Unwritten by Ink

August 2013: Two weeks left

2013-08-28T21:21:00.001+08:00

Count down to two weeks more till I've officially completed my internship. I'm going to miss my company cause I had loads of fun under their care. I get to travel from different malls and sites.

I even manage to pick up pine cones from a site nearby Genting Highlands. They make awesome DIY Christmas trees.

But sometimes, what my company does can be entirely exhausting. And I'm practically dragging my feet across the floor just to get the job done.

So an occasional reward should be entitled to oneself. I'm not a fan of Baskin Robins but I can't reject a Pink Day offer.

August 2013: Internship woes

2013-08-25T23:28:00.001+08:00

It's been a while! I was preoccupied with internship ~~and online gaming~~. I choose not to blog for quite sometime...

Until today; cause I missed blogging out of blue. So surprise! I'm back again.

After weeks of interning (still currently am), I just have one word to describe about my internship. AWESOME. I'm travelling all around Peninsular Malaysia. Get to meet rude site supervisor/project supervisor/project managers, get to see how much an engineer has to do just to get the project done, see how engineers don't get fed properly, see how engineers keep their head cool even though they're being bombarded by all parties including their own bosses. Yeap, totally love it!

No kidding.

I mean, I got a chance to see up front how engineers REALLY work out there. I'm probably lucky to have a patient project manager who's willing to accept all questions (even stupid ones). He's been helpful to us, always answering our retarded questions. He taught us how to have fun while working. How to joke even though there's a project at the brink of being jeopardized.

Well, I wasn't actually exaggerating about the last part. What he actually taught us was how to keep our heads cool enough to solve any problem we would encounter as engineers.

Well that's a summary of what I've been up to. So until next update again!

And yes, I'm back to online gaming during my free times. I've met back Jing Yi, Denise, and Calvin my old online friends. They always made me happy even after 4 years and I'm so going to miss them again when I leave for school in the coming next two weeks.

June 2013: We all start fresh again

2013-06-20T02:34:00.001+08:00

Its great to go out between us 4 girls. Its been a while and we awefully missed it badly. I just love my little dinner. It soothe my Pan Mee cravings. Oh how I miss home! And how I miss my sister :(.

April 2013: Life Lessons

2013-04-26T12:20:00.000+08:00

When someone says you need high EQ, they forgot to mention that involves hiding your most sincerest feeling under the deepest layer of your heart and not tell anyone about what you really feel. And there will always be a smile plastered on your face all for the sake of making the other party comfortable.

Friendship, and love works this way.

Family is different though. It's where your most sincerest feelings get let out and you allow them the chance to get involve in them, fall, get hurt and all others.

My sister, despite being sick, lived her life beautifully, loved, and all the happiness that God would give her.

And I should learn from her too. Because hatred is not the answer to my life. I will learn to enjoy my food and life better.

April 2013: Maybe I won't understand

2013-04-17T00:46:00.000+08:00

I lost a sister. A beloved sister.

You lost a friend.

I understand your feeling. But you never understood mine.

Because I never showed out my sadness.

I keep it all to myself.

And I don't reveal things out as I wish.

But I never stopped you from doing it.

But consider my fragile feelings too.

For I too wish I want back that person, beside me again, every single day.

April 2013: So tired

2013-04-13T11:34:00.000+08:00

I've been sleeping non-stop for the past 3 days. So frigging exhausted and sleepy, I don't understand why. I got work to do, but I'm still haven't started anything yet. I suspect I'm on PMS.

O-Kim loves his tennis ball a lot ^^. He's never been this demanding before when I took away the ball for safe keeping. So cute. I hope the lucky ball brighten up his day when I'm not around.

April 2013: Finally 2 days time off

2013-04-11T18:06:00.000+08:00

God has blessed me for whatever I have put my effort on. My ancestors has protected me from harm and ensure the safety and health stability of my well being. My family have given me the best they could offer to support me.

Last two weeks we have managed to place as Runner Ups in our school and thus able to move forward represent our school in Taylor College. For the first time, our school managed to become Runner Up as well in the National level of Chem E Car Competition.

Our car was the lousiest most under-budget looking car that has managed to steal a solid second placing without disqualification in both rounds. The school of engineering is about working with what you have by optimizing your resources, and coming from modest background, our effort, investment, time, and lady luck rewarded us. We're slowing by steadily earning our fund by winning slowly. I would like to thank the mentality and environment our school has taught us, in order to adapt into the chemical engineering society.

I've also recently secured a placing for my industrial training in Kuala Lumpur. My research is still an ongoing process with issues but I'm working on it.

May I be able to overcome all the trials ahead of this year calmly as I can.

I feel guilty for letting my emotions out of control. And the damage I've done cannot be repaired any longer. I'm really sorry to my senior for putting up with me and my scoldings. But I can only try to slowly change, for this way I can be better person.

