Truth and Transparency

Five Women and One Bathroom...

2009-05-22T11:57:00.002-04:00

We are doing amazingly well sharing one bathroom. Really. Five women and one bathroom. It is a good thing that we are all low maintenance. And it still takes us forever to get out in the morning, but all in all we don't do too bad.

Things that help:

Three of us showered last night.
My mother just washes, as she might kill herself getting into the tub shower combination; it is typically European and quite deep and steep.
Connie didn't bring her curlers.
We limit our coffee drinking to one pot.
None of us wear more than mascara or lipstick for makeup.
We travelled only with carryon sized luggage which limited the number of wardrobe choices.
Naturally curly hair which two of us have requires no fuss at all.
Sandals require just slipping on.
No kids to take to school!
And eating on the run.

May you also have a low maintenance day!

Bateaux Mouches

2009-05-22T11:49:00.006-04:00

Let me tell you, it is difficult to mobilize five women, even when we are all low maintenance!

But we did get out and our first excursion of the day was the bateaux mouches. It was great! An hour and fifteen minutes on the Seine, in the sunshine enjoying the incredible architecture and history.

After the Batueax we ambled up the Champs Elysees, saw the Arch de Triumphe, ate crepes at a streetside creperie, and went to Notre Dame Cathedral and retired for afternoon wine and cheese and siesta, before heading out to Montmartre.

Vacationing is hard work!

Paris et Jolie

2009-05-21T15:55:00.004-04:00

Paris is an incredibly beautiful city. The depth of history is incredible, as it is in European cities. We are staying in the 18th arrondisement (section) which is Montmartre, where the Sacre Coeur cathedral is. We walked up (make that straight up several thigh firming steep steps) to the cathedral the first night. It was glorious. And surrounded by cafes and artists everywhere. My dad would love this. Beautiful and eclectic streets in Montmartre.

Very pink; isn't this hat great? I love it!

Mama Val, as Connie refers to her as. I snapped this photo without her realizing it, otherwise she would have taken off her glasses...

Here we are in Paris, for Pete's sake, and my mom wouldn't be happy until we went to Printemps, a department store. She has happy memories of coming to the rooftop cafe with my dad when they would come here, most recently for a month. And isn't the view phenomenal...then we continued to walk and got several photos of the Eiffel tower as we got closer and closer. We have decided we will go up in the evening when the city is all lit up.

There are shops everywhere...boulangeries (the best, wonderful, tasty pastries...) and flower shops...

The bridges that traverse the Seine are also artistic masterpieces, here an angel promises to keep watch.

May you find peace and beauty in your day...

C'est Tres Jolie en Paris

2009-05-21T04:33:00.002-04:00

It has been a crazy, crazy couple of days, but why would my life be anything but?

Tuesday was a long day...I had a feeling it was going to be a slider when we were up and functioning and Tianna still managed to miss the school bus. Fortunately we have a back up just down the hill, but it does throw everything off by about ten minutes, which on precision mornings, which this was, can be brutal.

Then, I had Howie's van to drive to the airport and the back bench wasn't in, and since there were five of us we had to manage that. And it is a behemoth. Enough to break your back.

My mom had two doctor's appointments starting at 7:45 as we start to put together a comprehensive health plan for her. She needs to come back for a more comprehensive exam after our trip (Paris in the spring to lift her spirits) and so it is good to get the ball rolling on that. Then I also found out through casual conversation with my mom's doctor (who is leaving) that my doctor is also leaving. I am SO bummed. I love my doctor!

Then Howie and I went to the funeral of a young woman who succumbed to Cystic Fibrosis. I can't begin to imagine losing a child...we coached Katie in swimming eons ago, and it is her brother who took care of Matt with his most recent wrist debaucle. He is a radiologist who injected the dye that revealed the extent of his injuries.

Then we had to stop and pick up meds for my mom and there were insurance problems. Not a single thing went smoothly, and the best was yet to come...Three miles from the LT parking in Philly my transmission blew. Caput. Jerk, Pop, smoke. We made it to the lot, but I had to wait for AAA to come before I could go check in for the flight...Ugh. Can you believe that? Only me.

But at least nothing went wrong with the flight...and we took off for gay Paris.
Peace.

Ocean Stones

2009-05-18T22:58:00.005-04:00

I recently received a beautiful card from a friend; a painting of several time and tide worn rocks. I want to share what was written on the back of the card:

"Ocean tumbled stones, polished smooth by sand and pounding surf. Hard as a rock, yet soft to the touch. their colors, formed deep in the earth in complete darkness, often reveal vivid colors, complete patterns and sparkling iridescence when brought out into the light.

The ocean gathers these stones from disparate shorelines and transports them with the tides. As they roll together in the surf, they harmonize with the symphony of the breaking waves. how many of us further their journey as we surreptitiously or shamelessly collect these hart-warming stones and carry them far inland to decorate our homes and cheer our souls?

