UNTIL TODAY

I realised..

2011-12-07T06:43:00.000-08:00

that i'm still my silly self. I thought I am more adult after leaving school, but... NOOOoo... apparently, I am NOT.

You know, i thought that i will be super cool when i am 20 and party all day, but honestly, i do not feel cool right now. Really, kids, it's not that great being OFF schooled. You think you are finally free after your SPM or STPM? You are damn wrong. You will start your college or university life. And finally, you will step into the working life and then you will probably wish that you never have to leave your current world right now.

I really do not get how those people in college or uni find time to go clubbing almost everyday? Their FB status would always be about partying and pictures showing them partying. I don't get it!! HOW did they find the time to enjoy life so much??

seriously... HOW????

But, oh well, Life's a bitch and we all know it. Life goes on people. Sometimes, as we look at those people around us, living their dreams, we would be like "Why can't i have that too?". Well, i guess, we are partly to be blame too. It is also our fault for not seizing the chances or being too afraid to aim more than what we are expected of.

Hence, i think at this point of life, we shouldn't waste even a minute mobbing ( even though, that's exactly what i'm doing) and make the best out of the situation. We are not getting any younger as the clock ticks. Life's a bummer at times but we can't deny that there are some good times too. And I would hold on to those good times and hope that it will somehow appears more often. Well, it won't hurt to keep hoping although things can be rather bleak at times. It is not wrong to expect more and that will be your catalyst.

Well, i realised again, I am not what i thought i will be at 20 but i am glad that i am the way i am right now. Life's not ending anytime soon ( i hope) and i still have a chance at it. ^.^

A-girl who-was-my-nemesis-cum-bff.

2011-12-05T20:22:00.000-08:00

Right. The title is rather unique this time but oh well, can't think of a suitable title for this. Anyway, who is this girl? If you have been following my blog, (which, by the way, has been kinda dead for the pass months and i thank you if you are still checking on my blog. i really appreciate it), you guys should know that in my life, i have 2 buddies. So, this time, who's the lucky girl eh? Rosh or Kee?

I mean, really? you guys can't even guess? who else would have ASKED me, SHAMELESSLY, to write something about her? Who else but LIM KEELYN??

Apparently, i have to write another post for her since the last post i posted about her was rather ancient and according to her, we have matured and thus, this post would be less lamer. =.='''

Well, miss lim, you are right. You have grown. From the chubby pampered annoying kid to.. well.. YOU. You are by far, one of the most funniest human that ever exist in my life. You never fail to crack up some FUNNY (but actually, they are lame) jokes. And they NEVER fail to make me laugh.

Although life can be a bitch sometimes, but i guess, you are one of those who never give up and keep on rolling. You may be a pleaser, but i guess, that is what makes you so lovable. You are my mentor in baking and i know i may not be a very good apprentice but i want you to know that i really appreciate those times when you accompanied me to shop, to eat and of course to laze around. You taught me how to bake and bullied me into cooking pasta for you.

You will drive me around but in the end, i'll be the last to handle the wheels. Things would be different if you are never in rosh's and my life. It will always be a missing puzzle in the set if you are not around. So woman, go face all the DAMN papers and rock them! Yes... i have THAT much of faith in you!

The things I miss

2011-10-18T20:51:00.000-07:00

I miss being a sister! I have the privilege to be a younger sister and also as an elder sister. Yes! The joy of becoming the middle child. But many say that we, middle child always suffer the middle child syndrome. Where we will always feel unloved and unappreciated. Well, I guess it is true to a certain extend.

The other day, while I was walking to class, I saw a girl holding her brother's hand while crossing the road. Reminded me of those time when I used to play with my brother. I admit I'm not the kind of sister everyone would want, but I did try to be a "good" sister. Come on, who don't annoy their siblings? Well, I think that's the point of us having siblings though.

When I saw my best friends taking care of their sisters and communicating with their sisters, I miss those time where I have to take care of someone. Although I do have an elder sister, but I think I'm the one taking care of her. But nonetheless, It is always my pleasure to be the pillar for her. It did frustrate me at one point that even though I have an elder sister, it seems as if I don't, but then again, I think God thinks I'm a dependable person.

As I said all the best to my room mate because it is her exam today, I remembered that it is my brother's exam too today. I wish I am there to reassure him that everything will be just fine. Yes, although we can communicate through facebook, text messages, twitter and what not, but, it's never the same.

I have so much to tell them but yet, when I am with them, I just can't seem to get the words out from my mouth. Thus, I always try to show through my actions. They may not realize it, but I think it's enough for me that I'm able to show them that I appreciate every moment of my sisterhood.

10 years from now, 20 years from now, 50 years from now, even when all of us have our own careers and lives to pursue, my role as a sister will never end. They may never read this, but as I said, it doesn't matter.

When the tough gets going

2011-09-11T01:15:00.000-07:00

Life is a bitch sometimes. No matter how strong we tell ourself to be, but whether you and I like it a not, we will eventually get tired of it. We are humans after all. We are a bunch of weak people although we claim ourselves to be the smartest and the strongest. Humans have no humility or what so ever. =.=

When we start losing people around us and seeing people we care for, people we love suffer, we tend to hate the world, and everything look ugly to us. We blame everything. I guess the ultimate key here is, we hate being vulnerable and we blame other things to look strong. Why can't we be stronger and face it toughly? Why can't we suppress our feelings and be brave and strong? Well, honestly, we are just mere living creatures with feelings. If we are not entitle to feel a thing, then why are we given "feelings" in the first place?

