Our IVF Journey...TTC with PCOS

Pregnant!! Follow the new blog here...

2011-09-19T06:04:00.000-07:00

http://our2012addition.blogspot.com/

This is my last post for our IVF Journey. Here is the new link to my pregnancy blog. Feel free to follow us there and best wishes to all who are still on their journeys. Much love <3

8/3/11 Today is the day! The transfer of our babies

2011-08-03T20:56:00.000-07:00

Today, I was so excited and nauseated all at the same time. This was it. I was about to throw my legs into stirrups and hopefully become pregnant. We chose for 2 embryos to be transferred back to my uterus with the hopes that at least one would hang on. Both surviving would be a double blessing.

Here they are...Baby A and Baby B! How is this for your first photo??

During the transfer, we got to watch everything on the sonogram. Here is a still photo of the moment our baby(ies) were first introduced to the new home.

Hospitalized for Ovarian Hyperstimulation

2011-06-20T08:19:00.000-07:00

5 days at High Point Regional Hospital due to severe case of ovarian hyperstimulation. I gained 22.5 pounds in only 5 days. Nothing but fluid on my abdomen, back, and legs. I was so completely miserable and in alot of pain. None of my vital signs were right. My blood pressure was low, my temperature was up, my resting heartrate was high.

Because of my high risk for this, my doctor decided to freeze all of our embryos at 5 days. When I am well, we will do a frozen transfer.

Here eggie eggie egg!

2011-06-15T12:10:00.000-07:00

During my egg retrieval, they were only able to harvest eggs from my right ovary. My left ovary was up too high and the needle could not reach. Because of this, they only were able to get 11 eggs, about half of what they expected to get. Nonetheless, out of the 11 eggs, 8 of them fertilized. By day 5, only 3 of those 8 had survived. So we have 3 beautiful fertilized eggs being frozen :) While I initially wasn't excited about the idea of a freeze-all, I am now more understanding of why they are choosing to do it this way. When it comes time for the transfer, I want my body to be completely ready to accept the embryos. Waiting is best...

Dr. Appt. 6/10/11 OHSS and a possible freeze all... JOY :/

2011-06-10T13:21:00.000-07:00

Went in this morning for another ultrasound and more bloodwork and was then sent home to "await" the phonecall from my IVF coordinator. That call just came and I have mixed emotions about what I was told.

My estrodial level is now at 5,402 and my pregesterone is now at a level 1.9 and my uterine lining is now measuring at a 16, which is great. Based on these numbers, my medication instructions have changed. Tonight I stay the same with 2 follistim vials/1 menopur vial and 5 units of Lupron. Tomorrow I reduce to 1 follistim vial/1 menopur and 5 units of Lupron. Sunday morning, I go in at 10am for more bloodwork. Based on my Sunday results, my doctor will let me know the protocol for that evening. My coordinator is thinking I will be doing my trigger shot(induction of ovulation) Monday evening, meaning that my egg retrieval is likely to be 36 hours later on Wednesday, June 15th. What exactly happens during my procedure you wonder? Here is a good video that I found that shows an actual egg retreival. I will be put to sleep for this.

The not so wonderful news: I am at high risk for Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS) and my doctor is already considering a freeze-all on this cycle. You are probably asking at this point... what is hyperstimulation(OHSS)? and what is a freeze-all?

*OHSS, or Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome, is one of the most common complications of infertility treatment. As the fluid-filled egg follicles begin to grow within the ovary, the ovary enlarges. Sometimes, that fluid can cause fluid elsewhere in the body to shift into the abdominal cavity or the lungs. This syndrome usually occurs in women undergoing IVF, although it may rarely be seen in women taking injectable medications for an IUI cycle as well. OHSS most frequently occurs 5 to 10 days after the injection of HCG to prepare you for egg retrieval, though some women may experience symptoms a little earlier.
Symptoms include:

Weight gain (more than 5 pounds in 2 to 3 days)
Persistent nausea and/or vomiting
Abdominal pain
Abdominal distension or swelling
Difficulty breathing or urinating

Needless to say, this is why they have me in their office about every 3 days lately :(

FREEZE-ALL... this simply means that they will do my egg retreival as planned and fertilize them as planned but then instead of transferring them to my uterus on day 5, they will freeze all of the embryos and plan on a transfer date in the future...with me this would be in August. The freeze is done to prevent further complications from the OHSS to either myself or the baby. This also calls for more medication, which means more money...

