Well, it is a much smaller one called a netbook as opposed to a notebook. Anyway, it scrunches everything up quite a bit but it serves its purpose. So, in advance I would like to apologize for any misalignment of photos etc. that may occur. My view of the site may not line up with yours.

Due to an overwhelming amount of comments and questions that have come through while I was away on some of my other sites… it may cause me to be a little backlogged in updating for a short time. I will do my best to respond to everyone as fast as I can and get back on track with my updates.

I really appreciate your patience and I hope that you all had a very blessed Thanksgiving!

~Alison

This was how I was feeling recently while searching for answers regarding all that is going on around us. There were times when I just felt so discouraged and lost. This was only because I was looking at the circumstances all around. I knew that I needed to step outside of those surroundings to get a biblical perspective. I knew the Truth and I just needed to find the door so that I could open it and see the light of sound doctrine for what I was searching.

Sometimes, when we are wanting an answer to a problem or are confused about something we have learned… we cry out to God to reveal it to us. He rarely does on the spot. He desires us to search diligently in His Word and pray fervently, seeking His face for the answers. At times, He waits until we plead with all that we have and then wait in stillness with the understanding the He is God and He has it all under His control no matter what the life around us may say.

At times, we need to continually repeat the same steps over and over again for a long period of time before we get the answer. All the while, knowing that the answer may or may not be what we want to hear but allowing God to be who He is and knowing that His will is for our overall good and His ultimate glory.

A heart that desires to give God glory through all things that may come and is willing to give of its self completely, even to death if He wills, is a heart worthy of Christ and the purity to be able to stand in His presence… covered in His love, blameless because of faith in Him. This is the love He desires and the price of life that we pay to gain life eternal with Christ Jesus.

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There are many times I have felt like giving up lately. Days and nights where all I can do is fall on the ground in a huddled curl, crying so hard that I can barely breath and all I can do is say “Help me God”.

When you have prayed all you can pray and you don’t even have the strength to pray anything other then “Help me” – He is there.

When your body shakes and rocks like a child, His arms are there to wrap you and give you a quiet strength in the midst of stillness that night brings. When you feel that you can no longer stand and a weight on you is so heavy that you think its going to crush you in to dust, He is there.

When you see no point and no light at the end of the tunnel, like there is a veil over your eyes and you can’t see past your immediate surrounding – He is there.

Even if the world comes crashing down to the point you honestly believe He has left you for dead, He is still there.

You may feel as though you have crossed the point of no escape, but He has made a way where there seems to be no way. He has directed your paths even before He created you. His plans will be fulfilled and no one can take you from Him.

Even if life brings us to our end in death, it is only a beginning with God. The fears and pains of this life, even now in the middle of what seems to be chaos and turmoil… there is a plan and it is for our good – even if we cannot see it or understand it in any way.

Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is past the dark door that is blocking our view…. but it is there.

Please watch and listen to these videos and have courage. He is coming soon and we all want to be with Him. Once it is over here, it will all be worth it… even if today is not that day, it is coming. Trust Him. Seek Him, even in the darkness – He is there.

All my love and prayers,
Alison

Keani – Binky was born on March 21, 2000 to a kitty who couldn’t take care of her. She was taken in by Operation Kindness and cared for by a wonderful lady named Kit. Keani came into my life one day in October 2000 at the Petsmart store when she was just 7 months old. You see, I had another kitty friend named Cuddles who had passed away earlier that year on July 12th that looked just like her. They were both tortoise shell mainecoons. I had Cuddles for 18.5 years and life was not the same without a kitty.

As soon as I saw Keani, I was drawn to her instantly. I rushed right to her as she huddled into the corner of her cage from the nervousness of the public. You see, she has always been a bit shy. I spoke to Kit about her and Kit handed her to me. As soon as I wrapped her in my arms, she tucked her little kitten face into the crevasse of my arm to hid from those around. I could feel her body tremble and then turn to a purr when I pet her.

I knew I just had to have her in my life. So, I filled out all of the paperwork and went through the interview process… then home with me she came.

I remember it took about 2 weeks to get her to come out from under my bed. I would sit on top and wait. She would gradually peer out but if she saw anyone else, back under she would go. Eventually, I would find that she was a tagger. I would have to run and jump into bed so that she wouldn’t tag my ankle as I lifted my foot. She was a quick one!

Her favorite toys were straws and paper balls. She could have so much fun with those two things for hours. She also loved to hide my socks, lol. Eventually, I gave her some quilted type slippers that she loved to take around with her. She would carry them in her mouth as she walked through the house, crying as though the slipper was her baby. It was so sweet.

She just loved to nestle in the lining of the box springs under the bed. She would tear a small whole into it and climb up and sleep there for hours. She liked that it was like a hammock.

Keani also was like a momma kitty to our other kitties. She always watched at a distance when two kitties would be arguing. She would make sure that she knew who was at fault and then go give that one a piece of her mind which normally included a quick whipping to the forehead (but without her claws). It always happened so fast that the other one wouldn’t know what hit them until she was across the room. She kept the peace.

I always loved how when a storm was coming, her fur would get all frizzed up. She became a huge fluff-ball. It was adorable. Also, with her around… no insect, bird, etc. could make it past the entryway it came in from. She was quick!

I remember her blowing kisses from across the room and winking at me and Bradley when we would talk to her. When she was small, I use to tell her what a pretty girl she was and she would try to hide her face with her arm as though she got embarrassed.

Keani got very sick last September/October and we had to put her on a feeding tube. The doctors never did find out what was wrong with her. We fed her food, water, vitamins and minerals through her tube 2-3 times a day. While she was very weak, we would keep her in an enclosed playpen. Then she became strong enough to jump out. Eventually, thanks to God and Science Diet, she began to eat on her own. We were able to take her off the feeding tube and she gained most of her weight back. She was very active and social for months afterward.

