Under The Stilettos.

The Life of Good Fortune and Fate

2010-03-17T01:32:00.006+08:00

Who is Justin Bieber?

This once unknown 16 year old Canadian, is suddenly the young heartthrob of many kids and teenagers..

All these through a twist of fate whereby his friends and family were unable to attend his local singing competitions, he shot up to fame all thanks to his mother's brilliant posting of his performances.

And now? He's the boy causing all the young kids crying cause they love him..(and of course she is now famous too)

"I love Justin Bieber" (awwww so sweeet...)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTCm8tdHkfI

I actually think he was cuter last time when his eyes were still darting around as he sang..

(Who wants to bet that his room wall no longer has Bart Simpson)

The wonders of Youtube. No wonder they are considering to start charging...

Kudos to Justin Bieber's mum!

Wishing your mum would just do that and give u a chance to shoot to fame performing with the likes of Usher?

Dream on.......

Here in Singapore, our folks will just tell you to "Study Harder La! No degree you can go sweep the floor"

ROMANIAN DIPLOMAT WAS THE HIT & RUN DRIVER!!! ^#!&@^#

2010-01-28T17:58:00.004+08:00

ah hah!

Finally, after much extensive investigations, our Singapore police have done us proud and proven that the Audi A6 was not stolen and the driver, as we all expected, is Dr Ionescu himself! As such, he is guilty of the two hit and run accidents which resulted in the death of one and serious injuries to two others!

His entire web of lies have fallen apart and is now being recalled back by the Romanian government. Singapore police is also in contact with the interpol on his whereabouts...

Why go through the trouble to try to locate him only now??? he should have been stopped from leaving in the first place!? seekin medical treatment elsewhere is obviously an excuse and anyone with a thinking mind already half expected him to never return voluntarily...even if he is protected by the Vienna Convention on Diplomatic Relations, at least have some tracking device on him so as to easily trace his whereabouts!

This guy, diplomat or not, hit 2 pedestrians at one traffic junction...and instead of doin what any normal human being with a heart would do and get off the car to check on the victims, he chose to speed off..and alas! hit another pedestrian at the next traffic junction!!!and what do you expect!?!he sped off once again, dumps his car and reports it missing...Doesn't this guy ever learn!?

Then again, what do we expect? a Romanian diplomat to bother gettin out of his car to take a look at the "poor commoners" that he had ran down and perform say, CPR to help save their lives??now that would be shocking!

Since there are no extraditions between Singapore and Romania, thus the onus is now solely on the Romanian authorities to punish the culprits..It took us more than a month to prove his guilt...how long more do we and the families of the victims have to wait before we get the judgement that he deserves!?!

LOOK OUT FOR HIM PPLE!!!!

Lady Gaga Before She got Famous!!!

2010-01-15T16:49:00.002+08:00

That's Lady Gaga before she got famous;

She was... so different!

Are You a Good Kisser?

2010-01-12T02:53:00.003+08:00

No, no, this ain't some dumb FB test.

Just a really cute website we thought you should check out. Do check out this too, for the cat lovers. :D

Latest Update on the Poor 'Girl' Molested at Siloso on NYE

2010-01-07T02:11:00.005+08:00

Some girl probably thought she found gold when she decided to post this picture of the poor victim up on the Facebook group.

Which is kinda stupid, considering how much she went on ranting about being on this girl's side; now if you're TRULY on her side, you wouldn't be showing the whole world her face and letting people recognize her/him on the streets.

Unless, you're gonna ridiculously say you're hoping some passerby manages to persuade her to make a report?! Stupidity beyond words, seriously

Note: Oh look, I ACTUALLY EDITED IT to protect this girl.

So, anyway, I'm beseeching all of you to join this Facebook group.

Regardless of how scantily-dressed she was, the underlying fact still stands that the behavior of those 4 nationals were disgusting and SHOULDN'T AND CANNOT BE CONDONED.

Even if you were to see a girl wearing a skimpy bikini, it DOESN'T warrant you the right to touch her!

Besides, IT'S A GODDAMMIT BEACH PARTY, would you expect girls to be donning long-sleeve turtlenecks + gloves + long skirt + boots??

Next time, you bare-bodied guys get molested at gyms, don't come crying like a baby.

HEARD ABOUT THE GIRL MOLESTED AT THE SILOSO NYE PARTY?

2010-01-05T00:17:00.013+08:00

(Click here for Article)

Onlookers watched but no one came to her rescue...

The video shows people taking pictures at the very (crime) scene, yet NOT lending a hand to the damsel in distress. This is what humanity has evolved into, it is more important to feed STOMP and the internet with this kinda 'juicy' gossips rather than to HELP LITERALLY.

I really hope those people who took the pictures are going to submit their find to the police and get these culprits nabbed.

So it's said that the police can't do anything unless the girl files a report...

BUT DOES THAT MEAN THAT IF THIS GIRL DOESN'T REPORT, WE ARE ALL SUBJECTED TO THIS KINDA PEOPLE THE NEXT TIME WE GO TO A PARTY?

If I may quote;

The Police force pledges "to uphold the law, to protect life and property, to prevent and detect crime":

PREVENTING THIS WOULD BE NABBING THE CULPRITS WHAT, NO?

You nab these culprits, you'll set off an awareness to all the perverse molesters and what-nots out there that THE LAW NEVER LETS YOU OFF FOR ANY CRIME,

NOW THAT'S PREVENTING FUTURE OCCURRENCES!!!

LOOK AT THEIR SICK FACES, YUCK

THE POLICE SHOULD BE HUNTING THEM DOWN RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT!

And after watching the interviewees, it really makes my blood boil at how insensitive and selfish Singaporeans are these days (OR IS IT ALL ALONG?!)

"SHE DESERVE IT AH. Because she go into the party"

Does that mean that EVERY girl that decides to go to(NOT INTO BTW YOU LOSER) a party DESERVES TO BE GROPED?!

YOU MAKE ALL GIRLS SOUND LIKE CHEAP SLUTS

Girls out there, if you do see this guy at any club,

B E W A R E

HE PROLLY THINKS YOU'RE OUT FOR HIM TO GROPE,

IT'S LIKE HIS ENTITLEMENT EVEN.

WTF

"If she's not my friend, then i don't think so. "

You'll just watch?

"Ya"

Why?
"Singaporean"

Fuck you very much okay young dude

Making such sweeping statements in your DESPERATE attempt to cover up your own cowardice

STUPID IDIOT

"She could have just like, run away, or walk away. I mean, she shouldn't have just stayed there. And another thing she could have done was like, maybe take a picture of that guy, and send it to the police"

YA IT'S HILARIOUS THE WAY YOU SAY IT

WHILE THE FOUR BIG BURLY GUYS ARE MOLESTING HER, SHE'S SUPPOSED TO ASK THEM TO STOP AND THEN TELL THEM TO POSE ISIT? IF SHE HAS THE ENERGY TO TAKE A PICTURE OF THEM AMIDST HER DRUNKEN STUPOR, SHOULDN'T SHE BE FOCUSING ON GETTING AWAY FROM THEM INSTEAD?!

HIMBO

"It's a club la, I think this kind of behavior is expected. It's actually quite common right? I think so.."

SO, HE IS TRYING TO SAY THAT GIRLS GO CLUBS TO GET GROPED, AND GUYS GO THERE TO GROPE?! IT'S LIKE A GIVEN, IS THAT IT?

WARPED THEORY

DON'T LET ME SEE YOUR GIRLFRIEND OR YOUR SISTER AT CLUBS

COS I WOULD KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

"It's interesting..."

