Trust me, I'm an Actor

365 Movies Day #227 "Biting Elbows: Insane Office Escape"

2013-03-28T18:57:00.000-05:00

We've had a lot of variety on the blog featuring all sorts of shorts, webisodes, feature films and youtube videos. This is the first music video! It's actually two. The band Biting Elbows is a badass indie-punk band out of Moscow, Russia. They teamed up with some amazingly innovative Russian filmmakers to make one of the most adrenaline pumping videos I've ever seen.

The video is a first person narrative shot entirely with GoPro cameras that follows our hero on his quest to protect and retrieve a water activated teleportation device. It's a lot of Call of Duty style action mixed with some kick-butt parkour, wicked car chases and even...explosions. The music is also pretty awesome. Check out the videos above and like the band's facebook page for more info at: https://www.facebook.com/bitingelbows

365 Movies Day #226 "Iron Sky"

2013-03-28T16:40:00.001-05:00

What could be more awesome than a movie about moon Nazis invading Earth?! Timo Vuorensola nails both the action and comedy elements of the film. It's fun and everything you would expect from the trailer. Incredibly well done. Presently Timo is signed on to direct the films "I Killed Adolf Hitler" and "Paris I'll Kill You". I can't wait!

Iron Sky stars Christopher Kirby ("Star Wars: Episode III", "Daybreakers", "The Matrix") as token black astronaut James Washington who unwittingly discovers the Nazi's hidden moonbase commanded by the always chilling Udo Kier ("Blade", "End of Days", "Johnny Mneumonic") and Götz Otto ("Cloud Atlas", "Tomorrow Never Dies"). What happens after is a hilariously absurd adventure that is sure to leave you wanting more. Special shout out to Julia Dietze, who plays the beautiful and well-meaning Nazi Renate Richter and Stephanie Paul who plays the U.S. president who is a dead ringer for Sarah Palin!

Definitely one to check out!

IRON SKY ON IMDB

365 Movies Day #225 "You Kill Me"

2012-11-03T09:50:00.001-05:00

I love hit man movies. There is something about someone who makes a living killing people for a living that is so taboo yet so romanticized as to be fascinating. One of my favorite films of all time which I will probably mention in the blog at a later date is "Grosse Pointe Blank". It's a near flawless execution of a sweet 80s love story combined with an action packed mob thriller with interesting dialog, interesting casting choices and a great story. "You Kill Me" comes damn close to being as good as "Grosse Pointe Blank" in my opinion. The only point where it falls behind is action (and an amazing soundtrack), but it more than makes up for that with story.

Ben Kingsley ("Sexy Beast", "Schindler's List", "Iron Man 3") plays Frank Falenczyk, a hired gun for the Polish mob in New York. When his drinking problem gets in the way of his assassination of an Irish boss played by Dennis Farina ("Snatch", "Out of Sight", "Saving Private Ryan"), his mob family stages an intervention, sending him to San Francisco to recover with the help of AA. Veteran character actor Philip Baker Hall ("Bruce Almighty", "The Insider") plays Kingsley's boss and uncle. The hitman's cousin and best friend is adeptly played by Marcus Thomas who reminds me somewhat of Mads Mikkelsen. He was also in "KILL THE IRISHMAN"

Once in San Francisco, not excited about his forced recovery, Frank runs into his handler/babysitter, featuring a very quirky performance by Bill Pullman. While best known for roles in "ID4" and "Lost Highway", Bill is no stranger to the blog with "ZERO EFFECT" and who can forget him from "Spaceballs" or "Serpent in the Rainbow". This is a different role for him and one I really dug him in.

As he works to clean up his act, Frank runs into an advertising agent who doesn't take no for an answer in the form of Tea Leoni. I have always found Mrs. Duchovney striking and this role is no exception. Breaking a lot of conventions of Hollywood storytelling, Leoni seems so desperate for an honest man and so lost in her own alienation that Frank's dark profession barely phases her. My favorite Leoni films are "Deep Impact" and "The Family Man". In addition, Luke Wilson plays a typical Luke Wilson character in the form of highly effective AA sponsor, Tom. Luke has been on the blog before with "SOUL SURVIVORS" and "IDIOCRACY". The film basically follows these quirky characters with their exceptionally funny dialog through Frank's treatment and ultimate return to doing what he loves best, killing with precision. It's a great film and a wonderful story from director John Dahl ("Californication", "Dexter", "Rounders").

YOU KILL ME ON IMDB

365 Movies Day #224 "Pontypool"

2012-11-02T15:05:00.000-05:00

While we are on the subect of zombie films, this is a shining example of how to do indy horror right! Take a very small, but highly talented cast, put them in one location and then let them sell the horror. You barely even see the "zombies" in this film and it delivers on so many levels that modern gore infested zombie flicks can't touch.

