Two Hos and a Yo

DETOUR

2009-01-10T13:03:00.000-08:00

i would like to re-route you from the funny here....

to land you HERE.

i built myself a new home for the bloggerton. "it's all growns up and all growns up and all growns up"

HAPPY MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE!

2008-12-24T08:13:00.000-08:00

i am SO excited about Christelmas.

i hope you all are too.

may your days be merry and bright. and may you still be filled with the wonder of Christmas.

love,
~christel

THIS... IS MORE AWESOMER

2008-12-19T15:46:00.000-08:00

than awesome.

i mean this is better than peanut butter and chocolate... AT! THE! SAME! TIME!

Cryptkeeper in Drag

2008-12-18T06:54:00.001-08:00

so Kimmy posted this...

and now i have to. cause she's totally "Number-Like" and we kinda love her. a whole bunch.

so go here. and enter to win makeups. FREE makeups. we know momma love a good makeup. and if i will, i will totally share!

and Lo, if there's pink mascara.... its ALLLLLLL yours.

suds and duds

2008-12-12T09:48:00.000-08:00

the BF (pseudonym still in progress) has decided that he wants to blog as well. the ACTUAL conversation went like this.

"I'ma need YOU to make me a blog. and I'm gonna write wittier stuff and send it to all of YOUR peeps and they are gonna love ME more than you. cause all the stuff you blog about is funny stuff about ME anyway."

ok, it was more of a statement than a conversation, because my response was a sound that sounded almost exactly like a scoff. (maybe cause it totally was!) so y'all hold your breaths for the "FUNNIER AND CLEVERER THAN CHRISTEL BLOG" cause I'm sure it's on it's way.

[scoff]

now, a blog about ME.

i have issues. more specifically SOAP issues. and even MORE specifically Bath and BodyWorks soap issues. they have an outlet store in both the San Marcos and Hillsboro outlet malls. and i CANNOT get out of there without spending over $50. ON SOAP! seriously people, i only take one shower a day, how much soap could i POSSIBLY need? the answer to that question is a METRIC SHIT TON. i went yesterday to the outlets in San Marcos, cause the BF had some trainings to do there and i had the day off, so why not go? i walked into the BBW store 3 minutes after they opened and left almost 30 minutes later with $76.87 worth of soap. i know better than to pretend to wander around and consider my purchases. i grab the giant shoulder bag and proceed to dump stuff in 2 and 3 at a time. i mean how do you pass up luscious Vanilla Bean Noel lotion for $6 when it's normally $11? and it smells like cookies. COOKIES, PEOPLE!

now don't misunderstand, i didn't spend all that money on just soap for me. i bought christelmas gifties too. but still, $77 on soap? issues. seriously. but i smell real damned delicious. my new favorite smell is the Jasmine Vanilla. it smells like Allie's house. and that is one place I'd really like to be. at allie's house, there is nail polish and coffee and Allie. and NONE of those things suck.

so. anyone know of a 12 step program for this soap thing? if so, lemme know. otherwise I'll be in the tub.

global warming

2008-12-10T07:06:00.000-08:00

have you seen the Lewis Black stand up skit where he was talking about it being so cold you can't finish a sentence?

(NSFW... he drops the F bomb A LOT)

it's THAT cold today.

there was sleet last night and the BF was deluded in thinking that it was snow. his logic was, "it's frozen precipitation that's white and sticking to the ground, then it's snow." yeah i know. boys have flawed logic, but YOU try to tell them that. cause if it makes noise when it hits the porch, it ain't snow. i heard that there was SOME snow that fell, but WE didn't see it.

i know, snow isn't so amazing. but the fact that it was 81 degrees at lunch yesterday makes it a little more outrageous. "welcome to Texas. if you don't like the weather, wait five minutes, it'll change"

the point of my story is this. i want to NOT be at work, but snuggled up by a fireplace with hot rum drinks and mashed potatoes. if any of you can make that happen for me, i will totally tell Santa to take you off the Naughty List.

always

2008-12-08T12:41:00.000-08:00

always an adventure. that is our motto. it's been mine for years. add to that a BF who gets into all sorts of mishaps, and it's like a mantra now.

even something as simple as a late night food run, becomes an adventure.

