He said, “All you have to do is tell her.”

Oh boy, that was not the advice I wanted to hear. What if I got rejected? What if I made a fool of myself? That sounded scary.

To this day, I never said anything to Ashley, and of course, life went on. And I remember this was the first of many times this was going to happen. I would crush on a girl almost every year until I was 18 years old. Most of them never knew and nothing happened. Some I told, and I would get rejected and still be their friends. It was painful. And it destroyed my confidence.

Turns out, I get this question every day from coaching clients, YouTube subscribers, podcast listeners, and blog readers such as yourself. They ask me all sorts of questions:

“There’s this one girl who I’m friends with. How do I get her to like me?”

“There’s this one girl at my work and we talk a lot. How can I ask her out?”

“There’s this one girl who I see all the time, and I don’t know what to say to her.”

Do any of these sound familiar?

What we’re talking about here is a friend zone situation, which means one of two things:

1) The girl you’re interested in just sees you as a friend.

2) You know of a girl and want to date her.

These are perfectly normal questions to ask and I want to help you proceed in both of these situations. Most men, including myself for many years, don’t create many options for themselves in dating. The easy way to meet women is to try and meet the women that come into your orbit, which is generally your social circle and your work.

So when a guy meets a girl in any of these situations, he tries to develop a strategy for how to win that girl over. Nine times out of ten that strategy is wrong and it lands him with no dates. And it’s not his fault—or yours! You just don’t have the right game plan… yet.

The Game Plan

The correct game plan is first knowing how attraction works so you can use those tools to attract the girl you’re interested in. Second, you need to act on moving the interaction forward by getting her number, then texting her to meet up, then asking her on a date, and then initiating physical touch and sex. Third, continue meeting other women online and in person.

Bottom line: If you’re not getting her to comply with your request, that means that she’s not attracted to you. Girls who are attracted to you will WANT to give you their number and be eager to meet up with you.

The problem is twofold with most guys:

1) Since they’re not creating attraction, the girl will say no. She’s not interested.

2) Sometimes a girl likes a guy but then he hesitates and doesn’t ask her out. Eventually, the girl loses interest over time because she thinks she’s been put in the friend zone.

The game plan is simple. If you like a girl, then it’s time to ask her out. This is the only way to know if a girl likes you or not. Otherwise, you’ll never really know for sure.

On the date, you will build attraction and comfort/trust while continuing to move the interaction from date to sex to relationship.

If a woman declines your invitation to go on a date, then it’s over. At this point, she is not interested in you. No problem. It’s time to meet other women. In fact, you should be simultaneously doing this anyway so you’ll always have plenty of options.

In order for you to get better at building attraction with one woman, you can’t treat her as the be-all and end-all. The way to do this properly is to be talking to multiple women at once and filtering through to see which ones are attracted to you and which ones you are attracted to. This will be done in two ways:

1) Online through dating sites and apps.

2) In person by approaching women at bars, casually during the day, and at social events.

Hanging around one girl will waste your time if she doesn’t agree to a date and will hurt your chances of attracting her due to your display of neediness.

Why You’re Not Getting a Date from the Girl You Like

I want to warn you that what follows may not be something you’re going to like hearing because it may be shocking. However, I ask that you keep an open mind as you continue reading. The strategy we’re going to put in place for you will save you months and years of frustration and heartache.

First, let’s talk about attraction. You build attraction with a woman through social proof, pre-selection, and being a challenge.

Social proof is when there are people who like and respect you, which is shown through having friends.

A similar concept is “pre-selection,” which shows you hang around other women.

Both social proof and pre-selection are proof that others like you, which proves to her that you are likable. This attraction then transfers over to you. There have been various scientific studies done on the topic and you can see more about how it works here.

Furthermore, an unattractive trait is neediness. Neediness is when you’re showing a girl too much attention. This is one of the things a man does when he is chasing only one woman. Since he only has her as an option, he continues to chase her and show her too much attention.

So where and how does this all relate back to you and the girl you’re after?

Most likely, when a guy is going after one girl, he ends up texting her a lot, trying to hang out with her a lot, and reacting to every little move she makes. This causes you to appear needy, which means you started out on the wrong foot. Most guys in the friend zone act very needy because they have no other options and it kills her attraction for you.

Women are attracted to men who have options for two reasons:

A) It increases the challenge of getting that guy, which makes his value go up.

B) It says that there’s something about him that’s attractive if other women like him (pre-selection).

Right now, you’re most likely in a friend zone scenario. This means you’ve already displayed neediness, which has her unattracted to you. However, you’re still a good person to be friends with since you give her lots of attention, so she keeps you around as a friend. This fake friendship is not only killing your chances with her, but it’s completely wasting your time, hence why it’s time to follow the game plan.

Next, you want to make sure you’re being a challenge to any woman you come across. When you’re a challenge to a woman, it communicates that you have boundaries and an abundance of women in your life. Having boundaries means you aren’t needy and says that you aren’t interested in a specific girl. It says to her, “Are you that girl? Because if you’re not, I’m not interested.”

This is incredibly attractive because it sub-communicates you’re not afraid of losing her and most likely have other women in your life. (Remember pre-selection?)

In order to do this, you want to ask questions and make statements that let her know what you’re looking for. Here are some examples:

“So are you an adventurous type? I really like to go rock-climbing.”

“Do you even like classical music?”

“You’re not a Republican, are you?”

To keep things light, you don’t need to aggressively interrogate her. Just inquire about her and smile to balance out the intensity of the questions.

Furthermore, you don’t want to compliment a girl. If one slips out, no big deal, but most guys will compliment a woman and send her praise. Counterintuitively, this kills attraction because it’s very predictable and needy. First, it’s predictable because most guys are doing that and it puts you in the category of every other guy trying to hit on her. Second, it’s inherently needy because when you compliment a girl, it comes off like you’re trying to get something from her. Anyone can compliment. It’s boring and not original.

What To Do Next

I want to tackle an argument that might be coming up in your head right now:

“But, Tripp, I know her very well. We get along. She’s a great person and respects me. I know we will be a great match for each other and I’m not wasting my time going for her.”

First of all, you’re not “going for her” because you’re not asking her out and you’re just being her friend. So nothing is actually happening.

Second, a friendship and a relationship are actually very different things. Just because someone is a good friend to you doesn’t mean it’s a match for a relationship. People act differently in relationships and there needs to be chemistry, which, at this point, there is none.

In order to help with this process, it’s much better to be talking to and going on dates with multiple women. That way, you will naturally be a challenge, less needy, and therefore more attractive.

If you’re in a friend zone situation, it might be too late at this point, but it’s time to ask her out. It’s time to move this to the next level. Most guys get to this part and won’t do anything because they fear rejection.

I urge you to take life into your own hands and make a move, because if you don’t, nothing will happen. I repeat: nothing will happen.

She won’t make the first move if she hasn’t already. So now it’s up to you to ask her on a date.

The best way to do this without being too overt and needy is by saying this word-for-word, preferably in person:

“Hey, let’s grab coffee/a drink.”

That’s it.

It will be clear from those words exactly what you’re requesting and you’re doing it in a very non-needy, dominant tone.

She will respond in one of two ways:

1) “Yes, let’s do it,” or some variation. That means you’re good to go and now you can go on a date.

2) “I’m not sure, really. I have to think about it,” or some variation. This means she is afraid of rejecting you on the spot and is caught off guard. Inherently, she’s not interested, which means you can move on.

If the second response happens, I urge you to not remain friends with this girl. It will be very risky to stay friends with her because it will keep you in a dangerous loop. You will remain attracted to her and will continue believing that a relationship is a possibility, which means you will waste a lot of time. Now it’s time to move on and find another woman you’re interested in.

This girl you’re currently interested in is no longer an option.

You cannot convince a girl to like you because attraction is not a choice. She can’t choose to be attracted to you no matter how hard she tries, because attraction happens on a biological level.

I suggest that you no longer communicate with this girl, detach from her, and slowly start distancing yourself. If you don’t, you will be stuck and continue trying to pursue her, which won’t work.

It’s now time for you to find another woman who will have interest in you and do it the proper way: create attraction and get compliance. Rinse and repeat.

You can meet women either online with dating sites and apps or in person at events, during the day, or at bars and clubs. There’re lots of options for you! You just have to put yourself out there and make it happen.

I know I’m making this sound easy and being rather stoic about the situation. I am completely aware that this process is not easy, can result in massive heartache, and will leave you feeling lonely. Just understand that this may be the most important lesson of your dating life. It will prevent you from ever getting into a situation like this ever again, which will make life better!

You should never try and go the “back door” route of being her friend. It will not work because that’s not how attraction works, as you now know. Attraction happens when you have options and are not being needy.

For the sake of the future, you shouldn’t ever be friends with a girl you are attracted to. If you find yourself attracted to a girl, then work on creating attraction and getting compliance as soon as possible. You may run the risk of falling into a friend zone trap if you wait too long, and we know how this turns out.

Troubleshooting & FAQ:

Q: “Tripp, but I know she likes me. I can just tell. What can I do?”

A: That’s great! If she likes you, then it’s time to implement the game plan and ask her out. Any girl who likes you will agree to wanting to go on a date with you. The reason why many men are afraid to take that step is because they’re afraid of getting rejected. But if you’re certain she likes you or is interested in you, then it’s time to step up and ask her out. That way, you will know for sure.

Q: “What about the girl I work with? Can I ask her out? What if she works in the same building as me but not at the same company?”

A: The workplace is a bad place to meet women. The risks are much higher than the reward. You run the risk of sexual harassment. You run the risk of getting fired. You run the risk of you two dating, then breaking up, and now having to see her all the time (yikes). All this risk creates unwanted drama in your life. Go back to the game plan stated above and meet women online and in person. No woman is worth the risk of you messing up your life. Ask yourself, is it really worth it?

Q: “Tripp, I don’t want to ruin my friendship with the girl.”

A: You have to look at this situation as objectively as possible. When you do that, you will find that this is not an actual friendship. A friendship is when two people like each other as only friends and don’t have any romantic feelings for one another. This is not the case, because you do have those feelings. I understand that it may be tough to pull the trigger and follow through with asking her on a date, but if you don’t, you will be stuck in the friend zone. So you have to ask yourself, is it worth it to stay friends and always wonder what-if or make a move? More importantly, if you don’t make a move, then you’ll never be with her or any other girl and your dating life will be dead. I hope that’s not what you want either.

Q: “Tripp, I see her a lot. If I ask her on a date, it could make things awkward in my friend group.”

A: People date and ask out girls in their friend groups all the time. It’s only awkward if you make it awkward. Similar to my last response, if you don’t make a move, then you will be stuck with absolutely nothing. So you have two options at this point. You can ask her out and see what comes of it or preserve the friend group and move on to date other women.

Q: “What about that one girl at the gym? Or the one barista at the coffee shop I go to? Or other places I frequent?”

A: Simple! If you’re interested in this girl, then start talking to her (if you haven’t already) and ask her out. That will be the way you know if she is interested in you. Similar to my last response, make sure you are able to handle the fact that you will have to run into her if she says no. Are you okay with that? If not, then it’s best not to go for this girl and meet others.

Q: “But she’s ‘the one.’ I know it.”A: Be careful with this mentality. The reason you think she is “the one” is because you don’t have any other options in your life. You are solely focused on one girl. You’re not aware yet that there are other girls out there who could be a good match for you since you’re only focused on one. When all is said and done, if you feel she’s a good match for you, then follow the game plan and ask her out. If she doesn’t comply and say yes, then she was never “the one.” A girl that will be good for you is a girl who likes you back.

Want to learn secrets about women and dating most men will never know…? Everything you need to know about attracting and dating the kind of women you truly desire is in my program Hooked. This is my step-by-step course for turning yourself into the type of man that women find naturally attractive while still being your genuine self. It comes with a bunch of bonuses including access to my private Facebook group Tripp’s Corner and it’s backed by a 60-day money back guarantee. Click here to learn more about my program Hooked.

The post “There’s This One Girl…” first appeared on Tripp Advice.

The problem is, guys think most of the work goes into “getting the girl.” However, when it comes to dating and relationships, the work continues. The entire process of meet, date, girlfriend, wife is a never-ending string of effort. I don’t say this as a bad thing. Instead, I’m just showing you the reality of the situation. This isn’t any different from other areas of your life where you’re trying to succeed.

The bottom line is this: the work and effort never ends.

Why do I say this to you? It’s because I’ve learned that a successful relationship needs nonstop effort. It’s not a good idea to get lazy after she says yes to being your girlfriend, which is what most men and women tend to do. Laziness can lead to a nasty breakup, divorce, or crappy relationship.

The issue is, most men don’t know where to put in the work. It becomes a puzzle. Lucky for you, I’ve been through three long-term relationships in the past seven years, so I’ve learned quite a bit. What follows are 10 of the biggest lessons that can drastically improve the quality of your future (or current) relationship. I could probably write about 50, but these ones will have the most impact on your future, so read carefully and take notes. If you choose to learn from my experience, you’ll have a better chance at a healthy and thriving relationship.

Lesson #1: You’ll only know what you want in a partner by experiencing relationships.

If you’ve never been in a relationship before, then it’s almost impossible to know what kind of woman gels with you. Right now, you might only have an idea. Maybe you think she has to be pretty and nice, like the same music as you, and enjoy the outdoors. Okay, this isn’t a bad start, but right now, it’s all in your head. It’s a theory instead of something you’ve actually experienced.

I’ve found that some things you imagine being awesome traits in a partner have barely any effect on the actual relationship. For example, in one of my previous relationships, we were both obsessed with the same kind of music. Going into the relationship, I thought this was incredible. I thought we’d listen to it and talk about it all the time and that it’d be a big part of how we connected in our relationship. In reality, we went to a few concerts and that was pretty much it. Something like this had little to no effect on the relationship, and I only realized this by being in the relationship.

Also, when you’re dating someone, intuitively you might think that having the same personality traits will help the relationship. For example, if you’re an introvert who likes to stay home and spend time indoors, you might think that having a girlfriend like that would be a great complement. In reality, it might be better if your partner was an extrovert who likes to go out and socialize. That way you can each push each other to enjoy a night out or a night in. You two can even have your separate times when she goes out with friends and you relax inside. Having opposite yet complementing traits can be very beneficial to the relationship.

This concept isn’t something you can figure out ahead of time. Instead, it’s best to get into relationships, experience women, and see what works best for you. I encourage you to date lots of women, give relationships a shot, and learn more about yourself and what you like.

Lesson #2: Be the person you want to attract.

At the end of the day, tricks and techniques may attract a woman or even get her to sleep with you, but it doesn’t mean she’ll stick around and be your girlfriend. For long-term relationships, only a quality guy will attract a quality girl. A guy who’s a complete mess will attract a woman who’s a complete mess, too. If there’s an imbalance between you and a woman, there’ll probably only be a few dates and the relationship will end.

So what does this look like?

For example, a needy guy will attract and keep a needy girl.

An overweight, lazy guy will attract and keep an overweight and lazy girl.

A passive-aggressive guy will attract and keep an emotionally closed girl.

Or…

A healthy, active guy will attract a fit and health-conscious girl.

An honest and communicative guy will attract a mature and open girl.

A stylish guy will attract a feminine girl who values her looks.

The list can go on, but the point is, who you are as a person will inevitably attract and keep that same type of person. Let’s look at another example.

Pretend you’re a dude who lives in your parents’ basement. You have no job, no ambitions, and a generally bad attitude toward life. But you learn pick-up/game/attraction techniques and decide to go out and meet hot girls at a club. There’s absolutely a chance you can get a sexy girl interested in you for one night. But if you’re looking to date and be in a relationship, you’re doomed. You’ll go on dates and she’ll find out you don’t have your own place and that you’re broke, boring, and have no friends. This woman, on the other hand, has a good career, takes care of her body by eating healthy and staying active, and has close relationships with her friends. It’s not rocket science; this partnership won’t last unless one of the two changes very quickly.

To learn how to stop being a loser, check out “How To Stop Being A Loser (motivational rant)”.

If you’re a guy who wants a quality girl or a 10/10, you have to be a 10, too. There’s no way around it. This doesn’t mean you have to be super rich and muscular and drive a sports car, but it does mean you need to have your life together and be an effective member of society. That’s what a 10 is looking for.

Here’s another example. Let’s say you meet a smokin’ hot girl at a club one night, except this time you have your own place and a career you’re passionate about. You’re conscious about your health, you have a busy, interesting life full of friends, you’re mentally stable, and so on. Now, you end up meeting this girl and going on a few dates. You find out there’s not much past her beauty. She lives in a dump, plasters makeup on her face to cover her unhealthy skin caused by excessive weekly drinking, and is a very negative person to be around. Chances are, you might go on a few dates, but you won’t want this woman in your life. You’re on a whole different path and desire someone at your level. Looks only go so far.

This point here is to constantly strive to improve your life so you can attract the type of woman you want. If you’re perfectly okay with where you’re at now, then great. You’ll eventually attract that same quality and you’ll get to experience what it’s like to be with a female version of you. Take a good long, hard look at where you’re at. Be honest with yourself and see where you can make improvements.

Lesson #3: Only get into a relationship when you know how to be alone.

It’s common for people to get into relationships for the sole reason of avoiding loneliness. You want the essence of a woman, compassion, sex, and companionship. Of course you do; you’re human! But aching for a woman and needing to be with her is a recipe for disaster.