Set in the small Ontario town of Lake Pontypool in the dead of winter, new local talk radio sensation Grant Mazzy is headed into work like any other day. Grant is played by uber-talented Stephen McHattie who should be a household name and could definitely play a brother to both Lance Henriksen and Robert Patrick. Horror fans will recognize him from recent release, "The Tall Man", but he's had smaller roles in "Immortals", "300", "2012", and "The Watchmen" (Hollis Mason) as well as guest star roles on popular series like "Fringe". His producer is played by Lisa Houle, who tries to rein Mazzy in to appeal to a smaller listening audience. Georgina Reilly plays their tech who is a military veteran as well.

What starts out as another slow day in a slow town at their radio studio in the basement of an old church turns deadly when one of their roving reporters tells them that people are storming a local doctor's office and eating people...tearing them apart. What follows is, for the most part, the reaction of those trapped inside the station to what is going on around them. The explanation for the outbreak is highly original and creative...not to mention scary as it leaves you wondering if it could actually happen.

I highly suggest this film to any fans of horror and suspense. It's not very gory at all and plays more on the intellectual side of horror. Also cool for zombie fans who want to see a different take on the genre. Hats off to director Bruce McDonald for this one!

PONTYPOOL ON IMDB

365 Movies Day #223 "Deadheads"

2012-11-02T14:45:00.004-05:00

This is a zombie comedy worthy of "Shaun of the Dead", "FIDO" and "Zombieland". It's also a creative take on the zombie genre as the heroes of the story are actually zombies! The premise is that a government program has been implemented to create zombies as bio-weapons. Most of the zombies released in a test on a small town in America are the typical shambling undead of Romero lore. However, an odd strain of the zombie formula has left some of the zombies with full intelligence and memories of their former lives as well as motor skills. However, they are still rotting walking corpses with a taste for human flesh.

Michael McKiddy, who is a dead ringer for "Firefly's" Alan Tudyk, plays Mike. Upon waking up as a zombie all he can think of is getting back to the love of his life, played by the lovely and talented Natalie Victoria (always nice to see an actress in an indy horror film who can ACT!). Mike's partner in crime and fellow zombie is the free and ever-joking Brent played by Ross Kidder. Together with their pet zombie Cheese (Markus Taylor) the three set out to get Mike's girl back!

However, they must survive extermination from the government in the form of the program's director played by veteran TV actor Leonard Kelly-Young, escaped inmate turned government merc Thomas Jeremiah played by Thomas Galasso and two bumbling government employees played by Greg Dow and Benjamin Webster.

There are a lot of bad zombie movies out there, but "Deadheads" is refreshingly good. If you are a fan of the genre, definitely check it out! Directors (and brothers) Brett and Drew Pierce nail it with this flick. Makes me want to check out Brett's previous zombie/vampire film "Dead/Undead" on netflix ASAP!

DEADHEADS ON IMDB

365 Movies Day #222 "I Melt With You"

2012-11-02T14:23:00.001-05:00

I promised more Thomas Jane and it took a bit, but here he is. This film is a rather compelling dramatic piece about a group of old college buddies who get together every year to relive their youth. However, on this occasion, they may be forced to make good on a deadly pact made between each other years ago. The film stars Thomas Jane, of course who has been featured in so many films on this blog like "THURSDAY", "STANDER", "DARK COUNTRY", "KILLSHOT" and most recently mentioned "PUNISHER: DIRTY LAUNDRY". His college pals are played by some uber talented folks. Jeremy Piven of "Entourage" makes his debut to the blog with this film. This is also Rob Lowe's first time on the blog as well as Christian McKay.

This is an incredibly disturbing and moving piece. These four guys have lives that are falling apart. They haven't achieved anywhere near what they had hoped and dreamed. In fact, they are riddled with dark secrets, dangerous addictions and failed relationships. You feel for them and to some degree or another, you identify with them, which makes the conclusion of the film that much more gut-wrenchingly powerful.

Director Mark Pellington ("Arlington Road", "Mothman Prophecies") really delivers on this film!

I MELT WITH YOU ON IMDB

Learnings and Reiterations: My Filmmaking Journey Lately

2012-08-17T10:09:00.000-05:00

Hi all, been a bit since I sat down and wrote on the blog. I've been neglecting it in favor of hard work, dedication...and fucking off. Here is a little bit of what I have learned lately about filmmaking in general as a fledgling director and producer and maybe a bit as an actor. Life has been crazy, chaotic, depressing and fun lately.

1.) Stay on target. I know too many people who are highly talented but can't seem to complete the race for whatever reason. The more you flake on projects or switch horses in mid stream, the more you look like a joke as a filmmaker. There is something to be said for buckling down, picking a project and making it happen. I've seen people run kickstarter campaigns for projects that haven't come along. I've seen people post pics and promote the hell out of a project only to come back a couple months later with another project to pitch. Wait?! What happened to the last thing that never happened and why should I give a french fried fuck about this new one. Is it even going to happen? Don't be that guy, pick a project and stay with it.