we left his house in the sticks around 9pm. we flipped a coin between Sonic at 17 miles away or Jack in the Box at 16 miles away. not lying. Jack won.

now i don't live in the sticks. i live in the city. i don't see well in the dark and add to that not having a DAMNED clue where i was going, and we are already off to a good start. after many "your other lefts" and "NO TURN THERE!" and "baby, watch the speed limit cause it goes from 50 to 35 back to 60" we finally arrived at Jack. we opted to eat inside since we drove 7 hours to get there. when we got to the front, there was a girl chatting with 2 of the girls behind the counter. we took our time deciding what sort of fat girls we were going to be, so we were able to hear parts of the conversation in the interim. lots of "he said... she said" lots of "why you gotta get all up in my bidness" and as we were ordering it got even MORE heated and a fight was about to erupt. the girls took their drama to the back and we were able to order without someone getting yanked over the counter by her hair.

we ordered a metric fuckton of fat girl food and during our wait we were able to soak in our surroundings. mind you it was BALLS cold on Saturday night. there was a woman in there with no shoes or socks or jacket on. she looked pretty rough and was there with her crackhead boyfriend. and you could tell there was anger between them as they were leaving and she shot back some snide remark at him as she was walking out the door. there was a quiet hispanic family on the other side of the restaurant and us. we could STILL hear the girls fighting in the back of the kitchen and decided to take our food to go. while we were still waiting, another group of people came in. two guys and one girl. they were the oddest combination of people. and it was as if they were told, "dress nicely, but wear the STUPIDEST shoes you own" i am NOT lying. one guy was a buck-ten, soaking wet and was wearing a button down shirt, brownish tie, blazer, brown slacks, and dirty brown chuck taylor low tops. the other guy was wearing a blue button down with black slacks and black and white checkered skate punk shoes. BUT WAIT. the girl was the BEST! she was in a lovely lacy calf length black dress with a brown leather floor length leather (?) coat with a sheepskin lining and a fur collar. not sure exactly what KIND of fur, but fur. and for her footwear.... leather moccasin slippers with a fur lining as well. we think the fur may have been squirrel or perhaps chipmunk. they were HIDEOUS. we referred to her as Pocahontas.

in addition to all of the excitement, the restaurant had a thermostat set for "Flash Freeze" and it was entirely too cold. i thought about borrowing Pocahontas's coat.

we took our 11 pounds of artery clogging, ass fattening food, bid the jack farewell, and then drove back to the house.
of course with more, "honey, just let him pass you on the other sides" and "watch out for the drunk swerving guy" and a couple of "dang ole potholes, man"

we made it safely home. still an adventure. but not without amusement. never is.

One Third

2008-12-05T07:38:00.000-08:00

i want to thank all of you who called and texted and emailed and facebooked me to wish me Happy Birthday! i had to charge my phone twice on Wednesday because you people blew me up. but i loved EVERY second of it. it's always a fun game with me and the BF when we hear our Blackberries start vibrating and guess to see whose it is and typically it's his cause he's so popular! but wednesday.... WEDNESDAY... it was ALL ME BABY! WOOOOOOOOOOOO

here are some pictures from the 12 Days of Christel!

flowers from my honey on Saturday night. he arranged them in a photo box all by hisownself.

me and Ang with yet ANOTHER one of the Thelma and Louise shots we've been doing for 17 or so years!

THOSE guys. Brothers and Boyfriends....

then on my ACTUAL birthday i got this! THIS! that my honey commissioned and designed. isn't he a peach?

yeah. it's PIRATEY!

look how fantastic it looks ON my bed!

it's fleece on the under side too. way ass cozy!

and then i went to dinner at Ang's. the Rottens made me a sign! (if you look closely you can see that the B in Birthday looks like boobies!)

and then a White trash cake too! (it's a little perverse looking too. i LOVE IT!)

and pirate flips!

and swirly earrings.

i'm a spoiled loved girl. thank you all again for the love!

reprinted from '04

2008-12-02T16:39:00.000-08:00

...there was a woman, who really really wanted children. Finally after 6 miscarriages she was finally going to carry a baby to term. She knew from the moment she conceived that it was going to be a girl. She called her Christel, even though her husband really wanted a boy and called it Bozo. But she was convinced beyond a doubt it would be a girl.

