tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109Sat, 05 Oct 2024 06:14:17 +0000Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vitami ritrovai per una selva oscura, ché la diritta via era smarrita./ In the middle of our lives' journey I stumbled into a dark forest because the straight path had been lost. https://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com (Kake)Blogger99125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-6395540302131497786Fri, 07 Jan 2022 15:38:00 +00002022-01-07T07:38:34.706-08:00  For those (that) people (person) who reads this blog (looking at you, Stacey!), I've started a new one about the first year of widowhood, called The Wida's Walk because of thinking of myself as "The Wida Huck," as said in the dulcet tones of Marjorie Main.New Blog starts here!   https://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2022/01/new-blog.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-7587701160832549600Fri, 31 Dec 2021 17:21:00 +00002021-12-31T15:39:03.511-08:00  Wilbur Kenneth (or Wilbert Cannut) Huck 1930 -2021Wilbur Huck was a peculiar man.  (He called himself “eccentric.”)  He was a kind and sweet man who presented himself as cantankerous and kvetching.  A gentle man who could yell and bristle when he felt threatened.  A deeply loving man who could not reach out to make friends.  A literary scholarhttps://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2021/12/obituary.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-6763140910629679085Fri, 31 Dec 2021 16:42:00 +00002022-01-07T07:28:04.230-08:00 Wilbur Kenneth Huck was pronounced dead by on-call hospice nurse Flora at 3:45 p.m. Sunday, December 26, Boxing Day, St. Stephen's Day.Bereft of life, he is no more.  He has gone to sing with the choir invisible and shall soon be pushing up the daisies in the Pilot Butte Cemetery and sometime in the fall a bronze representation of Birdy will watch over him through time and eternity or https://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2021/12/bring-out-your-dead.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-5091599491442592832Sun, 26 Dec 2021 18:00:00 +00002021-12-26T10:27:35.885-08:00 So I was  bagging his old clothes to take them to The Shepherd's House because everything in these bags has plenty of wear left in it -- the man was a clothes horse.  I'm having him buried not in his Donna Karan suit but in his Barcelona bought black leather jacket and black jeans.  When he bought that jacket (for $400) without calling me he scandalized the wives of two otherhttps://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2021/12/archeology-oh-my-fuck.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-7218871559362733498Tue, 21 Dec 2021 16:31:00 +00002021-12-21T08:31:42.823-08:00 This post was started Saturday.  Shitty Saturday.We moved him to a hospital bed either in time or past time.  So much shit pouring out of him this morning and he was so uncomfortable.  But at least it didn't start till I got up.  He may be able to get out of the bed but he shouldn't try to walk without help or he'll fall and be in real pain.  So I kept cleaning him https://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2021/12/shitty-morning-answered-prayers.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-5560989023229637395Sun, 19 Dec 2021 23:13:00 +00002021-12-19T15:13:45.716-08:00 Something I want the Celebrant to mention in the Eulogy, "They had instant compatibility:  he was big, and she could swallow it." A friend of mine thinks I've been in the anger stage of grieving.Photo by Andre Tan on Unsplash     https://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2021/12/eulogy.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-3540441790612419420Thu, 16 Dec 2021 15:54:00 +00002021-12-16T07:54:29.671-08:00Photo by Paola Chaaya @paolittaI may have accidentally hastened my sweethearts decline on Tuesday when for a minute I held his arms down as the CNA was trying to clean him.  He was screaming "Stop, stop!" and "I'll kill you, I'll kill you."  I was treating him as a patient.  Then my heart kicked in and I told her to stop, that I'd rather he be dirty than terrified.  My heart https://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2021/12/patient-or-sweetheart.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-6247304303689934878Tue, 14 Dec 2021 14:11:00 +00002021-12-14T07:37:19.596-08:00 Yesterday I experienced a huge grief spurt (chest pain, sick to stomach, weeping, inability to think) when the hospice nurse told me it was time to bring in a hospital bed. So next Monday, our marital bed of 48 years will be picked up and hauled away in the morning and a hospital bed brought in in the afternoon. I am in my house alone with him except for my respite times. I am https://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2021/12/yesterday-sucked.