Ulterior Harmony

Kokopelli on the Water, Eagle in the Tree

2012-02-08T21:22:00.000-08:00

This was the view from outside our cabin this morning...

And here's my newly much more ergonomic workstation from which to view it! More ergonomic--I didn't say "more tidy!"One of my journals doubles as mouse mat, and there are maybe three other notebooks in view, as well as at least four "in use" books and drinking vessels perilously close by.

It was a pretty big low tide, and that gravel spit on the beach below reminds me of Kokopelli when it gets exposed--land and water in a musical dance. So cool that the curlicue of ice drifting west almost mirrors the Kokopelli shape of the land! Yes, all kinds of elemental metaphors there.

It's the fourth day of thaw here, and there are supposed to be a couple more before it cools down again. Still a lot of snow everywhere, but it's packed down and pockmarked, and paths are icy. Phil hacked little heel-shaped divots here and there in the paths, without which it would be a near-straight luge run from the cul-de-sac all the way to bluff's edge!

Phil actually went a little ways up this tree today too, trying to get a good photo of the iceberg pictured above. He claimed the tree wasn't slick at all, being dried out from the cold, but I found that hard to believe with every other outdoor step being a slide.

I watched this eagle for quite a while, before our neighbors' big goofy dog came galumphing down and it decided it had better places to be.

Even if just for a few moments, and with camera in hand as an excuse, it was good to pause and be.

I still have a sore throat and runny nose, and am still not much for sleeping despite that. Maybe the cold comes from teaching, but also many people close to our recently bereaved friends, themselves included, have come down with some similar coldy-fluey symptoms. Today has been a day in which I've worked hard but illogically. I have two extra pieces of editing this week besides my normal jobs, and a packet due in just less than a week, and I kept finding myself compulsively translating Greek dictionary entries when that's the one job with no current time pressure. I begged off socializing tonight to stay home, nurse my throat, and finish writing a lecture, and now "the isle is full of noises," the weasels are having a party in the insulation, the rain pounding on the snow falling off the roof, and the only way I can escape full-on paranoia is either to lull myself with translating or to go work on a poem.

I think I'll go finish my last few slides for the lecture and then write. Be back Friday with a super-easy and good recipe.

"50 First Weeks:" the Sore Throat Smoothie Version

2012-02-06T22:47:00.000-08:00

Monday again, "50 First Weeks" again: opportunity for a fresh start. Before I say anything else, my deep, sincere and humble thanks for all the comments, both on and off the blog, about my last post. I'll be responding to them individually in the next day, but just wanted to let you know how much I appreciated all of your insights, caring, and tough love. I also want to apologize for anything in the post that smacked of worrisome or triggering or insensitive. I want to keep it real, even the crazy parts, and sometimes the wisdom and resolution don't all come at once.

So, if this is the "50 First Weeks" day, you know what my "new start" is for this week: my last post should make that clear at least: no more excuses about sending my writing out into the world! I sent off a submission today!

I have a sore throat and stuffy nose. It takes me back to the last time I taught a class--which I realized, to my shock, was five years ago! That course was accelerated Ancient Greek: a whole year of Ancient Greek in a single semester. I had an unprecedentedly large enrollment, wonderful students, and an intense long semester of 9am class every weekday. And during that semester, I completely lost my voice. Twice. Those were some fun lectures...

Maybe teaching makes me sick? It definitely adds to the ambient stress levels. So I slowed down my breakfast a little this morning, and made something rather like what I made when I'd lost my voice back then.

Sore Throat Smoothie
1 orange, peeled leaving as much of the white pith on the fruit as possible
1/2 a grapefruit
1/2 a lemon
1 cup herbal tea (or 1/2 cup herbal tea and 1/2 cup nut milk)
1 tablespoon flax seeds
1 teaspoon turmeric
cinnamon
1/2 inch ginger (or more)
2 dates or some carefully preserved and gently harvested healing honey from my beekeeping days
stevia if necessary

This is definitely a "strong" smoothie, between the ginger and the pith and seeds from the citrus. But between the herbs and the citrus, it feels like it's targeted directly at the sore throat. I made a similar one for lunch, with the addition of spinach, spirulina, maca and some coconut kefir. I think they helped--at least they didn't hurt, at a time when nothing really sounds good. More hot ginger/lemon seems like a fine idea too.

After six weeks or so of weather in the single digits and often below zero, it's warmed up to the 30's and feels positively balmy. Which also means that there's melting water freezing into rinks on frozen ground--some perilous hiking! I'll aim to share some pics next time.

Writerly Goals, Body Image, Clothing Size as Arbiter?

2012-02-05T14:11:00.000-08:00

I mentioned in my last post that I had some body image-related issues on my mind and wanted to share. Here goes: it has to do with the whole area of goal-setting, self confidence, and my intentions for myself as a writer.

For most of my emaciated 20's, I was a small size zero, or less, and for the more functional parts of that time, I never even thought about clothing size. I was able to keep the body image demons in check through appeal to the undeniable objective fact that I was tiny. For the last four years, after my deliberate and masochistic weight gain, disordered and partial weight loss, and the beginnings of dealing with a consequent damaged thyroid, adrenals and reproductive system, I've been bigger than has been comfortable for me, and have felt relatively helpless to do anything about it, especially when I couldn't exercise at all.

Last year around May, I started being able to work out again, and have done so, strenuously and consistently. Last year too, although I was constantly dieting one way or another (it's the only way I know to eat), all the diets shared the philosophy of eating to appetite, albeit restricting something or another, with the plan that this would send thyroid function and metabolism into supercharge. Well, last November I had to have my thyroid dosage increased, so obviously that didn't work. And a month earlier, I lamented my apparent lack of succes in body composition improvements on here.

I realized that I needed to be successful in achieving my body composition goals, because otherwise I can have no confidence in my success as a writer. If I can't make the body I live in OK to me (and no, acceptance of it as it was was not an option), then how can I expect to send my work out into the world and have it received as I intend? It seemed like a gap in integrity.

A couple months ago, I set the small goal that I should be able to wear size 2 jeans by the end of February (I was wearing 4's), and have been working on it through both diet and exercise. That seemed reasonable, measurable (I don't use a scale) and not excessive in terms of being likely to trigger a relapse. It seemed to go well, and the universe was moving with me, apparently, as my appetite has been virtually nothing during this time. Now here's where it gets really interesting. We went to our favorite boutique, Value Village, when we were in Anchorage this week, and I thought it was time to grab a pair of size 2 jeans to measure my progress and have ready for a month from now. I tried on several pairs--and they all fit, comfortably, not at all tight--except for one that was too big and turned out to be a 3.

Part of me wanted to be delighted--made goal, and a month early at that. But another part of me was immediately second-guessing. I never tried to get into 2's before I started this. I always needed a belt for my 4's. I seem to have an awful lot of fat on me still for someone wearing size 2, although honestly I can definitely see a difference from three months ago. But maybe I could have worn these jeans before I even started?

Could I have been at goal without changing anything? And where should I go from here? The writerly part of me that needed this success still needs success and change body-wise. But have I gone far enough already to satisfy that, or do I need to go further?

Whatever I conclude about what I'm trying to do with my body and how far to continue, the size 2 jeans were my message to myself that I can "do it" as a writer, the impetus I needed to impel me into giving full, serious, reverent, confident attention to doing whatever it takes to be a successful, engaged, significant writer and poet. And I'm wearing those jeans right now, roomy enough for long johns underneath, so there can be no more delay or excuse.

As that t-shirt Tia sent me says, "here comes trouble"--and man, what a different season that pic was taken in!

Do you ever conflate goals like this, so that achieving one has implications for another? Curious for any feedback on this.

Through Blizzards and Avalanches Home...

2012-02-03T14:01:00.000-08:00

Well, we sure saw some weather on our Anchorage trip of Wednesday and Thursday...and a lot of snow fell back at home in our absence!

Yes, this is an Alaskan winter, but by all accounts this year's is extraordinary. It's only my third winter here, so I have less basis for comparison, but old-timers are saying it's been many years since there was this much snow and cold. I have lots of pictures to share.
Driving up to Anchorage on Wednesday, there were blizzards most of the way, with strong winds gusting across the road, cramming the air with powdered snow, both falling snow and blown snow. I'd never thought of air as something with no gaps in it before.

At our friends' house in Anchorage, the snow was above the mailbox.

Snow half as high as a house...

See that pile of snow in the middle of the picture as tall as the building next to it? And the snow berms along the roadsides were generally well above my head, some of them as tall as the bus stops! I am in constant awe of the infrastructure and constant work it takes to keep roads open in the winter here.

We were glad that the truck was fully loaded: increased stability and traction, you know ;) We stocked up at CostCo, and Phil purchased a used wood-burning stove at Habitat for Humanity--that was some serious weight. And so aesthetic!

While we were town, it warmed up by 40 degrees, after hovering right around zero for the whole of January. Warm-up above melting point plus all that snow, and then some rain on the snow, equates to avalanches: big ones across the roads on the way from Anchorage to the Kenai Peninsula and Homer; smaller ones onto roads and buildings in town.

Coupled with the strange concept of air as something crammed and having no gaps was this eerie monochrome light, dissolving distances and making everything feel very intimate and immediate.

When we set out for Homer on Thursday, we knew the highway was blocked by an avalanche at one spot, and that there were avalanche warnings in many other places. The avalanche blockage was right around the turnoff for Homer, and we were hoping that it was just beyond the turnoff, so we wouldn't be stuck. But we were prepared to stop. And stop we did, for 30 minutes at one point while they let off howitzers to cause controlled avalanches up ahead.
Most people were sensible and stayed off the road. If you look at the picture below, you can see that there are no tire traces in the oncoming lane opposite ours--what looks like one to the far left is the shadow of the snow berm. No one was on the road coming from Homer or Seward!

Closer to our turnoff, we stopped again, for about an hour--this was where the avalanche was being cleared. As you can see, it was raining on top of the snow at this point, which can't have made the job of clearing the mess any easier.

We got lucky, though: it turned out that the avalanche itself was beyond our turnoff, so we were allowed to head on after that not-so-long wait, but the people heading for Seward got turned back. We've waited six hours for avalanches to be cleared before, so this really wasn't so bad. Phil took a nap. I broke the back of one of my critical essays for my "packet."

We had word that it had snowed non-stop since we left in Homer, warm, soft, blanketing snow, drifting over everything as fast as it could be cleared. But as we headed south, the temperatures began to drop again, as had been predicted. The roads were not so slick as things froze tight again. We even had the sun in our eyes for a bit. Welcome back, colors! In this particular stretch, the sun through storm clouds looked like a celestial body, angelic and radiant.

But when we got home, I had to plow my way out of the truck using the door!

This is the path down to our cabin. You can just see where the path should be: the snow was up to my hips.

The cabin itself looked like a model house inside a snow-shaker. But what a delight to reach home at almost 6pm and still have some light to see by! Finding our way down to the cabin through such deep snow would have been even harder in the dark.

Kudos to my hero Phil for much heroic driving. He felt short on exercise after his recent trip, so this morning while I worked out and made breakfast, he was quite happy to shovel. I was impressed with how quickly he made our path into a reality again. Also impressed by how tall the walls on either side are.

