Triumphs and Tragedies

Thoughts on maternity cloths...

2014-01-02T19:50:00.002-08:00

For Christmas this year, I received a visa gift card. I wasn’t sure what to spend it on but I knew that I needed some new cloths that would fit me in the coming months. Most of my jeans are too tight but most of my shirts still fit me pretty good because they all stretch. I have one pair of jeans that fit perfect still. A few pairs I totally grew out of and a very few that I can wear but I am using a hair tie to keep the button closed. I loop the hair tie through the hole and tighten it then loop that one piece around the button and whalah! Jeans that fit! That only gets you by for so long though. I have used the bellybands before. The “strap” of fabric that goes around your hips to keep your pants up when they aren’t buttoned, or zipped sometimes, but I always got mad because when I sat down, they would roll up. Therefore, I had to keep adjusting them. Adjusting my pants, the band, my shirts…UGH! Not worth it!

In my quest for maternity clothes that were affordable, I went to about a million websites. Now, either I’m cheap or frugal, but all of the websites charged way more than I wanted to pay. However, there were a few sites that had really good deals and I will list those:

www.zulily.com – I got a great pair of maternity pants for $17 that fit PERFECT and when I tried them on, they didn’t even look like maternity jeans. Very stylish and comfortable.

www.Target.com – There were a lot of overpriced things here, however I scored a great maternity/nursing top on clearance for $7 and a nursing bra that I did pay almost $25 for. This is a little steep if you ask me but I knew a nursing bra would be and this one had a ton of great reviews.

www.burlingtoncoatfactory.com – Had the best deals. I could have shopped till I dropped. Everything was super cheap and cute. I ended up buying two pairs of maternity jeans, maternity yoga pants, and three maternity shirts and paid about $100. The only thing that was somewhat weird was sizing. The pants I got from Zulily were a size M, so I got a size M from Burlington, but both pairs ended up being a bit baggy. I’ll have to return them and get a small or I know I won’t be comfortable in them and thus, I won’t wear them.

I think that’s a lot of cloths for not very much money. I’m happy, I just wish those two pairs of jeans fit but that’s an easy fix. I didn’t end up getting any nursing tank tops. It was on my list of things I wanted. So, like I do with everything else, I looked up reviews for the best nursing tanks and the top three out there costs between $40 and $70. WOW!!! I’m used to going to Kohl’s and getting a SO… brand tank top for under $5. I mean, I know it’s a bit too early to worry about nursing cloths but I like to have all my p’s and q’s in line way before baby arrives. I’m about 19 weeks along so, half way. By 30 weeks, I don’t want to have to buy a single thing. I want to have anything all ready because you never know what could happen and I want to be prepared. Anyway, I know some clever ways to nurse wearing (some kinds) of regular cloths and I plan on buying one of those nursing covers you wear in public. This baby will be born in the start of summer and if you know me, I wear a lot of cami’s (tank tops) in the summer time. So, I have to have some that make it easy to nurse in. This gave me the idea, “How hard can it possibly be to make one?” I already have a million cami’s. Therefore, that’s what I set out to do tonight, make one of my cheap Kohl’s brand (So…) cami’s into a nursing cami. And…I think it may be a success. So, I decided to post what I did.

· The reason I chose the Kohl’s brand, SO… cami’s is because they are very stretchy, comfortable and come in a million colors. Top it off, they are super cheap!

#1 First thing I did was to lay my cami flat out.

#2 Next, I cut the strap totally off in the back.

#3 In front, I cut off all but about 2-3 inches.

#4 I then looped that 2-3 inches of strap behind the front of the cami and sewed it in place really good. Of course, I did this on both sides.

#5 Then, I unhooked the nursing bra and slid the loops I made, over the clasp. (The unhook part that comes down when you breast feed) -i should have adjusted that green strap before i took the photo-

#6 Here is what the finished product looks like and what it would look like if you were to take it off to breast feed. Of course, I didn’t want to show my boob…but you get the picture.

In my experience, you don’t have to buy a bunch of maternity clothes. A few staples? Yes! Jeans are a must, new comfortable bra’s and undies a must. Most shirts however will stretch with you. And if you still want something new, you can find some real deals at second hand clothing stores (such as Playdoughs closet). It is fun to buy some new shirts though, if they are reasonably priced. I personally love the maternity shirts with side runching. Those always make the belly look super cute.

Anyway, I’m pretty good on maternity clothes. Nursing tops are not something that is NEEDED either. I think the basics that I like to have are nursing pajamas, which are especially nice in the hospital. And a couple shirts in case you go out somewhere and want to be extra discrete. Besides that, cloths when pregnant and after shouldn’t be something to stress about. You don’t need a whole wardrobe. I’m even kind of regretting buying what I bought because I know that in about 20 weeks, I won’t fit into half the stuff I bought.

In with the New Year. Out with resolutions.

2014-01-01T00:03:00.003-08:00

Every year, it seems like we all resolve to do something new for the coming year. This year I will lose weight, eat healthy, get a promotion, and buy a house…whatever it might be. It’s always some big goal that we are determined to reach with a wicked tenaciousness. In the first few months at least. We start out hitting all the targets to our goals. Keeping on track and staying high with hope and expectation. If in the end, you reach those goals, then congratulations. You are amongst the slight few that actually follow though. Not saying that most of us don’t have the willpower to succeed. But face it, things happen. Things change. Situations change and things don’t always go as planned. Therefore, if you’re like me, always making a new year’s resolution and never really reaching it, then it could end up being more of a negative thing than positive. It’s good to have goals and aspirations but at what cost?

Last year, I resolved to eat healthy, exercise, and lose weight. I stayed on track for a couple months. Well, kind of. Occasionally, I would falter and go off track. One night I couldn’t sleep so I stayed up watching movies and ate a bunch of ice cream with crushed up cookies inside. But that didn’t quite hit the spot, so I heated up a brownie and had brownie and ice cream. After I ate it, I was left feeling like a failure. As if everything that I had done up to that point was wiped away with one night of bad choices. I went to sleep and woke up the next morning feeling defeated. I was angry with myself for not eating healthier and for not following through with my plan. It affected my mood and my self-worth. So, it makes me ask myself the question, “How is this making my new year better?” How is something that started out being so exciting being twisted into this warped perception of winning or failing? I had a few more moments like that until I finally gave up, stating I couldn’t do it, and went about my normal life. Not worrying about my choices, food or resolution. I have to say, I was much happier. My days were filled with devoting extreme attention on my family. Playing with the boys, taking them places, doing things, making sure Stefan was doing good in school, feeding a flourishing relationship, etc… I had no time to worry about my diet and such. There was too much going on. So bottom line is, I stuck to my “resolution” for about 3 months. From that, I lost about 4 pounds. That’s with doing everything I possibly could to be active and healthy. I started out 2013 at about 135 pounds. Not heavy by any means. My main goal was to lose the last of the baby flab and to firm up. Now of course I got pregnant in 2013 so, in October, I started gaining pregnancy weight. But, my weight before I got pregnant (In September) was about 110. Which if you know me, is perfect for my size. I have a very small frame and I still looked and felt extremely healthy. Looking back, I realize I didn’t have to put so much stress and focus into it. My diet started out delicious but I was so deprived of the foods I wanted and in the times when I felt the most weak and had the biggest cravings, I would cave in and eat more than anything. By throwing away my resolution and just living my life, I ended up unintentionally reaching my goals. Things just happened. I guess if something is meant to be, it will happen. It doesn’t matter what the goal or resolution is.

So why don’t we all just throw resolutions to the wind this year? How about we focus on just trying to be better people. Let’s focus on “paying it forward”. Or maybe being a more patient parent or having a new attitude and thinking positively. Let’s resolve to help people in need. Stop being petty. Stop talking about people behind their back. Perhaps cut down on cursing. Baby steps are key. Or, if you must resolve to a huge goal, break it down into baby steps (a bunch of small goals to equal one big goal). That way, you’ll have many small accomplishments and it might make it easier to accomplish. There’s no use on starting out a new year with stress of a resolution picking at the back of your brain. Do yourself a favor, just live 2014 to the fullest. Live, Laugh, Love, and ENJOY LIFE!

Thoughts on Adoption

2013-12-28T13:25:00.002-08:00

Being pregnant, I’ve been reading a lot about babies and pregnancy and adoption. Not that adoption is for me. I am looking forward to being a mom again. However, as I browse through articles and YouTube videos, I cannot help but to read and soak in some of the information I’m seeing about adoption and form my own opinions.

First of all, I think adoption is an amazing thing. Anyone who puts their baby up for adoption should be commended. They didn’t want the baby, cannot take care of it or cannot afford it. I’m sure there are other reasons but I assume those are the top ones. People put up their babies because it’s for the best interest of the baby. Or both baby and mom. What are the alternatives to adoption if you don’t want to keep the baby? Well, just look in the news. Mothers abandon their babies, don’t take care of them properly, abuse them, and sometimes kill them. It’s heartbreaking, that’s why I think that anyone with enough courage to put their baby up for adoption for whatever reason you have, should get a big pat on the back.

I’m assuming the emotional battle with that though is the “hope” that your baby has a better life than you could provide. “I hope a great family adopts the baby”, “I hope the baby has many options in life”. Etc.…

On a second note: After doing some light research about orphanages, it’s apparent to me that orphanages in America are amongst the best in the world. In Ethiopia, women often relinquish their children due to the fact that they cannot feed them. Even older children are put into orphanages. Which hurts my heart because even though they will likely get slightly better care, I wonder what is going through those little kids minds? In a few documentaries, it was proved that in many of the overseas orphanages, the children had very poor hygiene. Including not brushing their teeth, hair, changing diapers regularly, showering regularly, and taking proper medications when needed. And although children are fed in these homes, it’s often not much more than they would get if not in the orphanage.

In Romania, there was a study done on the dramatic effect on brain development with children in orphanages. Many children are kept in a crib for the first year with no visual stimulation (or otherwise). They are deprived of the physical bond that is so crucial to development. The children in these circumstances lack the ability to form a relationship over time and will often self-harm. In almost every documentary you see about orphanages overseas, it appears that the children are raised almost as you’d raise cattle.

In China, families can only have 1 baby. Most families (women) prefer to have boys because it is believed that once the child is older, he will stay, take care of his family, and carry on the family name. It is believed that girls will grow up, get married, and move away. Because of this, many women in China give their newborn girls up for adoption, abandon them, or kill them. If a family has more than one baby and chooses to keep it, they are charged a very high fine from the government. This kind of population control could go awry in the future. Already, there are 75% boys in the schools. What happens 15 years from now? All of these children are grown and there are not enough girls to marry to every boy. Does this mean that there may be a threat to the girl’s safety as they get older? Is there a possibility of women being kidnapped, abused, raped, etc.…? More so than what already happens?

Because of all of the red tape in adoption, over the last 5 years, children adopted into the US has dropped about 50%. As I talked to a few of my friends about this, their opinion was, “Good, there is plenty of children right here in the US that need help. Let’s help our own children first!” This is a very understandable point and one that I will not criticize. Now, this is just my opinion…but children are children. PERIOD! No matter where in the world they are. They need love, stability, and family. I personally feel that people who are looking to adopt should adopt the neediest children. Be it children/babies overseas that are starving or malnourished or have been in a home for a few years or special needs children. Even older children. It is a fact that most adoptive parents want babies. What about the toddlers and older? Are they destined to just stay in state homes and orphanages? In addition, what is the effect of not having constant love from a family? Hugs, kisses, physical connections, and bonds. Those are foreign concepts to many of the children I speak of.

The problem is, adoption can be, and often is a long drawn out process. This is especially true in overseas adoptions. So much is involved. It’s a simple process but a complex journey at the same time.

•First adoptive parents need to contact an agency and choose a country to adopt from

•Then you fill out the application and pay the application fee

•Many people have to go to educational classes about raising an adopted child

•Home studies are done along with interviews and physical evaluations

•They scrutinize your medical records, bank statements, tax returns, birth certificates, marriage license, references, employment and family history.

•There’s more paperwork

•You need to get passports if adopting from another country. Fingerprinting and FBI background checks.