Perhaps they can teach us to appreciate life tumbling our own rough edges, and allow the wear and tear we've sustained to mellow and smooth us too."
"Choose three pebbles, toss one into the sea, casting away that which we must let go of. Place on on a cairn to make this moment's prayer. take on home to start a new beginning."
-an oral tradition from Iona, Scotland

The card was as beautiful as the words penned on the back, which I found comforting. Just as the ocean gathers stones from disparate shorelines, the tides of life also gather emotions from disparate places and transports them allowing them to ebb and flow and harmonize into our lives, teaching us, soothing us and sometimes challenging us. Over time the raw emotions become smoother, quieter and often ultimately turn the darkness into light. But it is never a quick process...but one which ultimately yields beautiful results.

May the sharp edges of your life be smoothed.
Peace.

Recent Events in Photos...

2009-05-18T07:53:00.003-04:00

My recent life in pictures...I remembered to buy, and actually purchased the correct card reader at WalMart.

Nicole and her friend at BJ's the other night post dance recital. The Sixth Grade Table. It's only just begun...

Beautiful girls.

Having totally lost my mind since my dad's death, Nicole is permitted to get her second set of earrings. What else would you expect from a woman approaching 50 who just got her nose pierced?

The gals at the recent book signing in Lancaster.

Kathy and Elaine Balum,who invited me to speak at her church's Mother's Day dinner.

Kathy in her glory...at the Mother's Day event.

Nicole does great things with her camera...

What my counter top looked like when I got home from the first long jaunt away...my kitchen island often doubles as my "office."

The Bridge...

2009-05-18T06:57:00.004-04:00

Tonight a dream of a caring community in Milton, PA became named.
The Bridge.
A bridge from loneliness to belonging, from outside to inside, from struggle to sharing, from the place of uncertainty to a place of belonging, and so much more. That is our dream for this community. A bridge to love; God's love.

Last night's meeting was full of fun, food, fellowship and lots of decisions. We will host our first Bridge gathering on June 7th...unfortunately I won't be here, which I am sad about.

We had great discussion, and the decision for a name was quick and decisive. No long discussions, a consensus (truly a God thing) and spirit of peace and excitement prevailed.

What lies ahead is a year of hard work, prayer, excitement and a spirit of expectancy to be involved in God's work in Milton. Cool.

Smiles...and friendship. God's love. That's what we are all about.

But we are also a working group and work in progress.

Closing prayer on the Bridge.

We are excited to be the hands, feet and body of Christ.

Peace.

Thoughts on Graduating from College...

2009-05-17T09:31:00.004-04:00

I remember my commencement day pretty well...let's just say it wasn't the typical Brown University experience, holding my newborn son and celebrating his arrival and my successful negotiation through my senior year through a pregnancy and thesis defense two days after coming home from the hospital having given birth.

Although I remember the day, I don't remember the date, although in going through my parents papers, I did recently come across the program. It might have even been 27 years ago this weekend...

This weekend also marked the graduation for a new generation of twenty somethings. Some having accomplished their journey smoothly (the kind you read about in Christmas letters, and let me tell you, there is always a back story). And some who struggled and grappled their way through, taking time off, stumbling along the way, but picking themselves up and none the less arriving at the same destination. I suspect this version is every bit as common as the smooth sail, and perhaps in some ways makes the success and accomplishment in some ways a bit sweeter. Perhaps not.

I do know today is a bit bittersweet, but OK. As I have said, I am currently in the business of trying not to shove square pegs through round holes and it seems I am getting to practice that on a daily basis. God knows I need that practice!

Today is Ithaca College's Commencement, and Matt is a part of the official graduating class of 2009, although he finished his coursework last semester. He chose not to go to the commencement, and that was fine (OK, add that to this weekend's full agenda...hmmmm...) because it is about him, not about us.

When he got the email telling him he had successfully met all his course requirements, a huge burden was released. He commented himself that it wasn't always easy, and perhaps traditional college not the route...or at least a JC for the first two years, and then transferring to a four year school...not going to college immediately out of high school. How are we really supposed to know what we want to do at that age? So young and a full life ahead.

I am thinking of a friend who is now 27, has served in India and after two years of coursework at a local state college and will be continuing his education at the University of Pennsylvania in the fall. More mature, less indebted and full of tangible life experience, this, I believe represents a wise choice.

But anyway, we are so proud of our son for having stuck it out and having accomplished the goal of a college degree. We celebrate every bit as much whether we go through the commencement activities or not. In fact, I dare say that sometimes those kind of family weekends carry with them so many mixed expectations that they can be the recipe for relational disaster.

Commencements are a time to celebrate, and commence the next chapter of life's journey and in this we celebrate with our son.

Congratulations, Matt. We love you.

Sunday Ramblings...