Forecast says it's going to warm up again tomorrow. Everyone's anxiously anticipating what will happen when all these huge piles of snow start to melt. Our entire bluff, cabin and all, could become an avalanche! At the very least, there will be a lot of water downtown. Ebb and flow, change of state, pole to pole with ulterior harmony all over again. I am grateful for the experience.

So many other things I could talk about, but I want to let this stand alone.
There's a major discussion on my mind about the relationship between goal-setting, body image, and success: I'll try to get out a weekend post to talk about that.
love to all!

One That Worked Out: Carob Chip Apricot Bars

2012-02-01T18:56:00.000-08:00

This was our backyard yesterday. Something about the frozen ocean, cerulean light trapped under ice, waiting to break out.

Phil and Tom flew home yesterday, two days earlier than expected: it's good to have them back. Phil and I then drove to Anchorage this morning for appointments and errands, through yet another blizzard. This is a brief post from a friend's computer, but I'll share some pictures of Alaska's monochrome wintry majesty when we get back home. Snow berms above my head in town here, but there's rain in the forecast: February bringing some warmer weather after weeks in single digits or below zero.

Today, I want to share a recipe that's a keeper. It's a dehydrated apricot and carob chip bar, somewhere between an energy bar and a blondie--but of course it has carrots in it, too! It's inspired by several recipes I've looked at or made at one time or another, by my recent experiments in carob chocolate making, and my current appreciation of dried apricots. In Israel, dried apricots and bright orange apricot fruit leather are staples. I always hated them. Then, one day, someone persuaded me to try an unsulphured dried apricot--brown, like a date, not that pretty bright orange (which wasn't pretty to me, even orange food lover that I am, because it tasted so bad to me). And those "real" dried apricots are just delicious, were just a revelation.
OK--quickly, I said! How about that recipe?

Carob Chip-Apricot Bars (gluten free, vegan, soy free, low sugar)
Mix together dry ingredients:
1 cup amaranth flour
1/2 cup quinoa flour (I ground both freshly in the Vitamix)
1/2 cup potato starch (not flour; can use tapioca or arrowroot starch instead)
1/2 cup erythritol
1 cup shredded carrot
1/4 cup flax meal
1 tb cinnamon
1/2 t salt
Blend together wet ingredients (best done in a blender, but doesn't have to be a Vitamix):
1/4 cup melted coconut oil
1/4 cup irish moss gel
2 tablespoons maple syrup
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
Mix wet ingredients into dry ingredients, and gradually add water, up to about 1/2 cup, until a stiff dough forms.
Stir in
1 cup homemade carob chocolate, cut into chunks (Of course you can use chocolate chips instead, but my good angel is trying to keep me off the chocolate that feeds the bad angel.)
1 cup chopped dried unsulphured apricots

Spread the batter out on a teflex sheet uniformly, about a half inch thick. Dehydrate at 145 for an hour, then turn down to 115. After 2-3 hours, you should be able to flip the whole thing and cut into bars. It's then up to your taste whether to dehydrate until it's dry and firm or to leave some moisture.You could probably bake this too, at 325 for about an hour, maybe also flipping halfway through. I haven't tried that, so it's a guess.

Either way, these are delicious. Some might prefer them sweeter, easily accomplished with more maple syrup and erythritol, but I enjoy that the basic crumb (with its lovely texture from even that small amount of coconut oil) is not super-sweet, highlighting the sweetness of the apricot and carob moments. And the chunky crunch of the carob pieces and the gooey tang of the apricots are great too. Not being super-sweet, these are also very satisfying.

Another backyard shot. I love watching those gyres of sea ice floating out toward the icebergs.

Hope you enjoy the recipe!

"50 First Weeks" Reintegrating, Colorful Chia and Herbal Protectors

2012-01-30T23:08:00.000-08:00

Happy Monday! It still is Monday up in this top-left-hand corner...

I missed sharing a blog this weekend. I had plenty to say, but not the time nor energy to say it. On that treadmill right now where a couple days of vortex and tragedy leave me behind the curve of the constantly accruing work schedule.

Well, and I'm pleased for the "50 First Weeks" theme for my Monday posts: starting things over is definitely the energy I'm needing. My previous "new beginnings" were ergonomics and housekeeping, and they're going to need to be "firsts" for this week all over again. The external keyboard has arrived, for an improvement, but getting up to stretch regularly has gone to nothing, and ditto housekeeping. So, those remain on the resolution pile. I also want to do more about exercise. I was working out like crazy until relatively recently, every day. Even now, I still spend at least 30 minutes a day on the rebounder and another 20 or so with my 5 Tibetans and others. And I'm not eating much. But it still seems like I'm not doing enough exercise--I'm not doing those 15-30 minute abs or resistance workouts every morning before lunch. I'm only hiking about once a week. Time to kick it back up, if only I can make the time.

I took a break from work today, and went to help clean my friend Jeanie's house. Phil and Tom are returning home tomorrow, and she wanted the house in order. I'm surely not the world's best cleaner, but I'm so honored to be able to help, to be asked to help, in this time.

When I have no appetite, I tend to put a lot of colorful powders in my food, a bit of this, a bit of that, trying to keep it nutritious.

This rather minimal bowl of chia pudding is colored up with goji berry powder, spirulina, turmeric, and also some slippery elm powder to soothe my tummy. And some lovely mulberries.

I imagine my digestion flaming in different colors, like Heraclitus' God, altering as fire does when mixed with spices and assuming the name of each in turn.
But I'm burned out on chia pudding. A shame, as it's so convenient and so portable. Even just one tablespoon for breakfast with some of those powders is too much. I never used to burn out on foods. On the other hand, looking at my year of breakfasts last year, maybe I do burn out!

I make my herbal teas and see myself surrounded with their goodness. Two roots, two leaves:
Rhodiola, the grounding rose, the brown rose of earth and connectedness;
Astragalus, named for the knuckle bones they used to use in games of dice: life is full of chance and change
Scutellaria, aka skullcap--my shield, my cap blinkering me from the scarier ghosts in my peripheral vision
Gynostemma--the woman's scepter, I see myself in solemn procession, the scepter garlanded with unspun wool.

Sending love and appreciation to all...

Tragedy, Time, and Coming Out the Other Side; Condolence Cupcakes

2012-01-27T19:46:00.000-08:00

On Wednesday morning, our dear friend Tom was called with the terrible news that his son had died in his sleep. The first thing he did was call Phil, and Phil accompanied him to break the news to Jeanie and bring her home from work. Yesterday morning around 6.15, I drove Phil and Tom to the airport: zero degrees and whiteout, so much snow in the air, but the little plane took them up to Anchorage to catch the big plane down to Seattle, where they are now, taking care of things.

Needless to say, it's a huge loss and shock: a new spin on the world around which we all change our plans. Saving graces: both Tom and Jeanie had had upbeat phone conversations with Luke the night before, and knew he was in good spirits. And I don't know if this is a saving grace or not, but my read is that this actually happened a long time ago, that the way Tom and Jeanie have been living their life for some time already reflects it as fact. Which means, in a way, that he's still here. We all sense that. Tom and Phil down in WA are meeting hordes of people who loved Luke, who were touched by his generous spirit. I've barely gotten to see Jeanie since they left, there's been such an overflow of support from all the many other people in this community who love Tom and Jeanie.

Tom is so glad to have Phil with him--and isn't it a compliment to Phil that he's the first person Tom thought of to call. Encomia of Phil are pouring in from all quarters at the moment, and I hope he hears them, and recognizes how appreciated he is by so many.

I haven't slept since we heard the news, but I think I will tonight. I watched it snow all day and all night yesterday, as I immersed myself in work and reading, and trying to write something...into this morning...

Our "bunny fence" isn't worth much with the snow up above it. I shoveled.

I confess that the nonlinearity of timing this exhibited--my certainty that it happened long ago--sent me into a tailspin: if "a" doesn't follow "b," then it won't make any difference if I don't take my meds, or eat, or sleep, and do take pills I shouldn't take... Going nowhere good. But by some other incredible serendipity, the phone rang first thing this morning, and it was the Naturopath's office, about something else. They got me to come in, to get my chemistry set right again, talked me down from paranoia about time being all out of order...So grateful both to my ND himself and to his wonderful office manager. I didn't want it to be all about me. And now, although I don't feel great, I'm ok, and although I'm still puzzled about the time thing, I'm not totally freaked out. I still don't understand, but I'm more likely to be able to be there to support Phil now.

I made a simple dinner for all of us on Wednesday night, the day the news hit. Short notice and busy day, and I wanted to make something sweet to finish with. In this situation, the temptation is to make something overwhelmingly sugary that I wouldn't dream of eating myself, and I did make a batch of Phil's energy bars, which are protein powder, nuts, craisins, oats in a matrix of peanut butter and honey boiled together, partly to be journey food for them. But I decided I also wanted to serve something raw, light, delicious, beautiful, and gentle.
So I made these "Condolence Cupcakes:" they're inspired by Shannonmarie's Lemon Rawtess Cupcakes, although I made them mini and didn't put pretty frosting and piping on top.

3/4 cup cashews
3/4 cup unsweetened dried shredded coconut
pinch salt
zest of one lemon
Blend all these until fine.
Add:
1/3 cup date paste or finely chopped dates
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Whisk in until well incorporated.
I ground the nuts with the "S" blade of the Cuisinart, but then, for incorporating the dates, I used the little "dough" blade, the plastic "S" shaped one that isn't sharp, to keep the texture fluffy. When it can be formed into a dough, fill the mini cupcake cups with little hollowed-out "cakes," reserving some 'dough' to top them.
For the filling, I used some frosting leftover from our Anniversary Carrot Cake (recipe is there).

Just a little blob of frosting in the hollowed-out cashew-coco-lemon 'dough' (like in the picture above), and then cover it with some reserved 'dough.'

It made about fifteen. And they were so well appreciated! Apparently some of them are in WA with Phil and Tom.
The lemon symbolizes the sadness, wrapped up in sweetness.

Today the snow finally stopped, and when I went downtown my copy of the Georgia Review, featuring a poem by a good friend from the program, no less, had finally arrived. I'd never seen the sky stippled white, gray and blue in quite this way before and had to stop to try and capture it, even though I could feel the marrow of my jaw freezing. Things are looking up.

Resolving to Write, Spousal Support, and That Slaw

2012-01-25T18:28:00.000-08:00

We're having a blizzard again. Life is picturesque.

Last night, sixteen writers gathered in the conference room of the Homer Library for a "Resolve to Write" event, under the aegis of the literary organization 49 Writers and the Friends of the Homer Library.

As usual when a group of writers gets together, there was a feeling of camaraderie and of "being with one's tribe," as well as a sense of bumping up against intense ambitions germane to one's own. Some of us were present for the event last year, and so were able to check in on how successful we had been with our resolutions, and there were new faces too. And we all knew writers not present at the event. I'd say writers are a sustainable resource in Homer!

