Birds of a Feather

Super Quick Summer Recap

2014-10-19T15:30:00.001-07:00

The last several months have been a doozy!

In June, I turned 27! Eric took me out to Asian food the day before (his college graduation was on the 14th) and gave me a big birthday surprise, an iPhone!

On June 14th, Eric participated in Eastern Oregon University's commencement. He received his Bachelor of Arts in Liberal Studies with dual minors in Spanish and ESOL.

My mom, sisters, Ella and myself went up to Catherine Creek Lodge in June to enjoy the Stake Mother/Daughter outing.

On June 30th, we welcomed the newest member of our little family, Samson Roy Lougee.

July was spent packing, taking care of the new baby and Eric doing three weeks of his Master's program at Eastern.

In August, we moved!

Our new house in Canyon City, Oregon.

Eric accepted a position with Grant Union High School in John Day, Ore. as the Spanish teacher. He also teaches 7th grade Language Arts.

Eric's first day teaching.

And that's where we're at!

A Beautiful Day to Be Born part 2

2014-07-14T15:21:00.000-07:00

Finally at 7pm, Dr. Robinson returned. He checked me and said I was at about 6 cm. He asked if any of my irregular contractions were all that uncomfortable and I told him no. So, he ordered pitocin and he said he predicted we’d have a baby around 10:45pm. At 7:30 the first drips of pit entered my veins. Nurse Angela explained that she’d start me out on the lowest dose possible, wait 30 minutes to see if it did anything and then potentially up the dosage. She predicted that we wouldn’t get too high of a dose to get things started, I told her she just jinxed it. The minimum dose is 2 something or other and goes all the way up to 20. She upped the ante from 2, then to 4 and then to 6. It was probably around the 6 dosage that I really started to feel some contractions, but they weren’t super regular or unbearably painful. Then she put it up to 8 and at about 9 or 9:30 the contractions started coming on quite painfully. I should mention that my friend Teresa was there by this time and helped lighten the mood. Eric helped me breathe through the contractions and Teresa helped me laugh after them. We walked “circles” which were pretty pathetic because the labor and delivery floor was so small. At one point we were walking circles around rocking chairs in the waiting room.

My sister Zoey called around 10 or so, asking if she could come hang out for a bit. She did, and she brought french fries, which I couldn’t eat. Mind you, I hadn’t eaten anything except popsicles since 11am that morning. I was starving! (Okay, that’s not exactly true. My mom had brought Eric TWO Burger King Big Kings earlier in the day, even with the threat of aspirating food if I were to undergo an emergency c-section, I took a large bit of one of his burgers). So everyone was just hanging out, eating french fries and watching America’s Ninja Warrior. I had a yoga ball that’d I’d been sitting and bouncing on. It was quite the party! Things started getting serious fast, though. I had to boss Eric into a supportive position. As I went through what I assume was transition, I crawled up on the bed, with my arms on the back of the bed while kneeling. I remember saying, “I don’t want to yell, I just want to cry.” And then I did for a minute.

At 11pm, Dr. Robinson came in and evaluated me again (something he hadn’t done since 7pm). I was just shy of 10 cm, but they prepped the room and got me into pushing position. I also remember, I kept saying things like, “Oh mother!” and “Holy mother of crap” and “My mother!” One nurse eventually asked if my mother knew I was cursing her. I said no, but that I’d be happy to tell her afterward. My phone was playing some instrumental music that I distinctly remember hearing between each push...as we all sat quietly, waiting for the next contraction. I remember a song came on with a strong up-tempo and I commented to Dr. Robinson that he could tap dance to that one! My nurse must have decided I shouldn’t be able to make jokes between pushes so she sneakily upped my pitocin again! That was no joke. Pushing out Sam was harder and more painful than Ella had been. There was an intense amount of pressure that even pushing didn’t really relieve. I pushed for about 20 minutes, but it seemed so hard and long! Before his head was even out I said, “Just reach up and pull him out!” I totally felt him crowning, which I barely felt with Ella. When he was crowning, I thought for sure I was tearing, especially because I felt a gush of warm fluid that I was sure was bleeding as a result of tearing. And then his shoulder got a little stuck, shoulder dystocia, and the nurses performed some pretty quick maneuvers with my legs to get him unstuck. Then his little bum didn’t slide right out and my nurse joked that it was “butt dystocia.” Finally, he was out! Sweet, sweet relief! They placed him on me and it is just such a surreal moment. Almost out of body for me. Here’s a little person you created! It’s amazing. He didn’t cry very well and stayed blue a little bit, but I was never too concerned.

After a couple of little cries they took him to clean him off a little and weigh him. When he had come out everyone had commented, “That’s a big boy!” And sure enough, he weighed in a whole pound and an ounce bigger than his sister. I was really surprised. I asked my nurse if I had tore and she gave me the pleasant surprise that I hadn’t! Dr. Robinson was up at the monitor by this time so I reached out and gave him a fist pound.

Then they brought little buddy back to me and tucked him under my robe. He was so wide eyed, just like Ella had been. So warm. So new. I was instantly in love.

After Thoughts:

Fun fact: So having your water break without contractions is called Premature Rupture of Membranes or PROM. This happens in about 1 out 10 pregnancies. I’m 2 for 2.

Also, I’m quite confident I would’ve gone into labor on my own if given another 12 hours or so. I did not love the experience of sitting in the hospital feeling like a sick person with IVs and fluids and monitors.

I did not necessarily go into this labor planning on having no pain medication. I wasn’t like, “Yes! I’m absolutely getting an epidural!” But I also wasn’t like, “No way jose! Au naturel pour moi, s'il vous plaît.” When I was initially talking to my nurse she asked what I was thinking of for dealing with pain and I said I wasn’t sure, that I wanted to see how things went. I guess she took that as a no, because later on I asked a couple of times about an epidural and she just kind of chuckled and brushed it off. So, yeah.