2009-05-17T09:14:00.002-04:00

First, I never made it to Wal-Mart yesterday, so there still aren't any photos, but I absolutely, must, have to without a doubt get there today, so I promise, photos to come...I have to pick up prescriptions for my mom, rain ponchos and EmergenC and take Nicole shopping to spend her birthday gift card. I don't think she will let me not get there today. So barring a major episode of forgetfulness (which is still common, as I am still in a major "hog" you know, the cross between a haze and a fog) I should remember the card reader...

Yesterday's wedding was lovely...and a real mix of Mennonites. The whole gamut. I went up to the bride's sister-in-law and told her I was delighted to see someone else in blingie sparkles. But there were also those who arrived in horse and buggy and also by bike. It was a beautiful example of being one in the body and unity. Beautiful.

And it was wonderful to see Myron and Mary Ellen. Their story is used in the What's the Bible All About for Moms that I just completed, for the book of Job. They have lost three babies, all to a terrible genetic disease called Epidermylisis Bullosa, or EB for short. They had a one in 64 chance of giving birth to three children afflicted with EB, always fatal in the form that they are carriers of. But they are remarkable, loving, caring and fun people who have continued to trust God through their loss.

We became friends through Howie, who took care of their first son, and our friendship has continued to grow and blossom. They are selfless in their love for others; having served in a Ministry in CO that provides foster care for incarcerated women's babies and children while they serve their time.They take the kids to visit the moms weekly to foster their relationship. It is a remarkable program. Nicole and I are hoping to use our free bump tickets to visit them later this summer, the week that Tianna is at camp.

The bride is one of 19 (!) children who was serving as a nanny when I visited with the girls in 2006. I went to Denver to the International Christian Retail Show for the release of my first book, and the girls stayed with them receiving much love, great food and four wheeling adventures...I was honored to be included in the special day of love, life and celebration.

Peace.

Not Enough White Space...

2009-05-16T12:35:00.002-04:00

Despite a full day off from school for the girls yesterday, sleeping in this morning, and cancelling another commitment, there still hasn't been enough white space for the past two days...

There are lots of observations and even some photos, if I manage to go buy a card reader for the new sized photo card...and the events of the last two days included (this may make you tired, but amazingly I feel quite relaxed, because it was all fun!)

Taking the girls and a friend to have their hair done for the dance recital, swinging by the mall to buy earrings for the recital, a post recital munchi session at a local restaurant that was delish, but kept me up past my bedtime. There were lots of people I got to catch up with, and the best part was the coed table of sixth graders who had their own party...

The girls each had a friend over,we slept in (good thing, because two of them were up till four...) and then went to cheer leading tryouts at eleven. It started at nine, and wasn't a drop in between nine and noon thing, it was come the whole time from nine to noon. Whoops...

Howie left early to ride in a 75mile bike race and we are off momentarily to a wedding...whew!
Tianna has softball (social day besides) and a birthday party.

Pictures to follow, these are all the simple pleasures of life with family.
Peace.

Bible Study Cover Images

2009-05-14T22:21:00.005-04:00

My latest angst related to my writing life relates to the cover/titles of my upcoming Bible Study.

First.for those of you not familiar with the wonderful world of publishing, the author doesn't get a whole lot of say so about the cover art; if you're lucky you'll like it.

And as far as the title goes, don't get married to that either, because it will probably change.

I don't know about you, but I do judge a book by its cover, and I had something really different in mind.

This Bible Study was conceived over three years ago, and I wrote the first version after it was accepted for publication in my favorite writing spot, Roatan.

My original title was, "UnDoing Church: Not Your Mother's Bible Study." I guess I have a pattern of being a bit too edgy in my writing, it's what bought me the re-casting and softening of 66 stories with my most recent manuscript.

This study is decidedly about following Jesus, not being a good church woman who puts on a happy face on Sunday and then goes back to the same old same old the rest of the week; or the church lady who is the self appointed women's ministry leader who is anything but humble in her service. I have met one or two like that, and must say, I am not drawn to them.

So, imagine my surprise and dismay when I saw the first cover, in which the study had also been re-titled. It is not a study about worship, rather about faith. I was also hoping for something more generic and small group appropriate, not just targeted to women. Sigh.

I must give my publishers credit for wanting to work at it and make it right and they went back tot he drawing board and came up with the second version. They did make it "Discovering Faith" (better) and did eliminate the words "for women" on the cover. They decided to make the UnDoing Church a brand name logo, to make room for further studies in the brand, for example, Discovering Prayer, Worship, Service, etc. But they put the "Not Your Mother's Bible Study" on the back.

So, what do you think?
I think she ought to have some sassy glasses or something that lets the reader know they may get a taste of sassy or edgy when they start to read.

I admit to getting a bit worked up over this, as I have some amazing endorsements from folks like Shane Claiborne, Brian McClaren, Dan Kimball and Leonard Sweet...that I am not 100% sure are in sync with the pretty young lady on the cover, but this is probably also a lesson in trust...if I keep saying I am done shoving square pegs through round holes, then I need to let this one go too,and figure that God has an audience, and perhaps it is the tight-fisted luxury car driving control freak church woman, or the woman who may have gone to church for years but still not know Jesus....

