reality in wonderland

Valentine's Day

2012-02-13T22:47:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow will be Valentine's Day and i don't know why but everybody is asking how will I celebrate and what he gave me and all that~

Ray and I never really had a real Valentine's Day celebration as that boy doesn't like it. He doesn't fancy the idea of celebrating love once a year as he said that love should be celebrated every day. So as a girlfriend, I should be more understanding right?

No.

I am a girl that loves being pampered..showered with gifts and attention..and duh..flowers and chocolates on random days don't kill...and yes, surprising me once in a while doesn't hurt too.

In another word, I have always wanted to celebrate Valentine's Day with my ah bi :(

The thing is, I know that if I allocate him some of my time and be available to him on special occasions, I know that I won't be ranting here..

Ray and I have been a couple for 3 and half years and still counting. I rarely have time for him..only half and hour for lunch and also another extra hour IF he fetches me to the train station from college..which means he'll have to rot and grow mushrooms waiting for 2-4 hours for my class to end..just so that he could meet me for another hour or so.

Sometimes, I'm this ungrateful girlfriend that takes him for granted..and nag and fight over small petty stuffs like him making me wait for 10 mins at the train station just because I arrived first and I hate waiting for others. Sometimes, I give him silent treatment for playing his favourite computer games, without being grateful that Ray, a normal typical boy that likes gaming and hates shopping, would voluntarily bring me out WHENEVER I can, just so that we can have proper dates like most couples out there.

From the beginning of my relationship till today, which is exactly 3 years, 6 months, 2 weeks and 6 days, Ray never fails to call me every single night and chat with me till I'm sleepy and finally sleeps, yes, with him still on the line. Because our relationship is really different from others around us, it isn't an easy one. Many a time we are challenged and nearly gave up but most of the time, we'll fight to apologize to each other after fights.

Due to restrictions, Ray and I don't get to celebrate special occasions like anniversaries, birthdays and valentine's on the exact day. Sometimes, we celebrate is a week earlier, or after the day itself. Ray and I don't get to go on movie dates and hell, we don't even get to meet during my semester break, even if it my break is long one. I used to ask him if he'll drive an hour just to meet me for 5 minutes..don't need to guess, the answer is Yes but only after not meeting each other for more than two weeks (don't ask me why is he so specific=.=) but now I don't anymore coz I know, my baby Ray will try to do whatever he can just to meet me a little longer.

I am never a perfect girlfriend. I am a sore loser and a number one whiner. I don't know how Ray puts up with me and I can bet my boobs that many have asked him the same question too..let me get this straight, my boyfriend here isn't a perfect one either. He farts a little too much and his ego is as big as the sun..he will not even TRY to make me feel better when I cry during fights and instead, gets pissed and hangs up. See? its only fair that I cry and whine all the time. :D

I am seriously envious of those couples that gets to be together but takes each other for granted by fighting and breaking up instead of trying whatever it takes make up when it is freaking hard for Ray and I just to MEET each other and have a decent meal together. Sigh. I can't wait to graduate and finally have a NORMAL relationship with my boy..and for my boy to finally have a full time girlfriend. Yea September please come quick!

Happy Valentine's Day to my ah bi..I really love the present you gave me..and the very rushed Valentine's Day lunch today...funny how we race each other to see who finishes their lunch first..hahaha!

If someone were to ask me "Who loves who more?", the answer will definitely be I love you MORE. ^^

Next year, we'll finally be able to celebrate all the special days together! Wait for it ok? :) I know you will...

Love,

your dirty cat, lazy worm, sleepy pig and whatever stupid nickname u gave me over these years.

and yes,

your beloved gf, me!

women's rights to socialize

2012-01-17T22:50:00.003+08:00

its been a long time since i last wrote and essay and this semester, i am forced to write one out..

here's what i managed to vomit out at the very last minute..

Rani

Realization hits Rani as she stared emptily at her bleeding wrist. The tingling sensation became the only reminder to her that she was still alive, as she laid there, limped. It was as though nothing in life was worth living anymore. Like a rewind old film being played, memories after memories flashed before her eyes as tears streamed down her bruised face.

**********

“Rani! Why are you not cooking yet? Do I have to do it myself? You’re such a useless girl! Go make yourself useful and prepare lunch!”

The eleven year old Rani silently kept away the cloth in her hand as her ears continued ringing with her mother’s nagging. All she wanted was to finish wiping the floor before cooking. It did not make the situation any better, with her spoilt brother constantly demanding for lunch when clearly, she is busy with something else. Rani knew for sure that today will be yet another day her name would be called during assembly for turning up late at school.

As she rubs her aching shoulder, Rani trailed after her brother, who could not even care less that he had bumped her on the way back home. It occurred to Rani that her brother would again, be missing in action for the whole day. Much to her surprise, she was actually relieved that she would be able to complete her chores without her brother’s officious demands at home later. Now, if only her mother would do the same.

So much that Rani fears her father, his appearance gave Rani as sense of security. The constant tormenting and teasing by both her mother and her brother would be put off as long as her father was around. Just as Rani thought it would be a peaceful dinner, her mother’s voice broke the silence by asking her brother about his day. And so it began. The exaggerated description on how Rajan had won the pebble-throwing competition over a bunch of brats like him and the many times he repeated that it was fun gave Rani a rebellious urge of wanting to have at least one day like Rajan instead of being imprisoned by endless chores at home.

