tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38463461243446623112012-01-23T16:34:18.495-08:00Trying to get pregnant for a year and counting.FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.comBlogger48125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-18355709260868704062012-01-23T04:20:00.000-08:002012-01-23T04:20:03.940-08:002012-01-23T04:20:03.940-08:00

I am dreading today.  Long story short, my job is basically screwing me by moving me mid-year to two different schools.  I'm swapping places with one of the other specialists in the building.  This chick is due with her second child about 3 weeks before I would be.  I dread every monthly meeting the reading department has, because I know I'm going to see her and be reminded of how pregnant I

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-56939835711390236912012-01-22T13:45:00.000-08:002012-01-22T15:18:54.975-08:002012-01-22T15:18:54.975-08:00

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before? A few things.  The highlights include beginning a job as a reading specialist, getting inseminated (and getting knocked up), and being a matron of honor and all that entails. 2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I'm not really sure that I made any last year.  I didn't this year.  Mostly

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-29950527306446597482012-01-17T18:40:00.000-08:002012-01-18T17:29:56.708-08:002012-01-18T17:29:56.708-08:00

Back in April of last year, I wrote this post, listing the things I had and hadn't done (yet) in our efforts to get pregnant.  I think it needs revisiting.  Take note: Haven't done: Tried to get pregnant at 15 years old. Been on crack. Been drunk in the back seat of a car with a stranger. Relaxed. Prayed. Given up. (**I still haven't done any of these things.**) Haven't done (yet - in order

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-39357926286329515402012-01-15T08:00:00.000-08:002012-01-15T08:08:57.417-08:002012-01-15T08:08:57.417-08:00

My therapist thinks I'm obsessive.  I've given this a lot of thought. So, if I'm being honest, I spend a decent amount of my time thinking about our infertility.  And I really thought for a minute, "Well, maybe she's right."  I read books and blogs about it, I write my own damn blog about it, and I talk it about it a lot, too.  Maybe I am obsessed.  I mean, I spend as much time talking about

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-85986427341507302402012-01-04T14:15:00.000-08:002012-01-05T03:43:02.321-08:002012-01-05T03:43:02.321-08:00

Do any of my fertile friends want to trade uteruses and/or ovaries for a while?  (Side note, it just squiggly underlined "uteruses", so I think the plural of uterus is actually uteri.  Yup, no squiggly line.  Weird, man.) Do-over. Do any of my fertile friends want to trade uteri and/or ovaries for a while?  Because mine don't know what the fuck is going on.  Before now, at least if they

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-38152870683666284072012-01-01T08:45:00.000-08:002012-01-01T08:45:13.426-08:002012-01-01T08:45:13.426-08:00

So Jim and I started seeing a therapist back during the worst of the badness.  But then she was all booked up and we didn't go back until this past week.  Long story short, we are not fans.  She's a nice enough lady and all, but she just doesn't "get" it, and doesn't really seem to make an effort to understand us as people, nor the grief that we feel due to our infertility and the miscarriage. 

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-61701385557178794592011-12-19T03:20:00.000-08:002011-12-19T03:55:37.159-08:002011-12-19T03:55:37.159-08:00

Probably one of the only things Laura Bush has ever said that I won't roll my eyes at: "The English language lacks the words to mourn an absence. For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend, we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful some not. Still we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only “I’m sorry for your loss.” But for an absence, for

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-66732609378294015262011-11-12T08:40:00.001-08:002011-11-12T09:43:29.480-08:002011-11-12T09:43:29.480-08:00

I suck at grief.  Or, maybe I'm really good at grief.  Meaning that I do grief 100% and can't seem to pry myself out of this hole of despair.  Nothing holds any joy for me right now.  Sleep is the closest thing to joy that I'm getting lately, and I'm getting an awful lot of it. I guess this is normal, right? I haven't posted much because I don't really know what there is to say.  My posts up

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-20161778534130456602011-11-03T14:31:00.000-07:002011-11-03T14:31:48.181-07:002011-11-03T14:31:48.181-07:00

