Undeniably Meg

Still Struggling

2012-03-02T14:35:00.000-05:00

I desperately need to hit the back of my head to get all this laziness out of my system. Let's see since my last post, I've only had one workout and I can't lie I ate all the wrong foods. I did not weigh in last weigh day, who knows how much weight I put back on. I feel like a fraud.

Have you ever felt that you had too much to handle at once? Like you have a stack of books you have to read but then people just keep piling more and more on top and then you find yourself suffocating with all the work you have to do? That's me. Most of my stress is coming from my work, everything else just tipped me over the edge of my maximum stress bar.

I need to find balance. I'm trying my darnedest to get back on track. Today I'm going to work out a whole new plan to start fresh. Weigh day may be changed to Friday or Sunday. Hopefully next post you all will be proud of me for getting my $h!t together.

Lousy Week

2012-02-25T22:57:00.001-05:00

Been having a lousy week and a half of being off the wagon. I've been eating all the wrong stuff and had no workouts whatsoever! It's all my fault I know, I just haven't had the motivation to get back on track yet. I'm dreading weigh day on Monday. I know I've gained probably at least two pounds. It's just going to be disappointing and embarrassing sharing just exactly how much I screwed up to all of you.

On top of that I managed to dislocate my shoulder twice today! I was reaching into my bird's cage to check on the eggs and the Mama bird went to bite me and I pulled my arm back too fast too far and it popped right out but it popped right back in by itself. Then I took a nap and managed to dislocate it in my sleep. How does that even happen?? The doctor said that the first time it popped out it probably didn't go back in all the way and all it would of took was a little tossing and turning to pop it back out which is what happend. It hurt so bad and it's still sore and weak. I can't even pick up a five pound bag of flour. The doctor said to give it a rest for a week.

The next three weeks are going to be really tough. I can only spend $135 for everything until I get paid next month, I only get paid once a month which stinks. Look's like I'll be turning into that crazy cupon lady. Once again no Elliptical for Megan. But I'll survive.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll be back in weight loss land. I'm planning on spending an hour with Dick Van Dyke on the exercise bike in the morning and a walk in the park in the afternoon.

Off the wagon

2012-02-22T00:28:00.001-05:00

Yup.

Fell off that darn wagon again.

What's new? I've only done it a bazillion times since I've started. Okay maybe not a bazillion times but it seems like it.

I missed weigh day. Actually I weighed in the day before weigh day and saw I gained a pound so I deceided not to weigh in this week. The cycle countinues loose weight, gain a pound, maintain, loose, gain, maintain, loose. It's like I take three steps foreward then a step back. It's so frustrating!

I don't know what it was that made me fall off the wagon, it wasn't just cravings this time. It feels like I'm missing an important peice to the puzzle. Ever have that feeling? As if one thing is missing or has changed and it throws everything off track? Still can't put my finger on it exactly but I have that emptiness feeling, something is missing and I need it back.

Enough of the crazy talk, I did learn something this time. When I eat junk food I'm more sluggish. I had no energy so I didn't workout. Most of you probably knew that and I heard people say it before but I never thought it was true or at least true for me. Skeptic me tested it and found it to be the truth!

Work. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate work? Really I shouldn't hate it in the first place. I'm lucky enough to have a job and make money. I'm even luckier to work from home and set my own hours. However the part I hate about my job is that there isn't always work availible for me to do. I'm techinacally considered a freelancer. Sometimes I sit at the computer for hours hitting the refreash button just waiting for work to appear. Which means I'm waisting time, time that I could be working out or getting something else productive done instead of stare at the computer screen. I'm working my butt off to earn money just to stay afloat, I just can't walk away from the computer and than miss a good wave of work I could of done. I'll probablly never get that elliptical I want if things continue the way they are now. But now you know why I haven't been around much in blogland I've been to busy hitting the refresh button on my works webpage. I think I'm becoming an obsseive refresher.

Okay enough ranting. Thanks to everyone who commented on my last post about the cut on my face. You all made me feel alot better!