“Amutha, remember Mr. Siva? He wants to wed his son, Muthu, to our Rani here and they’re thinking about next year.”

“What? How much will did they ask for?”

“Well, about ten thousand? I’m not very sure about this but it’s around this amount.”

“FOR HER?”

Her parents spoke as if Rani was invisible. Not wanting to let her future being decided as such young age, Rani pleaded her case but was cut off bluntly by her mother’s stinging words. With a broken heart, Rani continued feeding herself as she silently agreed that maybe, she was indeed lucky that someone wants somebody like herself as their wife.

**********

“Rani! How long do you need to wash a few dishes? Do you want me to teach you how to wash quickly? Can’t your useless pair of hands move any faster?”

She was proven wrong by her naïve fifteen year old, thinking that she would be better off married. But marriage life was a whole lot of De Javu; the only difference was the characters. The constant tormenting and teasing was nothing new but yet, her heart crumpled each time bullets of words being fired at her. Her husband’s presence would be the only thing Rani look forward to each day, with a feeble hope that Muthu’s presence would ease the situation, that it would provide her with the miniscule sense of security she longed for.

Rani was distracted by Ah Soh’s effort to strike a conversation with her while they were scrubbing away on their laundries. Battling with her inner self, Rani tried hard to decline Ah Soh’s offer to take a stroll with their children in the nearby park but it was to no avail. Ah Soh’s sympathy on her situation contributed to her struggle with her inner self to decline. After all, Ah Soh was the nearest thing she could call a friend.

“Aiyoyo! Like this ar, I think I die lagi better lor! Teruk la!”

Ah Soh’s instantaneous reaction when Rani confessed that she has never been out with a friend before stirred Rani in a way that even she could not understand. These few words that came from Ah Soh have kept Rani thinking why was she still putting up to all these.

**********

Ignoring the running tears, Rani realized that what hurt the most were not all these memories. The freshest memory, happened only moments ago, opened her eyes. But yet, she could not fathom what had actually possessed her husband to raise his hand and strike her face, mercilessly. From that moment on, Rani knew, death was her only salvation. Her scars and bruises had told the story of her ruthless life in which she was determined to put an end to. She stared hard at the knife. She chose death. Rani gave up.

*disclaimer: I wrote this essay for a presentation on discrimination on women's rights to socialize. This essay is all made up by me.I am not intending to be racist if you wanna comment on my choice of race and culture. it.is.made.up. I am not being racist. Don't feel offended.

cliché new year post part 1-my last year's resolutions

2012-01-06T21:56:00.005+08:00

yes, for it is tu-owh-wan-tu, i shall too, write a cliche new year resolution post which i know i won't be keeping..muahahah! but since its still the beginning of the year i shall wrap up my 2011 in 11 points and make 12 resolutions for this year :D

ok i am too lazy to write sooooooo panjang panjang..so i shall be lil miss pandai pandai sendiri and break this-supposed-to-be-post into 3 :D

first, it shall be my review of my last year's resolution and...the one million dollar question is of coz..did i achieve it?

lets start with my last year's resolution~you can find them here :D

summing up..i.failed.badly.at.keeping.my.resolutions.

right from the first one!! geesh~

1. i did not lose 5 kilos..but i freaking maintained my weight..only keeping them yo yo-ed like 2 to 3 kgs back and fro..

yes homie, we're still fat T.T

2. blardee scars are still here unfortunately..seriously i've been slapping them with god knows how thick of chemicals but still~they're here..besides plastic surgery, what the hell can i do huh?=.= but luckily, its getting lighter and i can KINDA wear minis now~but still..mad ugly!! fml..

did i just ramble 3 full lines of the bloody scars?=.=

3. failed number 3 badly T.T in fact, its worse now!! i wake up craving for weird things like taufu and duck rice..and get this..tomato sauce=.=

4. this is IMPOSSIBLE!! seriously why do cats exist anyway?? they're just furry hairy dirty and scary..they are damn freaky la can!! when they approach u..with that bloody garangfied face..and they freaking like to do that when you're eating! and they'll start harassing your legs!!! GAHH!!!!

...

....

failing number 4 is not my fault.

5. YES I DO HAVE SOME SAVINGS NOW!!! thanks to the bf who controls my spending..or else i'll be broke, begging on some random pavement..hahaha!!

6. i am currently a counselling psychology diploma holder and will be getting another one in 10 month's time for diploma in early childhood education..why didnt i go for degree then? coz i know i'll be too dumb for that..haha!! nah~i wanted to go HELP with all my friends but..i decided that pursuing the diplomas in one go before degree will be the right thing to do..and guess what?

i.fucking.regret.this.la.can.

7. pfft!!! can anyone tell me what the hell is a decent haircut? =.= and my hair is still dye-virgin :D though so, it can be said that 2011 was the best hair year..haha! not 2012=.= stupid noob hair..

8. i think i made enemies lor..but meh~i DO have more friends now! in fact, it would be mad sad case for me la okayy..omg imagine going through one year without having a single new friend..how saddening is THAT?? ~forever alone~

9. this i can confirm..MEMANG achieved=.= my heels aren't spoiled coz its worn out..its spoiled coz its left in the cupboard for too long and it flakes! =.= its ok~i bought more heels to spare~and clothes..staring at a cupboard full of clothes yet having nothing to wear is a sign of having not enough clothes.

