United Irish Pubs

Chuck Norris Blend 100% Kick A!

2007-12-14T14:58:00.000-06:00

By now I'm sure many internet fiends know about Blentec's Will It Blend.

How will Chuck Norris fair, I wonder.

News, news, news

2007-09-30T18:44:00.000-05:00

Michigan Shutdown

Two Environmentalists Anger Their Brethren

A very feisty girlfriend...

2007-09-16T02:44:00.000-05:00

...courtesy of Weird Asia News

24 year-old Wei has a very loving girlfriend… Maybe too loving.

When Wei went to see his girlfriend recently they began to kiss. She apparently got so excited that she accidentally bit off Wei’s lower lip. Bit off to the extent that the bottom lip was actually still hanging in her mouth.

Wei was rushed to a hospital in the Chongqin area of China, but the tissue from his mouth was already dead. The doctor was forced to use tissue from other parts of his body to fix his lower lip.

As strange as this story is, it is not the first time Wei’s girlfriend has taken to biting him. It seems whenever she gets excited, biting and hurting Wei is the only way she can be satisfied.

“My girlfriend’s zodiac sign must be a dog”, Wei jokes… while the doctor seems to suggest it might be something psychological with the girl.

Russian Government Dissolved

2007-09-12T20:54:00.000-05:00

Russia PM goes as Putin dissolves government
By Mike Eckel, AP
Published: 12 September 2007

President Vladimir Putin has dissolved the Russian government on the request of the prime minister, the Kremlin said Wednesday, a major political shake-up ahead of crucial parliamentary and presidential elections.

The dissolution is expected to result in a new head of government, who will be seen as Putin's choice to succeed him after he steps down next spring.

Prime Minister Mikhail Fradkov said he asked for the dissolution because with elections approaching, Putin needed to have a free hand to make decisions, including those concerning appointments.

Putin agreed: "You might be right that we must all think about how to structure the government so that it better suits the pre-election period and prepares the country for what will happen after the parliamentary and presidential elections."

Under the Constitution, Putin now has two weeks to propose a new head of government, which the lower house of parliament, the State Duma, then has a week to vote on. Russian news agencies said Fradkov would serve as acting prime minister until the vote.

The parliamentary elections are scheduled for Dec. 2, followed some three months later by presidential elections.

The newspaper Vedomosti, citing unnamed Kremlin officials, reported Wednesday that Sergei Ivanov, a first deputy prime minister and a leader contender to succeed to Putin, could be appointed prime minister in the near future.

Another first deputy prime minister, Dmitry Medvedev, who is a top executive at natural gas monopoly OAO Gazprom, is considered the other leading contender.

The Independent

Broken Blog, Broken Computer...

2007-03-01T02:22:00.000-06:00

What's next?

a post

2006-12-21T02:14:00.000-06:00

I am not a lush.

look it up and figure it out! use your brain and teh interwebz, or maybe an actual bound, dried, tree-pulp volume of Websters!

Teh Odd and Amazing News

2006-12-08T09:38:00.000-06:00

Making My Ears Bleed...
Warm Fuzzy Feeling
All The Pain Money Can Buy
By Fastball

http://www.publicaffairs.ubc.ca/ubcreports/2006/06dec07/jaws.html

http://www.livescience.com/animalworld/061207_fish_cooperation.html

http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30000-13555822,00.html

New Toy

2006-12-05T19:15:00.000-06:00

Numly Copyrights! woot

17590-061205-934731-72

© 2006 All Rights Reserved.

Bubble Fusion

2006-12-05T19:03:00.001-06:00

Bubble Fusion Confirmed by LETU Research

Fri, Nov 17 2006

LeTourneau University physics professor Edward R. “Ted” Forringer, Ph.D., and an undergraduate student have just returned from the American Nuclear Society (ANS) winter conference in Albuquerque, N. M. where they presented two papers confirming the existence of fusion in collapsing bubbles.

It has long been observed by scientists that sound waves in a liquid produce flashes of light when bubbles collapse. This phenomenon is called “sonoluminescence.” Professor Rusi Taleyarkhan, Ph.D., from Purdue University was the first to successfully show that these collapsing bubbles can produce fusion of two deuterium nuclei. This process is known as acoustic inertial confinement nuclear fusion, commonly called “bubble fusion.” Taleyarkhan’s results had been called into question, but now have been substantiated by Forringer and his students.