First off, it might actually be harder to get into a relationship if you’re trying when you’re lonely. That’s because you’ll be needy, which is the number one turn-off for women. They want a man who’s secure in himself and isn’t desperate. Loneliness can be a painful struggle for men, and your desperation will be very obvious to women.

The biggest problem with getting into a relationship because you’re lonely is how brutal the relationship will turn out. Instead of really connecting with a woman, you’ll be treating her like a drug. You’ll feel great when she’s with you but sad when she’s away. She’ll be an object that fills the empty hole inside you, not a person to share meaningful experiences with. Your life will be a rollercoaster of emotions, and you better believe you’ll be jealous any time she mentions another man in her life. Why? Because you’ll be scared of losing her. In fact, you’ll be constantly afraid of losing her because she’ll be your loneliness drug. And because you’re trying to fill this hole, you’ll probably settle for any girl that pays attention to you (more on this in Lesson #10).

How do you handle this? Learn how to be alone and be your own best friend. Spend more time alone if you’re not doing it already. If you have a roommate, eventually get your own place. If you spend lots of time around people, make time to be with yourself. Pull the Band-Aid off and do activities by yourself, even if it’s just taking a short walk. Take a break from social media to stop yourself from false-connecting on a digital medium. Soon enough, you’ll find that being on your own isn’t as bad as it seems. If you’re alone most of the day and don’t spend time around people but still feel the pains of loneliness, then your life probably isn’t very exciting. If that’s the case, work on getting more hobbies, creating goals, and making some friends.

It’s best to have a full life before desperately seeking a relationship. Not only will more women be attracted to you as a result, but you’ll also get into a relationship for a healthy reason. It’s not something many people have taken the time to do. That’s because it’s hard. I urge you, in life, to move toward things that are hard. Get out of your comfort zone. The rewards are great if you do and life will be 10 times more enjoyable.

Lesson #4: You need 3 non-negotiables.

There are 3.7 billion women in the world, so how will you know which woman is the best fit for you? To answer this, you need to learn how to choose a woman. I said in Lesson #1 that you need to experience relationships to know what you’re looking for. However, there are still a few things you should have in mind before jumping into a relationship, even if you’re new to one.

If you want to maximize the chance of picking a good woman, you must have three non-negotiables (aka “deal-breakers”). These are what you value most in a partner. They’ll change over time, and that’s okay; it’s better to start now and refine them as you continue dating. Here are some examples:

•  Sense of humor

•  Good with children

•  Financially responsible

•  Religious beliefs

•  Physically fit

•  Does she want children?

•  Age

•  Open to threesomes

•  Passionate about her work

•  Does she have a lot of friends?

• Adventurous

•  Taste in film/books

You might think all of these are important, but I urge you to only pick three. Choose any more than three and it becomes exponentially harder to find a woman who matches what you’re looking for. There is no such thing as a “unicorn,” and if there is, it could take you two decades to find her. Start with three. Then refine them over time if you realize a specific trait isn’t as important to you as you originally thought.

Once you pick the three most important traits, what are you supposed to do? Your job is to find out if she has them. When you’re on your first three or four dates, get to know her and ask questions. Don’t be afraid. Get in there and learn about who she is. Pay attention to what she says and how she acts, and note this in the back of your mind. It might seem like a lot of work now, but it’ll save you a lot of trouble in the long run. Lots of guys just settle for any woman that likes them. Further down the road, you’ll find that her liking you will get old and then you’re stuck with someone you don’t respect or enjoy spending time with.

Lesson #5: Take it slow before making her your girlfriend.

Once you meet a woman that has your three non-negotiables, you might think it’s time to make her your girlfriend. Why not, right? You’re attracted to her. She has the qualities you’re looking for. You want to seal the deal. Not so fast, friend.

The three non-negotiables determine whether or not this woman gets the chance to go on more dates with you. If she doesn’t pass, then you say goodbye. If she does pass, then it’s time to get to know her further.

It takes at least three to six months of getting to know a woman before you should commit to a monogamous relationship.

In these months, you’re getting to know her on a deeper level. You’re seeing how she acts around your friends and family. You’ll get to know if she’s a responsible human being who pays her bills and treats her body well. You’ll find out if you have sexual chemistry with her. When you’re out for a night on the town, you’ll see how she treats strangers. Does she treat you well? Does she respect you? Or is she trying to change or mold you into something you’re not? Is she nurturing and a good person deep down? Does she have a good group of friends and hang around quality people? Is she a heavy drug user or alcohol abuser? Does she have anxiety or depression that she can’t control? These are questions to ask and things to look for as you continue getting to know her.

Most importantly, you’ll find out if this is someone you actually respect and like as a friend. Studies have shown that relationships based on friendship have a higher chance of succeeding. This isn’t the same thing as the friend zone. You’re already out of the friend zone if you’re having sex with her. But the relationship must be based on respect, friendship, and sexual attraction.

All of this takes time to figure out. It’s not something you’ll know in one day, one week, one month, or even two or three months. Everyone is on their best behavior in the very beginning of dating. You need time to break down the walls and see the real her—who she is at her core. If three to six months go by and you can honestly say that everything still checks out, then take it to the next level.

Lesson #6: For the first 6–12 months, you’re taking a drug.

In the early stages of meeting a woman, you have a “feel-good chemical” running through your brain that helps you bond. It’s called oxytocin. This chemical helps you fall in love and stay with a woman for the purpose of raising a child. Some people call this the “honeymoon stage.” In this phase of dating, you always look forward to seeing her, you usually have lots of sex, and you idealize her to the point where she can do no wrong.

This period is brutally dangerous, and you need to be aware of this before getting into your next relationship. Your brain is not thinking logically. It rationalizes all the reasons you need to be with this woman because it feels so good to be around her. Like being addicted to a drug, it can cause you to make decisions that aren’t in your best interest. Here are a few examples of these decisions:

•  spending more time with her than with your friends and family

•  overlooking her “poor” qualities and substituting them for other “great” qualities

•  changing your opinions or personality to match hers

•  disregarding work, hobbies, healthy eating habits, chores, and responsibilities to spend time with her

Why do you need to know this? Shouldn’t this be a happy, carefree fun time in this newfound relationship? Of course it should! But no matter how special this woman is, the intense love chemicals you feel in the beginning will eventually go away. And if you’re not careful about knowing who you’re dating, you’ll be in trouble during the post-honeymoon period because you’re left with a person whose flaws and habits really bother you.

So it’s important that you’re honest with yourself throughout the first year of knowing her. Don’t overlook things that are important to you. They’ll show up later on and you’ll have to confront them. For example, if the way she does things last-minute is cute and adorable in the beginning, it’ll bother you down the road. Or maybe she has a different religion than you but you don’t discuss it because you’re so busy falling in love. If this is a non-negotiable or a value that’s important to you, eventually it will pop back up.

You need to have your three non-negotiables in place before you date a woman, and you need to honestly assess her as a person as you continue dating her.

Do not make her your girlfriend if things about her bother you. Grab some courage and let her be with a man who appreciates those things. That’s fine if it’s not you. Just don’t waste her time or yours.

Lesson #7: You only need one similar interest. Anything else is a bonus.

It’s very common for men to say they want a woman who has similar interests as them. I totally get it. I thought that once, too. Seems intuitive, right? If you like the same things, then you’ll do those things together and have fun. However, in my experience, it’s not as important as you might think.

For example, let’s say you like hiking, going to the movies, playing poker, and drinking wine. Now, let’s carve out a few different hypothetical scenarios.

Scenario #1: She likes all of those things as much as you do. Okay, cool. You’ll spend time doing those things together. But how often are you hiking, going to the movies, playing poker, or drinking wine? Realistically, just a few set hours out of the month.

Scenario #2: She likes one of those things: hiking. Great. Now you spend a couple hours of the month going hiking. You both really enjoy it and get to connect during the activity.

Scenario #3: She doesn’t like any of those things, you have separate interests and hobbies, and you don’t spend any time doing many extracurricular activities together.

If we’re being realistic, all three scenarios could still result in a successful and happy relationship. Most of your time spent together is going to be eating, watching TV, talking, commuting, hanging out with friends, and all the other mundane things that life brings. After one or two years, you’ll rarely be spending much of your time doing multiple activities together.

However, I do feel that having at least one or two common interests can help make the relationship more interesting and build friendship. Don’t forget that successful relationships are mainly built on friendship.

The good news is that you don’t need to have any crazy or obscure interests or hobbies you both enjoy. It can be as simple as eating out at ethnic restaurants, taking walks by the lake, going to the gym together, seeing live music, enjoying a drink with friends, watching the same movies, or reading the same book and talking about it.

If you have a few of those interests in common, then you can spend quality time together, which is the most important part of your relationship. It’s never about the actual activity; it’s about coming together, being with each other, and enjoying life.

Lesson #8: Seduction never ends.

Seduction happens from the moment you two meet. It’s the way you look into her eyes, the way you talk to her in a dominant and masculine tone, the way you ask her out, or the way you lead her from kissing to sex. You’re in charge from the moment you meet her until the day she becomes your girlfriend.

But then something terrible happens. Once a guy gets into a relationship with a woman, he slowly stops trying. He stops going to the gym. He doesn’t text her sweet things like he used to. He doesn’t crave sex with her as much. He gets lazy. This happens on the woman’s end, too. You get comfortable.

Comfortability is cancer. It’s the beginning of a dull, boring, predictable relationship with no pulse. I’m sure this adds to the high divorce rate in America, which is at a booming 60 percent. Who wants to be with someone who doesn’t make them feel alive?

The answer is to stop being lazy and continue seducing your woman. And it’s incredibly easy! When she feels loved and beautiful, she’ll reciprocate and make you feel loved and appreciated. The problem is, most people do absolutely nothing. Make sure you do the following things in your relationship to keep the spark consistently alive:

•  Go on a date once per week.

•  Tell her she’s beautiful three times per week.

•  Have sex at least once or twice per week.

•  Go on a weekend trip once every two months.

•  If you live together, don’t have phones or the TV on during dinner.

•  Twice per week minimum, give her a 15-second kiss.

•  Once per week, ask how her week has been and what she’s looking forward to for the next week. Talk for 30 minutes with no interruption.

Most couples don’t do this—at all. I know some of this may sound silly because you might be doing all these things and more when you first start dating a woman. But after one or two years, things change. The “love drug” dies down and the initial excitement phase ends. With that, the romance can start to devolve as well. A man feels like he doesn’t need to pursue his woman anymore because he’s already in a long-term, committed relationship. Therefore, he tries less, and that’s when things start to go stale. Consistently use the tips I gave you to continue seducing and attracting the woman you’re with so the fire keeps burning.

Lesson #9: You both need separate lives.

When you first meet a woman and fall in love, it’s easy to let her become the main thing in your life. As I said earlier, love is a drug, and people will do anything to get their fix, even spending five to seven days per week with that person. While it feels good in the moment, it’s also very dangerous for your future self. Making your whole life about one person takes up a ton of your time and leaves little room for anything else.

I’ve seen it before. Guys will avoid friends and ignore their hobbies. They’ll even change into the person they think their partner would like, which means changing their opinions and lifestyle, all because they found a woman they really like and because they don’t want to make a “mistake” and lose her. This desperation can be disastrous, because once the love drug wears off, the man’s only left with a shell of his former self.

The best way to prevent this is to create a full life for yourself before you meet a potential partner. This life should comprise friends, a career, hobbies, opinions, and interests. Once you have a life that’s your own, then you can add a relationship to the mix. The keyword here is “add.” It’s not about making a woman your whole purpose, but rather about adding her to a preexisting life that’s your own.

When you come together with a woman, she should have her own life as well. Make sure you look for this when you’re dating someone. If she’s too clingy and wants to spend every waking moment with you, that means she’s seeking something to fill a void in her life. The reason you two need separate lives is because fulfillment in life requires balance. Spending too much time with a woman takes away from the other areas of your life, and by the time the honeymoon phase is done, you’ll realize the damage you’ve created.

Once you two come together, make sure you continue pursuing your own interests and goals. Spend time with your friends and make new ones. The more time you spend with your girlfriend, the faster the relationship will go stale. If you have a life outside of her, you’ll be more excited to see her when you do. Keeping busy in your own life is the best thing you can do throughout the entire course of your relationship.

Lesson #10: Never settle or it will most likely end.

The sad reality is that most men settle when they meet a girl they like. The settling happens because the guy gets excited about the attention he’s getting from a woman. The attention boosts his self-esteem, so he decides to continue dating her even if he sees a few red flags or isn’t very attracted to her.

Another example of settling is a guy who’s half interested in a girl and pursues her only because he doesn’t think he’s worthy of having a girl who’s a better fit. This usually happens because of low self-esteem or because he’s unconscious to the fact that he can learn the skill of attraction. I see this happen all the time, and the result is never pretty. Settling takes you down two paths: the relationship ends because you eventually stop being happy with the girl or you end up in a miserable relationship. Only settle if you’re happy with those results.

There’s an abundance of women out there to meet and date. Why settle? If you’re reading this post, that means you understand that you can develop the skill of attracting women. That’s a huge step for you. You’re already further than most guys because you’re working toward something. Don’t stop. Take your skill to the next level so you can find a woman who matches your three non-negotiables. Become the person you want to attract. Work on your goals, your career, your health, and the lifestyle you truly want. That’s the guy that’ll find a beautiful, stable, healthy woman to build a life with.

Be careful when meeting women, too. They have an uncanny ability to seduce you and make you feel like an amazing man at the beginning of dating. They’re not doing it to manipulate you; it’s because they like you. However, we’re not trying to find women that like us. We’re trying to find women that are amazing and like us. Sometimes men will even be attracted to amazing women that don’t like them. This is a different issue altogether because they end up chasing a woman who isn’t interesting and they waste their time.

Time is your biggest issue. Depending how old you are when you read this, you have, on average, about 20,000 days left on this Earth. It may seem like a lot, but time goes by extremely fast. Don’t waste it with someone you aren’t truly interested in. Consciously choose a partner that’s good to you, supports you, and is the right match. That way, you’ll have a better chance of success and a happier life.

Want to learn secrets about women and dating most men will never know…? Everything you need to know about attracting and dating the kind of women you truly desire is in my program Hooked. This is my step-by-step course for turning yourself into the type of man that women find naturally attractive while still being your genuine self. It comes with a bunch of bonuses including access to my private Facebook group Tripp’s Corner and it’s backed by a 60-day money back guarantee. Click here to learn more about my program Hooked.

The post 10 Lessons I Learned From My Last 3 Long-Term Relationships first appeared on Tripp Advice.

I’m Caitlin V. Neal, and I’m a Sex and Relationship Coach for men. I’ve spent the last 10+ years of my life helping guys like you have better sex.

When Tripp asked me to write an epic guide to sex, I was all in. I love helping good men get the great sex lives they deserve.

My work has helped thousands of men (millions if you count YouTube). I’ve worked with millionaires and ditch diggers. I’ve helped men from Detroit to Dubai to the Dominican Republic. While helping these men get better at sex, a few things really jumped out at me.

I’ve discovered 10 fatal mistakes nearly all men make in bed. And I mean all men.

The crazy thing is… these mistakes are super easy to fix! The men I’ve worked with in my one on one coaching have gotten AMAZING results.

And now, thanks to Tripp, the same advice I’ve shared with these men (for thousands of dollars) is available to you for free in the article below. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Please see a doctor if you have a physical or mental health condition. Nothing in this guide is medical advice. Although we believe this info to be correct, we offer it here for informational purposes only. Nothing in this guide can replace the care offered by a medical professional.

Big Mistake #1 – You Don’t Work on Yourself First

Most men think getting better at sex is all about techniques and knowledge. While both are important, a lot of men don’t understand the most important thing.

You need to work on yourself first.

Most men skip the important first step of self-reflection. They focus too much on learning and mastering how to please their partner.

It All Starts With You

So for this epic guide, let’s start at the very beginning: with you. Sex starts 100% with yourself – both physically and emotionally.

We’ll go over the things you can do to make yourself a better lover. Again, these things start with you.

Most men make several common mistakes that stop them from being all they can be. You’re most likely making a few of these mistakes – if not all of them.

Let’s go through each mistake one by one. We’ll then discuss what you can do to stop making each mistake.

Working on Yourself Begins With Your Physical Health

This should go without saying, but it’s an often-overlooked area of sexual health.

Eating a proper diet and staying hydrated is good for your sex life. This article isn’t long enough to cover all the different ways the food you put in your body impacts you. Food affects your sexual abilities and stamina… and even things like the volume of your ejaculate!

Just know that anything good for your body is good for your sex life and your sexual health. And it will prolong your ability to perform until old age.

Here are some common ways men don’t keep themselves healthy (and thus attractive) as it relates to sex. Are you doing any of these things?

A – You Don’t Prioritize Hygiene

Many men overlook the necessity of hygiene. They focus instead on their performance or their stamina.

Your stamina doesn’t matter… if your bad breath or long fingernails prevent you from getting laid to begin with.

Your Hands

Let’s start with your hands. If your hands are going to touch a woman, she wants to see they’re clean and well-maintained.

She knows they’re sort of an analogy for the rest of your self-care. If you take good care of your hands, you usually take good care of the rest of your body, inside and out. She knows you’ll take good care of her as well.

Finger Nails

You don’t need a standing appointment at your local nail salon to have proper hand hygiene. All you need is a good nail file and a pick or stiff-haired brush for cleaning your fingernails.