We were in a space of mutual witnessing, of hearing and being heard. Some of us had books at the publishers' in New York, in their final phase of editing. Some had bold resolutions to get a whole body of work published, or to submit work to publishers every week. Some of us had just applied to MFA programs; some of us had just commenced MFA programs. Some wanted to get better at using social media to promote our work, others sought advice on how to avoid the distractions of the internet. We discussed problems of potential audience--how to choose it, how to allow it to choose you--and of preferring to read a genre other than one's chosen writing genre. We shared suggestions for online sources of inspiration (including, ironically, on how to get off the internet), and recommendations of journals to read and subscribe to. We laughed, often.

As you probably noticed from the picture above, Phil was one of the attendees! He confessed to writing mostly for fun, and mostly letters to friends. He enjoyed copious brownies, and didn't say much else the rest of the evening. He says he came because he's nosy!--really, he was there to be supportive, mostly of me (and to see what kinds of people I get to hang out with), but also of the community and the library.

We haven't been doing that much together lately, because I've been so very busy, and because Phil's regular outdoor adventures are ambitious undertakings demanding more time and energy than I can spare right now. It was an interesting change of pace to spend an evening together, along with a group of variously familiar and unfamiliar people, and to compare notes afterwards about what we thought about what was said.

More troubling to me, though, was Phil's reaction to my own stated "resolution" this year. Funny how when your spouse comes into your "home turf" that's totally separate from the relationship, he feels dismayed at things you think are reasonable and normal.

I noted that although I absolutely regard myself as a writer first and foremost, and feel very "seen" and supported in my various writing groups within the community, there are a few people who regard me as a "wannabe" rather than a bona fide writer. And I stated my desire to banish the possibility of that perception by doing whatever it takes, in terms of submitting and generally putting myself out there.

After the meeting, Phil expressed deep concern at this statement of mine. His worry was that I'd shifted my focus from the internal satisfaction of doing the best I can as a writer to the external badges and trophies of recognition.

I understand his concern, but I don't believe that's what I've done. If there are people who don't recognize me as a writer, then there's something amiss with how I'm projecting my intention out into the world. So to me, getting the whole picture, internal and external, on track, is part and parcel of doing the best job I can. As my inspirational friend Erin pointed out to me last night, submitting our work is another aspect of literary citizenship. And of course, it could also be true, as Phil pointed out, that those who won't acknowledge me as a writer have a problem with their perception. Still, it shows me that I could do more.

I'm grateful to live in a town that fosters this kind of group energy, that features such an inspirational cast of writers to whom I can look up, and I'm honored to help facilitate the creative energy wherever and however I can.

Some more from our picturesque day--snow filigree on a deceased thyme plant...

...and the broom of winter.

Now for that Thai 'slaw recipe I promised in my previous post. It really is so simple, if you have the right ingredients.
Veggies
1/2 head green cabbage, sliced fine (best with a mandolin)
1 large carrot, grated
1 cup grape tomatoes, halved
cilantro--as much as you like, roughly chopped

For the Sauce:
2 tablespoons deseeded tamarind, soaked in water for 30 minutes beforehand
2 dates, pitted and soaked along with the tamarind
1 teaspoon miso + 1 teaspoon sea salt (if you like tamari, can do 2-3 tablespoons tamari)
1/4 cup apple cider vinegar or coconut vinegar
1 teaspoon red Thai chilli paste (the kind that's an amalgam of lemongrass, galangal, ginger, and garlic. I'd rather make my own, but haven't been able to buy galangal, or, except rarely, lemongrass, in town.)
2 teaspoons lime juice (lemon works also)
2-3 tablespoons extra virgin coconut oil (It really is worth it to use the extra virgin rather than the expeller pressed for this recipe: the coconut fragrance of the extra virgin gives the whole palate of the dish a wonderful lightness.

Enjoy!

"50 First Weeks:" Chinese New Year and Backyard Wildlife

2012-01-23T23:03:00.000-08:00

It's still Monday here! (I know I'm late getting my post out today....) Welcome to the second of "50 First Weeks." And Happy Year of the Dragon! Oh, and one other "happy" thing this week: I got a prize for my participation in "6 Weeks of Bliss:" for my "community cheerleading" via Facebook shares! Now I need to get used to the idea of myself as a community cheerleader!

Before I talk about how this week will be a "first week" for me, I want to share some backyard wildlife from up here, together with the joyous pronouncement that the days are definitely getting longer.

This big guy by our outhouse has some vestiges of sunrise in the background, but barely 9am and it's definitely daylight.

But what do you think of this little guy?

Too cute for words, but he thinks he is the most vicious, dangerous, fearless villain. He's a "least weasel," or ermine, and it's probably not such a good thing that he's taken up residence under our cabin. Weasels have a habit of tunneling through insulation and reducing its effectiveness.

Here's the moose again. This one's a bull--his antlers have fallen off and you can see the stubs, but maybe not in the picture. Somehow that picture (taken from inside the cabin) brings home to me how close to the edge of the bluff we are!

And one more with the sun coming up.

Last week was my "first week" of picking back up on housekeeping and getting the house in order a little better. But it was also my first week teaching, and of course, there were glitches with the new software almost every day, and a whole group of people to get to know through the veil of the internet, and grading, and.... Truthfully, I think every week will be a "first week" picking up on getting the house in order. Which seems apt, given the entropic inevitability of everything ending up in a mess all over again!

Given the many hours I'm spending at the computer, though, between teaching a web-based course, writing, and my other jobs--and blogging, of course!--this week is going to be the "first week" I finally get serious about ergonomics. I've regarded the injunctions to stop and stretch every 20 minutes max, to do my foam roll and other physical therapy exercises, to adjust my equipment to improve my posture, all as things that I'd probably resolve to do "some time in the future." Meanwhile, my back, neck, shoulders and hands continue to be stressed and strained. Why not now? Especially with this "50 First Weeks" idea--if I don't do well this week, next week will be another opportunity to start afresh.

I've already ordered an external keyboard, so I'll be able to put the laptop at eye level and type comfortably. Um, I forgot to order a mouse at the same time. Duh?! Probably not too hard to get one locally. Oh, and lots of hardback books while I was at it ordering, so that I could make a good tower for the computer to sit on and have good reading for when I take a break ;) I spent much of today standing at the counter with the computer perched atop a pile like that.

This is something I've procrastinated taking seriously for so long, it seems seriously daunting. But the "50 First Weeks" idea helps to detract from that apprehension, and really, it shouldn't be that hard to tear myself away and stretch (or pee, for that matter)!

I hope that my choices for the "first weeks" don't seem unrealistic or overambitious. I'll be glad to do better at ergonomics.

I'm going to leave it at that for tonight, but I promise I'll be back by Wednesday, and will even share this Thai-flavored 'slaw (yes, of course it involves carrots!) that was so good it had to be made twice (and I still almost forgot to take a picture)! OK--now I should go stretch!

Much love. What will be a "first" for you this week?

Five Things about ME? (final Bliss Challenge)

2012-01-20T19:23:00.000-08:00

As another week draws to its close, the days are lengthening! Somehow it got to 6pm here, and the sky is still full of deepening oranges and purples.

The last one of "Bliss Connect's" Six Weeks of Bliss Challenges is a tough one for me. We're asked to share Five Things about ourselves that our readers may not know.

Well, I figure most of you guys know most of the peculiar scoop on me--my word and poetry obsessedness, my remote bluff-edge-tiny-cabin-Alaska domicile, my marriage with a husband whose kids are older than me, my good friendship with his daughter and ex-wife, my gluten-free, dairy-free, animal-products-avoiding food ways, my incapability of following a recipe, my obsession with herbs, my belief that any and every favorite food dish can be converted into a (green) smoothie.

So, how to come up with Five Unusual Things?
Try these on for size...
1) Although I'm left-handed, and generally left-sided, I'm partially deaf in my left ear. I had fluid buildup in my ears as a little kid, and at the time, the waiting list for the necessary operation was two-to-three years--long enough for some permanent nerve damage, fortunately only in one ear.

2) I know the Isha Upanishad by heart. In Sansrkit as well as English. My dad was studying Sanskrit when I was learning to talk, and he tended to practice out loud. I picked up all kinds of extended passages, and still have them in my head. My school had some interest in those subjects as well, and when I was six years old, we had to memorize the Isha Upanishad in Sanskrit--and a few years later, in English, so that we'd have a clue what we were saying. I wonder whether any of my classmates still remember it too? (I think I might have been the only one who actually got it memorized.)

3) I almost became a professional musician. Despite the hearing loss, I was a very serious Classical musician through my second year of grad school. At one point, while I was an undergrad and taking music lessons at one of the London conservatories at the same time, my teacher encouraged me to start auditioning for English Horn positions in serious orchestras! When I decided to do Grad School in academic studies instead, my dear friend Nick, a wonderful conductor, cried. He said, "Who else is going to play English Horn?" (Actually, he said "cor anglais," because that's what it's called in British. And yes, I played oboe too.)

4) I have a persistent auditory memory. My current facebook profile pic commemorates my headstand rendition of a poem during a skit at our last MFA Residency. What you might not know is that when I was an avid oboist, I once memorized a whole piece without playing it once until I performed it for a workshop! It wasn't a perfect performance, but it didn't stop, either. On the other hand, I do not remember everything everyone says perfectly, so if I get in an argument with you, don't let me say "You said xxxx: I remember exactly what you said!"

5) If my life had panned out slightly differently, I might have become an interpreter. Translating is still my favorite job, and I can't wait to start doing literary translation also. I'm reading so many poetry books at the moment, but a volume that arrived in my mailbox just a couple days ago gave me so much delight.

It's a bilingual Anthology of Modern Greek poetry! I work with Ancient Greek on a daily basis, but I adore Modern Greek too, and it's been a while since I encountered it.
I opened the book at random and read in Greek, glancing over occasionally to see if I agreed with the translation:

"The dawn smelled of thyme:

it was the sprightly little Faun, who woke

and put on his cap of bright-gold sun

and rode his gust of wind down to the sea.

"This is the place where I was born."

(My translation is a little different from what's in the book.) And I was enthralled.

Tell me something I don't know about you?

Parsnip Rice BUT Why "Raw Versions" of Cooked Favorites will Never Catch On

2012-01-18T16:46:00.000-08:00

The view from here... The beach is frozen, with ocean water freezing on top of snow. The sun is bright, blue-sky gorgeous, about ten degrees. It's been like this for a week since the big blizzard. Cold, but so beautiful.

I have a raw "parsnip rice" recipe to share today, but also some reflections on why raw versions of familiar cooked dishes will never catch on. Phil is teaching me a lot!

Why "Raw Versions" will Never Catch On

I'm weird, and I've never had "cravings" for traditional "comfort" cooked foods in the traditional sense. I remember my poor friend Stacy, one time when I was suggesting that she could create a raw substitute for a craving, trying to get it through my head that "raw pizza isn't pizza!"

Well, if a dedicated raw foodist felt that way, what about a person who has no interest in focusing on raw foods at all and thinks the whole idea is a crock, but is open to tasting the concoctions his odd partner creates?

Phil's reaction to the "parsnip pilau" recipe (shared below): "It's nice, but the texture's not my favorite. It's all chopped down, sort of like rice, and I prefer vegetable salads to have more texture."

You see the problem?