“Articles published March 2006 in the premiere international science journal, Nature magazine, prematurely dismissed Taleyarkhan’s work,” Forringer said. “Two students and I went to Purdue University in May to conduct our own research, collecting, analyzing and interpreting our own data that substantiated his previous work.”

One paper on bubble fusion, co-authored by professor Forringer, senior David Robbins and sophomore Jonathan Martin, has already been peer-reviewed and accepted for publication in Transactions, a publication of the American Nuclear Society. A second paper with Robbins as lead author, along with Forringer and Martin, is currently being reviewed for publication.

And why has bubble fusion generated so much press?

“All other successful methods of producing nuclear fusion are very expensive, requiring large collaborations at national laboratories. But bubble fusion can be replicated inexpensively on a table top with the right conditions and equipment,” Forringer said. “Fusion holds promise for clean, cheap and abundant ‘green’ energy, and our work provides another promising step for further research.”

Forringer and his students are continuing their bubble fusion research at LeTourneau University.

The Pub Opera Widget!

2006-11-30T16:59:00.000-06:00

Hey Opera users!

Check the feeds sidebar and use the widget!

Happy Turkey Day!

2006-11-22T14:05:00.000-06:00

Scientists find genetic oddity protects sex cells
Antisense IME4 shows nature's yin-yang economy

David Cameron, Whitehead Institute
November 21, 2006

Researchers have found that a class of RNA molecules previously thought to have no function may in fact protect sex cells from self-destructing.

The findings from MIT, the Whitehead Institute for Biomedical Research and the Institute for Systems Biology in Seattle were reported in the Nov. 17 issue of the journal Cell.

Central to this discovery is the fundamental process of gene expression.

When a gene is ready to produce a protein, the two strands of DNA that comprise the gene unravel. The first strand produces a molecule called messenger RNA, which acts as the protein's template. Biologists call this first strand of DNA the "sense" or "coding" transcript.

Even though the other strand doesn't contain a protein recipe, it may also, on occasion, produce an "antisense" RNA molecule, one whose sequence is complementary to that of the messenger, or sense, RNA. Antisense RNA has been detected for a number of genes, but is largely considered a genetic oddity.

Using common baker's yeast, Cintia Hongay, a postdoctoral researcher in the lab of Whitehead member and MIT Biology Professor Gerald Fink, discovered that in the case of a gene called IME4, the antisense RNA blocks the sense RNA. In other words, the gene disables its own ability to make protein.

"This is the first case where a specific function in a higher cell for antisense RNA has been found," said Fink, senior author on the paper. "This points to an entirely new process of gene regulation that we've never seen before in eukaryotic cells."

There is a method to this sense/antisense madness, one that has a kind of yin and yang quality.

When conditions around yeast cells are good and rich in nutrients, the cells divide by mitosis--that is, the DNA duplicates so each daughter cell receives exactly the same number of chromosomes as the original cell. However, when the yeast cells are starving, IME4 switches on and activates a process called meiosis. Here, the cells divide into germ-cell spores that, like mammalian egg and sperm cells, have half the number of chromosomes. Yeast spores withstand this harsh environment far more ably than the larger cells from which they originate.

But in some cases, flipping the meiotic switch can be catastrophic. If a cell with only one copy of each chromosome (a haploid cell) is forced into meiosis, the progeny won't survive. Fortunately, such destructive meiotic division is avoided in haploid cells because they continually produce IME4 antisense RNA, blocking the production of sense RNA. Antisense IME4, then, safeguards against meiosis in cells that can't handle it.

"For years scientists have evaluated genomes by measuring the sense RNA, with antisense transcripts thought to have no meaning at all," says Fink. "Here we've found a process in which antisense RNA regulates sense RNA. This same process may occur in the sex cells of mammals. In fact, considering how widespread these antisense transcripts are, I wouldn't be surprised if these findings eventually lead us to discover an entirely new level of gene regulation."