All of this before you get a referral to a child. Then, you will fill out more forms so that the US can evaluate whether or not this child qualifies to be adopted.

•Paperwork is reviewed. In which is a process that takes months and in some cases, years to complete. Even after all of that, there is a lot of red tape and paperwork after the adoption.

Some people, I mean great families that could provide the world to a child in need, often are not able to adopt. It makes me wonder how celebrities can get through this process so quickly and so often.

It seems to me that with any adoption, the process could be sped up a bit. And it should be. Why not try to get these kids into the homes of great loving families as quickly as possible? I still stand by my original opinion about adoption from all sides being a great idea. I just think that the process needs to be revamped and many people need to stop being so close-minded about just wanting babies or just wanting American babies. This post is not intended to scare anyone who is thinking about putting a baby up for adoption. However, I do know that if you choose adoption for you baby, you can work through an agency and actually PICK who your baby goes to. This is very helpful because this could totally bypass your baby from ever having to go to foster care or an orphanage. Additionally, don’t condemn or criticize people for adopting babies from overseas. Regardless of where the child comes from, it’s obvious that he or she needs a family and love. Congratulate the person for having the courage to go through everything they did to help a child in need and accept it into their family as one of them.

I was watching this standup act from Sarah Silverman yesterday and she talked about how a woman was sitting there breastfeeding her baby with 4 other kids all running around her and she was talking about puppies and about how people should always get their puppies from a shelter instead of a breeder. And Sarah Silverman said, “You should get your people from a shelter. They do have “People puppies!” I thought it was funny and thought I would share.

Till next time…

The Single Life...

2012-06-03T20:36:00.002-07:00

So, I mentioned to my friends that a new blog post was coming about what it means to be single and as I stayed up late the last few nights thinking about it…I have no idea what being single means. I know what it means to ME but I’m sure that my contortion of the definition of the word is by no way accurate to what it should mean.

So far, being single has been somewhat lonely. Of course, I have my boys that keep me busy and occupy my free time and I have to say, I love that! It seems that my “single life” is all about being a mother, busting my hump at work, doing schoolwork, and cleaning. Any free time I get is spent mindlessly browsing Facebook, reading other people’s happenings. It is lonely. I’ve had a significant other for the past 15 years of my life, nonstop. It was as if I jumped from one failed relationship into another, and it’s not that I want a relationship right now. Quite the opposite actually. I could list a plethora of things that I “miss” but really, those things are just ideas of what I wish I had. A companion. Someone to confide in and appeal to. Someone appealing to me. For so many years, I have been in this relationship struggle that consisted of nothing desirable or intimate but rather degrading and fraudulent. I miss the things I never had and that is what makes this time so lonely. There is this part of me that wants to find someone to fill the lonely times but I have to confess, those lonely times only come at night when the kids are asleep and I’m up by myself. I feel so isolated, deserted, and cut off from humanity. In these moments, I’m solitary. Abundantly hollow and thoughtless.

When I think of being single, I think of freedom. Yes, I can go to the store without an accusation or fight. I can give googley eyes to some stranger I think is stunning. I can give the guy at church my phone number. I can have male friendships. I can call up that old “friend” at 2AM…I can make my own decisions whether they are good or bad. The choice is mine. I like that.

Now, I’m not saying that being single means whoring around but come on, everyone wants companionship at some point, be it lasting or temporary. What is so wrong with that? It’s liberating. Its like eating a ham sandwich every day for years and years and one day, a pastrami on rye comes along and it looks so delicious an smells so good. Well, if you’re out of ham (single), why not have some of that pastrami? You don’t have to commit to eating the whole damn sandwich but nobody ever said that there was anything wrong with eating half of it. Eat what you want and put the rest aside for later. Who knows, you may want more later. I’m not looking for a different kind of ham. I want the “partner in life” kind of sandwich. The Philly cheese steak of relationships. But now that the ham is gone, the pastrami will certainly do for now. Do you catch my drift or is my food metaphor just a rambling of my hungry stomach making me not make any sense at all right now? Anyway, I’m just saying that there is no reason to live life like a nun or a monk just because you don’t have anyone specific in your line of sight.

Being single isn’t bad. It’s just a state of being. I guess it means something different to everyone. It has helped me gain independence and a sense of self. It surely revealed a different side of me that I was never sure was there. It revealed a girl who is sure of herself and knows what she wants and is determined to get what she wants. I care less about what other people think and more about how I perceive myself. Being single helped me to understand ME. So far, it has helped me realize that I DO know what I want, eventually. Right now, I’m content being single and free. Uncontrolled and lively. I’m content calling that guy from my past up at 2AM on some random night…to help me clean my kitchen or fold laundry. I’m content having open options. I’m content being single. Be it lonesome or not, it’s fun and unhampering. I can capture small moments of life that I couldn’t before. It’s deliverance into a new state of being. The feeling IS of seclusion and informality but it’s a feeling that one needs to learn to cope with and manage.

Being single isn’t bad. I embrace it. Sovereignty without lies. I don’t want it all right now. I need nothing but what I have at this very moment, my two little boys who lay sleeping beside me. I have no need for any of my “wants”. I am satisfied and grateful for the minimal entities that I have. Which reminds me of a Socrates quote I read years ago that stuck with me……

Worthless people live only to eat and drink; People of worth eat and drink only to live.

Which to me translates to…I need only what I have because I’m happy and alive. I eat and drink only to live and lead a happy life.

Bald Chicks

2012-02-04T19:26:00.000-08:00

Today I made a comment to all of my friends about sponsoring me for my St. Baldricks endeavor. I assumed that everyone knew what I was talking about so I left my comment at that. Very vague and minimal. I have had a lot of questions asked. So, I decided to go into more detail about this topic.

I first have to say that I have a friend who once peddled her “charity” to me and all of her friends, enticing them to donate to her cause and to help her out. I was aggravated at the request to donate money to her cause but I did it anyway. I thought, “Why are you asking your friends for money for YOUR cause?” Donate the money yourself. Now I understand.

Two years ago, I was at work and when I went on break, I saw a pamphlet for “St. Baldricks”. I wondered what it was and asked my coworkers. They told me that someone else from my job was raising money to help fund childhood cancer research and in the process, they were going to shave their head. I thought that was ridicules, but cool. So I did my research. I thought to myself, “I would totally shave my head if it helped someone or something.”

So here it is, that is exactly what St. Baldricks is all about. Volunteers decide to raise as much money as they possibly can. This money goes to childhood cancer research. Now, my children are healthy, crazy, monsters…I mean, little boys. J However, my friend Terence has a little girl (who is 6 years old) named Violet who suffers from Neuroblastoma, which is a rare and deadly childhood cancer. Terence and I are not very close but I have followed the health of his daughter and have constantly sent my prayers and best wishes their way. I always said to him, “If there is anything I can do, please just tell me”. When I heard about St. Baldricks, I knew that it was a sign. That was what I had to do. So in dedication to Violet (who is still alive today but fighting for her life and health) I decided to register to be a participant in this St. Baldricks “thing”. I raised money, which was not as much as I wanted to but every little bit helps. Raising money and getting donations from my friends and relatives was a bit strange and foreign to me. I didn’t know how to ask them and then I felt bad for doing it. This topic is to be continued later…..

Someone asked me why we shave our heads. This was a simple answer to me and it made more sense than anything did. Violet swayed my decision. Remember she’s 6 and while going through Chemotherapy and radiation, she lost her hair. She was upset and sad because she had hair all the way down to her lower back. It was long, brown, and wavy. So beautiful. When she lost it, she said that she felt like a boy and she always said that she was okay with losing her hair to get better but she felt ugly. I was so upset to hear this. It broke my heart into little pieces and I wasn’t sure that I would ever be able to put them back together because I KNEW that Violet wasn’t the only little girl or child to feel this way.

Hair is hair. It’s not gold. It doesn’t make you better. You cannot run faster with long hair. You cannot spell better with a beautiful mane. Hair is what you make it. If you have it, you try to make it beautiful. If you don’t have it, you show your true beauty. I was eager to shave my head in dedication to Violet because I wanted to show her that hair is just….hair. You can still be pretty without it. You can still be happy and loved without hair. As I said, hair is hair. For most of us, it will just grow back. Hair doesn’t make you beautiful; your soul makes you beautiful. What is inside is what shows true beauty. If cancer takes your hair, show cancer that you’re still strong and you’re still beautiful. You don’t need that stinkin’ hair. And after all, you won’t have to use conditioner, brush it, curl it or scrunch it. This is what Violet liked because she hated to hair her hair messed with before.

After I shaved my head the first time, I went to visit her. She thought I was sick to. Until I told her that I did it for her. She was surprised that I WANTED to be bald and she was surprised that I was still pretty, even without hair. I reminded her that hair doesn’t make you beautiful. Her attitude made her beautiful, her face made her beautiful, and her caring and loving spirit made her absolutely gorgeous. Her chemotherapy ended shortly after I shaved my heard. Our hair grew back at almost the same speed. It was fun to watch her hair change and to watch her get better. It was amazing. It made me realize that what I did, even thought it was just raising a little bit of money and shaving my head, made a difference. If anything, it made a difference to her.

Violet is doing much better now. She’s still sick but she has been feeling much stronger and much more….solid minded. She turns 8 this year.

A couple months ago, I was fretting out about my hair. I was always saying, it looks to dry, I hate it; I wish I could just start anew. I started to think of Violet and started feeling like a total douche…

Now that I have children and they are growing and thriving. I know that childhood cancer affects children’s lives tremendously. It takes away their childhood and makes them deal with grown up things way to fast, and it’s not fair. They deal with more pain and agony that most adults would ever experience in their lifetime. Then I thought about their parents. If one of my children had cancer, I don’t know what I would do. I would be in a mental hospital, I’m sure. I’m not sure if I could deal with it. Watching my child go through all that is involved with a disease would sicken me. It would wear me down and if something happened to them, my life would be over for sure.

A couple months ago when I was freaking out about how much I hated my hair, I thought about that. Yes, Violet is feeling much better, but there are millions of other children that are going through the same thing. At least I have hair. Why am I being so superficial? That’s it, I had it. That’s when I decided that I would do St. Baldricks again this year. But only this time I would make it bigger and badder than before. I’m going to raise MORE money and shave off MORE hair and bring MORE people in with me to do it. I’m going to get the word out there so one day; cancer will be a thing of the past. I envision the day when children don’t get sick and if they do, it can be cured. This day will not come if research isn’t done, and research will not be done in full unless people like you and me donate to the cause.

Now I’m not trying to make anyone feel guilty or force anyone into doing anything they do not want to do. I just wanted to get the word out and remind people that there are some who have it worse than we do. I wanted to tell everyone in more detail what St. Baldricks is and explain why it is so near and dear to me. And let’s not lie...I want you to contribute to the cause by sponsoring me. Even if it is just two dollars, Heck, even fifty cents. Any amount of money I can raise this year is a blessing.

I’m going bald, BALD EAGLE BALD, bald as can be bald, on St. Patricks day this year. My fund raising goal is $2000. I’m sure I can do it, or at least get close, I just need followers and I need people to be with me on this. I plan to post before and after pictures as well as video from the event of the actual shaving of my mane. Please take this as a piece of learning material…or encouragement. Whichever you prefer. Please reach deep into your soul and think about what is important. Donate to the cause or register to be shaven, yourself!

Here is the link...
http://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/mypage/participantid/502599

Don't waste the wine!

2012-01-26T18:00:00.000-08:00

There I was, browsing the wine aisle for something different from the usual Moscato, Oliver, or Reggae Red. I walked back and forth again and again looking for something to strike my fancy when, there it was, a black bottle with one red blood drop looking thing on it and the words sweet red.

