urban_gypsy

Building MOMENTUM: How Two Suburban Soccer Moms Founded the Go-ToSex Conference

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 16:11:00 +0000

Yes, to our eternal surprise, my business partner, Dee, and I went from working in typical mundane business jobs and being over-protective moms (I wasn’t a soccer mom, but extend that to ice-skating and gymnastics and I fit right in) to founding a conference, MOMENTUM, that this year features, among other sexuality luminaries, Dr. Joycelyn freaking Elders, former Surgeon General of the US of A, is one third of a stellar closing plenary. The other two thirds are no less brilliant lights in their fields, journalist Lara Riscol and therapist and best selling author Esther Perel.

How did we get here? Blogging. That’s who we blame. As sex bloggers, in late 2008 we decided to do a 2009 calendar. And out of the chaotic and crazy last minute whirlwind, the NYC SexBlogger Calendar was born. We loved the sense of community it fostered and we donated the profits to Audacia Ray’s Sex Work Awareness project, now the Red Umbrella Project. We did a calendar up until 2011 and then decided to take on a more, ahem, much more ambitious project. This conference. We still shake our heads and pinch ourselves hard - okay maybe that’s just me and yeah, I like that - when we look at what an amazing space we’ve created.

It started innocently enough - isn’t that always the way? With equal parts naivety, passion and commitment, we forged ahead hoping that the kind of conference we wanted to go to, one where there was intelligent talk about all areas of sexuality, would resonate with others. If not, we figured at least our friends would show up. And they did and so did 250 other people! At our 2011 conference we found ourselves blessed with an opening keynote featuring author and Fox News sex columnist Jenny Block, sex educator Reid Mihalko, the legendary (and lovely) Dr.Carol Queen, feminist pornographer Tristan Taormino and UNLV professor Dr. Lynn Comella. We were utterly blown away when Susie freaking Bright contacted us and sat on our closing plenary along with Tristan.

Not only that but our presenters list was a veritable who’s who in the world of sexuality, the heavy hitters. At the same time, we feel that having letters after your name isn’t the only qualifier for someone to be able to convey great sexual information. And so we include writers, bloggers, educators and kink enthusiasts in our roster.

As much believers in feminism as we are in pleasure-centric sexuality, we wanted to develop a conference where sex workers are welcome and pornography can be discussed intelligently. And from commentary we’ve seen around the web as well as from comments made to us personally, we’re thrilled to say we’ve succeeded in that too. This comment, by Mistress Kalliope, actually made me cry, “I hear that this is one of the best conferences around. Dr. Carol Queen will be a key note speaker. The rest of their panelists and teachers look to be some very heavy hitters in the industry...From what I understand it's a very informative and rather emotionally moving time. I think it will feel really good to stand with other providers and practitioners in solidarity and educational opportunities. Just think - one day being an Adult Erotic Service Provider (AESPs) will have it's own booth at Career Fairs.”

So what can you expect if you choose to attend this year’s MOMENTUM? Well, in between viewing the cherry blossoms that will be blooming in DC, there are sessions on sex and spirituality, body image and sex online, using pleasure to help build strong relationships, monogamy and infidelity, sex and disability, senior sex, sex and the media, staying true to yourself, sex work and social justice, sex and cybercrime, consent, sexual abuse, pornography and so much more. With 40 sessions in addition to our opening and closing panels and entertainment in between, MOMENTUM 2012 promises to be a weekend filled with education and fun, seeing old friends and meeting new ones, bonding, fostering a sense of community, and gaining a sense of invigoration to see you through the coming months.

MOMENTUM really is unlike any other con you've been to. As if all that isn't enough, our opening plenary is preceded by a build your own ice cream sundae bar, because, like most moms, we like to feed people. Before we start to talk seriously about sex, we break the ice, and set the tone of the weekend to come, with the most amazing comic and sex educator you're likely to meet, the fabulous Maria Falzone. You'll eat sweet frozen dairy covered in hot fudge and whipped cream and a cherry on top, you'll laugh your ass off and you'll learn all about current issues in sexuality.

It still amazes me what two harried moms can create when they work with a “build it and they will come” philosophy combined with passion and determination (and endless bugging of friends and associates). We dared to dream and we dared to build it and they came, and we hope after reading this, you’ll come too.

Courage

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 18:38:00 +0000

I'm not sure anyone who used to come here does so anymore. And seeing I haven't written in a long, long time that is not surprising. The truth is I when I started this blog I had no idea anyone would ever read it. And that feeling was freeing. But so were the comments, the feedback, that I got from those who came to read the craziness that swirls around in the darkest recesses of my mind. I found I loved touching nerves, writing what made me uncomfortable and what made readers squirm both with heat and arousal and with an intense feeling of unease at why they were so turned on.

Why I haven't written, the internal struggle that has taken place all in my head during that time of silence, is complicated. Vulnerability, fear, an unwillingness to keep exploring the side of me that brought me so much joy, a part of me that I've closed off and refused to even fantasize about, except in brief phone calls from the Southern Hemisphere, are why I've gone away. I'm not sure I'm back and if I am back it won't be here. It feels time for a fresh start a new place, even though I'll probably keep the Urban Gypsy identity, after all she is me and I've never been one who thinks the past goes away if you throw out the old photos or take down the old blog, as the case may be. I am who I am because of the my past. I don't believe in revisionist history and while I may hate myself for being a vulnerable dumb ass, I am not ashamed of any of it.

I credit Remittance Girl, who I've shared so much with, so much more than I was ever aware of, for giving me back my courage, because there was no way I could allow her to leave without telling her how I felt about her and well, you know, at our age, crying in public just fucks with the carefully applied make up and bad ass image we've strived so hard to cultivate.

Although I used to be friendly with almost anyone, though I never suffered fools gladly, as I get older I crave less and less friends but I want to make sure those people I truly love and connect with on some inexplicable level are always a part of my life. And of those, there are precious few. And so I'll leave Las Vegas with plans to visit a certain Southeast Asian country, plans that I will not be deterred from no matter the many difficulties I'm sure such a trip will entail. And I'll see her world and expand my own and take those final steps along the path of healing my heart. I believe, like the Lion, I've found my courage, in a city very much akin to Oz.

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Beautiful

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Sat, 10 Sep 2011 23:18:00 +0000

I want to tell her how beautiful I think she is. But I'm afraid she'd misread my intent or make light of it. And the word - beautiful - while it's the first thing that comes to my mind, it isn't quite it, not quite enough, not at all. On the surface, yes, she is beautiful to me. Milky skin I'd like to touch to confirm my suspicions of its smooth, buttery warmth combined with glorious, shiny dark hair and intent eyes. I see it and I take it in and appreciate it, but it isn't what I mean by beautiful.

