Undoing College

The Method to the Madness

2013-04-26T12:06:00.000-07:00

It has come to my attention that I have not (recently or possibly ever) explained my current food goals. I know I have mentioned them in detail (see my last post about cookbooks) but I have not explained WHY these are my choices. This is that explanation.

To begin, this method of eating is described by a lot of fitness folks (at least Blogilates' Cassey Ho) as "eating clean." I'm not quite following all of the rules, but this is the basis. Eating clean involves eating whole grains, lean proteins, lots and lots of fruits and vegetables, low fat (if any) dairy and no chemicals from food processing if avoidable.The idea is to cut out all the gross stuff that gets put into processed food and eat as if you are fueling a high class engine. I use this as a basis for my food philosophy of the moment (it is ever changing) but there are details that I adjust/ have more to say about.

Let's go into whole grains a bit more, as for me this is a lynch-pin. Most people would say that if you are trying to lose weight, you should cut carbs. Get rid of them almost completely. Well, as people who have been following this blog from its inception know, I did that. It ended in disaster. Cutting one thing out of my diet (or anyone's diet for that matter) is extremely detrimental, if not physically, mentally. I like pasta, rice dishes and bread. Cutting them out made me crave them, and so I cheated and ate them, which slowed down my weight loss to the point of me giving up, loading them back on and gaining back everything I'd lost, plus half again. Now part of my problem may have been the degree to which I cut carbs, but it is safe to say I will never do that again. Instead, I have chosen to move my carbs to whole grains. How is this better? Whole grains are less straining on the body to process, they don't cause dramatic leaps in insulin levels like their refined siblings. Dramatic leaps in insulin lead to fat generation, as insulin is the molecule that helps mark excess glucose for storage. Whole grains, because of their fiber content, don't get marked this way and therefore don't get stored as fat as easily. It's exactly like eating a lean steak instead of a hamburger, only in grain form. It's just plain better for you.

Now, in my last post I made mention of a low-fat sort of goal. The reasoning for this choice is less than straightforward. I have not chosen low-fats because fat is bad. It's not! I know that fat is not more likely to become fat once it's inside me (in fact it is less so). I have chosen low fats because of calories. When it comes down to it, calories are the ONLY thing that matter in weight loss. It's all about what goes in and what goes out. Marathon runners can eat 6 hamburgers a day and not gain weight (though they will probably feel awful). I am not a marathon runner, and so I need to be more careful. By eating lower fat foods, I give myself a little extra room calorically. The higher my ratio of output to input, the better any given day is. Low fat dairy in particular is important for this, as well as the use of EVOO instead of butter when cooking.

Some of you may now say: calories? But Kiersten, you aren't even counting right now! And it's true, I'm not counting. But that doesn't mean they don't matter. Calories are the only thing that matters. I don't count anymore because it is a massive drain on my psyche. I have enough to feel guilty about without also needing that extra kick when I inevitably cross the max calorie line. I know what I should and should not be eating, and I know how many calories I'm burning (roughly) each day. I am no longer eating out everyday for lunch (heck, I rarely even have a meal I can call "lunch") and I don't usually eat much until most of my day is over and I know how many calories I have earned. It works because I never feel like I have a deficit of calories eaten compared to calories put out. As long as I have gotten off my butt and moved that day, I know that most of my hunger is justified.

The end goal of each day is more calories out than in and a balanced endocrine system without the highs and lows of refined carbs. These are the goals, following them is another post. Next week I'll fill you all in on my new exercise routine.

Cookbook Adventures

2013-04-18T16:35:00.002-07:00

I have recently started going to the library a lot. As a result, I have been picking up a lot of books. The majority of these books are from my goodreads list of books to read, but I have been making a point of each time I go to get a new slew of books, I also must get at least one cookbook.

Now, I have some pretty high standards for cookbooks. I have to, given my goal of healthy eating and all. Sometimes, these standards are difficult to meet. Here's what they are:

1) Book must declare itself to be healthy food, favoring vegetables, whole grains and low fats.
2) Book must include dishes made with red meat and or dairy.

On my first round, it took me 20 minutes to find a book that met both of these criteria. The vast majority of books that have number 1 do not have number 2 because they are vegan or vegetarian. Don't get me wrong, I like vegan and vegetarian food just fine. In fact, I end up eating vegetarian or mostly vegetarian most days. The boy, however, is not usually happy with strictly vegetarian meals. He needs his meat. And so, both criteria exist.

So, thus far I have picked up 4 cookbooks. Here's what I liked and didn't like about each.

EatingWell: Comfort Foods made Healthy by Jessie Price

This book worked really well for me. I actually made one of the recipes and have saved a bunch of the others to make later. I found that some of the better dishes are made vegetarian, but I just added or substituted chicken. My favorite was the Spicy Peanut Ginger Noodles, made with whole grain spaghetti and frozen vegetables. Plus, I learned how to make a spicy peanut sauce! Good, easy recipes that are fast and healthy!

The Everything Healthy College Cookbook by Nicole Cormier

I have yet to actually try anything out of this one, but I saved a bunch. There are a lot of good ideas in here for food on the go and very easy healthy dinners. One thing that is true is that it tends towards cooking for one (which makes sense but isn't super useful for me). Mostly, this was a good meal idea builder than anything else.

The New American Plate (American Institute for Cancer Research and University of California Press)

I have this book right now. I like its philosophy: Americans eat too much meat, but the solution isn't to get rid of it, it's just to make it take up less plate and fill the space with more vegetables and whole grains. There are lots of tasty looking recipes in here. The only issue I have is that they tend to be filled with Whole Foods Market kinds of ingredients, which will break the bank if I buy them all the time. I'm also not sure how adventurous the boy is willing to be. He has an assignment to take a look at it and get back to me. Lots of pretty pictures too!

400 Best Ever Recipes: Non-Fat/ Low-Fat by Anne Sheasby

This book is... interesting. It's big, filled with pictures, basic instructions and European names for things (sometimes I'm not sure what vegetable they're talking about). The food looks good and it is definitely low fat. I haven't gone through the whole thing yet so I'm not sure if I'm enthusiastic about anything, and there are a whole lot of very french techniques, which I can only barely imagine make the crossover from "BUTTER EVERYWHERE" to "itty bitty bit of safflower oil" very well. It will take some more investigation and possibly some balance finding, but I think this might work well for me, especially given my experimental nature in the kitchen.

What are your favorite healthy foods cookbooks? I know I'm going to grab whichever one of Alton Brown's cookbooks falls soonest into my field of vision (Alton Brown is the Good Eats guy), but what others do you like? Send them my way!

Let's get moving here

2013-04-02T14:52:00.002-07:00

It was not my intention a month ago to fail completely to write here, but it seems that happened anyway! I apologize!

Regardless, after a full month of unemployment and infinite free time (plus the stress and self-guilting that goes on when you're busy trying to motivate yourself), there has been some progress.

Firstly, I have lost a little bit of weight. It comes and goes, but my average is a bit lower. Mostly, I have procrastinated horribly on getting myself moving. I tend to blame busy, but really I have no excuse at this point. I need to make a new, manageable goal for myself.

So, the idea is the following:
I am going to either go on a walk or go to yoga every day that I do not have a big event. I don't have events very often, so I won't often have an excuse. Today I do, I am going to the baseball game this evening (go A's!), but tomorrow I won't, and so I will either have to go on a hike, walk into town or go to a yoga class. I have been intending to go to yoga for something like 3 weeks now, so I should really really do that. In fact, I will declare it right now: I will go to yoga tomorrow. At 4:30.

Beyond my failure to move, I have actually been eating fairly well for the most part, and financially, all is well! I'm vaguely surprised by this, but also not surprised. Eating well means making your own food which means less eating out. But in the end, the actual difference for me has been that I am having only one big meal a day, just like I did in High School. I'm eating dinner, and occasionally an actual lunch, but mostly I am snacking for the rest of the day (mostly on healthy things, but sometimes not). My snacks are usually small and I'm certainly not eating all day long. I have a snack about 4 times during the day and then dinner in the late evening. It works out in terms of my fooding, and I can, for the most part, eat whatever I want.

Otherwise, I am still looking for work. Specifically I am looking for a job doing community/content management for a gaming company, a tech company or a nonprofit. I am looking anywhere in the Bay or in the Sacramento/ Davis area. A good job for me would be in an open, fun casual office environment. I imagine the search for this job is going to last a while, so I am also open to anyone who may have connections for part time, fun work. In the Davis area would be best, and with regular hiring. There is a possibility that boyfriend and I will be moving to Davis at some point in the next several months for him to go to school.

