In the fog

Struggling to find direction and meaning outside of my family life, I found myself getting frustrated (remember, I quit my job because I found no fulfilment there?). One day back in early Spring of this year I decided to sit and meditate. And wait. I waited for all the chatter to die down, then asked a question:

How can I gain focus and clarity?

Two answers came. The first and primary answer was that, I needed to stop worrying. The secondary answer was to stop spreading myself so thinly.

A bowl of Muller rice, please…

I mulled over these two answers for a few days. My God! It was true! I would worry so much about everything. I could never completely relax or focus on the task at hand because I was always dealing with the past, or concerned about the future, or calculating the potential pitfalls of the present moment, and how I’d be perceived by others if I failed. How on Earth could I expect to experience any clarity or focus within that cloud of worry and distraction?

And the truth of the second piece of advice didn’t escape me either. I always seemed to be dashing from one idea or project to the next. Barely finishing one (if that) before leaping into another. And I would go at these things like a fanatic, obsessively dedicating every spare moment to them so that I could get as much done as possible before I lost intereste and/or got distracted and seduced by something else!

The second was easier to resolve than the first, so my next question was:

How do I stop worrying?

My nemesis, Fear

So it seemed clear to me that the reason I was always worrying was that I was always afraid. But what fears were driving the worries? I had to dig pretty deep, all the way back to my early childhood to find the earliest traces of this fearful living. What I discovered was that all the worries I could think of could be traced back to a fear of being of no value, and a fear of being ridiculed. (Sorry family, but these two fears are gifts from you. Dad (R.I.P.), you had a hand in the former, bros your hands are in the latter. :-))

During my next meditation my question was, naturally:

‘How do I overcome my fears?’

Secret Agent, Ego

The unexpected answer was this:

To overcome your fears you must realise that all life has value. If your concern is other people recognising your value, then your problem is actually your ego.

I was flabbergasted. I don’t know what I was hoping for but it wasn’t that! My ego? I’m not egotistical…am I? I mean it made sense about “all life” having value, so I never need to be fearful of having no value, but the second part really made me think. I have been concerned about people recognising my value, though not consciously. (Funny thing, but this doodle, done during the 30 day challenge this year actually alluded to this revelation.)

After this blow to my seemingly humble facade, I started picking apart my past decisions and actions, looking at my reasoning and supposed motivation and… It was hard to swallow, but all the major decisions in my life — and most of all the others — I found to be a result of an underlying drive to get people to value, like and love me. How shallow is that?!

The deepest puddle

It may sound strange to call it shallow, since it’s a common and basic desire, to want to be loved and valued. But when you think you’re doing things for altruistic purposes, only to discover you had this hidden agenda, it suddenly seems a little shallow. It stung to think I had no idea this was what was motivating me all these years. Instead of chasing things because I loved them and was passionate about them, I was choosing and doing things through which I could get people to love and value me! My secret craving (secret even from myself) for a feeling of self-worth (provided by others) had driven virtually all my actions! Why had I not seen this before? I thought I had a fairly clear view of my inner self but it seems now that I had a massive blind spot! I wish I could say I was mistaken too, but I looked carefully, scrutinised years past through to recent times. There was no doubt, my ego really was the problem. So the next question?

How do I overcome my ego?

My Friend, Joy

During the last meditation the answer to the above came pretty simply: find the joy. Three simple words but they said a whole lot. They said I need to start doing things again just for the enjoyment of doing them; let the doing be the reward. Let participation be the reward. Learn how to be present and just enjoy the moment, without concerning myself with what I’ll receive afterwards. And be rid of the attitude that if nothing is “achieved” then the effort is wasted.

I’ve spent my whole life living to find proof of my value through recognition and external validation (also touched on in ‘The Proof’ – track 3 on this page). Instead of living for “the proof”, I should have been living for the Joy, enjoying Life instead of turning it into a chore!

True story.

A Summer Gift

And so I’ve spent this summer rediscovering Joy. I was fortunate because quitting my job earlier this year lead me into contracting, which in turn allowed me to make enough money to take the entire summer off work. I got to spend time with my Wife, Daughter, and in-laws from out-of-country. It gave me plenty of time to reflect and practice living with joy.