Shorten your nails with a file. You want to get them so smooth you can slide them along the inside of your arm and you don’t feel any snags or sharpness.

Think about putting your fingers inside a woman’s body. Would you touch her vagina with your nails? If you wouldn’t touch the inside of your own arm, you shouldn’t be putting your nails inside her.

Also, be sure to clean underneath your fingernails. This actually has a potential health risk for women. It’s possible to spread infection from the dirt and germs trapped underneath your nails.

Softness

A secondary and less important thing to consider is the softness of your hands. Some men have “work hard” jobs like car mechanics. Some have “play hard” hobbies like rock climbing.

These men usually have calluses on their hands. Women don’t mind a calloused hand as it means you use your hands a lot – but cracked, flakey, or ashy skin is not attractive.

You can avoid these problems quite easily. A simple moisturizer is all you need. Even a cheap one from the drugstore works. You might consider using things like coconut oil on your cracked skin before you go to sleep at night.

Oral Hygiene

Women aren’t looking for you to smell like a box of mints all the time… but proper oral hygiene is still worth the moderate effort it takes.

Floss

The next time you floss, smell the string when you’re done. If it smells rancid, that’s what your breath smells like. The good news is you can remedy this by flossing every day.

Note – If you know you’re going to have sex later and you’re going to perform oral sex, don’t floss before you go. Floss can cut into your gums and make you more susceptible to certain viruses.

Brush Your Teeth the Right Way

Use a good, new toothbrush. Make sure to brush your gums and your teeth, and use a mouthwash before you go out.

Many people don’t realize dry mouth or dehydration can cause bad breath. Make sure you drink plenty of water. Staying hydrated will also help you with stamina once you’re in bed together later.

B – Many Men Have Smelly Balls. You Don’t Want to Be One of Them!

Make sure your balls aren’t funky if you want us to put our noses near them!

Your testicles are generally subject to more heat and moisture than the rest of your body… and as a result, they often have a sort of funky smell. To avoid this, and to likely get some attention from her mouth in the area, keep them clean.

Wash them on a regular basis with warm water and soap. Occasionally exfoliate using a washcloth or a loofa.

On Date Night

Plan on getting laid tonight? Make sure to give your boys some attention in the shower as close to your date as you can.

Sometimes you have to go from work to the date or you get surprised by a hottie at the gym. Make sure you at least excuse yourself to the bathroom. Rinse them with warm water and soap if possible, and dry them with some toilet paper or paper towel.

You can use powder to prevent moisture from building up if you know you’re going to be walking around or on a date later. But keep in mind no woman likes to get her mouth full of gold bond powder during a blowjob.

C – You Don’t Manscape

Do you keep your pubic hairs trimmed and attractive?

It’s the 21st century. The standard throughout the world is to trim your pubic hair – whether you’re a man or a woman. This is a common courtesy.

Oral sex is quite popular today. Having a full bush makes blowing you particularly challenging for her.

Imagine a woman trying to find your penis in a field of bushes. Curly, smelly bushes that tickle her nose when she’s trying to get her mouth all the way down the shaft. Trim them down.

But don’t go too far, however. Trimming is fine. Women have different preferences, just as men do, and many don’t want you to be 100% shaved.

The Most Important Thing to Know About Manscaping…

You’ll irritate her sensitive parts if you have stubble around your penis!

Avoid stubble at all costs by either shaving or letting your shrubs grow long enough not to feel pokey. You can use beard oil or any oil that softens skin (like grapeseed oil or coconut oil) to soften your pubic hair.

Coconut oil has the added benefit of being antimicrobial. It usually helps cut down on smells.

Now that we have hygiene covered, let’s get to the second most important aspect of self-care: self-pleasuring.

Big Mistake #2 – You Masturbate the Wrong Way

Most men jerk-off in a way that hurts their sex life and is harmful to their physical and mental well-being.

That’s right. How you masturbate is an important piece of the puzzle to consider. And it’s where most men make some devastating (but totally fixable) mistakes.

These mistakes include…

A – Not Using Lube

Too many men masturbate with a dry hand.

They don’t know the long-term damage they’re causing. They’re hurting themselves and their future lovers.

As a rule, you should practice how you play. This means you should have sex with yourself the same way you’d have sex with a woman. Vaginas are wet and lubricated, so when you masturbate you should use a wet and lubricated hand.

B – Not Knowing Which Lube to Use

The kind of lube you use isn’t as important as the fact that you use it. It’s okay to use lotion or conditioner.

It’s preferable to use something that doesn’t dry out. Read the label to make sure it doesn’t have any potential allergens or unwanted ingredients.

Don’t use soap or shampoo as they can leave your dick feeling dry and irritated. I recommend a silicone-based lube as long as you’re masturbating with your hands.

Don’t use silicone lube with a silicone toy (like a fleshlight or a tenga egg). Water-based lube is great, but it dries quickly – although it can be rehydrated with a bit of saliva. Oil-based lubes are fine to use while masturbating, but they cannot be used with condoms.

Want to save money by using the same lubricant by yourself and with your partner? We highly recommend getting a water-based or silicone-based lube.

C – Masturbating With a Death Grip (Excessive Pressure)

Very few men were ever taught how to masturbate as little boys. Many developed ways to get themselves off that are quite harmful to their penis.

One way to hurt your cock is by using a very forceful grip (sometimes known as the masturbation death grip). If you’re using an amount of pressure that’s much more than what a vagina creates, you might be guilty of this.

The good news – with some practice you’ll get over the need for a high amount of pressure. You’ll be able to reach orgasm without it.

D – Definitely Avoid This!

Some men learned how to masturbate by humping between couch cushions or between a mattress and box spring. This can cause trauma to the flesh on your penis.

If you’re one of these men, we recommend seeing a physician. Allow them to examine your penis for potential damage. These cases are rare but serious –so it’s worth getting checked out.

On a Related Note…

Don’t use Viagra or Cialis if you don’t need it for a physical issue. These pills can really hurt your special parts. It’ll damage your relationship with your cock and your lover!

E – Consider Using a Masturbation Sleeve

If you’re a virgin and not sure what a vagina feels like, try a masturbation sleeve. They’re also called fifis, pocket pussies, fleshlights, masturbators, and many other names.

These devices recreate the sensation of a vagina. They allow you to masturbate with the feel of being inside a real woman.

This kind of practice is essential for men who want to last longer in bed. You really do play how you practice –  think of Michael Jordan practicing his free throws!

Even if you’re not a virgin, a masturbation sleeve is still a good idea. You have to practice how you play, so why not simulate the real thing (a vagina) as closely as possible?

F – You Probably Masturbate for Too Short of a Time

Again, you practice how you play. If you only masturbate for a short period of time, you’ll only last a short amount of time when you get with a woman.

Masturbating for a longer amount of time builds your self-esteem and your confidence. You won’t have to worry about trying to last a long time in bed.

If you already know you can go for 20 minutes, you won’t feel anxious with her. And she needs to feel your confidence before she can give herself over to you and surrender.

Big Mistake #3 – You Believe Porn is Reality.

And You Rely on It Too Much.

Most men don’t realize relying on porn to get them off can lead to massive problems in bed.

Our brains aren’t wired for the variety of sexual partners internet porn provides. In one 30-minute browsing session, a teenager can see hundreds of attractive women. That’s more than the richest man in the world could have seen in his life few thousand years ago. Think about that!

Our brains evolved to have a very limited number of sexual partners. The endless, ever-expanding catalog of internet porn sort of scrambles men’s brains. Then when they go to have sex with an actual woman they can’t perform.

They become familiar with porn and reliant on it to get off. When they get in bed with a real woman, it’s way harder for them to feel aroused and stimulated. Some men end up requiring more and more extreme sex acts to reach orgasm. Which brings us to our next point…

Porn Can Give You PIED

There’s a condition called porn-induced erectile dysfunction. If you find yourself suffering from it, try the system discussed on NoFAP.org.

Stay away from PMO (porn, masturbation, orgasm), and have faith it’ll come back after a while.

You Might Think Porn is Real or Educational. It’s Not.

Sex education is lacking in our culture. Because of this, many young men use pornography as an educational tool.

This isn’t exactly wrong. There are some similarities between porn and sex with real women… but there are way more differences. Please don’t use porn as an educational tool or think real sex looks anything like porn.

Men do themselves a great disservice when they believe the things they see in porn are real or typical of sex with women. They expect a woman to perform all kinds of kinky sex acts. They compare themselves in size or stamina to the average pornstar.

The best advice I can give you is to remind yourself it’s just a movie. Don’t watch porn at all. Rely on your imagination.

If you must watch porn, try to stick to one actress. That way your brain doesn’t become over-stimulated by a wide range of imaginary partners.

Big Mistake #4 – You Don’t Know How to Last Long Enough… or You Last Too Long

If You Don’t Last Long Enough (Premature Ejaculation)…

There’s no strict definition of what counts as “premature” ejaculation.

We like to say a working definition of “premature” is finished before you’re both ready. This could be five minutes into sex or 50 minutes in. It could be 30 seconds or 5 hours. The point is it’s before both of you wanted it.

The Good News

You’re not alone. Premature ejaculation impacts at least one in ten men at some point in their life.

Many men believe having oversensitive nerve endings in their penis causes their PE. This is very uncommon, affecting only about one-tenth of 1% of all men.

The Very Good News

Most premature ejaculation is caused by mistakes you’re making. This means you can fix it with a combination of mental work and physical practices.

If you experience premature ejaculation, please check out:

www.CaitlinVNeal.com

She’s a sex and relationship coach. Besides being the author of this guide, Caitlin specializes in helping men last longer in bed. She’ll help you build your confidence and stamina. You can end your performance anxiety once and for all.

Hacks to Overcome PE and Last Longer During Sex

Keep in mind these are just that… hacks. For more precise directions, head over to Caitlin’s site or download her free guide here: https://www.caitlinvneal.com/longer/

Hack #1 – The Number One Rule

The number one rule for curing your premature ejaculation: Become aware of and present with your body in all your various stages of arousal. Pay attention to how you feel from the time you take your clothes off until the time you ejaculate.

The best way to gain this familiarity is through practice. Practicing solo is the best way to become aware of how your body responds to stimulation.

While You Masturbate

Track your arousal on a scale of 1-10. 1 is completely unaroused and 10 is ejaculation.

Stop at regular intervals and assign yourself a number. You might notice you reach level 7 relatively quickly, and when you stop it drops down to a 3 or 4.

Try to get up to a level 9 (right before ejaculation). Then let yourself drop back down to a 5, and slowly bring yourself up to a 9 again.

The better you get at this by yourself, the more you’ll know when you need to stop with a partner. When you get to a 9 with her, either switch positions or go down on her for a while. Or leave the room to get a glass of water (don’t forget to tell her you’ll be right back).

Do whatever you need to do to buy yourself time so your arousal can decrease to a level 4 or 5.

Hack #2 – Masturbate for Longer Periods of Time

As a general rule, you want to masturbate for no less than 15 minutes. Never allow yourself to reach ejaculation in less than that time.

Having trouble lasting that long? Take a break when you feel the urge to cum. You can build up to the 15-minute minimum – you don’t have to last that long right away.

Hack #3 – For Anxiety  

Many men notice a close relationship between anxiety and premature ejaculation.

If you experience a high degree of performance anxiety or any other mental strain that causes constriction and oversensitivity… you might fall into this category. If that’s the case, the exercises in the next section help to decrease anxiety.

Speaking with a professional often helps with some of the mental/emotional aspects. Even though we include physical practices below, you should still do the mental work. It might be less sexy… but the results will last a lot longer.

Hack #4 – Relax Your Muscles/ Don’t Hold Tension

What causes an orgasm? It happens when your nerves build up tension and then they release it in a pleasurable way.

To last longer, prevent the building of tension by consciously relaxing your muscles. Become aware of which muscles tend to tense by paying close attention to your hips, thighs, glutes, abs, and any other muscles you hold stiff or rigid when you get close to ejaculation. Most people find this technique alone buys them 10 to 20 more minutes of penetrative sex.

Avoid This Common Trick

Some men try a clever trick to last longer.

They delay ejaculation by thinking about something other than sex. Sometimes it works – but it usually causes other problems.

Do you delay ejaculation by thinking about baseball or doing math problems in your head? Women can tell when you aren’t paying attention. Nothing is a bigger turn off then someone thrusting away at you while thinking about God knows what.

Do you use the distraction/dissociation technique to prolong your erection? Stop right away. Use the techniques in the section on masturbating. They’ll help you last much longer without these cheap tricks.

When you’re in bed with a woman, make it a habit to turn towards pleasure. Go towards the positive and enjoyable sensations. Learning to ride the waves of pleasure is the only way to authentically last longer in bed. Eventually, you’ll be able to last longer and create MORE Pleasure too.

If You Lose Your Erection

Some men get so skilled at delaying ejaculation… they actually experience the opposite effect. They lose their erection.

Don’t freak out. Relax and it WILL come back.

If for any reason you lose your erection while using these techniques, please do not stress out. Losing your erection usually comes from thinking about it too much.

Relax and take deep breaths. Focus on calming yourself and pleasuring her. Don’t make a big deal out of it – she won’t lose her excitement and your erection will come back in no time.

If You Last Too Long (AKA Delayed Ejaculation)…

Some men actually experience the opposite of premature ejaculation.

When it comes to sex, more isn’t always better. Most women prefer quality over quantity.

Delayed ejaculation happens when you don’t ejaculate within the period of time you and your partner want you to. In other words, she’s done and can’t take anymore and you still haven’t finished.

If you regularly find yourself in this situation, don’t fret. There’s plenty you can do about it.

What You Can Do About It

A – Change Your Porn Habits

Or better yet, quit watching porn altogether.

As we discussed earlier, porn is the number one cause of sexual dysfunction in men. If your brain is used to watching a harem of hot women doing depraved stuff, when you get into bed with a real woman and she’s not into anal fisting… you’re going to have trouble getting off.

The best way to overcome the problem is to stop watching porn altogether. You could also switch to watching vanilla porn with a single actress and one actor at a time.

B – Get to Know Your Body

Do some work to get in touch with your body and your pleasure centers.

Many men experience delayed ejaculation because they’re disconnected from their bodies. Try doing things that reconnect you to your physical body.  

Do some things that allow you to experience physical pleasure. Eat some delicious food. Take a hot bath. Smell some flowers. Listen to music or sounds you enjoy. Even yoga or guided meditations can help you cure your delayed ejaculation.

They’ll all help you experience physical pleasure in your body. They help you to return to your mindfulness-based pleasure centers.

C – Relax and Give It Time

Be gentle with yourself.

Work on any triggers or mental blocks you have around sex. If you find a repeating problem recurring in your mind, try to determine the source.

Did you experience a lot of shame around sex growing up? Someone else’s thoughts or beliefs could be infiltrating your mind. They’re making it difficult for you to reach orgasm with a partner.

Most importantly, don’t panic. Everything can be fixed or worked around – and delayed ejaculation is no different.

Big Mistake #5 – You Don’t Communicate (or Don’t Use Words to Communicate)

The ways you do this include…

A – You Assume You Know What She Wants

Whether it’s because we live in a sex negative society, or because we have trouble communicating in general… many men make the mistake of not communicating with their partners.

Communication, especially verbal, is important for pleasurable sexual experiences. The more uncomfortable you are, the more you need to talk!

Also, coming up with the right thing to say is not as important as being a good listener when she shares with you. It’s important to work on being non-judgmental. Don’t automatically try to fix any sexual dysfunction she experiences.

If she tells you she can’t have orgasms during penetrative sex, don’t try to come up with 10 different ways to get her there. Ask her how she can get off. Be ready, willing, and able to do whatever it takes at her direction.

B – You Don’t Let Her Know What You’re Thinking or Wanting

The same way you need to ask what she wants, you must be willing to share your sexual wants and needs.

If you’re not sure what they are, take some time to fantasize. Reflect, journal, and be honest with yourself. You can save yourself a lot of pain and heartache in the long run.

The truth is not all women know how to communicate about sexuality. You as a man can take the lead. Take the first step in addressing sexual communication (or the lack thereof).

Often the first step is saying something like “Do you have a moment to talk about something personal? I’ve been afraid to talk about this because I don’t want you to reject me, but it’s really important I share with you…”

Don’t expect her to read your mind – the same way you can’t read hers. Women often assume the very worst (like men). She might assume you’re not attracted to her… even though the real issue is you’re not telling her what turns you on.

Save yourself the heartache. Be willing to be vulnerable and express your wants and needs. The worst thing that can happen is she isn’t into the same things you are.

The best thing? Both of you get your needs met in new and pleasurable ways!

C – You’re Not Making Noise or Letting Her Know You’re Enjoying Sex.

Too many men think noise during sex is a female trait. It’s true that females have a tendency to be more vocal. Having said that, you do both your woman and yourself a disservice when you don’t voice or moan your approval.

Too many men act stoic in bed. They focus on their performance and not on having fun. It might surprise you to learn women actually want you to enjoy sex as much as you want us to enjoy it.

There are only a few ways to let us know how much you’re enjoying yourself. Using your voice is the best among them.

D – You Put Too Much Pressure on Her to Get Off

Putting too much pressure on her to be the one enjoying sex makes her go into performance mode. This is also known as “spectatoring.”

When this happens, a woman gets outside of her body (and sometimes even outside of her head). She winds up watching herself. Like a spectator watching a sport instead of an athlete playing on the court.