Can I just be pregnant already!!

Ugh...

2011-06-09T13:22:00.000-07:00

Ok, last night I tossed and turned until I got irritated enough to just stay up most of the night. I always sleep on my stomach or on my side and thanks to the pain from my ovaries and lower abdomen, that just wasn't happening. If I lay on either side, it puts pressure on my ovaries and they are beyond tender/painfull right now. My uterus is enlarged and it looks like I am 3 months pregnant, so sleeping on my stomach is also out of the question.

All of this, from what I have researched, seems to be the effects of the stimulant injections I am on. Today will be day 7 and I can definately feel the results. I feel bloated and just uncomfortable in my entire abdomen. Will be so glad to go to the doctor in the morning to see what is going on. I will also be finding out tomorrow what day my procedure is next week :)

Now....if I can just get through tonight.

Doctor Visit 6/7/11

2011-06-08T11:46:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I went to the doctor for my ultrasound and bloodwork to check my Estradiol and Progesterone levels. To my best understanding, the estradoil has to do with how many follicles (eggs) I have along with their sizes. Follicles have to be a certain size before they are mature and ready for retreival. Today I had 27-32 follicles per ovary! The largest one on the right side was 11 mm and on the left, 10 mm. The doctor wants them between 18-21 for retreival, so although I have a ton of follicles...they still have a bit of growing to do. My estradoil level was 985, which is relatively high for day 4. They are guessing that by retreival, theat level will be well beyong 3,000. They are watching me carefully so that hopefully I do not hyperstimulate. If I do, that means that they will retreive the follicles, fertilize them and then freeze all embryos until next month, when my body is in a better condition to house the baby.

They also checked my progesterone level and it was at .09 was excellent. They want it under 2. This number tells them that I have not tried to ovulate and that the medicines are working to prevent that like they are supoosed to.

At this appointment, they did an ultrasound to not only look at the follicles, but to also measure the lining of my uterus. It was 10 mm (or was this number in cm?), which the IVF coordinator referred to as "beautiful"

My medication stays the same and will be looked at again on Friday for possible changes. 2 vials of Follistim and 1 vial Menopur with 5 units of Leuprolide.

Overall, this appointment went well. I will know on Friday of this week which day next week that I will be going in for my retreival. Excited~

Thank you for your support and understanding

2011-06-04T18:34:00.000-07:00

Up to this point, you may have followed us through our journey as we have experienced infertility, a failed IUI and now on this emotional rollercoaster called IVF. I want to thank all of my family and friends who have answered my frantic phonecalls, listened to me cry and those who have kept up with my doctor appointments almost as well as I did :) You all have been an enormous amount of support that has gotten me this far. I love you for calling to check on me, just to make sure I was ok. It means the world.

As you know...the time is here. I have been on injections for almost 2 weeks now and my stimulation medication started yesterday. This IVF cycle has officially begun. I am scheduled for my procedure the week of June 12th...only 1 week away. Here is where I need your understanding....

I am overjoyed as I think of a positive outcome and I am also trying to maintain a sense of reality. Although my thoughts remain positive, I know that this could go either way for us. IVF is not a guaranteed healthy pregnancy. Those who have joined us on this journey will be awaiting (not so patiently) for that phonecall, facebook post or text message from us come the end of June, hopefully bearing wonderful news that we are expecting. But this will not happen. I ask that for our sake, let's please not discuss this until Ryan and I are ready. If you don't hear from us by the end of this month, don't be alarmed. We will let you all know the outcome of this cycle when we feel it's time. I know how easily it would be to try to get me to tell you the result, but please don't ask. If it is unsuccessful, Ryan and I will need time to deal with this...privately. If it is successful, I will let each and every one of my family and friends know individually when the time is right :)

Thank you for your love and support!

Menopur and Follistim Injection (oUcH....and grumpy!)