In the mean time, I am working on my skills with Coursera courses (which all of you people should check out, they're free! coursera.org ) and reading.

And I lied!

2013-03-01T20:50:00.001-08:00

My last post was all about how normal things were going to continue and how I was going to figure out routines. I lied. Horribly. But not through any fault of my own.

A week ago yesterday I was laid off from my job. Yup. I'm unemployed! In some ways, this is a very very good thing. I am now free to spend all my time seeking the work I want to do and taking care of myself. I no longer have the tiredness/ constantly busy to contend with in terms of me eating right and exercising. Plus, I'm a lot happier, since I get to do the things I want to do all day. Yes, this includes job hunting.

Job hunting in this case doesn't suck because I actually very much know what I want and am quite qualified to do it at the entry level. I have also been given the opportunity through my mother and a few other random people to do some consulting work while I look for a job. So, while I may be unemployed and it's a little bit scary, I have a lot of opportunities ahead of me and i am not worried.

It helps that for the moment I am funded. I have severance pay through the end of March, and I have applied for unemployment (which will still be enough for rent and food).With that, I will remain afloat until at least June, by which point I should have found work.

Now, back to this whole Undoing College stuff that I now have time to address unabashedly.

My goals to start:
1) One exercise type activity a day, whether it's a little walking, some lifting, a yoga class or some blogilates, one thing a day. My activity today was a walk to downtown to get a new keyboard for my iPad (my laptop is currently on a healing trip to the Apple repair guys, and will hopefully return with a new logic board and no problems whatsoever).

2) Eat breakfast as soon as I can after getting up. It's just good practice because it gets my metabolism rolling, and when I'm trying to get my body to a better place, that's just a good idea.

3) Eat as clean as possible. I'm not very good at this because I love cheese, but I can make sure that 3/4 of the meals I make, whether they are for myself or for the whole household, are clean eating. Occasionally mac and cheese is just going to happen, but if I make an effort to plan the big meals as clean ones, all will be well in my eating world.

I am not going to get back into calorie counting just yet, as I said I was going to in my last post. When I am at home, I really don't eat very much. I have one big meal a day and the rest of the time is just little snacks. Unless I start having real trouble losing the weight, I am just going to eat as clean as possible and stop when I'm not hungry anymore. I think I should be alright.

Anyway, as of my last weigh-in I have already lost a little bit, so hopefully the progress will continue!

More as there is more! Planning on going to Yoga a bunch next week (I found a place that offers 30 days of unlimited for $30!).

And let the normalcy begin!

2013-02-20T09:37:00.003-08:00

As of Monday, we are completely out of our old apartment, and completely moved in to the new apartment. There are still boxes and things pretty much everywhere, and definitely some sorting to do, but everything is inside the building. At the end of the month we should gain some extra space with one of our current roommates moving to his own place. It will be nice not to have boxes and chaos everywhere.

However, most of my work in terms of organizing our things and getting the place liveable is done. There are still I think 2 boxes that have things that will either need to be tossed or find homes, and there are a couple boxes of things that have no place (but that I want to keep) and of things to give away. If any one can think of an item of clothing that I have (or have had) that you wanted for whatever reason, I can almost guarantee it's in one of the donate piles. Let me know and I can send it to you.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. Eating and exercise (you know, the whole "undoing college" business). Exercise I have been getting. Actually quite a lot of it, comparatively. I have been walking every day, including my days off. The grocery store is in walking distance, so I walk there (I may start biking instead, now that I have my bike from the old place), and I walk to and from the bus every work day. Otherwise with all the moving, I've certainly been getting my lifting in. I am sure eventually I will have to start doing more, but I am already noticing an improvement in my walking pace. I was concerned I was running late this morning, but when I checked the time about half way through my walk, I found that rather than running 5 or 6 minutes behind, it was only 3 minutes. Go me!

In terms of food, well I'm not really sure how it's been going. I'm going to say not really very well because honestly I haven't been trying very hard of late. At least not this week or last week at work, which is usually my grand downfall anyway. I'm going to try to improve. One thing that is nice is that I don't have to worry quite as much about how many calories I am theoretically eating because I do have a cushion now from the walking. I have never regularly eaten more than 1800 calories a day (except during the bulk of my weight gain... I blame free pizza) so my peak net is probably around 1700. If I switch out lunch for something lower on the caloric scale, it sinks even lower. With the walking it shouldn't be especially difficult for me to bring it down and keep it there. I will have to get back into logging (which I kind of hate, since it makes me hyper conscious of it and stresses me out a bit) at least for a little bit until I get into the groove of how much I can eat. But a week or 2 won't kill me. Go take a look at my myfitnesspal if my want progress like that.

I have not weighed myself in a very long time. Not since I was last at the gym. I'm kind of dreading it. So I will wait until I have been on the 1300 calories for at least a week straight (with a break day) and THEN I will weigh myself. I will report thereafter.

Well I had better get back to work! I shall think of some interesting thing to post that isn't just me rattling on soon!

New Place

2013-02-08T12:27:00.000-08:00

Hey guys!

I'm so sorry for my long absence. I have been outrageously busy. Like really.

Here's the rundown of the past month:

- I have been kicking butt at work (for both necessity and also my tasks are a thousand times more interesting).
- We moved! (this includes deciding to, searching for places, applying for a place, waiting for a response and actually moving most of our stuff).
- I have NOT been very good about exercise
- I have been staring a job search in the face and have been unable to move it with just staring.
- I have been wistfully reading all the +Blogilates emails I receive but have been unable to find the time to do more than wish I had the time.
- I have been trying to eat low calorie and clean (though probably mostly failing).

So I've been super busy! "Crazy" is probably a good descriptor.

Anyway, the new place is in Walnut Creek, super close to downtown. Only bummer is that I absolutely had to change my work schedule because the BART lot fills outrageously early and I have to take the Free Ride at 7:30 in the morning. On the bright side, it's about a 10-15 minute walk to where the bus picks up, so I get 30 mins of walking in everyday, just from being. Huge thumbs up for that. Now I don't have to worry too much about getting the other exercise in, though I still really want to do it. When everything gets moved in and my finances resettle after lease-breaking and moving chaos, I'm going to look into when and where I can do some fun exercise. I sense outdoor blogilates and yoga classes in my future.

In terms of food, Walnut Creek has both a Trader Joes and a Whole Foods. I imagine I won't be going to the Whole Foods (*cough* whole paycheck *cough*) too often, but it will be useful for little things that I can't get at Safeway. Trader Joe's will be a new resource for frozen food and produce. Also delicious cheese (which yes, I still refuse to give up). I'm really excited to plan some new meals and get rolling on this whole eating clean thing.

With my new work schedule, roommates (who can make dinner instead of me) and the nearness of everything, I'm going to have a little bit of extra time in the evenings, which i can use for exercise and other recreational things. I can't wait for it. Unfortunately pretty much all my time is hung up until I get paid next week, all of the boxes are taken care of and the old apartment is cleaned and handed over. So *sigh* the 20th at least.

I will get back to blogging here soon. I just wanted to give you all an update on where I am and what's going on. I will have updates in 2 weeks probably!

Until then, good luck!

Plans for 2013

2013-01-11T17:03:00.000-08:00

Well, we are a week and a bit into the new year and I have started approximately zero of my fitness and health plans. I can make a bunch of excuses (and they are actually kind of good ones) but that would set a precident that I absolutely cannot stand for if I'm going to get anything done. And so, on that note, let the resolutions begin.

I will:
Eat at maximum ONE extra-large-not-on-any-diet-but-so-delicious meal a week. And no, if I miss one, it does NOT roll over.

Have one drinking night a month, with the exception of a single glass of (pref red) wine whenever I want. I can go out, for sure, but I can only drink ONE glass of wine (or caloric equivalent, which I'm pretty sure still rules out most other alcoholic beverages). On the excepted once a month, my usual limit is fine.

Make it a goal to prepare my lunches for the week on the weekend. Both to save money and to eat better.

Eat clean. This means limit the sugar, dairy fats (Good luck, me! Low fat cheese will be okay I promise.), and refined carbs (plus some fatty meats, but I don't eat those that often anyway). This doesn't mean red-line-NO, it means watch how much of them I eat, and sometimes the decision between eating that toast or eating some vegetables well... should be kind of obvious no?

Count calories until they don't need counting. I know it's hard and I hate it, but to learn it all it really needs to be done. I start tomorrow. I have reprieve on my Once-a-week/month days (because I know if I record it I'll just feel bad).

