I wanted to share my weigh in with you, though! I lost 3.3 pounds! That means I dropped out of a decade that I definitely didn’t want to be in. Not that I really want to be in the one I’m in now, but it’s better than the alternative!

I’ve also now lost 10.4 pounds since the end of January! I’m very happy with that because if I hadn’t gotten back on track when I did, I’m sure I would probably be up another 15 pounds at least.

So right now, I have a pleased smile on my face. Here’s to another good week – for us all!

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Weigh-in 3/9/10 – “Hell Yeah!”

Not only did I stay perfectly within my points both Saturday and Sunday, but I went walking both days.  The weather was beautiful – sun shining and warm, the wind cool.  We could actually see a bit of blue sky – with some puffy white clouds.

It didn’t rain, but the mud was out in full force – hence the “squish, squish.”

There’s even a bit of green starting to peek out!

Some old friends made a reappearance – I’m sure they’re quite glad to be rid of the snow:

It was nice to see the waterfalls active again.  This one was fascinating to me, because of the pebbly growths on the rocks:

There’s this area for kids that has a field of switchgrass.  It was so peaceful to stand in the middle of it and listen to the wind whisper through it:

For some reason, the lake was really, really low – it may have been due to some construction they were doing, but it was kind of interesting checking out the bottom in some of the more shallow areas:

Along the banks that have apparently worn away over the years, there are these trees hanging on for dear life by their roots.  I’m fascinated by them and think they’re beautiful.  Perhaps I identify a bit (with the hanging on for dear life part).

As I said, I was perfectly within my points over this past weekend.  Do you realize that this is the first time I can say that in almost six months?  I would say at least six months.  And I only used a couple of flex points each day.  I did splurge at one point, but I counted it:

Though my mom had a bit of an accident with hers:

Have I ever mentioned how gross I think Dairy Queen’s vanilla ice cream is?  Blah.

Overall, I had a pretty decent weekend.  Just went by too fast, as usual.

Thank you for the wonderful comments on my last post.  I’m sure it was obvious, but I was feeling pretty down.  Right now, I’m feeling pretty hopeful.  While I was out walking, I had a couple of thoughts that I will try to share with you in the next couple of days.  I hope you all had a beautiful weekend!

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Squish Squish

I look at that girl who lost 160 pounds (that girl in the picture to the right) and I can barely even remember what she felt like.

Yeah, there just aren’t words for this feeling (anger, depression, sadness, anxiety, fear, shame don’t even come close) and a few tears might be involved.

But I’m allowing myself this moment and accepting that these feelings are absolutely useless to me right now.

I know what I need to keep doing and I’m doing it.  I will make it through this weekend on plan.  I can and will do it.  I’m not going to waste another week by blowing it over the weekend.  Not again.

In an eternal battle that mother nature seems to be waging against me, it’s supposed to rain today.  But I don’t care.  I’m going walking anyway, even if I have to traipse through the mud.

I know I’ve been struggling for a while now, and I appreciate those of you who haven’t given up on me.

I’m determined to get my groove back (without going to Jamaica).

Tonight, I’m allowing the sadness its moment.  Tomorrow, I’m kicking ass.

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Progress Pictures Are a Bad Thing

While we often have grand dreams of putting together that perfect sentence that changes everything, the world, and the universe beyond, sometimes it’s the little words that can mean so much more.

I care.

I understand.

I’m here.

In my department, we work as backup for our multiple offices across the world.  We never know who we will be doing a job for on any given day.  Some we rarely hear from, some are regulars.  Typically, we call or e-mail the person to let them know that their project is finished.  A couple of days ago, I e-mailed one of our past regulars (we hadn’t heard from her in a while) to let her know that I was done with her project.  The next day when I came in, I had the following e-mail.

Thank you so much!  I appreciate you!!

Little words.

Little words that meant so much.  It took her all of probably two seconds to type that, but it made me smile for a lot longer.

A few days before that, I was posting on the WW message board and was again feeling rather discouraged.  I had only posted to ask a question, but one of my replies was from a woman that obviously didn’t know how much weight I had regained.  She said:

Your stats are amazing!

It reminded me that all is not lost (errr…regained). I’m still down about 80 pounds from where I started on this journey.  Again, it took her all of two seconds, but it changed my attitude for the rest of the day.

On the surface, they might not look like much (kind of like some of us (a/k/a me)) but so much can be hidden underneath and within those little words.

