Unreasonably Dangerous Onion Rings

Here Is A Stupid Idea That Is Stupid

2013-03-31T09:21:00.000-06:00

Hey there! You know how, each morning, you have a cup of hot coffee and then mess around on your phone, reading Facebook updates or whatever? And you know how, every time you do that, you wish that your phone was simultaneously being charged and that your coffee was getting cold faster? No? What's that? You're saying that your phone is already charged because it's morning, and that you'd

The Most Awesome Thing In Space (If You Have The Maturity Of A Twelve-Year-Old)

2013-03-10T06:47:00.000-06:00

There's a lot of science that's kind of boring if you don't understand it or its implications. I get that. But there's also a lot of stuff that's awesome in the world of science, despite being almost literally unbelievable when you first hear about it. This is one that I was perusing recently that, upon further thought, is hilarious if you have a dirty mind. I'll show you. In that

Death From The Skies! Or Something.

2013-03-01T12:30:00.000-07:00

First of all, the first sentence of this post's title is taken from Phil Plait's book of the same name, which is awesome. It looks like this. You should buy it and read it, and then make all the people you know do the same thing. It's a really good book and Phil is really cool and here is his website also, from which I will be drawing heavily for this post as well. Be internet friends

Electrolux's Ten Design Lab Finalists (Are All Fucking Stupid): Part Two

2012-10-27T08:00:00.000-06:00

Last week, we talked about the first five finalists (I don't think they're ranked in any way) of the Electrolux Design Lab Competition. All of them, as you may recall, were the product of the drug-fueled raves/Photoshop parties that I have no choice but to believe are the chief activity of all design students. In my head, they take ecstasy and hang out in the CAD studio, and then when they

Electrolux's Ten Design Lab Finalists (Are All Fucking Stupid): Part One

2012-10-20T08:00:00.000-06:00

Think back to what you were doing on Wednesday, September first, 2010… Don't remember? It's ok, I do. You were eagerly reading through that morning's blog post from your favorite internet writer (me) because I assume you're all loyal and dedicated readers who have been with me from the start. The headline in question was this one: Click here to go read the article because you know you want

How Pinterest Is Making Women Intolerable

2012-10-16T19:28:00.000-06:00

If you read the title and are already upset, then you're already part of the problem. If you don't want to read the opinions of those who think differently than you, you might as well close the browser and move on. Speaking of which, women. I have long said that women are too nice to each other (or at least pretend to be), and that's what leads them to be sensitive and emotional. I'll clarify

Thanks To Everyone Who's Paying Attention

2012-09-18T13:14:00.000-06:00

So at some point last … early this month, the blog surpassed 200,000 all-time pageviews. I was going to make a big deal out of it, but I forgot and now we're at 202 thousand and something, so yeah. Thanks to everyone who reads the blog, "likes" the Facebook page, and follows me on Twitter. I assure you I'm still writing, but I've been on a brief hiatus because school is hard. In the meantime,

Blow Me, You'll Feel Better

2012-09-07T08:00:00.000-06:00

Yes, I know, that was a somewhat crude title. It is not, however, misleading. You see, a little while ago I read on Inhabitots (Inhabitat's despicable hellspawn) the following headline: I was intrigued, naturally. And being a responsible and intelligent member of the human race, I naturally look up the original study every time the word "study" is mentioned in a news story. Apparently I'm

18 Comments On Science That Make Me Sad

2012-08-27T08:00:00.000-06:00

You've all heard of Richard Branson, right? He started Virgin Records from the crypt of a church when he was a teenager and now he's a multi-billionaire. He also owns Virgin Atlantic Airways, Virgin Mobile, and 400 other companies. He also tried to set the speed record for sailing across the Atlantic in 1985 (and failed), succeeded the next year, then set the speed record for crossing the

The Horrifying Implications of Childhood Nutrition

2012-08-17T08:00:00.000-06:00

I'm going to show you an advertisement that's been on TV a lot recently. If you watch TV, you've probably seen it. What you didn't see are its terrifying implications. Here's the ad. Seems fairly innocent, right? You even get that fun imagery of the donut with the hole in it at the end. Now that was good for some gentle, Family-Circus-style chuckles. But wait. Let's dig deeper. First

Nendo’s Cute Plant-Shaped AirLeaf Mini Won't Do A Goddamn Thing

2012-08-13T08:00:00.000-06:00

Every once in a while, I think about how many of my posts come from Inhabitat. Sometimes I feel like this blog is just becoming a response blog to everything they post, and I wonder if I should change the name of the blog to some clever pun like Incompitat or Inhabijustshutthefuckupalready. Sometimes I think I should just lay off. But then I remember just how much bullshit comes out of

Go And Be Skinny Somewhere Else

2012-08-10T08:00:00.000-06:00

I go to the gym a lot. When I say "gym," I mean a climbing gym because that's more awesome than what you mean by "gym." I'm sorry, I can't hear you … over the deafening sound … OF MY OWN AWESOMENESS. Regardless of where you go to get your swell on, there are probably all shapes and sizes of humans there, from giant marine mammals on legs who'll cancel their memberships as soon as February

