Up the Sunbeam

Embarrassed?

2012-02-12T04:00:00.000-08:00

--
I arrived in the smaller of the two gyms at my daughter's high school. Thin rubber mats covered the surface of the floor to protect it from the scratchy feet of the long tables that marched in long rows stretching nearly from wall to wall. In this room and several other locations in the school, 700 sophomores were about to file in, pencils and minds at the ready. A couple of other moms and I were there as parent volunteers to help oversee the California High School Exit Exam (CAHSEE).

The kids were in a 10 minute morning break between classes and we volunteers took the opportunity to get acquainted. We told our kids' names and ages, talked about how long we'd been at this school, and inquired as to whether any of us had done this before--routine parent volunteer small talk. Just then another mom came in, peering inside to make sure she was in the right place. We assured her she was, and I couldn't help noticing a slight sadness, the almost apologetic expression she wore.

She explained that she hadn't been sure where the Small Gym was and with the halls teeming with the 2800 students hurrying to lockers and 2nd period classes, it had been a challenge to find us. She said, "I passed my daughter in the hall, but I didn't ask her or even speak to her--I didn't want to embarrass her." Her eyes looked down and away as she said it. "I saw one of her friends and asked her for directions, so I finally found you."

Just then the doors were opened and the administrators let the students in and I didn't have a chance to say anything . . . I'm not even sure what I would have said or wanted to say, but I just felt so sorry for her. Clearly she cared deeply about her daughter and was a loving mom. She was living out her love for her daughter, but somehow she thought her daughter was ashamed of her, or would be embarrassed to be seen with her, so she passed her daughter in the hall without speaking, a little sadder for it . . . maybe a lot sadder.

I couldn't help thinking about the relationship I enjoy with my own kids and how at every age and right up to this day (at almost 21 and 16), both of them would be more inclined to tackle me (or their daddy) in a bear hug in front of all their friends, and then would proceed to introduce me to all of them! They would have been deeply wounded had I tried to pass by them without speaking. I also thought back to how much I loved having my daddy for a teacher and how proud I was to be his daughter, and how cool it was to see him in the halls and to be able to give, and get, a hug from him in the middle of the school day . . . in front of all my friends who wished they had a dad as awesome as mine!

When I told my own almost 16 year old daughter about this, I thought her response was so insightful--she said, "I'd tell that mom to go ahead and embarrass her daughter!" While there is a certain amount of healthy pushing away our children must do to become themselves, we should not take that as a reason to pull away from them. If anything, they need us to stay even closer, not in a hovering, smothering way, but in an I'm-not-going-ANYWHERE way that makes them feel secure and loved through every minute of their growing up, even while we're gradually, appropriately, necessarily letting go.

As so many parenting moments do, this little vignette I observed made me think of our Heavenly Father and how we relate to Him as His children. Seeing this woman's sadness over her keenly felt distance from her daughter, it made me wonder how God feels when His children act ashamed of Him in front of their friends. Are we ever embarrassed to be seen with Him, or do we walk with Him unashamed, excited to introduce our friends to Him? Would we tackle Him in a joyous bear hug if He walked through the halls of our school or workplace?

"If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels." Luke 9:26 NIV1984

These are sobering words from Jesus . . . words I never want to test. I think I'll take a bear hug instead!
How about you?

What is your favorite way to stay close to your kids (even if they're pushing you away)?

How would you like your life to make God feel?

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Speaking of mothers and daughters and our Heavenly Father, my awesome mother is going in for surgery on Tuesday morning to correct some problems in her neck. May I ask for your prayers for her, for her wonderful team of doctors and nurses, and for my daddy as they all work toward getting her well? You have my very humble thanks--it's hard for this daughter to be so far away and your prayers feel like one way I can close the 1200 miles between us. Thank you.
UPDATE: Just got word that her surgery is all done and that it went very well! Continuing to pray for a smooth and complete recovery!
Thank you so much for your prayers!
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Joining Ann Voskamp in counting His graces for her Multitudes on Monday

I hope you'll join in if you haven't already!