2011-06-04T18:08:00.000-07:00

We are giving both of these medications in one injection. I am currently on 2 vials of Follistim and 1 vial of Menopur. I just took my 2nd dose of the injections and let me just set the record straight.... That's alot of medicine going through a tiny needle to be given subcutaneously and jeez...does it have to sting that bad! This medicine does burn when injected and almost immediately caused a bruise with me.

Yesterday was my first day on these medicines and I am not sure if it's the medicine or just me having mood swings, but today I have been a bit grumpy. I felt great this morning and then about 3pm, about 19 hours after the first doses... my mood completely changed. I am easily irritated like a 2 year old toddler who needs a nap.

Here we go!

2011-06-03T04:36:00.000-07:00

Today is June 3rd...the official start date for my IVF cycle. I am quick blogging right before Ryan and I go to my doctor appointment. I am nervous and overly excited!! At today's appointment, we will have a baseline ultrasound done and my doctor will perform a mock transfer, a practice run just to be sure that on the day of the real procedure that no unexpected hurdles have to be jumped. So, here we go... no looking back :)

Follow Instructions Yvonne, Follow Instructions!

2011-06-01T08:04:00.000-07:00

Instructions: Take last birth control pill on 5/29/11
What I did: Put "Stop birth control pills" on the calendar for 5/29/11.

When I looked at my IVF calendar I made, I couldn't figure out if I was supposed to actually take a pill on the 29th or not take on on the 29th. My doctor office was closed, because the 29th fell on a Sunday and I had no way of contacting my IVF coordinator. So, I just didn't take the pill for the 29th. What is 1 day gonna hurt?

I thought no more about it until today...Wednesday June 1st. My period has become extremely heavy and not knowing if this was normal or not, I decided to call my doctors office. Thankfully this bleeding is completely normal and they will see me on Friday for my baseline ultrasound! While on the phone I mentioned to my coordinator that I had stopped the pill on Saturday instead of Sunday. She said that hopefully it would not cause a problem but put me on hold to check with my doctor. When she returned to the line to say that Dr. Deaton thought it would be ok...so long as my body had not already determined that one follicle would be dominant. During IVF preparation, this is very important. They don't want 1 dominant follicle...they want all follicles to grow as much as they can. I am now learning that the birth control pills help with controlling this process.

So, in a nutshell... on Friday of this week he will be able to tell. If I have a dominant follicle...this cycle will be canceled and I will have to wait until July or possibly August :( If all is well and there is no dominate cycle, then we proceed as normal. (fingers crossed!)

The directions to follow during IVF prep are very detailed. It is stressful looking at all the directions and being fearful of one little mistake you could easily make. Please tell me I did not screw this up with one little tiny birth control pill.....

Tiny needles....

2011-05-28T09:14:00.000-07:00

Today marks day 5 of my injections of Lupron. Just wanted to let you know how that's going for those who are as anxious as I was before beginning the shots. The needles are tiny and the Lupron doesn't burn at all when injected. We have been giving mine in the back side of the upper arm in the fatty part and it is virtually painless. I have a few more days before beginning the other injectables, so I can't speak for those yet.

Only about 2 more weeks!!

~Yvonne~

Information overload....

2011-05-23T10:33:00.000-07:00

Today I went in to meet with our IVF coordinator, Angela, so that she could go over all of my medications that I now have neatly piled into a box. My brain took in way too much information.

I probably should have recorded our meeting for later review! (tip for those of you who may be getting ready to go through IVF) The medication teaching can be a bit overwhelming to say the least. Mix this with this and then add it to that, pull the needle down, then push it back up...thump it twice, pull it back down, push it back up....and then give yourself a shot. "eeeek" I felt a sudden burst of anxiety pumping through my veins. Beginning tomorrow, I will start my injections and only 3 more weeks until the big procedure. My nerves are getting a little rattled.

Small Investment

2011-05-23T10:30:00.000-07:00

This is not an cheap process...although we are hoping worth every penny!

This blog is where I will document the amount of money we spend as we go along. This will help me keep up with it and will also offer some insight to other couples considering IVF. Each date that I spend something related to this, I will note it here. The total for the day will be in bold and an itemized description will be below it.