The pressure leads to fake orgasms. In fact, almost 100% of women report faking an orgasm at least once. They fake because of pressure from their male partner to experience pleasure and to get off.

Many women report that they’ve faked it just so sex will be over. Too many men are willing to settle for a fake orgasm… instead of doing the hard work of determining what her body needs to get off.

E – You Assume Sex is Just for Men

It surprises most men to learn women actually enjoy sex just as much as they do.

That’s right! Women CAN enjoy sex just as much as you do. In fact, they can enjoy it even more seeing as they can have multiple orgasms!

It sucks that we’ve been fed a lie about women being less sexual than men. This lie perpetuates a lot of sexual shame and causes tons of unnecessary guilt and pain.

If the woman you’re with doesn’t enjoy sex… it’s probably because all the men she’s been with treated sex like something she was giving to them. You can fix this by treating sex like something you’re giving to her.

Make it your goal for sex to be as pleasurable for her as possible. Sacrifice some of your own pleasure to help her heal, and over time she will unlock her inner sexual self.

F – You Make Assumptions About What She’s Into

Don’t assume she does or doesn’t want to do the “kinky stuff” you’re into.

You don’t know what she’s into until you ask her, but many men make the mistake of asking way too early. I’ve seen men text a woman before they even met her and ask if she’s into anal sex. This puts the woman in a difficult position.

See, if she likes you and would be willing to try anal, she’ll never get to know you. The question is very off-putting. She usually won’t want to meet up with you after you ask something like that too soon.

And if she’s not into anal but she is into you… she might lie because she doesn’t want to get cast aside before you even meet. This sets up an unrealistic expectation.

The Best Time to Ask What She Likes

When’s the best time to ask if she’s into something kinky? After both of you have indicated you’d like to have sex.

You might even be better off asking after you’ve already had sex –  unless the thing is a fetish you must have to get off. Then it’s important for you to bring it up right away.

Don’t just go for the kinkier stuff without asking. And don’t assume you agree on what counts as “kinky.”

Caitlin’s Experience

As a teenage I had a boyfriend who would touch my anus (my asshole) during and outside of sex. A lot.

I eventually asked him what the hell he was doing. He told me he read somewhere if you condition a woman to be comfortable with having her anus touched, she’ll be more comfortable with anal sex.

It was such a turn-off to hear he’d been trying to slowly manipulate my body over time. I vowed to never have anal sex with him. Ever.

I’ve also had men go for anal sex, rough sex, choking, holding me down, tying me up, spanking, using degrading language, knife play, rope play, and so much more… ALL WITHOUT ASKING.

In each of these scenarios, asking first would have given me the opportunity to decline (or accept!). We also could have negotiated the kinds of play that would have been a turn on for both of us.

Instead, each time it was such a turnoff I couldn’t get back into sex afterwards. If you’re going for something outside the norm, bring it up before you’re having sex… ideally before anyone even takes their clothes off.

That way everyone is calm, cool, collected, and sober enough to make decisions about what’s best for them. After all, not all women like to be choked or spanked. Some do… but you have to ask.

WHEN TO COMMUNICATE

Not all communication is equal. Make sure she feels heard and understood.

The setting can be important for making sure you get your points across to her. For example, some people communicate best outside of the bedroom.

Some people communicate well after sex. Their defenses are down, and they’re more comfortable being vulnerable.

For new partners, communicating before you get in bed is essential.

Some other things to keep in mind:

•  Try to have conversations when you’re next to each other – like when you’re on a walk, for example. People tend to collaborate instead of compete when they’re next to each other. Two people sitting across from each other have a better chance of winding up in an argument than two people sitting side by side.

•  Some conversations are best facilitated by a professional. Don’t hesitate to seek a coach or a couple’s counselor if you think you might need one.

•  Remember communication takes practice (like all skills). You’ll get better at it the more you do it. It requires you to make mistakes before you know how to do it well – but the results are sooooo worth the effort.

Big Mistake #6 – You Don’t Understand Foreplay. You Wind Up Penetrating Her Before She’s Ready.

Foreplay starts immediately when you meet her.

It started the very first time you locked eyes. Men don’t seem to understand that women’s bodies (including their arousal) work differently from their own.

Many men have no problem compartmentalizing sexy time and non-sexy time. This means no matter what happened to them during the day, once they get home they can get aroused quite easily.

The same is not true for most women. Everything that happens during the day has an impact on their ability to switch into an aroused mode later.

Want to help her switch from non-sexy time to sexy time? Long hugs, massages, music, and eye gazing can help.

Also, consider all your actions towards her as either creating arousal in her… or dampening it. Don’t expect to go off on someone in traffic and then think she’ll easily get aroused and feel safe around you.

Arousal Works Differently for Every Woman

Some people get turned on by sex itself. Others get turned on by an energetic connection, others by sensual pleasures, and for others it’s more about power play and kink.

Some people get aroused by verbal stimuli, some are physical, and some are visual. It’s important to know yourself and what arouses you. That way you can express your needs, wants, and desires to your partner.

Plus, the better you know yourself, the more you know these other types and what works for them. Don’t expect the thing that worked for the last woman will always work for the next.

Most Men Make the Following Mistakes in Foreplay

A – Not Listening to Her in Bed (and Not Paying Attention to the Signs She’s Giving You)

Don’t just focus on yourself, and don’t bury your face and not make eye contact. When you do that… you might as well be anyone plowing anyone!

Be present with her. Enjoy the flush of her cheeks and watch her breathing. Make eye contact. Watch her hands as they grip the sheets.

Even if paying attention to her feels overwhelming at first, don’t shy away from it. Turn towards your discomfort and learn to read her every signal.

Notice everything you can – from her hands to her eyes to her dress to the way she walks. This is the only way to become a masterful lover to each individual woman you’re with.

B – Not Knowing if She Reaches Orgasm

If you have to ask, you’re not paying close enough attention. Or if you don’t feel anything happening on your dick, then chances are good she faked it.

What you do with this information is up to you. She might want sex to be over and so she’s faking it so you’ll finally cum. If that’s the case, you can (and should) finish up then have a conversation.

Or perhaps she didn’t fake it – but it was a small orgasm. You could pay closer attention to her body and help her experience larger, more earth-shattering orgasms in the future.

C – Not Incorporating Her Whole Body

You want to incorporate her whole body into foreplay and sex. Don’t just focus on your favorite few parts.

Sex is a total body experience for most women. To get her whole body involved, I suggest you use…

Tripp’s Target Technique

Start stimulating the outer rim/least erogenous areas on her body. Slowly begin moving into the center/more erogenous zones.

Begin with her face, hands, and arms. Then move to her butt and thighs before making contact with her nipples, clit, and internal vagina.

Also, please understand the vagina is actually divided into three areas:

•  The external (the clit and vulva).

• The shallow internal (the vaginal opening and g-spot).

•  The deep vagina (the area near the cervix).

You need to warm up each area up separately. Each area can stimulate a different type of orgasm. See below for the different kinds of female orgasms.

D – Not Knowing How to Finger Fuck Her

Finger fucking is a lost art.

I can’t say enough about good things about it. Your fingers are way more agile and capable of stimulating her than your penis and tongue will ever be.

Do you truly want to arouse her? Want to get her to a point where she can orgasm through vaginal penetration or have a squirting g-spot orgasm?

Warm her up first by gently using your fingers. Then more aggressively stimulate her with your fingers until she’s on cloud nine. It’s the best way to get there.

E – Not Using Your Fingers During Oral Sex  

I know your hand cramps. Your neck gets tired. You feel like your body is going to fall apart… trust me, giving a blow job is no walk in the park either!

Your fingers are great and your mouth is great. But the two of them together are way more amazing than either of them alone. The sum of their parts is the most orgasmic and pleasurable bliss you can provide for a woman.

F – Penetrating Way, Way, Waaaaay Too Soon

Most men penetrate way too soon.

Don’t be one of them – even if this is the 100th time you’ve had sex. Even if the last time you had sex she was able to be penetrated right away.

It can take up to 20 minutes for a woman’s body to get ready for penetrative sex. It’s important to know the signs her body gives off when she’s ready for penetration.

Namely: she’s asking for it. She’s moving her body or her pelvis in line with yours. Her vaginal lips and vulva are a darker color and more full in volume than they were before.

Take Your Time

Don’t immediately start pumping away once you’re in. Go slow and make gentle, shallow strokes that go a little deeper each time.

It’s important to go slow when you first enter a woman. Begin with a grinding motion instead of a thrusting one.

Too many men start by thrusting and don’t give her body the chance to acclimate to having something inside of it.

A Fun Experiment

Would you like to know what it feels like for a woman during penetrative sex?

Lube up a finger and insert it into your anus. You’ll soon realize it feels much better to give your anus time to acclimate to the finger. Then you can start thrusting in and out.

Seriously consider what it feels like for her to accept you inside her body. Be a gracious and gentle guest, and she’ll reward you with much pleasure… and maybe even an orgasm (or several)!

When Can You Penetrate Her Hard and Fast?

After building rhythm and slowly increasing speed for a while (and when her vagina is open and ready), it’s time to go hard, fast, and deep. At this stage of arousal, her body is able to accept deep penetration.

This also tends to be the hardest time for men to keep up. It’s usually either because of physical stamina or the desire to ejaculate. Make sure you’re practicing to build your ability to withstand pleasure alone – before you get with a partner.

Big Mistake #7 – You Don’t Understand Female Anatomy and Orgasms

Women’s bodies (and to some degree men’s) can have many different kinds of orgasms. Some can happen outside of the genital region.

Once, after a night of heavy drinking, my boyfriend licked my nipple into an absolute frenzy. It actually released an explosion of pleasure… a nipplegasm!

Like an orgasm that originates in your penis, all orgasms have the same components. They start with a sustained building of sensation, which leads to a pleasurable release of tension in the nerves.

When you look at them like that, orgasms are way less of a magical enigma. They’re just a basic bodily function you and your partner are able to tap into.

Keep Several Things in Mind About Her Orgasms:

1 – Don’t assume it’s your responsibility to bring her to orgasm.

If you’re with a woman who has NEVER experienced an orgasm on her own, allow me to take the pressure off of you. It’s not your job to make it happen for her.

Orgasms are not like gifts you can give another person – they’re the result of intention from both sides. If you’re tasked with the major responsibility of providing orgasms to someone who has never had them… you’re feeling an undue amount of performance anxiety. And who wouldn’t?

Women grow up being taught masturbation and self-pleasure are wrong. Very few learn, whether through self-exploration or education, how to bring themselves to orgasm. This is a travesty.

What ends up happening is a woman starts having sex for the first time never having experienced pleasure in their vulvas and vaginas. It’s hard for her to know what she likes or what she wants.

She doesn’t know what works to get her off because she’s never explored for herself. It would be like trying to tell someone how to get to a restaurant in a town you’ve never been to… without even consulting a map!

2 – Most men don’t understand the different types of orgasms and their anatomy. Don’t be like most men.

It might surprise you to hear there are actually three main types of orgasms for women.

Each of them feels distinct, but they all stem from the same series of nerves. Not all women can tell the difference… especially if they’re not super connected to their body.

It’s not important (and in fact could be counterproductive) for you to try to help her achieve each of them. The most important thing for you to know is that the best way to reach each of them is different.

Focus on building all the following skills and then be flexible based on what works best for her. There is no set, predefined order orgasms could or should take place in. I’ve arranged them here in the order they most likely happen, and in the way you can most easily achieve them.

The Three Types of Orgasms

Clitoral Orgasms

What are they?

The easiest to recognize and most well-known orgasm is the clitoral. This one is unlocked through the clitoris, located above the vaginal opening.

When a woman uses her fingers or a small vibrating device on the outside of her body, she’s stimulating her clitoris. These orgasms happen through external stimulation.

They can be compared to greeting guests at the entrance to a house. You wouldn’t just storm into someone’s house, right? You’d knock on the door first and wait to be invited inside. You can see the clitoral orgasm as sort of a way of knocking and earning entrance into the house.

How to make them happen

The best way to unlock a clitoral orgasm is with your mouth. Since you’ve already started with Tripp’s target technique (see above), you already know to start by stimulating the insides of her thighs and the skin around her vulva… maybe even before you take her panties off.

You can apply pressure to the skin of the vulva around the clit… but be very sensitive to the clit itself. If you want to know what it feels like to have your clit touched, imagine someone touching the tip of your nose. Better yet, imagine them touching the inside of your eyelid. You always want to approach gently and NEVER with a dry hand or tongue.

Once you’ve teased her enough, turn your attention to her clit. Start with feather-light touches from your lips. Blow gently with your mouth and barely touch her clit at all.

The best is when you can tease her so much she starts to move her hips and vulva towards your mouth. It’s like she’s aching for you to give her more pressure!

Even when you start to increase the pressure, do so VERY slowly. Never use so much pressure she feels like you’re a pencil eraser trying to rub her clit off of the page.

Light kissing and licking, as though you were sweetly kissing her lips with an open mouth, works best. Once you see that she’s getting closer to orgasm, MAINTAIN THE SAME PRESSURE AND RHYTHM!

I can’t tell you how many orgasms have been lost to men who changed something at the very last minute. If it’s working for her, don’t change anything!

She’ll push her hips into you if she needs more pressure. If she needs less, she’ll move away. Just remain consistent and dedicated. You’ll be rewarded with an awesome clitoral orgasm.

Some things to keep in mind:

•   Most women take about 10-20 minutes to reach a clitoral orgasm. Don’t rush.

•  The clitoris actually looks a bit like a tree. Besides what you can see from the outside, there’s a massive amount of erectile tissue. It’s attached behind it directly and to the left and right, running behind the labia.

G-spot Orgasms

What are they?

You can think of the g-spot as a sort of gathering of nerves on the inside of the body. They’re related to the nerves that make up the clit.

In truth, the g-spot is not a spot. It’s a tube of erectile tissue surrounding the urethra to protect it from damage during sex. The most important things to keep in mind are that:

1. The g-spot doesn’t “appear” until a woman is already aroused.

2. Not all women’s g-spots are the same in location, shape, and sensitivity. Don’t give up hope if you can’t find the g-spot right away.

Where is the G-spot?

The g-spot is on the anterior (front/belly side) wall of a woman’s vagina. It’s usually two to three inches above the vaginal opening.

G-Spot Orgasms – How to make them happen

If the clitoral orgasm is like being greeted at the front door… the g-spot could be compared to having cocktails in the sitting room. It’s most easily unlocked with your fingers.

To reach the g-spot, bend your fingers into a “come here” motion. Use your first and middle finger to apply pressure to the inside of her vaginal wall. You might have to gently explore with your fingertips before you locate the exact spot. MAKE SURE YOUR NAILS ARE TRIMMED.

Once you find it, she’ll usually let you know by moaning or by changing her breathing. The G-Spot responds primarily to pressure. You can use way more pressure on it then you can on the clitoris – by a long shot.

In fact, once she’s really aroused (and only once she’s really aroused, ideally after a clitoral orgasm)… you can use an epic amount of pressure in a rhythmic fashion to trigger a G-spot orgasm. Sometimes this causes her to squirt as well.

That’s right! Squirting orgasms are G-spot orgasms, but not all G-spot orgasms include squirting. Either way, they feel absolutely fabulous. She’ll be thanking you later

Things to Know About the G-Spot Orgasm

1. It Takes Time

It can take up to 20 minutes of stimulation for a woman to reach orgasm there. With that in mind, make sure you save your stamina up for the last couple minutes. You don’t want to go full speed when you begin because your arm will get tired.

2. Not All Women Can Orgasm This Way

Not all women are going to be able to orgasm this way. She really needs to trust you.

It might not happen if this is the first time you’re having sex. If she has a lot of trouble letting go, she won’t be able to give herself over enough to have a G-Spot orgasm.

3. You Can Cause One From Behind

Sometimes G-spot orgasms can be triggered by sex from behind (doggy style). Even if it doesn’t trigger an orgasm, it can feel good if you angle yourself to stimulate her G-spot. Sometimes men with curved penises have more luck than men with straight ones.

Cervical Orgasm

What Are They?

Cervical orgasms originate in the cervix, which is at the very end of the vaginal canal. Have you ever gotten so deep inside a woman you caused her discomfort? You were hitting her cervix too early.

The cervix can be intensely sensitive. It moves around during her monthly cycle as well as during penetrative sex.

If the clitoris is like greeting someone at the door and the G-Spot is like having cocktails in the living room… the cervical orgasm is dessert after a dinner party. You can only unlock it after the other things have taken place. This happens during a process called vaginal tenting.

Vaginal tenting allows her vaginal canal to become longer. She can then accommodate the deep rhythmic thrusting needed for a cervical orgasm.

To Give Her a Cervical Orgasm

The best way to unlock a cervical orgasm is with your cock. It requires deep rhythmic thrusting and lots and lots of foreplay.

Most women’s bodies will not be able to accept your cock deep enough until they’ve been aroused for up to 40 minutes. This means that stamina is incredibly important in achieving this kind of orgasm.

There are extra sensitive areas of a woman’s body hidden deep inside her vaginal canal. They only become uncovered once her uterus has moved out of the way. It only moves after an extended time of arousal for most women. This is the only kind of orgasm triggered by deep rhythmic penetrative thrusting. Usually, anyway.

A Note on Orgasms

There are a few things to keep in mind that apply to all orgasms.

•  First, there is no hierarchy of orgasms. One is not better or more desirable than the others. Triggering one doesn’t make you an amazing lover. Failing to trigger any doesn’t mean you’re not a great lover.