The bottle cost about $10, which is a little more than I like to pay. My favorite only cost $7 or $8. However, of course I bought it. I mean come on, it looked cool and seemed like it would taste delish. I put it in the fridge right when I got home. I didn’t even take my coat off because I was so excited to get it chilled and try it. A few hours later, Kerry (one of my besties) and I settled down with a cold glass of Red Drop wine. Now first let me tell you, I am by no means a wine connoisseur. I would like to be and I’m trying to learn more about wine and what I like by just trying new things. I picked up my glass, swirled it around, and gave it a good whiff. It had a barrel/wood smell. That is not a good sign for me. The smell reminded me of a merlot, and I would rather die of dehydration than to drink a merlot. I took a sip and….wow, it was disgusting. This beautiful “sweet” wine was as dry as can be. We ended up putting it back in the fridge and opening some Lotto Moscato. I told Kerry to take the Red Drop home with her. Although she didn’t like it, she was at least able to finish her glass. She advised me to keep it in the fridge and use it to cook with.

This was a good idea so; I kept it in the fridge for a couple weeks awaiting a good recipe to come along. I have never cooked with wine, besides the occasional marsala. They say to cook with wine that you would drink. Although I didn’t like it, it was still a good wine.

Today I decided to experiment a little with this “cooking with wine” thing. Not sure exactly what I was doing or how it would turn out I threw a few ingredients into the good ol’ crock-pot and let it cook for 8 hours. The house smelled great and at first taste, it was delish.

I looked online and I guess I made a sort of…trailer park beef burgundy. I will include the recipe. I used a whole cup of red wine. I’m sure the wine cooked off in the 8 hours because I planned to feed it to my boys. Is that bad? Anyway, they loved it and both of them had seconds. I couldn’t believe it. I made a creation that everyone ate. And just let me tell you. My boys are the fussiest eaters ever. If it isn’t mac and cheese, pizza, or chicken nuggets, they usually won’t touch it. So the fact that they even tasted this concoction was a big surprise. So, here’s what I did…

In a crock-pot, mix the following ingredients. 1 normal size can of cream of mushroom soup, 1 pk. Of onion soup mix, 1 cup of red wine, 1 chopped onion, ½ c. of mushrooms, 1 ½ pounds of round steak, and a little bit of pepper. Just throw everything in there, put the lid on it, and let it cook away. When it is done, shred the beef and serve it atop some egg noodles. YUM.

I was surprised that it wasn’t salty or…winey. A perfect end to the day. Now I want some popcorn. Or ice cream......or popcorn on ice cream. Lol, i'm craving something sweet and salty.

Now for a clip of something that happened today:

As we sat down to eat, my chair moved in a weird way and made a fart sound. My boys laughed so I continued to make the sound so that they would know that it was the chair and not Mom who “did it”. Of course, with a bunch of little boys, it wasn’t a smart move to keep making the sound. I couldn’t convince them that it was the chair. It WAS the chair people. I was being taunted, “Ohh, hahaha, Mommy farted. Mommy farted a lot. Hahaha!” Since they didn’t believe me, what else was I to do but claim it? I said, “HEY! Girls don’t fart. That sound you heard was actually baby unicorns being released into the world to sprinkle sugar on cookies!” I thought my comment would confuse them and ultimately, make them stop giggling. I ended up creating my own monsters because all I heard after that was how bad they wanted some sugar cookies. Ugh, a girl can’t win. Moral of the story…Just say excuse me and move on.

Public Etiquette

2012-01-05T18:44:00.001-08:00

Let me start out by saying that I think of myself as a compassionate, nice, church going woman who loves her children, friends, and family. So do not take what I am about to say the wrong way…

Working in retail, I see a lot of crazy things. However, most recently, I was quite taken by surprise. So there I was, (admitting) leaning on the jewelry counter and looking out at the rest of the store. I do this fairly often, usually just to look out and see how many people are in the store. Well, Tuesday I leaned over and beheld a young mother and her newborn, infant baby. My first thought was, “Aww, what a cute baby. And she’s such a young girl to be a mom.” Of course, that last part was none of my business but I was surprised. I went over to see the baby and talk to the young lady. The baby was three weeks old and the mother had just turned seventeen. I guess that is not much of a surprise in this day and age. The baby was dressed in one of those white onsies and the neck part was wet with spit-up. He was not wearing a hat or socks and the only blanket around was folded up on top of the diaper bag. I was wearing pants and a long sleeve shirt and I was still freezing. The store is always somewhat chilly and there was that baby, lying in the car seat with just a onsie on. I was immediately angry but thought that maybe she had just unbundled him. So..Yes, I watched her like a hawk the whole time she was in the store. As she was checking out, I walked over near where she was and watched as she put her bags in the cart and just wheeled the baby right out into the elements outside. The blanket was still folded on top of the diaper bag. What the heck was she thinking? I mean, the winter has been unusually warm but a three-week-old baby should rarely even leave home, nonetheless come out into public practically wearing just a diaper. The saddest part of this story is, that kind of thing has happened before.

On a not so serious note, people are messy! Not all people of course, but a big majority of them are. People will put things anywhere, or take thirty items into a fitting room, try them all on, and then leave them all on the floor (pants inside out and shirts just thrown here and there). I wonder what their homes look like. Secondly, I don’t know how this happens but…I think women pee on the toilet seats more than men do. Okay, that was gross but it had to be said. Every day I see it…and still cannot believe it.

Cart etiquette is also an important life lesson that everyone should learn. Do they teach that in school? They should! It seems so minuet but wait and listen. Have you ever been to Wal-Mart during a busy shopping holiday? If so, you know what I mean. People cut in front of you, drive all over the place, stop their carts in the middle of the aisle and walk away, and let their kids get all crazy either with it or in it. This was actual the fuel behind this whole post today. I was in Town & Country and this man was following behind me with his cart really close. I could tell he was in a hurry but there were people in front of me going slower as well as people beside me, so I couldn’t just hurry up and go for this guy. When I got a window, I sped up a little so this guy could get around me and he noticed. Before I could think, BANG!!! He crashed the front of his cart right into the back of my heels. I couldn’t help but to scream right there in the store and buckle at the knees. I turned around and yelled, “HOLY MOTHER OF….(a child looked at me)…ABRAHAM LINCOLN!” This guy turned around and high tailed it out of there without so much as an “oops”.

Lastly, to all the parents out there, it is okay to discipline your children in public. I’m not saying to abuse them or spank them. But a discrete and abrupt stop to abort bad behavior is perfectly acceptable. Don’t scream at them or spank them because that would just humiliate them and what does that really do anyway? You would end up giving your child a complex when they are older. I hate seeing children act up and I hate it even more when the parent’s reaction is to ignore the behavior. I think parents are scared to do anything to correct their children in public. I have actually corrected children’s behavior when their parents would not. I of course would only do this if the child was in danger and the parent did not recognize or do anything to fix it.

All I am basically saying is that there is proper etiquette when in public. Anything from driving our carts to raising our children, some people just need to be aware of their surroundings and in the case of the mother with the naked baby, GET HELP, TAKE CLASSES, AND DRESS THAT BABY!

Christmas

2011-12-29T20:17:00.000-08:00

It didn’t snow at all on Christmas. The grass was green, the air crisp, and the breeze wisping through the house was, oddly enough, warm for an Indiana winter. I woke up to a bright beam of light shining right into my closed eye. I rolled over and cursed Mother Nature for making Christmas day sunny. I wanted a cold, blustery snowfall. A gray kind of day. That kind of thing always made Christmas really feel like…Christmas. I think this was my first winter holiday without snow. It reminded me of Florida and made me wince at the pain of missing that magical (home of the evil rat-Mickey Mouse) place.

Anyway, no sooner than the sun woke me, the boys were jumping with glee asking if Santa had come. I was conscious of the fact that my boys are sneaky snakes and I put the door lock on the inside of the door and made them sleep with me so they couldn’t escape to gaze at the wondrous bounty that awaited them. Oh, what torture that must have been for them.

When we finally snuck out to open presents, they were beyond ready. They ran right to the tree and started grabbing gifts. “This one’s mine, and so is this one”, said Ryder to every present he saw. Stefan stated that all of the big presents were his. Bigger is better when you don’t know what’s inside. Stefan ended up loving all of his small presents, which were Cars2 cars. Half way through opening presents, I made everyone stop while I cooked breakfast. Eggs, bacon, pancakes, corned beef hash, and grits were gobbled up almost before I was done cooking. Oh what a way to get kids to eat on Christmas morning! It was also a way for me to stretch out the present opening time for as long as I could. Usually we are done opening presents within a half hour. Not this year. I drug it out like it was the last Christmas ever (and it just may be, according to the Mayans).

After presents we started opening the boxes to all the tracks, action figures, and animated toys, we realized that we were not prepared at all for how many batteries we would need. Who takes into account how many toys need what batteries? I’ll bet there are people out there who have a running list of batteries needed. I’m not that organized, and I don’t wanna be. If I can be perfectly honest, putting toys together and “powering them up” was pretty hellish. One Hot Wheels track along took me an hour. Who are they making these things for? Rocket scientists? One of the things I put together seemed so simple that I thought, “This cannot be right”, and I took it apart just to reassemble it the exact same way again. I’m glad that part is over. Ryder spent a lot of time rummaging through the torn up paper that I had piled up, looking for more presents hiding in the wrapping paper graveyard.

The boys spent the whole day playing with their presents and being amazingly good.

I started dinner. The menu was glazed ham, cabbage, corned bread. I know, what a feast right? I wish I would have thought of something better. It was good though. I made these amazing meatballs for an appetizer. OH MY GOSH, they were delicious. I put one bag of frozen traditional style meatballs in a slow cooker with a can of cranberry sauce and a whole jar of chili sauce. It cooked for about five hours and they were so Smokey sweet. I wish I had some now. Dessert was the leftover stale cookies that Santa didn’t have the appetite to eat. Chocolate is chocolate, despite a little staleness. Ha ha ha. (or is it Ho ho ho, enjoy that Santa).

Regardless of the boys being good and the day being great, I couldn’t help but feeling overwhelmed at how selfish my children seemed. I want them to understand that Christmas isn’t just about presents, but how do you teach them that. How does Santa tie in with Jesus’s birthday? What a miracle that Santa just so happens to come on that day. Was he really born on December 25^th? Why, I thought the date was really sometime in the early fall. I mean, I guess it really doesn’t matter exactly. Why is it important that we know when Jesus was born? We certainly do not use this knowledge to celebrate His birthday—He tells us to commemorate His death, not His birth (I Corinthians 11:23-26). The true date, however, destroys the entire foundation of the Christmas holiday. Who could ever know for certain. I enjoy believing that Dec. 25^th is Jesus’s birthday, thus Christmas. I just do not know how to tell my children how Jesus and Santa go together. A simple, “Santa was Jesus’s homeboy.” Won’t work. I guess I will have to work on that one a bit and maybe get over my conspiracy theory. (I’m not putting down believing or religion, I’m religious and a follower of the lord, I’m just confused and sometimes feel that I’m being played).

To get back on track…It is now four days after Christmas and I am disappointed. The day was over as fast as it came, which seemed unusually fast this year. I wish Christmas day could span into a two or three-day event but the day was over in just a few hours. Now everything seems drab and tiring. All I can think about is having to take all these decorations down that I spent so long on. And my “real Christmas tree” idea wasn’t so brilliant. Walking through the house and suddenly getting shanked with a dried spruce needle is…well, its not fun.

Now that the big day is over with, I’m starting to prepare for the New Year. Now is the time for resolutions and promises that we “promise” to keep. I’m excited for what is to come in 2012. The outlook is sunny and I embrace a fresh start. Bring it on 2012. I’m ready!

Chicks Dig Scars

2011-11-21T17:33:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was likely the scariest moment of my life. Let me paint the picture.