The night before she passed, on the 4th of July, when we came home… there she was to greet us excitedly. She jumped up on the table and gave kisses. She seemed happy and healthy, so the next day when Bradley found her laying on the tile… he thought nothing of it. A couple hours later when he came downstairs again and she hadn’t moved… he went to check on her but she had already passed. She was laying in front of our fan, which was her favorite thing to do. She loved the fan.

We brushed her, took some last photos and wrapped her in a blanket inside a tub. I placed a teddy bear next to her and we sealed her up to be buried.

This all hit me very hard and I cried so much the first week that it made me sick. I have a good friend who lost her doggie not long ago and I sent her a poem I found online. Well, she sent it to me after loosing Keani and I would like to share it here.

I stood by your bed last night… I came to have a peep. I could see that
you’d been crying, And you found it hard to sleep

I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear, “It’s me. I haven’t
left you. I’m well, I’m fine, I’m here.”

I was close to you at breakfast… I watched you pour your tea. You were
thinking of the many times Your hands reached down to me.

I was with you at my grave today… You tend to it with such care. I want
to reassure you That I’m not lying there.

I walked you towards the house As you fumbled for the key. I gently put my
paw on you… I smiled and said, “its me.”

You looked so very tired As you sank into a chair. I tried so hard to let
you know That I was sitting there.

It’s wonderful for me to be So near you everyday, To say to you with
certainty, “I never went away.”

You sat there very quietly, Then smiled… I think you knew That in the
stillness of the evening I was very close to you.

And when the time is right for you To cross the brief divide, I’ll rush
across to meet you And we’ll stand there side by side.

I have so many things to show you! There’s so much for you to see.

Be patient, live your journey out, Then come home to be with me.

Author Unknown

It is hard to read this without crying. Anyway… I know in my heart that she is with Jesus and I will see her again someday. She knows that she was dearly loved.

Thank you for sharing in a small portion (9 yrs) of my life Keani. I miss you.

My friend, lets call her “H”, and I have known each other for about 13 years. I spent so much time at her house and her at mine. I always loved when her mom, lets call her “M”, was around. M was always so nice, outgoing and positive. I remember M telling us about dreams she would have about God and heaven.

Sadly, the last time that I saw M was at my wedding. M and H both came to my wedding in 2003. I have seen H through the years but never got to see M. The past year hasn’t been the easiest for them. M was diagnosed with lung cancer and had to have one of her lungs removed and part of her other lung too. Later, they found more cancer in her remaining lung. Well, the cancer transgressed into one of her arteries which caused her to bleed into her lung. She called 911 on Monday when she began to cough up blood.

The hospital had to sedate her to put her on a respirator and she has been unconscious since then. The family prayed and decided to remove the respirator today around 4pm. I just received a text message from H around 5pm stating that M was breathing at the moment. So, as of this moment to my knowledge, M is still alive. H said that if M doesn’t make it, then the funeral would be on Thursday. We have been praying and requesting prayer from all of our connections. In the end, God’s will, will be done.

I just now received another text stating that M is breathing about 10 breaths per minute.

I have been racking my brain and praying to try and figure out what exactly to say to H when it is all said and done. I am just not sure. I know that God will give me the right words and / or actions when it is time. Loosing a parent is difficult but I cannot imagine loosing your mother when you are a female. There is a bond there, despite the growing pains that we all experience through the years, that cannot be matched. H is only 29.

One major blessing for H is that she has had this extra time with M to say and do the things they needed to between the first bout with cancer and now. M said that she was very grateful for this time as well. H’s husband just lost his mother about a year ago. They truly have had a rough couple of years.

Right now I am thinking about how M always loved doing the “fun” stuff us girls wanted to do. She was great like that. She was the head of her Red Hat Ladies club… it was just like her.

Well, please pray for peace for the family and the strength to get through this. They are all Christians, which is a strong comfort in its self. Thank you for reading this and for your prayers. If you would like to leave a comment for H or her family… I will pass them along.

Take time to share with those you love now, your love towards them.

***************

PRAISE JESUS!!! She woke up and is breathing on her own. She said that she saw Jesus and that she is going to live!!! Please keep praying!!!

***************

This then caused my toe to move outward and began to hurt quite badly. As it swelled, I felt the side of it and realized that it was broken.

Immediately, Bradley helped me to secure an ice pack to my toe with an ace bandage. As you can see, it was quite the site.

We tried to search online for what I could take that night to reduce the swelling and help me to sleep. We ended up calling a Pharmacist to ask them if it would be ok for me to take Ibuprofen for the swelling and Unisom to help me sleep. The Pharmacist said that it would be alright… so I did.

Well, the Ibuprofen did help with the swelling of my toe and the Unisom helped with my sleep, however… the Unisom made my face puffy the next day. So, I had an unswollen foot with a swollen face, lol… go figure!

This evening, one of our good friends (Billy) is coming over and I am a bit bummed because I won’t even be able to get up to greet him. Bradley has created a set up for me on the couch. I have access to the internet and the television. Right about now, I am grateful for our couch because the seats all recline. What a blessing!

Today, the part of my foot that hurts the most is the ball area where the pinky toe is. If I put any pressure on that part, I get a sharp pain. Of course, this only really happens when I am coming down stairs and luckily that is not often.

I am trying to stay off of it as much as possible and keep it elevated on a pillow. The lack of circulation, however, has made my foot go cold. I have heard from some friends elsewhere that when they broke one of their toes, it took about a year to completely heal… YIKES! I am praying for a QUICK recovery!

The ironic thing is that the night before this happened… I was talking to Bradley and saying how I needed to rest for a day or so because we have been going, going, going. Well, I suppose I got my wish, urgh!

Anyway, I am going to try and enjoy the rest, the best possible. I am receiving a lot of prayers and I am so grateful for that. I appreciate you checking in on my posts and sharing your thoughts. I hope that your days are blessed and your nights are restful.

