However, that all changed. All of a sudden I was a magnet for the crazy people, flights and anything that could go wrong. I recently worked a Cancun turn. I can’t hold the overnights yet — and the turns are norotious for being a pain because one flight in one direction is always hellacious and the other easy. Knowing that one flight is going to suck — I still bid them.

On push back from Los Angeles a call button at 11 Left goes off. I make my way through the cabin filled with people watching the safety demo video and as I approach row 11, a pair of 20-something year old girls start pointing at the 40-something year old lady sitting in the aisle seat. They hold their thumb to their ear and pinky finger to their mouth as if to symbolize a phone and mouth to me “She’s on the phone!”

I look at the lady on the aisle and see her holding a phone to her left ear and ask her to please hang up the phone and power it down. She then says to the person on the other side of the call:

So, hey, I have to go. The punk girls next to me ratted me out to the flight attendants for being on the phone.

She hangs up.. looks at them and says “REALLY?” and I walk away.

Situation: Over. Right? Wrong!

We take off and right after we cruise through 10,000ft I get a phone call from the aft of the plane and one of the other crewmembers asks that I come to the back to assist in a situation with an upset passenger.

I make my way to the back and the lady who was on the phone is standing there, physically shaking. I ask her what’s going on and she says

I just…. I just can’t believe it. I’ve never had anyone be upset with me, not like me.. or anything. But those…. girls.. those 18 year olds sitting next to me.. just called a BITCH! A BITCH! I can’t believe it.. I’m so shaken.. no one has ever talked to me like that.. I don’t know what I did to have them hate me so much.

Okay.. seriously? You’ve never had someone call you a bitch before — yet you were throwing the word “punk” around like it was nothing? I find that hard to believe. But, she continued:

And.. as for the phone.. I really didn’t know it had to be off. And yes, I didn’t know because I wasn’t listening and I was talking — I own that.

Okay fair enough.. but.. she was shaking because someone called her a bitch. So I offered to allow her to move her seat away from the girls, as there wasn’t really anything else we could do. We couldn’t exactly go over to the girls and ask them to apologize for calling her a bitch, it’s none of our business.. it’s between them.

She returned to row 11 to grab her belongings and move them up to row 4.. and before she even reached her row she started yelling at the girls. “You’re mean women.. both of you! Just MEAN!” The girls responded by yelling “buh bye! MOVE out! Get going!” and waved her goodbye as she departed from row 11.

The girls later came to me and apologized for ringing the call button and turning this into a situation — though I didn’t accept their apology. They didn’t do anything wrong. A 40 year old woman was just upset she was caught, and then further upset when the girls responded to her to verbal attack.

Needless to say, neither of them had any alcohol for the flight. We were too afraid to see what might happen next.

Manchester is well known for great bands like Oasis, The Smiths, Stone Roses and Joy Division, as well as two of the country’s biggest football teams. But beyond its famous music and football scene, the city is blessed with a great variety of attractions. Here are some of the best it has to offer:

The Lowry

This modern theatre and gallery complex is named after the British artist L.S. Lowry, famed for his work in North West England across the first half of the 20th century. The complex only opened in 2000 and has a beautiful waterside setting which hosts an impressive variety of award-winning theatre productions and, of course, a 400-piece Lowry exhibit.

Museum of Science & Industry

Given its industrial roots, it’s only right that Manchester has such a fine collection of displays devoted to the field. There are extensive exhibitions in transport, power, technology and science. If you’re an aircraft or steam locomotives enthusiast then it’s not to be missed, especially with the special train rides put on at Bank Holidays and weekends.

Shopping

Make sure you take your credit card, because Manchester has two huge shopping malls – the Trafford Centre and Manchester Arndale. Each attracts well over 30 million shoppers a year, with Arndale boasting some particularly large fashion outlets. The Trafford Centre, meanwhile, is situated on the outskirts of the city, but is a magnificent complex, complete with a host of high-street brands. It also has activities like Laser Quest, miniature golf, bowling, an arcade and a stunning Great Hall, which amasses a number of restaurants in its glazed exterior, along with what is thought to be the world’s largest chandelier.

National Football Museum

Manchester is not only home to two massive football clubs, but also the National Football Museum. The museum boasts some wonderful exhibits, with contributions from FIFA and the FA, which include the ball used in the 1966 World Cup final. Tours at both stadiums are also well worth looking into given the remarkable facilities on show.

Chill Factore

If you fancy doing something completely different, head down to the UK’s longest indoor skiing and snowboarding slope. Located in Trafford Park, this complex is not only large, but has real snow on its slopes, where you can also try your hand at luge and tubing.

While out and about in Manchester, make the most of the experience with the great range of rewards cards available from American Express. Cardholders can earn exclusive membership points as they spend, which can be redeemed in exchange for fantastic card rewards like cashback, British Airways Avios points and much more.

Anyway, as I was explaining, I bid a three day trip with my two friends who you’ve all come to love Brad & Patti. This three day, wasn’t a normal one, by any definition of the word. We were working a round-trip charter flight to the Dominican Republic. Have you ever been? I’m wondering if my experience was normal or if we just had a plane full (both ways) some of the worlds most difficult people.

First of all, we were leaving from the East Coast at the end of December. That means snow and deicing. Two things I don’t usually deal with while doing my turns. As the plane was tugged over from a hard stand all we heard as the door opened was “Retard. Retard. Retard” over and over and over again. The plane’s computers were frozen and pilots nor the mechanics could fix the retarded plane until it warmed up. That took about 45 minutes.

