Tuition at Work

Suits, White Collar, and other recaps.

2012-06-15T01:18:00.001-04:00

Hi there! I have not abandoned recapping Suits, White Collar, and other shows! In fact,I am now writing for Rickey.org in hopes of reaching a bigger audience. If you liked my stuff before, please follow me there. Here is the link to my first Suits recap for Season 2: http://www.rickey.org/suits-season-2-episode-1-recap-she-knows/ Enjoy!

Cubicle Tidbits

2011-10-04T19:09:00.004-04:00

As a recent graduate of college, I am beginning to realize a number of things. First, that while everyone hopes to use college as a springboard into the “real-world,” very few people have any idea what that world actually looks like. Beyond that, even fewer make that transition smoothly. My second realization was this: I have no idea what I am doing. Let me elaborate…

Prior to my foray into the “real” world, my general expertise ranged from overly cheesy movie lines, to an almost creepy detail-oriented nature (the kind that has me staring at you, wondering if you got a haircut), and even to textbook business (it had better be a knowledge set, seeing as I gave up four years of my life and a bunch of green paper for it).

I was, one might say, blessed. I picked a good major at (relatively) good school. I got good grades, did some good interviews, and OH LOOKIE HERE, got what I determined to be a “good job.”

You see, as I couldn’t go about my daily life spouting movie lines at people for a living, I chose to work in a business that puts my name on a business card, has me email a bunch of people every day, and lets me sit in project meetings (Yes, I am being deliberately vague about what it is that I do. C’mon people, I’m trying to be relatable here).

NOW BACK TO THE, “I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING” PART…

While I was preparing to start my big-kid job, I found an article that described the “open office environment.” This article explained the way offices were trying to encourage interaction in the office by creating fluid working environments. If you found the urge to mumble, “BS,” under your breath, we are on the same page. What does this author really mean? I don’t think I’m wrong here, working in this kind of “open office environment” means I have a desk, but no door and …. Oh wait, that’s a cubicle.

And honestly, my four years of classes, projects, and even interviews would not prepare me for moving in to the actual business world… and in to my own cubical. And I use, “my own,” rather liberally; I do not really own the space. I share the space.

Just Googling the words “cubicle life” brings a host of blogs, and websites, and advice columns on the wonders and benefits of “open office environments.” Take this blog for instance, “10 Reasons Why I Love my Cubicle (http://www.lifeaftercollege.org/blog/2010/01/10/i-love-my-cubicle/). This woman spouts the virtues of collaboration, the 401k and healthcare benefits and… OH MY GOODNESS... FREE OFFICE SUPPLIES. (Well, don’t we all love post-its?)

Let’s be real, folks. This woman took her happy pills before writing that post. I have been at my job for… let’s just say, not very long… and I have already made my own list:

MEGHAN’S TOP TIDBITS ABOUT CUBLICLES

1. There is a reason your boss doesn’t have one.

If these environments are so conducive to good work and have so many benefits, why does getting a promotion mean a one-way ticket out of this short walled, shanty town? (I kid, I kid.) But the answer might lie in the fact that privacy is a valued commodity. Shutting out the rest of the world for a moment allows you to set your own priorities and answer things on your own time. Even more importantly, an office comes with a door. The physical motion of closing that barrier to the rest of your office sends a message and instantaneously establishes hierarchy.

2. Privacy? Well you never really minded sharing your life with your coworkers… did you?

I never really thought about how people run their lives while they work all day, until I was forced to manage my own. Moving to start my job meant finding a new dentist, doctor, auto mechanic, etc. And, lo and behold, these businesses don’t operate on special, “but this is when I get off work!” hours. When I had to make my first doctor’s appointment, I had to make the call at work. I had to say why I was visiting; I had give them my information… all while my coworkers sat a few feet away. Now, you can always take advantage of your lunch hour and make calls from your car (I have done this as well), but it is worth noting that ‘privacy’ is a loose term in a cubicle.

3. Even though you are right next to someone, people still expect you to email them a question.

This tidbit comes from the awkward moment I had in the first few weeks of my job. My coworker and I were collaborating on a project and I had a large number of questions (cut me some slack, I was new). It seemed rather convenient to me at the time that her cubicle was adjacent to mine. I could swivel my nifty office chair around and ask her for clarification. However, I soon noticed that when other people in the office would ask a question, they would open with, “Sorry to bother you,” or “Do you have a second?” or even, “Is this a good time?” At that moment I realized that constantly throwing questions over the cubicle wall to my coworker could have been disturbing her… no matter how simple the question was. It became my practice to write down a number of questions in an email and shoot it through cyberspace rather than asking her throughout the day. However, if she stopped by my desk at all, I could then whip out my question list and ask in person.

4. There might be that coworker that draws an imaginary line of “barrier of personal space.” Do not cross that line without permission. Do not come close to that line when they are not around. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

I couldn’t make this up if I tried. Imagine a cubicle: four walls, an open doorway, computer, blah blah blah. Now, put in a sliding glass door in that open space. That is how some coworkers treat their cubicle. Regardless of if you have clarified if they, “have a sec,” some will still require you to ask permission to cross in to their personal space. I was slightly taken aback when I first encountered this, until I noticed that a community table intersects with my cubicle space. People come and go as they please, using the table to staple papers, mix their coffee, etc. It actually would be nice to have someone ask to walk in to my space every once in a while. This, “ask before you enter” rule particularly applies when the person is NOT there. Dropping things off on a desk? Might be okay. Looking for a particular file in a drawer? You had better be sure to get permission.

5. You. Can. Hear. Everything… which also means, so can everyone else.

That person yawned over there. Was that the chair squeaking across the floor or did Mary just pass gas?! I think so-and-so is sick; they have been coughing and sneezing all day. Whatever the sound, no matter how minor, it always seems to carry in a small space.

6. There will always be that one co-worker that claims ownership of public spaces (like cabinets or fridges) because they don’t have enough room at their desk… Wait a second, neither do you.

Cubicles are meant to help you be productive while maximizing the use of space. I only have three drawers and a shelf to help me organize everything on my desk. It is a challenge, but you do what you can with desk organizers and file racks (I now understand how Staples and OfficeDepot make so much money). But there are little known tricks of the trade. There are extra cabinets throughout the office that people use to store food, cutlery, and other goodies (Under the printer? Next to the fridge? In Peggy’s old desk?). These spaces seem like they are captured on a first-come, first-serve basis and often seniority counts, (“Janet always keeps her cereal there. Has for years.”). It wouldn’t surprise me if there was a black market for additional storage space.

7. Sometimes, it’s really cold at my desk. Sometimes it’s really hot. Bring a sweater.

Because you share your office space with … oh, the entire office, you also share the thermostat. My personal theory is that there is a thermostat gnome that constantly changes the temperature on a whim. It might be hot outside, but freezing at my desk. Or, it could be snowing outside, and I have a fierce sweat going all day. It only took me one week to identify which conference rooms always required sweaters and which rooms had no A/C at all. The best way to beat the thermo-gnome? I leave a sweater at the office. Mama always said, better have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.

8. Someone smells. All. Day. Long.

This was a sad realization. Other people’s body odor and personal hygiene were not generally something I spent too much time worrying over. Until I noticed that my cubicle neighbor has a rather… interesting aroma surrounding him. This was not a, “once in a blue moon” smell either. Because I share my working space with my coworkers, I am going to be exposed to much more than the sound of their typing. This takes (and is still taking) some getting used to. But then again, they are stuck smelling what I make for lunch, right? Bring on them hard boiled eggs! (Seriously though, you have to eat hard boiled eggs in the cafeteria and not at your desk, this was apparently an actual ‘issue.’ Ah the joys of Corporate America. I love you HR!)

9. Did you want to listen to music at your desk? Have you not seen Office Space? REASONABLE VOLUME, SIR.

Some people work better with music. Sometimes a little Glee soundtrack gets my groove going and I can focus on my projects. However, most offices don’t allow headphones (depends on where you work), so listening to your Justin Bieber on the job will have to be very quiet or not at all.

10. And sadly, there is generally that person who doesn’t know the definition of reasonable volume (yes, neighbor, I hear your country slow jams).

Whether it is a radio or an iPod, there might be that one person who thinks they are the only one who can hear their music… even though they are not. For me, it was interesting experiencing this because no one else in the office seemed to mind. Am I the only one that can hear this? Do they all really like country music?? More research will be conducted in this area. Stay tuned for an update.

11. “Oh I called that vendor….” “Oh I spoke to so-and-so…” had better be true, because your coworkers know if you didn’t actually call someone.

Remember that whole “sound travels” thing? BS travels even faster.

12. You always feel this urge…. To…. Look… over … your shoulder. Even if you are doing nothing wrong and are being completely productive and resisting the urge to Facebook or Google images of Pugs.

Because you have no door, there is always the element of suspense. Is someone is going to walk by? Your coworker may just be heading to the printer, your boss may be heading to the bathroom… whatever the reason, you will slowly become accustomed to the soft pad of dress loafers (or in the case of my boss on Fridays, black Vans sneakers) as they approach your area. ABORT ABORT. CLOSE PUG PICTURE WINDOW. (Gosh, but aren’t they just adorable!)

Honestly, my brief experience in the business world has taught me that the business world is indeed a very weird place. I have no idea what I am doing and I am (most likely) stepping on many toes as I try to figure everything out. However, even as ridiculous as cubicle life can be sometimes, it is rather nice to be surrounded by people going through exactly what I am going through, and able to help me if I ask for it.

I might not have a clue what I’m doing in this “real world,” but I think I am on the way to figuring it out…. One tidbit at a time.

Tales of a _____ Au Pair: Post #4 - Naked

2011-10-03T16:33:00.000-04:00

So, sorry about not writing one of these for a couple of weeks. Life can get a little hectic here, and I find that spending my free time documenting my non-free time is not my favorite thing in the world. Who would have thought? Anyways, that is all behind us now. I promise I will start doing better about this whole documenting my year thing. Also, when I break that promise, I will at least try to deliver entertaining stories. For instance, this time I am going to write about my first time I went to play volleyball here. Bonus, there will actually be pictures in this post at the end!

First a little background. Volleyball has a pretty decent following in Germany. Of course nothing trumps soccer, but still, a much bigger proportion of Germany plays volleyball than in America. Therefore, it was pretty easy to find a place and people to play with. Going into it, I guess I had similar expectations to what open gym is like in America. You show up, warm up a little, play games for the duration of the time, and then go on about your business. I was totally off base.

To begin with, our warm-up was playing a short game of soccer. You want to know what intimidation is? That would be playing the national sport of the country you are in with a bunch of people you just met, who speak a different dialect of the language you have learned for the past nine years. After we finished, and I did not embarrass myself, I thought we would start playing. Nope. Then we started doing volleyball warm-ups. Now a half hour has passed, we finally have the net set up, I am all warm-upped and stretched out and am ready to play. That is when we started to do drills, and I mean drills. It is at the point that I started doing pushups after making a mistake during a drill, where I wonder what the hell is going on. We are sprinting for loose balls, running complex plays and generally practicing like a team preparing for a game. Mind you, we actually do not play other people, so this is really just for the upkeep of our skills.

Now do not get me wrong, it was a lot of fun and the other guys are really nice and friendly. It was just absolutely like nothing I expected. So after two and a half hours of working my ass off, we are finally finished. Somebody then asks if I want a beer. I thought I was being asked if I wanted to go out afterwards, because there was festival in the city that night, so I naturally said yes. That is when the beer is brought out. Right on the court. Now understand, we just trained for two and half hours, and I am completely gassed. The last thing I wanted in that moment was beer, especially German beer.

For those of you who do not know about German beer, let me run it down for you. First of all, I have not found any, and I mean any, that are under 5.3% alcohol. Secondly, there is about as much beer in two American cans as there is in one German beer. In other words, one German beer is the equivalent of at least four American. Furthermore, pretty much everybody has at least a beer a day. In fact, they like the taste so much that some people drink alcohol free beer during the day. I know waiting until I turned twenty-one to drink made me a lightweight, but I will be drinking everybody under the table when I get back.

So the beer gets brought out and everybody gets one. At this point, I still hated the beer and was getting used to it. Of course, I am not about to not finish that beer and do my hardest to keep a good poker face while I drink it, because I mean come on! This is Germany! I am not about to be known as that kid who cannot drink the beer. So we finish our beers and head to the locker room to change.

Except, we are not getting changed. Instead, we are all showering. In a single room. With no partitions. Now for those of you from an older generation, I know this does not seem weird. The thing is, this really does not happen that much today for my generation. The only time I can see this happening is after a high school or college game. Even then not always, as the showers in my high school did not work. Regardless, I was definitely not expecting this, and it was all I could do not to laugh as the drawers dropped all around me. Still, there was no way I was not doing this, as I did not want to be also known as the weird kid who does not shower after playing like everyone else. In other contexts, this whole story would be a great PSA about peer pressure, seeing as I started drinking and getting naked even though I did not want to. Furthermore, because I was not expecting this to happen, I did not have anything to shower with. No towel. No soap. No shampoo. Nothing.