I refused to touch the blog (or do anything so public) until I could find a better motivation than, ‘I want to make everybody like me’. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t dependent on other people’s perceptions of me, and I didn’t want to get drawn back into the old mentality.

Back to writing

And so after a few months of soul-searching I’m back in a place where I’m ready to share again. It’s not about praise or recognition. I’m just sharing my experiences in the hope that they might be of use to other people. Pure and simple.

So it seems that I’m just a conduit for the water to the river.

The post My Friend, Joy appeared first on Latn Black.

The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

I heard or read that quote some years ago. I don’t remember where or when. This morning though, when I started thinking about the birth of my daughter (which was less than three weeks ago), this quote came to mind. The birth wasn’t a typical one – it was an unmedicated, unassisted home birth. Our baby plopped right out onto the floor of our spare room with me running towards her in what felt like slow motion to get there in time to catch her. When my wife told our family doctor about the birth he exclaimed, “My word! I didn’t know that still happened in first world countries!” Indeed.

It’s worth pointing out that we had originally planned to have a natural birth in a birthing centre and had taken a Hypnobirthing course to make it possible. It was only after we moved with just under two months to the due date that we decided to go for a homebirth. Still, we hadn’t planned for it to be completely unassisted. We were supposed to have a midwife or two present but things just didn’t work out that way.

Our good friend and nominated Doula was supposed to be present for most of the labour, but it never seemed like the right time for her to come over, so other than keeping her updated, we had little contact until the moment our little girl was born. After the birth, and once things had calmed down a little, she asked me, “Why didn’t you tell me to come? Why didn’t you ask for help?” I’ve been thinking about these questions since the night of the birth and, though I realise now that I took on a great deal of responsibility and pressure on “labour day”, at the time it never felt quite like that. And I think it ties into the quote. All I was focused on was providing my wife, Michelle, with whatever she needed. Nothing was too much. In fact if I had to I probably would have taken on more. That was my mentality at the time. Whatever she needs, she gets. Whatever I can give her, do for her, it shall be done. Whatever weight there was to carry, I would carry it. I had to be there and available for her, and crumbling was not an option. Strength was the only option. And with this mindset, nothing felt like too much.

The Beginning

Michelle went into labour at approximately 01h30 in the morning, a Thursday. She had not long gone to bed and I had planned to follow her after finishing up some coding. Before I got very far though I heard her call, “Babyyyyy…” My ears pricked up as there was something in her tone that got my attention. Before I could consider the possibilities she continued, “…it’s happening!” I dashed up stairs to find her dodging a small puddle of liquid on the bed. Her membranes had released (waters broke) and were in fact still releasing. She told me that a surge (AKA contraction) suddenly came on (despite no pre-labour warm-ups, AKA Braxton Hicks) and when she got up, whoosh!

We called the Midwife about twenty minutes after the initial surge. I guess we spent about fifteen to twenty minutes just paying attention to what was happening. By the time we made the call Michelle was officially labour, albeit the latent phase. Her membranes had released, surges had started and she had a show (mucus plug released). Her surges were only lasting about ten seconds at a time although they were pretty frequent between two and four minutes apart. Knowing energy would be needed, Michelle ended up taking a couple of paracetamol and going back to sleep for two or three hours. Once she was up we spent the next few hours monitoring the intensity and frequency of the surges. The Midwife wasn’t going to be making an appearance until Michelle was much further along in labour.

The Middle

Most of the hours of the day are a blur actually. In our Hypnobirthing sessions we were told that women in labour often experience time distortion, especially in the later stage. But I think we both experienced this because the time seemed to be erratically speeding up and slowing down. Before I knew it it was dawn and we were discussing supplies. We had planned to get more groceries the following day, as we were sooo sure baby wouldn’t be coming for another week, so didn’t have everything we wanted. We also needed to top up our gas meter, I knew that we were going to be burning through the credit on this particular day. So, as soon as the shops opened I ran (literally) to go and get the gas and groceries. People must have thought I had robbed Tesco’s the way I was running down the street with my two large shopping bags! I wasn’t thinking about how I looked though. All I was thinking about was getting back to Michelle. When I left, the surges were already lasting a minute at a time, although the frequency was fluctuating between about every two to six minutes.