10. fail. nuff said.

there you go..out of 10 freaking resolutions..i kept and achieved like..only 5..half only=.= what the shit..@@

its ok=.= more resolutions to fail this year! hahahaha~

happy new year people..i know its late but blekkkkk...i am a busy person :D

busy being lazy.

weeee~~~ :D

a bad apology is worse than a no apology..

2011-12-22T22:08:00.005+08:00

a bad apology is worse than a no apology..

somehow this quote has gotten into me..i am amazed by how these simple words make so much sense and how every single one of us is able to relate with it..

at times..well, let me reconstruct that..most of the time, we screw up. We'll never fail to fill each days with mistakes and such, makes up to what we are today. Mistakes are often responsible for all the memories and lessons we have learned.

Not many, including yours truly here, is able to admit to our mistakes, ESPECIALLY to the ones we love and care about. We humans are arrogant bastards.

WE.NEVER.APOLOGIZE.PROPERLY.

here's some example of bad apologies.

1. I'm sorry you feel hurt by what I've done.

-now, this is an apology alright but sense that 'I'm-not-responsible-for-your-feeling' kind of defence? this is a bad bad apology.

2. I apologize for what I did but you also need to apologize to me for what you've done.

-omg i am good at these kind of apologies. oh come on who am i kidding? this is not an apology, its asking for an apology.

A good apology is like an antibiotic while a bad apology is like rubbing salt in the wound.

No one will feel better and at the end of the day, all you're reminded of is the pain and the sting that will last for god knows when.

So how to apologize properly? There are three parts of a proper apology.

1. What did I do wrong

2. How bad I feel about it

3. How do I make this better

now, most of us will question the third there coz as you know, when you're pissed and angry, you will seem to master the art of sarcasm.

As i have more time for myself now, I always make it a point to think about what did i do for the whole day, and am I enjoying this one month break which is meant to bring me back to life after college decided to suck the life dry from inside out of my already empty soul. wow, that's a long sentence=.=

so anyway, this semester break, i finally have the time to watch more tv, eat real food, and what I enjoy the most is having nothing to bother and not having to plan on what time should i get back to my work. I will miss this feeling very very soon!! why why why WHY is college so sadistic? can't even give the students some real enjoyable college life..pfft!!

so back to the point of this post..

which brings me to the point i wanted to say before i started rambling all about my dull life..

I have finally looked at my lifeless life and managed to actually ponder upon this year, which has only a few more days before i say bye bye to it..and I thought to myself..

wow, what a bitch I have been.

wow, why am I this angry person?

so i want to take this chance to apologize to the people around me..to the ones that were hurt from my saying and doing..and also for all the things I have done...for all the thing you expect me to do and I failed and disappoint you again and again..

and also, to myself, for putting me into these shoes I am in right now...

I just really really hope and wish that next year will be a less harsher year for me..2011 kinda sucks..

this time next year, I'll be in awesome places doing awesome things earning awesome bucks..

LAST YEAR OF BEING A STUDENT, HERE I COME!!

this song sings my feeling~

2011-11-27T15:13:00.000+08:00

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/it-will-rain-lyrics-bruno-mars.html ]

it will rain-bruno mars


If you ever leave me, baby,Leave some morphine at my doorCause it would take a whole lot of medicationTo realize what we used to have,We don't have it anymore.
There's no religion that could save meNo matter how long my knees are on the floor, ohSo keep in mind all the sacrifices I'm makingWill keep you by my sideWill keep you from walking out the door.
Cause there'll be no sunlightif I lose you, babyThere'll be no clear skiesif I lose you, babyJust like the clouds,my eyes will do the same if you walk awayEveryday, it will rain,rain, rain
I'll never be your mother's favoriteYour daddy can't even look me in the eyeOooh if I was in their shoes, I'd be doing the same thingSaying there goes my little girlwalking with that troublesome guy

But they're just afraid of something they can't understandOooh well little darling watch me change their mindsYea for you I'll try, I'll try, I'll tryI'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleedingIf that'll make you mine
Cause there'll be no sunlightif I lose you, babyThere'll be no clear skiesif I lose you, babyJust like the clouds,my eyes will do the same if you walk awayEveryday, it will rain,rain, rain
Ooooh Don't you saygoodbye, don't just say, goodbyeI'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleedingIf that'll make it right
Cause there'll be no sunlightif I lose you, babyThere'll be no clear skiesif I lose you, babyJust like the clouds,my eyes will do the same if you walk awayEveryday, it will rain,rain, rain...

Read more: BRUNO MARS - IT WILL RAIN LYRICS http://www.metrolyrics.com/it-will-rain-lyrics-bruno-mars.html#ixzz1et5qO4km
Copied from MetroLyrics.com 

seriously, clean yourself up after you shit..

2011-11-16T03:31:00.003+08:00

seriously some people don't know how to clean up their own shit...or they prefer to make other people do it...seriously clean yourself up after you shit..you're an adult..don't you know the meaning of responsibilities? or your puny brain is too small to squeeze that one freaking word in it?

throughout cece, i am cleaning after your shit..really really exhausted being in the same group with you..i don't know why cece has this stupid policy anyway..the first time, ok fine..maybe you still don't know how...second time, ok fine..maybe you've tried..but then third time, fourth time..and now, its been a year plus and still, you're like this!! damn you!!!

this project is really a hard and heavy one..this is my 6th night in a row not sleeping!! all because? i have to clean up your shit..enough wey...

next sem u're on your own..

i'm through with you....

fuck you.

street photo shoot..

