Up With Moms

Sexist or Outdated?

2009-10-20T07:15:00.010-04:00

Several months ago, Hubby and I were enjoying a grown ups-only dinner at a wonderful Italian restaurant. It was a weeknight -- a night where we were able to extend our nanny's hours to cover this extravagance which was made possible by a gift card Hubby got from a work vendor -- so this normally-popular restaurant wasn't very crowded and was blessedly serene. As I savored my Chardonnay, I got philosophical, recalling a news story I had seen about a woman who was protesting sexist road signs.

"We live in a man's world," I mused. "Road signs are just one example. School schedules are geared toward assuming that there's a parent at home in the middle of the afternoon. At work, men and women are rewarded based on how much time they put in but who's supposed to take care of the kids? EVERYTHING is geared toward assuming that men are still the workers. Meanwhile, 70% of moms are in the workforce. It's sexist!"

"Is it sexist or outdated?" Hubby thoughtfully asked. Hmm. Great question. I admitted that it could very well be the latter.

Now a new report by Maria Shriver and the Center for American Progress, The Shriver Report: A Woman's Nation Changes Everything, takes a "deep dive" into this very issue. While women's roles have changed dramatically in the last few decades, society-at-large has barely changed to accommodate how dual-income families, or even families with stay-at-home dads, live today. Now that women are quickly encompassing half of our country's workforce, the great unknown is if our nation will finally pay attention to and address the needs of the modern American family like comprehensive childcare, flexible work, health care reform and paid time off.

I applaud Maria Shriver and NBC for bringing all of the issues I've been struggling with ever since I became a working mom to light. These are the issues that have been a drain on my marriage as Hubby and I have tried to negotiate and renegotiate parental and household roles and responsibilities over the years. And these are the very issues that spurred this blog. Society at large does NOT accommodate women's move to the workforce, the "seismic shift in gender roles" (as NBC's Brian Williams puts it) that has resulted and the reality of the modern American family. I just hope it becomes more than just some good television for a week. I pray that this report and the fact that women now make up 50% of the American workforce have an effect on our country's psyche and that it sparks some real change in support of our families.

Unfortunately, it's going to be up to women themselves, arguably the busiest people on earth, to step up and speak up and keep these issues at the forefront, as Maria Shriver suggests in her recent Time magazine editorial aptly titled, The Unfinished Revolution. An unfinished revolution indeed. Organizations like Momsrising.org have been at the forefront of continuing the revolution, building grassroots support and movement on these issues. And while I'm glad that Maria Shriver is using her public platform to shine a light on the issues at hand, I couldn't help but wonder where Momsrising was in this conversation and why they have not even commented on this series.

I started this blog pissed at Gloria Steinem because it was she and her cohorts that created more choices for women. To me, it seemed like an ill-conceived plan given that they didn't address how women's entrance into the workplace might affect the family dynamics. But as Ms. Steinem has said herself, women will never be equal until men share equally in the family responsibilities. And, I'd add, until government and business make some serious adjustments. It's clear that even after all of the progress we've made as women, there's still alot of work yet to be done.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

See, I Told You

2009-10-19T18:09:00.000-04:00

From The Women's Conference - Motivation, Empowerment, Leadership - Blog: "As we move into this phase we’re calling A Woman’s Nation, women can turn their pivotal role as wage-earners, as consumers, as bosses, as opinion-shapers, as co-equal partners in whatever we do into a potent force for change."

If you haven't yet, go read Time Magazine's latest report, The State of the American Woman, which includes a great editorial from Maria Shriver: The Unfinished Revolution. This story was spurred by a new report from Maria Shriver and the Center for American Progress intriguingly titled The Shriver Report: A Women's Nation Changes Everything -- a fascinating look at how the Women's Revolution changed women but didn't necessarily change society enough to accommodate those choices.

See, I told you women can change the world (ok, maybe I said moms, but same difference). If only we weren't too busy doing everything else.

More later. Too busy changing the world...

Bloggers for More Birthdays

2009-09-30T20:59:00.004-04:00

I've written before how I believe that moms can cure cancer. I absolutely believe they can. Now so can bloggers. And not just mom bloggers -- bloggers of all stripes. If you have a blog, you too can cure cancer.

As we now know, blogs and microblogs can be a powerful platforms. Lives have been saved and great causes have been supported through the words and wisdom shared on blogs. Now the American Cancer Society and its brand new Blogger Advisory Council are hoping to ignite an ongoing conversation about cancer in the blogosphere through a new initiative called "Bloggers for More Birthdays." People need to know more about what they can do in the cancer fight. Information and inspiration must be shared so lives can be saved.

"Bloggers for More Birthdays" is kicking off the effort by asking everyone to simply dedicate posts to those we love who have been affected by cancer. Sharing these stories will remind us why the fight against cancer is so important and inspire us to take an active role in the movement for more birthdays.