I am afraid of death, but I am also afraid of the future. No matter how afraid I am, I still have to grit my teeth and get through with it. Sometimes, it is easier said than done. Well, this is when we need others to survive. Although some might say that you can survive alone in this world. Yes, of course you can survive, but can you live?

Living and surviving are two very different things. Surviving, you just need to keep your heart beating and it's way easier than living. You are not living if everything means nothing to you. Life is scary. I mean what is not? Even dreams can be scary... That's when nightmares come about, right?^.^

What I am trying to say here is, it is never wrong to feel scared about something. It is never wrong to feel weak, it's never wrong to be vulnerable or afraid. But what ever it is, it is wrong to give up. It is wrong to quit before trying. And it's is really wrong to find excuses to give up.

Weekends in the City

2011-09-09T22:02:00.000-07:00

Back in Melaka, roads would be jammed up and I'll avoid going to town during the weekends. Today, when I woke up, the roads are clear, no mad kids screaming and the air is fresher. I guess all the city people are still sleeping. I am suppose to read up my Common Law and do my assignments now, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to just spend a few minutes to pen down some of my thoughts here.

Remember in my last post, I did say something about no matter how busy life is, there's some peaceful place to be in, and I just have to find it? (refer to previous post). Well, indeed I found it. It's difficult to find a time when the moment I opened my eyes, I don't sulk. Yeah yeah... I am very grouchy when I just wake up.

Waking up at 9 am on Saturday here is rather out of the norm. Looking at the normally busy street, empty, looking at the kindergarten downstairs quiet, and looking at old people taking their morning walk. I love it!

Well, of course, if you go to the malls during the weekends, you will be stuck in a massive jam. As my lecturer said, Malaysians prefer to spend their weekends or holidays in Malls. Wonder why? Every malls have the same thing. The same shops, the same clothes, the same shoes, the same bags and the same EVERYTHING. I wonder why Malaysians find malls so fascinating?

So, weekends in the city ain't that bad after all. It may be dull at times but I guess I love how my weekends are now. Some quiet moment to myself and away from the busy life. *kick off my slippers and sip my hot milo*.. Signing off.... *winks*

Gahhh

2011-09-08T03:29:00.000-07:00

My classes had officially started this week. Life's hectic as ever and 24 hours a day will never be enough. I have so much to say but I just don't know where to begin! I've been keeping the happenings that happened in my head but I can't seem to recall them now... But oh well, I think I have to start remembering them now...

Right....

Where do I begin?

I went back to Melaka for a week for the Hari Raya Holidays and I fell sick. I was quarantined at home with my mom and had to eat plain porridge practically everyday. Well, it was amazing because after living alone, it was really nice to be pampered and people fussing over you. That was the time when even plain porridge tasted nice.

Well, before I fell sick, I had a wonderful time with Thomas, Rosh and Kee. Even though I am from Melaka, I never really know that we have beautiful seaside chilling spots. Looking at the waves slapping the stones and washing away the sand just reminded me that no matter how busy or hectic life can be, there's always some peaceful places there for you. All I have to do is just find it.

No matter how much I love to be independent but I wont deny that I do miss those times when my family gathered in my room and talked about random topics. Oh, speaking about random, this is totally an unrelated topic. Mom just called to tell my brother is balding his head TODAY! I am excited but I regret that I'm not there to tease him and laugh at him.

My friends are finally leaving the nest to pursue their future undertakings and thus, a new chapter will be written. Well, all the best to them.^.^

I am lucky that I met some awesome new friends in college. I realized that I cant live in this world alone and i do need friends to fill the gap in my life. Well, to my new friends, whether you will ever read this a not, I just want to let you know that I am thankful that I have friends like you guys.

Well, I better get going. I need to have my meals before my parents call to check on me. Yes, even though I am far away from home, I'm still being checked on...constantly...

Coffee

2011-08-07T21:18:00.000-07:00

This drink actually helped to stimulate my brain better but, GAWD... I nearly died. I was awake the whole night yesterday and my brain was working the whole time. I took a cup of coffee yesterday because I need to stay awake to read up my crime books, but I did not expect it to last this long.

After 6 hours, I had diarrhoea. Great... I am lactose intolerant and now caffeine intolerant too?!

Not able to sleep is by far, WORST than not being able to poop.

Lesson learnt : I would not drink coffee after 10 pm if I don't want to die young. Seriously, I think i just reduced my life span for not being able to sleep. =.=

At 10 am, I got ready for class, reached class 5 minutes later but got to know class will only start at 11 am. Hence, I decided to have some things to munch and while munching away, I received a text notifying me that class was CANCELED. I had just wasted 45 minutes of my life waiting for my lecturer to NOT turn up. Honestly, my college need to seriously buck up their administrative department. Think about the students who need to travel through public transports will you? It's not cheap you know...

So, yeah... I'll be spending my Monday at home... staring into space and wish that Sleep will come back to me soon.

Doubt

2011-08-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

Have you ever doubted yourself?

Ooo... I doubt myself all the time. I doubt my strength, I doubt my future, I doubt my abilities, I doubt everything!

