Jesse continues his streak of kindness in letting you watch him play with a foray into the future where man worships giant beasts.  So sit back and enjoy Jesse as he rages primally, pompously and circumstantially.

Time for another little update. As the picture above suggests, we just can’t seem to stop hitting the snooze button. I’d love to tell you it was because we were busy on something productive, but the truth is, we are just epic procrastinators. Hell, Jesse Bishop has been putting up more content than us, Math bless him ’cause watching him and William play is great.

Things on the game’s front haven’t been entirely silent. I finally managed to put down Hydro Thunder Hurricane and pick up Blur on Steam for $39.99. That ain’t no sale price, but you’d think it was if you saw what kind of crazy ass prices they want for the 360 and PS3 versions($54.99ish, yowza).

I’ve only logued a few hours in Blur so far, but I can already tell you where the design went wrong. Track design, the track design of Blur is just plain boring. A dock, and air port, some city streets, maybe a ditch or two — guys seriously, where is teh freaking Rainbow Road? They’ve got crazy pillars of lighting and plasma balls going all over the place, and then smash it all into freaking Ford Fiesta’s driving to the grocery store.  Obviously, this is a huge differentiator between Blur and Mario Kart, but also the world offered up in Hydro Thunder who’s crazy ass racing feels right at home with Thor or some such Norris god sending tidal waves your way. In other words, save your $40 bucks unless, like me, you are desperate for racing like this, but not desperate enough to boot up your Wii.

Pretty:

Boring

What else is going on? Well Brooks is still working on earning his Wings of Liberty, and building a website for a client. Other then that I have no idea what he is up to. We’ve both been watching the new Futurama episodes religiously. I am seriously beginning to think that their five year break was good for them, because I’d say these are some of the best episodes ever. I’m not sure if that has to do with having another half a decades worth of nerdy tech culture to poke fun at or if it is just by virtue of being out from under the thumb of Fox. Whatever the reason, I like it.

Not only is Jesse kind enough to let you watch him play not one, but two brutal classic, but this week he’s even considerate enough to let you into his own brain and experience his dreams.

Seriously though, someone needs to make a song out of Jesse saying “Excalibur” and “excelsior.”  Seriously.

The long wait for the latest in Jesse’s adventures in letting you witness the glory of his gaming finesse is finally over once again.  You’ll need an ambulance yourself after having your mind blown with Watch Jesse Play episode 6!

Of course we have been playing games, we’ve just been too busy and/or lazy to write about them, so I’ll give you an exceptionally quick cut to the chase of what I’ve been up to and if you’re lucky maybe even tell you what Brooks has been playing as well.

Just so we can get it out of the way, yes we both have played through Limbo and yes we both loved the crap out of it. I found the environments of the game to be incredibly creepy and disturbing. I think I attribute this mostly to the somewhat Lord of the Flies feel to the game. Everyone humanoid silhouette of the game appears to be that of a child and lets face it, there are few things creepier than children. I will say though for such an amazing athlete, capable of leaping chasms and climbing ropes, it is awfully suprising that he can’t swim in two feet of water. I feel this gives weight to my theory that he is actually a robot made of especially non-buoyant metal.  Anyways, 1200 points, a little expensive for the 3 hours of gameplay you get but you’ll get over it.

Moving right along Brooks played through the new Castlevania game for the iPhone. He says it rocks your socks. I’ve played maybe 10 minutes of the game and find it quite enjoyable. If you’ve ever picked up Puzzle Quest, then you pretty much have the general idea — just know that this is much more cool, because it has vampires that dont sparkle.  Castlevania Puzzle: Encore of the Night is $4.99 on the iTunes store, seems like a pretty generous offering.