Maybe I kid myself when I think I see a part of her so far beneath the surface that no one else here sees it. I'm sure, in a sort of narcissistic fervor, I do fool myself, it's surely happened before and the results have left wounds so deep that I'm terrified of the person I used to be, the one that let people in, that revealed herself without fear of consequences. That's changed. I'm not that girl any longer. Maybe it's for the best, but even if not, it...just...is.

She said something, described an experience that touched me and that I completely understood, and it's here, haunting me now. I want to sleep with her. Not like that. No. It's not sexual, though I certainly find her attractive. It's the idea of lying next to a body, absorbing the heat of someone who is in many ways my mirror image, someone who gets me in a way no one else can and in the way I see her reflected back and then see myself again, a mirror reflecting a mirror. That's her beauty to me; she's my sister in depraved longings, my co-conspirator in the creation, in the achieving of an almost physical, insanely fucking tangible, manifestation of a ghost. Two older, should be wiser women, who have such similar desires and who succumbed to the same and in doing so made something way too real out of an illusion.

Of course, I think she's beautiful, again the narcissist emerges. If I don't see her that way, love her that way, how can I ever love myself.

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Scarleteen Blog Carnival - Talking to My Daughter

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Fri, 15 Oct 2010 12:55:00 +0000

If I earned a dollar each time I’ve heard the statement, “I’m surprised you’re so strict,” in relation to my parenting, I’d be basking on a beach in Tahiti now rather than on a Metro North train whisking me off to do a sex ed consult on the Lower East Side. I’d probably be doing sex ed consults in Tahiti; you can take me out of NY but you can’t kill my desire to help people learn more about their sexuality. But back on point, I can always hear the implied, “you with your pierced nose, tattoo, open marriage and non-stop sex talk.”

The funny thing is, my friends may have been surprised but my daughter was not. When her thirteen-year-old best friend got her belly button pierced, there was, of course there was, some whining.

“But why can’t I,” she implored. “I don’t see what the big deal is.”

In parenting style reminiscent of the worst of my own parents, I snapped, “You can’t because I SAID SO.”

To her credit, she stopped whining but it made me question myself and the answer was that she deserved a real answer. First, I needed to understand just why it was something I deemed inappropriate at her age and the old “it’ll get infected” wasn’t cutting it. Spending the evening examining the issue allowed me to come back to her the next day with a more well thought out answer, delivered in much less of a shriek.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you yesterday and I think you deserve a better answer to why I don’t want you to pierce your belly button yet,” I began. “The thing is when you pierce your belly button, you sexualize your body, whether or not that is your intention. It’s sort of like having an arrow painted on your belly that leads to your crotch. And it invites a sexual attention that at thirteen you’re not ready to handle.”

She didn’t say much, just nodded her head, taking it all in, and I imagine trying to form defenses in her mind, and finding none, she was content to let it go. She’s nearly sixteen now and it seems to have lost the allure it once had since she hasn’t brought it up again.

This discussion, and most of our subsequent ones, took place in the car. It’s the perfect place to get your child’s nearly undivided (cell phones and radios just won’t go away) attention and hold them captive for a short (or long) time. And on one of those long drives, returning from Pennsylvania, we had a talk about relationships. The mom of the pierce-bellied friend had heard her daughter mention open marriage and was freaking out as to where her angel could have heard such a term. Knowing Jenny Block’s Open and Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up reside in my bedroom, I had a good idea where that might have come from.

Personally, I don’t think a fourteen year old needs to know her mom and dad sleep with other people, but I don’t think it’s harmful, in fact I think it’s beneficial for her to know that there are other types of relationships and as long as the parties involved are happy, it’s no one else’s business what the terms of their relationship are. In a nutshell, I told her that her dad and I don’t have the same relationship many married couples have, but that we love each other and while we aren’t always happy with the way our marriage is, we are committed to each other and to her and work hard to make it better. Again, she’s an accepting kind of child when things are explained to her in a non-condescending way. And she hasn’t ever brought it up again.

Time passes, I wait for teaching moments, and after she had been dating her boyfriend for about six months, I knew the time for the talk had come. Now, at fifteen, with a steady boyfriend, and one who buys her pricey jewelry at that, the question wasn’t will they have sex but when will they have sex.

After a few months of her dating him, I had told her I didn’t think she was ready for sex but that also didn’t sit very well with me. A talk with a very wise woman, a sex therapist herself, clarified where I had gone wrong.

“You made a judgment call by telling her you don’t think she’s ready,” she said. “So if she wanted to do it, it’s already more difficult for her to talk to you knowing you don’t think she’s ready. And really, how would you know if she’s ready or not? She’s the only person who can make that call.”

Sigh. Contrite once again, I approached her. “Awhile ago, I told you I didn’t think you were ready for sex, and I realize that I was wrong. You’re the only person who should decide that. I don’t know if you’ve had sex or not, if you ever want to talk to me about it, I’m here to listen, but I do know that if you haven’t yet, you will soon, and my concern is about how you want to protect yourself.”

“Well,” she said, “Tina is on the pill and it really cleared up her skin, so I think I’d like to do that.”

“Okay, I’ll make you an appointment with the doctor as long as you promise that even on the pill you will use condoms. I always have condoms in my nightstand and you can just take them anytime if needed.”

And so, my little girl is on the pill. And I’m proud of her for taking responsibility for herself, for attempting to prevent an unwanted pregnancy and for (hopefully) practicing safer sex.

I may be a strict parent in some senses, but I am a realistic parent. I know all the wishing and denying in the world isn't going to kill the budding sexuality of a teenager and I'd rather deal with it openly and honestly. The things I've heard other parents say make my head hurt. "My daughter is afraid of me," intones one delusional father,"so I know she won't do that," springs immediately to mind. Just seeing my daughter roll her eyes and snicker when I ask if she thinks that is actually preventing this girl from engaging in sexual exploration is enough for me. I know I've got it right. Arming our children with knowledge is the best way, the only way, to help them make good choices and better decisions.

Please help Scarleteen continue to provide comprehensive, inclusive and original sex education for millions of young adults each year. Donate to Scarleteen here.

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Bringing Sex Out of the Closet at BlogHer

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 14:35:00 +0000

I am so thrilled to be on this panel at BlogHer. And not just because I somehow got comped a bunch of free clothes from Gap, which was a lovely treat, more on that later (with photos), but first, because I believe in the importance of openly discussing sexuality and this happens to be the only sexuality panel at BlogHer and next, because I can't wait to see Twanna again, and meet AV Flox, who I've admired from afar forever, as well as all the other fabulous panelists.