We spent the rest of the morning working through the surges – which were steadily intensifying, listening to music, and going over things to make sure we had everything we needed. We also contacted the family, which we had put off initially because 1) it was very early in the morning when things started and 2) it was still very early in the labour and we didn’t want to get bombarded with messages and calls. In fact, on that last point, when I did contact the family in the morning I explained to them that we’d prefer not to receive calls or texts asking for updates because I needed to focus on Michelle, and she needed to focus on getting through labour. They understood and respected this, which was and still is greatly appreciated. Later in the morning Michelle forced me to get some sleep because I hadn’t slept in almost 30 hours. I was reluctant but she made a compelling argument: if I didn’t sleep even for just an hour I wouldn’t have enough energy for later in the labour when she might need me most. I conceded, and slept for what was more like an hour and a half. Michelle stayed in the bedroom, quietly working through her surges while watching me to make sure I slept. What a woman.

By late afternoon Michelle’s surges had increased considerably in intensity. They were lasting as long as three minutes but still fluctuating in frequency. I had been spending my time providing drinks, snacks, back rubs, light touch massages, kisses and whatever else I could do to make things easier for her. While experiencing a surge I had to pay close attention to her body language. Sometimes she would want firm pressure placed on her back, other times she wanted a light massage, and then still sometimes she wanted no contact at all. I didn’t take anything personally. At least she never shouted abuse at me like you sometimes see the pregnant women do in the movies! The most I could do was be available to her and provide whatever she needed, when she needed it.

It was difficult at times though, because I could see she was really beginning to struggle with the surges. We had reached  a consistent three minute frequency of surges and contacted the Midwife to let her know things had progressed. I had also messaged our Doula to let her know what was happening. By the time the Midwife arrived it was about 20h00. Michelle was having a hard time, but she was hanging in there. That was until the Midwife delivered a pretty devastating blow. After examining Michelle she told us that Michelle was only 2cm dilated, and that our baby’s position had changed to back-to-back and this was the reason Michelle’s surges were so intense. She said that Michelle still had a “long way to go”, that back-to-back presentation causes a slow and very painful labour. Obviously not the type of thing you want to hear several hours in labour feeling like you were making progress. She told us she wouldn’t be able to stay because protocol dictates she could only do so once Michelle was at 4cm dilation, and based on her examination, it was going to take a while.

I could sense the disappointment and frustration from Michelle, but I was still optimistic. We’d not come far in terms of dilation but I got the sense from the intensity of the surges and the change in frequency that things would progress. And I knew I could keep Michelle focused and on track so that we could still birth our baby at home. However, the Midwife had other plans. She told me we needed to think about going to the hospital because it wasn’t likely Michelle would give birth in the next few hours. She told me to discuss it with Michelle while she went to do something. I told Michelle what the Midwife had said. The Midwife then came back and told us she had made a call to the hospital to reserve a bed (unknown to us). She told us that because it was after 20h00 and Michelle’s membranes had released so long ago (01h30 in the morning) and the presentation of the baby, the birth wasn’t going to happen by 01h30 (they only allow 24 hours to give birth after the waters break). Despite putting a transfer to the hospital as a suggestion, it seems she had already made up her mind and told us she could no longer offer us a home birth.

The Tunnel

The Midwife left and things got very difficult. Michelle had been experiencing extremely intense surges throughout the Midwife’s visit and they continued to intensify. But the words of the Midwife severely affected Michelle’s energy. One of the most damaging things she said before she left, while Michelle writhed in a discomfort I couldn’t imagine, was, “The pain you’re experiencing is the bodies way of preparing you for what’s to come…the pain later will be much worse.” I mean seriously, why would you say such a thing to someone who’s mental and emotional state is already compromised, who is clearly already close to breaking point? And surely just by saying that you’re creating an expectation and laying the foundations for a self-fulling prophecy. When she left I was glad she was gone just so that she could take the negativity with her.