Scarface

2012-02-17T14:16:00.001-05:00

My dog bit me. He has a mean streak to him, he usually doesn't bite people, only once in a blue moon he'll bite you for no apparent reason.
This is my souvenir.

Yup, I have to walk around with that on my face, I went out last night and people just kept staring at it which I feel like is pretty rude. My own family can't even look at me without laughing or making a joke about it. I hope it doesn't leave much of a scar. It doesn't look that bad but in person it looks pretty nasty. Oh and the blood, there was so much I thought I was going to pass out.

As if I didn't already hate the way I look, now I have something else to hate. I look at that picture and all I see is ugly. I hate taking my picture and I wasn't even going to post that picture because I hate the way I look. Where did that thinking come from? I don't know. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was losing weight because of the way I look. It's one of the main reasons why I'm losing weight. Something told me that if I lost weight I would be pretty or at least less ugly. It doesn't work like that I know, I'm trying to change the way I think, I'm trying to like what I see in the mirror. Sometimes I do sometimes I don't, it's a work in progress but one day hopefully my self-image won't be so low.

Bird news -

There's another egg!

They laid a total of three but one of the eggs has a hole in it, so I have to trash that one bringing the total back to two. :(

Also I've read that eggs laid at the bottom of the cage rarely survive. I made a make shift nest box out of cardboard and this weekend my dad is going to make a real nest box I can attach to the side of the cage. I'm keeping my expectations low in case these eggs don't make it. But I'll at least be prepared next time from the start.

Happy Valentines Day!

2012-02-14T15:11:00.001-05:00

I hope everyone has a wonderful valentines day! Spread the love even if you're single, it isn't just for relationships, show some love to your family and friends too. Most importantly don't overdue it on the sweets!

This week I'm going to work my butt off to loose weight, I'm going to go running in the park. I never actually went running outside in public before because I'm self conscious and running outside where people can see me just doesn't appeal to me. The walls of self consciousness are going to come crumbling down this week! I'll be going with my cousin so I'll have her support and were going at 7 am so not many people would see us anyway. Yet it's another big step for me!!

I have some more great news, my bird laid another egg! I still don't know if their fertilized or not but I'm hoping they are. She's been sitting on them all morning but their still at the bottom of the cage with no nest, I know that can't be good for them so I'm going to put some nesting materials in the cage for the bird to make a nest for them. My room is the coldest in the house so I put a space heater in their for them too. I don't want to take any chances, if they are fertilized I want to do everything possible for the baby birds. Ahh! I'm so nervous!!

It's weigh day. . .

2012-02-13T15:11:00.001-05:00

The Stats!

Starting Weight - 270 lbs

Goal Weight - 130 lbs

Current Weight - 261.5 lbs

Weight lost this week - 1.5 lbs

Total weight lost - 8.5 lbs

Weight left to loose - 131.5 lbs

1.5 pounds gone! I was expecting to see a bigger loss this week but oh well, I'm out of my no loss rut! Once I reach 10 pounds gone I'm going to start working on my weight loss reward. I make my own jewelry so when I hit 10 pounds gone I'm going to make myself a bracelet chain and for each reward I'm going to add a new charm to it. It may not seem like much of a reward since I have to make it myself but it is to me.

In non weight loss news, my bird laid a egg! Any one know anything about cockatiels? I have two and I'm not sure if both of them are girls or if one is a boy but one of them laid a egg. Same thing happened last year except last year I made a nest and put the egg in it and they kept taking it out and never sat on it. Today when I noticed it one of them was sitting on it, it's at the bottom of the cage with no nest. I think it would be really amazing if one of them was a boy and the egg was fertile so I don't want to do anything wrong this time around.

Still Alive

2012-02-09T16:38:00.000-05:00

Sorry if I been absent from blog land. I've been super busy. My days have been - eat, work, eat, workout, work, eat, work, sleep. Then I do it all over again, sooo boring! I've worked out every day so far, had a double workout day twice this week and no binges to confess to. Hopefully I'll have a loss on Monday, for once I can't wait to weigh-in.