2011-11-10T15:39:00.005+08:00

i know i appear really tak ladylike to some people out there but i can be ladylike and gentle and girlish..the other day, janice and i went for an outdoor shooting with yu han and sze ming..and of course guarded by the two body guards cum driver cum sweat wiper cum drink buyer cum food feeder cum umbrella boy and whatever odd jobs u can think of for the two boyfriends, rayson and max..ok, it sounded really really weird i need to clarify that max if janice's laki..and not mine. i don't fancy having a shorter guy and smaller guy as my boyfie. here are some products of the day...

ok malas go cari dy..hahaha!

u guys can go here for the pictures anyway..its the same..

here's some of the more relaxed and natural pictures which i think looks better..but these are unedited..so yea..

group shot <3

from left, fishy yuhan, ray, me, janice, max and sm

i like how relaxed we both looked :D

ok the purpose of this shot was purely to show off my long legs..hahah!

my reaction when the sun came out :{

ahh...the famous flare...look at how we bask on it...hahah!

this shot was candid by the way..

the magic of friendship :)

during break...cheeee!

can't believe we're only friends for 3 years..haha!

two stalkers..hahah!

nah..the boyfies' pathetic attempt to cover the pipe thingy..haha! mad cute!

janice's attempt to jadi hantu lapar...hahha!

jump!

*look at how the super hard effort ray needs in order to lift his huge body up=.=*

and i shall end this post with a big picture of us :D

the world's most supportive boy..

so supportive he can be my bra!<3

i really think games and i have no fate T.T

2011-10-19T23:57:00.007+08:00

Usually, the boyfriend and I meet about 1 hour daily, which is spent travelling to kl central in time for my train..sometimes, we stop somewhere to get food to munch on..sometimes we chat and chat and chat the whole journey..sometimes we laugh and laugh at stupid things which I don't remember..and sometimes, we just spend the time being with each other..holding hands and enjoying each other's company for this short one hour per day. This one hour is the time I look forward to the most throughout the whole day.

You see, I have to travel about 3 hours a day in public transport and its only natural for me to have entertainment okay! or else I will go like @%$#$# by the time I graduate, which is another one freaking long year..geessshhh!!! fml...

So anyway, that particular week, I brought the good ol' gameboy to play with..I played 'The Sims' which I am really good at! *cough* and freak!! stupid sims have to corrupt my file T.T Iwas soooo rich then T.T thats when I ditched 'the sims' and left the gameboy lying in my bag, forgotten.

so the other day, we were having this laughing-holdinghands-and-eating day and reached kl central a little earlier which means we have about 15-20 mins to spare. Rayson wanted to play with the gameboy because he 'wants to feel like a child again'...geeshh..but I was still angry at 'The Sims' for corrupting on the rich me so i took out the other game..

what game?? SUPER MARIO!! super duper epic and old school super mario somemore!!

freak..I regretted lor! coz he played and ignored me...$%^&^%$#$%^&

look at his awesome concentration! i doubt he concentrates as much during lectures...

but it was cute to see him play the gameboy..i don't know how he can master that freaking game T.T i can't even pass level one...stupid mushroom will never get eaten when I play and stupid tortoises and flowers HAVE to kill me la...ish!!!

ps: I am still playing the gameboy in the ktm till today..I have ditched 'The Sims' and of course stupid Super Mario and now i am playing TETRIS!! what? don't judge..you're playing Tetris in Facebook too..mine's portable so its a little cooler..but I have yet to find out..how not to die as soon as I reached level 8 T.T

i suck in games T.T excluding The Sims of course! XD

so now you know how bored am i=.=

bye!!!!!!

no matter how serious life gets...there'll always be that one person whom you can twenty-four-seven be silly with....

i still love this picture very very much..he looks like a retard..haha!

things i do when i'm bored=.=

2011-09-25T23:13:00.002+08:00

yes i camwhore when i'm bored..or when i dress up which is rare okay!!!

oh yea...and this too...

BYEEEEE!!!!

update for the sake of uploading my bigass picture to scare spiders away from my blog :)

the 'END' in the word 'friEND' will always be there...because we never seem to appreciate what we have until we have lose them.

2011-09-17T03:54:00.004+08:00

in late nights like this, amidst the busy work and craps...i usually take time out for myself, and let my mind wonder off...thats a better way to say i day dream all the time...especially when i'm alone..but thats not the point here...

people around me probably are sick of inviting me out for many many occasions as usually my answer would be the same..fear not, i'm usually more disappointed than you are. even i'm sick of myself. sometimes i would not even bother to think of going and just reject the invitations...as the bf says, i'm a kaki jalan...memang pun...now that i tak jalan...i shop online..which is worse, as maybank2u is indeed TOOOOOO convenient...so convenient that my money flows out but not in...

omg i cant seem to stick to one point here..all the points are rojak capalang-ed...

today, i would like to talk about friendship...got this quote of from twitter, seriously they have the best quotes there..but don't read when you're emo..or u'll ended up bombarding your fb status with quotes=.=

friends...apparently i have plenty...true friends? apparently, i'm poor in that...but some put it up with me till today, which proves their friendship no? haha~yea, when i'm happy there'll be plenty to share the joy with...when i'm sad..not to say that friends don't line up with open ears..but somehow, i felt more closed up than i was ever before...guess that people do change after all...somehow, nowadays, i would prefer to keep things on my own...

