http://www.theuberman.com/uberwoman/ en holly@theuberman.com Copyright 2009 2009-06-15T04:46:00-08:00 http://www.theuberman.com/site/understanding-uncertainty3/ http://www.theuberman.com/site/understanding-uncertainty3/#When:03:46:00Z {summary}I once was a very impatient and future-oriented girl.  I had been very fixated on the “then” aspect of life, looking at how things “will” be “if only”. Well “if only” is in quotes so what does that tell you?  There is a thin line between living your life and thinking about living it, or dreaming about living it, or planning to live it sometime maybe when this or that happens.  What is one of the most often heard excuses for why we don’t choose to follow our passions?  Well, for me personally it has been money.  I have wanted to do a number of things which never happened because of money.  Or so I thought. No event fails to materialize due to money.  Repeat that.  Actually, what fails to materialize is the will, the energy, the true desire, or the cognizance of opportunity. Consider it this way: if something traumatic were to happen to a very dear loved one, you would find the money to manage whatever specific thing was required of you at the time.  You would find a way.  Period.  Our love for that individual would compel us to muster up the courage and the gusto to make it happen.  Let us not forget that I mentioned true desire.  So if the specific event that failed to materialize was not truly desired, for whatever reason, at that given moment, it would naturally remain immaterial, a dream, an idea, a non-reality.  Somehow, that specific event is decidedly unnecessary, or not occurring at the appropriate time to materialize, or not quite fit enough to come into being. Not everything we opt out of implies there was more we could have done.  It may very well be that our truest and deepest desires were not in alignment with that specific thing.  The human mind is capable of creating obstacles at a subconscious level which hinder an event out of a deep seated knowing or urge.  This can be a powerful force in our lives.  Far more powerful than what we may consciously think we need.  Consciously we know what we think we need.  Our consciousness and waking hours are spent seeking and finding those things.  Yet subconsciously we may have something more brewing which has other ideas, or ideas which are actually in direct opposition with what we think we are looking for. Uncertainty So what does this have to do with uncertainty?  Within uncertainty we may sit and in that space we always have the option of seeing or thinking about the potential lack or the potential abundance.  We always have the option of seeing either what may not come to be or what may come to be.  Within uncertainty is the opportunity to clearly define our deepest wants and move into either direction with those wants.  It’s a line between two boxes with either box leading us closer or farther from any given thing. Uncertainty creates room to highlight the smallest details of your day which are absolutely important to you and you alone.  So the person next to you may scoff, frown, laugh or obsequiously bow to your will, yet the room created within uncertainty is all yours and nothing outsiders mention is truly of any consequence. So you highlight the details which are important to you, considering uncertainty, and you decide to allocate specific time for their accomplishment.  Perhaps a loved one you would like to express your devotion to, perhaps someone you have not seen in a while, perhaps a new adherence to a specific goal or desire for yourself.  No matter the specific thing.  Uncertainty creates immediacy in everyday life which demands our attention and calls us to step up and live moment to moment.  Uncertainty is the fire which breathes hot breath into our feet and hands, compelling us to move forward, push harder, and accomplish the truest passions of the heart.  It compels us to love.  To act.  To love that much harder.  To run after the train, to call late at night, to write the song, to get out the guitar, sing despite the pain, right the wrongs, write the story, and pass on the tale.  Uncertainty is the precursor to all passions and the desire to create something which will fill the time and mend the gap between beating hearts. When Things Become Uncertain… You realize that at all times every given thing is relatively uncertain.  Nothing is certain.  We can assert ourselves and create, yet in this assertion and creation, we are still uncertain of how that will affect us or those around us.  We can never fully know beyond our own humble uncertainty.  Within the acceptance of uncertainty we are living most fully. It is within this space of acceptance that I ask you to step into.  Bring to mind what it feels like, physiologically, to be accepting of uncertainty.  To even be at peace with it.  My physical being feels fluid, slower moving, grounded.  My eyes are fixed though open to wandering and enjoying the passing scene, the beauty of the ride.  My hands are content to sit still at my sides though willing to work fastidiously.  My heart is open and full of reason, though magic and awe encapsulate its every corner.  It beats steadily and with primal trust.  My feet are rooted and grounded in the moment as my physical body passes from one location to another. Uncertainty is the pathway to all possibility.  A close friend told me this recently.  I have since used it repeatedly, wrote the words down repeatedly, and repeated the phrase to myself.  The words are comforting when we face the unknown.  They remind me that everything unknown, new, and fresh is in the moment following now.  Everything that we could ever hope for lies directly within uncertainty and only through the uncertain elements of life are we able to create experiences which we feel connected with. The Importance of the Moment After reading some of Malcom Gladwell’s blink I found myself even more motivated to live in the very near and present moment, aware of the subtlest sensations within my body and surroundings.  Considering how transient life is, as well as the many phases we will no doubt go through in life, it is important to recognize how acutely aware our being is of the subtle things which may not readily occur to the conscious mind. We owe it to our brilliant mind and composition to trust more fully in the instinctual aspects of ourselves, the parts of ourselves which most fully understand what we may need at any given moment.  I am learning to trust myself more, my intuition, my gut, the accelerated heart beats, the desire to leave or enter a space for no apparent reason, and the willingness to let caution fall to the side.  This trust is only fully possible if we are aware of uncertainty and allow our body and mind to more completely move us in different directions.  Logic and analysis may not fully express what we need or how a situation ought to be dealt with.  Rather it may complicate matters further and invite more challenges into the situation. The simple and instinctual aspects of life which suddenly pop up each day while we navigate through the world are fascinating to subscribe to and trust in.  This trust also takes some of the burden from our conscious mind bringing the focus back to the primal trust that grounds us as flesh and blood creatures of the earth around us.  We then become even more connected to our role and our interior essence.  Gladwell seemed to connect to the amazing ways in which our physical being is already primed with what we need to connect to the essence of a situation in little time. Human Experience (aka Uncertainty) That header should actually read “Life Experience” because all living things ultimately live within a world of uncertainty.  We may have faith, we may trust, and yet we remain uncertain.  Uncertainty births faith and trust.  Without uncertainty there would be no need for faith or trust.  If all were known and certain where would faith come into play?  And uncertainty offers us the perfect opportunity to face fears, master them, and move beyond them into acceptance and peace. The spice of all things amazing in this life revolves around stepping onto unfounded ground and discovering, with a beaming and oft childlike smile, that the soil is sturdy, and in fact even good for growing crops; that the soil produces the most amazing of crops, even after all your toil originally appeared to be for naught; even when you doubted; even when a few of the crops were eaten by fuzzy bunnies, stolen away by thieves in the night, and trampled by an onslaught of nomadic caribou; even when the unlikeliest of circumstances came to be.  Uncertainty checked out alright.  And despite the casualties, you are sitting here reading this, stomach full, pockets full enough, and mind fed with stimulating ideas gyrating to the beat of the present moment and the hope of the future.  Uncertainty.  It’s not so bad after all.  Blogging 2009-06-15T03:46:00-08:00 http://www.theuberman.com/site/on-the-shortness-of-life/ http://www.theuberman.com/site/on-the-shortness-of-life/#When:13:09:00Z {summary} ** The words written in italics belong to the stoic Philosopher Seneca, and are copied from his brilliant essay On the Shortness of Life. The rest are words that I’ve written to myself. I share them only because these same questions that I reflect upon may also be good questions for you to consider. ** . . . Life is long enough, and it has been given in sufficiently generous measure to allow the accomplishment of the very greatest things if the whole of it is well invested. Look back upon your Life and ask whether your time has been properly invested. Are your accomplishments proportionate to your years? And I don’t speak only of the public achievements, but of your personal goals. Do you think as you’d like? Have you proper control of your emotions? Are your vices in check? If you continued living in the manner and intensity that you do now, would you come upon the end of your years and honestly say that you have Lived? Believe me, it takes a great man and one who has risen far above human weaknesses not to allow any of his time to be filched from him, and it follows that the life of such a man is very long because he has devoted wholly to himself whatever time he has had. ‘No’ is a powerful word to wield. Have you learned it? Do you still find yourself dragged into situations where you sit quietly, smiling and nodding, wishing you were somewhere else? The word ‘no’ takes courage—do you have the will to cultivate it? Think of how much further you would be along your own path if you spent those polite smiling/nodding hours working on what excites you, working on some passion project—working on your Self. All those who summon you to themselves, turn you away from your own self. Consider how much of yourself you unnecessarily give to others. Are they thinking in your best interest? Does anybody think in your best interest? Do even you, fully aware of the time you waste, think always in your best interest? If not you, then whom? …postponement is the greatest waste of life. Promise me that you’ll stop living for tomorrow. Give me your word that you’ll stop ‘putting it off.’ How often have you saved a thing for a better day, only to find that that day never came, and you wasted an opportunity thinking that now ‘wasn’t the right time.’ (Laughing) How can now not be the right time? Is there any other time than this moment? Now is always the right time. The greatest hindrance to living is expectancy, which depends upon the morrow and wastes to-day. Perhaps Seneca was a bit harsh: expectancy without action is the greatest hindrance to living. Strive to couple your expectancy with a healthy work ethic. Expect the best and work like a man that deserves it. . . . Read Seneca’s Entire Essay Here: On the Shortness of Life Other Essays You Will Enjoy: Journey vs. Destination 35 Ways to Live Uber Detachment and Your Purpose Blogging 2009-06-08T13:09:00-08:00 http://www.theuberman.com/site/what-does-it-mean-to-be-happy/ http://www.theuberman.com/site/what-does-it-mean-to-be-happy/#When:07:27:00Z {summary} What is the meaning of Life? Is it making money? Finding love? Is it steadfast devotion to a religion or philosophy, or to live in accordance with reason and virtue? What is it? If I polled a thousand people in a thousand cities, I bet the most common answer would be happiness. So let’s rephrase the question: What does it mean to be happy? This question popped into my head last night, as I lay on my bedroom floor, stretched out in nothing but my underwear, sweaty from a workout affectionately known as “Cindy” (don’t get any ideas). The iPod Shufflé was playing something melodic and light was flashing through my window like fireworks on some day of independence. I sat up and looked out to see a lightning storm like I’ve never seen, harmonizing rhythmically with crackles of thunder. I thought about my isolation from everything I had grown to know, and my presence in new places—having wonderfully fresh experiences—and how neither was better than the other, neither was worse. There was no money, no sex, no accomplishment—just me and nature, both happy in the moment. I had a meeting to get to (my production manager was waiting at a nearby café) and I had dinner scheduled with my family immediately afterward. But I would rather have just sat there in that dark room, staring out the window like some awe-struck little kid. So where was my happiness in that moment? It was in the moment. It was in just being. It was in my appreciation for being alive. I watched as dusk fell in that gorgeous blue with lights dancing across the sky. People went dashing for cover in anticipation of some flash rainfall, no doubt. Chickens ruffled their feathers and ran about in that funny way they run: head cocked forward and legs flailing behind. Even then, I couldn’t help but feel the pressure of that text message and that email and that imminent meeting and that arranged dinner, but I did an awesome job of keeping it at bay—almost effortlessly. There was just so much beauty to be taken in and I was determined to do the taking. I mean seriously…how much time do we really give ourselves to just sit and say ‘fuck it all.’ I would rather have been called a “flake” than ruin the beautiful moment that I was having. So I ask again: what does it mean to be happy? Have you asked yourself the question? Happiness could never be the same for everyone. Nor could it be the same thing every time. I find happiness in creating something beautiful (moving and still images are my current passion). I find it in running a faster mile than I did the session before, or in doing more pushups than I did last week. I find it in having deep conversations with close friends over a glass of wine. I find it in a tasty meal. But make me the same meal 7 times in a week or make me run every day and I may catch you one in the eye. Consistency is boring, and a foolish consistency makes you a hobgoblin. So where is your happiness? Have you found it? Or are you waiting for some future date when all the stars align and everything is in its proper place and you’re where you want to be, with who you want to be with, banking what you want to bank, etc. etc. etc. That’s destination thinking, and you’re too ambitious for that. You’re smart enough to know that you’re always going to have more wants. There needs to be a happiness revolution. We need to free ourselves from the chains of expectation. Our bosses, our teachers, and our parents should all be put on notice: we will no longer let their opinion of us be the determinant of our well-being. You’re not five. No one is going to give you a gold star for spelling “robot” correctly. You will not get a pat on the back for brushing your teeth. Emerson spells it out beautifully in his essay on Self Reliance. An excerpt: “Live no longer to the expectation of these […] people with whom we converse…I appeal from your customs. I must be myself. I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you. If you can love me for what I am, we shall be the happier. If you cannot, I will still seek to deserve that you should. I will not hide my tastes or aversions…If you are noble, I will love you; if you are not, I will not hurt you and myself by hypocritical attentions. If you are true, but not in the same truth with me, cleave to your companions; I will seek my own. Does this sound harsh to-day? You will soon love what is dictated by your nature as well as mine…” Take your individuality back. Let your happiness be determined by YOU. Take a sick day and just spend time with yourself. Go to the beach and watch the waves crash against the shore. Do stream-of-consciousness writing in your journal and see what comes up. Make yourself something delicious. Meditate. Sweat. Call a lover-friend and do something delicious together. Read a book. Write a book. Grab your camera and capture something beautiful. Do. Something. We only have so much time on this planet—don’t waste it. You are not the Shah of time*. Find out what truly makes you happy and spend your days doing that—regardless of what they think. Find your happiness. Do it more often. Bliss out. . . . * Quote by Arnold Bennett. In its entirety: “I cannot possibly allow you to scatter priceless pearls of time with such [...] lavishness. You are not the Shah of time.” Read This Better Written Article: Happy Like God, from the New York Times Other Essays You Will Enjoy: Creative Genius of the Greats Why Dom Pérignon is “The Shit” Academic Rigor + Life Be Happy in Your Body: The Burn Fat, No Sweat! eBook Did You Like What You Read? Share it! del.icio.us StumbleUpon Digg Blogging 2009-06-03T07:27:00-08:00 http://www.theuberman.com/site/academic-rigor-life/ http://www.theuberman.com/site/academic-rigor-life/#When:21:35:00Z {summary}I attended a four year university in Orange County, CA and the experience was not necessarily amazing, not necessarily off-putting, but it certainly affected my outlook on the world which is always interesting.  I recently was chatting with a friend about graduate level research and we began to discuss my undergraduate education and my choice of courses as well as my future plans.  He believed that the courses I took were focused primarily on the “problems” in the world and that his idea of valuable and mindful enrichment would focus primarily on “solutions” or “light” if you will.  To give you an idea of my course load, a few of the titles were Literature of Cannibalism, Literature of Affliction, Globalization from Below, Post-colonial Dictatorship Fiction, and X Colonialism.  Each of the courses I took were completed either because they interested me, because they fit a time constraint, or both.  Granted many a perplexing concept was studied, I could not help but wonder at the effects of the three years of my life I spent reading, researching, and writing primarily about some of the most base and grotesque of situations, movements, and decisions (albeit interesting to consider).  After this discussion with him I began to question just what exactly my experience had created in me, what kinds of habits or insights it had provided me, what kinds of questions it had left in my mind, and how it had affected my outlook of the world and my interactions with those closest to me.  I wondered, “How might I be better off now than before?  What am I to take away from this experience?  Where do I go from here, now that I know all of this?” At any given time I was reading course books which dealt with fanatical religious sects and their deviousness, colonization and its effects on the psychological well-being of a nation and a people, and perhaps even how Columbus may have somehow created what is now the modern discourse which harbors cannibalism as a means to understand relations between peoples and social movements, among other things.  Much of this was fascinating to me at the time and I devoured many books feeling as though I was enjoying the experience to some degree and at other times feeling ill at the condition of the world. What happened to me? Now fast forward to this moment where I sit at a crossroads, looking forward at how I wish to proceed with my education, with my understanding of the world, and what I wish to feed my brain and interact with.  I have come to realize that there are so very many books out there, so many views, so many authors, so many concerns, so many questions, and it is up to me to somehow navigate that sea of information and find something which truly serves me and the world at once. My friend is seeking his PhD at a school which supports an integrative approach to understanding the world and although there are of course professors and topics which relate more readily to crisis and turmoil than peace and light, there are a number of interesting courses which focus on mastering subject matter while remaining focused on the highest good and on the ways that humans across the globe are sustaining love and acceptance despite challenges.  I had never before considered how my education and the books I was choosing to read and understand was affecting my outlook of the world or my state of mind. Constantly revealing itself is this message which seems to cling to the hope that education as a whole will become more integrative, more comparative, more involved and sustaining, and altogether more focused on the highest good.  