As for the family, I did talk to them about supporting me more and getting rid of the junk food and they said they will try. However the very next day my mom baked brownies. I feel like she's doing it on purpose because she knows it bothers me, she thinks that I can't resist it and will fail at the weight loss thing. That's just going to motivate me more. I want to show her that yes I can do this loose weight and be healthy and in doing so I want to motivate her to be healthy too. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Oh well.

Can't wait for the weekend so I can just relax and rest a little, I might spend the weekend getting lost in the library. My plan is whenever my family orders out or cooks a delicious but unhealthy meal, I'm going to lock myself in my room with a good book. I've declared this year, the year I read a ton of books and loose a ton of weight.

Any book suggestions? I like just about anything from Stephen King to Nicholas Sparks to YA novels.

Oh and I'll try to catch up on every ones blog tonight and tomorrow!

It's weigh day. . .

2012-02-06T17:35:00.000-05:00

The big fat number is 263 lbs. Deja vu? The number on the scale hasn't even budged!!

It's my fault. Last week wasn't as good as I thought it was going to be. I botched up the 21 days challenge big time! Not going into full detail but I would have a really great day of eating right then the next day I would binge. It just kept going back in forth between a great day and a bad day. No excuses, it's in the past now can't be changed. It's a new day, another chance to make things right.

This past week I did learn a few things about my binges. If people are around or if someone offers me something I have no problems turning it down. However, I'm more likely to binge if no one sees it especially right before bed time. Another thing I'm surrounded by so much junk food it's ridiculous! The kitchen is stocked up with junk food, which is just making it worse on me. Plus tonight my family is ordering pizza for dinner. I feel like someone is playing a cruel joke on me. It feels unfair that I can't eat what they eat. I just want to crawl in a hole far, far, far away from temptation and stay there.

Grocery Shopping

2012-02-05T18:41:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I went grocery shopping with my dad and grandma. Let me just say I love them both very much but shopping with them both is impossible.

All throughout the store my grandma keep asking....
"Meg do you want these cookies, I'll buy them for you"
"No"
"What about these candies?"
"No"
"Want some donuts?"
"I don't eat them no more"
"You like pizza don't you, pick one out"
"I don't want any"

Afterwards she wanted to go to Burger King and all the way their she kept asking me if I wanted anything. I said no. Sometimes I feel bad for telling her no, I feel like it hurts her feelings. Whenever she offers me a piece of candy she tells me one piece won't hurt. But it will, I can't just have one piece I would want more, she doesn't understand that. She knows that I'm trying to loose weight, she even buys me some healthy food sometimes yet she still tries to get me to eat junk food. I love her so much but I just wish she'd support me and stop asking if I wanted cookies but I know she can't help it.

I did manage to get alot of fruits and veggies. Alot of which I'm trying for the very first time such as strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, spinach and carrots. I also got stuff to make salads and some of my favorite fruits. Not only am I happy to be trying all these new fruits and veggies but so are my birds! They love broccoli, spinach and carrots and tomorrow I'm going to give them some of the new fruits. It's a whole new world.

I need Veggie & Fruit help ASAP!

2012-02-03T15:50:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I'm going grocery shopping and today I've been working on a new food plan for next week.
I'll be eating mainly fresh fruits and veggies.

Breakfast will be fresh fruits with maybe some yogurt. Grapes, bananas and apples are my go to fruit but I haven't really experimented with other fruits and would love to try others.

Snacks. I want to snack on only fresh veggies or fruit. To be honest I haven't really tried much veggies especially as snacks. I was going to try carrots with fat free ranch dip. I have no idea what else to get, I'll be having at least two snacks a day and would love some variety.

Lunch will be a salad. I usually buy the salad mix in the bag but I hate hate hate red cabbage and it's in just about all of them so I want to make my own salad mix. All I can think of to put in it is lettuce, carrots, tomatoes maybe some croutons, cheese and chicken. I want to put more veggies in it but have no idea what.

Dinner. I have a few recipes I'm going to try. Some days I won't have time to cook but I still have some Smart Ones here, so dinner will not be a problem this week.

Oh by the way, I have a new tab up top there. That page is filled with a bunch of motivational pictures. When ever I feel like eating junk food or skipping a workout I'm going to look at those pictures to keep me on track. Feel free to do the same if you want.

