I am referring to our inherited strangled and tangled mess of borders that are around the house.  They were in the sort of shape where you walk into the house and a small part of you cringes at the sight of them.   They got ripped out with the John D.  Enough was enough.  We had the best of intentions, thinking a little shoveling wouldn’t hurt us…….  ….and yet it nearly did. 

80+ degree sunny weather in Wisconsin feels very pleasant when sitting rocking on a porch nursing cocktails but is as hot as a b’stard when trying to eliminate years of day lilies that have spread and locked down on the exhausted soil around the house.

One doesn’t feel too jolly either when confronted with the skin of a snake that is partially inserted up into the side of the house.  Our hopes of not running across a live snake were dashed when we disturbed the first one who came out of said hole in side of house.  We were then eye to eye so to speak when clearing out weeds from under a shrub. 

We decided that sunburned arms length was probably a better approach.  The dear Deere did most of the work.  I might add that after wiping my sweaty brow for the umpteenth time, my “I don’t want shit heaps around the farm” was diminished.  “Oh dump that stuff where we can’t see it…..no doubt the lilies will take hold and survive”. 

The house faces north so the front borders are now filled with part shade to shade loving plants such as astilbe, coral bells, hostas etc.  The dirt needs a lot of TLC.  Its dried out and sandy at either end where the sun hits morning and afternoon.  We added cow manure and topsoil but it will take years to make it better.  Either end of the border has been planted with more sun loving plants which include native prairie flowers. 

At the nursery I chose those plants that had the most bees hanging off them.   I wanted the overall look to be one of organized chaos with daisies fighting with native lupines to get their fair share of the sun.  Here is a list of our sun choices:

 We rescued an apple tree that we had up on the roof deck at home and decided to set him free on the farm.  He is now planted out in the field.  I didn’t want to put him in the orchard as he’s significantly older and larger than the babies I currently have planted.  No need to intimidate them.  We invested in a lollipop crab apple to grace our side border garden and help with pollination of our other apples. 

We unfortunately haven’t seen our baby wild turkeys on this visit.  We saw Mum with eight babies and Dad with three teenagers pecking around the perimeter of the orchard last time we were here. But alas…sniff sniff….no sign of them. 

This alone has made me think we need a pond of some sort.  I know my little rain bucket at home has quite a line up of wildlife when it gets hot and I’m wondering if the turkeys have wandered off to find water.  We need a pond! Get the JD ready!

Shane and Travis

Two cowboys, two brothers, two gates and two new pieces of equipment. 

With names like Shane (husband) and Travis (brother-in-law) they really should be out there on horseback riding fences but this weekend they were building one.  Before you could say “my chaps are chafin’” Urban Dirt Farm had a new fence and its fabulous.  Its the fence of all fences, the gates of all gates.  I dare you to bring your Longhorns over for a chew test.

Heavy Duty Farm Gates

The boys really bust their asses getting the fence in place and their hard work  paid off and they won’t mind me mentioning that they were both walking like John Wayne by the time they were done.  Talk about making a huge impact.  Spurred on by beer the boys hung up our newly painted sign announcing to the neighbors that Yee Haw, Urban Dirt Farm is here….and we are farming…..well, we aren’t farming nowt right now but heck….we will we will!

Travis and the Tractor

Travis hung up his spurs and took over the tractor and lassoed Shane and I in for a lesson on how not to kill yourself, how to use the tractor and what to do if you are a no good varmint and roll the tractor over.  No flailing of the arms like you are bull-ridin’, just hunker down and pray for mercy. 

The grass had grown pretty high and this cowgirl did her best by moseying around on the ride-on mower but eventually I got demoted to chuck wagon duties while the boys finished up the fence.  Then they got to work on the grass cutting and snake rustlin’ and between them its under control. 

Da Barn

As for the barn, well its had a bit of a makeover. It was looking a little bit “Desperado”(much like my lame cowboy references).   The gaping hole in the roof needed to be fixed as soon as possible to avoid tearing the whole thing down and starting over.  I’d drawn out my little artists rendition and shared it to the fabulous Vito.  He replaced the old shingle with more tin, fixed the hole, painted and preened and added new custom doors and voila…..its magnificent!

Da Bling Barn

Home, home on the range, where the deer and the Dekey dog play….well seldom is heard a really bad swear word and a six pack of beers lasts a day. Yeah….not entirely true on the UDF.