I don't think you would find it interesting if the one molested is someone related to you dude

When asked why he wouldn't help if he were at the scene?

"Too troublesome"

TROUBLESOME is the excuse you would give for helping a girl from 4 molesters;

I CAN SEE WHAT KINDA MORALS YOU POSSESS

If i were to see someone trying to kill you, I wouldn't hesitate to NOT help for fear of TROUBLING MYSELF

ONCE AGAIN, THESE ARE THE FACES TO LOOK OUT FOR.

If they can molest a girl in public, I think if the stage were to be a little bit more spacious they would be RAPING HER IN PUBLIC TOO.

I STRONGLY URGE THE POLICE TO DO SOMETHING

IT'S POTENTIAL RAPISTS WE ARE TALKING ABOUT HERE

PS: Even if the victim is a supposed tranny, it doesn't mean they deserve less of a right to NOT BE MOLESTED

BlackBerry Silicone Skins - Bold, Curve, Storm

2009-09-24T22:37:00.015+08:00

Sick and tired of protection-less suicidal BlackBerries?

Hate having a naked BB? :P

Don't want to pay for exorbitant shipping charges for just one BlackBerry skin?

Underthestilettos proudly brings you:

Skins are available for BlackBerry Bold (9000), BlackBerry Curve 8900 (Javelin) and BlackBerry Storm (9500)

For more information or additional colour availability,

Email us at underthestilettos@gmail.com

Skins are going at an affordable $13.90 only :)

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Next up....Original BlackBerry Charging Docks!
For Bold, Curve & Storm.

Charging Docks are priced from $32.50 to $35.00.
(Docks are currently priced from USD 29.99 on bb websites)

Email us for more info!
underthestilettos@gmail.com

PS: Price excludes local postage charges!

Starbucks Fart ALERT: When Starbucks became StarFART

2009-08-18T20:11:00.004+08:00

You know, it's times like this when you get too comfortable being lazy and you stop doing the things you were supposed to do/keep up with?

Well, this is me.

OMG,
SOMEONE JUST FARTED AT STARBUCKS
-STABS MYSELF-

My punishment for not blogging,
IT REALLY STINKS.

Okay, I shall then blog a quick one on farting

==========================================

Imagine if everyone farts like this,

..the amount of hazardous fumes and bad gas from one person is enough to kill Earth lor.

Scary larryyy.

The expression on the farter's face is so...

real...

My partner gives that face when she farts in my presence
TSK

Farting is so common,
I'm sure everyone has their funny farting experience to share about.
Just like how my partner says;

More people tend to walk behind her when she decides to fart!
Ew, fart-smelling fetish you people

This is so cute

Oh, and I came across this 'cyanide and happiness' comic

thot it was pretty funny.

STAY TUNED PEOPLE!

NASCAR Pit Stop in Times Square, New York!

2009-06-12T18:46:00.002+08:00

this is cool! i don't suppose this can happen in Singapore. he might get a summon.

Oh, crap. This is why the world is coming to an end.

2009-06-05T11:14:00.004+08:00

Taking the cue from Freckles' previous post, I decided to post this up. This is how I imagine it would be, if it were an ad.

Billy Red Truck: "Don't worry, I'll save you!"

White Ms. Damsel: "Oh my hero, help~!"

Billy Red Truck: "Oh my *ucking Lord, I'm falling in!"

Michael Long Truck & Crane: "Hold on my good fellas!"

White Ms. Damsel: "Oh, you are the true hero!"

Michael Long Truck & Crane: *smirk* "Now let me save your pathetic boyfriend".

"Heave ho~ Heave ho~..., wha,, whatt? Ahhhh!!!"

And this is why the world is coming to an end.

Ingenius Inventions!

2009-06-02T00:23:00.001+08:00

You know, when you're using your laptop at public places such as the library, or some Starbucks/cafe, sometimes you get paranoid that people are looking over at what you're typing/doing/surfing?

WELL FRET NOT!!!

Check out this ingenious(knitted HAHA) invention!

No one's gonna know what you're typing!

LET ALONE YOURSELF!!! :D

This is like creating a 'Kenny'(from South Park) outta your own personalised dainty lil laptop

HURHUR

AS IF IT CAN'T GET ANY WORSE SERIOUSLY

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You'll have problems taking in fresh air even.

HAHAHAHAHA

Global Warming and What We Can Do About It

2009-05-23T00:45:00.004+08:00

I'm sure everyone would agree on how fucking hot the weather has been these days.

Global warming has become so damn bad that taking a step away from air-conditions/fans is just so, so hard!

Here are my proposed ways of dealing BETTER with this heat!!!

(Ranging from Cheapest to Most Expensive)

1) Dress in beachwear at every part of Sunny Singapore!
Start a New Trend, and everywhere can be Sentosa!

Remember the Channel 8's drama serial "The Champion"?
Even our local dramas are advocating beachwear in town!

Woohoo!

Mmmm, is it just me or is it just that Felicia Chin's boobs weren't that big then!?

This one,
nothing to say la huh.

Her boobs has been big since she got famous.
mmm, HAHA

Dress in your favourite bikini in shopping centres even! Shop for LV stuffs in bikini!
Interesting sight!

Might be a good way to get mega discounts if you know what I mean.

2) Bring those handy trigger sprayers with you 24/7,

but make sure you've a steady supply of water with you all the time. How about a water tank in case water sources all die on you?! (CHOY)

PS: I almost wanted to type SPRINKLERS HAHA

Indoor ones?

Outdoor?! HAHA

PPS: You gotta prepare more water as the heat might just evaporate most of it.

3) Wear the construction worker kind of hat with a fan attached to it,
like a light is attached to the miner's one.

Might be a good suggestion for construction workers,
working in such hot weather nowadays they5 should be relieved of at least alil of the heat!?

To inculcate flexibility into our options, we could vary the kind of hats to match the different occasions.

Fedora hats, anyone??

Even party hats!
Never give the weather a chance to dampen your party spirits!

4) Human interaction can be tiring sometimes, so why don't we all build capsules of incubated cool air/air-condition and just live individually.

Living individually might minimise the possibility of friction and heartbreak too.
Sigh, it is indeed the sad, sad season.

PS: If you need to mahjong, make two mini doors for the convenience of your hands. But that would mean wasting amounts of cool air each time you open those doors.

5) Convert all the satellites in space into fan-like structures with revolving motions.
They can serve as gigantic fans in outer space, fanning the heated globe.

The satellites already have those two solar film wings that can be rotatable, and voila it will act like megafans!

6) Oh oh! Global air-conditioners would be good!!!

Extra protection from the harmful UV rays,
one stone two birds ah!

The government should employ/reward me for my ingenius ideas, seriously.

Job Scam! Cruise Ship Royal Carribean

2009-05-19T05:30:00.005+08:00

Are you looking for a job? well, DO NOT try looking for one on http://www.singapore.gumtree.sg/!

While I maintain my stand about not to search for a job on gumtree, it doesn't mean i'm accusing the website of being a scam. just that anyone can sign up for an account and start selling stuff and services, as well as offer jobs and opportunities.

Stick to JobsDB or Jobstreet, or similar.

The situation is this:
Acne was looking at ads for cars. She chanced upon this ad, which seemed like an once in a lifetime opportunity.

the dubious ad.

At first, she thought she 'wa dao jin' (direct translation: dug gold. loosely translated: struck gold. hurhur.). She proceeded to email this dubious Captain David Philip.

The way the email was written was weird. No established organisation would type in such a manner. She went on to reply Captain David anyways, sending over her resume. Being the sceptical Eyebags, I questioned her.