One of the challenges of writing is that we become pretty attached to these babies of ours, and we have hopes, dreams, goals and expectations that don't always (usually?) jibe with what the decision makers have in mind. The only way the author gets to be the decision maker completely is if they self publish, and that is wrought with its own set of obstacles... sigh. All the stuff we don't know...and some people end up selling their souls for in publishing circles.

So I am making peace with how this study is being cast...I'd love to hear what you think.

Peace.

News of the Day

2009-05-13T22:49:00.002-04:00

I think I am losing my mind. OK you say, that is nothing new. Perhaps. But I do think I might be losing my mind.

Three reasons why, and this is just today:

Nicole fell off a swing and hit her head. Head injuries are causes of great anxiety in this family.
I had a meltdown over the cover for my Bible Study and thought about walking away from the contract (OK, that was yesterday, or maybe even the day before).
I had a radio interview this morning and was going nuts trying to find the confirmation and phone number and the Internet went out and I couldn't even google it.

Yes, I took Nicole to the ER so I could sleep tonight. She has a concussion.

This all started when I decided to try to be nominated for mom of the year by taking the girls for ice cream two days in a row. We went after the softball victory yesterday, and heck, it was warm out today, so decided to go back. Tianna went to the ball fields (to watch the boys) and I took Nicole and her friend. Well, she tried to jump off the swing and fell off backwards instead.

Then she complained of a headache and started to get nauseous. Not good. But thankfully she only has a concussion. I felt nauseous too. Now I can sleep tonight.

This morning was a three ring circus trying to make sure I would get on the air for the radio interview. I couldn't find the confirmation sheet with the station name and number and remembered that my contact number had a couple of the numbers inverted for the phone number. I couldn't get in touch with the publicist, and then the Internet went off...couldn't' even google the station...but all was well, they had my cell phone as a back up and got through and I called them back.

And I must be on a mission to blacklist myself in the author department. I was having fits about the Bible Study cover and was overtaken by the impulse to walk away from the contract...but I didn't...I had been under the impression that the project was delayed but they were ready to send it for typeset and given how much they had invested at this point, I couldn't do it. But I do hope they sassy up the woman on the cover because I do feel there is a serious disconnect between the cover and the endorsements. But I am only the author, and in these matters the author doesn't get a whole lot of say so. Sigh. Maybe I will post the happy looking chick who is undoing church tomorrow...sigh again.

So how does a crazed, overworked, don't want to be a writer today mom of concussed child get through a day? By going to derm clinic, of course, and having chin hairs lasered off and taking advantage once again of leftover Botox. And eating chocolate moose tracks ice cream after school.

I also have a friend who is helping me slog through my crazy, frenzied life by having her help me with the details of my life, like ridding my home of cat hair, cleaning and running errands. I promised her it would get more interesting, but in the meantime she was getting a first hand view of what being a writer chick is all about. I'm sure it's not what she ever imagined.

In the meantime I am taking notes for a screenplay...

Peace.

Your Morning Might Fall Apart If...

2009-05-12T08:46:00.002-04:00

Your Morning May Fall Apart if…

You don’t model what you are asking your children to do. Ouch.

The reasons my morning fell apart today included the fact that my alarm wasn’t set, I couldn’t find my shoes, had no milk in the house for coffee and drove my younger daughter to school in bare feet and my pajamas and had to sign her in because she was late. Ugh.

Theoretically I know all the right things to say and do to make mornings run smoothly and with the precision of a Swiss timepiece. Theoretically. The problem is the theory falls apart completely when I can’t apply the steps to my own life.

I know that setting clothes out the night before, packing backpacks, checking the weather and setting alarms all lead to sounds that mimic harp playing rather than harping as a new day starts, but more often than not we miss one or two of these key activities the night before and frenzy sets in. Not good.

Now, this morning started out well enough…I woke up before my older daughter missed her school bus but only because her alarm went off. She continued to check the weather another three times on weather.com convinced that somehow a major tsunami might have developed over our rural town overnight.

Since I am the kind of pot a day coffee drinker who has some coffee with her milk, I was not happy to discover that all the milk was gone, so I was forced to drink my java black. I can’t function without it. I support a pot a day habit.

Then on to child number two whose alarm also didn’t go off, although it was set. I will have to check into that…she isn’t the fastest moving child in the first place and couldn’t decide what to wear, and then realized that she needed to check a math problem from her previous night’s homework. Somehow that eluded both her exhausted mother and father the night before….then, do you think there was a single pencil anywhere that had both a sharp point and functioning eraser?

I got her to school precisely 45 seconds late and had to exit the car to sign her in. I was in bare feet and had stepped in things I shouldn’t have stepped in with no shoes on prior to getting in the car and my jammies. But my shirt does say “Diva” on it…and had to sign her in.