Hongay is now searching the yeast genome for other genes that might be regulated by antisense RNA.

Additional authors of the paper are Paula L. Grisafi of Whitehead and Timothy Galitski of the Institute for Systems Biology in Seattle. This work was supported by the National Institutes of Health and a Ruth L. Kirschstein National Research Service Award postdoctoral fellowship.

MIT

7-Eleven gets rid of Citgo

2006-09-27T16:23:00.000-05:00

7-Eleven Drops Citgo as Supplier
AP
DALLAS (Sept. 27) - 7-Eleven Inc. is dropping Venezuela-backed Citgo as its gasoline supplier after more than 20 years as part of a previously announced plan by the convenience store operator to launch its own brand of fuel.

7-Eleven officials said Wednesday that the company's decision was partly motivated by politics.

Citgo Petroleum Corp. is a Houston-based subsidiary of Venezuela's state-run oil company and 7-Eleven is worried that anti-American comments made by Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez might prompt motorists to fill-up elsewhere.

Chavez has called President George W. Bush the devil and an alcoholic. The U.S. government has warned that Chavez is a destabilizing force in Latin America.

"Regardless of politics, we sympathize with many Americans' concern over derogatory comments about our country and its leadership recently made by Venezuela's president," said 7-Eleven spokesman Margaret Chabris.

"Certainly Chavez's position and statements over the past year or so didn't tempt us to stay with Citgo," she added.

Instead, 7-Eleven, which sells gasoline at 2,100 of its 5,300 U.S. stores, will now purchase fuel from several distributors, including Tower Energy Group of Torrance, Calif., Sinclair Oil of Salt Lake City, and Houston-based Frontier Oil Corp. Chabris said 7-Eleven's decision to sell its own brand was based on many factors, including Citgo's decision this summer to stop supplying stations in parts of Texas and other states to focus on retailers closer to its refineries in Corpus Christi, Lake Charles, La., and Lemont, Ill.

But 7-Eleven had been considering creating its own brand of fuel since at least early last year, and some analysts suggested 7-Eleven may be hyping the political angle somewhat as a way to curry favor with U.S. consumers.

"This has nothing to do with Chavez," said Oil Price Information Service director Tom Kloza. "They (7-Eleven) just didn't want to be tied to one supplier."

Kloza said all 7-Eleven did was seek out suppliers who could sell it the cheapest fuel and "that was not Citgo."

Citgo officials did not immediately return calls for comment.

In July, Citgo decided to stop distributing gasoline to 1,800 independently owned U.S. stations because it was a lackluster segment of its business.

In order to meet service contracts at 13,100 Citgo-branded stations across the U.S., Citgo had to purchase 130,000 barrels a day from third parties - a less profitable business model than selling gasoline directly from its refineries.

09/27/06 12:10 EDT

Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. The information contained in the AP news report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press. All active hyperlinks have been inserted by AOL.

Iraq, Iran, Saudi Arabia, and stability

2006-09-26T13:26:00.000-05:00

AN UNCIVIL WAR:

Deadly Neighborly Games

Growing Concerns in Saudi Arabia If you are part of the governing royal family in Riyadh, two developments are to be avoided at all costs. First, you do not want a Shi'ite-dominated Iraqi government in power. Secondly, you do not want an Iraqi alliance with Teheran. The strict Wahabi theology in Saudi Arabia regards the Shi'ites as heretics and fundamentally objectionable. In addition, having a country across your northern border controlled by Shi'ites and influenced by Teheran is a basic security threat.

Some people speculate about how long Abdullah ibn Abdel-Aziz al Sa'ud, who became king and prime minister on 1 August 2005 after the death of HM King Fahd ibn Abdel-Aziz al Sa'ud, can retain power. The royal family is seen as aligned with Washington, D.C., and many fundamentalists view the inroads of Western culture in Saudi Arabia an outcome of this relationship. Social problems and excesses of princes are contributing to growing levels of public frustration with the royal family. Robust economic activity is helping to create more opportunities for Saudi families this year, but this fact is not slowing the conversion of moderate Muslims to extremism, particularly among the impressionable youth.