"How you know it's real?" she replied with a straight face, "kpo mah. nothing to do also. they never ask me for money. let's see how it goes".

Acne here has been working as a manager for a few years until recently, she got hit by the entrepreneurial bug and decided to do something on her own. The interesting job ad got her investigative juices working and it excited the hell out of her.

We waited patiently for the next reply from Captain.

Strangely, the English gets worse with each email. Aren't they from the UK?
They bothered to send a reply to inform Acne that they have received her resume and request for her to be patient while they review her job experiences.

A few days later, Acne received another email telling her the application has been successful. Below states the job scope and the pay.

As instructed, we contacted Ms. Debbie Anderson. While waiting for a reply, we checked out the REAL Royal Carribean website.

The moment the site loaded, we were very sure that this was indeed a scam. The real website was stylishly designed and uses flash and what not. The scam email did not even send Acne any forms (in PDF or MS word) for her to fill. Not to mention, the horrendous grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc mistakes. The Royal Carribean indeed has hiring partners from around the globe, but there isn't any in UK stated clearly on the Royal Carribean website. Tsk tsk.

With equally bad engrish, we received a reply from Ms. Debbie asking for Acne's particulars and she even advised her on the cost of getting a visa.

We decided we have gotten the answer to our puzzle.

To all job hungry people, please be careful!

Mutated Swine Virus creates Zombies!

2009-05-06T17:21:00.006+08:00

i am in such a shock i'm gonna like post the whole thing in. and also cos i'm late for an appointment. i would love to draw some zombies and talk more about my addiction to online LAN game Left4Dead, but i am really late.

i wonder if it's for real. scary! stock up on molotovs and pipe bombs! take ur medi pack!

here's the link to the article.
http://bouncewith.me.uk/europe/8027043.htm

EU quarantines London in flu panic

The EU is considering a travel advisory for Mexico.
There has been a small outbreak of “zombism” in London due to mutation of the H1N1 virus into new strain: H1Z1.

Similar to a scare originally found in Cambodia back in 2005, victims of a new strain of the swine flu virus H1N1 have been reported in London.

After death, this virus is able to restart the heart of it’s victim for up to two hours after the initial demise of the person where the individual behaves in extremely violent ways from what is believe to be a combination of brain damage and a chemical released into blood during “resurrection.”

The World Health Organization (WHO) has raised the alert to phase six, its highest level, and advised governments to activate pandemic contingency plans.

In Mexico, the epicentre of the outbreak, President Felipe Calderon urged people to stay at home over the next five days.

There are many cases elsewhere - including the US, Canada, Latin America, Europe, Israel, and New Zealand.

BBC health correspondent Mark McGrith says the raising of the WHO alert on Wednesday suggests a global epidemic, or pandemic, is imminent.

In the latest developments:

•The Netherlands confirms its first case of zombie swine flu, in a three-year-old boy recently returned from Mexico. After passing away early this morning, he rose from the dead and lunged at his mother.
•Ghana has become the latest country to ban pork imports as a precaution against swine flu, though no cases have been found in the West African country
•China's health minister says that the country's scientists have developed a "sensitive and fast" test for spotting swine flu in conjunction with US scientists and the WHO. The country has recorded no incidence of the flu yet. There methods, however, have been uneffective in spotting the H1Z1 strain.
At the meeting of health ministers in Luxembourg, a French proposal for a continent-wide travel advisory for Mexico will be discussed.

It is unclear whether the EU executive has the power to impose a travel ban.

Several countries have restricted travel to Mexico and many tour operators have cancelled holidays.

Other members are resisting calls to implement travel bans or close borders, on the grounds - backed by the WHO - that there is little evidence of their efficacy.

The EU ministers will also try to agree on how to refer to the new virus.

The European Commission has been calling it "novel flu", replacing the word "swine" to avoid prompting a fall in demand for pork and bacon.

On Wednesday, Egypt began a mass slaughter of its pigs - even though the WHO says the virus was now being transmitted from human to human.

It's a Swine, the world is coming to an end.

2009-05-02T06:22:00.000+08:00

Every year or two we get an epidemic.

Is the world is coming to an end?

Just weeks earlier, there was the 'mini typhoon' in Singapore. I saw with my own eyes on the 2oth floor of my friend's condo how the wind made the trees bow.

Everyone scrambled to close their doors and windows. The winds kept going for the longest few minutes of my life.

The swine flu situation in Singapore has gone to another phase, from 3 to 4. This means that there is now human-to-human transmission. Be careful people!

To curb the issue before it hits us bad, the Singapore government is recycling the 'Singapore OK' campaign put in place during the SARs outbreak. Are they re-using the educational campaign materials too? I mean, just as the economic downturn eases, this swine thing came about. So what to do? Save money and save Singapore at the same time!

Take the cue from the government. It's time to recycle the thermometer and face mask. Time to stock up on dettol!

The virus seems to have started from Mexico this time round. Singapore and many other countries like the US have warned against travelling to the country.

Play a part and prevent the virus from spreading. Here's how:

The only way to differentiate the swine flu and the regular flu is to go through medical testing. Go for testing only if you have a fever above 100°F or 37.8°C, PLUS any one or more of the following symptoms:

Cough

Sore throat

Bodyaches and Headaches

Chills

Fatigue

Vomitting/ Diarrhea

Respiratory problems

Are you starting to wonder if you have the above symptoms?

How does this Swine Flu spread?

This swine influenza A (H1N1) virus is thought to be happening in the same way that seasonal flu spreads; mainly from person to person through coughing or sneezing of people with influenza. You may also become infected by touching something with flu viruses on it and then touching your mouth or nose.

How can someone with the flu infect others?

Infected people may be able to infect others the moment they get infected, even without realising the symptoms.

What should I do to keep from getting the flu?

The most important lesson we learnt from the SARs epidemic; wash your hands. In general, stay in good health so as to strengthen or maintain your immune system. Avoid close contact with people who are sick.

As I was finishing up this post, Freckles said: " Oh no, I'm in danger of contracting the swine flu". I inched away from her subtly and asked her why. "Because my best friend just told me her girlfriend is a pig".

Superficiality & Plastic Surgery

2009-04-29T14:18:00.008+08:00

Alas! It was our long overdue session with another member of the blackhead gang. She would be proudly known as ZIT(HAHAHA!)

I JUST HADDD TO ILLUSTRATE HER. So we were just having this random conversation about...

s u p e r f i c i a l i t y.

Zit, being a teacher, admitted that it is indeed inevitable/natural/normal for teachers to treat their good-looking students better! That's seriously damn sad, no wonder teachers used to hate me so much during my school days :(((((

Well, kudos to Zit for being so honest and readily admiting her biased tendencies hur.

Anyway let's talk about the benefits and clauses of good looks shall we!!

Benefit #1: To postpone deadlines

Example: Holly from S Factor
How she kept reiterating about the fact that she can easily postpone deadlines with the supposed "Professor Cheung".

Clause: What if the professor's direct boss is a female, and at the end of it all you still get the demerit for the late submission?

Benefit #2: To escape debts(loansharks) and medical bills
Imagine if showing one side of your boob would allow for a discount of 1k off your exorbitant medical bills!

Note: Don't bother about phone bills, they hear you more often than they see you.

Clause: What happens if you've shown every single inch of your body and maximised the total number of discounts possibly attained?

Would you start peeling off parts of your skin

or rendering extra services when you're at your wits end?
*shudders*

Benefit #3: Get jobs, even in the midst of an economic downturn/recession.
Perhaps that's why some companies would even insist on you attaching a RECENT photo of you during the submission of your resume/CV. Clause: You can always photoshop your photos to make yourself look like a diva.
But why would you wanna raise their hopes just to let it crash when the interview day comes?