See how this works? Yeah its like little micro-reviews forged out of my laziness. So what else have I been playing? HYDRO THUNDER DER DER DER, yeah thats right I’m rocking it late 90′s arcade style. That’s exactly what this game is, it is good old fashion pop in some quarters and play arcade action. There isn’t an ounce of boring ass simulation in this game and I for one welcome it. I haven’t tried all the modes, the race mode is just like you remember the arcade mode to be. The other modes are rings, gauntlet, and championship. I’ve only played around a bit with the rings, but to be honest it seemed kind of boring. The game also has multiplayer so you can make your homes drowned in your rooster tail. This ones 1200 Microsoft points also, for some reason I felt better about these points just because I think I’ll get more replay out of it. But just to be clear, I still think you should buy Limbo if you only have 1200 points to spend.

I also spent some time playing Lumi on the XBLIG, I havent finished the game yet but I think it has a lot going for it. The game is quite attractive and has a neat little electromagnetic mechanic going for it that is simple yet capable of producing quite a bit of depth and challenge.  This one is 400 Microsoft Points, which puts it at the top of the Indie Game price list. I can’t really say for sure that it is or isn’t worth your five dollars so I’d suggest picking up the demo and deciding for yourself.

On the block buster retail front, I’ve been finally working my way through Broderlands. I would say I’ve managed enough hours in it to say: “It’s good but it ain’t no Diablo II.” Which actually provides me with a perfect segway to tell you what Brooks has been putting an inordinate amount of hours into, which is Blizzards latest installment into the Starcraft series. He appears to think it’s the cats pajamas since he wont stop telling me to go buy it. To be fair though, I only think he wants me to buy it so he can nuke my base. I’ll go ahead and assume you either already own these or know where to get them, so I wont waste my virtual ink.

This may be a touch short game review. I often like to exhaust all of you with all the details of the games I play in hopes of providing you with everything you need to know to buy, demo, or forget a game. Unfortunately in this instance, it is a touch difficult as the game, Strategy Soccer, is: A) A sports game and B) A two-player only game. Now typically the first would not be much of an issue, since I, as an American male, spend most of my time emotionally detached from whats going on around me. But the second issue is a bit more of a problem, because as I have previously mentioned the vast majority of my friends choose to manifest themselves exclusively in various digital formats. But we shall overcome these adversities and do the best we can, so get that ice berg sized grain of salt out and lets get to it.

Gameplay

As the game’s name implies, Strategy Soccer has taken upon itself the task of combining both the sports genre and the turn based strategy genre into one package. This of course runs into its first problem right off the bat since any strategy came you try to make requires a great deal of AI work to make even remotely enjoyable for the single player. Strategy Soccer forgoes this need by simply making it a two player only game, which is great to alleviate the heavy burden of programming, but not necessarily great for anyone with a serious lack of willing and able participants.

It was right out of the gate with Strategy Soccer that it began to be a bit bothersome to review. As I had previously mentioned, the game is two player only and my traditionally anti-social personality has lead to it being practically impossible to find people to coerce into playing the game. So this leaves me with the unfathomably boring option of playing the game single player. Imagine if you will, sitting at a chess board and playing yourself because that is exactly what it is.

Moving beyond the lack of a single player mode we do find a few decent design decisions. First and foremost is the decision to go with a turn based system. This alleviates the major issue of sluggishness and the down right inappropriate use of a console controller for a strategy game. Of course on the negative side of things, it also slows down the pace of an already mind bogglingly slow sport. The game also utilizes an energy system that allocates a certain number of points for each players turn. The points are then spent using an assortment of various abilities which have been balanced by what appear to be fairly well thought out energy costs.

Audio/Visual

Graphically speaking, there isn’t a whole lot going on here to talk about. The little sprites are okay, and their jerseys which represent which country the players are from are neat. Unfortunately, at times it was fairly confusing which players were exactly which if they were for example two countries with predominantly red colors.

Music and sound effects are very minimalistic. They work but aren’t worth mentioning beyond me simply saying there was audio.

Summary

I’m sure the game was intended to capitalize on the international extravaganza that is World Cup. Unfortunately I procrastinated and didn’t get this review up till after it was over. Fortunately, that means I probably wont be killing your World Cup buzz by saying that I think you’d best look elsewhere for a soccer fix. This one just feels pretty half baked as is the 240 Microsoft Price.