The Dangerous Game Powerful Saudis are reacting to developments in Iraq and the potential overthrow of the royal family in Riyadh by building alliances with Sunni extremists in Saudi Arabia and providing funds for the Sunni insurgents in Iraq. Their organizations are recruiting jihadis and transporting them to the huge Western Iraqi province of Al Anbar (Majority Sunni, borders with Syria, Jordan and Saudi Arabia). This desert province has become a conduit for supplying Sunni forces and and the staging camps for volunteers. Analysts presume that al-Qaeda has a role in the operation, but it is a fact that necessity is building new relationships. Attempts by the undermanned American forces to stop the flow of materiel and personnel to the Sunni insurgents have been mostly unsuccessful.

During 2004-2005, American troops were the primary protection for the non-Kurd Sunnis in Iraq. Throughout the strife, insurgents from each religious sect have driven civilians from their homes and into refugee camps, which offer some degree of security but but almost no basic necessities. The strengthening of Sunni forces and escalation of fighting has halted the early progress on providing electrical power, water, and other utilities in Iraq.

Conclusion Life in hell, as Time Magazine called the country, is likely to get worse because:

1- Shi'ite Prime Minister Nouri-al-Maliki met with Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in Teheran in mid-September 2006. The rhetoric indicated that an alliance was developing between the present government in Baghdad and Iran. This is a Saudi nightmare.

2- The Sunnis involved in the unofficial civil war on both sides of the Iraqi-Saudi border believe that they have about three more years of the American occupation (until a few months after the January 2009 presidential inauguration). This time must be used to substantially weaken the Iraqi Shi'ite paramilitary forces and infiltrate and intimidate the army and police.

Iraq is the killing ground. Iran is providing arms, intelligence, and selected volunteers to the Shi’ites. The Saudis and others that view this as a pivotal struggle are doing the same for the Sunnis.

Extremists against extremists.

Will they exterminate each other? No, because a long queue of volunteers exists on both sides.

DIRECTOR'S PERSPECTIVE Last Updated 21 September 2006

For media inquiries: Contact Saruhan Hatipoglu (Director of BERI S.A.) at sshatipoglu@beri.com

Copyright 2006 Business Environment Risk Intellegence

I'm a target...

2006-09-25T21:04:00.000-05:00

for military recruiters.
Army:
This time in Walmart.
He was about the size of Rowe.

He told me basic was easier than football practise.

I call BS.

Katrina: one year later

2006-09-02T17:46:00.000-05:00

September 01, 2006
The Unlearned Lesson of Katrina
By Robert Tracinski

In the press coverage of the first anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, we expect a fair bit of the usual throwing around of blame for political advantage, but to my surprise that has not been the main theme of the coverage (though Ted Kennedy couldn't resist a crudely partisan tirade). Instead, the dominant theme of the anniversary coverage is what is not being mentioned. Having reported the wrong story about the flooding of New Orleans one year ago, the press is trying to protect its distortion by excising from history the events that gave many Americans their greatest shock.

What shocked many of us was not the hurricane itself, nor the response of the federal government--outrage against the Bush administration was cultivated later. What shocked us first was the response of the people of New Orleans themselves: the immediate looting, the collapse of the city government as demoralized local police walked off the job in the middle of an emergency, and the thousands of people wallowing in squalor while demanding that someone else come to help them. These are the facts that the mainstream media has downplayed or just plain ignored.

Ironically, it was the press itself that first brought this story to our attention, by focusing its reporting on the crime and squalor at the Superdome and the New Orleans convention center in the days after the levies failed. But the press soon began to backpedal, realizing that they had miscalculated. They showed us too much of the squalor, too much of the rampant looting and lawlessness, and too many ungrammatical ravings by foul-mouthed New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin. The American people began to lose their initial reaction of sympathy and to wonder instead why so many inhabitants of New Orleans were more eager to blame others for their plight than they were to lift a finger on their own behalf.

The media had hoped for an opposite reaction. They wanted to induce guilt, telling the rest of the nation that the wretchedness of New Orleans was somehow our fault. For example, New York Times columnist Frank Rich lectured us that the poor people of New Orleans "were left behind to suffer and die when the people of means began sprinting toward higher ground. They are the ones who are always left behind, out of sight and out of mind, and I'd be surprised--given the history of this country--if that were to change now." Didn't we understand that the story was supposed to be about America's heartless indifference to the poor?

