I promise to write more.

God knows I need to, at least to keep the shred of sanity left.

Having two kids is hard hard work.

Every year, people make resolutions for the year. Some have surprising will power and actually accomplish most if not all their resolutions. Some only manage to stick it out for a month or so.

Once in high school, I vowed to become a vegetarian after watching a gory video of
how cows were slaughtered. Could not contain the cravings for chicken and went back to my old ways on a month and a half. I did cut down meat from my food by… a LOT and we hardly ever buy meat these days unleas it’s hormone free, pesticide free, grass fed and/or organic.

This year, I have a few goals that I WILL accomplish. Some are silly and ridiculous and some are regarding my health and addressing some personal shit. And some, well some I won’t write down here and keep it in my personal journal.

1. Join a co-op for fresh produce and fruits. This is something I have always wanted to do and though it can get a little pricy, it’s an investment to our health and my family. Which leads me to my second goal.

2. Eat out less, eat in more. There are tons, really there’s a lot, of recipes all over the internet and I want to try most of them. I will try one new recipe a week, whether it’s a main course, side dish, casserole, or a dessert. I want to minimize eating out to one or two times a month.

3. Learn how to drive, again. I want to kick this phobia of driving in the ass and get behind a steering wheel again. It’s ridiculous that I am soon to be twenty six and still scared of driving.

4. Put in a VA application with my husband for a home loan. We’re a growing family and in the next four and a half or {five} years I want to hopefully add two more babies, so a house is needed. Also, prioritize and stick to a budget.

5. Yell less and stop saying “no” less. I seriously detest yelling, but when I tell my five and a half year old to do something for the millionth time, I tend to lose it. And I probably say the word “no” a little waay too much instead of an alternative.

6. Get my nose pierced. I have wanted to do this since I was fourteen years old. This is the year I do it. Of course I have to research more about breastfeeding and piercings. And mayhaps even get a tattoo this year, the one I have been wanting for ageeeees.

7. Dye my hair teal or pink or purple {again}. Im not talking about dying all of it, maybe highlights or ven a few bunches. Screw it, maybe all of it. Anyone know of a good hair bleach, I am not using manic panic or the one the bleach kit they sell at Hot Topic.

8. Read more books. When I was a kid, I read tons of books.. granted I had way more time then than I do now, but the amount of books I read last year.. well let’s say it would put my “I read harry potterr and the order of the phoenix in highschool in a day in a half” self in shame.

9. Write every day. I’m not saying I’m going to write a thousand words a day, but a sentence here and there will work. That novel is not going to finish itself, unless Molly Weasley teaches me a few spells and charms to charm my pen to write.

10. Organize/declutter. I am not a good organizer, I will tell you that. And I don’t love cleaning. Which is why Hermione Granger would be sad to hear that I would hire a house-elf in an instant, if I had the chance. Im going to clean a room a day and throw/donate one {or a lot} item a day to minimize the clutter. To help me get motivated, I’ll watch hoarders as I do it.

11. Get myself and my family active. I have some Hard Candy skates that are collecting dust under the stairs. I got them from Freecycle and have never even taken them out for a ride. We have a ton of parks in the area and we have a lake. Enough with the excuses already.

12. Work on being a better person. Judge less, listen more. Hate less, love more. Just add more goodnes to my life, help out more, be a good neighbor, and be a better friend. Along those lines, treat myself better, pamper myself more, and be kinder to myself.

13. Complete a 365 photo challenge. I alwaya start them , but have never ever finished one. I always get to the second month and sort of quit or forget. There are several photo projects that have caught my eye on. And this year, I setup daily reminders on my phone to snap a picture.

What about you? Any goals or dreams for 2013?

Thank you to Ubisoft for sponsoring this post. Please click here to learn more about Ubisoft. I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls Collective. #UbiChamps

When Just Dance 4 was dropped off at my doorstep, I had just picked up my daughter from Kindergarten and it could not have been a better time for it to be dropped off! As soon as my kindergartener came home, she asked for a snack and told me she was bored.

I have an idea…. I told her.

I popped in Just Dance and let her pick out a song. Well, I will let the video show you how much fun {and cool dance moves} she has but I will tell you there is a song for everyone. The difficult level starts at easy and ends at hard. And trust me when I tell you, it is very very hard for me to get three stars on easy.

