Unexplodedscotsman.com

Two world records, Human flag and push-ups

2012-01-23T16:24:00.000-07:00

Damn circus freaks, making the rest of humanity feel bad. Whining aside, that's some insane core strength. The music kind of had me hoping he was gonna fight vampires. The really crazy stuff is about halfway through.

The Bark Side: 2012 Volkswagen Game Day Commercial Teaser

2012-01-19T10:44:00.000-07:00

Peter MacKay weds former beauty queen

2012-01-06T09:36:00.001-07:00

Somewhere out there, there's a Canadian Forces Corporal wondering why he's been tasked with tying strings of cans to a helicopter.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/story/2012/01/04/mackay-marriage.html

Jon Stewart Crushes Fox News In The 2011 Ratings

2011-12-29T09:38:00.001-07:00

They say time heals all wounds, apparent Fox's ageing audience is that wound.

Realistically, I'd like the popular press's lies to be rounded down to at least a CNNish sorta level. If that means Fox needs be buried along with with it viewers? Well, somebody find me a shovel.

http://www.politicususa.com/en/jon-stewart-fox-2011-ratings

Crazy Town's Butterfly

2011-12-27T10:50:00.001-07:00

Listening to the Top 100 One Hit Wonders. Crazy Town's Butterfly is what it would it would sound like if Limp Bizkit's Fred Durst somehow managed to rape all four of The Red Hot Chilli Peppers in back of a Tattoo Studio. It's got a nice groove to it, but something about it seems forced.

Family of Canadian held by Taliban appeals to captors

2011-12-21T17:59:00.000-07:00

Brian Rutherford, whose brother Colin was taken hostage during a vacation to Afghanistan in November 2010, told CBC News his family hopes to get in touch with his captors to find a solution.

Full Story

Time for Harper to step up and offer himself in exchange. After all, that's how it's done in the action movies, right? Damn, those tourism Afghanistan commercials. "It's like Sandals, only with beatings & 'Behead the Infidel' Fridays!"

Keith wishes the 'eternal' comedian a happy 50th

2011-12-19T13:06:00.000-07:00

Scouts Canada apologizes to sex abuse victims

2011-12-08T20:36:00.001-07:00

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/story/2011/12/08/boy-scouts-canada.html

Scouts Canada issued a blanket apology Thursday to any former scouts who were sexually abused by its volunteer leaders.

"I'm sorry but to be honest, the Scouts have always seemed a little creepy."
"Why? Because they actually do productive stuff?"

Na, because they exude a kind of weird wannabe para-military vibe,
that makes me think of bomb shelters and the Hitler Youth; come to think
of it, the kid raping probably doesn't help much either.

Case in point, the Explorer Scouts "(a coeducational affiliate of the
Boy Scouts of America) are now being trained to chase down illegal
border-crossers, face down terrorists and take out 'active shooters'."

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/14/us/14explorers.html

The Explorers program, a coeducational affiliate of the Boy Scouts of America that began 60 years ago, is training thousands of young people in skills used to confront terrorism, illegal immigration and escalating border violence — an intense ratcheting up of one of the group’s longtime missions to prepare youths for more traditional jobs as police officers and firefighters.

McRib contains same ingredient as yoga mats

2011-11-11T22:28:00.001-07:00

But it’s still a little disconcerting to know that, for example, azodicarbonamide, a flour-bleaching agent that is most commonly used in the manufacture of foamed plastics like in gym mats and the soles of shoes, is found in the McRib bun.

‎"The new McRib, it's like yoga for your mouth!"

Full Article

The Walkie Talkie Dead

2011-11-08T16:46:00.000-07:00

‎"You said use the walkie talkie, I assumed you knew how to use it!"

And now a letter from my cable provider

2011-11-03T12:41:00.000-06:00

Just got a letter from Shaw Cable stating:

"Important: Your TV channels are moving."

Isn't that kinda the point? Otherwise, I'd have just stuck with magazines.

Exploding Toothbrushes

2011-11-03T10:47:00.000-06:00

Health Canada is warning people to stop using Colgate Motion Electric Toothbrushes after reports they "exploded," but the devices might still be available in stores.

Link to CBC article

"Hi! Billy Mays here for The Colgate Motion Electric Toothbrush, powered by hydrogen in the air your breath, activated by the water you and I drink. Colgate Motion seeks out plaque in those to reach places, it gets down to gum line, the neck line, it even removes coffee stains! Problem teeth, tonsils, sinus issues, or migraines? Colgate Motion gets to the root of the problem, fast! Don't give cavities a place to start! And it's safe on your (red) coloured fabrics! Regular electric toothbrushes use friction, the Colgate Motion uses concussive force, for a whiter, brighter, smile you can't help but share with everyone! (in a 20 metre blast radius)

The Walken Dead

2011-10-21T06:00:00.000-06:00

“Has anybody seen my Triceratops? He's fantastic."

Michael Winslow is a machine

2011-10-17T17:03:00.000-06:00

Wow. Usually not much for the whole beat boxing / impressions thing, but that was truly amazing. Particularly near the end. Almost makes up for those Police Academy movies.

iCloud

2011-10-12T18:10:00.000-06:00

I'm liking the "find my phone" option for Apple's iCloud. Now you can see where the people who stole your iPhone live--assuming they didn't steal your laptop as well. If they really want to take service to a whole new level, I think an app that deploys a turtle-neck clad zombie hell-bent on retrieving your phone & doling out retribution would be the next logical step.

