Unept

MONSTER

2010-02-18T00:19:00.003-07:00

My entry for Round 2 of the Cracked Forums drawing contest. The theme is "Monster." I won't get past this round; I'm up against Driscoll, the genius behind Daisy Owl.

BORANGE

2010-02-16T15:43:00.003-07:00

START YOUR ENGINES

2010-02-11T12:43:00.004-07:00

This is my entry in to the much-anticipated "Back to the Drawing Board III" drawing contest on Cracked forums. I hope I win the $3billion dollars.

THERE IS NOW AN APP FOR THAT

2010-01-27T14:13:00.004-07:00

The Apple iPad comes with HD video, iBooks, 3G, and Leak Protection.

WHY I HEART PHOTOSHOP

2009-10-14T18:19:00.001-06:00

EAU DE LICIOUS

2009-10-09T16:11:00.002-06:00

FLASH FICTION: PARK-N-RIDE

2009-09-25T20:30:00.003-06:00

He exhaled, his knees pressing into the asphalt of the park-n-ride where his car sat moments ago. He examined the holes and slices that patterned his suit, and pulled a star-like disc the size of a penny from his cheek. It shimmered in his palm, and anchored what had just transpired into reality, as perplexing as it was. "Ninjas," he said. "Tiny, tiny ninjas." He held their weapon. They had his Audi.

AND ON THE 8TH DAY...

2009-09-16T21:11:00.003-06:00

and on the 8th day, God let Satan have a crack at animal creation:

PASS IT ON

2009-09-04T17:03:00.002-06:00

Eye spy with my little eye...

2009-08-25T14:47:00.019-06:00

I took my kids to our city library to find some books to read. It was near the Early Readers section where I noticed this unfortunate juxtaposition. Or maybe it's the library's efficient way of educating our children about the human body.

There's a positive side to everything.

2009-08-20T18:46:00.006-06:00

Towel Eats Horse: My First Stop-Motion Animation Study

2009-08-20T17:01:00.007-06:00

WAAAAAAAAAAY Behind.

2009-08-20T16:51:00.003-06:00

I'm way behind. This is my first blog post through SMS ever... and surely the last.

Digg This...

2009-02-10T00:32:00.002-07:00

Why is Emo Vista so happy?

2009-01-10T17:05:00.004-07:00

A Sincere Letter to Metamucil...

2008-10-28T19:26:00.002-06:00

How the Wells, NV Arby's can turn embarrassing mismanagement into a condiment-marketing revolution:

2008-10-22T16:31:00.005-06:00

Torture! That's Enter... tain... ment?

2008-09-18T21:43:00.005-06:00

Before the 19th century, nearly every civilization--and a few major religions--employed torture as a means to an end. However, in the past 200 years, we have progressed as a species to become more humane. Torture is now entertainment!

http://www.askmen.com/top_10/entertainment/top-10-twisted-torture-techniques.html

Let your wives know what is important to you.

2008-09-15T17:17:00.012-06:00

Broken Promises, Good Intentions, and a Reebok RL 900 Elliptical

2008-09-05T13:10:00.006-06:00

The following is a copy of my Craigslist post, listing our Elliptical machine for sale a while back:

She PROMISED me that she would use it, that she would take full advantage of its incredibly smooth, impact-free, elliptical path. So we located a pallet-on-wheels (Costco) and proceeded to adopt the only piece of furniture that would boast adjustable resistance AND incline, at the push of a button.

We settled the RL 900 Elliptical Exercise Machine into our now-finished basement, with a front row view of my 58" Plasma TV. Now how could she resist the daily use of the Handgrip Pulse Sensor, multi-speed fans, and water bottle holder? Burning fat and boosting endorphin levels would be a perspiratory treat while watching all those Oprah's that keep knocking my sci-fi movies off of the DVR.

Time passed, and the RL 900 found use; as a pretend tree for the kids, an obstruction for large groups of movie watchers, and an exercise machine on rare occasions. I gave up pleading with my wife to exercise on the $500 (now $350!) machine. Men take note: pleading with your wife to exercise MAY come across as, oh I don't know, piggish, even when only thinking of the unused investment.

It turns out that her aversion to the well-maintained RL 900 had nothing to do with the machine, or her already sweet figure, or my sci-fi movies. She doesn't like BASEMENTS! There it is. That's why it has remained in good condition and slightly unloved. So, I tuned up her mountain bike and she rides it often with the kids, outside. Does anyone want a good Elliptical Machine?

Let's Play "Guess The Mugshot!"

2008-09-02T16:25:00.007-06:00

Is this a picture of:
a) A serial killer with some strange, insatiable fetish?
b) That programmer that's been with the company for years?
c) A direct marketing and copywriting guru?

The answer is HERE.

Why Think Tanks Are Awesome

2008-08-12T15:33:00.012-06:00

Why Think Tanks Are Awesome

1. You can name them anything you like, regardless of their purpose. See List.
2. NPR interviews you on a monthly basis.
3. Have you ever heard of a "Work Tank," or a "Do Stuff Tank?" Nope. With Think Tanks, you just sit in conference rooms and THINK.
4. Since Think Tanks can only exist near the nation's capital, you're alway near cool museums and historical places and stuff.

Best name: Institute on the Study of War (Who DOESN'T think of a giant map-table in a hazy, windowless office?)
Runner up: Cato Institute (thanks to the OJ debacle.)

Worst name: Show-Me Institute (Sounds like people who don't think)
Runner up: Foundation for Rational Economics and Education (see reason #1, why Think Tanks are Awesome)

Now, where can I find a Think Tank Application Form?

Humor Fail?

2008-08-05T22:45:00.007-06:00

Failblog addiction resurfaced. Posted the follow
ing. We'll see if accepted/enjoyable. If offended, click here.

That Great American Phrase, revisited.

2008-08-03T16:08:00.004-06:00

Americans invented the phrase, "work hard, play hard." If I knew how to play hard, then I'd be more comfortable wearing this:

Sauron is back. Sort of.

2008-08-02T22:01:00.004-06:00

Sauron is back. Sort of.