2.) Shut up! On a similar note, if you have a project in development it's okay to talk about it to people who may be potentially involved as long as they know it's still in development. It's okay to promote the hell out of it if you follow rule number one above, but for the love of GOD do NOT promote it vigorously on the web and in the media if you aren't totally attached to making it. Again, it makes you look like a damned joke.

3.) Settle. An artist is their own worst critic. If you allow yourself to beat you you up, you will NEVER finish the script. You will NEVER get the movie made. You certainly will NEVER leave post. You have to learn to let things go, especially in the indy market. Producing/directing "GI JOE: Initiate", I've had to re-cast roles, change the script, drop scenes, reshoot, beg, borrow and steal to make the film happen. Is it perfect? No. Am I happy with it? HELL YES! We've got pretty cool series in the works here and I'm very excited about it. However, if I was constantly scrutinizing and demanding absolute perfection, then we wouldn't have even filmed a frame yet. You have to know what you can sacrifice in order to get it done. This isn't to say you release a crappy film. I love what we've done with "Initiate", but we had to adapt a lot to situations and work around different issues to make it happen. Some of those sacrifices were painful, but in the end, they led to success.

4.) Don't lie. I have run into some batshit crazy people in this industry in the brief bit of time I've been doing it. People love to tell you all about their amazing connections they have, some to the point of manufacturing text messages and email from those people. They have even been known to make up investors on facebook to attempt to fool people into helping them make a movie. Some people just like to lie to stir up shit and create drama. Maybe its because they are jealous of others. Maybe they are just drama-addicted douchebags. Lying is something you do as an actor in front of the camera. Spread bullshit behind the camera and you'll wind up sad, alone and constantly shifting alliances as people discover what a scumbag you are. Save your drama for when the camera is rolling. All I want is to be around people who want to make movies. You don't need to have tons of money or big connections, just passion and honesty. All else is negotiable.

5.) Make your own way. Never rely on others to give you that big break. You need to be working on making your own projects, writing your own scripts, pushing yourself on those who are making indy films and otherwise making a nuisance of yourself. No one is going to do it for you. Sell yourself!

Top 10 Suits of Sci Fi Personal Armor

2012-08-03T09:12:00.000-05:00

All right, in keeping with the sci fi guns series, here is my list of 10 favorite suits of personal armor in the sci fi genre. Here are the rules I used in chosing. Only one from each universe. All armor has to be man-sized (no massive mech type suits). The list is based on usefullness, badass appearance, protective properties and just overall coolness. Here goes in no rank order:

1. Mandalorian Armor, Because who doesn't love Boba Fett!?

2. Halo

3. Fallout

4. IRON MAN, the king of personal armor!

5. Warhammer 40K Space Marines, my personal favorite.

6. RIFTS SAMAS Power Armor, lots of great choices in RIFTS, but every time I ride the Batman ride at Six Flags this is what is in my head.

7. Starship Troopers, badass stuff from the book, though the movie was cool too.

8. Robotech Cyclone Armor, not as formidable as the Veritech, but for personal armor it rocks...and turns into a frigging motorcycle!

9. Lex Luthor, let's you fight SUPERMAN!!!

10. Starcraft Terran Marines, yeah, it's very Space Marine, but also VERY cool.

365 Movies Day #221 "Punisher: Dirty Laundry"

2012-08-03T08:03:00.000-05:00

Let's continue the Thomas Jane theme for a couple more films, starting with this badass fanfilm! As some of you may be aware, I've been crafting my own fanfilm lately in the form of "G.I. Joe: Initiate". I love the ability to tackle an existing commodity and put your own spin on it. I was so excited to see Jane revisit Frank Castle recently. Let me begin by saying that Jane is my favorite Frank. It will always be his character. However, I had some issues with the 04 film. First and foremost, it needed to be set in the gritty backdrop of NY. Secondly, Castle was too calculating. However, you can get those things right and still drop a turd on your audience like "War Zone". With "Dirty Laundry" Jane gives you the best of all things Punisher.

Let's recap Jane's appearances on the blog so far: "DARK COUNTRY", "KILLSHOT", "STANDER" and "THURSDAY". "Dirty Laundry" also features an appearance by the amazing Ron Perlman of "DARK COUNTRY", "BUNRAKU" and "CITY OF LOST CHILDREN". The film's villain is masterfully played by Sammy Rotibi who was in "Tears of the Son" and recently worked on Tarantino's upcoming western, "Django Unchained".