If you’re anything like me, then you’re probably getting a little tired of shooting zombies and are really interested in a change of pace. Maybe you’d like something a little reminiscent of the adventure games of late 1900′s, where something isn’t going to chew your face off or explode if you take a second or two to actually look around and enjoy the environments that have been so painstakingly created. Well then maybe Travis Rogers’ latest installment in the Mind’s Eye of Jupiter series is just the ticket.

Gameplay

As a science fiction based adventure game this ones gameplay is exactly what you think it is. Reminiscent of many 1990′s adventure titles such as Myst, Return to Zork, and the like. You simply wander around, investigating the environment, inspecting objects, and more or less trying to figure out what the math is going on.

Similar to the aforementioned titles, this second installment of the Mind’s Eye of Jupiter series features some puzzle solving in a 3D environment. The puzzles themselves provide the main resistance to progression in the game. Unfortunately, the puzzles are impossibly simple. There is just simply no challenge present in the game other than pick up object x, place object x at location y. Considering their simplicity, the game was notably devoid of any sort of red herrings. For instance, in one room you need to figure out how to open a door to proceed to the next room. In this room there is literally only the objects you need to open the door. All the puzzles in the game seemed to be this way.

Also on the list of negatives is the completely linear layout of the game. There is absolutely zero branching and that is a bit strange for games of this genre. I would have liked to have seen some alternate means to an ends and maybe some outright wrong turns that reward your exploration with some interesting flavor or clues to plot intricacies.

All this complaining may give you the impression that I didn’t enjoy the game, as it turns out this is just not the case. I was quite pleased to be playing a game of this type on the XBLIG as it is quite an unusual offering. The game was short enough to play in a single sitting, which didn’t feel wrong in this particular instance as it felt a bit like reading the chapter of a book. Additionally, the transition for this typically mouse dominated genre to the console worked out pretty well with the use of a pretty solid menu system.

Audio/Visual

The Mind’s Eye of Jupiter series is in 3D. I would liken it to probably a very simplistic looking PlayStation 2 game. I say simplistic because there isn’t an awful lot of “stuff” in the game. Very few objects laying about, mostly large cavernous rooms with heavily geometric looking shaped items. The character models are a little bizarre, but not in a way that negatively effects the game since their presence is limited. As a pure adventure game the world is odd enough that it makes you want to look around, so in that category it does get bonus points. But, as previously mentioned, the lack of branching and additional areas to explore for explorations sake you do feel a little unfulfilled – which is something my girlfriends passed say is sometimes a deal breaker.

Musically the game is unmemorable, it has music and that’s about all I can say for it. It has a sort of a surrealistic scifi feel to it that doesn’t hurt the gameplay and adds to its atmosphere but you aren’t going to be trying to find the soundtrack.

Summary

If you played the first game of the series I think you probably know what to expect and whether you are interested in playing the second installment or not. To those of you interested in starting with the second game you can do so, as the game has an intro that catches you up to speed and doesn’t simply strand you in the middle of an already started narrative. I would say I enjoyed this game as it provided a bit of a breath of fresh air, its unnecessary simplicity may have even contributed to the overall positive experience. With all that said I can’t simply stamp a buy on the 240 MS Point  Mind’s Eye of Jupiter – 2, I think it would be best for those who are interested to pick up the game’s demo and see if its plot and world appeal to their tastes. For those who end up uninterested but still seek an adventure game you may want to check out Decay.

As the designated falling block aficionado of Two Fedoras, I love seeing what the Indie community can produce to iterate on such an already markedly established genre with so many classics.  This brings us to XBLIG’s latest offering: Acupwnture.

Acupwnture is an unfortunately titled falling block game that, in attempting to be a difficult and unique member of its genre, almost misses the point of being a falling block puzzle game in the first place but still manages to deliver some solid block fun.