Total so far... $26,696.64
Addition expenses on future dates will include $1300 for freezing and thawing and storing additional embryos for 12 months.

6/23/11 Rite Aid Pharmacy $7.64
Hydrocodone for pain after hospital release

6/18/11 High Point Regional Hospital $7532.48
Admitted to hospital for 5 days-result of hyper-stimulation after egg retrieval
Hospital bill $7136.48
High Point Radiological $142.00
Carolina Anesthesiology $254.00

6/17/11 Rite Aid Pharmacy $57.59
Ondansetron HCL 4mg (for nausea)

6/17/11 Martinsville Hospital ER $3714.28
ER visit-result of hyper-stimulation after egg retrieval
Hospital bill $3197.28
ER Billing Group (bills for ER dr.) $397.00
Piedmont Diagnostic Radiology (pelvic ultrasound) $120.00

6/14/11 Ascend SpecialtyRx $488.76
Ganirelix 250MCG/0.5ML
Cabergoline 0.5 MG

6/3/11 Carolina Anesthesia $500.00
prepayment to be put to sleep for upcoming egg retrieval

6/3/11 Premier Fertility $300.00
FINAL payment for the IVF cycle (wooooo hooooo!)

5/31/11 Premier Fertility $218.00
Payment toward IVF

5/23/11 Premier Fertility $717.00
Payment toward IVF (only $518.00 left to pay :)

5/15/11 Premier Fertility $250.00
Payment toward IVF

5/11/11 Premier Fertility $1200.00
Payment toward IVF

5/9/11 Rite Aid Pharmacy $19.99
2nd pack of birth control pills

5/4/11 Premier Fertility $6,567.00
Payment toward IVF

5/2/11 Purchased medication online $1080.00
Bravelle $655.00
Menopur $430.00

4/26/11 Mandell's Clinical Pharmacy $656.61

4/19/11 Rite Aid Pharmacy $19.99
Birth control pills needed to control cycle

4/15/11 Patrick County Family Practice $90.00
Papsmear required for IVF

4/12/11 Premier Fertility $88.00
Semen Analysis

4/11/11 Premier Fertility $100.00
IVF Deposit to secure start date $100.00

4/8/11 Rite Aid Pharmacy $98.35
Prometrium $77.36
PreNatal Vitamins $19.99

4/5/11 Premier Fertility $373.00
IVF Consultation $50.00
Required IVF Blood Work $323.00

3/25/11 Premier Fertility $110.00
Sonogram to recheck egg sizes $110.00

3/21/11 Premier Fertility $110.00
Sonogram for initial egg quantity $110.00

3/13/11 Rite Aid Pharmacy $248.59
Femara 2.5mg (10 pills) $186.10
Pregnyl HCG Trigger Shot Injection $62.49

2/28/11 Rite Aid Pharmacy $77.36
Prometrium $77.36

2/28/11 Premier Fertility $272.00
Blood Work/Office Visit $272.00

3/10 Dr. Yalcinkiya $1800.00
Hysterosalpingagram Procedure approx. $1200.00
Office Visit/Blood Work/Semen Analysis/Complete Work Up to determine cause of infertility $600.00

Our Protocol

2011-04-20T05:23:00.000-07:00

Cross my fingers, hope not to die.... while I stick a needle in my thigh

2011-04-19T16:50:00.000-07:00

Well, decision has been made...all eggs are in one basket. We are going with the one shot IVF. Based on egg quality and quantity, age and sperm quality...the doctors have given us an approximate 87% chance of success. That's a high number. So that's that. Ryan and I talked about it and this is the route we are taking...and we feel pretty good about it. Yes, I would love to have the safety net that costs $4000...

Birth control pills will start on Friday 4/22 and I will be on continuous active pills until I go for my medication teaching on May 23rd. This is when I get to start poking myself with needles everyday for weeks on end. This is when I will go through $2500 worth of medication in 10 days (yikes!)

Anyway... with us taking the one shot option, I am asking everyone who reads this to say a little prayer for us. Send us all the positive energy and good luck that you can muster up! :)

Unless something changes, I will blog again after the end of May!