The United Nations of Apples

or maybe a small elitist group that breaks away from the United Nations thinking they are better than anyone else.  

The following countries are represented in our new Urban Dirt Farm orchard; Holland, Russia, England, USA, Germany, Canada and Ireland with the oldest at 1700 and the youngest at 1920.  We are bloody exhausted.  Twelve apple trees, eighteen blackberries, twenty asparagus and two rhubarb plants later, we are dirty, tired and feeling like we accomplished something. 

I’ve mapped out my orchard plot so that I don’t forget what I have when the labels peel off and bleach out with the sun.  The only thing remaining was the three rambling yellow roses (Scent from Above) and I had to put them in a temporary spot as we just ran out of time. 

This is the first batch of apple tree plantings.  They came expertly packed as always from Trees of Antiquity with the tree kits and lots of helpful advice.  We intend to order again this year and get another dozen in the ground. 

So here is the list:

While we were visiting we saw wild turkey with Deke in hot pursuit in a kind of limpy legged old man way.  Deke almost ate the Easter Bunny too but the high pitched squealing alerted us to the bloody murder going on outside the kitchen door.  No loss of life, partly because Deke at one time was a bird dog so he has that “soft mouth” though I’m sure they didn’t enjoy playtime with him. 

Michaela - Goddess of Camp Fires

We got the gravel man in for a quote on the driveway.  The tree man came to give us a quote on ridding ourselves of the ugly stumps littered all over the front yard and the “safe” removal of two trees that are leaning toward the house. 

Kid up a Tree

We had time to put our cute little farm knobs on our kitchen cabinets, take photographs of children climbing trees, riding dirt bikes and shooting skeet.

Cool Shit on a Stick

I made a fabulous camp fire ( I am very capable with stickage) and we made time to sit around it and have fun.  We made time to walk around the property and see things such as cool shit growing on a stick.  However, it appears that my new life sentence is the following formula: Michaela + Dyson Vac + Japanese “bastard” beetles = Michaela (pissed off) + Dyson Vac + Aching arm + only a few less Japanese “bastard” beetles.  The beetles are winning.

Beautiful Books

For those of you who call yourself true Seedlings……a child of the earth, who cares about animals and flowers and helps parents in the garden then there are certain books that if you have not read them yet……then you MUST.  YOU MUST! 

Grown-ups love the “Best Lists”…they cannot help themselves.  The 10 best cars for teenagers!  The top 20 schools for journalism!  The top 100 best movies of all time!  The lists go on and on and on.  And for what purpose you might ask? 

Two reasons….1) they like to be organized which is why they shout at you for the state of your bedroom.  2) They also like to chat with the people at work….they can say they’ve seen, been, watched the top whatever of whatever list they read in the newspaper and then they will pretend to be hip and trendy and all that (using really old fashions words) that you’ve never heard of.   

Blah blah blah.  

If you are reading this post then you are a Seedling that loves Mother Nature.  And if you love Mother Nature, then you have a heart so big and so mighty that no one can ever keep you down. Best Lists are just other peoples opinions and you are very capable of forming your own.  What follows isn’t necessarily a best list, and its definitely my humble opinion but you and I have a lot in common and I’ll think you like them!

If you‘ve got guts and gumption and can pick up worms without being grossed out then “Uncle Montague’s Tales of Terror” by Chris Priestley is for you.  Chapter 6 – Winter Pruning…..that is scary stuff.  You will have nightmares for weeks and weeks when you read that one!  Never ever mess with an old lady…..always be nice to old ladies. 

If you are a girl and you have a fabulous Grandpa or Grandma then “The Evolution of Calpurnia Tate” by Jacqueline Kelly is the book for you.  Grab that wrinkly old hand and get to know your grandparents.  They are so much more interesting than your parents…..trust me, and you too could discover your own vicia tateii. 

There are a host of obvious Seedling books which I am sure you have on your bookshelf such as ….”The Secret Garden”, “The Wind in the Willows”, “Charlottes Web” (ok, not quite gardening but it involves farm animals).  But I want you to focus on those books that are perhaps a little less obvious.  Such as “The Truffle Hunter” written by perhaps the best illustrator of all time Inga Moore.  Martine the Pig meets Raoul the Wild Boar and he shows her how to find truffles.   Thats a great picture book if you are a little teeny tiny Seedling.   