Here's the description of the panel and panelists:

Bringing Sex Out of the Closet

Did you take sex ed in high school? Did your parents give you "the talk" when you were a kid? You're an adult now, and it's time to take matters into your own hands. (Sometimes literally!) Being a better businesswoman, partner and mother is easier when you have an emotionally healthy sex life. This session discusses how to engage the Internet to its fullest potential to meet your sexual needs.

Join moderator Twanna Hines, who blogs at FunkyBrownChick.com; AV Flox, who writes at Sex and the 405; Genia Stevens, who produces Sister Talk Radio; Mominatrix sex advice columnist, Kristen Chase; and BDSM blogger Tess Danesi, who blogs at Urban Gypsy, for a rousing and frank discussion about sex for smart women who want to improve their lives. Takeaways include but are not limited to:

How can I safely and/or anonymously experiment with my sexual identity online?
Where are the best Web resources for sexual health information?
Can the Internet save my relationship?

If you're going to be at BlogHer don't miss this panel. It's runs from 2:45 to 4:00 on Friday afternoon.

Now, back to the Gap and those photos.

Before:

That's how I looked before, minus the deranged look (I hope) and Cody; tempted as I was to take him, I left him home. It's my usual subtle statement. Nothing in your face about me, oh no.

And now, after Gap and Tami, personal shopper extraordinaire, worked their magic.

Grey trousers, a three quarter sleeve dolman tee in new vineyard with a lace trimmed white cami underneath, a fun studded belt and a grey blazer. I guess this is a tad more subtle than my usual outfit. Maybe I can be subtle and sexy at the same time. Maybe, I'm not totally convinced but I will say, these pants are beyond comfortable. And in ankle length, with 4 inch heels, they're perfect. Shut up.

Next look, which is remarkably similar to the first and even more so since I forgot to swap the blazer for the sweater and my the time I realized it I was already undressed.

Note to all you non-believers: Jeans! Long and lean jeans. Oh, the irony. Yes, the tees are the same color, but what can I say, I love this color, this one is V neck and short sleeved, good for me since I'm always so hot, and it goes with the sweater I forgot to put on. It's all in the details. Different studded belt. The universe is mocking me by giving me studs on my belts rather than in my bed. Come on, universe, I'll play nice if you pony up a hot stud or two. And a silver bag, perfect to carry Cody in. Why can't dogs come to BlogHer? I'm already having anxiety attacks about leaving him with my teenager, who reallyreallyreally wanted a dog and was going to do everything for him (apparently as long as it's past her early AM wake up time of noon and none of her friends have plans and her boyfriend isn't around). Warning to those of you with even the most responsible of teenager - do not get them a dog unless you want a dog.

Oh and that grey and purple striped sweater I mentioned.

Back to being all subtle again. Hopefully this won't fuck up all Gap's years of carefully defining their brand but it's gonna take more than one trip to the Gap to change this girl.

Thank you Gap for the experience. And thank you Tami, you were so amazing and so much fun to work with; now go out and make your own website, you need to be a personal shopper!

Tess Goes Wild

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 13:20:00 +0000

Tess wishes she went wild in a different manner but, alas, the wild of the McCarthy Wildlife Sanctuary will have to do for today.

After we parked and walked in, our guide led us to a bridge overlooking a pond. A pond out of which came swimming an alligator. Eek. Not a huge one, but big enough to take a good sized bite out of you. Our guide left us, gee thanks, on a bridge over said pond and returned moments later with a couple of dead chicks which she fed to said alligator. Then she explained that Wally comes out when he hears visitors because he knows he'll get fed some fresh young chicks. As we waited in a convenient tiki hut, out of the sudden deluge, for our tour to begin, I took no chances and perched on a high stool with my feet on an adjacent stool.

First, I have to thank our amazing guide, Aneth, who told the story of how each animal came to be at the sanctuary. Plainly speaking, people are morons (my words, not hers) and somehow think they're capable of raising and caring for lemurs, kinkajous, lions, servals and tigers with no experience or training. Their loss, often preceded by the animal attacking its dumb ass owner, is McCarthy's gain and this sanctuary takes their role of caretaker to these amazingly beautiful animals seriously. The grounds are lush and tropical, the enclosures are pristine, and the animals clearly attached to Aneth.

If you're in South Florida, this is a must see. By appointment only, as personal tours are required to insure that the animals aren't taunted or otherwise harassed. And you know, you really don't want to piss off these big cats. You really don't.

Beautiful Birds

Tortoise, a really heavy tortoise, 30 pounds worth of amazing creature.

And now, the big cats...

The lion was horny, the tiger was disinterested. But I may go back just to get his roar on tape for my new site, MyLipsYourEars.com. It was absolutely magnificent, filled with lust, desire and pure animal need and actually made me horny.

Typical cats, totally apathetic to our presence. Denial, thy name is cat.

Aneth strokes the tigers but warns us that they knows her scent and wouldn't be quite so accepting of ours.

This is Crash. He's 6 months old and I would have died to pet him maybe 4 months ago. He was so playful, splashing in all the puddles left by the deluge and trying to entice Aneth to play with him. What a stunning animal, however, I'll be happy with my maltapeekapoo.

And last, though first on the tour, my daughter's favorites - the lemurs.

This is a lovely little lemur. We got to feed him grapes. They love grapes.

This is a kinkajou.

According to Aneth, they make good pets, still sticking with the meekapoo though. Never buy yourself a lemur. Never be an asshole and buy yourself a pet you're incapable of caring for. And if you've done so, give McCarthy a call and make a large donation. Make a donation if you love animals, can you imagine the cost of feeding all those big cats and doing it because you're passionate about them. They're doing wonderful work here at McCarthy's. Truly wonderful. End of public service announcement.

Pack of Lies

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 14:01:00 +0000

Drama ensues. Get excited. But not too excited. It's not my drama. I'm not about to confess anything. Well, okay, that's a lie. But it's not about any lies or drama on my part; this Pack of Lies is a werewolf story by the very talented Vanessa Vaughn.

First confession, I never watched Buffy. No Twilight. None of that. In fact, when I think of supernatural creatures that get my blood boiling, I'm more likely to go for the vampires of old. Frozen in time, I think back to Frank Langella and Raul Julia as Dracula. Even, and now I totally date myself, Dark Shadows. But here I am enjoying Pack of Lies a whole lot.

Vanessa's werewolves have, as can be imagined, ferocious sexual appetites. They like it hard and feral and frantic and all that passion turns me on immensely. Oh, and we have a bi-sexual pack leader keeping his same sex desires on the down low. Yeah, baby. Drama and werewolf gay sex. And beautifully written werewolf sex at that.

Here's a synopsis of the story because I'm not giving more away.

When Jack is attacked by a powerful werewolf one moonlit night, his world is forever changed.