It'll still be a vegetable salad, no matter how you dress it up, no matter what fancy name you give it. The fact that it was "like rice" was actually a negative for Phil, because to him, it was still a vegetable salad. The same held when I brought a raw lasagna to a gathering one time. Everyone adored it, and everyone referred to it as "a salad."

For me, this isn't a problem. For me, "a rose by any other name..."--I don't care what you call it so long as it tastes good. But for people who are used to eating "anything and everything," it seems things need to live up to the billing established over a lifetime of knowing, for example, what "carrot cake" is supposed to be like.

Yes, even the wonderful carrot cake didn't meet with Phil's discerning texture sensor. That nut milk pulp: it's fattier than regular flour, but maybe it's also more fibrous. He complained of a fibrousness in the texture, said it felt like "eating chaff!" More for me, I guess. But otherwise, raw desserts are the only exception, in that people do recognize them as desserts, as genuine "pies," etc. Although as you'll recall from my "Grover Pie" post, even the desserts are subject to misnomers...

For people who eat a diet centered around grains and meat and dairy, vegetable and nut-based concoctions are never going to fool them.

My response is to be more careful with what I call something, and I'm also looking for ideas on how to make raw cakes less "pulpy" (when I can, I'll experiment with a food mixer and see if that helps).

Parnip Pilau
We all love parsnips here, and the last time I roasted some, I nibbled on the raw ends and thought it would be lovely to make a raw "rice." Organic parsnips don't exist here, but when I got some in my Full Circle box, I thought it would be a great opportunity to do it raw.

Of course, I couldn't resist including a carrot in there too!

Parsnip-Carrot "Pilau" (raw, vegan, light)

"The Rice"

2 medium parsnips

1 large carrot

Chop the veggies into large pieces, and process them in a food processor with the "S" blade until fine.

Put in a bowl and set aside.

"Curry Sauce"

1/2 cup nut milk

2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar

1 tablespoon flax seed meal

1 inch fresh ginger, grated

1 tablespoon curry powder

1 teaspoon miso

1 teaspoon turmeric

1/2 teaspoon cardamom

1 teaspoon melted coconut oil

1 tablespoon lecithin granules (or teaspoon liquid lecithin)

1 teaspoon maca (optional)

1 teaspoon cayenne (optional)

Blend everything together--the nice thing about this sauce recipe is that you can do it fine in an underpowered blender. I did it with my little immersion blender.

Pour over the veggies and stir well together. To make even more "pilau" like, consider adding raisins, pistachios, almonds, pine nuts... (I didn't, but it would be good that way too.)

I found this delicious combined with some homemade kim chee...

And wrapped in a lettuce leaf. On top is just a smear of the eggplant dip I made a while back.

So, it's a "pilau," but I wrapped it up in a lettuce leaf like I do everything!

What do you think? Will "raw versions" ever catch on? What should we do about it if not?

And any nut pulp/chaff suggestions welcome too!

"50 First Weeks;" Housekeeping, Body-Keeping and Milk Thistle

2012-01-16T22:56:00.000-08:00

Thanks for all the kind comments about that carrot cake. I loved it and was proud of it, and have pieces for all of you if only I could figure out how to send them!

Last night, we watched 50 First Dates, courtesy of some wonderful friends.

It put some ideas into my head, although it wasn't my favorite movie ever. Quite a bit of the humor was stereotyping/demeaning, but it was sweet to see Hawaii, the story is heartwarming, there were some very funny moments...and the whole premise brings up a really interesting hypothesis--what would it be like to live life starting anew every day?

Of course, actions have consequences, but what if we get to start over each morning nonetheless, to create our love afresh every day? It's an exciting thought, and it gave me an idea. You know what? This is already the third week of January. That means there are 50 weeks left of this year! How about we make them "50 First Weeks?" Every week can be the first week of "something." I will aim to make my Monday post each week dedicated to this idea of renewal.

Housekeeping and Body-keeping Dilemmas
This is my "First week of better housekeeping." I've mentioned here before that I'm more clutter-tolerant than average, and fortunately (or not), live with an equally clutter-tolerant person (although we've both recognized that we're more tolerant of our own clutter than of each other's). I also shared that I was making some strides in organization and tidying, and even in making it part of a routine.

Well, I slipped. Things lapsed during my trip to Israel, and since I got back, I've just been too busy with course design to pick it back up. Classes start tomorrow(!) but I made the course live over the weekend, taking some of the climactic pressure off tomorrow. And today, I recorded, edited and produced one lecture and edited another, but also, I dusted! I swept! I let go a plant that had died and had been shedding in my workspace for a couple weeks.

My workout routines often involve interludes with the dustpan and brush after I come up from a pushup coated and can't stand it, but it felt really good to get some of the more persistent dust out, so we don't have to sneeze when we reach under the desk! And getting back to doing this helps me to do it more.

Now that you're thoroughly grossed out, I also confess that it's hard for me to keep up my body-keeping! Over the last few years, I've finally developed reasonably consistent hair-brushing habits. I used to think there was no point, as my hair is so tangly, it needs brushing again almost immediately. Now, I accept that it looks better if it's been brushed. But I still lose the habit, sometimes when I'm depressed, sometimes when I'm too busy, sometimes I know not why. Having no hot water or shower here can make it easy to end up unwashed, also.

And how often should a person change her clothes, and her bed linen? I don't know how I got to be close to my mid-thirties without figuring out these mysteries.

One more "organizational" thing I've started this "first week" is to put two or three people to email on my "must do" list each day. As busy as I've been, despite keeping up with the blog, I've really slipped on some of my personal email, and my inbox is out of control with messages from people whom I care about, to which I haven't responded. It feels good to correct that.

One thing I do know about body-keeping is that those carrots I'm so obsessed with are also good for the liver, and that a well-supported liver is a smart idea for stressful times and dusty houses. I've been enjoying my carrot slaw for breakfast about every other day, especially delectable those days when I had nut milk around, and a recent super-charge addition has been milk thistle seeds! You can see a couple of the little guys just to the right of the spoon.

I've talked about milk thistle before at least once, and what a good liver support it is. The potent components are mostly alcohol-extracted, but I've also read that eating the seeds is one of the best ways to assimilate the silymarin compounds which are the good stuff. So, I've been soaking a few milk thistle seeds in the brew that the shredded carrot sits in overnight. I also put them in my chia puddings. They're very crunchy but not in an offensive way, and very mild tasting.

Are you up for "50 First Weeks?"

About that Carrot Cake

2012-01-15T15:50:00.000-08:00

I promised to share more about the anniversary raw carrot cake I made...

...and then of course I headed out to the party without my camera, so didn't get to show the cake in its beauty!
This pic is from after I'd already put it back in the box with the ring around it, which knocked lots of the frosting off...

And here is a piece missing the frosting on the side...

But here's a "repaired" piece I'm taking to friends tonight.

I think it's very pretty!

What I did
This is basically the Ginger Carrot Cake recipe from Matthew Kenney's Everyday Raw Desserts, with some tweaks, and I made up a lemon-cream (cashew) cheese frosting instead of the ginger frosting offered there.

The tweaks on the cake? As you can see, I used goji berries, whereas the recipe calls for raisins. I love raisins, but there were at least four raisin-haters around the table, so I respected that. I left out the walnuts and pecans because, just like some people don't like raisins, I can't stand nut pieces in baked goods. I put about a half cup of shredded coconut instead. Also, I mixed the spices with the wet ingredients, thinking that they would meld better that way, and used whole, grated ginger and nut milk instead of ginger and apple juices.

Here's my recipe--it's different enough from Kenney's that I feel ok posting it:
Gingery Carrot Cake
Dry Ingredients:
8 cups nut pulp (mine was a combination of almond, hazel and brazil nut milks, with a little sorghum flour because I only had 7 cups)
2 1/2 cups grated carrot
1/2 cup shredded coconut
3/4 cup chopped goji berries

Wet Ingredients:
3 cups date paste
1/3 cup irish moss gel
3/4 cup nut milk
2 tablespoons vanilla extract
3 inches fresh ginger, finely grated (even if you have a Vitamix, it's worth doing this)
1 1/2 tablespoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon nutmeg
1 teaspoon ground cloves
1 teaspoon cardamom
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/8 cup melted coconut oil
1 tablespoon lecithin

Blend together until smooth all the wet ingredients save the last two. Then, add the coconut oil and lecithin, and blend again.

Mix together the nut pulp and carrot. Gradually add in the wet ingredients, mixing briskly but not too much. Finally, stir in the goji berries and coconut.

Divide the mass of batter into two, and arrange half on the bottom of a 9-in. springform pan. Frost with one third of the frosting (which you made earlier! Instructions coming up) and set in the fridge to firm up. Then, put the top half on, and when ready to serve, frost the cake.

So, what about that frosting? Two whole days advance warning?
Yes, I made a cashew cream cheese, just like the one I made for the mushroom pate, but gave it a sweeter twist. This is a super-heavy, rich frosting, so I made it lower in sugar to ease the overall digestive load while hopefully maximizing pleasurableness.

Lemon Cream "Cheese" Frosting
2 cups cashew "cheese" (recipe here)
juice and zest of one lemon (a quarter cup)
1/4 cup erythritol (could substitute coconut sugar, rapadura, whatever you prefer)
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup coconut oil
1 tablespoon lecithin

Blend the "cheese," lemon juice and zest, erythritol, salt and vanilla until very smooth. Add the coconut oil and lecithin, and blend again.

It should be very well chilled when applied to the cake, but better not frozen. I actually made this on Tuesday, so it was frozen until Friday, when the party happened!

To my guilty surprise, I discovered something very long forgotten and deeply buried: there's a part of me that just adores the "cake and frosting" texture combination--the complex texture and crumb of the cake (and I love the _raw_ carrots in the mix there); the tart smoothness of the frosting. I'd also worried that the carrot cake should have had some lemon in it, but the frosting is lemony enough that they marry beautifully.

Now, I need to figure out a frosting recipe that doesn't involve two cups of cashews (although culturing lowers the fat a bit) and coconut oil--something delightfully smooth and decadent that doesn't sit so heavy or contain so many calories!

Here's the nut milk bag the cashew cheese sat in, with lots of lovely cultured "crumbs."

Am I weird that I made these residual bits last three days, rather than just enjoying them right away?

When the cake was served, I had a moment of anxiety about people not liking it because it's so far from the mainstream. But they're used to me by now! I was also embarrassed by how big it was--but that just means that I get to share it with more people! As dense as raw cakes are, though, I'm thinking that "next time," I might make a half recipe and try mixing the dry and wet ingredients in the food processor, but with the plastic "dough" blade instead of the S blade--I think that might be the closest thing to a mixer, which I don't have (nor do I have room for).

Well, there you go! Two recipes, and a way to make even my beloved carrots decadent!
Much love...

Upcoming Goodies and Quick Fitness for Bliss Connect

2012-01-13T18:27:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday! After some technology issues in the midst of the blizzard yesterday, and after meeting yesterday's editing deadline, I'm starting to feel like I'm in the home straight with my class preparation. I've recorded, edited and uploaded four videos into YouTube and into my course--just two more I really have to do this weekend, although four would be nice. I could never have imagined saying what I just said--me, record videos??? (Yes, they're pretty basic and mostly me talking over PowerPoint slides, but a couple weeks ago I didn't know how to use PowerPoint either.)

