First of all I’d like to say that Pee Wee Herman was and will forever be my homeboy. But there’s no denying that he has gone ‘up to 88′, and in a big way.

My favorite Pee Wee moments of all time were in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. It really has everything: a quest for a stolen bicycle, Dottie looking super hot, and Large Marge (who still gives me nightmares…).

Watch the best scene in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure

A while ago I realized that Pee Wee’s Big Adventure was directed by Tim Burton. I guess it makes sense, I mean remember the big weird dinosaur:

Who could forget Trapper Keepers? Let’s face it, in 1992 elementary schools, kids weren’t cool unless they had a Trapper Keeper. And since it was the early 90’s, it had to be a REAL name brand Trapper Keeper, sorry poor kids!

Click here to find out what happens if you feed your Trapper Keeper after midnight

Trapper Keepers that would NOT get you beaten up in 1992:

Please Hammer don’t hurt ‘em!

Who could forget Hammer Pants, these were everything in hip-hop fashion in the early 90’s, and yes, ‘Hammer Pants’ is a proper noun. Back in the late 80’s / early 90’s, ‘more’ really was ‘more’, so the more fabric in your pants the cooler you were. It was simple mathematics.

These people like Hammer Pants too much

And this idiot thinks Hammer Pants are back in style

Remember Jeff Goldblum? Hint: he was the sarcastic 90’s guy with the square glasses in all the iMac commercials (and every record executive’s personal hero).

There was a widespread rumor that Goldblum was drunk during every one of his performances, which I think was probably only partly true (the other part was cocaine).

And for some reason I was certain that poor Jeff died. But I see from Jeff Goldblum’s wikipedia entry that I’m wrong and he’s indeed alive and kicking, and doing one of the 50 different Law & Orders. So I guess that means I can’t put him up to 88 just yet…

Well ‘two thumbs up’ on being alive, Jeff! Too bad I already made a memorial picture from when you looked hardcore in Jurassic Park:

And in case you ever wonder whether Jeff Goldblum is alive, you can go to www.isjeffgoldblumalive.com

Oh Janeane Garofalo you were so important in the 90’s. Your angry thing really appealed to Gen-Xers until around 2000 when they all got too old to care.

Wikipedia says Generation X likes Janeane Garofalo because of Reality Bites. It makes sense to me. (When I first saw that movie I was too young to know they smoked a can bowl.)

In any case, do you want to know the truth about cats and dogs? Janeane Garofalo is up to 88 and won’t be coming back.

I could care less about that new American Gladiators show, the original American Gladiators are definitely up to 88 in the coolest way possible. I used to love this show when I was a kid, it was so bad ass with the jousting and the human cannonball. But I think my favorite event was the one where they had a big network of hanging rings and you had to monkeybar along and throw the other person off. Check it out

The American Gladiators were definitely part of that unknowing 80’s homo-eroticism with Nitro the “arrogant dickhead” and Malibu the “surfer dude” (top and bottom ).

Check out the intro

But the best is where Nitro ended up: confessing his steroids in his memoirs. It’s absolutely priceless, he talks about his shrinking penis and growing man-boobs: “Breast-chesticles is what they’re called on the street. Gynecomastia is the scientific name.” (From `Gladiator: A True Story of ‘Roids, Rage and Redemption`)

2006 was a sad year for astronomy: it was the year astronomers ruled that Pluto is not planet.

Putting Pluto ‘up to 88′ makes me want to cry, but Pluto is really no different from any celebrity. In the 60’s-80’s the space race put Pluto in limelight. It’s fame trickled off but it still had a nice B-list stint in the 90’s. Pluto was never as big as the Moon or Mars or the Sun, but it was right in there with Jupiter and Saturn in that second tier of cool planets, and an an untouchable lone-wolf.

And now that I think about it, the wackest planet is probably Neptune. Who the fuck cares Neptune? Your spot is weak next to Jupiter’s and Saturn completely pwns your rings. You’re not even good for jokes like your neighbor Uranus. You may be the farthest planet in our Solar System, but you are definitely no Pluto.

Check out astrophysicist Michael Brown argue with the great Neil DeGrasse Tyson on whether Pluto is a planet

Remember “air phones”? These used to be on every plane in the 90’s. They were so 90’s too – they looked like the Zach Morris cell phone. And remember the place to swipe your card? That was almost 80’s…

Well air phones haven’t gone completely “up to 88″, I saw them on a plane last week.

Remember Susan Boyle? That was a pretty brief 15 minutes huh?

Well I for one am glad she made it up to 88 so quickly…I remember feeling seriously disappointed when a friend sent me her now famous Britain’s Got Talent performance.

Thing is, when someone links me an American Idol-type video I’m expecting to see some carnage: I mean I only clicked on it out of morbid curiosity. I want to watch them crash and burn, I want to feel better about myself watching some poor freak like Willie Hung. I definitely DO NOT want to see some uplifting tale of an ugly duckling / diamond in the rough / blah blah blah.

Well I think Susan Boyle’s newfound lack of fame teaches us one thing: pretty people will always win, no matter how much we may pretend otherwise.

Well here you go Susan, your last moments of fame:

Susan Boyle on American Idol (AKA Britain’s Got Talent)

Miss you so bad P. Swayze. Namaste Bodhi, I hope you’re catching waves up in heaven bra.

1. “Back off warchild” from Point Break (1991)

2. ‘Pain don’t hurt’ – from Roadhouse (1989)

3. ‘She’s Like the Wind’ music video performed by P. Swayze (1987)

4. Fight from Roadhouse (1989)

5. Bodhi learns more Spanish than “Vaya con dios”

6. Bodhi learns how to say “Vaya con dios” in Italian

7. Obligatory Dirty Dancing Scene (1987)

8. Point Break (1991) Trailer

9. Trailer for Ghost (1990)

10. Big bar fight in Roadhouse (1989)