Gameplay

In the vein of your standard falling block games, blocks in Acupwnture arrive at the top of the screen, and move at a steady rate downward until they land on something below them.  They have your control to shuffle them left and right, or rotate them. Blocks are two-piece composites pulling from five different colors, with the block removal mechanic working similarly to Chime and Lumines in that you have to create 2×2 squares of a single color to mark those squares for removal.  You then have a set amount of “moves” (that is, block placements) during which you can continue to build using squares of the same color to increase the destruction, and therefore your score. In order to complete a level, you must destroy a certain number of blocks of each color type.

The extra twist in Acupwnture is that the five colors each correspond to a different element, Earth, Air, Fire, Water, Metal. The game field itself is also aligned to an element, which informs not only the win conditions for the stage (in terms of how many removals of each element must occur) but also the stage’s “special ability.” I found the stage special abilities to be a nice twist, in that they spiced things up just enough, and gave a bit of flavor to each of the elements. Also nice is that the level timer itself helps to warn you of impending ability usage. Although what exactly you can do with that knowledge is lost on me.

The game bills itself as being “insanely difficult,” and to an extent it is.  But what I enjoyed most about Acupwnture was discovering the little tricks to being successful in spite of that. Namely that making use of the “insta-drop” to save a massive amount of time was key to victory, as well as learning to use the “emergency” coins to clear the field of a chosen color block to help clear the way for creating a super block of a needed color. Finally, utilizing the fact that an exploding superblock will snake its way through any trail of singular blocks connected to it, destroying them all.

To get the most fun out of Acupwnture however, my advice is to give Standard Mode a miss entirely. Standard Mode plays out as a series of stages with the goal of clearing a specific number of each color type before it moves on to the next. There are tiers whereby it introduces more difficulty through adding to the number of elements of the board, which increases the “stage abilities” used against you. But in my mind, stage-based goal-oriented design isn’t what makes falling block games great.  Instead, I suggest playing “Continuous Mode.”  Rather than presenting you with a new board (and cleared score) between stages as Standard Mode does, Continuous Mode simply resets the goal counters and keeps on moving, while you shoot for the highest score you can. That’s the kind of play I can get behind.

The only other slight problem I have is with the controls. The block rotation buttons are A and B, with Y serving as the “emergency coin” thrower. Personally, I like using the triggers for block rotation and an options menu to let me set controls would have been nice.

Audio/Visual

The graphics in Acupwnture are fairly well done. I can’t say I’m a fan of using so many off-standard fonts in various places and various styles, but at least they’re legible, unlike some other block games. The backgrounds are nice and vibrant and fit their respective elements without distracting from the gameplay itself. The blocks especially are well done. Coded in a combination of both color and design which makes it easy to see what exactly you’re dealing with in play, in the goal area and on the field at any given moment. The periodic shimmering of blocks on the play field is also a nice touch which adds to the polish.

I would have liked to see a more unified menu aesthetic, however. The pause menu especially is quite an eyesore of black text and red highlight on a dull white/gray field. I’m fairly certain the menus are also based off the XNA game state example. This is fine, but they don’t expand on it and use its power to an advantage for animation which would have made things feel better.

The sound effects are nice and fitting. Your standards of block rotation, movement, and destruction. I would give the music a miss though, and bring your own if you can. It’s serviceable, but varied wildly based on the stage (which itself is based on element type), and got annoying after repeated loops.

Summary

If you’re desperately in need of a new falling block game, you can’t really go wrong with Acupwnture by FourthDimensonal Gaming for 80 MS Blockgamebuyers. While it is a solid offering, you probably won’t play it for long. It just doesn’t have the addictive staying power of a Lumines or Chime.

Seriously, though, can’t we move past this “pwn” thing already?

Practically ever since the launch of Twilight began to glitter the ultimate human predator, I have more or less been in the midst of an all out vampire boycott. In fact, the only exception in the last two years was playing Castlevania: SOTN on XBLA. Oh and I don’t want to hear any whining from you True Blood soap opera fans either. Now to the point, I’ve momentarily placed a moratorium on the blood sucking boycott for one very special game that we’ll be having a full review of in the near future(between now and when the Sun becomes a Red Giant engulfing the Earth). I’m bored with ending these the same way every time, so just know that the bold stuff is mine.