So the next time you’re choosing your words, give some thought to using some little ones.  You never know whose day, or life, you may change.

So I leave these today for you, just for you.

I care.

I understand.

I’m here.

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Little Words

Over the past few days I’ve come across a few posts that particularly resonated with me and I wanted to share links to them.  So here they are in no particular order:

• Bye, Bye Beck and Other Realizations by PastaQueen.  Funny, because I’ve had the Beck book sitting completely untouched for many, many, many months now.  A little sad, because while unlike her I’m not happy with where I’m at,  she sums up exactly how I feel about running into people who haven’t seen me since I was at my low weight.
• Can Victoria’s Secret Help You Love Your Body? over at We Are the Real Deal.  Very interesting article.  I am one that will never be able to shop there – not because they have never carried my size, but even when I was at my lowest weight, I couldn’t because of extra skin issues (TMI, I know), so I totally understood where the author is coming from.  And the whole thing about women loving their bodies is great, but like the author also said, if that’s their goal, why are they talking about what they love about male bodies in the video she links to?
• I’m pretty.  pissed. by Brene Brown.  Her blog is always a fantastic read, but this one is great to remind us that everyone is entitled to share their opinion without being smacked with an unnecessary cruel response.  I think that the thing that makes me saddest in this world is the cruelty I see on the ‘net every day.  Seriously, what is wrong with people?  I choose to keep my authenticity and share my opinions.  If you don’t agree with me, I’m happy to hear it.  But I declare this a cruelty-free zone (whether responding to me or someone else), and luckily, I’ve never had to boot a comment for it.  I think #2 on her list really hit me as it’s something I’ve struggled with throughout my life.
• My Core Hurt Eating – A MUST Read for those that Overeat by Roni.  I haven’t had a chance to read through the articles she links to just yet, but am looking forward to it.
• Kelly over at Pounds for Prom mentioned the movie, “Fat:  What No One is Telling You” a while back and I watched it a couple of weeks ago on Netflix.  Very interesting movie.  Don’t agree with everything that is said in it (especially from one woman who is constantly about to fall out of her top as she works out), but I love that they have scientists that discuss how it’s not always a lack of willpower that can explain the hold that food can have over us.
• Hot Guys Turned Food:  Christian Bale by Tony the Pink Panda.  Just ’cause it’s fun and I love Christian Bale (even with his recent crazy-like behavior).  I myself can’t speak as to how true this comparison is since I’ve never had Rocky Road ice cream.
• Late Night Snacks by Tony (a/k/a The Anti-Jared).  A very unique way to avoid late time snacking (that cracked me up).
• Something a Little Different by Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit.  Best. Post. Ever.

Those are just a few of the things that have caught my eye that I wanted to share with you.

Since I’m getting back in the swing of things, I have some updating and cleaning house to do on my site.  If you’re a reader/lurker with a blog that you don’t see over to your right (whether it’s weight-loss related or not), and want me to check it out and most likely add it, hit me up with a comment or message.  I’d love to hear from you!  If you haven’t commented before, let me know a little about you and how long you’ve been visiting.  Always great to make new friends!

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Link Love

I first mixed up a batch of one of my favorite go-to *EASY* recipes: Mexican Corn Bake.  I can’t remember where I got the recipe from, but I think someone posted it on the WW message boards once upon a time.  I’ve been making this for a couple of years now.  Click here for the recipe.

Dry ingredients have been mixed and am getting ready to mix in the wet ingredients (don’t you love my green bowl?):

This is what it looks like mixed up and with the added cup of frozen corn (okay, we won’t discuss what it really looks like).  The ring is from my camera flash:

Here, I’ve poured the above mixture into the pan and have scattered the cheese on top.  It calls for 2 1/2 oz of low-fat cheese.  I normally use all fat free cheese, but have started doing about 2/3 fat free cheddar and about 1/3 2% sharp cheddar.

And here’s what it looks like fresh from the oven 43 minutes later (I wish I could use smell-o-vision to share the scent with you):

At this point, according to the recipe, you’re supposed to let it sit on a wire rack for 5 minutes.  I let it sit, but not on a wire rack,  so maybe that’s why mine shrivels, but I don’t care, because …..

It’s still yummy!

While that was baking, I made what I’ve been using as a go-to meal for work lately.  It’s whole wheat couscous from Whole Foods, Salt and Peas (with no salt added), a little bit of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Spray (which I often leave out), and Southwest Chipotle Mrs. Dash:

In fact, that’s what I’m eating as I write this.  This time I divided it into four HUGE portions for only 5 pts each.

