. Now I know!

On day 7, we hung out at the park with 13 children and my plan was to leave the park and go home and make pizza.

Food Stamp Challenge: Day 7. The day started off great. I made the kids pancakes, like I do at least twice a week. They also had eggs and blueberries. I had an omelet, and we ate leftovers and chips and salsa for lunch, so we were right around $5 for the day. My plan for dinner was homemade pizza. I can make two large size organic pizzas for $7.50, then Greg showed up at the park and fed 13 children 4 pizzas and blew my WHOLE BUDGET FOR THE WEEK.

Michele I'm just going to carry on and ignore his attempts of subterfuge. I actually made pizza when I got home anyway because clearly four pizzas did not feed 13 children. It was a snack for them and I'm going to pretend that was a gift from a stranger. HA!

April 8 at 7:41am · Like · 6

Helene Slutsky technically, he spent HIS money on those pizzas, as if they were given to your kids at a party or something. That should not come out of your budget unless the OGRE is doing the challenge too.

April 8 at 10:35am · Unlike · 1

On Day 8, I met a couple triplet moms on the Strip for lunch at Bally's. I had the lunch planned before I went insane and started this challenge.

So clearly, we are back to socialization, or lack of it, if you are poor and on a tight budget. I was stressed over it.

Food Stamp Challenge: Day 8. Yesterday was a disaster. I went to lunch with a couple triplet moms and spent 14 on half a sandwich and fries at Ballys. So that means I spent as much on lunch as I spent for everyone else in the house to eat for the entire day. Dinner was spaghetti and meatballs and salad. I calculate that cost 10.54. Greg unknowingly ate Jessika's leftovers from lunch. She asked me if I wanted the other half of her untouched sandwich because she didn't have a refrigerator in her hotel room and I was like, "Heck, yeah." So Greg ate a delightful vegetarian sandwich from a stranger. (He put ham on it and he has no idea.). It's been brought to my attention during this challenge that it doesn't appear that my kids eat enough. Check out Austin. I swear to you nobody is going hungry here. Total cost for yesterday, 27.79, putting me 7.99 over budget for the day. GULP.

Poor little Austin. He's so starved to death, ain't he?

Food Stamp Challenge: Day 9. Today went well as far as eating. We had our usual stuff for breakfast and lunches so that put us around 5 dollars. I started chicken and dumplings at 6am. I still have a broken crockpot, so I put a whole cut up chicken in a pot to simmer so it would make its own stock to save me money on just using stock. When I'm cutting corners and making chicken and dumplings, I use chicken breasts and dump a quart of organic chicken broth in and then I can make it in under an hour. This was my friend Leslie's recipe, but I stole it and call it my own now. It cost around $7.50 to make and feeds my whole family and there are leftovers for lunch today. I also made chocolate chip cookies yesterday for dessert. That costs me $1.50. I only use chocolate chips from Trader's because Nestle switched over to using fake vanilla. They use Vanillin which is made with lignin wastes, a by-product of the paper/wood pulp industries, and nothing say YUMMY like eating a carcinogen, right? So we did well today. We were under 15 dollars for the day.

I'm sure I have a recipe for this on my blog, but when I search it, I just pull up pictures of dead chickens in a pot.

Food Stamp Challenge: Day 10 We had all the usual stuff for breakfast and lunch. I made pork chops, mashed potatoes, and green beans for dinner. These were the pork chops I cut up from the whole pork loin I purchased last week that I got for 1.99 a pound. I breaded them and fried them in my 1970s electric skillet, which is EXACTLY the way my grandmother, who was born and raised in West Virginia, made them and this is pure comfort food for me. Total cost: $7.25 for all six of us. The kids did get hungry later and ate a ton of fruit, but I got it for so cheap that we were WAY below budget yesterday. We were around $14 for the day.

This was the day I discovered what all the people on a tight budget or on food stamps in Las Vegas already know. The truck delivers produce on Wednesdays to the 99 cent store.

You wouldn't have believed the people in the store. The lines were all the way to the middle of the aisles and every single cart had produce in it. It was amazing to see so many people using their EBT cards to purchase produce. Which goes to show that if healthy foods are accessible and affordable, people will buy them.

To be continued.....................

If There Is A More Beautiful Place On Earth, I Haven't Been There

2013-04-14T22:08:00.001-07:00

I have to interrupt my Food Stamp Challenge because we went to Zion National Park this weekend with my friend Misti and her triplets. Misti's trio is one month older than mine and my kids have known Misti's kids since they were 16 months old.

We were in our motor home and Misti and Al were in their motor home, and we had spaces right next to each other.

So it was PARTY TIME.

Misti broke out the dutch oven and we cooked some Dutch Oven Cobbler because we were "roughing it". In fact, Misti's RV only has three televisions, so they were almost practically homeless.

Now pay attention because this is how the Pioneers did it. You take pie filling and put it in the Dutch oven, then you pour cake mix on top.

Cut up 1/2 stick of butter and put it on top of the cake mix, which is on top of the pie filling.

Then you put coals on the dutch oven and cook it for 1.5 hours.

Then you dig in!

My kids ate it like they'd never had food before. Since I starve them, I'm sure this comes as no surprise to anyone!

Misti talked us into bringing our bikes for this trip, which was a major, major, major pain in the butt, but turned out to be totally worth it and I'm so glad I listened to her.

The morning before we left, I drove to meet Misti to borrow her mother's bike rack, which held four bikes. We couldn't get the bike rack to fit, though, because the spare tire was in the way and we didn't have a hitch extension. We ended up driving to Zion with the spare tire in our living room, along with the fifth bike. I didn't bring my bike because there was just no way we could work out another bike.

This is something they fail to tell you about in the fertility doctor's office, you betcha.

Fortunately, we were driving to Utah where this look is completely normal.

Zion is an 8.2 mile canyon, with shuttle service, so Greg kept riding the shuttle up with one or two kids, and their bikes, then they would coast down the canyon.

Which would have been fine in broad daylight, but the first night we were there, he left with Gregory at dusk and never came back.

Angel's Landing. Greg has been to the top of this. I quit when you get to the part where you have pull yourself up with a chain.

There's no cell service in the canyon, so after 2.5 hours, I started freaking out. Where were they? Did his bad shoulder, bad back, or bad knees give out? Did someone fall? Did they get hit by a shuttle? I was a wreck!!!

Misti and I were literally leaving camp to go get a ranger when Greg came back, pushing his bike. He got a flat tire and they had to get on the shuttle to get back to the campground. My friend Laraine suggested getting walkie talkies and I think that's a brilliant idea. I have no idea why I never thought of that.

"Get your ass back here now. Over."

The next morning we all rode the shuttle up and went hiking. This is at the Temple Of The Sinavawa.

This is at Weeping Rock.

I truly don't know if there is a more beautiful place on Earth. If there is, I just haven't been there yet.