Also, because when it rains it freaking pours, the moment after I get naked a very nice named Aldo decided to strike a conversation with me while he is in similar state. I was not even in the shower yet, and there I am having a conversation in German about how he and is wife, who are from East Germany, went to New York after the fall of the Berlin Wall. The whole time I am thanking God that that German beer was working overtime on me, because there was just no possible way I could have gotten through that conversation without it. Moreover, this happens every damn week now! Somebody just talks to me while we are standing there buck-ass naked. I am afraid to go to the bathroom with these people, because I think somebody is going to break that rule and start talking to me there. Every guy reading this post just understood that last sentence.

Anyways, so we shower and a few of us head out to the festival that was happening in the city. Honestly, as far as organized, massive events go, Europe kicks America’s ass. The entire city was lit up in lasers, with all of the buildings having different sceneries and images projected onto them. In other words, unbelievably awesome.

At this point I started to like German beer, mainly because I was having too much. What can I say, when in Rome right? At one point, I actually had a beer in each hand due to miscommunication. You really can never take the ASU out of the kid, can you? We just find a way to drink excessively, even if by accident and through language barriers. Sadly, I was unable to finish one of them, which marks the only time I have not finished my drink in Germany. Also, I am now in love with German beer, and definitely credit that night. I really do not want to go back to American beer, or water as it is called here. This is especially true because everything is under three euros here, which you know, awesome.

In the end it was a great night, and I was lucky enough to find a great place where I could get a nice souvenir. If you understand that comment, you really know me too damn well.

Finally, pictures!

For those of you who guess that final picture, congratulations! As you can see, however, I have moved on from bricks to cobblestones.

ANTM Cycle 17 Episode 2 Recap/Review

2011-09-24T14:54:00.000-04:00

Okay show, that is more like it. I am not going to lie, last week had me scared. ANTM felt like a totally different show, one that I was not all that excited to watch. This week, however, the show got back to its roots with makeovers and decent photo shoot. That is what I want to see. The fact of the matter is, these girls were brought back because of their personalities. They can provide entertaining television on their own, they do not need any help with a ton of producer-created bells and whistles. So it was really nice to see a pretty standard episode this week, where the focus was on our loveable bitches. Let's get to it! Roll the opening!

Uh, what was that? Why are they smearing the cake everywhere? Why is there even cake? How much did it suck for Brittany to have to do that after being eliminated? Also no Tyra, I would not like any. Crazy.

The prizes this time are pretty great. I am actually impressed the show has them. Clearly, some favors were called in, or blowjobs performed. Never underestimate the power of that. Anyways, I will not go over the prizes again, because you will hear them another fifty times at least. I do like the fact that they inspired this, though:

Whoever wins should be required to interview people like that.

I also enjoy the girls have to do things like play dress-up so they are not bored.

I am sure it says something that Shannon thinks dressing up as Lisa is the equivalent of the other outfits around her. Shrewd play woman, very shrewd.

This:

Screamed producer manipulation. I mean when you tell Lisa this, it is clear what your job was supposed to be here. Also, Shannon's laugh is a little terrifying at the end there. They even bang the girls over the head with it, because Bre says this. So in the spirit of these girls needing to know their place, let's run through what the show was really looking for from each of them.

Act like a crazy.

Act like a bitch. Nice screenshot, I know.

Do not stop being a freak.

Continue with the bitchery and sassiness.

Release the bitchassness that resides within you.

Do not go batshit crazy on us this time.

More arrogance, now.

Keep the thick skin for the inevitable jokes coming your way.

Continue to stick to your token status.

Give us something else besides all the lesbian talk, cause we do not want to make your win that obvious.

More accent and over exuberance.

Stay likeable. We need you to balance out a lot of these bitches.

Be more outlandish or you are going home. Oops, too late.

So yeah that idiot said this to Kayla, which I cannot even stir up the requisite annoyance let alone anger for. Apparently I was hip five to seven years ago, who know? He explained it better when he said that being lesbian did not make Kayla unique, and that is why she needs to expand. That I can agree with.

As usual, Angelea stole the entire scene here. This? Completely true and funny. This:

Fantastic. Especially because it caused this:

Bitch looks like a skinny Ursula.

Also, I thought Bianca and Camille hate each other? What is with the closeness?

Of course the producers got exactly what they wanted, because Bianca decided to get all "Head Bitch in Charge" on everyone's ass with this.

So much crazy in those eyes.

Dominique's response was good.

That is the appropriate level of disbelief and blowjob face. Camille, however, took the freaking cake with this. Made all the better because she said it looking like this:

Freaking boss. That is an old pro there.

Then the girls headed off to their makeovers. I love the fact that Lisa showed up in the "costume" she was wearing earlier.

And I refuse to actually acknowledge this as a real thing:

What am I talking about, Ashlee Simpson or TY-Overs? We will never know.

Bre's little meltdown was interesting for a couple reasons. First off, because she threatened this, but only delivered this:

That exclamation point is not needed, because the bitch said that so calmly and quietly. Hell, this was louder. Do not get my hopes up, only to dash them with your passive melodrama. Though, I absolutely loved this:

That would have never happened on a previous cycle. She just shut his ass down so quickly; truly a beautiful thing. I hope all of the girls are that comfortable, and more things like that happen.

Furthermore, I get how some people now claim Bre looks like Cycle 14's Sundai.

But those bitches would be wrong, because she is clearly Cycle 15's Terra.

Alexandria actually provided some entertainment for once. She was just struggling so hard to be positive, it was definitely funny in a scary way.

Then she did this:

Followed up up with this. It all just reeks of tragic desperation, which I love. This, however, was just tragic. Honey, if they think you are annoying they are not your fans. Also, she is clearly Alicia Silverstone in that picture above.

Good for Isis trying to have a personality this time around. When Bianca delivered this, I enjoyed that this was Isis' response:

Bitch could not give a fuck, and was throwing right back at Ursula. Also, she did this:

There is more personality in that one GIF than she gave for five episode of Cycle 11.

Not to be outdone, Dominique also decided to get in on the dramatics.

Angelea looks absolutely stunning now.

I mean when I saw her after her makeover I gasped a little. Woman, chestnut brown is your color. Do not ever leave it.

I get why Lisa did not want to cut her hair with the wedding come and all, but Mr. Jay was totally right when he said this.

And as for this:

As if Ms. Jay's foot would go anywhere that close to female genitalia. Do not make me laugh.

I also need explanations for these two screenshots:

What the hell is going on there with their hair? I just cannot.

As I said, the photo shoot was interesting enough and lead to some great moments. I will skip the more obvious stuff, because really this:

Way too easy.

First off, Ms. Jay really had a nice moment when Mr. Jay was explaining the shoot.

Work that room!

Then Camille got to show truly skilled she has become at her shade delivery, because this was pure genius. Especially when you consider Laura was doing this, when that was being delivered:

Most importantly, Camille made Mr. Jay look like this:

So she automatically wins in my book.

Laura had the line of the night when she asked this.

Look how adorable she looks when she is confused.

Lisa actually made an inspired choice but not having any bun. I thought the fact that the girls had to embody their word was somewhat idiotic (i.e. Kayla's task), but Lisa really pulled it off. It also helps when she says things like this.

You own that crazy lady. Go on girl!

Panel was pretty good this time around, and I was glad to see suspenders, not fedoras, are this cycle's thing.

Also hair that makes it look like you got out of the shower thirty minutes ago. Whatevs.

This:

Was a big "YES!" for me. Love the magical coats, but it is nice to see him something different.

This:

Was a big "NO!" for me. Once again, am I talking about the dress or Ashlee Simpson. We will never know. (Hint: It is both.)

Thank god Nigel finally got his hair cut.

Though, this is not the look:

Unless you are going for Sam Eagle.

Also, watching ALT slowly realize the craziness of his current situation is fascinating. Moreover, I kind of wish it went like this instead:

This show could use more open disdain directed at Tyra. Keep things fresh, you know?

This should haunt your dreams, as should this:

And so we say goodbye to our dear Sheena.

Who thinks that flowers on a hot dog tray makes everything so unexpected.

I kid because I love. I am actually going to miss Sheena, she brought the fun. This also marks the second elimination in a row where a fun bitch went home. I really hope that is not the trend for this cycle, because I will not be able to handle it.

Of course she would not have been my pick, so let's go to the photos!

Given the directives of these photo shoot, I totally agree with Lisa getting the FCO. Say what you will, but this is a great shot that fits perfectly with her brand. Maybe I am not the biggest fan of with food in her mouth, but really I cannot hate on this.

Now if we are talking which photo is just plain the best, it would be this one here. Freaking fabulous. Love her smile and the posing. She also looks like Naya Rivera from Glee. Now you cannot unsee it, can you?

Love the quirky and kicky feel of this photo. Allison has not always been that good at commercial shots, but she really sold this one.

She really looks fantastic. Love, love love the smile. I am also okay with the lack of neck here, because I think the hair looks really good there.

This photo is definitely not tough, but it is a strong photo. Yeah she is being helped with the great styling and beautiful dress, but she is working it. The posing is great, as are the bangs in the eyes. You can choose whether she looks like Cameron Diaz or Diana Agron from Glee.

This type of shoot and look is exactly in Shannon's wheelhouse, meaning she nailed it. Also, that dress is beyond amazing. Great color and shape for her. Shannon has great poise here, but she also looks relaxed and at ease. Not an easy task.

Her eyes look really sexy here, but the messiness and mouth action push it over the edge into sluttiness for me. I appreciate the fact that she went for it, but wish she pulled it back a tad.

I am not a fan of the side eye she is giving here, and if I am completely honest, this looks a little drag-queeny. Also, her hand looks huge, and I hate her feet. Her body looks slamming though.

I think she looks very pretty here, but it is a pretty standard photo. Also, the leg is just strange. Definitely, however, should not have gone home.

I am all for campy, but this is not really working. Slamming bod, and decent idea, but poor execution.

Love you girl, but this not good. Decent posing, but the facial region is just poor. There is a reason nobody was actually eating the hot dog in there photo, because it makes your face look like that. Step it up, girl.

See, this is what happens to your face. Also, the whole leg and right arm situation is just unfortunate. You cannot help but stare at her crotch region. ALT put it best with this.

She needed to lower her chin and those eyes are just dead. Moreover, her makeover performance, while funny, really was not good. Furthermore, I get what she was trying to say with the whole "I am not 19 anymore" comment, but it just came off as defeated. Things are not looking that good for Bre, and I would have sent her packing.

Head scarves, close this bitch out!

ANTM Cycle 17 Episode 1 Recap/Review

2011-09-17T12:06:00.002-04:00

Oh ANTM, I think you have made huge mistake. I was super excited about this cycle, but now I am questioning so much of what just happened this past episode. Honestly, I just do not even know. So let’s just start from the beginning, while I try and sort this out.

First off, there is the house.

That is not an ANTM house. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a Flavor of Love House. I understand that other cycles have had some pretty fab places for the girls to live, but this is just ridiculous. They should be forced into small and cramp places, to better stoke the fires of their simmering bitchery.

Exactly, something like that. Hell, in this economy that is all this show should be able to afford.

Furthermore, if the house is from Rock of Love, that implies that these girls are some beat-down hookers.

Well, that looks about right. Those confessional did not look good, did they? Although, amazingly, Shannon's did.

Clearly somebody was doing something right for all of these years.

Also, as long as we are on this VH1 kick here, that would make this guy the love interest.

Wow, what an extremely gay screenshot. Anyways, I would actually watch Mr. Jay trying to find love on a VH1 show, provided he would have to choose from past ANTM contestants. It would be glorious! I think I smell a spinoff!

I am also nervous about the direction it seems this cycle will go in. For example, here are the guest judges:

Straight up, that is like a younger line-up of the types of judges on RuPaul's Drag Race. I mean damn, Kathy and La Toya were on RuPaul! In other words, the show has come full circle. RuPaul you used to be a reference to ANTM. Now it looks like ANTM is deciding to be a reference to a reference. How meta of Tyra. Note the sarcasm.

Most importantly to me, however, is it looks like we are going to be focusing less and less on the model part of fucking America's Next Top Model. Look, I get this show has always been a distorted reflection of the real fashion world. Still there was at least some attempt by Tyra and the producers, especially in the previous two cycles, to roughly mimic it. Now, it seems like we are basically abandoning that theme all together. Instead, we get this:

Making music!

Auditioning for television!

Designing a fragrance!

Which you know what? Hell no. Actually, that is way too passive. Fuck no. I do not care what these girls sound or smell like. Only the acting stuff should happen, because they always do the commercials and past contestants have made it as actresses (Yaya DaCosta and Analeigh Tipton come to mind.) As for everything else, well, the show is just being stupid. Nobody gives a damn about these girls as brands. I want fashion, damn it! Even if it is ANTM's amateurish version.

Clearly, though, I am not getting that. Also, since I have been with this show forever, there is no way I am pulling out now. Hopefully tonight was just first episode jitters, and this cycle turns into something fantastic. So let's run through it, shall we?

This?

Typical. Although, it was one the least cringe worthy "acting" jobs she has done. Think positive people!

Also, ten seconds in and she is already busting on Camille's famed signature walk comment.

Who says you cannot hold a grudge for years. Not Tyra.

Then we were introduced to the girls:

Angelea:
I was so glad to Angelea come to that house first. Angelea is just a gold mine when it comes television. Even better, she just offers so much for a blogger. For instance:

Love that she took two glasses. Love the added sound effects

Pure amazingness.