Marcus is that wolf, the strong leader of his pack, who never imagined a mere mortal could ever escape him, much less ever become one of his kind. And yet, as time passes, he can't deny the handsome human is slowly beginning to change.

No longer Pack Of Lies.jpegthe civilized architect he used to be, Jack feels a new power coalescing inside of him. He barely even recognizes himself as he becomes more sexual, more impulsive, more wild in every way.

But as the bite transforms him, it also binds he and his attacker together forever. The two share a powerful unbreakable link, no matter how forcefully they may each try to deny it.

Marcus is already hiding secrets from the other wolves, and his position as Alpha is threatened. Could Jack be the new ally Marcus needs to set things right, or will their desire for one another draw them away from all they know and alter the course of their lives forever?

And here's an excerpt:

The moon.

That soft sensual glow is always with me. Even when I can’t see the night sky, I feel its dark caress.

As the moon’s phases change, it breathes a coy suggestive whisper in my ear. It presses close, and I feel its fingers brush my skin. That light sparks something inside of me. Something primal. It starts a fever somewhere deep and spreads like slow-burning fire through my limbs.

I can always sense the Change starting. The full moon’s strong hand curls around my throat. I feel its grip tighten like a man’s thick fingers on my neck. When that grip makes me suddenly lightheaded, my pulse quickens, and I sink quietly to my knees. I know I have to give myself over, and I know how impossible it is to resist.

Some humans dream about submission. They crave it, complete with soft tortures and the smooth caress of expensive leather. They want to be bound and made to feel wonderfully, blissfully helpless. They enjoy feeling compelled to give in.

Humans like to play with their toys.

But what do they know about pleasure and pain so naturally intertwined?

When the animal in me takes over, I feel sensations more intense than any whip could offer. My teeth descend to sharp lethal points against my tongue, and I feel the lovely, horrifying ache as bones lengthen and skin is stretched.

But that ache only makes me smile.

In that instant of agony, my instincts wash over me like a hard drug flooding my veins.

Desire takes over—the desire for sex and for the hunt—obscuring all logical thought, all worries,absolutely all guilt. I feel ecstasy as I flex my teeth and claws. I feel a need building urgently and unstoppably between my legs with an intensity that few experience.

So, you see, as the gut-wrenching agony of the Change grips me, so does the all-consuming pleasure.

Perhaps that is why we wolves prefer our hunts so vicious.

And our sex so rough.

Vaughn's story takes my darkest desires, adds the supernatural and delivers a mighty enjoyable read.

First, watch the trailer:

Then, get Pack of Lies.

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The $100 NYC Evening Tess and Diva Style

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 16:47:00 +0000

These could be yours. (Well, not really.)

So you need some more incentive to buy your days and pre-order the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar. Tough crowd. Knowing you'll have a year of hotness not quite enough, sending love to your favorite model almost gets you to pull out your credit card, shameless self promotion feels a little too shameful, supporting Woodhull Freedom Foundation....well, you get the idea.

Still, Diva and I want to offer you some extra incentive to spend $100 on 5 days. The lucky winner will get to spend an evening with us as your personal tour guides as we drag you around on our (patent pending) seedy NYC nightlife tour. Like boobs and sexy women who smell like cotton candy? We've got the perfect strip club for you and we'll buy you a lap dance or two. Like hot men dancing pretty much naked on bars? You know you do. We'll take you there and even hand you some singles. Like two for one drinks that make Diva fall off her heels, or just like watching Diva fall off her heels? We'll arrange it that. Wanna see my Nipplecharmed boobs up close and personal like? Check. Want to finally bite into those juicy, juicy dumplings we're always raving about? We'll be big sports and buy you all the dumplings you can eat. Oysters more your cuppa? If it's oyster night at Essex, you're on! Of course, it will be a combination of the above, we can go from naked women to naked men since we're all about sexual freedom and equality, after all.

You have until August 1st to buy your days. But they're going to go fast with all the crazy promotions our models are cooking up for you, so buy those days now. Put the code TOUR in the remarks area at checkout to qualify for this incentive!

Buy 5 Days for $100 by clicking Add to Cart! (If the units show up as more than one, change to one and refresh the cart and all will be perfect)
Remember to put TOUR in the remarks.

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NippleCharms - Because My Boobs Deserve Bling

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 17:42:00 +0000

Somehow, like I manage to find so many other things these days, I came upon NippleCharms.com on Twitter. Not that I've ever felt my boobs needed ornamentation, I think they're pretty spectacular as is, but you know, I'm a girl and a girlie girl at that and like a magpie, I'm attracted to bling. Give me the bling, baby. And NippleCharms graciously gave me bling.

However, it seemed my boobs needed and occasion to be adorned. Meeting Diva, Lola, Missy and Jon at XES, a wonderful, unpretentious gay bar in Chelsea, seemed to be about as perfect an event as I was likely to come across. The brutal summer in NYC, unless you're a fan of humidity so thick you feel as if you're breathing underwater, is highly conducive to halter dresses. And halter dresses are conducive to being braless, and being braless is perfect for nipple jewelry.

NippleCharms sent me two items; a set of delicate dangly bells and nipple bindis. I was a little unsure of the dangly bells as they attached with a plastic loop. The top loop allowed for too much dangling for someone with large breasts and I couldn't fasten the loops securely around my nipples. If you have nipples that don't get pencil eraser long and hard, these loops aren't for you. For $11, NippleCharms does offer an upgrade to a sterling silver attachies which look like they'd solve both issues for me; I'd be able to attach them securely to my nipples and they wouldn't dangle as much.

Frankly, I'd never have thought of buying bindis for my nips, but I ended up really loving them. They're so easy to apply, so inexpensive at $6.95 a pair, and so sparkly that now I want them in every color. Have a look and tell me what you think. See how happy ~~exposing my breasts~~ NippleCharms makes me? Okay, I admit it, that's my drunken look. All I have to say about that is it was 2 for 1 drinks at XES and they do make some kick ass martinis. I had three. Wisely, Diva and I split the last 2 for 1. Awesome self-control I have when there's the likelihood of being one drink away from being on my knees in front of a toilet. Nope, that is not the way I want to be on my knees.

Wanting to give the bells another go, I dragged Missy to the ladies room. Apparently her nipples were better suited for the plastic loops. We worked on the length by attaching them using the bottom loop. Not the best solution since it left a clear plastic loop above her nipples. I wish we'd had the ring attachies to try out. I'm confident those would work well.

Check it out.

So pretty!

Returning to our corner of the bar, one with a sofa tucked tightly into the darkened space where we could somewhat discreetly carry on with our alcohol fueled pervery, we attempted to ice down our male companion's nipples to accomodate the bells. Not that it worked, but it was sure fun trying.

