Arbor sleeping on Izzy's chest while we watched Dr. Who

Before we took our little show-and-tell vacation to let everyone see Miss Arbor, we finally started getting into a good night time routine. Some time after dinner, I would clean up a little bit, take a shower and then resume the full time duties of being the mom of a little baby. Usually at this point, Arbor is ready to eat, so I nurse her to sleep then enjoy a little time with my husband before going to bed myself.

With any luck, I’m dead to the world by 10:00 or 11:00 pm. Some time around 3:00 or 4:00 am, Arbor wakes up needing a diaper change and ready to eat some more. A lot of the time after her diaper has been changed and she gets a good latch, she’ll go back to sleep and “dream feed.”

When we were on our vacation, the most amazing thing happened… Arbor slept through the night for the first time! At first I was a little alarmed that she hadn’t woken up in the middle of the night, even just to comfort nurse, but I was more grateful that I got a full night’s rest completely undisturbed. From what I have heard from more seasoned mothers, sleeping through the night isn’t something to expect for the first few months and she’s only 5 weeks old! I guess I just lucked out and got a lazy baby. Since then, we have had a few nights where she slept all the way through.

My biggest concern is the diaper issue. I have no idea at what time she pees, so I can’t be sure of how long she’s sitting in a wet diaper. I don’t want to wake her up by changing her, but I don’t want to irritate her delicate skin by sitting in her own urine. So far it hasn’t caused diaper rash or anything, so I suppose I shouldn’t be too concerned. Maybe I’ll look online for a good night time diaper solution that will help to keep her dry so she can peacefully sleep through the night without me worrying about her hygiene.

When did your little ones start sleeping through the night? 

Given that Wyatt has been diagnosed with Down syndrome, it means there is a lot that is different about this pregnancy from my pregnancy with Ben. While I had complications with Ben — namely, preeclampsia — and had to be monitored constantly, for the most part it wasn’t too bad.

This time though? It’s like an overload of constantly having to be monitored and tested and examined. Currently, I’m having to see the doctor twice a week. I get NSTs, or Non-Stress Tests, at each visit, and then one ultrasound a week. If I have to see my maternal-fetal medicine specialist as well, then it’s three visits a week. And it will continue this way for the rest of my pregnancy, if not more often.

It’s been a few weeks of this by now, and I am already so over it. I am so over the twice-weekly NSTs more than anything. They’re boring, and I have to fight to keep from falling asleep — Wyatt’s heartbeat could be the best white noise machine in the world, because it makes me drowsy each and every visit. Obviously, the ultrasounds are slightly more enjoyable. But at the same time, I’m not getting cute little pictures of his head and little nose and adorable feet. His head is crammed into my pelvis, and really all they’re doing is spending five minutes or so checking over his vital organs, monitoring my fluid levels, and then checking the placenta to make sure it’s still functioning properly. It’s not a “fun” ultrasound.

All of this just makes me that much more ready to get this pregnancy over with. I’m almost there, but time seems to just be dragging.

And while I might complain about all of the testing, I understand what an important purpose it serves. I really do, and I’m glad to know that I’m getting such outstanding treatment from my doctors. Wyatt seems to be perfectly healthy in every way, but you never know. Problems sometimes lurk beneath the surface, so skipping out on extra checkups and screenings just because I don’t feel like it isn’t something I’m about to do. I want to make sure that he’s getting the best care he can get, and if all of this testing is what he needs, then I’ll do it — no matter how inconvenient, annoying or sleep-inducing it might be for me.

How did you handle all of the doctors visits and check ups when you were pregnant? 

Letting go of everything having to be perfect...including Elli's hair!

If you haven’t read my last post on “letting go” you can find it here. I knew this before, but this second pregnancy has really testified to the fact that, I am a control freak. I like things done my way and on my schedule. This goes for everything from how I like the bed made up to how dinner is prepared and served.

I have always struggled with this aspect of my personality, but having kids really ramped up the problem. I like for Elli to be dressed a certain way and to have particular snacks and meals. I now like for Jackson to be held a particular way or handled just so when he is crying.

Let me tell you where all of this controlling can lead – exhaustion. People want to help but I have to learn to let them do it their way when they are helping. Jacob took an entire week off of work to help me when Jackson was born. We decided I would deal with Jackson (since I am nursing) and he would be in charge of Elli – a divide and conquer type plan. It took me almost the entire week to realize that, even though he was “in charge” of Elli, I was constantly telling him what to do and how to do it.

It all became clear to me when I was fussing about what he made her for lunch. As I was fussing, I realized that HE MADE HER LUNCH; I didn’t have to do it. I quickly apologized and scolded myself for being so controlling and so critical – here he was helping and I was still fussing. Lucky for me, Jacob is a patient and forgiving man. I certainly didn’t deserve his kindness with the way I was behaving.