Sitting on one of the bench in church today and listening to today's Gospel did somewhat described what I've been feeling and going through lately. Jesus said "Man of little faith, why have you doubted?"

Well, Jesus, you did say "man of little faith"...=.='''

But the highlight of my day today was when the priest and the altar boys were making their entrance into the church, and while we were singing the entrance hyms, I saw this little boy, carried by his father, was laughing away and was clapping excitedly when he saw the cross held by one of the altar boys.

That little boy actually believed that Jesus himself was entering the church.

Yeah yeah... all of us claim to believe in God and the almighty. We claim that we will walk on waters but ....people.... will you actually WALK on water? Easier said than done. hmmm....

So what if I doubt? Does that make me lesser or smaller than anyone?

Thomas doubted God and because He doubted, God revealed some of Himself to Thomas. Although Jesus did say later that "You see and believed. But happy are those who did not see but yet believed". But, then again, how many actually BELIEVED wholeheartedly without seeing some proves?

I admit I doubt myself but somehow, I know when I'm sinking, someone will hold onto my hand and lift me up unto the surface. I won't say that I can walk on water but if I have to, I know that I'm in good hands.

Some may think that it's not good to doubt but honestly, because of doubt, I strive to achieve better. But i have to say, doubtfulness do have it's consequences but it's not always negative. At least... not to me..

Reminisces of yesterdays...

2011-08-04T21:27:00.000-07:00

I was waken up by the shouts and laughter from the children below my hostel. I have to admit, I was annoyed because my beauty sleep was disrupted. However, they never fail to put a smile on my face. Not a great morning today, but I am glad that I had the chance to catch a glimpse of the worry-free world from these children.

When I look at the amount of law books I have to read and the amount of chores I have to do, my enthusiasm just punctured. How nice is it to be 5 again and not have a single worry about life?

But then again, I guess I'll probably get bored of being 5.

I guess today's my moody blue day. No matter how bright the sun shines, how lovely the air is, how the birds chirp, I just don't feel like smiling.

Nothing terrible's going on in my life. I'm not facing any major problems though, but I think I'm just not used to loneliness. Back home, I have everyone by my side. But here, it's just me and the four walls. Life's tough when you are alone.

I guess I can and should blame it on the PMS but I know it's not it. Well, what ever it is, I am going to brace through this and survive. No matter how down and depressed I could get, I always believe that I'll smile again when the right time comes.

I think everyone is afraid of sadness, well, I'm not excluded. However, I will not let it rule my life. Back to the city can be really depressing at times but I know somehow, this is what I want and I just need to break open.

What to do at 2.35 am

2011-07-08T12:14:00.000-07:00

*coughs*... *guilty look*.. Right, I'm back.^.^

It's 2.35 am now, and my workers in my brain are at their most active mode right now. Honestly, i can't even drink Coca cola NOW?! Caffeine, why are u doing this to me?

So, since I'm WIDE awake, and I have nothing better to do at this wee hour, i guess i should probably write about "The Things To do when We have NOTHING to do"

20. Bathe - Having a hot bath when you have nothing to do can at least kill 15 minutes of your time and besides, you'll smell good.

19. Eat - well, go to the nearest food cabinet at grab a packet of chips or some junkie. CAUTION : You may put on a little weight if you do this often.

18. Read - Oooo.. i can hear some of you groaning away. Reading is Fun ok!

17. Watch a movie - At this hour, just hit your tv buttons and watch some random movie on that idiot box. Who knows? maybe you will be in dreamland in just a few minutes?

16. Disturb your neighbours, parents, siblings, friends - Just go to their room, or house and ring their door bell or knock on their door. CAUTION : You may be charge for disrupting peace and trespassing. I will not be responsible for the consequences of your actions.

15. Kill mosquitoes - They are useless creature. Even if they face extinction, it would matter. So, do your part in killing them when you are free.

14. Facebooking- I know they have nothing on facebook, but somehow, the Facebook page is always on.

13. Blog hopping - Well, seriously, if i have nothing to do, i'll hop by all the blogs I know and read "how great my life is" posts or "I HATE my life" posts or " I think I look HOT" posts or just plain cam-whoring pictures on blogs.. Seriously... I have NO life at 2.35 am...

12. Study - I have to say, studying at this hour is kinda peaceful. So, why am I NOT doing that? well, Humans need to rest you know. And I'm a human, thus, i need rest.

11. Look at the stars and the moon - Well, mum, apparently, the cookie monster baked a new moon. It's kinda full today... Funny, the last time i saw it, it was half. I repeat, I have NOTHING to do at this HOUR.

10. Exercise - 50 sit ups for the ladies and 50 push ups for the men.

9. Search random articles - This is a great opportunity to widen your general knowledge!!

8. Call random people and scare the shit out of them - CAUTION : you may be charge for assault.

7. Try some home-made facial - Well, at least at this hour, no one will be terrified of your masked face.

6. Jogging- If you dare...

5. talk to your self - well, everyone's asleep except you...

4. Paint your nails - It's a good way to kill time and have pretty nails.

3. Play some games - try not to play violent and gory games. They might ignite your brain cells, and you'll be more awake then.

2. Call my mom - She'll probably be asleep but no harm trying right? Girl Chat time?

1. Sleep - If you can't sleep, repeat step 20..

Things I Took For Granted

2011-05-07T21:42:00.000-07:00

It's Mummy's Day today!