Not only does she call Alexandria a bitch, she laughs right in her face afterwards and gets away with it! Brilliant.

And we should never forget this.

I will say, however, this could be the biggest pot/kettle moment this show has ever had.

Laura:

Looks who is still so excited to be here! Anybody else shocked that her personality has not changed a bit? Me neither. Laura is still as sweet and bubbly as ever. She even had her own "Bobby!" moment.

For those of you upset that Cycle 8's Anya did not come back, do not be! Why? Because Laura is clearly her long lost twin.

That last one screams Anya. Eerie. Their likeness is even more pronounced due to their grasp of the English language.

Bianca:

Wow, has her mouth gotten larger? It looks like she is coming for my soul.

I loved that when she said this, they also played this right before. Those editors must have had a blast this season. I will say that is probably still the best insult ever uttered on this show. Bonus points of course because it was said at Saleisha.

As for the whole drama, if we can even call it that, with the red track of hair? Whatever. Just consider it a warm-up for the bitchassness to come from Baal the Soul Eater here.

Lisa:
God love this crazy. I was slightly afraid that after battling addiction and going through rehab, Lisa would have come back more mature and grown. As if, she is a star bitches! Watch her dazzle!

Such a pretty, pretty flower, no? Also, just like with Camille, Tyra could not let a chance go by to extract some revenge on Lisa.

Everybody gets good pictures put up in the house, and Lisa is stuck with this? Bullshit. Even more so because she has some great ones from her cycle. Typical.

Bre:

I was somewhat ambivalent about Nikki Minaj's appearance this episode, but I thought she was totally right about Bre's hair situation. Girl, that is not a good look. Your hair looks like black Cheetos.

Also, I hope this is how Bre responds to negative reactions from this point on.

Brittany:
Seriously?! We only get one episode of Brittany?! But she is absolutely amazing!

I loved this.

Not only because it so DGAF, but also because it caused this.

And this.

It is like it finally dawned on him what he is actually involved in.

Still, Brittany's own reaction takes the fucking cake.

So much love for that screenshot. You own that shit girl!

Furthermore, we will never get to see this happen.

And it was so clear she was down to make good on that when she said this. Ugh. What a freaking waste, show. What a damn waste.

Dominque:
Where was the crazy? At the very least there should have been some hormone imbalance from just having the baby. This new balanced and centered Dominque is great for her, but boring for us. Bring it like I know you can lady, or do not expect any time from me!

Sheena:

She should be required to do that at all times. I also love that she was all about the shimmy this episode.

You work those fake tits woman! For all they are (were?) worth!

Sheena's dedication to being campy also earns her points. This was great. I am probably going to use this one all cycle.

Isis:
I am sensing a story arc here, and I really do not like it. I have nothing against Isis, I just find her boring as hell. The sheer and simple fact is that she is only here due to her "born in the wrong body" status. Like I said before, it is great that the show has a contestant representing transgender people. I just wish, however, they picked a girl who can actually model. Otherwise, everything is just so self-serving, which I get is how the show works with its token girls. Seriously, the best thing Isis did all episode was cause Sheena to do that above. Boring, so very boring.

Kayla:
This better be our winner right here bitches!

Leave it to the lesbian to know the importance of tongue utilization when one is whoring themselves out.

And just in case you forgot, the show wants you to know that Kayla is a big, super lesbian. Whatever, it increases her chances of winning, and I really want that.

Wave to your adoring fans!

Allison:
Allison also was pretty low key this episode, but I am totally fine with that. S he is sweet and quirky, as well as fantastic when it comes to photos. I do not need much from little woodland fairy for me to love her.

Camille:
Clearly somebody is here to do some reputation repairing. How else would you explain the general easiness and calmness she displayed this episode?

Of course Tyra had to get another dig in on her signature walk comment. And this one needed to be in front of thousands of people.

I will say, however, delusional Camille is still there. That was so not the word everyone was expecting to come out of her mouth, was it? Here is hoping more of that happens from this point on.

Also, the whole preexisting drama between Camille and Bianca looks enticing. I honestly never thought that the girls would know each other outside of the show. I do not know why I did not see that coming. So when they all started arriving at the house and it was clear that a lot of them knew each other personally, I loved the unspoken drama. I cannot wait until that boils over into full-blown fuckery.

Shannon:
Seriously, it needs to be said one more time, Shannon looks fantastic. As for the whole underwear/bathing suit incident?

Whatever. I got what Shannon was saying, and I could also understand Jay and the panel's point. It was clearly an attempt at manufacturing drama by the show, which really is not needed for this cast.

Alexandria:
Why is she here again? Still cannot believe she stayed over Brittany. I just cannot with this one. Though, this was a nice piece of schadenfreude by the editors. The record is pretty clear kid.

I will say I was not a fan of this.

Unnecessary. I will never understand how this girl causes such much anger. Annoying? Yes. Spawn of the devil? No.

I also found the whole L.A. Live thing kind of hit or miss.

Treating the Jays like announcers?

Miss.

Tyra and Nikki impersonating drag queens?

Hit.

Tyra bellowing into the mike?

Miss. As a quick sidebar, I really hope fedoras are not her "thing" this cycle. I just cannot.

Andre giving the people love?

Hit.

Nigel with hair?

Biggest miss of the night. Yes, I know that has nothing to do with L.A. Live, but it needed to be said.

Another big "NO" was the photographer's headpiece.

It is pretty bold to say this, while looking like that honey.

When Nikki did this, I did this.

Bitch I get that you are a character, but calm the hell down with that shit. It is not a good look for you.

Let's run through the photos, with my rankings of course.

All around awesome. Love the pose. Love her facial expression. Also, it was one of the few instances where the background and photo shoot set worked.

Definitely expected, but that does not change the fact it is a great shot. I do not know why, but I love her left foot here. Everything is just working. Hopefully she will change it up in the coming weeks.

Love the legs and the softness in her facial expression. You know it is a good photo when she can pose against a tree like that and it works.

I thought the judges were so full of it when they started in on this picture. She is selling the shit out of her shoes and dress (the number one goal of a model), and also giving strength and personality. I do wish her chin was a little lower, though.

Who knew Camille had it in her? I sure as hell did not. That outfit is an eyesore, but she is working the shit out of it. I also love, love, love that she is not pulling any bug eyes here. Thank god. Also, fab shoes.

It is hard for a short girl to rock a sitting down pose, but she is definitely doing it. Also, that pose is making her look a tad stiff. Luckily, she is making up for it with her personality.

This is pure personality shot, but it is a great one. I think she is pulling it off. I will say that Nikki was spot on when it came to her comment about Brittany's legs. The fact that her arms are so extended and her body so hunched makes them look even shorter. Also, yes, Janice.

First call out my ass. Yes her body is slamming, but she looks like a total ho. At least her face is calm and relaxed, which makes the whole thing a little less slutty.

Nice face, but totally weak in the posing. She has actually worked extensively as a model since the show, so I expect a lot better.

I think if you must pose like this, this is about as best as you can look while doing it. That being said, I am not a huge fan. Just too much overall, though her face looks nice.

Nothing excites me about this photo. I mean damn, her clothes are the most exciting part, and that has nothing to do with her efforts. Step up Bre, I know you can do better.

Girl I am all about you, but this whole thing is just not working. She looks like a sassy prostitute. Part of that is styling, but most of it is of her own doing.

Nope. Seriously should have gone home. Duck face combined with weak posing and weird hands makes for a terrible picture. It is a travesty that she is still here.

Finally, this was my favorite part of the whole episode.

You are welcome!

Tales of a _____ Au Pair: Post #3 - Typical

2011-09-13T05:58:00.002-04:00

So it has been a hot minute since I wrote one of these, and that is not due to laziness. Well, not entirely. Mainly, I have not written a lot because life is good here, but typical. In other words, I have not really been doing anything that interesting that I consider people would want to hear. Let me run down a typical week for me to give you a picture of what I am talking about.

Weekdays I wake up at 6:15, which good God no. Look, I have not been up this early on a consistent basis since high school. The morning hours and I did not like each other then, and we still do not now. I then wake up Leonie and Levin and get breakfast together. Leonie handles her business, best thirteen year-old girl ever, but Levin has to be ushered along with a pretty steady hand. He and I share the same opinion about waking up this early. Therefore, I have to make sure he eats, brushes his teeth and gets dressed. They both leave at 7:15 for school, which is when I wake up Lukas. With Lukas, it is like rinse and repeat, except I have to be more hands-on since he is five. I also use the rest of the morning to make the boys bed and pick up there room. I then walk him to Kindergarten by 8:30, regardless of sun, rain, or the six months of snow I was told to expect to start in two months.

Of course, since this is southern Germany, we walk up all sorts of hills to get to Kindergarten. Ladies and gentlemen, the hills are not alive with the sound of music, they are alive with the sound of my screaming thighs. I have had the luxury of living in very few hilly places in my life, and I am sorely paying for it now. This is especially true, because we walk and bike everywhere. Normally, the car remains in the driveway, mocking me.

After dropping Lukas off, I am free until 12ish, which is when I have to go pick Lukas up. Some days he stays until 4:00, but not typically. Leonie and Levin start arriving home between 1:00 and 2:00, with Claudia coming home sometime after depending on her schedule. During all of this, I am Paula Deening my ass for everyone. Let it be known that in three short weeks, I have developed into quite a cook. I am one with the German food at the moment. Also, the kids all like my “American” food as well. Mexican food is pretty much nonexistent here, so my extremely watered-down version of that cuisine is going over very well as well. Thank you Taco Bell and Filly-B’s for giving me simplistic recipes I can easily replicate.

I then pal around the boys for an hour or two, making sure nobody kills themselves. Sometimes we go to the park or swimming pool, or just stay in the house and play games. They also really love to read, which is fantastic, and will just sit for hours. They do not watch television, and they are only allowed two films a week and maybe play video games that much as well. I would not have made it as a child.

A couple times a week I am responsible for sweeping parts of the house and cleaning the bathroom I share with the kids. I was supposed to vacuum at first, but did too good of a job at that. Those of you laughing at the concept of me doing too good of a job at cleaning, shut up. Apparently there are degrees of vacuuming, and I did it on the level of the cleaning lady that comes on Wednesday. After blankly staring at Claudia as she tried to explain this concept to me, we agreed it would be better if I swept instead.

None of the stuff they ask to me do is bad or hard at all, except one damn thing that is. Once a week, I have to iron all the washed clothes that belong to the kids and me. Why, you might ask, if there is a dryer sitting right next to the washing machine? The answer would be that pretty much nobody uses their dryers, in order to save on electricity. So every Tuesday or so my room turns into a laundry mat for a couple hours. Just like the car, the dryer also mocks me.

Nights are pretty much to myself, and I help out with the kids here and there. Wednesday nights I go to class, starting in two weeks, and Friday nights I play volleyball. Saturday is kind of random day, with no real schedule. Sundays are mine, and recently have been reserved for absolutely NOTHING.

That is pretty much it for a standard week here. And no I do not have pictures yet. They will come, within four to six weeks.

Tschüss!

ANTM Cast Rundown: Kayla Ferrel and Alexandria Everett

2011-09-13T04:42:00.000-04:00

Let’s put this bitch to bed. Kayla Ferrel, get you and your gayness over here!

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

If it had not been for Anne, I think Kayla would have definitely won Cycle 15. In fact, I think Kayla would have won a lot of the most recent cycles. First of all, she can take an absolutely stunning picture.

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

Those are absolutely fantastic. I mean even her other photos are still pretty fab.

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

I will say she could look a little awkward at times, but that is because of her strong features.

Also, she had such a winning personality. Kayla always tried, never fought or started drama, and generally seemed like a very down to earth girl. To top all of that off, she had compelling backstory involving childhood abuse. The show is all about exploiting (let’s call a duck a duck here) that type of material. Most importantly, Kayla being a lesbian would have fulfilled ANTM’s need when it comes to token winners. As she herself astutely mentioned at the beginning of her cycle, the show has never had a(n out?) gay winner. Giving the political times, and the way the show likes to use its winners for statement making purposes, Kayla would be an excellent winner for all of these reasons.

Prediction: Therefore, Kayla is my one exception when it comes to the fact that a white girl will not win this season. The fact that Tyra could add to her collection of token winners, and do so with a girl that could actually win a cycle on her talent alone, must be very enticing. Kayla has everything the show looks for win it comes to its winners, and I will not be surprised in the least if she takes it all.

Top 4-1.

Alexandria Everett, go away. Okay fine, I guess I have to do you too.

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

Where to begin with this one? First off let me say that for a lot of people Alexandria was polarizing. Some people thought she was this evil spawn of Satan, who could not model and whose only purpose was to make them hate life on a weekly basis. Others thought she was not only unfairly attacked, but also was actually a good model and deserved to win. Me? I fell in somewhere in between. Yeah she could be annoying, but I also thought the other girls ganged up on her like bored harpies. That house does things to people. Moreover, I thought she turned in some decent pictures, but nothing that was unbelievable. Most importantly, I was just so “meh” about Alexandria. As far as villainesses go on this series, she was the weakest in my opinion. She was not bitchy enough to make hate her, not conniving enough to astound me, not witty enough to make laugh, and not terrible enough to have me cheer when she left. Alexandria is the girl I am least looking forward to, because she is so boring in my opinion. Still, we might as well talk about her chances. We did not come this far to stop now.