After finishing that, which takes all of maybe 10 minutes (I love that couscous is so quick to make.  Once the water is boiling, it really only takes about two minutes before it’s done), I cut up a Jicama.  I had seriously forgotten how much I love Jicama.  I pass it in the store fairly often, but can’t always find one that looks decent enough for me to spend my money on (hint: go for the smaller ones, they’re sweeter).  I hit the jackpot at the grocery store the other night as they had a huge bin full of them.  I only bought two and I wish I had bought more.

The best part?  It was, the last time I checked, on Weight Watchers’ list of zero point foods.  I do know that a cup of it in my WW online tracker is zero points.  If you’ve never had Jicama, you can read about it more here.  I consider it a cross between an apple and a potato and love to just eat it raw.  Just wash it, peel it, and eat it.

Sorry the picture is kind of crappy – I’ve been having problems with my flash lately.

After cutting up and munching on the Jicama, I washed and cut some strawberries that my mom brought back from Florida.  Unfortunately, they aren’t nearly as good as they were last year – just not very ripe.

So I’m feeling pretty good about what I brought to work tonight for my meals and snacks:

• whole wheat couscous w/ peas and corn (I added some of this chicken)
• a banana
• an orange
• strawberries
• Jicama

And did I mention that I actually got up a little earlier and had breakfast?  I had already made some steel cut oatmeal (thanks, Riley, for finally finding some oatmeal that I can stand!) on Sunday and portioned it out, so I just had to heat it up, add a little milk, a little maple syrup, and a little honey, and yum!

So food-wise, I’m doing pretty great!  I’m actually getting a bit excited about tracking again.

Post from Uncovering Pamela

How I Spent My Evening

one more time, I might scream.

Not to mention the fact that I’ve already written this post once and lost the entirety of it due to the above image.  I guess I just need to decide which browser I want to move to.  I know I don’t want to go back to Internet Explorer, though to be honest, even with its security issues and such I’ve never had problems like I’ve had with Firefox lately.

So anyway.  I wanted to share my recent bout of excitement with you.   Again.

I’ve mentioned several times that I’m a big fan of the author, Jim Butcher.  I actually became a fan of his through Spike from Buffy/Angel fame (a/k/a James Marsters).

One of my favorite scenes:

And the way this girl made this one just cracked me up:

As I was going through clips on YouTube, I laughed several times and am thinking I might have to start watching Buffy again from the beginning.

I think he’s a great actor (not just as Spike) and when I was going through my Buffy/Angel obsession phase, I looked for anything having to do with James Marsters (I still keep tabs on what he’s up to).  Anyway, I discovered that he is the one that does the audio versions of the books in Jim’s Dresden Files series.  I picked up the first audiobook and was hooked so quickly on both James’ reading of the book and the book itself, that I immediately went out and bought the book to read along. You can download the first three chapters of the first Dresden Files book, “Storm Front,” for free here.

Now, 12 books later, I’m still a huge fan of the books, though I haven’t picked up the last several audiobooks.  I will someday when I win the lottery.    Jim Butcher has two series:  The Dresden Files and Codex Alera.  I really enjoy both series, but The Dresden Files has to be my favorite book series ever (which is saying something considering how many different ones I love).  As another fan put it on his website, “Literary crack, that’s what Jim sells.”  I agree wholeheartedly.  But that’s one addiction I don’t want to break.

The 12th Dresden Files book comes out on April 6th.  Can you feel my excitement?!  I discovered through an e-mail update of his website that they are releasing four sample chapters (to tease us) from the book in the weeks leading up to the release.  The first one was posted at midnight last night and I felt drop-kicked to learn that the main character might have a daughter!  Totally wasn’t expecting that, but it should be very, very interesting.  Here’s the cover of the new book:

Yippee!  Okay, now that my little geek flip out is over, I thought I’d also mention that Jim’s wife, Shannon K. Butcher, is also an awesome writer, though I’ve only read one of her books so far.  I’ve been lucky enough to meet both Jim (twice) and Shannon (just once) and both were very friendly and nice.  And Jim’s got one heck of a sense of humor.  Here’s a pic of me with Jim in April of 2008 (sadly, several pounds ago):

So consider me counting down the days….35!
PS: I almost forgot to mention that the Dresden Files were also made into a short-lived (sadly) TV show, as well. Of course, the show doesn’t even begin to compete with the books (not surprising, I’m sure) and changed WAY too much, but it was all right. After doing a search on YouTube, I’ve discovered that it seems you can watch the whole series on there for free.