(Having technical difficulties uploading video on YouTube. Will edit when fixed)

There are a few songs that you can download with Wii Points but even if you don’t you still have some catchy pop songs like One Direction’s What Makes You Beautiful, On The Floor by Jennifer Lopez which is probably one of the hardest songs for me, and the oh my god get this song out of my head Call Me Maybe to name a few of the featured songs.

Not only can you just have fun with JD4, there is a Just Sweat mode. After trying it for ten minutes, I already needed a shower. But the fun does not stop there., there’s a lot of stuff that you can unlock, I’m guessing when you get three stars on a song or when you build up your mojo.

After Thanksgiving dinner, we gave it a go to put a stop on the oh my god I want to nap forever after this dinner and it definitely worked. To quote my five-year old daughter “This game is totally rad!”

If you would like to buy Just Dance 4 you can click-through and buy it on Amazon! It makes a great gift for the music lovers and dancers in your life but pretty much perfect for anyone, young and the older crowd!

brand new

Three weeks late, I know…

Monday the 21st started out like any other day. I got up and went to the restroom to pee… And that’s when I noticed that’s when I started spotting. No big deal, I thought. It’s totally normal at the end of your pregnancy. Didn’t think any of it until I came home after I dropped off the preschooler and having minor discomfort. Ten am rolls around and the contractions are twelve minutes apart.

At eleven after picking up Nattie, I start to panic because OMG I DIDN’T EVEN FINISH PACKING THE DAMN BAGA ND WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO!? And I still had Natalie’s bag to pack. My husband got home at noon and we dropped off Natalie at my aunt’s house and end up staying there for around five hours timing contractions and such.

My husband decides that it’s time to go to the hospital since the contractions are five minutes apart, even though I tell him it’s not time yet. So we make the almost half hour trip only to find out I’m only two cm dilated. They monitor my contractions for two hours and I only dilate ONE SINGLE CM so I was given the option to go home (eat) or stay, so we leave to go get burgers and head to my aunt’s house to wait out the contractions.

Ten pm rolls by and contractions are painful but I’m not in tears yet. The tears don’t come until two am because SON OF A BASILISK these contractions are breaking my bones apart and SHUT THE FRONT DOOR OF MORDOR is this what the Cruciatus Curse feels like? My husband is trying to be uber supportive by giving me back massages and asking me what he can do and all I picture myself doing is strangling him and blaming rage blackouts. The only place that is comfortable at this point is the cold bare floor and clawing my aunt’s cushions, rocking back and forth on my knees and crying my eyes out.

Right after two am is when my husband is losing his mind because he’s probably a mind reader and saw what I was doing to him in my head.

We get to the hospital at 2:40 or something (I’m not entirely sure because I was no longer tweeting) where I’m told that I’m 8cm dilated and if I had waited a bit more, I would probably have had a home birth and twenty minutes later at 3:03, Neville Andrew is born, 6 pounds and 9 ounces of pure cuteness, but not before MY WATER BREAKS AND IT ALL LANDS ON MY POOR HUSBAND’S FACE, HAIR, AND SHIRT.

And then we went from a family of three to a family of four and my heart swelled two times bigger.

Today you are five. It may not seem to be a huge deal to some people but to your daddy and I… it is a very big deal.

We remember the day you came into this world, the day we brought you home from the hospital, and the day your first laugh melted our hearts.

You never cease to amaze us with your kind, generous, loving, activist ways. The way you try and save animals. The way you get sad when you see a dying tree. You astound us with your love for all the things that grow.

There aren’t words to express how much you have changed our lives, the unconditional love we have for you, and how proud we are of each and every one of your accomplishments.

We love you so very much.

Happy birthday, sweet darling.

Do you ever feel like puking right after swallowing that gigantic disgusting pink prenatal vitamin? ME TOO. That’s why when I recently discovered Premama, I jumped at the chance of trying it out and let me tell you… I was not disappointed in the least!

I added it to my favorite V8  juice and I drank my daily intake of prenatal vitamins without gagging or running to the restroom to throw up. Not only is Premama nut-free, gluten-free, egg-free, fish-free, shellfish-free, and sulfite-free, it doesn’t taste gross at all and you’re getting the vitamins you need while you’re pregnant or nursing, or even trying to conceive. To look at the list of benefits, click here.