Let's take a critical look at the events, from a year's perspective, and see what the real story was.

The left is correct on one point: the story is all about federal spending and the welfare state--but not in the way that they think.

Frank Rich and company claimed that people were trapped in New Orleans because they had been abandoned for decades by a stingy government that denied them an adequate level of welfare handouts. In fact, New Orleans received a higher per-capita rate of federal welfare spending than most cities--a full 78 percent more than the national average--and the districts hardest hit by the flooding contained some of the city's largest public housing projects. The welfare state had showered its largesse on New Orleans, but with what result?

In fact, the disaster in New Orleans was caused, not by too little welfare spending, but by too much. Four decades of dependence on government left people without the resources--economic, intellectual, or moral--to plan ahead and provide for themselves in an emergency. I stated the lesson at the time:

What Hurricane Katrina exposed was the psychological consequences of the welfare state. What we consider "normal" behavior in an emergency is behavior that is normal for people who have values and take the responsibility to pursue and protect them. People with values respond to a disaster by fighting against it and doing whatever it takes to overcome the difficulties they face. They don't sit around and complain that the government hasn't taken care of them. And they don't use the chaos of a disaster as an opportunity to prey on their fellow men....

People living in piles of their own trash, while petulantly complaining that other people aren't doing enough to take care of them and then shooting at those who come to rescue them--this is not just a description of the chaos at the Superdome. It is a perfect summary of the 40-year history of the welfare state and its public housing projects.

In the week after the disaster, a New York Times reporter profiled two New Orleans families and their different reactions to Katrina. The main difference was not money; neither family was well-off. But one was from the lower middle class--people who are used to working for a living and providing for themselves--whereas the other family fully represented the welfare state mentality. The first family pooled their efforts with their extended family to drive out of New Orleans before the storm hit and stay at an inexpensive hotel farther inland. The other family didn't leave New Orleans until the flood waters reached their own home--and along the way, they blew their "last $25 dollars to buy fish and shrimp from men grilling them on the street"--with apparently nary a thought for what they would live on after dinnertime.

The main difference between these two families was not money but responsibility. That is also the difference between the people in New Orleans who stockpiled necessities like food, gasoline, and bottled water before the storm hit, and those who waited until after the storm and looted whatever they needed--which apparently included televisions, jewelry, and DVDs--from the local Wal-Mart. Many of these looters, especially those who struck within hours after the storm passed, were not in any kind of desperate need. As one of them explained to a reporter, "People who have been repressed all their lives, man, it's an opportunity to get back at society."

This fellow acquired his sense of ethics from the welfare state--and from its spokesmen, like Frank Rich.

This sense of victimhood and entitlement brings us to the other mainstream media claim about Katrina: that it unmasked America's institutionalized racism and showed, as one rapper proclaimed, that "George Bush doesn't care about black people." (It could be argued, incidentally, that "rap music" is itself the most insidious form of institutionalized racism today, peddling a debased view of blacks as thugs and whores that exceeds the wildest slanders of Ku Klux Klan propaganda.) But what are the actual facts about Katrina and race? The Coast Guard and National Guard toiled relentlessly for four days to rescue thousands of people from their roofs, saving as many as 50,000 people--most of them black. And an analysis of deaths from the hurricane showed that mortality rates were slightly higher for whites than for blacks. So much for the myth of the racist hurricane.

But that doesn't mean race was not an issue. Katrina exposed the virulent racism of many blacks, who are raised on a culture of victimhood and grievance and think the rest of the nation owes them a prosperous living. On September 10, for example, Fox News Channel broadcast a live interview with a Katrina evacuee in Houston, a self-parody of the Angry Young Black Man who demanded a $20,000 debit card from FEMA and shouted at the camera: "We didn't ask to come on that bus.... It's like a slave ship. It's just like, you know, back in history, you know, they put us on a slave ship.... Just give us what the f--- we deserve."

