Unique Thoughts

The Anatomy of Spring Influence Part II

2012-07-30T21:27:00.001+01:00

Last time I started on how powerful and influential one's history could get. The physical analogy used is spring force. The main lesson is that compressed emotions and mistakes are powerful and potentially explosive so it's in one's own best interest to be wary of them. Consider the following examples.

David was a king in ancient Israel for whom everything was going. One day he spotted the beautiful wife of one of his soldiers, took her in, slept with her and the pretty woman became pregnant. Didn't he use protection? That's a very stupid question to ask because even if he did, his actions would still not be justified. Even if he did use protection, what should he expect when the woman told her husband? As soon as he realised what he had done, his desire to save the king's face led him into killing the woman's husband in desperation. I like the way Adeolu Akinyemi told the story in a recent post of his. King David would never imagine himself killing one of his finest soldiers but he did it anyway. Just because he thought the explosion of the spring was more than he could bear, he simply packed on more load. Ultimately what happened was that he married that woman, lost the child from that first pregnancy and most unfortunately, landed his children, generations yet unborn, in trouble. It was said to him that, "Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house because you despised [God]...Before your very eyes [God] will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will lie with your wives in broad daylight." (emphasis mine). And you know what? "So a tent was put up on the roof for Absalom, and he slept with his father's [David's] concubines in plain sight of Israel.". And then came incest, hatred and obituaries: Amnon and Absalom and Adonijah. If only he did not load the spring further!!!

Most people do not know the story behind the man after whom the O'Hare International Airport, Chicago was renamed. The man Edward Henry "Butch" O'Hare was the son of Edward Joseph O'Hare. Edward J. was a lawyer who worked closely with Al Capone before turning against Capone and helping convict him of tax evasion.

This is how it happened. When Edward J. moved to Chicago in 1927 he started working with Al Capone, a gangster who led a crime syndicate that was in virtually in control of Chicago. They both collaborated in business and law, Edward J. providing the legal expertise that supported the syndicate. However, sometimes in 1930, apparently realising that he was doing something wrong, O'Hare volunteered to start working undercover for the authorities with the sole aim of bringing Capone to justice. Slowly, discreetly and steadily, he started providing evidence to investigators; and one of the investigators, Frank Wilson, actually acknowledged his finesse openly, stating in a 1947 magazine issue, "On the inside of the gang I had one of the best undercover men I have ever known: Eddie O'Hare." The evidence provided by Edward J. during Capone's tax evasion trial in 1931 and 1932 helped in proving Capone's guilt.

There is speculation that Edward J.'s actions were spurred by one or a combination of three reasons: to ensure that his son, Edawrd H. got into the Naval Academy, to set a good example, or to attempt to right his wrongs. Whatever reasons he had, his actions meant only one thing - gently easing the load on the spring. Eventually in 1939, he was shot dead but that didn't seem to matter much anymore because that same year, his son started flight training at the Naval Air Station Penascola in Florida. The son, Edward Henry "Butch" O'Hare went on to become one of the finest airmen in the US Navy during and after World War II. So fine was he that only 9 years and 10 months after his father's death, the Orchard Depot Airport in Chicago was renamed after him. What would have happened if his father had not unloaded the spring? My guess is that Edward H. would probably never have gone to Naval Academy, eventually Al Capone's syndicate would have been busted and Edward J. would probably still be working there and he would also have been incriminated.

Compressed springs are powerful but not only in the negative sense. In the next post I'll discuss the positive side to compressed springs and the aspect of stretched springs.

The Anatomy of Spring Influence Part I

2012-07-04T12:43:00.001+01:00

In basic physics, a spring is a device that stores potential energy. Potential energy is the type of energy that is stored within an object; the energy is there but its action cannot be felt until it is released. The amount of potential energy stored in a spring defines how much force (technically known as spring force) the spring can exert. The spring force is the force exerted by a compressed or stretched spring upon any object that is attached to it.

Most springs obey Hooke's law. In very simple language, Hooke's law states that the amount of force that a spring exerts increases or decreases as the length by which it is compressed/stretched increases or decreases. Thus, the amount of potential energy stored in a spring corresponds to the amount of load it carries. By extension, the spring force also corresponds to the amount of load on the spring. The reason for these relationships is that the length of compression or stretch in a spring depends directly on the weight of the load on the spring; the heavier the weight, the more the compression or stretch, the more the potential energy stored in the spring, and the greater the spring force.

One important thing about springs and the load they carry is that if the load is removed suddenly, the potential energy in the spring is released explosively and all the spring force pushes the spring back to its original uncompressed/unstretched position. In other words, springs store energy when they are loaded and they tend to 'explode' when the load is suddenly removed. The greater the load, the greater the 'explosive power'. That's the exact reason why auto-mechanics are extremely careful with shock absorbers. And it's the exact reason why you should also be wary! Springs, whether compressed or stretched, are powerful. For the rest of this post I will only consider the compression part.

Suppressed emotions, hidden sin and past mistakes are like compressed springs. They will one day explode if the load is not carefully eased; and the the aftermath is hardly ever nice. As a matter of fact, the more effort goes into the suppression, the more energy is stored and the more potentially explosive the whole thing gets. Being aware of the potential explosion, most of us simply pack more load onto the spring - for instance, we tell a lie to try to cover up some misdeed, we tell an additional lie to cover up the one already told, we start avoiding the people who hold us accountable and gravitate towards those with whom anything goes...

However, that is not a reasonable course of action because every additional load, rather than alleviate or remove the problems, simply aggravates them. In fact, packing more load onto the spring leads to some sort of vicious cycle where the potential explosiveness becomes worse and we try to prevent it by adding more load thereby increasing the potential explosiveness, until someday....God forbid! Even worse, the spring begins to influence one's line of reasoning and approach to issues, wanting to desperately avoid anything coming to close to the spring even if they're beneficial, and gravitating towards anything that takes attention away from the spring even if they're deadly.