The pregnancy went along fine and mommie-to-be was happy as could be. The baby was not in a hurry to join the world. The pregnancy was 3 weeks past due and she was miserable. She and hubby had done everything to hurry the delivery along to no avail. Then one night he comes in all excited that his friend, Eddie, has tickets to a San Antonio Spurs basketball game. She was not excited, what if she goes into labor and he’s in the middle of a basketball game? This was before the age of cell phones. Anyway she said she guessed he could go so long as his friend’s wife, Carolyn, would “baby”sit her. Carolyn agreed and off the guys go to watch the Spurs.

She and Carolyn played some cards. About 8:00 she couldn’t get comfortable, her lower back was bothering her. So they stopped sitting in uncomfortable chairs and went in the other room to watch some TV. Carolyn said that she might be in labor, but she said she wasn’t in pain, just uncomfortable. Finally about midnight the fellas arrived home. Needless to say, you can’t go to a Spurs game and not drink beer, so they were a little tipsy and a lot tired. On the way home, Hubby asked if she wanted to go to the hospital, it was on the way home. She had already been to the hospital once with “false” labor and didn’t want to do that again. She said, “No I’m not having any pains, let’s just go home and go to sleep”, which they did… for a while anyway.

About 1:00, her water broke. She tried to wake Hubby up, but he wasn’t having any of it. When she finally convinced him that it was time to go he got in an all-out hurry. Meanwhile, she was putting on a little make-up, after all this is a big day and she wanted to look her best. Hubby was antsy and was trying to rush her out the door. Once they arrived at the hospital it was all excitement. But her labor was slow, slow, slow. Hubby was asleep (or maybe passed out) in a chair. Contractions were fast so the doctor started the epidural. Then her contractions stopped. They started her on a pitocin drip only to find out there was a hole in the tubing and most of the pitocin was in a puddle on the floor. Hubby woke up occasionally to see how she was doing; basically he was not much help. Finally her contractions started again, she was completely dilated and they told her it was time to push. She was pushing well, but, wait, they realized she was not fully dilated to they told her to stop pushing.

Now it really was time. They took her to the delivery room -by now it is about 4:30 the next afternoon. The epidural had worn off, so they did a spinal. She was exhausted and wanted to give up. The only thing that kept her pushing was that she really, really wanted to know if the baby had red hair. A very tuned-in nurse kept coaxing her to push by saying “we can almost see her, I think her hair is red, but push one more time so I can be sure”.

Finally, after much pushing and then use of the “salad forks”, Christel was born. At 5:02 December 3, 1975. Waiting anxiously for that first cry and did Christel ever cry, holler was more like it. She was totally worn out, and now she was numb from her toes to her throat, she had no energy to even cough. When they brought Christel to her to hold, she started crying, scared to death she would drop her. But the nurse helped her and she didn’t drop her.

She was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. And she came from her, you see she was adopted and this was the first person in the world she was really related to. She couldn’t stop crying, tears of joy, and exhaustion, and excitement, and more joy. It was almost too much emotion to handle. Then they took Christel to the nursery and finished up with her. After she spent 3 hours in recovery she was finally allowed to go to the nursery to see her brand new daughter. And guess what that little girl was doing when she saw her the first time---she was up on her elbows looking around at the world in amazement.

And guess what, she still looks at the world in amazement and with a sense of awe. Today she is 33 years old. She is the light of my life, my first and best treasure. I love her more than she will ever know. She has grown into a beautiful, witty, caring, sensitive, smart, loving woman. She is all she every hoped for, and more.

Happy Birthday, Baby.

Love, The Mommie.

Tasty and Allie made me do it.

2008-12-02T14:54:00.000-08:00

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
i was almost named Carisa after a street in Dallas that my mom used to go make out with boys on. but she remembered it wrong and i am now Christel.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? a few weeks ago. it was Grey's that made me do it.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? sometimes.

4 . WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? roast beef

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? do cats count? if not, then yes. i claim Angela's for spoiling purposes.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? you're fucking kidding me, right?

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? see also #6.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? all stock parts

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? is there bacon at the bottom?