In the counting of the endless gifts I say with C. S. Lewis,

"This also is Thou!"
Counting my next 1000 Gifts, joining Ann in The Joy Dare--like a scavenger hunt for graces, gifts and glory!! Wanna come along? I dare ya!!

The continuing JOY DARE:

#1106-1126 (February 5th-11th)

5. one gift stitched--a football (Super Bowl Sunday!!)
one gift hammered--cymbals played in worship by Drummer Boy
one gift woven--our hearts, together, watching the game, cheering and celebrating the win!
6. 3 gifts found outside
peach and purple sunrise
oranges the size of grapefruit to pick . . . and eat . . . slurp!
wise old moon winking through gathering storm clouds
7. 3 gifts red
my dream car that I get to drive every day
delicious red bell pepper
apples, Braeburn and Jonagold
8. a gift broken--my left knee (not actually broken, but certainly not a happy knee-a gift nonetheless)
a gift fixed--dishwasher working like it should again after running a little CLR through it
a gift thrifted--Drummer Boy's 1980's karaoke machine from the Goodwill store that he thinks is a better guitar amp than the one he has and with which he is going to rescue my old cassette tapes!
9. 3 gifts that were surprises--unexpected grace
the child-hearted fun of stepping on the gas through a big puddle just to make a huge splash!
help for my knee
unexpectedly getting a day at home that I desperately needed!
10. 3 times you heard laughter today
4:15 AM and Hero Husband getting a good laugh out of Drummer Boy's understandable disorientation at having to get up for work so early
Tickling battles with She So Sweet
Drummer Boy in unbridled joy at finally having the majority of his gear for his recording studio!
11. 3 gifts found in working
teamwork
checking accomplishments off on the to do list
built in exercise

A heartfelt thank you to these generous bloggerswho make these communities available!

Finding My Rhythm in a Season of Beginnings

2012-02-06T06:40:00.000-08:00

I've been having a hard time finding my rhythm. That isn't really new. In fact, I think I say that at the beginning of every school year, the beginning of every summer, the beginning of every new season.

Motherhood in particular, and life in general, both seem to be characterized by irregular time signatures, and I frequently scramble to adjust to those odd beats. Above and beyond the usual oddities, new things are swirling all over my schedule these days and the tempo has moved up a few notches on the metronome. This has the effect of putting me in a mild state of panic when something unexpected happens. I've just found the beat . . . okay, there it is, I can do this. I'm concentrating like crazy to stay on it now that I've found it, and then, out of the blue, someone throws in an impromptu stop, or points at me for a solo, or the time signature changes without warning and I'm afraid the whole audience will hear me missing beats and flubbing my part until I make the adjustment, IF I'm good enough to make the adjustment that is. (Maybe Drummer Boy can help me sort it out. He does this all the time like it's nothing--he can even twirl his sticks in the process!)

This time of change for me is all a little thrilling and terrifying, and sometimes just downright funny. The trick is to notice the humor in the moments when I'm flailing--I'm not always so good at that. I don't like to feel out of sync. I don't like to feel like I'm back on my heels. I don't like thinking about what the critics might say ("The band was amazing, all except for the drummer who couldn't find a rhythm to save her life! GET A NEW DRUMMER!")

From one day to the next, sometimes from one hour to the next, I don't know what my time will look like. Even when I think I know, there is always the potential for the unexpected. Seasons like this-- when the rhythm is hard to find-- are wonderful for developing our flexibility, and the ability to trust our Band Leader. He is never thrown by the funny rhythms of our lives and He always knows how to make it all into music, even when we lose our place and get off the beat.

"For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven."
Ecclesiastes 3:1 NLT

Father, please fill me with Your calm assurance, and provide me with the skill required for the rhythms I need to play in these wonderful and challenging days, in this very special season. Please take my faltering and somehow make music out of it all as only You can do!

Do you ever feel caught off-guard by life's funny rhythms?