A Beautiful Day to Be Born part 1

2014-07-13T14:45:00.002-07:00

It was about 3:20 am, early Monday morning, I got up to use the restroom as was pretty common in my very pregnant state. After using the facilities I went to lay back in bed. I checked the time on my iPhone and thought, “Well, I guess it’s not happening tonight.” Just as I was about to lay my head on my pillow, I felt a gush. I thought about it for a minute, debating whether I had peed myself or if it was my water breaking. I reasoned that I had just gone to the bathroom, and while it wasn’t uncommon for me to feel the urge to go to the bathroom again shortly after going, I figured I couldn’t have had THAT much urine left in my bladder. So, I headed back to the restroom to investigate. Once in there, there was another gush and I knew it couldn’t be pee. I got out a pad and decided to go do a Google search, of course, “My water broke, now what?” I debated whether to tell Eric just yet, as I wasn’t having contractions and I knew that he’d be anxious and possibly unable to sleep. I know how much my husband values his sleep, but in the end decided I better tell him. I also called my mom as she had explicitly said she wanted “warning.” Whatever that meant? I called her, told her my water broke, but no contractions yet. Eric and I, then unable to immediately go back to sleep, laid in bed on our respective Apple products. Talking, but mostly waiting. Eventually, around 5am, we both succombed to drowsiness and both fell back asleep.

A couple hours later we were up and going about our routine. Eric and my brother did some yard work, mowing the lawn and weed eating. I wanted to go to Wal-Mart. Eric demanded that I take a babysitter, so I rang my mom. Off we went to the store. I was really hoping contractions would soon start. I didn’t want to be put on pitocin. At Wal-Mart I started feeling a little desperate. Desperate enough to buy some castor oil, hoping that it might start my contractions. But, once I got home I just couldn’t convince myself to do it. At 11:30, I started feeling more light contractions, but nothing I would consider active labor. Around noon I finally rang the Family Birthing Center at the hospital. I knew they would want me in asap, and of course, they did.

We got Ella lunch and down for a nap. My mom came over and we headed up to the hospital, checking in to admitting just before 1:30pm. All this time I was leaking water, going through several heavy flow pads. I wanted to be believed this time that it was, in fact, amniotic fluid. You might recall, with Ella, they sent me home from the hospital, only to have me return about 10 hours later in very active labor. So, in an effort to be believed, I kept one of the pads….gross, right? Desperate times call for desperate measures.

We got there and I got hooked up to the monitor and they did a swab test for amniotic fluid. After having it done at this hospital, I am convinced that the folks in Hermiston did a poor swab test. Unlike in Hermiston, they had to send the sample down to the lab and we had to wait for confirmation that it was indeed amniotic fluid. Well, this took like an hour and a half at least. Finally, we got the confirmation and I was officially admitted, which meant I had an IV put in my arm. With Ella, there was never time for that. The nurse was trying to put it in while I was pushing and eventually she just gave up. So, I’d never had an IV before and it turns out I hate it. They are awful! I was checked and was dilated between a 4 and 5. After this, we waited. And waited. And waited. I started getting super annoyed. Ask Eric.

Excitement at being at the hospital.

Irritation after waiting forever.

Apparently, after my arrival a bunch of “sicker” women checked in. Sometime in the late afternoon or early evening, the on-call doctor, Dr. Robinson came and introduced himself and said he was headed into a C-section and after that he’d come evaluate me. I had never seen Dr. Robinson before, and so our nurse, Angela had given us some info on him. One tidbit was that he was a bit like the guy on Princess Bride who says “Inconceivable!” This meant little to me as the one time I watched some of that movie, I was actually asleep. She also said there was a video of him tap dancing. All interesting things to learn about the doctor who might soon deliver your baby. During this infinite waste of time called “waiting” Eric and I went on a walk out to the third floor terrace. June 30th was a beautiful day. Blue skies, no clouds, mid-80s, the valley was still green and glorious. I said to Eric, “It’s a beautiful day to be born.”

Around the House

2014-04-06T14:50:00.002-07:00

Thought I'd share some recent projects I've done around the house.

With my experience with Ella, cloth diapers make the best burp cloths.

So, I dyed several blue for baby boy (yeah, I should probably do a post about that, huh?)

We converted Ella's crib into a "big girl" bed back in December. Then, several weeks ago we converted her closet into a bed nook area. I think it's pretty cute and cozy.

The banner is the same one that was used to decorate at her baby shower.

Ikea spice rack, painted and used as a book shelf.

That doll with the green eyes and brown hair is quite old!

Ella and her Douglas. I found that pillowcase (and its twin) at second hand store. They looked like they'd been folded in an old lady's closet for years.

Ella shows us how her bed works...

The curtains are made of an old, cloth shower curtain cut in half.

I also used chalkboard paint on the inside door of her closet for some easy chalk access.

(Disregard the bare bum, that's her usual home outfit).

So there ya go.

The Great Christmas Tree Hunt of 2013

2013-12-01T13:34:00.002-08:00

Yesterday we headed out on our becoming annual Christmas tree hunt. It was a bit of an adventure. We didn't want to have to drive too far down the freeway, so we tried going up Owesly Canyon first, not realizing they close the road off to motor vehicles from October to March.

So, feeling slightly defeated, we decided to try the National Forest area by Hilgard. After a few dead ends and a tour of the slightly creepy neighborhood, we found a legitimate forest service road. Taking our chances over mud, ice and some good sized holes in the dirt road, we pulled off and began the search.

And then Eric found it! She's a prickly little Spruce, but she looks great!