high school friends~

yea they're there...for the random outings which is a rare occasion for me...for the yearly cny bai nian gathering..super massive can die...for the birthday celebrations...yea i do enjoy all the times when i'm out with you guys but somehow, somehow, i'm always left behind with the gossips...with inside jokes and everything..super alienated with it...nah, can't blame you guys for that...i'm the frog under that super heavy coconut shell...

emo >.<

tarc friends~

harh~ we made effort to meet up..and all...yea, every girl has that friend that knows mostly everything about her..and vice versa...i'm lucky coz i have this girl with me..but somehow, the distance and all really played a role huh? haha~anyway, we keep trying kay? and this guy friend i have..super ji mui..the times with him really flies..the times when we stalked *****i in starbucks...harh! mad cute..don't get me wrong..i appreciate the people around me...its just that its hard for me to keep in touch and all~so sooner or later we're going to drift apart and i won't blame you guys for that...people always do...

don't get me started with people in cece..i am barely friends with them...sad to say, they're all hi bye friends as i avoided getting too close to them..in class, yea of course we laugh, we discusses, we worked but outside class, i'm living my life, drifted far away from you guys..i seriously still don't seem to fancy cece...i don't know why..that place doesnt seem to be inviting at all~don't get me wrong..the people there are awesome...in a way...can't really seem to get my jammed brain to move its gears right now...blah~~

and of course, i have the bf, who is there for me 24 hours 7 days a week...can't complain about that can i? people say i'm blessed to have him...people, you're not me..the fruit always seem to be sweet..its the roots that are bitter...hey, he's blessed to have me too! every relationship has a problem..thats what happen when two people get together..no matter how fine u tag along each other, there'll always always ALWAYS be that gap you can't fill..thats why you need to have a life outside the relationship too....learned about this the hard way though..

there's this particular friend.....

guess all you want, you'll not guess it right....

i really wish we're still talking right now...i never have the hope that thing's will be like before...it'll never be that way i'm not dumb...but i just hope and pray for it everyday that it'll be better than its current situation...its been a year plus plus since we last spoke to each other in a conversation...you don't know how hard i wish..how i wish i can call you my best friend again...

life's bitter without you in it...but your grass is definately greener..you seem perfectly happy without me...shutting me off like you don't know me...

i miss her...

and i just wana tell her that i miss our midnight pillow talks..morning talks...afternoon chat...evening conversation...night giggles...

i miss her soo badly...

this sucks..

T.T

my new phone

2011-08-19T23:42:00.006+08:00

harlow people...this time round i'll need your help~as you all know, my phone kena curi by some idiot...my brand new x10 T.T haihhh...

i miss you~

so much~

but never mind...its time for me to move on and by moving on i mean search for new phone~hahaha!!!

since i don't have the money to buy a new one...the closest i can get is to enter competitions that will bring me my new phone to me if..IF i collected enough votes~

THIS COULD BE MINE!!

HELP TO VOTE THANK YOU!

yes...i need your help...to all my readers~please help me get this new phone by spending 2 minutes of your time to vote for my pictures~and if u have many more minutes to spare....please have your friends to vote for me too..its simple!

first...like this page...

https://www.facebook.com/TaiThong

and then, like this picture of me^^

https://apps.facebook.com/offerpop/Contest.psp?c=16359&u=5623&a=100142423390621&p=164282913632184&v=Entry&id=62399&rest=1

you'll need to hurry as contest in 2 days~

i know..sweatifying..but worth a try!!

*cross finger and hope to win*

and with each vote i thank you and promise you i will take good care of this new phone IF I WON!!

and if you want..ok fine, i'll bribe you with an imaginary lollipop...here you go~^^

woahhh~

wait wait....

lick only after you have voted thank you~~

NEW PHONE COME TO MOMMAAHH!!

2011-08-16T20:51:00.000+08:00

it'll be our little secret

drowning i_i

2011-08-14T00:21:00.003+08:00

for the first time in my life~

college life especially...

i have this bad feeling i am not able...

now i know how drowing in your workload feels like...

ok ann...

ok...

breathe in...................

breathe out..............................

relax..and start your work~

yes mr zebra..i think its stress too

off to work again~

what life...

2011-07-28T18:04:00.001+08:00

first you stopped caring....

now u care for others...

u miss her..

while i'm missing you here...

this sucks big time.

2011-07-28T00:49:00.002+08:00

a little colour never fails to cheer you up on your lowest days...

but sometimes you need more than that~

coz it hurts like hell..

my life in a few lines

2011-07-23T21:19:00.004+08:00

ok this is super frustrating...already i am covering my own expenses...beli apa pun own money..even transport money i am paying for myself..this and that and all! ok.. my expenses itself takes up to rm500 per month...and i only earn rm700 per month, and will soon be earning only rm300 per month as my student is graduating and will be taking her spm soon...yea, i teach home tuition to earn some extra cash....

so anyway...my expenses are so high..and with the list of 'i want' things..including a new phone as mine got stolen...i am seriously trying to find jobs..any jobs that could earn me extra cash...

so hear this..i found this weekend promoter thingy which pays me rm100 JUST FOR SITTING and waiting for customers to exchange their coupon with the product...and i happily told my daddy that i have a job and will be working in the weekends for the whole of august...so guess what he said?