Exercise. No really. I'm not going to say exactly how because I know that will change with the seasons, my emotions and my general well-being. Those plans will be made on a weekly basis here.

And that is where I will start. In 6 months we will re-evaluate and see where I am.
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Now, for the more immediate life things.

Hoo boy there's been someone shaking the bush around here. A couple important things will be changing in the next 1-3 months.

Firstly, Jon and I will be moving. The rent at our current place has proven to be too high for us to maintain. It was especially difficult through the holidays, when both Jon and I were working less. It's put us in a little bit of a tight spot that we can't keep up, and so we are working on moving. We will be moving in with a friend of ours to a 2 bedroom apartment yet to be located but probably in Walnut Creek (given that the apartments are simultaneously cheap and nice there). If anyone knows of a place in the northern east bay with 2 bedrooms under $1500, allows cats, is near a BART station and is NOT in a sketchy part of Oakland, let me know. We hope to have a place before the 1st of February, but definitely before the 15th, as we are planning on giving 30 days notice to our current manager ASAP so Feb rent is prorated. There are some cool places we have already found and we're hopeful about finding others as well.

Secondly, jobs jobs jobs. I'm looking for a new one. There's a lot of reasons, a bit more than I'd like to go into here. BUT I would like to go into the KIND of job I'm looking for. I'm looking for another marketing assitant type job (Marketing Associate is another possible job title I have seen), but the big difference between a new job and my current job is WHERE. I want a spot at a tech company or videogame developer. A reasonably sized place that mostly has their act together but is still fun. Think a Google type work environment. (Honestly, I would just say "Google please hire me!!" but I checked and they don't have any openings below manager in their marketing departments right now. I'll keep checking though.) It's best if I can stay in the Bay Area, unless whatever company will help with relocation (unlikely at entry level). One thing that's really important to me is at least somewhat flexible hours. 9-5 doesn't work for me. It breaks my life. 11-7 would be a million billion times better. I also definitely want out of business to business. I'm more interested working directly at consumers, rather than supporting a process that really isn't about what I do, but about what other people do. I'd rather be like, "play this awesome game!" than "use this awesome law firm!" Heck I'd even prefer "drink this awesome drink!" Anything but services.

Anyway, theres the changes. They are large, somewhat frightening and all.

ONWARDS. (normal weekly posts start tomorrow)

Happy New Year!

2013-01-03T23:24:00.001-08:00

Fun fact: exactly one year ago today, I started this blog.

Looking back over the year, in terms of the goals I had, the one I have stuck to best was writing here about what is going on with me and generally keeping my goals in mind.

I cannot say that the year has been successful, because in terms of physical goals I have only moved backwards. I cannot say that it was wasted though. I have learned a whole lot in this whole process and continue to learn every day. I've tried a whole lot of new things, some good, some not so good, but all educational and some life changing.

The biggest lessons learned in 2012:
1) carb control. If the slow carb diet taught me anything other than that no diet like that is ever sustainable, it is to control my carbs. A year ago, bread in the house would have resulted in immediate consumption of too much toast. Now, I don't buy bread because it gets moldy or stale before I eat more than 3 or 4 pieces. I even once intended to get sandwich makings for lunches, and remembered everything but the bread at the store. I ate the sandwich makings with crackers at work instead, still carbs, but fewer and more easily controlled.
2) to cook my own lighter foods. I'm absolutely positive that if I were only feeding myself, I would eat amazingly and lightly. I've learned to cook new things with new ingredients and even to creatively apply those ingredients to my own whatever the hell. It's been a good food year, even if I have been trying to lose.
3) that exercise is well and truly the only way, but that exercise takes many many forms and definitely doesn't have to suck or cost lots of money.
4) that getting some help is a good thing, not a desperate move, but a first step to trying to understand yourself and help yourself.
5) why I want this, why I'm writing this, what this whole effort means to me and what I hope to get out of it
6) that defined plans regarding exercise are the most likely to be completed. If I say I'm going to do something a day or two before I'm going to do it, it's much more likely to happen.
6.5)Speaking in definites: I'm going to, I will rather than possibles or probablies is much more effective.
7) gearing up makes you want to do the things the gear is for more. (I got a bunch of new gear for Xmas, I've been crazy busy, but now that things are settling... Yes.)

Here's to 2013 and the lessons it is sure to provide, hopefully along with a bit more success than 2012. A lot more success.

On that note, I am going to hit the regimen hard come Monday. The blogilates calendar is cardio heavy for January and I can't wait to get started. I'm also in the process of figuring out a gym membership, but money is a bit tighter than usual this month so it may have to wait. Until then, weighted lunges and star jumps it is.

Season's Greetings!

2012-12-13T17:04:00.002-08:00

Hi all.

I've not been very good about posting on time the past month or so, and I'm sorry. It will probably stay that way. I think I will aim for posting once ever 2 weeks, both because it's easier for me and because that's usually when I can spot my own trends, rather than just weekly where I'm guessing at things all the time.

SO, the report is positive! I have done very well the past couple weeks. I finally managed to condition my body to eating less (it took a couple days of crackers and cheese lunches) so I think I might actually be succeeding. I weighed myself last night and for the first time in a while saw a number under 200 at the end of the day (it was 197.6). Admittedly, I hadn't had dinner yet, but I don't think I had more than half a pound of food, tops. And I also exercised. So yay.

Also in the past week, I actually enthusiastically experimented with the gym. I got a free pass for 5 days to 24-hour fitness, just to use the machines.I went both days this weekend and it was good! Though, I may have pushed myself a little too hard, since I had a minor fainting spell Sunday night. My body is totally not used to that much cardio. I would like to continue, but I know myself and I know I will only go on days when the gym is my only commitment. So the weekends. It's extremely unlikely that I will go after work consistently, though I imagine I will go on the rare day where I feel pent up. It is totally worth it still though. The calorie burn and the achievement from having actually gone and moved my butt was awesome. There is one drawback though...

I can't afford it. At least not right now. With the holidays and some other financial hoops, there's too much stress on my bank account right now to make the leap and pay the initiation fee. I could certainly afford the 30 a month (if I do it just for me and just for one of the 2 easily accessible gyms), but it's starting out that's rough. See, almost every package at 24 involves an over $100 initiation fee plus first months payment. There are a couple deals that waive the initiation, but they also involve commitments to certain long amounts of time. I trust myself to go and to use the gym, but 24 hour is sort of your basic "Here's some machines and some weights and some places to work out. And some classes. That's it. Oh you wanted training? Extra $150 plz." I figure I'm eventually going to want to move on. Plus, when I next move, there may not be a convenient 24 hour, and I don't want to be stuck with a gym that's out of the way. So, it boils down to this: I'm going to have to wait until at least the middle of January if not February to truly start. I suggest that you all bring it back up in the comments at that point, and I'll look into it again. The other possibility is that I could wait and see what the New Years resolution deals are. If there's one with a short time commitment and zero initiation fee, then I'll jump on it. Eyes peeled.

Now, moving along. Status. As I mentioned I have been quite good about exercise and eating, and I'm hoping I've seen some success (update on Saturday when I weigh myself). So, given this, and the fact that it has been 2 weeks, $30 goes into the shoe fund. I imagine at this point I will probably wait to buy the shoes, because this is an abstract fund and not a real one. Just knowing I've earned them will be enough until I can afford them. Current balance: ...$95! I have enough!

BUT AND ALSO OH NO. The shoes I was saving for are in the "Last Chance" section of the Tom's website and they're sold out in my size already. SADNESS. Ah well. There are a couple other versions in my size, but I'm not really all that attracted to them. I guess I will keep saving and try to figure something else out that I really want that's expensive...

Well, that's kind of depressing, but moving along to more exciting things! PROJECTS. They are still a secret. I have actually (with some assistance from my brother, who knows me very very well) changed the project entirely, but it is now also somewhat more definite. My new project idea is, somewhat unfortunately, completely separate, topic wise, from this blog. But I figure no biggy, since most of the people who read this blog are my friends, and you'll all like the new project. It may be that someday I will come back to my original project idea as a side project, because it is a good idea, but for now, this other thing (which I will expound a little bit on in a moment so you aren't dying) is a much better start towards where I want to be. In the meantime, I will still post here.

Anyway, I will not give too many details because SHH and also MINE, but the new project is a Youtube channel. Completely in video and audio form. I'm hoping I can film the first one this weekend/ at some point next week and get it up before Christmas. When I do post it (or don't post it, it's a little undeterminedly time sensitive) I will of course link you all to the new channel and beg you to like and subscribe.