Mum, thank you for carrying me for 9 months and going through pain while you are trying to bring me into this world, you never once fail to love me. Yeah yeah, although i already made a public wish to you in Fb, but i guess, since you occasionally stalk my blog, i guess i should just write it here too. ^.^

I went to mass today although i was sick. There's something nudging me to get up from my bed, move my butt and get ready to go to church today. I was up even before my alarm rang and the first thing I heard was the sound of an organ/ piano from a church nearby.

I got up, freshened myself up and search for the nearest church. I went to The Lady Of Fatima church. And amazingly, the sound of the organ/piano I heard earlier in my hostel, sounded exactly like the ones in this Church!..although there is a Methodist church nearby, and they were worshipping, i only heard the sound of organ/piano from the church I went. Hmmm... maybe, God's asking me to get my lazy bones up and go to church.^.^v

I nearly broke down in tears when the priest called all the mothers to come forward and us to pray over them. I never actually wished my mom Happy Mothers' Day properly when i was back home. Now, when i want to wish her, she is 2 hours drive away from me.

Well, Thank God i realized it before she's super far away from me. i realized that she's one of the things i took for granted. Nevertheless, I am glad that, today helped me to realize that i shouldn't take things for granted as i may never know when I'll lose it.

Mummy! I love you...

PS : I want to eat wan tan mee when i'm back!

When The Time Stops For a Second

2011-04-26T07:14:00.000-07:00

I have been in the city for almost a month and although the air here is not as clean as my "kampung", Melaka, but I do appreciate the days in the city. Although I have to RISK my life crossing busy roads everyday, and be alone at times, I am glad that I am where I am right now.

When I am out here alone, I learn to appreciate my home more and life is so much simpler at home. When I'm hungry, I know there will be food on the table and when I'm sick, I know my mom will be there. Life is so much easier then. Now, when I'm hungry, no more home cooked food for me and I have to worry about food all the time. I am even scared of getting sick because I don't know who will be the one taking care of me if I do.

Everyday, I have to walk from my hostel to my college. And during this 10 minutes walk,

I saw school children shouting and laughing away. I missed school.

I saw parents walking their kids to school. I missed my parents.

I saw school children playing with their friends. I missed my bestfriends.

I saw old people walking in the streets. I miss my two grannies.

I saw siblings talking to each other. I missed my annoying sister and fatty brother.

So, when I paused and looked at the people and things around me, I noticed that I love the things and people in my life even more.

To my mom and dad : I know I never really say it out loud to you guys, but if you happen to stumble on my blog ( yes, mom, I know you stalk my blog ... =.='''), I just want to say thank you for everything. I am truly blessed to have both of you as my parents. And dad, don't worry, although the food here ain't as awesome as Melaka's food, but I will remember my meals.

To my annoying sister and sarcastic brother : I cannot believe I'm saying this here, but I think I actually miss you guys when I'm here. Although I may treat you guys a little cold when I'm at home, but you guys never fail to amuse me with your stupid questions, pathetic jokes and sarcasms. Thank you for no hating me when I'm a bitch.

To Rosh and Kee : Thank you for being there when I needed you guys the most. The way you guys keep up with me, it's just amazing! They way you guys understand me without me explaining, it's just crazy! I have nothing more to say other than just thank you for existing in my life.

Therefore, when I stopped and paused for a moment, I realised that I never really appreciate the people around me. So, right now, I am taking a moment in my life to let you guys know that you mean a lot in my life and I love you people to bits. I will not be who I am, where I am and what I am, without you people in my life.

White Ants Invasion

2011-03-24T00:50:00.000-07:00

White ants or termites are scary creatures that eat your house down. Well, they are eating my precious house down right now. Finally my dad decided to seek for help and called the pest controller to get rid of the white ants for good, After the lamp in my hall finally gave way and crashed.

Can you imagine that after all the renovations done, my house was invaded by these scary, white and aggressive creatures? Yesterday, a lady came and inspected the house and she did found some white ants on my rooftop. She actually took the ants and let it bit her palm! I was so disgusted that I was having goosebumps all over my body.

Then I asked the pest controller, how can my house infected with these termites?

According to her, All houses will be infected, but it's just the matter of time. She said that we have to be very careful and always be alert. She also continue saying that it is quite impossible to search for the nest as these termites are brilliant creatures. (God only knows where's their brains...They are so tiny and almost invisible.. ). She also said they can move their nest very quickly.

Why termites are dangerous?

Well, aren't it obvious? They eat up your house! How can that be NOT dangerous? It is the same as earthquake! They destroy our houses!

House destroyed by the little vigorous creatures called TERMITES...

Aren't they SCARY???

Conclusion, Please check your house from time to time for termites invasion. Do not take it for granted that your house will NEVER be infected. Don't wait till your house collapse before you seek help.

A World That We Choose to Ignore

2011-03-20T02:41:00.000-07:00

After Mass today, I was called to join the Migrant Ministry to get to know about it more. I was introduced to Rosemary, the director for this migrant ministry and she told us a little about the mission of this ministry. These ministry cater to care for the refugee and the oppressed from the Myanmar and Vietnam.

Rosemary told me that they care about their health and they really need funds to continue to help these people. Today, I saw that these people really need help in terms of medical. The reason is because in the hospital, they will be charge 3 times more than a local and even though the government grant them a 50% off but the charges are still very high.