So if you love blogging, but hate cancer, I hope you'll grab a badge and add your voice to the cause. It's a great way to get visibility for your blog and it'll help create a world where cancer never steals another year from anyone's life.

Hell to the Yeah!!!

2009-09-19T09:22:00.003-04:00

Check out this video about men and housework. Great point made by Dr. Michael Kimmel, author of Guyland and Manhood in America.

Many thanks to Dana Glazer for sharing this clip over at Momsrising.org. It's part of his upcoming documentary, "The Evolution of Dad" due out Fathers Day 2010. Can't wait to see the rest of it!

We're Running a Re-Run

2009-08-31T19:21:00.002-04:00

Today SV Moms and all of its sister sites are hosting a special birthday bash in honor of the American Cancer Society's campaign for more birthdays. This is a campaign I've had the honor to work on and as a cancer survivor, it has great personal meaning for me.

Since SV Moms seems to be driving some traffic to this site (and if you're here from SV Moms, hey, there! Welcome!), I thought I'd redirect you to some more insight into the campaign and what it's all about.

I do believe that if we put our minds to it, Moms can Cure Cancer. Go read this post and maybe you'll end up believing it too. And if you believe it, click here to join the movement for more birthdays and help create a world with less cancer and more birthdays for everyone.

Yey, Nanny Part Deux

2009-08-31T07:12:00.011-04:00

The other night when Angel, my messy 9 year old, got out of the shower, she found a mysterious note on her bed. It was addressed to ANGEEEL, Room Hit by Toricane (Tornado & Hurricane), 2nd Flor, suite 55555.54, Atlanta, GA 55555. The return address said, "Fishy, DaMoon & Friends" (the names of stuffed animal friends that live in Angel's room.)

Here's what it said inside:

DEARE ANGELLE,

Hi, um...I wuz wondering if you mit clean up your rumm. I invited sum friends ovr on Saturdey and Frankly, I'm emabarrazzed ABOUT the stuff on alL ovr the Flor. Plz. excuze my spelling...I got separated from my school of FISH. Clean up yur ACT or Elz!

Signed,
Fishy (signified with a drawing of a fish)

Best. Nanny. Ever.

The Truth About Health Care

2009-08-19T19:25:00.005-04:00

This week, Moms across the blogosphere are firing up their keyboards and speaking out about our country's #1 issue -- health care.

I wrote my own post about it on Deep South Moms for the SV Moms Virtual Town Hall on Health Care. And the Momsrising Truth Squad is busting out its myth-busting super powers, urging us to spread the word about the top 5 Myths & Truths about Health care Reform. Here's their 411.

MOTHERS KNOW BEST-MYTHS & FACTS ABOUT HEALTH CARE REFORM

MYTH #1: Health care reform will create rationing of health care?

THE TRUTH ON #1: Just the opposite! Health care reform will end many practices that insurance companies currently use to ration health care, including: discrimination for pre-existing conditions, canceling coverage when you get sick, gender discrimination, and lifetime and yearly limits on coverage.

Health care reform will expand access to high-quality health insurance, and give individuals, families, and businesses more choices for coverage.

MYTH # 2: Health care reform will create "death panels"?

THE TRUTH ON #2: These accusations of "death panels" and forced euthanasia are completely untrue. What's the real story? Reform legislation would allow Medicare to pay doctors to counsel patients about end-of-life issues, including preparing a living will. This is supported by AARP and is completely voluntary.

MYTH #3: Health care reform is just a government takeover of our health care system?

THE TRUTH ON #3: Under health care reform, choices for health care coverage will increase, not decrease, and the private market will still be the backbone of our health care system. Health reform will create a health insurance exchange, a one-stop shopping marketplace for affordable, high-quality insurance options. Private health insurers will be able to participate in these exchanges if they meet certain basic standards of coverage and could operate outside of the exchange if they choose to. A public option, like Medicare, would be just one available option in the insurance exchange.

MYTH #4: Health care reform will cut senior citizens' Medicare benefits?

THE TRUTH ON #4: Health care reform plans will not reduce Medicare benefits. In fact, health care reform will benefit seniors in many ways, including creating a pathway for the approval of generic biologic drugs, and strengthening preventive care under Medicare. Reform includes savings from Medicare that are unrelated to patient care—in fact, the savings comes from cutting billions of dollars in overpayments to insurance companies and eliminating waste, fraud, and abuse.

MYTH #5: Health care reform is too expensive and will hurt our economy?

THE TRUTH ON #5: Fixing our health care system will strengthen the economy by keeping more Americans healthy and by making coverage more affordable for families and businesses.

Right now, we spend more than $2 trillion dollars a year on health care. The average family premium is projected to rise to over $22,000 in the next decade—and each year, nearly a million people face bankruptcy because of medical expenses. Small businesses are struggling to compete because they cannot find affordable health insurance for their employees.

I thank Momsrising for helping to crystalize the issues and correct the misinformation that is being spread. The administration has also created its own Web site to set the record straight on health care reform.