The best thing to do once you sense a spring - a grudge, a sin, a mistake, suppressed anger, bitterness, whatever - is to immediately stop loading and start easing the load already added, carefully and steadily. That is the only way to avoid the explosion. In the next post, we'll consider two true stories as examples.

GRAVITY

2012-06-06T22:35:00.001+01:00

I'm still writing about influence, and that's what you're still reading about. This time, the specific issue is the force of gravity and the lessons on influence that can be drawn from its characteristics.

In everyday English language use, gravity is a noun which refers to

the seriousness or importance of something (always something, never someone!);
seriousness of attitude, synonymous with the noun gravitas which means a serious and impressive way of conducting oneself; or
a type of physical force which the sun, moon or other massive object exerts to attract another object towards itself. It is in this third sense that I speak of gravity here.

By definition, the weight of an object is defined by the force of gravity that the earth exerts on its mass. Mass, in turn, refers to the amount of matter (or substance, if you like) that is in an object. These definitions point out one important fact. No matter how much matter an object contains, its weight is always going to be determined by the amount of gravity it experiences.

That is why, for example, objects weigh much less on the moon. One kilogram on earth barely weighs more than 160 grams on the moon. And in outer space (I mean where astronauts go in rockets and not just outside your house) one enters the realm of what is called 'weightlessness'. This refers to apparent lack of weight irrespective of how much substance any object contains. Why? It's simply because there is no source of gravity in outer space.

If we go by the definition of weight in the sense of the influence or importance that something or someone has, then we can see clearly from the foregoing that we're all practically useless without some form of gravity - some compelling, inescapable, higher-level influence. And it is no accident that gravity has to come from a relatively larger object. A smaller object does not exert gravity on one that is larger. By extension, everyone who runs away from heavier responsibilites, loftier goals, stricter discipline (or any other form of gravity that you can think about) will most likely never amount to anything. To anyone who has ever seen how things float around in outer space or are simply too reluctant to move will not find it hard to understand that.

Now, the verb gravitate connotes attraction or interest. To gravitate towards people generally means being attracted towards and going to be with them. To gravitate towards something broadly means being interested in that thing to the extent of wanting to do or have it. The hidden meaning in this verb becomes obvious when we take it together with the meaning of gravity as discussed above. Gravity is non-negotiable; once an object comes close enough to the source of gravity, it will definitely gravitate.

This simple but powerful truth has two practical implications. One, it is very crucial to choose carefully who or what one moves close to so as to avoid gravitating in the wrong direction. Two, it is important to consistently seek to perform better and live for a higher purpose; this serves as a source of gravitational pull otherwise one's life ends up weightless.

WORD OF MOUTH MARKETING

2012-05-23T00:14:00.000+01:00

Word of mouth marketing

I'm taking a break today from the ongoing series on influence to share some thoughts on information sharing - the very basis for what has come to be known as word of mouth marketing. Good enough, it's not completely unrelated to the subject of influence.

Word of mouth marketing loosely refers to someone telling someone about something in the context of buying and selling. This includes direct word of mouth sales campaing and referrals. For instance, an insurance man might knock at my door or my friend could tell me the tailor who made his suit. Those examples will make you see immediately that word of mouth marketing applies to all kinds of products. Funny enough, they are often free, especially when one thinks of referrals. And as far as I know, more business connections, deals and slaes are made through referrals and word of mouth than through any other means.

Being part of a social community is especially important for human well-being. In fact, one of the reasons why loneliness can be excruciatingly painful is that we are not wired to live isolated. In every human culture, there are norms that serve to guarantee the persistence of the community. For instance, in my society it is typical for the menfolk to gather in the evenings for drinks and gist - the so-called town gatherings.

Now, there is something virtuous about this characteristic of the human race - it is the blessing of information sharing. By reason of forming into communities, it becomes easier for us to get information around. With the internet came a universal vehicle for fulfilling this need. Online social networks facilitate the formation of new kinds of communities and the perpetration of existing ones. However, these forms of impersonal information flow channels have not in any way invalidated the role of 'town gatherings' in making the world go round.

And that brings me to where I'm going - to briefly highlight the power of 'town gatherings'. Far beyond evening meetings of menfolk for drinks and gist, I take the concept of 'town gatherings' to broadly encompass all kinds of circles of influence that might exist: friendships, relationships, business associations, membership societies, etc. These things literally make the world go round. And as long as they do, they provide the strongest avenue for marketing that I know of.

So, if you're reading this and you know anyone who has something to sell, tell them to get in the right communities and talk about their business. If they can, tell them to prime people with some goodwill. You'll be amazed how influential word of mouth can be in helping a business grow!

I've read this great piece on the subject and I highly recommend it for those who want to read more.

Friction and Resistance

2012-04-30T20:39:00.000+01:00

Yet another set of lessons on influence from analogies with physical force. This time it's about friction and resistance. Think about a two-sided kind of influence.

At the most basic level, frictional force opposes motion. The first useful thing to note is that there are several types of friction. This is useful because it is consistent with the observation that the forces that can slow one down in the journey of life cannot be placed into a single category. There are different types.

Of the several types of friction that can be identified, static and kinetic friction come closest to the other points I want to make here. Static friction exists between non-moving surfaces and kinetic friction arises as soon as there is relative motion between surfaces. This simple distinction leads me to the major points of this post.

By definition, static friction does not require motion for its existence; in fact, it actively prevents motion. While this property is of immense benefit in that it ensures that things can stay in place without sliding around, it also constitutes a huge disbenefit because it has no respect for dynamics. It has been said that good is often an enemy for best. What that means is that once someone starts to do well, there is a high level of static friction that needs to be overcome at that point because they tend not to see the need for higher levels of performance. That's the point where you hear people talk of 'attachment', 'comfort', 'satisfaction', 'just good enough', etc. And that is why many will resist change. (Doesn't that suggest that past achievements do not necessarily make good influence?)