Benefit #4: You can get free drinks at clubs!
Perhaps you could be so boomingly popular, that you can bring a bucket and collect tequila shots to lelong outside. HAHA Clause: You'll bloat up like a water balloon if you accept every drink offer.
You might get caught for illegal reselling!

Benefit #5: You can get free food, additional ho liao(good stuffs) when you're out.

Clause: Watch your weight!

Don't end up like him!

So what's your take?
Afterall superficiality seems to be so important to so many civilians and especially the celebrities, that they would risk being put under the knife just to have a sharper nose or a double eyelid or botox injections for a fuller lip even!

I don't think it's wrong to resort to plastic surgery, afterall it's just like applying make-up to enhance your looks, except that plastic surgery is the permanent sort.

But if you are thinking of resorting to plastic surgery...
I would strongly urge you to RECONSIDER.

Need some discouragement?

Here are the Top 10 Celebrity Plastic Surgery Disasters:

1) Michael Jackson

Need I even elaborate?

51 this year, he is one of the most accomplished artiste in the world of music.
He's definitely the most famous for his plastic surgery stints; rumoured to have more than 10 nose surgeries done in his life.

He used to look..

so normal!

PS: Have you heard of the joke before?

What is black when young, and white after it grows up?
('IT' xia, I swear this is the version I heard)

Go figure!

2) Hang Mioku

A 48 year old from South Korea, she was apparently so addicted to plastic surgery that she even injected cooking oil into her face! One of the many surgeons she visited even concluded that she could be suffering from some kind of a psychological disorder/obsession.

Before:

She lookED quite good right?!

After:

People who knew about her showed sympathy and there were donations collected to help her. During the first treatment procedure, 60g and 200g of foreign substance were removed from her face and neck respectively. Yet to no avail, her face was still left scarred and disfigured, just not as bloated.
Source

3) Jocelyn Wildenstein
69 this year, she is known as "The Bride of Wildenstein" - a close reference to "The Bride of Frankenstein".

Seriously damn sad case, she was a beautiful lady in her early 20s. Till she found her rich art dealer husband in bed with a Russian model, instead of leaving him, she turned to plastic surgery to make herself more beautiful to keep his heart with her. Well, he still left anyway.

In my opinion?
The husband should seriously burn in hell.
At least she still has one guy in her life...

her plastic surgeon!

OH WAIT IT'S MORE THAN ONE! -.-

4) Pete Burns

You know the song "Right Round" sung by Flo-Rida featuring Kesha?

Well, the chorus of that hit song was based on another song "You Spin me Round(Like a Record)" by a British Band who called themselves Dead or Alive, which consists of 6 members. Pete Burns, 50 this year, was the frontman as well as vocalist and chief songwriter.

Watch it Watch it!!

For the record, he has had extensive polyacrylamide lip injections, cheek implants and several nose re-shapings jobs. Pete also admitted that he had allegedly spent almost all of his life savings on eighteen months of reconstructive surgery after a procedure on his lips went horribly wrong...
which I think it's pretty obvious.

Oh and as gay as he looks, he's bisexual! Marriage with his ex wife lasted for more than 25 years, now he's married to a guy!

5) Dennis Avner

51 this year, he is widely known as the "Catman". Why that name you may ask?

Because this dude did several surgeries to make himself resemble..
a tiger.

Examples of Modifications:

1. Bifurcation (splitting) of his upper lip
2. Surgical pointing of the ears
3. Sillicone cheek and forehead implants
4. Tooth filing to have a more feline appearance
5. Hairline modification
6. Tattoos and facial piercing - to which whiskers can be attached.

Not only does he LOOK like a tiger, he even lives like one!

Quoted from the Article:

How do real-life Cat Men find Cat Women?
It's difficult - but not impossible: 'I'm seeing a couple of women at the moment,' says Cat. 'They understand that being a tiger is more important to me than humanity, which is difficult for many women to cope with.'

The human 'tiger' who enjoys climbing trees and eats raw meat every day

Just a little point to think about, if he eats raw meat everyday.

What if,
just what if...

he decides to give his "Cat woman" a love BITE?

Won't that be fatal?
He can just shirk the responsibility of murder to his following of the Native tradition, no?

6) Scott 'Carrot Top' Thompson

A comedian, 44, better known by his stage name of Carrot Top and is famous for his hair and particular brand of prop comedy.Also, probably plastic surgery as well!

Watch his performance!

7) Donatella Versace

As established as her family business is, Donatella, 54 this year, is probably AS established in the fields of plastic surgery. She has gone through some drastic changes no thanks to plastic surgery, turning herself into what they term as a caricature.

Caricature - either a portrait that exaggerates or distorts the essence of a person or thing to create an easily identifiable visual likeness, or in literature, a description of a person using exaggeration of some characteristics and oversimplification of others
Credits to Wiki

Donatella has a nose that has grown significantly larger, flatter, wider and even slightly crooked over the years. It is apparent that at LEAST one bad nose job was done. Also, she has huge gigantic lips, the overdose of collagen is very obviously shown. Her tight face is a strong contrast to the loose skin on the rest of her body. Her unintended and unexpected weight loss further revealed the fact that she had boob implants as well.

The irony of being too rich, you might say.

7) Jacqueline Stallone

Familiar second name ya?
Well, she is indeed the mother of the famous action star, Sylvester Stallone. Sly is an American actor/director/producer and screenwriter, famous for the all time Rambo movie, he is the epitome of machismo and heroism in Hollywood.

Just imagine, while he was slogging his guts out in the 90s, his mum probably took most of his pay to put herself under the knife.

"Ahhhhh! I'm going tooo kewwwl youuuuuuu!!
(cos my mum needs a face lift!)"
TSK

He looks bloated too right, kinda like a wax figure. They admitted to sharing the same plastic surgeon! Double TSK.

9) A-manda Lepore (born Armand Lepore)

At the age of 42, she is prestigiously known as the World's Most Famous Transexual, famous for her modelling, fashion, business and partying skills even! She has been the advertising face for M.A.C. (cosmetics), Swatch and more.

Watch this Teaser!

She had her first surgery done at the mere age of 15, which includes getting a sex change in his/her(?!) last year of high school, and of course, many many more countless surgeries after that. Lepore resides in New York City and works as a nightlife hostess at many of the city's popular parties and clubs.

10) Michaela Romanini

An Italian socialite at the age of 40 this year, is famous for her collagen abuse(it's obvious enough)! Can't seem to find any pictures of her before her plastic surgeries though :(

--------------------------------------

Or have you heard of local plastic Dawn yang?
I mean won't you agree that she came out loooking alittle freaky looking?

She used to look okay without the surgery, why would she wanna ruin herself with all the drama seriously. Since she has already gone for the surgery(ies) and such, she should have just been humble and contented and not make up identities, or plagiarise stuffs or worse still fake identities to sing praises of herself?

All this only to get her ass burned when every truth just unfolds in front of everyone's eyes.
One thing I don't understand, she went through all the surgeries to make herself look 'prettier' yet she doesn't even bother to SHAVE HER ARMPIT! -.-

Bravo to Xiaxue

Don't you see a similiarity between her and Michael Jackson?

All super pale-sheet-white, post plastic surgery patients all gotta put extra powder/foundation/or even PAINT huh? It is so scary that somehow I'm wondering if they do glow in the dark when they go to dark alleys/places/clubs.

Save money on electricity,
get a glow-in-the-dark wife/husband/spouse!!!
=D

PS: I came across this, I just HAD to post this picture!