All of this misinformation has clearly stirred up a whole lot of crazy all across our country and with all the technology available today, we get to witness it all first-hand. Watch this clip of crazy:

Obama as Hitler? Disagree with the policies, the details of the plan, but get a grip people. The man just wants to help you out.

Whether you are for health care reform or against it, as arguably the biggest consumers of the health care system, Moms need to 1) educate themselves about the issues -- the real issues, not the skewed ones and then 2) speak out. We can't afford to let this opportunity to go by.

The Madness Begins

2009-08-16T07:53:00.003-04:00

It's Not About the Swag

2009-07-27T22:20:00.006-04:00

I've still barely recovered from BlogHer '09. In the days since, I've been trying to wrap my head around what the experience meant to me so that I could compose something close to a coherent post.

It's easier to say right off the bat what it wasn't about for me. If you've come here to read another take on swag-gate, or the baby controversies, you'll be disappointed (although I will say, while squarely against elbowing babies, someone's gunna have to explain to me when it's ok to take a baby to a cocktail party and when it's not.). BlogHer was SO not about that for me.

I went to BlogHer mostly to see what all the hype was about and to meet some of my virtual friends. This was no easy feat for me. Growing up I was one of those kids that hid behind my mother in public places. Still painfully shy, but better at masking it as an adult, networking and cocktail parties are my worst nightmares. So going a conference of 1500+ strangers in a foreign city by myself was daunting to say the least. But determined to step out of my comfort zone, I psyched myself up and sucked it up. And of course, while at times it was very awkward and very scary, it was worth it. I met some of my bloggy heroes and some very cool women.

But what I mostly walked away with was a huge dose of inspiration and a platter-full of food for thought. I walked into BlogHer feeling like my blog was stuck in a rut, wondering if it was even worth continuing to blog. And I walked out wishing I could clone myself because I had so much to do...so many posts to write!

At the SEO Geek Squad session I learned how to make my blog pop up in the search engine rankings (um...bye bye blogroll...sorry...). The Internet safety session put my decision to blog anonymously into perspective (yeah, I suppose it makes sense that it would be too much trouble for a child predator from where ever to see my children online, do the research to track them down and travel halfway across the country to find them, no matter how irresistible I may think they are). And last but not least, the Hope and Action session made me realize that if I really wanted to incite social change with my blog, I had to be more provocative -- call some people Satan or at least call them out.

All in all, it was a great experience. The only problem BlogHer didn't help me solve was the cloning thing -- how to fit more time into my life to do more of what I want to do online and off. And while there was actually a session on that (Liar McLiar-ton work-life-bloggy balance???), I was pretty sure that unless someone figured out how to magically add hours onto the day, I wasn't going to find any concrete answers on that subject.

Scripting my BlogHer Stump Speech

2009-07-21T23:44:00.003-04:00

So BlogHer is in a couple of days (HOLYMOTHEROFGOD!!!!). I'm a BlogHer newbie, and from what I can tell through the Twittervine, you're supposed to pack every piece of clothing you own, some slutty cocktail dresses, comfortable shoes (do flip flops look good with a stapless?!) and some business cards with your blog info. You're also supposed to come prepared with a 3-second stump speech about your blog so that when you meet new people, you can tell them what you blog about.

I've been giving this alot of thought. It's a good opportunity to reconfirm what this blog really is about. What should I say when someone asks me what I blog about?

"Well, I um...I blog about moms and moms doing good things. Because, like, moms do awesome things, but they like never do enough for themselves. So I like tell them that they need to do more stuff for themselves and do more for moms in general."

Uh, not so much.

Then I got a chance to actually practice, in real life, when a friend asked me what my blog was about,

"It's called Up With Moms and it's about Moms sticking up for themselves. Being a mom is the most soul sucking job on the planet. But Moms really need to stick up for themselves -- in their relationships, in their jobs and in public policy. You know, to maintain any semblance of sanity," I rambled.

Ok, maybe slightly better.

So I've been doing some crafting to really get it down and here's what I've come up with so far:

"Hi, I'm Amy. I blog at Up With Moms where, through my own trials and tribulations, I try to encourage moms to be a mommy advocate in all aspects of our lives -- our relationships, our jobs and our public policies. We moms have to stick up for ourselves!"

Yes? Short??? Sweet??? Interesting???? Makes you want to run right over to the nearest computer to log on and check it out, right???

Alright. I'll keep working on it...

How I'd Change the World if I Wasn't Too Busy Changing the World

2009-06-26T07:34:00.006-04:00

When I first started this blog, I envisioned writing insightful, thought-provoking posts that would change the way moms thought of themselves, inspire them to action which would eventually lead to new and improved public policies that made life practically perfect for moms, ultimately achieving total world domination.

I've always been slightly overambitious.

Turns out that when you spend 50+ hours a week working toward curing cancer not to mention shaping two growing girls into healthy, loving, intelligent and productive human beings, there's not a whole lot of time for much else. Thus, my most recent provocative posts on Slacker Vacation Moms and spending Father's Day rollerskating (which was very fun, by the way).