They say "Never put all of your eggs in the same basket"

2011-04-16T17:31:00.000-07:00

I have never been much of a gambler, but for the first time in a very long time...I am considering putting all my eggs in one basket so to speak.

We have all but $4000 of the required money ($14,000) for IVF shared risk program. It is time to decide.... do we try to come up with the 4k in the next 4 weeks or do we not do the shared risk program and just go through with the 1 shot IVF cycle for $10,000. With the shared risk, we get a guarantee that the IVF works and we have a successful pregnancy through at least 14 weeks. If not, we redo the cycle or get the majority of our money back. With the 1 shot cycle, if the IVF doesn't work or if we miscarry.... that's it, the money is gone. No guarantee, no 2nd chance, no baby....

What do you think? Spend the $4000 extra and get the guarantee or stick with the 1 shot option and hope and pray that it works? I am leaning toward the guarantee....but after we have already spent $3300 in pre-IVF work up, plus the $2500 in medication I am getting ready to have to buy...the extra $4000 (on top of the $10,000 we have) is really gonna be tough to come up with in a month.

Medication Garage Sale?

2011-04-15T05:04:00.000-07:00

http://freegaragesale.com/medicine.htm

Pay it forward IVF medication. Who would have ever thunk it? (lol) On the website link I posted, other couples who have gone through IVF and have leftover (VERY expensive) medication give it or offer it very cheap to other couples who are going though IVF.

Now....here is where I become a skeptic. What if the medicine has been tampered with? I mean, I would hate to think that someone would do anything like that, but you can't help but wonder. I know this though...it is very tempting to buy Bravelle from someones leftovers for $110 than it is to buy it from the pharmacy for $1028.00.

I will be donating any leftovers I have to other IVF couples instead of throwing them away.

Telephone's ringing! It's the pharmacy....

2011-04-14T04:38:00.000-07:00

Today I got a phonecall from Mandell's Clinical Pharmacy letting me know that my prescriptions for my IVF cycle were filled and ready to be paid for and shipped. I was prepared for my total of $4000.00 in meds. My doctor had already given me the heads up on how expensive this part would be, but instead we got a nice surprise when the total came to only $2577.08. I know, I know....it's alot but we were prepared for worse.

Here are the medicines/injections I will be on for my protocol. Please note that everyone's IVF protocol is different based on the factors determining their infertility. To help other IVF couples get an idea of the costs associated with my specific protocol, I have itemized the medication and listed the price I am being charged for each. The are not in order of how they are to be taken. I hope this helps.

Bravelle Injectables $1028.00

Azithromycin Antibiotic 250mg $37.96

Medrol 16mg $12.31

Prometrium 200mg $244.96

Menopur 75 unit vial $670.00

Leuprolide 2 week kit $97.50

Vivelle Dot Patch (x10) $74.75

Crinone $389.70

Pregnyl HCG Trigger Shot $88.00 (not included in price they gave...I already have purchased this one)

and along with the medicines, there is about $12.00 worth on needles and syringes

Leftovers....

2011-04-12T11:29:00.000-07:00

You know there is something unexpected that was brought to my attention. Keeping my fingers crossed that our IVF is successful the first time, we will likely have extra embryos remaining. These embryos can be stored frozen for 1 year following the IVF procedure and after that we have 4 choices.

This is what is in question...a few extra of these

This is not to be confused with what would be considered a fetus. The embryos in question (picture ABOVE) is simply a group of diving cells at the time it is frozen. No shape, no arms, legs or heartbeat.

What do we do with the little balls of mass potential?

We can:

1. pay yearly to keep them frozen indefinitely...year by year kept in storage
2. we can thaw them and throw them in the nearest trash can
3. we can donate them to science
4. we can donate them to another couple struggling with infertility

Let me just say...#2 is out. #3 I would have to do more research on. I would want to know what they are doing with them. I mean as long as they don't grow them into zombies or something I might be ok with it. Can they be used for medical advancements or treatment? Lots of questions with that one, but not ruling it out. I think at the end of the day we would go for #1 until we are ready to make a decision. I suppose donating your genetic embryos to someone else may seem odd at first, but until you feel the pain of not being able to have a child...you really can't have a justified opinion here.