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Jim Butcher’s “Changes”

Unfortunately, my weight tracking chart isn’t as pretty as it once was, in fact it’s got a nice inverted bell curve going on, but at least it’s no longer going to be symmetrical.

Sometimes when you see your weight on the scale jumping up each week, after week, after week, you start to feel helpless, like things are spinning out of control and you aren’t sure how to stop yourself.  But when you see that just a little effort can halt that process and that with a little extra attention and work you can even start to reverse that process, well, that’s where you find hope.

So it’s a hopeful Pamela that is writing to you today.

I think for those of us who have struggled with overeating and weight gain, there comes a moment when things just “click” and you realize that it’s time to put in that extra effort.  Sometimes the click doesn’t last.  But I was lucky enough to get that click back, and while it hasn’t been as easy as it was the first time around.  I’m not giving up.

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Weigh-In 3/2/10 – The Click

That’s the kind of day I’ve been having….for the past several days.  Luckily, the pants thing only happened tonight.  Yes, sadly, I’m admitting it with a wry shake of my head and goofy grin on my face.  This is the point where I thank God that I work the late shift and didn’t run into more than a handful of people – hopefully all of which didn’t notice.  At least no one said anything.

So yeah, I’ve been having a rough few days.  There’s been a lot going on in my personal life (unfortunately nothing outstanding) and a lot going on in my head.  I won’t get into details, but this scene between Verona and Burt from “Away We Go” (which I loved, by the way) keeps getting stuck in my head:

Burt, are we f*ck-ups?

No. What do you mean?

I mean, we’re 34.

33.

We don’t even have this basic stuff figured out.

Basic, like how?

Basic, like how to live.

We’re not f*ck-ups.

We have a cardboard window.

We’re not f*ck-ups.

(WHISPERING) I think we might be f*ck-ups.

(WHISPERING) We’re not f*ck-ups.

So I might not have the whole cardboard window thing going for me, but I’ve been feeling pretty much like a f*ck-up lately.  I’m trying not to wallow in it, though, and am trying to figure out how to get myself out of some of the situations I’ve gotten myself in (and with maybe just a little wallowing on the side, too). 

To top it off, my dad’s head left a nice, well, head-sized dent in our wall last night when he had a seizure and fell.  I tried to take a pic of it, but there was just too much of a glare.

I have also learned my lesson where Tylenol Simply Sleep is concerned – never to take two again (even though that’s what the instructions say).  It knocked me on my ass for many, many hours (though I still kept waking up) and I was groggy for at least another 16 hrs after I woke up!  If (and that’s a BIG if) I ever try it again, I will only take one.

On a positive note, one of the reasons I’m kind of groggy today is that I was up too late reading this book:

It’s the 30th! in Nora Roberts/J.D. Robb’s “In Death” series which is one of my favorite book series (I’m not sure why Amazon has it listed as the 31st, when even Nora says it’s #30).  It is a futuristic murder mystery series. As you would expect, the past few have been somewhat less than amazing (though still good) – but what do you expect when you are hitting 30 books in one series?  This one, however, I have been absolutely loving!  While that might have something to do with the subject matter (the gaming universe – of which I am very interested in), this book also has a lot more of the humor, sarcasm, and personal relationships that I felt were missing from the last few books.  If you’ve never read any of these books and are interested after checking the link above, I recommend you start at the beginning, though each book stands alone well.  In fact, the first one I read was “Portrait in Death,” number 16 in the series, when a friend loaned it to me.  I loved it so much that I immediately went out and got the previous ones.  I love coming into a series late like that – you don’t have to wait to get your next fix!

I’m sure I’ll probably stay up and finish this one tonight as I only have about 120 pages left.

On the food front, I didn’t do so hot over the weekend (again), but I did well Monday and plan to do great Tuesday, too.  I came across some fantastic one point pitas at the Wal-Mart Market over the weekend, so this is what I had for an after-work snack tonight (light sauce, light cheese, and turkey pepperoni):

It was pretty good!

Anyway, that’s the latest with me.  Hope you’re all having a happy and healthy start to your week!

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Unzipped

My mom gets home this afternoon sometime from her trip to Florida, so my dad and I made it through the week!  Hallelujah!  And my mom just actually called me as I was writing this to say that they made it back and that she’s at the airport.  It should just be a couple of hours then until she gets home.