She could definitely take nice photographs.

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

My ultimate problem was that, by the end, they all looked alike.

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

I am so bored. I just cannot with this one at the moment.

Prediction: Anyways, so she is clearly back to see how the new bitches match up against the old ones. I fully expect her to get her ass handed to her, causing her to default into victim mode. I think she will last until the middle of the cycle, at which point she will be unceremoniously dumped.

Top 10-7.

And with that, we are done bitches! Get ready for a great cycle!

Previous girls here!

Random Observations: German Mannequins

2011-09-11T11:17:00.001-04:00

So the other week while walking around Konstanz, I noticed something extremely peculiar about all of the mannequins in the shops. Basically, they all looked gay as hell. Sadly, my camera was not working, and I did not have my iPad on me to document this beautiful discovery. Also, I decided against asking my German family for their camera, because we had only known each other for less than a week. What a great first impression that would have been.
Luckily, after we returned home, I was pleased to see my own city inundated with these fabulous creatures. Clearly, the gay mannequins have unionized across Germany, and have an iron, but well-manicured, grip on all employment opportunities. The following is documented proof of this phenomenon. All photos were taken in front of people having Sunday brunch, so my embarrassment is purely for your entertainment.

Show me a straight guy with his eyebrows.

Or his.

Or that hair.

There is enough bronzer and makeup there to last a month.

Prancing, not running.

Also, the headband.

It is as if that woman in lingerie does not exist to him.

Clearly one straight man had to be hired, in order to avoid a discrimination lawsuit.

Obviously drag queens. With terrible wigs.

Drag queen who needs a little more money on the side.

Straight-up Blue Steel in a dirndl.

Lifting your dress up is always the most ladylike thing to do.

That jaw could till a field.

Someone needs to work on their tuck game.

It is important that you start out young.

I swear that is a boy in boys clothes. A very gay boy.

Voguing or blocking balls to his face. Gay either way.

You can take the princess dress of the boy, but you'll never remove the diva.

Not only gay but also terrifying. I do not think they have souls.

Even lesbians get to join in on the fun.

They obviously wanted the more sensible outfit their sister got to wear.

It wasn't just the mannequins either. Lipstick and sequined pants? Really?

It would take me less than 30 seconds to find that exact outfit for a 40 year-old gay man using Google.

I just can't with this one.

Chronicles of a Past R.A. Episode 3

2011-09-09T13:02:00.000-04:00

Suits Season 1 Episode 12 Recap/Review

2011-09-09T10:24:00.002-04:00

Damn you Suits! I know I should have seen that cliffhanger coming, but still, damn you! It was already going to be hard enough waiting until next summer to have you back, but now I will have to wonder what will happen with Mike and the firm. Of course, that is exactly what you want; so damn you for the third time. Nicely played, but now I hate you. Well not really, because you delivered a great season finale.

That was the most tension-filled episode, no? Between the case of the week, Trevor’s return, the new D.A., the love triangle, Louis’ play for power, and now the ticking time bomb that is Jessica, I was on the edge of seat. Also, all of the character interactions were fantastic, and the best of the season in my opinion. Most importantly, Mike and Harvey’s relationship took a huge step forward tonight.

On the surface, this episode had very little to do with the bond between the boys. Looking a little closer, however, it is clear to see that their relationship was the biggest plot development tonight. Think about it. Not only did Harvey defer to Mike consistently, he begrudgingly acknowledged the gap between their talents is shrinking. Moreover, there were very little mentor/mentee moments tonight. Instead, the boys looked like actual partners, who trusted one another completely. They are not equals yet, but they are a hell of a lot of closer than they were before. I am sure Mike will still learn from Harvey, but it seems as if the man-and-child relationship they had is being replaced by something similar to what Harvey and Jessica. That is really good for the show, because it shows progression and consistency that an audience would expect.

In a way, this plot line was the real season story arc. Yes, the love triangle and the lie about Mike’s past were also important, but they were not the driving force behind the show. It has always been about Mike, Harvey and their bond, have no doubts.

All of that being said, I think the show has done quite a fantastic job at filling the screen with other relationships and people. Confession time, when Suits first premiered I thought it was going to turn into another White Collar in a different setting and circumstances. I am extremely happy to say the show has distinguished itself, and that is due in no small part to the supporting characters and secondary bonds the show has distinctively drawn.

Like I said, I am going to miss Suits desperately. What can I say? The show started off good, and then proceeded to do everything right as far as I think. I am happy I started following this show, because it has really delivered week in and out.

Quick hits for my love:

-Donna!!!!!!!!! I feel like I need to get that copyrighted or something. The show really developed her in the last third of the season, and I could not be happier. At first, she was all verbal bon mots left and right, with accompanying snaps in my head of course. Now, however, it is clear that there is just so much more there. Loved her giving it to Harvey, all the while having his back. Loved her reaching out to Rachel, and then getting drunk with her. I also thought her discussion about why her and Harvey never did nor could happen was pitch perfect. It also made me a little sad, because Donna should never be sad. Ever. You hear me show? Sigh, I think I will miss her most.

-Ugh, Trevor. What are you doing? Stop making me hate you. Yes, Mike and Jenny should have been honest with you from the beginning, but still, you suck. This right here, kid, is why you have nobody else. You just ruin everything. Trevor, you are the reason why you cannot have nice things. Kudos on the weight loss though. Also, I am probably going to have nightmares after that whole threatening the murderer scene. Well done there, too.

-If you go to last week’s recap/review, you will see a lot of discussion on the whole Mike/Rachel/Jenny clusterfuck. Really, that is exactly what it is. I am sure tonight did nothing to change anyone’s mind on where they fall, which is my roundabout way of saying I am still Team Rachel. I will quickly comment, though, that somebody thought it was unfair for Rachel to withhold going out of her way to help Mike. I disagree, mainly because all of those times she did help him were favors. Mike TOTALLY flirted his way into a lot of help, and she had every right to tell him to find somebody else. Also, what kind of weird ass foreplay was that? Just more evidence in my favor!

-Louis, tread lightly. I think he was absolutely correct in everything he said to Jessica, but like typical Louis, his delivery is what shot him in the foot. Honestly, that sucks, because he could have totally leveraged senior partner out of the situation. Moreover, he deserves it. Louis is a good lawyer, and does great work for the firm. Instead, he overplayed his hand. Not only did he go behind Jessica’s back, but also threatened her. What? At that moment, his actions were all a direct affront to her, and not Harvey like he thought. Stupid. Nobody threatens Jessica and comes out on top. Clean yourself up kid, you are mess.

-I am going to need to see Jessica demolish somebody soon, though. I get it, her ability to threaten and come out on top without a fight is what makes her so successful. Still, I want her to follow through just once, if only so I can watch in slack-jawed wonderment. It would be beautiful and terrible, all at the same time.

-Also, that extended scene with Donna, Louis and Jessica was my favorite of the season. Everything worked. The humor, the drama, the clothes, the lines, etc. were all perfect. Amazingly, Louis took the win with his “phony bitch” comment. Who would have called that?

-Chi McBride tore up that episode. I loved him on Boston Public, and tonight he just commanded so much presence. Fantastic actor and his character Terrance was also interesting. I know pretty much everything the show does is civil litigation, but I would not mind some more criminal stuff in order to have him appear again.

-I want to know what that damn ritual was, and I want to know now! That is all.

-All right show, I was patient and not ragging on you these past couple weeks, but no longer. WHERE THE HELL WAS GRANDMA ROSS ALL OF THESE PAST EPISODES?! Fix it next season, you hear me!

-What a great. Thank you so much for reading! I will be recapping some other shows this fall, so follow me if you like! Also, I am not above asking my reviews getting passed around. No shame here kids. See you next summer!

ANTM Cast Rundown: Laura Kirkpatrick and Angelea Preston

2011-09-07T13:14:00.002-04:00

Almost at the finish line! Stretch out those judging muscles so you do not get cramp. Good, now we are ready to start with Laura Kirkpatrick.


Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

Honestly, I always go back and forth on whether or not Laura or Shannon was the worst runner-up. That sounds really terrible, but I mean here are her best shots.

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

Now think about all of the other 2^nd place finishers. See what I mean? Furthermore, those photos above are her good ones. We can take a quick gander at her worst.

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

Not ugly, but definitely not good either. Which gets me to my whole point about Laura, she is not back because of her modeling ability. Laura was only brought back because of her personality. She is kooky, sweet and a good character for television, though she can grate on my nerves at times, but she definitely is not here as a competitor.

It should be noted, though, that Laura did commentate on Cycle 14 along with Bianca Golden for the CW. Clearly, that means somebody (read as: Tyra and the ANTM producers) likes her, so never underestimate that.

Prediction: Like I am sadly reiterating for the umpteenth time about these girls this cycle, Laura’s personality should carry her for a while. I think she is going to dip out sooner than others, however, because her modeling will not be good enough to justify keeping her. Still, that has never been a guarantee with this show, and I could see Laura having an outside chance on landing somewhere in the middle:

Top 12-7

Speaking of girls and personality, Miss Angelea Preston!

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

If I am not mistaken, and my embarrassing knowledge of ANTM tells me I am not, Angelea’s appearance officially makes her the girl to compete the most times on the show. Do not ask how I know that. Anyways, in a lot of ways, Angelea is almost the whole package. That sounds ridiculous, but I have the evidence to back that up. Trust me!

First off, there is her personality. Not only was she funny as hell, she brought the bitchy/sassy without making me hate her. In other words, Angelea was somebody you could laugh at and with. Television gold, people.

There is also her portfolio, which, when she was on, is pretty damn good.

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

Photo Credit: All-ANTM

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

Of course the caveat here is that it is when she is on. Otherwise, she produced some duds.

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

Also, it should be noted she started to succumb to the pressure near the end of Cycle 14, causing her personality to fizzle. Angelea went from sassy and finger-snapping, to depressing and a touch desperate.

That is why I say she is almost the whole package. She has the television personality and modeling ability, but no consistency. Angelea went so far during her cycle because she gave the producers so much to work with, as well as providing some standout pictures. The reason she did not pull a Jaslene (bonus points for getting this reference) was her lack of consistency.

Prediction: Perhaps third times the charm? I can definitely see Angelea taking it all the way this time, especially if she keeps her head on near the end and delivers photos like she can. She could definitely fizzle again, but I do not see that happening, if it does at all, until she is abroad.

Top 6-1.

Previous two girls here! Next two girls here!

ANTM Cast Rundown: Sheena Sakai and Allison Harvard

2011-09-04T13:20:00.003-04:00

ANTM, I have no forsaken you! The whole moving to another country thing just prevented me from having time to finish up with last couple of reality television ~~whores~~ contestants. What? I love these women but let’s not get it twisted. They are here to get their name back out there, nothing else. Speaking of which, Sheena Sakai and her fake boobs everyone!

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

I kid because I love, and I really do love me some Sheena. And you know what, what is there not to love about Sheena? She is fun loving, hilarious, and all around good people. Boobgate was such a great moment. I will always love that. What is that? Her modeling? Oh yeah. See here is the thing about Sheena. Here are her good pictures:

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

Here are her bad pictures:

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

Noticing something about all of them? That would be a distinctive lack of energy or umph, in my opinion. Sure, there are some good photos there, but none of them really jump out to me. For being in the competition as long as she was, she took 6^th her cycle, you would expect at least one to really catch my attention. Now, I am not saying she is bad model, just a meh one. In other words, Sheena is really here because of her personality, not her talent.

Of course, there are a lot girls that could apply to, probably too many honestly. That, actually, is a good thing for Sheena, because it means she can work her personality to get further. With so many bitches this cycle, fun girls like Sheena will be necessary to balance them out.

Prediction: That is why I see Sheena landing somewhere solidly in the middle. She will be fun, do passably well in the photos and challenges, but eventually be beaten by better talent. While she is in the competition, however, I am sure she will make me laugh. For that, Sheena, I will always love you.

Top 10-7.

Allison Harvard, get your weird ass out here.

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

Allison is probably the girl who was robbed the most out of this cast during her original cycle. I thought Teyona was a very good model, and had a stronger portfolio and performance than some of the other winners. Still, I thought Allison was definitely better. I mean, the self-professed “girl who cannot walk” found a way to be better on that cracktastic final runway! Man, that shit was weird. As for her portfolio?

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

Stellar. Those photos are both beautiful and interesting. Allison knew how to work her specific, and not necessarily typical, beauty in a way that could really grab your attention. The one criticism, however, is that they are bit repetitive. That is the flipside to having strong and atypical features, it is harder for you to change up your look. Basically, Allison has a signature look, which works both for her and against her.

A lot of people are pegging Allison as an early favorite who could win it all. I agree with them, to a point. If she can still pictures like this, she will be a force to be reckoned with. Also, Allison has worked a lot behind the scenes in the fashion world since her cycle. This cycle is all about branding and knowledge outside of just being a model in front of camera or on a catwalk. That experience will help her.

Still, the “weird girl” has already won a cycle when Ann took it in Cycle 15. Tyra is all about diversifying her winners, but she does it in a token way. She has her token plus-sized winner, Hispanic, short girl, etc. Allison’s type has been filled, so I do not see her getting the win here. Moreover, this would be the third winner in a row, and the sixth of the last eight, to be white. Call me cynical, but I do not see that happening.