We, locals, always judge the migrants and most of the time, look at them with a corner of the eye. But don't you realize that our fore-fathers were migrants too as well? So, who are we to judge them? It is very sad to see human trafficking happening so rampant and yet, even we know about it, we choose to be blind.

Face it, this world is not only about you. You need people to survive. It is so frustrating that people treat lives as trash. How would you feel if one day, you are treated as a refugee? Being trafficked and even though the people around know about it but choose to ignore you?

It is quite sad that we, humans, treat lives like trash. We treat heartbeat as an object. Sometimes, we do not realize that by putting another person down, we are not appreciating lives. Don't you think you need to treat people as how u want people to treat you?

I may sound weird to you, but I don't care. I am doing what I can to help and I start from myself. Friends, if you have maids at home, treat them with respect. They are lives that God created. You are no difference from them. I am looking forward for the visit to the refugee home sometime next week and I know I am called there for a reason.

I may not help much but at least I'll be more aware and appreciate the lives around me. I am looking forward to share my journey with you in the next post!

3 Things About Mistakes

2011-03-18T05:58:00.000-07:00

I was struck by a truthful saying today.

There are only 3 things about mistakes..

1. ADMIT IT.

Honestly, if you are an egoistic person, it will be rather difficult for you to admit your mistakes. I am no difference. I have to learn that ego won't safe me and ego will bring me no where. I also realized that not admitting my mistakes will only worsen the situation. I admit, myself am a very egoistic person. As time goes by, I found out that before I learn, I must first admit that I made a mistake.

2. LEARN FROM IT.

Seriously, this makes sense. What's the point of making mistakes if you don't LEARN from it? Don't you think it will be rather foolish of us to repeat the same mistakes again for countless time? Then how you think the saying "Once bitten, twice shy" came about?

3. DON'T REPEAT IT

After you learn from your mistakes, do not repeat them. If you do, what's the point of admitting and learning from your mistakes then?

I was struck by this saying that I HAVE to share it. i find it meaningful and applicable in my life. I hope it is applicable in yours too!^.^

The Big Wave

2011-03-14T04:33:00.000-07:00

Another Tsunami hit Japan on the 11 March this year and many people lost their love ones, their homes and their life. No one is rich nor poor at that very moment and everyone were just doing what ever they could to keep breathing. This big waves had hit Malaysia a few years ago and many were killed. Till today, the wave disaster never leave our memories.

I wonder, if we are to be hit by a deadly disaster, you know, the type that would sweep all humans from earth... Will money save us? CAN money save me?

Sounds quite pathetic, but no matter how optimistic I tried to be, but i do have my depressed moments. Moments when i don't know myself, moments when i doubted myself. These past few days, everything were just not right and i felt so empty. My life was so routine that i felt as if i was just wasting my time.

Finally, i told myself, ENOUGH, if i am not happy, why should i pretend? I need to let go and stop pretending to be strong or happy all the time. So, to hell with all the fake smiles and pretending everything was all right. I told my mom I need to do something USEFUL. I do not want to waste my time now.

So, i tender in my resignation last Friday and I told my mom i want to teach special children. I finally realize that earning money is important, but right now, i have the opportunity to Not worry about it YET, so why not use this moment to do some good?

I have to say, I am one lucky daughter, because when i told my mom,i was expecting her to tell me, "you know, your pay is quite high now. Why quit when u can earn so much? Why waste your opportunity?"... And i nearly broke down when she told me, it's my choice.

When she told me that, I was literally LOST. I was at the crossroad in my life where i have to choose between money and life. I know if i continue to work, i will not be happy and if i stop, i may lose my income. I was depressed. And again, i was undecided.

The next morning, as usual, my mom and I went for breakfast before she dropped me off to work. I was so depressed that morning that i did not even talk. And i never NEVER talk. Talking is like MY LIFE! So, that beautiful morning, my mom told me....

MOM : You know, yesterday I had a dream. I dreamed that your were a baby again. I was carrying you in my arms and you were sleeping like a PIG *laughs*... Then daddy asked me to have dinner with him in KFC and I asked him "What about You?". Daddy suggested to put you in the car and let you sleep while we have a bite in KFC. So i agreed. Half way, I got restless and I told him i need to check on you. When i reached the car, you were GONE.

At that time, I was so overwhelmed and my tears started falling. And my mom continued...

MOM : you know what that means?

Me : That i left you?

Mom : No... It means that, no matter how independent you are, how capable you are, when you need me, I have to be there for you. When i let go of you, you might get lost. Yesterday, i never give any comment because I told myself I need to let go. That's why I told you it's your choice. But I saw how troubled you were and I really freaked when you weren't in the car. So, you know what? If you are not happy and you want to pursue what you want right now, go ahead. I'll support you.

At that moment, i realized, Money can never buy me a mother whom understand me. Money can never buy me a mother who accepts me shortcomings and weird ways.

I know, people may think I'm fickle minded, or stupid, or weird, but I know one person who KNOWS why I am doing what I'm doing, the need to do what I need to do and supports me. A person who tell me straight out if she knows things ain't right.