Dino ‘Splode
	Dino ‘Splode is an exciting action platformer where the player controls a nearly nuclear dinosaur named Sandwich. The player travels through various unique locations, solves puzzles, survives harsh environments, and makes their way through the bloodthirsty and constantly feuding Caveman nations. Developer: Owen Deery Price: 240 Microsoft Points Fairly enjoyable platformer with a kind of amusing sun/exploding lizard mechanic that creates a sense of urgency which persists throughout play. The speed of the game feels a little off though, I think it is worth genre fans’ time to give it a demo play.
This Is Hard
	Think you’re man enough to conquer the depths of THIS IS HARD? Trek your way through nefarious traps and deadly zombies to escape with your life. Who would fill the world with so many sharp and explosive objects? Conquer these challenges, or join the undead masses. Developer: Stegersaurus Games Price: 80 Microsoft Points Awesome, hilarious, and fun go get your run on.
Sharpshooter
	www.yyrgames.com – An intense test of your target-shooting skills! Experience 20 unique games, dynamically-adjusting difficulty, and optional Double Mode where you play with two guns at once! Compete with a friend in two multiplayer modes, or compete online with Internet Ranking! Will your skills be enough to earn the top grades? Also includes “The Best of Xbox LIVE Indie Games, Volume 1.” Developer: yyr Price: 80 Microsoft Points Mildly amusing thumb work out, yyr games typically runs competitions on their new releases as well. Competitions with MS Point rewards, so go check that out at their site if you end up getting the game.
Sword&Magic
	This game is a horizontal scroll shooting game. The character of two people can be switched. It raises the level when EXP is collected, and power improves. The trial version is 4 stages. The product version is 12 stages. Developer: HUNTERS Price: 80 Microsoft Points Interesting side-scrolling shooter in which you swap characters in and out during play. The art is a little janky even by pixel art standards and the bullet patterns seem a bit inelegant. It still seems worthy of checking out the demo.
German 101
	Learn German with 1000 flashcards featuring the most commonly used words. Developer: Glass Joe Price: 80 Microsoft Points This one, obviously, isn’t a game in the traditional sense of the word. I still felt like mentioning it as it seems the developer put a lot of effort into its creation.
Vampire Rage
	Cursed for an eternity with the loss of a loved one. Revenge is a dish best served cold! Vampire Rage is a fast paced shooter, themed around vampires and the undead. Can you handle the RAGE?! Developer: tricktale Price: 80 Microsoft Points A very very impressive demo experience. I would be willing to speculate that this one could be the best vertical scrolling shooter offering since Shoot 1UP! Just the environment and its various layers of parallax are enough for a thrill.
Ancient Trader
	The smell of exotic spices and the thunder of the sea accompany your journey as you discover new islands with thriving harbours full of goods. Sail through unknown waters where no ship went before, compete with other traders, fight mythical sea-monsters and gather ancient artefacts to claim a legendary treasure. Ancient Trader is a quick, pick-up-and play arcade family-entertainment strategy game. Developer: Fourkidsgames Price: 240 Microsoft Points This one has a really nice look to it. I don’t know how good or bad the gameplay is as it seemed hard to get a feel for it quickly which could mean there is some gameplay depth there. It may have helped if I had read any of the help or tutorials, but those are for pussies.

Mommy’s Best Games just uploaded a new video describing an update to their groundbreaking XBLIG shmup, Shoot 1UP. Which to be honest if you don’t own it already you’re probably regretting not having that living will.

Always in pursuit of perfection, MBG thought they could make some improvements on the already substantially enjoyable game by polishing up its “Score Trek” mode. The Score Trek mode itself acts as sort of a marathon mode which allows you to play through the game multiple times, saving level advancements and building up epically high scores for what can best be described as a gentlemanly comparison metric that doesn’t involve public indecency charges.

You can still find Shoot 1up on Xbox Live for a measly 80 Microsoft Kajiggers.