I will be thinking more on this and weigh in again later...

Until then~
Yvonne

Insurance Mandate

2011-04-12T10:06:00.000-07:00

Insurance Mandates. Currently there are 15 states that require insurance carriers to cover the costs and treatments of infertility. Please support bringing this mandate to North Carolina.

hereStart a Petitiononline petition

Well, why don't you look at that....a vitamin that doesn't make me sick!

2011-04-11T13:48:00.000-07:00

Ok, not sure about you...but prenatal vitamins make me sick! They give me this uneasy feeling of nauseousness, almost as bad as being car sick! I recall with all 3 of my pregnancies, I could not take vitamins because I just couldn't deal with the feeling they gave me. Anyway, as part of the IVF process they have me on....you guessed it, Prenatals! So I did some research...

After reading reviews and opinions of women who had the same effect from prenatals, I decided to try Rainbow Light "Just Once Naturals" brand of Prenatal One Multivitamin in addition to DHA 250 Smart Essentials. It claims to be "easy on the stomach" and the reviews were very good. At this point, I like what I am reading and seeing...but can't I just keep taking my Flintstones?

Well, I have been on the vitamins for about 4 days now and so far....no upset stomach or nausea! Highly recommend for anyone who needs a good vitamin. It has no animal products and has the seal of approval by VeganGuard for all of you vegetarians out there!

http://www.iherb.com/Rainbow-Light-Vegan-Guard

Initial IVF Consult w/ Dr. Deaton 4-5-11

2011-04-05T14:59:00.000-07:00

After deciding to move forward with IVF, we scheduled a consultation with Dr. Deaton. We had questions upon questions with the main one being.... "what are our chances of being successful?"

The excellent news that we got today was that I have excellent egg quality...and plenty of them. This is key when doing IVF. The more eggs they can retrieve, the much better the results of having healthy embryos for the doctor to choose from when deciding which ones to transfer back to the uterus. I guess they have some sort of key factors they are looking for in the embryos. More good news, is that much of the pre-IVF work up stuff is already done. Now we move forward with the news that we have a very high rate of success for this pregnancy. We will participate in the shared risk program where the doctor will give us back $12,000 of the $14,000 cost if we do not achieve a pregnancy through 14 weeks. So, not only is he guaranteeing that we will get pregnant...but he is also guaranteeing the health of the pregnancy through a little past the 1st trimester.

Today, we were not intending to do much other than consult with the doctor. But since we had already decided to move forward, Dr. Deaton went ahead and had blood work drawn on both me and Ryan. After that, we met with the IVF Coordinator, Angela. She gave us tons of paperwork to read through and forms to sign. I felt butterflies in my stomach just knowing that this journey was officially a "go"

What's next?

Tomorrow I begin prenatal vitamins and Prometrium (remember this from a previous blog?) to induce a period. On day 3 of my cycle, I will begin taking birth control pills so that they can control my cycle in order to prepare for the IVF.
IVF Orientation with a few other couples (who will become our IVF buddies) on April 12th at 5pm. Dr. will spend an hour with us going over everything regarding IVF and explaining everything we can expect. It will be nice to meet some other folks going through this with us at the same time.
I have a Pap Smear scheduled for April 15th
IVF procedure time begins May 30th, with our embryo placement being the 1st week of June!!

Fork in the road...

2011-03-28T19:52:00.000-07:00

Today is Monday, 3 days after my not so great trip to the doctor. I have sat around the house this weekend with a huge amount of emotions running through my body. I have cried, I have worried, I have laughed, I have been thankful, I have been mad and I have cried some more. After being told that IVF was my only logical option for having another child...it has taken a toll on me emotionally. We have two choices at this time, either pay the $20,000 and have a money gaurantee that we will have a successful pregnancy past 12 weeks OR to just stop here with our attempt at having our final child. This has been a painful journey so far. I never imagined I would be in the situation I am in after being blessed with 3 beautiful, healthy children in 1996, 1999 and in 2001. I took for granted that I could have children effortlessly.