I have been struggling over this because I see how our time here is so short. So many things are happening around the world that have been prophesied about throughout the Bible. Well, the other day I was searching through Youtube and as many of you know… you may begin searching for one thing and end up watching all sorts of videos that do not even have anything to do with what you originally searched for. Its like a brain that goes off on a tangent. LOL!

So, anyway… back to my point

Somehow I ended up on videos that were about people who have died and came back. These individuals were converted to Christianity because of this. These videos drew me in and intrigued me greatly because they described heaven and hell. Well, I found it interesting in some due to their descriptions. Now, I do not know for sure if all of their stories are accurate… but I listened.

I began to notice how many of them were talking about seeing “Christians” in hell due to unforgiveness and falling back to the world’s activities, etc. To give you a little history, I had recently written a post on my site regarding whether or not those who practice homosexuality will go in the rapture of the church. This post was brought on by a study that Jack Kelley wrote.

After I wrote my article, I received a comment that brought up the question of “Once Saved, Always Saved”. Well, I responded that this was a topic that has been debated throughout the church for a long time and there are many reasons why both sides take up their case for or against this idea. I shared that I would try and write an article covering why some believe this to be in error.

I had a few epiphanies during this study and then I came across the video I have included on this page (site). The video is a 58 minute sermon that is completely accurate and extremely convicting. After watching this video, it just made me want to sit in silence and contemplate… then pray.

See, I remember a time when I had that much conviction and zeal. Over the years I have been worn down by life and my faith has been tested to the max… and I am sure it will continue to be. I have been missing who I once was in Christ and I am sure that He has been missing me. Sure, I wrote articles to share the truth with any who will listen and I always stand my ground when put in a situation to defend my faith… but true conviction and zeal… its been awhile.

This video has cut through all of the glory gumption and gotten right to the heart of the matter, which is exactly where we all need to be in these last days. I am not willing to take the chance that the comfortable laziness I have partaken of in my relationship with Christ might cause me to miss Him all together. So, I challenge you, as I will endeavor to do myself, to reawaken the strongest desires you have had for the Lord and gain the boldness of the warriors we were called to be in the house of the Lord. Time is so short and we may never get a second chance!

If you do not know where to look for the video, I am including it here. I highly encourage you to watch it without distraction… be convicted whole heatedly and make a life altering change for Christ. Please share this video with any you may feel should see it… I am sure there are more who need to see this than you may realize.

When I go to Walmart or a department store at the mall, etc. and pass by the baby sections… I have to just look away. Seeing the baby clothes just tears me up inside. We had decorated a nursery in classic pooh, so whenever I see that, I feel like running to the nearest exit.

Sometimes – most times, I just feel numb to it all. I suppose that is necessary to continue with life, but other times it just hits me. It normally hits at very inopportune times. Sometimes I am afraid to really let it all out because I feel like I just won’t stop crying. I have had those moments over the years. In the still dark corners of the house, when no one is around… I will weep quietly and pray that the Lord will just wrap His arms around me and comfort me to the very depths of my soul. At times, I feel as though I am shaking from those same depths and all I can do is rock myself like a child.

I am plagued with memories of hope immediately thrashed to pieces like slivered glass from a mirror image… shattered.

I wonder how it will all end up in the end, in eternity. I know that things don’t work out quite the same as far as being married, having children, etc. but I wonder if there is something for those who couldn’t have children in this life… special. It may not matter once we are there, I’m sure… but it would be nice. It gives something to look forward to now I suppose.

Not having children, leaves you in a separate category in life relationships. There is no relation between you and others who have children. Life changes us one way or another and because of that we draw closer to some and farther away from others because of similarity and such.

Bradley and I were talking the other day how ironic it is when you make the transition between being single to being a couple. They have “singles” groups at churches and social groups, but as soon as some two people become a couple, their relationship with their “single” friends changes inevitably.

Then, for a while perhaps, they are a couple without children. This is its own group that is occupied mostly by younger couples in their twenties. Then once they begin having children, it changes their relationship with those who have not had them yet, just as it did with their single friends. However, what happens if you never graduate to that “parent” category? Your just stuck in limbo with the twenty somethings until they move on. Age and maturity change us as well, so the relative association of the “category” we are in becomes very unique and it is hard to find others to relate to.

Bradley and I will never have any children. This is a fact. There are extenuating circumstances that I do not always go into publically, so it is difficult when we receive responses like, “Just give it time”. I know that is a typically generated response because it is an uncomfortable topic and people do not know how else to respond. Sometimes it is just better to say, “I am so sorry to hear that”.

I would like to include this video that captures a small portion of what it feels like after you loose a baby.

See, lately… every once in a while, I get all of a sudden, this extremely heavy heart pounding in my chest that I can feel throughout my body. It makes it difficult to breath as normal and at times makes me feel a bit nauseas and a little jittery every once in a while. I know that the first thought would be that it was the start of a heart attack or something.

I have been under a lot of stress lately, but then again… I can’t remember the last time that I wasn’t, LOL.

We have this juice called VIBE and it includes all of the needed vitamins and minerals. We gave this to our kitty who was on the feeding tube and she was on her death bed… well, she made a full recovery! Anyway, I haven’t been able to take it regularly because of money and wanting her to have plenty. I was going to start taking it again but we ran out of orange juice and that is what I drink it with… it is very potent because it is concentrated. So, I am waiting for my sweet hubby to go to the store and get some more so I can have some juice. Hopefully this will help take care of the situation.

I have also been watching what I am eating, how much I am eating and how often. I started eating more after the loss of our babies, as a way of comforting myself I suppose. Sometimes out of boredom. Anyway, I gained a little weight from it… not a lot, but on my size frame (5’2) it seems like more. Some of my pictures you can see on my Flicker, you can tell that I was not really fit as I use to be. Well, I have lost a lot of weight from last year, but I still have some to go for me to be where I would like to be.