Ella was pretty interested in the whole sawing the tree down. First she watched to see what dad was doing and then she took the saw cover and went to town.

Her she is mimicking her pops.

See her blurry hand? Saw saw saw.

Nature's tree farm.

Then she started getting a little impatient. Particularly with me trying to take her picture.

Waiting for Dad and refusing to acknowledge Mom and the camera.

The proud lumberjack.

The best thing about our tree?

It's so prickly I don't see Ella trying to take too many ornaments off!

Veteran's Day Parade

2013-11-30T21:54:00.002-08:00

I'm behind in my writing! Here are some pictures from the Veteran's Day parade we attended. I was glad that our school district didn't have school that day and that our community took time out to recognize and honor our Veterans.

Hallow's Eve

2013-11-03T15:50:00.004-08:00

This last week was Halloween! On Tuesday we went over to my mom's to carve pumpkins and make carmel apples with Zoey, Eli and Riley.

It took a lot of coercion to get Ella to help with the pumpkin carving. I literally had to take her hand and stick it inside the pumpkin. I'm all about trying to get her to try things she's hesitant about, wouldn't want her to miss out on something she could potentially love!

After this picture was taken, she promptly got down and went a played, she was done with the pumpkins!

Ella had much more fun playing with the miniature pie pans in Grandma's cupboard.

Finished products!

After Zoey cleaned out her pumpkin she decided she was done carving, thus her's has no face.

Eric based his off of 'Scream.'

I freestyled mine.

Wednesday morning, Ella and I joined up with our playgroup out at the Hibberts' for a fun Halloween party. It ended up raining most of the day, but the kids still did pony rides outside.

Ella waited to ride the pony and got a wagon ride, too.

Wednesday night we got E dressed up in her kitty costume and headed downtown for the downtown trick or treating.

Aunt Riley and Ella are practically best friends, this photo is a cute shot of them.

Ella wanted to sample each treat she got. Progress was slow, but fun. She was mostly fascinated by all the weirdos on main street.

That was all the trick or treating we managed.

E was battling a cold and I didn't want to overdue it.

Saturday I helped drive Eli and his friends up to Hilgard State Park so they could have air soft game wars. Eric and Ella came with me to pick the boys back up. It was pretty cold, but we threw some rocks in the river. Ella did a nose dive into the water, but my catlike reflexes caught the back of her coat and only her left arm got wet.

My sweet girl running through the leaves!

Eli (top left) and the rest of his crew.

Not too much else going on this last week. We are going over to my mom's for Sunday dinner in a couple of hours, something we've been doing on Fast Sundays. Zoey, Max, Riley and Eli will all be there, so that'll be nice!

Life is like a pile of fallen leaves

2013-10-20T13:44:00.001-07:00

The weather has been absolutely gorgeous. Seriously. About 60 degrees, perfect blue skies and barely a breeze. I think we're going to get another week of it and I'm thrilled.

Eric mowed the lawn for the first time since before he left for Mexico. It's a good thing. Our lawn was looking pretty desperate.

Wednesday morning Ella and I met up with our regular playgroup and braved the chilly morning at the park. It took awhile for Ella to get going, but she finally played and had fun. There is a ton of sand on her changing table in her room to prove it. Wednesday evening Eric had an Elders Quorum meeting and visits. Thursday night he went out with the missionaries and they went out to Starkey to visit a young family. It was interesting because Eric was with a new missionary to our area who is waiting on a visa to Brazil where he'll speak Portuguese. The father in the family they visited had served in Brazil and speaks Portuguese, so the new missionary was able to practice his language skills. Eric said he was able to understand just about everything they were saying and at one point even interpreted for the missionary.

Friday morning Ella and I met up with friends at the skate park. The kids entertained themselves for two whole hours. It was great.

Saturday, Eric was gone half the day cutting firewood with the Elder's Quorum and Young Men. Ella and I met up with friends whose husbands were also gone for the morning and enjoyed crepes and playtime. When Eric got home, he and Ella puttered around outside for awhile, sweeping and raking and playing. We tried to get Ella to jump in a pile of leaves. The best we could get was her running through them and picking them up, but we counted that as a win. It was her first leaf pile "experience" and was such an autumn thing to do, I loved it.

While they tinkered, I put a reclaimed wood shelf up in the laundry/utility room. So glad to have all that stuff off the top of the dryer!

Well, that was our week! Looking forward to the rest of our Sunday spent together as a family and enjoying this gorgeous fall weather.

Family Journal

2013-10-13T14:38:00.000-07:00

I've decided I want to use this as a way to document my family's experiences and growth. I'm going to try and record something at least weekly that in ten or fifty years my family members will be glad I recorded. So here it goes.

This week was a beautiful fall week. On Monday we went out to a little U-Pick pumpkin farm to pick up a few more pumpkins to decorate the front stoop with. It was windy and chilly and quick, but we had fun. Then we went over to the Smith Property to pick up Mabel (my trailer) and bring her back home.

We were also able to spend time at Riverside Park on Wednesday afternoon. Eric came home from class and we all went. Ella wore us out, swinging, sliding, climbing. It was fun and a beautiful afternoon.

Thursday night we welcome the missionaries into our home for white chicken and cheese enchiladas. They also began teaching us the first part of the first missionary discussions - God is Our Loving Heavenly Father. It was a nice discussion. I enjoyed it as I've not served a mission, nor have I had the pleasure of being taught or sitting in the missionary lessons. Then Elder Mang (sp?) offered to give Eric a priesthood blessing. It was out of the blue, but Eric accepted and the Spirit was very strong during it. I could tell that Heavenly Father was sharing things with Eric that he needed to hear. After the Elders left and Ella went to bed, I could still feel the spirit strongly in our home - just as much as if I'd just had a wonderful experience in the temple. I loved it.