Keeping the kids alive is my number one priority at all times in National Parks, which is why I'm never, ever, ever, ever camping at the Grand Canyon.

My kids just have no fear whatsoever.

I mean, none.

I'm like, "READ THE SIGN. READ THE SIGN."

From Weeping Rock, we headed to the lodge to the Emerald Pools trailhead.

We told the kids if they made it to the waterfall, we'd buy them ice cream at the lodge.

Yet, we still lost Misti's husband and one child, despite using ice cream as a ploy. When we found them, Misti and her son, Mike, wanted to continue to the upper pools so we left her on the mountain and headed back to safety and ice cream.

You can't take a bad picture in this place, I tell you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We made it! Then Misti never came back and never came back.

We were forced to eat much ice cream and scale trees while we waited and waited.

I was almost ready to call the ranger AGAIN when she came back.

That night we went to play in the Virgin River when we ran into this scene.

It's not every day you see a bride in her wedding dress in a leather chair on the banks of the Virgin River. I was so interested in getting her picture, I didn't notice what Gregory was doing behind me.

I had fifty million heart attacks.

When I tucked him into bed tonight, he asked me, "Are you still mad at me for climbing the tree over the river?"

"Yes."

"I just wanted you to know that's the best thing that's ever happened to me."

I have no idea whatsoever how I'm going to make it through the teenage years. Any ideas?

I am happy to report that I stayed on my food budget even on the trip. I was only over $4 on Saturday because of the ice cream. In fact, I've only spent a total of $223 on food this month and the month is half over. In other news, we've spent $5,123,888 on gas.

My Hill To Die On: The Food Stamp Challenge

2013-04-10T22:05:00.000-07:00

I started the Food Stamp Challenge on April 1st and buying, documenting, and taking pictures of food has been a major time suck to the point of taking over my life. The whole point of doing the food challenge is to bring awareness of how hard it is to live on a very limited budget. I added trying to do it while maintaining a moderately healthy diet. I also added doing it for three meals a day, even though if I qualified for food stamps, my children could eat breakfast and lunch at school.

So before I start, let me make it clear that I get that people in poverty and bad areas have less access to healthy food. There are bad areas in Las Vegas where there are no grocery stores and people are forced to shop at convenience stores. They are called Food Deserts for a reason. I also get that I have a car and gas money and that I know how to cook from scratch. I also get that I have time to cook from scratch.

I'm prefacing all of this because a lot of things have been brought to my attention over the last ten days, which includes, but is not limited to the fact I'm insensitive, I starve my kids, and I don't "get poor people". Uh, except I've actually been a poor person and I've lived with Greg for 24 years, so if that doesn't qualify as "roughing it', really what does?

But, seriously, in case you don't know my background story, my father left us when I was 12, never paid child support, and my mother, who had a high school education and had been a housewife for five prior years to the divorce, was forced into minimum wage jobs to keep a roof over our heads. I got a job at Burger King when I was 15 because I was hungry. I used to pretend like I was wiping the counter and I'd swipe a cheeseburger in my rag, then I'd run to the bathroom and eat it in the stall. My mother did the best she could but we did not eat well. We didn't even eat sort of well. I weighed a little over 90 pounds when I met Greg when I was 20. My mother didn't have time to feed us. She literally worked 12-14 hours a day. She worked nights in a contact lens factory and then she's cleaned offices. I hardly ever saw her.

Oh, and she's dead. She died at 50 years old. Her deteriorating health certainly wasn't helped by her poor diet and back-breaking workload. My sister and I both face immune issues now in our forties, which are likely a culmination of poor nutrition and the poor medical care we received as children. I highly recommend reading this study from Princeton, entitled The Lasting Impact Of Childhood Health And Circumstance.

In addition to my own experience with poverty, we also owned a high risk insurance agency in Las Vegas for 10 years. My clients were prostitutes, drug dealers, strippers, illegal immigrants, and everyone else who lived on the edge of existence, hand-to-mouth. We didn't wear guns to work because it was fun! I've heard every story of hard luck that was ever told to the point of becoming indifferent to keep my soul intact. Or maybe they sucked it out of me?

So to say I don't "get poor people" is pretty ridiculous in my opinion. We live like poor people every day on purpose.

On all of those notes, I started the challenge the day after Easter because when we got back from Del Mar, we were out of food. I didn't start the challenge like I'd never owned a spice or a condiment, though. I am replacing those as needed throughout the month. So here it begins:

April 1st: I'm starting the Food Stamp Challenge today. It was originally $4.35 per person in your household, per day, but I'm going to go with $3.30 per person, per day, for a total of $594 per month. For tonight's dinner, we are eating chicken shishkabobs. I got chicken tenders on sale for $1.99 per pound at Sprouts. I have 2 pounds marinating in 1/2 cup orange juice. I got 5 pounds of oranges for 99 cents at the Dollar Store. I also got three red bell peppers for 99 cents. I will only use 2 and put 1 in a salad. They also had 3 pounds of onions for 99 cents. I'm only going to use one. I'll make 3 cups of basmati rice, which is roughly 85 cents. I also got one head of broccoli from the Dollar store for 99 cents. I'll steam that and use about 1 tbl of butter. I also got six Roma tomatoes for 99 cents at he dollar store. I'm going to cut up one head of Romaine, use a bell pepper, cut up one orange, and two tomatoes for our salad. I'm looking at right around $9 to feed the six of us dinner. It's a little pricey because I'm making a salad.

Here's my recipe for chicken shishkabobs.

April 2nd: Food Stamp Challenge Day 2: Tonight Amanda has dance class, so I will either leave the other kids with Greg or drag them all with me, so I won't be home during dinner prep, so I have to have a crock pot meal on Tuesdays. Tonight we are having chili and bread. I got the hamburger at Sam's Club. Since I went at 7am, when all the meat from the previous day is marked down, I got it for $2.35 per pound. I used 2 pounds, one can of organic tomato sauce .95, one can of organic diced tomatoes 1.29, one can of organic red kidney beans, $1.19, then I added some onion and red pepper, garlic, salt, pepper and 1 1/2 TB of chili powder. I also have a loaf of honey french bread in the bread machine. I have zero prep now and everything timed to be done at 6:15pm, when we walk in the door. That puts me at $8.13 for chili and I estimate I used about 1.25 for the bread. So 9.38 for meal. However, the kids will also eat chili tomorrow for lunch.

It was during this day that my crock pot split. My ceramic insert cracked and my chili leaked out. I then realized that poor people can't afford new crockpots. They also don't have bread machines or Kitchen Aids to aid them. Eight days later, I still don't have a crockpot. I'm hoping Greg will find one on the side of the road. or GOSH, maybe I'll get one for my 44th/14th birthiversary.

Here's my recipe for Honey French Bread.