What fruits and veggies should I try???

21 Days To Healthier Habbits - Day One

2012-01-31T19:11:00.002-05:00

Can you believe it's the last day of January already? I'm starting to get out of the rough beginning stages time for a challenge! I'm joining in on the 21 Days To Healthier Habits challenge.

My habits are -

Workout everyday
Workout twice a day at least 3x a week
Wake up before 11am (being self-employed I got use to sleeping in)
Eat more fresh fruits and veggies
No binging! No junk food whatsoever!

Today was day one and I met all my goals. Since my 21st day will fall on a Monday I'm going to throw in a little mini challenge. I want to loose at least 5 pounds by the end of this challenge. I ~~think~~ know I can do this! Wish me Luck!

It's Weigh Day....

2012-01-30T13:29:00.000-05:00

The big fat number is . . . . . . .
263 lbs
Gained 0.5 lb

Slightly disappointed. My calories were higher than I wanted last week, being in the 1600-1700 range when I wanted it to be in the 1300-1400 range. Also I can not lie I ate some pizza. It was a mistake I know I know I know! My workouts were good though, I can finally do level 10 on the exercise bike and worked out 5 out of 7 days.

This week I'm going to kick it up a notch. Here are my goals for week four.

Stay under 1500 Calories a day.
Workout twice a day at least three days of the week
Beat high scores on Wii Fit.
Start strength training.

Seems simple right? Hope so. Last post I mentioned that my brother and I are going to get a elliptical, that's still the plan but it may take a little bit longer than expected. I'm having some problems reaching my half, forgetful me forget I still have to pay taxes among other bills. But I have an elliptical money jar set up and for every pound lost I'll put $2 in it, plus $100 a month and I'll try to work overtime so I can add $27 a week. If my math is right I shall have the money in about two months. Well I've got an elliptical to work for so I must get going now.

What are goals for this week?

Exciting Times!

2012-01-29T01:03:00.000-05:00

I took a peak and got on the scale today. . . it wasn't good. I gained a pound. :(
This isn't going to discourage me though, if anything it's motivating me more. Tomorrow I'm going to have a double workout day so maybe I can get rid of this pound by Monday.

Today was a busy day for me I had a to-do list a mile long! So I had to skip my workout, however I went grocery shopping with my dad which was a like a workout itself. He literally runs through the store only to find out he what he's looking for is on the other side then runs back. It's hard keeping up with him sometimes. Plus I was wearing my Rock'N Fit shoes which is suppose to give you a workout while walking, not sure if it works but it couldn't hurt right?

I bought a bunch of fresh fruits and veggies and I plan on cooking this week! I'll be making a omelet for the first time, chicken quesadillas, oven baked chicken nuggets and pizza! Big step for me!

I just now got home an hour ago and am sitting down eating dinner. Which by the way is a Boca Chick'n Patty on a lite hamburger roll with a slice of tomato, some lettuce, fat free provolone cheese, fat free mayo and black grapes on the side. It is sooo good!

In other news my brother and I are looking into going in halfies to buy a elliptical! We are thinking about maybe getting this one but it's not set in stone yet.

http://www.nordictrack.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/Product_-1_10301_12401_19053_168503

What do you all think about it? Or what do you think about ellipticals in general?

So excited to start cooking and to get an elliptical!! I'm starting to like this weight loss thing.

Impulse Buyer

2012-01-24T17:08:00.000-05:00

Last week Smart Ones were on sale, the cheapest price I ever seen them. This is the result.

I got 44 of them for about $30 which works out to .70 cents a piece. Since I stocked up on something I would usually buy my impulse buying went a little over board and I got a lot of things that I tried for the first time.

These protein shakes are absolutely delish! I drink one a day after my workouts. They have 10 grams of protein and a ton of vitamins. I'm sure you could find protein shakes with more protein in them but it'd be hard to find one that taste this good.

Since I didn't go with the higher protein shake I got this to make up the difference. I haven't tried it yet so no opinions so far.

My grandma got me hooked on these. It technically wasn't a impulse buy since I bought it the share with her.