Want a chance to win a 30 day supplement of Premama? In a comment below, tell me one thing you craved the most during your pregnancy. In my first pregnancy, I ate so much watermelon with chili powder for fruit, I’m surprised my daughter wasn’t born as red as a watermelon!

For an extra chance, you can tweet about this giveaway and leave the tweet url in a separate comment. Also, please make sure to use a valid email address as that is how I will be contacting the winner!

One lucky winner will be chosen using random.org and sent a 30 day supply of Premama thanks to MomSelect! Even if you do not win, you can still request a free sample at the bottom of their homepage so be sure to check them out! One winner will be chosen using random.org on May 4th. If winner does not respond in twenty four hours, winner forfeits prize and it will go to the next winner using the same method.

Disclaimer: I was sent a one-week supply of Premama to try from MomSelect

**Random.org chose comment #5! Congrats, Ana! Thank you to everyone who entered! Please go check them out and request a sample, if you haven’t already!**

I thought to write a little review about the book here but decided not to because it would pretty much be summed up in endless stream of tears. And although this memoir is depressingly sad, it has its uplifting happy moments that make your heart warm.

I’ll make this short. Want to win a kindle copy of Elephant Girl?

Leave me one comment telling me about someone who has changed your life for the better and how. For an additional entry, tweet about this giveaway and leave the url in a separate comment.

One winner will be chosen at random using random.org on April 27th. Winner will be contacted via email so please make sure you enter a valid email address. If winner does not respond by Sunday afternoon, a new winner will be chosen using random.org.

This happened just down my street.

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I was a quirky kooky awkward teenager. And a really thin one, that wore double zero jeans. “Oh I wish my hips were like yours. I bet you have no trouble finding jeans that fit you.” is something I heard often. They were so wrong. If I didn’t find jeans in my size, I had to have them tailored. When people saw me eat in the cafeteria, they just assumed I would puke it out later. I was thin and I hated it. I loathed how thin I was. No matter how much I ate, I wouldn’t gain much. I hated it because I was constantly self-conscious people were staring at me to find yet another one of my flaws.

So you want to know where I started to eat my lunch? In the restroom. In the library, my home away from home. Outside by the art class I loved. Anywhere that people wouldn’t stare at me. I hated being stared at because I didn’t feel pretty. I felt ugly because of my “lack of curves”. Because I didn’t have a boyfriend when it seemed like the entire world did. You can’t let things that people say to you bring you down. You can’t let remarks like the ones that cut so very deeply, get to you. Because you’re stronger than that. Stop second guessing yourself, because guess what? You’re perfectly beautiful the way you are. Yes, even if you think you have the smallest boobs in your class. Yes, even if you have braces or a chipped tooth. Even with a few pimples. Even if your pants don’t fit you just so. Even with the scars you try to hide. Celebrate your body because every little part of you makes you YOU.

Body issues weren’t my only issues, unfortunately. I started to pull my hair. I had bald spots because I had Trichotillomania {a type of psychological condition that involves strong urges to pull hair} and didn’t know it yet. I was pulling from stress about everything going on with me. But not just for that reason. I also noticed that some of the hairs in my head weren’t perfect, just like I thought I wasn’t. The hairs that weren’t perceived beautiful and pretty and perfect by me? Were instantly pulled out. The little flaws I thought my hair had, were punished by being pulled out. This is something I still struggle with, even today. But I’m working on it, just like I’m working on loving myself more and more, because I am enough. I am perfectly beautiful just the way I am, I just wish someone had told me that when I was younger.

My advice? Smile at yourself in the mirror. Yes, even if you have to fake it at first. Because then? You’ll actually believe it. You’ll believe that you are perfect the way you are. Stop talking bad about yourself. Stop saying “I’m too fat. I hate my boobs. I don’t like my nose. I’m too ____.” Stop bullying yourself. Have the courage. You’re beautiful. Write notes to yourself and leave them in random places in your room, books, mirror. Own your quirkyness and kookyness. Listen to Pink’s Perfect, because she’s right, oh my god, so right. Or have Kurt and Blaine (from Glee) sing it to you. And play it over and over until it implants in your brain, if you don’t believe it just yet.

You’ll make it, I promise.