I don't want to ruin the film. It's only 10 minutes and the above link is the full film, so my only comment will be; it's Frank done right and perhaps the most badass film sequence I have seen in a long time. Marvel really needs to give this guy a crack at running with the franchise. With Tim Bradstreet in the wings, they just couldn't go wrong! We could FINALLY get a perfect Punisher flick.

THE PUNISHER: DIRTY LAUNDRY ON IMDB

Also, for those interested, Jane, Bradstreet and Perlman have an awesome video game in the works based on a comic that Tom and Tim put together called "Bad Planet". You can donate and for as little as $15 secure a copy of the game when it comes out! If you want to support, go here: BAD PLANET ON KICKSTARTER!

365 Movies Day #220 "Thursday"

2012-07-29T08:29:00.001-05:00

Back in 1998 before Thomas Jane was Punisher and Aaron Eckhart was Harvey Dent, they did this amazing film together which has somehow slipped under the radar. Jane is very much not a stranger to my blog. I've been a huge fan of his for years and some of his best work are films like this that you need to see. As a matter of fact, Day THREE of the blog was all about "DARK COUNTRY", Jane's Twilight Zone like film that he starred in and directed. Day 23 was "KILLSHOT". Day 54 was "STANDER". This is Eckhart's first time on the blog.
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Basically, the film is about Jane's character who has left a dark life behind him only to have it wind up on his doorstep and threaten to destroy his marriage and everything else good he has worked so hard for. The cast is great, featuring Paulina Porizkova in one of the best chick on dude rape scenes ever filmed. Also, James LeGros ("Point Blank"), much beloved Michael Jeter (Sesame Street's Mr. Noodle and veteran of films like "Open Range", "The Green Mile", "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" and "Miller's Crossing" who sadly passed in 2003)and Glenn Plummer ("84 MoPic", "Trespass", "THINGS TO DO IN DENVER WHEN YOU ARE DEAD", "Sons of Anarchy", and "CA$H" add a lot to the film. Finally, who can overlook Mickey Rourke? Rourke co-starred with Jane in "KILLSHOT" which makes this his second appearance on the blog and both movies featuring both actors.

If you like gritty crime dramas like I do, then this is a film you NEED to see. Last I checked it was roaming around on netflix instant.
,
. THURSDAY ON IMDB

Oh, and if you want to personally help Thomas Jane out in bringing the video game based on his comic book "Bad Planet" to life, check out the following link. $15 donation gets you a copy of the game! How badass is that?!

365 Movies Day #219 "Happy Accidents"

2012-07-29T07:09:00.001-05:00

Another break from the chain of horror and action, this is a love story...but not your typical love story. Marisa Tomei (who is smoking hot btw), plays Ruby. She's had a string of bad relationships and is looking for Mr. Right. When she finds him in the form of Vincent D'Onofrio, everything is perfect, except for the fact that he believes he is a time traveler from the future.

Tomei has been in everything. She got her start on "Toxic Avenger" back in 1984, and has since worked on "Four Rooms", "My Cousin Vinnie" and "The Wrestler" among others. D'Onofrio is the original THOR ("Adventures in Babysitting"), not to mention his roles on "Full Metal Jacket", "Men in Black", "Strange Days", "KILL THE IRISHMAN" and "Law and Order: Criminal Intent". The film also features Holland Taylor (Charlie Sheen's mom on "Two and a Half Men" and Sean Gullette ("Pi", "Requiem for a Dream").

The film was directed by Brad Anderson (Holland Taylor's nephew), who went on to direct "Transsiberian" and several episodes of "Fringe". He is also no stranger to the blog! I've covered two of his films already in the form of "SESSION 9" and who can forget his Christian Bale flick "THE MACHINIST"?

HAPPY ACCIDENTS ON IMDB

365 Movies Day #218 "The Nines"

2012-07-27T20:22:00.000-05:00

Hey kids, we're back and with a bang. This 2007 flick stars Ryan "Deadpool/Hal Jordan" Reynolds as, well...several people. Reynolds is no stranger to the blog. Talked about him way back on day 61 for "BURIED". I really don't want to get too much into the plot because its one of those films that just works better if you are clueless going in so here is the rough synopsis from imdb: "A troubled actor, a television show runner, and an acclaimed videogame designer find their lives intertwining in mysterious and unsettling ways."

The film co-stars several other top-notch folks, each pulling their own weight with several roles. First up is Hope Davis. First time on the blog, but she's very recognizable from stuff like "Charlie Bartlett", "The Matador", "Arlington Road" and "Flatliners". Next is Melissa McCarthy who plays among other roles...herself. Fans of "Gilmore Girls" will recognize her instantly as Sookie. Elle Fanning (sister to Dakota) also co-stars and you should recognize her from "Super 8", "Benjamin Button", "Babel" and an amazing mini-series by the name of "The Lost Room". In smaller but still powerful roles are David Denman ("The Office")and Octavia Spencer.

