America was ROCKED this week as only a beauty pageant can rock it after Miss California told Miss USA judge, and fabulously gaytastic blogger Perez Hilton

We live in a land that you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage and, you know what, in my country and my family I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman.

Harsh words to hear, indeed.  To find out what the people thought of this completely newsworthy fiasco we turned to a place where intellectualism, rationality, and excellent grammar reign supreme: Twitter.

Tweets from the Miss CA Lovers (but not gay lovers)

jedecker says:
God bless Carrie Prejean , Miss California for standing up for Biblical truth. She was set up and trashed by a vicious, gay sniper
He shot her with a rainbow out his ass.

caitlynnx says to perezhilton
we’re talking about you and miss california in social studies. just know there are plenty of people on your side!
I don’t know what’s more disturbing, that our teachers are bringing this topic up in class as if it were actually news or that 4th graders are on Twitter consoling Perez Hilton.

fragolina82 Says
Miss California believes in “opposite marriage,” which I believe is a sacred union between Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat.
Comment:  Agreed.

Tweets from… um.  is that English?

Tweets from Retarded Children

Ever wonder how spam impacts the future of Mother Earth? No? You’re not alone. I for one have never given a flying circus about the topic, but apparently McAfee, champion of anti-virus software, had some time on its collective corporate hands.

According to a completely unbiased study conducted by McAfee, it seems that for every hilariously fantastic email you receive about penis enlargement, boner pills, or masturbatory websites, you are killing roughly 18 polar bears*.

why is bob so happy? Because his product punched mother nature in the box

Also according to the study, one year of spam emails creates pollution equivalent to roughly…

• 2.4 million homes
• 3.1 million cars
• 2 billion gallons of gas
• Driving your Earth-murdering Chitti Chitti Bang-Bang car around the globe 1.6 million times
• 1 dastardly duo of ‘Sly Sludge’ and ‘Hoggish Greedly’*

Even with our powers combined, we stand little chance of stopping this onslaught of spam from blotting out the sun with its lack of concern for polar bears, pandas, and other animals that are cute, cuddly and hungry for the flesh of humans.

captain planet puts the global warming in my pants

Indeed, its times like these that the world could use a hero like Captain Planet. Truly, a man with a green flat-top, rock hard abs and tight pants would be just what the doctor ordered. But never fear, friends, for while there is no Captain Planet, nor magical rings that control the elements, there is McAfee!

Acting as a shield against spam, McAfee stops spam in its tracks, saving 13 terra watts of electricity per year. That’s the equivalent of:

• Taking 13 million cars off the road
• Fighting on the planet’s side
• Taking pollution down to zero
• Consistently hanging around a group of 13 year olds

So remember friends, if you’re not using McAfee, not only is Al Gore furrowing his brow at you, but you’re practically shooting a polar bear in the face in front of her polar cub, while drinking a coke. You communist.