Knowing we were without a Midwife I figured we had two options: go to the hospital as recommended, or persevere with the home birth and call an ambulance if necessary – after all, they wouldn’t be able to refuse us medical assistance, would they? But my priority was to do all I could to keep Michelle and our baby safe, so I wasn’t willing to gamble; keeping the home birthing dream alive as secondary. So, in between surges I started packing a bag, filling it with baby clothes and accessories, toiletries, pregnancy notes, clothes for Michelle…I was doing it all from memory because I didn’t have a list to hand of the necessities. I had also updated our Doula to let her know we were going to the hospital, but still didn’t tell her to come over yet because I felt like at that moment, it needed to be the two of us. Michelle had barely said anything since the Midwife left, as getting through the surges required all of her energy and concentration. While rushing around I would stop frequently to help her through the surges, though most of the time I could do nothing but stand or crouch next to her. I also kept trying to coax her to put clothes on as she was still in her birthing clothes which were not appropriate for going out. I knew I was asking a lot but if were going to make it to the hospital, it needed to happen. I didn’t want to give birth at home without medical assistance because I was scared I wouldn’t be prepared for if things took a turn for the worst. Basically, I wanted a safety net, and at the time it felt like we were on a tightrope without one.

I don’t remember how long it took me to pack the bag but it was relatively slow because of the regular stops to tend to Michelle. Somehow though, while I was rushing around, she managed to spit out a sentence that helped me immensely: “There’s a list in the green notes…” She was referring to the maternity notes, of which we had two sets – a white one and a green one – due to moving from one area to another during the latter part of the pregnancy. On the list I found another two or three items I had missed (out of about fifteen items or so, so not bad at all). So the bag is packed, now I need to get the car out of the garage and take the car seat down with me while I’m doing that. But I have to wait for a break. But, there is no break. For the past half an hour or so it’s like Michelle is having one continuous surge with only dips in intensity rather than any real breaks. I have no choice but to tell her that I need to leave for five minutes to pull the car out. There’s no good time to go, so I just go.

The Light

The car is ready and all that’s left is for Michelle to get dressed. At this point I’m again considering the options. I have this feeling that if we don’t get out of the house in the next half an hour so, we’re not getting out of the house. I’m thinking about the trip to the hospital. It’s already programmed into the sat nav, I did that while I was pulling the car out. It’s no more than ten minutes away by car, but in the state that she’s in, how is she going to make it ten minutes in the car? One of the things that’s helping her through the surges is being able to move around. While she was being examined by the Midwife Michelle was unable to stay laying or sitting while experiencing a surge, it was far too painful, and they weren’t as severe then as they are now. But, I’m thinking, if we can leave in the next ten to twenty minutes then we can still make it to the hospital relatively comfortably before she gives birth. I have no idea what it’s based on at the time but I just have this strong sense that our baby is coming way before the 01h30 deadline. It’s a cold night and I don’t want to be on the way to the hospital and have to stop and deliver our baby because the head is already crowning while we’re on the road! What if I call a cab instead? Then at least I can be with Michelle and not have to worry about driving. Or should I call an ambulance to take us to the hospital? I’m considering all these different options but know that we’re going nowhere until she get’s dressed, so I ask her again to start getting dressed. I ask her to dig deep, find some way, some how, to start putting clothes on, one arm or leg at a time if necessary, just bit by bit, so that we can leave.

By some miracle, Michelle finds the strength and will power to start changing, in between surges. Ten minutes later, she’s virtually dressed. But the surges are taking their toll. Throughout the past couple of hours I’ve been watching her carefully. There have been moments where Michelle looked like she was going to cry. When I could see that I had to talk her back up. I knew that, with her at least, if I saw tears, it meant she was giving up. I could tell she felt like giving up at some points, and the Midwife’s visit was the catalyst for it. Now the surges are so intense, and she says to me, with desperation in her voice, “I don’t think I can do it…” My heart sinks because her words and emotions seep into me for a moment and make me feel desperate too. But I can’t afford to, so I shake it off. I know I have to stay strong, because it will allow her to remain strong. I know that she can do it and that it’s the negative mindset that was triggered by the Midwife’s visit that has made things seem even harder. Every time I see a hint that she’s slipping, forgetting her breathing technique or thinking negative thoughts I interject and try to get focused.

Then she says something that has me completely convinced the baby is going to come soon – she feels like she needs to poo. Now, let me step out for a moment just to explain something. As the baby moves down the birth canal and it reaches a certain point it starts compressing the bowel, meaning there’s less space for anything that’s in it, causing a need for whatever is in it to be ejected. From the videos we’d watched and the materials I’d read this was one of the sure signs that the baby would be coming soon, along with another that had already manifested but that I had missed because I was so caught up in the moment.