Another good one is “Tom’s Midnight Garden” by Phillipa Pearce.  Its a bit old fashioned but you’ll enjoy what happens when the clock strikes 13!  Then there is “Stig of the Dump” by Clive King and thats about a boy who finds a caveman living at the bottom of his grandparents garden in an ancient chalk pit.  ”Skellig” by David Almond is about a boy who finds a weird being, half man half bird living in an old garage at the bottom of the garden.  Its beautiful. 

Perhaps one of my favorites of all time is “Danny, Champion of the World” by Roald Dahl.  oh its such a cozy book.  Its not a book about gardening but it is about…..nope cannot tell you, you’ll just have to read it! 

But here is a book for those friends you have who think gardening is lame and nature sucks.  They laze around indoors playing on their game boys and such and don’t care much about anything.  For those friends, hand them “The Phantom Tollbooth” by Norton Juster.  Milo is just such a boy, he thinks everything is pointless……but he soon learns, along with his friend Tock, that nothing should ever, ever be taken for granted.

Its a Bloody Big Sign

and what a wonderful sign it is.  Painted on an old door we found behind the garage at the farm house we had a fabulous local artist paint it with our new Urban Dirt Farm logo that Michele designed for us (see Excellent Designer link).  We lack the talent to do these things.  It will reside at the entrance of the farm on a fence that is yet to be built. 

The UPS guy should be able to find us!  No doubt our “real” farming neighbors will find this amusing and think that the new city folk are a bit nuts…..and they would be right but who gives a shit.  Especially as we are not yet in the business of farming anything and it appears that a huge big farm sign was a higher priority than a fence and gate…..or a tractor….or even a lawn mower. 

Not a real Bambie

But all that will change this weekend……we hope.  We’ve heard that Princeton, WI is getting snow right now.  Bah snow shmow…that won’t stop us.  If we’d wanted a place with a longer growing season then we shouldn’t have picked Wisconsin BUT, at least we can visit on weekends rather than hop a plane! 

How else can we U-Haul up the beds, rugs, ottomans, books, movies, things that have lurked in the basement un-used, booze and a papier-mache deer head.  I figure all farm houses have one of those.  

The purchasing of random objects is one method by which residents of colder climates amuse themselves until we and our bank accounts are saved by the nice weather.   And speaking of spending money, here is a rather nice photo of fabulous Dekey Dog who is now on arthritis medication and seems to have a new lease on life!  Definitely money well spent. 

I'm so handsome

I even got a sun burn watching Lucy play soccer.  And then this morning…….oh yes, it bloody well snowed again and here I be, on the airplane, 45 minutes delayed trying to set off to work this morning.

The weather is fickle but at least the lawn feed we put down yesterday will be nicely soaked into the ground. 

I have a dozen apple trees, 3 yellow rambling roses, asparagus, rhubarb, and 6 blackberry bushes in the basement waiting to be planted up at the farm.  And this weekend that is what we will be doing.  Digging holes and planting stuff.  I shall be sure to take photo’s for your viewing pleasure. 

And in the meantime I shall leave you with my latest acquisition.  No its not gardening related, you can barely fit a bag of bulbs in it and I doubt it will be useful around the farm but its just so cute I had to share it with you.

Buried deep

covered in snow, the coldframes heaving with the latest snow fall.  I’d brushed them off yesterday and figured I’d better finish the job before the temperatures plunged into the single digits.

A brush prevents someone clutsy like me from breaking the glass which, by the way, was covered in these intricate Jack Frost designs but I couldn’t get a great picture of them.  The light was not cooperating.  My illegal potatoes are in these cold frames but I think that I shall be suitably punished by them not holding up in the cold.  Only time will tell. 

The rest of the yard looks equally disinterested in me being in it.  I shook some of the snow off my evergreens and filled the bird feeder but there is not much to do other than order new stuff for the spring.  I have a huge list of apple trees that I will be ordering for a new orchard up at the farm.  I also have found a supplier of hawthorn (thanks John) who has ample stock and can keep us occupied in the spring with hedgerow planting. 

Brushing the knee deep snow off my jeans I couldn’t help but see the sign below and read instead “Don’t let the garden gate hit you on the ass on the way out”.

Don't let the garden gate...............