Friday afternoon, Eric's mom and his sister Anna came for a visit. That afternoon we went to Riverside park again. We played with Ella on the equipment, but then we also went and walked across the newly constructed bridge over the river. Then we spent a while throwing and skipping rocks in the river. It was another gorgeous fall afternoon.

After putting Ella to bed that night, Eric and I were able to slip away for a little date, leaving Grandma and Anna in charge. We went and got some desert. The whole time we were yawning and tired, but we enjoyed each other's company. We were only out about an hour before we decided to come back home. It wasn't even 9pm yet.

Saturday morning we went out to Cove. The Cove FFA put on a little fall festival. There was a petting zoo, a corn "maze," pumpkin patch and hay pyramid. The corn maze was nothing more than a few rows of corn and Ella was more interested in the school playground across the way than anything else, but she did seem into the petting zoo. She didn't do much petting (I'm sure those animals seem pretty intimidating when you're so little), but she did like watching the horse. And a llama petted Ella with it's head. She also got a bit nervous when the miniature goat ate grass out of her hand. Then we obliged her and played on the playground. My favorite part was the teeter totter. It was a fun morning and we were glad we got to share it with Grandma Lougee and Anna.

She wanted to go climb the opposite direction, but I wanted a mother/daughter slide ride. She wasn't happy.

The rest of the day was spent watching college football (both the Oregon Ducks and my BYU Cougs won).

Now to enjoy the rest of our Sunday....

Fall To Do

2013-09-18T13:19:00.002-07:00

I love fall. But, the cooler and shorter days often make me passive and reflective rather than productive. So, I decided to make a list of fall to-dos. Inspired by my energetic Sister-in-Law, Elizabeth and her much more ambitious list of to dos (see her blog).

Here's my list:

Gospel ABC book for El
Pinecone wreath
Collect fall berries still on the stick to put in glass bottles
Make cranberry pecan "leaves" & take to friends to celebrate fall
Make monster munch
Make edible mummies
Create a Thanksgiving banner

I tried in vain to get the pictures of all these things put together to post on here, but like I said, it was in vain. You can, however, check out my pinterest board: http://www.pinterest.com/alougee/fall-2013-to-do/

Looking Back

2013-08-28T19:32:00.000-07:00

I just rediscovered a disc with photos that my friend, Kara, took of Ella at her six month mark. So bitter sweet to see how much she's changed in a year. It was also fun to remember her going bald stage. She had this stubborn patch of dark hair on one side. I think this was the age where she and I looked most similar.

Notice that tuft of dark hair up there?

One of my new favorites.

Adorable!

Adios

2013-07-28T21:51:00.000-07:00

You know what is so great? Having friends. Also, it's great when some of your friends have kids and need to get out of the house, too.

I sooo appreciate having a group of women around who are supportive, fun and (sometimes) funny.

Anyway, these are just two pics from Ella's and mine latest adventure with our friends

- Catherine Creek.

Ella and Lucy.

You can't see it with her hat, but she had a rock she was using as a phone. "Hello?" "Goodbye."

Here we are dropping Eric off at the airport. I wish my forehead wasn't gleaming, however it was 100 degrees in Pasco that day, so I had a nice sheen going on.

Isn't he handsome?

Excited, anxious, nervous and carrying lotsss o' baggage.

Good luck Eric D! Make the most of this experience. We love and miss you!

breaking the taboo

2013-07-22T01:23:00.000-07:00

"an experience that had been masked or concealed, whether because we feel it shameful to acknowledge we somehow 'failed' as women or as mothers, or because 'women's issues' are seen as unworthy of public space or dialogue."

Is this why we don't talk about miscarriage? I recently went through the pain and heartbreak of a miscarriage. I'm choosing to share my experience for three reasons. 1.) To help break the taboo. 2.) As a way of grieving and finding closure. 3.) To share my experience in an effort to reach out to other women who have, are or will experience a miscarriage.

First of all, miscarriage feels like such an impersonal term for such a deeply personal experience. I have to admit that the few times I'd heard of people miscarrying, I didn't realize how intense the emotions are that come with losing a baby. I didn't really even think of a miscarriage as losing a baby. I don't really know what I thought, but I shrugged it off as not such a big deal. And then it happened to me. And it felt like a really big deal. A big deal that I wasn't supposed to talk to anybody about.

If I had to describe a miscarriage in one word it would be "lonely." Here you are experiencing this traumatic thing (at least to you) and you have to go on pretending like nothing is happening, that today is normal. You're supposed to act normal. Act is a very key word here, because nothing about a miscarriage really feels normal. That's probably why many women, me included, are a little bit in shock and denial for a bit. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, I was in the middle of a family reunion, away from my home. I had to put on this face for people I hadn't seen in two years and not talk about this trauma I was feeling and going through. I say fortunately, because it was a distraction where I wasn't left for hours at a time in my own sad thoughts.

But, experiencing this has blessed me in some ways. I feel blessed with empathy and understanding toward others. I now reserve judgement and bite my tongue when it comes to other couples' reproductive decisions because you just never know. As hard as I thought it was to keep my pregnancy a secret when people would suggest I start thinking about adding another, or when they'd start naming my unannounced, unborn - it was so much more difficult in the aftermath of losing a baby.

I've been blessed with more humility, apparently I'm not that reproductive wonder I thought I was!

I've been blessed with peace and a closeness to my Savior and God.