Reasons That Brightened My day

2011-03-02T03:18:00.000-08:00

I don't have a really nice day yesterday as it was my first time answering calls from customers and i was panicking. My mentor was having a bad day as she was having ulcers in her mouth, So, technically, I was the victim for her for that day...=.=....

Anyhow, after a bummed out day, as i recalled my day, I realized, no matter how bad my day can be, there are bound to have some happenings which i can laugh or smile about. For instance, yesterday, during lunch, i went to the bank with my friend. Since it was the end of the month, which means, it was PAY DAY, he decided to withdraw his money.

So, as usual, i stood quite a distance from him and let him withdraw his money himself. Suddenly, he called me to stand beside him. At first, i refused, but then, he persisted, therefore, i gave in and stood beside him. Then, the most amazing thing happened. He whispered to me "Eh, how to withdraw ar?"

I was so shocked that i forgot to laugh. So, i guided him step by step and in the end, he managed to withdraw his money.

That night, my mood wasn't that great and i am not really happy with my job. Honestly, i am considering quitting it. However, later on, i told myself, that today will be a good day, God will guide me and i will come to love my job.

Today morning, as usual, with heavy feet, i dragged myself to work, with a little hope that today will be a better day. I was early, prepared myself to get all the banging from my mentor and to hear her complain about her mouth and ulcer.

Well, in the morning, i saw her cheek was quite swollen, so i told her to seek some advice from the dentist. At first she was reluctant, but with my "convincing" words, finally, she agreed to go to the dentist. I even provide her the clinic's number and called for her. So, she went to the clinic and hopefully, her ulcers can be cured. If not, hopefully she will be on MC tomorrow too. Hey, i am concerned for her health ok! She should rest... ^.^

After that, i was reassigned to a new mentor. This time, my mentor is so patient and she is so helpful. I had a great time listening to her calls and asking her things i am not so sure about. We had a great time sharing about ourselves. She even showed me that it is not impossible to receive compliments from customers and she gave me the fire to give the best service to my customers.

I know that today may not be a good day, but i also believe that today may be a good day. Therefore, don't give up and always believe that it will be a better day the next day. You just need to pray, work hard and believe.

I Wonder How....

2011-02-18T07:15:00.000-08:00

My dad says " I love you" to my mom?

April's imagination :
Dad : Dear, do you want me to massage you?

Reality :
Dad : eh, i back ache ar....

My mom says " I love you too" to my dad?

April's imagination :
Mom : Never mind dear, i massage for you. I know you are tired too.

Reality :
Mom : Go and save money and buy yourself a massage chair.

My dad says " I miss you" to my mom

April's imagination :
Dad : Dear, why is the house so empty? Come back please....

Reality :
Dad : WOI! where are you now? What time want to come back? I am hungry now!

Mom says "I miss you too" to my dad
Mom : Coming home now darling, I cant wait to see you.

Reality:
Mom : Wait lar! Buying food for you lar now.. wait a while also cannot ar now? Next time buy yourself lar!

My dad and mom says "thank you" to each other

April's imagination :
Dad : thank you dear... you are the best.

Mom : welcome darling. Anything for you....

Reality :
.............
errr...
I think they have come to a point where they don't need words to express their gratitude for each other. I guess they finally figure out a way to communicate through their minds without talking. ^.^

Although they argue about the most ridiculous and simplest matter you can ever find on earth, but every time i asked my mom whether she regretted choosing my old man, her answer will always be " No, I've never regretted". Even though cave man aka my dad may be little grumpy, weird, and..... er weird, but, i am super sure he too never regretted the fact that he married my mom although he never really put them in words but every time I asked him that, he would always say " If i regret, you think got you and your siblings now meh?"

So, I wonder how can my parents who have extremely different personalities, different stands, different backgrounds, and different era can come to love each other?

Well, Life's Beautiful ain't it?

STPM Results

2011-02-17T02:57:00.000-08:00

OMG! It's final! It will be on Monday, 21st February 2011. Gosh! I am in a mess right now. I am such a nervous wreck right now and the only solution I can think of is, Sleeping.

I avoid all questions and calls right now because i do not want to take the pressure. It would be rude to say " CAN YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE????", so the only way to tell them to "leave" you alone is the sleep. When I sleep, everyone will not disturb me and i can have a peaceful time to myself, praying.

I had not had tummy aches for ages and now, I'm having it. Yes, it's probably the nervousness. STPM, the "result" that will determine my future from now on. I was not nervous at all for my SPM because I know i have STPM to go. But this time, NOOOOoooo.... this can be THE END!

I'm sorry you guys have to hear me rant about this. But, as you can see, i babble and rant when i am nervous. So, *breathe in and out*....yes, I am nervous...

As you all know, STPM can be considered one of the toughest exam a Malaysian student ever will take. The only thing i can say about my life as a Form 6, well, it was a bitter sweet experience. Bitter because the papers were so TOUGH and Heck! they think the students have bionic brains as they expect us to memorize at least 2 to 3 books per subject.We were compulsory to take 4 subjects, so, you can roughly estimate how much we have to study. Oh, and the books are FREAKING THICK!

Although, my form 6 life was quite sweet because i met a lot of friends from different schools and the best part was, I actually learn to appreciate all my teachers more. They are like a parent and a friend to me. I learn to treat them with respect and be thankful. They just teach us about the subject that we have to ace on, be they also teach us about the things we have to ace on in our lives. So, Thank You to all my teachers who taught me in my Form 6 days.