The blizzard: here is the igloo outside our house!

I missed last week's Bliss Connect challenge, but only in the sense that I didn't flag any post as being part of it: the challenge was about resolutions and intentions, and I sure did those.

This week, it's about Fitness and exercising when in a hurry. I'm in a hurry right now, heading out the door to our belated anniversary party, and am in the wrong computer for file access (and the wrong browser--FireFox and blogger must hate each other!), hence lack of links (will fix tomorrow) (edit--ok, later tonight).

Snow shoveling is awesome exercise! I mentioned the foam roll recently too, and that is wonderful for decompressing from hours of typing.

I've definitely been feeling the need to make sure I exercise despite working probably sixteen-eighteen hour days lately. I make sure I do my "Five Tibetans" when I first get up, and then spend fifteen minutes or so on the rebounder. I do at least another fifteen minutes later in the day. Sometimes, I grab the jump rope and do intervals until I'm winded and wired! And just like I throw pushups and crunches into the Five Tibetans, sometimes I'll get down and do fifteen or twenty minutes of different kinds of crunches with lunges and squats, and jump rope intervals in between.

I love having these tools at my disposal so that I can be well exercised indoors (it's about five degrees outside, and headed below zero) and close to my work.

Playing in the kitchen is like a workout for me sometimes--just how I roll, multitasking and running around. I have lots of carrot-based goodies to share soon (for a great surprise)--this is the anniversary big-deal (half built)

And this is a tweak on my breakfast carrot slaw I've been loving so much...

...while this is something raw and hearty and full of both carrots and parsnip!

Love to everyone and excuse the hurried post--I'll tidy it up tomorrow. (OK tonight!)

Carob Chocolate Recipe and Follow-Through

2012-01-11T22:03:00.000-08:00

A few people asked for more details on how I made the carob chocolate that was a main ingredient in the wonderful mint-carob chocolate truffles I just posted about, and I realized that I hadn't really posted a very specific recipe before. I'm so willing to please...

...I actually made up a batch today just to be sure that I would share the best possible recipe. There have been times when I've brainstormed a lot about how to make the best carob-based or "white" chocolate with no cacao powder, but I've been off that tack lately. Nice to resurrect it again: I'm grateful for the encouragement!

Today's post was originally going to be about the party for our wedding anniversary yesterday, but that party got postponed because of the spectacular snowstorm (or series of snowstorms) we're in the midst of. Yesterday morning, all our windows were snowed up, like being in a cave, and I had to dig (not shovel) my way to the outhouse!

So, a good time to take a work break and make some carob chocolate. I really admire the concept of follow-through.

What I ended up making was a cacao butter-carob chocolate with a little mesquite, which gives it a milk chocolate-like flair. For the earlier batch (with which I made the truffles), I'd more or less followed Sweet Gratitude's "chocolate" recipe but substituting carob and mesquite for the cacao powder, so there was some maple syrup and some xylitol (my sub for their rapadura) in the mix.

This time, I got to thinking: you know, carob and mesquite are both really sweet! They don't need much sweetener. I remember Bitt, chocolatier extraordinaire, saying that she didn't love stevia in chocolate, but it occurred to me that a little stevia, with its hint of bitterness, would be just the right sweetening note in here.

The other challenge was emulsification, especially since carob and mesquite are much lower in fat than cacao powder. A little sunflower lecithin was just right for this.

I strongly recommend you sift in the carob. It's a little extra work, but it makes such a difference to the texture. You can mix it all together by hand, but if you have an immersion blender, whizzing it a few times right at the end will help with the final consistency. My kitchen is so cold that the whole thing firmed up right when I was at this stage, so I had to wait a few hours until the heat came on again, and then had it melt in front of the heater to play with some more.

OK already, what's the recipe? Get to the point, girl!
Here 'tis:
Carob Chocolate--vegan, gluten free, (mostly) raw (depending on your carob), low sugar, soy free
1 cup melted cacao butter
1/4 teaspoon stevia
1/8 teaspoon good salt
1/4 teaspoon vanilla powder (really best to use dry vanilla here as opposed to liquid extract)
1 teaspoon sunflower lecithin
3-4 drops Medicine Flower dark chocolate flavor extract (optional)
1 3/4 cups carob powder
1/4 cup mesquite powder

Stir the stevia, salt, vanilla, chocolate flavor extract (if using) and lecithin into the melted cacao butter and mix well.
Gradually sift in the carob and mesquite, a little at a time, stirring regularly.
When you've added all the carob and mesquite, pulse with an immersion blender to combine fully (I guess you could also do this in a food processor).

That's it! I was intending this as a very basic recipe, to which various things could be added, and I'm back to brainstorming all kinds of possibilities for add-ins that would make it more chocolatey or just 'better.' But I also wanted to see how it would stand alone with nothing added.

So, when I got it melted again, I poured a little of it into one of my bar molds and set it in the fridge.

It popped right out! Beautiful sheen and, as you can see from the picture at the top of the post, it breaks cleanly and holds its texture well.

I could see using this as a coating for truffles... adding mint extract and nut milk to make truffles like last time... mixing in goji berries and figs for a lovely chewy crunch... and all kinds of other uses. Luckily, there's lots more left to play with. I'm curious to see whether it needs tempering like regular chocolate--time will tell.

What would you use it for?

Speaking of follow-through, a few posts ago I had "wet ingredients" from the zucchini ginger cake mixed with carrots and chia seeds in the dehydrator. Here's how they turned out:

Thin, crispy, crunchier than anything with chia normally gets in the dehydrator, sweet but not too sweet, carrot-tasting. Delicious.

Back to work I go--thanks for reading, and I really hope you enjoy both this and the mint truffles that depend on it.

Mint-Carob Truffles--So Good, They Get a Post to Themselves

2012-01-09T20:29:00.000-08:00

OK, not quite--the mint truffles have to share a post with this morning's sunrise. But the mint truffles are spectacular too.

This was around 9.30am--a week ago, it would have been pitch dark. It's astonishing and marvelous to me that the light returns so quickly after the solstice. We had a giant full moon too--I got outside just too late to picture it from our southwestern exposure.

As busy as I am right now, I still need some recreational kitchen time. Thanks to those coconut mounds that also got a post to themselves...

...I have also been reminded that even when I have no appetite at all, chocolate and peppermint will "do it" for me. During my crazy insomnia in the run up to the holidays, I was hitting the caffeine pills (bad, bad girl), which I usually know is a bad idea, and which exacerbated my mania at the time, so I needed my ND to remind me all over again of the many reasons why caffeine is a particularly bad idea for me.

Did you know this about chocolate? Apparently, when you consume theobromine and caffeine together (as in coffee and chocolate, a mocha, tirami su), the two of them synergize so that the stimulant effect is greater than the sum of its parts. Worth knowing...

Well, I had a bowl of homemade carob chocolate leftover from this post, and I'd made nut milk again for a special occasion recipe (coming up), so I decided to rework one of my favorite chocolate mint truffles with the carob chocolate. It's super-simple and very low in sugar, and it turned out to have an especially delightful texture-twist.

Mint-Carob Airy Truffles (mostly raw, vegan, gluten free)
8 oz homemade carob chocolate (basically cacao butter, carob, mesquite and a little sweetener and vanilla) Edit from the future: my next post after this one provides a trouble-shot carob recipe.
1/2 cup homemade nut milk of choice (this happened to be almond-hazelnut; my favorite is coconut; any would be lovely!)
1 teaspoon peppermint extract

Simply melt the chocolate, add the nut milk and peppermint extract, and stir together. Let sit in the fridge (or at room temperature if you live where I do) to firm up a bit, then roll into balls. For me, about 30 balls.

These are a milk-chocolate kind of color because of the mesquite--not as dark as I'd normally go for. But their taste is heavenly.
As for the texture, that is just something else! I don't know how it came out this way, but it's a little more crumbly than a traditional truffle and so airy and light inside, it's like one of those aerated chocolate bars! I wonder whether it came out like that because I had the nut milk cold, rather than room temp, when I added it to the carob chocolate.
Any ideas?

Seriously, I think I like these better than the coconut mounds, and yet they're not addictive! With the coconut mounds, I'd eat one, and of course I'd eat just one because I'm that stubborn, but I'd really really want to eat more than one! With these, I can eat half of one and be blissed out.

Go and make some!
http://wholenewmom.com/traditional-tuesday/traditional-tuesdays-nutritious-and-delicious-january-17-2011/

Nostalgic Eggplant Dip, Eye of the Storm and a DIY Ergonomic Lifesaver

2012-01-08T20:09:00.001-08:00

Greetings from the eye of the storm! The wind's been wuthering fit to shake the cabin all day, and I've been working up a storm, of necessity.

So far today, I've written a critical essay for my MFA packet, recorded a lecture for my class (here's the recording software on one computer and my script on the other)...

our cabin, the recording studio!

...written another lecture, done some translating, done a bunch of editing, worked on my creative essay for my MFA packet, read, shopped, made meals, and done some pre-prep for a special food item for a few days from now. Whew!

I think I "earned" getting to write a blog post!
So, I want to share what I did with that eggplant I mentioned, and also to share an unlikely bit of exercise equipment that may save my life in this current deskwork crunch.

When I got an eggplant in my Full Circle Farm box, of course I wanted to make something like I made with my grandmother! But I didn't want to roast the eggplant over the gas like we did, just too hard to clean up here. So, I pierced it in several places and baked it as hot as my little oven can do (450) for an hour or so, until the skin was completely blackened.

I scraped all the innards out into a two-cup glass bowl (that has a handy lid for taking along). Ahem, sorry about the photo!

You can see how it's still full of its own juices and with that wonderful eggplant texture.

Because I didn't char the skin, I added a couple drops of liquid smoke.
Then, the juice of half a lemon,
two cloves of garlic,
a sprinkle of cinnamon and clove powder, of salt, and of cayenne pepper,
two tablespoons of tahini.
At my grandmother's, I "blended" it with a knife, a fork, and a grater. This time, I was very grateful to use my hand-held blender, to make it smooth and creamy right in the bowl. Garnished with a little smoked paprika.

Made me think of my grandmother and also appreciate what I have here. If I'd want to "extend" this, I'd have added a cup or two of cooked chickpeas and made eggplant hummus. With one medium eggplant, this didn't make a huge amount of dip. But honestly, it's so good, so tangy, fresh and "immediate"-tasting, I wouldn't have wanted to extend it!

Speaking of extensions, I need all the help I can get remembering to extend all the muscles that get contracted when I'm hunched over notebook or computer screen. Normally, I'm terrible at getting up and stretching, although a physical therapist told me a couple years ago that I really need to do so every twenty minutes of this kind of work. I'm proud of myself that today I finally pulled out this "stretch helper," which I haven't used for months!

The physical therapist had me lay along a foam roll, to extend my back and shoulders and do core-strengthening exercises. She urged me to get one of my own and do it at home. Being the frugal, resourceful folks we are, rather than buy a foam roller, we repurposed this cardboard roll that had held Bituthene (nasty stinky sticky construction insulation)(thankfully the cardboard isn't stinky). I was skeptical that it would hold my weight, so we stuffed an old piece of French drain down it too, but it sure does hold me with or without.