On that lovely note, Happy Hannukah! Merry Christmas! Happy Kwanzaa! Eat lots of delicious foods, I wish you luck in cookie moderation and many fun times with family :)

I HAVE RETURNED

2012-11-27T16:53:00.001-08:00

I would say I have returned victorious, but I'm not sure what the victory would be or if I've even achieved it at all. I made some trail mix? Does that count? No? Darn.

Anyway, we kind of accidentally (by which I mean TOTALLY ON PURPOSE) went on a Thanksgiving break. But now I have returned rejuvinated and overfed (this is a problem I have) and I've got some newsy type things to communicate to my 8 regular readers. No one else will be excited, since this whole thing is new to them.

I am working on a new project. It is a secret project, but it is somewhat related to this blog. I am excited, though I am not at all sure when this project will become an actual thing. There are many bits a pieces to be worked out. The things I can tell you are that it will be on the internets, will be somewhat intimately but not entirely connected to this blog, and will provide joy and wonder (and possibly kittens) for everyone, not just my friends who want to read about how ~~bad~~ GOOD I am at weight loss and healthiness. Anyway, that is all I can tell you for now, I will be telling you more things and possibly experimenting on you as time passes and I figure more things out.

IN OTHER NEWS: There is very little else to report. I did not do so great at getting all of the planned physical activity in, but I did do some. It has been coming out to about half to 3/4 the promised amount. Gonna try to be better this week as I am slightly less busy with holiday (for now...).

I have been struggling a bit with 1300 calories. I can blame it on half a dozen things (Thanksgiving, delicious foods being delicious, being bored, being cold etc etc), but the trouble is that I can't seem to shake it. Admittedly, by all standards, 1300 calories is not very much. I'm hoping that for the most part I am landing in the 1400 to 1500 range, and according to MFP, I am. But honestly, I don't trust MFP all that much.

I have a really bad habit when it comes to logging food and to some extent exercise on MFP: I lie. But I tell myself it isn't lying. I am merely adjusting for what seems like an exorbitant number of calories that must come from the fact that the thing I have chosen from the database is not EXACTLY what I ate. Other brands have more calories than my brand (or homemade thing). I have tried entering my own recipes, but the trouble with that is that I'm not big on measuring when I cook (I have earned my mother's jazz cooking stripes) and sure I can guess all I want, but when you ask me how many people it's supposed to feed? Hell if I know. And so I adjust, according to whatever I feel like the serving I ate was, calorically. I like to think that after a while of watching the number of calories in things I would know enough to be able to do that. But given the inconsistency of both my diet and how much I change whatever it is, it feels increasingly like lying about what I have eaten, and so I feel that my numbers at the end of the day are off by a billion calories and that I will never truly know how much I have eaten because I can't be honest with myself about it.

Yes. I can't be honest with myself about food. I have secret foods that never go on my diary, nearly every day. Usually they amount to maybe 200 calories worth, Today it was 4 hard candies and a serving of dried mango and a serving of walnuts. I had the mid afternoon munchies! What was I gonna do? I have already busted the food budget for today and dinner hasn't even come around yet. I don't have time for exercise this evening. DOOM. and so I leave them off, so I have some calories to work with... maybe.

Perhaps the best solution to this problem is to start logging the foods I eat BEFORE I eat them. Then, the guilt gets taken out constructively with me adjusting the actual amount of food I eat, rather than the digital amount I say I ate that may or may not be true. I will try this starting tomorrow (today is already a forgone conclusion).

I have not been very good of late with posting regularly and keeping tabs on my exercise progress and my monetary progress towards SHOES. (I still want them, they are so fuzzy and comfy looking). At last report I believe I was at $50. I have not been successful enough to reward myself for both weeks individually, but, since I have managed to keep up the exercising and not resorted to complete laziness, I will give myself 15 for both weeks combined. That's half the reward for half the effort that I needed to put in. My shoe fund is now at: $65.

This week will be better. I already did the workout yesterday and I'm planning on doing another tomorrow. Plans towards the end of the week become very fuzzy and very possibly busy so I may not get another workout in until Saturday afternoon. But, if all else does totally fail, SATURDAY AFTERNOON WILL BE SUCCESSFUL. (If I yell, I feel I will be more likely to actually do it, enthusiasm and all).

And so, that is THE PLAN. I will see you all next post, with possibly more or maybe less secrets.

Post Appointment Check in ( + Muffins!)

2012-11-11T20:59:00.002-08:00

A couple important things came to light this weekend, through my appointment and some other adventures.

First, according to the scale at the doctor's, I've actually gained weight. It's only about 3 lbs, but still a net gain. For obvious reasons, this is EXTREMELY frustrating and upsetting for me. Just thinking about it brings angry tears up.

My counselor is really just that, a counselor, so we talked about my emotions and feelings about weight and why it matters to me so much. There's really quite a few things that make it matter, but a lot of what it comes down to is freedom. I want the freedom to be who I am and choose whatever the hell I want. My weight limits me, my lack fo fitness limits me. There are other factors in my life right now that also limit me, but they aren't really relevant here. The trouble is mostly that I feel trapped by my weight AND the effort to fix it. I want to get to a place where I don't have to work so hard, because I am no longer trying to change. Of course, my counselor tried to, somewhat weakly, lead me to decide that I don't really want to do all of this, because who I am right now is fine. But, like everyone who has gained weight, it is not so much that I want to change who I am now. It's that I want my body to be the way it was, because I wasn't always like this and the way it WAS was better. So, that's the goal, you know, undoing college.

.... Yes I finally used the blog title in an entry.

With all of that in mind, I needed to go clothes shopping this weekend, and I did go. Now, generally speaking, I consider myself to be a normal size. There are plenty of people much more overweight looking than me, and more people who look to be around my size than there are super skinny girls. One would HOPE that this would appear in clothing store sizes. WRONG. Nearly the second I walk into a clothing store and have to choose a large, or even search for an extra large (which some stores don't even have *cough* forever 21 *cough*) I don't feel normal sized. I feel abnormal, different and wrong, because I'm not a medium (though it looks like most of the things on the shelves are smalls), and even most larges look too small on me. I went to Old Navy, and I am 90% sure that they changed their pants sizing to make everything smaller. According to my numbers (my hips measure about 40") I should be a 12 by most standards. At Old Navy, I have to wear a 16 to be even remotely comfortable. That's TWO sizes up. Thanks Old Navy, for making me feel super fat, abnormal and undesirable. Super great job for not caring about a woman's self esteem in her clothes.

I think clothing stores should be conscious of how their sizing affects the way a woman feels about herself. Make things reasonably sized for the majority of the population. A medium really should be the middle of the road, average. A 10 should be the same across the board, standardized at certain measurements, not like at Old Navy, where a 10 is an 8.

Anyway, back to my appointment, towards the end we spoke about next steps. I have a handle on exercise, in that I know I have to do it, I have a plan and it is fun for me. I also have a handle on logging what I eat and keeping track. It's clear that 1540 calories is still too many for my metabolism, since I've been eating at hat since August with no results, so we have lowered my net calorie intake to 1300. Net meaning that I can eat back calories used in exercise. I asked him specifically if he thought it might at all be what I'm eating, and he said that calories are really more important. There are things that are more healthy generally speaking, but it isn't critical that I avoid certain foods or even limit anything specifically. As long as I try to eat balanced meals and not all fat and sugar, it doesn't matter exactly what I eat. I could have pizza for every meal, as long as it was under 1300 calories worth, and it wouldn't make much of a difference in terms of weight loss. It's all numbers, the nutrients are irrelevant. So, 1300 calories is the rule.

I think the 1300 calories rule will change a bit of how I eat though, because I do actually have to make an effort to monitor how many calories I take in. 1540 was really easy for me to stay under because generally speaking, that's about as much as I eat. At 1300, I will actually be eating less. I'll have to stick to 400 calories a meal and be careful about the carry over. Combined with my exercise plan I'll be able to eat a little more, but it won't be as flexible as it was. But that's okay! I just want some results. This is really frustrating! Hopefully by the end of the week I'll have some good news.

I know I've said already the plan for the week, exercise wise, but here it is again anyway:
MWThSat: Blogilates. Maybe with someone? We shall see.

In other news, I just made some awesome muffins!

Mix some sugar free cake mix with a 15oz can of pumpkin, divide batter and bake at 350 for 20-25 mins. EAT. They're delicious!!