If I am to go out into the world and take time, energy, and everything that I am into a space to feed my soul and mind and body with knowledge, even wisdom, then why would I not wish to put my being in capable hands where I know I will be receiving something truly magnificent? I feel that far too often students are walking a staid path which is not truly connected to the consciousness of the world and universe as a whole.  Far too often educational paths are narrowly focused on minute and fragmented ideologies which are not representative of what is necessary to heal and create peace for ourselves and others. While I sat reading about globalization, subaltern studies, queer studies, colonization, affliction, and crimes against humanity I was no doubt shaped.  I was moved.  I was also made fearful.  I became far more fearful than I can say that I have ever been in my life.  I was reading and writing everyday about fear, about pain, about destruction on the earth, and about the ways that academic systems have been developed to somehow make sense of the madness around us all. During this time I had very few opportunities to really focus on intention, peace, the highest good, acceptance, and calm (at least I didn’t see them because it never occurred to me to look for them while I read about injustice and pain everyday).  Most of the books I read left me feeling a “righteous” sense of indignation, fuming for “that guy” way over there or way back then who had to endure that (the fearful and dreadful thing, whatever it may have been).  There is certainly value to understanding and knowledge, to awareness and to really seeing what is taking place within the world and how to best interact with situations and decisions.  Movements of various kinds are always fascinating to discuss and read about.  Yet I can say with 100% truth that focusing on this alone, on the fear, had an effect on me that I am sure has changed my life and my relationships in ways that I am not altogether sure are beneficial for my well-being.  Whether or not another feels the same may be questioned and I can only speak for my experience though I do believe that what we choose to focus on is fed.  I would rather feed the peaceful wolf within me.  Everything unfolded as it did for a reason of course and I feel blessed that I was able to experience those things because I believe that I learned a great deal.  I also learned what a pain it is to constantly be focusing on the least empowering situations and details of life when there are always most empowering situations and details to be enjoying.  I learned what an amazing world we live in, full of freedom and free will, despite what the books say, and how determined I am, as a student of life, as a woman, as an individual interested in supporting humanity and all creatures in all their glory, to really interact with and delve into the highest good around me. What we feed our mind will have an impact on our performance in life.  We have all heard this many times to be sure.  Yet do students with their noses crammed in books really interpret this as I have?  Do students out there really think about what they are reading and understand it?  Do they really question the subject matter and consider how it may be affecting their personal well-being and interpretation of the world?  I would much rather focus on the love I see around me and the beauty and the peace and the calm.  I find that academic path to be worth the time, energy, and far healthier for my entire state of being.  I have begun to integrate this understanding with my path and this integration has shaped what I focus on and what I choose to get involved in.  I wish to enjoy the world and laugh and experience the highs of life alongside others.  Through creating in this way we are welcoming the highest good into our hearts and spreading that out to the world around us.  This does not mean we ignore what is happening around us, but that we focus on the peace within it, the solutions, the intention, the highest good, and work on ways to multiply that and feed it into the hearts and minds of leaders the world over.  Blogging 2009-05-25T21:35:00-08:00 http://www.theuberman.com/site/radical-honesty/ http://www.theuberman.com/site/radical-honesty/#When:23:53:01Z {summary}In late 2007, I told the absolute truth for two weeks straight. I went out of my way to tell people how much I either appreciated or resented them. I brought up past situations that still really bugged me. I answered questions with the kind of overwhelming candor that would make Howard Stern blush. I was completely transparent. Needless to say…those were the worst two weeks of my Life. Okay, I’m lying—they weren’t the worst two weeks, just the most confrontational. Every conversation was like playing hopscotch in a mine field. The conversation topics that we generally gloss over with convention turned into full-on confessionals. At the bank: “Hello sir, how are you this morning?” “I’m doing great—the woman in front of me was wearing a thong and I could totally see it through her skirt.” . . . “Obi, did you get my email?” “Yea, I read it but couldn’t think of anything clever to respond with so I just deleted it, hoping you wouldn’t ask me about it.” . . . And those were the easy questions. Topics on relationship (wowsers), politics, or what I really thought of someone went from 5 minute stop & chats to hour-long heart-to-hearts. I stopped the experiment after two weeks, not because telling the truth (the WHOLE truth and nothing but the truth) was difficult, but because having conversations with people on that level—everyday—was just emotionally draining. It all started when my good friend Brian suggested I read a book called Radical Honesty written by this guy named Brad Blanton. (I never got around to actually reading the book but I did read this sweet, condensed article about it in Esquire magazine.) Blanton suggests that the only way to have real, authentic relationships with anyone is to be a real, authentic human being. Imagine that! But you say: “I am real. I tell the truth. I’m an authentic human being.” Blanton would disagree. Many of us burn through conversations with the same canned responses. (There are probably hundreds of different human emotions but when asked the question “How are you?” 95% of us respond with “I’m good.” Really? Are you always “good”?) We don’t realize it but not only does this show a lack of awareness but it’s completely inauthentic. I’ve got to tell you: those two weeks were rough. They were incredibly uncomfortable. Who knew that being totally and completely honest with the people could create such tension? You quickly realize how often you’re willing to lie in order to avoid confrontation. And in being so honest, you also realize when your attempts at avoiding confrontation are completely unnecessary. I called an old friend and told him that I resented that time back in school when he secretly dated a girl that he knew I had a crush on and didn’t tell me about it. I felt like I couldn’t trust him after that. We talked about it (and other things) for an hour, and our friendship deepened as a result. My vulnerability and my ability to call him out created a stronger bond between us. This is one of the benefits to being radically honest: your vulnerability creates the space for others to be vulnerable with you. They see you as a human being with emotions and not some robot with a fake smile and clever witticisms. Being radically honest means taking responsibility for everything: your actions, your desires, your opinions, etc. “Responsibility means that whatever you are doing, you are willing to experience yourself as the cause. You are the source of your troubles as well as your successes. As long as you are blaming, explaining, apologizing, trying, resolving to be good, hoping or feeling guilty, you are not being responsible.” – Brad Blanton, PhD Responsibility takes courage. Honesty takes courage. Telling the world what you really want takes courage. “Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but it’s the creation of possibility.” – Brad Blanton, PhD Perhaps this is why I found such value in the experiment. I’m always looking for opportunities to express courage. The more often I act from courage the less often I act from fear. “Always, always, always, always, always do what you are afraid to do… Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain… Do the thing and you will have the power.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson AN EXPERIMENT: THE 7-DAY RADICAL HONESTY CHALLENGE Starting now, I want you to pledge to be totally, completely, and radically honest for the next 7 days. When asked a question, answer with the whole truth—not just the good parts. If you’re holding a grudge towards someone—tell them. If you’re appreciative about something someone did for you—tell them, even if it was in the past. If it had a profound effect on you today, there’s no doubt they’d be glad to know it. More importantly, pledge to be radically honest with yourself. Ask questions. Do I really want to do this, or am I doing it to look good in front of the boss? Am I really happy with my body, or do I just tell myself that to avoid exercise and healthier eating habits? Am I really happy in this relationship, or do I stay because it’s comfortable? Take this as a Life experiment. Be radically honest with yourself and others and see what comes up. It’s only 7 days.  And if things become too prickly—you can always go back to lying. . . . Read This Better Written Article: I Think You’re Fat Other Essays You Will Enjoy: Healing the Body Creating a More Peaceful + Colorful Life Detachment and Your Purpose Create a Radically Sexy Body...Honest: The Burn Fat, No Sweat! eBook Did You Like What You Read? Share it! del.icio.us StumbleUpon Digg Blogging 2009-05-18T23:53:01-08:00 http://www.theuberman.com/site/healing-the-body/ http://www.theuberman.com/site/healing-the-body/#When:18:51:00Z {summary}I have a fondness for wilderness.  A deep respect.  It often inspires awe in me and so I seek out wild places any chance I get.  Recently, a friend and I traveled to Muir Woods in the north bay area of California and I found myself surrounded by the most immense beauty, tons of trees, and very few people. Something I particularly enjoy about northern CA wild areas is that there are usually fewer people so you get a lot more privacy while on the trails.  Well, due to this fact I had plenty of room to really have a good time and enjoy the beauty of the trail. Soon after realizing this, my friend and I decided to run a trail which started out great.  I was in track and field as a sprinter when I was younger and I really enjoy just taking off on a good run. Trail running, looking back on the day, is a lot like drinking lots of beer or wine.  It feels great in the moment, yet the effects can be less than thrilling.  