With my neck and shoulders starting to twinge and tingle in bad old ways, lying on this thing felt so right! As busy as I've been, I've felt motivated to lie on it five or six times already today.
Spending thirty minutes or so per day on the rebounder (in two or three sessions) is also a lifesaver, and I'm off to do that next, and then, some poetry before bed, so I can take the ideas to my dreams!
Do you have any ergonomic lifesavers?
Have a great week!

Zucchini, Cake, and Two Kinds of Work

2012-01-06T17:50:00.000-08:00

When I made this cake on New Year's Eve, between my editing marathon and writing my retrospective here, it was part reward for working so hard, part eleventh-hour recognition that I'd pretty much fizzled on my "Food as Pleasure" series, and part giving zucchini another try.

Theoretically, I love zucchini. It's low-calorie but nutritious, has a neutral flavor and a great texture, is an ideal vehicle in raw foods for carrying either sweet or savory creations. Unfortunately, it doesn't love me back. That's the only conclusion I can make, after having had raw noodles and/or lasagna many times, sometimes made by myself, sometimes by someone else, and having never been able to get past a certain slimy bitterness that I always detect. Other people have eaten the same dish and loved it, so I assume it's me, not the innocent zuke.

I did remember that Elaina had a cake recipe that utilized zucchini, and I also remembered a wonderful raw chef back in the Bay Area who would bring raw cakes to potlucks sometimes that featured zucchini in the ingredients. I was way too scared of the calories in anything called "cake" back then to really indulge, except for one time, a lemon cake that just blew me away (and for most of the next day). So, when we got a couple beautiful zucchini in our Full Circle box, I knew that making this would be my well-earned study break.

I mentioned recently that it's been almost four years since I worked as a chef. It's now been a full four years since I worked with Elaina, and I still almost can't believe it's been that long: I enjoyed working with her so much and felt such a great connection.

She has a fantastic recipe page on her website--two columns of delicious sounding recipes, none of them too complicated, generally low-glycemic. I think she was the first chef to put out recipes involving Irish Moss.
This was the Ginger Spice Cake, just over half way down the page in the right column.
I had to make almond milk in order to have the almond pulp. It cracks me up that the last time I made nut milk was also when I needed pulp, for the Hallowe'en frangipane! And then I have this wonderful, rich milk tempting me in the fridge and I feel so guilty and so indulgent with every sip...(~~And try to give it to Phil in cocoa quickly, get it away!~~)
Here was my small error, though: the recipe doesn't specify whether the pulp should be wet or dehydrated. Mine was pretty wet, and I'm glad I combined the "wet" and "dry" ingredients gradually: I had a cup of "wet" leftover.
Speaking of those "wet ingredients," they consisted of Irish Moss gel, zucchini, maple syrup, and some coconut oil. And guess what? Combine those ingredients, and what you get is a very close approximation of blended young coconut meat! That may not be very exciting to those of you who live near an Asian market that sells young cocos for a buck apiece or less (as I used to), but for me, 220 miles away from young coconuts at 5 bucks apiece or more, I'd say it's a cool thing to know.

As often when I've done these "food as pleasure" challenges, I didn't quite succeed at doing the full pleasure immersion. I didn't make the frosting, because I had some leftover in the freezer that would work. But it would have been nice with more frosting.

(although this is a pre-frosted pic)

Everyone who tried it so far has liked it! I think the texture would have been better and fluffier with drier almond pulp, but it's cakey and dense, and very gingery and spicy.

So, what did I do with the leftover "wet ingredients," aka mock young coconut? Did I use it to enhance several days of smoothies? I'm afraid I didn't. I wanted to play with it and make something more--maybe a carrot cake version!

But I've been way too busy. Since I've talked about work quite a bit here recently, let me say that I've noticed, in my line of business at least, two kinds of work. There's the intense, focused, intellectual engagement, as when I'm doing complex editing or translating, writing the script for a lecture--or working on a poem, for that matter. Then, there's the processy, fiddly, put this in this order and move that over there and how do you align this and does that have the right tag attached and how does PowerPoint work anyway...all of which can take hours! As I mentioned in my last post, I really love the former, the intense intellectual engagement. I really don't love the latter. I don't feel that I have much natural talent for it, and it's easy to dismiss as a pain in the butt. Maybe I need to work on my attitude, find a way to see it as "fun," "playing around with the program."

Finally, this afternoon, after several hours of that kind of fiddle-faddle "playing around" work, I rewarded myself with some food-making playing. I did something with an eggplant, which I'll share soon. And I also took that cup of mock young coconut and mixed it with two medium grated carrots...

And then I mixed in about 3-4 tablespoons of chia seeds. And then, I thought I was going to make it into cake, but realized that since it sat for several days already, dehydrating this into sweet bread would be a better way to go. So, it's in the dehydrator right now!

I'll let you know how it turns out.

Of course, a third kind of work that I'm going to be involved in very soon, which has already started, actually, is the interacting with other people part. Which is scary to me, more because of me than because of them.
What kind of work do you like to do? Have a great weekend, working or not!

Directions--Translating the Dictionary Into Poems, Consistency, and About that Cake

2012-01-04T18:46:00.000-08:00

Often, after I write something, its cadences and sentences will run through my head for some time. I lie awake at night tinkering with lines of poems and making sure my changes are committed to memory so I can write them down in the morning. After publishing a blog post, I often go back and add a sentence here, adjust a sentence there, several times over. This time, I realized that my "Goals and Intentions" post of yesterday left enough things unspecific to merit another post. The spirit of my goal for 2011 putting in an appearance, perhaps: the spirit of paying attention, revising, reviewing.

I'm not about to give up paying attention, revising, reviewing because it's 2012! And that's the major point I feel I need to make: my goals, both in the rest of life and on the blog, are for more, better, deeper of the same general directions rather than branching off into something surprising and new.

James Altucher's blog today has a wonderful graphic illustrating the concept of "focus." Seriously, check it out: I'm a non-visual person and even I was struck by it! All these psychedelic circles appear to be in constant motion, until you focus on the black point at the center, at which point, all becomes still.
I take this not as a message simply to tune out the black dots, but in fact, to find ways to integrate the distractions into the points of focus, perhaps even use them as bridges to connect the dots. For example, in some ways, teaching Linguistics 101 feels like something of a distraction in my goal of becoming the best writer I can be. But on the other hand, as I spend all this time preparing the course, I find myself constantly using examples from poetry, or thinking how a topic in theoretical Linguistics is interesting from the poetic standpoint. I'm going to need to get better and better at written communication, since it's a web-based course, and at "knowing my audience" and giving them what they need. In that way, the moving circles are centered around the "point" and contribute to it.

Similarly, for one of my other jobs, I translate dictionary entries from Italian into English, referring to Ancient Greek. I adore this job. I adore it because it has me working right there in the guts of language, and also constantly dipping into fragments of Greek Literature for examples. I want to do more in my own poetry in terms of bringing in themes from Classical Literature, and I'm endlessly fascinated by words. So, another "interconnection between points" is that one of the first poem drafts I've been working on is a meditation on the concept of "equal" (a very complex adjective I translated a while back) interwoven with the story of Sisyphus. I don't even have a complete first draft yet, but it's one of those that keeps me awake at night.

I do best when I don't lie awake all night, though, and I think I blew off the "consistency" concept a bit last time. I do have some resistance to it, and mostly because I'm afraid of losing my crazed flair or something, but even if my sole motivation is being a better writer, I have to admit that I'm not much of a writer when I'm psychotic or suicidal, and that consistency in certain areas helps me to avoid spending too much time in either of those places.

And on the theme of continuity, as Mindy pointed out, my series posting "food as pleasure" has kind of fallen by the wayside, but is not totally forgotten. That cake I made on New Year's Eve was supposed to fall under that rubric, so I should say more about it in the near future too. A hint: zucchini!

I mentioned feeling less "connected" to food writing of late. It's partly because, although I was commissioned to make food several times last year, it's getting on for four years since I actually worked as a chef! How time passes!

But nonetheless, when I made my smoothie this lunchtime, I caught myself composing a post, or several, about how smoothies are so much more than the sum of their parts, how you can pretty much make a smoothie version of your favorite "anything," and other enthusiastic tidbits.

So, building on last year and aiming to do everything better, and to use the psychedelic circles to join the dots--that gives a fuller picture of what's to come. "A new day's never a blank page..."
How are you building on last year?

2012 Intentions--Choosing a Calendar, What to Blog About

2012-01-03T15:32:00.000-08:00

2012 settles in! Yesterday and today have been perfect illustrations of how, in many ways, "New Year's Days"are just like any other day. I mentioned in my exploding chia story that the day had gotten away from me: so, too have the last couple. Between a wonderful meeting of one of my Writing Groups, writing, trying to tidy up a bit, a meetup with a friend I haven't seen in way too long, and continuing to teach myself how to teach this imminent course, all the edges of time are taut.

So, before things get any farther away from me, I want to share some intentions for this year. I notice that last year, I didn't do this until January 4th, so maybe we're about on track! This year, with a separate recap post, I think I made it Last year, my intention was to be an excellent 'reviewer:' to look back as well as forward, to complete tasks. I feel that I had moderate success with this. I kept alive or resurrected drafts from old notebooks. I got better at cleaning house (although I still haven't gotten that back under control since my Israel trip--too far behind on it and too busy with other things)! The MFA program helps me with this constant review process, but it also constantly impels me forward.

So much for that 'review:' this year, I want to start by contrasting my pocket calendars of last year and this.

I really covet one of those "We-moon" calendars, that's the truth of it. But I can't seem to justify the expense and general extravagance/bigness of one. I guess I'm working up to it. Last year, I promised myself a 'nice' calendar, like one with Rumi quotations. And I ended up buying the dollar-fifty one from the grocery store.

This year, I got a 'nice' one. It says, "Live with intention." It says, "you're beautiful." It says many beautiful and uplifting things, many calls to remember that we can choose to be here for a reason. It also only has one page per week, instead of two like the old one, but I'll make it work--I have tiny handwriting!

If I did exactly as my Naturopath and therapist said, my intention for this year would be "Consistency." But I'm feeling so much resistance to that! And I know why: it's because I don't know that "consistency" in all things would necessarily make me a better writer. So it's obvious that my intention for this year must be "Do whatever I need to do to become a better writer." Some of that is consistency. Some of it is continuing to participate in writing groups and generally being a literary citizen, offering feedback on others' work and sending my own out into the world for the same. A large bulk of it is carving out the time to write, no matter how busy I am with other things--but some of it is also knowing when to take a break from writing.

As soon as I express this intention, I feel some guilt: that surely I should be saying "whatever will make me a kinder/more loving person." Let me lay that guilt to rest by stating that I do wish to be/become kinder, more loving, more considerate; to take good enough care of myself that I don't flip out, that I wish to be acutely sensitive enough that I can give people what they need but not so sensitive that I'm cowering in a corner from all the ghosts and energies everywhere!

Meanwhile, in keeping with my exploration of "going light" and also defying gravity on the rebounder, I want to explore "lightness," in its many senses.
I intend to write about all these things: I'm excited to write more about poems and poetry.
What about food, and food writing?