I also came to the realization on Day 2 that my kids waste an enormous amount of food. I'd say it's possible they waste a good 25 percent of everything I make. When Greg invited Bob in to eat chili, WTF????, I had the kids scrape their uneaten chili into bowls to take to lunch.

Gregory screamed at me that he was running away if I made him eat CHICKEN FOOD.

April 3: Food Stamp Challenge Day 3: Lunch for the kids. Leftover Chili: Free, Apples were 10 pounds for 2 dollars. So that puts us at 25 cents for 1 pound of apples. I get the crackers at Trader's for $1.99. So one sleeve of crackers is 66 cents, and half a loaf of banana bread I made last night, which I'll calculate that a loaf costs roughly $1.50, so 75 cents. Total cost: $1.66.

Gregory is still here. They went to school and told everyone. Just today I had someone approach me at school and say, "I'm sorry to hear you are on food stamps, Michele. Is there anything I can do for you family."

Yes. We accept cash, checks, and money orders made out to Greg.

April 3: Food Stamp Challenge Day 3. Breakfast. French toast, which I used four pieces of leftover bread from last night's dinner. Cost: Zero. I used four eggs and a splash of milk. Eggs: Zero. Let's say 5 cents for the milk. I made Po Man's Syrup yesterday for 25 cents, but I'll say they used 5 cents of syrup on their French toast. I made myself a spinach omelet with about 10 cents of spinach and one sliver of onion. I used two eggs, which are free. Total cost of breakfast: 25 cents. Beat that LADIES.

Po Man's Syrup

Keeping in the spirit of the challenge, I realize most people do not own chickens, so I've been adding 13 cents to my budget for every egg we eat.

It was on this day, that I realized I had to factor in that we feed Greg's mother once a week. I put this comment on Facebook and all hell broke loose.

Greg's mom just called me and said, "So I guess I can't come over for dinner tonight because you can't afford to feed me?"

When you're poor, you can't afford to have dinner guests and I'd understand that if I wasn't such an insensitive BITCH.

April 3: Food Stamp Challenge Day 3: Dinner. Slovak pork chops, mashed potatoes, asparagus, and strawberry shortcake, for seven. $12.01. And I'm throwing in one picture of the slop I've already accumulated for my chickens today

Greg's mother came over anyway and ate like a bird like she always does. She owes me a 1.25 now.

April 4: Food Stamp Challenge Day 4: BreaKfast and Lunch. Okay, today is turning out to be way more expensive that the last 3 days. I absolutely HAD to juice today because I'm getting sick. If I don't juice kale every day, which suppresses my thyroid, my hyperthyroidism starts kicking in, which means I start dropping weight, shaking, blurry vision, racing heart, etc. So I HAD to juice, which added a $1 to breakfast. So I had my usual omelet and I won't bore you with pictures of an omelet for 30 days after today. The kids had oatmeal, with raisins and four pieces of toast. For lunch, I packed them ham sandwiches, kefir, cauliflower, and grapes. My tip for today is that Greg buys the lunchmeat in bulk and we have a meat slicer. We never, ever, ever, ever pay more than a 1.99 for lunchmeat total, because the key to paying less is not paying a butcher or deli worker to cut your meat or slice your lunchmeat. Bread for their lunch .60, ham .40, kefir 1.00, cauliflower .50, grapes .50. I got the grapes and the cauliflower at the .99 cents store. The kefir is 2.99 at Traders and I send one third of it with them to school. Total so far today: $6.07. Greg also had an omelet.

Apparently getting produce at the Dollar Store is unique to the Southwest because none of my friends on Facebook can get produce in their Dollar Stores. So now we are back to accessibility of cheap fruit and vegetables factor. I have abundant sources for cheap produce.

April 4: Food Stamp Challenge Day 4: Dinner. Greg and the kids ate burnt chicken thighs, baked potato, and broccoli. In my defense, the chicken burned because I was standing on a ladder at the top of my six foot wall, talking to my neighbor who grows killer bees, about making my own kefir. She does and she's going to share some grains with me. Last night was my monthly triplet mom dinner and I didn't know how I was going to fit that into my food budget. I was talking to another triplet mom Helene Slutsky on the phone and told her we were going to PF Changs and she was like, "I got this one. Go sign up to receive their emails and you'll get free lettuce wraps." So I did and sure enough, I got free lettuce wraps, which were normally 8.95 and then I ordered a bowl of wonton soup for 6.95, so my meal, with tip was 10 dollars. Greg and the kids were 4 dollars. So dinner was 14 dollars. I was overbudget for the day by 1 dollar but below budget yesterday. Eeek!

I'm pretty sure this was the day I was accused of starving my children and Greg. As everyone can see by the pictures, Greg is wasting away, so it must be true. I felt bad about eating out and spending so much money for almost five minutes. Most people on this challenge say the hardest part of being on it is being unable to eat out with friends and socialize, which I think we can all agree would be the death of me.

April 5: Food Stamp Challenge Day 5: Breakfast and Lunch. The kids had an egg and a piece of toast this morning. Greg fed them while I was working so I don't know what he put on their bread. Probably Smucker's from his personal pantry. (He has his own food pantry in the garage, swear to God.) For lunch, they got PBJ, chips and salsa, banana bread, and grapes. I'm calculating their lunch at around $2.10. I had an omelet (SURPRISE!) and finished my soup from last night. I don't know what Greg ate, because he thinks this is "stupid", but I'm sure it was something grotesquely cheap and gross so I'll add a dollar, bringing us to $4.35. I get the organic corn chips at Trader's for $1.99. I don't know what I'd do without Trader's. Seriously. I have told Greg repeatedly that I will never move anywhere without a Trader's and I mean it.

It was brought to my attention on this day that we waste a shit ton of plastic bags. Look, I can only do so much in a day and washing little stuff is not on my list. When I'm in between plastic bag purchases, I use Saran Wrap. The big one from Costco, because I have triplets.

April 5: Food Stamp Challenge: Day 5 Dinner. We had pork roast, carrots, potatoes, and peasant bread. Since my crock pot is broken, I made it in the oven, then OOPS! I forgot it was in the oven. In my defense, I was down the street looking for my children, and got into a riveting conversation with my neighbor's houseguest, who grew up on a turkey farm. So the bottom of the roast was like leather and Greg said, "Was this supposed to be jerky *on purpose*?" ( Eat your shoe leather and shaddap.) Cost for dinner was $6.50. I've lost 3 pounds this week, by the way.

To be continued.....................................

This Is Why I Keep It Up

2013-04-05T12:57:00.002-07:00

The last six months, keeping the blog going, has been more of a chore than a reward, and I often wonder why I keep doing it? I just don't have time anymore. I need to let it go and move on.

Then someone will come along and leave an anonymous comment and a link and then I'll think, "This is why I do it. This is why I keep it up."