For Parents Who Don't Like Their Children

2012-08-06T08:00:00.000-06:00

There is a thing called a Taga. Apparently, it's the ultimate bike-stroller combo. I wasn't aware that bike-stroller combos were a thing, so being the "ultimate" one doesn't seem like much of an accomplishment, but fine. Now, you may have looked at that headline and had a vague sense of foreboding. A feeling of dread, the origins of which you were uncertain. I'll show you what that

Transportation Ideas That Won't Work (Because Of Science): Part 3

2012-08-03T08:00:00.000-06:00

I'll keep this one short. A company named Innowattech (innovation + watt + tech. Get it?) wants to put piezoelectric pads under railways to harvest electric energy from passing trains. Trains roll over the pad, the pads compress, electricity happens, and eco-conscious morons the world over collectively cream their pants because we've MAGICALLY GOTTEN ENERGY WHENCE THERE ONCE WAS NONE. This

Hypersensitivity

2012-07-30T08:00:00.000-06:00

This all started when I was reading Busty Girl Comics. For the record, BGC are not porn. I'm sure some disgusting and desperate soul somewhere has masturbated to them, because it's the internet, but that's the kind of person who could probably masturbate to pictures of missing children on milk cartons, so they don't count. BGC, simply put, is a series of simple but well-drawn comics of the

Transportation Ideas That Won't Work (Because Of Science): Part 2

2012-07-27T08:00:00.000-06:00

So in our last post that was titled like this, we visited some douche who thinks that he can get energy out of cars by making them worse. That was a bad idea. This idea is quite a lot worse. Here's the headline: In case any of you were hoping some of these ideas wouldn't be from Inhabitat…sorry. Again, a preposterously bold claim. The idea is that this train would travel in a vacuum tube,

Transportation Ideas That Won't Work (Because Of Science): Part 1

2012-07-23T11:08:00.000-06:00

Eventually, there will come a day when people stop listening to "designers" with no background in physics who propose physics-based things. Until then, the word "designer" will continue to mean "dude with AutoCAD/Photoshop skills, a wild hair up his ass, and no connection to the actual world that real people live in." Now when you're designing a lampshade that is made out of thousands of soda

How About You Learn How The Goddamn Camera Works First?

2012-05-02T01:15:00.000-06:00

Recently, I found yet another article with a title in the form of a question. Here's a hint for all you people that read things on the internet: if someone titles an article in the form of a question, it's not as interesting as the question would lead you to believe. Before you go checking my archives to find examples of hypocrisy on my part, I can tell you that I've used them in my titles

More Like Universal SATAN Bus…

2012-02-27T08:00:00.000-07:00

Back in October, a group of evangelical Christians in Brazil called the Paz do Senhor Amado (Peace of the Beloved Lord) banned the use of USB connections because they're Satanic. And what makes them Satanic? Because the logo looks like a pitchfork (or trident, if you prefer), an implement commonly used by the devil in Christian iconography to torture souls sent to hell. There are a

Such Levels Of Incompetence I Have Scarce Witnessed

2012-02-22T20:08:00.001-07:00

This one time, and by this one time I mean Monday, April 11, 2011, I wrote a piece about how Joshua Kors has roughly the same computer literacy as a brick, if that brick was also bad with computers. But today, I found someone who tops him. The person in question is named Monika Runstrom, and she is very pretty, but luckily I am unable to be distracted by things such as beauty and so I

Pizza ≠ Vegetable

2012-01-27T08:00:00.000-07:00

Back in November, Congress declared that pizza was a vegetable in a funding bill that addressed subsidization of school lunches. A rider to the bill stipulated that ice cream counts as a calcium supplement and that a jar of bacon fat is now defined as a protein shake. I dare you… At least I think that's what happened. After all, look at all these headlines! Here's the Huffington Post (

Think Jesus Preached Love? Think Again.

2012-01-20T22:59:00.000-07:00

I want to start with a word. It's a simple word; it's only four letters long and not at all difficult to pronounce. It's anatomical in origin, it's almost 800 years old, and yet it still is considered by some people to be "one of the few remaining words in the English language with a genuine power to shock." The word is "cunt." According to the Online Etymological Dictionary, the word has

No Means No, Even If You're Justin Bieber.

2011-12-18T02:03:00.001-07:00

"Baby" by Justin Bieber is the most watched video on Youtube. It's been seen close to 700 million times for a collective watching time that would make you sad, so you can do the math yourself because I'm not telling you. It has garnered over seven million comments, and even if you think Justin Bieber's overrated or that his fans are insane to a degree that makes them a danger to themselves and

In Which Inhabitat Thinks That Magnets Are Magic

2011-12-09T08:00:00.000-07:00

I have written about Inhabitat—and the occasionally-somewhat-interesting items that they post—nine times now. This will be the tenth. For the newcomers: Inhabitat is a blog that will write about basically anything that even claims to be environmentally friendly, even if that thing is useless/impractical (examples 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5) or even downright impossible (here and here and also here). And

Attention Facebook Vigilantes: Shut The Fuck Up.

2011-12-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

Recently a friend of mine posted this on his Facebook wall. All I did was blank out the names. "Wow," I thought to myself, "those are both perfectly reasonable reactions to what I'm sure is a headline that has not been dramatized or blown out of proportion even a little." In my experience, people are always very reasonable and do lots and lots of background research whenever they say