I'm so sorry.

March 2013: There are times when she makes me want to slap her badly

2013-03-28T18:37:00.002+08:00

Sometimes when she brags and most of the time the thing she brags isn't really all that without other people's help, she makes me want to slap her hard. So damn annoying. Like a fly.

March 2013: A Strong Woman

2013-03-13T00:00:00.001+08:00

Make up to a woman is not to enhance beauty nor hide our face.

It's a combat tool to remind us never to cry in front of other people.

March 2013: Circumstances

2013-03-10T16:54:00.000+08:00

If you're given a chance to your life any better, would you choose it even if it means denying whatever you believe in?

Should I blame fate for the circumstances I'm in? I wish to work hard everyday to improve my family's life and offer the luxury my family could enjoy. I've seen the sad faces of my parents who felt remorse being unable to bring their children luxury. I believe working hard would bring me somewhere but in reality, I was running away. And when I couldn't run anymore, I angrily asked myself, why. What did I do wrong? Should I blame the world or myself?

There was no answer. I thought maybe I could find something to hold onto. Something pure enough that this world isn't ugly as it seem. Friendship; but I was left dissapointed along the way.

A very close friend of mine once said, we are all just hi-bye friends no matter how close we used to be. Friendship is a mere tool. She knows I could never accept it but she put a full blown truth in front of me.

But I choose what I like to see, I choose what I like to hear, thus I never really understood anyone. Sometimes even between us, we all have selfish intentions. We have an objective and we try to target that. In the process, personality, charm, background, and status helps us tie the string of fate.

Maybe, for whatever I believe in, friendship in reality is just a mere coincidence that we all got into the same boat and needed each other to survive. And what I seek is purer than reality could ever offer, thus the 100% trust story.

People like me are most sincere with their feelings. And we're foolish people who let people hold our emotions for us. But sometimes, I've learnt pretty much along the way; not revealing the ugly side of people was easier to live with than digging into it. Because humans are all still born selfish.

I need to learn to accept the flaws in people because people are incomplete. God granted man with the ability to choose. I believe he was giving false hope to men. Fate was decided right from the beginning we were born. He just placed multiple doors like answering an objective multiple choice question.

My sincerity is mine to keep. The only thing I can protect for now. But my 100% trust is not something I can promise to anyone so easily. Not because I'm scared of getting hurt. I can't have a 100% trust because I'm not 100% trustworthy myself either.

March 2013: Deadlines

2013-03-09T00:17:00.002+08:00

This semester is all about commitment, responsibility and meeting deadlines.

We're aiming to represent the school to fight in Chem-E Car in Taylor College.

And with my research being in a new field and all, I had to start from scratch to understand what I'm up to in my undergraduate research. I hope that polymer would finally appear soon! God please give me strength and knowledge to overcome this barrier.

And give me luck to be accepted in a company based in Kuala Lumpur in Oceaneering.

God please give me strength, knowledge and luck to overcome all these hurdles!

March 2013: Living in this World

2013-03-07T09:58:00.000+08:00

I had intended to write this post differently this morning. I changed my mind after thinking about my senior's words.

After living for almost 23 years in this world, from my observation, human are getting better and better at acting. They slowly become natural-born actors. It's a must have skill, where you hide things that bother you sometimes behind a facade or manipulate people the way you intend to behind a smile.

But the human adult's heart becomes narrower as they age. With this in mind, communication becomes difficult as they set too many constraints upon themselves. The innocence of humanity is no longer there and they become even more afraid to become different from the current trend and grew greedier each day.

But it is still a skill we should learn to adopt in order to survive in this twisted world.

March 2013: Birthday Babies

2013-03-03T14:13:00.001+08:00

Last night my friends and me celebrated for our senior's extremely BELATED birthday. There are many creative ways to play with chocolate cakes and beers.

It's not as wild as Phui Mun's birthday but it really takes a while for me to get out of the all-girl's comfort zone. There's 2 more birthdays coming up. Is thinking about arranging beach games to let out the stress.

February 2013: Try to make it out alive

2013-02-24T18:04:00.003+08:00

I've started researching about the okra mucilage to get hold of the exact polymer structure. But I'm failing pretty badly at digging it out. So I tried searching for anything related to it. And I came across this:

http://www.researchgate.net/post/What_is_the_structure_of_okra_mucilage

When my PhD companion said that no one knew the structure yet and that we're both going to discover it together, I thought she was joking. FML. Shit just got REAL.

February 2013: It's a CNY month!

2013-02-02T12:25:00.002+08:00

My lecturer had an unofficial announcement on one of my subject's result. Normally the official result will be displayed in our memo but I think he got a little overly excited about announcing it on our small Facebook group. I aced it. Oh yeah! I'm grinning from ear to ear like an idiot now.