The mortification of an un-showered, bedraggled barefoot mother who can’t practice what she preaches may have just been enough to ensure she isn’t late again any time soon…

Can you relate? What makes your morning fall apart and how do you plan ahead?

How I Spent My Morning...

2009-05-11T22:36:00.003-04:00

Well, I am back to living life on the edge trying not to fall off. With way too many things to juggle and way too much stuff to keep track of. This morning I did manage to make some headway, though, thanks to a friend who came over to help. I need a couple of me and maybe I could get caught up...ok, one room at a time...

We managed to clean out a closet, get all the recycling into the car, and get the front bedroom emptied of about fifteen large garbage bags full of my mom and dad's old clothing. The room is now fit for guests. That's about one out of every other room in the house...

I was also very excited to find the missing piece to my pampered chef garlic press. It was in the sink disposal, so unfortunately it no longer fits in the press, so that became a three step process. Email the friend who has the name of the PC consultant, call her, leave a message, wait for her to call back only to probably discover that they no longer make the replacement part...

I also enquired about summer camp, cancelled plans for one trip later this summer, and spent time practicing communication techniques with Howie who had a day off so he could mulch the yard.

Oh, and went to pick up Nicole's bestest present yet...a drum set, which is now set up in our FR for her to play. Can't you see it? Nicole playing the drums. I can! I will have to get a picture. Of course, I left my camera in NYC the last time I was there, so that will have to wait...

Slowly but surely I am making my way towards normal life, whatever that is. I just crave routine. And being home.

Peace.

Cup of Comfort Booksigning

2009-05-10T22:35:00.005-04:00

Here's the real reason we do book signings...its so a bunch of women, at least two of whom are sanguine personalities (Gee, can you guess who those two might be, does the color PINK give you a clue!?!?) can get together and gab. And eat. Lunch was yummy, and the creme brulee we split three ways for dessert was to die for... Writing is really a solitary event, and if you are totally distractable like me, you have to go away, far away to get serious writing done. My dear husband really doesn't understand why I have to leave the country if I am going to be able to get in touch with God and be His scribe. OK for short stories I don't need to do this, although I must say, it does sound like a good reason or rationalization to have to get away to me...but for full blown books, yes.

Oh, and I am delighted, happy and relieved to report that my editor at Regal was happy with all my rewriting and Connie's rereading of the sixty six stories. After I submitted the rewrites I only had one final story to tweak. I repeated myself a bit too much (I can't imagine...) and I have to admit being initially stumped as to what to do for the last one, but God took care of that too and supplied me with the material for that one, for the book of Luke, and the passage, "Nothing is impossible with God." It had been an infertility story, but turned into one about facing Goliaths in our lives. A timely email and phone call rounded out the story perfectly.

But anyway, writing is solitary, so the gab fest and friendship we share at these events is grand.

I had a story in Cup of Comfort Women of the Bible. I wrote about the widow who gave her two mites and what a sacrificial offering it was, because it was all she had compared to the gobs of money others give when it doesn't even make a dent. I took an example from our service in Honduras, where we were graciously thanked by one local through sacrificial giving of a chick and sugar (which represented a HUGE gift for them) for the time we gave,which proportionally was not nearly as significant, in my view, anyway...

And here I am, actually signing a book. Seated next to me is friend and fellow writer Carolyn Ruch.

But the best part was the outlet shopping after wards. Shhh...I didn't say that!

Peace.

Mother's Day

2009-05-10T20:27:00.003-04:00

I find Mother's Day to be a bittersweet Holiday...Yes, it is a time to celebrate motherhood, but for so many it is also a time of shattered dreams, loss and mourning.

There was a period of time during which I dreaded going out on Mother's Day. Even though i was blessed enough to be a mother, I was still mourning the loss of the baby I had lost, along with all the hopes and dreams that unborn child represented.

I know I am not alone.

There were two moms in particular that I wanted to hug and honor this morning at church, but neither one was there. I wasn't surprised, really. But I wanted them to know that I continue to care. One lost a child to very early pre-term birth, the other to a congenital disease when she was five months old.

I wrote both moms cards and enclosed a small magnet hand made in Roatan of a cross with a heart in the center. The child they each have lost will forever hold a central place in their heart, and will never be replaced. And I hope the cross reminds them that when they grieve and feel the need to be carried, they know there is One to whom they can turn.

Mother's Day isn't happy for everyone, it is also one of the saddest days for many...and I believe we need to be sensitive to that.

The church needs to be a place these women may also be celebrated, uplifted and heal; finding love from others.

Is there someone who has lost a child, or who is suffering from infertility or other losses (abortion is also a loss...will these women find healing in the church?) that you can acknowledge in a special way? They will remember how compassionate your caring is.

Peace.

Conversations with Kathy and Connie

2009-05-09T22:54:00.003-04:00

So would you believe my batteries died and I couldn't take pictures at the book signing...so I must wait for Concetta to forward her photos to me, and will post.