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? honey nut cheerios

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? unless you've found a flip flop with laces... then NO.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? as an ox.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Baskin Robbins Peppermint

14. WHAT’S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? if they are listening when i speak to them. "hi what can i do for you?" the answer is NOT, "fine, thank you"

15. RED OR PINK? both.

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? physically? my lack of strong jawline. non-physically? i'm OVERLY critical of people.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? right now? my Mimi. i have seen SO much stuff that she would love for Christelmas.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? well, since its on my blog, why not just go ahead and post it up on yours?

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? black and black

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? leftovers. i made spinach and cheese ravioli with grilled chicken and sauteed mushrooms. mmmmmmm

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? stupid work muzak

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? plum

23. FAVORITE SMELLS? clean boys. my mom. eggnog.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? my ultra cute boyfriend.

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS? bof'em

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? BASEBALL

27. HAIR COLOR? brown. and natural. for once in a LONG time.

28. EYE COLOR? big blue!

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? yeah, about that...

30. FAVORITE FOODS? Carbohydrates? (stacey's answer is too freaking good)

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? happy endings.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Quantum of Solace. if anyone wants to put Daniel Craig in my stocking, i wouldn't object.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? black. i'm at work. i don't NORMALLY dress like Johnny Cash.

34. SUMMER OR WINTER? summer. it's BASEBALL season!

35. HUGS OR KISSES? bof'em

36. FAVORITE DESSERT? cheesecake

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Angela

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Austin

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING RIGHT NOW? i am re-reading the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. all 5 books in the trilogy.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? a mouse?

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? i watched 27 Dresses.

42. FAVORITE SOUND? laughter. ESPECIALLY the Rottens'

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? stones. always.

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? i guess when i lived in London, England. but there are days knowing my mom is in SC and that seems like across the world too.

45. ANY NEW NEWS IN YOUR LIFE? i am so stupid, giddy, happy, moronically in love that it's not even funny

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? oddly enough in the SAME hospital in San Antonio as Alliepants.

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? Lola's. hers are always funnier than mine.

48. WHAT TIME IS IT NOW? 5:13 pm

we've got spirit, yes we do

2008-12-01T14:05:00.000-08:00

don't know if you've seen it yet, or not, but the new wal-mart commercial with the check out lights TOTALLY got me into the holiday spirit.

i mean like jumped RIGHT up and bit me squarely on the ass. i am SO excited about this holiday. usually i dont get excited until a week before, but i even bought a christmas CD at Kohl's the other day cause A: all the proceeds go to Kohl's Cares for Kids and B: because it has Winter Wonderland by Jason Mraz and C: I HAVE THE FLIPPIN' CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!

i walked a little slower past the trees at the store to smell them. i want to bake all night long. i want to wrap presents already. i am SO ready for Christelmas.

gotta pace myself, cause it's not even my birthday yet.

dooced (insert trademark symbol here, cause i'm computer retarded)

2008-11-21T11:40:00.000-08:00

Dear Heather Armstrong,

i read your blog frequently and giggle to myself over the fact that I'm sure we could be fast friends, if given the chance, but allow me to take this opportunity to express my dislike for you. you... and your "daily style" section. that damned section in which you post photos of cute things sent to you or bought by you from etsy.com. if it weren't for that damned site, my cute owl wallet (that i TOTALLY bought FROM etsy) would be a several hundred dollars richer. as i type this, i catch the light sparkling off of my new owl ring (ALSO bought from etsy!) and it makes me sneer. don't get me wrong, i have received SEVERAL dozens of compliments on said owl ring. i mean CMON, he's real freaking cute. wanna see?

SEEE???? he's adorable, right?

i have spent the past weeks browsing leisurely on etsy, cursing your name most of the time. i have purchased about 20 christelmas gifts in the past two days alone. don't get me wrong, i totally adore you and think you are an incredible writer. and i have even hung out with GEORGE! a time or two and was very tempted to kiss his face off. and i don't really dislike you. but you... YOU are the devil, woman! stop showing me the path to a lighter bank account. GAH.

signed,
your wannabe friend, Christel

Bar Golf Slideshow

2008-11-10T13:37:00.001-08:00

FORE!

