I just got done sorting clothing from a certain family member. The clothing is SO numerous that I am overwhelmed with what to do with it all. Now I am overwhelmed with figuring out how to ‘tag’ them to the giver because they have NOT given me the uncategorical authority to dispose of them. They want them back. Seriously, what is the emotional attachment to this stuff that people would not just part with it and be done? What to do when a person doesn’t subscribe to the same set of values and mindset that you do?

I’ve invested in Rubbermaid totes to store it all, when I give it back, I’m left with empty totes… Seems so counterproductive, especially when I could get my baby through a summer with $15 worth of new clothes in his tiny dresser in his room. Is it considered NOT frugal to purchase a small amount of what you really want and will be happy with then to have oodles and oodles of stuff that you don’t really like (considering that you can afford it)?

After reading that comment, I think I’d be overwhelmed too if I were in Ellen’s situation.

Let’s Define “Frugal”

On the most basic level, being frugal means that things aren’t being wasted. When it comes to clothes, “frugal” usually means that the clothes are being repurposed as much as possible before being thrown away. In an ideal world, clothes would be worn until they were too dirty or otherwise inappropriate to wear, then recycled as rags, stuffing for a pillow, etc.

This doesn’t have to mean that you wear them until they’re too dirty or otherwise inappropriate to wear; it means that when you’re done with them you pass them on someplace where they can do some good.

When you’re on the receiving end of that “passing on”, you have to evaluate whether the time you spend dealing with the donations is worth it. Ellen mentioned storage bins, sorting, tagging, and a huge amount of time being spent to deal with the hand-me-downs.

That storage space, cost for bins, and time spent has to be weighed against the value received. If Ellen has five kids, and would otherwise be spending $200 per year on each kid for clothes, the value of storing the clothes could be very high. If she only has one kid though, and that one kid is so young they don’t even really need clothes yet, the value of storing ten bins full of cute baby outfits is incredibly low.

With me so far?

Are You The Recipient Of Inappropriate Generosity?

First and foremost, you don’t have to accept hand-me-downs and such from other people. If you’ve decided that you don’t want them, then just make that clear. If you do want them, but you don’t want the obligations the giver is trying to stick you with, try saying “I appreciate you giving me these clothes. When I’m done with them I’ll make sure they get passed on someplace else where they can do some good.”

That statement, incidentally, embodies the very essence of frugality.

If those terms aren’t acceptable to them, then don’t let the clothes in your door. Make yourself clear about your feelings, and make no apologies for them. There are better ways to get low-priced or free clothes than accepting onerous obligations.

Digging Yourself Out From Under The Pile

If you don’t mind receiving their hand-me-downs, but you get inundated with piles and piles of clothes, then use the method I used when helping a friend of mine declutter her wardrobe several years ago.

1. Dump all the clothes in a big pile on the floor. All the clothes will have to come out eventually; get it out of the way at the beginning.
2. Go through the clothes quickly. You shouldn’t spend more than ten to twenty seconds handling each item, and that should be reserved for items you’re seriously considering keeping.
3. Anything that’s not an appropriate size, has no discernible size (not printed on the garment), is visually unappealing, isn’t clean, is damaged, or that you (or your children) will never wear goes in a “pass” pile.
4. Likewise, anything that’s sized properly, looks nice, isn’t damaged, and that you can see you (or your children) wearing goes in an “evaluate” pile.
5. Once you’ve gone through everything, the “pass” pile gets bagged/boxed/dumped in a tote to be donated. Get it out of the way.
6. Now go through the “evaluate” pile. Pick the nicest ones. Limit quantities of colors, types, styles, etc. to reasonable amounts. The objective here is to pick clothes that you’ll reasonably wear, not to overflow your wardrobe because the clothes are free.
7. Any discards from the “evaluate” pile get bagged/boxed/dumped in the totes with the “pass” stuff.

I did this with my friend, and we filled three “lawn & leaf” bags (50 gallons each) with her discards – and she still had a very full wardrobe at the end. She kept way more than I would’ve, but what she kept was truly the best of what she’d had.

The TL;DR Summary

Except in rare circumstances (like a prom dress or something super-special), if it doesn’t become yours you don’t want it. Only store clothes that are in good repair, look nice, and that you can see yourself (or children) wearing. Everything else gets packed and pitched – in a way that maximizes its value to others.

I don’t have children, so I don’t have the problem with clothing – but I have accumulated more than my fair share of other things that people think I need/want. Computer cables, old printers, old computers, and other technology discards all used to find their way to my door on a weekly basis.

The type of item doesn’t really matter. “Too much” is too much, for everything from marbles to minivans.

Do you have any strategies for dealing with unwanted castoffs? Any techniques you’ve found work particularly well? Share them in the comments!

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