P.S. While I adjust to all the newness of being back in school and new work and school schedules for both my kids, I ask your patience with any inconsistencies on my part in posting. I pray that I will settle in before long and will be able to stay on track with my blog publishing schedule, but if I don't post as regularly as I aspire to do, please bear with me. Thank you so much for being here!

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Joining Ann Voskamp in counting His graces for her Multitudes on Monday

I hope you'll join in if you haven't already!

In the counting of the endless gifts I say with C. S. Lewis,

"This also is Thou!"
Counting my next 1000 Gifts, joining Ann in The Joy Dare--like a scavenger hunt for graces, gifts and glory!! Wanna come along? I dare ya!!

The continuing JOY DARE:

#1085-1105 (January 29th through February 4th)

29. a song heard--"Water Tower Town" by Scotty McCreery--yeah, I'm from one of those!
a soft word--"Thanks Mom."
where you saw light--our shed, all cleaned out, light shining deep inside
30. 3 old things seen new
heirlooms that are on the wall every day, but whose stories She So Sweet had not heard
cassette tape of an old performance with an old friend, and reconnecting--JOY!
the framed piece of my high school gym floor that fills me with precious memories
31. a gift found on a paper-- wonderful thoughts on writing by Max Lucado, sent to me by Momma & Daddy
in a person--Momma & Daddy's call to wish me a happy first day of school!
in a picture--Grandma Fagen, wearing the watch that is my touchstone of inspiration
1. a gift found at 11:30 AM, at 2:30 PM and 6:30 PM
11:30 AM--Hero Husband & She So Sweet on their way to her school where he spoke for her Christian club
2:30 PM--Walking out of first meeting with She So Sweet's new Independent Study teacher thinking she was hand-picked, tailor-made just for her!!
6:30 PM--Being able to offer a ride home to Lois, a dear friend who does so much for us
2. 3 things overheard today, all gifts
Barista at Peet's greeting every single customer with a cheery, "How you doin' this morning?"
My kids' laughter
Hero Husband to She So Sweet, "I'm so glad you're mine!"
3. 3 gifts found in writing
my own voice
having to think clearly enough to put thoughts into words
discipline
4. 3 gifts found when bent down
the strength to get back up (even with a misbehaving knee)
humility
warm blankets, fresh from the dryer

A heartfelt thank you to these generous bloggerswho make these communities available!

From Generation to Generation

2012-01-30T00:46:00.000-08:00

"You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream."

~ C. S. Lewis ~

I am the daughter of two teachers. Daddy taught Physical Education and coached football and basketball for forty years, and taught young athletes about faith through the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. Momma taught several grades from preschool through middle school, not to mention countless hours of women's Bible studies. Between the two of them and their teaching careers that spread across two countries, their impact and influence on young lives will only be measurable in heaven. They both teach like most people breathe. It's part of who they are. Even now, though both have retired from the teaching jobs they loved, whether it's with their most fortunate children and grandchildren or people in the community in various venues, they continue to teach and encourage and inspire.

I grew up in a home that valued education . . . a home that saw ordinary moments as opportunities to be curious and learn, to notice God everywhere and see His hand at work . . . a home that believed in becoming all you can be to bring glory and joy to your Heavenly Father.

I bought in . . .

. . . with my whole heart.

Right out of high school, I knew what I wanted to become. I should have done it. But somehow, I allowed one well-intentioned, but discouraging comment along the way to make me question that dream, and I let it go. I am sad to say it was without a fight. There is more to the story of what happened to sideline my college career, but that isn't what I am focused on today. Today is about what is ahead, not what is behind. Today is about the dream that I let go of, but wouldn't let go of me, the one I've been hinting at in recent posts (this one and this one).

This Tuesday, January 31, 2012, I will once again be a college student, but for the first time in pursuit of my BA in English, with the ultimate goal of becoming the high school English teacher I always wanted to be.

I. can. not. wait!

I don't have time to wait! I'm 30 years late to the party and time is SO of the essence!

Ah, time. Yes, the clock is ticking, but as you will see, it is a very special clock!