This weekend Ryan and I have thought and talked alot about where we go from here. This is our fork in the road, a point where we stop and reflect on what to do and the consequences of each decision.

And.... we have decided to move forward with IVF with double placement, meaning that we will have 2 fertilized eggs placed into my uterus with the hopes that at least 1 will take.

I applied for a loan today to cover the medical expense of the procedure and medications. Total we are looking at $20,000. I guess at first it seems like alot, but when you think about it...most people pay this for a car. If we can afford this for a vehicle...we can make it happen for our child. This will put off our building a house until this loan is paid for...which again isn't a problem, we have waited this long...what's another year?

I refuse to give up on something we have waited on for a long, long time...

We have an appointment with Dr.Deaton and the IVF coordinator on next Tuesday, April 5th.

Until then,
Yvonne

Back to the drawing board...

2011-03-26T00:35:00.000-07:00

Well, yesterday was rough. Much more difficult than I expected and not at all what I had pictured was coming. I was prepared for possibly several months of unsuccessful intra-uterine inseminations. I was ok with the possibility of it taking a few months to work, even though I was hoping that it would work on try #1. Ryan and I had come to terms with the fact that we would have to sacrifice time, money and heartache in order to conceive our child. Many nights, we have laid in the bed...cuddled up and talked about "why us?" A conversation that is not easy for either of us.

My appointment yesterday was for a 2nd sonogram to measure the egg follicles in my ovaries with the hopes that at least one of them had grown to 18 mm so that we could proceed with the first round of IUI. This, however...is not what happened. My follicles measured the exact same as they did on Monday. No growth at all even after taking 5mg. of Femera. After the nurse, Paula, took a few sonogram pictures of my ovaries she suggested that Dr. Deaton may go ahead and restart the medicine to bring on another period and restart the process again but increase my dose of Femera to 7.5mg. At this point, I reminded her that we were self-pay patients and had no insurance (not that the majority of insurance companies would pay for infertility treatments to begin with) I also pointed out that we were not only dealing with PCOS on my side, but also with male factor infertility(lower sperm count/quality) on my husbands side. I explained to her that if we had low chances of IUI working with both of those factors and also the fact that so far my body was not responding to the fertility medications...that I wanted to know what Dr. Deaton honestly felt like we should do in order to be the most cost effective. She left the room to go discuss this with my doctor.

I guess deep down I was hoping she would come back with news that my doctor was optimistic that increasing the Femera would increase my chances with IUI or that he was going to be able to wave a magic wand and make everything ok. Instead, she brings me 3 things. A prescription, a booklet....and an apology.

She said that based on my lack of response to the Femera coupled with the male factor, that Dr. Deaton suggested we go ahead and move away from the IUI procedure and onto IVF. She handed me a prescription for Prometrium in order to bring on another period, since I obviously was not going to ovulate this cycle. She also handed me a booklet and began explaining the shared risk IVF program that they offer. At this point, I felt like I had been stabbed in the stomach and much of what she was saying at this point resembled Charlie Brown's teacher. It was very much a blur. My mind was going so fast that I couldn't even pay attention at this point. I felt sick to my stomach and a bit light headed and really just wanted to run out crying....because I knew what IVF entailed, alot of up front money that we don't have.

Soon after talking with Paula, I left. I swear I sat in the car for 20 minutes staring at the building, trying my best to deal with what I had just been told. I cried and had myself a pity party there in the parking lot, then I began to flip through the booklet I was given. $20,000 is basically what we were looking at for the IVF, medications and all pre-IVF labwork. With the shared risk program, we would be guaranteed a pregnancy that lasted through the 1st trimester (which is when most miscarriages take place) If no pregnancy results or if we miscarry...all but $2,000 of our money is refunded. IVF Risk Sharing from Dr. Deaton's website

I decided not to call Ryan while he was at work to tell him. I knew this was a conversation that we needed to have in person... and tonight, we talked some...but mostly it was alot of quiet moments. Neither of us really had to say anything at all. At this point I think we are both just letting this all sink in. Seems at times like this, just him holding me is enough. We are planning to spend the weekend together and to talk about where we go from here.

~Until next time~
Yvonne

Here is a video on IVF and a picture...