Felicia Chin and her growing chest size

2009-04-20T13:48:00.022+08:00

Awww, look! It's Felicia Chin, one of MediaCorp's 7 Princesses. This ad was quite sometime ago. Here comes stills from the new Vitagen ad! (sorry peeps, can't seem to get hold of the video).

One last squeeze! *oomph*

How much she has 'grown'!

What does this ad tells you? Drink Vitagen everyday, if you wish to have big boobs!

Oh this makes me wanna sing!

Keep drinking Vitagen, it's a yummy drink we all enjoy
Keep drinking Vitagen, cos it brings on a smile
And then your boobs will now swell!

I remembered vividly she participated in MediaCorp's countdown party the year she won Star Search. Then, her hair was pulled back into a ponytail and she was wearing some cheapo looking halter. She still had her small eyes then. Her whole outlook screamed "I AM ORDINARY".

I loved her in 'The Champions'. She was athletic looking and full of attitude. But alas, the athletism didn't last.

As the days went by, her eyes got bigger. And so did her boobs. There were the rumours of her going under the knife to get her eyelids and nose done. Then there were the denials and what not, and now her boobs are in question.

I miss the old Felicia Chin.

Since we are on the topic of the 7 Princesses, let's talk about Joanne Peh too!

This was taken from 'Beach. Ball. Babes.' After the big hoo-haa about her chest size, she went on to fuel the rumour by going on to a cooking variety show wearing a revealing dress. Of course, Singaporeans bombarded her choice of apparel.

But really, what were you thinking Joanne?! To make matters worse, she blamed her sudden increase in boob size on menstruation! What's next? Weight gain? Special boob massage? Super heavyweight paddings?

Celebrities ought to be smarter, like Fiona Xie. Go for plastic surgery before you become famous.

If not, stay real, just like Rui-En. Or isn't she?

============================

BLACKBERRY SILICONE SKINS FOR SALE

(CLICK ON IMGS FOR MORE INFO)

Indian Rojak Food Poisoning - Home Remedies(Read to save your life!)

2009-04-17T16:26:00.019+08:00

There has been a big commotion going on about the food poisoning incidents over at the Geylang Serai Temporary Market.

Those who don't know about it, where have you been all this while?!

Mars??

Click to Read Article

So far the latest updates of this unfortunate event stated that there were 146 people affected by this case of food contamination, of which 48 of them were hospitalised and 2 have even lost their lives.

Well, technically speaking it was more than two lives compromised with this fatal accident. A two-month pregnant lady, miscarriaged shortly after eating the rojak, so that makes three.

Our deepest, deepest condolences to especially the family of the deceased victims.

Did some read up on some of the home remedies for the scary *diarrhea bug(that could turn out fatal!) and decided to share some of the common ones with everyone here:

1) Rice Water
It is apparently one of the most useful remedy for the treatment of diarrhea. Boil some(alil) water and add approximately 30g of rice or rice powder, till it becomes a thin liquid. Add a teaspoon of salt and water for taste.

2) Water, Sugar and Salt Solution

It is effective for grown-ups as well as for the little ones.
Grown-ups: 1 litre of water + 1 teaspoon of salt + 8 teaspoons of sugar
Children: 1 litre of water + ¾ teaspoon of salt + 8 teaspoons of sugar

3) Black Tea/Coffee
Drink a cup of strong black tea/coffee. It is effective in controlling diarrhea as it helps replace lost fluids.

4) Carrot Soup
The latter supplies water to combat dehydration and at the same time, checks the growth of harmful intestinal bacteria and curbs puking.

Source

Also, some of the steps you should do everyday!

1) Drink a glass of freshly squeezed lemon juice at least 3-5 times a day. It will help kill off the pathogens that cause diarrhea.

2) Red or white Wine!
Containing polyphenols, it is miraculously an antibacterial agent.

Well, so they say, 6 ounces a day is actually enough. But being Singaporeans, their very well-knowned kiasu and kiasi-ness are showing from the way clubs are being over-populated almost every other day of the week!

Credits to http://www.zoukout.com/

Better still,

according to this article, even if you need to release your bowels, the condition of the toilets will be too terrifying anyway! Goodness.

Okay back to business,
share with your friends about the ways to prevent/cure diarrhea and you would be doing them a great, big, humongous favour to relieve them of misery when the occasion arises. Of course, if matters get out of hand, always visit the doctor!

Pls Note: You are responsible for yourself!
We are not responsible if you suffer any allergies!

*Both 'diarrhea' and 'diarrhoea' are correctly spelt!

di‧ar‧rhoea British English
di‧arr‧hea American English

'Cause Longman Dictionary says soo.

129 km per jam - Urban Legends of Malaysia

2009-04-13T11:23:00.008+08:00

I'm back.
Applause please for Freckles who has been blogging furiously by herself during my absence.

Saturday night, i met up with the Blackhead Gang to distribute goodies i got overseas. Some of them left early. The rest of us (3 from the Gang and 1 other friend, Hairy) were restless at the coffee joint and wanted to move on somewhere else. Someone said, " Aiyah we go Genting and gamble la!"

Suffering from post-holiday blues, i immediately agreed. and so did the rest. We uprooted from our chairs and sped home to get our passports.

At the strike of 12 midnight, we were on the way to Genting! 6 hours later, we arrived to typhoon-ish strong winds that chilled us to the bones. We left at about 1030am for Malacca.

The story begins here. We heard alot about the local TP who would stop you for speeding n the highway and let you off IF you "settle it here", meaning you give them $$ and they will "take care of the picture for you".

Having been on countless road trips to Malaysia, we never encountered any.

We were stopped by Genting security and they asked for the Hairy's license. On their table were four books, each with the labels 'SUVs', '4 by 4', 'vios' and 'vans'. one of the guards proceeded to ask if her if she "cakap melayu". Hairy shook her head and after scribbling down something on the notepad, we were let off.

That was weird. But we didn't think much of it.

The first TP stop came. On the way to Malacca, after payin for toll, further in front was a road block. Acne was driving. She didn't have her driver's license with her so she took Hairy's and gave it to the TP. He scribbled something on his notepad.

"Speeding you know. One two nine ah. Fine 300."

He continued to scribble. We asked him in our most 'broken english'.

Acne: "Then how liddat?"
Fat TP: "You want to $ettle here?"
Acne: "Huh, how settle here?"

The fat tp was hesitant. He mumbled then finally he said. "$ettle here 100".

Immediately we knew he was asking for $$. ASKING TO BE BRIBED!

We had no choice so we handed him the $100. How suay. Acne said she was actually travelling on 140, not 129km/h. We shrugged our shoulders and continued on our way to Malacca.

We were exhausted beyond words, having stayed up for more than 24 hours with only insufficient naps in between. We decided it was time to go home after lunch.

We were near Tuas second link. After paying for the toll, we saw a road block up ahead. AGAIN.

Overfriendly TP: "Speeding. You know? One two nine."

129 again???

This TP was direct. He asked if we wanted to settle immediately.

Hairy: "How much?"
Overfriendly TP: "How much you give?"
Hairy: "We only have 50."
Overfriendly TP: "Ok. Thank you ah. The picture we will take care."

He stuffed the $$ under his notepad.

129km/h again? The whole time Hairy was going at 140km/h. The more we thought about it, the clearer the picture became. It was a scam right from the beginning. We were stopped in Genting, and both times we were stopped for speeding at 129km/h. There were no pictures shown to us. So if we 'cakap melayu' and '$ettled' there, would we have been let off in Genting and not fined TWICE later on?