Now, that static friction is useful because, just as a rolling stone gathers no moss, it is hard to achieve anything meaningful without staying in one place for some time. However, the static friction becomes a disbenefit because, even when it's time to move, it does not go away; in fact, it fights until it is overcome. The unfortunate part of it all is that many people simply give up too soon just because it seems nothing is moving though they're pushing so hard. Think about this. Suppose you placed your fridge in one corner and your furniture in another. You're fine with whatever amount of static friction is holding them in place as long as they are where you want them to be. Now suppose you suddenly saw the need one day to have them moved around. Then the static friction becomes an enemy! That's exactly how it works in real life as well. In my mother tongue there is a saying which essentially translates as 'nothing good wants to get done.' Most people, I know, will move the furniture and the fridge despite the friction; I wish I could say the same about the more important situations of life.

So much more can be written but I prefer to move on.

Consider, for one moment, what kinetic friction -as earlier defined - might imply. Many will think that two surfaces in contact need to be moving for there to be kinetic friction. That's only partly true. Kinetic friction just requires relative motion. This means that even when only one object is moving and the other is stationary there will be kinetic friction so long as they are in contact. The intriguing thing is that this friction is mutual - acting on both the moving and the stationary object. Thus, there should be little wonder why those who seem to be going nowhere with their life will tend to resist those who appear to be purposeful. Friction!

The next major point is the importance of understanding that there is something called a coefficient of friction. That is the constant quantity which determines how much friction will be at play between any two surfaces. The nice thing about this coefficient is that it depends, more than anything else, on the nature of the two surfaces. That's why lubrication can help to reduce friction because it temporarily alters the nature of the surfaces in contact.

However, lubrication is not a permanent solution to friction (and I don't know any so don't ask me). That's why lubricants need to be replenished. Also, lubricants do not guarantee perfectly smooth rides - they only reduce friction not remove it. Whatever you believe your lubricant is, never run short of supply, never go far away from your source. I can tell from my experience that God makes a great source.

Before wrapping up, it's crucial to point out that as negative as friction seems to sound, it is extremely beneficial. I have hinted earlier how static friction helps things to stay in place. Kinetic friction is the reason why we can run and not fall, why cars can ride and not skid, why wood can be planed, why floors can be scrubbed, and so on. Thus, for as long as one is wanting to make progress, there's going to be need for friction. For as long as one will need cleaning up - internally, I mean - there's always going to be friction. That, to me, is the single most important reason why breaking addictions is very difficult - specifically static friction.

The final thing I'd like the reader to note is the importance of contact. Friction, as a concept, is meaningless without physical contact. That's good news in the sense that whatever source of friction one experiences, reducing contact will always help. But one needs to be careful enough to tell when the friction is good or bad.

Influence from contact

2012-04-02T12:34:00.000+01:00

In physics, the term 'applied force' could be used in reference to any type of force. However, it is most often used when talking about the force that one person or an object directly applies to another person or object. All applied forces are contact forces. In other words, the source of the force must be in physical contact with its object. For instance, picking up a book from the floor, pushing or shoving someone and kicking a ball are all examples of applied force. As every action has an equal but opposite reaction, so does every source of force experience a counter-force from its object.

Applied force is parallel to what I call influence from contact. Just as an object acts upon and is acted upon by every other object in contact with it, so does a human being influence and come under the influence of everything to which he is exposed.

Little wonder, then, that parents and teachers and peers are considered very influential in human development. In fact, I personally consider it a big blessing for one to have good parents and teachers because they both constitute some of the most significant influences for every person, beginning from the first days of life. It is for this reason that they are worth following. However, as they teach, guide and lead, they are also influenced by the ones they influence. People suddenly become more attentive when they have children. Teachers often become irritant or pleasant depending on the responsiveness of their pupils. And, of course, we speak of peer pressure only because peers are influential, and
they don't do that from a distance.

Now, those are just two clear examples of how influence from contact works. One can think of many more. As a matter of fact, the bottomline is that everything - note, EVERYTHING not just EVERYONE - you come in contact with influences you one way or the other. This brings up the challenge of how to deal with the influence. If we realise and accept that the next date, the next meeting, the next conference, the next protest, the next programme will have an influence on our lives, then we will take seriously the kind of contacts we make. We will also take seriously how we respond to contact requests. The other side of the coin is that you play a role in the shaping of the things you come in contact with. If I were you, I would take seriously every activity I get involved in. Why? The specific answer to that you have to figure out by yourself; but the generic answer is that your role has an influence.

Next time the focus will be on friction and resistance.

A little more about influence

2012-03-04T14:34:00.000+01:00

When I wrote on influence the last time, I used the analogy from physics about inertia and forces. In this post and several more to come, I continue along this line. Just as there are different types of forces in the world of physics, there are several types of influence; some good, some bad, some ugly. This is where choice matters.

Speaking of choice, I do not only refer to choosing the kind of inluence you want to be or expose yourself to. I also refer to an equally, if not more, important choice: the choice of response to different influences. Making this choice appropriately starts from understanding: understanding what kind of influences there are, identifying them when you see them and knowing what options there are.

In my next series starting at the end of this month, my attention will be on drawing parallels between the forces known to physics and the influences that mankind always has to deal with.

Let's start with this basic classification. In physics, there are contact forces and there are non-contact ones. Contact forces do not exist unless there is direct touch between at least two objects. The force will arise as a result of the action of one or all objects in contact and/or their reaction. An example is the support force that bears you up when you lean against a wall. Non-contact forces do not require material contact, they act from a distance and in some cases they're so far away that the object experiencing the force does not even know it's there. An example is gravity. Most of us do not even realise that our body weight is simply the downward pull that the earth exerts upon our body.

In a more practical sense, there is the direct influence of parents and teachers (when you discount the effect of the internet) and there is, of course, the non-contact influence of celebrities, government policies and so on. Responding rightly to any of these requires that we know they're even there and that they affect us. A closer look at specific examples of each influence type will start at the end of this month.