There were plenty of food pictures in my 2011 recap, but what I didn't mention was that this year has been the one I've felt the least 'involved' in food creativity. Sure, I've continued to create, but it feels like much of my creative energy has been going into things I would never eat and thus wouldn't care to share on here so much. Last year, I was still writing my 80% Raw Magazine column also, but that seems to have gone by the wayside now, so I'm feeling less and less connected with the whole nutritional movement, even though I know that I'm very knowledgeable and have good observations to share.

Where does that leave me in terms of what I talk about on this blog? As I said, I'm excited to write more about poetry, and I hope my foodie readers will indulge me in that. However, I don't think it's realistic to imagine that I'll simply stop posting recipes or food talk altogether. Since I enjoy creating and writing about food more than eating it, surely it'll be my pleasure to continue writing about it here.

Another thing that can't possibly change is the place-related content, portraying this wild and beautiful place where I would never have expected to live.

I'm so grateful for my blog as a place in which to be accountable and responsible as well as a place in which I can give and share. I've felt that it's helped me to be a better person many time over the past year. My sincerest intention is that it continue to serve that purpose among others.
I plan to continue not to insist on a daily post. I plan, loosely, a Monday-Wednesday-Friday schedule, with the possibility of at least one weekend post and more weekdays ad lib. Says she, posting on a Tuesday!

I so appreciate everyone who reads this, and would love to hear from you if there are specific things you would like to write more about.
Much love and best wishes for the year!

A Funny Story for New Year's Day: ChiaBurst (Don't Try This At Home!)

2012-01-01T16:40:00.000-08:00

Welcome 2012!
Today got away from me after a late night last night, so I don't yet have intentions to share. I do have a funny story I'd love to share, though, of how Phil and I ended up with our New Year's explosions a few days early.

It's been below zero Fahrenheit today, and having blithely mentioned yesterday that our water pipe had only frozen twice this winter, it's frozen again, and has been all day. Of course we headed out for a beach hike nonetheless, right after a late breakfast.

The ice encrustations are stunning.

It was almost too cold to take photographs at all, especially as it involved removing a mitten and having just a thin glove between my hand and the icy air. The ocean was literally steaming, so much warmer than the land... In weather like this, btw, it is so advantageous to be a guy, in terms of not having to uncover so much when the bladder demands. Oooh tmi, but my gosh it was a tough decision to relieve myself!

It's a strange experience to go out hiking for exercise and then to need to spend twenty minutes bouncing on the rebounder just to warm up (despite having worn multiple layers, including two hats and two pairs of gloves).

Here's my funny story. Last time we went to Anchorage, I treated myself to three new flavors of kombucha, with chia seeds in them, no less, that were on sale. I loved the idea--super-filling for few calories, delicious, good bacteria... And I enjoyed the raspberry and grape flavors that day and the next.

Then, I did what I often do--I hoarded the cherry flavor. And where are you supposed to store kombucha? In the fridge. Where did I hoard mine? In the pantry, right where the sun shines in when it's actually out...

A few evenings ago, I happened to notice agitated movements of the chia seeds inside that bottle, and thought I'd better open it. I opened the lid a little way and of course it all fizzed up. So, slowly, slowly, I opened, it fizzed, I opened, it fizzed...and I noticed that the lid was actually getting tighter. It got to the point that I couldn't move it at all, even with a cloth over it.

So I called in the man. But even mighty Phil couldn't shift it, to his great surprise. So...he went and got the pipe wrench. And then he went and got his biggest pipe wrench. And he cranked on that bottle and there was an almighty bang!

And now there were chia seeds all over the entire cabin! There was only one ounce of liquid remaining in the bottle. Zone of greatest impact was our (muslin) ceiling right above:

That's not a blurry photo--it's chia seeds ground zero on a sloping muslin ceiling! But the centrifugal coverage was just incredible. There were seeds (with purple juice around them) on every single window, including those in the loft. There were chia seeds on our comforter up in the loft, on our clothes on the backs of the chairs, on the floor, on the lights, on the phone, on every blade of the ceiling fan (which wasn't running at the moment, thank goodness). Thankfully only one library book got maybe two seeds on it. Thankfully the computers were closed up.

Thankfully, too, the only pain it caused was from laughter: Phil and I stared at each other in silence for a couple stunned seconds after the explosion, and then simultaneously busted out laughing so hard, we were soon doubled over. As we worked to clean up (which needed a ladder), we laughed some more.

Phil pointed out that this should teach me not to hoard things but to enjoy them when they come. Probably good for me to reflect on that, but I enjoy just laughing about it too. I hope it's funny for you as well!

2011 Retrospective

2011-12-31T18:55:00.000-08:00

What an auspicious last day of the year! I've put in almost six hours on a very complex editing deadline, made a raw ginger spice cake on a total whim,

worked out hard, shared some love vocally and over the internet, and I still have time to think back on this year, in blogging and otherwise, before we head up the hill to a New Year's celebration!

The biggest thing about this year for me has been the process of continuing to put my writing front and center in my life. I started my MFA at the Rainier Writing Workshop at PLU. I met some wonderful people there with whom I hope to be friends for life, and am working with a great mentor. I went to the Writers' Conference here in town again and met Rita Dove, Nickole Brown and other wonderful poets.
That link also tells the story of my participating in a poetry reading, starting out with the inadvertent slapstick of falling down the stairs!

Five of us here in town formed a poetry group. We meet twice a month, once to critique one another's poems, once to discuss a book we've read. It's an absolute lifeline.

I've written poems and cut them up into strips and put them back together in funky orders.

I acquired a tiny netbook on which to write and work wherever I go, and covered a notebook with inspirational quotations from teabag tags (that notebook is now long filled up).

I remind myself to ask the important questions...

...and I use my writing to make my gifts seem more familiar.

I've also repeatedly used my blog as a sounding board and a refuge to help me be a better version of myself. It provides accountability, feedback and visibility, as well as an impressive sweep of freedom.

Two very recent writerly things: I'm starting to submit my work! Which means I can start the process of receiving slews of rejections that will finally lead to acceptances!

And second, I mentioned yesterday this idea for a book that I've been obsessed with recently but too busy to implement, and I received more negative, skeptical or concerned comments than I ever have before for a creative endeavor. My sincerest thanks to you all for your care and consideration: I hear you. I don't quite know what to do with it yet, since I have so much energy behind the idea and have practically half written it already in my head, but the unanimity of the response makes me sit up and take notice.

A year ago, Phil had his eye surgery and we drove up to Anchorage every week for a month or two. We're not sorry to be skipping that this year, but we sure enjoyed the beauty of the drives.

We continue to hike in all weathers, and to appreciate the beauty both on the beach nearby...

...and right outside our cabin.

We disturbed wildlife in remote places not far from where we live. The sea otters seemed like they were 'in church' when we showed up.

And whereas last year, a gray whale washed up on our beach, this year we found a salmon shark.

We grew a big garden again. More than my weight in potatoes...

Some other beautiful roots...

And I added a dehydrator to my toolset and made lots of homegrown kale chips, although we agreed eventually that chard and beet green chips are much more delicious!

Our horseradish came back gigantic from last year, and I made some amazing condiments with it.

The dandelion wine I made two years ago matured to be smooth enough for prime time. Oh, and I had my first ever night as a blonde!

I continued my "witchly" ways, making tinctures and syrups...

...putting nettles in my smoothies...

Another thing I made during this gifting season was hops pillows. Hand-sewn (I don't even know how to use a sewing machine) and filled with hops blossoms and buckwheat groats.

I made eight of them for eight lovely ladies. I was surprised by how many of these recipients immediately reacted that it was a 'microwavable neck pillow,' when I thought of it as an eye pillow and think microwaves are the devil's work! I think that microwaving would volatilize the hops and take away their goodness, but people should enjoy their gifts however they would like.

We went to Arizona and helped David and Heather paint their ceilings, and enjoyed some gorgeous cactus hikes.

We went to Oregon for Phil's niece's wedding...

...hosted Phil's son and grandkids up here...

...and saw Phil's daughter Amy get married!

We got a decent-sized refrigerator...

...which precipitated our transformation of our little side room into a kitchen.

This was also the miraculous year that saw running--or at least walking--water come out of a faucet in our cabin! The pipe's only frozen twice so far, and we're impressed with how well our thousand-gallon tank is lasting us.

I'm so happy that I traveled all the way to Israel, renewed connections with all my lovely relatives, played in the kitchen with my grandmother...

...and hung out with my sweet mum!

On the goodies front, my cashew-based cheesecakes were a hit. Especially the white chocolate-blueberry swirl...

...the chocolate-peanut butter one (requested many times)...

...the mint chocolate one (my birthday cake)...

...the coconut-lime (commissioned twice)...

...although my reduced-fat crustless version replacing cashews with cooked parsnip might have seemed strange to some!

My carrot-cardamom cookies are probably my personal favorite from this year.

And the holidays were a great opportunity to make some delightful experiments.

Healthwise, this has been an interesting year.

I got done with chelating and candida cleansing. My adrenals recovered to the point that around May, I began to be able to exercise intensely again. It's been such a pleasure to be able to enjoy moving my body, and to feel better about it as a result of (albeit agonizingly slow) improvements in body composition.

After a lifetime of shying away from any kind of medical oversight, I've continued to work with a Naturopath and a Therapist, working on supporting my deranged endocrine system and other things using mostly bioidentical hormones and herbs.

Although there have been definite improvements, several dosages have had to be increased this year. I don't know how much of that is just fluctuation and how much is a result of my continuing fluctuations in diet and stress levels.

Another thing that came to light this year was a diagnosis, or a label, for the rollercoaster experience of which I've so often described my life as consisting, and the challenge of accepting/rejecting/coming to terms with the label and the lifestyle behaviors and medications recommended to control it. It might even explain why I had an eating disorder for so long and why full recovery continues to be elusive.
Overall, these must all be good things: opportunities for growth, certainly.

I'm so grateful to this guy for being my anchor on the wild ride!

And now this post is so long, probably no one is reading anymore!

Happy New Year to everyone! I'll be back either tomorrow or the next day with some thoughts and intentions for 2012.

Carrot Slaw for Breakfast? A Year of Dietary Fluctuations and How Light Can One Go?

2011-12-29T22:19:00.000-08:00

The rapid turnover from Christmas/Solstice to New Year always catches me by surprise, especially living in such a 'far back' timezone. Some places, it's already New Year's Eve!

I don't set great store by New Year's, because I have always believed that any moment can be a beginning. I remember as a kid saying incredulously "but every minute, a new year starts." Perhaps it was easier for me to recognize this, with Jewish New Year--and school year, for that matter--both falling in September, and then everyone's birthday is their own new year's beginning.

All that said, it's a useful time to take stock and reflect, to align with the collective energy, to join the chorus. I'll be back tomorrow with some more general reflections about the year as a whole, but today, perhaps prompted by a bizarre comment I left on Gena's blog, saying that I was going to have carrot 'slaw for breakfast the next day, I'll start with that oddity, and go back over a year of odd breakfasts. I really like to have the same thing for breakfast every day, mostly for convenience, but over the course of the year, that "same thing" has shifted often. It may be that I'd be better off varying my breakfasts throughout a given week: it seems I'm prone to feeling nauseous after breakfast, and something can work for a while and then suddenly "not work."