Here's the comment.

I wanted to share this link with you:
http://packoffixations.blogspot.com/

She has found out she is pregnant with triplets and is not doing a reduction. She and her husband were in a horrid wreck where their youngest was killed last Christmas.

I've read you since you shared your link at _WOP, never comment but when I read her post today I knew I had to put you two in contact. Her doctors recc a reduction, so she's scared and kind of scared of having triplets!

I know she will appreciate any triplet love you and the group of moms you know can give her!

Do not go to this blog unless you have a box of kleenex, because I cried all morning. Then I got my triplet mom posse together to shower her with encouragement, and support groups, and local triplet moms who can support her. I want her to know she CAN do it.

I've written so many times about the coercion triplet moms face at the hands of their fertility doctors to reduce their triplets to twins or a singleton, even when they want to have all their babies. It's been almost 10 years since Greg and I were given the "reduction talk" and I can remember vividly the horror and fear I felt until we knew that was not for us, we weren't doing it, and our doctor assured us he could manage a triplet pregnancy.

I can remember walking out of the office after The Talk and thinking, "Okay, let's do this thing."

So that's why I still blog, I guess. Because it gives me the connections to help people I otherwise would have never known existed. Thank you, friends, frenemies, stalkers, haters, and lurkers. You rock! You keep me here against my will and I love you for it.

What I'm Doing When I'm Not Blogging

2013-04-02T23:01:00.001-07:00

Sorry for my blogging lapse, but we've been busy, busy, busy and I've got a crazy new scheme going on, which is taking up all my time, which I'll tell you about after I catch up. Ohmygosh, it's a teaser!!!

Within 24 hours of visiting Legoland, Amanda began throwing up. I actually knew that was going to happen, because amusement parks always give my children intestinal viruses, and we didn't even eat there As you can imagine, Greg packed our lunch and we ate in our van, and we were still stricken.

So poor, poor, poor Amanda spent all day Thursday on the couch, and I stayed with her, while the other people went hiking in Torrey Pines State Park.

I literally watched five back-to-back episodes of Wife Swap, while catching up on triplet mom internet drama, via a link someone sent me because they are AWESOME. I'm going to link you guys up, since I like to share drama and gossip with my "friends". It's here, here, and here. You have to register to see it. You're welcome. This is a major rabbit hole so don't go there if you have laundry that needs folded or you need to feed your children.

So that blew a whole day of vacation, then Amanda was feeling great, so she said, and we spent our last day on the beach. It was dreary and cold and the sun never came out the entire day.

The kids don't really seem to care if it's cold or dreary. They also never care if it's hot and stifling. They don't seem to be affected by weather at all.

They just play and play and play and play.

Sarah made a great friend on vacation. Her name was Grace, but she told my kids her name was Grape. Sarah and Grape spent every day playing together.

The kids spent hours telling tall tales to strangers in the jacuzzi at the condos. One time I walked by and they were telling a couple from Utah that they were from Michigan.

Another time they got a scolding for being in the jacuzzi without someone over 14.

"You need to get out of this jacuzzi unless you are 14.", the vigilante condo resident screeched at them.

I was sitting five feet away, but I didn't claim them.

"Our combined age is 31.", Gregory told her, as they all got out.

On our last night, they were in with a couple from San Francisco, and the man said, "Are you guys Latter Day Saints?"

And Austin said, "WHAT'S THAT?"

Friday night, we all went to bed and Amanda woke up at 10:30 and proceeded to vomit all over the bed, area rug, and cloth blinds, then she stepped in it and tracked it all the way to the kitchen, where she threw up all over the cabinets, the kitchen area rug, and then in the sink. It was like I could see it happening, but I was hovering above my body, watching it happen. I could handle that in my own house, because my own house is decorated in Early Daycare and Hand-Me-Downs, but having that happen in someone else's house was just horrible. Thank God they had wood floors! Greg and I spent hours and hours, cleaning, bleaching, washing, scrubbing, and disinfecting the whole house. It actually smelled like a bleach laboratory when we left. THEN we paid the cleaning woman to come and I'm sure she walked in and thought, "Why am I here?"

Amanda woke up on Saturday morning and was fine. So we drove home, not realizing during our cleaning frenzy, when we had the vacuum, space heater, and blow dryer going at the same time, we had tripped the breaker to the refrigerator. We found out when the cleaning lady came on Monday. Greg was so upset, he immediately went out and bought our generous benefactor a gift card to replace all the food in the refrigerator.

He's cheap, but he's not an asshole.

On our way home, I got a text from my friend Melanie. She had gotten routed to Vegas, because she missed her flight out of Salt Lake City on her way back to Panama City, Florida, and the Easter Bunny wasn't going to find her children at the Excalibur, and they were worried about it.

But the Easter Bunny DID find her family at the Excalibur because the Easter bunny ran right down to the Strip and picked Melanie up, and went to Target, where they perused the aisles with all the other slackers, out at 8pm on the night before Easter.

On June 16th of this year, I will have known Melanie for 10 years. It's our anniversary. We met 10 years ago as Cycle Buddies in the same IVF cycle at the same fertility clinic. Our cycle group started out as nine infertile women. Ten years later, and a lifetime of drama, which has included miscarriages deaths, health issues, divorce, and four surprise pregnancies, including one set of Oopsie Twins, we have 21 children.

Who would have thunk it? Not us, that's for sure!

It's been worth every single minute. Honestly, I wouldn't change a thing...... not even one single, sleepless night because I think I'm the luckiest person on Earth.

I hit the motherlode!!!

Which brings us up to date.

So here is what I'm doing. I was challenged by a triplet mom, who is a social worker, to do the Food Stamp Challenge.

A food stamp challenge is a trend in the United States popularized by religious groups, community activists and food pantries in which a family of means chooses to purchase food using only the monetary equivalent of what a family that size would receive in federal food stamps.^[1] In 2007, this amounted to US$3 per person per day.^[2]

I started on April 1st. We are going to live on $3.30 per day, per person, which means we can only spend $19.80 per day on food. $594 for the month.

The kids are having breakfast tomorrow for 30 cents. I shit you not. Stay tuned......................

Extreme Cheapskate Goes to Legoland

2013-03-27T10:23:00.000-07:00

Have you ever seen the television show, Extreme Cheapskates? We watched a few episodes in the condo since we've been here, and it's like watching my own life so I had to turn it off since I'm on vacation from my real life.

Or am I?

We met my friend Laura and her kids at Legoland yesterday!!! We've never been there, despite this being our fourth trip to San Diego, because Greg doesn't really see the value of spending $600 to stand in line all day. Short of their father having a personality transplant or me taking them on my own, the chances of the kids going to Legoland before they were too old for it, were diminishing. So when Laura called us before we left on our trip, and said she had four free passes and a coupon for Buy One Adult Ticket, Get One Child Free, that was suddenly the "right price for dad".