What was he describing as a "slave ship"? The buses sent to rescue people from New Orleans--the same buses whose absence in the first days after the flood were considered evidence of nationally institutionalized racism. There is certainly prejudice involved here; this young man has prejudged America as guilty, and he simply grabs at any rationalization that will confirm his bigotry.

Like this young man, the media has blamed Hurricane Katrina on a massive failure of government--which is also true, but again not in the way that they claim. It was not primarily a failure by the federal government, which is not supposed to be the first responder to a natural disaster. The first responders are supposed to be the state and local governments--who failed utterly.

Mayor Ray Nagin failed to devise or administer an evacuation plan--remember that famous photo of dozens of school buses that were left to be swamped by the flood waters instead of being used to evacuate flood victims?

Instead, Nagin spent the entire crisis complaining about what other people weren't doing to save his city. When asked where he was during the crucial moments of the disaster, Nagin snapped back, to the world at large, "Where were you?"--as if a random resident strolling the streets of Buffalo bears more responsibility for the plight of New Orleans than the city's own mayor.

That Ray Nagin is still mayor of New Orleans, one year later, is the worst possible indictment of the city's corrupt culture. In 1979, the people of Chicago voted out their mayor because he failed to ensure the timely plowing of the streets after a heavy snowstorm. Ray Nagin presided over an unprecedented collapse in city government, and the people of New Orleans re-elected him. A large number of New Orleans voters are still stuck in the fantasy of holding everyone responsible for their lives except themselves.

William Jefferson also represents the local political culture well. He's the congressman whose home district is in central New Orleans--and he's also the congressman recently caught hiding $90,000 worth of bribe money in his freezer. Nagin and Jefferson are typical political products of the welfare state. Their job is not to protect citizens' lives and property, but to dole out vast sums in vote-buying patronage to their supporters and constituents, and occasionally to skim a little off the top for themselves.

And that brings us to the role of the federal government. The federal government's problem is not lack of spending. Over the decades, Louisiana's congressional delegation has funneled billions of dollars to a vast system of canals and levees, which failed--not because they were inadequately funded, but because they were inadequately designed and built.

And what about federal spending on the rebuilding of New Orleans? The federal government, far from ignoring the Gulf Coast, has pledged the astonishing sum of $120 billion dollars, far more than for any previous natural disaster. Tens of billions have already poured out of the federal coffers--largely to disappear into the unreformed swamp of Louisiana political corruption.

Yes, this is about a failure of government, all right. It's about the failure of big government and the welfare state and the whole philosophy behind them. It is about the vital necessity to move away from government handouts and toward personal responsibility and private initiative. Hurricane Katrina demonstrated that the moral difference between self-reliance and dependence on government is ultimately the difference between life and death.

The only institution for which the press has any praise on the anniversary of Hurricane Katrina is, naturally enough, the press. They have spent much of this week congratulating themselves on what a marvelous job they did--which is the surest indication that they have completely missed the real story.

Robert Tracinski writes daily commentary at TIADaily.com. He is the editor of The Intellectual Activist and TIADaily.com.

Teh Nerd News Attacks!

2006-08-31T19:24:00.000-05:00

Making My Ears Bleed...
Listening
In Love And Death
By The Used

Weird News
Hedgehogs vs. McDonalds
Tech News
Sweet Laptop Mouse
AMD/ATI Laptop Platfom?

The Nerd Returns

2006-07-03T20:08:00.000-05:00

Microsoft demos Windows Vistaa and Office 2007...on a Mac?

My new cellphone.
We (the Malones) recently renewed our cellphone contract and I got a buggy Moto v557. So we called Customer Care and they said, "We no longer carry the Moto v557." >_<
"Well what do you carry?", said we.
Not-so-long-story short, I'm getting a Moto L2.

Thus concludes my post.

PS Have I said I have a job?

I work at Superior Chair in Belton, Tx.

More from the waiter

2006-06-26T20:11:00.000-05:00

June 26th, 2006
HOW TO USE A CELLPHONE WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE AN ASSHOLE

I don’t own a cell phone. I used to but I got rid of it. It never worked during those “emergencies” mobile carriers try and convince you are survivable only if you own one of their phones. Has anyone done a study proving cell phones make life safer and better? When you factor in the high bills, distracted drivers, traffic accidents, rude behaviors, and the occasional bout of brain cancer I doubt that it has.