I am now working on letting go of my need to control everything. Things do not have to be “just so” and they certainly won’t be now that we have two little ones to tend to. My advice to myself and to you: don’t push away help just because it isn’t the way you would do it. Help is there for that exact reason – so you don’t have to do it. Take the help and take a break!

In summary, the second thing we need to let go of as new moms is control.

Did anyone else struggle with this after having children?

We had a great time with my best friend from high school. His family is practically another family to me, so it was really wonderful to share my new addition with them and have them completely fall in love with her. Bobbi, my best friend’s mom, had offered us babysitting services, but I wasn’t quite comfortable with it for a lot of reasons. Firstly, Arbor is exclusively breastfed. I have a stash of pumped milk, yes, but I didn’t want the hassle of bringing it on the trip. Secondly, we cloth diaper. That’s an added headache for anyone who doesn’t already know what they’re doing. Thirdly, she’s a mama’s girl. I didn’t expect her to handle these new faces well.

Much to my surprise, Arbor LOVED all of her new “family” and we even got some good pictures of her with them. Bobbi and I were chatting about motherhood, and she reminded me that she used to babysit a little boy when he was a baby. This little boy was exclusively breastfed, wore cloth, and was also a mama’s boy… who loved his Bobbi. With all of that in mind, I feel a lot more confident in my ability to leave her with Bobbi for a few hours so I can have some adult time away from her… or just lounge in the pool for an hour or two. So our next trip, I might let them have some Bobbi & Arbor time.

We stopped in on a few other friends and family before heading out to our last stop to see my husband’s family. This is their first grandbaby, so they get really excited when they have a chance to see her. In fact, they are planning to visit us next month.

We had such a nice time with everyone and managed to make travel do-able with a five-week-old. I can’t wait to plan our next trip, probably at the end of June, but I think we’ll make it a small weekend trip to only one family at a time to make it easier on everyone.

How old was your baby the first time you took a trip? How did it go?

The moment I started to clean up my diet the pounds started moving. Nine months eating what I wanted caught up to me and now I needed to make a huge change that would shock my body back into shape. I cook a lot more at home now and when I go out I try to eat salads or some combination of vegetables and chicken or fish.

I know we have all heard the formula a million times: Health Diet + Exercise=Weight Loss. Until I decided to actually follow the formula and stick to it the weight wasn’t going to move itself. And this is about more than just wanting to where a certain size or swimsuit. Its also about comfort. I have a pretty petite frame and carrying a lot of weight on me does not feel good. Also, I lost some range of motion and core strength. I think that is what bugs me the most. I have never felt more off balanced in all of my life.

So far, I have lost about 15 pounds. Its a huge step once I decided to make up my mind and actually follow the formula.

How did you lose the baby weight? What worked for you?

After all the months of waiting and dreaming, it is exciting when your baby is finally born. But it takes time and effort for parents to get to know their newborn, and time for the newborn to adjust to the new world.

Getting to know your new baby is part of a fascinating but relatively simple process called bonding, in which you essentially “fall in love” with each other. Although bonding is a natural process, it takes effort. Some ways to help make this process easier include rooming-in at the hospital with your baby and techniques such as infant massage. Read more>

And yet I was hesitant. I was hesitant to accept the help and I am starting to realize my hesitancy stems from my pride. I wanted to be able to say, “I did this myself.” I wanted to be able to say that I could handle two kids without anyone’s help – that I was competent and independent and could do this all on my own.

This pride not only interfered with help from friends and family, but also with help from my husband. I wanted to prove that I could nurse Jackson, entertain Elli, and still do the laundry, cook dinner, and clean the house. Just typing it sounds ridiculous! Let me tell you that it only took about one or two days before I realized that I absolutely could not do all of these things.

By the second day home from the hospital, I threw my pride out of the window. I quickly accepted Jacob’s help around the house and took up any offers we had for help with Elli. When people asked if they could bring us a meal – I did not turn it down. The simple truth is I can’t do this by myself. I am lucky to have people around me who want to help and it is my job to accept it.

So pride is the first thing that I think we, as new moms, have to let go of when we bring home a new baby.

Have you struggled with trying to do it all yourself? Was accepting help a difficult thing for you to do?

As I made contact with several people, I started planning out our trip geographically. We would start in Central Virginia and work our way east over a few days before heading south to Durham on Thursday morning. This led me to start making lodging arrangements. As a cheap-skate, I wanted to attempt to make this trip without having to afford a hotel, that way we could have some money to play with while with friends and family.