So, for the past two weeks, I have been trying not to eat so much. I don’t want to be able to eat an entire box of mac-n-cheese by myself. Plus, I don’t want to be hungry 30 minutes after I have eaten. Anyway, I have gotten some soups by Campbell’s that are in microwavable cups and they don’t have as much salt. I figured that I would have cereal for breakfast in a small bowl, then soup or salad for lunch and then a little larger meal for dinner. My plan was to eat dinner sometime between 5pm-7pm and that could carry me through the night.

Well, sometimes I can do this without hesitation and others… especially if I stay up really late and start to get hungry again… it becomes more of a challenge. I am beginning to “control” my stomach, how it feels hungry or not. When I think that I am beginning to feel hungry, first I evaluate the situation. I think to myself… when did I last eat? I think about the effort to prepare the food and is it worth it, time wise? Also, sometimes I try drinking water to see if maybe I was just thirsty (this works sometimes). Finally, I think about my worst picture when I was at my heaviest… if I still think that I am hungry, then I try to relax my body… mostly the stomach area, and eat slowly. This allows me not to eat so much and sometimes, relaxing my tummy takes away the hunger.

When I think that it is out of stress or boredom that I feel like I want to eat, then I either try to find something more active to do with my mind or I try to think through the situation that is stressing me… in any case, I pray about it.

Another thing that I was trying to do, was to exercise. This is my down fall. See, I use to be extremely active growing up. I was in soccer, cheerleading, dance and beyond all of that, I still had more energy than I knew what to do with. I would run, do aerobics, etc. When my mom would say to me, “you should run around the house” because I had too much energy for her… I would!

I remember times when I would lay on my side on the floor and just run, which would make me go around in a circle on the carpet. Funny image, but true! LOL

WHERE IS THAT ENERGY NOW!!!???

I can’t seem to be consistent with exercising. I am an over achiever, so I tend to out do myself and then regret it the next day. I get excited to do it, when I watch shows like the Biggest Looser. The dedication amazes me to no end! Well… that is my weakness.

So, I have focused on cleaning our home. Trust me, that in itself is a workout! This gives me an immediate result that I can enjoy; plus, it gets me moving. I figure, its a beginning. Once I get it all down, then maybe I won’t dread working out on a regular basis and I won’t regret it later, when I do it.

There was this girl at my school. Her and I were pretty good friends… well, in gym class, they would have us run/walk around the gym for 20 minutes every day. Well, I would keep pace with her because she really pushed herself. I was able to do it because I would just focus on her and I wouldn’t think about the fact that I “had” to do it myself… I was just following the leader and pushing myself because I could. There was some sort of competition stance in me with that, but it was a good competition. She taught me how to pace myself with running in that gym. I guess that means that I should do well with exercise tapes or a trainer, LOL.

I think that exercise tapes are boring and trainers are too expensive, so what then? We have a gym in our subdivision but again… I push myself too hard or not hard enough and it seems to become a waste. Hopefully I will figure that part out, but for now… I will continue doing what I am and build up to the other.

If any of you have any suggestions, I am open to hearing about them. What has worked for you? What are your weaknesses that you struggle with? Have you overcome them?

I am looking forward to reading all that you have to say.

This past week, I have been creating all of our paperwork and working on our website (http://homeshield.wordpress.com). I know you can’t see very much on the site just yet, but that is because I have been working on the back end so that all of the pertinent information will be included right off the bat.

As I write this, I am enjoying a lazy Sunday afternoon. I am sitting in my home office with the window open to a beautiful warm breeze while listening to Enya on a CD. I have a large photo on my wall of Puerto Vallarta… overlooking a balcony to the ocean… it is very peaceful and that is how I feel right now.  My sheers on the window are blowing in waves with the breeze and the sun is softly cascading through in a shimmery glaze. It just makes me want to lay out on a white beach and feel the stillness and warmth of the day on my skin as peaceful sounds of waves cresting the shore and seagulls echo from the distance. I can just imagine the rustling of palm branches from behind and the faint sound of chatter from families a short ways away slowly drifting as they tend to, right before you fall to sleep. It reminds me of when I am on an airplane and the sound muffles as the cabin pressure changes.

I have been trying to figure out a way to balance my activities as they seem to grow daily and I think I have figured out some ideas. I am going to try to update my blogs and catch up on my twitter followers, etc. on Sundays. I think that if I “schedule” time for those things, then they may actually get done, LOL! I know that if I don’t, they surely will not happen.

I envy those who can sit down for a few minutes and punch out some magnificient post that is so thought provoking, etc. and watching them… its as though they don’t even think about it… it just comes. Maybe that is the perfectionist in me that doesn’t allow me to do the same. I am actually pushing myself to just write, now. It reminds me of when I was in school and our teacher would have us “free write” in class. They would tell us not to think, but just to write whatever came into our minds… in the end, you may just end up with something. If nothing else, you should be able to get to know yourself better because it is “true”.

I have always had a hard time journaling because I have always wanted to critique it, fearing someone would find it someday and think poorly of me. Funny, I know… but that is what would hold me back. So, needless to say, this blog is a personal work in progress. Thank you for taking part in my journey. =D

Twitter

One of the things I have been setting up is my Twitter account as you can see the bird picture on the right side of this site. You can check out my Truthoughts Twitter if you are interested in my quick updates. There is a video out there about what people have thought about Twitter… its funny, but it truely is what people think. Don’t get me wrong, there are those out there but it doen’t apply to everyone. Just like everywhere else, you try to pick your “friends” well.

StumbleUpon

Another area that I have been focusing on is my StumbleUpon (SU) account. My Truthoughts SU has been focusing on posting photo’s, etc. that have inspired me in some way or another. So, if you would like to see some unique, peaceful or inspiring images… come visit my page.