2008-11-06T06:59:00.000-08:00

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited about this weekend.

it's the BF's birthday on Sunday. i have super special plans for him on Friday. he keeps asking what they are. at one point, he said, "if you're planning a dinner, then it's gonna be tough, i have something going on Friday night." i shot back, "alright already... i'm JUST trying to figure out when to get the stripper pole installed... sheeeeeesh!"

he still has no clue. one could call him clueless. but that would be mean. so would a real green dress. ( i know like 3 of you actually caught that reference)

ok back on topic. he's prolly gonna go to the UT Baylor game with his dad on Saturday... but then.... THEN... on Saturday night... THAT'S when the fun begins.

we're
gonna
play
Pub
Golf!!!!!

"but what's pub golf, Precious?"

you MUST be in golf attire
there are 9 pubs or “holes” in the course
each hole has a par number assigned to it
the par number corresponds to a type of drink
the number of strokes you take for a hole is the number of drinks you need to finish that drink
drinking water is considered a Water Hazard
allow 30 mins max for each hole, to try to keep on schedule
each hole has a par number; a par number corresponds to the following drinks:
* Par 1 - shooter
* Par 2 - glass of wine (red or white)
* Par 3 - bottle of beer (any)
* Par 4 - pint of beer (any)
* Par 5 - bombs (jager, irish car bomb, etc)
- (optional) you may want to implement a 60- or 90 second “drink clock” in which the player has a set amount of time in which to finish an attempt at a Hole-In-One shot. (Some folks, while working on a Hole-in-One, can really stretch out how long they take to finish). If the person does stop and takes a second stroke, then timing is not so big of a deal.- a 2-stroke penalty is assessed to anyone who hurls (barfs, vomits, chunders, etc) during the game (during your shot or after in the pub, or while walking between pubs)

Ang and i went shopping for golf sweaters and argyle socks. we even bought a golf club at Goodwill. we are gonna have to keep it away from the birthday boy because he will be THAT GUY who thinks its funny to beat on Lamborghinis the more the game progresses. but still. it's gonna be so fun!

pray for my liver.

things that go sparkle

2008-10-31T06:57:00.000-07:00

last weekend, we took the BF's daughter to a Halloween thing for kids and pets. they had a band and food and one of those inflated things kids can jump in and arts and crafts. and by "arts and crafts" i mean "unsupervised access to vats of glue and buckets of glitter."

Kiddo spent almost an hour decorating foam pumpkin cutouts with red glitter and markers. when she was finished, she gingerly made the walk back with something in her hands she was carrying so delicately. we all assumed it was because she had made it with love and was taking extra special care to not drop it. when she got closer we saw that it was not a protective maneuver, it was a feat in balance and self-preservation. she had COVERED the pumpkins in glue and glitter, so much so, that it was dripppppping off of them. and they had all stuck to her hands and were defying gravity. when she put them on the table her father cringed in terror at the 3 year old that was also covered in almost as much glitter as the pumpkins. he picked her up and carried her to the bathroom at arm's length to try and clean her up.

i took that opportunity to make the drive home with the "art" as manageable as possible. Kiddo had dressed up as a rock star for the day and her Gran had made her a cardboard guitar. since the glue was obviously still wet, i scraped off the majority of it from the pumpkins and covered her "tar" with it. it looked pretty damned bad ass after i was done with it.

by the time i had that finished, both the BF and Kiddo came back from the bathroom all clean. and he took one look at me, now covered in glitter, and just shook his head. i said to him, "if you have issues with glitter, Mister, then you and i will NEVER work out!"

he laughed cause he knows its true.

and today is a prime example of that truthiness. we don't get to dress up for Halloween at work, but our boss told us we could wear silly hats. and you know me... i can't JUST get by with a silly hat, so i have glitter too! cause, yeah. i'm THAT girl.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, Y'ALL.

IAN KYLE

2008-10-30T09:10:00.000-07:00

i have 2 baby brothers.

one is 23 and one is 24. they are 6 months apart.

HOW is that POSSIBLE?!?!?!?!?!

different parents, DUR.

(but i LOVE telling the story like that)

and speaking of the one that's 24, TODAY happens to be his birthday.

here's to many happy returns of your birthday, IAN!

(he's the ultra cute SINGLE one on the right, ladies...

the other one's taken)

Slainte!

Love you Bro!

oh and one more thing,

HOOK EM!

"I have nipples, Greg. Can you milk me?"