No matter what the results will be, I know I had tried my best and move on from there. God will provide since he has plans for me. Although i may be a nervous wreck right now and hide myself by sleeping, but somehow or rather, I know i will get through this. I guess all i need now is a little faith.

Awesome Korean Food

2011-02-14T18:45:00.000-08:00

K-pop and Korean dramas are getting more famous in our country these days and that include their delicacies too! I was so tempted by the dishes shown in some Korean dramas, (Yes, I look at the food more than i look at the actors and actresses) that i HAVE to go try out their delicacies.

As you see, some oversea food are changed to better suite our "Malaysian" tongue, in other words, make in "halal " (no pork) that it somehow messes with the authentic-ness of their dishes. So, I tried to find a more authentic Korean restaurant.

So, as i drove around Melaka Raya one day, I stumbled upon a restaurant named Dorae, just above Establishment Bar. It is a corner lot and you have to climb the stairs to get to the restaurant.

Somehow, i talked my mom and sister into going to the restaurant with me and i never regretted it. The food was nice and i really felt as if i was in Korea!

This is how the dishes were laid out on the table

This is the Kimchi Soup... this soup taste a little spicy, NOT sour and it tasted the best with rice.

Some side dishes...

This is the Korean style omelette

Ahhhh... the ever famous Bim bimbab.... Lovely! The children would love it! This dish is filled with vegetables and beans but it taste so good that your children wouldn't even notice them. So, this dish will definitely trick your kids into eating some greens!

No wonder Koreans have white smooth skin!

The Ginseng Chicken/pork soup with porridge....

Those were the dishes I had when i went with my mom and sister . A few weeks later, we decided that we wanted to have more Korean food and this time, we brought my dad and granny along with us and these were what we had

Barbecued marinated chicken with some Korean special Sauce...and yes, we have to eat them with the lettuce

Korean kimchi Seafood Hot Pot. We have crabs (the REAL CRABS), squid, cuttlefish, fish, vegetables, fishcakes, taufoo and let's just say many more....it's proven in the picture!

And yes! the food there are GREAT! so if you have the time, hop in to Dorae and give yourself a treat!

Love Is In the Air

2011-02-14T03:45:00.000-08:00

It's Valentine's day people! A day which is so over-rated now. A day when couples show extra love towards each other. They go for dates, they give each other presents and who knows, get married a few months later?

Today reminded me of my deceased grandpas. I wish i could give them a hug and tell them I love them to bits. I wish I can see their toothless smile once more. People are so caught up with their own 'lover', they forget about the people that they have by their side all these while. Well, we tend to take them for granted. No?

Now, let me ask you this question, Do you need Valentine's day to show your love to the ones you love?

I thought you are suppose to love everyday, not just on Valentine's day. Why not make everyday a Valentine?

My Valentine's day wish :

1. Tell my Parents i love them and I will always do.

2. Tell my sister and brother i still love them although the annoy the hell out of me.

3. Thank God for giving me a life.

4. Tell my grannies that even though grandpas' no more here, I'll still love them.

5. Tell my best Friends i love them even though we are so caught up with our lives that we tend to lose contact for a short while.

6. Tell my close friends that i really appreciate them for accepting the way i am.

7. Tell my friends that i am really happy that they are my friends.

And my dad told me today : " Ting, you don't have any Valentine ar? never mind lar, you have US (family)"

SOOO SWEET right????

If You Want To Commit Suicide

2011-02-13T05:01:00.000-08:00

Okay, you want to commit suicide. What's the best move for you? Post it in Facebook? Aww.. come on! Don't you think your life is worth more than that? I am not going to tell these people to stop posting them in Facebook or tell the whole world about their plan. In fact, they should and GET HELP!

Do not be afraid that people might look at you at their corner of their eye or worried that they may think you are crazy. If you need someone to hear you out, talk to someone whom you trust and care about you. For me, I'll go to my parents. If you seriously sit them down and ask them to hear you out, I am sure they would put down what ever they are doing and hear you out. If they don't well, find another source then...

You can also consult your friends. Unless they are some B****es who make your life miserable. Then again, so What? You don't need them in your life. They don't feed you or determine your life and death.

If really you don't have anyone to turn to, why not turn to your teacher? I said TEACHER. If you are uncomfortable consulting a counselor in your school, then don't. Look for your favourite teacher instead. Go to your teacher who always hear you out and understand you. I am pretty sure you have one, unless you are an A** in school.....

People, please, don't take your life away for petty things. Life is a really beautiful gift that God can give to us. Do not just throw it away. You have so much to learn and with the time given to us, it ISN'T even ENOUGH! If you feel that the world is turning against you, well, put everything down and recall all the good times you had. Those Memories are worth living for. And Trust me, if you want people to appreciate you, you must first appreciate yourself.

POSITVE

2011-01-27T02:51:00.000-08:00

"April! HI! what are you doing now???"

Me : *mono-tone* a talking machine.

Yes, there's nothing wrong with your eyes, my job is like a talking machine. I listen to calls everyday and i will get paid for it. For a month, i'll be undergoing a training programme. I have to study about the company's products, price plans and etc.

It's quite similar with my business studies in school. Lot's of memorizing to do. No matter how i dislike studying and memorizing, i HAVE to do it! Now, it's not just about scoring marks and achieving good grades. NOW i have to EARN money with it. So, yeah... working life is hard...