Yes, we encountered one of the many urban legends of Malaysia. Truly Asia.

We could blame no one but curse our bad luck.

To all who frequent Genting, tell us if you've encountered similar incidents. To those planning on road trips, be prepared to "$ettle here".

S Factor Girls Singapore

2009-04-09T05:05:00.004+08:00

Finding a good woman these days isn't easy.

Men want it all and more. That ideal woman has got to be sweet yet sexy, smart but not a smartass, seductive but not salacious. Most importantly, she's got to look smoking hot in a bikini.

There are alot of good women out there, but it's not always easy to find one with that elusive S Factor.

"S Factor", Channel 5's brand new reality show, is the search of the ideal woman (from a guy's point of view!) who will stand a cash prize of $10,000 and a FHM cover.

Watch them in the RAW and be prepared to roll on the floor laughing seriously.

Here's some highlights:

Autumn, 19
Student

"I think my best physical asset would be my body, because I train my flexibility.

I have a pokey(?!) at home, which I train, around three times a week. I'm trying to get into the Pole Dancing Association to be a spokesperson.

I would rate my sex appeal 10, I can give very seductive eye contact."

I know karma exists.. but i can't help it.

Do you think you have a way with men?

"Yes I do believe that, because I really... play a little bit naughty sometimes nice to achieve what I really want."

How do u play naughty?

"Er maybe use my eyes to give electricity."

Can you give me example of, like, electricity in your eyes?

And the picture above, is her idea of ELECTRICITY.
Goodness gracious me

She seems to be living in her own surreal world, wake up dudette and face the truth!
---------------------------------------------

Kris, 26
Service Executive

"Everytime I go into club, then I will get hit on by guys and its not like one(ONCE?!) or twice a night."

10 times?

"Not that ridiculous, like 4 or 5."

"I'm kind of bitch somtime, ok I admit that, I'm kinda bitchy sometimes. So only friends who know me long enough can take my joke, the way I talk and the way I handle stuff.

Er ok uh for example right,

Me and my gay friends we will be talking so whenever that they look at the mirror right, then I will be like eh your mirror haven't break ah. Because he keep looking at the mirror, so I will bitch him like eh your mirror still around, haven't break yet ah.

I mean ok I will bitch about other people to my friend, like I see the girl there, her butt so big why is she wearing such a short short.

But I don't tell them in their face you see I don't want to get into trouble you know."

Have u ever seen girls in bikini when they shouldn't be?

"Of course, not, like if you have such a big body then don't wear a bikini cover it up.

I'm better looking than most girls, I look better and I have long legs."

She has the most guailan face ever.

She would look better with a kick on her face,
no wait.

Maybe a million kicks will do just fine.
-------------------------------------------------

Xuesha, 21
Model

"Mmm *giggles* okay erm...when I'm happy then my eyes will tell pple that okay I'm really very happy then when I'm sad I will be crying *giggles*. Uh yea."

What is ur edge in this competition?

"Erm what is my age..?"

Your special point..any special part of your personality or perhaps physically?

"I think I'm quite outgoing and uh, I think I have, eh okok. This field is looking for girls that, who look good in bikini then I think that yea I have what it takes."

So why do you say that?

"Because I won the title of Miss Maxim last year."

And... so you're confident then, about winning?

"Yea I'm quite confident.
Hello I'm Xuesha. I'm 21 this year. I think I'm great for this show because I have what it takes... to(FOR?!) the show. Thank you."

Okay la, though her S factor seems to lie in the fact that she uses an abundance of S's in her sentences...

Quoted from her Blog

"then baby also got me this pairs of earpiece."

and her SupergoodEnglish;
"Whitening cream mask has this cool feeling gets our skin to be sooth quickly and various nutritious ingredients make your skin transparent!"

Transparent like this fish

...she's pretty sweet-looking and she does have some boobs.
---------------------------------------------------------

Sonia, 27
Model

What do you think is your best physical asset?

"My boobs because I spent alot of money on it la haha I duno wad to say... because it's big la. I will rate my body 9 because i have nice boobs. I will rate my brains probably like 8 or something."

Why?

"Because most of the time I'm not thinking of anything. I can't use my brains that much."

"Very vain 10 out of 10. I will stare at the mirror for nothing."

How will you make yourself stand out?

"Oh how ah... I don't know la doing anything la try to be more unique den others."

She're pretty even though she sounds alittle airhead-ish.
At least her english is not horrendous.
------------------------------------------------------

KayKay, 26
Model

"Ok i think my best physical asset would be uh, my tongue. Because it helps me express myself really well and uh i can do things with it like a tongue twister and I can double knot a cherry stalk."

How do girls judge you?

"I think girls judge me as being like very teh, and erm I use underhand means to get my way, alot of times. I always get my way by acting vulnerable. I think I'm intelligent compared to the way I look. I really hate to lose.

Got the brains, got the looks.
I'm all for her!
----------------------------------------------------------

My Preference Ranking:
1) Kaykay (Who doesn't love KayKay!)
2) Jessica
3) Michelle
4) Sonia
5) Holly

Catch S Factor every Sunday at 10pm,
on Channel 5!

Infidelity: Signs and Ways to find out.

2009-04-07T17:56:00.009+08:00

Eyebags is taking a lil break for now so it's just me (Freckles), on my own for the time being.
PS: I miss you Eyebags!

Met up with Acne, a member of the blackhead gang, and she was sharing with me her relationship problems.

So, here comes today's topic:
How do you find out if your partner has someone, other than you?

My Proposed Ways and Signs:

1) Buy her some flowers, it doesn't have to be roses, it could be carnations or chrysanthemums (IM SO KIDDING!)

Make arrangements for it to be delivered to her workplace at a particular time, but make sure that there is no name on the card accompanying the flowers so that she has no clue who she's getting the flowers from.

At the designated time, if there is no news from her. It is very likely.

And if she comes home without it and she doesn't mention a single thing about the flowers, you can start tearing the house down!

2) Note the changes in attitude. If they suddenly become more defensive about small issues and gets angered very easily, it could be due to the guilt thats eating them inside out.

If they do get violent with you after sometime, just flee for your life. Don't end up like Rihanna (I'm not saying he cheated but he got violent you know..)

If they seem to feel that you're accusing all the time, gets irritable and avoids answering, and behaves in an out-of-character manner, you should prepare a parang/chopper in the house anytime for the massacre.

PS: Please spare the dog/cat/bunny/pets.

They're innocent.

3) Note the mileage on their vehicle, and their credit card bills. If there is a sudden increase in travelling and expenditure, it could be due to the desperate attempts to woo another someone, or even... romantic car rides.

4) Unaccounted for Absences
When he/she suddenly goes mia for long periods of time, unlike when you first started.

5) The Worst of the Worst:
He/She starts to avoid/lose interest in sexual intimacy with you.

This could possibly be the saddest thing that could ever happen.

Examples of Celebrity Infidelity:

Usher and Chili

John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston

David Beckham and Posh Spice

Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe

----------------------------------------

Well, my take on this.
If your partner is REALLY cheating on you:

I don't think you should give it another shot.

Cos a leopard never changes its spots, trust me on that.

But in any case, if you decide to work things out together. Then what i would suggest is that you HAVE to forgive and stop bringing up the cheating matter.

Stop brooding, stop dwelling, stop harping.

Afterall, the whole purpose of staying together after a cheating issue is to rekindle and rebuild the relationship. and not to keep living in the past. You'll have to constantly remind yourself that trust is a very sensitive thing and it takes alot of time and patience to build it back once its lost.