2008-10-21T07:22:00.000-07:00

welp, i met the boyfriend's (still haven't figured out his pseudonym....) family on Saturday. and by family i mean the WHOLE Damn Family. not a simple, "hey honey let's have dinner with my folks at a nice restaurant". i mean 12 hours at their house with his daughter, Mom, Dad, 2 sisters, a brother-in-law, and a niece. PHEW.

we got there around 9 ish because his dad needed some help with cementing in some cinder blocks. so we ate breakfast, (hash browns with onions and scrambled eggs with onions) and then the menfolk got to work. i sat in the kitchen and talked to his mom about stuff. and crap. and junk. i asked her how she and her husband met, cause i got the abbreviated version from her son and thought, "i BET this is a good story. it HAS to be!" and over the next 5 hours, we chatted about where i've lived, where she's lived, how they met, how she wants to be a writer (kickass!), how i have a blog, how she wants to get into blogging, their trip to Eureka Springs, Arkansas (hehehehehe) and Life, the Universe and Everything. it was WONDERFUL. we chatted like we had known each other for years. she is a fantastic woman. i'm pretty sure that if the BF and i break up, she's gonna keep ME instead.

after the menfolk were finished with the laboring, we started working on dinner (pork chops covered in onions, scalloped potatoes with onions) around this time, the BF's sister and husband and niece arrived. and his sister asked IMMEDIATELY, "what's for dessert?" and of COURSE i piped up with , "well i fancy myself a baker". keep in mind that his dad was an executive chef. his brother-in-law is a chef at a restaurant in marble falls and his sister is no slouch in the kitchen either. GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT. collectively, we decided on apple pie. i said i would make a streusel topping for it. well it ended up that i made an apple crisp instead. which was even funnier, because his mom said, "wow that was the easiest dessert i've ever made!" ya know, since I championed the whole project! heh.

once we put dinner in the oven, we all hopped in the truck and went to the lake. i hadn't been on a boat since i was about 10. i was STOKED! we cruised around the lake for a bit. the majority of the family got IN the lake. (i am NOT that girl who jumps in lakes when it's OCTOBER) and we headed back tot he house. we assumed we were gonna be gone for about an hour. 2 hours later we get back to the house and can almost smell the food from the street. good thing we only put it in at 275 degrees. it all smelled so good.

we all got back to work finishing dinner and as his mom is cutting onions for the salad, i whispered to the BF, "will you ask her to scoop some out for me first and don't tell her that i'm allergic, k?"

he says, "HEY MA, we're gonna scoop some out cause she's all allergic to onions and all..."
thanks, dear.

her face turns white and you could see her going over the entire menu for the day and realizing that the ONLY things we didn't put onions in were the coffee and the apple crisp. she was mortified. which was what i was TRYING to avoid in the first place. reallllllly graceful, dear.

OH! i forgot this part. when we took the apple crisp out of the oven, i said to his dad, "that looks terrible, y'all ought not have any." he says, 'just wait and see what's left in the pan and THEN we'll decide" i said, "i was trying to say that i... ya know... have it all to myself...." he shoots back, "yeah, we are real familiar with THAT game. don't think you can try to get by with THAT move i mean we aren't THIS fat by letting someone ELSE eat our desserts!"

i... uhhh... yes sir.

so we ate dinner, that was SOOOOO tasty, and i was complimented on my apple crisp. yay me, i didn't poison them! and we wound down the night. we said our goodbyes and were on our way home. i didn't break anything. i didn't say anything out of line and i didn't shatter any family heirlooms. it was a good day.

i was informed yesterday that his dad called him and asked if i had a nice time and said "everyone seems to have liked her". having myveryownpersonal dad who is a man of few words, THIS was a pretty good indicator that i might get to come back.

i hope.

NO YOU!

2008-10-17T08:28:00.000-07:00

a conversation from last night

HIM: no you're lame, i'm gonna punch you in the taint.

ME: i'm gonna punch YOU.... in the taint!

HIM: i'm gonna punch you.... in... the ....uh.... FOREHEAD.

ME: i'm gonna punch YOU...in the forehead WITH my TAINT!

HIM: i... uhh... yeah. you win.

at the Town's End

2008-10-16T10:06:00.000-07:00

so. when i was wee, my father got a yellow rose tattoo on his left wrist. last year for Father's day, my brother Ian got 2 yellow roses tattooed on his left wrist.

since i am ink heavy on my left side, i decided that if i got yellow roses, they would be on my right side. and i thought about maybe getting them on my ribs. (OUCH!) and then i decided to get them around my rabbit symbol i have on my back.

well, when Ian was in town last weekend, we FINALLY did it. i got my roses.

the artist, Craig, redid my rabbit, too to make it look REALLY kickass.

i love love love it!