Two days after the trail running experience: enter Cankle.  Long story short, I was running fast on uneven ground and somehow lost coordination for that split millisecond which then leads to severe and relentless pain that somehow called to mind child birth.  Now, that’s not to say that child birth and a sprained ankle are comparable in pain, but for someone who has never experienced such pain, the similarities between pregnancy or child birth and jacking a delicate ligament in the body have more in common than cankles.  After the injury my poor friend had to endure the sight of a usually composed and strong female deteriorate into a sniveling six year old in some serious need of ice.  The ice came relatively quickly from the nearest 7-11 while a biker sat staring at me while I was in severe pain.  I remember him looking over as if to say, “Did he hit you?!” I had not the strength to laugh at the ridiculousness of it. The drive home was spent with me in and out of delirium.  A sprained ankle people.  I thought my foot would fall off.  Things were not moving right.  I had visions of amputation and gangrene setting in.  The mind can be fabulous during a crisis I learned, by creating a variety of diversions with which, in our tortured state, we may invest all our energy. My friend was great.  He kept saying, “Smile at it.  Come to peace with the pain.” So, I obediently looked at my foot and smiled.  I thought of how much I love my foot, I thought of how it had supported me all those years, and I thought of how fortunate I was to have been trail running in the beautiful Muir Woods.  I thought of where I would be today without that foot.  I began to laugh.  The laughter was less out of delirium this time and more related to my silly imagination which had created all sorts of random outcomes not even an hour after the event. Healing As I write this I am sitting on a couch with my foot elevated and a heating pack assisting with circulation.  Yesterday, Cankle was the size of a…well, you get the picture.  I thought things were going wrong, very wrong.  I had never seen my foot so large.  My friend Dawn Brown Davis, a doctor of osteopathy, checked the foot out and said it looks fine, that it’s healing well, and recommended that I try some arnica for the swelling.  Really?  It’s just fine?  Apparently the body does some funky things while it’s healing.  I thought that the circulation was done for and that some wires had been crossed on that fateful trail.  Apparently my imagination was at work again. My friends were teasing me and asking if I wanted them to take it off.  One even came over with a dull wooden instrument and pretended to saw it down.  They were teasing me like brothers would and in the moment, I wanted nothing more than to slap them both and go lay with a pillow to cry over Cankle.  “Use more empowering language, Holly, please.” (It’s always nice to surround yourself with living, breathing, and talking mirrors).  I realized I was just being silly while focusing overtly on the injury and seeing only the pain instead of the healing that my body and mind was experiencing.  I view the injury itself as a message.  Many changes have been taking place for me and Cankle came to remind me to slow down, be aware of my mobility, enjoy the process and journey of this path I have embarked on, make the powerful changes enduring, and acknowledge that I am healing on a number of levels.  This creates a much more powerful experience out of the situation, and one which has my highest good in mind, despite the initial pain that was involved. When we feel pain physically, we are reminded of the life force behind all change because we are in a state of flux and await that shift back to our functional and “normal” selves.  Focusing on the body’s health and the healing process itself is always powerful, as is giving the body love and attention so that it responds accordingly to the injury.  Somehow while enduring the pain and experiencing it, I felt very normal however.  It felt as though this physical pain was part of what was essential for me to really focus on the changes in my life and to heal.  Through this experience I realized that I was not as aware as I could have been and that this lack of awareness led my body to remind me that, hey, you still have to focus on the health here and you are working on some things that still have to be mastered.  The body will inform us when we are not quite attuned to its needs or the needs of our entire existence as a whole.  It will respond and slow us down. I have come to really appreciate the moments when I am moving at a slower pace, both physically and mentally.  I have found that the ability to sit and be and interact with those around me, laugh, enjoy myself, and become free in that way is a critical part of transformation.  It helps to ensure that we are not merely operating in haste.  It ensures that we are really integrating all we need to integrate and that we are present to the lessons around us.  I am more mobile today than I had been and the healing powers of my body are amazing.  I am proud of my body and its ability to really take care of me and guide me so that I am present to what I am learning and to what I really need.  Thank you Cankle!  Your time here is well spent and well deserved.  Blogging 2009-05-16T18:51:00-08:00 http://www.theuberman.com/site/journey-vs-destination/ http://www.theuberman.com/site/journey-vs-destination/#When:18:34:06Z {summary} (Image originally found here.) I’m a goal-oriented person. And like most goal-oriented people, sometimes I get stressed out about how I’m doing, where I’m going, and how long it’s taking me to get there. I seem to oscillate between a healthy self-satisfaction and an unrealistic feeling of not contributing enough—not really doing it. What’s even worse is when I’m in those low moments and people tell me how great I’m doing. I often think: Who the hell are you talking about? Me? Ha! I had a great conversation—well, I was doing more listening than talking—with a highly successful entrepreneur last night. He told me about the two major focuses in the goal-oriented person’s Life: journey and destination. Most goals are destinations. You want to get from here to there. You don’t want this, you want that. The problem arises when the destination becomes more important than the journey. When “getting there” becomes more important than all the experiences you have on the way. This is when the stress comes. For example: you dream about becoming super-rich. You want to bank a million dollars so you have the freedom to drop everything and fly first-class to the middle of the Peruvian rainforest. Your destination is the rainforest, and your goal is to bank a million dollars so you can make that happen. So you work your ass off. And you’re smart, so naturally, over time, you get that million dollars. But the funny (not funny ha-ha) thing is, once you get that million you don’t want to go to Peru anymore. In fact, what is most ideal to you then is to have the time to drink wine and play Monopoly™ with your lover. Or perhaps the destination becomes greater. Maybe Peru isn’t as exciting as reading War and Peace in the middle of a crater on the moon. So you work even harder to earn a BILLION dollars so you can make that dream happen. Destination-oriented people will always have bigger and badder destinations. So he told me that he’s no longer interested in destinations, but journeys. If your goal is to have an incredible journey, then you don’t worry about where you’re going. This is not to say that you become an unmotivated, Jerry Springer-watching stoner, but you’re ok with letting the river carry you to the ocean. Osho would say: “Don’t swim—float.” THERE ARE MORE OPPORTUNITIES FOR “JOURNEY” PEOPLE Destination people look for opportunities related to their destinations. They’re very good at this. The problem is, they become almost too good, and tend to ignore opportunities that don’t seem to be in alignment with their intention. But there is a fundamental problem with this approach. Life is no straight line. And we don’t reason well enough to effectively differentiate between opportunities in alignment with our intention, and those that aren’t. Sometimes you have to get off the path just so you can get back on further ahead than where you got off. I have a good friend that’s a server in a restaurant. We’ll call him Chaz. Chaz is a small guy. His intention is to work in the film industry. One day, an older man comes in and sits at Chaz’s table. After a brief conversation, the man tells him that he’s been training prize-winning jockeys for over 25 years, and he thinks that my friend has the perfect build to become one of the best. The man leaves his card. Chaz doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t want to be a jockey and this guy could have been full of shit. But the man was passionate and adamant about his ability to make Chaz one of the best. Either way, he doesn’t call him back. I’m not saying that Chaz should have called the guy, but what if? What if the guy was serious, and Chaz worked hard and became the best jockey in the world. He wins the Kentucky Derby AND the Triple-Crown. He’s flamboyant and charismatic and brings attention to the sport like Mohammad Ali did with boxing or Steve Irwin and crocodile hunting. Paramount decides to make a movie about him: Seabiscuit 2. But instead of Tobey Maguire, they cast Chaz to play himself. Now he’s in the film industry, and all because of some seemingly random opportunity. This is how Life works! We have no idea how the events will play out or connect. If you look at where you are now and work your way back to where you started, you’d be amazed at how some “insignificant” experiences had huge affects on your Life. I say be a “journey” person. Be an adventurer. Be exciting. Be scary. Do the uncommon thing. Explore the “random” opportunity just because it’s electrifying and not because you know exactly where it will take you. Because you don’t know—you never will. LIVE DANGEROUSLY I’m going to close this essay with some quotes about living dangerously, because it’s relevant to the topic and because I’m adopting it as my new Life motto: “Live dangerously.” “Live dangerously and you live right.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe “...the secret for harvesting from existence the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment is - to live dangerously.” – Friedrich Nietzsche ”The word courage is very interesting.  It comes from a Latin root cor, which means ‘heart’.  So to be courageous means to live with the heart.  And weaklings, only weaklings, live with the head; afraid, they create a security of logic around themselves.  