BUT... NO way i am going to let this small things stop me from doing my best! So, yeah, April, don't give up without trying... *self motivation*

It won't be THAT bad... I just have to answer calls and occasionally listen to customers scream and shout. It wont be that bad... oops..did i just repeat that??? sorry...=.='''.. i was consoling myself you see...

Positive thinking is the only thing that keeps a person going... well, at least in my case, it does. No matter how pressured i am, i would always tell myself, "WOMAN, take it slow and do what you can. Chill..."

And honestly, that's the only thing that keeps me alive till today. Taking my own life wont solve my problems because even when i'm dead, my problems will still be there and committing suicide is SCARY and PAINFUL. So, people, if you ever think of taking away your life, rethink again because you are not solving your problems, but you are running away from it.

Personally, i feel it's really foolish to kill yourself just because of stress or pressure or Oh-i hate-my-life. People! Stress and pressures only occur because YOU yourself allow it to happen, so Deal with it and solve it! And How bad can your life be?

You are abused?

Well, there's always the police station or help lines for you to contact.

Your parents hate you?

Don't be an idiot! which parents will hate their own flesh and blood?

You cant cope in school?

Aiyo... study more lor

Study already but still cant?

Then find out your talent and nurture it. Everyone has talents. Don't tell me you don't have. It's ridiculous. You can always be a chef, a model,a singer, an artist a business person and etc. You don't need to be a professional to earn a living ok.

Your bf/gf dump you?

So, you want to take your life for a person who don't even give a damn about you? Are you Nuts?

My question to you is = worth it meh???

Your friends hate you?

There are BILLIONS of people in the world. So, don't tell me you cannot have at least 1 friend. Unless you are a freaking annoying person lar. Even annoying people have friends ok! So no reason to kill yourself for people who dislike you.

You cant take the bullying?

Well, why don't you defend yourself? You have a choice. And i always think that bullies are jealous people. So, just think that they are jealous of you.

See! it's fun changing negative problems to positive solutions! Why don't you try it???

is it just me or....

2011-01-25T07:09:00.000-08:00

wearing a shirt with price tags on is a norm nowadays????

i CANNOT believe my eyes when i saw a woman today, wearing her blouse with her PRICE TAG showing! I was shopping with my parents and i spotted this lady, wearing a beige blouse which was far too tight for her, with her PRICE TAG ON!

I was so stunned with what i saw that i couldn't get over it and when i told my mom about it, she was so excited! She actually pulled me together with her to tail tag the lady. =.='''... And on the price tag, it says, RM 19.9, size M...

So, after that, my mom and I were listing out some of the reasons for a person to forget to remove the price tag before wearing a garment. So here are some of the reasons we could think of...

REASON NUMBER 1 :

She probably never wash her clothes when she bought it. So when she wants to wear it, she probably forgot that it was a new garment and that the price tag was still attached to it.

REASON NUMBER 2 :

Her previous blouse tore and she was in a hurry to wear the new blouse that forgot about the tag. (is she that blind ar?? the tag was Quite large!)

REASON NUMBER 3 :

She wants to show off the brand and the price of her blouse.. ( As if it was a million dollar blouse.. Pffftt..=.=''')

Honestly, i cant think of any other reasons for a person to forget to remove the price tag from a garment before wearing them out. The only question that first popped into my mind was " eh, doesn't her back feel itchy??".

Or... MAYBE, it is a new trend now to show off the price tag of the garment you are wearing?????

Self discovery = Self realization

2011-01-19T07:40:00.000-08:00

I was called to join this religious self discovery camp in JB and i stayed in Majodi centre for a week. Honestly, the reason why i agreed to join this camp was because i had nothing better to do. I was waiting for my work to start, so while waiting, i joined this camp to kill some time.

So, when i reached there, the only thing that kept popping in my head was "DAMN! everyone speak mandarin here!!!"... I can't really communicate well in Mandarin and there are only 11, including me, were in the English speaking group. It was the first time that i actually felt like a minority.

On the first few days of the camp, i was really depressed. WHy? well, because i heard His calling. But at that moment, i don't know what He's trying to tell me. I really thought that God wanted me to leave everything and be a NUN. TT.TT

But as i discerned about it, i realized that i am not called to be a nun. (Thank GOD) but i am called to serve Him and ONLY HIM.

As i journeyed through this, i realized that my future is actually planned by Him and i found out the direct "phone number" to God (according to Fr Christopher Lee) (Jeremiah 33:3).

Whether you and i like it a not, we have to accept the fact that we are indeed really fortunate to be here. Sometimes, without us realizing, we do idolize idols such as material things (5 c's). And We often look at ourselves and other people in a worldly manner. It's all abut how the world look at us, and not how we look at ourselves, or how the BIG GUY look at us.

Leaving the outside world for a week made me realized that i live a really scheduled life. So, when i reached the Orang Asli's settlement, I was indeed shocked. I was struggling emotionally and trying to put up a happy front when all i want to do was sit at one corner and weep till i drop. But what kept me going was the smile on each of the children's faces. I was really at awe with their innocence and faith even though they are the "minority".

I never knew that there are people who can have nothing in the world but FAITH. In god's eyes, they are the true millionaire.

So, what are we complaining about again???