Lately I've felt like a star batter up at the plate just standing at home plate letting every perfect pitch just fly by. So many wonderful stories to ponder. So little time.

If I did have time, I would have written about Time magazine's fascinating look at "The Future of Work" which hypothesizes that in the future, jobs will be more flexible, the corporate ladder will become a corporate lattice to accommodate the growing demand for greater work-life balance and that women will continue to rise to the top. If I wasn't running around with end-of-school activities, I would have commented on this interesting NYT column "Liberated and Unhappy," a commentary on a study that revealed that while women have more choices than ever before, it may have inadvertently led to decreasing satisfaction with their lives. And if I didn't have the summer lazies, I would have incited everyone to action around each of the 10 Momsrising alerts that I've received about everything from health care reform to nutrition standards in schools. I did think about writing about the free bumper sticker they were offering because I loved the slogan, "Changing More than Diapers." But, ya know, a girl's gotta sleep.

In my never-ending quest to find peace and sanity in my life, I've had to come to grips lately with what this blog really is about for me -- something just short of world domination -- a simple source of enjoyment. I still plan to write provocative posts from time to time. But in my spare time. For now.

It's Mommy's Day on Fathers Day

2009-06-21T08:39:00.003-04:00

Hubby and I don't screw around. Our philosophy is, if you really want something, why not go for it? Life is just too short to pretend you're happy about something when you really want something else.

So for special occasions like birthdays, Mothers Day and Fathers Day, we honor each other with what we really truly in our heart of hearts want. A day off.

I suppose it would be different if our own fathers lived closer. We'd be happy to spend Father's Day with our dads, but with my father in the northeast, and Hubby's dad in the midwest, we're usually on our own for holidays like Fathers Day.

The girls and I just got finished serving Hubby his dream breakfast in bed -- two chocolate-frosted donuts and a tall cup of black coffee, along with the Sunday paper and his Father Day cards. Then he'll have the day to lounge around, see a movie with his guy friends and then he plans to cook himself a steak on the grill while drinking a bunch of beer. He's genuinely psyched.

I get to spend some quality time with my girls today. We're planning an afternoon of rollerskating at our local rink. Maybe a trip to the pool if we have any stamina left. I'm psyched too. In our house, Father's Day is Mommy's day with the girls and vice versa for Mother's Day. It works out perfectly.

A Slacker Mom on Vacation? No Problem, Mon

2009-06-07T18:38:00.006-04:00

The fam and I just got back from a week in Jamaica. The whole thing was very ably planned by Hubby who is our family social director. If fun stuff were left to me, it just wouldn't get done. I have zero brain capacity to even think about a vacation, much less plan one. That, plus zoning out in quiet room staring at an empty wall is plenty vacation for me. Thankfully Hubby knows there's more to life and takes that bull by the horns.

The great thing about vacation is that other than making sure your kids are clothed, fed and slathered in sunscreen, you've got a great excuse to be a slacker parent. Especially in Jamaica where "No Problem" is the national credo.

Want sugar-filled Fruit Loops on top of a worthless bagel made with enriched white flour slathered with butter with a side of fat-soaked, nitrate-laden bacon for breakfast? No problem!

Want ice cream in the middle of the day? Twice? Right before dinner? Yeah, mon.

Want hot dogs for dinner? Every night? Sure, mon. Live it up...we're on vacation!

It was awesome. If only every day could be as easy as a Jamaican vacation.

Moms Can Cure Cancer

2009-05-12T21:22:00.011-04:00

I work for the national office of the American Cancer Society, but I don't tend to talk about my employer much here at Up With Moms. There are SO many reasons for that -- everything from my initial decision to blog anonymously to the fact that I'd rather die than have anything I say or do reflect poorly on a nearly 100 year-old, highly-trusted American institution that I love and have had the pleasure to serve for almost 12 years now.

But today I'm repping my beloved ACS in the social media space. So as my worlds collide, I feel I have to break that trend at least for today to talk about a campaign I'm so proud of and one that really is in line with what Up With Moms is about. And that is the power of moms.

I've learned so much about cancer during the last 12 years. For a lay person, I'm fairly educated on the subject now -- certainly enough to be dangerous in a conversation. And I became a mom about three years into my career with ACS. So over the years, as I've learned more and more about cancer and at the same time more and more about just how influential moms are in shaping everything from the foods we eat, to the things we buy, to our social consciousness and community involvement, to our public policies to -- oh, by the way -- the next generation of human beings, it has dawned on me how central moms are in the fight against cancer.

And that brings me to our Campaign for More Birthdays. This was an opportunity for ACS to recast the fight against cancer in a fun and inspirational light, to make it about something we all really care about -- time. More time with those we love and more opportunities to honor them by celebrating the important milestones in our lives. Because isn't that what life is truly about? We have made such great progress in the fight against cancer. Eleven million Americans with a history of cancer, including me, will celebrate a birthday this year. My own personal survival yielded not only more birthdays for me, but all of my kids' birthdays. Because if I hadn't survived my disease 16 birthdays ago, neither of my beautiful girls would be alive today.