Business

Other than that, I have been working with my husband on our start-up company whose goal is to create the world’s largest “Green” network. Now, just so I am clearly understood… I believe that we, as Christians, are responsible for being good stewards of what God has entrusted us with but I do NOT believe that our resources will run out based on our own efforts or lack thereof. I believe that during the Great Tribulation there will be massive situations that the world will have to face regarding famines, water turning to blood, oceans being poisoned by wormwood, etc. but that has nothing to do with “our efforts” other than prevalent sin that has grown throughout the world population. One way or another it all runs its course based on God’s will and His timing, not within our control.

That being said, again I wish to redirect focus on being a good steward of what God has entrusted to us, which includes using wisdom with our finances and providing for our families, etc. with areas such as solar power, proper insulation, etc. Basically, why rely on man made resources when we can rely on God’s resources in the most efficient way of utilizing as possible?

In Closing

Well, that is all I have been up to lately. At times it feels as though there are not enough hours in the day and others seem to drag on with no end, LOL. I hope to update my blogs more often in the near future… I just have to work out a balanced schedule.

For this birthday, I almost ended up in the hospital… As you can see by the pictures below, it left a lasting impression! My birthday was on August 13th and I had a decent day thanks to my husband. The incident which brought on the pics below happened a couple days before it though…

Bradley and I were coming home from the store and it was beginning to rain, so I hurried to the back of the car to get our bags from the store out of the trunk. As I was doing this, Bradley said “Ow” because he had hit his knee on the door as he was trying to get out of the car. I felt bad so I wanted to hurry even faster so that he wouldn’t have to be in the rain any longer than he might have been otherwise. Well, this was to my detriment.

As I opened the trunk, the door flew upward quite fast and as I was beginning to lean in to grab the bags it started its decent. Luckily, I noticed it was coming down though not quick enough because I began to look up right as it hit me on the bridge of the nose. My reaction instinct was to raise my right arm in an attempt to take the brunt of the blow. Well, it is a good thing that I did as you can see from the pictures. The trunk door hit my nose first, then my arm and as it began to swing back upward, it smacked me in the forehead along the way. Oh my gosh, it hurt so badly. I wasn’t sure what to grab onto first, my nose or my arm… my forehead was an after-thought. Needless to say, Bradley had to stay out in the rain longer to get the bags since I couldn’t hold them at this point. I ran to the door to our home and kept saying how bad of a bruise it was going to be. Bradley just kept asking if I was ok, he felt so bad.  Well, over the next few days… today included, we see the bruises changing colors like a twisted and demented rainbow. LOL.

Bradley went to the store and asked the Pharmacist what would be the best medicine for the pain and swelling. The Pharmacist recommended Ibuprofen, so that is what I took all day the day it happened. On my birthday though, I didn’t want to take anything because they made me feel very loopy. However, the pain was still very strong… so I really couldn’t do very much.

Bradley was a sweetie though. He sent me some ecards and made me a cute little sign for me to wake up to by the bed that wished me a happy birthday. He gave me my favorite roses (fire and ice) and left a card for me on my pillow so that I would find it when I was ready for bed. He also got me a gorgeous and decadent cake with the best tasting strawberry I have ever had! The chocolate is so rich and thick! Though it looks like a small cake, its quality is amazing and feels like a huge cake! Oh, he also promised to clean the entire house for me ~ Wow, what more could a girl ask for!!! (a man willing to do housework and chocolate – LOL! He is my prince!

I received many emails wishing me happy birthday with some ecards from friends all over, while others called to sing. I felt really badly though because I wasn’t really in a good place for phone conversations and those I did manage to talk to… I probably sounded drugged – oh my!

Well, I do not like taking medications, so I have been trying very hard to hold off when I can but the pain is still there. I am glad that I have kitties because they are a great distraction when I am not feeling well. The kitties always are doing something funny, silly or cute. I am going out to dinner with my family this weekend for my birthday and I am excited about that. I always love seeing my niece and nephew, they are great kids. My niece and nephew made pictures and framed them for Bradley on his birthday, so I am excited to see what they have done for mine! I hung up their pictures as soon as we got home from Bradley’s dinner. My niece is 8 and my nephew is 7, so their art work is so sweet.

Oh, another thing that Bradley is working on for my birthday… kind of a late birthday gift, is a photo montage video of me growing up. I am very excited to see how that comes up. I will be sure to share it here with all of you as soon as he has it posted on youtube. He really loves being creative like that. He is so fun! I am so blessed to have married my best friend! He has always been able to make me laugh, even in the toughest times.

Anyway, I will be sure to write about how my birthday dinner goes. Maybe I can share some pictures of it all here for you to see. So, thank you for stopping by and reading about my birthday experiences. I hope that you come back again soon to see how my birthday meal goes… you may get a laugh!

Well, as many of you may have read in my previous posts… we have some wonderful new kittens. Well, is a tribute video with some of their pictures to share with you here. The song that is on the video is “My Funny Valentine” performed by Matt Damon from the movie the Talented Mr. Ripley. I hope that you enjoy the video and let me know what you think.

We had a few problems with the orange tabby when he was born… he wasn’t breathing. Mieshka wouldn’t begin cleaning him to clear the gel from his face, so I had to get a wet cloth and clear his nose and mouth area. He began to joke on the gel as he breathed it in deeply. I was so worried and began praying while I lightly rubbed his back with the cloth to try and clear his lungs. As I would do this, he would begin breathing, but as soon as I would stop, so would he.

At one point, Mieshka, while he was still attached through the umbilical chord, stood up and turned around. This caused him to dangle in the air and slammed him onto the flooring as she sat back down. Well, when this happened, his neck twisted and I thought he may have just broken his neck – while he was still not breathing. Oh my gosh!!! My heart was racing and I began praying even harder and more panic like.