So I call the Midwife, but her phone is going to voicemail and says a different Midwife is on call. I call her instead and explain the situation and that I think the baby is going to come soon. It turns out the second Midwife wasn’t actually on call and that the voicemail message I heard was incorrect, so she offers to get in touch with the our Midwife and get her to call me back. About ten or so minutes later, she calls. She tells me that, based on her “assessment”, it’s highly unlikely that Michelle is about to give birth and that the sensation she is feeling is probably due the back-to-back presentation of the baby. She says it’s perfectly safe for her to use the toilet, but that if she gets the urge to push she should resist it as she is almost certainly not fully dilated. She also tells me we should get to the hospital as soon as possible as it’s getting late and that a bed might not be available by the time we get there. I explain that we’ve been trying to leave but that the surges have been too intense to find an opportunity to actually leave. The phone call ends at 22h43. I pass on the information about using the toilet and Michelle goes ahead to the bathroom. The call has left me with some doubt as to whether our baby is going to arrive tonight after all, so I go back to tending to Michelle and thinking of ways to coax her out of the house.

But still the feeling is niggling, we’re not making it to the hospital, this baby is coming soon. So, while Michelle uses the bathroom, I grab the large waterproof plastic sheeting that we bought especially for the home birth and put it in the second bedroom, just in case we’re going to need it. Then I hear Michelle shout from the bathroom, “…I don’t know how to not push!” Despite the information given to me by the Midwife, any doubt that crept into my mind immediately evaporates and I start focusing on delivering our baby. I tell Michelle to forget what our Midwife said to go with whatever urge she feels in her body – if she feels the urge to push, she should push! “But I can’t, not while I’m on the toilet!” She sounds slightly panicked, but I already have a plan and tell her she’s going to do it in the second bedroom where I have put the plastic sheet. I go ahead of her and open out the plastic, then put an old bed sheet on top of it. The plastic sheeting is quite large though so I don’t have time to open it out completely to cut it up, so I cut out a section while it’s still partly folded. This works but also makes the surface a little bit slippery because the layers of folded plastic have little friction when they rub against each other. I help Michelle into the room and on to the sheet, but it turns out she hadn’t actually finished on the toilet because she stopped out of fear of pushing the baby out. So, once she’s in the room, she continues. I have no choice but to help her clean up as, she has already assumed a birth position ready to bring our child into the world.

It’s happening. At some point during the transition between the bathroom and the second bedroom I managed to send a message to our friend and Doula simply stating, “I think I’m going to need a hand”. I watch as our baby makes her way. I can’t see the head yet but I can see movement. I go to get my phone so that I can contact the Midwife again. When I get back to the second bedroom and check on Michelle baby’s head is already crowning! I text the Midwife and tell her, “The baby is coming now. I can see the head”. At this point I have to assess again. How long does it normally take for baby to come out? Well, it’s normally head slowly out first, then baby has to turn so that the shoulders can pass through, then baby is ready to exit completely. From what I’ve seen and read the process normally takes at least five minutes but commonly takes anywhere from ten to twenty minutes. I need to receive our baby as she exits but I need to wash my hands to do so. I figure it will take me no more than 60 seconds to go to the bathoom (which is next door), wash my hands thoroughly, dry them and come back to the room. Well, I can only see a small area of baby’s head so 60 seconds should leave me plenty of time. I’ve spent about 3 seconds thinking about this already so with no further delay I tell Michelle I’ll be back in 60 seconds, that I need to wash my hands and dart off to the bathroom. I feel like I’m moving at super speed, but as I’m drying off my hands I hear, “Baby! Baby! Baby! Baby!” I rush back to Michelle and as I come through the door I see our baby girl flop out on to the floor! I quickly scoop her up, simultaneously checking that she is breathing, her colour, the length of the umbilical cord and that it’s not wrapped around her neck. It’s all done within a second or two. She’s OK.

Her head is a funny alien shape from where it got squeezed during the transition (common during birth, it goes back to normal). Her legs are covered in meconium (baby’s first poo) and it’s all over the floor- she literally crapped herself on the way out. Though babies normally come out quite pale I’m impressed by how much colour she has in her skin. Within seconds of coming out she is in the arms of her mother. I wrap them in a couple of towels and just stand there looking at them, in awe. That is until Michelle snaps me out of it and says, “Latn, call the ambulance!”