In the meantime, the cleaners were prepping the plane and catering was delivering our food for the round trip, and we were learning the ropes as to how service was to be accomplished and what other differences there were from our normal ops and this charter flight.

After 45 minutes of thawing out and prepping the plane, the deicing truck arrived to partially deice at the gate to help us get in the air as quickly as possible since we’re now running late. A few things then happened: The truck ran out of fluid, then the new truck broke, then the even-newer truck broke too.

This morning wasn’t off to a good start. Once we get in the air, things have to be better, right?

Wrong. You should have known that was coming. At first the flight to the Dominican was cake. There was only 60-something passengers, how hard can that be? But as the flight soared across the sky about two hours into our journey, everyone decided to stand up. Everyone just got up.. stood in the aisles, paced through the plane, and decided to move into empty rows to sleep. One woman decided to move her children into the exit row so they could lay down. Patti then informed the woman that her kids couldn’t sleep there and the passengers response was: Well, I’m not moving them. Uh, okay. Patti, as graceful as she is, then explained why the kids weren’t allowed to sit there hoping that the passenger would understand where she was coming from. But no, she didn’t. I’m not waking my kids to move them out of the row the passenger said, even louder this time to Patti.

Finally Patti had to be a bit stern with the passenger and let her know that it wasn’t a request that the children be moved, it was required. After that, the kids were moved no problem.

That was the only situation we encountered on the flight into the Dominican Republic. Easy enough to the point that the three of us said we would bid this trip again because of the long layovers and the fact that the three of us could hold it and fly together. All of that, however, changed on the flight home.

Boarding was a mess. There weren’t any jetbridges and buses left our passengers on the tarmac while one lady verified boarding passes and passports allowing them to board one by one up the air stairs. Needless to say, this process took forever since 150 people had to board, we were full.

Keep in mind, flights from international destinations back to the US have that ‘stay in your cabin and use your own restroom’ rule. This little notation will come in handy.

Once inflight I quickly learned that one of the passengers in first class, 1A, had about 20 family members in coach, and though this was a charter flight, our food in coach is still “for sale.” So, she took matters into her own hands. She cut up her complimentary first class meal into 20 different pieces. Dessert and leaves of lettuce included, placed them onto napkins and started to distribute her food to her family. When I asked what she was doing she explained Well, my family has to eat too! Okay. It’s as simple as paying for a sandwich, but okay.

I walked through the main cabin to help Patti and Brad with the masses and the second I left the forward cabin 1A’s family decided to come up for a visit. I quickly went back to first class and explained that they weren’t permitted up there. They left. I headed back toward the aft, turned around.. they were back. I went back up there and explained again that they had to remain in coach class for the rest of the flight. They understood and returned to their seats. As I answered a few call buttons from coach and was preparing drinks for the passengers 1A’s family decided to play a game of peek-a-boo with me. I came out from behind the curtain to find a guy in his 30′s standing there talking to his relative in 1A. I barely opened my mouth to once again explain that no one was allowed up there when he said Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m not supposed to be here. So, shocked, I said So, why are you here? — Well, there’s more room to stretch out up here.  Right, that’s why folks pay to sit here. I understand that Sir, but unfortunately  you cannot stand in the forward cabin to stretch, please do that in the main cabin. He left.

This family put us through hell for 4 hours. Even worse, our tally showed we answered over 200 call button and passenger requests throughout the flight home.

The icing on the cake? As we passed out immigration forms for our entry back into the US 1A asked me for a pen (after I mentioned on the PA that, unfortunately, we didn’t have any) and I said I’m so sorry, but I don’t have any. Then she busted. First my family has to pay to eat, then they can’t come up here to visit me, now you won’t give me a pen? Do you know where I’m sitting? I said Yes, 1A. 

That’s right. She said. First class, and do you know how much I paid for my ticket? I told her I didn’t and since it was a charter flight I didn’t even have a guess. I paid $79 for my one way and $100. ONE HUNDRED dollars to upgrade to first class — and you’re telling me I can’t even get a pen?

Yes, ma’am, sadly, the cost of a pen wasn’t included in your fare.

I run through the usual options pretty quickly (because I say it so often): coke, diet coke, sprite, diet sprite, ginger ale, club soda, orange, apple, cran-apple and tomato juice, water, coffee and tea.

And usually, after much deliberation, which holds up the back of the airplane from receiving their drink in a timely manner, the passenger decides on water.

But there’s a new robot in town that will increase the options available, but also lessen the time it takes for everyone to get a drink. It’s called the Skytender.

A few airline passengers in Germany recently got to experience the inaugural flight of the Skytender which can automatically dispense up to 18 different beverage options simply by pushing a button. Skytender has the ability to mix up both hot and cold drinks from prepackaged syrups which means that airlines would no longer have to stock individual drink cans or keep coffee makers in the aircraft galley. Each cart can also carry 30 liters of water so that flight attendants don’t have to go back to the galley for refills or extra bottles of water.

Though the Skytender allows airlines to offer more beverage options to passengers (and in the United States, at most airlines, it’s one of the only “free” items you still receive), and it also speeds up the inflight service because the automated cart pours the drinks for the flight attendants. Airlines could even offer more “premium” beverages for purchase allowing the Skytender to manage inventory.