After terrifying a twink on the back patio, my cleavage first caused his jaw to drop and then sent him fleeing across the porch. When he returned with his composure somewhat intact, I released my inner bitch, revealing my lovely bindi'ed nipples to him. Missy and I dissolved into laughter as he scurried away again, fluttering his bird-like little arms.

The evening ended in lap dances at Tens, somewhat of an oddity of a strip club in that the girls on stage got nearly no attention. Then again, the money is in the lap dances and there was a lot of that going on. The one I had from a lovely, long-haired, long-legged blonde was truly spectacular. Almost, almost, enough to send me to the ATM. Lucky thing alcohol doesn't fuck much with my self control.

I'll leave you with a blurry shot of my bindi'ed nipple in a cab. Formerly seen on twitter, but can you really have too much breasts?

Oh, by the way, the bindi's stayed on all evening, despite humidity that couldn't have been any higher and the accompanying sweat. They also came off easily, just with a slight hint of erotic discomfort, and intact so they can definitely be used again. A little eyelash glue and you're good to go.

Nipple jewelry for everyone!

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Spend an Evening with Madison Young and Help Support the Arts

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 14:36:00 +0000

Empowerment is something that adult film star and gallery owner, Madison Young, is passionate about. Her passion has led her to direct cutting edge films that push boundaries and buttons in an effort to give the viewer more than just “bang for the buck” but also to immerse them in an experience that leaves them thinking about boundaries, sexuality, gender and the intersections of pleasure and pain. But that isn’t the only way 29 year old Madison has chosen to spread her mission of empowerment. FoundingFemina Potens, a non-profit art gallery and performance space, in 2003, Madison brings that message to the gallery’s San Francisco neighborhood, combining art, education, theater, kink and sexuality in a safe and welcoming space for the LGBTQIK community and their supporters to congregate and experience art in a way that often blurs the line between artist and audience.

Tied Up Events supports Madison Young and the vision she has created and nurtured. We’re delighted to announce that on Friday, March 19th, Madison will be in New York City and we’d like to ask you to join us for a special fundraiser for Femina Potens to be held at Fontana’s.

From 6PM to 7:30PM, there will be a private wine and chocolate party (donation $35 in advance through Eventbrite), limited to 30 guests who will get to enjoy some one on one time with our guest of honor. Outstanding erotic photographer JM Darling will be there to photograph guests with Madison.

At 7:30PM the general public is invited to join us at no cost for the second half of our evening. Madison will be doing a special, interactive performance. Sexy, sultry N, ecdysiast and co-producer ofHypergender Burlesque, has generously agreed to perform for us. And, of course, there will be a raffle with fabulous prizes graciously donated by sponsors such as Stockroom and Kink Academy. So be sure to bring your cash; maybe you’ll even be one of the lucky guests to purchase your tickets from Madison. Spend $25 or more on raffle tickets and if you’re among the first 50 people to do so, you’ll receive a signature Tied Up Events gift bag.

So come on out, belly up to the bar, order a gratis Original Sin Cider as long as the supply lasts, and heat up this cold and snowy NYC winter while supporting the arts and enjoying art, burlesque, a beautiful and brilliant adult film star, prizes and gift bags.

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Banana Pancakes and BJ's

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 18:46:00 +0000

Yes, I know, bananas and bj's don't exactly go together, except that sometimes they do. For instance, tonight I'm teaching a BJ class and there will be practice bananas. Anyway, that's kind of beside the point, I prefer practicing techniques on my palm and fingers because then you know how what you're doing feels. And feeling and BJ's, those do go together.

Enough about BJ's, I'll be BJed out by later this evening. Now for the pancake part, I happened to tweet about my breakfast and some of you wanted the recipe, so here it is.

Banana Chai Coconut Pancakes

Mix a cup of sugar with 1 tsp ground cinnamon, 1/2 tsp cardamom, 1/2 tsp ginger, 1/2 tsp black pepper, 1/4 allspice. (You can use the rest of this sugar to sprinkle on cookies or in your tea to chai it up.)

2 super ripe bananas, mashed
1 cup and 2 TBS flour (I used spelt flour)
2/3 cup oatmeal
2 TBS baking powder
3 TBS sugar mixture from above
1/3 cup unsweetened coconut
2 eggs
1 1/2 cups milk ( I used skim milk but would have used almond milk if I had it)
1 tsp vanilla

Mix the dry ingredients together. Mix the bananas, eggs, milk and vanilla together. Stir wet into dry. Heat and butter or oil your griddle until water droplets sizzle and GO.

Serve this with maple sugar bacon if you want decadence. I usually want decadence (and bacon). You can make it by pouring some brown sugar into a dish and pressing one slice of bacon at a time in it. Lightly coat both sides, it doesn't need to be thick, and it's kind of messy to do, but, oh so worth it. Place bacon on a rack above a foil (or Silpat) lined baking tray. Bake at 350 for 8-10 minutes a side. Remove from rack quickly, the sugar makes it stick as it cools, so tong them onto a dish stat.

Now, pig out.

And later, give someone you love head and get some yourself!

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E[lust] No. 6

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 23:56:00 +0000

HNT Courtesy of Having My Cake And Eating It Too

Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #7? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Exposing My Self to Airport Security - I stared right at her until she looked away and called for assistance for a pat-down search. I gaped, chin dropped: holy shit, they’re gonna give me a pat down cuz I’m packing a silicon cock.

Prefect’s Prerogative - When I neglect this duty, or don’t perform it to his satisfaction, he makes me light a fire in his room, and stand in front of it in just my school shirt and white socks.

Attention Women: There is Something Wrong With Your Vagina - Yes, that’s what your vagina needs: a breath mint. Because, just like vagina shouldn’t smell like vagina, it also shouldn’t taste like vagina.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

The Perfect Fat – Why do clothes designers assume that if you’re plus-sized you’re 1. over 5′9″ and 2. over the age of 45 or “matronly and modest”? At the age of 32 I am not yet ready to dress like my grandmother.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Zipless - “I have some Scotch in my room—maybe you’d join me? You know, in the interest of not drinking alone…” She smiled. Perhaps she could yet salvage the day’s ending.

See also: Pleasurists #61 for all your sex toy review needs.
Also in recent sex news, check out the coverage of the Adult Entertainment Expothat happened in Las Vegas a couple weeks ago. You’ll see videos and articles from our fellow sex-bloggers on fun things like a rodeo penis and new sex toys not even on the market yet!

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Arousal is not consent
Psychosexual: Does the G spot exist? Do I care?
Reputable Help for Haiti
Squicked
That’ll be 151 Nickels
The Case of the Mysteriously Vanishing G-spot
Transtastic: Joking About Being Trans
Vegas – Day One – Diva’s Quick Recap
Vegas – Day One – Tess’s Thoughts
Why Don’t They Just LEAVE?