The End  The Beginning

Our little girl had arrived (52 minutes before her due date – in your face, Midwife), followed by our friend/Doula (who, as it turned out, was praying outside the front door as our baby was being born), followed closely by the ambulance crew (they arrived within minutes of the call), and finally our Midwife. Our baby girl was checked out and found to be in good health. Cue, tears.

The post The Best Thing appeared first on Latn Black.

Day Thirty. The End. The challenge is over and successfully completed. It was tough at some points, and an effort throughout, but we made it through. I didn’t post yesterday because there was more to say in this post than I had energy to write last night. I decided to save the actual post for today so that I could share in a more coherent manner what I’ve gotten out of doing this 30 Day Challenge. But first, let’s go over yesterday, the final day of the challenge.

How was the day?

The day was good. I was pretty busy but had a good level of energy throughout the day. There was a little dip – related to tiredness rather than positivity – later on in the afternoon, but that disappeared after a visit to the gym. My achilles is still bothering me a little bit but it has definitely been improving day by day, the rest has helped. Good thing too, because I couldn’t let anything stop me from completing the challenges!

Shave

Done! And not for the last time either. I quite like looking neat, tidy and fresh everyday, so I’ll be keeping up the shave as regularly as possible!

Gym

Got to the gym late afternoon and decided to up my distance on the rower. Did 3K followed by some resistance exercises. Felt good, as always. I’ve not exercised so consistently at any other time in my life. I would on average workout three or four times per week during my most active periods. I’ve felt the difference though. My resting heart rate is lower, my recovery (heart rate back to normal after exercise) is quicker, I can go further, feel stronger and my mood is better overall. Even my skin is better just from exercising regularly (I’ve not changed my eating habits).

Doodle a day

I stared at my page for ages (yes, eons) waiting for something to materialise. Nothing. I looked through my phone for pictures to see if I could find something I’d like to draw. Still nothing. I looked again at my paper, the wall, and any other blank surface, but all I saw were brief flickers. My Wife suggested I go lay down for a few minutes and see if anything comes to me. I did that and after about 5 minutes or so, a clear image finally came to me. The image is above :¬)

The Conclusion

Looking back to the start of this challenge and how hard it felt to adjust, comparing that to how I feel now, I can’t help but see some lessons in this whole experience. There were a couple of moments of revelation during the past 30 days, things that I [re-]learned that helped to carry me through the remaining time and that I’ll apply to other areas of my life. Here are some that spring to mind, in no particular order.

• If you want to progress, get comfortable with being outside your comfort zone.
• The benefits of daily exercise are far reaching.
• When things get tough, get tough!
• If time away doesn’t make the heart grow fonder, maybe the heart’s not in it.
• When things don’t go according to your plan, don’t waste time and energy complaining, just adapt.
• Don’t proof read while you’re tired :¬)
• When working to achieve your goals, it’s better to do a little than to do nothing at all.
• Practice might not make perfect, but it does make improvement. So, practice.
• Sometimes you’ll take a dip. Learning how to dig deep and pick yourself up is vital for success in anything you choose to do.
• Often things that we call problems are nothing more than inconveniences.
• Sometimes what we perceive as a negative is actually a positive.
• If you’re not happy with things as they are, do something about it.
• Dwelling on things that make you unhappy will only make you unhappier. Find positive things to stay focused on – you’ll feel better.
• Stay away from negative people, they’ll rub off on you.
• If you wait for everything to be perfect, you’ll be waiting forever.

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Day Twenty-Nine. A very late post as it has been a busy day. Only just finished today’s challenges and it was a challenge to get the doodle and workout done today. But, tomorrow is the final day of this 30 day challenge so I’ll be able to get back to a more reasonable routine (in theory). It has been a very interesting experience though, definitely something I’ll do again in the future.

How was the day?

The day was pretty good, got plenty done but didn’t really get out of the house because had too much to do at home. Still, energy remained high consistently throughout the day, although I feel pretty shattered now. This may be the shortest summary ever of the challenges…

Shave

Done in the morning.

Gym

Home workout, resting my achilles further. The rest is definitely helping and I don’t want to aggravate it, especially knowing I’m going to be on my feet a lot over the next few days. Free-weight exercise was the order of the day (again).