Though most passengers wouldn’t mind a robot replacing surly and sassy flight attendants, we’re not quite there yet — you’ll still need crewmembers to place a cup under the spout that the drinks are dispensed from.

I can’t help but wonder could this be the start of inflight self service? Can the cart be set up in the aft galley allowing for passengers to obtain their own beverages? I wouldn’t put the idea past some low-cost carriers which may actually entertain it.

But for the time being, if this concept takes off (yes, the pun was intended), you may get to experience a much faster, and refreshing, inflight beverage service. Dare I say maybe even an extra-pass through with drinks or two?

It’s been a long time since I’ve worked a four day trip. With my current seniority I’m lucky enough to work day trips and be home every night. But, I had a planned vacation to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico (one of my favorite places by the way) and I thought.. well, when I come back to work — I should work a trip with long layovers in good destinations so that I could “extend” my vacation. So, I bid for a four day with 24 hours in Las Vegas and 24 hours in Fort Lauderdale.

Well.. I think part of the reason why I’ve had “writers block” when it comes to passenger stories is because I’ve been working the routes with business travelers who know what they’re doing. Apparently the stories come from those flights with — well — not so seasoned travelers.

There’s a ton of stuff that came out of this one four day, but I’m going to start by telling you this: for the first time, I was offered a bribe.

Yep. A bribe. It was the strangest situation and luckily all three of us flight attendants were in the forward galley preparing the plane for the flight ahead of us when the first few passengers walked on. I’m happy I had witnesses. After first class was fully boarded this man looking very tired, stressed and unhappy came on the plane.

He walk straight up to me and said Are you working first class? A bit shocked that out of the three of us he was able to figure out that I was the first class FA I responded Yep, how can I help you? He then goes into this speech:

I flew out to San Francisco this morning in coach, and now, I’m flying back to Fort Lauderdale on this redeye. I usually only fly first class and this afternoon when I called to checkin and upgrade to first I was put on hold. When they finally got to my call, they told me the first class cabin was already full. I need to be in first class.

I cut him off. I explained that our phone lines were jammed because of the hurricane on the east coast, and apologized. That’s one of the strange things about this job. I was apologizing for the hurricane. Something he should have figured out on his own. Then he cut me off:

Besides that. I need to be in first class. Is it really full?

I looked to my left, down the aisle, Yep, It’s full.

Okay, I’ll offer you $1000 to bump someone from first class so I can sit there. $1000. That’s how much it’s worth to me.

I laughed. I honestly thought he was joking. But, he wasn’t. If it was that important to him why didn’t he buy the first class seat, full fare? That’s quite the offer but sadly, I’ll need to decline. I can’t even imagine the trouble I’d be in for doing that. Plus, how would I even explain to one of them that they’ve been bumped?

Okay, how about if I offer them $1000? Oh.. but.. I don’t have the cash on me. I’ll have to go to the ATM when we land. Damn.. this would be easier if I had the cash on me, right?

Uhh.. what? You’re trying to get people to move out of first class for you by offering them $1000 but you don’t actually have the money on your person? What are you offering..? and IOU on a napkin? Seriously? I mean I can’t even imagine that conversation: I’d like to offer you $1000 to move to my seat in coach but I can’t pay you until we land and you follow me to an ATM. But, oh yeah, since I’ll be upfront, I’ll be off the plane before you are.. so good luck catching me.

Needless to say, I told him he couldn’t make that offer to our first class passengers and that in the future if it was that important he should consider buying the seat at the full fare. Our upgrades sell out fast and aren’t guaranteed.

Today is my 5 year anniversary with my airline. Horray for a dollar raise! Though I’ve only been with this carrier for five years, on November 26th, I will have been  flying the friendly and sometimes, not-so-friendly skies as a flight attendant for 7 years. I’ve worked for a regional airline, a “legacy” or well-established airline, and also a low-cost carrier. Despite their differences, there’s one thing all of them have in common: Strange requests from passengers.

It doesn’t matter the passengers’ level of service—first class or coach—the amount of money they paid for their ticket or even what part of the country they come from, the moment the airplane lifts off from the ground it’s as if the cabin becomes pressurized with a lack of common sense.

The strangest of flights are the red-eyes. These all-nighter gems are filled with passengers who are constantly stuck in between sleep and awake and this causes them to not be able to form full sentences or thoughts. On a red-eye to Washington, D.C. I was sitting on the back jumpseat reading a book with one of the other flight attendants sitting beside me. This tall, skinny man with shoulder length hair comes into the back galley, holding his hand to his chin much like he was trying to decipher a puzzle. After a few seconds I asked him, “Are you doing okay? Is there anything I can get you?” His one word reply: “Fries.”

Find out what happened!
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We don’t know everyone, hell, at my past airline there was 7,000 flight attendants, and I never met one of them based in the East coast bases. We never worked with them, we never used their crew facilities, there was literally thousands of people I never knew who worked the same flights and planes as I did.

Then there are those people who you meet, that you never want to meet again. That’s in any job though — except that as a flight attendant when you’re working with someone you’re probably working together for the next 2, 3 or even 4 days.

There’s a news story breaking right now in New York about an American Eagle flight that had to return to the gate because the flight attendants were arguing with each other and couldn’t get along. First of all, of course what they did was unprofessional. However, it might have been for the better good of everyone on board… hear me out.