Fearful, they close every window and door - with theology, concepts, words, theories - and inside those closed doors and windows, they hide. The way of the heart is the way of courage.  It is to live in insecurity; it is to live in love, and trust; it is to move in the unknown.  It is leaving the past and allowing the future to be.  Courage is to move on dangerous paths.  Life is dangerous, and only cowards can avoid the danger - but then, they are already dead. A person who is alive, really alive, vitally alive, will always move into the unknown.  There is danger there, but he will take the risk.  The heart is always ready to take the risk, the heart is a gambler.  The head is a businessman.  The head always calculates - it is cunning.  The heart is non-calculating.” – Osho “Live life as dangerously as possible. Live life totally, intensely, passionately…” – Osho Listen to This Song and You’ll Feel Like Living Dangerously: Other Essays You Will Enjoy: Creating a More Peaceful + Colorful Life Detachment and Your Purpose Becoming a Stronger Leader Create a Dangerously Sexy Body: The Burn Fat, No Sweat! eBook Did You Like What You Read? Share it! del.icio.us StumbleUpon Digg Blogging 2009-05-15T18:34:06-08:00 http://www.theuberman.com/site/creating-a-more-peaceful-colorful-life/ http://www.theuberman.com/site/creating-a-more-peaceful-colorful-life/#When:03:31:00Z {summary}Yesterday I spent a few hours at a wedding in my hometown, Sacramento.  Oddly enough the wedding was a blast and I partied afterward and felt really at ease.  I was hanging out with amazing individuals with great energy (and delicious wine…).  I spent a good portion of the night laughing, which was great and it felt good to be open to that in the place I had grown up and left behind.  Somehow, it tied some loose ends together for me. Another portion of the night was spent talking about life and transformation.  A great friend of mine, someone I consider to be a unique source of knowledge and emotional acuity shed light on some of the things changing in my life and solidified those changes in a way that I would like to share with you.  Somehow the most random discussion and statements are actually the most purposeful. One of the most frequent habits of mine in the past was sizing people up.  Upon meeting someone, I’d make a decision after talking with them a bit about their life and other random things as to whether that person would be someone I’d consider respecting and drawing closer to.  This respect stemmed from their seeming adherence to certain ethical principles that I deemed the definitive principles to be used as a judgment scale.  Well, of recent, life has invited me to rethink how I judge and if I judge at all.  Judgment is defined in different ways for different people.  I seek not to define judgment but to speak on what my experience has been with the judgment which I have seen in action in my life.  My friend began to speak about a friend of his who is an exotic dancer.  He mentioned how I should meet her and that I would really enjoy her company and enjoy her presence.  Now, in the past, I would have chuckled and reminded him that I do not consort with women like that.  Furthermore, were I to have met her in the future, I would likely be friendly but resist getting to know her fully due to her occupation.  There would have always been a curiosity nonetheless.  If you have been following my recent posts, I wrote an essay entitled Becoming a Stronger Leader.  You will see how closely aligned that essay is with what I have to say here and the lessons life is inviting me to master. So the conversation continued and I asked him how he felt about her choosing that occupation.  He just shrugged, without expressing the least bit of interest: “I don’t really feel the need to judge people.” Those words struck me.  Me neither.  Actually, feeling the need to judge people has created challenges for me. He began to express his interest in her as an individual with unique characteristics as a unique human being.  I smiled inside.  Somehow, through his lack of judgment, I felt peace come over me. Life Schools You I like to refer to the interesting choices of others which I see manifest around me each day as entertainment.  I mean, think about it.  When I consider all of the people I meet each day and all of the interesting things I hear, the obvious path of health for me is to be at peace with what I see and to live as closely aligned with the health that I see within that person, situation, behavior, or decision. Life will at every turn create situations and opportunities for growth and challenges will come up right before you which will cause you to question your most cherished beliefs and deeply ingrained modes of thinking. In the past, I would often focus on the many woeful things taking place in the world, the injustices, the things which need fixing, and the ways in which I and those closest to me could contribute to fixing the world by changing things about themselves and how they live their lives.  This focus was useful to some extent and there certainly was a reason for it: put simply, I love. The world that I live in is an amazing place and I have always wanted nothing more than peace and equality and abundance for everyone.  I have always wanted to see those closest to me growing and shifting their lives into healthier directions.  Yet not every person relates to health in the same way or travels the same path to sustain a healthy journey. Fear may develop when the complexity of the world occurs to us and we attempt to judge at every turn to somehow make sense of it, categorize it, and experience in a way which we feel we can understand and even affect.  The desire to understand the world and affect it is beautiful. This fear can lead to challenges as we search for ways to “fix” the world and others while attempting to direct where and how the pieces should be reorganized. This feeds fear as we never actually face that fear.  Instead, we interpret the fear as something which requires some action, some stance, some decision.  The action that follows is often counter intuitive and does not lead to further understanding.  Things may then become seemingly more complicated. Passing Judgment v. Practicing Neutrality People, places, and all life forms on this planet are fluid.  All things transmutate in time and nothing is permanent that we can be sure of.  With this in mind, does passing judgment even really make sense?  If you think about it, jud as a root in Latin deals with law and with what is “right”.  Yet is it essential to judge to live and enjoy life?  Is judgment some kind of precursor to happiness?  Last I checked, no.  Is it essential to play referee with life and to constantly be gauging all things in terms of score or fouls?  Is judgment even an effective means to answer the questions we may have about life and our place in the world?  I have not experienced this.  Judgment often creates more disempowering questions than we started with, often limiting options and solutions by feeding the need to make concrete decisions about any given situation.  Thus we create more fear in our lives by not actually facing the fear itself. The image of a referee really hits home here.  Imagine what a referee does.  He makes calls.  He decides.  His say will dictate the game in some way.  So when a referee makes a concrete decision, one team may score or gain and the other will likely not.  This affects the outcome of the gain.  It is a system of scores.  The ego is involved. When we choose to act as if the questions we have will be answered without our having to act as referees of situations, people, behaviors, and decisions we then open ourselves to the answers we seek.  Why would we wish to create more uncertainty and limit options by building walls that we have no business building?  How can we really even genuinely referee anything?  Think about it… Neutrality takes out the “keeping score” element in life.  It allows us to be present to a situation, a behavior, and see it for what it is and not necessarily feel the need to respond or engage it.  It also frees us.  Neutrality does not color our response so to speak, so if we do decide to respond, we can do so in a way which reflects our complete acceptance of the moment.  We can be at peace with it.  Neutrality is a precursor to peace in that it prevents an investment of energy in building walls.  Building walls essentially leads to a break in communication.  Judgment builds a wall and blocks off some form of free communication with another.  Often, this break in communication leads to a sudden loss in understanding between two parties. Fear then sets in, and often begins to flourish.  Coming to a place of neutrality is very powerful and can welcome transcendence where the need to referee in life dissolves and the appreciation for communication is heightened.  When we come from a place of fear, we often create fantasies which serve to further the wall’s strength and we take solace in our fantasy as we seem to think that it justifies our situation, has validated our decision to create a wall between ourselves and some part of the world. It may be reinforced that creating a wall between yourself and some part of the world is healthy and essential depending on who is on the other side of that wall.  It may also be reinforced that everything that enters our life is, at some level, an essential part of our growth.  Think about that. This does not mean that a wall built through judgments never comes from a place of love at least on some level.  When we love ourselves we wish to protect ourselves, and in some ways our ego plays into that.  Loving our Being is essential.  Yet when we wish to protect ourselves are we not prescribing at least on some level to fear as well?  Important things to consider. Feeling the need to referee is often more damaging to the referee than the game of life or the other present parties.  Often passing judgment is merely a reaction to something which, upon further introspection, may dissolve in time.  The ego can invoke some interesting things within us at times.  That is why we have access to freedom and transformational lifestyle practices to keep ourselves balanced and whole. Meditation and reading some of the greatest philosophers and thinkers throughout time are great ways to expand the mind and to invite healthier ways of relating to life into the heart.  Drawing closer to a spiritual understanding of others and focusing on the health in others and situations may be very critical aspects as well.  Likewise, a commitment to maintaining open communication with the world, to be receptive to its lessons for us, will help to prevent the walls from forming between ourselves and all that could serve to benefit us.  We also have amazing things to offer the world as individuals.  