However, I'm still in the grieving process. You have to grieve the hopes, the dreams, the visions in your head, your expectations, and yes, even that very tiny little baby. Because even if you didn't feel the baby inside you, it was there, your body knew it was there. Your heart knew it was there. Just like your body knew when it wasn't and so did your heart. By the time the actual miscarriage happened, I had been blessed with peace. I’ve been comforted and have found perspective. I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for that. I still have moments of sadness and disappointment, but it’s not overwhelming. I still feel a bit awkward. A bit lonely. I mean, I haven't figured out what to do with the first sonogram photo, nor have I had the heart to throw away my positive pregnancy tests. And the next heathy baby we welcome into our family will always be considered baby #3. But, at the same time, I have hope and am optimistic for the future.

For those interested, the rest of this post will be excerpts from my journal with more of the details.....Thanks for reading. It feels good to get it all out there.

Before we get into the journals I just want to say I'm grateful for my knowledge and testimony of the gospel and the blessings of peace and comfort and perspective that I have found during this difficult time.

July 6, 2013

Back on May 21st we found out we were pregnant again. I was pretty surprised, yet not at the same time. Here is what I wrote in a journal entry on May 23rd intended for Baby #2:

“On Tuesday, May 21st I found out I was pregnant with you. I'm still a bit in disbelief!

We'd been talking about maybe adding another baby to our family soon. I think Heavenly Father had been placing it in my heart and mind since January. Finally, in April, I felt comfortable with doing away with any kind of birth control. And now, here I am, six weeks later, pregnant! I really have felt like this is Heavenly Father's plan for our family. We are so excited to meet you and add your unique spirit into our family.

I wasn't really sure that I was pregnant. In fact, when I took the test I was pretty sure it would come back negative. On Mother's Day Sunday, the 11th, I had taken a test and it had come back negative. I decided to take another one, because I felt pretty sick on the 19th and my period still hadn't come!

When the test showed two little lines indicating pregnancy, I was at first shocked, a little in disbelief, and then overjoyed, humbled and slightly overwhelmed! I cried. Your dad wasn't here, he was at work and school. So, I told Ella, when she got up from her nap - but she's still too young to have a clue what I was talking about.

I didn't tell your dad until about 9pm that night after I got home from a Young Women's activity (I am the Personal Progress Leader for our ward). Earlier in the day I had designed a little print with an oven and a heart in the middle and the wording, "We're Due with Baby #2!" . That night I told Eric I was designing something, but I needed somebody else's opinion. So I handed him my computer. It totally didn't even register with him! After a second of looking at it, he said, "So what's your goal with this?" And I said, "To tell you I'm pregnant." It was so funny! Then it registered for him and he was so happy!”

During the last several weeks I was excited, happy, yet trying to figure out how to welcome another child into our home. I was also apprehensive and nervous, anxious for my first doctor appointment. I think most pregnant women worry about miscarriage or that something is wrong - but my fears felt a little stronger than usual, which seems strange since I’d had one very healthy and normal pregnancy and baby already. However, on June 26th I started experiencing some bleeding. At this time I figured I was around nine weeks give or take a week. I called the Doctor’s office and left a message (it was after hours) because my first appointment wasn’t until July 24th.

The next day the bleeding had stalled and the doctor’s office returned my call. They had me come up for a “confirmation visit” to see that everything was okay. At the office they did an ultrasound. I was measuring 6 weeks and 2 days and there was no heartbeat. My heart sunk, but my doctor was really optimistic. She sent me up to get my HCG levels checked and had me schedule another appointment to come back and hopefully hear the heartbeat. However, after the appointment the bleeding came back, only heavier and I had lots of cramping. At this point I was pretty sure I was going to miscarry. It was then I started to grieve. Friday evening and Saturday morning I passed what looked like some uterine lining along with bleeding. Saturday morning I went in to do a second round of blood testing and waited to get the confirmation from the doctor. During those few days I was pretty sad, I cried a lot. I mourned this baby, I mourned over the loss of our hopes and expectations and excitement. Just a few days earlier we had discussed when and how to start telling people. That Thursday a shirt came that we had ordered for Ella that said “Big Sister.” It was hard for a few days.

I had been craving meat and hadn’t been very nauseous and had felt like this little baby was going to be a baby boy. After the bleeding had started I had this vision of a brand new baby in the hospital, all wrapped up, and it wasn’t Ella, it was a baby boy. I don’t know if that means we’ll have a boy someday, but that vision made my heart ache and break.

Saturday afternoon the doctor called me to confirm that I was in the beginning of a miscarriage. I told her about the tissue and she said I would likely “pass” everything during the weekend - an hour of terrible cramping and then a bunch of tissue would pass and then some period like bleeding for a week or so after. I cramped and passed some tissue and continued to bleed through the weekend. However, it wasn’t until Tuesday, July 2nd that things really happened.

We were in Prineville, Oregon for the Lougee Family Reunion. We had just gone hiking up around Brennan Palisades and Eric and I got back in the car. Immediately I started feeling terrible cramps that I think were actually a form of uterine contractions. I experienced terrible cramping and very, very heavy bleeding for the next three hours. During this time I also passed a substantial amount of tissue. Eventually the cramping and bleeding let up and I was able to sleep that night. Wednesday morning I passed whatever was left and have only had light bleeding and cramping since.

Redos and Yahoos

2013-04-22T18:04:00.001-07:00

Another update on Ol' Mabel.

The roof vent had to go. It was old. It was rusty. It was crusty. But perhaps its worst offense was that it leaked real bad. Because of this leaking, the boards around it had warped into a bow shape allowing water to pool on the top and only make the leaking worse.

I filled the extra holes (there were like two sets of screw holes) with metal filler. I then sanded the area down and cleaned it up. I then installed the new vent with fresh putty to seal and adhere it and RV "goop" to further weather proof the screws.

We've had plenty of rain since then and not a leak yet!