Another boring post,

Last night I attempted to cook ginger chicken for dinner. Tasted great! My culinary skills are still on par with my mom's! I was surprised with the outcome cause it's the first time I ever attempted a Chinese meat based cuisine in a wok. I did Filipino's meat-based dishes, baked chicken thighs and made meat balls before but definitely not Chinese meat based cuisine. It's a little bit different. Chinese meat based cuisine is always garnished with one of the following combinations: soya sauce, Shaoxing wine, Oyster sauce, Black sauce, sesame oil, 5 spices powder, black vinegar, or white vinegar.

The range of these selections would bring out different flavours to the dish. And all of them has unique individual taste and I'm pretty much am too unique with my selection till it the taste always comes out weirdly.

Will update the recipe on my Kitchen's Corner page.

It's FRIGGING hot these days. God, even my dogs are at verge of having heat stroke.

January 2013: Another Year, Another New Beginning

2013-01-31T22:01:00.000+08:00

It's another year with another new update. Tomorrow's gonna be a February, so this post is about 31 days late from the beginning of New Year.

Recently I went to Singapore for a long awaited vacation. It was fun, the place was clean, lots of entertainment going on around me, there's a festive going on around in Chinatown, and great environment. There's nothing much lacking in Singapore except for the local food there. Wasn't much to my liking, pretty much disappointing.

Aside from that, I've seen many interesting things; even a Malaysian historical event being displayed at an aquarium exhibition. Pretty much surprised there. Way to go Singapore. They borrowed and made it look grander, exactly the proper treatment it deserves.

A spectacular country, awesome in being a tourism attraction worth to be envied. Really an eye-opener experience. I love their grand water performance at Marina Bays. Though I interpreted the plot wasn't much related to light or water saving after like 5 minutes through the performance? More like encouraging Singaporeans to date and give birth to more local babies. I think Singapore should be dubbed as one of the best dating destination experience a country could offer. They have malls here and there [presents for your partner], nice little water shows, USS, parks, those foldable bicycles delivered right at your doorstep, great places to dine, beer, and just about anything with air-cond around the walkways where you don't really have to worry about sweat ruining your make up.

It's great to be back home in Kuala Lumpur!

And I also got my resolutions prepared for wonderful Twenty Thirteen to end this boring post.

And here is my Top 5 resolutions 2013:

1. Being happy and enjoying life as it is!

2. Doing my best in my upcoming internship and thesis

3. Doing my best in learning Japanese, Korean and German language

4. Widen my culinary skills in the desserts area

5. Will not run away from my destined fate anymore and instead be more daring to voice out my own opinions; after all being sassy is still part of me and not something to be hated.

And Top 5 things I learnt from 2012:

1. No one can change me; you're not even my family why should I listen to you when you never did?

2. Jealousy is fucking ugly; bitches are full of it. And I hate tolerating with their idiocy.

3. Dealing with the lost of a loved one is not easy.

4. Why humanity requires life partners.

5. What real love feels like.

October 2012: Time is both merciful and merciless

2012-10-29T12:08:00.002+08:00

I think this is the first time I feel what it's like to have a heartache. It's pain not just physically. It's even hard to breathe. This holiday isn't the best I've had; the fever I had reminded me too much of the past.

What was yesterday a girl back home, came by today to visit us as a moth. Time is merciless yet it is still merciful by reminding us of the old times. I'm not the only one who hasn't fully let go, I don't think anyone could.

[September 2012]: Death of a Love one

2012-09-15T16:24:00.003+08:00

Being in school reminds me of her. Its been hard.

Here are what you would experience when you lost someone you love.

1. You would think about the deceased in the form of memories; from their voice to their touches. It haunts you whenever you're left alone. Even as long as 10 years.
2. You won't think of them or partially forgotten they have already left you when you're preoccupied.
3. Moving on does not mean forgetting them. It means finding another reason to be independent of their presence especially those with strong attachments with the deceased.
4. You will cry from time to time suddenly because you're sad and miss them.
5. No one else but someone who experienced the same lost can understand that pain in your heart. And its necessary you forgive those that don't.
6. Its pointless to ask someone who has lost a deceased loved one to pour out their feelings in front of you. It just doesn't work that way.
7. You will tend to have weak-willed thoughts. That's why its best to keep yourself busy from over indulging in negative thoughts.
8. Talking about the deceased openly to others does not mean you've moved on. You will still cry.
9. It is alright to think of them and talk about them occasionally.
10. The rate of moving on depends highly on the relationship, especially if you have personally taken care and poured out your love to them. Rather than not ever loving anyone to avoid get hurt, it's best to grow from it by showing that love to everyone who deserves to be cared.

[September 2012]: Looks like I haven't accepted it yet

2012-09-13T22:52:00.000+08:00

It's been almost a week since I'm back here in my university.