•  I’ve laid them out here as if they were separate. In reality, they’re all triggered by a very closely bundled set of nerves. For women who are less familiar with their bodies, it’s very challenging to know the difference between one orgasm and another.

•  In fact, some experts argue all orgasms are the same. Speaking from personal experience, there’s definitely a difference. And sometimes two or three orgasms can get triggered at the same time. This further complicates everything we’ve discussed here.

Having said that, I encourage you to do the work and exploration necessary to experience each of these three orgasms. All three have an incredible power to add pleasure and joy to your life.

My Experience

I felt an emotional release the first time I had a squirting orgasm. It surprised me – I didn’t expect it.

I’ve had cervical orgasms that felt like they opened me up to a spiritual experience. One shot like a light from my cervix straight up my spine and out through the top of my head.

Other women have described cervical orgasms as warm tingles or waves. These waves emanate out from their pussy and coat their entire body.

I’ve had tons of clitoral orgasms as well. They were the easiest and most accessible to get to.

I’ve had orgasms that made my entire body shake and convulse. I’ve had a cervical orgasm that felt more like a smooth tide rolling than a tsunami.

No two orgasms are the same – even in the same woman, even triggered by the same person doing the same thing.

I invite you to celebrate the diversity of orgasms. You’ll learn to appreciate them for their uniqueness.

Big Mistake #8 – You Make Orgasms the Sole Purpose/Goal of Sex

This Puts A LOT of Pressure on Her

When a man makes his woman’s orgasm the sole goal of sex, he puts her in a difficult position. The harder you work to have an orgasm, the more elusive it can be.

The woman will feel pressured to “make” sex great for you through her signs of pleasure. And it can feel absolutely exhausting. You end up leaving a woman feeling like she needs to perform… instead of sitting back, relaxing, and enjoying.

Trust me when I say women can enjoy sex without reaching orgasm. This is true for men as well, but we don’t talk about it that often.

Focus on the Fun

Have sex with the goal of having fun. Trying to make each other feel good is far more enjoyable than sex where orgasms are the only goal.

Also, get over the idea that every time you have an erection you need to reach ejaculation and climax. If you start seeing arousal as part of a longer process (instead of something that always leads to orgasm) your stamina will increase immediately… as will your enjoyment of sex!

Big Mistake #9 – You Think Sex is Over When You Cum

If you’re like many of the men I work with, you have trouble maintaining your stamina long enough to trigger the orgasms discussed above. If so, this section is for you.

Just because you came it doesn’t mean sex is over. Women have an incredible ability to be multi-orgasmic.

Studies have shown it takes the average man between 5 and 7 minutes to reach ejaculation. It takes the average woman over 20 minutes to reach orgasm.

The Orgasm Gap

If you’re doing your math right, you’ll see there’s a huge gap here. It’s sometimes referred to as the orgasm gap or the orgasm deficit. It means, on average, men have more orgasms per sex session than women.

This is unacceptable! Women should be having way more orgasms than that. They literally wrote the book on being multi-orgasmic!

If you can’t make foreplay last long enough to reach orgasm through penetration sex… then you’ve got to get used to the idea that sex doesn’t have to end just because you came. You can continue to stimulate her with your hands and mouth, or you can get out a toy and use that.

You might even be able to stimulate her so long you wind up erect again. You can then go back for a second round yourself!

Big Mistake #10 – You Get in a Rut in the Bedroom.

Everything Becomes a Habit or a Routine.

Many couples, even if they’ve only had sex a handful of times, fall into a rut. They only try what worked before.

Even if something does work, over-reliance on ANYTHING makes sex stale and boring.

I once had sex with a guy who by the fourth time we got together was completely out of tricks. Sex with him was already boring… and we’d only been dating two weeks!

He’d learned enough about my body to figure out how to get me off. And then he stopped trying new stuff. Clearly, he was more interested in crossing the “Finish Line” than in exploring other things.

Important!

Here’s something that applies to sex as much as it applies to anything else…

Staying in your comfort zone leads to boredom, frustration, and ultimately death.

Your comfort zone is very small when you first get together. You’re still exploring each other and figuring out what works.

Once you’ve been together awhile, your comfort zone will become relatively wide. It’s up to you to continue to push yourself beyond that zone so sex remains exciting and novel. Women need excitement and novelty to consistently get off.

Women Need Variety

In fact, it surprises most men to learn women actually need way more novelty and originality than they do to feel arousal and reach orgasm.

Have you ever noticed a man can follow the same routine a hundred times and as long as it still works for him there’s no need to change it? I call this the don’t fix what ain’t broke mentality.

Women’s bodies and brains are very different. They crave novelty or else their sexual desire starts to shut down.

A Major Cause of Trouble in Most Long-Term Relationships

Have you ever had a long-term relationship start off hot but then fizzle out? You might be able to pinpoint the time where the same things that worked before stopped working.

Chances are this happened when your woman needed more novelty but didn’t know it. If she did know, she didn’t know how to talk to you about it. Or maybe she did try to change things up… but because things were still working for you, you didn’t do anything different.

To Spice It Up

One of the best ways to spice things up is with a yes/no/maybe list.

Click here to get yours.

These ideas will get your creative juices flowing. The yes/no/maybe list covers a bunch of activities, and some are more outside of the box than others.

You and your partner each get a copy. You go through them individually and mark the items you would definitely be okay with trying. You then mark the ones you might want to try, and you mark the ones you definitely won’t try no matter what.

Once you’ve completed your lists, you share them with each other and compare notes.

Best case scenario – you’ll discover things you both want to try but neither of you ever brought up before!

Sometimes a Routine Isn’t Possible

There’s something else that needs to be stated here. Sometimes it’s not even possible to get into a habit or routine. Women’s bodies respond to different stimuli differently.

How she responds could depend on her mood, what happened earlier that day, the time of the month…

My Experience

Sometimes I’m able to reach orgasm through penetration alone. Sometimes I need my clit to be stimulated.

Sometimes it’s enough to stimulate with my hands, and sometimes I need to use a vibrator. I can’t pinpoint the exact reason why.

I don’t think it’s worth trying to determine why this is. It’s enough to know this is the case (and keep the vibrator charged!). Speaking of which…

Don’t Feel Threatened by Her Toys

Her toys and her vibrator aren’t a threat to you. Please don’t think of them as one. It makes you look insecure and overly focused on your ego during sex.

Some men feel terrified when they find out their woman uses a sex toy. They’re afraid they’ll get replaced or they’re not actually able to satisfy her. This is ridiculous.

No toy could replace a human being. If she’s able to reach orgasm by herself with the toy but not with you, it’s doesn’t say anything bad about you. It has more to do with her and her ability to be comfortable and vulnerable in front of you.

Some women need a vibrator or a sex toy to reach orgasm. If this is the case for the woman you’re with, show her your level of understanding, support, and non-judgment. It’s the best way to assure a positive sexual experience for both of you.

The majority of women don’t regularly experience orgasm through vaginal penetration alone. This is not a mark on your manhood, a comment on the size of your dick, or a reflection of your abilities as a lover.

It’s not a problem and doesn’t need fixing, and it’s not a threat to you or your happiness. The more you can support her and do whatever it takes for her to get off, the better of a lover you will be.

Free Bonus Section – Other Problems You Might Have That Stop Your Sex Life From Being All It Could Be 

Problem #1 – You Don’t Balance Giving and Receiving

•  Don’t let yourself become too passive. She can’t always be the one pleasuring or taking care of you.

•  You might not be leader/dominant/assertive enough. Or you might be too much. You might need to work on when and how to be dominant and how to push limits while respecting consent.

•  Women need you to create space for us to become fully sexually unleashed. Listen to us and make us feel comfortable.

•  Don’t be too aggressive- but what’s too aggressive can vary. Some women like being groped, grabbed, choked, and spanked. Some of us don’t.

Problem #2 – You expect access to women/feel entitled to sex with women

•  Consent can be verbal or nonverbal – but it must be communicated.

•  Don’t ever think that a woman owes you sex. The biggest turn off is when you pressure a woman to have sex with you out of the idea that she somehow owes you. This behavior is very unbecoming of a gentleman.

Problem #3 – You have an out of balance relationship with sex, drugs, and alcohol.

•  Drugs and alcohol (in moderation) can be great tools to explore and enhance your sexuality. Cannabis specifically can be a great tool (don’t do anything illegal—we don’t condone using anything that includes breaking the law).

•  Sex while drunk can get quite sloppy. You might engage in harassment, and you don’t hear no the same way when you’re drunk.

Problem #4. You want pity fucks from the friend zone. You associate with women ONLY as an attempt to get sex.

•  You can’t get out of the friend zone. Women immediately know who they want to fuck and who they don’t.

•  Stop trying to get into a woman’s pants by pretending to be her platonic friend. Make friends with women you don’t want to have sex with. Don’t have ulterior motives. Respect them and seek to understand them – understanding women will help you in the long run. Women are different than men. They think very differently.

Want to learn secrets about women and dating most men will never know…? Everything you need to know about attracting and dating the kind of women you truly desire is in my program Hooked. This is my step-by-step course for turning yourself into the type of man that women find naturally attractive while still being your genuine self. It comes with a bunch of bonuses including access to my private Facebook group Tripp’s Corner and it’s backed by a 60-day money back guarantee. Click here to learn more about my program Hooked.

The post The 10 Dangerous Mistakes Guys Make In The Bedroom – And Easy Ways To Fix Them first appeared on Tripp Advice.

That simple little phrase is enough to make men the world over pull their hair out in frustration.

It’s dating purgatory—oh-so-close to being on her radar, yet so very, very far away.

In this post, I want to cover the “friend-zone” in as much detail as humanly possible. You’re going to see why the concept exists, why you end up there, and how you can get out.

What Is The Friend-Zone?

Simply put, the friend-zone is where attraction goes to die.

When it comes to meeting the opposite sex we have two choices. Do we make friends with them or do we put on our game face and see if we can make sparks fly?

Excuse the generalization, but as a guy if we like a girl, we like a girl. It’s rare that we would put a girl in the friend-zone if we were interested in them.

But for women, it’s different you see. They have a friend-zone switch. And it can get turned on and turned off in a second. If they don’t have feelings for the guy or the guy lacks the confidence to pursue her, he could almost instantly land in the friend-zone.

And when you’re in the friend-zone. There’s almost no coming back. Her sexual desire turn off for you. At this point she basically views you as a brother. And no girl wants to have sex with her brother. (gross)

And on top of it all, it’s a manipulative place to be. No, she’s not manipulating you. You’re manipulating her! You’re lying to her by taking the back door into a relationship, hoping that one day she will see you as a lover. At this point you’re tricking her into spending time with you. That’s not the way a healthy relationship starts out.

Why Are You In The Friend-Zone?

Turns out, there are three main reasons why nice guys like you end up in the friend-zone. If I had a dollar for every time I was in the friend-zone, I would go out right now and get the new iPhone.

If you want to have a chance in avoiding the BFF status, you have to nail fix all three of these at the same time, so read closely. Every guy is in the friend-zone for one or more of the below reasons.

Reason #1: Your intentions aren’t clear.

You wouldn’t believe how many guys I’ve coached in the past who wind up in this situation.

They say something like this:

“Tripp, I’ve been friends with this really hot girl for almost a year now. I’ve been waiting and waiting for everything to fall into place, but it’s like she doesn’t even know I’m interested! What can I do?”

My response is always:

“Well, did you ever tell her you’re interested?”

Usually, the answer is a resounding “no.”

How is a woman supposed to know you’re into her if you’re just acting like a brother? If you treat her like a sister, why on earth would she suspect that you’re interested?

Why do guys struggle with making their intentions clear? Well, that brings us to the next point.

Reason #2: You’re terrified of rejection.

That fear will always stop you dead in your tracks from asking her out.

“She’ll never say yes.”

“If she turns me down, I’ll be so embarrassed.”

“I just have to wait until the perfect time.”

Well, guess what? You know how many cute girls you’ll date if you’re afraid of rejection?

You want the cold hard truth? Chances are that she will reject you. But guess what? That’s not a bad thing! Most girls over the course of your dating experience will reject you or you will reject them. It doesn’t work out with every single person you meet. That’s just dating.

Rejection is feared by many but it should be embraced by all. When you get rejected it doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person. Instead it just means you’re not doing it right and there’s room for improvement. And that is all.

Improvement you’re asking? Improve what? Let’s go to reason #3.

Reason #3: You haven’t sparked attraction.

It boils down to this: if she doesn’t see you as a potential mate, then she’ll see you as a friend. Plain and simple.

The best way to avoid and escape the friend-zone is by sparking attraction. With women, attraction isn’t logical. It’s not a choice, as famous dating coach David DeAngelo has once said. They don’t wake up one day and say, “yes, I do like him!”

What you have to do is make her feel something. There’s no convincing. There’s no argument. There’s no pleading. You need to turn the attraction switch on. Let’s talk about how to do that.

How To Avoid The Friend-Zone

Don’t be her friend. That’s the answer.

But how?

You want to be a sexual threat to her. She needs to understand that when she’s around you that you are going to be pursuing her.

You want to know the difference between friendship and sexual relationships?

One word: Tension.

There’s no tension in a friendship. None. However, when you’re with a girl and you’re building attraction, tension is the name of the game.

How do we do this as a man?

You BE a man.

Because BEING a man is what emits masculinity and when a woman feels a strong masculine presence, she gets turned on. Don’t believe me? Let’s look at the opposite.

When you’re turned on by a woman and feel an urge to talk to her, you’re being stimulated by her femininity. Her curves, her breasts, her scent, her hair, her feminine walk, her higher pitched voice, her hips…etc. And you want to have sex with her when you feel and see this, right?

The same happens when a woman gets a chance at feeling your masculinity. Because when the polarity between masculine and feminine hits, attraction is sparked.

How do we do this?

We do this by leading the interaction, having strong masculine body language, and being challenging.

Leading the interaction means that you are in control of the situations. You start the conversation. You ask the girl out. You pick the spot. You start being physical when you want to start being physical. You MAKE THE DECISION.

Masculine body language means you stand face-to-face/shoulder-to-shoulder with her, stand with your tallest posture, look her in the eye and speak from your diaphragm. That is how you emit your physical masculinity.

Being a challenge means not being so easy to get. Don’t manipulate your schedule in order to make sure you can see her. Play little games of “push/pull” to build the sexual tension. You can tease her for being a nerd (push), but you can also tell her you want to see her again (pull).

Lastly, you have to stop caring if you lose her.

Wait, what? How is that even possible?

“Tripp, I don’t want to screw up our friendship by asking her out!”

Well, that’s a risk you simply have to take. Imagine three scenarios after you ask her out:

• She thinks you’re weird and never wants to talk to you again

• She says no, and you remain friends

• She says yes, and becomes your girlfriend

Think the first scenario is scary?

In my opinion, if a girl thinks you’re creepy or weird, or freaks out in this situation, she was a pretty bad friend to begin with. You’ve saved yourself a ton of time and cut a toxic person out of your life.

If she says no and you can mutually agree to remain friends, great! Now you can focus on available women.

Of course, she could also say yes. So what originally looked like a bad outcome, a good one and a neutral one really turn out to be three positive outcomes.

So what do you really have to lose by being courageous? Nothing. You ALWAYS win.

Is there any way to claw yourself out of the friend-zone once you’re already there? Let’s discuss.

How To Escape The Friend-Zone

Time for a little more honesty: getting out of the Friend-Zone is difficult. It’s way harder than avoiding it in the first place.

It’s still possible, though.

Let’s examine the traits of the average “friend-zoned nice guy”, and look at how we can reverse the damage.

First of all, guys who are in the friend-zone are always available. When she calls, texts, or shows up crying at your doorstep, you’re there to fix her problems. You’re basically like one of her female friends, except you don’t have the luxury of telling her your problems. It’s one-sided.

So, at this point you have two options.

1. Risk the friendship by building attraction

2. Stay friends with her for social proof

Let’s start with #1.

Just telling her that you like her is has a very slim chance of working. Like I said earlier, attraction is not a choice. Just because you say that doesn’t mean she will instantly like you back. So instead we have to play the game.

You can try to build attraction, but if it doesn’t work then you might lose her as a friend. If you’re okay with that then let’s go with my 3-step process.

Step 1) Make Yourself Scarce

Stop responding to her messages. Don’t rush to bring her carryout when she’s running late for dinner. Don’t be an emotional sponge for her problems 24/7.

Instead, make her wonder. Make her wonder where you are, what you’re doing, why you aren’t answering.

This uncertainty will turn to fear, and could gradually become a spark of desire.

Step 2) Work On Your Reinvention & Attraction Building Skills

It’s not just about “being scarce”. But, you actually need to create your own life. In fact, build a lifestyle that a woman would want to be part of. Keep busy doing interesting things, instead of pining after one woman who doesn’t even like you yet.

Get into the gym. Buy some nice clothes. Get passionate about your work. Make friends that do the things you like. Actually keep busy instead of feigning it. Hell, you might not even care about her at this point because you’re off doing cool shit. However, when she does come back in, she will see how much fun you’re having and will (hopefully) want to be part of it.

What I am really trying to do here is get you far away from the idea of her as possible, so you can build up your own life and meet more women. Ideally, I would like you to be working on building your attraction skills. You should be meeting other women and practicing approaching and talking to other girls. That way, you can see how many other women there are and you can live an abundant life, rather than zoning in on one girl.