This is the underside. I replaced the shorter side boards that frame the vent. I doubled the wood and added a layer of wood to the bowed boards also. Now water runs off and away from the vent instead of pooling at the top and seeping in.

Still gotta replace the paneling.....soon!

We removed the eye sore of the newer lights above the original lights - we'll be patching those left over holes soon. We then took out the original lights, removed as much rust as we had patience for, checked the bulbs, replaced the gasket rings and put in new plastic. Eric spent a whole Saturday getting these things wired - and we're now road ready!

Eric has also been diligently working on cleaning up the backsplash in the interior. I love how it ISN'T shiny. It gives it a little bit of that industrial look.

He's also been cleaning the windows!

Almost like new!

Our big task this last weekend was getting the back paneling replaced. We had some issues, and it's not perfect, but it feels so good to get that done! One big step closer to what I'm really excited about....painting the interior!

Before

After

Remember when I took out, reframed and reinstalled that window? Well, after some rain storms it came to my attention that it was still leaking! What's the point of putting up new framing and paneling if it's going to just leak. After all the research we've done I determined I had to take that thing out AGAIN, remove the silicone I had previously used and install it again using the same putty I used around the roof vent. So that's exactly what I did. It was super annoying, but I feel 100 times better about it.

And that's about it for now.

I've been working on the ice box - so I hope to have some pics for you soon.

My next goal for Mabel is to get the ceiling paneling installed and ready to paint!

Miss Mabel Update

2013-04-10T16:06:00.000-07:00

Not sure why I spelled Miss Mabel like table in my last post. I think my husband did and then it just go imprinted on my brain. For the record she is Mabel.

I thought inquiring minds might be looking for an update.

I ended up taking out the rear window and replacing all of the screws.
I then used silicone caulk to seal all the edges.

The linoleum flooring has all been taken out.
Very happy to see solid wood in GREAT shape underneath.

Cut new wood and reframed the rear window.

Patching up corners that have wear and tear and slight water damage.
This means using bondo and then sanding down after it hardens.
Bondo is usually used to fill and repair dents in cars. Saw this trick here.

More bondo and sanding in the front. As the guy at the my favorite DIY trailer rehab site says, "These tricks are not inferior. Using bondo to fill holes is as solid as the original wood."

One small piece of paneling wasn't worth trying to fix.
I think the leaking has been stopped and we'll replace this when we cut paneling for the back and ceiling.

The vent is in bad shape. After much discussion the husband and I had decided to just take that whole paneling down (assuming the wood was all rotted). As I began demolition, it became very clear that two of the small framing boards needed replaced, but most of the paneling and the long frame boards were still in good shape. I've made the executive decision to just replace a small portion of paneling and frame off the edges with some kind of simple molding. It's going to be far less work than getting that panel off and taking out the upper cupboards.
By the way, a new vent has been ordered, so this sub-project is on hold until that gets here.

During ceiling demo I damaged the top veneer of the paneling.
After sanding down and once there's new paint up there, I think it will be very had to notice.

She needs an exterior wipe down a paint job! But that won't come for awhile.

I've also been sanding and stripping the interior of the door. It could probably be replaced, but remember, I'm working on a poor girls' budget. New paint, the handle fixed and a door protector at the bottom will do me just fine.

I look good! Protective eyewear on my head, no make up on, it's hot.

My work bench. Notice the Diet Pepsi?

We've also been working on cleaning and shining up the aluminum back splash a bit.
Mainly that's been the husby's little project.

I took the original lights out and we'll be working on electrical this weekend.
Fingers crossed that these two amateurs can hack it! Once that is done, we can put in the new rear paneling!

Another sub-project I will be working on soon is the original ice box.
It's got a bad case of rust on the lower shelf.

As we've been working on this, it's become pretty apparent that the current layout was not the original layout. I'd even venture to guess that all the cupboards (but definitely the top ones) have been built more recently than the trailer itself.

Stay tuned for more progress!

Mable, Mable Set the Table

2013-04-01T14:03:00.001-07:00

Well, here's a look at our newest venture in vintage campers.

Eric first saw it on craigslist and mentioned it nonchalantly thinking I wouldn't be interested. At the price listed and the canned ham shape, I was totally interested! While I love my "Carolina" she wasn't really my dream shape. I did all the work on her quick and dirty without really finding out how to do things and without worrying about wiring, etc. I've been wanting to try again!

Prime opportunity. We were in email discussions with the seller and then he sent us an email saying he had a "sale pending." We were bummed and a bit irritated, but we moved on.

The next day, my mother came over and asked me to print the picture accompanied with the listing. I thought it was weird, but I've done weirder for my mom, so I just did it. She wrote on the picture and handed it back to me. It said "Happy Early Birthday!"

That sneaky lady had bought it out from under us! Saturday late afternoon, Eric, Mom and I headed over to Pendleton to pick her up. I drove it over the mountain all by myself! It was a fun trip. And I'm so excited to get working!

It's a 1957.....Westerner? From what we can tell in our research - though it's smaller than any we've seen online. The paperwork from the title says 1957 Sport RT. The metal step says "glider." You know anything about it that you can share?

The back wall was ~~a lot~~ a little rougher than we'd anticipated. So I've been demoing it and getting it ready to replace the back board and do some waterproofing!

Next Steps:

Finish removing back paneling.
Waterproof window.
Patch holes in back metal.
Re-wire tail lights.
Install new wood paneling.

Big Girls Do Cry

2013-02-24T16:08:00.001-08:00

So, we put Ella in this dress she got for her birthday (I had been trying to wait until Easter, but I just couldn't any longer) and she looked like such a big girl I decided to take some pictures.

Well, she hardly cooperated. She would barely smile and then she decided she didn't like the dress any more and wanted it off.

I've got proof.