Now,
Freckles sounds lk a relationship guru.
TSK

2009-04-06T02:00:00.003+08:00

What would be the most ideal job?

In my honest-est opinion,
I think having an occupation of a travel writer is something I would seriously DIE FOR.

In a nutshell, travel writers visit different destinations/continents/states and write up articles about them. It is like the best job ever!

Travel publications actually PAY you to do TRAVELLING, EAT GOOD FOOD AND STAY IN NICE HOTELS.

In return, all you have to do is just write about it for their readers!

Best example of a dream job;
"The Best Job in the World" < Yes, they named it that

A Singaporean made it to the Top 16!!!
He's a 31 year-old teacher with the Singapore American School, and was selected amongst the shortlisted 50 candidates for the highly coveted position of island caretaker with Tourism Queensland (TQ).

Refer to Article

GRRR, I WISH I CAN TAKE HIS PLACE.

-------------------

And now that I've shared with you the best job in the world in my opinion;

How about the shittiest jobs ever?

*Not arranged according to shitty levels.

1) Manure Inspector
Basically, manure inspectors wade through animal waste to check for contaminants before the animal manure can be used as natural fertilizers.

2) Crime-Scene Cleaner.
This, would definitely be the most disturbing job. These people must have strong stomaches to be able to brave through the bloody scenes, decomposition or even loose scattered remains of the human bodies once the police exits the crime scene.

3) Rhino(or any other dangerous animal) Keeper
This job is probably one of the most dangerous jobs around.
This is why.
Imagine your life being held in the hands of those irresponsible tourists who probably just decided that they wanted a clearer picture of the animal without realising how hazardous it would be to you and your life?

In the first place if they loved the animal enough, they wouldn't even subject them to this kinda discomfort akin to flashing a spotlight in our delicate human eyes! TSK

4) De-construction Worker (Yes, it is not a spelling error. It's DE-construction)
These people will receive showers of dust, chipped paint and even dangerous debris such as glass chips during their job.
Somehow,
it sounds like a strangely efficient way of venting out all forms of frustrations,
especially at this time and age uh.

5) Coal Miner
Not only will you suffer from the mandatory emphysema due to the job, you also risk being crushed under the million tons of earth aka getting BURIED ALIVE.

6) Suicide Bomber: a person who deliberately kills themselves when detonating a bomb or commiting a terrorist act

Well, imagine sacrificing your life just to cause major destruction to other lives.
Not a very good cause, I would say.

7) Proctologist: a doctor specializing in diseases of the rectum and anus
Hmmm, okay let's be fair someone HAS to do this.

Let's clap for the unsung heroes, shall we?

8) School teacher
Subjecting your health and blood pressure to the new generations, doesn't sound like that much of a good idea don't you think?

9) Dentist.
Imagine spending every working second fiddling around one of the dirtiest cavities in the world?
Which, I wouldn't hesitate to mention the contents: blood, bugs, dirt and even disease.

Thinkunsungheroes-thinkunsungheroes!

Actually, if you think about it.
Every job has its life-endangering risks to some extent.

Occupation; Dangers of

Fishers; Drowning
Timber Cutters; Struck by Object
Airplane Pilots; Airplane Crashes
Structural Metal Workers; Falls
Taxi Cab Drivers; Homicide
Construction Workers; Vehicular, Falls
Roofers; Falls
Electric Power Installers/Repairers; Electrocution
Truck Driver Highway; Crashes
Farm Occupations; Vehicular
Police, Detectives, Supervisors; Homicide, Highway Crashes
Nonconstruction Laborers; Vehicular
Electricians; Electrocution
Welders and Cutters; Falls, fires
Guards; Homicide
Groundkeepers and Gardeners; Vehicular
Carpenters; Falls
Auto Mechanics Highway; Crashes, Homicide
Supervisors, Proprietors; Sales Homicide
Cashiers; Homicide

Stay at home be taitai would be the safest job
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Oh wait the whole house might collapse!

Just when you thought all of the above sounded bad;

JENG JENG JENG JENG.

10) Zoo sperm bank worker

The thankless task of collecting the sperm falls to Mr. Binatang's, starting his rounds at 4 a.m. "We start so early in the morning because a lot of the animals have 'morning glory' when they wake up, and it's easier to collect the sperm.

Wearing rubber gloves and carrying a cooler box filled with ice and tupperware, Mr. Binatang, 25, told us that he'd just graduated from Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in life sciences. He liked nature and animals, and thought that the Singapore Zoo would be the perfect place to work. "I never thought I'd be giving an orang-utan a hand job every morning," he said somewhat ruefully. "And he is the worst, he expects to be kissed first. "

As we approached the orang-utan enclosure, we saw the Zoo's most famous resident lying casually on his back, hands behind his head, and sporting a huge erection. Applying the massage oil onto his gloves, he lingered outside the enclosure before entering and knelt before the orange beast. About 2 minutes' worth of squelching noises could be heard before Mr.Binatang emerged again. Next the tiger enclosure, the big cats were sprawled lazily on the grass verge, in a somewhat half-hearted manner as he put on a fresh set of gloves and entered the enclosure. "Here, kitty, kitty,kitty..." Moments later, he emerged with several tupperware full of viscous fluid.

Worked his way round the zoo, finished his rounds at 3 pm in the afternoon. Carrying out his duties with the tapirs, the rhinoceros, giraffe and the gorillas, amongst others. "Each animal is different," he said, removing his gloves, now speckled with traces of polar bear spunk. "The chimpanzees always want to be hugged afterwards. The elephant is the most tricky because of the size of its thing... sometimes I have to use both my arms to tug on it."

"As you can expect it's really affecting my sex life. I can't help it. Each time my wife initiates sex, these ejaculating hippos keep floating through my mind."

How long will he stay difficult to know, but deputy assistant director Lai Jee Seow thinks it is important to continue. "It's because the animals have gotten too used to Binatang coming over every morning to pull them off, many of them now can't be bothered to engage in real sex."

Credits to Article

G U L P

2009-04-02T16:44:00.001+08:00

HAPPY (BELATED) APRIL FOOL'S DAY!
I know it's a lil too late but you can prepare for next year!

Top 15 Classic Pranks:
1) Grab the clothes and towels of the victim when he/she is in the shower.
(Grab the bath mat too!)

2) Make a few small holes in a plastic disposable cup.
Offer a drink to the victim and watch while the liquid dribbles out onto their shirt.

3) Pray that it rains on April’s Fools Day;
Put confetti into their umbrella, close it and wait for he/she to open it.

4) Put salt on the victim’s toothbrush!
Then stand by to watch the surprised look on their face.

5) Sneak up on your victim while they are sleeping and put some shaving cream in their hand. Tickle them on the nose with a feather and watch while they give themselves a face full of foam!
6) Offer to make a sandwich for he/she.
But don’t remove the wrapper from the slice of cheese.
When they bite down they’ll get a chewy surprise.

7) Find a spool of thread that matches your shirt and hide it in your pocket.
Leave a length of thread hanging out.
Your victim will see it and try to pull it out. It will keep coming and coming!

8) Put a note on your victim’s car that says “Sorry about the dent. Call me so we can swap insurance information.” Include a fake name and phone number. Be sure to hide nearby so you can watch them search in vain for the “dent.”

9) While the victim is asleep, reset all the clocks ahead two hours.
When they wake up they will panic and think they slept late and are late for school or work.

10) Find a piece of scrap cloth. Place a dollar on the floor and stay nearby.
When the victim comes by and bends down to pick up the dollar, rip the cloth loudly.
Most people will reach back to see if they ripped their pants!