Well, I kept working on him and eventually, she got around to cleaning him and he ended up being fine. What a relief! I just couldn’t imagine the devistation of him not making it. Soon after the scary ordeal, he began to behave as though he was invincible. I told Bradley that becaus he cheated death at birth, he thought he was superman! We have named him Tigger.

We are still pondering the names of the others. Mieshka had 3 boys and 2 girls. The boys are the Black one, Orange one and White one. The girls are the Calico one and the Off White one. It is hard to tell the difference on the pictures which one is the white one and which is the off white one, but the off white one is beginning to darken her features like her ears, paw pads and nose.

The day after they were born, we took them to the vet because Mieshka hadn’t passed any after birth (our previous cat did after having kittens). Well, he took an exray and said she was fine and that there didn’t seem to be anything more to pass. They also gave her a pill to get rid of the flea-tape worms. We had gotten rid of the fleas just in time for her to have her babies, thank the Lord! Now, she doesn’t have the tape worms either!

At present, we have them in a plastic tub in our bathroom. Mieshka likes it there because no one bothers her. Bradley has been picking up the babies a lot and she is not too fond of that, but they are getting better about crying now. The vet said that she had a full bladder and she really needed to pee, so as soon as we brought her back home, I put her in the litter box and made her pee. Ah, she was so relieved – I could see it in her face.

Now she knows that she can leave her babies for moments to eat, drink and go to the bathroom without worrying. She seems to prefer to do those things when I am in there because if her babies stir, I put my hand over them to give them warmth and they calm down. We still have a baby monitor in there so that I can hear them. A couple of times, Mieshka has laid on one of them and they scream.

When they get a bit bigger and can see, we will let them into our bedroom. Then after a little while, when they are ready, we will introduce them to our other kitties. I am so happy to have them. They are such little blessings. I will try to take more pictures and share them with you here as the get bigger. I may check with Bradley on how to set up a webcam and upload some video of them on Youtube. If I do, I will post that here too.

The order that they were born is:

1. Black (boy)
2. White (boy)
3. Calico (girl)
4. Orange Tabby (boy)
5. Off White (girl)

So, I hope that you enjoy the pictures. If you have any name ideas, please feel free to share them. I was thinking of maybe naming the off white girl “Winnie” because I like Winnie the Pooh and Bradley named the orange tabby “Tigger”. What do you think??? The calico girl is very docile and gentle, she is very quiet too. The black one is the biggest in the bunch. Also, if you have any fun kitten stories, I would love to hear them! I hope that I will have many to share here as they get older.

In this last picture, I am showing all of them together. The previous pictures are of right after they were born. I will write more because I have so many more pictures to share. Please check back for updates or subscribe to be alerted as soon as I update my posts. I hope you have enjoyed seeing our new additions and I look forward to your comments. Have a wonderful day!

Mieshka Pregnant

It has been awhile since my last post, so today I thought that I would write about our new kitty. B and I were out one day and when we came home, there was a young kitty in our bushes. This little kitty was a girl and she was so sweet. She looked like she was starving. It was so hot and humid outside that we felt very bad for her, so I got her some food and water. I left the food and water outside our door on our porch. She ate so fast that you could hear her moaning as she ate.

We had decided that we would not let her in unless she was still there hours later. Normally, if a cat has a home and they are just outside… well, for one, they are not starving like this little one was… and secondly, they will leave soon after.

We had never seen this kitty around before and she was still on our doorstep over 4 hours later… So, we took her in. Now, there was a small problem. This sweet little girl had fleas. Luckily, the fleas weren’t that bad, meaning that she wasn’t infested with them or anything. We gave her a bath and powdered her down with some flea powder and we powdered our carpet around the bathroom (where we kept her) door with Borax, which is a great way to kill fleas that get into your carpet.

So, we kept her in the guest bathroom for about a week. Every couple of days we would give her a bath, powder her down and clean the bathroom… as well as the towel we had down for her to lay on.

Well, after a few days, I began noticing that she was getting a little larger in the belly area. I thought, “Oh my, is she pregnant?!!!” I told B what I thought and his eyes widened and glazed over. He said that he hoped not.

A few days more and I thought that I felt movement in her belly, so I said that we should take her to the vet. Now, by the time we got an appointment and took her in, they almost laughed when they said that Yes, she is pregnant.  By this time, she was quite large and her boobies where in full form. She was so big that the vet said he thought she would have them that week. Well, on Monday, it will have been 2 weeks since he said that and she hasn’t had them yet.

I really didn’t think that she could get any bigger, yet she has… quite a bit bigger. I am beginning to worry about how many babies she may have. It is so fun to watch and feel them moving inside her belly. Well, the fleas are taken care of and we have moved her into our Master Bathroom because it is bigger.

I have created a bedding area for her in one of our pet taxis, which she lays in from time to time. I think she prefers the sink. Now, she has tape worms which was caused by the fleas. The vet said that it was nothing to worry about and that they would take care of them once she had the babies. So, for now, we have to deal with the rice like droppings until she has her babies. It kind of grosses me out, but at least they aren’t fleas!

At present, we have borrowed a baby monitor from one of our neighbors so that I can hear if she goes into labor when I am downstairs. She has learned where the speaker part is and when she feels lonely, she will talk into that part and I come up to her. She has quiet the set up in there I tell ya.

One freaky thing though was the other night… B had to work late and a freak thunderstorm came around which cut off the electricity. Well, the bathroom became completely dark. I had been sitting with her for about 3 hours already because she was acting as though she was going to have her babies that day. Well, this little girl does not like it when it is completely dark… yes I know that cats can see in the dark, but for some reason, when it is dark… she cries. Therefore, we have a nightlight set up for her and she is fine… however, when the electricity went out, she became uncomfortable, so I lit some candles and put them into the glass shower (so she couldn’t get to them). They provided tolerable light but created a lot of heat… no air during this time and the window in the bathroom doesn’t open.