"NO NEED!! big already? did u discuss this with anyone? wana work then work? don't need to ask la is it? no need to work! stay at home!"

fark lor!!! already i am staying at home EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY...when i'm not out for teaching practical, i am at home, watching simpsons, doing my things..i RARELY go out!

morning: teaching practical till 2

afternoon: work or simpsons or online (mum don't allow me to take nap)

night: work or simpsons or online, unless its a tues, or thurs, or fri, coz i'm teaching tuition then..earning my super hard rm700!

weekends: HOME 24/7!!!

my life last time was worse!

morning: work

afternoon: college

night: work

weekends: assgs

I FUCKING HATE STAYING AT HOME LA!!!! FUCK WHY U WANA CAGE ME IN LIKE THIS!!! ROAR!!!!!!!!!!

dear dad, if you may, please go wash your super old rusty brain..thank you!

^@#$%$#@#$%$#@!!!!!

work pun tak boleh! wana shout at me!! blah!!!! fuck la! everything is fuck now!!! GIVE ME MONEY LA!!! BUY ME NEW PHONE!! ROAR!!!

already he don't let me go UK pursue my degree UNDER SCHOLARSHIP! and now this!

what he want from me la? roar!!!

i fucking hate my life....seriously FML...fuck it gao gao!

argh!! super frustrated!!!

anyone wana recommend students for me? GAH!!!!! FUCK MY PARENTS!

heels!! super orgasmic!

2011-07-23T16:36:00.005+08:00

i have a confession to make..

if it is not clear enough..i am obsessed with shoes..especially heels...gawd this is saddening..sometimes, when i am too free, i even take my heels out to have a look..and then keep them off in their boxes...mad much? harh! to date, i have more than 30 heels, some i have to throw them away coz they starts to peel off due to the material and my ke-tak-pro-an in taking care of my heels...

*note to self: never NEVER walk into puddles!*

each year, i have 2 or more heels for chinese new year, and all year long, i will dig for chances to buy more shoes..any type! be it heels, sandals, sneakers (though not really a fan) and even slippers! gah!! every time i'm out, when do ppl watching..yes, the first place my eyes would wander to is the shoes..not the clothes, not even the face! but the shoes..u might ask...

whaddafak?!?

i rather buy shoes than clothes...then again...being soooo super duper busy with my job and assignments and projects and chores and never ending list of things to do, here i am, checking out heels online..and having the tight feeling in me, screaming inside when i have to click the 'x' button to make sure i dun purchase anything...

look! how can you NOT notice this beauty?

i have something like this one..4 and half inches, killed me but i still love it to the max!!

this is love!!

what more can i say? aint it gorgeous???? *ahhhh~*

look at the pretty colour! will definitely pop ANY dull outfits and brighten my day like m&ms!!

these babies are too chio to resist dy T.T

one word : glamourous!

ok i shall stop now before i swallow myself....

if any of you wants to get me a present ker...apa ker...pls just get me heels...

a woman NEEDS thousands of shoes for their pair of legs...man shall shuddup now~harh!!

10 randoms things about me that you didnt know and now wish that you never knew...

2011-07-15T20:31:00.005+08:00

1. I am NOT a morning person...if you have got the patience to wake me up, you have got the patience for ANYTHING..i am usually very grumpy in the morning...but will feel better once i bathed~

2. I can finish N bars of chocolates and never get sick of it..or have sore throat...i'm awesome like that.

3. I have this passion for children...but NOT teaching children..that kind of went 'pooofff' when i first taught children.

4. I eat my dinner without rice..i only eat the dishes and a big bowl of soup to fill me up. sometimes, i do get rice cravings...whoever gets craving for RICE?@@

5. I do not have a green thumb...not to mention palms, arms, the whole hand of mine is NOT green enough for me to successfully grow something..i could not even grow and take care of a cactus=.= once, the bf gave a 3 small pots of cactus...and it died within 2 months~

6. In the past 3 years, i dropped 2 bra sizes, but sadly, not any clothes sizes T.T what had happened to my boobs? T.T

7. I am conscious about my weight..i whine and whine and whine about how fat i am..but never once, NOT EVEN once..naaadaaahhh....successfully been in a diet for one whole week..my longest attempt was 2 days and i almost died...haha!

8. My favourite quote is 'swt' and 'noob' and recently i love ending my every sentence in msn or chats with '=.='

9. I only met and knew my bf for one month before we started dating..and we're 3 years this month^^ not bad for a one month notice relationship..haha! mayb one day, when ray proposes, i'll write about our story..haha!

10. I have a princess' dream..i want a big house, with maids and drivers, with walk-in closet (WITH N NUMBER OF SHOES) and Jacuzzi bath, with a entertainment room cum home cinema...with playroom for my children..and a glamorous BMW X6 in carbon black to drive~life will be too good to be true then, but its POSSIBLE~

thats all i can think of now..will write when more strikes to me..haha! there! i updated my blog!

Have you ever...

2011-06-09T20:08:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt as if u're all alone...

where no one realizes your presence...

where no one listens to what you have got to say...

and no one took notice of what you're up to...