The Barnes and Noble in Lancaster is a great store (how I wish we had one close by) and the CRM (Community Relations Manager) Ken did a bang up job of making us feel welcome, but here is my honest opinion of book signings: they don't sell books unless you're probably like Steven King or someone huge. It was a beautiful day and there wasn't much traffic in the store, and most of the people who came in avoided eye contact with us (there were four of us with three different books) and didn't want to be approached. In fact, Connie said she has heard over and over again that the public finds authors intimidating. Hmmm...And I thought we were rather a fun, funny and congenial group, although I personally don't really want to work the crowd, rather sit back and be available for conversations that others initiate. Book signings are historically a poor way to sell books.

But it was wonderful to connect with fellow writers Carol Cool and Carolyn Ruch who I knew from previous writer's conferences, and we had a great lunch afterwards at a Brewery, despite the fact that not a single person ordered beer.

Connie and I spent time after that working on our Diva Day presentation and have a gig worked out that we are getting pretty excited about. So it was a productive day.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day and Nicole's birthday. How did I get so lucky? It only falls that way every six years, not like Matt's birthday that is also on our anniversary and fell that way every year.

Thoughts on the Journey

2009-05-09T07:53:00.002-04:00

Greetings friends and fellow travellers...I have been caught up in the blowing and changing winds of "normal" (whatever that is!) life...

I am off to a booksigning in Lancaster today with my favorite fellow author Connie Pombo, so you know when you check in later, the pictures will be fabulous...

Peace for the day, later, Kathy

Human Beings, Not Human Doings

2009-05-07T18:50:00.003-04:00

I remember the first time I heard this statement, "We are human beings, not human doings."
Isn't that great? And how true...sadly.

We race around doing, doing, doing when we would be so much better off just being. As in abiding.

So how to we slow down and be in the midst of doing?

They are all skills I need to hone...listening, saying no more often and allowing standards of cleanliness to slip even lower than they have ever been before...

I stayed at dance tonight so the girls knew I was there just hanging out and chipping away at some notes and emails, but not stressing. Yesterday Tianna's softball game was cancelled and that was such a gift! We took off for the mall and just had a girlie day at the stores...it's been awhile since I have been home with enough wiggle room to take off and do some things that the girls want to do.

I will be joining Connie at a book signing event at the Barnes and Noble in Lancaster on Saturday, and then Sunday, in addition to Mother's Day it is also Nicole's birthday. I am looking forward to just hanging out.

So go and be. Be a human being.
Peace.

How Time Flies...

2009-05-06T22:43:00.003-04:00

Time flies when you're having fun, so they say...except I wasn't back in the fun business till last night.

Virginia was fabulous over the weekend, until I got sick. Stomach bug...I wasn't even able to go watch Howie compete in his triathlon; yes, the one I did with him last year. I am so out of shape at the moment, it is pathetic, but there will be time for that again down the line. But I would be fibbing a bit if I didn't admit to being a bit green with envy at his dedication and success...he just signed up for a half ironman in November! I told him a while back I bet he would be doing one before he knew it and he denied it, but he got the very last available spot for the race. Kudos to him!

Last night I did have fun. I was the featured speaker at a mother/daughter dinner at a church way out in the countryside in Herndon. Nicole's reading teacher connected me and it was so much fun, for me and for most of the ladies. They laughed...I spoke on moms being DIVAs. And gave the talk in my pink jammies waving around a wand, curlers in my hair and pink fuzzy slippers; all very pink...

So let me encourage you: You are a DIVA!
D ivinely Chosen You are right where you are supposed to be!
I inspirational You have a unique set of gifts and experiences you can share with others!
V aluable What would your family do without you?
A mazing Yup, you are; think of all the roles you juggle!

So again, it was just a blast.

Then today I attended a CME event, since I do have a nursing license to keep up. A full day workshop on anxiety! Ha! See, God does have a sense of humor! It was great. Six credits down, only 24 to go!

Then, softball got rained out, so I scooped up Erin, Chris' girlfriend and took her and the girls shopping. OK, so the mid afternoon pre-dinner snack was McD's...but we had a great time. And then home to Idol. I'm just glad Danny Gokey wasn't given the boot. I like him, and it's a great story.

I am planning on tip toeing back to work one or two days a week while I am around, and am looking forward to that.

My mom got information about bereavement support today and that was a huge step in the right direction for her.

May peace prevail. Live, love, laugh and love some more.

God Knows

2009-05-04T14:41:00.005-04:00

This poem was on a card I received from friends. In fact, my dad's best friend from Kindergarten. He and his wife also sent one to my mom.

The words were written by Minnie Louse Haskins in 1908 and it was quoted by King George VI in a radio broadcast to the Empire on Christmas day, 1939 on the eve of the Battle of Britain as England stood alone against the armed might of Hitler's Nazi war machine.

...And I said to the man who stood
at the gate of the year:
Give me a light that I may
Tread safely into the unknown!"