I know most people can’t dream of life without cell phones. Personally I think they’re contraptions whose true value’s been ruthlessly marketed to separate people from their money. Ringtones for a buck? Data plans? Text messaging? Video and TV? In the words of Warren Buffet, “You make a product for a penny, you sell it for a dollar and you sell it to addicts.” And make them addicts while they’re young! Don’t believe me? They have cell phones for toddlers now!

I am not, however, a total antediluvian. Cell phones are miracles of technology and I know they’re here to stay. One day I might even have to break down and get one. But as a waiter I find cell phones a great annoyance. People using cell phones often think they’re creating a bubble of personal space within the public domain. Inside that bubble people think they can act like they’re at home – complete with yelling, inappropriate language and subject matter they’d normally whisper in private. Of course the bubble’s an illusion. There’s no private space - we can hear every word they’re saying! And if you ask someone talking on a cell to lower their voice or go outside what happens? They get all pissed off! This is very similar to what happens when people are confronted inside another artificial zone of personal space – their car. Ever heard of road rage? It’s the same principle! Talking on a cell phone while driving is like mixing Valium and Jack Daniels – not a good idea.

The development of technology has always outstripped the development of manners. Maybe, one day, social mores will evolve with technology and we’ll live in a quieter, more civil world. But until that day arrives I’ve decided to bitch about cell phones and share hard won etiquette tips I developed after watching restaurant patrons act like idiots for years. So, without further ado I present….

HOW TO USE A CELLPHONE WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE AN ASSHOLE

1. Do not use your cell phone while driving. Pull over. Even hands free phones are distracting.

2. Refrain from using the cell phone on the subway, bus, airplane, and train.

3. When eating out do not use your cell phone at the table! (Unless you’re using the web browser to read Waiter Rant.) Go outside. I don’t care if it’s raining.

4. Talk normally. There’s no need to yell. If your surroundings are too loud maybe you shouldn’t be using your phone.

5. If you have to say, “Can you hear me now?” five times – they can’t. Hang up.

6. Do not interrupt a conversation with a real live person to answer your cell phone. (Transplant surgeons are exempt from this rule.)

7. Do not use your cell phone to talk to someone in the same room.

8. When out with coworkers or friends, constantly checking your phone for messages is annoying.

9. Text messaging while talking to another person is rude.

10. Your kid’s text messaging at the dinner table is rude! I can make them stop with a look. Why can’t you?

11. If your call gets dropped, wait a few minutes and get into a better coverage area before calling back. Don’t frantically try calling me back NINE times in thirty seconds forcing me to listen to static. I don’t like you that much.

12. If you see a number you don’t recognize in your phone’s missed call log, don’t ring it at three AM saying, “Yo! I got a call from this number! You call me? Who’s this?” Pathetic.

13. Stick with one ring tone - you all know what I’m talking about.

14. Stopping abruptly in the middle of the sidewalk to answer your cell phone is moronic.

15. Make sure the phone’s charged before you leave the house. Restaurant outlets are not for your cell phone. Fluvio’s cell phone chargers already use up all the Bistro’s available outlets. (He has 5 cell phones, 2 Blackberries, and 2 PDA phones!) You knew this post was coming Fluvio.

16. Guys – when eating with other men in a restaurant don’t whip out your cell phones as you sit down and put them on the table. Nothing says “Gee, I wonder if his is bigger than mine?” than that little maneuver.

17. Put the phone on vibrate in a restaurant. Actually put it on vibrate everywhere. Put the damn thing in your pants if you’re looking for a little fun.

18. Unless you’re expecting a call from God - turn off your phone in church, synagogue, or the mosque.

19. Set the ringer volume below an ear shattering 200 decibels.

20. Don’t use the phone’s video camera in inappropriate places. Try using it in a strip club and see what happens.

21. Don’t keep the wireless headset plugged in your ear when not using the phone. The coolness quotient on that expired years ago. And while you’re blabbering into space don’t be offended if I mistake you for a schizophrenic. Sometimes I can’t see the headset.