These come in four flavors Cheddar, Southwest Ranch, Sour Cream and Onion and Sea Salt. My favorite is Sour Cream. In my opinion I don't think they taste like regular chips but they are still good.

I got a bunch of these yogurts in various flavors. Yes, that is my cat photo bombing.

Fat free brownies need I say more? All you do is add non-fat yogurt. You can make single servings in the microwave or bake them all in the oven. They come in four flavors Original, Raspberry, Cappuccino and Mint. They taste good either way.

Oh, Skinny Cow how I love you so! These candies are like heaven. They make you feel like your cheating when your not. If you need to have a fix of chocolate then these are for you! Just make sure you stop at one....maybe two. :-}

People give me a bunch of flack about the foods I eat, one person very close to me calls it processed crap. I know my eating isn't 100% healthy. In my defense I'm a terrible cook and find myself to be busy most days. I try to cook as much as I can but when I can't I eat Smart Ones or Lean Cuisines or Healthy Choice's. That's my choice and it works for me, that's all that matters.

Week Two Results

2012-01-23T14:09:00.001-05:00

It's weigh day!

Starting Weight - 270 lbs

Goal Weight - 130 lbs

Current Weight - 262.5

Lost this week - 4 lbs

Total lost - 7.5 lbs

Pounds to loose - 132.5 lbs

A 4 pound weight loss really?? Well that might not be entirely true my scale is a little bonkers. I'll get on it once, then again and it will give me two different numbers. So I had to get on it a bunch of times until it said the same thing three times in a row. Is that wrong? Should I have just went with the highest number? Or made a list and figure out the median? I know I should just buy a new scale. I have a mechanical scale but I don't trust them for some reason even though it's my digital scale that can't be trusted. In the end the scale never went back to or over 266.5 pounds so I did loose weight.

What should I do get a new digital or go mechanical?

Internet Strikes

2012-01-18T19:26:00.000-05:00

In case you were living under a rock and haven't already please sign this petition.

https://www.google.com/landing/takeaction/

We can't let these bills pass. The internet would never be the same. It's already affecting my job. I work as a internet assessor and with all the websites on strike today the company I work for had no choice but to shut down for a day so it wouldn't affect all the work me and many other people do.

With that out of the way, how is everyone doing? Surprisingly week two doesn't seem that bad but then again the scale will be the judge of that. I'm finding it a lot easier to resist temptation and I actually like working out. Since I had the day off I took the opportunity to take one of my dogs for a walk in the park. My other dog has been driving me crazy as usually. He has bad back problems and tell him he can't jump on the couch no more or run to get the mail and he'll growl at you. Isn't he lovely?

Lately my energy level hasn't been too great. I've been feeling really sluggish before my workouts. Anyone have any tips about how I can boast my energy without drinking coffee or energy drinks?

Hope everyone is doing well! :)

Weigh Day

2012-01-16T13:01:00.000-05:00

How could I possibly give Monday an even bigger reason to not look forward to? Wait, I know I'll make it my new weigh day! Well lets get to this, want to know the stats?

Starting Weight - 270 lbs
Goal Weight - 130 lbs
Current Weight - 266.5 lbs

Total Lost - 3.5 lbs
Pounds to Goal - 136.5

A 3.5 pound weight loss this week! Definitely more than I expected and I'm very happy with it. It's funny how things work out sometimes. Last week wasn't the greatest. I only worked out two days and one day I went way over my calorie limit. Yet somehow I still managed to loose 3.5 pounds. I thought after all these years of yo-yo dieting that my body would be used to it now and I would have to work twice as hard. But I did less than I usually would and lost more. How could that have happened? I have no clue.

Now comes the dreaded week two and we all know how tough that could be. I'm still struggling with my schedule. I have to juggle work, weight loss and my pets. All my pets have medical issues, they always come first. I need to earn money so I can take care of them and me, work comes second. Which leaves losing weight in last place. On top of that I have insomnia and I'm constantly up late when I have to wake up early. I can't wait until I get a good routine going. Hopefully week two won't be that bad.