I had just gotten home from watching Breaking Dawn with my friend and her husband. (GREAT MOVIE, the book is better but WOW) Anyway, my friend and I were sitting at the kitchen table enjoying a glass of moscato and chit chatting. The guys were watching the football game and my boys and her son were playing in the playroom. The boys kept arguing. One second they would be best friends and one second they would be fighting. Oh the complications of a childhood friendship. J Stefan came running out of the bedroom saying, “Robert isn’t my friend anymore, he doesn’t like me.” Shortly after, Robert walked up and said, “ I do too like you Stefan.” I was getting sick of the back and forth so I said, “You boys need to stop, you are friends.” Robert put his arms out to hug Stefan and when they hugged, they both starting laughing and getting a little rough when suddenly Stefan started to fall back and since he was hugging Lil’ Robert, he fell over on top of him. When they fell, the back of Stefan’s head hit the wall, right in the edge (corner). Yes, instinctively I said, “OH SH*T!” I knew that this was not going to be good. I ran over to him and dropped down to pick him up and he was screaming. Instant tears rolled down his cheeks. I put my hand over where he hit his head, he put his hand there too, and when we both drew our hands away, blood was everywhere. I jumped up and looked at it. Immediately I said, we need to go to the hospital now. It was deep and I was borderline panicking. Stefan stopped crying because I think he was amused watching me. Dad went to the bathroom and came back with a maxi pad saying, “Do you think this is alright?” I said, “Its perfect, hold in on his head.”

I got to the hospital in about 5 minutes and they took him in right away. Since it first happened, Stefan still hadn’t cried. When we got into our hospital room, they said that he would likely get some staples and that they were going to take a cat scan. While we waited, I took this picture.

Yes, its a maxi pad. You know, one of those super huge ones you get after having a baby. Eat your heart out ladies, i'll show you this one when he is 18 and dating. :)

Moving on, he was such a champ at the hospital. Before we went down to CAT scan, a nurse came in to clean up the wound, which really made a big difference to the appearance of his boo boo. He didn’t mind it being cleaned too much. I’m surprised that he still didn’t cry. He just didn’t like that the water was cold and that it was dripping down his back and getting on his shirt. After the woman cleaned his wound, we went down to CAT scan. Myself and the ladies that were there made a bid deal out of the fact that he couldn't move while it was "taking pictures". I got to stand right next to him and I was making jokes. "Ohh look, it looks like your going into the middle of a big super huge donut!" He wasn't amused and didn't make any facial gestures. His eyes started to get really big and watery. I asked him if he was going to cry. He said no. I asked him if he was okay and he said, "Mom, can I move my eyes?" loll. I said OF COURSE you can. :) He still tried not to but at least he finally blinked. He did really good with the test. Didn't move an inch.

When we got back to the room, they decided to hurry up and staple that thing closed. The nurse explained to him what they were going to do and said it might hurt a little and he looked into my eyes and said, "Mom, I'm okay, lets just go home." I wish!They decided that they were not going to numb him up at all because the shot to numb the area would hurt more than the actual staples. I can understand that but I felt soo bad. He layed on his tummy with his chin on my leg and I held his arms down while another nurse held his head still. The doctor, really quickly, put three staples right in there. BANG BANG BANG! Well, not quite a bang but when your a mom, it feels like it. He cried really hard for a good minute but stopped shortly after. Here are a few pics. One from right when we got to the hospital, one from after they cleaned it and one with the staples. I know, I know. I'm making a big deal out of this but I think I was a little traumatized.

This looks bad...but...

As you can see, its not THAT bad.

I guess I just freaked out.

Shortly after, we got our test results back and everything inside his head was okay. Shew! I was worried. Of course I thought the worst.
Back at home I gave him some Motrin and he layed in my bed with me while I got started on the two assignments for school I had due last night (which were done just in the nick of time). He fell asleep.

He got the sticker from the hospital and did not want to take it off at home so, I let him keep it on. Its not hurting anyone.

All night was rough. As soon as I would drift off to sleep, my eyes would snap open and I would swing around really quick to check on him, thinking I had been asleep for hours when in reality it was only 10 or 15 minutes. This happened all night. I was afraid that I had slept too long and that something had happened to him. I was scared that I would turn over to look at him and see something I didn't want to see. So, I really didn't sleep at all. I kept waking him up every hour to make sure he was okay. Maybe I took this head injury a little far but I hear such horror stories. I didn't want to take any chances.

He stayed home from school today. When I went to pick up Ryder, I stopped by Stefan's class to tell his teachers that he was okay and that he wouldn't stop talking about coming to school to show off his new "hardware". (which is so true) I may let him go to school tomorrow if he feels up to it. When I went to his cubby, the whole class had wrote (drawn) him get well soon cards. The teacher said that they used free time to do it. I was so touched and surprised. When I brought the letters home to show Stefan he was surprised too. He said, "Oh my gosh, my friends really like me. I bet they miss me. I need to say thank you to them." He was happy that they were thinking about him.

He is doing great today and only cringes a little when he has an itch on his head or when I attempt to brush his hair. All in all, we are just fine! :)

My balls are better than Babycakes! :)

2011-11-19T11:04:00.000-08:00

Have you ever seen those Baby cakes baking machines? They are like easy bake ovens for adults and you can cook cupcakes, whoopee pies, doughnuts, and cake balls in them. Well, you would have to buy a different baby cake machine for each use but…you get the picture. Anyway, I am very bitter toward the cake ball machine. I have been making cake balls or as I call them “Cake Ball Bon-Bons” for years. The way I do it involves a lot of steps, its time consuming, and it is a lot of work. However, the ending product results in beautiful little cake treats that taste amazing. The Babycake machine took my cake ball and warped it into something different. All you do is pour cake batter into each of the rounded slots, close the lid and bake it. When it’s done, you are left with little balls of cake, they look like doughnut holes. Many people dip them in chocolate or put a design on them. I have seen them put on sticks as little cake lollipops also. Why am I so bitter toward this machine? Well, first of all, they don’t make balls that taste as good as mine and secondly, they make the process look to easy. (Plus, I feel like this was my idea and they stole it)

I have decided that the thing that would make me most happy would be to give away my secret recipe for my version of Cake Balls. Maybe by doing this, people will forgo wasting money on the adult easy bake ovens and do it the old-fashioned way. Although they are more work, you and everyone else will be much more satisfied. Read on to be enlightened….or at least for my recipe. J

To make cake balls, you will need a box cake mix, one container of frosting and either almond bark, candy coating, or chocolate chips. You can use any flavor combination you would like. Here are a few I have used…

· Chocolate cake, German chocolate frosting

· Carrot cake, cream cheese frosting

· Cherry cake, chocolate frosting

· Caramel cake, chocolate frosting

· Strawberry cake, chocolate frosting

There is a wide-open playing field of flavor combinations and colors. It all depends on what you want and what you want it to look like. So, have fun with your choice. Today I chose white cake mix with white frosting and white almond bark. I have a baby shower to go to and I’m bringing cake balls for dessert. The shower is for a baby girl so, I’m going to use food coloring to dye my cake pink.

What you do is mix up the cake as directed on the box and bake it just as it says. That’s pretty simple right? Now, right when the cake is done baking, rather than letting the cake cool and frosting it, take a fork, and scrape the cake into a big bowl. That’s right, it will be crumbly and it will ruin the cake but that is the point. In the bowl, you will have broken, crumbly, cake. It’s perfectly okay. Next, take the whole container of frosting and plop it right on top of the crumbled up bake. Take a fork and mix it all together. Break up the cake as much as you can and make sure it the cake and frosting are mixed up together really well. (Yes, it will look like someone chewed up a cake and spit it back into the bowl…but it is do delish and will look amazing when we are done) Put the mixture in the fridge to chill. I usually will chill it for between 3 to 24 hours. When you take it out of the fridge, it will look like this.

I told you it wouldn’t be pretty. Now, either melt your chocolate chips or melt your almond bark. I like to put my almond bark in a small saucepan with sort of tall sides, turn the heat to low, and let it go.

Although almond bark is usually easy to work with, it can get messed up really easily so, keep these tips in mind.

1. Do not put a lid on it when melting it. Even a drop of water from condensation can ruin the entire batch.

2. Use a double boiler if not microwaving (if you’re not skilled at working with it).

3. Keep it at a uniform temperature. If it gets cool and warm and cool again, little lumps will form and you will have to remelt them before using it again and this can mess up the bark.

4. If it’s too hot, it will scorch and be too think to use or it will lose moisture and…be too thick to use.

5. Do not put water, cream, milk, oil, or butter in it to “remelt” it. It won’t work and the mixture will seize up. The package say’s you can use shortening but, I have tried that and it didn’t work either.

While it melts, start rolling your cake into balls. I use a melon baller to make each ball uniform. I think it holds about 2tsp. and I can usually get about 75 to 100 cake balls out of one batch. Once all of your balls are rolled, make sure your chocolate is melted, and lay down a piece of wax paper or parchment paper on the counter. I like to use a fork and a knife when coating the balls with the melted bark. Put one ball into the melted bark. Make sure it is fully covered. Pick it up out of the bark with the fork and gently tap the fork on the side of the pan to get any excess off and to smooth the bark on the ball. Then, move the fork over to the wax paper and gently slide the ball off of the fork with the knife. Keep doing this until all of your balls are covered. If you plan to put sprinkles on your balls, do it while the bark is still wet because it will harden. Decorate them however you want. Play with it and have fun!

Once they harden, you can pick them up and break off any excess hardened bark to make it look nice. I like to place each ball in a mini muffin paper cup. It makes them look pretty and it hides any imperfections. Also, it’s easier to package them and transport them this way. I forgot to get the paper cups so, I’ll just break off the hard bits and put them on a platter. J

…..and if you think those are good, you’ll love the cookie bon-bons!

Extreme Couponing...Made easy?

2011-11-16T20:18:00.000-08:00

A dear friend of mine has recently embarked on the mission of becoming an extreme couponer. I have to say, I wouldn’t take this challenge very lightly. This has to be the hardest way to save money ever. She informed me of some of her tips and tricks and I started to get interested. Yes, I researched the topic for hours online in hopes of gaining knowledge from these coupon queens. It seemed easy enough at first. I mean, we’ve all watched the shows. Clip a bunch of coupons, head on out to the store, and WooHoo, rack up those savings. Before you know it…$700 worth of groceries for $30.

But wait, back up! Its not that easy. We can eventually get to that point, but there are a few things we need to keep in mind, let me share the knowledge I have learned with you and then I’ll let you in on my little plan.

· First, A friend turned me onto a website called, couponingdodisney.com. This websites give you coupon, tips on how to use them, and much more. In addition, the plan is to put all the money that you save from couponing into an account to use toward a trip to Disney World. Who doesn’t want that? For an extreme couponer, this can happen quite quickly.

· Second, when you go to those coupon websites, a really good friend gave me an amazing tip to…rather than typing in your zip code (they always ask for it so you can get coupons tailored to your area), type in the zip code for an area with a high cost of living, such as L.A. The coupons you get are normally for a higher face value. What would be a .35 cent coupon here may be $1 there.

· It is also important to remember that extreme couponing like you see on TLC takes a lot of time. It is almost a part time or sometimes a full time job, and not just for one person. Family’s usually get everyone involved in the process.

· I like to set a goal for myself when using coupons. It is usually a low goal such as 10% or 15%. When I reach my goal, I feel great. As I learn more about couponing, I can incorporate it in as I go.

· Also, stores have different coupon policies – the way coupons were allowed at the store on the show may not be the same at your local store, even if it is the same “brand” of store. The same store could have different “policies” at different locations. Some will double or triple coupons, some don’t. Some limit the number of “like coupons,” some don’t. Some will even limit the number of coupons per transaction. Find out your local store’s coupon policy before shopping with coupons. Don’t assume just because you saw it on TV that you can do it too.

· Instead of hording an excessive amount of groceries that you and your family may never use, donate them. The show Extreme Couponing has yet to highlight this. Everyone has some huge stockpile of groceries. Tell me, who uses 20 bottles of mustard? In their life? Nobody does. If you can get a whole mess of stuff for super cheap or free, keep what you will need/use and by all means, donate the rest to a homeless shelter or food bank. Remember that there are some people who cannot afford to even buy ANY groceries. Why not let your mad skills help someone feed THEIR family?

Lastly, I have a couple of my own tips. Go to the websites of your local grocery stores and see if they have any online coupons you can print and use in conjunction with the other coupons you have. Also, look for twofer” deals. For example: Pomegranate juice was on sale 2/$4 today at my local Town & Country. I had two coupons for $1 off of one pom. Juice. So, I ended up paying $2 for 2 juices. No, that isn’t very extreme but I cut the cost in half. Some stores have those store cards, such as Jewl/Osco, that enable you to save more or to rack up points for a discount or something later. Take advantage of these. They can’t hurt.