On Influence

2012-01-30T21:02:00.000+01:00

As a noun, the word influence means many things. I highlight just 4 of them. First, influence refers to the capacity or power of persons or things to be a compelling force on or produce effects on the actions, behavior, opinions, etc., of others. Secondly, influence means the action or process of producing effects on the actions, behavior, opinions, etc., of another or others. Thirdly, a person or thing that exerts influence is taken to be an influence. Finally, for my purpose here, influence means the exercise of the power of influence by human beings.

All of the foregoing have at least one thing in common: a cause and effect type of relationship. For influence to mean anything, there must be something to act upon, and the action must show some effect. In the absence of an object of influence, the concept doesn't even exist; and when it brings no changes to the status quo, it can't be reckoned with.

According to the Law of Inertia, every body persists in its state of being at rest or of moving uniformly straight forward, except insofar as it is compelled to change its state by force impressed. It is no coincidence that this law represents the first law of motion and one of the most basic yet extremely profound laws in the entire universe.

The physical implications of the law are two-fold. One, an object (of any kind) at rest will remain so forever unless acted upon by an unbalanced force, that is a force large enough to overcome the counteracting effect of the forces that keep the object at rest. Two, a moving object will continue to move forever without changing its speed unless forced to move faster, slower or to stop by an unbalanced force, that is, a force large enough to overcome the forces that have kept the object in its current state.

What do these mean in a practical sense? Simple! As a human being, no one's life will amount to anything unless they have been subjected to some influence. And what one's life will amount to will depend first on the magnitude of the force in action, and secondly on its direction - towards good or towards evil, towards success or towards failure.

Whether we call it motivation, drive or anything else, it's still influence. The good news for mankind is that one can mostly choose what influences one gets exposed to or succumbs to, at least after a certain threshold. As well, one can choose what sort of influence one exerts. As one who knows what he/she is doing, you want to watch what influences you; and as a parent, because your child(ren) can't effectively make this choice, you want to watch how you infleunce them and help them to make their choices carefully. It matters a lot.

I bet you want to think about this as you get on this year!

New year

2011-12-31T14:53:00.000+01:00

On this day, exactly one year ago, I spent a lot of time dreaming. I took several long and hard looks at the new year and thought a lot about what I would do with it: 365 long days, with 24 constant hours in each. These days, I am looking in the opposite direction. So far I have taken several long and hard look back on the year that is now spent. Some of the most important things I have realised is that the year was very fruitful for me. I made several mistakes but was not buried by them. I took several radical decisions but have not regretted any of them. And I have learnt, most important of all, that one year is a really long time during which a lot can get done.

Particularly today, I am looking ahead at the new year. The keys question I'm trying to answer are: 'What things do I want to stop doing, what things do I want to keep doing and what things do I want to start doing?' While thinking about my answers, I have noticed that the 'why' motivates the 'what'.

As you also might be considering making some resolutions for the new year, I think you should consider the following:

Whatever you do not have a strong enough reason for, you will end up not doing at all, not doing well or not doing for long.
Whenever it seems like you're falling short in performance, then think again about where you started from. It might well be that you're forgetting the 'why'.
Never resolve to do anything in the new year that you cannot convince yourself is right by EVERY standard. Being socially acceptable is not good enough.

See you next year!

My work, so far...

2011-12-16T18:57:00.001+01:00

Today, my stock taking went in the direction of my day job. For about a half decade now I've been a researcher - teaching, writing and publishing - in innovation, entrepreneurship and policy. I have just analysed the top 100 words that appear in the titles of my written output mostly since 2006 (excluding my BSc thesis which was completed in 2002). The resulting word cloud is here (reproduced below).

Obviously, it's about Nigeria; it's about development; it's about innovation; it's about sustainability; it's about technology; and it's about learning. The people with whose support I've been able to do this much are arranged here (reproduced below).

Chances are you don't know any of them, and that doesn't matter. The message I'm passing is that productivity needs support. It is extremely difficult for anyone to do anything meaningful with their lives without laps to sit on, shoulders to stand on, arms to lean on and backs to ride on.

MEN THAT WILL SUCEED 24: They just know...

2011-12-04T19:37:00.001+01:00

This is a post long overdue. It's supposed to be the last in my 24-part series of the traits of people on their way to success. By success I mean the fulfillment of some transcendent purpose and not just the attainment of some trumped-up human standards.

A lot has been written about knowledge and how it is strongly connected to performance. I have even heard it said that you are what you know. That's true, of course, but I see a special dimension of knowledge that every serious mind should seek.

Today in some disciplines we speak of many types of knowledge: know-how, know-who, know-what, know-when, know-why...but one that is rarely ever mentioned anywhere is what I'd simply call 'just-know'. Call it intuition, unction, perception, instinct, inspiration or anything else you like. The name is not important, all I know is that you'll know when you've got it. How many times have you felt so convinced about something for no obvious reason, even when everyone else seems opposed, and you turned out to be right? That's exactly what I'm talking about.

People who can consistently demonstrate this level of consciousness are often the most successful, and history bears this out. They are the ones who just know that what they're doing is what they should be doing. You see, no matter how much information we could get about everything, there always comes a time when we have to proceed with limited info; that's when we need to 'just know' what is right. This has even become much more necessary because the world we live in today is becoming increasingly complex and uncertain.

How does 'just-know' come. Honestly I can't tell. I just know that it's important. I also know that it thrives in quietness and a consistent habit of useful thinking. Above all, I know that it thrives in the practice of seeking God.

According to Newton's first law of motion, an object just keeps standing still or consistently moving along on a straight path unless compelled to do otherwise by an external force. By extension, every object needs an exogenous force to make it useful, otherwise it will just keep doing what is most convenient for it even when it's totally nonsensical. Two major lessons I see here. First, nothing comes to its full potential unless moderated by an exogenous power. The force that causes a change of state or speed or direction is never internal to a body, it is always from an exogenous source. Second, what is being moderated cannot fully comprehend its moderator, just as car cannot by itself master its engine. Even the most intelligent robots today only know to connect themselves to power when they're running out but they don't necessarily understand how this power gets there.