Prediction: Allison will go very far in this competition. In fact, I definitely see her making the Top 3 again. Her natural ability and being loved by the fans will ensure she makes it there, in my opinion. I do not see her winning it all, however, and I am sure there will be screams of her being robbed, again.

Top 3-2.

Previous two girls here! Next two girls here!

Suits Season 1 Episode 11 Recap/Review

2011-09-02T17:08:00.000-04:00

I know it is not the most innovate thing to continually praise a show each week. Otherwise, you eventually just come off as somebody with nothing to say besides fanboy exclamations. But I mean, come on you guys! Was that not a fantastic episode? I loved the darker, and a touch more realistic, undertones, combined with some fantastic moments for pretty much all of the characters. Also, we got major plot movement on so many different fronts that it is hard to keep track. Of course, the biggest of these was we finally, finally saw a little of the man behind the curtain when it comes to Harvey Specter.

It is about damn time Harvey’s world got rocked a little bit. He is always in control, constantly ahead of the game, and has an infinite amount of aces up his sleeve whenever he falls behind. Most importantly, and even if he will not outright admit it, Harvey always thinks he can do no wrong. Given what we already knew about him, tonight’s revelations about his past make this all so understandable. Walk with me.

We already learned that Harvey was a self-made man, with some help from Jessica of course. He rose from absolutely nothing to become a senior partner, utilizing what he thought was only his talent. Moreover, when he had the chance to go over to the dark side, not only did he stay ethical, but figured out a way to get out while still remaining loyal. In other words, Harvey has been extremely successful and also found a way to remain true to some conflicting principles. That is impressive, really, and explains why he such a high opinion of himself. Tonight, however, he realized that he owed at least some part of his success to unethical actions. For somebody who has built his entire life around drawing a clear line in the sand when it comes to his principle, that fact is truly unfathomable.

That is why he blew up at Louis. That is why he is now going to obsess over getting the man out he wrongly convicted. That is why he seems so unhinged at the moment. Harvey has had the foundation of both his professional and personal life attacked, and he is going to try and fix the damage as quick as he can. He is in a free fall of sorts, and I expect his actions to become even more sporadic during the season finale. Everything is going to hinge on how that case plays out. Honestly, he will probably win it and set the man free. I think, however, he will realize that that action does not fix everything for him, and he will struggle with that. And if the somehow the wrongly convicted man was to stay behind bars? I honestly cannot say what I think would happen with Harvey, but I think it would extremely interesting.

Suits, tonight might not have been your funniest outing, but it sure as hell was your most dramatic and interesting. Call me a fanboy or whatever, but for my money, Suits has really mopped the floor with other shows not only this summer, but this year.

Quick hits take the stage:

-Donna!!!!!!!! I am now committed to using that every week. One, because I love just yelling it at my television whenever she appears. Two, it so unbelievably deserved. Sure, we had funny Donna tonight. “Her Highness” anyone? Even better, though, we had kick ass Donna. She was absolutely there for Harvey, and did what she had to do when she knew he would not be able to pull the trigger. Straight up amazing. A few weeks ago I mentioned how I hope they do not over play Donna, giving too much screen time and thereby watering down her comedic effect. I would like to amend that. I am all for Donna having more screen time, as long as her bon mots of sassiness are balanced out by more narrative integration like tonight. Rafferty held court tonight ladies and gentlemen, and I absolutely loved every minute of it.

-Along with my Donna love, and also like to share my heart with Jessica. Boy, did Mama Bear come out tonight. Woman is a force. What I love most about her was exactly what Donna said when they talked. Sidebar real quick, loved that moment and more of those show! Anyways, Jessica’s ability to value those below her makes her so freaking effective. Yes, she is demanding, but she is not heartless or full of herself. I think pretty much everyone would take her as a boss and friend any day.

-Jesus Louis, stop making me hate you. I totally think he has legitimate complaints about the favoritism Harvey is shown. Still, if you are going to act like a bitch and get on your moral high horse about rules, stick with that tactic. I would never fault Louis for being a rule follower, but the hypocrisy kills me. Louis, no one really cares that you are an ass; what they care about is how you go about being one. Hell, Harvey is one, Mike is one, even Jessica and Donna are, but they are not supreme dicks about it.

-Mike, really? Jenny, not Rachel? That just screams of you being scared. So you will stick with your safety girl over the one who could possibly hurt you, but is clearly better for you. Yes, Rachel was playing games, but you were totally participating too. Whine elsewhere about that. More importantly, you are totally screwing Jenny over with this decision. You might notice I am calling her by her real name. Why? She earned it. I like her now, even if not for Mike, and think this is only going to hurt everyone involved in the end. Ugh. I live by a certain edict: boys are dumb, girls are crazy. Mike is clearly dumb here.

-I will absolutely give him props, however, for at least trying to go to-to-toe with Louis. Even if he was out of his league, it was nice that Mike did not back down and in fact asserted himself. The kid is going to be fantastic one day, right? Also, of course you are property. Hello! Where the hell have you been?

-Asshole Kyle makes a return, so I can post his name again. Good for Asshole Kyle. A word of advice, though, Asshole Kyle. The mock trial? Yeah, it was ages ago. Let it go, bro.

-She did not have quite the command that Jessica can produce, but when Alexandra told Harvey she would eat him alive I got chills. She delivered that one.

-Shout out to the costume department. Mike is looking good in those lighter suits, and Harvey always does in whatever he wears. I liked Donna’s attire this time around, especially that second outfit she wore when she confronted Harvey. Jessica won the night with her black dress at the beginning. That big ass cocktail ring totally sealed the deal. Amazing.

-Sorry for so much this week, but I just really thought the show delivered last night. Cannot wait until next week!

Tales of a _____ Au Pair: Post #2 - Swimming

2011-09-01T16:55:00.000-04:00

My first full day in Germany actually did not belong to me at all. Why you might ask? Let me map it out for you. In one corner we have a jetlagged American experiencing some heavy culture shock, and therefore needing some time to breathe and adjust. In the other, a middle child who turned eight that exact day. Whose priorities do think won out there? So on Thursday we headed to Chiemsee, a popular lake in Bavaria about a half hour away.

We actually had a blast, and Chiemsee is amazing. I have never swam in freshwater before, so being able to open my eyes and see everything was fantastic. The lake also had this huge inflatable iceberg that you could jump off of. It was probably thirty feet tall, and your ass went flying when you bounced off it right. The best part, though, was that the Chiemsee was warmer than any lake in Germany had the right to be. I was suspecting ice cold, and got normal pool water instead. Yes please. Of course, all that begins well cannot end well.

The family has two pet rabbits, which honestly might be two medium size dogs due to their size. Something probably got lost in translation there when I was told what species they supposedly were. Actually, the family has one rabbit now, because life decided I needed a death to properly christen my arrival. That night, a fox came into the yard and found one of the poor rabbits. Somehow, Claudia heard the scream from her third floor bedroom, must be a mother thing, but did not make in time to help. So my third day was spent burying Panini at the grandparents, and helping to comfort devastated kids. And yes, he was named after a type of food. Let’s not go there.

After that fun adventure the kids really needed something to brighten their mood. Thankfully, we went on vacation to Bodensee (Lake Constance) the next day for a couple of days. Life is hard sometimes. Anyways, Bodensee was amazing. It borders Germany, Austria and Switzerland, making it a major tourist destination. The Hoffmann’s, the family’s last name, have friends there who were out of town, however, so we got to stay in their house. Chiemsee was great, but Bodensee kicks its ass. First of all, I swam with swans. Swans, mind you, that were used to people, so they did not attack. Screw dolphins, this is where its at. As a quick sidebar, the German name for swan and swans is Schwan and Schäwne. Yep, those are as ugly sounding as they look. Even German can make something as beautiful as a swan ugly. It is impressive actually.

Most of our time was spent at the lake, and the lack of sand while sitting next to a huge body of water did not go unnoticed by me. Instead we chilled on hills. Outside of the waves, I am pretty much over oceans at this point. We also spent half of one day at a flower island, which was literally an island dedicated to looking fantastic. Actually, it is famous island here (Mainau) that grows all of these different plants and flowers, and has a huge butterfly house.

At this point, let me mention that my camera was not working and still is not due to lack of plug adapter. I have stuff for my computer and iPad, but not my camera. So all of the photos are on the family camera. Once I can get a hold of that, I will post the pictures from the past couple of days. Hopefully, I will get and adapter off of Amazon soon. I know people really only want to see photos and live vicariously through them. I am not stupid.

Anyways, we got back from vacation today, and now are just going to get everything together before school starts in two weeks. Next time, I will write about some of the different cultural things, both the good and the bad, as well as how I am adjusting to the kids. Here is a hint, I have not forsaken having my own children yet, but have definitely moved back the clock on when I want them! Tschüss!

Tales of a _____ Au Pair: Post #1 - Tired

2011-08-30T17:44:00.001-04:00

My friends, my family, my people! I have so much to tell you. First, however, we must rejoice. Not because I am alive or have not been fired (keep those bets going; you know who you are), but because I finally have a power adapter! Slowly watching my electronics die hurt my soul. I hope to never repeat that experience. But now that is all in the past, and I can tell you all about my first week!

Before I get to all of that, let’s talk about the flight over. Everything got off to an eventful start when the Eastern Seaboard Earthquake of 2011 happened right before my flight from Virginia to JFK. I have never been happier for a long layover; otherwise, I probably would not have made my flight to Germany. The rest of the trip was pretty meh, though I did score two empty seats next to me on flight to Germany. Also Shanghai Airlines has the best stewardesses, bar none. It just needed to be said. So I finally make it to the Munich airport, where they allow people to ride bikes in the terminal in attempt at population control, I believe, and went to meet my family.

Some quick background on the family involved in this dog and pony show. It consists of dad Philipp and mom Claudia. Philipp is a carpenter and Claudia a teacher at their kind-of-sort-equivalent of high school. One day I will describe the system in full, and many of you will comment on the injustice of it. Trust me. They have a daughter named Leonie (Lee-o-nee) who is thirteen, and two sons Levin (Lee-feen) and Lukas who are eight and five respectively. By the way, however you are pronouncing Levin’s name, it is probably wrong. I am still struggling with it, and that phonetic spelling is not quite right. Anyways, the kids are all in school this year, with Lukas starting Kindergarten. For the most part, we all get along well. Of course, there are some moments where I want to bring the pain. I am getting ahead of myself though. Back to the narrative!

At the airport, Philipp and Leonie came to pick me up. The moment I saw them my years of German left me. So much for that major. Thankfully they both speak English, and were fine with me doing so as well. From Munich we took an hour car ride to Wasserburg am Inn, my home for the year. Wasserburg is small city of 12,000 and is divided by the Inn River. The place is straight picturesque. Think foothills of the Alps, only better, and you got it. So we get to Wasserburg am Inn, after an hour or so of awkwardish small talk in German and English, and we pull up to the house. I will not describe it here, because pictures are to come, but it is awesome as well. At the house I meet Claudia, Levin and Lukas, and then I get situated in my room. At this point, all I want is a bed. That is not happening, however, and after a tour of the house, I am heading to the park to play soccer with the kids. This also marks the first time of a few where I question every decision I have ever made. “I should have been a business or computer major”, has come into my head quite often this first week.

After the park it is time for dinner back at the house, where I meet Claudia’s parents who live about five minutes away. Everything was good, and I was trying my best to keep up in the conversation, but they could have been speaking an African click language for all I knew. The southern German dialect along with my lack of sleep meant I got about ever fifth word, if I was lucky. This would be the second time I questioned ever part of my decision, and made a quick note of all the possible exit points. That all passed, and I finally jumped in bed and slept.

I am really happy I am here, and it is has been good so far. The family is really nice, and they try hard to make sure I am comfortable. In the coming posts I will talk about my first few days in Wasserburg am Inn, where a funeral was involved, as well as our vacation to Lake Constance. To quote two of my favorite writers, “Your jealousy taste like candy.” Tschüss!

Suits Season 1 Episode 10 Recap/Review

2011-08-26T17:25:00.000-04:00

            Sorry for the late Recap/Review! I have moved to Germany for the year, so all of my television postings will be coming out a little later than they originally were. I know you, my tens of readers, are extremely saddened by this. We all must make do, though, in this new darker and colder world.             To be perfectly honest, the reason I am most upset about this change was that it occurred during one of Suits best episodes. The previews for The Shelf Life looked fantastic, and I was so sad that I could not see it in real time. It truly was a great episode, and almost the best one yet, if not for one glaring omission. Suits you know what you did, and why I am mad at you.
              Before we get to that, however, let's talk about what went on in this episode. Tonight, or yesterday I guess, Mike had the chance to see one of his possible futures. What I really loved about this case of the week, was that it reemphasized to Mike that he is never truly safe. Stan had worked for his company for nine years, and no matter his performance, abilities, or history, his lie was his ultimate downfall. That is why Mike was so unbelievable scared, because he realized nothing could make him safe. He could be the very best, work for Pearson Hardman for years, become personal friends of everybody, and it all would disappear in a second. That is why he is struggling immensely at the moment with his life path, because all of his hard work could be taken from him a blink of an eye.
               Also, it does not help that his biggest ally, Harvey, appears to be treating it as only a game. Sure, we know Harvey actually cares about what happens with Mike, but Mike does not know that. Harvey needs to realize that if he wants Mike to calm down and stay, he has to show him that he is just as invested in his future as Mike is. Otherwise, why should Mike stay? He could have a easy and happy life with Blond Chick, and not have to worry everyday that everything can be pulled out from under him. I am really glad Mike is realizing the magnitude of his situation. This is not a game, this is his life. He has some hard decisions that he is going to have to make, and then some tough consequences as a result. This should not be easy, like it has been for a lot of this first season, I am glad Suits appears to recognize this.