Alright well, that’s all I have. Hey, I’m a beginner, what do you expect from me? J These are some good tips to start out with though. Now with my plan…

I have challenged myself to an extreme couponing excursion. For the next three weeks, I’m going to cut every coupon I can find. I’ll look in my local newspaper(s) as well as online for the best coupons I can find. On the fourth week, I’m going to shop with my coupons. I’ll do my best to really track what is going to be on sale at what stores to see where i can get the most BANG for my couponing buck. I have no idea exactly what I am going to do or how it will go but my goal is to cut my bill in half. Yes, that is 50% off what I would pay without coupons. Four weeks from today, I will post a picture of my receipt so everyone can see how I did. If you have any other tips or tricks, please let me know!

Wish me luck! And good luck to you if you decide to take on the challenge too!

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P.S. I have been informed by a few people that they are having trouble adding comments. Someone told me that you have to have a Google e-mail account and you have to preview your comment before you post it. Just thought I would let you know!

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Crazy, Awesome, and Absolutely Miserable

2011-11-14T19:04:00.000-08:00

I often wonder to myself if my relationship is…up to par. Too many thought swirl around in my head and I’m a little frustrated right now so maybe this isn’t a good time to blog but…I feel like I need to. I often wonder to myself what other people’s relationships are like. How does the man treat the woman? How do THEY fight? What kinds of things do they do as a couple? What is a good relationship as opposed to a bad one? Can a bad one change? Can a good one get better? Knowing the answers to these questions about others and how they are treated would really enlighten me.

I do not want to get into depth about my relationship but I feel that it is quite lacking and could improve immensely. But then, how do you improve it? Do you be more submissive as to avoid arguments? Or do you stand up for what you think or believe in regardless of what kind of outcome it will have? We can’t pick and choose the things we want when we are with someone. There is no “Add to Cart” button. We just take what we are given and pray it’s as great as we expected. It’s funny how things can change. Or how people can change. I used to be shy, quiet, and quite reserved. Yes, I’m still a little shy, but if you know me, I’m not quiet OR reserved.

Also, what kind of information do people share with each other. “He” was mad/upset that I wouldn’t give him my username and password for my e-mail address. His point was, I know his, he should know mine. He thinks I am hiding something. If only he believed that I am not. I just think that everyone, weather in a relationship or not, needs to have that private place to go. I mean, I e-mail personal things to my besties, communicate with co-workers and even e-mail his dad. The rest is junk mail and garbage. I have nothing to hide, yet I feel it is disrespectful to demand this information from me. This is my personal “mailbox”. Yes, we are in a relationship but, this is something that he has no right to have. I sometimes wonder what men are so worried about. Maybe it is a lack of trust. On a daily basis, I’m either at work or at home. There is no place else, I go unless the day calls for a grocery store run. Anyway, I wouldn’t care if he changed his password so I don’t know it. The only reason I do is because he forgot his and I had to help him set up a new one. I don’t ever check it. I wouldn’t. It would be like reading his diary or reading his mind. Unethical.

They say that if you love someone, that you should fight for them. Do everything in your power to make things work. Accept the little things that bother you, communicate, have compassion, be considerate, treat them how you want to be treated, Never Give up. If you love them, never stop showing it. Be passionate about making it work no matter what. But what about when the fight gets too dirty? Sometimes its hard to know when you should keep up the fight or when you should throw in the towel. I wonder what the required length of fight is. And I wonder why I’m the only one fighting most of the time.

~Thank you God for blessing me with the two most amazing boys. In a million years, I will never be able to thank you for enriching my life, as you have by giving them to me! They are great and I LOVE THEM!

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Small Joke:

Husband: I love you. Wife: Is that you or the beer talking? Husband: That’s me…….Talking to the beer.

Dreams of Simpler Times

2011-11-13T09:28:00.001-08:00

The other day was Veterans Day. I didn’t have to work so I took the boys to school late and did some running around. I got Christmas lights for the outside of my house and planned out my decorations. It really made me want to run home and start digging out all of the Christmas things. The place I want to go to buy my Christmas tree isn’t even open yet. Therefore, I guess I’m forced to wait. “He” thinks I should wait until after Thanksgiving, well, he actually wants to decorate Thanksgiving night but I said NO WAY. I have to be at work at 11:30pm on Thanksgiving Day and work a 10-hour shift. Gotta love Black Friday. This super sale shopping day is starting to take away from the glory of Thanksgiving. I have to say, this is an awesome day to work in retail but also a nightmare day. It wouldn’t be so bad if we didn’t keep opening earlier and earlier every year. Very not cool!

Anyway, to get back on track…We went to Applebee’s for lunch. It was jam packed because veterans ate for free all day. We were able to go right in and the only available seats were at the bar. We sat there, sandwiched between war veterans. Also, I am not the kind of person to be very patriotic. It isn’t for any particular reason. I’m thankful for what these men and women have done for my country. You just wouldn’t catch me wearing a flag shirt or anything. I’m not complaining at all. Quite the opposite actually. It was nice to see so many people who have fought for my freedom all in one place. I felt an overwhelming sense of thankfulness and warmth. Everyone was in a good mood and the atmosphere was very…”at ease.”

While sitting there eating. We couldn’t help but to comment on a few things we noticed. Mostly all of the younger veterans were talking loudly about what they have been though. I’m thankful that my boys were not there because curse words flew and talk of bombs, bodies, and getting rid of ammo were aplenty. The memory of war was fresh in these young men’s mind and they sure talked about it. It may seem a little disrespectful, but I could really go without hearing these stories. I felt that since we were in a family setting, they should have kept their voices low when speaking of all this death, destruction, and war stories. They earned the right to be able to tell their story though.

We did however notice that all of the older veterans were sitting and chatting quietly between them about daily things. They would ask questions like, “Where were you stationed? What was your ranking?” They were simple questions that required simple answers. They never got into detail about what they have been though. I thought maybe because it wasn’t so fresh in their mind, but then I thought that maybe they just didn’t want to talk about it. They have seen a lot of death and destruction, why bring back the memory?

We sat next to an older gentleman name Amos. He told us he was a vet. And that’s all he said about that. We started talking about life. He told many great stories of his childhood. We listened intently to everything he had to say. He told us all that he is doing now adays. He mentioned that half of his pay goes to his x-wife, he’s always achy, he works in a body shop, and he doesn’t have much to show for how hard he worked for our country. It was somewhat sad to think about it. All he gets from it is a free meal once a year. He seemed happy with his life and quite content.

It was nice talking about all the things he did when he was younger. It surely was a lot of things that children would take for granted today. Running through the cornfield, picking black berries, climbing trees, making forts, and just being outside. Is seems that all of these things have been replaced with television, game systems, and computers. Lol, as you can see, I’m quite bitter about technology and how it relates to my boys. Talking to Amos made me hope and pray that I can provide my boys with the fun and memories that “simple times” can bring.

Let me now address the elephant in the room…

2011-11-11T20:51:00.000-08:00

Many people who read my blog are my close and personal friends or at the very least, people I know or once knew well. Most people who know me now, know that I was a surrogate mom recently and I just wanted to take a moment to talk about this “Triumph”. (Names are withheld)

I absolutely love the family who I was a surrogate for. The wife and mother is an amazing woman who believes in her faith. She is so caring and compassionate and I consider her to be a very close and personal friend (a sister in all perspectives). Her husband is quite the same as her and they have a great relationship. In addition, they have a little boy whom they are amazing parents to. When I thought about being her surrogate, I took all of these things into perspective and knew immediately that I wanted to help them any way I could.

(The whole process leading up the birth and now will be in detail in our book J )

Today she sent me a picture of Eli (I can’t not say his name). She sends me many and I am thankful for that because they live so far away. Eli was doing tummy time today and for the first time, he fell asleep on his tummy. The picture was so sweet and it made me smile instantly. I started to think back to when I first saw him…

…I remember it like it was yesterday. I drove to the hospital at 11pm. I remember getting there and being so relieved to be finally getting this big guy outta me. They hooked me up to IV’s and the very next morning I was wheeled into surgery. I remember being in this room, waiting to be taken into the operation room. I had to pee so badly and I asked the nurse if I could get up and go and she said no but brought me a bedpan. I had to go so bad! She put the bedpan under me and walked away. What was I supposed to do? Go? Right there in bed? I said no way. I couldn’t do it. I sat there for about ten minutes having to pee so badly but…I just couldn’t do it in my bed. (Thank you God for a catheter in the OR).

My anesthesiologist was amazing. He was so nice and during the whole procedure, he was always asking me how I was and rubbing my head. It really put me at ease. My doctor was amazing, telling me what he was doing step by step. The whole procedure lasted longer than I remembered with my boys. I was waiting and waiting for it to be over because I was starting to get scared, when all of a sudden I heard this great cry. It was so loud and so constant. Waa waaaa. Lol. I was so surprised to hear it at that moment that I burst into tears. I was shocked to hear him and to finally see him. He was immediately the most adorable creature I ever saw.

After everything, they wheeled me to recovery, then back to my room. I was there for a couple hours before my fiancé could come see me. He had to get the boys to school before he could come see me. He got there early. He got to see Eli and he was really worried about me seeing him. He was worried during the whole process that I would be super emotional or change my mind. Which I understand. However, he was so wrong. Eli’s dad arrived shortly after. I remember them wheeling Eli in and the look on his (Dad’s) face when he saw him for the first time. He looks surprised and somewhat scared. We took picture of him holding Eli for the first time. It was an amazing moment for me. To know that I had a part in his life was overwhelming to me. In a good way. After a while, he asked if I wanted to hold Eli and I said yes, of course. I had waited to hold or see him until dad got to see him first. That was important to me. When he handed Eli to me, I saw the apprehension on my fiancés face. But I could only focus on this perfect little baby boy who was placed I my arms. I held him, stared at him, and fell in love with him. I undid his blanket to see what his tiny body looked like. Perfect of course. He had long thin legs and the cutest little piggy toes. (I wanted to bite one off so I could keep it with me forever-Weeds) I quickly gave him back to his daddy and before he left, I had him take Eli back to the nursery.

Awhile later, he left and so did my fiancé. I was there, alone in the hospital room, and it was early in the evening. A new nurse came on and she wheeled Eli into my room an asked if I wanted to feed him. My brain was screaming “NOO” but my heart yelled, “Of course I do.” She handed him to me and walked away. I fed him, burped him, changed him, and stared at him. His features, his smell. I drank it all in. He fell asleep on my chest and I couldn’t move him. He layed there for almost three hours before I got so tired that I just had to put him back into his little crib thing. I called the nurse to take him back to the nursery.

The next morning Mom arrived (Eli’s mom) with her sister. It was a little awkward because when she walked in, Eli was sleeping on me. I felt bad because I didn’t want her to think I was making some motherly bond with him or to think I had changed my mind. She thought neither of course. Gosh, I tried so hard to act cool and not burst into tears when I saw her. I was so relieved that she was there. Finally, she got to meet her new little baby boy. It was so…incredible to see her hold him for the first time. Right away, she got to feed him and looking at her, she was a natural. He fit perfectly into her arms and was immensely content. I think he knew that his mommy was holding him. No, I knew he knew that.

During the whole hospital stay, I spent more time with little Eli than I wanted to. I was afraid to fall into love with him. But it was inevitable. Who wouldn’t? I fed him, burped him, changed him, talked to him, and slept with him. This may sound strange but…for those 4 days; it felt like he was my baby. I’m so happy that I got to spend that time with him. I couldn’t justify him staying in the nursery the whole time. I think he needed me to love him while his mommy and daddy couldn’t be there. I at least know this…He will always know who his Auntie Sam is. He will know that I loved/love him. I remember holding him one night and watching episodes of Weeds on Hulu. I couldn’t sleep because I didn’t have the heart to put him down so, I just kept watching TV.