Have you ever felt as if u're not wanted in this world...

as if no one welcomes you anymore...

as if no one wishes you to be a part of their clique...

and no one...no one at all...includes you in their activities....

Have you ever felt as if your only scaffold fails to provide...

when he's not there when you need him...

when he fails to read that u're feeling blue...

when the relationship took a transition with both parties being oblivious of it...

and notices only when it's too late...

Have you ever felt...

that the world would be a better place without you in it...

that the people around you would be better off without you...

that the one you love would have brighter future without you in it...

that u're nothing but a burden...

and a sore in the eye...

i know i have..

$$

2011-05-28T16:22:00.000+08:00

i neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeddddddddddddddddd MONEY!!!

$$$

$$$$

$$$$$

$$$$$$

$$$$$$$$

$$$$$$$$$$$

I don't mind watering this tree everyday if i can has money from it

GGAAAAHHHH!!~~

*drowning in self pity*

i need a job...badly~

god must have spent a little more time on you

2011-05-12T14:01:00.000+08:00

since god is said to have created every human...i think i have to thank god for bring you to me...and for spending a little more time on you to make u as perfect as you are today, regardless of all your imperfection, they are what makes you you...and i think its perfect.....

its an old song but i still find it meaningful..thank you god for bring me you...almost three years with you..and i still yearn to meet you every single day^^

by: N'sync

Yeah....

Oh yes

Ohhh..yeah..

Can this be true?

Tell me, can this be real?

How can I put into words what I feel?

My life was complete

I thought I was whole

Why do I feel like I'm losing control?

I never thought that love could feel like this

and you've changed my world with just one kiss.

How can it be that right here with me

there's an angel?

It's a miracle...

Your love is like a river

Peaceful and deep

Your soul is like a secret

That I never could keep

When I look into your eyes

I know that it's true

God must have spent...

A little more time

On you...

(A little more time, yes he did baby)

In all of creation

All things great and small

You are the one that surpasses them all

More precious than

Any diamond or pearl

They broke the mold

When you came in this world

And I'm trying hard to figure out

Just how I ever did without

The warmth of your smile

The heart of a child

That's deep inside

Leaves me purified

Your love is like a river

Peaceful and deep (and deep)

Your soul is like a secret

That I never could keep

When I look into your eyes

I know that it's true

God must have spent...

A little more time

On you...

(on you, on you, on you, you....on you, on you, on you, you..) ohhh...

(on you, on you, on you, you....on you, on you, on you, you..) yeah...

Never thought that love could feel like this

and you changed my world with just one kiss.

How can it be that right here with me

There's an angel?

It's a miracle...

Your love is like a river

Peaceful and deep (peaceful and deep)

Your soul is like a secret

That I never could keep

When I look into your eyes

I know that it's true

God must have spent...

A little more time

On you...

(on you, on you, on you, you..)

God must have spent...

A little more time

on you

(on you, on you..you....you..oooh..yeah)

A little more time

on you...ohhh

how nonsensical my bf is at 3 in the morning

2011-05-10T19:43:00.005+08:00

it was 3 in the morning..and my headache was making feel as though i wana bang my head on something=.= PLUS THE FREAKING HOT WEATHER that makes me wana get naked everytime=.= meh~~

niway...i was down with a really really and i mean REALLY bad headache....and i couldnt get to sleep...so i decided to call the bf, that was already at that time, becoming sleeping pig already..anyway, after much consideration, i decided that i needed to be a whiny girlfriend-that-doesn't-give-her-bf-a-break....and i called him...at 3am..

me: bi :( sob sob....headache...can't sleep :( sob sob...*making kesian sound*

bf: *half awake* aiyo..massage your head lor..kelian baby....

me: i want sayang~~

bf: bad headache ma?? call the doctor la....

me: ???????

bf: headache then must call the doctor...

WHO THE HELL CALLS THE DOCTOR IN THE MIDDLE OF A NIGHT??

me: can't call doctor la..i called you...

bf: haiyo, everything don't know...call doctor..tell him you're having headache...

me: LAUGHING LIKE MAD ALTHOUGH HAVING BAD HEADACHE

me: what are you talking? do you know what the hell are you talking about?=.=

bf: hahaha! i don't know...just call the doctor...

me: where can call the doctor one?? where got doctor?

bf: everything don't know merh? take aeroplane also dunno...

me: WHAT THE SHIT??*only in my head la*

then both of us started laughing coz the bf knew he was mumbling nonsense to me...and then he said..

bf: ok la baby, i need to go get ready....its late...

you see, i always wake him up at 7am to go to work..that big baby=.=

me: its only 3!! why u wana go get ready??

bf: silence...........

and the conversation goes on and on....

and thats how a good laugh had me sleeping upon hanging up...