Doodle a day

Completely random. Every time a shape materialised on the page I would draw it without really questioning what the purpose or function of it was. The outcome is what you see.

Last day of the 30 day challenge awaits!

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Day Twenty-Eight. This is the end of the fourth week and it has gone pretty well. I mean, I did suffer a slight injury which reduced my gym time but it didn’t reduce my overall exercise, which was great! I’ve long been quite die-hard though so it would have taken a lot for me to end the challenge prematurely. This week has been a bit of a hectic one but I’m pleased with and proud of myself and my Wife (who is also doing her own challenges). We’ve managed to juggle (sometimes with a struggle) our challenges with all the other things we’ve had to do.

And now there are just a couple days left…

How was the day?

The day was good and followed the pattern of previous days in terms of energy, mental and emotional state. I’ve generally been feeling very good, even when injury or other soreness or ailments pop up. I’m sure it’s related to the regular exercise. I’ve also been focusing even more on the positive and not sweating ‘the small stuff’, which helps a great deal. I find that focusing on the negative always brings you down – so if you wanna stay happy, find the positives.

So it’s that time again, to update you on the challenges…

Shave

Done. That’s all.

Gym

Did a home workout so I could rest my leg again. It’s definitely getting better but because I needed to be on my feet a lot this week it hasn’t been getting the amount of rest I know it needs. I did resistance with the free weights, working on my upper body and keeping the weight off my leg. Worked out well.

Doodle a day

It’s funny how you can find lessons in seemingly trivial things. I decided to go with the crayons today, for a change and a challenge. It’s been a while since I used them and I could use the practice because I definitely haven’t mastered them yet.

I find the crayons unruly; they’re difficult to control. If you stay focused and work at it you can pretty much get what you want out of them, though the outcome may not be exactly as you envisioned it. Yep, those crayons became a metaphor for Life.

On to the penultimate day 29…

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Day Twenty-Seven. The past week has been pretty busy. It’s late again and I’m only just finishing the last of my challenges. It’s gonna be another brief one, but we’ll have a good catch up with tomorrow’s post (hopefully).

How was the day?

Very good day. It’s the weekend and spent the whole day with my Wife getting stuff done. Had a great lie-in this morning,  a nap in the afternoon and got plenty done in between. Energy remained constant throughout the day and that consistency seems to have become the norm – very glad about that :¬)

So that was the day, here are the challenges.

Shave

Done, this evening. Didn’t leave the house other than to go to the gym and plenty to do at home so didn’t rush to get the shave done.

Gym

As mentioned, got the gym. Did a 2.25K on the rower (went easy because of my leg), rested by taking a walk on the treadmill, then came back and did another 1K on the rower. Felt good.

Doodle a day

When I gazed at the paper I ended up seeing pretty much what you see now. I went with it, and there you have it.

Last day of the week, it’s almost day 28…

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Day Twenty-Six. Not long got back from a poetry night and it was most enjoyable. I’m glad I didn’t let the cold intimidate me into staying home – it can be a real bully :¬) It’s actually almost 01h00 in the morning and I am feeling like my pillow needs me! We’ll keep this short but sweet.

How was the day?

The day was good (you sick of hearing that yet?). I think this challenge has really helped to shift something in me. It’s the home stretch now and I’ve really never felt better. I’m still slightly injured but at most it forces me to change my approach, it doesn’t stop doing what I want to do. There’s a lesson in there.

Energy remained up all day and even though I’m feeling pretty tired now, I’m feeling verrrr good (yes, “verrrr”). So, let’s talk about the challenges…

Shave

Yes, just now (never mind that I paused the post to go shave).

Gym

Did a home resistance workout with my free weights because I felt I needed to rest my leg some more. I was right. By the time we got back from the poetry night it was sore and inflamed again.

Doodle a day

I drew a Ninja. Actually ‘NInja Panang’ was the name of our team during the quiz at the poetry night. I guess it stuck in my head, even though there were so many other things that got me thinking during the night. I guess in the end I needed some triviality :¬)

Drifting off to day 27…

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Day Twenty-Five. Never underestimate the importance of the people that you surround yourself with. Some people keep you up, others will bring you way down. If you’ve got people around you that are filling your head with junk, you seriously need to cut them loose. It’s bad enough we have to battle our own insecurities, don’t make your life harder by letting other people’s negative views cloud you.