Revised Week (and next weeks plan)

2012-11-09T10:39:00.001-08:00

Upon applying my actual life to the previously planned extreme exercise week, here is the revised plan through Monday, and what I actually did. If I manage it all, money prize (I'm at $50 now).

Monday: I did manage to do blogilates in the morning, take a shower and carry on with my day. Monday was pretty good. Unfortunately, I forgot that my body and 6 am have never ever gotten along, and I did not prepare by going to bed earlier, thus, I screwed up a lot of my sleep for the week, making it so...

Tuesday: I was supposed to originally do exercise in the morning again, but I was just way too tired to get up. So I slept in a bit instead and then went to vote and then went to work. I like having long pre-work mornings, but I also like sleeping... so blogilates didn't happen on Tuesday. (Tuesday night was of course spent staring at the Election. Yay Obama, btw).

Wednesday: Originally this was to be dance day, but it really is WAY too dark for me to be comfortable even walking to dance. My purchases are good for 90 days, I'll have to do the math, but I'm hoping I'll be able to go to a couple classes with friends when they are home over the holidays (*cough* Jen *cough*) and walking will be totally fine if I'm with someone. Instead, I did the full blogilates workout in the evening. It's still an hour of about the same kind of activity, so it works out about the same.

Thursday: As I was thinking I would after I failed on Tuesday to exercise, I made a point of doing the workout last night, because while I would do MWF, my fridays are unreliable, and saying MWTh is something thats more likely to happen. I'm trying to make this easy for myself.

From here out:

Friday: I don't have plans tonight and Jon probably does, so I am planning on getting a workout in (provided nothing changes). If something changes, then that's okay too. I know I will have plans either Friday or Saturday (shouldn't be both) so whichever day I do not have plans or I have an extended amount of free time by myself, I will do the blogilates set for that day.

Sunday is the day off on the calendar (plus I have chores to do)

Monday: recycle last week. If I can't do the morning, I will do the evening routine.

This week I sort of came up with a routine, I'm wondering if I will be able to stick with it (as you've seen, me and routines don't really get along for whatever reason). When I get home from work, I clean up the living room and clear space for my workout. Then I change, and do the first couple videos. Then I stop and feed the cat (I've been doing some trainings with him, so it takes a minute). Then I do the rest of the videos, take a shower (or don't, depending on my mood) and go pick up Jon. The rest of the evening changes, but I go to bed around 11, take my multivitamin and snooze for ~8 hours. I've been waking up feeling pretty good.

The plan is basically to do whatever videos are on the blogilates calendar every day that I have nothing better to do except Sundays, which are rest days. I'm pretty sure that if I keep this up for a few more weeks, I'll see some change.

I have my appointment with Tim this afternoon. I may post again after I talk to him. We'll see. I'm not entirely sure what he'll say... partly because I'm not entirely sure what the scale will say.

More later, and as always, thanks for reading!!!

Blogilates

2012-11-04T20:33:00.003-08:00

Hi everyone!

Sorry this blog is so late... I sort of fell off the diet and exercise wagon for a week and a half. I'm in the process of getting back on it.

The reason for the motivation flop is well... the usual complete lack of results (seriously, NO CHANGE). On the somewhat bright side I do have an appointment with my counselor this week, so hopefully he'll be able to help me sort it out.

I have also reached the point where the dance classes aren't easy, because walking through the Mission after dark is not going to be very fun. Last time I went to class (err...before Hawaii) I made a friend who might be able to walk with me, but it's still a bit scary. I am planning on going tomorrow, and I do have 3 more classes purchased, so I'm GOING TO (I originally wrote that I probably would) go on Wednesdays for the next couple weeks. Maybe it will be okay walking through the sketchy neighborhood after dark, and I'll buy more classes and keep going (it is fun, and once a week sounds reasonably do-able).

Barring that (and in addition for the next few weeks) I am going to follow the Blogilates exercise calendar! I did yesterdays exercises, and they totally kicked my ass, but they were still fun (for exercise) and I felt super achieved afterwards. I am going to do the exercises listed everyday (when I don't go to dance, so not on Wednesdays). I'm going to try to do it in the mornings, because you know, sleepy brain doesn't know what's happening.

So here's the breakdown for this week. I know it sounds like a lot, but I'm thinking challenging myself ~~might~~ will work out for the best.

Monday: Blogilates (AM)
Tuesday: Blogilates (AM)
Wednesday: Dance Class (PM)
Thursday: Blogilates (AM)
Friday: Blogilates (AM)
Saturday: Blogilates (Afternoon)

My appointment with the counselor is on Friday.

Hoping to get the day off Tuesday for Election Day. Don't forget to vote!!!!

Oh and, happy 50th post!

Third Presidential Debatercize

2012-10-20T19:38:00.002-07:00

I know I missed the middle two debates ( I arrived in Hawaii the night of the VP, and left the night of the 2nd Presidential) but here is the game for the 3rd debate, on foreign policy. This game is compiled from various drinking games around the web. The intention is that it is meant to be played for 20 minutes at any point during the debate. You can start at the beginning, in the middle, or do the last 20. It's designed to keep you moving, but not stack up so much that you have to omit things (my first game had this problem). SO here we go:

5 jumping jacks when YOUR candidate says any of the following:
Terrorism
"Dependence on Foreign Oil"
Osama Bin Laden
"In Harms Way"
Troops/ American Soldiers
The Rose Garden
Ambassador Stevens
References Foxconn or Chinese factories making Apple products
Commander in Chief

10 push ups for the mention of the following countries:
Iran
China
Israel
Palestine
Russia

5 squats for the mention of the following countries:
Afghanistan
Libya
Egypt
Syria
Greece
Iraq
Either Korea

1 10 sec plank per instance of interruptions

5 lunges for an obvious lie or position change

5 jumping jacks for a zinger

** Since it is sometimes hard to remember what things are under what category during play, when in doubt, do 5 more of what you just did.

Island Time

2012-10-20T18:52:00.001-07:00

First, I'd like to apologize for the tardiness of this post. There was simply too much going on this week for me to have a moment to get to writing this until now. But anyway, here it is now.

Hawaii was amazing and a lot of fun. We spent a lot of time in the water and a lot of time walking. Waikiki is a big place, and the best beaches were a bit far from my Dad's apartment. So, we did a lot of walking and a lot of swimming. We did manage to go snorkeling and boogie boarding. We saw turtles and baby fish. I even saw a humuhumunukunukuapua'a (Hawaii's state fish), though I suppose to most the turtles are more exciting. Pictures are still forthcoming (my dad returned the underwater camera, so he has them) but I do have one of the turtle photos:

If you'd like to see a breakdown of how much exercise I got, I will point you to myfitnesspal (Midna07), as I recorded it all there.

As of my last weigh in, nothing has changed, but that could have been any number of factors, as my usual weigh in time is somewhat difficult to replicate exactly. My measurements are all down though, which is good and in the end the more important number. I care more about my shape than I care about the number on the scale, in the end.

Since returning Tuesday night I have not done much exercise this week (tbh I feel kind of gross), so I might try to get some Wii Fit or mild cardio in tonight or tomorrow. I've also definitely had my last alcoholic beverage for a little while, I've done a lot of drinking (not binge drinking, just one or two a night) since we left for HI, so now that we're back and resettled, it's time to stop. It was good, but the calories are unnecessary now. It's also been a little bit of a continuing party week since one of Jon's friends from Davis has been visiting. Tonight is his last night here so things should settle.

Sugar has also been something I've consumed too much of, but I've been finding that a little harder to cut down on. I have switched to the lighter calorie Cool Lime Refresher at Starbucks, but unfortunately it still brings me above the limit myfitnesspal has set for me when combined with my regular diet (things like tomato sauce and fruits). I also like the refreshers a whole lot more than coffee, so switching to the available stuff at work is out of the question. I'm not entirely sure I can drop the caffeine at this point, but I will attempt to work on generally getting more sleep so that they become less necessary.

We will return to regularly scheduled updates with the 3 categories next week, but for now, here's the roundup of success last week and goals for next week. Because of Hawaii and the spanning over 2 weeks, this week is combined with last week regarding goals and success, so I only get $15, not $30, as I did not properly set goals for this week.

Oct 8 -20:
Goals were: go to dance class on the 8th and exercise in HI
Success: Super success! $15 to shoes! (balance now $50)

Oct 21- 27:
Goals: Presidential Debatercize for 20 minutes (New game setup forthcoming) on Monday, Dance class on Wednesday, (additional walk = additional $5)
Success means $15 more towards shoes!