I have another teacher in my ancestry. May I introduce you to my great grandmother?

Here she is with her class at Perry Normal College (she is seated in front, second from the right).

At the time these pictures were taken, she was Miss Blanche Lisle, 18 years old, having just graduated from her teacher training at Perry Normal College in Perry, Iowa. It was 1907, and like Anne Shirley of Green Gables fame, my grandma taught in a one-room schoolhouse through cold Iowa winters with all grades under her tutelage.

Now that you've met her, may I draw your attention to the watch she wore on a pin in both pictures? If I have the story correct, the watch was a graduation gift to her from her parents, and she prized it forever afterward.

I inherited that watch from my grandmother, Blanche's daughter, Laurene (Daddy's mother). She wore it as a pendant on a chain, which is how I wear it now.

Although I have been looking at this watch since I was a child, feeling the warm heft of it in my hands as I played with it while sitting on my grandma's lap, it was only recently that I noticed . . . really noticed . . . what is engraved on the back of the watch. Do you see?

It's a schoolhouse! A tiny, perfect schoolhouse that looks like it could have doubled as a church because some of those one room schoolhouses actually did double as church buildings. I can feel the warmth and extraordinary heft of that symbolism and the richness of its meaning on my heart at this moment where I stand ready to begin. Would it seem a cliché if I said I felt a little like the bird taking flight as I spread my wings on the way to my dream?

I hold the watch to my ear to hear it sing it's tick-tock song--I wish you could hear it too. It still keeps perfect time, and I love the way it feels to wind it, gently, feeling each click of the stem as it sets the gears in motion. I have always loved this watch and the women who have worn it, but it has taken on a whole new significance as I follow Momma and Daddy, and my Great Grandma in footsteps that I am deeply honored to follow. Thank you for setting the bar so high--I pray I can reflect your example to the students I hope to have someday.

So . . . no, I don't have any more time to wait, and yes, the clock is ticking, but what a truly special clock it is!

"His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation."

Luke 1:50 NIV

Have you ever been afraid it was too late to set a new goal or to dream a new (or old) dream?

Have you ever done it anyway? Tell me your stories!!

Many thanks to my cousin Lee and my Uncle Lowell for their help in getting Grandma's story details and for sending me the extraordinary pictures of Grandma!

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Joining Ann Voskamp in counting His graces for her Multitudes on Monday

I hope you'll join in if you haven't already!

In the counting of the endless gifts I say with C. S. Lewis,

"This also is Thou!"
Counting my next 1000 Gifts, joining Ann in The Joy Dare--like a scavenger hunt for graces, gifts and glory!! Wanna come along? I dare ya!!

JANUARY’S JOY DARE:

#1064-1084

22. one grace wrinkled --sun-dried tomatoes

one grace smoothed--clothes I iron for my family
one grace unfolded--the magical tale told by Athol Dickson in The Opposite of Art
23. 3 gifts found in Christ
grace that is "greater than all our sin"
"peace that passes understanding"
truth--perfect and absolute
24. 3 things blue
Hero Husband in navy blue with a lavender tie--beautiful (him, I mean!)
the palest of Robin's egg blue behind wisps of peach in a dawn-breaking sky
blue jeans, how we all live so much of life in our blue jeans
25. one grace borrowed --a great line from Justin McRoberts, "Every great work takes the shape of the cross."
one grace found--calm after an upset (camera tumbled to the pavement, heart stopped til it checked out okay)
one grace inherited--my love of words
26. a gift before nine am--a long put-off beginning of a hanging-over-my-head-too-long project
a gift before noon--one drawer organized and big progress made on said project
a gift after dark--the crispy crunch of tilapia coated in corn meal
27. 3 gifts that might never have been
this house that is our home-Jehovah Jireh
this family, the four of us, if I had never come to California
my computer and camera that make it possible for dreams to come true--gifts from God and Hero Husband
28. 3 graces found in your friends
laughter
great memories
a heart warmed by love that stands the test of time

A heartfelt thank you to these generous bloggerswho make these communities available!