What should you take away from the preceding paragraphs? One, nothing is truly exogenous to your world - however you define it - except God. Two, the fact that you don't seem to understand why there could be a God does not mean there can't be one. Arriving at such a conclusion would be as vague as claiming that your mum is not your mum just because you were not there when you were born!

Some reflections...

2011-11-23T22:55:00.001+01:00

Hi there,

As this year runs to an end, I'm planning to wrap up my series on MEN THAT WILL SUCCEED. Twenty-three posts so far, and just one more to post. Thereafter, I'd try to share with you some of the most important lessons I learnt during the year. However, I'm around the point where I normally take stock and I've decided that this blog is one of my starting points.

Beside the usual stats (which I check regularly anyway) I've made an analysis of the most frequently occurring (main) words in all of the posts that appear on this blog. The picture here is the result (reproduced above). Two things I make out of it myself.

One, no matter how much we say or write in our lives, only a little will matter - really. Think of the 80/20 rule here. And it's been said that one of the ways to facilitate personal success is to identify the few activities or factors that drive outcomes the greatest, and then concentrate on them.

Two, people are at the centre of our lives, and that's why relationships matter. This blog is of a more inspirational and motivational nature. Maybe that is why the two words, PEOPLE and FIRST seem to stand out the way they have. However, I can confirm to you that this was in no way deliberate, I just found that out after my analysis. Bottomline, in our quest towards personal development, achievements and success, whether we control for them or not, it is the people around us and our attitudes towards them that will make or mar us.

MEN THAT WILL SUCCEED 23: They care about first impressions

2011-07-07T12:29:00.000+01:00

'Actions may speak louder than words, but until they get to judge your behavior, which can take a while, people will inevitably trust their initial impressions.' (Steve Tobak)

First impressions last really long. And you will never get a second go at it. That is why the first things you do will tell a story and leave a mark that’s going to stick around for long, if not permanently: the things you say when you first meet someone, the way you come across in that first presentation, the way you treat your friend’s siblings the first time you visited, the way you approached your first job, the way you spent your first earnings…

Surprisingly many of us don’t seem to care – or we care too much about the less important things. I am sure one of the first things that will come to your mind as you read this will relate to appearance - what people see you wearing. Of course, that's right - one of my brothers actually told me many years ago that when you're meeting people for the first time, you will be addressed the way you're dressed. Now that's true; but up to a limit. Judging by my own experience (and you're free to compare yours) the idea of first impression deals with the way people appear when I first meet them, TOGETHER WITH the things they say, their level of alertness and above all, their attitude - which unfortunately can’t be concealed! Your dressing only creates a good impression if you don’t speak at all (which leaves people thinking ‘Wow, isn’t that dress nice!’) or you say something really smart (otherwise people will only think ‘This is an idiot in a good dress!’).

Recent research has actually shown the power of first impressions. Naturally, most of us will treat people subsequently on the basis of how they have come across to us the first time we met. Even if we find later that our initial impressions are wrong, it takes time before we shift gears. I quote from the work of Bertram Gawronski and co at the University of Western Ontario: ‘When something that violates the first impression occurs, it is treated as an exception from the rule, rather than as an objective reality.’ And how does this relate to success? Because you need to be in the right company for you to go in the right direction and go fast (see the post on keeping good company). Leaving people with the wrong initial impressions of you only deflates your circle of influence.

Of course you can correct a wrong first impression but it’s expensive. “What is necessary is for the first impression to be challenged in multiple different contexts,” says Gawronski. That’s a natural experiment that even scientists know is hard to set up. Who wants to stick around to observe you all over the place when they already have decided that you’re not worth walking with?

MEN THAT WILL SUCCEED 22: They have a sense of purpose

2011-06-11T10:34:00.000+01:00

I have found that all ugly things are made by those who strive to make something beautiful, and that all beautiful things are made by those who strive to make something useful. (Oscar Wilde)

There are two dimensions to purpose: the first concerns the basis for our existence, the kind of thing that Darwin wanted to explain away; the second has to do with defining a reason for everything we do.

In the first sense, purpose is the ‘why’, the rationale for everything that is exogenously defined: the reason why you’re here, the reason why you’re not dead yet, the reason why you’re a male or female, the reason why you’re black or white, the reason why you have those parents, and so on. What this implies is that one will always underperform when out of purpose. You will never rise to the fullness of your potential unless you’re doing what you were designed for in the first place. For instance, if you had a nice Ferrari parked in your garage and a tree just fell across the road in front of your house, would you use your Ferrari or an ugly chain saw? To the Intelligent Designer who made you, there’s something you should be doing, and until you’re doing it, you’re under-utilized, wrongly utilized or utterly useless.

In the second sense, purpose is your ‘why’ for whatever you do – your choice. Daniel Pink, in his bestseller, Drive – The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, brings out strongly the power of purpose as a determinant of better performance and self satisfaction. The main idea is that when people do things for a specific reason – a purpose that is higher than themselves or any mundane considerations, their performance hits the skies! And that is being proven true everyday: Google, Skype, Apache, Facebook…all started with a clear mission, something of a need they wanted to fulfill. So, in general, purposeful people tend to perform consistently better; purposeful businesses grow faster; purposeful athletes last longer…Why? Because they do whatever they do for a reason – and even more, they know what their reasons are for doing those things.

If only you will take the time to find out the ‘why’, you will spend much less time worrying about the ‘what’.

MEN THAT WILL SUCCEED 21: They Keep Good Company

2011-05-17T21:50:00.000+01:00

‘Success is as much a product of being in the right company as it is of working hard. If you look for success secrets in the Bible, never read Proverbs 22:29 without reading Psalm 1:1!’