I thought I was able to move on by my own since I was able to talk more about her to my roommates openly.

But the moment I heard about her again from back home, my heart just couldn't accept it yet.

It all takes time for the heart to fully accept.

[September 2012]: Heading back

2012-09-08T19:13:00.001+08:00

I hope I find my inspiration while in the university again.

Since life has so much to teach and offer, I need to find my connection in this world; the meaning of my existence.

If I don't I'm afraid with time, my character, my flavor will be left an empty void of nothingness.

[September 2012]: Strange

2012-09-03T13:02:00.000+08:00

I got hurt by someone's comment but ended up in front of her door holding a packet of delicious economy pack rice and her things in another hand.

I should have been angry and upset enough not to talk to her any more and would have demanded an apology. But instead I did the opposite. But I knew my heart has already given up on her as a friend to ever rely on.

What are these feelings? I felt confused.

I received many kind words from other people about my sister recently. They were all very sincere. But I always felt I don't deserve them. I wanted to tell them 'I'm alright' but I'm not. Is it easy to let go an elder sibling of 22 years relation with me? I even planned my future with her. Is it suppose to be easy? Am I overreacting? These thoughts disturbs me whenever I say, 'I'm alright'. Why don't I feel like having fun, they are trying to cheer me up after all. But I just feel like crying whenever I step out of the house, am I pretending? Am I being melodramatic? These thoughts occupied my mind when that someone made a comment that hurts me.

Then I realized I suddenly hate being force and fussed because these troubling thoughts haunt me. It makes me doubt myself a lot.

[August 2012]: Happy Independence Day and Ghost Festival

2012-08-31T23:34:00.000+08:00

We performed our ancestry prayers this morning. I stopped being vegan for today because there was too many meat leftover; my father can't chew and my brother is picky on his meals although he reluctantly admits it.

In the afternoon, I head over for my daily acupuncture. The sensei says my kidney has fully recovered already so he will proceed to stop my palm and feet from sweating. Father's stomach is becoming well, that's good news to me. My brother's nose has recovered. Now left my father's thyroid and my ankle. At least most of the problems has subside for now.

Then just now only I went over to visit my grandmother. She was wheezing but she looks happy, her condition is getting better. However to be honest, I only pray she goes peacefully. I also got an opportunity to meet my Down Syndrome cousin. He has soft bones, so he isn't able to walk yet although he is fully 18 months old. He has a weak heart too. But luckily he is still able to move around, at least he is active. I love him instantly probably because he reminds me so much of her although she was far more normal than him when she was a child.

She is still in my mind even now. Today I kept on remembering her more because today reminded me of her departure. She was a lovable sibling.

[August 2012]: I miss you, with love

2012-08-30T23:55:00.002+08:00

It's just one of those moments like back in 2008, where I just feel like crying every night when I suddenly realize how scary it is to be alone.

Except this time, there's no one to hug me like before and wipe away my tears using their bare hands.

But I tahan so long, holding back from crying until ended up sleeping late at night because I think too much. I didn't want to cry because there was no point; no one to wipe them away anymore and she is at a happier place.

But today I burst into tears because of an idiot immature girl's comment which felt insulting.

Luckily, like always I got someone to cheer me up, haha. She reminded me how it's alright to cry. So funny, even though we're present at different country, she got this uncanny fate to catch me when I start crying. And it's always just her being innocently walking out of her room or on the phone suddenly call.

I miss her to the point, not only my room but my house feels so quiet. I don't think any distraction can take it away from me. When I was watching videos of my dog last time, I accidentally filmed her inside, and from the way I treated her, she was indeed special and I've treated her like any younger sibling could with love.

Tomorrow will be visiting my grandma, I hope again, she is okay. She's quite weak.

[August 2012]: My dream

2012-08-28T20:25:00.002+08:00

I won't give up striving for a decent future although she has left this world. My promise to her is to do my best on earth and live my days making those around me happy while she does her best undergoing rebirth or reciting her prayers in heaven. Hopefully its the latter.

Hopefully one day I will remember this little dream of mine even if life gets too busy; I want to spend some time with kids like her by showering them with care and patience.

[August 2012]: A decision I bet everyone was happy with

2012-08-27T18:33:00.002+08:00

Papa, Mama, I'm proud of both of you.

You chose to take care of Ah May until the end even though we don't have enough resource and time sometimes.

I bet she knows how much all of you sacrifice yourself. I'm glad you never choose to sent Ah May to the centre to be taken care. Nothing feels safer and warmer than being beside the family.

And despite both of you gave me your consent to be sent to old folk's house, my heart never once wanted it. Not even have I ever thought in my mind to let her be sent to the centre.

Even before you ever suggested sending to old folk's home, I was already against it. Not because of karma or family values, but because it's my own decision.