While we don’t really recommend a baseball bat as a primary weapon for dealing with the undead, the thought of playing a little Zombie Brain Baseball does appeal to us.  This shirt, “Zombie MLB” is sadly no longer available from Tee Fury.  Sorry, but we just found out ourselves.

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As mentioned recently, AMC is bringing us a television version of the comic series “The Walking Dead.”  Yes, that’s right, the people who bring us “Mad Men” are diving into the undead and putting Robert Kirkman’s vision onto the small screen.

They’re only a few weeks into production so far, but the images we’re seeing look amazing already.  If you want to follow the updates, we’ll be discussing it here, and AMC has a blog of their own up and running.

Here’s a little more information from director and executive producer, Frank Darabont:

The first season will run for 6 episodes, and will follow the main character, Rick Grimes, in his search of a safe space after the zombie apocalypse.  The season is scheduled to air in October 2010.

Now we’ve discussed the whole Fast Zombies versus Slow Zombies thing in the past, and we stand by our statements that Fast Zombies are a farce.  We’re happy to see the producers of the show have agreed with our opinion and are following suit with the proper shuffling zombie gait, going as far as to hold a “Zombie School” to teach actors how to Walk Like a Zombie.

Here’s the video:

So we just found this great shirt over at Threadless and had to pass it along to all our readers.  ”The Food Chain” by Olly Moss is a great re-imagining of the food pyramid we all grew up with in elementary school.  We’re probably going to get one for everyone on the team here, and suggest you pick up your own.

What about defense against uninfected humans? Raiders, looters, and crazies will be all over the place within the first few weeks of infection, probably die off as the population of uninfected dwindles, and then would likely reappear after 2-6 months after widespread infection. Any ideas on good tactics to deal with/avoid this potential threat?

First of all, thank you Jared for submitting the question.  It’s something we should have gotten to a lot earlier, and you’re right, after an initial outbreak there will be thousands of survivors trying to make a way for themselves and survive against the zombie hordes.  So what is one to do?

Primarily you’re going to have to put down that moral code you have.  Americans want to save everyone else, but do a crap job of making the tough decision to save themselves.  So figure out your short list and grab them.  Realize now that you’re not going to be able to save everyone, and some of those people will survive to hold grudges.  Be prepared to defend yourself and your people if and when this happens.

We’ll get into what to do immediately after the zombie apocalypse occurs later, but for now, suffice it to say you need to get to your safe house.  So get there and lock down.

Once the initial zombie plague has passed, and this may take a long time, you need to worry about other survivors.  To ensure as little contact as possible make sure you’ve camouflaged your outpost as well as possible.  You want it to blend in naturally with whatever surroundings there are.

If you’re staying in an urban area this will be easy.  Look at the state of every other building around you and make sure yours looks the same.  For those folks headed out to the country, you’ve got your work cut out for you.  Make sure you build up significant defenses and make sure you mask them as best you can.

For those times you do actually have to deal with other humans, you’ll need to remember that the good old days are gone.  No one’s going to knock on your door and ask for a cup of sugar, if they need it they’ll either try to trade for it or kill you to get it.  So be careful.

This will be the time when the moral codes we’ve grown up with are a hindrance not a help.  You can’t feed every child that wanders up to your gate.  So be prepared to be discriminatory if you have to.  Now, here’s the really tough part:

Turning someone away does NOT mean you’re shooing them off your lands.  It means you kill them.  If they are not a help to your survival they are a threat.  They may be turned in the future.  They may meet up with a band of renegades and attack you in the future.  So if you have no other use for someone you’ll have to mulch them.

DO NOT go cannibal.  If for no other reason than you may go zombie.  The human body should not be eaten by humans.  We carry too many diseases and they are far too transmittable.  Unless your plane crashed in the Andes, or you get trapped in the California highlands with nothing else to eat, you should never even remotely consider eating human flesh.

Now that we’ve gotten a little off topic, here’s the gist of the post.  If you encounter another person, group, or band after the zombie threat has passed, you have two choices.  Either let them into your society, or put them in the ground.