Kink & Fetish

Anatomy of a Mindfuck
Bad Submissive
Claiming: Go Pantiless After
Dating Refresher
Electric fuck
Fetishes and me
Kinky With Class
Laziness never pays off
Piercing reversal
Resolution
Titty Fuck
The Coffee Date, Part 2
The Job Interview
Without Reason

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

BDSM Relationship Advice for Newbies
Greedy For The Verse
Hang Ups and Hand Jobs
Ivy Madden
If she had just been a better wife…
Insomnia
Swinging
The Sexiness Beneath
Weightlessness

Erotic Writing

42DD
A Different Kind of Fuck
Across the Room
All in a Play Party’s Night
Amazing Night
Bedtime Story
Behind You
Breathe and Let Go
Done by a Clown
Evening Home
Glow
Lick You As Long As You Like
Moments of Clarity
Naughty Neighbor
Saturday Night’s Alright (For Swapping)
Sex and Video Games
Slip sliding away
The Slut Chronicles #11 ~ The Dinner Party
Thursdays
Tyler
Visitors in my Bedroom
Wicked Wednesday: Altitude
When you Talk About Maelee

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Flake Factor - The Oh So Honest Israeli Doctor

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 02:01:00 +0000

(5:15:34 pm)m3:i cant begin to tell you how interested i'd be in chatting with you to see if you/we would be interested in meeting - i'm particularly intrigued by your desire to be "an ethical slut"....as i am married and, yet, consider myself as ethical a person as you could possibly ever meet....

(5:17:33 pm)Tess:Hello there.

(5:18:03 pm)m3:hi

(5:18:16 pm)m3:have you ever met anyone from online?

(5:18:40 pm)Tess:Yes, I have. (Note how understated I am. Do I mention I've probably met over 100 men in the last five years? No, I do not. That would be gauche.)

(5:18:44 pm)Tess:And you?

(5:19:01 pm)m3:me....not yet....why, might you be interested in meeting? (Moving fast. Bad sign.)

(5:19:30 pm)m3:i'd certainly be interested in chatting with you to see if , indeed you/we might want to meet....

(5:19:57 pm)Tess:I only meet men I'm interested in and so far, I can't tell if I am interested

(5:20:13 pm)m3:so...what would you interest you in me....

(5:20:20 pm)m3:by the way: i dont lie... (DANGER WILL ROBINSON. DANGER)

(5:20:32 pm)Tess:If you're interesting. And don't lie.

(5:20:39 pm)m3:so i wouldnt tailor what i say to "trick

(5:20:49 pm)m3:you into meeting me... (Trick me into meeting him? Psshaw, what a rank amateur.)

(5:21:07 pm)m3:intellectually: you wont find anyone more interesting...

(5:21:30 pm)m3:and, with the rather one important exception of my wife knowing nothing of my being online....i really never lie

(5:21:58 pm)Tess:That is a big one, but I get the reason for it

(5:22:30 pm)m3:i was born/raised/educated in ny....but i'm currently overseas...

(5:22:37 pm)Tess:Where?

(5:22:42 pm)m3:but i'll be arriving for a few days in about 2 weeks

(5:22:47 pm)m3:i'm in israel

(5:22:58 pm)m3:i'll be visiting my 95 year old mom in bklyn

(5:23:14 pm)m3:and going to an old friends wedding....

(5:23:22 pm)Tess:You live in Israel now?

(5:23:48 pm)m3:yes...and i work at a local hospital every summer

(5:23:53 pm)m3:for about 6 weeks...

(5:24:24 pm)Tess:So why would you want a NY "friend"

(5:25:01 pm)m3:for a safe, fun, adventure....involving some degree of intimacy....

(5:25:13 pm)m3:but not full sexual relations...

(5:25:21 pm)m3:fantasy sharing...

(5:25:37 pm)m3:particularly and especially if you have a submissive side toyou...

(5:25:59 pm)m3:i reall am as SAFE (and kind) as ANY one you could possibly imagine.... (Here we go again, SAFE, HONEST, and now, KIND to boot. Smelling a rat.)

(5:26:09 pm)m3:i really am an empathic doctor... (EMPATHIC too)

(5:26:31 pm)m3:but i LOVE dominant/submissive SAFE fantasy.... (SAFE again)

(5:26:39 pm)m3:and possible interest in me yet?

(5:26:51 pm)m3:any possible interest in me yet?

(5:27:10 pm)Tess:From my rather extended internet experience, when someone insists they are one thing or says "Trust me", it usually means the opposite

(5:27:28 pm)m3:usually - but not always...

(5:27:46 pm)m3:if i were telling the truth....how interested would you be in meeting me ?

(5:27:53 pm)Tess:Not yet

(5:28:11 pm)m3:any chance you'd trust me with a phone number? (Ha! He's clearly a doctor/comedian)

(5:28:17 pm)Tess:No.

(5:28:37 pm)Tess:I don't talk on the phone till I know I want to meet you.

(5:28:38 pm)m3:not yet, though = possibly i could still "win" you over... (And that tentacle sex story I have in my head could happen the next time I stroll on the beach.)

(5:28:48 pm)m3:fair enough...

(5:28:49 pm)Tess:Life is full of hope.

(5:28:55 pm)m3:cute...

(5:28:58 pm)m3:lol

(5:29:14 pm)m3:so you really are as "radiant" in your humor as in your looks

(5:29:26 pm)Tess:You have no photo, which is a huge issue

(5:29:54 pm)Tess:Sometimes my radiance illuminates all that surrounds me.

(5:29:56 pm)m3:i'm too paranoid to post my picture as i really am married....with a rather respectable medical practice

(5:30:17 pm)m3:i really am 6 foot 2, 200 lbs. hazel eyes, brown-greying hair.... (REALLY? ARE YOU REALLY? Why would I doubt him. He NEVER lies.)

(5:30:22 pm)m3:i wear glasses...

(5:30:38 pm)Tess:And you have no clue how to meet women online

(5:30:47 pm)m3:what do you mean?

(5:31:40 pm)Tess:and I'll assume you're legit for the moment

(5:31:46 pm)m3:i am

(5:32:11 pm)m3:are you submissive?

(5:32:25 pm)m3:and yes,i'm aware sub often alternates with dom

(5:32:29 pm)m3:but not always

(5:33:12 pm)m3:was my question too "personal"?

(5:33:16 pm)m3:too premature?

(5:33:22 pm)Tess:No

(5:33:32 pm)Tess:I am in bed, yes.

(5:33:37 pm)m3:mmmmmm

(5:33:58 pm)m3:I'd LOVE experiencing your submissiveness...