Obviously we’d be able to stay with my mom, so I planned on staying with her Sunday and Monday nights. Tuesday night we will move on to my adopted family who offered us a place to stay (and babysitting services if we would like) and visit my husband’s aunt and a friend of mine from high school who live very close to my adopted family. Wednesday we would spend the morning doing a little shopping, then head to the Richmond area to visit my husband’s parents and spend the night with Arbor’s godmother. Everything looked good on paper, then I realized I would have to make laundry arrangements for her diapers. Oh sheesh, one more thing to worry about!

I asked my mom if she would be comfortable with us using her washing machine on Monday for the diapers, and she was more than willing. One stop down. We should be fine until Wednesday, and it turns out Arbor’s godmother’s apartment complex has a laundry facility right across the hall from her apartment. PERFECT! As I packed for the trip, I would have to pack detergent, vinegar, and plenty of quarters for our second laundry stop. Like a good girl scout, I made sure I was prepared for anything, and even packed our one package of disposable diapers that we have as of yet to use. Now that all of this was taken care of, I’d just have to wait for Sunday to roll around so we could see if everything was going to go according to plan.

Do you have to take anything unique to your family into consideration when planning trips? 

Trying to catch some sleep...

Jackson was born on Wednesday morning at 10:47 am. By Wednesday afternoon we were in our recovery room and settled down. Staying in the hospital can be hectic with people in and out – nurses checking vital signs, visitors, and meal services. Still, it offers an opportunity for parents to be waited on and for moms to have time to heal. With Elli, we stayed in the hospital for 48 hours as our insurance allowed for a vaginal delivery and we planned to stay the same amount of time after having Jackson.

However, Thursday morning (not even 24 hours after Jackson was born) a doctor came in to tell us that the papers for discharge were being worked on and we would be free to go by that afternoon. I could not believe it – I was not ready to head home and deal with Elli and the baby. I wanted as much time as I could get resting in the hospital bed.

After speaking with the doctors and nurses, we were assured that we could stay another night if we would like and we readily agreed that we wanted the extra time. So the question comes down to what you might like to do – stay in for 24 or 48 hours?

As mentioned before, the hospital can be hectic and your room can seem like a revolving door. I’m sure many people get tired of the disruption and want to go home. The beds aren’t the most comfortable making you long for your own accommodations (and those poor daddies have to sleep in chairs). Still there are advantages to staying 48 hours and here is why I would recommend it…

• If you have more than one child, it gives you more time to heal. When I got home I had to hit the ground running taking care of both Elli and Jackson (with the help of my amazing husband)

• If you are breastfeeding, you have 48 hours with access to lactation consultants and nurses to help you with the correct latch.

• You have more time with medical attention. Don’t forget your body just went through a major event and staying 48 hours gives you one more day with nurses to ensure everything is healing properly.

• And here is my number one reason for staying 48 hours – it gives doctors one more day to check out your baby. On Thursday, Jackson was cleared for discharge with a perfect bill of health. On Friday morning (after staying our 48 hours) a doctor came in to tell us that they heard a heart murmur and Jackson would need to stay for further testing. Luckily for us, everything came back normal, but if we had gone home one day earlier we might have missed a very critical health issue in Jackson.

What is your opinion? Do you like the idea of 48 hours or is one day more appealing to you?

When Arbor was getting discharged from the hospital several weeks ago, we learned about car seat safety so we could bring her home. One thing that we were told was to make sure that a baby never stays in a car seat longer than 90 minutes or else it could cause too much pressure for too much time on their little diaphragm, thus causing breathing problems or worse: death. With this in mind, we planned to stop every hour and a half to stretch our legs, offer Arbor a chance to nurse, change her diaper, and cuddle with mama and daddy for a few minutes. By our math, this meant stopping roughly twice before we’d arrive at our final destination for the next two nights. As I said before, Arbor had other plans.

My daughter detests sitting in her car seat, but loves being rocked. This usually means she has a small (or not so small) meltdown when she’s fastened in, but will calm herself after we get moving. On the other hand, she may decide to freak out the whole time and make one of us sit with her in the back seat and help her to calm down. Twice during this trip, simply sitting with her wasn’t enough. We had to pull over, let her comfort nurse, hold her and calm her down before attempting to hit the road again. Still she would fuss when she was buckled back in again.

The good news is that this is the longest leg of the trip. We are slowly meandering our way east across Virginia for the next few days, stopping at friends’ and family’s houses along the way to spend a night or two before wrapping up our trip with her follow-up appointments in Durham at Duke. Each stop is no more than an hour away from the last, with the exception of getting to Duke, which is 2 1/2 hours from the final stop. With any luck, she’ll tolerate small daily drives for the next few days a lot better than she handled the SIX HOURS it took to get to Abuela’s house.

How old were your babies or children the first time you tried to take them on a long car trip? Was it as easy as you expected?