Chicago's first snow fall

Comfort food is a necessary ingredient in life to prevent you from going mad.  And we don’t have to kill ourselves to stay skinny, for skinny people are miserable bitches and those of us with a little plumptiousness are jolly and fun to be around.  My favorite of all comfort foods is the shepherds pie and for a couple of reasons.  First of all its delicious and second its so easy to prepare. You will need: – 1.5 lbs of ground lamb, four manly looking carrots, fresh parsley, 4 baking potatoes, 1 leek, 1 onion, 1 small can of tomato paste, cinnamon, salt, pepper, butter and some cheese of your choice (I used a Wisconsin cheddar). 

Yum Yum Pigs Bum

Throw some olive oil in a deep sided frying pan and brown your lamb enough to remove the pinky-ness.  Add the finely chopped onion along with the finely chopped carrots.  When the vegetables have softened some, add the tomato paste, 1 teaspoon of cinnamon, 2 tablespoons of chopped parsley and then salt and pepper to taste. 

While that’s simmering away nicely (note that you will need to add a little water) peel your spuds and get those boiling.  Once soft, mash your potatoes with a little butter and some salt and pepper to taste.  Don’t make them really creamy by adding cream or milk or goat cheese as they will just sink into your meat mixture and it’ll look ick. 

The shepherds pie lunar landscape

In an oven proof dish, add the meat mixture and then top it off with your mashed potatoes.  I sprinkle slices of leek on top of the potato and then grate my favorite cheese on top.  In the oven on 350 for 30 – 45 minutes.  Its almost too obvious to comment but I must do so.  While cooking of course you should be enjoying your favorite tipple as that will keep the cold at bay until you can stuff yourself with hot shepherds pie.

I need this!

why oh why didn’t I think of this earlier.  What a numb nut.  I was pondering this fencing issue and the cost and the blah blah while sipping gin in my hotel room (stranded in New Orleans due to bad weather….such a shame) when out of the blue ether that is Tanqueray a light bulb went off.

Dumb ass needs a living and breathing fence.  A place of sanctuary for small woodland creatures and birds of a feather that wish to flock together.  This living fence needs to be sturdy enough to stop wild horses and beasties from charging through it. What fencing is this you ask? 

The hedgerow.  That it what we need on the farm.  A veritable display of English looking hedgerows that are practical and fabulous.  English hedgerows consist of hawthorn and blackthorns and you can even weave in some other shit to make it even prettier.  I like their smell.  They remind me of my old primary school in England.  The playing field was surrounded by these hedgerows.  Some hedgerows are protected!  Farmers are not allowed to remove them. 

Pretty Pretty!

Also (and this is very important) they make exceptional witches brooms and fairies live in em.  Seriously.  I haven’t even covered the medicinal benefits.  And if I decide to commemorate May Day then I’ll need a good source of hawthorn on the property to make me a May pole. 

But I ask you.  Where do I find English hawthorn in the US?  Any ideas?  I’ve surfed the Internet and have gotten zero results.  I’ve reached out to a local garden center ….not even a snifter of response.  Am I asking too much?  Were the Beatles enough?  No more English invaders in the US please!  Am I committing treason asking for this?

You can understand the criticality of my dilemma.  Its imperative that I find these hawthorns and have them at the farm.  Please help an old witch who needs a new broom.  Fetch me a shrubbery!

Orange Sun

Orange is the color of Thanksgiving and this year was no exception.  With gin and tonic in hand (well that was me), we took a walk to the top of the hill to see the sunset.  It was COLD!  Winter is here.  We wore our hunting orange so that we didn’t get our heads blown off during deer season which is always a good idea……..wearing orange that is….not the heads blown off part. 

Now its bizarre that we talk about orange when this post features my red headed step child (yes, its true) called Lucy, because informally she is known as “RED”.  She has the prettiest red hair I have ever seen.  I am biased I know but seriously Red has the most thick beautiful red hair. 

The Red Devil

Here is” RED” getting ready to bust a move on her dirt bike at the farm.  It was sooooo cold but she’s got gumption and gloves so she made it out there despite the weather.  She has always loved watching American Chopper with her Dad since a tiny tot so its no surprise this girl kicks ass on the dirt bike. 

The Red Devil

There are no more outside gardening chores at the farm.  The ground is rock solid frozen and its too cold to get out there other than to take photos of step daughters riding dirt bikes, try to make a bonfire…failure…and drink lots of alcohol ( not a problem). 

Red and Deke

However before I got falling down drunk I did manage to snap this photograph of Lucy and Deke.  Believe it or not they are the same age give or take a few months.  And ain’t they the cutest thing you ever did see?  Happy Thanksgiving!