I did, in fact, have carrot 'slaw for breakfast the morning after that comment. It may not be surprising, given my obsession with carrots, that I thought of them when feeling out of sorts with my regular breakfast and generally a little under the weather.

Carrot Breakfast 'Slaw for 1

1 large grated carrot

1 tablespoon melted coconut butter

1 teaspoon ground cardamom

1/2 teaspoon turmeric

squeeze of lemon juice

Mix all these together and let sit overnight.

Top with a teaspoon of ground flax meal, a teaspoon of lecithin, and a tablespoon or two of goji berries and raisins. Can also add some spirulina for protein.

I also had a kiwi and half an orange to round this breakfast out. It may not sound like a lot, but it sure was delicious.

In the early part of the year, I was having a smoothie with a bazillion different superfoods and vegetables and no fruit or sugar.

Then, that stopped working, or I stopped being willing to have it "not work," and I was eating leftover salads and carrots for breakfast. For a while, I was eating only yams, carrots, nettles and some coconut kefir, so the first three of those were my breakfasts.

Then, I went back to all-fruit, and a big hunk of watermelon...

...or other fruit medley was my breakfast.

Then, I got back into smoothies, but felt like I didn't have time to make them at breakfast, and needed something quicker. Sometimes, I had berries, fruit and coconut kefir with spirulina.

Then, for months, my breakfast was quinoa/amaranth/millet very-watery-porridge with berries, banana, turmeric and occasionally flax meal and protein powder.

At some point in there, I stopped eating bananas again because they're not digesting well for me. And for some of that time, I substituted adzuki beans for the millet and quinoa.

Lately, my breakfast has been chia pudding made from one tablespoon of chia seeds soaked overnight in water or herbal tea, sometimes adding some thawed acai juice, with some protein powder, lecithin and tocotrienols added in the morning and some fruit on the side.
It's amazing to me how filling that breakfast is for so few calories! You'd also think (I also thought) that with so few calories, there'd be no way I'd get nauseous.
Wrong! Just the past couple weeks, after a month or so of chia pudding for breakfast every morning, I've been nauseous until lunchtime after eating it.

Hence the carrot 'slaw, and very occasionally, if something like this is marked down at the store...

...I'll have it for breakfast with a little flax meal and lecithin, and a few berries.

Maybe I'll go back to chia pudding tomorrow, or perhaps I'll just have to have carrot 'slaw again!

It seems like I've come in a full circle from minimal sugar and low calories but lots of 'superfood' type stuff, through just fruit with no protein at all, through starchy porridge, porridge with added protein powder, and back to minimal sugar and low calories with 'superfood'-type stuff, albeit in a simpler version. Perhaps it's natural to go more fruity in the summer, even up here. But if anything, I'm eating a higher percentage of raw foods now than I was in the summer, when I was eating quite a bit of cooked starch.

My inner minimalist is definitely in the ascendant right now, both for frugality and for the simple, academic interest of seeing how little food I actually "need." That's an area in which I can claim to some expertise, actually, and in the new year I'm going to start sharing some tips for "going lightly." When I have time, I'll write a whole book about it!

Would you be interested in a book on "going lightly," or are you more interested in the "rev your metabolism and eat all you want" approach (which I don't have the expertise to offer!)?

Is there any breakfast I haven't tried and should try?

Beauty and Humor, and Coconut Whiskey

2011-12-28T22:06:00.000-08:00

Thanks for the kind words on the previous post. I wanted to share some beauty and some humor today: beauty from some of our recent hikes, and humor as part of the Holiday recap. As I mentioned last year, one of our holiday traditions is to model an "unusual" or "alternative" use of a gift, and there are some funny pictures. I will also, as Amber requested, share some more about the coconut whiskey.

The eagles are moving in closer as the hungry season sets in.

It's amazing to me how still they sit. They spend 75% of their lives perching.

Meanwhile, the water has all but stopped flowing. Stalactites are so beautiful.

As for funny uses of gifts, of course I have to start with Phil! He is just the funniest. This is a seat-cover for one of our Poang chairs that he unwrapped. He first put it on his head as a turban, which was pretty funny, but then, partly through the whim of the camera, this pose turned out even funnier.

Leslie and I both received beautiful shawls, and we stood up and gave our rendition of "We Two Queens of Orient are" between giggles...

Amy turned her trivet into a sun-worshiper's ornament. I would never have guessed that that wasn't its intended purpose...

Until Sandra grabbed both trivets and went one better.

The spatula bouquet is just so funny because apparently all of us had noticed that Leslie was short on spatulas, so we all gave her spatulas. When she unwrapped the first ones, I leaned over to Amy and whispered "I got her some, too." She whispered back, "So did I!" So we were giggling a little before she even opened them.

Amy's scarf was a great hideout for Roxy also.

Now, about that coconut whiskey!

I mentioned in my holiday post last year that I'd made this amazing mostly raw, vegan pina colada mix (basically almond milk, coconut milk, dash of sweetener, pineapple and pineapple flavor extract). I also mentioned that Amy adores pina coladas but finds rum makes her sleepy, though she loves whiskey. So last year, since she was also avoiding sugar at the time, I made coconut whiskey with a homemade xylitol syrup.

This year, I made it again but with sugar syrup, because that's where she's at right now. You can do it either way, and it's sort of out of my usual ballpark.

Make a syrup from a cup and a half of sugar or xylitol and 3/4 cup water (i.e. two parts sweetener to one part water). Simmer them together for about five minutes.

Let the syrup cool until you can touch it, but don't let it get cold.

Add three-four cups whisky and two teaspoons coconut flavoring, and blend all together. It's great served chilled, and it's awesome with the pina colada mix.

Holiday Aftermath, With Two Recipes and a Leftovers Bonus

2011-12-27T17:32:00.000-08:00

Christmas was white, after all those weeks of iffy sleet and naked ice. It is so beautiful and quiet, but the outhouse is not at all inviting with snow drifted all over the seat and unavoidable!

And Christmas was beautiful and festive, with bright lights and colors relieving the white and dark outside.

I shared so many different kinds of home-made goodies! Close family and friends each got a whole box. (And here I am sporting the gorgeous shawl I was given as a gift. I almost can't believe I get to have something so beautiful. I'll show it again in more detail sometime.) I also put out two plates of goodies, one laden only with "Ela-friendly" (i.e. no dairy and low sugar, gf) goodies, the other only with the mainstream confectioners sugar/butter/peanut butter/gluten stuff. Perhaps not surprisingly, the "Ela-friendly" plate had maybe two items taken off it (one of which I took), whereas the other plate I had to go back and refill a couple times.

I may do some family pictures next post, but today I want to focus on sharing a couple recipes that added to the festive cheer, for me at least!

First up: "Rooibiscus!"

This is a combination of rooibos and hibiscus tea plus a cup of pomegranate juice.
Two tablespoons hibiscus flowers and one tablespoon rooibos steeped in three pints of not-quite-boiling water, allowed to cool, and mixed with pure pomegranate juice. I had the idea to make this some time ago, but hadn't gotten around to doing it until just now.

It looks just like red wine in a glass. It functions like iced tea: super refreshing and increasing alertness.

It's also lovely mixed with sparkling water and/or ice. And it's actually also lovely with just a splash of red wine added, if that's your kind of thing. I think I was the only person really hitting it, but I enjoyed it all evening, and made more the next day. I had also brought home-made coconut whiskey and home-made vegan pina colada mix just like I did last year, and those were popular!

I was not the only person hitting the other recipe I want to share: vegan, semi-raw mushroom pate'.

I'm really proud of how this turned out. I had mushrooms and shallots from Full Circle Farm, and had been asked to bring a vegetarian appetizer. I remembered a mushroom pate' I used to make back when I was in college. It was during the period that I had a boyfriend and was eating a little dairy while he ate less meat to try to bring us closer together (neither end of the compromise lasted), and the base for the pate' was regular cream cheese--a concept totally repugnant to me these days.

So, I made a two-day fermented cashew cheese and combined it with gently sauteed shallots, mushrooms, garlic, and a little parsley.

You can see how the cashew cheese is nice and aerated with good bacteria.

And it all mixed together so beautifully and was well enjoyed by everyone. I brought two kinds of raw crackers to serve with it. Neither one is my recipe, although of course I tweaked! Both are on this page: one is called "Cheeze its" and the other is "Hot'n'Spicy Tortilla Chips," although I wanted more of a neutral cracker, so I left most of the spice out. I left the bell pepper out in both cases, because it makes me sick and I thought I might want to eat one or two. But I also brought carrots, which I prefer to crackers any day! With the "tortilla chips," I might have finally made a cracker that's crunchy enough that Phil will eat it! So far, I've been disappointed in that quest, and he's a huge cracker lover, so this was a breakthrough.

Now for the vegan Mushroom Pate' recipe:

For the cashew cheese (make two days in advance):
2 cups cashews
1 cup water
1 probiotic capsule

Blend the cashews and water until smooth. Open the probiotic capsule, add it to the blender, and blend again.
Scrape everything out onto a sieve lined with a nut milk bag or cheesecloth and set over a bowl.
Place in a darkish location for two days. (You can leave it for less time, but it won't be quite as tangy or as aerated.)

On the day you're ready to make it, chop:
8-10 cremini mushrooms
2 shallots
2-4 cloves garlic
3-4 tablespoons fresh parsley

and have ready:
salt, pepper, lemon juice

Add just enough (coconut or olive) oil to grease a heavy-bottomed saucepan, and saute' the mushrooms and shallots. When they begin to release some liquid, add the garlic.
When everything smells aromatic and mushroomy, take off the heat and stir in the parsley.

To put it all together:
Remove the cashew cheese from the sieve and place in a large bowl. Add the juice of half a lemon and some salt and black pepper.
Pour in the sauteed mushrooms, shallots, garlic and parsley mixture, and stir together carefully.
Adjust seasonings to taste. Garnish with black pepper and a parsley sprig.

The tang of the cashew cheese and the earthiness of the mushrooms and shallots complement each other so beautifully. I was so happy to have plumbed my memory bank and creativity and to end up with such a crowd-pleaser. Note too that this could easily be made raw: you would just need to marinade the mushrooms and shallots in the dehydrator ahead of time, and use less or no garlic. I wanted the texture of cooked mushrooms and really don't enjoy raw onions/garlic, so I went with sauteeing, but if I'd given them two days in the dehydrator, it might have worked all-raw too.

Bonus--what to do with the leftovers!
But wait--there's more!
Yes, even though it was a crowd-pleaser, there were leftovers. They furnished a lovely lunch today.

Here's how:
Shred up some purple cabbage and romaine lettuce (a cup or more of each).
Combine with kelp noodles, previously soaked in warm water to soften.
Add about a quarter cup (or however much you want/have) of the Mushroom Pate' and massage all together by hand.
Serve with sliced grape tomatoes, top with nutritional yeast and spirulina if that's your thing!
Yummy and beautiful--and I made some for Phil with regular pasta and a few other ingredients too.

I'll be back with some more snow pictures and holiday recapping: I leave you with the yin yang dogs and the hope that you had wonderful holidays.