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-2877675416904265605Mon, 13 Dec 2021 20:33:00 +00002021-12-13T12:33:23.751-08:00 I've just put in an order with The Arc to pick up our marital bed on Monday morning so that a hospital bed can be delivered Monday afternoon.He is so weak now.On Sunday he came out to sit in his wingback and suddenly made a face.  "I've dirtied myself," he said when I asked.  I asked if he needed the movable toilet and he said "No, I've already."  So I spread some https://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2021/12/hospital-bed.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-411033677721651091Sat, 11 Dec 2021 14:59:00 +00002021-12-11T06:59:17.153-08:00 Estimated Time of Angelization:  2 months or less.  https://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2021/12/eta.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-5543995575172196976Thu, 09 Dec 2021 14:54:00 +00002021-12-09T06:54:41.585-08:00 Rubber ducky, you're not the one.  He barely tolerated a bed bath yesterday.  He started yelling at the CNA to "Go away!" and she tried to sooth him but at that moment, I was the only one who could.  So I went into the bedroom to the head of the bed and told him that he was sick and that he didn't want to go to the hospital, did he?  So he was going to need to https://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2021/12/bath.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-1438315356186609311Tue, 07 Dec 2021 15:30:00 +00002021-12-07T07:30:23.942-08:00 He woke me at one this morning to help him get out of bed to get to the bathroom.When I guided him there, I felt how tight the skin was across his ribcage.My goal now is to keep him from pain and anxiety and to keep myself from becoming any crazier than I am.He weighs 114 lbs now.Yesterday the hospice nurse and I went over what was happening inside him clinically as he is shutting down.How https://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2021/12/frail.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-3980851780305931604Tue, 30 Nov 2021 18:03:00 +00002021-11-30T10:03:13.297-08:00Elaine Stritch who originated "little things" "It's sharing little winks together, Drinks together, Kinks together, That make marriage a joy."-- Stephen Sondheim, Company  The death of the great American genius, Stephen Sondheim, hasn't so much saddened me in itself as made me nostalgic for all the wonderful musical shows Will and I attended together over 41 years.I remember a https://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2021/11/bring-on-liars-lovers-and-clowns.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-5110835484349049040Mon, 29 Nov 2021 15:30:00 +00002021-11-29T07:30:45.546-08:00 I've been taking some memoir writing workshops. Below is a piece a turned in to Eileen Casey along with her feedback (in red). photo by Aaron Burden on UnsplashPrompt:  Write a ‘someday’ piece, imagining what it is you most crave is suddenly within reach. Find an object/detail which epitomises this ‘someday’ feeling. How would you react?   “Always look on the bright side https://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2021/11/creative-writing-assignment.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-7131365038670275844Wed, 24 Nov 2021 14:57:00 +00002021-11-24T06:57:18.998-08:00 So yesterday morning he was up, getting some hard candy, just before I went into the office.  He said there were children in the bedroom.  I got him back into bed and he was okay.Then, when I got home, he talked about seeing his niece running around in the back yard, "Elmer and Esther's child."I did not think hallucinations would be part of vascular dementia.  I thought they https://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2021/11/and-now-this-new-thing.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-2884876793768838179Tue, 23 Nov 2021 15:19:00 +00002021-11-23T07:19:37.340-08:00A meme created by a member of a Facebook spousal caregiver group.  I have Cam McIlreavy's  permission to post. https://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2021/11/thanksgiving-thoughts.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-6122034465507088270Mon, 22 Nov 2021 21:31:00 +00002021-11-22T13:31:17.753-08:00 So my good friend Diana and I shared a laugh on Saturday when I started into my theologically atrocious theory about why Will is so far past his Hospice sell-by date. It's dumb theology because I don't really think the Divine Mystery is an old dude with a white beard nor that Death looks like a Monty Python puppet.  Nevertheless, in my imagination, neither Charon nor the Divine are https://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2021/11/bad-theology-good-laughs.