The moral is very simple: hard work, diligence, commitment, passion and everything like these virtues will take you really far but the truth is how fast you go most often depends on what company you’re in. Think about when you wrote the references part of your CV. Except you’re from some planet where nothing makes sense, you must have had two primary concerns when you selected those whose names you put in that section: one, they must know you, at least; and two, you must have some certainty that they know you ‘well’ – ‘well’ in this sense meaning that they know well enough to say some good things about you. In fact, if there’s anyone that knows you ‘unwell’ and you’re aware of that, such person would probably never get listed on your CV as a referee. Why don’t your grades or records of achievement matter here?

In my short life experience, I have seen people’s connections make the difference for them. This teaches me all the more that it’s not only about how much you know, but also about whom you know! People get admitted into top-rated colleges just on the recommendation of the right person; people get jobs by bearing a note from someone that matters; businesses sometimes break through by referrals; and the examples can continue of how the right connections can make. There are also many ready examples of how the wrong connections can mar. In fact, a time comes in the life of everyone when all that matters is just whom we know and/or hang around. That is why the most successful people that you will find around hang around with similar people – and the same goes for the most wretched people.

Give a lot of time to keeping in touch with good people; stay in touch with people who share your values; network with your peers who have a sense of purpose; keep a good address book, an up-to-date email list and a business card holder. Go for that conference to meet people, subscribe to that mailing list, join that professional association – do all you can to put yourself in the right company and stay there, it will definitely pay off!

‘A single conversation across the table with a wise man is better than ten years' study of books.’ (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Hyperion, Chapter VII. Quoted from the Chinese)

MEN THAT WILL SUCCEED 20: They learn not to be rash

2011-05-02T16:49:00.000+01:00

"...Everything starts with one step at at time. So start small and plan to finish big." (http://www.fuel-my-motivation.com/Self-Motivation.html)

One of the most important lessons I have learnt about working towards success relates to the importance of being sensible and realistic. While it is crucial to dream big - as you probably already know - it is often fatal to act big! Why? Because you'll lose your motivation quickly if you experience anything that looks like failure.

When the economic crisis hit Nigeria, I know many people who lost fortunes to the burst bubble (I even heard of people who became fatally sick or died as a result!). Why? Because they acted too big - many people seeing the promise of huge returns from the stock market borrowed recklessly to place on stocks. And how badly hit were they when the bubble burst. The consequence? Even now that the atmosphere is safe, most of these people would not go near the stock exchange simply because the apparent big 'failure' of the last few years has taken their motivation away. And why did that happen? Because they acted too big at the outset.

This is the point in much simpler language. Anyone who wants to be truly successful has to learn not to be rash. We're not born with that, as humans. In fact, if anything, we were born with innate myopic rashness. That's why a suckling baby would bite its mother now, forgetting that it is coming back to feed later! That is why we need to learn, as we grow up, that things are not always what they seem.

On the road to success, do not ever think you're competing with anyone because as a matter of fact, you are not! Your life, ultimately, will be judged against the standard set for you - and you alone. So why don't you cut down on the rashness; go slowly, carefully, one step at a time and see how far you will go.

"...you ought to be quiet, and to do nothing rashly..." (the town clerk of Ephesus)

MEN THAT WILL SUCCEED 19: They would rather be right than be popular

2011-04-18T14:03:00.000+01:00

If my life is fruitless, it doesn't matter who praises me; if my life is fruitful, it doesn't matter who criticizes me (John Bunyan)

Success, it's been argued, is a matter of choice; and there are choices we make, I argue, that invalidate the opinions of others. For everyone who has lived through the generations past until now, the huge differences in the number of options available for getting things done is much more glaring. For instance, until 1971 it was impossible to send e-mails; you had to wait for weeks to get messages around via regular post. Today, the options are allmost limitless. That's just one example out of many. But with the new possibilities new threats have also come, and it is becoming increasingly difficult for poeople to decipher right from wrong. The end, it seems, always justifies the means.

But for everyone that would truly succeed, there would be an absolute standard of choice: the right things at all times as far human fallibility would allow. More often than not the right choice is unpopular, and could even attract stigmatisation! Nonetheless, the men whose names we remember in honour today almost all made these unpopular choices and that made all the difference. I borrow the words of Robert Frost to finish this off:

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;	5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,	10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.	15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.	20

'The Road Not Taken' in Frost, R. (1920). Mountain Interval. New York: Henry Holt and Company

MEN THAT WILL SUCCEED 18: They are Teachable

2011-03-30T07:43:00.000+01:00

"No height of achievement should take you to the level where you think there's no more to learn"

Have you ever wondered why high-profile sportsmen and women keep their trainers? Why do you think winning teams don’t do without coaches? Well, I know that winners remain winners only if they remain under tuition. Your potentials to be and remain great is determined mostly by how teachable you are.

It might not be easy but you have to do it. The biggest companies in the world today are all committed to improving their staff quality through training. Why? There’s always more to know. Life, at its best, is like an inverted pyramid. Difficult to climb but at the top is wide and flat. That’s how success is. You learn and strive so much to get to the top only to get there and find out that the largest rooms for improvement are there.

Only teachable people remain on top. In fact, the only thing that will stop you from learning at the top is pride. Otherwise, it’s quite easy to do so. I mean, the best resources are there. The time is there and the incentive is there too.

Follow-up on Two Major Things Part I

2011-03-23T09:54:00.001+01:00

This morning I thought to start my day with some science-based inspiration (I do that quite often but not always). By that I mean to read or watch something that shares a profound truth with scientific proof. Usually I just think look up the first thing that comes to my mind. Now that is a bit crude and has led me to utter nonsense on a number of occassions. But I bet you that each time I find something exciting, like I did this morning, it's always worth sharing.