                 Quick to the hits:

                 -Let's just get it out of the way. Show, where the hell was Donna?! I am never to type that again, you hear me? Oh sure, we heard about her awesomeness indirectly through Harvey. Of course Donna would have a secret network of assistants, she is Donna. Still, that does not make up for her lack of screen time this week. This might be overstating it a little, but I live for Donna. Actually no, that is not over dramatic in the least. It is as if the rest of the episode noticed the lack of fabulousness, and so gave me other moments where I could yell out somebody's name like:

                  -Jessica!!!!!!! Was I right or was I right? Harvey is a sniper, Lewis a tank, but Jessica is a full blown nuke. Threatening the random baddie of the week with her kids? The woman never stood a chance. Thankfully the family I work for sleeps on another floor, because I yelled out, "Jessica!!!!!!" when that happened. Loved it, love her, love everything she does. She may not always make the most audience friendly decisions, but they are never the wrong ones given her world and circumstances.

                   -Lewis!!!!!!! I actually had multiple moments with him this episode. Hitting on the woman and describing his encounter with her to Mike? Cringe worthy. Clearly liking her and her the same with him? Adorable. Failing miserably in the end, as we all knew he would, and then having it aired in public? So sad. Redirecting it all at Mike? The hate inducing Lewis we have all grown to love. Keep it up you conniving head case, because I was all about you and what you did this week.

                   -Rachel!!!!!!! I'll get to Blond Chick next, but have no doubts I am still Team Rachel. I was totally fine with her being annoyed at Mike first, because I thought it was clear that Blond Chick was not in his life romantically either. I mean, hello, all of that flirting? Instead of pouting on the sidelines, however, Rachel helped him with his case and then went for gold with the kiss. Hell yes. Mike made it clear that he was not dating Blond Chick, even if we know they are really dating in everything but name, so she decided to stake her claim. Girl, go on.

                    -Oh Blond Chick, I actually like you quite a bit. This episode helped to flesh you out even more so as a character, and I enjoyed what we saw and learned. As I have said before, though, she does not push Mike in a way that is good for him. Rachel urged Mike to use his abilities (read as: ginormous brain) to solve his problem, while Blond Chick was all about the shortcut. Mike is inclined to take shortcuts naturally, he does not need someone urging him to do so. Jenny, and I am using your real name here so you know I am serious, you are great, but you are not the one. Stay for the comic relief you provide, but not for the romance. Thanks! Actually, your lines most likely took from Donna(!!!!!) so you can just go.

                    -Did anybody else love the first suit Mike was in? I thought the light grey really looked good on him, and covet that tie so badly. Not even fair. Also, how in the hell does his hair stay like that after sleeping on the floor? Some people question the realisticness of this show for the lawyer stuff. Me? I question the state of people's hair. Real top level stuff here kids.

                    -It will never get old watching Harvey handle business. Never. A god among men I say. A gloriously coiffed god.

                    -Seriously Mike, show up to an event where all twenty or so of your fake class is? And then stand in that picture? I just cannot with you sometimes.

                     -You can be shirtless more often, however, to make amends. Same goes for you Harvey. You do not need to make amends yet, but it is never a bad thing to get ahead. Do not question that logic.

"The fastest route in Spain is always a circle."

2011-08-25T12:59:00.023-04:00

I have just finished receiving blank stares for the entirety of my 50 minutes teaching today and now feel compelled to write something that may actually register in someone's mind (thank you freshman). Firstly, I love teaching this intro course, but seriously ASU? These kids are 18 years old and have been through years of schooling already. Most of them are honors students who have worked their asses off the past couple years of high school and if they needed a refresher on goal setting, they probably wouldn't have graduated in the first place. In fact, I think I can safely say that if one has not figured out goal setting by the college level, that person is in a select percentage of the university population that probably will drop out after the first semester or two, even at ASU. But I digress...

What I really wanted to discuss here are the significant changes my life has gone through since returning from Spain 1.5 weeks ago. There have been a few very meaningful changes that I feel worth mentioning, starting with breakfast.

This is what breakfast looks like, Spain. Note the eggs, sausages, potatoes, pancakes, and syrup (maybe a little bit of fruit on occasion). Eggs are a real thing that people eat for meals other than dinner. In fact, they come in many variations including scrambled, over easy, and fried. They taste delicious with a bit of salt and pepper, and some people even put ketchup or tabasco on them! If you all thought tortilla española was good, you should try egg and potatoes separately, and with spices, it's remarkable. And this is not to say that I do not enjoy coffee, bread, and crackers as a full breakfast, but there ARE delicious nutritionist sanctioned alternatives.

This may sound mundane to U.S. citizens, but I have been incredibly appreciative of consistency since returning. The thought of receiving similar drinks, meals, etc. in different restaurants/bars/etc. is beautiful.

The drink you see in the upper right corner of this image is a caña. While I could not tell you whether caña was a size or thing (as I received different descriptions), I can tell you that it is always a delicious draft beer. In fact, that Estrella Galicia was brought to you after ordering a caña was probably the only thing that remained consistent over the month I was in Boiro. One of the greatest things about ordering a caña was that it came in a wide variety of sizes. On days when I was thinking that a small bit of beer would be delicious, it would come in a giant glass. On days when I had hoed my feelings away in the trenches and was in desperate need of anything to regain sanity, it would come in a glass much like the one seen in the above picture. Likewise, tapas seemed to be distributed randomly, or upon the whim of the server. I greatly enjoyed the small cafes figuring prominently into Spanish culture, but I am quite excited to be back to chain restaurants and standardization (Thank you Oreganos for your 7 convenient valley locations and 1 menu).

Lastly, I have decided that there is a reason that the Spanish language is spoken so quickly. It is obviously to fit in all the repetition of sentences that are required in every conversation. While working at the site, I was often asked to translate what the American teachers were saying to the Spanish students and what the Spanish archaeologists were saying to the Americans. This was not generally a problem, but I almost always found myself being spoken to for 2-3 minutes, at which point I would turn and condense what I was told into 5-10 words. I initially thought this was due to my poor translation ability, but quickly realized that it was the norm. A quote from our site director went, "The fastest route in Spain is always a circle." Meaning if there is a quick way of getting somewhere, Spanish (Galician, at least) people will always opt for another more scenic route. Evidence:

This is Néixon, where I worked in Galicia this summer. In blue is the route taken by the American students each day to zone 4 (X) of the site. We walked straight to zone 4 in the mornings, and back along the same route when returning. In red is the route taken by the Spanish students to zone 4. Any variation to and fro along the east and west could be used any day, as could the route in blue. The anthropologist in me is telling me that some sort of cultural difference may be to blame, though I will not pretend to understand it.

I think it's safe to say that there are some things about being in the U.S. that are hard to find elsewhere. While breakfast is not one of those things, I find that Americans often place consistency and efficiency as important pillars of every day life. I would tend to agree that both of those concepts are to be valued. However, they it does not make American society objectively better than any other. I really had to write this to remind myself why I should be happy to be back in the U.S. Though I had my complaints while being there, it was simply an amazing experience to live and work in Spain for a month of my summer. Apparently there are more important things than a full, hearty breakfast.

Suits Season 1 Episode 9 Recap/Review

2011-08-19T00:50:00.000-04:00

Where will Mike and Harvey draw the line when it comes to ethical dilemmas? When Suits first premiered, that was one of the questions I was most interested in the series exploring. For a lot of shows, it is easy to have their main characters see moral quandaries as black and white and never doubt those determinations. Suits, however, cannot do that, because Mike and Harvey’s entire relationship is founded on a lie. If they were to take such a binary view on everything else after their deception, it would come off as highly hypocritical. At the same time, they have to have some type of moral system and values. Otherwise, their characters would be totally unrelatable to the audience. Most importantly, whatever decisions Mike and Harvey make have to be consistent with their personalities, or the writers just come off as picking whatever works best for the story. Tonight, I felt like Suits did all of that with Undecided.

Both Mike and Harvey struggled with their moral dilemmas, but their ultimate decisions were in line with what we know about them so far. Mike clearly felt for Jimmy, and obviously understood what it was like to take a shortcut in the hopes of getting ahead. At the same time, he could not comprehend knowingly hurting somebody in order to come out on top. Mike will deceive, but he will not take somebody else down to facilitate his success. Harvey is all for deception, especially if it helps his clients, but will not sacrifice his honor. He will push things to their limits, and bluff without even giving it a second thought, but he will ultimately stay true to himself.

Of course there can be long discussions about whether or not these choices and values are the correct ones, but it does not change the fact they are consistent with who these boys have shown themselves to be so far. In other words, credit has to be given to the show, because it has found a satisfying way to make Mike and Harvey moral and not hypocritical at the same time. I do hope sometimes, however, the boys will cross those self imposed lines. As it stands, they are complex, but also perfect. Real people make mistakes, they sacrifice their values and beliefs at times in order to gain different things. Mike and Harvey have not done that yet, but I look forward to how they handle it when they do.

Quick hits baby:

-I am officially back on Team Rachel. Jenny/Penny/Blond Chick has not been around for a little bit now, and Rachel came roaring back tonight kids. Not only did I love her taking Louis down (more on that in a second), I absolutely sided with her when she decided to leave the firm. She was being mistreated, and I am glad to see she took the initiative to improve her situation better. Yes, Mike helped save the day, but Rachel did not wait around to be rescued. As for her confrontation with Louis, I was cheering up a storm when that happened. She held all of the cards and, most importantly, knew it. Good for her not being intimidated and playing ball with the big boys. As long as she does not go all crazy again, consider me permanently on her team.

-DONNA!!!! Seriously, she just makes me devolve into a screaming, hysterical fanboy. She is just so amazing. Of course, I love her for her one-liners. Also, I appreciate how smart and experienced she is. She knew Louis would not betray the firm, and had the sense to make sure Mike understood it too. Furthermore, that blue dress looked fantastic on her tonight. Funny, smart, and beautiful? God, even I would marry her.

-Loved James Bond as the random movie reference tonight. I wonder how many takes it took for Macht to say Pussy Galore without cracking up. I bet over ten.

-Man, Harvey was getting owned left and right tonight. Once again, though, he proved it is not about who gets the most punches in, but who delivers the final blow. Harvey is the best due to his ability to finish everything, not his overall talent. Clearly, that is what he sees in Mike. Sure the kid is smart, but it is his ability to end it that makes Harvey believe in him.

-WHERE IS GRANDMA ROSS SHOW?! I am done with these shenanigans. She better be back before the season is over, you hear me?!

-Can we also see more of Harold? It is nice to see Louis punch a first-year around, especially when it is not Mike.

-I also would like to see Jessica bring down the hammer at some point. I think it would be terrifying and awe inspiring at the same time. Harvey is a sniper, Louis is a tank, but Jessica would just be a nuke. Total decimation.

-Tonight’s banter was some of the best the show has ever had. I always appreciate how smart it is too. The way in which everybody just slings around the bon mots at each other is terrific. Really makes you want to live in that world, you know?

ANTM Cast Rundown: Dominique Reighard and Isis King

2011-08-17T23:13:00.003-04:00

Making it past the halfway point today kids! Miss Dominique Reighard to the runway please!

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

It is weird. I already planned out what I was going to say about Dominique.

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

Old. Mature, if you are feeling nice. Then I started looking over more of her photos. Glancing at her pictures I realized something. Dominique is not as bad as of a model as I remember. Now before you die laughing, let me explain. See these photos?

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

They are not that bad, right? In fact, they are pretty decent and, at the very least, interesting. Most importantly, they are way better than I remember Dominique’s portfolio being. That is important for one big reason; she will be able to surprise people.

I am willing to bet a lot of people have the same opinion of Dominique that I had before I relooked at her work on the show. Basically, I always thought her personality was the reason why she placed so high during Cycle 10. She was always good for a laugh, normally at her own expense, and kept things lively. I still think that is partially true, but cannot deny her photos also helped get her there. In other words, she is going to come into the competition underrated, and then proceed to surpass expectations. Sure her photos might only rate a seven, as in passably good. When people expect a two, however, they cannot help but grade on a curve. Therefore, Dominique will benefit from people underestimating her.

Dominique also has a few more things going in her favor. As I just mentioned, her personality was a big part of why she is memorable. Do you remember her Italian CoverGirl commercial? Classic. That fun loving, and at times dramatic, personality will carry her far like it did last time. There are quite a few bitchy girls this time, but not a lot of outlandish ones. Dominique brings the crazy definitely, but ultimately causes for you to laugh at her, not root against her.

Finally, do not forget she won Modelville. Say what you will about that segment on Tyra’s talk show, but it was an obvious precursor to this cycle. At the very least, it demonstrates she has a relationship with Tyra.