11) If the victim has a phone with a hook that presses down when the handset is in the cradle, tape it down. When he or she answers a call it will keep ringing!

12) Find a small picture of an ape and use temporary glue (a glue stick works well) to place it over the photo on the victim’s driver’s license.
Then send them out for beer, or find some other excuse to send them somewhere where they will need to show their ID!

13) With the he/she looking on, pretend you see a fly in the room. Grab a fly swatter and chase it around for awhile.
Then make a big swat, reach down and grab the “fly” (actually a raisin you’ve concealed in your hand), and gobble it down!

14) Enlist the help of a few friends. Go to a busy street corner and begin pointing up to the top of a tall building, or just point up to the sky.
Watch to see how many people try to see what you are looking at!

15) Ask your victim if they would like a hard-boiled egg. If they say “yes,” hand them a regular egg.

Okay, it's just a joke don't use one that will hatch!

Stupid f%*)$ Car Thief and Miss Princess Weirdo!

2009-03-30T04:57:00.001+08:00

Every Saturday/Sunday is the Blackhead Gang Outing Day.

We used to meet, all eight of us. Alas, growing up has taken its toll on us.

It stole our time, forced us behind the cubicles of endless keyboard chatters and gave us stress pimples.

So today, only T-zone made it to our coffee session. Before she even said 'Hi', she screamed at the top of her voice, and at the highest pitch her mom endowed her with;

"ARUGH!!! Someone stole my cashcard!"

She ranted on, needing no sign of acknowledgement from us.

"Yesterday right, I went out with my girlfriend to town. I was at this carpark where I had to manually retrieve the carpark ticket so i wound my window down. I was too preoccupied talking to her that I didn't even realise that I'd forgotten to wind the window up after that!

When we got back i realised to my biggest horror that I'd actually left my poor car with the window conveniently wound down!!! I immediately glanced around to check if there were anything missing, and when i saw that my GPS and my ten dollar bill were intact I heaved a huge sigh of relief, naively thinking that if $10 was still there, there's nothing else i could possibly lose!

THEN AH! Today I obliviously headed down to Popeyes @ The Singapore Flyer for dinner, it was only when I was heading out of the carpark that I realised the gantry refused to let me and my car out. The message displayed read; "Please Insert CashCard", bold and fucking blinking red!
We didn't even realise that the cashcard was gone as it was taken for granted that since nobody was evil enough to steal the GPS the cashcard SHOULD STILL BE THERE!
Furthermore, it didn't help that my IU unit had a cover so its absence was totally masked!"

The level of angst in her was impossible to represent with this meek blog post of ours.

Well, count your blessings when someone decides to steal your cashcard of $50 dollars value instead of your $299 worth GPS gadget. Worse still, if you return to find an empty lot!

Yes, note the gaping mouth.

It's not just cashcard thieves that roam the carparks.
There are inconsiderate drivers who park as if the carpark belongs to them.

Just take a look at this!

I really wonder what wrong with the dude who parked this car.

As if it can't get any worse;

This dude even got lovey messages AND a summon,
maybe he secretly seeks the absurd attention.

witnessed the two wonderful parkers this faithful week,
wonder if it's becoming a new trend.

We tried to come up with excuses for the stupid driver(s).

Let's assume the driver's a guy.

There was an imaginary pole behind
He thinks he has a huge package to boost
His petrol ran out while he was parking
He wanted to lao sai reaaaallllyy badly (maybe splats of it were, erm, out already)

His wife sent him an erotic sms
His wife pulled him out of the car in a heated argument
He was in need of cash
He has an uber loud reverse sensor beep that annoys the shit out of him (refer to point 4)

'Out' is the new 'In'
HE IS JUST PLAIN FUCKING STUPID *rolls eyes* :)

Probably looking like a dimwit, maybe?

----

While we were typing this blog entry, this weird woman came over and asked if she could borrow our erm, "plug". Since friendly Starbucks offers several powerpoints, we gave up one to her. She then decided to sit with us at the table and started charging her phone. Seriously, who would have expected her to be that thick skinned. All of us thought she was just gonna borrow the point but she would NOT be seated WITH us like OUR friend -__-

All of a sudden, she started waving her hand frantically at the friendly servers and seemed disappointed each time they ignored her.

Resignated, she turned to us and asked.

Her: How much does a cup of vanilla cost?
Us: We are not too sure, you might wanna check at the counter. The prices are stated there.
Her: Yah I keep calling them but they never see me sia.

We told her she had to go to the counter to order and she replied indignantly, "OH, is it?"
HOW DUMB SERIOUSLY.

We ignored her after that.

Whilst she was doing all her random weird acts, Eyebags and I started discussing/bitching via msn about 'Little-Miss-Princess-who-doesn't-even-know-how-to-order-drinks-at-Starbucks'.
Here's a shot we sneakily took of her!

[Half an hour later]

She finally caught the attention of a server.

Her: How much for a cup of vanilla?
Server: Er, it's about $5 (I can't remember the price he stated).
Her: One cup of vanilla.
Server: One cup of vanilla? *puzzled face*

She then picks up phone and starts chatting and laughing loudly, oblivious to the server's confusion.
Miss Princess gave us a smug look after 'placing her order' as if to show us who's boss.

.
.
.
.
.
.

Her order never came.

8.30pm March 28 2009

2009-03-28T00:30:00.023+08:00

Today is the day to Vote Earth!

Apparently the whole world is taking part in the Earth Hour campaign, even Africa. They got lights to switch off meh?

Some reknown landmarks like the Eiffel Tower, Sydney Opera House and the London Eye will dim their lights in this once in a year event together with countries such as Singapore, Hongkong and Shanghai.

Not just landmarks, companies big and small are joining in the effort to save the earth. Coca-Cola, beverage giant and corporate partner of World Wildlife Fund, will have the lights off in certain areas of their global plants and offices. HSBC has also agreed to turn off the lights in 33 global offices. They even came up with a contest for Earth Hour in the Singapore office.

Coca Cola Singapore will have its external signage and lighting at its offices and plant in Jalan Ahmad Ibrahim in support of Earth Hour. The Merlion will have its eyeballs dimmed, Singapore Flyer will just be one giant Ferris wheel, and the Esplanade will look like a housefly. Committed shopping centres and office buildings like Raffles City, Plaza Singapura, Capital Tower will have their exterior lightings off.

Embracing the Singaporean kiasu spirit, we too want to be part of Earth Hour! Switch off lights, turn off the tap, recycle… so boring! We came up with five uber innovative ways that should be on par with HSBC staff.

5 Steps to Save the Earth

ONE. Switch off all electricity, except

· The electricity to the fish tank. If you have other pets, e.g. a cat, you may shower it in the tank too! But practise extra caution. The tank will provide entertainment for the fish and your furball in the showering process. Save on filtration by rearing a suckerfish!

· The refrigerator. If not, the eggs might hatch.

TWO. It’s a Saturday. Hang out with your pals! Go to the malls! Save the day’s electricity bill and spend it on some awesome shopping, so you don’t have to switch your own air-conditioner on.

THREE. Make full use of the beach. There are many activities you can engage in.
· Soak in the water and grab some sand. Start exfoliating!
· Bury yourself and enjoy the sand spa.
· Peepee! (make sure the person you hate is around)

FOUR. Hold your breath for at least 30 secs every hour to reduce carbon dioxide emission. Or, hold your fart and burp.

FIVE. Save the poor trees. Recycle paper by using both sides.

After exhausting space on the paper, drop it in the recycle bin.

Alternatively, you may eat it.

We suggest you 'sabo' your friends or use this as an excuse to sneak out of your house!