Well, needless to say, she did NOT have her babies that night and we are still waiting… (To Be Continued in Part II)

PS*** she toots! Audibly and Smelly! I just heard her toot on the monitor – LOL!!!!!

Click Here for the Video

I just wanted to share this video that I found through Stumbleupon that is really great and inspiring. The dept of love this man has for his son is beyond words. The caption for the video on the site is, “Incredible video about the relationship between a father and son…. and God’s relationship with us.” Keeping this in mind while watching this video, a person would have to be completely dead inside to not be moved to the innermost parts. After watching this, I couldn’t speak for a few minutes because of the emotions it stirred. Please let me know how this video makes you feel. I look forward to your comments. Have a blessed day!

Part I

As I stated in my previous post, this ended up being one of the most emotionally draining experiences of my life.

So, now I was at my dad’s house and my step mom was there with the youngest of my 3 stepsisters. Though she was the youngest, she was still older than I was. Now, let me begin this part of the story with letting you know that my step mom is a bit over dramatic and a queen of pity parties; this being to the point that my stepsister felt the need to warn me before entering the house so I would know what to expect.

Over the next few days, I would be subjected to listening to the ‘death story’ repeatedly, more times than I could count. At one point, I just had to go outside to get away from it for a while. My stepsister joined me and tried to comfort me, understanding that her mother was being ridiculous, even for the situation. I cannot convey an accurate view of how she was going on about it all, but it just wasn’t normal. I even had other family members take me aside at times to ask me why she was being so outlandish; it really was embarrassing to everyone.

At one point, the family (extended family included) was having dinner at a restaurant and she just flipped. Someone asked her how she was holding up and she verbally bashed them in front of the entire restaurant. It was an elderly woman who had asked; I think she was in her 70’s or so. Then everyone just looked at me like I was suppose to do something about it… I was 19 and hadn’t seen her since I was 8 (she didn’t come to my grandmother’s funeral).

It was like this day in and day out. At one point, I was taking a bath b/c for some reason they did not have a shower in the guest bathroom, and she barged in and started complaining about all sorts of things, like why were people asking her how she was holding up. Oh, did I tell you that they also did not have a shower curtain??? I felt so violated.

My only comforting moments were spent with my dad’s dog, Sassy, who would come in with me during the night.

Oh my, that reminds me… my sister came in my room one night at about 4 am talking all sorts of gibberish and flopped on the bed. My step mom came in because of the noise and told her to go back to bed. Apparently, she was sleep walking.

Ok, so I think on the third night I was there, my step mom, sister and I all went to dinner – I don’t remember where, but when the waiter came to ask us what we wanted… all of a sudden… BAM!!!! It finally hit me!

Right there in the restaurant I began to cry uncontrollably (which is not like me). I was so embarrassed and felt so alone, I didn’t have anyone to talk to because my step mom was literally loosing it so I couldn’t burden her with my thoughts and feelings, my mom was in another state and I couldn’t call her long distance, my aunt was grieving and dealing with her personal problems between her and my step mom (they were arguing over the grave and who would pay what, etc.) on and on and on…

So, I ran to the bathroom while hearing my step mom then proceed to explain to the waiter that my dad had just died and she went into full detail of how, etc.

While in the bathroom, all I could do was pray. I prayed that God would be with me through this very difficult time and that He would give me the comfort and strength to get through all of this. I was not aware at the time, just how He would do this… but He did.

The next day was the viewing and this brought a whole new stress to the situation. My step mom had a death grip on me until others showed up. Once other family and friends showed up, she left me to gain support from them… the ones who would still talk to her by that point. She had nearly attacked almost everyone in my family by that point.

During this time, I stayed by my dad’s casket and stared at him. I knew it wasn’t him but his body… I wondered what he might have thought when he was dieing. Did he think about me? I placed my hand upon his and said my good-byes. I didn’t want to leave his side, but others came to me to say that I should allow others to give their respects, so I sat down in a pew about three from the front.

I looked around to see everyone giving comfort to my step mom and talking amongst themselves, but no one came to me… they didn’t know me or were preoccupied by the somewhat family reunion.

I placed my head in my arms, which rested on the back of the pew in front of me and prayed again for comfort and strength.

Well, the next thing I knew, I felt a hand on my shoulder, then another one on my back. I heard the voice of a child saying to me as she caressed my hair, “Its alright, don’t be sad, he is in heaven. It’s going to be ok.”

I looked up and I was surrounded by about 8 children from 3 years to around 8 years old… all trying to comfort me. This moved me so deeply that I almost couldn’t speak. All I could say is, “I know” and “Thank you”… They stayed with me.

No adult ever came to me, no adult ever said a word to me that night… just the children. I knew that was God. He used the little children to comfort me. Through the mouths of babes, I tell ya.

The next day was the funeral.

Early, we awoke and got ready. Everything seemed fine, as fine could be. Then came the limousines. As soon as we stepped out of the doorway to the house, my step mom began screaming and saying “No, no, no” while she planted her feet in the ground, forcing others to practically drag her to the car.

My aunt was there by this time (at the house). Once we were in the car, my step mom, my stepsisters, their kids and me… when my aunt was going to get into the car, my step mom said to her that there was no room for her. This really upset my aunt because she was more family to my dad then my step sisters and kids, plus, I think I heard later that my aunt was the one paying for it.

I had to hear my step mom complain about it all the way to the funeral. I just wanted to jump out of the car and run as far away from everything as I could.

Once we got to where the funeral service was held… we had some time, so I didn’t think I could handle being around everyone then… I went to the restroom which had a sitting room attached to it. I sat there and prayed. I didn’t know how I was going to get through this.

The next thing I knew was that someone came in and said that they were about to start the services. So, I gathered my composure and went to the sanctuary. On my way down the isle a man who said that he was very pleased to finally meet me stopped me. He told me that my dad spoke of me often. This made me feel a bit better. I also found out that he didn’t know that I had another sister, which I thought was interesting (for more history about that please click here).