Just wanted to say that :¬)

How was the day?

Today was a very good day. I was a little tired when I woke up but by the time I came out of the shower I was wide awake and ready to take on the day. As it turned out, the day was on my side so I didn’t have to take it on so much as go with it. My energy level was solid throughout the day. Visited a friend while on my travels and that helped to keep my energy boosted. Even now I don’t really feel tired even though it’s heading towards midnight. My leg has been feeling a little better today. There’s still some pain but it’s far easier to walk on it and I even made it to the gym. One of many things for which to be grateful.

So, let’s move along to the challenges…

Shave

Indeedy. Done in the morn.

Gym

Yep! 2.5K on the rower and then some upper body resistance. There was a little discomfort in my leg but it was mild. I skipped the cross-trainer and made sure I didn’t do anything strenuous on my lower body. Will see how I feel tomorrow after today’s workout.

Doodle a day

I doodled while on the train listening to a Les Brown talk. I’ve mentioned him before in previous posts so if you’re curious you can rewind to day 19 to find out what that’s about. The doodle came out of stuff he was saying that I liked. A little more literal than some (or all) of my other doodles. And that’s that. Five. More. Days.

Day 26 waits…

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Day Twenty-Four. I had big plans for today, but the time I had allocated to those plans got sucked up by the unexpected. This is the way it goes sometimes. It’s not worth complaining, you just adjust and get on with it. Good things still came out of the day, which just goes to show that even if things don’t go according to our plans, they can still work out.

How was the day?

Pretty good, I woke up with plenty of positive energy, even if it was wrapped in tiredness. Found myself singing in the shower this morning, it felt like it had been a long time since that had happened. DId a few hours of work as a favour and though it had took longer than I’d hoped and had the odd moments of frustration, it was productive overall, plus it put some cash in my pocket. I felt good all day, and I guess it’s partly because these days I find myself thinking of reasons to feel good rather than reasons to feel bad. Positive thinking and all that…

But anyway, lets get to the challenges so that I can get to sleep!

Shave

In the morning, just how I like it.

Gym

No gym today because of the issue I mentioned with my leg – achilles to be precise. I did more resistance at home, and actually I’m glad because I had been focusing more on cardio and endurance exercises. I’m looking forward to getting back on the rower though.

Doodle a day

It’s funny, often when I approach the pages of my sketch book I don’t know what I’m going to draw. I sit staring at the pages waiting for something to happen. Sometimes I’ll just start drawing lines on the page until it becomes something, other times I wait for something to materialise in my minds eye and get projected onto the page. Today was the latter, and this doodle is what I saw (more or less).

Six days left. Bring on day 25.

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Day Twenty-Three. I had my mind firmly focused on some necessary tasks today and barely thought about anything else. The challenges have very much become part of my days now, regardless of which order I end up doing them; my days feel incomplete until I’ve done them. They say it takes 21 days to turn something into a habit. I guess “they” might be on to something…

How was the day?

The day was good. My energy remained stable and positive throughout the day. I didn’t get out today because I needed to rest my leg but I had plenty at home that needed to be done so that wasn’t much of an issue at all. Plus it was pretty miserable outside so I didn’t feel like I was missing much. I was hobbling around a little bit here and there but overall the rest feels like it has helped.

So, how did I go with the challenges?

Shave

Just now. I got caught up through the day with various tasks I had on my list, and since I hadn’t planned to go anywhere I didn’t shave in the morning like I often do.

Gym

Did another home resistance workout - so glad we have free weights! I couldn’t do the Insanity Workout or Yoga Meltdown because I would have had to put a lot of pressure on the leg that’s bothering me. The resistance worked me well though, but I’m thinking I might actually try some of this craziness at some point :¬) Seriously, please click the link and watch the video. You won’t believe some of the stuff the guy is doing.

Doodle a day

During my lunch I started doodling but then got interrupted by a phone call from a recruiter. By the time I finished on the phone I had also finished my lunch and completely lost the flow of the doodle I was doodling. I thought maybe I’d come back to it but decided to leave it where I left it. I know, those last two sentences were very poetic.

Here’s hoping my leg feels good enough to go and row tomorrow, on day 24.

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