Standing in line all day for a mere $100 is much preferable to standing in line all day for $600.

What are the odds that while we were standing in line to purchase our one ticket, a woman would approach Greg with student passes that she was selling for $20 each?

"We don't need those, thank you.", I said, rebuffing her attempt at scalping. I'm a rule follower. I was born that way. Greg considers that a weakness.

It took Greg 2 hours to get over the fact we could have gotten in for $40, rather than $100. How could I?

And I must say, the kids are actually too old for Legoland now, but I'm not. With my extreme fear of heights, the rides at Legoland are age appropriate for me. I also loved the new Las Vegas exhibit in Miniland!

Is that lady in a thong?

Reminds me of my wedding day!

Waiting in line was not even that bad.

Don and Laura kept feeding the monkeys and that kept them going.

It was such a great day. We've spent the last three days with seven children and had fun.

Who would have thought that possible?

Can You Spare A Bag, Mister?

2013-03-25T08:45:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, I ran to Sprouts to buy produce while Greg took the children walking along the beach. I was in the parking lot before I remembered that I needed the grocery bags Greg had stolen the day before.

Drats!

As I walked around the store, I realized I was the ONLY person in the store without grocery bags. I immediately Facebooked my dilemma and my friend Grace, who lives in Southern California, replied, "They are judging you, ya know."

Thank god, Greg wasn't with me!!!! I told everyone in line I was on vacation and I had triplets, which surely made up for my deficit for the environment, shorelines, sea animals, and poor character.

Did you know they now have a low income bag subsidy here, if you are too poor to pay for bags?

I'm going to make signs and stand in the parking lot, "CAN YOU SPARE A BAG?"

"Please, mister, I just need a bag to get these groceries home."

I was putting away the groceries when the kids ran in the condo.

"MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! Austin got attacked and bitten by a dog and Dad yelled and said bad words and told the owners he was going to bite their dog.", they all said at the same time.

So, yes, Austin got bitten by a dog yesterday on his hand and the dog scratched him up. And Greg went postal on the people. This is where I'll point out that they were walking in the dog beach.

"You're at the dog beach,", the owner yelled back at Greg.

"Nobody else's dog is attacking children!", he yelled back.

I think we can all agree that the dog attack would have never happened if that dog had been in a dog stroller. I propose a law to keep all dogs in dog strollers from now on, gosh darn it. You guys were right!

Seriously, though, Austin is okay and Greg didn't get arrested for biting a dog. Whew. I can't leave for one minute around here.

Big, hairy, Republican from Las Vegas, bites dog at dog park. News at 11.

Yesterday afternoon we hooked up with my friend Laura and her triplets at their campground in South Carlsbad State park.

Laura and I sat in our chairs and watched the kids playing and we both agree that we've arrived at the Holy Grail of Parenting. That magical place between toddlerhood and adolescence, where the kids are so much fun and the least amount of work thus far. I'm so glad that I have this part of parenting documented, because I imagine the warm and fuzzy feelings fade away during the teenage years.

Making dinner for six is so much less a chore here than in my real life. This is the greatest vacation ever. If anyone's looking for me today, I'll be putting Greg in a dog stroller to keep everyone safe.

The Horrible Crippled Dog Epidemic Continues In Del Mar

2013-03-23T22:23:00.001-07:00

We left home on Friday night and drove to "our" condo in Del Mar. This is our fourth time here so it really does seem like it's ours. The kids are going to have so many fond memories of hanging out on the beach and being here.

The kids were so excited, Austin arose at 6am after going to bed at 11pm, because he just couldn't wait to get in the ocean. I kept telling them to sleep in because the sun doesn't come out until noon in Del Mar, so it's not like we're in a hurry.

I guess it's a good thing they were on the beach early this morning because they were up in time to see a visitor!

Sarah took this picture. Clearly I wasn't down there yet.

The condo is just as awesome as always.

Our view from our porch.

This is the only vacation we go on that I actually feel like I'm on vacation. I literally sit in a chair and read the entire time we are here, while the kids try to conquer the ocean....

And rearrange the beach.....

My issue today is the boys get so horribly chapped. Neither of them could walk near the end of the day and they had to exchange their swimsuits for basketball shorts. I just bought their swimsuits and it doesn't seem to matter what I buy, they get like that every time we are here. We went to Big 5 tonight and bought Speedos Lycra Jammers, hoping they would be able to walk tomorrow, since we are here for 7 more days.

I don't understand why they make the boys' suits so LONG.

Any suggestions for your desert dwelling friend?

Changing gears to a very, very serious note, the same horrible crippled dog epidemic is continuing in Del Mar.

I sat in my chair and counted dog strollers going by all day. Who knew that one city could have so many disabled dogs? It must be a crisis of untold magnitude, as it appears to afflict the dogs of people between the ages of 45 and 60. You know who you are. It's entirely possible my sister, who owns two shiatsus, is only 5 years away from a dog stroller. She vacations here, so it possible it could happen to her dogs. Do they make a double dog stroller? Does anyone know?

Look, Nancy, THEY DO. I'm so relieved for you.

If anyone's looking for us, we're practically the only people on the beach and definitely the only people in the water besides the surfers. In between reading and lounging, I'm designing a triple dog stroller because I think there's a need here. This epidemic can only get worse, my friends.

On our way home from Big 5, we stopped at the grocery store, and upon checking out, the cashier asked Greg, "How many disposable grocery bags would you like to purchase?"

"None.", he said, then he grabbed three, bagged his groceries, and walked out.

Of course I pretended like I didn't know him at all. This grocery bag ban might be a trend in California, but it's not even on the radar in Nevada. Greg had NO IDEA why anyone wanted to charge him for a bag. So I googled it and figured out that there is a tax to use plastic bags to get people to use reusable bags. News to me and GREG.

Clearly I don't pack reusable grocery bags on vacation and clearly Greg has never used a reusable bag in his LIFE.

I'm going to bring them next time, just as soon as I get the hitch on the car for my triple dog stroller. Pinkie swear, Californians, okay?

I Don't Understand This Neigbhorhood

2013-03-20T06:36:00.000-07:00

Sorry to be missing in action, but we've been spending so much time outside, I haven't had time to blog. We are having the most beautiful spring this year. The winds haven't come for the first time in forever and it's in the 70s every day.

On Saturday, we went to the St. Patrick's Day parade and the kids got 1,000,000 dollars.

Look! It's almost enough for their braces!

They sat on the curb next to this Random Lady, who reminded me so much of Auntie Jodie. She talked to them the entire time and told them all kinds of fun stuff about Las Vegas. I know everyone is wondering about Jodie and what is going on. I talked to her yesterday and I'm going to probably see her next week when we are in San Diego.

On Sunday we went for our weekly dinner at Greg's mom's house. This is her view from her back porch because her house backs up to a mountain.

