Under the sheet

Back in the saddle

2010-03-06T12:28:00.000-08:00

Well, after far too long I reclaimed my love of porn and decided to start this bitch up again.
I'll begin this new chapter in all our lives with a very tastful (ek!), well shot (ah!), and high quality (hrm) music video featuring my favorite porn starlet ever, Rebeca Linares.

I want to suck...your blood.

2009-01-07T08:08:00.000-08:00

I don't know about the rest of you, but I would be scared to let those teeth anywhere near me.

At least you know she has experience sucking.

High on life.

2009-01-07T07:52:00.001-08:00

So this is what they mean when they say someone is high on life.

I thought it was just some silly slogan to keep kids out of trouble.
I'm thinking the only place to go from here is high wire clowns.

What's cold and sticky?

2009-01-07T07:21:00.000-08:00

The first couple of minutes is reason number 4 why I love summer.
Then it starts to get a little bad-horror-movie creepy.

Let's go back to a classier time, when porno had (musical)scores.

2009-01-07T07:11:00.000-08:00

If sex was this awkward back in the day, frankly, I'm surprised any of us are here.

The list of things I find odd in this video is long.
The use of the phrase "can't hardly wait" puts me off, since we all know and love Seth Green. Putting the word "hard" in quotations, is like, so 50 years ago.
Fish skin? Really?
The fact that they pretend they are married, I mean, was that done for the moral censors or for our benefit?
Did I just see her slip a finger in? And more importantly, did he like it?

And just to be honest with myself, at the beginning of the video, I really expected a zombie to walk in on them.

Mommy issues.

2009-01-07T07:00:00.000-08:00

This might be the most disturbing video I've come across. I mean it's one thing to watch a woman shove a baseball bat somewhere it has no right to be, and I've seen orgies in every configuration you can imagine. But this takes the cake, er, milk and cookies.

This round goes to the Japanese, kicking our behinds at every turn.

I like them big, blue, and made of rubber.

2009-01-07T06:52:00.000-08:00

This girl is pretty much every guys nightmare. She loves big cock, and it doesn't matter how big you are, it's not big enough. In fact, she likes them so big, she had to get some poor factory foreman to special make her a giant, blue, rubber substitute.

I'm starting to think maybe she doesn't like guys at all. I mean, do you know any guys with blue privates? Or rubber for that matter? I bet as a young girl she had a crush on Gumby*.

*The makers of Gumby in no way know about this post, but if they did, I'm 99% sure they would NOT condone the association of their character with the content of this blog.

Don't get lippy with me

2009-01-07T06:44:00.000-08:00

I'll admit to only watching 25 or so seconds of this. But some of you out there might be a bit braver than I was.
It reminds me of a song we used to sing as children...
"Do your ears(lips) hang low, do they wobble to and fro
Can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow
Can you throw them over you shoulder like a continental soldier
Do your ears(lips) hang low?"

Bananarama

2009-01-07T06:26:00.000-08:00

I swear to you, I didn't set out this morning thinking "Hrm, I'm going to find all the videos I can of girl shoving produce in their bodies!".
Somehow this veritable cornucopia of videos just happened to be what I found. Maybe it was divine intervention. Maybe it was fate. Who am I to judge the mysterious ways that the internet gods work? I'm just here to post the weirdest videos I come across, as homage to the insanity of the internet.

And you job is to enjoy them, tell you friends about them, and click on my advertisements (so that I can become all rich and powerful and buy my own island where girls run around naked with all manner of fruits in precarious places!).

Proof that a hot chick can make any activity interesting.

2009-01-07T06:21:00.000-08:00

I wouldn't normally think of going to the grocery store as an intimate activity. However, I have been proven wrong.
I'm not sure what I find most odd about this video, the fact that she's walking around in a very short skirt with no underwear, and no one noticed. Or that some (no doubt creepy) guy is walking a few feet behind her behind filming her and no one noticed.
Either way, I'm somehow more excited by the moving sidewalk, than the star of the video.

Eat Your Veggies

2009-01-07T06:15:00.000-08:00

The internet is rife with girls shoving vegetables up various bodily cavities.
I'm just doing my best to bring them to you, one video at a time.

I'll have a white russian

2008-09-25T00:00:00.001-07:00

Is this Russian? Who cares, if this happened to me, I'd take this tv home in a second.

Up to her neck in.....

2008-09-24T23:57:00.001-07:00

Sand and sex don't go well together. Think of it as the opposite of peanut better and chocolate.
However that doesn't stop people from trying, and getting creative with it.

Public Transport

2008-09-24T23:54:00.000-07:00

While I'm pretty certain this is staged, the look on the old man's face is enough to warrant posting.

Eat your vegetables

2008-09-24T23:50:00.000-07:00

You say tom-a-to, I say to-mat-o.

We both get laid.

Find it here

2008-06-20T11:55:00.000-07:00

Social networking for the win.

I will post more videos in a day or two, however I'm going out of town soon so I'm very busy.

Classic

2008-06-15T01:31:00.000-07:00

This internet jewel has been the subject of more than one joke played on friends. Think Rick Rolling with this instead of Rick Astley.

Find the easter egg.

2008-06-15T01:17:00.000-07:00

Easter is the scariest of holidays since in joins religion, furry woodland creatures, and commercialism into one big pastel multi colored eggs fest.
However this might just make is even scarier.

Batter up

2008-06-15T01:14:00.000-07:00

And by batter I don't mean smother a pretty girl in cake mix then lick it off her...

Never mind, forget I said anything.

PSA

2008-06-15T01:13:00.000-07:00

This is the best anti-porn advert ever.

Doggie style.

2008-06-08T04:02:00.001-07:00

Masturbation is considered by some to be a healthy way to release pent up sexual urges. Apparently not only humans feel this way.

Call girl.

2008-06-05T22:52:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wonder where you could put your cellphone while out on the town in skimpy outfits? Solution.

Video game addiction.

2008-06-05T22:38:00.000-07:00

You played video games and dreamed of being touched by Laura Croft.
They play video games while being touched.
I'm personally just amazed at how well they play even while being fondled! I can barely play while focusing all my effort.

You guessed it, from Japan.

Electronics +

2008-06-05T22:33:00.000-07:00

Thank you, modern technology for making sex, unsexy. When people say they would like more closeups I'm not sure this was what they meant.

More Crazy Japan.

2008-06-05T22:16:00.000-07:00

I was going to post some more videos of the Japanese doing all kinds of weird things, but there are just too many videos! So I will post several here in this post in a
MEGA Japan Super Sex HAPPY POST!
When I say happy, I mean happy for adults <3 :)
First, naked volleyball
Followed by Kitty Love!
Smoking is bad for your health...
But exercise, it is good for you.

And that concludes MEGA Japan Super Sex HAPPY POST!!!