I also don't care that I ended a sentence with a preposition.  Sue me.  (Okay, I do care, but it sounds pedantic the other way, so I left it.) Today was my first full day of work since the badness was revealed.  I went yesterday, but ended up leaving at lunch time.  I only cried once today, and it was after a call from the doctor, so that's not too bad, I guess.  More bloodwork was done today,

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-84921048929353714562011-11-02T03:38:00.000-07:002011-11-02T03:39:48.350-07:002011-11-02T03:39:48.350-07:00

So the spotting the other was day was apparently nothing, because my body has basically said "fuck you" and is just chilling, thinking it's still pregnant.  Bloodwork on Monday revealed a rise of a whole 20 points over the whole entire weekend, which means absolutely nothing except that my body refuses to give up.  Stubborn piece of shit.  And Dr. Google says it can take up to 4 weeks for this to

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-87948269585884314472011-10-30T18:51:00.000-07:002011-10-30T18:51:58.855-07:002011-10-30T18:51:58.855-07:00

I don't believe in divine intervention, or miracles, per se, but I will admit that I have been holding on to a sliver of hope that this was all a big mistake, and that my bloodwork on Monday would show that everything is fine after all.  Alas, everything is not fine.  The dream is over.  I've begun spotting. So I sucked it up and went out to get maxi-pads, since I'm not allowed to wear tampons

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-40478886399781053222011-10-29T12:51:00.000-07:002011-10-29T12:51:35.823-07:002011-10-29T12:51:35.823-07:00

I just want to sleep until this is over. Friday morning, I went back to the doctor for more bloodwork.  I had a prenatal appointment later that afternoon for a basic exam.  I was told in the morning that they probably wouldn't call me with the bloodwork results as they usually did, because we would go over them at my 2:30 appointment.  So when I saw my phone show that I had a call from the

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-55665635673651575892011-10-21T16:50:00.000-07:002011-10-21T16:50:28.918-07:002011-10-21T16:50:28.918-07:00

Your sorcery has been successful!  HCG went from 36 on Tuesday to 150-something today.  I didn't catch the exact number, because as soon as the lady on the phone said "your number rose beautifully" (yes, "beautifully"), I sort of zoned out for most of the rest of the conversation.  Continue reciting spells and concocting potions!  It is still early, and I will most likely definitely find

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-61179573716057764902011-10-18T15:03:00.000-07:002011-10-18T15:05:02.514-07:002011-10-18T15:05:02.514-07:00

I know you Nosey McNosersons are looking for an update.  Bloodwork was done this morning, results were in by noon.  I am definitely pregnant, and while my progesterone level is great, my hCG (that's the pregnancy hormone that is picked up on pregnancy tests) is "on the low side" at 36 mIU/mL (mili International Units of hCG per milliliter of urine/blood...just remember the number).

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-29177538260102147772011-10-16T16:46:00.000-07:002011-10-18T15:05:12.262-07:002011-10-18T15:05:12.262-07:00

Ho. Ly. Shit. See that very light line on the left?  Boo-yah.  Take THAT, Unexplained Infertility.  You are no match for the Sperm Straw! Still doesn't really feel real.  I have a pre-scheduled appointment for bloodwork on Tuesday that I would have called to cancel had I gotten my period.  Hopefully the numbers they are looking for will be high enough, and then I don't know what happens.

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-77371291559093881312011-10-12T03:32:00.000-07:002011-10-16T16:48:26.067-07:002011-10-16T16:48:26.067-07:00

Apparently, these are the best pregnancy tests around, if you are an insane person who needs to know 6 days early.  I am an insane person.  So naturally, I spent $15.88 on a box of 3...even though I already have pregnancy tests (like 8 of them) at home that were much cheaper than that.  But they don't say "Early Result" on them!  This is the ONLY test that tells you six days before your

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-46529491703245990162011-10-11T03:09:00.000-07:002011-10-16T16:49:53.373-07:002011-10-16T16:49:53.373-07:00

When we began talking about going to the fertility clinic, I was prepared for it to be uncomfortable, inconvenient, and emotional.  And it has been all of those things.  Something I was not prepared for was how it would affect my body image, which is already in pretty pathetic shape. In addition to the ever-present state of feeling chubby and being frustrated by the way various parts look larger