The last day at the hospital was the hardest day. I remember mom getting Eli dressed to go and packing up all of our things. It was a sad day because we were going so far away from each other. It was a happy day because it was truly the day that Eli left to be a part of the family he was made to be a part of. I have to admit, I was sad. I didn’t want to leave the hospital. I was fine though. I put on my big girl panties and got all my stuff together to go home…We walked down to the cars…I was still fine…We hugged, kissed, and said our goodbyes, we got into our cars…I was still fine. I remember that they were driving in front of us. I was looking through their back window, “mom” was driving, and her sister was in the back seat with Eli. I remember seeing the top of Eli’s car seat and when I realized that was what I was looking at, I lost it. I just started crying and crying. The thing is, it was not a sad cry. It was totally a happy cry. I was happy that he was finally going home to meet his big brother and his family and to be settled in his new life and home. I didn’t, nor do I, regret anything. I just missed him. Part of me wanted to be back in the hospital. Part of me couldn’t wait to get home.

Once I was home, all I wanted to do was to see my boys. I got all comfortable on the couch. It was still hard to get around because of the surgery. I got all ready and my fiancé went to get the boys. They were so happy to see me an I cried like a baby to see them. I forgot how much I missed them and just wanted to hug them so tight and never leave their sight again. For the first week, it was hard. I battled not being pregnant, missing Eli, and wanting to be back at the hospital. Eli’s mom started to send me pictures all the time and that made me feel GREAT. It was nice to see Eli at home and integrated into his family and to see everyone around him and loving him. It really helped me to relax and sort of accept everything.

Now, looking back. It was the most amazing experience ever. I feel fantastic about everything. I talk to my best friend (Eli’s mom), whom I consider a sister to me, nearly every day. We exchange pictures and talk about our daily lives. It is nice to know that she is only a phone call or a few finger taps of the keys away. I talk about them often and think about them daily. It is such a remarkable feeling to know that I am part of someone’s life in such a unique way. I feel really good about myself and If I had to turn back time, I would ABSOLUTELY do it again…only for them though!

What I didn’t think about before was how hard it must have been for them to trust me with their baby’s life. To take care of him and put all of my care and love into him. They had to trust that I wouldn’t change my mind and that I would stick to what I said. Yes, they were amazing and they did great with the astonishingly hard wait and with trusting that I would take care of their little boy.

I love what I did and what I was a part of. For those of you who know me. Don’t feel bad to ask me a question. Don’t feel that you will upset me or put me in a “mood”. You won’t. I love talking about everything and answering questions. If my experience would encourage someone else to help another person out with the gift of a baby to complete a family, then I feel great. There is not one bad thing I have to say about anything I have been through. I love it and it is a part of who I am. They got a new baby that day…I adopted a whole family though. I know how blessed I am and I thank God every day for the opportunity and for giving me this newfound connection with the most amazing people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. With my boys and my family,…I now feel complete!

So there I was…Spitting on my goldfish to keep it alive.

2011-11-10T19:47:00.000-08:00

…Okay, so this post has nothing to do with goldfish. I got you here though didn’t I? lol. I wanted to get everyone together to share some valuable information. Are you ready for this?

*Public Service Announcement* I have created a new social network used to communicate with people right in front of you. It’s called MyFace.

My face, get it? Haha…no?Just me? Alright then. I’m trying to talk about the fact that nobody really communicates face to face anymore. Be it a family member, friend, coworker, or acquaintance, we seem to have distant relationships now. I don’t think this is technically a bad thing but I do think that it poses a problem for the younger generation. I wonder if my children or my children’s children will have any personal, face-to-face relationships at all. Think about it. How long have websites like MySpace, Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter been around? Not long right? Even e-mail, Skype, and texting is a part of this lack of closeness. Look how much has changed since before these websites blew up.

I never talk on the phone anymore. I either e-mail or text. Whenever I get a phone call, I hold the phone to my face and don’t know what to say. Hearing a voice on the other line is surprising. They ask a question and you don’t have time to think about what you’re going to “text” before you respond. For me, I think it affects my reaction time. Coming up with a response on the fly is harder because I so often do not have to do it. I e-mail all the most important people in my life and I think I would rather Skype than go our somewhere. I’m used to the comfort of my own home. I don’t have to wonder what I sound like an If I say something stupid, I can delete it. It is as if we become our optimal self through writing/texting. If you’re wondering what Josie is doing, don’t call her. Check her Facebook, text her, or see if she Tweeted. But gosh forbid, don’t call her. People don’t do that anymore. I have to say, I miss it sometimes. I’m not sure if I am happy with my boys being raised in a world where physical contact/communication is not necessary. How did we live without these things before? How did our parents and their parents live? What about when there were no cell phones or computers? Sheesh, it’s not as if it was that long ago. I’m sure they had their own “thing”. Take the cavemen for example; they were posting on walls before it was cool. Did we steal the idea?

In addition, I haven’t been to the library in…I can’t remember how long. I rely on Google for a great majority of all of my research and anything I want or need to know really. “Who are the actors in I Love You Man? What is Garbage Island (that’s a different topic)?” The things we are able to search online is amazing. All the answers right before us. We don’t even need to leave our home. It sometimes makes me wonder, What if they read a list of everything you’ve ever typed into Google before entering heaven. Would you still be able to enter? Would St. Peter laugh or cry?

Everything we do, can be done from our computers. We can work, go to school, order food, visit with friends, shop, gamble…the list goes on forever. With being in school for IT, I think deeper into the inner workings of technology (or at least I try to) rather than the frosting on the surface. My inquisitiveness and need to “know” had started in front of my computer screen and branched out into other aspects of my life. Not always in good ways though. At B-Dubs a couple weeks ago, a waitress came to take our order and asked if we were ready. I said yes, but give me just a second. She asked me if I had any questions about the menu and I said, “Yeah, what kind of font is this?” She didn’t know of course and I felt like a total nerd. I looked over to my friend and said, “I’m sure it’s a form of Berlin Sans.” She gave me this look that clearly said…Are you kidding me?

On the flip side. I’m happy with technology an all the newness of everything. The bottom line is, I feel that it takes away from my having any sort of real (in person) conversations with anyone anymore. I have this weird feeling that when the boys are older, I’ll have to text them, “Hey, are you coming to dinner? Is this laundry on your floor clean or dirty? “

Maybe I’m making a big deal out of something that really isn’t. I’m so tired right now that I don’t remember anything I just wrote…the next post will be much better, I promise. Momma’s gotta get some sleep…..zzz…..

I didn’t run into anyone I know today…Guess who’s wearing the exact same thing tomorrow?!?

2011-11-09T19:52:00.000-08:00

…Or at least that’s how I felt yesterday. I woke up sick to my stomach and just started to feel worse as the day went on. I blame the sushi I ate the night before. Do not buy sushi from K-Mart. I should have known better, I just wanted sushi. I ended up not going to work and stayed home, laying on the couch because every time I moved, I got sick. Thank goodness I took the boys to school or they would have been so miserable. I have to say, regardless of being sick; it was nice to be able to fit in some schoolwork. Which is one nice thing about going to college online; there is never an excuse for not doing schoolwork. I can lie in bed, in my pajamas, eating, and drinking some OJ if I want.

Anyway, today I felt much better. Although it was not the greatest day because it started out really bad. I took a shower before work to try to feel more awake and overall better. While in there, I slipped and tried to grab onto the water to catch myself. It didn’t work. I immediately got mad, angrily squeezed the body wash onto my loofah, and practically scrubbed my skin off. I was taking out my frustration, onto myself. Not smart. After my shower, I plugged in my flat iron and proceeded to walk into the bedroom to figure out what I was going to wear. It was dark except for a small sliver of light that was coming in from the window. Somehow, I stepped full footed onto a Lego with all of my weight and I just have to say, People who say labor pain is the most intense pain a human can feel, have obviously never stepped on a Lego in the dark! I cried a little. In addition, I was immensely confused about how there was a Lego there in the first place. We don’t have Lego’s. One of the boys must have pocketed on from school and planted it there for me. Needless to say, I threw the Lego across the house and proceeded to finish my hair and make-up and get out the door.

It was busy when I got to work. I would have so much rather been home with my boys doing something fun or just snuggling with them (they are the very BEST snugglers). People were acting a little crazy and there was a thickness in the air. It was as if everyone was stressed out and I could feel it. Just so happens that my first customer was one whom I’m not too fond of. She is always sort of rude and disrespectful. She acts as if she is better than me because I am waiting on HER. She was actually somewhat nice today but I wasn’t buying it. It’s sort of funny because when you don’t like someone, everything they do is offensive, “Look at her, chewing that gum like she owns the place.” After she left, it was pretty slow. I feel like I did a lot but at the same time, got nothing done. Before I left, I started talking to another employee (whom is my friend) and a few other people. I had started telling them the story about how my morning went but realized that nobody was listening so I slowly faded out and pretended I never said anything.

Rather than talk to anyone, which hadn’t gone to well all day, I proceeded to clean this diamond ring for someone. While doing this, I started having a conversation in my head and realized I was making faces that went along with the silent conversation…oh it gets worse…I was even smiling and laughing, because I’m so darn hilarious. Yeah right. It was awkward and I was super embarrassed. When I looked up my relief was there so I high tailed it out of there. As I was walking out the door of work I felt, overwhelmingly happy to be leaving. Until I tripped right at the sliding doors and fell to my knees. I wanted to yell, “GO ON WITHOUT ME” for dramatic effect but the gig was up. Everyone saw what I did and I think some of them saw the “I can’t believe this just happened” look on my face and let me tell you…they were holding back laughter.

I left work and went out to my car, started it up, and sat there for a second to breath. I took out my phone and noticed my text message light beeping. Woohoo! It was from a friend who wanted me to go out with her and a few of our friends to get wings after work. (I declined because I missed my lil’ guys) I immediately perked up until I started to read the text. Let me quote it for you… “Omgz hav!n such a gewd tiem wif mai bestiez, lolzzzz!”….Seriously? Take your keyboard and bash your head into it.

I went from work, straight to the boy’s school to pick them up, squeeze them really tight, and give them a million kisses. They were just as happy to see me as I was them. Which totally turned my whole day around. On the way home, Stefan said, “Mom I gotta joke, Whats brown and sticky?” I thought, oh great. Another poop joke. But instead I said, “I don’t know, Stefan. What’s brown and sticky?” His reply was….”a stick.” Really? I actually laughed as if he told me the funniest joke ever written. I was not expecting it and it was cute coming from him. He thought he was THE MAN for telling a funny joke too.

Once we got home, it was really quite peaceful. I made sandwiches, mac and cheese, and corn. Yes, I was being lazy and uninventive. But hey, after a day like today, I wanted to keep things simple. The boys were being sweet and really made it easy on me tonight. They ate all their dinner, took a bath, and went to bed when I said. They were asleep after 2 bedtime stories. As I sit here and take a deep breath, I think…”Bring it on Thursday. I can take it.” J

Mommy Radar

2011-11-09T06:29:00.001-08:00

I think it was Monday night that I worked until close. I got home at about 10:30pm, the boys were in their room asleep, and the “old man” had a friend over to watch the football game. It was a long day at work and I was so relieved to be home. Right when I walked in the door, I kicked my shoes off, took a shower, and got into my pajamas. The sooner I got out of those work cloths the better. After I was all comfy and cozy, I settled down on the couch with a steaming cup of coffee, some Halloween candy, and my computer. They guys were next to me watching football and laughing and carrying on quite loudly. I have to admit, I was getting quite irritated and I kept saying, “Shhh, guys be quite. You’re going to wake up the boys.” They kept saying that they have stayed at the same tone all night and the boys have yet to wake up. Well, after a few minutes, I started to talk about work and the day I had. Before I knew it, heard a wining coming from the boy’s bedroom, my talking had woke them up. The old man went in there and told them to lie down and close their eyes. They did. After that, the guys started talking loudly again and I got mad…again. “Guys, you really need to be quiet.” Of course, they didn’t listen and they kept being loud. I started to relax about the noise a little and I joined in the conversation. Before I knew it, there was wining coming from the boy’s room again. They soon went back to bed. THEN, it hit me. They stay asleep when they hear dad’s voice. It doesn’t bother them, they don’t care. The second that I speak, their “mommy radar” must start wildly beeping “Mommy’s home, mommy’s home” and they wake up.