The number one thing they teach you in flight attendant training is “CRM” or “Crew Resource Management.” It’s explained that throughout history certain crashes could have been avoided if the crew properly communicated. So you have to imagine that if these women “agreed to disagree” and decided not to speak to each other “just for an hour” like one of the passengers said (clearly not knowing that it’s probably  more than that) a situation could have developed, that could have been avoided if the flight attendants just communicated and worked together.

With that being said, who knows what sparked the situation on board or why the women were so loud and uncontrollable that the plane had to go back to the gate (give it a few hours and I’m sure someone will have cell phone footage), but some airlines have “no-fly lists.” Its a preference in the crew member bidding system that allows you to avoid working with particular people. Like I said, this isn’t like a normal job. You can be stuck working with someone you don’t like in a pressurized tube, in the hotel van and on layovers for 4 days. Some airlines opt to not allow the use of the no-fly list because it’s not representative of being a “team” and a “team player” but realistically, not everyone is going to get along.

Anyway, if this situation was something that could have been settled and put to rest in the terminal and off the plane it should have been, if one of these crewmembers asked to be replaced, they should have been and if these two have been known to not get along the airline shouldn’t have forced them to work together.

That’s just my two cents.

When I first started to fly I loved them. The airline I was working for paid us 100% Deadhead pay so instead of serving 150 people I got to be one of the 150 people. For those of you that may not know, deadheading is when the airline you fly for flies you as a passenger to position you to work another flight that same day or the next day, or is sending you home from an assignment. In essence, you’re a passenger, but you’re being paid to be one.

The airline I work for now only pays us 50% of our normal hourly rate when we’re deadheading. Though the time counts toward total duty for the day, since we’re not “working” they feel we shouldn’t be paid the full amount. I’m not sure how many other airlines offer less than 100%, but I think this adds to why I dislike the deadhead.

I’ve been doing a lot of transcon turns in recent months and recently my favorite trip has swapped from working both legs to deadheading home. I get so flustered when it’s time for me to move my stuff around and clear out the space for the new crew to only throw it all in a seat and overhead and try to settle in. There’s just an uncomfortableness of knowing you’re working but yet, you’re not.

When I’m working everything has a place and it’s in it. My ID and required items are in the same location, on every plane, all the time. As a deadheader it throws off your groove. I recently deadheaded home from Cancun and I lost my eyeglasses and a few other items just because I wasn’t used to having to confine myself to one seat while ‘at work.’

Further, my airline doesn’t allow us to sleep in uniform for fear that ‘someone might think you’re just slacking.’ So now, not only am I already discombobulated I’m changing out of my uniform in the worlds smallest bathroom into something I can relax in since I’ll be sitting there for 5 hours doing nothing.

It’s just overall uncomfortable for me. I’d rather work both flights than sit one out and ‘relax.’ I’m never really relaxing — we’re not allowed to sit in First Class so you’re always stuck in whatever seats are left in coach when they check you in.

What are you thoughts? Do you like deadheading? How much are you paid?

It just so happened, however, that I was working the perfect party flight, Los Angeles to Cancun and everyone was in a singing mood.

As the Captain made his “welcome aboard” announcement he concluded it by telling everyone that today is a very special day. Today is your Lead flight attendant, Bobby’s, birthday. Bobby’s been with the airline since ___, and is one of our more senior flight attendants making him a trusted and respected friend and colleague among everyone at the airline. Now, I’d like you to join me in singing Happy Birthday.

To say I wasn’t surprised would be an understatement. The whole cabin sang, and I was so appreciative of the kind words of the Captain as well as everyones willingness to celebrate with me. But, it wasn’t over yet.

Once we landed in Cancun, that’s when the party started — even though we were still set to fly right back home to Los Angeles. My galley was decorated with birthday signs, streamers and guess what? Everyone had noisemakers and hats too. I was working with Patti, who as you know, is one of my best friends and she planned the whole event. The perfect finishing touch prior to landing in L.A.? Red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese icing. I dare you to find a better friend!

Needless to say, I have to remember that I need to take my “birthday week” off next year if I want to spare myself the embarrassment of a large cone hat and those glasses!

You know what makes flights more fun? Passengers who are fun to talk to, have a story to tell and genuinely are amazing people. It’s rare nowadays to come across passengers who are content with the services they purchased, to the point that they are enjoying their experience, and are willing to chat and treat flight attendants like ::gasp normal people!

A few weeks ago on a flight from Los Angeles to Chicago we met Diane. She was sitting in 22C and came to the back of the plane to use the restroom. Afterward she decided to stand back there to stretch her legs and during that time she noticed how hard we were working. She made comment after comment about how we were treating our passengers and the level of service we were providing.

The longer she stood back there the more we talked and got to know her. All of a sudden she blurts out: “Do I look like the mother of a Minister?” The three of us were a bit shocked, to say the least. I’m going to Chicago because my son is entering a monastery and becoming a Minister. We didn’t raise him religious, we just taught him right from wrong and told him to be his own person and decide for himself what was best for him. This is what he says is best for him, so, I’m going out there, surprising him..and supporting him. 