In short, Hawaii was great, my diet is currently a mess but I'm working on it, and I was successful last week.

[There will be another post coming shortly, tonight or tomorrow, with the details for Debatercize Monday night]

Hawaii Here We Come!

2012-10-08T15:33:00.001-07:00

Before we get into the discussion of how freaking excited I am for my upcoming tropical vacation, I need to talk about last week.

So, the original plan for last week was to go to dance on Monday and Wednesday. When I made that plan, I was for some reason thinking the Presidential Debate was on Thursday. Of course, it was actually on Wednesday and directly conflicted with dance class. So that's why I made the last post (which has been of great entertainment to many).

Now, I did actually do it for the first 15 minutes of the debate, with Jon helping me out telling me what I should do when. The requirements certainly stacked up. I ended up dropping certain words or elements because there were just too many. For example I only did 5 jumping jacks after a while because by the time I did 10, there were 3 more things I had to do and it was difficult to keep track of. For the next debate I'll make the lists shorter. It did certainly get my heart rate up and it was actually a lot of fun. The only reason I stopped when I did was because I got drawn in. I stopped at about the point Mittens started changing his entire position, and it became important that I switch to tweeting my outrage (you can go back and read it if you'd like, my twitter is linked above).

I am going to give myself the $15 for last week, with the caveat that I absolutely must do it again for the next Presidential Debate, and maybe structure it a bit better. Since I will be in Hawaii for the VP debate this week, I've already decided that it's a drinking game (for various reasons, some possibly celebratory, some possibly to make it hurt less, it really depends how it goes!). It should be pretty ridiculous. Plus, maybe my Dad will play!

My current shoes-balance is $35. $55 to go!

Ok, time to discuss Hawaii and what that means for my exercise. Good things mostly! That's one thing about vacation (or at least my vacations), you get out more and you just naturally do a lot more moving! Getting the exercise in really isn't an issue.

Since we are not leaving until Thursday, I still have to go to dance class today (Monday). No big, I think I actually have the once-a-week dance down. Twice a week is being pesky though. I will not be able to go on Wednesday because I will be busy packing and prepping the apartment for the exterminators who will be coming through the building while we're gone. Their timing is somewhat convenient but also inconvenient since it adds extra work just before and right after our vacation, but at least our apartment will remain roach-free. Other people in our building have reported them. Jon thinks he may have seen one once, but I haven't ever, and I'd like it to remain that way. Anyway, exterminators and extra work aside, no time for dance on Wednesday.

But never fear! We are going to Hawaii and we are going to be a block from the beach and the ocean. Swimming is a thing I am going to be doing a lot of. Boogie boards are packed and ready, and I am so excited to hit the surf. I'm somewhat worried that my pale skin will burn forever, and I do not expect to get out of this vaca completely unscarred, but I am going to try to help it as much as I can. Tonight I'm planning on making friends with some self-tanner lotion. Also, thank goodness I have been living in California for a year and have at least a little color. My Oregonian pale from college is gone, not to say I'm still anything but a baluga, but I do perhaps have some natural defense from the cruel day star. Also sunscreen. So much sunscreen. 3 different types of sunscreen. Yep.

So this weeks requirements are simply that I go to class tonight and that I get my ass in the water sooner than Sunday. I think I can manage that :)

I'm not bringing my own laptop, so I do not expect to be writing a new blog entry until NEXT Wednesday after we return. It may even be as long as next Thursday before I get around to it. So, I will see you all then!

The Debate Exercising Game

2012-10-03T13:56:00.001-07:00

Normally I don't like to bring politics up on this blog, but they are a pretty big part of my life. I care a lot about the policy decisions being made in Washington, and I an very excited to vote this November. In that spirit, I have come up with the following.

The first Presidential debate is tonight (9 eastern, on every news channel and streaming on the internet). Unfortunately it coincides with what would normally be my dance class time. So, because I would like to watch the debate live, I can't go to dance. Bummer! It's alright though, I have a solution.I make it a game.

Imagine a drinking game and a TV show. Every time some specific meme or theme is mentioned in the show, you drink. This will be exactly like that, but with exercises. Here's the breakdown:

[This debate is limited to Domestic Policy, so all keywords etc are domestic policy related]

*Starred items indicate time override. If one of these things happens, whatever other exercise has to be stopped and replaced with this. Any additional exercises incurred during the starred exercise are ignored.

Key words - 10 jumping jacks per mention

Workers
Average american household/ family
Healthcare
Jobs (5 per, since it will come up a lot)
Taxes
Military (veterans included)
"Government spending spree"
Massachusetts
seniors
young people
small businesses
entrepreneurs
private sector
millionaire
billionaire
Reagan

*Big Concepts - 25 lunges per invocation

The American Dream
Obamacare
Romneycare
Medicare
47 percent
Math
Education

*Unexpected, but possible, Big things - jog in place during their discussion, the whole time

Women's issues (covers abortion, contraceptives, PP etc.)
Marriage equality
Citizens United
The 99% (or the 1%)
Climate change
Immigration
Net neutrality

Romney gaffe - 25 high knees
Obama gaffe - 60 count plank

Romney "zinger" - 60 count plank
Obama "zinger" - 25 high knees

Obama interrupts Romney - Run in a circle left
Romney interrupts Obama - Run in a circle right

*Enthusiastic cheers or boos from the audience - reaches for the duration

Statistics/ Numbers -
in the millions- 5 crunches
in the billions- 10 crunches
percentage - 10 lunges

5 Push ups if:
Either candidate addresses his opponent in the 3rd person
Compliments opponents personal life or family
ignores a question by addressing the audience
argues with the moderator

Obama says:
Let me be clear - 10 reaches
References Bain - 5 lunges
Blames Bush - 10 jumping jacks

Romney says:
Plan to create 12 million jobs - 12 crunches

*Anyone goes over time - plank from when their time ends until they actually stop

I have no idea how I'm going to log this, but I'm pretty stoked to try it out!

A more detailed post later but

2012-09-30T15:38:00.001-07:00

Just for a quick update, since I know I need to write one, but I don't really feel like writing right now.

So the short version:

1) Only went to dance once this week, so no $15.

2) I did do some other exercise, so, there's that.

3) Same plan next week. Should actually happen because I have rested this weekend and work will calm down.

When Life Got In The Way

2012-09-23T18:49:00.001-07:00

Sometimes, things don't quite work out as planned, and that's okay. It's just another of those things I need to learn to work around.

Exercise

Life got in the way this week. I screwed up my sleep schedule last weekend by essentially not sleeping, and that messed me up so I couldn't go to class on Monday due to exhaustion. I did manage to go on Wednesday, and actually going made me feel better. On Friday however, going to class was pretty much out of the question, because it was impractical considering social plans and general convenience. It would've been a hassle for me to actually go. I hope this week I can adjust properly and avoid the issue, but it may turn out that Fridays just aren't days I can have dance class. I will figure out a replacement.

Food

I think I ate okay this week. I don't remember having any moments where I felt like I ate way too much at the end of the day. This is somewhat surprising because I still hadn't gone grocery shopping (I went yesterday) and we were eating out/Safeway scrounging all week. It worked out okay though I think. I need to get back in the groove of tracking, hopefully I will be able to do that this week.

Motivation

I am about medium motivated at the moment. I enjoy dance class and so that's why I go, so it's now less because "oh god get the weight off get it off get it off" and more "time to flail wheeee." That's better than it used to be. What else... I'm enjoying eating mostly whatever I want. I'm not really fussing at all about what it is I eat. Though I'm sure when I go in next time, the food will be what is on the slashing board.

We are officially going to Hawaii! I have dates and flight tickets!! I just bought them today. Super exciting. Now I guess I have an extra reason to try to go to dance class more. I will look into tuesday and thursday classes either this week or next, depending.

I am starting to worry a little that the $10 may not be enough motivation without a target. So I'm going to set a target. There's a pair of Tom's booties that I REALLY want. Trouble is they cost $89. So, those are what I am saving up for. So, to make it an obtainable reality rather than something that is weeks and weeks ( like 6+) away, I am moving the $10 to $15. So, it will still take a while, but it's a bit of a shorter while.

Because I am thinking that Fridays might not be something possible, and Tim said it was important for my goals to be something I think I can actually do,I am going to set it back down to 2 classes for now until I can do that reliably for 3 weeks. Then I will try to add the Fridays again.

So here's the plan:

What: Dance Class

When: Monday and Wednesday at 5:45

If I go to less than 2 classes, no $15 and no one step closer to these:

http://www.toms.com/womens/botas/highlands-grey-wool-fleck-fleece-women-s-botas

Checking In

2012-09-14T14:50:00.001-07:00

On time. Like a boss.