But creating a world with more birthdays, a world where cancer never steals another year from anyone's life, will take more than just sending our valiant researchers into a lab to find cures. It will take all of us putting what we've learned about cancer from those researchers into current practice to stay well -- living healthy lifestyles to reduce cancer risk and taking advantage of early detection testing to find cancer at its earliest, most treatable stage. It will take finding the right resources when someone we love is confronted with a cancer diagnosis to help them get well. It will require that we hold our lawmakers accountable for doing their part and that we rally our communities to fight back against the disease.

So who better to do that than our nation's moms? If not us, then who?

So, moms, looks like we've got another thing to put on the heaping to-do list. And it's a biggie. But not to worry -- ACS will make it easy and alot of fun. Besides, this one's got a great payoff. More birthdays equals more parties. And we all know we moms love a good party.

So join the movement for more birthdays by declaring the American Cancer Society the official sponsor of your birthday at morebirthdays.com. Together we can save lives and make more parties to plan.

Disclaimer: Views expressed here are my own and NOT (necessarily) that of the American Cancer Society. Especially the headline which was chosen for effect and not scientific accuracy.

Healthy Self Esteem: A Mom's Best Friend or Worst Enemy?

2009-05-11T20:52:00.003-04:00

Soon after our first daughter was born, I would cry to my husband, "I'm too selfish to be a mom!!!" Although I fell madly in love with my child at first sight, the moment reality set in, my healthy ego took one look around and said, "HUH????!!! What the ----? Up all night? Wading in pee, poop and spit up all day? Catering 24/7 to an utterly helpless, totally dependent human creature? This is SO NOT WORKING FOR ME!!!!"

I've always had a pretty strong self esteem, especially as an adult. Chalk it up to a loving family who always cheered me on (damn them!) or being a first-born overachiever, but I've always felt pretty confident in myself and felt worthy of everything I had and wanted to have. I suppose it's the impetus of this blog -- if we don't speak up for ourselves who will? And while that healthy self esteem has generally been a helpful tool in my personal arsenal, it's not been terribly useful as a mom, which is the most gut-wrenching, soul-sucking, ego-takes-a-back-seat, everyone else-comes-before-me kind of job.

But recently I read a couple of posts that made me appreciate my strong ego a bit more. One post (which I would link to, but I swear it disappeared off the face of the Internet) suggested that sticking up for ourselves and showing that we have a healthy respect for ourselves helps to set the standard for how our loved ones treat us. If we think highly of ourselves and we show that our lives, opinions and feeling are of value, we will in turn teach our husbands and our children to respect us. And then this great Mother's Day post from newsweek.com suggests that a healthy sense of self worth is like having a "mommy in your mind" -- it helps to nurture our souls so that we can have empathy and compassion for others.

What do you think? A healthy self-esteem -- friend or foe?

I Love My Wife

2009-05-09T10:35:00.006-04:00

"I need a wife" is something I often hear from moms. I actually have one. She's our nanny-turned-house manager. And she's AWESOME.

Yesterday I came home from work to this.

Then when I went to my bedroom to change my clothes, I found this.

and this in my bathroom:

I know. I'm VERY lucky.

This Mother's Day, I'm wishing all moms everywhere the same kind of thoughtfulness and care for all that they do. We all deserve it.

Ode to My Pottery Barn Whiteboard Calendar

2009-04-04T18:34:00.006-04:00

Oh, Pottery Barn whiteboard calendar,
You always have our back.
Soccer games, lunches, birthday parties and the like
Your color-coded system keeps us on track.

Thank you, my Pottery Barn whiteboard calendar.

Go Read This

2009-03-26T07:25:00.006-04:00

Whew! What a party we had over here at Up With Moms with the Ultimate Blog Party with 5 Minutes for Mom!!! So many satisfied moms. So happy to have all kinds of new visitors here. I promise I WILL visit everyone who visited me. Eventually.

For all of my new visitors/subscribers, one thing we strive for here at Up With Moms is balance. And in the spirit of balance, our philosophy is, why expend precious brain cells writing original content when there's so many awesome things to ~~pilfer~~ point to on the 'Net?

So here are a few posts that sum up the current state of work/life balance. First read this Washington Post article about how work/life programs are among the first to fly out the window during a down economy. Then read this post on Momsrising.org on why businesses that take that approach are ~~stupid~~ cutting off its proverbial nose to spite its face. Then read this beautifully moving post from Queen of Spain that typifies the ongoing war between our hearts and our souls -- a working mom's impossible pull between her kids and a fulfilling job (just hate people who can work all those hours, be a mom and STILL write like this). Enjoy!