Wow. That…was a lot. She was taking the term “jump seat confessional” and, well, though being allowed on the jump seat because she wasn’t qualified, was telling-all. We all agreed that she was great for supporting her son, no matter his decision. She was talking about how she’s going through a divorce now that her kids are grown and she’s working on getting her life back. The life that she put on hold trough a bad marriage and through raising her kids. She also gave us her little thoughts of wisdom as if she was given a chance to re-live what she had gone through, to steer us in the right direction. We got to talking about our lives, and on this particular flight I was working with Brad (who you all may know from the reality series) and as you may have gathered, we’ve been friends for a while, six years now. We got to talking about our friendship, our co-workers, career choices and anything else that come up in conversation. She was truly inspiring, knowledgeable and all around just an amazing person who took the time to get to know us and interact with us as more than just “the crew” while we were working, which in turn, made us realize just how amazing our job can be.

She ended up sending a letter to my airline about our service on board (of which, she forwarded to us — the company never even mentioned the fact that they received it — big surprise) but as she deplaned she handed me three little folded pieces of paper. A note for each of us. A re-cap of our conversation and just a little something to leave us with.

She really was one of the most personable, best conversations I’ve had with a passenger in my seven years of flying.

There’s an old saying among flight attendants: “Passengers sometimes check their brains with their bags at the ticket counter.” As true as that might have been, since most airlines are now charging for checking items, more and more people should be boarding planeswith their brains, but that’s not always the case.

For the past seven years I’ve been flying the friendly (and sometimes not-so-friendly) skies and comparatively speaking, my flights have been uneventful. There was a period of time, however, when I had a black cloud over my airplane at all times and I slowly gained the reputation where people whispered, “Oh, you don’t want to fly with Bobby. He has the craziest things happen.” Now it’s down to maybe one or two crazy things every four months or so, but regardless, when people get elevated to 35,000 feet, things can get just plain weird. I’ll share with you just a few of my favorites from my time in the sky.

When you work flights out of Las Vegas you should always expect the unexpected. What you can expect are drunk, broke and hungover passengers who board by the dozens. Technically, you’re not allowed to board an airliner intoxicated and we’re supposed to have you deplaned if we “suspect” that you have been drinking; but some people know how to hold their alcohol (better than most of the Instinct staff) and get by until they start getting.…let’s just say “frisky.” One one memorable flight, there was a couple seated across the aisle from each other in the very last row on a flight from Vegas to Boston. About half way across the country one of the two male passengers (yes, they were gay) came to the galley and very point blank asked, “So, if I were to go in the restroom, with my boyfriend.. would that be okay?” The three of us in the back looked at each other with a smirk. Was he really asking us for permission to join the mile high club?

“Would you be…helping him with something?” I replied. “Yeah, sure — you can say that.” One of the other flight attendants said “Yeah, that would be fine. But.. be quiet. Whoever you wake up, you serve for the rest of the flight.” The two went into the lavatory and with only a few loud thumps on the wall, emerged a bit later. When the door opened, we were all a bit shocked. It seemed the passengers seated in the last few rows of the plane overheard the couple ask for permission to enter the lavatory and waited for the door to open before giving them a standing ovation and cheering them on. For the record, airlines don’t train flight attendants on how to handle “mile high” situations, and, no, I’m not a member.

Something that you never read from other flight attendant bloggers is celebrity gossip. Well, this is Instinct, so I’m going to dive in with a little bit of dishy dirt (while keeping the “innocent”  unnamed). For the most part, the celebrities that have flown on planes with me, have been incredibly gracious and down to earth. And, although we’re technically, not allowed to ask for photos, a lot of them love to chat and hang out in the galleys with us, which in turn gets them out of their seats and out of passenger view. But, what’s a celebrity to do when they want to sleep but not want the “general public” to see them? Well, they erect a tent of course. On a flight from New York to Phoenix a few years back one very well known star of “jurassic” proportions decided to stuff one end of his blanket in the air vent, while pushing the seam into the crevices around the seatbelt sign. That created a barricade between him and the passenger next to him. Further, he took an extra blanket and managed to stuff it in another opening shielding the front of his personal space. Then, being truly innovative, took their goose-neck reading lights and positioned them vertically (picture two vertical pillars), draped their jacket around the back of their seat and propped it up on the lights. They then had complete privacy. Until we hit turbulence, of course, and the structure came tumbling down, much like his career. What was their next request? “Do you have any duct tape?” Yes, in fact I do, I always carry it with me in case someone asks for it. Seriously? Of course not.

But the newest trend in air travel is something that really makes me laugh and weirds me out at the same time. It’s the newest craze, Galley Yoga. Well, let’s not limit it — yoga, in general, on an airplane. The passengers who do this are nothing less than exhibionists in my opinion. The back galley on planes has become a place where passengers come to ‘stretch their legs’ but not before long they’re doing aerobics and yoga poses in front of everyone and with other passengers making it look like a scene straight from a soft-core porn movie. Imagine sitting at your desk at work and someone standing right infront of you bending down, with their backside facing you in a downward dog position while you tried to eat your lunch and/or get work done. What’s even funnier is people who do this in the aisle. In front of everyone, in a very–very confined space they have no inhibitions about showing off their body and their flexibility. Believe it or not there are stretches you can do without leaving your seat. But even then, be respectful of passengers next to you. Don’t believe me? Check this bitty out below.

Being a flight attendant is not something I dreamed of doing growing up. It’s a career that I fell into and grew to love. Every flight brings 150 new people, 150 new conversations to be had, 150 potential new friends…but let’s not forget a lot of fun people watching.

This article was written for my column on InstinctMagazine.com. Please bookmark instinctmagazine.com/travel for my latest columns and reports on Gay Travel news.