I do not remember the funeral, as far as what was said but I have a video of it, though, it not very good quality. When we were at the gravesite, I sat in the front with the other immediate family members, excluding my aunt again and her family, thanks to my step mom. The things I remember about this, was that the sun broke through the clouds… a plane flew over head and the priest kept looking at me oddly as he spoke and prayed. It was almost like he could see something… but what, I thought. My dad had to have a priest preside over the burial because the gravesite was at a Catholic cemetery. It was a family plot that my grandparents paid for long before I was even a thought.

The only other part that I remember now, is my flight home. It was the first time that I was leaving L.A. without spending time with my grandmother and/or my dad. I thought how my experiences with California died with them… and I began to cry. I remember listening to a tape I had brought with me: “I’ll Be There” by the Escape Club below is the actual video for the song…

Tear just flowed down my face. A flight attendant asked me if I was ok, so I told him that my dad had died. He was very attentive after that and I greatly appreciated it. Over the next years, it would hit me here and there. I just learned to let myself feel the pain so that I wouldn’t explode in the future.

There are times that I wish that I could share with him. We began speaking again when I was in high school, over the phone. I had told him that I would be visiting him that summer, but I wasn’t able to. It brings back memories of almost seeing my grandmother but she died right before I was able.

If you get nothing else out of this post, please don’t hesitate to spend the time that you have with your loved ones. Tell them how you feel… and trust in God to carry you through those times that you don’t think you can make it through – He won’t let you down. Thank you for reading this. I look forward to your comments.

Today I am going to write about the death of my dad. I have previously shared some minute details HERE about my relationship with my dad but I haven’t really gone into what happened when he died. So, here we go…

My dad passed away when I was barely 19 and I had not actually seen him since I was 13 at my grandmother’s funeral, which you can read about HERE and before that when I was 8, more on that HERE.

So, I had just moved back from North Carolina to Texas (I will write about that in another post). I was living with my brother at the time, my mom was in North Carolina… Anyway, I was asleep and the phone rang. Well, my brother was at work so I answered it. My mom was on the other line. Let me back up a bit…

First of all, when the phone rang, I got this gut wrenching feeling that made me feel nauseas and I wasn’t sure if I should answer it, but because my brother wasn’t there I thought that I better. So, I did.

As soon as I heard my mom’s voice sounding somber, I knew something had happened. Well, my first reaction was again as before with my grandmother’s death, was to ask who died… but this time I thought better of it not to. I always felt guilty for that moment in the past, almost as though I caused it by predicting it – even after the fact of it happening. If you are lost in this post, please read the previous ones with links listed above.

Anyhow, this time, I decided to stay silent and let her tell me whatever she was going to tell me… but as before, she hesitated, which forced me to ask her to just tell me. So, she did.

She said that she had some bad news and it was about my dad. Now, because this conversation was taking way too long for my patience, I couldn’t help myself but to speed it along by asking… “Did he die?” She said, “Yes.”

So, I asked what happened, as the all too familiar numbness over took my mind and body. After she was done explaining the few details that she knew, I had to ask again because my mind had officially gone into shock. She then repeated herself by telling me that all she knew was that he died in his sleep the night before and that my step mom would be calling me.

It was odd, the feelings or lack thereof that over took me. I thought to myself that I should cry, yet, no tears would come. I then thought… uh oh, when this hits me it is going to be bad. I later found that to be an accurate thought.

[side note: I can already tell that this is going to be a long post so I may need to break it up into two posts… sorry about that.]

I knew that I was going to have to do a lot over the next few days and it wasn’t going to be easy. You see, I am a very introverted person… very shy, and I was going to have to go through all of this on my own.

My first objective was to book a flight. Well, after speaking with a travel agent and hearing how much it was going to cost… I wasn’t sure I would be able to fly to CA for the funeral. She told me that I could get a bereavement discount if I could provide a death certificate along with the location and details of the funeral… now I had to get all of that information and get it to them within a day. That task in its self was almost too much to deal with.

When my step mom finally called, she told me that she was putting it off as long as possible because she was dreading telling me.

She told me that he had been having headaches for about a week but refused to go to the doctor because he hated doctors. She said that during the day he died, he was unusually tired and ended up going to bed early. When she went to bed, he told her that he loved her and rolled over to go back to sleep. Well, in the night, she had to go to the restroom and while she was there she heard something sounding like him taking a really deep breath.

She checked on him and he had passed away. She freaked out and called 911. The operator told her to put him on a hard surface and perform respiration on him. Well, he was too heavy for her so she had to go get the neighbor to help her. He came over and helped her, but it was too late.

He was pronounced dead at the hospital. They said, that he had a brain aneurysm, which caused a heart attack.

So, she then helped me with getting the information that I needed to be able to fly out there. Next I had to deal with where I was going to stay… Boy, this turned out to be a lasting hassle that I was not prepared for. See, my aunt… my dad’s sister, wanted me to stay with them and my step mom wanted me to stay with her.

Well, I flew in to LA and ended up waiting an hour before my aunt got there to pick me up… that side of my family seems to always be late as you know from reading the post about when I was 8.

When she finally showed up, she was with my cousin… the one I spoke about regarding my grandmother’s death. Well, when she was asking me repeatedly to stay with them, he was there giving me the look of death. He desperately did NOT want me staying with them. I proceeded to tell her that I really appreciated her offer but that I thought that my step mom needed me to stay with her and that I wanted to be where my dad’s things were. She said ok and finally dropped it to the relief of my cousin.

My aunt drove us to Taco Bell, which was great because I was starving at the time and then she took me to my dad’s house. I did not know at the time that I should have enjoyed my flight and meal for as long as I could because what was coming was going to be one of the most emotionally draining experiences of my life…

To continue reading this story, please click here.