The Ultimate Virtual Party for Moms

2009-03-19T20:34:00.009-04:00

Hey, there! Welcome to the Ultimate Virtual Party for Moms, just one of the many fine soirees made possible by 5 Minutes for Mom Ultimate Blog Party 2009! I'm Amy, your host!

Here at Up With Moms, we are all about being mommy advocates to create a world filled with peace and sanity for us moms. So today we are hosting the Ultimate Virtual Party created just for moms!

First, to set your mind immediately at ease, NO need to worry about childcare. Off in an adjacent, sound-proof room, we're throwing The Ultimate Virtual Kids Party, hosted by the best, most well-trained babysitters. These girls are sweet, LOVE kids of all ages and have TONS of fun and exciting (and educational!) stuff planned for your kids. The room is filled with squeaky clean, non-toxic toys and has access to a fenced-in outdoor play area. Trust me, this is nirvana for your kids and they will forget you exist.

Next, we've got something special planned for your husbands -- a seminar titled "Get More Sex." This will be a mix of sports highlights, porn clips and a brief lecture on how to get more sex by helping your wife more with the kids and around the house. Oh, and there will be beer. And chips. Men are simple. 'Nuff said.

But for you, my friends, no expense will be spared. This party is all about YOU!!!! In the spa room, you can de-stress with a massage, facial or you can melt right into one of those big, comfy spa chairs and enjoy a relaxing mani/pedi. In another room, we have all of the mom-friendly designers showing their latest fashions -- shoes, dresses, sweaters and blouses -- all for ~~50%~~, ~~75%~~, ~~95% off~~ FREE! In the next room, we've got Movies on Demand where you can sit in a wonderful leather recliner, watch your favorite movie and NO ONE WILL TALK TO YOU. For two whole hours. At a time. Except for a server who you can summon with the touch of a button who will bring your drinks and food.

And in yet another room, we've invited some special guests -- a mix of business leaders and lawmakers so we can share what's on our collective minds about balancing work and family. While 70% of moms work nowadays, we all know that the workplace has not quite adapted to allow today's parents to adequately care for our families. We need to let these leaders know that we need more progressive policies to make both work and family work for us and for our country which lags behind so many others on paid family leave, flexible work policies and paid time off. Oh, and don't worry. We'll serve you some liquid confidence before you walk into this room so you'll feel free to really say what's on your mind.

So, party on, ladies, I hope you enjoy yourselves. You deserve it. I can't say that we always party this way here at Up With Moms. But we're working toward a world that will feel a little bit more like this party and less like the insanity we endure every day. I hope you'll join me.

Lies We Tell Our Children

2009-03-13T19:26:00.005-04:00

I'm so pissed at the tooth fairy. That wench* completely blew us off this week. Twice.

The Boss lost her second tooth. She was SO excited. She could not WAIT for the tooth fairy to come. We talked all about whether the tooth fairy would let her keep her tooth or not because she wanted to show it to her friends. We finally decided to just let the tooth fairy take the tooth. Tooth fairy protocol, after all.

And then the wench didn't show. No dollar, no nothing. Have you ever seen a 6 yo face forgotten by the tooth fairy? It is a very, very sad face.

And then Nanny figured it out. The Boss must have forgotten to ASK the tooth fairy to come. Oh, man! How could we forget that? So the Boss wrote a note on her dry erase board to remind herself to ASK the tooth fairy to come. And THIS time, the Boss remembered to ask before bed.

But the next morning, AGAIN, nothing but a SUPER sad 6 yo face. So being the fast thinking super mommy that I am, I ran downstairs when the Boss wasn't looking, grabbed a dollar from my wallet and while the Boss was in the bathroom brushing what's left of her teeth, I grabbed the lost tooth which had thankfully fallen under the bed -- the Boss hadn't yet seen it was still there -- and threw the dollar there instead.

"Boss!!!" I cried, "Come see what I found!!!" I showed her the dollar under the bed ("It must have fallen there while you were sleeping!") and the super sad face turned into a super relieved and happy face.

I TOTALLY saved the wench's ass. But damn that freaking* tooth fairy!

* I could use stronger language here, but I just can't bring myself to curse out the tooth fairy. Especially when he's had alot on his mind at work this week.

It's My Party and I'll Eat Crappy Fast Food if I Want to

2009-03-09T19:55:00.006-04:00

Tomorrow's my birthday. I'm going to be not-forty.

Generally, I'm not big on birthdays (although given my health history, I should be) and overall, it'll probably be an average day -- the normal craziness getting out of the house in the morning, a whirlwind day at work. And it might be punctuated by some birthday wishes and some nice birthday cards from the fam and my coworkers.

But what I really look forward to ALL YEAR is my traditional birthday meal.