(5:34:03 pm)m3:and again: SAFELY

(5:34:33 pm)Tess:And how do you intend to safely experience me? (Though since he's in Israel, safety seems pretty assured to me.)

(5:34:48 pm)m3:ONLY if you'd consent (needless to say) (Needless to say indeed, psycho.)

(5:35:17 pm)m3:i'd want to know what turns you on/stimulates you....

(5:35:26 pm)m3:i'd first tell you what i'd agree to... (Good, glad to know what you would agree to since of course the submissive will go along with your little scheme.)

(5:35:38 pm)m3:and what my own self-imposed limits are...

(5:35:44 pm)m3:like NO sexual intercourse...

(5:35:56 pm)Tess:Interesting.

(5:36:15 pm)m3:i'd LOVE to hear about your inner (intra-psychic) fantasy world

(5:36:30 pm)m3:i'd LOVE to masturbate you....manually

(5:36:38 pm)m3:as many times as you could climax...

(5:36:42 pm)m3:and chance of that?

(5:36:48 pm)Tess:and that isn't sex to you?

(5:36:49 pm)m3:any chance of that?

(5:36:58 pm)m3:of course it's sex...

(5:37:06 pm)m3:but not sexual intercourse...

(5:37:45 pm)m3:i may need to get off soon....somewhat abruptly....

(5:37:46 pm)Tess:And that's off limits why?

(5:37:50 pm)Tess:ah

(5:38:07 pm)m3:actually, for several reasons...

(5:38:34 pm)m3:i have no interest in even a .1% chance of impregnating you.... (He DID NOT just say impregnant! OMG. Yes. He. Did.)

(5:38:52 pm)m3:i've actually never had sexual intercourse with anyone other than my wife... (Just what I want, not only an inexperience dominant but inexperienced. Period.)

(5:39:14 pm)Tess:Interesting. (Not really)

(5:39:22 pm)Tess:And is your wife submissive?

(5:39:31 pm)m3:no....

(5:39:49 pm)m3:she has a hard time with that....

(5:39:59 pm)m3:i'm actually a bona fide feminist in real life (Of course, you're a feminist. Sure, you are, darling.)

(5:40:18 pm)m3:but in bed: i'd LOVE a "totally submissive" woman (Sigh, totally. Sigh.)

(5:41:18 pm)m3:so, on a scale of 0-10....0= no chance of meeting me....10 = you'd definitely meet me....what's my "score"/number?

(5:41:50 pm)Tess:3 (Really 0, but I'm not the one who claims never to lie.)

(5:41:59 pm)m3:well, that's a start....

(5:43:22 pm)m3:could i ask you a rather personal/intimate sexually explicit question?

(5:44:20 pm)Tess:sure

(5:44:41 pm)m3:do you like/hate/love/disgusted with /not care about swallowing/drinking cum...?

(5:45:36 pm)Tess:if I like you enough to put your dick in my mouth I have no problem swallowing.

(5:45:51 pm)Tess:Am I going to drink a glass of your ejaculate? No.

(5:46:05 pm)m3:by for now....ok?

(5:46:13 pm)Tess:Sure.

(5:46:18 pm)m3:wait....please...

(5:46:25 pm)Tess:Yes...

(5:46:26 pm)m3:my wife is right here...

(5:46:35 pm)m3:ok...she's gone...

(5:46:42 pm)m3:i really wish she'd join me here...

(5:46:54 pm)m3:insted of my sneaking around behind her back

(5:47:10 pm)Tess:ask her

(5:47:16 pm)m3:i have...

(5:47:20 pm)Tess:maybe she'll surprise you

(5:47:23 pm)m3:NO chance she'd agree

(5:48:00 pm)m3:so if you actually liked how i looked and believed all i told you....how interested might you be in meeting with me?

(5:48:15 pm)m3:0-10....

(5:48:26 pm)m3:or rahter, 3-10...(As if all the above could NEVER have lowered his chances. Silly man.)

(5:48:27 pm)Tess:still 3 (I play along, because I'm not always a total bitch.)

(5:48:32 pm)m3:awwwwwwwwww

(5:48:37 pm)Tess:You live overseas

(5:48:42 pm)Tess:You don't want to fuck

(5:48:43 pm)m3:yes....

(5:48:50 pm)m3:want to....but wont

(5:48:54 pm)Tess:I require an actual relationship

(5:49:41 pm)m3:just out of curiosity...

(5:49:52 pm)m3:if i'd want to fuck....what would my "number" be? (Again with the numbers? WTF is up with this rating system. Maybe he's too used to that medical pain chart. 0=smiley face 10=Weeping grimace)

(5:50:21 pm)Tess:not moving much higher, you can't give me a relationship

(5:50:33 pm)m3:true...

(5:50:41 pm)m3:and i'd NEVER deceive you about that...(Of course not, you'd never lie.)

(5:50:53 pm)m3:i'd never try to "lead" you on... (or lead me on. You're a prince.)

(5:51:05 pm)m3:even if that means "losing" the chance of ever meeting you...

(5:51:23 pm)m3:i am, as i said, actually honest... (Sigh, do you see what's wrong here? People who are actually honest typically don't bash you over the head with assertions of truthfulness.)

(5:51:37 pm)m3:despite my keeping all of this from my wife...

(5:51:42 pm)Tess:That's excellent

(5:52:02 pm)m3:excellent enough to get an "upgrade"...

(5:52:08 pm)m3:say to a ....4?

(5:52:41 pm)m3:he said with that ever present sense of optimistic hope you mentioned filled the world...

(5:53:11 pm)Tess:I doubt I'd meet you

(5:53:20 pm)m3:too bad for me....

(5:53:28 pm)m3:and again...out of curiosity...

(5:54:00 pm)m3:if i actually were interested in maintaining a more long-term relationship with you....while being married....would that change anything?

(5:54:19 pm)m3:again: i am NOT saying i would ever commit to that... (Must get away. Can not take anymore.)

(5:55:01 pm)m3:you still there?

(5:55:26 pm)Tess:Long term but long distance

(5:55:28 pm)Tess:not my thing

(5:55:52 pm)Tess:I get paid to write my sexual fantasies, I don't need to play them out on an online forum

(5:55:58 pm)Tess:I like touch

(5:56:00 pm)Tess:scent

(5:56:02 pm)Tess:taste

(5:56:10 pm)m3:i'd LOVE to touch you....

(5:56:23 pm)m3:lick your nipples/breasts/neck...

(5:56:32 pm)m3:while i masturbate you...

(5:57:26 pm)Tess:yes,but you can't

(5:57:39 pm)Tess:or maybe you can 6 weeks out of a year

(5:57:40 pm)m3:i cant?