Step 3) The Seduction

Remember when I said that a woman wants to be with a MAN? And do you remember when I outlined above how to do that? Well, this is where we use this stuff. It’s time to show her your masculinity and start building sexual tension.

The easiest way to do this is by pretending like anything in the past with you and her never happened and this is a completely new girl. Don’t think of her as your “friend” but a woman you want to pursue and sleep with. This will spark the desire that she needs to feel attracted.

Give her a call (or wait for hers if she’s still regularly contacting you) and start building attraction. When you see her, lead the interaction, emit masculine body language, use some push/pull and break the touch barrier. Yes, touch her. Don’t be afraid to spin her around, give her a hug, or even give her a kiss.

Remember this, a woman’s reality is in the moment. She’s not thinking logically about what happened 3 months ago when you first hung out. If she feels your masculinity in the moment at hand, she will start to feel something for you.

Furthermore, you can introduce her to some of the new girls you’ve met over the course of the 3 months you’ve moved on and create a jealousy plot line. This is going to show her that you are liked by other girls and gets her thinking about you on a non-sexual level. Bring your new girlfriends (even if they are just friends) around when you see her again. Watch what happens when she knows you’ve been spending time with other women.

Let’s move on to your second option: Stay friends with her for social proof.

WARNING: Staying friends still might be difficult for you because in the back of your head you may think you still have a chance. If these feelings still stick around and you can’t truly be friends with her then I would move on and find new, real friends.

Now, if you can handle being friends with her then this is a great opportunity to meet new hot girls with whom you can build attraction.

There’s a theory created by Mystery, one of the most famous pickup artists in the world, called pre-selection. It’s the idea that a woman will be attracted to you if she knows you are “pre-selected” by another woman. It’s like a secret code between females. If a girl sees you with another girl (or girls) then she must think there’s something about you that got you with the girl she sees you with.

This new friend of yours can help you demonstrate pre-selection. Go out with her to the bars. Take her around to introduce you to her friends. Take advantage of this friendship so you can get easier access to girls you can build attraction with.

Demolishing The Friend-Zone

Remember, it’s way easier to avoid the Friend-Zone than escape from it.

The best news is that these tips will help you create a positive feedback loop when it comes to dating. Meaning…

• You will avoid the friend-zone the next time you approach a girl.

•  Instead of fantasizing about her for months, you have a meaningful relationship.

•  You approach another woman. She turns you down. Instead of falling into her orbit and settling for friendship, you use what you’ve learned to stay positive and find someone worthwhile.

Really, once you’ve gone through this process at least once, you’re basically getting a vaccine against Friend-Zoneitis. You’ll be immune, because you know the grass really is greener on the other side—you’ve been there before.

I hope these tips have demystified the friend-zone a bit. While the phenomenon is an emotional black hole for many men, I’m confident you can escape its pull.

Want to learn secrets about women and dating most men will never know…? Everything you need to know about attracting and dating the kind of women you truly desire is in my program Hooked. This is my step-by-step course for turning yourself into the type of man that women find naturally attractive while still being your genuine self. It comes with a bunch of bonuses including access to my private Facebook group Tripp’s Corner and it’s backed by a 60-day money back guarantee. Click here to learn more about my program Hooked.

The post The Friend-Zone Deconstructed: How Guys Get In It And 3 Steps To Get Out Of It first appeared on Tripp Advice.

Enter Will

You can tell a lot about a person by how they kiss.

Are you a confident, experienced, and socially savvy guy who knows when to pull the trigger?

Are you going about it the right way or are you stumbling to read her signals to know when she is ready to be kissed?

Sometimes you may make a move and then she quickly turns her cheek, and you feel embarrassed and awkward for trying to kiss her.

Other times you may not even make a move, and she gets bored and leaves.

She may not even realize you’re interested in her, so she just friend-zones you.

When you finally get fed up with just being friends and try to make a move on her, it gets awkward and now you’ve ruined any chance of something happening.

I used to have no clue on how to kiss a girl. Things may seem to be going well, and she looked like she was ready to be kissed, but I was too afraid of getting rejected, so I did nothing or misread her signals and kissed too early or too late.

I started asking advice from guys who knew how to kiss girls and I learned from experience by experimenting on my own until I could safely kiss a girl without worrying about getting rejected.

You too can learn how to kiss a girl the right way.

Why Should You Learn How To Kiss Her?

It should be pretty obvious, but knowing how and when to kiss her is an important part of progressing things forward towards sex or having a relationship with her.

You don’t always have to kiss her before sex, but it helps to show her you know what you’re doing and having sex with her is key to start having a close relationship with her.

If you don’t know what you’re doing, she’ll immediately lose interest, especially if you get reactive, needy, or WORSE, even apologize if she rejects you.

If you want to be able to have a romantic or casual relationship, then you need to know how to kiss her and escalate things forward in a confident and smooth way.

Never Be In The Friend Zone Again

Knowing how to kiss a girl the right way will give you the confidence and ability to never be in the friend-zone again unless that’s what you want.

You won’t have to hope that she will all of a sudden realize how much of a great guy you are when she comes crying on your shoulder about her boyfriend being a douchebag and cheating on her.

You will choose which girls you want to keep as friends or be in a sexual relationship with by knowing how to take things to the next level.

Most guys just let the first decent girl to decide to be with them. Most guys don’t have the ability to CHOOSE to have a relationship with the girls they want.

You’re NOT like most guys, and you’ll be able to choose which girl you want.

Creates And Solidifies Attraction

Kissing helps solidify attraction with your girl. There may have been some attraction created beforehand, but this removes any ambiguity.

Neither of you will wonder if anything is going on between you two. You’ve both made a decision that you like each other and want to see where this goes.

Makes You Lead The Interaction

Leadership is an attractive quality of a man, and she will appreciate the fact that you took the initiative. Most guys are too afraid and end up never making a move.

You don’t have to suppress your fear of kissing her.

Just accept it and take action. That’s bravery. That’s courage.

You have to take risks to get the girl. She won’t do that for you or make it easy.

However, there are ways to take calculated risks to kiss her in a socially intelligent way without worrying about rejection, which you’ll discover in this post.

Displays Confidence And Social Intelligence

Being a proactive kisser requires leadership and taking responsibility for your actions.

Taking action in a savvy way displays confidence and social intelligence, which are both highly attractive qualities of a man.

These traits show you know how to communicate and navigate the world with ease.

She will see that aren’t some boy who doesn’t know his way around social situations or is afraid to take action. She will see you as a highly desirable man who knows what he wants and how to get it in a smooth and confident way.

When You Should Kiss Her

You should kiss her when she deserves it.

It will have more meaning and feel much more genuine for her. She will see that you aren’t just attracted to her looks.

You’ll stand out from the other boring guys and she will CHASE you.

Reward For Her Investment

Whenever a girl is putting time and effort in the interaction with you, she is investing towards you. Whether she is talking about herself or she’s spending more time with you than her friends, she’s investing, and that’s good.

You should reward her investment and good behavior.

Rewarding creates positive reinforcement and it will make her want to continue investing towards you. This is called operant conditioning.

You will continuously be rewarding her throughout the interaction when she shows this good behavior by giving her verbal approvals and with your physical touch.

You will reward her by the same amount of her investment.

For example, if she answers your question with a few short sentences, you can reward her by saying, “That’s cool…” and give a relevant statement to build a commonality and stronger connection.

Then you can follow up with a deeper or clarifying question based on her response, like, “How’d that make you feel?” or show empathy and say “That must have felt (relevant emotion)…”

When she gives a much longer answer and gets very personal and emotional, you can give her a larger reward and might kiss her on the cheek, forehead or even on the lips if she deserves it and you’ve done everything else right.

Away From Her Friends

Women are constantly trying to preserve their social status and reputation. The last thing they want to be called is a slut or being easy. They may worry that their friends will judge them for kissing a random guy they just met.

She may be attracted to you and want to kiss you, but preserving her social status is usually more important.

You want to make this as easy as possible for her and lead her somewhere where she may not be seen by her friends and feel less social pressure.

Exceptions

There are some exceptions on when you should kiss her. She may not care what her friends think, or she shows clear signs of sexual interest, and she wants to kiss you now.

Some girls will just act regardless of what others think because of their strong self-esteem, independence, etc. They may also have cool friends that won’t judge them for kissing a guy.

They could also just be super attracted to you and throw all logic out the window.

There are few clear signals that she will give you to show that she is sexually interested and ready to be kissed. She may get very close and frequently touch you. She may feel your arms, chest, abs, etc.

She may triangular gaze between your eyes and lips as she is thinking about kissing you. She may also just flat out tell you that she wants you.

If you don’t kiss her when she’s ready, and she shows those clear signals, then she may lose attraction, get bored, and that window will close, and it can be hard to open again.

Strike while the iron is hot!

How To Kiss Her

You have to understand how sub-communication works and how to use your body language, facial expressions, eye contact and your voice and touch to build sexual tension.

You’ll know the different types of kisses you can use to get her aroused for different situations.

I will also explain 3 of my favorite ways you can initiate the kiss with a girl where you can gauge how ready she is to be kissed so you can reduce your chances of rejection.

I’ll also show you how you can smoothly recover from the small chance of rejection, without losing value or chasing her, and then try again later.

You’ll never be confused on when and how you should kiss her or feel embarrassed or awkward if she does happen to reject you.

Build Sexual Tension

Sexual Tension is the emotional buildup to the kiss and eventually… the bedroom. You’re both feeling sexual desire for each other, and it gets her turned on with anticipation.

There are 4 main ways to build sexual tension. They are how you hold eye contact, how close you are with her, how you touch her, and how you use your voice.

Combining the different ways to build sexual tension can have a strong impact and may allow you to kiss her sooner.

If you can master this, then you’ll be able to attract virtually any girl you want and kiss her with ease.

Proper Eye Contact

Knowing how to use eye contact correctly is the first critical step to building sexual tension. Before you even approach or engage with a woman, you will most likely be holding eye contact with her.

This is very powerful and subtle and can make or break the attraction.

Your eye contact needs to be solid. Initially, you don’t want to break eye contact before she does.

While speaking or listening to her, you will be holding eye contact for the majority of the time.

The longer you hold eye contact, the more tension will be built. After talking with her for some time, you may give small breaks in eye contact, to release some of the tension.

For example you may be talking with her for some time and then give her a side hug and continue hugging her while talking about something else unrelated while looking off into the distance.

This allows you to hug her longer and build sexual tension in other ways without holding eye contact.

You will find that she will usually break more eye contact away from you while she is speaking to feel more comfortable and release some of the tension.

When you start giving small breaks of eye contact while she is speaking, she will usually start looking back at you to bring you back in.

This is good and natural because she wants your attention for her investment.

Physical Distance

You will want to get close to her to bring up the sexual vibe. Whenever you get close to someone, you will naturally feel some tension.

We are putting ourselves in a vulnerable position since someone can cause us harm or pleasure. She will gauge what you’re about as she slowly starts to trust you.

Some ways you can get close to her is to sit down next to her instead of sitting across from her. This allows you to touch her more easily as we’ll talk about next.

If you’re both standing, you can stand next to her and mirror her body language but show slightly less interest than she is showing towards you.

For example, if she is facing you at an angle, then you face her at a slightly larger angle, so it looks like she is showing you more interest.

The only time you should face her directly is when she does the same.

Physical Touch

You need to touch her early on the interaction, so she feels comfortable with your touch and eventually your kiss.

You can’t just go for the kiss when you haven’t even made any physical contact.

Heck, sometimes it can even feel awkward when you go in for a hug when you haven’t even touched her for over 10 minutes beforehand.

Start early with high-fives, handshakes, hugs and you can work your way up to touching her arm, back, and legs. Sometimes this is referred as climbing the physical escalation ladder.

You can also just passively touch her by sitting or standing next to her and having your legs or arms touch each other.

Being this close and having constant contact can increase the sexual tension.

You don’t always have to go through the whole escalation ladder, but it helps to get accustomed to it, so you’re comfortable progressing things forward.

Soon you will develop the intuition to skip some steps entirely or go for an instant or early kiss if you feel it is right.

Voice Tonality And Patterns

Your voice is very powerful and versatile tool and can help you tremendously to build up the sexual tension.

Speak slowly with a deep voice to create a seductive vibe that will get her hooked.

If you talk slowly in a calm and deep voice, then you’ll seem confident and carefree.

Speak as deep as you can. You’re probably underestimating how deep you can go.

You almost can’t go TOO deep. Remember to maintain a deep voice and not sound hoarse. There is a difference.

I’ll usually speak at normal speed and with a deep voice in the early parts of the interaction and I will speak more slowly and even deeper once we get closer and are alone. She will feel this change and become even more sexually aroused.

Different Ways To Kiss Her

There are many different methods to kiss her depending on where you are in the interaction and how ready she is to be kissed.

You may want to go slow and give a gentle kiss or a peck or you may want to go for a full-on make-out and go for french kiss.

You can also do a combination and transition into some of these kisses to make it more exciting and get her more attracted to you.

Forehead Kiss

The forehead kiss sets up a powerful frame for the interaction. Think about it. Who are the main people that kiss a girl on her forehead?

It’s usually either her father or her boyfriend. Those are not bad feelings to be remembered as. Those feelings from her childhood or being with her boyfriend will be triggered when you kiss her on the forehead and she’ll immediately smile and enjoy it.

I usually kiss her on the forehead early on in the interaction when she tells me something positive or that I like so I reward her with the kiss.

For example, after giving her a hug off the approach, and she responds well, I may then ask her where she’s from.

Wherever she says she’s from, I’ll act pleasantly surprised and gently grab her face and pull her in for a kiss on her forehead and say, “I love people from (where she’s from)! You’re always so (positive traits or stereotypes)!”

This is a very confident and innocent kiss and part of my initial rapid escalation test to see how comfortable she is with me progressing things quickly from the start. It sets the stage for me to get more investment from her so I can kiss her on the lips later in the interaction.

Gentle Kiss or Tease

The gentle kiss is a great way to test where you are at with your girl and tease her a bit so you give her a chance to chase you. You don’t always want to go for a full on make-out right away.

This is soft kiss on the lips that may last for a few seconds, but you are always the first one to slightly pull back first. The gentle kiss is a tease to see if she leans forward and wants to continue.

When she leans forward to continue, then you may start going for a french kiss and she will really get turned on and reciprocate.

Don’t chase her! Allow her to invest.

Peck

The peck may be a good kiss to start with if your girl is more reserved. This is fine because you still kissed each other and solidified attraction so there is no ambiguity anymore.

You can get more serious later on when you two are in a more private area where her desires will be free from judgement from her friends or other people around.

Single Lip Kiss

The single lip kiss is a sexy kiss that can usually be thrown in while you are making out during the gentle or french kiss. Instead of kissing her normally on both lips, you focus on kissing her upper or lower lip. Here’s a video that show’s how to do the single lip kiss.

You may also suck on one of her lips to get her more sexually aroused. This can be a sexy way to get her more excited and she’ll want to kiss you even more.

French Kiss

Ahh yes… the french kiss. One of the most popular ways to kiss and probably what you want. This is your typical make-out where you are massaging each other’s tongues as your mouths are making contact. Watch the video below that Tripp did to get a breakdown on doing the french kiss.

You can work your way up to it with the gentle kiss and give her a chance to chase and then start the french kiss.

You can also gently hold her head or grab some of her scalp from the back of her head and pull her hair as you move in for the kiss to get her really going.

Nibble Or Biting Kiss

This is similar to the single-lip kiss except you are giving a slight bite on one of her lips as you are kissing her as was shown briefly in the single-lip kiss video. This is really sensual and has an animal feel to it.

She may start biting or nibbling back and getting more excited and into it. This can be used as a transitional kiss between the french kiss, gentle kiss or single-lip kiss.

Angel Kiss

The angel kiss is where you lightly kiss your girl’s eyelid when it is shut.

This is a soft kiss that is usually used when you are already close with your partner and have been seeing each other for some time.

You could use this while you are cuddling to project that boyfriend/girlfriend vibe and build more comfort with her.

Butterfly Kiss

The butterfly kiss is where you flutter each other’s eyelashes against one another. This is normally used for close couples who are intimate with each other and not when you first meet or kiss her.

Closed Mouth Kiss

The closed mouth kiss is not an ideal kiss since there may be some resistance and she is not completely ready for it.

The difference between this and the peck is that the lips are not puckered up with the closed mouth kiss, which means she wasn’t totally ready for the kiss.

You should take a step back, build some more attraction and investment and try again later and go for at least a peck or gentle kiss.

Cheek Kiss

The cheek kiss can be used when you greet her or get introduced to her by another friend. It’s customary greeting in many cultures.

You can also kiss her on the cheek as a reward when she has given enough investment.

The cheek kiss can help her get used to your kissing and more comfortable for the real kiss later on, such as a gentle kiss or at least a peck. You can also use the cheek kiss as a way to handle rejection as I’ll go in more detail below in this post.

Sloppy Kiss

The sloppy kiss can be used when things really start getting hot and heavy. It’s basically a sloppy french kiss where you’re exchanging a lot of saliva and much of it misses your mouths.

You shouldn’t initiate a kiss this way. Girls may start doing this first once you’re already french kissing and she is really into you. This is a good sign that you can probably take her home with you soon.

If she starts doing the sloppy kiss first, then you can go along with it but be careful not to do this for too long and get sidetracked on progressing things forward.