And he replied:
"Go out into the darkness and
Put your hand into the Hand of God,
That shall be to you better than a light
And safer than a known way."

So I went forth,
And finding the hand of God,
trod gladly into the night. And HE
led me towards the hills and the
breaking of the day in the lone East.

Be strong, prevail, seek truth.

Exhasution and Exhilaration

2009-05-01T17:03:00.006-04:00

The past couple of days have been mostly exhausting...which is why no one has heard from me.

But exhilarating also in the sense of feeling confidence in the many varied segments of my life. God is good and doesn't put up with any you know what. So, it is exhilarating.

Wednesday was my dad's memorial service. It was a beautiful evening of sharing and stories. There were so many people there who told stories with laughter and tears. It was an evening to honor him and there were people from an amazing cross section of his life: students, neighbors, family, colleagues, fellow teachers and it was a packed room with standing room only. We said our final goodbyes by letting go of a collection of white balloons, which soared heavenward and caught the light of the late afternoon sky reflecting the brightness that was his heart and soul towards those he loved and trusted.

Then Howie and I came down to VA yesterday as he is competing in the Smith Mountain Lake Triathlon tomorrow, and then Sunday is his birthday. So my wireless is at Bojangles, (not Dunkin Donuts) where I must say, they have great sweet tea.

I was able to tuck away the nonsense of my life for the moment and just have a fabulous time with Howie. We watched the movie, "There's Something About Mary" (not to be watched with your kids) and howled. It was hilarious. It felt so good to laugh. I mean really, really laugh.

I also had a long catch up with Jean Ann Duckworth, The Extreme Diva herself for more details to launch the speaking Connie and I will be doing with the Diva Celebration, so it is great to have a plan moving forward with that. All I can say is it is going to be FUN!

May peace and truth prevail in your life. And remember, if you are facing a Goliath, trust as David did. And go for it.

Simple Church, Simple Life

2009-04-28T22:13:00.002-04:00

Today I went to a local pastor's meeting where the topic was Simple Church. There is a book by the same name which has become a driving force for renewal in certain churches in the Susquehanna Valley.

It was very affirming to be a part of the discussion in light of the dreams and desires the church street launch team that I am a part of has. Don't over program, do a few things, keep the focus the focus, be able to state your vision and do what you do with excellence and don't compete against yourself.

And then one of the speaker's shared about the similarities between running a church and running a business in the sense of if you have one or two products and produce them with excellence you will experience growth and success.

And it can carry over to life, also. At the moment, my life is anything but simple. Yet I experience a peace in knowing my focus and what I need to spend my energy on. My goal is to continue to whittle out the extraneous noise and chaos from my life. And I surround myself with others who share those goals.

Peace.

The Derm Wife gets Skin Cancer

2009-04-27T22:06:00.003-04:00

Would you believe I have a basal cell carcinoma on my forehead.

And its a classic story along the lines of the shoemaker's kids never having shoes.

I have had this yucky, scabby, scaly thing on my forehead for weeks, maybe months. It started out small enough, but bugged me because every time I washed my face with any kind of loofah or washcloth, it would ooze and bleed. And of course I couldn't ever keep my hands off of it. Pick, pick, pick...

So what's a girl to do? Well, this girl would periodically ask her dermie husband what it was, that it looked weird and I thought it was something, but he said it was nothing. Actually, he called it a picker's papule, if there actually is such a term...and told me to stop picking.

In the meantime, it got bigger and I would ask about it periodically to be reassured that if I left it alone it would disappear.

Until I was in the clinic the other day, and in the course of casual conversation with the resident who practiced on my forehead with my last botox injections, I asked for a second opinion. Ten minutes later I found myself in an exam room, under bright lights and the subject of speculation by another derm as to the possibility of having a basal cell cancer, and walked out the lucky recipient of one skin biopsy, but not until the referral had been backlogged in.

This caused a little bit of discussion, "No way, that's not a basal cell..."

But guess what...it was. So now I have to go back for Moh's surgery to have it taken out.

Go figure. The staff derms miss the call and it was made by a resident.

The dermatologist's wife ends up with skin cancer.

At least it's the "good kind."

I have some other really intriguing stories to share, but they will have to wait.

Peace.

Our Girl Has Gone Home...

2009-04-26T23:12:00.003-04:00

Baby Nadia, stillborn at 24 weeks.The following is copied here with permission from Laura, Nadia's mom. It is what Laura posted on her facebook page.

Her words, to me, reflect an amazing strength and faith that are inspirational. May we all pray for this family as they grieve their loss.

I'm hoping that most of you will see this if it's in a note.

If you didn't know I was pregnant, I'm sorry you're just learning now.

For the rest of you, I want to share the amazing events of the past couple of days...First, I want to say thank you to all of you who have been supporting us, either through prayer, or with your presence, I can't thank you enough. There really are no words.

This, like many pregnancies, came with it's own set of trials. Early on, I had been spotting and we thought we might lose our baby then. With lots of prayer we got our miracle, and by 20 weeks our precious little girl was perfect and perfectly healthy.