I’m sure if you’re a crewmember you’ve experienced it before. I still experience it, especially after working two to three transcon turns back to back. After feeling depressed and lonely thinking that I was the only flight attendant who suffered from this people-hating bed ridden disorder I did a bit of research. I found out that I’m not alone.  I’ve put together a check list you can use to diagnose yourself with PTC (much like you’d do on WebMD).

Post Trip Coma
(also known as PTC)

Symptoms include:

• Awaking the day after your trip groggy and feeling like you suffer from “medicine head”
• Not wanting to get out of bed.
• Not wanting to see daylight.
• Not wanting to see or be around people.
• Not wanting to get out of bed.
• Not wanting to answer your phone.
• Letting your email pile up.
• Letting dishes in your sink (should you get out of bed) pile up.
• Not wanting to get get out of bed.
• Lack energy to respond to text messages (yes, lifting a finger is physically painful)
• Not wanting to shower.
• Not wanting to see or think of an airplane.
• Not wanting to get out bed.
• You hallucinate and your kids, husband, significant other, and relatives remind you of needy passengers.
• The door bell scares you.
• Not wanting to get out bed.

If you experience any of these symptoms after a trip you most likely suffer from PTC. But please, rest assured, you are not alone.

I hope this message is heard loud and clear and serves as a public service announcement to friends and family members of flight attendants around the world. The day after

A Dark room, a bed, and time: together, is the only known cure to date.

a trip, your flight attendant friend or relative may make you believe that they hate you but please remember- they don’t hate you. They just dislike you for 24 hours.

That’s right PTC only lasts for 24 hours. In fact, some studies show that it begins to wear off around 15-18 hours but in the most extreme cases of international flights or four day trips with six legs a day, or a flight where the flight attendant was yelled at for over three hours about a situation that they had no control over and couldn’t fix, it has been proven to last the full 24 hours and may even continue through 36 hours.

A lot of people think that the first sign that PTC is wearing off is when the flight attendant in question emerges from their bed. This is not true. Just because the patient has left their restful state doesn’t mean that the effects of PTC are gone. The patient may still be irritable, lazy and not wanting to speak to anyone. The first sign that things are improving is when the flight attendant opens the blinds and/or curtains. When the crewmember is able to withstand the bright and cheerful object known as the sun, things begin to look brighter for their friends and family as well.

Here are some possible remedies to help speed along PTC but please remember, none of these are guaranteed and Up Up & A Gay, Bobby Laurie, and the Savvy Stews take no responsibility if your flight attendant screams, yells, or becomes abusive if you try any of these tactics and they backfire.

• Make them breakfast in bed (if you live with them)
•   + Note: If you do not live with them, DO NOT go over unannounced.
• Leave notes, rather than talking
• Do the dishes, so they don’t have to.
• Open the blinds/curtains in communal areas half way so the room remains dark, but let’s in a little light
• Brew coffee and have it ready – the aroma helps.

Do you suffer from PTC? What are your symptoms and remedy’s? 

As anyone who travels knows, there have been many changes in the airline industry recently. Passengers can now expect to pay for checked bags, carry-on bags, a window seat, an aisle seat, early boarding and food. Alcohol seems to be the only product offered on board that passengers have always had to purchase. However, alcohol is also the product that flight attendants tend to comp the most.

 Flight attendants use alcohol as a bargaining chip and will dole the juice out as a token of their appreciation. They’ll offer it to someone whose willing to change their seat to allow a family to sit together, or to someone whose inflight entertainment system is inoperative, or to compensate for a spill or just as a way to say “thank you.”

Some passengers have also become wise to the fact that flirting with a flight attendant will usually result in getting something for free. That something free, is usually an alcoholic drink…or two (shameless flirts!) What I’ve found, as a gay flight attendant, is that the epidemic of offsetting the additional fees paid for air travel by flirting with the crew for a cocktail is primarily one practiced by gay men.

I came across a tweet by about a year ago on Twitter which said: “Boarding now. Gay flight attendant. Let’s see if I can get hooked up with free drinks.” I sent him a message saying, “So, it’s that easy?” He quickly responded with a question: “Is flirting with gay flight attendants acceptable for drinks? Is it offensive? What’s a sure way to win their hearts over?”

What he said got me thinking…Is this an unacceptable practice? Or would I trade a few moments of self-confidence and esteem for a mini of vodka?

As a flight attendant myself, I’ve fallen victim to frugal flirting and seen it in action—sometimes charming, but more often pathetically so. The bathroom line on airplane can sometimes resemble the line outside an exclusive club. But onboard an airplane “the club” is access to the back galley where the flight attendants keep the plane’s seemingly endless supply of alcohol. On a flight from Chicago to Atlanta I was in the back galley with my fellow crew members when a group of six fire fighters rose out of their seats to get in line for the lavatory. Any gay man’s dream right? Well, start pinching yourself. One of them started conversing with my gay co-worker. He asked typical questions that we’re used to answering like, “Where are you based?” “Is this your route?” All this is stuff that we hear all the time, and frankly, take note, we’re tired of answering. But this time, my co-worker was happy to oblige because he was mesmerized by his firefighter physique and his charming personality (have to give that to him.)

Once the firefighter entered the restroom the debate started among the flight attendants in attendance: Is he, in fact, gay? Is he genuinely hitting on my co-worker? Or was he straight and using the fact that he knows he could make any gay man swoon?