Prediction: I think Dominique can win it all. I am not saying she deserves it or that I want her to, I just think she can. Her ability to surprise combined with personality and success during Modelville signals she is a contender. Also, and it just needs to be said, Dominique will help Tyra fulfill her diversification goals. Look, Tyra clearly wants a diverse stable of winners. Not only would Dominique be the first minority to win in three cycles, she would also be the oldest winner ever. If you do not think Tyra would love that, I do not know what show you have been watching.

Top 4-1.

Isis King, you are the next contestant in this dog and pony show.

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

I am not going to lie, I was completely shocked that Isis was asked to return. Here are her four competition photos.

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

Yeah, no. Her first one is her best, and that is all I have to say about that. Everything is just so bland, and nothing pops out and screams, “Model!” So instead of looking at Isis’ portfolio, we should talk about her backstory. In all honesty, that is the only reason she made the show originally, let alone a second time.

As you may or may nor remember, Isis is the first and only transgender contestant to appear on ANTM. I think it is fantastic that a transgender model had the chance to compete, and I was rooting for Isis during Cycle 11. She had the opportunity to represent a group of people who are terribly underrepresented in entertainment. The fact that Isis could not really model, however, meant her appearance on the show was nothing but as a token minority. The second time around, nothing has changed in my opinion. Hell, it might even be more insulting. The first time, nobody was sure how she would do. This cycle, we know her abilities, and they are not good enough. Sure, maybe she has worked on her skills and found new confidence since completing her transition. I do not think so, and expect her to perform similar to how she did on her original cycle.

Prediction: Isis will be around long enough for Tyra to pat herself on the back for helping to pay for her surgery, and then go soon after. Maybe she brings it and surprises the hell out of me, I actually hope she does, but I just do not see that happening. The show is going to regulate her to token status, again, and be done with her after they feel good about themselves.

Top 14-12.

Previous two girls here! Next two girls here!

Chronicles of a Past R.A. Episode 2

2011-08-17T17:49:00.000-04:00

After the Short Rows #2

2011-08-16T11:07:00.000-04:00

It amazes me how I used to survive without having more than five channels on my television. Nowadays, as evidenced by most of the other things I post on this blog, I follow a decent amount of programs. Growing up, however, there were very few things outside of Hercules, Xena, and Saturday morning cartoons that I enjoyed on basic cable. PBS and I were never friends, though I would suffer it on a day with unbearable weather. Instead of watching a lot of television, I had to find my entertainment elsewhere on the farm. Luckily, and sometimes to the farm’s detriment, there was a lot to do and a noticeable lack of supervision. Both of which, I took advantage of.

One of my favorite things to do was to climb the chinaberry trees that populated our back yard. Chinaberries were the best trees for climbing for a lot of reasons. Their trunks split off near the base of the tree, making it easy for those of us who were young and height impaired to get a low foothold. They grew out just as much horizontally as they did vertically, ensuring a lot of sloped branches that I could easily maneuver on. My favorite part was the dense leaves and abundant berries they had, allowing for numerous, well concealed ambushes of passing walkers. Luckily, the branches could not support that much weight at the top, so I escaped a lot of reprisals from would-be attackers.

Another favorite was the old metal swing set we had. As far as simple goes, this contraption could not be beat. On each end were two slanted legs that met at their tops connected by a beam, which two swings hung from. Attached to the set was a metal slide, which only saw use during the spring and fall. Everyone who used it learned quickly to avoid during the summer and winter, as you would either get burned or stick to it while going down. If two people swung hard enough, the legs would pop out of the ground. Normally, this would send the swingers into each other, which of course was the intended goal. The best part, though, was jumping of the swings and seeing how far you could go. One time, I went a little too high, and the swing snapped back. I went flying to the ground backwards, but thankfully, that lack of supervision meant nobody saw. Otherwise, I am sure my swinging would have been regulated a little more closely.

Sadly, times have changed and those fundamental parts of my childhood do not exist anymore. The swing set went back to its original owners my aunt and uncle, because they now have grandkids who use it. In its place, a big wooden jungle gym was built, which had three swings, monkey bars, a plastic slide and a climbing wall. The three chinaberry trees have also all been taken down by now. One had to go to make way for our pool, and the second one for the new jungle gym. The third one, which was my favorite, had to be felled because of Hurricane Isabel in 2003. Even though I was in ninth grade, that one hurt the most. Ultimately, they all hurt a little. These objects were such an integral part of my childhood, so much so, that I want my kids to have similar things in their lives.

Sure, they have been replaced by some great stuff, but I do not have any emotional connection to them. Instead, I swim in the pool, and watch my siblings make memories of their own on the jungle gym. I am also glad to report we now have satellite television, making it a lot easier to watch the shows I love. Still, there are days where all I want to do is go climb a tree and escape from this new and supposedly improved world around me.

Against the Wall Season 1 Episode 3 Recap/Review

2011-08-15T00:12:00.002-04:00

Well that was fast. After Richie shot JaMarcus in the first episode, I expected that story arc to continue for quite a few episodes. It looks like, however, Against the Wall has finished with that plotline, and now will be moving on. In my opinion, that is a great move by the show. Do not get me wrong, I thought it was an interesting topic to explore, and also believe the show did very well with it. I loved watching Richie and Shelia struggle with the consequences of his actions, as it provided an opportunity to flesh out their characters early on in the series. I also thought it was brilliant and unexpected that the show explored the effects the shooting had on JaMarcus’ mother, even if it did so briefly. Still, if the show had stuck with this arc too long, it would have devolved into something extremely melodramatic. Those powerful scenes with Richie in the shower and Shelia in the kitchen would have become watered down, because we would have seen similar scenes just in different locations. Instead, those moments remain captivating; as they are the only glimpses we have into that part of their emotions and characters.

Furthermore, it also demonstrates that the writers know when to show restraint. It would have been very easy for them to keep following this arc. They realized, however, they got all they could get out of it narrative wise, and wisely chose to move onto different territory. That bodes extremely well for the show. Other good shows, like The Killing for instance, have been undone when the writers did not know when to finish an arc. By keeping everything brisk, but also emotional satisfying, Against the Wall keeps its audience interested.

And it really was emotional satisfying. I was nervous when Shelia went to meet JaMarcus’ mother and volunteer with her. Honestly, when Shelia told her that she was Richie’s mom, I thought the whole scene was going to turn out terrible. Some nice writing and fantastic acting from Baker and Lisa Berry, though, really sold that scene in the end. Was it the most believable outcome? Not entirely. I am left questioning whether or not JaMarcus’ mother could really open up to Sheila like that. What I am not questioning, though, is the emotion that permeated that scene. That felt real, and gave me chills. I am totally willing to suspend reality a little, when the show can deliver emotionally like it did there.

Overall, I thought this was another good episode. Against the Wall keeps coming out strong each week, and I keep liking it more and more.

Quick hits says what:

-Wow Scott is an ass, is he not? Sleazy, sleazy, sleazy. I am pretty sure Lina would kick his ass if he pulled that move on her when she was not pregnant. Lucky man. Thankfully, Abby showed him she is not someone to be messed with. I cheered when she took him down and established she was not someone to be harassed. And thank God she was smart enough to record him. I am all for characters getting physical when they need to make a point, but love it when they use their brains to get the upper hand. Abby might be a klutz and a little naïve at times, but she is not stupid. I am sure Scott will be back to continue his asshole ways, but he will be a lot more wary the next time.

-Abby does need to get use to the fact that she is I.A. I cringed when she told Lina and Papadol that people hate I.A., implying that she was not one of them. Honey, you are I.A. and need to get use to it. Do not going pissing these two off, as they are your only allies at the moment outside of Shelia.

-Nice case this week. I am glad none of them have been straightforward so far, and this week’s had a good twist. On a certain level, I understand where the mother of the burned victim was coming from. I mean, really? The best her husband could do was write tickets? Still, her actions have ensured she is out of her daughter’s life for the foreseeable future, which does not help that little girl.

-Thankfully Brody did not plant the gun. I like him, and his new darker hair, and would have hated to see him go down like that. All of that eye candy would have gone to waste, which would have been a terrible crime.

-Oh Dick Brother and Blond Brother, you suck. Blond Brother, who cares if your sister is on birth control, it is none of your damn business! Your girls are cute though. At least you have something redeeming about you. Dick Brother, you have nothing. Unless you plan on getting shirtless next week, please do not appear on the screen.

-Love the show’s music choices. Just had to throw that out there.

-The episode we do not see Sheila bake will be a very sad episode. The woman loves her oven.

-Hopefully, we get to see more sides of Don in the coming weeks. I think we have effectively explored his pissed side enough.

ANTM Cast Rundown: Bre Skullark and Bianca Golden

2011-08-13T19:04:00.002-04:00

Let’s wrap up the returners from the first cycles, as well as one of the girls from the middle ones. Bre Scullark, front and canter please!

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

Up until Cycle 5, all of the finalists on the show had been girls who were strong models from the first episode. Sure, they all had their weaknesses and off-weeks, but it was never a shock to see them end up in the Top 3. Bre changed all of that. She started weak, delivering a lot of mediocre performances.

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

I cannot even come up with sassy comments on those pictures, they are just so blah. I guess that is some sort of an accomplishment, right? Midway through her cycle, however, she started turning out stronger work.

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

Those pictures are not to die for, but they are definitely a vast improvement. Where Bre excelled was her personality. She had a lot of charisma, and brought it to judging every week. Also, she was one hell of a walker. I actually hate that the show has deemphasized the runway part of modeling, because it is just as important as the print work. Hell, a lot of the ANTM alums get most of their post-show work doing runway, so you would think the show would focus on it more.

Anyways, Bre’s strong personality, great walk, and improved pictures all combined to give ANTM its first surprise finalist. Furthermore, if she had not lost her mind with the whole “granola incident,” she had a good shot of taking it all the way. The show loves its story arcs, and Bre’s was a lot better than Nicole’s or Nik’s. People respond better to the improved and likeable girl, than the whiny and boring ones. In the end, though, she let the competition get to her and faltered when it mattered the most.

Prediction: Bre is a stronger model now, and expect that to be noted early on in the cycle. She is also one of the girls this cycle that is getting consistent work, you have probably seen her Garnier television ad, which means she is active in the business. Furthermore, Tyra has said this cycle is about the girls turning themselves into a brand as models. In other words, personality and likeability will be a big factor. Most importantly, as I said, the show loves its story arcs. With her past meltdown on the show, Bre is set up very nicely with a redemption narrative. As long as she can keep her craziness in check and bring the fun, Bre could do well during Cycle 17. I do not see her taking it all, but will not be shocked if she makes it to the Top 3 this time around.

Top 6-3.

Next to the dance floor, Biance Golden.

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

In a lot of ways, Bianca and Bre are similar. She started out very weak.

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

Then, improved as the cycle progressed, and turned in some decent shots.

Photo Credit: All-ANTM.net

Also, she has a fantastic walk, which has procured her a decent amount of work post-show (Project Runway shout out!).

The big difference, however, is Bianca was bitchy from the very first episode. She did not devolve into craziness, she started there. Who constantly attacks a girl with Asperger’s, especially when that girl is doing nothing to you or anyone else?! Although, I will say, “Go check you thighs at in the mirror” is one of the best insults ever uttered in ANTM history. I will allow that one to go, because it was at Saleisha, who robbed so many girls with her win. So many!

Prediction: Expect another redemption story arc with Bianca, but it will be nothing but a red herring. That level of stank does not disappear, and really cannot even be hidden or suppressed in front of the cameras. She will come in all smiles, but somebody will annoy her or mention her fight with Hairspray’s Nikki Blonsky, and old Bianca will come roaring back. Still, she clearly has a relationship with Tyra. Bianca appeared on Tyra’s talk show for interviews and Modelville, and covered Cycle 14 along with another Cycle 17 returner Lauren Kirtpatrick for the CW. Tyra will give her a chance to redeem herself, but I suspect Bianca will shoot herself in the foot.

Top 9-5.

Previous two girls here! Next two girls here!

Suits Season 1 Episode 8 Recap/Review

2011-08-12T00:18:00.001-04:00

After last week’s spectacular episode, I was pretty positive this week would be a little bit of a letdown in comparison. I thought Suits would deliver an entertaining hour of television, but one that was more standard and expected from the series. Ultimately, I do think last week was better, but I also fill as though it is unfair to compare the two. Here is why. Last week was all about the tone and direction of the series. Interesting questions and ideas were put forth, demonstrating that Suits would delve into grayer areas at times. Identity Crisis, on the other hand, was focused on the characters and their relationships. We learned more about certain people tonight, and also watched their relationships with each other become more complex. The reason I feel it is unfair to compare the two episodes in terms of which one is better, is because you need episodes like tonight to make episodes like last week phenomenal. Without exploring the depth and nuances of a character like the show did tonight, it cannot have moments like it did last time. In other words, I thought tonight was a very strong episode, not only as a stand-alone, but also in the grand scheme of the series.

Continuing with the idea of character development, it hit me tonight how little we actually know about Lewis. Sure, we understand he is very driven and passionate about what he does. In a show full of people striving and needing to win, Lewis is probably the character most concerned with success. That is really saying something. We also know he is ruthless and cunning, and only views obstacles in terms of how to get around them. Furthermore, because he has this drive and ability, we know he suffers from a great deal of insecurity when he, or someone else, compares himself to another highly successful person like Harvey. This insecurity tends to make him rash, and therefore mistake prone. Tonight, we definitely saw all of those traits.