This tradition began with my 30th birthday. Hubby, being the well-meaning and loving Hubby he is, booked us a hotel room, fancy dinner reservations and arranged for my MIL to come look after our brand new 4 month old daughter. But still being in the sleep-deprived, what-the-hell- just-happened-to-me, still-too-fat-to-fit-into-my-normal-clothes phase, I realized that if I was truly honest with myself, I really didn't want to have to stress about what to wear, do the fancy restaurant thing or sleep away from home. What I really wanted was a low-key evening and an early night to bed. So after confessing to Hubby my true feelings, we went to a sushi restaurant and went straight home and watched TV in bed. I was quite happy.

But the next year, I decided to really search my heart of hearts to figure out what I really, really deep down in the bottom of my soul wanted for my birthday dinner.

I decided that my soul needs a Whopper, large order of fries and a chocolate milkshake. Every year.

I can't wait to eat all that salty, fried and chocolatey goodness. I can almost feel the greasy film on the roof of my mouth now.

See, ladies, it's all about knowing exactly what you want in life and going right for it. If only the rest of my life were that easy to figure out.

Twitter. I Get It Now.

2009-03-06T19:16:00.010-05:00

When I first checked out Twitter just over a year ago, I completely rejected it. I barely have time to pee much less type up my every thought. And who the hell would want to read the drivel that pops into my head?

A mere 400+ days and 92 followers later, I'm tweeting it up. Actually, I'm not really much of a tweeter. But I do love to scan the tweets that my Twitbin serves up.

It's amazing how social networks can completely change the dynamics of life. Facebook put me in touch with people I never thought I'd hear from again. It keeps me in constant contact with friends that I used to hear from by phone once a year. And I've now made amends with at least one ex-boyfriend who apologized all over himself for the jerk he was umpteen years ago. I SO did not see that ever happening!

Now Twitter's changed the way I consume media. Pre-Twitter, CNN.com was my main source of news. Now @GStephanopolis, @Nightline and @nytimes are just as apt to hook me up as they capture my attention as they tweet their headlines. Not to mention................................................
oh, sorry. Got distracted there for a second. Had to check out a link someone tweeted about a funny Jon Stewart CNBC rant. Anyhoo, what was I saying? Oh yeah! Not to mention the cool, endless Web links that suck me into all kinds of sites. And with Twitter, I get all kinds of useful info like the fact that Martha Stewart had lunch with Ludacris and David Gregory did the same with Fed Chair Bernake this week.

Still, do I really need to know what Lance Armstrong is doing every minute? And really I need another distraction like I need a hole in the head (can you say "child neglect"?). But until I can wean myself off of my social media addiction, I'll be tweeting you!

Follow me!

It Figures

2009-03-02T14:12:00.010-05:00

Part of my grand plan to regain some balance and sanity is to put aside a handful of my vacation days and dedicate them to "Just For Me" days throughout the year. This part of the plan was strictly prescribed by Hubby who is bound and determined to ~~force~~ help me to finally figure things out. My orders were clear: These days are JUST FOR ME. No work, no errands for the family, no doing things for the neighborhood Women's Club or anyone else. I am to get out of the house and do something that I enjoy.

In theory this is a fabulous idea that may even sound indulgent to the casual observer, but I assure you that it is much easier said than done. Blocking out my calendar, sticking firm to it despite major mayhem at work and then figuring out ways to occupy myself aside from daily errands (what exactly is it that I enjoy?) isn't quite in my -- or any other mom's -- DNA. But I finally mapped it out, set some dates and despite inquiries from my assistant and several other colleagues ("Are you really taking Monday off?" as if that block on my calendar were some sort of cruel joke), I began to plan my first leisurely day that was to include working out, a long, hot shower and some home store hopping to finally accessorize my living room.

What is that saying about the road to hell?

After looking forward to my day off all week, I woke up this morning and a feeling of knowing dread washed over me. I turned on the news. Reports of major school system closings. I fired up laptop. Yup, there it is. Our schools are closed. My first day all to myself has now morphed into a day of trying to figure out how to entertain the kids until Nanny got here late afternoon. What are the odds that a city where a snow day that shuts down schools comes along only about every 5-10 years has one today of all days?

It was hard to keep from looking disappointed as the kids rejoiced at their luck. It wasn't a bad day overall -- I had a nice time with the girls -- but it certainly wasn't what I had planned. At least I didn't have the mad scramble that alot of working moms did trying to figure out how to cover the kids and still make it to work (school was closed, but my office was open).

And yet it's almost as if the universe were speaking to me. Think you can manage the stress and make it all better? Think again.

A Day in My Life

2009-02-25T19:48:00.006-05:00

6 am -- Wake up to blaring alarm, change into workout clothes

6:15 -- Wake the Boss, help her get dressed (long for spring when tights will no longer be de rigueur and 6 yo can dress herself.)

6:30 -- Sign Angel's homework planner, referee sisterly fights, negotiate and create two hairdos, hunt down missing jacket, plead with children to finish breakfast

7:00 -- Kiss girls goodbye, mindlessly pick up Blackberry

7:15 -- Realize I've wasted half my workout time getting sucked into work email and ditch plan to workout in favor of tidying up house in preparation for cleaning crew (crew will only clean surfaces they can find) and for getting dressed to get to work earlier. Discover and clean up lovely package left by either dog or cat in home office.