The decision was easy, it was quite obvious that he was a heterosexual, wedding ring and all. Toying with our hearts (and our fantasies) But once he stepped foot from the restroom my co-worker quickly asked the walking biceps, “So, can I buy you a drink?” And just as fast, came Biceps response, “Jack and Coke.” My co-worker knew that nothing was going to come from this passing interaction—even though the fireman with the big arms hung out and chatted him up for about twenty minutes before he returned to his seat.

Forty-five minutes later the alarm sound again as the fireman made his way down the aisle to the back galley. With a huge smirk on his face and his can of coke in his hand he tells my co-worker, “I have a little problem, I have all of this Coke left and I’m out of Jack.” My co-worker, without missing a beat responded with “Really? You think you can come back here give me a little wink and a smile and I’ll just refill your drink?” Clarifying with yet another smile, the firefighter said, “I didn’t wink, yet.”

Yup, his Jack was refilled.

Once the flame fighter returned to his seat I asked my co-worker what exactly he thought would come from flirting with the fireman and his response was quite humorous: “I’m not looking for anything more than a one flight stand.” It was also quite obvious that the passenger in question knew exactly what he was doing. He knew that with a simple “wink and a smile” he could get what he wanted.

So the question remains: Is this practice unacceptable and offensive?

After consulting a few of my flight attendant friends we’ve determined that it is, in fact, acceptable. However, the acceptance comes with a stipulation: It must be made clear to the flight attendant that you just want to be their “one flight stand” or “In-Flight Boyfriend.” Nothing more. By doing so you’re not leading the flight attendant to believe that a connection is possible once the flight lands. This is helpful for both you and the flight attendant.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so, let’s be honest, the flight attendant being hit on might not believe that the passenger is attractive. But, knowing that this “relationship” might only last for five hours, who would turn down a bit of in-flight flattery? If you should want to make your inflight relationship more, um, grounded, feel free to exchange numbers and let that be known because that’s not always out of the question either—we are human, after all. We have needs! I’ve witnessed many passenger/flight attendant relationships that start with a little flirting and a free drink, and last long after the plan has landed.

Remember though, flirting is not always going to guarantee you a free drink (or something more). Sometimes, it can land you in hot water with your flight attendant—if he’s not in the mood— and that may just means hot water lands on you. In your lap. Quite literally.

The above article is a new rendition of a post I wrote back in in 2009 about the ongoing epidemic of flirting with the flight attendants for free drinks.

The article was written for my column on InstinctMagazine.com. Please bookmark instinctmagazine.com/travel for my latest columns and reports on Gay Travel news.

Like many airlines, those passengers that are seated in the premium cabin usually have an inflight entertainment system, even if those in coach do not. Now, what’s a flight attendant to do if said IFE unit decides not to work for two seats out of your whole cabin? Pray that theres 2 empty seats. But, let’s be honest — on a flight from Washington DC to California at the end of the week — those chances are slim. And that’s, just my luck.

Once we got in the air, 1 A and C’s IFE units went black. Pitch black. Not even a little message saying “Stand by…,” nothing. I tried to restart the devices, that didn’t work. I shut them down, and turned them back on. Still, black.

The whole time I did this both passengers bonded with each other, as they weren’t traveling together, and watched me try to resuscitate their entertainment. Finally, I had done all I could do and had to break the bad news like a Doctor giving back news to family members in a hospital waiting room.

I’m so sorry ladies, but I’ve done everything I can to try and fix your entertainment system. Unfortunately, I’ve exhausted all of the options available to me on board. I’ve already contacted the Captain and requested that he contact the customer care department to issue you a credit for the technical difficulty. Once again I apologize, but there’s nothing further I can do.

1A nodded. 1c, well, she’s another story.

And how much money will I receive for my pain and suffering.

I wanted to be like you’re what? Your pain and suffering?! What are you suffering from? But, of course, I didn’t do that.

Usually, its about $100 for premium cabin passengers.

Her face turned to something resembling a mad pit bull. With a stern tone in her voice she griped

Well, that’s not good enough. I want $200. And you’re going to make that happen!

For the next 10 minutes I explained to her how I had no control over how much money received. Our airline uses a “matrix” of sorts to ensure fair and equitable resolutions to common problems. Such as, everyone always getting $100 for their entertainment not working. She didn’t want to understand that I can’t request more money.

She pressed on. She kept going at me like I was raw meat. She tried and tried to get me to commit to giving her money, and I wouldn’t do it. Finally, I had to shut it down.

Ma’am, I’m sorry. I truly am. I understand that you were looking forward to watching movies for the next four hours, but I do have other duties and passengers in the cabin that I must attend to. You have to understand that at this point, your situation is out of my control. Customer care is aware that I tried all I could, and it’s still not working. If you’re not satisfied with the result, please feel free to call in upon arrival.

She then spit out the most ridiculous statement.

I want you……to walk over to your little phone over there…and call the Captain. I want to speak with him about your lack of remedying my situation and my unhappiness with the solutions you’ve come up with.

Oh, okay, right away. Are you kidding me? Sure, why not just go into the galley and call Captain yourself. His number is on speed-dial. It’s just one button. Are you serious? I’m not going to let you call the pilots. In fact, I wouldn’t bother them with this situation at all. Nothing was going to make her happy.