Happy Birthday, Old Man. the Townsend roses are complete!

WHOA!

2008-10-08T08:34:00.000-07:00

one week weigh in.

you ready?

i lost.... TEN POUNDS.

i KNOW not to expect results like this every week, cause i tried DAMN hard to kick start this weight loss. but still. now i think i shall reward myself with nail polish. i think for every pound lost that it will be a dollar towards my nail polish ~~dependency~~ fund.

and i have also decided that when i lose all the weight i want to, i am going shopping for new clothes.

side story: the other day i was thinking, "i haven't bought myself any new clothes in a WHILE, i should consider at least a new pair of jeans since the ones i love have a hole in the butt (aka the butthole jeans)" and when i was at target i DID buy myself some clothes. unfortunately they were pirate PJ bottoms. not EXACTLY what i was shooting for , but holy crapmonkeys they are cute!

OH and in addition to watching what i've been eating, i have also been drinking a metric fuckton of water. like a gallon a day. this is especially difficult when i am on the phone with customer service for someone and im doing the PeePee dance. WAY proffessional, no?

k. so. there you have it. YAY ME!
and thanks to all of you for your support and cheering (especially the BF who is doing FANTASTICALLY well too! keep up the good work, baby!)

phone tree

2008-10-07T15:05:00.000-07:00

Allie called and activated the phone tree the other day. it's not my place to discuss why, but to all involved, know that we love you. and are there when you need us.

and if you need us to bring chocolate and nail polish and likker, just say the word.
but for now, i'm sending HUGE hugs.

me,
with the love.

double dutch

2008-10-07T07:25:00.000-07:00

one week weigh-in is MORRRRROW. and i am pretty stoked. i am doing a 2 day juice fast right now, and have been watching my caloric intake.

and i bought a jump rope last night. the thought of me jumping rope kinda makes me giggle. but exercise is exercise, right? i mean i'm pretty sure i will burn MORE calories jumping rope like a schoolgirl, than i will holding down my couch.

so.... we shall seeeeeeee.....

Fatty McGee

2008-10-01T07:19:00.000-07:00

how funny that i follow a post about bacon cinnamon rolls with this post about starting a new diet today. the BF and i have decided that we are no longer going to be fatties and are going to lose some weight before the end of the year. i am going to lose 25. he's going to lose 30. we can TOTALLY do it. hell, we quit drinking for a month together, and made it. we can certainly diet together. we have both signed up on a calorie tracking site and my little progress meter is down at the bottom of the page. we are also both taking hoodia from my aunt's vitamin line and he wants me to join a gym with him. yeah... that one's gonna take a little bit more coercing.

the tough part is that both of our birthdays are coming up. as well as the holidays. at least i love a challenge. but im totally gonna do this. you just watch.

Bacon and what?

2008-09-30T10:33:00.000-07:00

DO WANT!

someone make these and bring them to my house.

BACON CINNAMON ROLLS

knit one... GIVE many!

2008-09-26T08:34:00.000-07:00

as some of you know, i am a knitter. our very own Alliepants taught me how years ago.

since then i have only been able to make flat things. scarves, blankets, washcloths. i have truckloads of yarn around my house. i am working on a giant afghan for my bed with really pretty fall colors. and since i am almost finished with it, i was rolling around what my next project would be. and who knew it would come to me in an email?

there was THIS story in my email from the yarn newsletter that i get weekly.

"Skein by skein. Month by month. A pledge starting with a single skein and taking it a month at time. Knitting up a skein’s worth of washcloths, preemie hats, Warm Up squares. Or working as far as a skein would go on a healing shawl or scarf or mittens. No real rules. No one checking out if a month gets skipped or a skein is not quite finished. "

so... my NEW project is gonna be knitting BLANKETS FOR CHARITY! i think i will go with this one, since it's in my hometown.

is that right up my alley or WHAT? i'm so excited. so, if you wanna buy me soft cottony yarns for my birthday, that will be SO perfect!

YAY KNITTING!