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-8020418583012965114Fri, 19 Nov 2021 14:58:00 +00002021-11-19T06:58:50.001-08:00 At 2:30 this morning we were both in bed awake.  I was trying to get back to sleep after getting up to pee.  He started talking.   "It's okay if you go upstairs.  Do you want to go upstairs?" I told him, "We are upstairs, sweetie."  I hugged him."You're a good person.""Thank you, sweetie.  I love you."He had a long visit from Pastor Noah https://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2021/11/a-strange-and-glorious-gift.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-450484022880647351Sat, 13 Nov 2021 21:55:00 +00002021-11-17T11:27:43.391-08:00 Don'tcha hate it when a friend turns to a stranger?I had a really good male friend for four years, someone who I thought I could be a guy with.  Then at one point he tells me I'm beautiful.  Then I get a hard on for the sound of it and go all girly for like a week and tell my therapist how happy it makes me to be thought attractive by someone.  Then we have a brief (two https://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2021/11/crap.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-4546036219782858351Tue, 26 Oct 2021 22:49:00 +00002021-10-26T15:49:28.060-07:00 I was finishing my lunch with some scoops of avocado-based ice cream when he walked into the dining area in his nightgown, without his glasses, sat on one of the new chairs and started talking about building something, but he wasn't going to keep working once he went back to school.  He kept talking about organizing "things" and how the windows were really good for the house (I could https://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2021/10/time-lord.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-433027891904801917Sat, 11 Sep 2021 14:40:00 +00002021-09-11T07:40:39.319-07:00 It's an unreflective cultural practice to write "Happy Anniversary" when someone posts an announcement of their wedding anniversary on Facebook.  So I wasn't upset with my friends when they left that comment on my feed after I re-posted an old newspaper announcement celebrating Will's and my previous anniversary.  In my mind's ear I hear each anniversary in the voice of Paul https://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2021/09/happy-anniversary.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-2558005278805369949Tue, 10 Aug 2021 13:06:00 +00002021-08-10T06:06:53.823-07:00 I'm taking a memoir writing class for "people over 55" - oooold people, in other words.  I share below a piece I wrote for the class. HE'S GOT LEGS David Clark@thethinblackframe I fell in love with these legs almost fifty years ago.  My swift approaching fiftieth high school reunion reminds me that I met their owner just four months after I left California https://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2021/08/memoir-class.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-7932718450238890245Tue, 03 Aug 2021 13:53:00 +00002021-08-03T06:58:51.771-07:00 So it happened again.Anne Nygard @polarmermaid  After two weeks of downturn he was up and awake from 11:30 am till 9:30 pm on Sunday and up a long time yesterday, as well.  He's eating a bit more.  He put on a pound.  After I came home from my evening off last night, we actually had a bit of a conversation!  It was amazing!  Although he looked really white and https://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2021/08/aaannnd-hes-up.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-3278189313710454316Mon, 02 Aug 2021 12:57:00 +00002021-08-02T06:03:14.488-07:00If I had the energy, I'd craft a full parody of "I Believe" but instead use aspects of the particular brand of Christianity to which I subscribe -- high(ish) church Episcopalianism.  Or is Trinity middle church?  I don't know.But really, all I could think of right now as ridiculous was all the stuff I find beautiful -- the costumes, the holy hardware, the belief in the holiness of the https://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2021/08/i-believe.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2344233436132828109.post-9008558825734184985Fri, 30 Jul 2021 14:15:00 +00002021-07-30T07:27:26.199-07:00 Kevin Noble on UnsplashYesterday began horribly but ended well.  The wellness was in part a result of having a good, long reality conversation with one wonderful, pragmatic friend and some supportive texts from another.  More help came from my terrific grief therapist, with whom I fortuitously had an appointment yesterday.  She reminded me of the reality that my body is https://kakesterblog.blogspot.com/2021/07/the-machinery.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Kake)1