I effed up

2012-01-14T04:11:00.000-05:00

Words can not describe how disappointed I am in myself. I wasn't even going to post this because I feel like such a failure. This whole day was a waste. Admitting this is not easy either but I feel like I have to otherwise it may just happen again. That's probably why I failed all those other times too. I never confessed when I messed up and made mistakes. I kept it to myself hidden away behind closed doors. Maybe part of the reason was because I felt like if I didn't tell anyone then it didn't happen. But it did and I can't change that.

My first mistake was not working out today. I really meant to but I got side tracked with other stuff and before I knew it, it was to late.

The second mistake was that I ate junk food. I was caught in a moment a weakness and I ate a doughnut and some chocolate candies. As soon as I ate it I knew it was wrong. I wished I didn't.

This house is filled with so much junk food, temptation hits me in the face every time I walk in the kitchen. Really I don't know how I'm going to get past this. I live with four other people. I can't talk them all (if any) into eating healthy!

I have mixed feelings about admitting this. I feel good to get it out in the open. But I feel bad about what some people might think of me. I don't shove my face with food every chance I get. I'm not addicted to food, I just make really bad choices. I was bullied in school every time I would eat something during lunch the other kids would call me names and tell me that I didn't need to eat anything because I was too fat. It got so bad that I stopped sitting at my own lunch table and took refuge at my friends lunch table (we were suppose to sit by class). When I transferred schools and didn't have the comfort of my friend I just stopped eating lunch all together. The bullies had done damage. To this day I don't like to eat in public. That's why admitting this isn't easy for me.

By the way I am typing this at 4am so when I talk about today I mean Friday the 13th. I must of been doomed for failure. Anyway I need sleep I have to get up in a few hours hopefully ~~tomorrow~~ I mean today will be a better day. Lesson learned? I think so.

Day One

2012-01-09T19:47:00.002-05:00

That's right people I'm officially calling today day one. It's nine days later then originally planned because that wagon was mighty hard to catch! The only thing that matters is that I made the change and this is the first day to a healthier new me!

Today has been okay. I've been eating right. That's a big deal since this house is filled with temptation everywhere you look, it's ridiculous how much junk food one household can have! My workout was non-existence today. All last week I've had a sore throat and still do. I would go to the doctors except my last visit wasn't very pleasant. The last time I went to the doctors I felt like a complete idiot and child thanks to my gag reflexes and inability to swallow a pill. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow to do some type of workout. *knock on wood*

That four letter word.

2012-01-06T22:04:00.000-05:00

DIET

It's a word some people hate to say. Others abuse it. What does it mean to you?

To me it just means that I watch what I eat and portion control. I'm not one of those people that starves myself. I count my calories and always make sure I eat enough but not too much.Though this week I've been struggling. I've been eating all the wrong foods and who knows how many calories I ate. I haven't worked out at all; partly because I can't, partly because I'm in my lazy procrastinating stage. Hopefully by Monday I'll be back on track and ready to get this thing officially started.

But once I do start eating right and if I reach my goal weight what's going to happen? Am I going to go back to eating the same foods that got me this way? Maybe I'll splurge every once in a while. But I can't go back to eating it all the time. I don't know what will happen in the future only time will tell.

270

2012-01-03T06:25:00.000-05:00

That's the number I saw on the scale today. Not my heaviest but not my lightest, yet it frustrates me so much to see it. For four freaking years I've been trying to loose weight. Something always finds a way to happen then suddenly losing weight doesn't seem important to me. I slack off in the gym until I don't even step foot in the gym. Or I'll eat a piece of candy one night then the next until it becomes a habit. How could this possibly happen? I can't explain it. It's just mindless reactions of stuff that happens in my life.

I've never been a skinny or "normal" sized girl. I've always been bigger than girls my age. But I don't want to be! I want to know what it feels like to be "normal" sized. I don't know if this time will be different. If I'll actually reach my goal weight or if I fail again (I'm great at failing). Hopefully this blog will help me through all my ups and down's of this so called life. Will you go on this journey with me?
Supporters/followers would be great! :)

Please note this website is still in progress, I'm going to add some more pages whenever I get the time.