This film was a feature directorial debut for writer John August who penned "Titan AE", "Charlies Angels", "Big Fish", "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory", "GO", "Corpse Bride" and the upcoming "Frankenweenie". This is his only feature as a director thus far.

THE NINES ON IMDB

Alien Bee: G.I. JOE: INITIATE Fan Film in the works!

2012-02-26T18:18:00.000-06:00

Alien Bee: G.I. JOE: INITIATE Fan Film in the works!

Kickstarter Campaign for GI JOE Initiate (Fan Film) Kicks Butt

2012-02-24T15:10:00.001-06:00

Wow, we have received some great reception for the kickstarter promotion for our GI Joe fan-film "Initiate". We are so excited about this project! 71% funded with 16 days left to hit our goal! At this rate, we will be able to make a wonderful film.

Had a friend on facebook ask us if there was a way to donate through paypal, so we've developed a widget:

While this isn't through kickstarter, I will make sure that we honor the same rewards here as for our kickstarter project. ALL of the funds acquired through this button will be spent on resources for the film. To re-iterate our previous statements, we are in no way connected to Paramount, Hasbro or any other company with rights to the Joe property other than we are huge fans. It is not our goal to make any money on this project...only to give fans of GI Joe a great series to watch for FREE on the web. If, by some miracle we come up with more money than we can dump into the production (we can always add more), any proceeds will be donated to a military charity like wounded warrior. We totally respect those OFFICIALLY responsible for JOE and highly encourage you to check out John Chu's "GI JOE: Retaliation" this summer! Chu has really reached out to the fan base and from what I've seen of the trailers, his take on the franchise is going to be AMAZING! We're all stoked here.

So, what's new with the film? Well, we're in discussion with a very amazing knife-maker who may be helping us with a few hero blades for the film. Yes, there will be a very cool knife fight between some familiar characters. Also, we're closing a deal with the folks at Pit Viper Studios to help us make our villains look wicked and in decent quantity. Their stuff is amazing and you can check them out at PIT VIPER STUDIOS on the web. If you're looking for cool helmets for your film project or costume, these guys are the bomb!

We've also added another character to the reveal roster with Chuckles, played by Bryan Massey! Check out his resume on IMDB, HERE! He's one talented cat who stays busy making movie magic.

We're also waiting for a very cool package from the folks at Delia Tactical! They have sent us some very cool stuff we'll be using in the film. Go to their site and check out THE RAPTOR for a taste of things to come!

We also have an OFFICIAL SITE NOW! Click HERE for details!

Top 10 Sci Fi Guns from the Movies!

2012-02-18T13:02:00.000-06:00

I love movies. I especially love sci-fi movies. And of those, sci-fi films with incredibly badass guns rank among my favorites. I must warn you, this is my personal list from my years of sci-fi worship. Yours may differ incredibly, BUT I think we can find common ground here regardless of your personal tastes. In no particular order, here we go! Ready:

#10.) The M41-A pulse rifle from "Aliens".

#9.) The Auto 9 gun from "Robocop"

#8.) M134 Minigun from “Predator”

#9.) The PL-44 Blaster from "Star Wars"

#8.) The Samaritan Revolver from "Hellboy"

#7.) Moses Brothers Self-Defense Engine Frontier Model B from "Serenity"

#6.)Prawn DNA Rifle from "District 9"

#5.) The Noisy Cricket from "Men in Black"

#4.) The Morita Rifle from "Starship Troopers"

#3.) The AKS-74U from "The Fifth Element"

#2.) The Phaser from "Star Trek"

#1.) The LAPD 2019 blaster from "Blade Runner"

National Lampoon Talks About Humans Vs. Zombies

2012-02-18T11:46:00.000-06:00

Garrett Hargrove of National Lampoon talks about the power of reviewers and their official endorsement of film. He makes a lot of great points and I seriously do want Uwe Boll's phone number!

Here is a link to the article: http://nationallampoon.com/columns/i-am-the-authority. If your computer hates you as much as mine hates me, then here is a transcription of all the badassery that ensued:

There are common people. There are the 99%. There are legions who are being marketed to. Being targeted by advertising. But they know you don’t trust “them.” The advertisers. That’s because their profession is built upon trying to convince you through any means to buy their product. Their inherent nature is to falsely try to convince you that their product which costs X to make is worth you paying X plus an additional amount. They don’t care about what you like. They try to tell you what TO like.

The advertisers know you don’t trust them. So they sign on spokespeople you would trust. An authority on the matter. Sure naming your own price for a flight sounds sketchy. But if Captain Kirk tells you its a solid deal, you have to believe it. He would never lead you astray. You may think a Fiat is too small for you. But when J-Lo comes on screen selling it, you know that if her Stay-Puft marshmallow man she calls an ass can fit in it, yours can, too. She would never let her fans buy something she wouldn’t use herself, right? It’s not like she has complete contempt for the little people.