I think that's the greenest her mountain has ever been. We've had so much rain this year! We are having dinner outside every day now, and basically, I just sit in a chair and the kids entertain me.

Photo bomb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Greg's mom came over to our house on Monday and we ate dinner on the back porch again.

The neighbor who lives behind me - the one who grows killer bees - said to me a few weeks ago, 'I just don't understand why my son is so conservative. I just wish he'd climb stuff and act like a boy."

I looked out the window and her son was climbing on the roof with Gregory. I ran outside to yell at them and the neighbor was actually there saying, "Good job."

I ran back in the house and Sarah was walking around the kitchen on stilts.

"It's okay, Barb.", I told her. "His mother wants him to walk on the roof."

"I just don't understand this neighborhood.", she gasped.

I would die of boredom anywhere else, wouldn't I?

I Know How He Feels

2013-03-15T06:07:00.002-07:00

The kids had another award's ceremony at school on Wednesday. It's hard to believe they've already completed the 2nd trimester of third grade. Even they are agreeing that school is going too fast. Aside from academic success, I've been watching them socially this year and they've really come into their own. Gregory's second grade teacher told me that Gregory has become Big Man On Campus.

"Let him go, Mom. He's cool now.", she told me. "Don't make his little brother tag along."

Me? Cramp someone's style. What is she talking about?

Gregory again failed to get on honor roll by getting one C in writing. He was .25 percent away from a B. Then, amazingly, he won the Bristlecone Pine Reading Award at school and will be giving a presentation, he wrote, in front of an audience and he was so happy about that. And would you believe he got that from The Librarian? The Librarian has turned into a completely different person since we started going to the school there. It's like she had a personality transplant. I like the new personality a lot!

Yesterday morning, I was working, and Gregory was up before everyone else, so I asked him to go outside and repair all the irrigation for my drip lines going to my garden. And he did. Greg has taught him how to do everything. He's going to be such a tremendous help to me as he gets older.

Greg, whose personality hasn't changed one iota in 23 years, surprised me on Wednesday by saying we were having company by calling me on his way to the airport to get our company. I don't know about you guys, but our house is never and never will be "company ready" in 20 minutes. We are "company ready" in about 3 hours. He's lucky both of his shoulders still work after that stunt.

Now he's in Phoenix on a mancation with all his friends who turn 50 this year while I stay here and hold down the fort. Bastard.

We had a brand new feed store, CAL Ranch, open in Las Vegas, so I went over to check it out yesterday.

Now we have three new baby turkeys! I've got to stay out of that store. I absolutely cannot go back in there or I'm going to end up on Animal Hoarders.

The meat chickens, which have quadrupled in size in one week, were not happy about the turkeys and greeted them by pecking them in the face. That's how I greeted our unexpected company so I know how they feel.

Retro Renovation: Vegas Edition

2013-03-13T06:12:00.001-07:00

The real estate market has tightened up so much in Las Vegas in the last couple months that if you can even find a house to bid on, it's sold within hours. Our friends have been unsuccessfully bidding for a couple months now and finally got a house.

On Monday after school, a mob of us parents and kids met them at their new house as they received their keys, and boy, were we in for a delight. It turns out the previous owners, longtime Las Vegans, kept the house in a pristine, vintage, 1970s condition. The house came with all the furniture, bedding, pots and pan, LIQUOR...

It was like going on a treasure hunt. My friend Jim said he wasn't sure if he wanted to get rid of the couch because when he looked at it, it made him want to curl his head up in his mom's lap, while she stroked his hair.

The game room even came with the pool table and the rust shag carpeting.

I think I had this exact stereo, circa 1984.

This bathroom makes me want to put on Barry White.

Check out the laminated list of casinos hanging on the wall. This couple never had kids, never had pets, and never wore shoes in the house. They also liked them some gambling!

The kids were all, "What is that?"

My Aunt Ellie had this exact same coffee pot when I was growing up.

Right before they turned the keys over, they pulled all the plastic off the furniture. I'm not kidding when I say they got a brand new, 30 year old house.

I want a bedtime story, Grandma!

She left all the cookware.

This screams, "Grandma"!

They left 45 records, which could actually play on the turntable. The kids, again, were like, "What are those?"

They left the organ.

Who remembers climbing up on one of these?

All the appliances are original and they all work. It's like they didn't even live there.

It has a 13 feet deep swimming pool with a diving board. I'll be hanging out there all summer!

Greg said he drank this in college!

She left all her macrame.

It was truly one of the most fun evenings I've had in a long time. In true Vegas fashion, where if something is more than 10 years old, we blow it up, they were gutting the house yesterday to take down the popcorn ceiling and paint.

My friend Brian kept telling me I needed to submit the house to the website Retro Renovation for their Time Capsule stories.

"It's over, Brian. They gutted it."

That's how we do it in Vegas.

I Pinkie Swear They Are Triplets

2013-03-11T15:09:00.001-07:00

Several weeks ago, I asked Jodie if she wanted me to drive to San Diego when Fred was in the hospital. We were heading on our motor home trip to Death Valley and I was torn if I should just leave the kids with Greg and go.

And Jodie said, "You need to spend this time with your family. Don't waste this time with your family. You should be with your family on this motor home trip.", she told me.

Like I said in my last post, Fred never wasted a minute he could have spent with his family and I can only hope that Greg and I will always live up to his example. My heart is so heavy for Jodie.

On Saturday morning, we were at the school at 7:30 in the morning for Family Fitness Day.

Austin won first place in the 2nd grade race. Not because he ran with anyone in his family, though. All of the kids made it clear they weren't running with me and Greg couldn't run because of his shoulder.

"You're lucky you have a mom!", I told my ungrateful children.

"I am, Mom. But you are really slow and you stink.", Amanda told me.

So the kids ran with everyone but their parents. Austin ran with the principal and won. Gregory ran with the principal and got third place in 3rd grade.

He only got third place because the principal was tired by then and we also have to compete in third grade with the other parents I refer to as The Draggers, who will do whatever it takes, including dragging bloody-kneed children over the finish line.

I secretly laughed when one of The Draggers, who beat Gregory in the Third Grade Race, blew his hamstring out in the Fourth Grade race. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Unlike most years, we didn't have the ambulance out to get any parents, so it was a total success.

We had children in and out all day Saturday, and my Newest Son, who is literally at my house every second of every day, stayed until late Saturday night, playing Zombies in the backyard until bedtime. It used to bother Greg that he was at our house every minute, mostly because Greg doesn't want to feed anyone who doesn't share his DNA, but he seems to have finally warmed up to the fact we have five children now. Our Newest Son went with us to the kids' basketball game Friday night. He went with us to Family Fitness Day. He ate dinner with us Saturday night.

On Sunday, we had the pleasure of spending the afternoon at Jerry's parent's 50th wedding anniversary surprise party.