What benefit is it to build walls between our gifts and the world around us which could greatly benefit?  Open lines of communication mean opportunity.  Being receptive means gifts.  To receive the blessings abundant around us, we must be aware that they are there.  How will we get the gift in the box if we decide the box is too big, heavy, small, smelly, purple, or poorly wrapped?  Schooled Twice I had asked a trusted friend to share with me anything that he felt I could alter about my current state that he believed would exponentially increase my health and the joy in my life.  After watching me and bantering back and forth for a bit, he actually told me that I should work on verbal abuse.  Verbal abuse?  What?  I hadn’t thought about that and I was being so aware of my speech, or so I thought. I was curious about what may have drawn his attention to this particular detail over others and he said that it’s the words that I chose to use jest when referring to situations and even myself.  Random words like “retard”, “idiot”, “stupid”, etc. came to mind.  This may sound silly yet the words we repeatedly use, even casually in jest, will impact how we experience the world.  How can we shift the mind to create more joyful experiences filled with laughter and enjoying our lives?  This need to verbally referee and pass judgment in adjectives which are creating walls and blocking the health in a person, behavior, situation, or decision only leads to fear. When we speak each day to ourselves and to others, what kinds of words are we using to describe our lives?  Are these words those of a person who is committed to communicating with the world, being receptive to the gifts and lessons present in all things?  Committed to neutrality?  Are these words committed to loving?  Every time I turn around I am being schooled.  Every situation before me is so ultimately guiding and perfect for my growth and health.  Approach life as a student. Be receptive to the lessons around you. We are all one on this journey in life.  Truly.  Is there any division?  We stand before the same sun, the same moon, the same stars, the same sky, and we all breathe the same air.  Our walls are futile.  Confines stifle the new sprout as it seeks the sun through the soil, breaking through the barriers, it travels upward and outward.  True growth breaks through the walls.  It seeks the sunlight and could imagine no alternative to its own divine inheritance to space and expansion in a world full of color.  Blogging 2009-05-14T03:31:00-08:00 http://www.theuberman.com/site/how-to-sneak-into-the-grammys/ http://www.theuberman.com/site/how-to-sneak-into-the-grammys/#When:20:09:00Z {summary} Three years ago I snuck into the Grammy Awards. I was supposed to have been invited but things don’t always work out as planned. It all started a year before that when I wrote in my journal: “Next year I’ll be at the Grammys.” (You’ve got to really be careful about the things you write in your journal. If you’re an action oriented person, they may just happen.) My being at the Grammys was less about my desire to hob-knob with rock stars and more about my relentless drive to always do what I say that I’ll do, to be courageous in the face of my fears, and to live my Life with authority. If you do anything with enough authority, the world will take you seriously. The following is a brief account of what happened. PREPARATION “Having paid heed to the advantages of a plan, the [Uberman] must create situations which will contribute to their accomplishment. By ‘situations’ I mean that he should act expediently in accordance with what is advantageous and so control the balance.” –Sun Tzu, The Art of War Every action involves a degree of preparation. The greater the action, the more preparation is needed. As soon as I made the decision to actually bust my way in, I put my head down and started to research. I wanted to know everything there was to know about the 2006 Grammy Awards. Where was it taking place? What time were the artists supposed to arrive? Who was producing the event? What kind of credentials would I need? What were some important names to know (and drop)? I found out that the company producing the event was called Rogers & Cowan, so I went through their website and made a few calls. Basically, I wanted to know the names of anybody who was anybody. Next I worked on my appearance. I wanted to seem like an agent with swagger or somebody’s manager, so I opted for the classy-casual look: a fitted black suit with a v-neck white tee, an expensive (looking) watch, the biggest diamond (looking) stud my ear could support, and some fresh, new, scuff-less white Vans. (Oh, and aviator sunglasses—you can never go wrong with aviators.) My roommate at the time was a movie extra and a film festival fanatic, so he had credentials (those cards you wear around your neck) just lying around. I put on about 5 of them. I wanted to drive my bosses Porsche to the event, but I didn’t have the balls to ask, so I opted for a rental. The rental companies were pretty much sold out of everything [cool], as it was just days before the event and everyone was in town. So I drove my 5 year old, champagne-colored Toyota Solara. (Hey, agents drive glorified Camry’s right?) Lastly, I put on a giant Bluetooth earpiece (they were huge back then) and stuffed the BlackBerry into my jacket pocket. The goal was to pull it out and start asking (neurotically and extra-loud) about the ‘status of the deal’ and ‘how come they hadn’t deposited her $5 million yet’ and other such agent-like things. I would even call my voicemail just so the giant blue light would flash when I talked and I would look extra douchebaggy. I was to ready to rock. AUTHORITY “If an [Uberman] is not courageous, he will be unable to conquer doubts or [carry out] great plans.” –Sun Tzu, The Art of War The original plan was to crash the event with my friend and partner in crime James (the extra). I decided to leave early just to scope out the Staples Center and its security arrangements. A 5-block perimeter was created around the arena, with one makeshift entrance being frequented by expensive cars. This was the entry point. I called James and told him that I was going to go for it, and that I’d call him when I got in. (I was absolutely certain, there was no such thing as ‘if’.) I rolled up to the police officer guarding the entrance. Her badge said T. Beckham and she had a fairly pleasant look on her face. I called my voicemail. “Excuse me sir, your car doesn’t have the orange placard. I can’t let you in.” Blue-light flashing: “Madonna, one second please…uh, hello officer, I was told to pick it up at the venue.” “No sir, they were supposed to mail it to you prior to the event.” “Wow, what an oversight…I actually have to meet up with my client 5 minutes ago. Is there anything I can do?” A Bentley rolled up behind me. “Well, if I let you go they may give you problems at the gate.” “Listen, Becks, let me deal with the men at the gate. I don’t want to keep Jay-Z or whoever is behind me waiting.” She looked at me for a second. A slight smile formed. She waved me in. If you do anything with enough authority, the world will take you seriously. My heart was beating faster than ever. Success! If I could get in that easy, the rest would be nothing, right? I rolled up to the gatemen guarding the parking garage. More police officers. “Excuse me sir, do you have your parking placard?” “What? I was told that they’d give it to me at the venue. Anyhow, I’m on the list. Go ahead and check.” “There is no list, sir. Please pull over to the side.” My heart was in my throat now, pumping harder than it ever had. The officer huddled with his colleagues for minutes-that-felt-like-hours before walking over to my car. “Listen; just ask…Roger or Cowan. I’m super late though. Can we make this quick?” I couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of my mouth. The officer lowered his sunglasses and looked me directly in the eye. His face wasn’t as pleasant. He then ripped off a giant orange ticket from a stack of about a hundred and placed it on my dashboard. “Have fun, sir.” No way was this happening. I drove off slowly, almost suspicious, like a guerrilla-unit SWAT team would jump out from some trash cans and gun me down, Bonnie & Clyde-style. No guerrillas or SWAT team arrived. “If courageous, he gains victory by seizing opportunity without hesitation.” –Sun Tzu, The Art of War The parking lot was littered with Lamborghinis and Bentleys and Aston Martins and such. I felt like I was on the set of some car porno. I think I orgasmed every time I walked past a Ferrari or G55 Mercedes Benz. ACTING AS IF (or FAKE IT ‘TILL YOU MAKE IT) “If you want a quality, act as if you already had it.” –William James Once inside the compound, I assumed the persona of a top-flight uber-agent. I walked straighter, made eye-contact with everyone, was super-chatty, and even winked at a few women that walked by. From time to time I would pull out the BlackBerry, call my voicemail, and have fake conversations with celebrities, politicians, and even the Dalai Lama. My goal was to feel like an agent, so my attitude and actions would flow naturally. I was inside the compound but I hadn’t really made it yet. Each entrance to the actual Staples Center building was guarded by metal detectors and large men in multi-colored blazers. I tried a few of the entrances, only to be rebuffed on the account of my lack of real credentials. I got real close once, in fact I made it into the building, only to be given away as the metal detector went off due to the digital camera in my pocket. Apparently, I should have known that all digital cameras were prohibited from the event. I didn’t get the memo. I went to the on-site credentials office to pick some up. The woman ran my name through the computer. “What? No Okorougo on the list? Ok, try Sam Cohn.” I didn’t get my credentials. FAILURE AND REDEMPTION AND FAILURE “There really is no such thing as failure. There is only the rearrangement of plans.” –Susan Falter-Barn I sat on the curb outside the credentials office feeling a little bummed. How could I make it this far without getting into the building? I thought about what to do next. If I could create the most ideal situation, what would it be? Getting on the red carpet!—easy.  