Photo Credits:  micahtaylor, daquellamanera

You’re short list should look something like this:

1. Self
2. Husband/Wife or Boyfriend/Girlfriend
3. Children
4. Siblings or Close Personal Friends*
5. Parents
6. Anyone helpful and close

That’s the entire list.  If you don’t have a significant other, children, or your parents have passed, then save yourself and then your friends.  Make sure those “close personal friends” are just that.  You don’t want to be stuck the rest of your life living with someone you can barely stand.

Parents are low on the list for a reason.  It’s a simple one and should be obvious.  They’re less likely to be able to breed.  Once the zombie hordes have passed, then breeding is going to be the next most important thing after surviving.  You’re only surviving for the species at this point, and those unable to do so should be the first sacrificed.

I’m not saying that your parents (or ours for that matter) would have nothing to add.  They would have a tremendous amount of experience to add.  That and their hands, weapons, and intuitions make them valuable.  That is why they are on the list at all.  If they were worthless, they wouldn’t be there at all.

Now the last group on the list, “anyone helpful and close” should be scrutinized beforehand.  You never know where you’re going to be when the zombie apocalypse occurs.  You could be at home, at work, on the road, anywhere.  You might not have the luxury of choosing your compatriots against the undead.  So find a small group whom you are able to help and who can help you, and join up.

If you’re already in a small group with others and someone else who can lend assistance, fireman, former Marine, etc., comes along, then you should be willing to allow them into your group.  If they have a group with them, then have them move on.  In the initial days of the outbreak you’re going to need speed and agility over everything else.  Large groups are slow groups and you don’t want to have a fight over who is in charge.

Now, think about making your first list.  If you’re like us you immediately assume you’re sitting at home with all your loved ones around.  That probably won’t be the case so snap out of it and start thinking realistically.  If you’re at home, who lives there with you.  Do they belong on your list or not?  Make the decision and continue.

Once you have a list for home compiled, make one for work too.  This will be harder, unless you work within a block of your home, or with your significant other as you may have to make the difficult decision of leaving them off.  As hard as that may be, do it.  This is about survival.  If you’ve discussed it, then they know your plans, they know where you’re headed, they’ll do what they can to get there to be with you.

So make a good list.  One that is accurate to the people who will likely be around you at the time.  This is your survival we’re talking about so make sure you get it right.

Taking this in we quickly realized that there is no perfect machete for killing zombies.  There may however be a perfect weapon for you to use when killing zombies.  We hashed some ideas back and forth and eventually came up with the following list to help you when choosing the best machete for you to use.

1. Find a machete you can easily carry.  Most machetes are lightweight, so this is pretty easy, still you want to make sure you get something that won’t weigh you down while you’re on the run from the zombie hordes.
2. Make sure you can easily swing your machete.  Machetes come in multiple lengths and widths.  Go to your local hardware store and sort through the options available.  Take several practice swings and find the one that has the best heft for your arm length.  You don’t want something too long that takes forever to swing, but you don’t want something too short that allow the zombies to get up close.  Find that perfect middle for you.
3. Steel, always steel.  The only thing we found in similarity amongst our collected machetes was that they were all made of steel.  Usually carbon steel, with some variations of chromed, blackened, or brushed finish.  Regardless, steel is your best option as it is the strongest metal available and won’t shatter as it cracks open a skull
4. Shape doesn’t matter.  Whether you prefer the classic machete, the ka-bar, or the kukhri, it’s up to you.  There are differences between how each reacts to impacting flesh, so make sure you take the time to test out what works best for you.
5. Avoid the saw-backs.  Some machetes, usually called gator machetes, come with a branch saw on the back.  While we see how this could be a help around the house, it’s a mistake when killing zombies.  The teeth of the saw just have too high a chance of getting caught on a bone while you’re trying to pull it out of the former zombie’s head.  Not a good possibility if there’s more than one on your heels.
6. Two are better than one, and three are better than two.  If you’re going to be stopping by the hardware store anyway, pick up three machetes.  They’re not all that pricey, they’re light, and you never know when one will get caught in a brain pan or shatter.  Always have a backup and a backup to your backup.