If you can’t take her home soon or keep her excited kiss until you take her home later, then her mood may drop and she may just like getting the validation from you and go back to her friends.

Neck Kiss

You can kiss her on the neck to get her excited and build anticipation for the kiss. This can also be used after you kissed her on the lips to add more excitement. Here is a video showing how to kiss a girl on the neck.

You may also kiss her on the neck if she happens to reject your kiss on the lips, to get her really turned on and want to kiss you after.

Vampire Kiss

The vampire kiss is similar to the neck kiss with the gentle bite or suck on her neck. This will really get her going and want more. You have to make sure she is ready for that and build up to it.

You can start with the neck kiss and see if she likes it and go for the vampire kiss. This is done in a soft and pleasurable way and is not meant to cause pain (although some girls are into that, it’s better to play it safe).

The vampire kiss can be used for the same strategy of handling rejections as the neck kiss. I’ve used this before on girls who rejected my kissing attempt a couple seconds ago, and then she immediately lunged for my mouth after this.

Top 3 Ways To Start The Kiss With Her

Now that you know how to build sexual tension and the different types of kisses, I’ll show you my top 3 ways to start the kiss with her the right way without worrying about rejection. These are great ways to get her to feel comfortable and know she’s ready to be kissed.

Remember, these are usually best done when you are alone with your girl, and you’re rewarding her investment and good behavior. However, you will develop an intuition for a few certain exceptions.

1. Speak Close To Her Ears

Speaking closely to her ears is a really smooth way to kiss her without making it obvious what you are trying to do and you’ll feel confident that you can kiss her when you see how positively she responds.

Speak slowly into one of her ears with a deep voice and slowly alternate to her other ear as you pass over her mouth and gauge how comfortable she is with this.

It doesn’t matter what you’re saying. You could be talking about picking up the mail or doing your taxes, but the fact that you are speaking close to her in a deep voice skyrockets the sexual tension.

If she leans in towards your lips or doesn’t move her head as you’re speaking from one ear to the next, then she most likely wants you to kiss her. You can go for the gentle kiss and see if she continues for the french kiss.

If she moves slightly away or turns her head, then there is a lower chance you can kiss her. It’s safer to continue to get more investment and maybe go somewhere more private before she is more comfortable for the kiss.

2. Frontal Embrace And Triangular Gaze

Holding her in a frontal embrace while you’re looking at her is another smooth way to kiss her and has a romantic feel to it. It’s like you’re both in some romantic movie.

When she gives you enough investment and shares personal information about herself, give her a hug and embrace her from the front for a few seconds.

Then slightly lean back as you continue to hold onto her and closely look at her silently to build sexual tension. She will feel it coming, and you can gauge how well she responds to this.

Triangular gaze each other’s eyes and lips for a few seconds. If she doesn’t turn her head or look away, then slowly lean in and give her a kiss.

3. Dance Closely With Forehead Contact

Here is one of my favorites that I use while I’m dancing with a girl.

While dancing closely with her, gently place her arms over your shoulders, and behind your neck.

Your foreheads will naturally connect as you get closer to each other.

Hold this position for a few seconds and look at her to build up the sexual tension. Feel how comfortable she is with this.

If stays with you and doesn’t move her head away, then slowly move your head down and go in for the kiss.

How To Use Your Hands While Kissing Her

There can be a lot of action going on while you are kissing her and you may be unsure what you should be doing with your hands.

You shouldn’t be too concerned about what you should be doing with your hands as you’ll be naturally caressing each other while you’re kissing.

She may start grabbing your arm or rest her hands on your chest or maybe even pull you in closer!

You can reciprocate as well by simply grabbing her arms and pulling her in or caressing on the sides of her body, back or legs.

You can also give a slight tug on her hair behind her head. This is great while you’re giving her a neck or vampire kiss as well. This is a huge turn on.

As mentioned before, you can also gently grab her face with her hands and pull her in for a kiss when she’s ready and deserves it.

You should only gently grab her head and pull her in when she gives you clear signs that she’s ready to be kissed and she’s given enough investment.

Don’t force it or do it too quickly!

You want to give her about a second as you’re pulling her in to allow her some time to react and decide if she wants to be kissed.

If you’ve been rewarding her for her and done everything else right, the act of you being dominant and confident while pulling her in will very attractive for her and she will usually want to kiss you. Watch this video to see how to use your hands while kissing her.

What If She Rejects Your Kiss?

Nothing is foolproof, and sometimes she may reject your kiss. Some girls may not be ready to kiss some guy she just met.

Most men are afraid to pull the trigger so she may not be used to your assertiveness. This is fine, and you can use this to your advantage because you will stand out and become even more attractive.

Kiss Her Cheek Or Neck

If she turns her cheek, then just kiss her on the cheek and act as if that’s what you wanted to do all along and just smile.

Continue to talk about the topic you were discussing or about something else unrelated.

Get her talking about herself to get more investment and then kiss her as a reward.

You can also go for the neck or vampire kiss to get her more turned on so she will want to kiss you after.

This works better in a more intimate setting like when you’re dancing close to her or you’re alone with her so there is less social pressure for her.

It’s No Big Deal

As a man, you are expected to make the first move and as a woman, she is expected to not be “easy” to guys.

Accept failure before it happens.

Some women are more susceptible to kiss earlier than others. Get a feel for what type of girl she is and try again later. She may just need more time.

The fact that you attempted to go for the kiss is more important than getting the actual kiss itself.

Most guys don’t have the balls to go for the kiss and usually do it awkwardly like at the end of a date when you’ve dropped her off at her front door.

Even if she’s totally attracted to you and wants to kiss you, your boldness may be unexpected as it’s something she’s not used to.

She will see that you’re a guy who takes action and may get even more turned on that you were unaffected by the fact that she rejected you. Then the next time you go for it, she’ll be more ready.

You know the different types of kiss for each situation. You know why and how to kiss a girl the right way. You won’t have to rely on a girl making the first move.

You won’t have to be reluctantly put in the friend-zone and hope that she will someday come around and be into you.

You understand the behaviors and skills necessary to solidify the attraction between you two. Your ability to lead, display confidence and social intelligence will have her crave you.

The kiss should be given to her when she deserves it as a reward for her investment. Your rewards will reinforce her good behavior, and she will respect you more.

She will feel relieved that you know if she’s comfortable with kissing you in front of her friends or not without feeling judged.

You know how to create sexual tension and three powerful ways to kiss her without worrying about rejection.

There shouldn’t be any question or confusion on how to confidently go for the kiss. The only thing that you need to do now is to take action and put it into practice.

Want to learn secrets about women and dating most men will never know…? Everything you need to know about attracting and dating the kind of women you truly desire is in my program Hooked. This is my step-by-step course for turning yourself into the type of man that women find naturally attractive while still being your genuine self. It comes with a bunch of bonuses including access to my private Facebook group Tripp’s Corner and it’s backed by a 60-day money back guarantee. Click here to learn more about my program Hooked.

The post How To Give A Girl The Perfect Kiss – With Video Examples first appeared on Tripp Advice.

Usually, I write a blog post full of tips and techniques that you get to read, learn from and apply.

Today, I have a highly valuable audio recording of a coaching session that I just did with a student. He gave me permission to share it with you because he was blown away by the value of it.

In this coaching session, my student tells me that he has a first date lined up with a beautiful girl and he doesn’t want to blow it. And who does right?

Well during the call, I go over every step of how to succeed on a first date, from texting her to saying goodbye and everything in between.

You are going to learn exactly what to do on a date to get a girl super attracted to you and wanting to see you again.

There’s a bunch of powerful techniques in here that are going to make you way more interesting and attractive on your next date!

Want to learn secrets about women and dating most men will never know…? Everything you need to know about attracting and dating the kind of women you truly desire is in my program Hooked. This is my step-by-step course for turning yourself into the type of man that women find naturally attractive while still being your genuine self. It comes with a bunch of bonuses including access to my private Facebook group Tripp’s Corner and it’s backed by a 60-day money back guarantee. Click here to learn more about my program Hooked.

The post How To Attract A Girl On A First Date first appeared on Tripp Advice.

“Tripp. How can I attract a high quality woman?”

And the answer I usually give is this…

“By becoming a more interesting man.”  

Today, I’m going to give you 10 ways to make yourself a more interesting man. Use this as a reference you come back to  you want to work on building a more attractive lifestyle.

If you follow just a few of these ideas, I guarantee you’ll become much more interesting and attractive to women – especially the high quality ones.

1. Learn How To Cook Your Favorite Dish

Women find men who cook extremely sexy because they are few and far between.

It takes a lot of time to be a good cook in general, and it doesn’t take a lot of time to master one dish. Think of your favorite food in the world. Is it steak? Pasta? Sushi? Whatever your favorite dish is, I want you to dive in and learn how to make it in the most delicious way possible.

Really go for it too. How can you make it fancier? Can you add certain spices you wouldn’t normally use? Can you add a crust to the steak? Can you use homemade pasta for your Italian dish? I want to help you out and recommend a book called The Food Lab.

This book will teach you how to craft the best version of almost any type of dish and will help you master your one meal.

2. Travel To A Continent You’ve Never Been To 

A man that has been across the world has many interesting stories to tell. These are stories that you can share with any girl you meet.

Why do I say continent? Because I want to jolt your existence.

Traveling far outside of your regular environment will take you through adventures and transform you into a different person. Anyone who has ever traveled far (myself included) has learned a lot about themselves.

You change. You start to see the world differently. You appreciate the small things in life. For many people, it can be totally life changing.

It’s these thoughts, lessons and ideas that you’ll gain from your travels that will make you into a more interesting man to the girls you talk to.

3. Take A Salsa Dance Class

If you can dance, your sexiness meter goes up at least 5 notches. When women see a man that can dance, they automatically assume that he’s good in bed. Why? Because there’s a lot of intimate movements in dancing, especially in salsa.

Salsa dancing is a very popular type of dancing. When you can salsa, you can use it at dance clubs, teach a woman you’re dating how to do it, and even meet new women from your salsa class.

With the power of salsa, your options will be endless. And when a woman knows that you can move your body, she will want to move hers alongside yours.

4. Be Well Informed On Current Events

Keeping up to date on current events, politics, sports, science, culture, and technology is important for holding meaningful conversations with girls.

When you’re always in the know, whenever somebody brings up a topic, you can easily chime in and share your thoughts and opinions. Read the news and popular blogs to stay up to date on the important stuff going on in the world.

One of the best sites to do this is The Week. This website will give you a super quick breakdown of what’s going on in the world and keep you in the know.

When you take 5 minutes to check out that site everyday, you’ll have an arsenal of interesting things to talk about with people that you meet. And you’ll be able to hold conversations with girls and never run out of things to say.

5. Wear One Piece Of Artistic Expression

This idea can come in many forms. The way you present yourself can say a lot of interesting things about you.

Do you have any tattoos? Do you wear glasses you bought from Europe? Are you always sporting the latest fashion trends?

Expressing yourself in a unique way will attract women to you because you stand out from the crowd. And it makes you a more interesting person because there’s always going to be a story behind the way you’re expressing yourself.

For example, below is one of my favorite necklaces made out of mala beads. Not many guys wear this piece and girls always ask me about it; what it is, where I got it, and the story that goes with it.

Some other ideas are: tattoos, hats, glasses, jackets, shirts, pants, rings, jewelry, shoes or piercings. Take some time to do a little bit of research and try on what feels right to you.

6. Go On A Local Adventure 

We already talked about travel. But what about doing something interesting where you live right now?

No matter where you’re from, I’m willing to bet that there is a special event you haven’t been to or an area of interest that you haven’t explored yet.

Become a tourist in your own city and find something in your town that you find interesting and have never done before. Every major city has nearly endless options of culture, entertainment and events. Pick one and go for it.

Happen to live in a small town? Take a short drive to the next neighboring town and explore the unknown.

Listen, there are no rules here! My job here is to inspire you to do something different, to go on more adventures and to get out of your usual routine.

That’s what makes a man truly interesting to women. The excitement in trying new and different things.

7. Take An Art Class

Art comes in many different forms: painting, photography, music, drawing, building, crafting and much more.

If you can take on just one of the aforementioned as a hobby, you will already stand out among the rest of the men out there who just sit around and watch TV all day.

Branch out and create a new project for yourself.

Pick up a new instrument and play the songs you like to hear. Buy a camera and learn photography. Learn how to build a piece of furniture. Take singing lessons. Take a metalworking class. Learn how to make kombucha. Take a glassblowing class.

Want more options? Check out this page that contains almost every type of hobby you can think of:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_hobbies#Indoors_casual_hobbies

8. Ask A Girl A “Unique” Question

One day, a girl told me I was interesting. And this confused me because we were only talking for about an hour and I didn’t say a thing about myself! I even called her out on it.

I asked her, “How is that possible? You don’t even know a thing about me.” She laughed and realized I was right.

But I prodded because I wanted to know exactly what made her feel that way. Finally, she said “Because you ask really unique questions“.

One thing that can make a person interesting is the way they listen and get to know someone. If you know how to ask powerful questions that challenge a girl or make her think in a new way, she will think the conversation is interesting and project that on to you!

So when you’re getting to know a girl, don’t bother with asking the same old questions that every other guy asks her like “What do you do for a living? Where are you from?” etc. You’ll get to those eventually.

Instead, ask interesting questions like “If you could be anywhere right now where would it be?” or “When was the last time you laughed so hard you almost peed?” People love answering those type of questions.

When she tells you about something she loves to do, ask her “What’s that like?”

Try and get her to answer from her emotional side rather than her logical side. When you can get a girl to express her feelings about a certain subject, she will have a visceral reaction in the moment that you’re having with her.

And that’s pretty powerful stuff, man.

9. Read A Self-Improvement Book

Now, I’m a little biased because I teach and coach in the area of personal development. However, reading a book about becoming a better person will help you grow and turn you into a more interesting human being.

One example is the highly popular book “How To Win Friends & Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. This book is packed with interesting tidbits of information and nuggets of wisdom. The more you learn, the more interesting you and your conversations will become.

And not only will you learn and benefit from this, but you can go on and share your new found wisdom with others. Teaching and sharing this type of information will make you a much more interesting and compelling person to talk to.

Reading the latest headlines from the news is a good start, but let’s get you diving into new topics that pique your interest. If you don’t know where to start then grab Dale Carnegie’s book. I promise, you will enjoy it because it talks about concepts similar to what I’m talking about right now.

10. Be A “Yes” Man

The over arching theme I’m speaking about here is to simply “do stuff”.

An interesting person has a well rounded character, has had many experiences throughout their life and can share information through their stories. Everything in this post will help you do that.

The best advice I can give you is to say “yes” to as many new experiences as you can. When you say “yes” you offer yourself a whole new experience and an opportunity to add to your life story.

Get off your couch. Do more. Explore. Go places. Experience life. You only have one.

Now go live it.

—

You don’t need to do everything on this list to be more interesting. There’s a lot here and if you try to do them all, you’ll probably get overwhelmed.

My advice for you is to pick just a few at a time and start changing your lifestyle. If you can knock out more than half of this list, then you’re well on your way.

The whole point is this, to stand out from all the average guys who don’t have the desire nor the motivation to work hard and become somebody awesome and different.

When you make yourself more interesting to women, you will live a more fulfilled life. This list will get you started.

Want to learn secrets about women and dating most men will never know…? Everything you need to know about attracting and dating the kind of women you truly desire is in my program Hooked. This is my step-by-step course for turning yourself into the type of man that women find naturally attractive while still being your genuine self. It comes with a bunch of bonuses including access to my private Facebook group Tripp’s Corner and it’s backed by a 60-day money back guarantee. Click here to learn more about my program Hooked.

The post 10 Ways To Be More Interesting To Women first appeared on Tripp Advice.

He is the founder of The Social Generation.com. It’s mission; to open the channels of communication between the sexes and help men around the world find true fulfillment in their abilities to interaction and communicate with women.

Today, he is going to do a guest blog post for us.

Please welcome Shogo Garcia.

“The way I see it, the experience of meeting and dating women is just like a dance.”

Now I don’t mean like the elegant embrace of tango, or the fiery, sexual display of salsa.

I mean like going to a dance.

Like a high school dance.  Think senior prom.  (Or last Saturday at the club, which is effectively the same dynamic.)

If you’ll follow along for a moment, let’s reminisce and think back to those high school dances:

It’s the end of the semester, end of the year, and everyone’s dressed up and nervous as they show up at the big dance.

Some of your classmates are with a date.  Others may come alone.  Some might arrive as a “group” of friends so they won’t have to say they don’t have a date.

And how about the dance floor?

Some kids are dancing, having a great time and jumping along to the music, really just loving life… while others are standing on the sidelines like wallflowers doing nothing.  Well, maybe they’re looking around a bit, trying their best to look cool and not self-conscious.  But basically the wallflowers, mostly guys, are all lined up along the sides of the room, hands in pockets, watching the others on the dance floor let loose and have a blast.

Then, before you know it, the dance is over.  The lights are up.

Now some people have spent their time dancing, flirting, and socializing the night away, while others have been standing around watching the others have a good time on the dance floor.

Looking back, which of those two groups did you belong to in school?

Did you talk to any of the girls that you liked?  Did you kiss any girls?

How many girls did you ask to dance?

Heck, how many times did you get on floor without a girl, just to dance?

How much did you enjoy yourself during those dances?

If your own teenage experience was anything like mine, those high school dances made you feel more self-conscious than anything else.