It’s kind of funny. When the boys wake up at night, all dad has to do is tell them to lie down. I always have to tell them I’m busy and will be back in. They always want me to lay in there with them and I cannot sleep on their floor. My back would hurt too bad the next morning. If they wake up I will say something like, “Mommy needs to clean up the dishes, I’ll be right back in.” It normally works pretty well. Last night it didn’t work at all. I was doing school work and Ryder was waking up every 15 minutes it seemed. I was so sick of getting up and running in there. After waking up about ten times, on the 11^th time I went in there and said, “Ryder, please lay down. Mommy needs to go poop, I’ll be right back.” He was happy with that response and he laid back down and went to sleep. I of course, didn’t have to go “poop” (girls don’t do that), so I went back to the living room and continued on with my homework.

I wonder why is it so different when I go into the room as opposed to when dad goes in there. It’s as if they listen to dad when he says to go to sleep. They see me and I have to lay in there, read another story, or just sit in the doorway. I don’t mean to complain. I love it that the boys love me and want me near them all the time but sometimes, mommy needs some time to herself. In addition, why is it that dad and his buddy can talk so loud that they are practically yelling and the boys stay asleep but when I talk, their eyes shoot open? That was a frustrating night.

They usually always make up for it in the morning. This morning Ryder came into my room and said, “Mommy, I’ya wake. I yay nexta you?” He then kissed me, cuddled up right next to me, and fell back asleep. It was so sweet. I love my little monsters. I just with their mommy radar wasn’t so keen.

Another thing…When they wake up in the morning, they always wake me up right away for something to eat. They always want waffles and chocolate milk. On the rare days when I am tired or have the chance to sleep in, I will ask them to go wake daddy up (which is something they never ever do). Whenever I tell them that, they will look at each other for a second and then walk out of the room. About a minute later, they are back and wanting me to wake up. I’ll say, why didn’t you ask daddy for something? They will reply, “Because he is sleeping.” SO WAS I. lol I don’t like the boys being awake by themselves so, mom always gets up and proceeds to start the day. I think it is funny that they won’t wake dad up but they will wake me up. I joke that they love me more. J It wouldn’t be so hard if they would sleep past 4-5am. They don’t understand that mommy needs her beauty sleep. This is why their bedtime is normally my bedtime too. By 7:30 at night I’m about to fall over in exhaustion.

I love my boys more than anything in the universe and I am very happy that they are mommy’s boys and all about ME. I don’t know how I will function when they get older and I’m turn into the “uncool” mom that embarrasses them. I know its going to happen at some point. I’m just so not looking forward to it. I can only hope that I stay cool forever!

Shut-up SpongeBob

2011-11-08T17:29:00.001-08:00

The affect kid shows have on children is amazing. This morning while I was cleaning up after breakfast, SpongeBob came on. This is not something we usually watch because…well, I think it’s stupid. Anyway, I wasn’t really watching but I was aware of what was going on. During this 30-minute cartoon, I noticed that every time SpongeBob wanted something, he threw a huge tantrum. He was actually somewhat mean too. Maybe I am just a little old fashioned, maybe I just like to criticize things, whatever it may be it made me have a rare epiphany. Are my kids responding to what they see? Is this a reason why THEY throw fits and tantrums? Maybe not, but the behavior portrayed in these so-called kid shows are astonishing. Even popular kid films have adult innuendo. We will be watching something as a family and I will hear a crude joke that I know went way over the boy’s heads and I say, “Ohh, wow, I can’t believe they said that.” Of course, most of the time I think it is funny. This is only because I know that my kids don’t get it. In addition, I have noticed that even family shows that are aired at prime time have curse words in them. When did words like Ass and Bitch become acceptable for a family audience? I don’t say these words around my children, why is it okay for pop culture to do it. It teaches them that it is okay, when its sooo not!

Since my kids are young, its easier to avoid the things I don’t like them to see. We have a set bundle of things that we watch together that we can trust. Our DVD’s, races, funniest home video, etc. We normally don’t stray from our regulars. Any adult shows are TVO’d and watched when the kids go to bed. (Their bedtime has been my bedtime so; we really don’t ever get to watch grown up shows J)

I’m scared of what will happen when they get older. Shows that are aimed at the younger generation, I’m talking preteen and teens are practically R rated. Have you ever seen some of these MTV shows like Skins, Awkward, Degrassi, or Teen Mom? Skins is practically a porn, Awkward has underage drinking, kids having sex (I mean from age 14 and up!), and language that is out of this world. Degrassi is much the same. Even Teen Mom is starting to get ridicules. It started out as 16 and Pregnant, which I think was great. It touched on the subject that teen pregnancy is happening and it shows kids what it is really like. Now that Teen Mom has gained steam, those girls are well known, making a lot more money, and they have an essence of fame about them. When you watch Teen Mom now, you see teen girls, living on their own in nice places, driving nice cars, doing what they want, dropping out of school, domestic violence, and the list goes on. The money that they are making off of the show, takes away from the effectiveness that I believe the creators are trying to portray. A typical single teen mom would be struggling a lot more. The show almost glorifies it and makes it seem as if raising a child is not that hard. Let me just say, I watch some of these shows. Maybe I am a hypocrite but I find them acceptable because I am an adult.

Even popular music has gotten crazy with the lyrics. Rihanna has a song that shocked me out of my skin. The lyrics were so graphic and if I heard my kid singing it, I would surely flip my lid. OH? What’s that? You haven’t heard it? Oh, well….let me give you a glance. Here is the main chorus, “Cause I may be bad But I'm perfectly good at it, Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it, Sticks and stones May break my bones But chains and whips Excite me.” Fitting I guess since the song is titled S&M. What is that teaching? Just so happens that the very next song on the radio was singing about a guy who has 8 balls of cocaine. I just shook my head. Is it bad that I wasn’t surprised? I think I’ll stick to my oldies station. I want to go back to the time where “Puff the Magic Dragon” was really about a dragon whose name was Puff. Everything is distorted in this day and age. I always hear people saying, “What happened? It wasn’t like this when I was young.” Well, sit down for this…are you ready…my grandma says that, and her grandma said that and her grandma before that said that. Everything changes. Taboos are broken. The world loosens up and accepts things differently than they would have 50, 30, even 10 years ago. I guess if we don’t like to watch or hear it, then turn it off or change the channel. I just worry about the influence. Kids are so impressionable.

Am I the only one who is bothered by this? Or do I just sound like a prude?

Weight is great....right?

2011-11-07T21:55:00.000-08:00

Let us start today with a quote from the late great Andy Rooney.

“The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books – how not to eat what you’ve just learned how to cook.”

I thought this was appropriate considering how I feel this morning. I was thinking about what my Thanksgiving menu is going to be and what I am going to do. I want to keep the day very traditional. I was thinking about inviting the neighborhood over for a great feast, then kill them and steal their land…Okay, maybe not THAT traditional. My mouth watered when I thought of the food. A nice juicy turkey and lots and lots and LOTS of sides. Yes, I feel that it is perfectly acceptable to eat until you have to lean back and unbutton your pants. What’s a few pounds at during the holidays? Its expected and inevitable.

I do want to keep the weight gain to a minimal though, if I gain any at all. I’m not back to my pre pregnancy weight yet so, gaining isn’t exactly on my to do list. I was thinking about my weight today and had a few thoughts. For instance, have you ever grabbed your own butt just to try and feel what your husband would if he grabbed it? Yeah, me neither. Sheesh, do I look like a weirdo or something? Well, maybe I do, you can’t see me.

I learned what “fat” was at a really young age. Not that I had a complex about it or anything. I was just aware of it. I have to say, it was all downhill after I realized “elemonopee” was not just one awesome letter. It was the age that I started to compare my looks to everyone else’s. I didn’t care about what other people thought about me, but more about how I felt about myself. Now that I am older, a mom, and with someone who loves me, I am finally happy in my own skin. I’m told by the three most important men in my life that I am beautiful and pretty all the time. I do believe them; however, you’ll never catch me in a mini skirt or fishnet stockings. Why you ask? Well, have you ever pushed cookie dough through a sifter before? Maybe I’m exaggerating a little…or a lot. But still. I’m happy being ol’ modest me.

I plan to eat like a cow from now until New Year’s. My resolution is going to be to lose weight, or at least get back to the weight I was before having babies. It should be a piece of cake…a piece of delicious chocolate cake…I want cake. J

I didn’t intend to make a big deal out of this weight and body image thing. I was just thinking about it. I guess it’s all about perspective and how you look at it. I mean, the sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the kitchen. I’m staying positive on the whole issue. Like I said though. Everything is free game now. I want cake, pie, and cookies. This reminds me…at the grocery store today I bought cookie dough so that dad can bake cookies with the boys. The label of the chocolate chip cookie dough warned: “Do not consume raw cookie dough” and I realized that that has to be the most ignored warning label ever. I, on the other hand, chose some sugar cookie dough that was precut and had images on it. It was pretty cool, I’m sure the boys will love it. Since Ryder puts EVERYTHING in his mouth, I may have to hire security guards to make sure he follows that raw dough warning.

I can’t wait to have a fresh warm cookie! YUM! A cookie and a nice hot cut of coffee sounds like a gift from God…A Starbucks man would be a nice gift too. I think that the ice cream man should automatically change his “goods” in the cooler months and start slinging coffee. Can you see it? Your baking cookies and suddenly, you hear coffee house music, “OH MY GOSH! It’s the Starbucks man! Do we have cash? HURRY HURRRRY!”

Anyway, this post is getting a little out of hand. Is every post supposed to stay on topic? Because I totally got off track…again. I have schoolwork to do still and I have to find something to eat as, my stomach is growling like crazy talking about all this delicious food and drink. I’m trying to think of what sounds good because I have NONE of the things that I mentioned. I guess I’ll have a bowl of the generic frosted flakes that I have in the cabinet. They’rrrrrrrr, alright I guess.

Till next time………

Thoughts on Potty Training

2011-11-07T05:37:00.000-08:00

This may seem like it’s coming from out of the blue. I mean, I only have a few friends whose kids are potty training but I felt urged to share some things that worked and most importantly, didn’t work for me (or my boys). The only reason I am on this topic is because my oldest, Stefan, is recently 100% potty trained. He is 4 years old and still wore a diaper during the night because that was what he was comfortable with. Well, I’m pleased to say that for the last 8ish days, he has worn big boy undies to bed and woke up each night, completely dry. Bone dry! Now I have my youngest, Ryder, who is really not serious about getting out of diapers at all. Yes, he will go #1 and very rarely #2 on the potty, but its only when he wants to. He controls the outflow and when it happens and nobody can tell him otherwise. To get on with it, this is what I have learned so far.

*Some of the things that did or did not work for me, may or may not work for you. I’m not judging or criticizing, just stating what I tried.

1. Do not demand that they start using the potty on YOUR schedule. This does not work. They will only start to “train” when THEY are ready.

2. Don’t let them run around in their underwear or naked all day. This may work at home, but it does absolutely nothing when you are away from home. In addition, if they do have an accident, there is nothing to stop the “excrement” from seeping right into your carpet or worse, your couch. And trust me; it is not easy to clean this smell out. I had to buy a whole new couch. At least cloths, even undies, would have caught a little bit.

3. Someone once told me that if they have an accident in their underwear, leave them in it so they learn a lesson. DO NOT DO THIS. I could give a few reasons why but, it just seems like child abuse to me. It is wrong! And no, I did not try this one.

4. Do not make them sit on the potty until they “go”. This will seem like a punishment and face it; the potty is scary at first. I did this one time and my boys did now want to sit on the potty again at all. They thought I was going to make them sit there all day. (Although the only time I tried this it was only for 10 minutes before a glorious poo made an appearance) I wish I hadn’t because it took me forever to get my now potty-trained champ to try again.