Also kind of hoping defeating it isn't as easy as not going on the internet until you've gone into settings and turned off iCloud. Otherwise, the only folks you're getting your stuff back from would be the elderly or the seriously inept. Both of which are likely to have choked to death on your shiny phone prior to the arrival of you Jobsian Vengence Zombie.

http://www.apple.com/icloud/

Libyan intelligence documents show ties to CIA

2011-09-03T10:10:00.001-06:00

The CIA worked closely with Moammar Gadhafi's intelligence services in the rendition of terror suspects to Libya for interrogation, according to documents seen Saturday by the AP, cooperation that could spark tensions between Washington and Libya's new rulers.

"Interrogation" means torture in this case. And for the record, no, I am not pro-dictator.
Unless, of course, somebody's hiring. Then, I feel I'd make a valuable to your dictatorial team. I'm results driven, morally agile, and equally at home feeding uppity-peasants wanting access to their country's petro-dollars into my custom Italian-marble shark tank or making long rambling speeches at the UN dressed like the late Michael Jackson. I am *so* about the epaulettes

Nirvana on Cellos

2011-08-18T16:27:00.002-06:00

Woman paralyzed in Bacon gang shooting

2011-08-18T16:25:00.000-06:00

"All of this inter-gang violence is fueled by the fight for illegal drug profits; profits that come from ordinary Canadians who sanctimoniously label recreational drug use "a "victimless crime"."

Assuming we're talking about marijuana, it wouldn't be a crime at all--much less a victim-less one--were we fortunate enough to have laws based on on science and reason vs. political pandering to puritanical pinheads and licentiousness liquor lobbyists.

Good old legally-sanctioned, socially-acceptable alcohol is responsible for over 100,000 deaths per year. Want to venture a guess how many people marijuana is killing annually?
--
Sources: NIDA Report, the Scientific American and Addiction Research Foundation of Ontario.) Also see Alcohol Consumption and Mortality, Alcohol poisoning deaths, CDC report)

Soldier allegedly cut fingers off dead Taliban

2011-08-08T09:29:00.003-06:00

"The alleged behaviour is totally out of kilter with the ethos of the armed forces."

‎
"Yes, yes. We must maintain the thin veneer of civilization."

This kind of really stuff bugs me. I may not agree with the reasons the troops are there, but so long as they're killing enemy combatants, I don't give a rat's ass what they do with the leftovers. The army doesn't pay much, let the sun-burned grunts open a store on Etsy for all I fucking care: "Halal handbags", "Shari Shoes", "Mohammed Moccasins."

"They may be fanatics, but God-damn do they wear well. So resilient!"

And by Mohammed, I mean generic Taliban combatant Mohammed, not the one true Prophet Mohammed--blessed be his name. Please don't blow up my car, I just replaced the windshield.

Let me get this straight, it's OK to put a bayonet into someone's gut and twist, but we decent in to barbarianism the minute some starts five-fingering fingers? Right... Sorry, you sent them out to do a job nobody else wants to do, one that could quite possibly leave them dead or missing limbs, or at the least messed up mentally and you're gonna give them grief for taking a memento? Fuck off. If they've gone out and accomplished whatever you've sent them out to do and didn't kill (or rape) any civilians, I don't care if they come back with more ears than Prince Charles. Give them a pass.

You politicians best look into the ethics of this situation, stat. I assume you'll be scheduling sometime between seeing lobbyists, hanging out in airport bathrooms & emailing pictures of your junk to College Co-eds?

Cash Cab's mock taxi kills man in Vancouver

2011-07-18T10:39:00.000-06:00

Didn't know there was Vancouver version, "You no on Cash Cab, Cash Cab on you, Laowai! Only prize is abrasion! Ha Ha."

Jeb Corliss wing-suit demo

2011-07-04T00:43:00.002-06:00

Wow. Small wonder the guy seems to be suffering from permi-grin. This kind of fun has got to be addictive.

NY 'Prospector' scours sidewalks for precious bits

2011-06-21T13:33:00.002-06:00

Next thing you know the place will be lousy with prospectors, someone will open a saloon and then the whores move in. Gunfights in Time Square. Fiddle music will get popular. People will start breaking into your saddlebags to steal your harmonica.

Mexican teenage girls train as drug cartel killers

2011-06-21T09:01:00.000-06:00

Teenage girls hitting each other with pillows, sorta sexy. Teenage girls hitting each other with Kalashnikovs, not so much. From soft drinks to sports, why's everything go to be so 'extreme' with you kids? Even most your music sucks, to the extreme (please don't kill me).

U.S. soldier 're-grows leg' after pioneering injection of pig bladder hormone

2011-06-20T13:19:00.001-06:00

I'd suggest somebody call House, but that show jumped the shark a couple seasons back.

Buy KFC's 800-calorie soda to support diabetes research

2011-06-18T14:17:00.000-06:00

Grab a one of their "Double Down" sandwiches while you're at it and help research heart disease too.