Yes, this was a throw back your head kind of fit.

Everything's the worst.

And just so you don't think this diva behavior only happened today, a photo from a walk we took about a week ago.

I said no photos!!!

Down by the river

2013-02-02T16:20:00.002-08:00

The sun has been teasing us this week in Eastern Oregon. It keeps suggesting that Spring is almost here, and even the groundhog said it was, but being a native Eastern Oregonian, I know better. However, we sauntered out to Riverside Park today with Ella. It's the first time we have taken her since we left Hermiston almost a year ago.

Here are the results:

Spring won't truly hit Eastern Oregon until May, but it was fun to pretend anyway!

ants in my pants

2013-01-31T18:42:00.003-08:00

So, I have a chronic condition.

About once a year I get the this ants-in-my-pants need for change, for something more or different.

It happened pre-marriage and it continues to happen now that I'm married.

A few examples:

In the middle of my second year at BYU-Idaho, the cold cold cold days finally froze one too many of my bones and my last unfrozen nerve decided I needed a change. I took all the steps to apply to Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah. Soon, I found out I was admitted, my thoughts quickly turned to this new experience I was facing - my itch was scratched, at least for a little while.
...
While pursuing a political science degree I had a mid-college-life crisis. I sat down with my friend Betty and while eating New York style pizza decided I was going to change my major. I took all the steps necessary and applied to the Communications: Print Journalism program and was accepted.
...
I was three years into my time at BYU, in the middle of my second to last semester before I was supposed to graduate. But I felt that all too common feeling. I was itchy, I was antsy and I needed a change. While trying to figure out what that change was going to be I was in a car wreck that totaled my car. I took it as a sign to go home to Oregon, finish a my degree online and start on the next life experience (why I took a car wreck as a sign to go home, I'm not sure - I think ultimately that's just what I wanted to do). So, I took the necessary steps - got a job at a newspaper as a circulation manager and moved back to Oregon.
...
I'm pretty sure this itch happened again four months into our marriage. I decided that I needed to get pregnant - and we did!
...
And now the itch has returned. This antsy feeling is so annoying! Maybe this time it's a need to feel validated - not that my husband doesn't make efforts to validate my roles, but a different kind of validation or contentment. Maybe all stay at home moms feel this feeling, but they just handle it better. I wouldn't be exaggerating if I told you that in the last week I've looked up jobs in the magazine industry, looked into becoming a blog contributor, looked into health coaching, and looked at jobs and internships in the political realm. Eric is always a good sport and way better at expressing support than I am. He's always confident in me, which is something I am not!

I want to feel content in what I'm doing here at home! I want this to be enough! It should be enough, it's what I thought I've always wanted. But, what if it's not, then what?

I was reading the account in the Old Testament of Naaman. He was a great Syrian leader who was struck with leprosy. Eventually he was directed to Elisha the prophet. Elisha sent a messenger to Naaman directing him to dip himself in the Jordan River seven times and then he would be cleansed of his leprosy.

11 But Naaman was wroth, and went away, and said, Behold, I thought, He will surely come out to me, and stand, and call on the name of the Lord his God, and strike his hand over the place, and recover the leper. 12 Are not Abana and Pharpar, rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? may I not wash in them, and be clean? So he turned and went away in a rage. 13 And his servants came near, and spake unto him, and said, My father, if the prophet had bid thee do some great thing, wouldest thou not have done it? how much rather then, when he saith to thee, Wash, and be clean?

The servants question to Naaman really struck me. The Lord hasn't asked me to be some great politician, or magazine editor, or whatever. He's asked me to raise a daughter in his ways, and to love my husband and be his help-meet.

Naaman then humbled himself, entered the Jordan River and was cleansed. What does this mean for me? I'm not sure quite yet, but it means something.

Sorry if this was just a jambalaya of words, but I needed to get it out there.

Any response, insight, calming words, advice will be appreciated.

Sundae

2013-01-27T18:38:00.000-08:00

Aren't Sundays treats? I move they be renamed Sundaes.

Anyhoosier, I don't have very much to say.

Did you know you can roast red potatoes in the crock pot? It's a great concept if you want to be cooking something in the oven at a different temperature, like say, a meatloaf. I basically followed this recipe, but I think mine turned out way prettier (and probably tastier, I am sure).

Evidence:

And they were delicious! I think I liked them better than any roasted potatoes I've done in the oven.

The diet/exercise regimen has been going well. So far, I'm down six pounds. Yay! However, the sudden move from couch potato baby chaser to running on a treadmill has spurred some minor pains, in my left big toe and in my right knee. So, I'll be doing cycling for a few days - which is annoying because it isn't as efficient at burning calories as running - and time is money!

Anyway, do you love sushi? I sure does.

I made banana sushi, which isn't nearly as gross or weird as it sounds.

Evidence:

And while we're talking about food, you might as well make these, because I did yesterday and they were above average.

And for your entertainment:

#mykidisanadorablealien

In my natural habitat...

2013-01-22T15:45:00.000-08:00

The husby grabbed the camera this morning and shot this photo of me, in my natural habitat.

In the living room, folding laundry (can only be done when Ella is napping), surrounded by Ella's mess and catching up on episodes of 'Hart of Dixie' on my laptop.

I know you're loving my outfit, spandex and black tee - fresh from my morning work out.

Speaking of working out. . . that's going pretty good so far. I've lost a few pounds.

Also, I wanted to share this delightful snack/brunch/lunch with you.

Cucumbers!

I love cucumbers. I always over populate our salads with them. I was excited to find this "pin." I tried out my own little version this morning, partially peeling the cucumber, adding some laughing cow cheese and some turkey lunch meat. Delicious and under 100 calories. Sa-weet!

I think these photos explain the method pretty well.