So those are our tips for choosing a machete for your zombie killing needs.  If you can think of some other things we may have missed when we were making this list, throw it in the comments below.

If you are in the market for a new (or first) machete, remember that ultimately you are the deciding factor.  Make sure you get something you think you can use.  It doesn’t have to be pretty, it just has to be useful.

If we are lucky and have survived through the zombie apocalypse there will be little or nothing left of the world and society we now know.  Humanity will have been knocked back beyond the Dark Ages to a place little advanced from the Stone Age.

Some things will be carried through, knives, bows, and animal husbandry will likely survive, but much more sill be lost.  Computers will no longer exist, cars will be rusting hulks, even the roads we drive on will be cracking expanses of concrete and rebar.

It is possible, even likely, that the languages we speak today will change.  People will have to migrate in order to avoid the zombie hordes.  Their eradication may take years, possibly even several lifetimes before the last one is slain.

There will be no cities.  The heaven-reaching skyscrapers that make up today’s urban landscape will become burnt out tumbling danger zones; chemical wastelands as carpets, cleaning supplies, computer monitors, and furniture deteriorate.  Only the bravest of souls will dare enter one of these towering husks in order to pilfer whatever useful items survive.

The small towns and villages that dot the landscape will either disappear completely or flourish, depending on their proximity to major cities and highways.  Those close in to the cities will die with the nearby metropolitan area as refugees tear through whatever tools and foodstuffs they have.  Those out-of-the-way places may have time to build up the important defenses necessary to stave off the hordes of humanity and zombiehood if they have a powerful enough leadership to do so, and if they act as heartlessly as we must during the times zombies flood the land.

Communities will have moved away from the thoroughfares we now know.  The rivers and streams where civilization has always chosen to thrive in the past will be barren stretches and floodplains.  Ports and oceans will be abandoned as well in order to ensure safety from ocean bound zombies trapped on rusting ships and within the surf itself.  The only civilizations to survive will be those so far away from where it currently resides that few even now know of their existence.

Plant and animal life will, however, flourish.  Untended flora will once again take hold wherever it can.  Seeding cracks in every driveway, roadway, and parking area.  Vines, trees, and shrubbery will grow without the barriers put up by humanity and will worm itself into any nook available in order to survive and thrive.  Roots will tear through underground pipes and building foundations helping to topple any structure nearby.  Limbs will crash through windows and seedlings will sprout wherever light sources and water are available.

Fauna too shall retake the lands they once roamed.  Those not consumed by the remaining humans will breed naturally and abundantly, repopulating the land available.  Species not seen on this continent will once again find a foothold as zoos go abandoned and camels, lions, and ibex are let loose.  The dogs and cats we have as pets today will retake their original roles as predators and pack hunters.  The rat population will explode initially, but then shrink as the now abundant food sources diminish.

The Earth itself will turn back to where it was hundreds and thousands of years ago.  Without humanity pumping heat and pollution into the atmosphere and oceans, the polar ice caps will begin to reform.  Temperatures will return to where they would be had humanity never existed.  Oceans will be reborn as fish populations rebuild themselves, coral reefs return to their prior states of harmony, and crap and lobster populations will explode as the detritus of civilization flows into their waiting hungry maws.

The only animals to fail will be whales as the remnants of humanity stuck on the oceans surface, in boats and ships that were able to escape the initial zombie onslaught, use them as the abundant food and fuel sources they are.  Whales will likely die out completely in the zombie years and the leviathans of the deep will likely never return.

The land after the zombie scourge has been eliminated will forever be changed.  Some for the better, some for the worse in the eyes of humanity, but changed inevitably and entirely either way.  Our hope, our mission, is to allow humanity to survive at all through the horrific days in which the undead walk the planet.