At the same time, we explored different side of Lewis in this episode. In earlier episodes, when Lewis would make a mistake or impulsive judgment, we never saw the effects it had on him. Tonight, we clearly witnessed a man who is actually affected by his feelings sometimes. In a lot of ways, that makes him more relatable than Harvey. Now I know that sounds ridiculous, but just go with me here. Whenever Harvey makes a mistake, his only concern is to fix it. There is no emotional acknowledgement, like guilt or sadness, on his part over what has happened, just an undying concern to make the problem go away. Lewis, in comparison, obviously felt the weight of his actions tonight each time he made a mistake. True, a lot of that concern was only for himself, but he clearly felt something for Perkins and his widow. When I think about how Harvey would have reacted if the roles were reversed, all I see is a man only concerned with messing up a case, not with the emotional ramifications of his actions. Harvey is definitely more likeable of a character, but I actually think Lewis is a more relatable one. The fact that I am even considering that, tells me the show did something correct tonight.

Lights. Camera. Quick hits:

-You know what else was interesting this episode? We have pretty much learned Mike is an idiot. Okay that is not fair. What the show has made clear is that for all of his smarts and ability, Mike really is average in a lot of ways. He can be intuitive at times, but not always. He understands emotions and people, but not always how to utilize either of them. In other words, just because he is way above average in one respect, does not mean he excels across the board in everything he does. I love that. One of the biggest fears I had about Suits was that Mike would be too amazing. I can somewhat accept Harvey’s awesomeness, because not only is he Harvey, but also he has a lot of experience. Mike is just a kid, however, and it would have been just so boring if he had it all and knew it all from the beginning. Instead of that, we get to watch him grow. He royally screwed up the case this week, but learned from his mistake, grew as a result, and ended up succeeding. I cannot state how much I love that.

-Donna! You can expect a comment each week on Donna’s fabulousness. Sure I could qualify that with an “at least until she stops being so” kind of statement, but we all know that will never happen. She has my undying love, and honestly, there has not been one scene I have not liked from her yet. I want to tell the show that she needs to have more to do, but do not want to ruin the character by having her appear too much. Instead, I will just have to satisfy myself with looking for YouTube clips of her. Like this one. Or this one. Or definitely this one. Sigh, I love her.

-You have probably noticed, and this is assuming I have regular readers, by now I rarely comment on the cases that they have each week. It is not that they are bad or anything like that, it is just I prefer to talk about the main characters. The cases are nothing but a catalyst for the cast and writers to demonstrate their talent. I like them, and can even be intrigued by them, but they are normally just background noise for me.

-I will say this, however, the hacker putting Mike into Harvard’s system was a Deus ex machine if I ever saw one. Not that I minded, because I am actually glad it happened. It fills a nice little plot hole, Mike not being in Harvard’s system, and makes me wonder how he is going to get caught one day. You know he is just going to, I just thought it was absolutely hilarious and a tad absurd that is all.

-Jessica continues to prove to be one of the most effective television bosses I ever seen. I mean, damn, the woman knows her people and how to get results through them. You want to talk about breaking stereotypes, how about an African American woman in charge who is not being portrayed as a bitch or affirmative action recipient? Just a lawyer who has everything she has based on pure skill. Snaps show.

-Where the hell is Grandma Ross?!?! I want her back, and I want it next episode show! Sassy old ladies make everything better.

-Rachel and I are back on good terms after last week. I am scared, though, about what will happen when she learns Mike is not a lawyer. She went all DEFCON 1 when she learned Mike helped people cheat on the LSAT, so I cannot imagine what will transpire when the whole story comes out.

-I loved all of the boys coming together to work for a common cause by the end of the episode. At the same time, I am glad Harvey and Lewis are back at war. I would severely miss their banter otherwise.

-How many movie references is that now? It is the little things like that, which make me love this show. That kind of stuff feels real, authentic. Keep it coming show.

-YAY for Season 2! I am so freaking happy the show was renewed! It absolutely deserves it!

-As I said, expect the work done tonight on character development will ultimately pay dividends in the end. I am glad the show recognizes this, and looks to continue this trend.

SYTYCD Season 8 Top 4 Recap/Review

2011-08-10T22:43:00.003-04:00

I always hate the Top 4 performance nights. One reason is that it means the season is ending. I love SYTYCD and am always sad to see it go. Well, besides the ill planned Season 6, which was doomed from the start. Another reason is that Top 4 night is never really good. The dancers are beyond tired, the choreographers are drained, and that last episode just asks for so much sheer volume dance wise from the both of those groups. In other words, the dances are never that great. Outside of Benji and Travis during Season 2 and Katee and Joshua during Season 4, there are no Top 4 routines I absolutely love. Finally, I never feel like anything that happens during the Top 4 night changes the way the season will turn out. The one exception to that would be Season 5, where Jeanine pulled out the ballroom solos to end all ballroom solos. Girl grabbed the title with that one. Other than that, though, nothing seems to happen that changes the course of the season.

Tonight, sadly, was no different. There were some solid routines, but in the end, we had a lackluster finale like always. I truly hate that, but have come to except it. SYTYCD is like Project Runway, where you know the last challenge will suck, but hope against everything it will not.

Sitting in on tonight’s panel alongside Mary and Nigel were Katie Holmes and Kenny Ortega. I liked Kenny, but wondered why he was in an orange-off against Mary. Too. Much. Tanner. Kids. He was pretty solid all around, but fawned too much for my taste. That last sentence should tell you how I feel about Katie Holmes’ performance. Lady, if all you can offer is “I love you’s,” get off my television screen. God the punctuation looks really off in that last sentence. Damn you Holmes, look at what you are making me do!

Thankfully, however, Cat was on her A game tonight. I could listen to her say “delicious” all night. The one part I love about Top 4 night is her interviews. She does so well with them, and can really pull out the dancer’s personalities. God love that eight foot tall glamazon.

Speaking of the interviews, they were rather good this year. Not that they are ever bad, but these four dancers understood what they needed to do in them. Be personable, be gracious, and most importantly, ne themselves. All four of these kids are good in my book. With all of that out of the way, let’s get to the show!

Melanie and Marko started out the show with the season’s first disco. Say what? Clearly, Nigel is trying to address all of the complaints about this season (not enough dance diversity and Melanie has not been challenged outside of her style) all in one dance. Honestly, however, this dance only proved those points correct, in my opinion. First off, the lifts themselves were fantastic. The transitions into and out of those lifts, though, were a little rough to say the least. Also, the pace of their movements seemed just a touch too slow for disco. Probably the most shocking part was that Marko finally outdanced Melanie in a routine. Sure, he was not great, but he was definitely grooving and feeling it more than her. Melanie looked awkward, especially around her shoulders and neck. They are still one of my all-time favorite couples, but it is clear that they do not have the unbelievable range stylistically that so many people assumed they did.

Sasha and Mark then danced a jazz piece. Wow, Mark has really grown as a dancer. He was always a good technician, and an excellent performer, but now he is quite phenomenal. Also, that body; I just cannot about that body, or this whole post will devolve into fanboy lusting. So instead, I will try and focus on the dance. When it first started out, I was really feeling it. I loved the slow feel to it, and thought we were about to have one of the best routines of the season. Then, the lighting went red, the music got weird, and typical Sonyah choreography just erupted all over the stage. To be clear, it absolutely erupted, as Sasha and Mark tore apart what was given to them. It is great to see Sasha dance with somebody on her technical and acting level, because she dances with such abandon when that happens. I just wish she had a better routine to do that with, than what she had here. I am totally fine with interesting and different movement, but movement with no purpose is just pointless.

Up next were Tadd and Season 4 winner Joshua with a hip-hop routine. More Season 4 love kids, as Joshua takes the stage to demonstrate how much talent that season really had. Season 4 slayed it, always. As for this dance, it was really good. There was no story, no narrative, just two dancers showing off their incredible skills. I liked what Tadd did, but I have to say, Joshua killed it. I tried watching Tadd, but my eyes kept going back to Joshua. Every single one of his moves was crisp, quick, and distinct. In comparison, Tadd just did not look as good. I think what hurt Tadd was that his personality was not given the chance to shine. Tadd always does amazing when he is given a story, some type of emotion to connect with. Here, all he was told to do was go hard, which is not really anything to go off of. That lack of connection showed.

Melanie and Robert then had a contemporary routine, shocking nobody. Like always, they did a good job, but I do not know. It just felt so typical. The routine definitely had beautiful flowing movement, nice partnering, and realistic emotions. It might be because we have seen her do so much contemporary by now, and better contemporary at that, but this just did not feel special. I was bored, which makes me fearful for Melanie’s chances at winning. Good dancing will make people vote for you, bad dancing will make people vote to protect you, boring dancing will make people forget you.

Sasha and Marko were up next with a Broadway routine. Show, never let Spencer Liff go, ever. Not only is he a fantastic choreographer, he is an excellent piece of eye candy. If it is not clear by now, I am all for eye candy at all times. The dance was quite adorable, and I do not mean that in a condescending or patronizing way. I do not care what Nigel says, I thought they performed the hell out of that routine. It was cute, it was fun, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I loved the little movements here and there, like Marko moving his foot up and down on Sasha’s shoulder. That is what sold the routine for me, because it was imbued with so much character itself. While a lot of people think Melanie has this season in the bag, clearly Sasha and Marko do not. It looks like they are fighting like hell to take home the title, and I love that.

Following that, Sasha and Tadd were asked to dance a cha-cha. I am sorry, but show, you pick the damn styles they dance. Pulling stuff like disco and cha-cha, which these dancers have never done before, in the eleventh hour is bullshit. I mean come on! You have all season to diversify the styles on this show, do not save it all for the final night. If you never ask people to stretch until the very end, they will not be able to! Ugh, whatever. Yes, Sasha and Tadd’s cha-cha was not awesome, but I did not think it was that bad. What it really looked like was a beginning of the season routine. Partly that is their fault, as they have had ballroom before. On the other hand, the show needs to take some responsibility, for all of the reasons I said above.

Season 7 winner Lauren then partnered with Marko for a contemporary routine. At the very least, I thought the dance was interesting. Mary said they were frolicking, and I think that was the perfect way to describe it. I would also say there were a lot of well-done intricate movements, which is not usual for this style. If it sounds like I am not ultimately convinced this was such a great routine like the judges were, it is because I am not. I liked the movement, but I just did not feel anything behind the dance. I think I have finally overdosed on contemporary routines for this season. Thanks show!

Melanie and Tadd then danced a jazz(?) routine, and the internets exploded in rage at Melanie having another contemporary-like dance. I can seriously feel the rage from here. Let’s be real, I could talk about the dance, but nobody will care. Why you might ask? Simply because everything that happened on that stage was great but standard dance and performance wise when it comes to Melanie and Tadd. Like always, they both attacked the piece and had some great moves and chemistry. Ultimately, though, we have seen better from them, both with other people and together. So, instead of really examining their dance, let’s talk about their outfits. Was that not a heinous look for Melanie? My soul died a little when she first appeared. On the flipside, I fully support what costuming did with Tadd. Also, this site? Fantastic. Wish I had thought of it actually.

Up next were Sasha and Melanie with the show’s 1000^th contemporary routine of the season. Congrats, show! What a milestone! Also, I burst out laughing when they said Melanie was getting another contemporary routine. That poor, sweet girl, she is going to get hit by a backlash she does not deserve. Amazingly, I actually quite liked this dance. I know, right? For me, the reason I rather enjoyed it had nothing to do with the story or dancing. Well, in an indirect way it did. In my opinion, there was another narrative happening on that stage. That was a battle kids, and those two girls knew it. Go back and watch the dance again. There are clear moments when they are sizing each other up and bringing it even harder as a result. I loved the tension, which made the dance that much more interesting for it.

Tadd and Marko had a type of stepping routine for the final dance of the night. I am so sorry boys, Nigel just threw your asses under the bus. This was a clear and calculated move to ensure if Sasha and Melanie split the female vote, they will still win over Tadd or Marko. Oh, and I wrote those two sentences before Nigel made that even more clear with his comments. Seriously dude, bitch move. I refuse to critique this piece, because that was utter nonsense that they were asked to do. That is in no way a comment on the style itself, which when done masterfully, is amazing. It is just simply too much to ask somebody to learn STEPPING on top of everything else they were asked to do this week. It is like telling a person to learn to tap or clog. It is way too specialized.

As for the solos, I actually thought they were the best overall Top 4 solos ever. Sasha, Marko, and Tadd all saved their best for last. I would say the same about Melanie’s, only tonight’s was a close second to last Wednesday’s revelation. Still, even though it was her second best solo, it was the best for the night for me. Girl just brings it in her own style. I really wish she had more opportunities to do so this season, at least where solos were concerned.

So who takes it home? Before Nigel’s bitchassness, I would have said Melanie or Sasha, with Melanie still holding the edge. That move he pulled, though, it might actually backfire on him. Nothing could create and upset more like giving Melanie and Sasha’s fans security, while driving Marko and Tadd’s to the phone. Ultimately, however, my gut is still saying Melanie.

In my opinion, she deserves it. I love Sasha and the boys, but there is something about Melanie that just pulls at me. I am rooting for her to win, with Sasha coming in second, Marko third, and Tadd fourth. What about you?