So why is this all relevant? See the below:

“Fantastic Movie!!! – Garrett Hargrove, National Lampoon”

Bigger than the name of the director on the cover.

Bigger than any of the stars.

Bigger than the Zombie logo at the bottom.

Almost as big as the bloody machete.

It’s a testimonial from me. A film I had nothing to do with has decided that my recommendation was worthy of the cover. I’ve tried to keep it all in perspective. Tried to not let it over inflate my ego. But I could come to no other conclusion other than:

I AM THE AUTHORITY
Humans Versus Zombies is a fun film. It is a real movie as you can see here on Amazon and not just some photoshop I made: Amazon Link. Its got fun zombie action. Its got nudity. Its got that cute, curly haired girl from the last season of “Friday Night Lights”. It doesn’t take itself too seriously. What more could one ask for from a zombie film? But that’s not always enough. In this world where HD cameras are cheaper than your average Kardashian, there are lots of zombie movies that CLAIM to be worth your time. The posters may look flashy. Advertisers will try their darndest to lure you in and convince you to try their zombie movie over HvZ. Brian T. Jaynes was at a loss for how to stand out amongst the slew of other Zombie films when all he has is a split second to catch your eye when you see it on the shelves.

Then, sometimes fate smiles upon you. Humans Versus Zombies happened to be showing at the Houston based Splatterfest. Right after my film, Cherry Bomb. Following my film, I stuck around to see HvZ. I enjoyed it. After the screening, I met up with Brian, the director. People were approaching him telling him how much they enjoyed the movie. “Pfft. Your opinion matters not, for you are but a common man.”

I then approached him and told him about my appreciation for the film. His eyes lit up. “But… you’re… YOU! You’re not like these other people. You write for the Lampoon. Your opinion means something.”

I bowed my head. “I know.”

“Would you be willing to spread these words of praise onto the interconnected series of computers known as the internet so others might hear of your authoritative praise?” Jaynes pleaded.

I agreed.

I posted a review on imdb for the film. We parted ways. Then it came time for Jaynes to distribute his film. And he came to me once more. “The distribution company has asked for permission from the great National Lampoon wordsmith to use his quote as an endorsement of the film.” Jaynes came humbly bearing gifts with his request.

I granted it.

And now, when Humans Versus Zombies enters stores in May, shoppers will see it. And know it is worthy of their money. And not because of advertisers or flashy marketing or even the nudity.

But because the Authority has assured them of its quality.

None shall question this approval. Critics opinions are airtight and not subject for contention. Critics are infallible. Should you disagree with the verdict or opinion of The Authority, realize it is purely because you cannot possibly analyze and comprehend on the same levels as The Authority.

I asked star Frederic Doss (of GI Joe: Rise of Cobra and Transformers) how it felt to have the Authority recommend his film. He was elated:

“National Lampoon said “Humans Vs. Zombies” is FANTASTIC?!?! You hear that Michael Bay? Fantastic! Now who has Uwe Boll’s phone number? I’m about to be huge!”

“As an actor you have to trust your director. I told Brian I trusted his vision, but it wasn’t until National Lampoon validated it that I really believed it.” said Chip Joslin, who played Brad in the film.

Star Jesse Ferraro said: “To have national lampoons give a shout out in any way, shape, or form to HVZ…well who cares what happens from here on out.”

Madison Burge said “No, I will NOT give you Adrianne Palicki’s number! I am blocking this facebook account!”

Seeing the difference this has made to Jaynes (HvZ is set, even in pre-sale, to become the highest grossing film ever starring Madison Burge and Chip Joslin), I decided to use my divine ability to bless or condemn products on a larger scale. Since reviewing Michael Biehn‘s The Victim, Biehn’s production company has signed a three picture deal with Aspect Films. Its been on an every once in a while basis up until this point, but now… The Authority is going to accept films, DVDs or beef based products for a regular review column on this site, the authority on comedy, National Lampoon.

So, feel free to contact me through here for films or products to review. The Authority will always strive to create the best Gene Shalit-esque quotes for your film or food product poster. And when people doubt the quality of your product, you can point to The Authority’s review and cut the legs from under your detractors.

And in NO WAY should this be construed as simply an act to attain free stuff.

Interview With Frobot and Pow

2012-02-16T23:17:00.001-06:00

"HUMANS VS. ZOMBIES" HITS CHILLER TV!!!!

2012-02-13T13:45:00.001-06:00

Yep, you heard right. Starting FEBRUARY 17, you can see "Humans Vs. Zombies" on Chiller TV! WOOHOO!

Also, you can preorder the DVD for it's May release here on both bluray and regular formats:

G.I. JOE: Initiate (a fanfilm)

2012-02-13T13:10:00.000-06:00

Some of you may have noticed my absence from the blog world for a bit. Well, I can assure you, I've been building up a new stockpile of films to share with you that totally rock. But, what has been distracting me is also highly cool.