Jerry's sister did such a great job decorating for the Golden anniversary.

Amanda nearly swooned with all that candy in one place.

It was so nice to have some happiness in Jerry's parent's house and be together to celebrate, rather than mourn.

From there, we headed downtown to the Smith Center for the Zion's Youth Symphony. Austin's bestfriend's family invited us.

I actually had to force Greg to go against his will.

We were halfway through the performance before Greg figured out that he wasn't Mormon.

I have never been to the Smith Center and they seated us in the Gallery, which is the scariest thing ever if you afraid of heights. I was literally clutching my chair for the first 20 minutes and when the kids ran to the edge, I had a panic attack.

I'm talking a full blown major panic attack where I felt like I was falling. I cannot explain the feeling of complete fear when you have a true phobia, but heights are it for me. The entire performance, this child in front of us was leaning over the railing, clearly going to die in front of my eyes, and my spidey senses were on full alert.

I literally almost evaporated into a pool of sweat.

I did not go out on the balcony with these daredevils.

After the symphony, we went to dinner at a Chinese Buffet. Not because Greg's mother and I wanted to do that, but because that's where Greg and the children wanted to go and Barb and I will sacrifice our intestines for the good of the family. Barb and I think buffets are gross.

When we walked in, the hostess asked how old the children were because 4-10 ate for a reduced price.

"They are 9, 9, 9, and 7.", I told her.

"NO! How old are they?", she scolded me.

"They're 9,9,9, and 7!"

"What?", she asked.

"They're TRIPLETS!", I said.

She didn't believe me. I have the most unmatching triplets in triplet history. Next time I'm going to bring my Newest Son and tell her I've got quintuplets.

He Never Wasted A Single Minute

2013-03-09T06:13:00.002-08:00

Uncle Fred passed away in his sleep yesterday evening, two weeks past his 53rd birthday. He was surrounded by his wife of 28 years, Jodie, and his daughters, and his family. I am absolutely heartbroken, as is anyone who ever had the pleasure of knowing Fred.

When I told the kids, Amanda ran and got her palm tree rose that Uncle Fred bought her at a street fair last year.

"I'm always going to keep this, Mom.", she said.

I went back through my blog and added a Fred Label and I laughed and cried at all the crazy things we did with Uncle Fred. I'm so glad my children knew him.

During the 3.5 years since Fred was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer, Jodie and Fred traveled all over the world and the United States. Fred was lucky enough to enjoy considerable good health during most of his chemotherapy, allowing them the ability to do everything Fred ever thought he might want to do. He never wasted a single minute in his life.

When I saw Jodie and Fred in October, Jodie told me they'd done every single thing on his Bucket List. I believed her because I seriously had a hard time keeping track of them.

My next step is to just be there for my friend Jodie and help her transition into the next phase of her life. I wish this blog post was more eloquent, but I'm having a hard time writing.

Rest in peace, Uncle Fred. We loved you. We feel so fortunate to have been a part of your life.

Keepin' It Real!

2013-03-07T06:20:00.001-08:00

For those of you who said, "Don't pull your broccoli out yet. It might come back." after I lost all my plants during the hard freeze we had in January, I just wanted to let you know the broccoli did come back and went straight to seed. Worst year ever for broccoli at the S Family Farm. We did well on cauliflower, though. And my kale went all season. It's only now going to seed. But the broccoli was a dismal failure this year.

It's that time of the year in the desert! Everyone I know, including myself, is scrambling to get their garden plots ready for their summer crops.

"Plants in the ground by March 15th!!!" is our motto in the desert, which is a completely unpleasant situation for me, because normally Greg pulls out the old plants, tills the dirt, fixes any bad irrigation, then I plop the plants into the pristine earth and blog, "Ohmygosh, I LOVE GARDENING." and then take all the credit, having done none of the hard part.

This year I don't have Greg because of his shoulder, so I started on one garden and spent the whole afternoon trying to clear it out. Then the boys came from school and I paid them.

And they were seriously done in 15 minutes. I am so thankful to have boys. I can see how they are going to be an enormous help to me as they get older.

Plus, they are so darned cute.

In between the baby chicks and the gardening, I've been working. This new stay-at-home work job is absolutely perfect for me. My current schedule is I start working from 6am-8am, then I schedule a 1.5 break, so I can make breakfast, pack lunches, take the kids to school, eat breakfast, clean the kitchen, and take a shower. Then I start working again at 9:30am and I work until 1 or 2. The kids get out of school at 3:30, so then I still have time to go to the store, fold laundry, and clean the house before they get home.

And when I have something going on, like today I volunteer at the school all day, doing Pizza Lunch, then I have a PTA meeting, then I have my monthly Triplet Mom Dinner, I don't schedule any work. I actually get out my PTA calendar to decide what days I work. It's really the ideal situation for me right now. I make peanuts, but it goes toward groceries and extracurricular activities, so I can't complain.

Also, I can schedule myself off and go lunch when necessary, which is what I did Monday, when I stumbled into this restaurant:

I was absolutely cracking up when I read the last paragraph of this sign. This is my new favorite place. The food was excellent and clearly the owner is my soul sister. So a shout out to Layer's Bakery Cafe for Keepin' It Real!

Since I've got time to join in discussions today, let's talk about the Superintendent of the Clark County School District handing in his resignation yesterday, only 1.5 years into his 4 year contract, because I'm super pissed off about it.

I cannot even articulate what a raw deal this is for our district and I'm wondering why we keep hiring these out-of-town thugs to come in here, raid our funds, then skip town. Why are we not hiring a NEVADAN to do the job?

Let's talk about that, locals.

Don't Make Me Replace You

2013-03-05T05:44:00.002-08:00

I know everyone hates my chicken posts, but my annual order of meat chickens arrived via the USPS yesterday. I was concerned, because we had gotten an email on Saturday saying they had been shipped from Iowa and normally they are overnighted to us. So Bob and I thought that meant they were stuck at the post office all day Sunday and they were going to die!

All 37 arrived alive! I'm going to give a shout out to Murray McMurray Hatchery for always doing such an awesome job.

The kids were over the top swooning when they got home from school yesterday. Can anyone believe how straight Amanda's teeth are already? For a mere $6000, you can accomplish anything.

Bob ordered 35 Jumbo Cornish X Rocks and the hatchery sent one extra in case of fatality.

They also put in one exotic, rare breed for ordering more than 20.

We have no idea what he is and won't until he's much older. I'm already assigning gender as a "he" because I know he'll be a goddamn rooster because God hates me.

So this will be fun. Until it's not, and I'm shoveling copious amounts of chicken poop, but for the next two weeks it will be fun. I'm going to take 20 or so to school for Show And Tell and to give a presentation in the classrooms.