For many centuries much has been said about how time is important and we should manage it, use it wisely, invest it and so on. But you hear or read very little about how our perception of time could actually influence us in no small measure. That happens to be the subject of these videos. The first is the animated summary and the second is the full talk given by Professor Philip Zimbardo. What touched me most in the presentation is how the professor shows the link between the fast-pacedness of today's society - our desire for control - and youth misbehaviour. That connection was subtly made when he presented the figures on school dropout rates in the US and how that is associated with seemingly harmless and fun-filled technologies! I couldn't help but link it with my January 26 post on the value of quiet.

MEN THAT WILL SUCCEED 17: They learn from Experience

2011-03-14T17:02:00.000+01:00

Today I was preparing the next in the series on Loyalty. Somehow, I came to remember that the last time I posted on the Actions of Successful People was on last December, two days to Christmas. I don't seem to know why but I feel pressed to pause the ongoing series and resume the long-standing one. Hopefully, I will finish it this time with 7 more bi-weekly posts. If you've never read any of the previous posts I suggest you simply use the search bar on the sidebar with the text MEN THAT WILL SUCCEED. That is the standard prefix I have used for all the articles in this series.

Success comes from good judgement
Good judgement comes from experience
Experience comes from bad judgement (Tony Robbins)

The most successful people are those who learn not to repeat mistakes. Procedures may be worth repeating but only dullards repeat mistakes. It’s allowed that everyone make mistakes but it’s not allowed that they make it every time. These is nothing as good as doing things right the first time. And this is where the experience of others comes in. You can’t do things right if you don’t know how. And you can’t know how if you don’t ask how.

Risk taking is primarily about defying the odds to go ahead. But the best risk takers (and who have pulled it off most often) are those who have seen others (or who themselves in the past did) make some mistakes in the past, and are wise enough to avoid repeating them. In fact, the best and quickest way to learn is to observe and then repeat or avoid, depending on what is seen. That is the default mechanism of learning built into man by God. That is how babies learn.

Observe what others have done (or are doing) and make meaningful deductions. It’s much safer and less costly to do that. Why must you make all the mistakes yourself, even though you can’t avoid some? That’s why Sam Adeyemi said that the experience that is the best teacher is someone else’s experience.

As it has been said, if a man cheats you once, it’s his fault; if he cheats you a second time, it’s the fault of both of you; if he cheats you a third time, it’s all your fault. Learn to make them count: what you've seen, heard and been through.

Two Major Things - Part IIa

2011-03-04T21:35:00.000+01:00

As humans, we are incurably social. Everything we do is situated within the context of relationships and interactions. It is within this context that loyalty becomes a highly relevant virtue. Every marriage, friendship, team, army etc cannot thrive in the presence of disloyalty. Unfortunately, the world today tends to treat disloyalty as the norm and loyalty as the exception. And that is closely connected to the way we define success and honour. It is such that everything that matters is what we see, whatever is not seen does not count for much. That is why you see people investing so much in their façade - cars, houses, certificates, money, power...and they will do anything to save their faces and deny their wrongs!

It doesn’t matter how desperately you think you need to save your face and reputation in the present, you create much more problems for your future than you could ever solve if you are disloyal. As far as I am concerned, there is nothing wrong with being wrong, what is wrong is not admitting it when you are wrong. It is completely pardonable to err, but to pretend like nothing ever went wrong is what is inexcusable. If a man falls, it is wrong for him to stay down like nothing can be done. He needs to get up, deal with the issues and get going. But what we often see in today’s society is that people get caught up in errors – in short, they fall – and they pick themselves up, shake off the dust and pretend like nothing ever happened! Such men will always stop short of their ultimate destination, never reaching their greatest heights because one day, the prints they left in the sands of time will be discovered – and how lethal such discoveries are.

Just two comparative examples: Tiger Woods was for 5 years the World’s No. 1 in golf until his marital disloyalty was discovered, mostly blown open by the many women he was involved with. In one year, the man slipped down 4 places and his entire family, let alone his wife could not help him. Dr. Ben Carson, the famous neurosurgeon, was once accused of extramarital affair by a strange woman. It was going to be a scandal because the woman claimed that she and Ben had a love affair but Ben’s wife came out to say it can’t be true; and that saved Ben. The difference between the two men: LOYALTY!

More to come…

Two Major Things Part I

2011-01-26T01:06:00.000+01:00

In today's world, we miss two major things everyday.

One, the value of quiet.

Everywhere is so noisy and everything is moving so fast that it is next to impossible for people to retreat daily, observe nature, take in some deep breath and savour the beauty of the one life that the benevolent Creator has given them, and follow after their purpose (or at least, spend time discovering that purpose).

It is quite unfortunate that parents and the school system contributing to the noise around. A typical child is engaged from the time he wakes up till he falls asleep at night. We are just preoccupied with work, assignments here and there, meetings and countless activities, with little or no time left for daily assessment. Not that these things are bad in themselves but there is an inherent danger in not being able to stop and think: distraction and frustration.

Little wonder life is becoming clumsy by the day and people are losing focus consistently. From an engineering standpoint, I understand that the faster a typical machine runs (and more especially if it does that with little or no break or lubrication sessions), the more heat, noise and vibration it tends to generate and the shorter it ends up living. How wise is the saying that "...in quietness and trust is your strength..." That saying of a great prophet of old ends with "...but you would have none of it." That describes our generation aptly. We just don't want to stop! And the reason for that is that most people are simply purposeless.

Reading Rick Warren's "The Purpose-Driven Life" recently, one of the profound truths I have learnt is that in the serious matters of life, simpler is always better. Why? Because the more purpose-driven you are, the less you veer off your lane, the less you get distracted, the less you will want to do, and the less will be your perceived need for speed.

Come on, you are not competing against anyone but yourself in the race of life. The ultimate standard against which you will be measured is the standard that was set for you, and you alone - and that's why being purpose-driven helps you to keep it simple. Purpose helps you to know the difference between what you really need and what you merely want. Purpose shows you the line between what matters and what does not.