Anyway here's the rundown from this week:

The goals were:
Dance class Monday and Wednesday

Exercise:
Totally did it! I love dance class. I mean, it makes me super duper tired, but other than that I haven't found that it does horrible things to my evening schedule. So yay! The extra walking to and from dance is cool too.

The only concern I have is still walking through the Mission by myself. It's actually kind of funny because the area I feel the least comfortable is the part of my walk where there are the most people, just outside 16th St Station in those plaza areas. Headphones do seem to work as a deterrent, for the most part. And I always keep my phone tucked away when I'm walking, even if I don't like the song Pandora gave me. When it's still light out, sunglasses. But still dude, can be scary. No incidents as of yet, though.

Food:
Normally, if I had eaten the way I have for most of this week, I would be super duper upset at myself for eating too much of the wrong things.
But the 700 calories burned in the combined dance classes make me feel way better. Mostly I think it's because I know that when I was skinny in high school, not including the times when I was not really eating, I ate basically the way that I eat normally now, complete with the back and forth between frozen lunches and purchased lunches, large amount of pasta mixed in with a random smattering of home cooked dinners (thanks mom), the occasional tiny tiny breakfast, and the vending machine type snacking. It really works out about the same. You could even substitute alcohol for sweets and it would round out.
So basically, as long as I'm dancing, I don't think I will be feeling so bad about food.

Motivation:
I'm pretty psyched, and feeling a bit better. Partly because I weighed myself earlier this week, after my usual 14-hours no food super-sleep, and I have lost a pound! Woo!

Anyway, rundown for next week:

What- DANCE CLASS
When- Monday, 5:45; Wednesday, 5:45; FRIDAY, 6:15

Adding the Friday. I was thinking of adding it just for kicks this week in addition to the others, but I decided that I was too tired generally speaking and I have some social plans for this evening so it would be better for me to go home and take a nap instead. Plus, I think it will be better for my body to ease in on the frequency/ amount. I've already done nearly 3 hours of extra exercise this week (with the walking to and from), which is really way more than my usual. So, in the mind of not killing myself, I will start the 3 days a week next week and do that up until my next meeting with Tim, and probably not change it for a while after depending on what he says.

In other news, almost have tickets for Hawaii. Was going to buy them yesterday, but the situation keeps changing so I have to wait until it settles a bit. Luckily, price would have to go up by at least $100 a direction for me to have a problem affording it, and I can always push it out to the cheap tickets. So, time isn't a big issue.

Oh and since I succeeded, I get $10. I think this puts me at $20? Counting leftover from when I went and bought things in August? Anyway, dunno what I'll spend it on yet. Something cool.

Dance class!

2012-09-10T19:38:00.001-07:00

I know it's Monday and Monday's are no longer regular update days but...

I just finished my first dance class since High school, and oh my gosh. Sure I could only follow half of it, and the other half I was sort of just flailing, but boy was it fun. Plus, flailing is what you do when dancing... Until you finally learn it and you look fricking awesome.
I seriously didn't realize how much I missed it.

My excitement aside, the class itself was 45 minutes of fast paced jumping around choreography learned on the fly. They have big set of songs and the choreography is repetitive but intricate and really cool (not so much of the exercise type moves and more dance, with spins and travel). I'm guessing that each class uses whichever songs out of the 30 years of repertoire they want for any class. There's a huge variety. There were 70s songs mixed in with dub step, hip hop (gasolina for example) and samba. The choreography reminds me a lot of the kind of stuff that we came up with in Dance Team in high school, that is a mishmash of jazz, hip hop and modern with salsa thrown in for kicks. It's a lot of fun, even when you have no clue what's going on.

So, we did crazy cardio for 45 minutes with a couple short breaks inbetween songs, and then the last 15 minutes were floor work. First we did some arm isolation dancing exercises. They wre easy, but my arms still hurt. Then we did some pretty hardcore abs that the instructor called the hardest abs ever, I managed it ok with some mods, so I imagine I'll survive anything else. Then we did some legs, which was really more butt, but I am totally ok with that.

It rocked. I'm going again. I'm going to take hip hop too. This is the plan.

Alright, lets try this again

2012-09-09T16:50:00.002-07:00

I failed the plan this week. To be honest after a certain point I expected myself to. I suppose that's a good part of why I did. But never fear I have a solution. But first, lets go through the usual sections

Exercise

So, I kind of balls'd it up this week. The plan was to dance at home last Friday, Sunday and Monday and possibly sometime later in the week. I managed it on Friday, and did a tiny bit (not the full half hour by any means) on Monday. Pretty much total failure.

Most of the problem was that Youtube did not provide quite the way I wanted it to. The easy videos I could follow along with tended towards too much repetition, super simplicity (as in not very interesting moves) and they were too short (usually one song long). Any other video of the same sort was just some random person being like "I choreographed this, here's the moves and count. Learn it from my full speed dancing." And me responding "uh.... that's a lot more work than I want to put in" and moving on.

I also grouped it all together at the beginning of the week, because I was unsure about my tiredness for the rest. And honestly, I was super tired for the rest. 4 day weeks suck. They are only good when they end. I've gotten a good amount of rest this weekend and I think I've rebalanced since my severe offset last weekend (3-day weekends and sleep are not friends). So hopefully this week won't be so bad. I also can't shake the feeling that I'm so tired because of my lack of exercise. But I think I have found a solution (more on this later).

Food

Oh god, I don't even want to talk about it. I mean I guess I haven't been awful everyday, but I've been tracking less because I'm guilty about what I've eaten and I don't want to see the number on the calorie counter, because I know that it will just make me feel bad.

Part of the problem is that I have been buying my lunches this week, and that causes a huge huge calorie boost, because purchased lunches are usually at least 200 calories more than any lunch I could bring in. Luckily I have been able to balance that with light dinners for the most part, but certainly not always. Several times this week I've had dinner when I wasn't hungry, or eaten enough to nearly make myself sick (though this happens with basically any full, restaurant sized meal now, it's definitely more mental than physical at any rate). So I have to work on that. I also need to go grocery shopping... I keep saying maybe tomorrow. Maybe I mean it this time? Who knows. We'll see.

Motivation

I'd say I am still pretty motivated. The trouble is finding the particular methods of succeeding, and finding things that motivate me beyond my desperate desire to get the weight off. Honestly this particular motivation is not sustainable and is easily worked around when faced with some taunting food or another, or when tiredness confines me to the couch or bed. I am motivated in that I want to do stuff, but not so motivated that I have true reason to do it. I'm hoping that my solution for the exercise problem will also help with this.

So what is this solution I have been mentioning? Dance class. I have decided that enough is enough and I can make the investment and go ahead and pay for dance classes. I found a place in the Mission that's pretty easy for me to get to from work (short BART ride plus 4 block walk) and has classes basically all the time, so they're convenient for me to get to from work. Tomorrow I am going to one of their Rhythm and Motion classes, which is basically a dance workout class but I talked to the receptionist and read about it online and it's a mix of semi-complicated choreography and a bunch of different songs so there's variety. She said that I should take the class about 5 times and then decide if it's for me, because it might take that long to pick up on the choreography and adjust to it. So, I'm going to do that. If it turns out that that's not what I want, there are all sorts of other classes I could try that are at my level and conveniently timed. So, I think that this will work out great. My only concern is walking through the Mission in the evening by myself, but it is on two main streets and in a little bit of a nicer area (I think) so it should be okay.

So yeah, here's the plan for this week:

what- dancing

when- Monday, 5:45pm-6:45 pm and Wed, 5:45pm-6:45pm (Both nights the same class, with the same instructor)

If anyone in the bay would like to join me (and srsly, please do), the place I am going is ODC Dance Commons, near 16th St BART in SF. The first class is free and after that they are pretty cheap (max $14/ class I think), plus apparently they have showers, lockers and the whole shebang. I'm pretty excited. So excited I bought new dance pants (mostly because all of my old ones are either too short or fall down). So yay! Dance class time for me.

Counseling: Why didn't I do this sooner?

2012-09-01T17:51:00.001-07:00

As everyone who's ever been to a good counselor knows, and as I have just learned, there really is no substitution for the amount of knowledge they have and their objective eyes on your situation.

If that wasn't enough to tell you that my meeting went well, I don't know what is. I won't go into terrible detail about the whole thing, but he picked some things out about my behaviors that I didn't even think were bad. And I don't even mean things like food.