5. Do not move a small potty to the hallway, bedroom, living room, or anywhere else besides the bathroom. We are not training an animal here. The only acceptable place to go to the bathroom is…in the bathroom. Unless you are on a long road trip or someplace where no bathroom is near, in this case, a tree is perfectly acceptable for boys. If you have a little girl, I don’t know what to tell you. J

6. Incentives do not work. Okay, maybe they do work a little but they are more of a hassle than a help. If you start giving them candy for using the potty, they will expect it every time they go. Even if it is a little dribble, even if they are potty trained, even if they just sit there and do nothing “I swear mommy, I peed a little, can I have some candy?”

7. Do not put them down. Saying things like, “you’re such a baby. You’re not a big boy because you’re still in diapers. I hate changing your diaper. Your nasty.” Is just going to hurt their feelings and give them a complex. Is negative reinforcement ever acceptable?

Now, let me tell you what works, or what worked for me. Let them go on their own time. Ask them if they have to go or if they want to go. Do not demand that they go. Praise even the smallest of trickles. Yes, I jumped up and down, hooted and hollered, danced around and gave them a high five. Say things that are encouraging, “Woohoo, look at you! What a big boy! I’m so happy, I’m so proud of you. Lets tell daddy/Grampa/anyone and everyone. You’re so awesome.” Next, bribe them. Okay, wait a minute. Lets use the word “incentive” instead of bribe. Yes, I said that incentives do not work but bear with me. I use this “incentive” in a different way. If he stayed dry all through the night, I told him that we would ride bikes the next day. If he stayed dry for two nights, we would have a movie night. These are the kind of bribes, excuse me, “incentives” that you always want. Its just family time but it seems like more because the secret is to make a big deal out of it. I said to my oldest, “If you stay dry all night (again), we are going to watch Cars2 and have a pajama and movie night with popcorn.” He was so excited. I even went as far as to get an adult size onsie pajama with footies so we could all wear matching pajamas. Even though it was just a movie night, it was a special time. Anyway, to make a long story…well…long, try what you want, just keep my tips in mind. They won’t be in diapers forever.

On a side note. My oldest kept asking for something to drink last night at bedtime. I know he was stalling. I kept saying no to the drink because he has been accident free and I knew that water would surely do him in. I didn’t want to take the chance of waking up to….a big mess. It reminded me of this joke………..

………”A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....''What?'' I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'' No, You had your chance. Lights out.' Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....''WHAT? ''I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!' Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....''WHAT!'' When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?”

How many hours are in a day?

2011-11-06T16:14:00.000-08:00

Call it the time change, call it no patience, call it what you may. Today was the LOONNGGEST day in history. It just so happens that my boys wanted to push the limit of my sanity on this long day and they did it every second of the day. I’m not saying they were bad. Quite the opposite actually, they were just full of energy or what is it they say “piss and vinegar?” There was a lot of wining today. Eeeh, I’m hungry, I want juice, ehhhh moooomm, I want a snack, I’m not cleaning my room, uh oh, I spilled my juice……all over Ryder. They had their occasional sweet moment, which normally happens before they want something. I often hear how beautiful I am or that I am the best mom. Remember, that usually only happens when they want something. J I’ll take it though.

Enveloped somewhere within this crazy day, I realized how much I lie to my children. Yes, I said lie. Hey, don’t judge me. Today it started out with little white lies. I told Ryder, “If you don’t get your dirty fingers out of your mouth, you’re going to get diarrhea.” Perhaps its true? Of course…after those occasional little white lies, they just exploded into full out LIES. I said things like, “If you don’t clean your room, I’m going to give all your stuff away to poor kids. If you kick me one more time, I’m going to cut your legs off. If you don’t stop running, Mrs. Porter (the cop who lives below us) is going take you away.” Reflecting on these lies, I feel pretty low. These are not just lies, they are threats and of course, I was not going to do any of them. It is however funny how well they worked.

It is now what seems like midnight, but its only 6pm. They boys wanted to go to bed (because they normally go to bed at 7) so I just got done with the bedtime story, which happened to be Pinkalishious. Stefan loves that book. He thanked me for reading the book, gave me a big kiss and hug, and whispered, “I had a great day mommy, thanks for letting us paint and ride our bikes.” It was amazing to hear appreciation in the voice of someone so young. Ryder just said, “I love you mommy head.” He thinks that everything is funny if you add the word “head” to the end of it. As I sit here and reflect on the day, it was really not that bad. It was actually quite nice.

One thing to keep in mind about children that I have learned is: You have to say “yes” enough times to a kid that they respect when you say “no.” If you are always saying “no” and don’t let them experiment or try new things or play Angry Birds on your phone, then they get discouraged or they’ll find ways to work around you. If you say “yes” to the right amount of things at the right time, when you tell them “no,” they seem to listen. At least sometimes. Hahaha. I think it kind of falls in the category of respecting your children and letting them be individuals. Remembering to treat my children with the same respect that I would want to be shown has avoided many of fights, tantrums, and threats to run away and go live with Grandpa. It sure helped today!

*On a side note, I got the Toys-R-Us big book in the newspaper today and I gave the boys a pen and told them to circle the things they want to ask Santa for. I reminded them that they sure were NOT going to get everything, Santa just wants ideas. It was cute to see them get excited and sit on the floor, circling almost everything. I got some on video that I will try to upload later tonight.

The morning of the time change

2011-11-06T03:36:00.001-08:00

It would seem that something, which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day, should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller

The boys woke up at 6am today. Ryder woke up first. How did I know he was awake? Well, at some point in the night, he came into my bed. I was dead asleep, dreaming sweet dreams without care when all of a sudden; a little shank like finger went right up my nose. Yes, for a brief second, I thought I was going to die. My eye’s shot open and I screamed a little and sat bolt up in bed. By scaring me, he must have scared himself because he screamed too and started crying. I said, “Why did you do that to mommy? Don’t do that again.” He replied, “I want a snack, I’m hungry.” Hmm…So, you’re hungry and you decide to put your finger up my nose? I always knew he was my gross one! J Anyway, I got him some crackers (which are his favorite food, good ol’ saltines), put on Tangled and told him to relax for a little while because mommy was tired. I laid down and closed my eyes. It must have been about a half hour later, although it seemed like 2 minutes, I felt like someone was looking at me so I opened my eyes and Stefan was an inch from my face whispering, “Moooommm, I need to go potty.” Sheesh, do kids know how creepy they can be? I thought of the movie Paranormal Activity and wondered how long he had been standing there before my eyes shot open.

We have now eaten breakfast and they are eating Sunchips and watching Bee Movie, which I think I have seen about a hundred times but it is actually a movie I love so, I am okay with it. As long as it’s not Lightning McQueen, the world is good.

As I settle down here on the couch, I’m thinking about all there is to do today. I still have another midterm due for school that I have been putting off. Its multiple choice so, I’m not sure why I am so worried about it, its not as if I have to be creative or anything. I need to give the boys a bath and get them all snazzy for church today. I’m so tired that part of me wants to just skip it today but, I know I will regret it if I do so, I guess I’ll be an adult do what I need to do. I promised the boys we would ride bikes today since it is actually supposed to be niceish outside. I have to clean laundry, fold laundry, and put laundry away. Yes, that’s three different things. There is no “simply”, doing the laundry. It becomes a big chore. Plus, the Christmas gifts hiding in my closet (although there are very few of them at the moment) takes up way to much room.

A few of my friends are stating one thing they are thankful for everyday from November 1 through Thanksgiving. I wanted to jump on the bandwagon but everything I put sounded really lame. I’m thankful for my children, I’m thankful for a job, I’m thankful for my extended family (you know who you are), I’m thankful for all that I have…I could go on and on but, it all seems so generic. It’s like when someone asks you, “Why do you love me?” and you answer by giving them a list of all their qualities. Although you mean what you are saying, it doesn’t sound like it is coming from the heart. So, I decided to say really quickly what I love, which is similar to saying what I am thankful for because I am thankful for the things I love…

…I love the holiday season and making traditions with the boys. I love walking outside and seeing the tree’s ablaze with color and the smell of rotten leaves. Yes, rotten leaves, if you take the time out, it smells amazing. I love it that the weather is cool enough to wear a sweater and not be too cold or hot. I love it that the Christmas excitement bubbles up inside me. I love the Peanuts holiday shows and the appropriateness of watching The Grinch, The Santa Clause, and Home Alone. I love the smell of baking cookies, because face it, they smell the best in Nov/Dec. I love it that the phrase, “We’ll have to tell Santa Clause.” Stops a total fit in the store because of a toy they want. I love the Elf on the Shelf and all the Christmas decorations and twinkling lights. I love the smell of the Christmas tree and the feeling I get when we all sit down on the couch in the dark, with the only light coming from the lit up tree, with cocoa in our hand and blankets all around us and “A Year without a Santa Clause” on TV. I am thankful to have these things and to be able to do and experience these things.

“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. “

Jay Leno

A Few Acquired and Learned Parenting Tips

2011-11-05T10:18:00.000-07:00

1. Be a good friend second and a good parent first

2. Tickle.

3. Let them stay up just a little bit longer.

4. If you don’t know, say so.

5. Buy a great stain remover.

6. Make goofy faces

7. Sing silly songs

8. Hang their drawings on the fridge

9. Make real cocoa

10. ALL mothers are working mothers.

11. Ultimatums don’t work.

12. Bribes work.

13. Let them lick the spoon, they will always remember.

14. Have an answer ready for “where do babies come from”

15. Remember: It’s just a phase.

16. “Wait till your father gets home” is a cop-out.

17. Teach them to write thank you notes.

18. Cheese food is not cheese.

19. Kiss it and make it better.

20. If you promised, DO IT.

21. Don’t use a pediatrician who isn’t a parent

22. You can blame just about anything on teething.

23. An unmade bed is easier to get into

24. A little fast food never killed anyone

25. Someday your son will love another woman L

26. Socks and underwear are not gifts.

27. “Bambi” is too scary for four-year olds.

28. Tuck them in.

29. Washable markers aren’t.

30. Never use the check-out with the candy display

31. Forbidden junk food will be eaten at neighbor’s home.

32. Tell know-it-alls: Mind your own business.

33. At some point, you WILL use the TV as a babysitter

34. Insist on bike helmets.

35. Traditions are important.

36. Always look before sitting

37. Before disciplining – decompress.

38. Check before believing Dad said it was okay.

39. Disposable diapers are worth the guilt

40. You’ll never stop wondering if you’re doing a good job.

Getting started...where to begin?

2011-11-05T06:21:00.000-07:00

The idea of starting a blog sounded great. Now that I sit here, thinking about what to write, my mind is blank. Usually blogs have a purpose. I sit here and think, "What is my purpose for this?" I mean, talking about life and commenting on what I learn and what I need to learn is all fun and games but lets face it, this blog is not going to teach you anything. No extreme couponing, no cleaning tips, no homework help. Just me. I like to tell stories about my family, what I have been though, give parenting tips, and include funny tidbits. With Stefan being 4 years old and Ryder being 3, strange things happen all the time. They make my life wonderful and sometimes leave me wondering, what has my life come to? Poop jokes and moodswings?
Being a mom is an amazing job with many trying moments. I didn't know that my patience would be tested so much and I didn't know how entirely you could really love another human being. I now understand that wild primal instinct to love and protect my children above anything else. I have to say though, the hardest part of being a parent is teaching them how to be a great adult. Yes, that is the ending goal, right? Pushing homework, mannors, and respect onto them sometimes makes me feel like a schmuck. I think, "Hey, they are kids, let them be....kids." And I do let them, I just want them to understand the difference between right and wrong and I want them to understand respect. Which they do, or are starting to.
Anyway, this introduction is getting off track. I'm not sure where to start with all I want to say so, I'll have to think some more and write more later. As I sit here on the couch, the tab for my school work keeps flashing at me, my two midterms are getting very impatienta, my oldest son is on the floor coloring his Mater coloring page and singing "SHAKE THAT, Everyday I'm Shuffling!" And somehow, Ryder is sitting on the couch next to me watching Astro Boy with a finger in his mouth and one in his nose (from the same hand) and every couple seconds, he switches them around. How do you stop that? Anyway, time to smack a hand away from a nose and start on some important school work. I hope I didn't scare you away already.