Today is also my brother’s birthday, so happy birthday to him – wherever he may be (I personally prefer to believe heaven).  He would have been 29 today.

Lately, I’ve been sensing a need to go back to basics on a variety of fronts.  I’ve been in a “simplify” mode lately and am going to start going through stuff and getting rid of it.  My first non-product related step was in cleaning out my personal (non-web related) email inbox the other night  (I went from 1400 emails down to 2.)  I’m promising myself to deal with them as they come in from now on and I’m not going to allow myself to feel guilty for not reading every single forward that my aunts send me.  Next up is my worldly possessions.  Which I’ll get to….sometime.

On my last go ’round , when I was losing so well, rewards were one of the things that kept me going.  I kept a clear glass jar in which I put a quarter for every full pound I lost and a five dollar bill for every five pounds lost.  There’s quite a stash in there now.  Of course, I’m going to take out what I’ve regained so that it’s accurate.  I’m going to continue with this, but I thought of another idea the other day.  Think back to kindergarten and first grade.  How did you get rewarded?  Stickers!!!  You can’t get more basic than that!

It’s silly, but I’ve always loved stickers.  Seeing as how I’m now 32 years old, I sadly don’t have much use for them anymore.  But my mom got a page of smiley face stickers in the mail a few weeks ago from one of those nonprofit organizations trying to get money and asked me if I wanted them.  I said sure, but had no idea what I’d use them for.  They sat on the kitchen table for at least a week.  The other night, as I was walking by them, I had a thought.  So here it is:

I’m going to give myself a sticker for every day that I track and stay within my points!  At least for a while.  This pic was taken early Friday morning, so I need to add one for Friday.  Anyway, it gives a nice visual reminder of a good job done.  For some reason, the pink face on the right reminds me of some cartoon character that I can’t put my finger on….

The other area where I’m heading back to basics is in some of the foods I eat.  For example, I actually cooked a spaghetti squash last night.  I’ve bought a couple of them over the past several months, but ended up never making them (I know, I know).  I’ve loved spaghetti squash ever since I first tried it!  So amazingly low in points!  The one I made last night had 24 ounces of cooked squash.  I was hungry, so had half of it (a lot of squash) and it was only one point.  I separated my 12 oz in half and put I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Spray and a little parmesan on one half and a little bit of spaghetti sauce on the other.  For variety.  But when I was making it, and going through the grocery store today, I started thinking of all of the things that I used to love that I no longer eat and want to try again.  And it made me start thinking about why I stopped.

I really think the thing that tipped me off of the cliff of just eating crazy was when my doctor tried me on birth control a little over a year ago.  To say I had a bad reaction would be mild since I was god-awful nauseous for the entire week I took it.  I just couldn’t take it anymore after that – I would rather have had my eyeballs boiled in acid while they were still in my head.  Okay, maybe not, but pretty darn close.  I was so incredibly nauseous that I could barely eat anything and I would get seasick just by sitting and breathing.  Let’s not even talk about how I felt when I actually moved.  Surprisingly during this time, the only things I could somewhat keep down were crappy things that I shouldn’t have been eating.  And now, I still get nauseous thinking of some of the things I ate leading up to that time period.  For example, I used to love Amy’s Shepherd Pies (only 3pts) and I saw them at Whole Foods today and almost gagged.  There are other things, too, from that time period that I just can’t bear to think about.  Luckily, my love of spaghetti squash seems to have survived.

I did buy a couple of things to try out.  I got some beans and chili seasoning to try to make chili – probably next weekend – and I also got kale!  I’ve never ever had kale before, but this post by Roni caught my eye (I adore her!  Make sure and watch the video if you have time – it was cute) and I decided that I just HAD to try to make kale chips today.  I’ll let you know how they turn out.  I even bought a salad spinner!  I should have bought one long before now, because I hate wet lettuce.

So that’s where I’m at right now.  I think I actually hear my bed calling my name for a nap.  I’m going to do my best to stay on track through the rest of the weekend, but like I said, today’s my brother’s birthday and I know we’re getting pizza tonight.  I’m still going to try to track everything though!

I hope you all are having a beautiful weekend!

PS – my heart goes out to the people of Chile this morning because of their earthquake, and am thankful that the one in Japan seems to have been much milder.

Post from Uncovering Pamela

Back to Basics