We also have 12 eggs in the incubator from our laying hens, because if you have the brooder going, you may as well throw some layers in the mix.

Our turkey was SO MAD yesterday.

He was walking outside the shed we have the brooder in and he was making sounds like he was spitting at me. Then he cornered the kids on an old boat trailer Bob has in the back.

Our chicken set-up is behind Bob's tennis courts, in what we refer to as the Back 40, which is an unused section of his land. The hens have free range of this area and they were upset. They were following me all around when I was setting up the brooder. They were like, "What is GOING ON?"

Let me tell you, ladies, what is going on. You better start laying more eggs because you are replaceable. Got it?

Don't Make Me Get My Wooden Spoon

2013-03-03T22:11:00.001-08:00

I had the pleasure of hooking up with a triplet mom on the Strip today. That's the awesome thing about living in Vegas. Everybody comes here and invites us to the pool to hang out and that totally works for me.

My friend Deborah lives in California and has seven year old triplets that were born 17 weeks premature. Her son Caysen has quadriplegic cerebral palsy, is deaf, and legally blind. Her other son has cerebral palsy in his legs. Both boy are in wheelchairs and let me tell you something about Deborah.

Deborah is amazing. She blogs here about homeschooling her boys and living with two children with special needs. She is a board certified teacher, with special education credentials, and she is a bulldog. She takes all three of her boys everywhere by herself and has lobbied aggressively for a park for disabled children in Huntington Beach.

"How do you do take them everywhere by yourself?", I asked her today because every time I read her Facebook status she's at Disneyland.

"I strap one on my back and push the other one if I have to.", she told me, like what's the big deal?

Can you guys remember when I took mine to Disneyland and I almost died? I am in awe of Deborah.

You cannot imagine the love this mom has for her boys. She told me when we were sitting together in the lounge chairs today, that she doesn't have time to sit around feeling sorry for herself or feeling bitter about her lot, because she is just so profoundly happy that she has them.

Which instantly reminded me of this comment someone left on my blog way back in 2008 when I talked about selective reduction. This person was insanely mad that I suggested it wasn't necessary to reduce triplets to twins and they really let me have it.

"You say you're pro-choice but are you sure? Do you know what pro-choice means?I think it's disingenuous to have healthy quads and preach about the ugliness of selective reduction. But do everyone a favor and post about a family you've taken the time to know who didn't reduce, who had a triplet birth with one or more children living with a serious disability (cerebral palsy comes to mind) and tell us all how they're doing. Please report back on how that percentage of the population who didn't reduce to safeguard the whole in favor of one lives their life.I truly am pro-choice. I have never been faced with such a heart-wrenching decision as to have to selectively reduce (abortion of one, I agree on that) but make no mistake about it, I know what serious disability looks like and what it takes out of the family on a daily basis for decades and decades. Do you?".

You know what? I'm reporting back. Sorry it took 5 years. The families I know with serious disabilities are doing well! I have a hard time keeping track of Deborah because her family travels so much. She is seriously at Disneyland, Disney World, or on Disney cruises every time I blink.

We should find that troll who left that comment and smack her with a wooden spoon!!!

My other triplet mom friend, Julie, stopped by with freshly baked oatmeal cookies and the kids had an absolute blast. I am so thankful for this amazing network of triplet moms that I know from all over the world.

Well, most of them. Some of you drive me bonkers, but you know who you are.

On that note, I had to temporarily put my blog comments on moderation because the transgender triplet mom hangs out in a really crazy snark forum, where she's commented 7000 times, and somebody linked my blog in that forum and now all her sheeple, ZOMG how could anyone criticize you? HUGS, have flooded my blog with heinous comments.

So when that dies down, we'll go back to normal. Whatever that is.

EDITED TO ADD: It's been brought to my attention in the comments that there is now a Kathryn Without Pity blog located here. May the best troll win.

Whatcha Gonna Do With All That Money?

2013-03-02T10:45:00.000-08:00

I got this anonymous comment on the Transgender Triplet Post today.

"WOW, what a shitty deal. You run a blog and are getting a crap ton of hits from using "COY" And I KNEW HER from the internet, ALL TRUE FACTS! You're a peach."

Crap ton wouldn't be accurate, nor my motivation for writing, given this is my income.

I love when people accuse me of blogging about hot topics for money. Can anyone believe I've already made $3.55 this month? If I could find another hot topic right now and this keeps up, I could almost...almost... go to Starbuck's this afternoon.

What am I gonna do with all that money????? Oh, that's right, pay taxes on it first because they don't withhold, then I'm going to Disneyland!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to stand outside and look in unless any of you want to donate $500 to meet my kids in person! I'm kidding!

As The World Turns In Third Grade

2013-03-01T06:23:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was at Walgreen's when my pharmacist of 12 years approached me. She has a daughter the same age as my triplets.

And let me tell you something about me and my pharmacist. She has seen me at the very worst I have ever been in my entire life. She's seen me without showers for a week, covered in spit-up, and reeking like B.O. She has seen me juggling and wrangling infants and toddlers. I have literally, LITERALLY, drug all three babies in there when they had ear infections, rotovirus, swimmer's ear, spider bites, strep throat, hives, pink eye, more ear infections, influenza, RSV. She's been around for every single catastrophe we've been through. I can remember carrying Sarah in after a particularly bad night and crying when my prescription wasn't there and she came around the counter and hugged me.

So imagine how surprised I was when I walked into the kids' first day of kindergarten, and there she was!

When I walked in the store yesterday, she said, "Hi, Michele, have you heard?"

Now when people ask me that, I don't even know where to go with it, because I am generally in charge of all the gossip at school. Have I heard? Which part?

"I'm not sure.", I told her.

"Stephanie told me last week that she's in love with Gregory. She said he had a substitute, so they had to come to her class and she said when he walked in, she felt a spark. Does Gregory know yet?"

What???!!!!!!!!!

"No, wow, I've never heard that. Gregory hates girls because his sisters have been all up in his business since the day he was born. If he rebuffs her declaration of love, you should tell her not to take it personally. His idea of romance with a girl is to throw her doll on the roof."

ZOMG, are we still in third grade?

And let me tell you guys, all we talk about at dinner these day is who loves who, whose friend told whose friend that somebody loves them, and who agreed to be boyfriend/girlfriend. I need a spreadsheet. This is the beginning, isn't it?

For the record, my kids are not interested in the opposite sex yet. Does this mean Gregory is a girl trapped in a boy body? Should I call the news? KIDDING.

We are so not at that stage yet. We talked at dinner about gossip, how it spreads, and whether anyone would be interested in being in the center of the gossip and have people talking about their love interests at dinner. And they all agreed that if they have a crush on someone, they are just going to keep it to themselves.

Meanwhile, back at the pharmacy, I told my pharmacist, "Since we might be in-laws someday, I've got Thanksgiving covered, if you do Christmas."