Then I was reminded of this "pin" I had repinned 30 weeks ago.... gonna have to try that variation, too!

Birthday Club

2013-01-18T12:07:00.000-08:00

Ella had her first birthday back on the tenth. I guess she can officially be a member of the birthday club. We didn't do anything fancy on her actual birthday. We ate, she spit out some cake, and she opened one present - a toddler sled from the Florida Lougees.

That Saturday we had a little party for her with friends and family.

She went a little Diva from all the attention and only threw one major tantrum.

She also loved opening all her presents. Thanks to everyone who came!

Polar Bear Paws

And polar bear faces.

Hot chocolate bar.

Some of E's favorite foods.

A little nervous about all the attention.

Apparently I really liked this book.

E loved her new tutu skirt.

So much.

She also enjoyed being pulled around in a toy princess wagon, not meant to pull around one year olds.

Daddy and Diva.

Aunt Zoey kisses are the best!

We had a time capsule for Ella to open on her 18th birthday and we encouraged everyone to write her a note.

Guests also guessed how old Ella was in several photos. Not pictured is the "Ella Quiz" consisting of six questions about Ella. Her Dad got 5 out of 6.

To culminate her birthday week, Ella had her 1st year well baby check. She's ~~28 inches tall~~ *correction: 30.25" (she's almost as tall as her aunt Riley), 21 lbs. 11 oz. which is all about average, and her noggin circumference has grown from the 90th percentile to the 92nd percentile. Let's hope she puts the big brain to good use!

She also got four shots! Happy birthday baby girl!

Two Oh Five

2013-01-15T14:58:00.000-08:00

So, here's the deal.

When I graduated from high school I weighed somewhere around 205 pounds. And then I lost a fair amount of weight. I never, ever, in my life, want to see 2-0-5 on the scale when I stand on it, unless I have a two year old on my back or something.

I got married, put on a few pounds.

Got pregnant, put on 28 pounds.

Had a baby and lost about 18-20 pounds.

And that was a year ago.

I've been stuck.

I look back at the time I was successful at losing weight, maintaining a lower weight and being fit. I was in college. I was only feeding me. I only had my schedule to worry about. So, it's taken me a year to figure out that I just have to make the time and make the commitment. And thanks to my supportive husband, I've signed my life away to a gym here in La Grande with beautiful new equipment and 24 hour access. I love going to the gym. I really do. And there is nothing there to distract you from exercising. I could spend 2+ hours there. And in years past, I have. But, now I have a family that battles for my time so my gym times will rarely, if ever be 2 hours long.

I've gone four days (with a brief hiatus due to a head cold) and feel so good.

It's empowering.

It's invigorating.

It's good.

And I hope I can continue to go to the gym - get back in shape and lose a little bit of weight. Because, as you know, I have baby fever. But, I fear that if I got pregnant again without committing to improving the health of my body then I'd see that dreaded 205 again and maybe see it long-term.

Plus, a healthy mom makes for a healthy baby.

And the crazy thing about exercising? It automatically helps you eat better, it's weird.

So, I'll battle the little bit of internal mommy guilt I feel because I know that in reality it is better for my marriage, my kid, any future children and for myself.

B.T. Dubbs....If you want to read more about my history with my weight, read here.

Okay, but seriously....

2013-01-09T07:05:00.000-08:00

Have you heard about the mom who got arrested for letting her kids play outside without her direct supervision?

One blog I read about the incident suggested that she, too, would've called the cops on the mom if she saw the children, 9 and 6, playing alone.

I pretty much think that's insane. It's a huge reason why I am a "rural" housewife and why I hope to always be living in a small town or city where my kids can play outside!

I grew up playing outside without my mom's direct supervision. I went on many adventures with cousins and friends. I was active, I was outside, I was using my brain, I was getting dirty and sometimes hurt or sunburned, but I was living!

I also hear so many stories about my father-in-law's family playing outside when they were growing up in Central Oregon. Apparently there was a piece of property close by their house that hadn't been developed yet. They called it "Cowboy Country." So many adventures happened on that mound of dirt there are actually books written by family members of all the tales (some tall) that happend while playing outside without direct supervision.

Furthermore, I'm pretty sure none of these kids' parents were with them 100% of the time. And if they were, they'd never have had quite the adventures that these kids did.

Okay, so these stores are obviously for film and are fiction, but I think they exist and we love them because we can relate and had similar stories of our own. And if you couldn't relate or didn't have some silly stories from childhood, well then, I pity you and that's exactly what I want to avoid in the childhoods of my children.

Call me negligent, but I expect my children to play outside and not always within my line of direct vision. It'll be good for my sanity and for my children's development and independence. Just warning my future neighbors - you might want to get the cops or Child Protective Servies on your speed dial.

Snow baby

2013-01-08T05:30:00.000-08:00

We woke up to a bunch of fresh white stuff Monday morning and it kept snowing until noon.

So, after El's morning snooze I decided to take her out in it. For a bit she just sat there, moving her legs back and forth in the snow. I tried to lay her back to do a snow angel, but her face looked like she was being tortured. So I sat her back up. Eventually she tried to crawl, but it was so deep and she had on so many layers that she kind of gave up. Plus, she got distracted by the snow.

And eventually she was just doing this for extended periods of time.....

sampling the snow!

She seriously had her head down so much I had like ten photos of her in this pose.

A few bites later she was ready to be out of the snow. So, we went inside and I quickly took her out of the snowy clothing and shook it out. She went around picking up all the clumps of snow and eating them - a handy girl, that one.

I also slipped and fell on my arse for the first time since I lived in Rexbrrrrrg.

Luckily, it didn't hurt so much, must be all that extra stuffing I got going on in back since I got married and had a kid.