Since watching films like "Troops" and "Batman: Dead End" I have always wanted to do a fanfilm. The trouble was what to do the film about. Well after watching Mark Cheng pave the way with his badass fanfilm "Operation Red Retrieval" that "G.I. Joe" was a viable option.

As many of you know, I was in the first film "GI Joe: Rise of Cobra". I play an apache gunner and as awesome as it was, it's a brief role in the film and while I do get done in by Cobra, my character isn't an official member of the Joe team. In short, I wanted to be a bigger part of the Joe universe and while I was so happy to do what I did (it was awesome), I still had this itch to do more. Then, I got to submit reads for three different roles on Jon Chu's "GI Joe: Retaliation" which looks AMAZING, but alas...it wasn't in the cards.

Then, one day a couple weeks ago, while kicking around the desire to do some short films and rethinking fanfilms like "Modern Warfare: Frozen Crossing" (one of the best out there), it hit me. I have a lot of military hardware and access to a lot of fellow veterans with even more hardware and more credentials than I have...and we all love JOE!

So, I posted a thread on facebook and was shocked at the response. Director Brian Jaynes of "Humans vs. Zombies" jumped on board to direct for us. Also, my buddy, writer/graphic designer, Anthony Schiavino ("Sergeant Zero") was more than happy to co-write a script with me. We quick turned what has been praised by some folks I can't mention.

Since then, we've added people like veteran producer Kerri Navarro, and acting talent such as Billy Blair, Bryan Massey, Brandon Slagle and Samuel Haun. Real life badasses Michael Brown, Rusty Brooks, Aaron Self and Michael Marcano round out the cast.

Here are some key things that we believe set us apart from the other fan films out there. Most of our cast has real world training with weapons and tactics. We have some top notch crew onboard with more than a few notches in their belts and they have some amazing equipment that will give us solid production value. We have access to cool stuff like tanks and APCs. We have credentialed actors. We are also intent on blending the lighthearted atmosphere of the original series with a more tactically grounded harshness of actual combat.

We've also received some awesome support from one of the premier Joe fansites THE TERROR DROME. Those guys rock!

What you can do to help, is go to the link below to the kickstarter project and donate to our cause, even if it's only a few dollars. We truly appreciate the support and we can't do it without you!CHECK OUT OUR KICKSTARTER HERE!

Gruesome Hertzogg Interviews ( Scott Geiter ): Actor | Producer Frederic Doss " GI JOE: Initiat...

2012-02-12T17:05:00.000-06:00

Gruesome Hertzogg Interviews ( Scott Geiter ): Actor | Producer Frederic Doss " GI JOE: Initiat...

Check out this interview I did with Scott Geiter at Gruesome Hertzogg!

365 Movies Day #217 "Phase 7"

2012-01-26T00:23:00.000-06:00

When a disease begins to spread like mad, an apartment building is locked under quarantine. The film follows Coco and his very pregnant wife Pipi as their building slowly caves into violence. One of their neighbors is a highly prepared conspiracy nut that reminds me so much of my character Frank in "HUMANS VERSUS ZOMBIES" that the two could be related. Also, the film features one of the most badass shotgun toting, knife wielding old men I have ever seen.

The crazy old man, Zanutto, is played by one of Guillermo del Toro's favorites, Federico Luppi, who has appeared in all of his Spanish language films such as "Pan's Labyrinth" and "Chronos". He kicks some serious ass with a shotgun decapitation that made me jump.

This is one of the best Spanish language films I've seen outside of del Toro's work. It feels very real while being very absurd at the same time. Daniel Hendler does a great job as Coco in making the character seem like a totally reluctant badass. Yayo Guridi is wonderful as conspiracy nut Horacio and Jazmín Stuart is so wonderful in her neurotic, yet lovable role as Pipi.

Looks like it's time to look up more films by Nicolás Goldbart!

PHASE 7 ON IMDB

365 Movies Day #216 "Dead Man's Shoes"

2012-01-25T23:45:00.000-06:00

Another great revenge film! I love these things. This one stars Paddy Considine ("Cinderella Man", "The Born Ultimatum", "Hot Fuzz") as a returning soldier who finds that his mentally handicapped brother has been abused by a group of low-life thugs while he was gone. This becomes incredibly bad news for them as Richard (Considine) marks them all for a very unhappy time.

One of the most impressive things to come from this film is a fairly unknown actor named Toby Kebbell. A couple years ago when I saw a little flick called "Rock N Rolla" I said, this guy is good. He played Johnny Quid in that film. You may also recognize him from "Prince of Persia", "War Horse" or even "The Sorcerer's Apprentice". He was also the lead in another flick I'll be talking about next up. Kebbell plays Richard's mentally retarded brother Anthony and he does it very well. Robert Downey Jr. would approve.