In that moment though, I paused. Five, maybe ten seconds. I didn’t know how to answer her.

Ummm.. excuse me. I don’t see you moving and picking up the phone like I told you to do.

Now I was pissed. You told me to do? Since when do I answer to you?

Okay. This conversation is now over. Once again: I’ve done all I can do, you’ll be getting $100 credit, the ground knows you have a problem as do the pilots, call customer care when you land if you’re still unhappy.

That shut her down, because I walked away right afterwards. There wasn’t anything else I could do. I had already done everything I could with the tools the airline gave me.

Upon landing, the passenger in 1A had already received an email from Customer Care with her $100 credit. She thanked me for arranging it credit, and though wasn’t happy with the amount, understood that she had to contact Customer Care about the situation.

1C, flipped.

I didn’t get an email. Did you not tell them about me? Why didn’t I get one? What’s going on here?

I very calmly once again, told her that I let them know, I showed her the ACARS print out that mentioned “1A/C” and told her to contact customer care and I had nothing more to say.

As she packed her bags she was screaming into her cell phone to the car service that was arranged to pick her up. You see, we arrived 20 minutes early and the service left her a message saying that they were aware we were landing ahead of schedule but couldn’t make it until our original arrival time. She was yelling

This is unacceptable! I use you people all of the time and you’re always here — what am I supposed to do now? wait outside like a poor person!?

Yep. That’s what you do. Stand and wait. But hey, now you have time to call Customer Care.

We all know that flight attendants like to kick back with a drink after a flight to “de-brief” but, this is taking it to a whole new level. Why not just drink outside the terminal?

This gem was caught on June 25th outside of a terminal at LAX by a flight attendant friend of mine. I’m not sure if he was coming or going (but this photo is on the departures level).

If he’s going out of LAX — well, he better not “appear” intoxicated because he’ll likely be spending another night in Los Angeles.. and if he’s coming — I’d like to know where he bought a 40 in the terminal?

Delay Picnic

For the last few months I’ve been bidding, holding and flying nothing but transcon turns. For me, doing so provides me with more time to work on stuff like this blog, and a bit of normalcy in my life since I get to sleep in my own bed, every night. For the May bid I had decided that I wanted to change things up a bit and work a few trips with layovers to earn some of that per diem, and get out of the LA area. Well, my last trip, a three day — turned in a four day, and that was just the start of it.

Believe it or not, day one of my trip flew through San Francisco, and we were on time, the whole time! Shockingly the weather was perfect, blue skies even, and we arrived in Seattle on time at 10pm. On this trip, I was flying with my good friend and fellow Savvy Stew Patti, once we got to the hotel we met up in her room ordered some pizza, watched TV, then off we went off to bed. We spent the next day roaming the streets of Seattle, before working a super late redeye into New York which departed at 11:45pm and arriving at almost 8am the next morning. Those are always a challenge. Landing at 8am, means its really 5am in Los Angeles and means we’ve been up for almost 20 or so hours by the time we land.

Good thing a storm was rolling in, which would give us a bit more time to relax. Our van time was set for 6:30pm back to JFK for our flight back home to Los Angeles. At around 4:30pm I received a phone call from our Captain, who hilariously referred to himself as “The Commander,” and he said the following:

Well, we’re delayed. Now the question is how long? Take a guess at what time our new van time is.

I was still so groggy I couldn’t even think fast enough to play along. Come on, guess! What would really put a wrench in our days off tomorrow? he added. I don’t know, 10pm? I said. WRONG! 11pm.

We were now scheduled for an 11pm van, for an 11:30pm show, and a 12:30am departure. Doing the math, that puts us back in Los Angeles at 3:30am, which really, is like working a redeye in the opposite direction. A reverse redeye.

I called my crew and told them that they can stay in bed and relax. We now had more time to recover from the redeye the night before and prepare for this one.

There was one problem though, I was hungry and expecting to eat the airport — now I’ve got to figure out where my meal is coming from. Most airlines have a “long” and “short” layover hotel — this was a short layover before the delay of only 10 hours, so we’re stuck at a JFK airport hotel where anyone who dares to venture out risks being shot in Jamaica, Queens. I’m originally from New York and even I wouldn’t dare.

I phoned Patti and told her about my plight, and she had said that she had tons of food in her lunch bag that her husband had packed and to head on over for a picnic. And, that’s exactly what I did. We had a Delay Picnic in her bed of cheeses, fruit, nuts, and anything else we could find in her bag.

A few minutes later I get a phone call from crew scheduling. We were delayed another 30 minutes.

I retuned to my room and tried to nap, but it just wasn’t going to happen. Finally, at 11:30pm we headed off to the airport. When we arrived our plane wasn’t even on the ground yet so we strolled through the deserted terminal in search of anything that might be open. Especially, Starbucks. No luck though.

When the plane finally arrived we met the inbound crew. They had been delayed in Los Angeles for 7 hours themselves, but unfortunately for them, not in a hotel but in our crew room.

When we boarded.. surprisingly the passengers were nice. No one complained, no one questioned the weather (which had cleared up by now). The only question on their mind: What time do we land?

Well, by the time we got in the air, our scheduled arrival was 5:15am in Los Angeles.

That had to be the hardest flight I’ve ever worked. Trying to remain awake from 11pm to 5am my local time was something that didn’t come without struggle, coffee and great company by my crew.

Working a reverse redeye though — not something I’d like to do again.