So off I went. I was told that the red carpet was positioned next to the VIP parking lot, where small pockets of well-dressed people stood chatting next to limos and giant SUVs. I made it a point to say ‘Hi’ to all of them as I passed, even stopping to join in on some conversations. One group happened to include Coldplay’s limo driver, who was also rather ambitious and interested in seeing the carpet herself. We arrived at a carpet that was red, but less glamorous than one would imagine it to be. I went up and gave the lady with “the list” my name. (I don’t know why I kept doing that, like I was expecting it to magically appear if I said it enough times. Of course, it didn’t.) “That’s weird. Well, I’m supposed to meet my client on the red carpet. Should I just wait for her to arrive?” “Oh, they didn’t tell you? The carpet is green this year. And it’s on the other side of the Staples Center.” Damn, another memo that I somehow missed. I thanked her and headed off in that direction. My escort, Coldplay’s limo driver, had to stay back in case Chris Martin needed to grab his piano or bong or something. I followed a group of MTV journalists and photographers to the new GREEN carpet. Sticking close to the group and doing my best to stay incognito, I got but five feet away from the limo arrival point. The first limo that arrived was carrying Jennifer Love Hewitt. The flashing lights went off and the photographers started yelling for her to look in their direction. I paused. Here was my chance. All I had to do was trail after her, wave a few times, walk the 15 yard carpet and duck into the building. My hands trembled and my palms began to sweat. I took a few steps toward the carpet and extended my right foot, placing it slowly onto the lush green floor covering. I’m on! Now the left foot, Obi. I must have looked like I was doing the Harlem Shake ‘cause my whole body shivered in fear. I looked up to see if anybody was paying attention to me. I’m not sure how long I stood there, but it must’ve been long enough because a large tuxedoed security officer looked directly at me and whispered into his walkie-talkie, walking quickly in my direction. I ducked behind the photographers from MTV, crouching a bit. Someone grabbed my right arm firmly and pulled me away from the group. It was the security guard. “What the hell are you doing?!” he asked. “Uh, well, I’m supposed to be here.” “Let me see your credentials.” Sheepishly, I pulled one out from my suit jacket. It read: LA FILM FESTIVAL (VOLUNTEER) The guard once again grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the street. “Hey man, I’m parked here.” “No you’re not.” “Yes I am. In the subterranean parking lot, underneath the Staples Center.” “There is no parking lot under the Staples Center,” he lied. “Yes there is, and I’m parked there, orange placard and all. Now get your hands off me,” I said with authority. There wasn’t much he could say after that. There’s no way I could have known that if I didn’t park there. He let go of me and grabbed the walkie-talkie attached to his jacket lapel. “I have an African-American man, mid-20s, approximately 6 feet tall, black suit, white shoes. Please be on the…” I didn’t stay for what came next. I walked away from the green carpet, away from the flashing lights, past the credentials office, around the VIP parking lot, past the guards with the multi-colored blazers, past the orgasm-inducing Lamborghinis, and back into the safety of my car. I sat there for about 30 minutes before driving off. I was bummed—yes—but also a bit high with excitement over what just happened. I was definitely having a meditative moment. I felt alive and everything around me felt richer and more real. I was there…I was really there. Other Essays You Will Enjoy: How to Attract Anything You Want Detachment and Your Purpose Becoming a Stronger Leader Create a Better Body with Authority: The Burn Fat, No Sweat! eBook Did You Like What You Read? Share it! del.icio.us StumbleUpon Digg Blogging 2009-05-12T20:09:00-08:00 http://www.theuberman.com/site/being-a-healthier-woman/ http://www.theuberman.com/site/being-a-healthier-woman/#When:16:49:00Z {summary}I have a natural affinity for women.  Women of all shapes, sizes, colors, and creeds.  I love women, especially since I am one.  In fact, I have just recently come to love even more about women due to their great propensity to create amazing change in their lives.  It just occurred to me that women have the ability to create such amazing changes in their lives because women, particularly those who are members of cultures which value appearance over many other valuable things, generally consume so much more. I will speak in generalities here, but I realize that not every woman’s consumption rates or tastes are the same.  For the sake of addressing becoming a healthier woman, let’s evaluate my idea of one woman’s life in a consumption-driven culture which values beauty very highly, as well as status and material goods.  We’ll call her Uberwoman in Waiting, or UW.  Disclaimer: No judgment was passed in the creation of UW’s life.  Her life is merely laid out for the world to see. UW gets up in the morning and rolls out of bed with the alarm clock blaring.  She stops to stretch a bit perhaps if she feels she’s got the time to offer her body that.  Usually, she offers her body no physical activity because she gets up with just enough time to perform the “essentials” and then she’s out the door. A shower consists of using shampoo, conditioner, face wash, body soap, shave gel, and maybe even a facial scrub.  This list may increase if the woman is particularly fond of looking her very best, because she may believe that looking her very best involves using lots of products which do miraculous things, no doubt. UW hasn’t read any of the labels on her body products and doesn’t really know what’s in them other than the few highlighted ingredients which appear on the front.  She was particularly impressed by the addition of “Natural Shea Butter” in her shampoo, which prompted her purchase (that and the fact that it’s a very affordable brand to be found at a local chain store). Upon emerging from the shower UW dries herself off with towels that were also purchased at that large, local chain store.  She dresses herself in garments purchased at another local large, department store which sells fashionable clothing for less.  She then prepares her skin for the daily load of le maquillage. Despite the fact that she has beautiful skin, she covers her face with a layer of “foundation” which apparently sets the scene for subsequent applications.  She then uses a concentrated version of the first layer dubbed “concealer” which hides imperfections such as acne, scars, dark lines, wrinkles, and other marks. Same as the body care products UW used in the shower, she doesn’t realize that most of the ingredients in her makeup are totally unpronounceable.  She also isn’t aware that most cosmetics are classified as hazardous waste.  Did you catch that? Once the stage has been set, UW follows the first round with eye shadow to give her face a bit of color, some blush or rouge to contour the face, some mascara to add a bit of plumpness to her lashes, and then some eyeliner to complete the look.  She then smacks some of her favorite lip balm on followed by her favorite shade of lipstick, “Diva”. Once the routine is finished, UW hardly has enough time to eat so she grabs a pre-made coffee beverage that’s loaded with sugar and caffeine and a small plastic container of yogurt, also loaded with sugar.  She pets her little cat Fluffy good bye and heads out the door with the daily essentials: a hugely oversized and gaudy purse full of lots of receipts, a leather wallet, gum, some form of communication device, car keys, and underused clutter which sits inside her home away from home collecting a strange odor—one reminiscent of her cologne, cigarettes from the local bars she frequents with her lady friends, and the gum she chews promptly every few hours to create the illusion that she’s minty fresh.  UW’s weekday morning is pretty much the same each day give or take a few details.  The clothes change, the breakfast may change every couple of days, and sometimes she gets up a bit earlier to curl her hair. UW works at a corporate firm where looking pressed and smelling nice is important, so she interprets this importance a certain way and creates a routine each day to satisfy that requirement.  She doesn’t really like her job, but she pays her own rent and bills, and she has fun on the weekends. UW actually really hates her job.  In fact her boss has made more than a few passes at her, her coworkers in nearby cubicles are loud and gossip any chance they get, and the corporation’s sole purpose is harassing individuals who have defaulted on one loan or another. While at work UW gets a half hour to eat her lunch so naturally she hightails it to the nearest fast-food joint where very affordable and quickly prepared meals are available.  She orders the usual: a mini-burger with no onions, a side salad with ranch dressing and cheese, and a large diet soft drink to top it off.  Once back at the office, she sits for 10 minutes in the office break room where she eats her lunch and contemplates why she never brings her own lunch from home.  Thoughts of Friday night at the bar enter her mind while Biff laughs at reruns of The Girls Next Door and Two and a Half Men.  After lunch the day drags on and she performs her job with a slight to obvious disregard for its effect on the human race and her life while pondering what she will wear the next day, whether the noise her car is making may cost her a pretty penny, and where she left that lost red stiletto. Upon arriving home she relaxes in front of the boob tube for a while after stripping down into something more comfortable.  She calls a few friends, pets Fluffy, and reads her latest issue of Cosmo.  She takes note of the ever present and somehow always unique ramblings on the various male pleasure zones.  I ought to try that sometime.  Dinner consists of something canned, premade, or otherwise processed and once in a while she’ll have dessert.  This usually consists of her favorite chocolate ice cream, which she enjoys slowly with glee while remaining, in UW fashion, completely oblivious to the unpronounceable ingredients she’s packing down. Before bed she usually covers her face in at least three products.  One is for pending wrinkles which just might pop up.  Another is for the occasional zit.  And the third is meant to moisturize her skin.  On special nights she uses a facial mask before slumber while she soaks in the tub.  UW’s routine is generally the same.  Random events change things here and there like they would in any of our lives, yet UW remains ever the loyal follower, strictly adhering to a life built around fear and insecurity.  The Woman in Waiting Uncovered Now, you may argue that UW is not a definitive example of any woman, at which time I’d have to disagree.  You may argue that UW is doing just fine for a woman in her demographic, at which time I would frown and repeat that I disagree. Friends, it takes one to know one.  UW and I, we use to be really close.  In fact, I once was a UW contender.  