We were looking forward to another 20 weeks of a healthy pregnancy.

I had to have another ultrasound at 24 weeks because she wouldn't show her face, and the Doctor needed to see it to know if she had any special needs that might come up at birth. So all was normal and fine until then.

At 24 weeks, her heartbeat had slowed dangerously low. It hovered between 60 and 70 beats per minute, when it should have been twice that. It also stopped at one point during the ultrasound.

There were many things that could be wrong, but we needed to do some bloodwork and then see a specialist the next morning.

I went home with the knowledge that our best bet was to make it another week at least until she was just old enough to live outside the womb. She needed to make it to 25 weeks to even have a chance of living.

There was a lot of prayer for both healing, and preparing for the worst.

When we got to the specialist on the morning of the 24th, they started another ultrasound. Having had five with this pregnancy, I've gotten pretty good at knowing what to look for.

There was no heartbeat.

The tech was silent, and I did have to ask to make sure, but our sweet little girl was gone.

We both had a chance to cry and absorb the initial shock.

Justin's parents had come, as had my mom, who had been with me the previous day. They came back and we all sat and cried while we waited for the doctor to come in. We talked about our options, and I decided that I didn't want to wait to have my labor induced.

I went to the hospital and was admitted around 10:45am and they started the induction at 11:45. They had no idea how long it would take before she was born, but it could be later that night, or as late as Sunday. Only time would tell. We were gearing up for a long, greif filled process.

At 1:12 am, our precious Nadia Joy was born. She had already been home with the Lord for probably a day.

She was perfectly formed. She even had lines in her footprints already! She had blonde hair that you couldn't really see, but it was there. She even had eyelashes! She was 1 lb, 4 oz, and 12 inches long.

We had family and close friends there with us to meet Nadia and hold her. We were very fortunate to get to hold her and see her so perfect.

Those are the facts.

The rest of the story is the spiritual one. We are so blessed. We had so many people praying for us and with us. As hard as this is, God has given both Justin and me so much peace. I know that's what many of you were praying for, and God truly does answer prayers.

For me personally, this whole thing has been such a blessing. I got pregnant when the doctors thought I couldn't.

We had a pregnancy that lasted longer than we thought it was going to at first.

I got the experience of feeling my baby move and react to sounds, I've now been through labor, though I'm sure it will be different next time around, and I got to hold my little girl.

Justin got to see her grow in me, he got to feel her kick, and he got to hold his daughter. Both Justin and I are definitely grieving, and there are times that will be harder than others, but we both have peace that only God can give.

We don't have any anger about the situation, just frustration about not understanding.

I can speak for both of us when I say that we don't understand God's will and His choices, but we accept it fully. I can't even begin to express all of the peace and understanding and faith that I have seen in the past 36 hours. We now have an amazing testimony to the power of God's peace and the ways that He uses us.

We have already seen some of the ripples and changes that have been made in attitudes and actions because of this. I'm sure God will use this to change many lives that I won't ever know about. I have complete confidence and trust in my Lord and what He does, regardless of my understanding or lack there of.

One thing I realized this morning after coming home without our girl was something about how God must feel about His children. I was crying, and telling Justin that I just didn't understand how I could love someone so much in so short a time, and know so much about them without them knowing me.

I realized that God feels that way about us. He makes us His perfect creation, designed to love Him and have a relationship with Him. He waits expectantly for us to know Him, to be born again, and for us to spend our whole lives learning about Him and who He is as our Father.

When we refuse to have that relationship with Him, and refuse Him in our lives, it's like the stillborn child. Perfect in every way, created to love and be loved, and to spend a lifetime getting to know the ones who bore us. They just never make it that far. They are still loved, still wanted, and there are still hopes and dreams that we have for our children , and that God has for us, that will never have the chance to be fulfilled.

I am so grateful to have such a wonderful family and such wonderful friends who have stood with us through this, and will continue to.

I am also so thankful for our family who understands that this is the loss of a child, not a pregnancy. She has a name, a birthdate, she is an individual. She is still one of the grandchildren, or great grandchildren, the others will just never have the opportunity to play with her.

She will always be our firstborn, and she will always have a place in the family. I'm so grateful that the family shares this idea with us, and that they were there with us to hold her and mourn with us. It's an experience that has touched so many lives already, and I'm sure it wil touch more.

My prayer now is that God will use me to further His kingdom by my being able to point to all that He's done though me.I am so blessed to be thought of highly enough by my Lord to be used by Him to carry His little girl. That though I may not have had her for long, He let us share in a life that was too special for this realm. I'm so thankful that my girl didn't have pain, and that she didn't have to ever experience the pain of this world. I know I will see her when I go Home, and until then she is well.

As a friend's child said "oh good! God loves playing with babies!" God loves playing with babies, and who could take better care of mine than the one who created her.

Peace. We are praying for you.