~the end~

addicted T.T

2011-05-07T12:27:00.003+08:00

back then, when i was staying in hostel...like many others hostel lang, i was bored and broke..on one random afternoon that i was too broke to go out shopping or for movie...or is it because the bf was having class and i have no on to bring me out...or is it because my friends were all back to their cribs...and only nev, janice and i were bored and stuck in hostel..nah, actually its just me being stuck in hostel..janice loves being in her room..and nev would rather spend the day gaming or sleeping..or niway..i managed to pull both of them to my room...and nev brought along his lappie...for some movie time...

then it happened....

nev introduced to me the bloody cartoon that had me so addicted i watched till the morning of my finals examS...every.single.time=.=

the cartoon is a retarded as it is...and kids should not even go near that show..haha! the yellow man eating doughnuts...starfish like hair...and tall blue bush as hair..hahha! the lines are hilarious..and omg, the characters are awesomely retarded..haha!

see what i mean.....

as retarded as it is...i LOVE it!! am super addicted to it and recently the bf downloaded more for me and thus, i've been neglecting my preparaion for finals and had finished watching 3 seasons in a week=.= i can watch like..5344323 episodes without feeling bored of its retardedness..weeeee!!! XD

so neville, thank you for introducing this to me, although u grew bored out of it T.T

and i will make others addicted to it too...muahahhaha!!

autism..do you know what is it?

2011-04-21T13:52:00.003+08:00

take a minute off and ask yourself...do you think your life is good right now? how satisfied are you with your life right now? many will whine and complain..on how must their life sucks...how they wish that luck will turn around..as for me, i'm constantly complaining about something..for everyone of us, i believe it is safe for me to say that we.are.always.not.happy.about.something.period.

god gave us perfectly functioning body..with both functioning arms and legs..not blind and definitely not mute..thats why we can complain...we complain that we are not smart enough...how we have got no mood to do our assignments..how the food served for dinner at home sucks and you'll prefer MacD at all time..how we wish our measurements are smaller..how we have got not enough dresses to wear..i know i do....

enough with complains already..

do you know that there are many people who wish to be us? to be perfectly functioning as us? and also to be able to go to school like us. but can they?

autism spectrum disorder is a disorder that are RAPIDLY becoming more and more common in our society today. every child with autism is unique and special in their own way...and some, being more severe than others, thats why the word 'spectrum' is there. google the word 'autistic' or the word 'autism' and you'll be amazed by how many foundations are there, established to fund the education, the research, the medical needs and many other personal needs for these kids with autism. but it is really hard to find one in malaysia. Nasom and Kiwanis are one of the famous ones but they are both NGOs...i really wana believe that the government are doing something ans that the only reason i don't know is because i didn't read enough..if so, i apologize.

mental retardation may occur for kids with autism. and so does ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder) but most don't know that...the most disorder being related to autism is actually asperger. a kid with autism is trap in a body that they don't know..it is as though their mind is separated from their body, but they can do nothing about it. as for asperger's disorder, this i find pity because they are trapped within themselves, away from the world around them...and live alone most of the time. kesian~~

autism symptoms can range widely from delayed language abilities and social skills to behavioral issues. but despite the challenges, many people with autism go on to achieve success, some making worldwide contributions.

for example,

we will not get beautiful music if it wasn't for mozart

we will not know why are we on the ground if it wasn't for sir isaac newton

albert einstein's famous equation E=MC2 is still a mystery!!!

hitler it seems, has autism also.....

there are many celebrities that are also suspected autism but reports are not strong and also proven. though so, there are many celebrities that are parents to autistic child..they have all bravely stepped up to talk and discuss about their child.

john travolta

toni braxton

many more famous people are diagnosed with autism...like bethoven, charles darwin...and also strangely enough, bill gates...michael jackson, the very handsome keanu reeves..

these are only some of the names..but whether its true or not, i don't know..i got all the names from the internet..anyone interested can go google the additional info....

besides these big BIG names, there are actually some production or books, that have talked about autism and made headlines...if you want a lesser boring read or something different to watch, i recommend....

dear john, a movie starred by the very hot channing tatum and amanda seyfried

adapted from the book, dear john by my favourite writer, nicholas sparks....

personally, this book is awesome and i cried everytime i read it...it talks about autism and also aspergers...GOOD READ!!!

and of course, My name is Khan, where shah rukh hkan plays this character of an autistic.

so you all must be wondering, why in the world am i bombarding you with information about people with autism...

every special child wants to be like us, to be treated and accepted....so don't judge then for what they can do (most can do more than us anyway) or how they look like...and most importantly, accept them for their uniqueness...

it is Special Education Week and also Autism Awareness month...and this is an honour, for all children made in different ways...

here's my ribbon to all my readers, pass it on to make a difference...

bitch, 'fml' should be your tagline...

2011-04-19T21:16:00.005+08:00

don't worry, i'm not going to be like those crazy persons that likes to whine and bitch about their life or what they 'think' about other people, which is kinda childish..haha!

so yea, these type of people should also begin their sentence is fml, coz mainly, thats what they always do...

they go to your website..stalk you or whatsoever..then desperately try to get your attention by leaving hateful comment that doesn't make them look any less stupider than they are right now...come on, does it make any FREAKING sense to you that you're actually helping me by reading my blog, which indirectly shows that u are in fact, interested with my life..yea, go ahead and defend you brainless self, saying that you only visit so that you can laugh at me..or so that you can, well...say whatever you want? look, it.degrades yourself..not me...harharh!! guess your tiny puny brain didn't think of that huh??

and i thought only famous people have haters..blah..i'm not going to say that i don't freaking care what u have got to say about me...but puhless, if u're that bored, go contribute to the society or something..don't hog over my site and have time of your life writing insanely ridiculous comment about me..you may hate me but i don't need your love..and i can write whatever i want here, pose HOWEVER I WANT here...and its non of your fucking business...

image taken from google image

look bitch, leave me alone and i'll leave you alone....

go fuck your own life and leave mine alone..