Former British boxer Gary Stretch (who played in "Megashark Vs. Crocasaurus" which features my homeboy Brandon Slagle) is spot on here and one of the best things about this film is that the badguys have very realistic reactions to the mayhem around them. They feel loss. They feel regret. They are scared. They are so feeling that to a certain extent you almost feel bad for them. Considine and Stretch have a showdown in one part of the film that may be one of the most badass moments I've seen in a film for awhile and not a blow one is thrown or a gun pulled. In fact, I think there is only one gun in the whole film. Shane Meadows does a fantastic job as director and co-writer with Considine of giving us great characters to watch, gritty realism and a couple twists near the end that will kick you right in the brain.

DEAD MAN'S SHOES ON IMDB

Help Alex!

2012-01-25T10:29:00.002-06:00

You won't see very many of these from me on here, but this boy's father is a dear friend of mine and a wonderful filmmaker. If you can spare anything, please send it here!

CLICK HERE TO HELP ALEX!!!!

Alex is a 5 year old little boy. He's one of those children you meet that instantly puts a smile on your face! He has always had the GREATEST personality, he's extremely artistic and incredibly smart, ... in fact he speaks English and French, fluently!

A couple months ago he went to bed and the next morning woke up a completely different child. He had developed uncontrollable Tics, lost the ability to draw and write and his behaviors and emotional state had regressed. Currently he is undergoing aggressive antibiotic and steroid treatments until he can get the treatment he needs.

His condition is due to a bacterial infection (Strep Throat) which somehow triggered his immune system to start attacking his brain. (More specifically, the basal ganglia). This is an autoimmune illness. The best treatment for Alex is a series of IVIG infusions, which will help to reset his immune system and bring him back to the boy we all know and love. Unfortunately insurance does not cover his treatment, they consider it experimental.

So we are pleading for your help! IVIG is a very pricey treatment, and has proven extremely effective, especially in cases like Alex's. Please help us cure Alex! If you can donate anything we would greatly appreciate it. <3 We are hoping to start his treatments in the next 4 - 6 weeks and I will keep you updated as we go along!

365 Movies Day #215 "Further North"

2012-01-20T12:08:00.000-06:00

Here is one you probably haven't heard of, which is sad. Minnesota-based director James Snapko delivers a film, that with a bit more funding and a few names (not that any of the actors fall short on delivery) would have probably been an Oscar nod. The film follows several characters as fate and circumstance brings them together for a dark reckoning. A man whose wife and son were murdered is out for revenge. A man who murdered his own girlfriend is out to hide from his past. A woman treading down a dark road wants justice for her lost friend. A ruthless hitman is on the path to finish a job. A cunning businessman will do whatever it takes to succeed. A sheriff will stop at nothing to protect his town (played by my dear buddy Larry Laverty).

The film is reminiscent of flicks like "No Country for Old Men" in artistic style. It's dark. It really focuses on the characters and their struggles. All of the leads deliver on performance. There are a few spots here and there in the production where you are reminded that it is NOT a huge Hollywood budget, but they are easily ignored for the big picture. This is a wonderful film. Here is hoping that we see more from Snapko and company in the future! Here is a great place to check out films from Collision including shorts and trailers. COLLISION PICTURES ON YOUTUBE.

FURTHER NORTH ON IMDB

365 Movies Day #214 "The Horseman"

2012-01-19T23:36:00.002-06:00

I love revenge films. We've covered a lot on the blog, but this one might take the cake. It's the first and only film (so far), by Australian director Steven Kastrissios. It follows a 44-year-old father, who, when learning his daughter was left to die after being drugged and abused during a graphic porn shoot, tracks down the men responsible and ends them in a way that makes "FASTER" look like "Kindergarten Cop". The film has some marvelous things going for it besides a great cast and a gritty feel. For starters, they never lose sight of what drives him and (as a father) they made me feel it throughout the film. It made me want to go hug my daughters...several times. Second, in the many fight scenes, it always looks like the participants are really fighting for their lives. It isn't fake or Hollywoodish (one of the things I love about Will Kaufman's "THE PRODIGY" and "SINNERS AND SAINTS". This film is brutal in a horror fashion, but oddly it leaves quite a bit to the imagination. The gore and violence is present, but nor overpowering. The scenes are disturbing as hell though.

Peter Marshall stars and deserves special mention for the film. This is a guy who hasn't been used to his fullest potential yet and this film shows he needs more amazing work. He's brilliant here and easily can go toe to toe with Bronson and Neeson for the title of vengeance dealer. His raw performance and broken heart drive the film. It's intense and incredibly well done. Hats off to him and Kastrissios.

THE HORSEMAN ON IMDB