Unfortunately, as important as it is, purpose is absolutely noiseless. It associates only with the quiet. Perhaps much more unfortunately, many of us erroneously believe that when we are achieving our purpose, we should generate some noise in form of ovations and loud events. That is not necessarily true - but it is not necessarily false either, only that it is more false than true! In innovation studies it is understood artifacts are not innovation themselves, they are just the embodiments required to sell the innovation. So events and activities and accolades and whatever are not purpose in themselves, they are mere artifacts that serve to embody purpose, they are vehicles through which purpose is expressed. It is rather important to pursue purpose than artifacts. A life that is purpose-driven will announce itself, taking along with it the artifacts.

What then does one do to maintain some level of quietness in this noisy age? First admit the need to cut down on your excesses as an individual. There are so many things you do each day that you can do without. Then take time off each day to do nothing but think. You have to decide on your own what to think about, but remember - good or bad, you eventually produce what you think predominantly about. Above all, be committed to your purpose, in case you have found it. If not, then that's where to begin.

Whatever goals you set and even achieve do not count much towards your fulfillment if they don't contribute to your reason for living. It does not matter how many times you can use an axe to peel oranges, until it hews wood, it has not achieved much.

No excuse, really

2011-01-09T05:34:00.000+01:00

It's about 5am and I've not slept a bit since last night. Doing what? Studying, reflecting and thinking. My attention was also partly on the TV - CNN precisely. The news of the Tucson, Arizona mass killing that took place yesterday had lingered almost all night. When I heard the name of the suspect for the first time at 5:09am, I typed it into my search engine and got hundreds of thousands of hits - from the relevant to the downright nonsensical. One of the top hits had a profound effect on me. There was already a full-blown wiki page complete with detailed references!

'How could anyone have done this so quick?' I asked myself.

'Well, it's the information age,' I answered myself.

And that is really true; that wiki page demonstrates the power and speed of information in this age that we live in for two important reasons:

On most interest websites or information portal, someone is responsible for updating content for some pecuniary gains. On Wikipedia, to the best of my knowledge, that does not happen. It's an 'open day' so if something comes up on wiki, it must mean that an interested person simply put it there.
Considering that the event occurred at about 1700hrs GMT (and I am writing this approximately 12 hours later), the wiki page came up in record time, kind of.

So what am I getting at? Whatever information you need to move forward this year, believe it or not, someone has put it out there. And every piece of knowledge you require is readily available because now people talk about things as they happen. If you did not realise it before, well, I am now telling you that 'thou art inexcusable, o man.' Just look around and you'd get all the knowledge you need. But like I did with that piece of news, you've got to look; things don't just happen, people make them! So if your typical excuse is still along the lines of 'I don't know...' then my news for you is that 'you have no excuse, really.'

As the year begins...

2011-01-01T16:09:00.000+01:00

'...a deadly blast, just after midnight. Nearly 72 were killed and many more were injured...'

Did you hear that? It took place in an Egyptian church! In Nigeria on Christmas eve and New Year's eve it also happened. Remember the words of Jesus in Luke 13:2,4. No one is better than anybody...'but time and chance happens to them all'

As the year begins, thank God for where you are - wherever that is - and stop complaining!

If you're dissatisfied then do something and don't just stand there whining like a kid!!!

Going...going...gone!

2011-01-01T00:00:00.000+01:00

Happy New Year.

If you have ever been at an auction before, then the statement that forms the title of this piece is not new to you. I have heard it a couple of times before and I think I understand how it works. The person directing an auction waits for people to call out their bids in turn and when he is satisfied or a higher price seems not to be coming, he shouts 'Going...going...gone!'

During the two 'goings' a bid would still be valid but once 'gone' is said, a bell usually sounds and that's it, the price is fixed and it does not matter how high a price anyone calls, it is invalid and cannot be taken into account. Why? Because the time of bidding is gone, and in fact the item on sale is 'gone' to whoever called the last bid before the bell was sounded. A new item then comes on and everyone interestd starts to bid.

There are two important things to note here.

1. There is a time when it is too late to do anything about the outcome of an event.

2. The end of an event necessarily marks the beginning of another one.

If you are reading this now, then you're in 2011, no doubt; but you should also know that the time that you can do anything about how your 2010 ends (or rather, ended) is gone. If you don't believe that, try to alter what you earned in November 2010 in the books and see if you would not be charged with fraud! The moral here is that once an era is ended, you can't influence it any more. That's why past history cannot be re-written. It cannot be changed, for instance, that Thomas Edison 'perfected' - and is generally credited with inventing - the incandescent light bulb.

Someone said that you may not have a brand new beginning but you can start afresh from where you are and have a brand new ending. The wisdom here is that if you want to change the outcome of an event, the time to do that is not after the event. Does any coach change the result of a match after it's been played? So, if you want 2011 to end in a way different from 2010, then start doing things differently now. Do you realise that from 12 midnight today, the first 'going' sounded. The year 2011 is already hours short (and maybe days, weeks or even months short by the time you are reading this) so 'what you have to do, do quick', like that old poet said. Therefore, if you think your 2010 could have ended better, why don't you start doing the things that will bring about the improvements you desire now.

I tell you this, if you repeat exactly the same things you did in 2010 from now on, you will get exactly the same results by the time this year is ending - maybe even worse due to diminishing returns! I totally agree with the sage who wrote that a definition of madness (or insanity, if you like) is to keep doing the same things and expect different results. Something has to change in your approach if the results you get must improve. Read that additional book, walk that extra distance to take that extra class, pay that extra amount to take that extra course, work a few extra hours or spend much less time lazing around; just do it, whatever you need to do to make this year different.

Believe it or not, it is never too late to start. Sam Walton was already 44 when the first Wal-Mart store opened, Larry King started 'Larry King Live' at 52, Allan Stewart was 91 when he got his LLB, Jenny Wood-Allen completed the London Maratohon at age 91, Edgar Dowse got his PhD at 93...and the list continues. For you it should not be that late, so if someone asks you what time it is, you should answer, 'It is my time!'

But the only time you've got is NOW, and remember, once it's 'gone' you can't help it anymore.