He pointed out that I am terribly hard on myself. But it's very subtle (usually). I think that I "should do" such and such and that I'm "lazy" if I don't. When really its just that whatever it is isn't fun for me, so I don't want to do it, or that my body needs rest. It's not called being lazy when I sit on the couch and watch YouTube. It's resting.

He told me that the best way to make a routine sustainable and most importantly EASY, is to be doing things that I actually like to do for exercise. Things that I would do for fun. There is no "I should do this" only "I want to do this because I like doing it."

His system is a triangle, one focus at a time thing. The three areas are tracking, eating and moving. His process is to focus on one part of each of these at once, and build it into my regular routine. Since I already have the tracking pretty much down, and I at least have some sort of start (perhaps even an overdone start) on the eating, the issue is the moving. The final goal is to get half an hour to 60 minutes every day. But I'm obviously not going to start with that.

He gave me a worksheet for each week, to set a goal. Here's the run down, starting yesterday. So my weeks now start on Fridays, rather than Mondays.

What will I do: Dancing! - I'm supposed to do something I like to do, so that it's fun and I keep it up. I'm going to start with choreography on youtube. Does anyone know of any good ones? I'm not looking for dancing fitness videos, but actual dancing stuff that will teach you steps (SLOWLY).

Why- Because it's fun.

Days of the week: Friday, Sunday, Monday and one extra day sometime later in the week if I can

Time of day: Afternoon/ evening

How I will track: myfitnesspal.com (midna07, if you'd like to friend me. Then you'll get all the juicy details of what I eat.)

Who will I share with: YOU. THIS BLOG. You are important and stuff. (Jon also gets special notification of course)

How I will celebrate: The usual way I have been. $10 into the pot.

I already managed to do it yesterday. It was pretty fun. I found some videos on Youtube, but I think I will mostly do different videos every time I do it, with a couple possible exceptions. There's certainly plenty there.

In conclusion, another note from the meeting. "Don't fight your body, your body will always win. We're going to work WITH your body to get where you want to be."

Next progress report will be on THURSDAY, not Monday. So check back then!

Monday Funday

2012-08-27T15:40:00.002-07:00

It's Monday again! Hello!

Thank you all for your support this last week. It has helped. I'm no longer emopants and I feel a lot better.

I did in fact set up an appointment with what Kaiser calls a Clinical Health Instructor who can talk to me about nutrition and exercise and such. My appointment is on Thursday. I just hope he doesn't say "You have to eat less cheese," because seriously, it's part of every meal, I don't know what I'd do.

Anyway, here's the roundup from last week:

Food

I think I may have cheated a little bit too much. I mean, I succeeded in calorie counts almost everyday, give or take 50 or so, and for the most part I ate healthy things. I don't think I can say that I ate "clean" though, which is the general goal. I think I need to look that up or have it defined for me, but I assume it means fresh lean everything and it's better if you make it yourself. My leniency towards cheese and ranch dressing probably don't fall under that category. Nor do the lazy restaurant meals. At least not the kind of restaurants I've been to. I'm already attempting to fix this though.

I bought a bucket of veggies yesterday. Ask Jon. He came home last night to a fridge with basically only veggies in it. And no lettuce. He looked at me like I was crazy and then made himself a spinach salad. I'm thinking I may need to go get some proteins for the week, probably mostly lean sausages and things that if they absolutely must can sit in the fridge for a little bit. I also need to simultaneously relax and tighten up on finances. I think it's mostly a matter of tightening the eating-out budget and losening the grocery budget. I'm working on finding some balance there.

Exercise

I kicked ass last week. Seriously. I did exercise almost every freaking day. Mostly it was playing damage control against my calorie counts. I mostly did POP Pilates, and I have discovered a couple of her routines that I really like and can do most of with some mild alteration. They also focus on toning some of the biggest problem areas for me so if I keep it up, I'll actually start to see a real difference. For some extra cardio I've been trying to do jumping jacks, though being on the second floor they make me nervous about disturbing my neighbors. I think I may switch to some WiiFit cardio this week.

I have been using My Fitness Pal. You should too! I'm midna07, if you'd like to friend me.

Motivation

Gosh, after all that work last week you'd think I'd be seeing a difference on the scale, but no. No change. I have also realized that I absolutely must weigh myself after 14 hours or more of no food, otherwise I am not at my bottom weight. The only time I go that long without eating is Friday evening to Saturday afternoon. So, Saturday midday before I eat is my weigh in time. No change this past Saturday. Maybe the veggie heavy week this week will help.

So, motivation wise I'm a bit grumpy at my scale for not showing me some progress, but I have some faith in other sorts of progress. I did a waist and hips measurement, and I think, though I didn't specifically record last time so I can't be totally sure, that I have lost some inches on both. It's not a lot, but it is a minor victory. Hopefully I will see more of that this weekend.

Otherwise, motivation sort of just is. I'm sort of kicking my own butt out of bed in the morning, which is better. I made a canvas to provide some motivation (it says "It's a good day to have a good day" in happy yellow letters on blue), and I may change my alarm name to something silly like "If Frodo can get the ring to Mt. Doom, you can get your ass out of bed."

I think I'll be ok, since I want this change so badly and I know the only way I can get it. It's better when I don't have all the horribleness in my face, but I guess whenever I start getting upset about it the best option is to do a workout.

Also, I need some ice cream substitutions. Because I'm seriously missing Ben and Jerry's.

I will probably post again on Thursday or Friday and give a recap of what the nutritionist guy says.

See you all then.

Monday Update

2012-08-20T13:08:00.000-07:00

Hi guys, just the usual monday update today.

Food:

Is okay? I guess I did well last week, I managed breakfast all but one morning. Having the toaster has certainly helped with that.

Regarding the vegetarianism post and your responses: The resounding answer was "no, going vegetarian will not make weight loss easier, it will make no difference whatsoever" if anything it might add hardship. So I have opted not to do that, obviously, though I have been eating a bit like a vegetarian the past couple days anyway.

Mostly I think it's a matter of forcing self control and really only eating when I'm hungry. This is a billion times more difficult than it sounds, especially because I have emotional eating habits. On the bright side, I have learned to quell the emotional eats with healthy things like yogurt and dried fruit, rather than cookies (not that I have any cookies in the house to begin with). So that's good.

Exercise:

I can't remember if I did in fact do wii fit early last week. I'm thinking that I did, but I don't remember. With the end of the Olympics, I have nothing to watch on TV so the methodology has had to change again. I did YouTube fitness videos twice later in the week. Once on Thursday, and again on Saturday. Both videos pretty much kicked my ass, but I did what I could of both of them, and it still took about half an hour each. That's a lot of calorie burn there. For effort, I will give myself the benefit of the doubt and say I did my 90 minutes a week last week and therefore earned the 10 dollars. That puts me at $20.

Motivation:

I had a bit of a breakdown this weekend, honestly. I'm unsure as to what exactly brought it on. I've actually been down all weekend for unknown reasons. It's very weird. I don't like it, but I also don't know how to fix it.

I do want to lose the weight desperately. I feel heavy and gross and I think the reason I don't feel well and that I am getting what I have decided is heat rashes, is because of my weight. This drives me nuts. There is nothing else in the world that makes me more upset than this idea. For something so guiltless, accidental and easy (the gain) to become so much of a difficult, self-punishing responsibility is just endlessly unfair. And I'm only 50lbs overweight! I can't imagine what people are suffering at 100 or 200 lbs over.

Having the reality of the health issues pop up makes me feel extremely powerless. Even if my numbers are (finally) going down, I still feel like it's not enough, and that there is so much reliance on my own responsibility and restraint that I will never make it as far as I want to. I'm scared of what will happen when I inevitably falter or give up, or decide that "enh, I can have this cake" too many times. I don't trust myself. [In reality, I don't trust myself at pretty much anything, but that's another discussion]. I'm thinking that it is time I got some professional help. Someone who will tell me "You have to do this" and not let it be a choice. I need to be under doctor's orders, because those I will listen to. If I make the order myself, or someone without that authority makes that order, the order doesn't have legitimacy and can be avoided. Yes. I need orders, because I don't trust myself to just do it. If I make the rules, I can bend them. If someone else makes them and enforces them, then I can't bend them, because I'm accountable to someone else. I would rather do this with a medical professional, because I know they will help me fix it and keep it. So I need to get a nutritionist/ weight-loss counsellor. I will work on this this week.

Goals:

Stop being so emopants, 90 minutes of exercise, work on portion control and healthiness of food (untracked).