Some of us may not even want to remember those days.  Just thinking back to those times makes us cringe!

Ok, ok, enough reminiscing…

So then, what was the point of that?  Why bring up old memories that we’d rather not think about or we’re still trying to overcome?

The reason I’m taking you back to those high school days is because I want you to really take a look at yourself, take a look at how you’ve grown over the years, and ask if much has actually changed in that area of your life.

When you’re out meeting new women—or at least working on meeting new women—are you letting loose?  Are you having fun?  Are you inviting girls into your life?

Whether it’s that one special girl you have a crush on—the one that you see over and over (and over) again—or just a stunning girl who stops you in your tracks as she walks right by…

Are you loosening up, enjoying yourself, and saying something to her?  Anything?

Are you asking her out? Are you taking any action in the moment?

Or are you still standing on the sidelines… waiting, looking around, hoping you don’t look as uncomfortable as you feel as she dances right by you?

Just like we used to wait around at the school dance, hoping for that perfect slow song to come on before asking her to dance—now, years later, we’re still standing around, hoping that the right moment will magically appear and make everything happen for us.

Just like we used to hesitate before going out on the dance floor, or “kinda sorta” dance because we thought everyone was watching our sucky dance moves, we’re still afraid that the girl we’re talking to in public may reject us.  We’re still preparing ourselves, reading up on just a little more dating advice, a little more information on the right techniques, before we’re finally ready to take control and ask the girl out.

It’s funny, after all these years, our fear is still the same: We’re afraid that we’re just not good enough.  For her.  Maybe we’re not experienced enough, or not confident enough, not in good enough shape, not rich enough, and on and on and on the list goes…

Our answer is usually to ignore that fear and instead imagine one sunny day in the future when we’re finally, eventually going to have fun interacting with girls and we’ll be ready to take action.

And when will that day come?

“Oh, I don’t know,” we say… “Once I’ve got that perfect physique, or enough money in the bank, or have an impressive career, or when I’ve practiced talking to enough girls… then I’ll be ready…”

Well, here’s the news:

That moment we’re waiting for?  The day we’re preparing ourselves for?  That day may never come.

The perfect song may never play at the dance.

Your dance moves may never be good enough to impress the room.

That girl over there you’ve been waiting to ask out, racking your brain for the perfect line to start a conversation?  While you’re busy preparing for the right moment, she’s already gone.  Poof.  Just like that.

The music’s over.  Lights are on.  Party’s over.  And you still didn’t ask her to dance.

It’s the same story, time and time again.

What we don’t see is that we are chasing an illusion.  The illusion is one of “readiness”.  The truth is that we’re never going to be ready to take action later, because we’ve made our own readiness conditional on how things might be in the future.

So here we are, years later, and we’re still not dancing because we never learned how to take action and enjoy ourselves right now.

Now is the only time.  Don’t wait for the perfect moment.  Don’t wait for the perfect song, or the perfect nugget of dating advice.  Don’t wait for anything.  Just move. Because the experiences that you desire to have with women, the experiences that you need in life, they won’t just happen on their own.

We’re all waiting for that perfect moment.  That perfect moment may never come, so you may as well enjoy what’s going on right now.

I’m not saying that you should stop setting goals for yourself.  Keep improving in all the ways you desire.  Get in good shape, continue learning, work on becoming a better man.  All of those things are important.  But don’t forget that setting goals for your future will only do you any good if you know how to take action in the present.

So if you were that wallflower at the high school dance who watched everyone else from the sidelines because you were too self-conscious, or too afraid, or not yet ready, then this is the time for you to choose.  It’s your choice to let go, to free yourself, and to start dancing with the girls around you.  It’s your choice to do what you want in this moment, or to wait around until the day arrives when you finally feel ready.

The truth is that those high school dance moments didn’t end in high school. They’ve been happening all along, and they will continue to happen in every beautiful girl who walks into—and right back out of—your life for as long as you decide to do nothing about it.

Want to learn secrets about women and dating most men will never know…? Everything you need to know about attracting and dating the kind of women you truly desire is in my program Hooked. This is my step-by-step course for turning yourself into the type of man that women find naturally attractive while still being your genuine self. It comes with a bunch of bonuses including access to my private Facebook group Tripp’s Corner and it’s backed by a 60-day money back guarantee. Click here to learn more about my program Hooked.

The post How Your “High School Dance” Is Holding You Back first appeared on Tripp Advice.

Patrick is a Social Interaction Specialist, in other words, a dating, online dating, image, and communication and social skills coach based in San Francisco, California, and has been featured on numerous national publications such as Inc.com. He’s also a  #1 Amazon best-selling dating and relationships author with the most popular online dating book on the market, and writes frequently on dating, love, sex, and relationships.

Today, he is going to do a guest blog post for us. Please welcome Patrick King.

“Conversations with girls we find attractive are typically goal-oriented.”

The goal is, well, ahem, but many of us overlook the fact that in order to get to that point, there are many more mini-goals that we must first meet.

Namely, creating a fun and exciting interaction that just makes girls enjoy talking to you. That’s the real gatekeeper that you have to pass for a girl to be attracted to you.

Luckily for us, that’s pretty much exactly the same exact goal that improv comedy strives for – improv comedy just does it in front of people, as opposed to with people.

Even more fortunately, improv comedy has developed a ton of guidelines for exactly this purpose, and they are 100% applicable to talking to girls and people in general.

If you take out the wacky improv comedy context, what you end up with are just incredibly insightful rules for amazing conversations.

Without further ado, here are three ways that you will never run out of things to say to girls using improv comedy techniques.

Rule of Improv Comedy #1 – Adopt the mindset of “Yes, AND…”

In response to someone else’s suggestion, thought, or topic, always say “Yes, AND…” to move to their topic and add something to it, to keep the conversation flowing.

It means that you are collaborating with the person that you’re talking with. This preserves a flow, keeps them interested in the conversation at hand, and makes interactions as smooth as butter.

Instead of throwing your conversation partner off and telling that person that you want to talk about something else, you carry that person deeper into the topic of their choice by talking about it and adding to it.

This highlights your intelligence, but it also highlights your emotional engagement.

An added bonus is that you make your conversation partner feel extremely heard and validated, and that just makes them enjoy talking to you even more.

Recall that improv is about accomplishing a shared goal. This requires flow, working together, and accepting what other people bring to the table regardless of what it is. That’s the essence of “Yes, AND…” and the opposite of “Yes, BUT…”

There are no right or wrong answers, only answers that lead to flow and those that do not.

Your agenda and shared goal is simply to create an environment where you can get the other person to trust you and make them feel that you are a friend. “Yes, AND…” makes people feel heard, validated, and that you are willing to go with them wherever they lead.

A great conversation has a million different directions, and you must be open to all of them.

Rule of Improv Comedy #2 – Ask specific questions

Don’t force others to answer broad questions because it puts a conversational burden on them and interrupts banter; use specific questions instead.

If you’re trying to get a great conversation going, questions, especially open-ended ones, can lead to minefields.

When you ask open-ended questions like, “What do you like to do for fun?” this has a tremendous impact on the free flow of the conversation.

The recipient of the question ends up having to do a lot of work. Answering an open-ended question like that takes a lot of mental work. The more open-ended the question, the more work is involved. This has a net effect of forcing your conversation partner to stop whatever they’re doing just to come up with a reply.

How do you really answer that question of what you do for fun, anyway? Uh… I like to go running sometimes and watch movies.

No one really has an answer to that in their pocket.

A better example would be “Have you seen any good movies lately” or “Have you seen the latest Toy Story?”

Worst of all, when you ask open-ended questions, you put the burden of keeping the conversation going on your partner.

Instead of feeling that they are equal partners in keeping the conversation going and contributing to a flow of easy information, they feel overburdened. They feel that the conversation has become imbalanced. Eventually, it becomes more of a chore rather something enjoyable.

Very specific questions are easier to answer because they often only require one piece of information. This is good news because when people are prompted to supply this piece of information, the person asking can then contribute to follow up on that question or with a statement.

Another advantage of specific questions is they allow you to direct a conversation depending on the specific answers given.

It’s as simple as this – statements make interaction and conversation easy for people to engage in because they don’t require massive amounts of thinking, and create a great conversational flow.

Rule of Improv Comedy #3 – Talk about history, philosophy, or metaphor

One of the most powerful techniques you can adopt from improv comedy is HPM.

HPM is like a mental template you can use in the best and worst of situations. It’s a concept that can apply to any topic, anytime… and best of all, it does not matter how intelligent or creative both you and the people you are speaking with are.

HPM stands for history, philosophy and metaphor.

These are multiple angles that you can take with any kind of conversation to add renewed life to a conversation. You can address the history, philosophy, or metaphor of almost anything that was just said.

The best part about each component of HPM is that they are universal, and are incredibly fertile grounds for conversation. Everyone has an HPM on just about every topic, and just by saying it loud you galvanize others to bring up their own HPM.

The history angle is when you talk about what your conversation partner said in a personal way and relate it back to something that happened to you – your personal history.

“Last time I was on a rollercoaster, I lost my $500 sunglasses!”

By philosophy, I am not talking about an abstract theoretical argument about what life is.

I am talking about personal philosophy, beliefs, and opinions. The philosophy angle is where you demonstrate how you feel about something, for better or worse. The stronger you feel about something, the more this engenders additional conversation.

“Oh my God, I absolutely hate rollercoasters. I can’t stand them, they are so terrifying.”

When you throw out a metaphor, you communicate with the person you are talking to that you are both emotionally and intellectually engaged.

It also just makes you appear witty and clever to link unrelated elements together like metaphors usually do.

“Rollercoasters are like charities, I donate so many things because I lose something every time I ride one!”

This communicates to the person that you are a deep thinker and it also communicates to the person that what they said resonated with you enough for you to draw these connections.

When you use HPM correctly, you will never run out of things to say, ever.

For more on making great impressions, killing awkward silences, and always knowing what to say, click here to pick up Patrick’s Flawless Interaction Checklist for FREE!

Want to learn secrets about women and dating most men will never know…? Everything you need to know about attracting and dating the kind of women you truly desire is in my program Hooked. This is my step-by-step course for turning yourself into the type of man that women find naturally attractive while still being your genuine self. It comes with a bunch of bonuses including access to my private Facebook group Tripp’s Corner and it’s backed by a 60-day money back guarantee. Click here to learn more about my program Hooked.

The post Never Run Out Of Things To Say To A Girl With Improv Comedy Techniques first appeared on Tripp Advice.

Literally every facet of your life is tied directly to your confidence level—low confidence leads to lonely nights, an out of shape body and (possibly) depression. Sky-high confidence manifests as success with women, your career and a general attitude of “winning.”

But can you just suddenly become confident? For a lot of guys, it might sound easier to grow 4 inches taller or get recruited to your favorite NFL team.

Short answer?

Anybody can become confident. Yes, even you. Especially you.

Long answer?

Keep reading for my 7 keys to massive confidence in every aspect of your life.

1. Never Stop Learning

No, I don’t mean teaching yourself astrophysics is going to give you the confidence of Casanova.

Well, probably.

But men like us need to experience growth to feel satisfied. Without some kind of forward momentum, guys might as well be moving backwards.

Learning is a powerful confidence-booster because of that old cliche—knowledge is power. And power translates to confidence.

It doesn’t really matter what you learn either, just as long as you’re not wasting every moment of your free time on video games and porn.

So pick up a book, take up a foreign language, dust off your old guitar. As long as you’re actively trying to get better at something, you’re going to feel better in all aspects of life—from dating to work and everything in between.

2. Stop Comparing Yourself To Other People

Keeping up with the Joneses is alive and well with the constant stream of updates provided by social media.

Your best friend just got engaged to his smoking hot girlfriend, your high school classmate just won the lottery, or your co-worker uploaded a million pictures from his vacation in Bali (while you were busy working double shifts to cover for him).

The average guy might take a look at all the “success” everyone around him is having and feel like a complete failure.

Well, here’s the problem…

People hardly ever post about the negative crap in their lives.

Fred from across the street is going to make a status update about his new Lambo, not that he caught his wife cheating on him.

Your ex-girlfriend is going to tell the whole world about her sweet, romantic dinners with her new boyfriend…but not their daily shouting matches over who forgot to buy milk.

See what I mean? And this line of thinking doesn’t just extend to social media, either. So what’s the solution?

Simple. Stop wishing you could be richer or taller or more successful with women. Do your own thing. Improve yourself. Keep learning. Because I guarantee there are a dozen other people who envy your life, too.

3. Hit The Gym

Seriously, there’s no excuse for being a slob. If that sounds harsh, I’m not sorry.

Look, you really don’t need to be The Rock to score women. You don’t even have to be in “good” shape. But there are a handful of problems with being in “bad” shape.

First of all, your energy will be lower. That means you’ll stay in for the night instead of meeting friends, waste your whole weekends sleeping in, and you won’t be able to go the distance in the bedroom without taking a halftime break.

Second, being out of shape communicates that you don’t respect yourself. Subconsciously, people want to walk all over you and won’t give you the respect you deserve.

But enough negativity. Working out is the antidote, but you don’t need to kill yourself doing Olympic lifts and guzzling protein shakes 3 times a day.

Running, cycling, lifting weights…they’re all a means to an end. At the end of the day, regular physical activity releases feel-good chemicals in your brain. It creates a positive feedback loop that goes something like this:

• Exercise

• Feel better about yourself

• Other people pick up on your heightened mood

• You’re more inclined to socialize (confidently), making you feel even better

• Since exercising makes you feel good, you stop making excuses to skip your workouts

• You exercise more and more, feeling better and better. Rinse and repeat

Being more physically fit also allows you to wear form-fitting clothes and improves your posture, which in turn skyrockets your confidence level.

Key takeaway: look good, feel good.

4. Master Good Eye Contact

For some people, making and holding eye contact is damn near impossible.

But I guarantee you that eye contact is one of the most important indicators of a confident, dominant man.

Eye contact is so powerful because it makes you appear confident on the outside in addition to making you feel confident on the inside.

Now, there’s a right and wrong way to lock eyes with someone, but it’s easy to master. Basically, maintain eye contact for as long as the other person does, but look away a second or two after they do.

When you look away, don’t look down! It makes you look like a scared puppy. Instead, glance off to the side, as if you’re thinking about something.

The reason you don’t maintain eye contact 100% of the time is that, well…it makes you look like a serial killer. There’s a fine line to walk, but this isn’t rocket science.

Just remember: downcast eyes equal submission, which is the polar opposite of confidence.

5. Drop The Drama

Men don’t gossip and belittle other people behind their backs.

We don’t whine 24/7 about the smallest modern inconveniences, like cold french fries or weak WiFi.

We don’t constantly put ourselves down with negativity, either outwardly or inwardly.

I promise that by avoiding water cooler drama, fighting with strangers on Facebook, or generally stressing over the tiniest crap that doesn’t matter, your life will improve and your confidence will soar.

Is it really a big deal that someone took your favorite parking spot?

Is your entire life hinging on whether one girl agrees to meet you for lunch?

Are you going to die if Starbucks doesn’t restock on pumpkin lattes?

Probably not.

These little things don’t matter. When you stop focusing on the mundane junk that doesn’t really affect your life, you’re going to start smiling a lot more. Your head will be clearer. And you’ll be miles ahead of everyone else stuck in the same rut every day.

6. Start Taking Action

Without application, everything is just theory. You can learn how to talk to girls, how to change your oil, how to grill a steak…but until you make an approach, open up your hood or fire up the grill, it’s all just theory.

That’s why you’ve got to stop getting so caught up in “I should really…” and “Next weekend, for sure…” and start getting some field experience.

You’re going to have a few disastrous day game approaches where you make a fool of yourself. Maybe you’ll spill oil all over yourself. You might burn a few expensive steaks.

But there’s no other way to improve. And without improving your skills, you can’t improve your confidence.

7. Fake It Til’ You Make It

I’m serious. You’d be amazed how many outwardly confident people are a shaking mess on the inside. Doctors, lawyers, actors…they’re all human.

But the reason successful people are able to overcome their anxiety, lack of confidence and low self-esteem is very simple—they envision success every day until it becomes reality.

You’re probably wondering how you can fake confidence. How the hell can you stop stuttering around girls or suddenly get better at your job?

Well, let’s use dating as an example. Tons of guys that I coach have all the tools they need to pick up hot women; they’re good-looking, funny, they’re interesting to talk to, you name it.

But they can’t translate those qualities into tangible results (dates/sex/etc.)

Here’s the solution next time you’re thinking of a million excuses not to approach a sexy girl…

Instead of thinking of all the ways your interaction could go terribly, terribly wrong, just stop. Instead, assume it will go incredibly right. Assume that girl is the self-conscious, shy one—not you. Assume she’s nervous to talk to you. For once, just say “I am the man” and do it.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but this is what tons of professionals, actors, comedians and dating experts do every day. Eventually, you won’t have to fake it anymore because your confidence will be real.

Want to learn secrets about women and dating most men will never know…? Everything you need to know about attracting and dating the kind of women you truly desire is in my program Hooked. This is my step-by-step course for turning yourself into the type of man that women find naturally attractive while still being your genuine self. It comes with a bunch of bonuses including access to my private Facebook group Tripp’s Corner and it’s backed by a 60-day money back guarantee. Click here to learn more about my program Hooked.

The post 7 Keys To Massive Confidence In Life first appeared on Tripp Advice.