8:00 -- Get dressed. Choose something equally work- and Brownie-appropriate (with quick change of shoes).

8:45 -- Pack up car with supplies for afternoon Brownie meeting -- snacks, drinks, balloons, bean bag toss, hula hoops, jump ropes, Skechers...check!

9:00 -- Halfway to work, turn around and head back home. Remembered all the Brownie stuff but forgot the #$#%! work briefcase and laptop. There goes earlier work arrival!

9:30 -- Arrive at work. Get sucked into a vortex of non-stop meetings and on-the-fly conversations with colleagues. Breakfast is dry cereal straight out of box. Try to sneak eating lunch during major presentation (where I'm presenter).

2:10 -- Apologetically slink out of major presentation before it is over to head to Brownie meeting. Try to mentally make the shift from career cancer-fighter to Brownie meeting leader on the way. Mentally compose this blog post instead.

2:45 -- Arrive at Brownie meeting. Strip off high heel boots and throw on Skechers. Unload car.

2:50 -- Feed 13 antsy 9 year olds. Wrangle them into lesson about why Sports and Games are important to provide context and meaning to the next 45 minutes of meaningless fun and frivolity. Orchestrate various relay races and games. Get thumbs up from Angel. Goal was to avoid embarrassing her so consider meeting BIG success.

3:50 -- Clean up Brownie site, grab Angel and her best friend. Drop best friend off at her house. Drop Angel off at ours. Take quick bathroom break, quickly check work email on Blackberry and head back out.

4:30 -- Meet with therapist to figure out how to avoid going crazy. Any suggestions?

6:00 -- Arrive back home. Check work emails again. Get download from Nanny and kids on homefront happenings. Negotiate after-dinner snacks with the Boss. Referee more sisterly sniping. Scarf down dinner.

7:45 -- Orchestrate toy clean up. Threaten the Boss within an inch of her life for launching into the "I don't wanna clean up! I don't wanna go to bed!" routine. Not having it tonight.

8:00 -- Start bedtime routine including daily reminder to Angel to brush AND floss teeth. Read Boss bedtime story. Negotiate 8:30 lights out time with Angel, leave her reading in bed.

8:15 -- Download with Hubby on homefront happenings and to-dos for remainder of the week.

8:30 -- Fire up Twitter and begin composing blog post. Has it been 3 weeks since the last one?

9:30 -- Watch DVR'd Lost with Hubby.

10:30 -- Collapse and start all over again in the morning.

Working Less to Stimulate the Economy

2009-02-02T20:48:00.013-05:00

We're now all painfully familiar with what happens when the free market runs amok. Markets go unregulated, businesses take on unfathomable risk, corporate execs line their pockets and Americans spend beyond their means. But probably the most unreported outcome of out-of-control capitalism has to be its effects on the American worker.

Today's workers are working longer hours than ever before. Being a work-a-holic in our society is not just a socially-accepted norm, but a badge of honor. Why is that? It's because our free market system run amok dictates that we work as long and as hard as possible. Corporate leaders reward workers for working beyond their human capacity so they can squeeze out every last ounce of productivity to make and sell as much stuff as possible so that we consume as much stuff as possible. And consume more stuff we do because we no longer have leisure time to enjoy our families, our friends or our favorite leisure activities so we need more stuff to fill the dark, empty void in our lives. We need something to show for it. We think, by god, if I'm working harder than ever before I need -- no I deserve -- more stuff to prove it!

It's all about the stuff, people. The evil, evil stuff. And some of that stuff is the green stuff and as a society, we're addicted to it. It's the stuff that makes us sick and not to mention fills our landfills.

The drive to make, sell and buy more stuff is running our workers and our families into the ground. It's taking a toll on our health. Who has time to exercise or cook a healthy meal? Who has time for medical checkup, much less a cancer screening? It's causing parents to spend less time with their families. Who has time to check kids' homework after spending 10 hours in the office? Who has time to monitor who my kid hangs out with after school? It's causing us to "work stupid because we're so tired" as Joan Blades points out in this post. Who has time to think or brain cells left to innovate? It's causing major amounts of stress. Depression, sleep-deprivation and obesity are by-products of this hyper-work environment. All of these effects have gone unmeasured and unnoticed as a consequence of capitalism at its extreme and they all come at a cost to our society and our economy.

So when we look at stimulating the economy, shouldn't we take a look at how to curb the effects of the extreme work environment on American families? I thought this proposal from Dean Baker at The Guardian to, among other things, provide tax incentives to employers that cut work hours or offered more paid vacation time was genius. Covering paid time off time might incent companies to create jobs to account for lost productivity. And it might incent people to spend more time and disposable income on leisure time rather than the stuff. Anyway, go read his article because my addled brain coming off of a 10-hour workday won't do it justice. He makes a great case for why working less would be a boon for our families and for our economy.