Not every detail the same, yet obvious similarities.  In some ways, we are ever changing and expanding whilst our knowledge of self increases.  In this way, we are always living “in waiting” for our greatest self so UW’s journey is by no means a shameful one or one to be met with harsh judgment.  It is what it is.  It may be argued though that some stages on our journey suck exponentially more than others.  UW perpetually lives within the same stage, and she may not be content with that, may even feel something is not quite right, but UW does nothing about that.  Why?  Because UW is afraid. Who or what is it that UW could possibly be afraid of?  UW is afraid of UW.  UW is afraid of shining at her brightest and taking a leap or two (or three) of faith.  UW is fearful of anything outside of her common and familiar experience and her closest friends are just like her.  UW is surrounded by other UWs.  In essence, her own existence is continually reflected back to her everywhere she goes because that’s all she sees.  UW sees herself in everything and her focus continually reinforces her fear and the acceptance she needs is found in the banality and familiarity of all she holds dear. Yet the problem is, what UW holds dear does nothing but encourage fear.  Her sense of passion?  Dead.  Her love for her own body? Operating at a big fat zero.  Her desires? Wasted on inconsequential and usually disappointing random sexual adventures with guys like Biff. So what does UW really enjoy?  UW enjoys the idea of being happy that she’s created for herself.  UW likes to fill her heart with large purses, new shoes, clothing, jewelry, fun trips to tropical areas of the world, hot men, intoxication, cute friends, laughter, and jokes.  UW has created a life of lighthearted distraction.  Seems that all this distraction and seeming ignorance would work out well for her.  After all, if we don’t know who we are or what we are truly capable of and we don’t resonate with that part of ourselves, or if we knowingly resist becoming greater, it’s pretty easy to ignore our conscience, our deepest passions, and the fear we really feel.  It’s pretty easy to keep having fun, to keep getting up for a lame job, to keep living in the same fashion as the years roll by.  How long does this charade last?  Well, for UW, as long as she maintains her even keeled distraction, she may just live this life out having never faced any of those fears.  Fears.  Who needs them anyway?  What is facing them worth when you can distract yourself into forgetting they even exist?  Yet UW may begin to feel something.  Deep down.  Soon it’s not so deep and it’s getting pretty close to staring her in the face.  Her emotions need sorting, she thinks.  She buys some books.  She begins to rethink her life, her goals, her values.  Denial kicks in however, and they collect dust. She parties some more, a few more Biffs come and go, and she’s back at home hanging out with Fluffy.  She’s noticing a few more wrinkles there next to her left eye, the one she likes to squint with when she flashes that beautiful smile (the one she’s still a bit insecure with).  Somehow it all seems hollow to her, and she begins to question everything as she becomes deeply depressed with the direction she’s been moving in.  After many nights like this, many tears, and many jugs of her favorite ice cream she decides something must change. The Transition UW calls a few of the girls she used to know, the girls she thought she had nothing in common with.  One of them invites her to hang out and she goes.  The night is amazing and she feels really good about how this new group of people make her feel.  After getting home she decides to break out some of those books she had tucked away.  She reads.  She reads some more.  She begins to journal and write down how she’s feeling about life and what she’d like to change about herself.  She begins to grow. After some time her job becomes increasingly challenging since it requires her to sacrifice her time to a cause she doesn’t believe in.  She questions leaving.  After hearing some of the girls talk about health and fitness, she begins to run each morning before work.  She even attends a yoga class with one of the girls to try it out. Her new friends really inspire her.  She starts paying more attention to her diet and begins to question how she shops.  One of the girls mentions how naturally beautiful she is.  UW decides not to wear so much makeup, or waste all that beauty.  She feels better than she has in her entire life. Her other friends begin to see these changes in her and they no longer seem to have much in common.  When they go out to the bars, UW is not the same girl anymore.  They just don’t find her very fun.  UW senses this tension and she fears the loss of these dear friends.  Yet somehow she fears their company even more when she considers how it makes her feel. Life is Decisions.  Often, we must hit a place of sickness, a place in which we realize that things simply are not OK, are not working, and are not functional for us, in order for the mind and body to really recover and grow.  This can lead to the very beginnings of the most necessary and transformative change, lasting a lifetime and inviting new opportunities. Notice that the critical shift in UW’s life came when she began to question her world.  And also notice that the shift became one based in action and changes in habits and patterns when UW began to surround herself with individuals of a different feather.  At this point in UW’s life, the opportunities are infinite.  She has opened herself to change, she is willing to change, and she is putting herself around those who may assist her in furthering that change.  She may stumble a few times during the transition, but she’s well on her way to a much more fulfilling existence. The Life of Health for Women (and Men) The first step to creating something new out of a life once lived in pain, or in a way which is simply not acceptable for whatever reason, is to create a complete shift in how we spend our time and with whom.  This means revamping our social lives, where we hang out, where we relax, how we relax, and who we share that space with.  Who we consort with invariably affects us and for UW, her friends, her social life which had once been such a critical part of her existence was in fact the single most dangerous part of her life.  The danger did not lay so much in the acts themselves.  The danger laid in the fog that such a life created, a fog which prevented UW from actually thinking. I once had a friend say something interesting to me.  He said the key to creating something amazing and life altering involves teaching people to think.  I remember saying something like “Really?  Just to think?  But people do think.” And he said, “No, Holly.  They don’t think.  They live their lives completely unaware of the fact that their brain is capable of some really intense thought.  They don’t know how to use their brains effectively.  They are not thinking; they just exist.” I believed that somehow he was wrong, but as time went by in my life and I met women and talked with them it became very clear to me that he had something there.  There were quite a few women out there who simply did not think.  The critical thinking process was foreign to them and the world consisted of adapting certain traits to be made acceptable.  Questioning whether your existence matters and what you do each day to reinforce the value of your life is simply not an idea that many are preoccupied with.  To many, life is fleeting.  And yet in its fleeting nature they are continually distracted by the trivial in a secondary world which makes consumers of us.  Thus many of the women I have met are consumers.  They don’t know who they are or what they really love or have passion for.  They give of themselves freely without a second thought if the price is right, and they continue to consume because somewhere in that consumption is a form of solace which sings them to sleep at night. Retail therapy is a phrase coined to reflect the need which many women feel to invest in material in exchange for spiritual, mental, or emotional health.  Where there is the fixation on consumption which is not purposeful there is often a soul in need of something more.  A soul in need and yet a soul who has not invested the necessary time in the thought required to really understand what is needed to really LIVE.  My Point I have come to question how and when I spend money, how and when I consume a number of things, whether it be food, men, friends, ideas, ideologies, or any other substance.  There is a time and a place, and I feel that I have mastered to some degree the art of thought which is purposefully directed and living and consuming what I need in a way which really brings joy and peace into my life. I am growing as a woman and I wish that for all women.  I wish so much for the women I see each day and encounter by chance.  I have a deep and respectful love for women, especially those like UW.  My love for women was not always as present in me and I do believe the society I live in creates situations which may hinder the natural affection that may be so gainfully enjoyed between women from all walks of life.  I have found something unique within myself that I had not formerly been in touch with before and it involves the ability to focus on my personal growth in a way that allows me to grow while not judging others or wasting precious energy on attempting to change those near me.  For many women, this discovery could very well be the key to creating lasting changes: focusing on the self, becoming a stronger leader, and learning to accept others without the need to pass judgment which may hinder personal growth. Often we only become greater versions of ourselves and truly learn to love ourselves enough to think and love those around us when we hit a rough patch in our lives.  This may be brought on in a number of ways and for a variety of reasons.  For women this can be particularly challenging.  Yet when we hit a point in which we are fed up as shit with the way things are, we often become committed to create something new in our lives.  And creating something new, that’s just beautiful. I wish only to share my journey with the world and I hope to inspire and shift the minds of women who are interested in doing things in a new way. Newness. Kristina Lewis Embracing Her Inner Creator and Strength Other Essays You Will Enjoy: A Stream of Thoughts from a Post-Meditative Obi Make Something Happen Ten (10) Questions That Will Absolutely Change Your Life Learn How to Attract a Healthier Body: The Burn Fat, No Sweat! eBook Did You Like What You Read? Share it! del.icio.us StumbleUpon Digg Blogging 2009-05-11T16:49:00-08:00