22. If you’re running late the ability to call your boss from the road does not magically make your tardiness OK!

23. Having a cell phone does not mean you can change your plans nine times before actually meeting up with friends. Pick a time and place and stick to it.

24. Don’t have your friends call you with an “emergency” to extricate you from a bad date. Be a grownup and deal with it.

25. If you’re going to be late for a restaurant reservation please use your cell phone and tell us!

26. Turn off your cell phone at the opera, ballet, movies, live theater, and concerts. Again, transplant surgeons are exempt.

27. Turn off your cell phone before doing anything romantic – use your imagination.

28. Cell phones shouldn’t be allowed in schools. If parents are so concerned with their kid’s safety they shouldn’t vote down the school budget every year or elect local Mussolinis to the Board of Education. Cell phones won’t teach a kid how to read or make then any safer. Besides – it makes cheating so much easier.

29. Answering your cell phone at a wake is the pinnacle of self involvement. You’re going to hell. Sorry.

30. Just turn the thing off. You don’t have to be available all the time.

31. Full disclosure – I’ve done some of the above mentioned stupid behaviors. Mea Culpa!

the above is copyright 2006 WaiterRant.net

Sex weasels!

2006-06-05T21:52:00.000-05:00

I was watching some sex show on Discovery Health Channel only long enough to hear this: "Do certain odors arouse men and women?" So I kept on watching.

According to the show, Women are most aroused by a combination of cucumber and licorice, and Men are most aroused by pumpkin pie and lavender!

Women are turned off by such odors as barbecue, whereas, men are revving over just about any smell.

Science yet again affirms that men, thats me and the guys, have the sex drive of weasels.

"If women had the sex drive of men, we would be going at it like two weasels.
If men had the sex drive of women, life would be one long, wonderful conversation."
-some pastor in Denton, Tx

2006-05-22T23:26:00.000-05:00

Making My Ears Bleed...
Cast It Out
The Autumn Effect (iTunes Version)
By 10 Years

Happy birfday to me! Twenty-two on the twentysecond, a once in a lifetime event.
Enough about me and more about other stuff.
Such as... The Da Vinci Code movie
and I have no job (please call me Remedy Staffing)

The Da Vinci Code movie
*******************
(if you haven't seen it or read the book this ditribe is a bit of a spoiler. you have been warned)
*******************
Ok here's my review.BORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!
For once I agree with the French. In Cannes, they laughed at it. In Temple, I would laugh if I wasn't in danger of falling asleep. There was an undue amount of talking. It was like watching an audiobook. One thing that caught my attention was when they brokedown the surname "Sangreal." Sang | real. "Sang" - Latin for blood and "real" where "regal" or "royal" is derived. Hence, sangreal means blood royal or royal blood when the adjective-noun order is rearranged into the English agreement. This last name indicated the bloodline of Christ.
Now to break it down Texas-style, Latin is the root of three languages: Italian, French, and Spanish. The Latin word "sang" looks remarkably similar to the Spanish word "SANGre" which means blood!
Ok language lesson over. The overarching danger the movie and book pose is the historical ignorance of the viewer and/or reader. Thats all for now.

a short blurb

2006-05-20T23:22:00.000-05:00

so much to talk about and not enough brain power left to type it

I'll post more tomorrow if I remember.

and now the news at 2:10AM

2006-05-13T02:05:00.000-05:00

much perponderance. more later.

tomorrow (or later today, depending on the way you view time) much cleaning (throwing stuff away!) must be done.

Yes I am a Nerd

2006-04-14T03:55:00.000-05:00

Making My Ears Bleed...
Nails For Breakfast, Tacks For Snacks
A Fever You Can't Sweat Out
By Panic! At the Disco

Currently Watching
Mai-Hime (Vol. 1)

I need to go to sleep
hopefully I'll post later to-day.
*my audience waits on the edge of their seats and waits by the phone with hopes of a call*

[The scribe passes out]

Lack of posts

2006-03-26T17:12:00.000-06:00

Lots of stuff going on...

and a lack of posts.

sorry guys and gals

New Speakers in the Land Yacht!

2006-02-19T21:36:00.000-06:00

Thanks Wes

Front Doors

Rear Deck