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-30963014681678230602011-10-04T20:45:00.000-07:002011-10-04T20:47:26.245-07:002011-10-04T20:47:26.245-07:00

A - Semen Analysis (most common usage) B - Smokin' Abs (under the category of "things I'll never have") C - So Awesome (as in my friend, D) D - Sorta Amazing (also D) E - Shoe Addiction (as in my addiction to purchasing shoes) F - This quiz obsession is seriously unhealthy. G - All of the above The correct answer is G, all of the above. Tonight, I spent a great evening with a great friend who

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-35615322369623194362011-10-03T03:34:00.000-07:002011-10-03T03:34:54.273-07:002011-10-03T03:34:54.273-07:00

Today is the day!  And I am prepared with hairless legs, unstinky shoes, and an extra pair of socks just in case. The week leading up to this, recapped: Wednesday morning (day 11 of my cycle), I was to begin ovulation tests.  Which I did.  It was negative.  Then Wednesday afternoon I had the weirdest spotting ever.  Freaked me out.  I called the doctor and spoke with the receptionist, who

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-87181899802339338302011-09-26T17:31:00.000-07:002011-10-03T02:41:23.926-07:002011-10-03T02:41:23.926-07:00

I carry a big purse.  Not particularly because I like them.  In fact, I hate my big purses when I'm shopping or walking anywhere for more than 10 minutes at a time; I always end up with shoulder and neck pain after such excursions.  But I feel like there's a lot of "stuff" that I need to have with me at all times. Currently in my huge purse: wallet Kindle make-up bag cell phone work badge keys

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-41155675101317035902011-09-24T11:12:00.000-07:002011-09-24T11:12:58.101-07:002011-09-24T11:12:58.101-07:00

I've been saying that multiple times a day an hour recently.  Clomid gives me hot flashes.  Or, probably, the copious amounts of estrogen I'm producing, due to the Clomid, give me hot flashes .  It's mildly annoying during the day, when I'm constantly removing and putting on my sweater at work (like, over and over), or breaking into a sweat while trying on shoes.  But it's a real pain in the ass

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-8056680323808725372011-09-20T19:01:00.000-07:002011-09-20T19:02:58.156-07:002011-09-20T19:02:58.156-07:00

Not IT it.  In fact, that it will be removed from the equation.  We're doing the IUI (intrauterine insemination).  And the Clomid. The bloodwork and ultrasound I requested were done today, and everything was mostly normal (some borderline numbers here and there). The NP and I talked more about the Clomid and some other options.  She wrote me a script for it, and told me to think about it and

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-73446132811770245092011-09-18T05:50:00.000-07:002011-09-18T06:27:24.053-07:002011-09-18T06:27:24.053-07:00

After walking in to the clinic and telling the receptionist our names, she says, "Your appointment was actually Wednesday." This served as a decent warning to put up my guard.  I was going to need it. When I called last month to make the appointment, I wrote it down as September 14th (Wednesday).  It was on my calendar as 9/14, it was in a blog entry as 9/14 (until I went and edited it), and I

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-49883749604009903132011-09-17T08:10:00.000-07:002011-09-17T14:00:08.229-07:002011-09-17T14:00:08.229-07:00

I am in the process of writing a more detailed blog post about this appointment, because parts of it would be amusing to you if terrifying to me.  But every time I try to write about it or talk about it, I end up crying.  So for now, here's the summary. The nurse practitioner we saw did not have our test results in front of her (even though they had been faxed over), and admitted that she

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3846346124344662311.post-43849298212116439322011-09-12T18:53:00.000-07:002011-09-12T18:53:57.866-07:002011-09-12T18:53:57.866-07:00

Is this annoying, or useful?  I seriously don't know. Other random thoughts and happenings: I am freaking out about our appointment on Friday.  Let's just leave it at that. On Sunday, I read The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time.  It was awesome.  I bought it off a co-worker for $2, but I found myself wishing I had gotten it on Kindle, because there were so many highlight-able parts.

FyreFry5http://www.blogger.com/profile/00467718959190206434noreply@blogger.com0