(5:58:03 pm)m3:and you want a more permanent relationship...

(5:58:18 pm)m3:and my being married wouldnt be a problem,then?

(5:58:25 pm)Tess:more up close and personal a relationship

(5:58:27 pm)Tess:No

(5:58:35 pm)Tess:I am married too

(5:58:45 pm)m3:does your husband know you're online?

(5:58:52 pm)Tess:yes

(5:58:56 pm)m3:and you've been with other men?

(5:59:05 pm)m3:and he's ok with that?

(5:59:10 pm)Tess:yes and yes

(5:59:18 pm)m3:i would LOVE to watch my wife with another man...

(5:59:27 pm)m3:NO chance of that ever happening...

(5:59:53 pm)m3:ok...by for now...i still hope you'd reconsider....

(6:01:25 pm)Tess:bye now

(6:01:51 pm)m3:and you really are rather beautiful...

(6:01:56 pm)Tess:thanks

(6:02:04 pm)m3:goodnight...

(6:03:01 pm)Tess:night

(6:03:28 pm)m3:if i knew how to send you a kiss onlie...i would...

(6:03:33 pm)m3:online...

(6:03:52 pm)Tess::-*

(6:03:59 pm)Tess:that's a kiss online

(6:04:20 pm)m3:consider yourself kissed...ok?

(6:04:30 pm)Tess:indeed

(6:04:41 pm)m3:but i'm stil but a mere 3?

(6:04:46 pm)m3:still?

(6:04:58 pm)Tess:'fraid so

(6:05:08 pm)m3:your honesty is ruthless...(Holy role reversal, now I'm the honest one.)

(6:05:18 pm)m3:by for now...

(6:05:23 pm)Tess:Night (and good riddance)

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Porn Stars and Dildos and SHOES, oh my

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 16:55:00 +0000

After picking up our press passes, I spied an unknown but familiar eye-catching redhead, not at all porny in that now traditional big-fake-boobs on teeny tiny frame, trout pout way, but all creamy smooth and naturally lovely.

I know her, I thought. OMG, Madison Young, it IS Madison Young. Before introducing myself, I confirmed my suspicions with Princess Kali, who it turns out had filmed with Madison a few years back. God damn it, some girls have all the luck.

After a quick chat, we walked excitedly up the stairs getting closer to the main entrance, feeling the throbbing music vibrating up through the soles of my pretty shiny patent leather leopard print shoes. Passing through security, nearly as tight as TSA, we entered and it began. This was it! And the porn stars were in abundance.

Evan Stone, however, was nowhere to be seen. Though I was really too busy to make a concerted search. Today is The Hunt for Evan Stone. Twisted Monk had better be close by to save that hulking hulk of hotness from my affections. And the giant 7 foot penis, other people saw it, yet I missed it; how is beyond me.

Prepare for video highlights on CarnalNation.com and oh my god, highlights they are. My favorites are when Diva tried to sneak into the oil wrestling ring and one of the wrestlers challenged us to climb in. Monk dragged our asses out of there before we get them soundly kicked and when we found the guy pumping Penis Enhancement remedies and he explained that they not only made your cock bigger but allowed for longer laster erections. I asked to touch his cock for confirmation. I love when they're caught off guard, hehe. My god, the Princess is rubbing off on me.

Now, it's time to shower and get going. More later. Stay tuned to CarnalNation.com

Planning on more tweets today then yesterday. Yesterday, with our professional video guy and CN mike, we focused on documenting as much as we could on film. I can't wait to see it!

Reporting from, well, my hotel bed, on Diva's lovely Mac, my laptop died on the flight and my freaking iPhone is forever sending an email that won't go through and seems stuck even though I deleted it, this is Tess, intrepid reporter. Actually, Monk is working on recovering my laptop, after he was kind enough to deliver us coffee today, and I'm thinking of dropping into the CES con, but fearful that my magnetic field that kills all electronics might make me a very unwelcome guest, plus I have Evan Stone to find and a big dick to ride and sexy shoes to document.

Later.....much later.

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Vegas - Day One

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 16:46:00 +0000

Entering our hotel lobby is basically the same as entering Chuck E. Cheese in the degree of overstimulation that abounds as bells clang, lights flash and people scream (or cry, depending on Lady Luck), I fully expect to see a giant mouse and friends burst out in song at any moment. And that's after I decided against the Absinthe being offered aboard our Virgin America flight. But at least the casinos are staffed with squads of scantily clad cocktail waitresses who will bring you the drink that dims all the hoopla around you. I also notice the smoke. Our hotel, and from what I gather, most of Vegas is steeped in smoke. Seeing a man casually light up a cigarette as he plays the slots, I feel slightly culture shocked. How quickly I've adapted to NYC's no smoking basically anywhere laws. My lungs and my hair thank NYC.

At the moment, my submissive, Diva, has gone out to get us all Starbucks so that my next post will be more coherent. Yesterday was a whirlwind, with a hot tub break, of flying, check in, getting lost time after time in the vast winding corridors of our hotel, and a lovely party at the home of a local professor. Interesting people were met, including one woman who actually recognized me from the calendar. Friends with one of the board members of SWA, she had received a signed calendar as a gift.

After the party, we were ecstatic to learn that Kali was at check-in. We met her, went to her suite, complete with giant swimming pool sized bathtub and enough room to throw a whip, and were presented with our Kink Academy sweaters. So if you're in Vegas and see two grown women in matching outfits wandering around, ogling porn stars and hiding behind palm trees as they (or at least me) stalk Evan Stone, that would be Diva and me. Say hi! We're friendly. Well, I am, you can never tell with that other one. Shhhh.

So many people to see and talk to today. I'm totally thrilled to be here and once we get Monk and head over to the expo itself, the day will begin in earnest. Now to get up, get my tired ass out of this bed and shower. The shower will wake me up. Sure it will.

Oh and to further complicate my life, my laptop totally crashed on our flight. Luckily it seems Monk was a techie in another life and he's putting his mad skills to work on that sucker now. And you thought he was just another pretty face and hot bod.

Follow our adventures in Sin City at CarnalNation's special AVN coverage section.

See you at the Expo!

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Viva Las Vegas

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 03:38:00 +0000

I started training for Vegas and AVN's AE Expo two nights ago, if you call being unable to sleep due to high levels of excitement training for the sleepless nights I anticipate. And even now, when Diva and I had a chance to nap, instead we went on an excursion through the myriad corridors of the Inferior Palace in search of the outdoor hot tub. Relentlessly we searched passages and hallways until we were rewarded when we submerged into the steamy, bubbling water and let it soothe our travel weary bodies. And now we're about to go to party number one.

If TSA was any indication of the kind of trip we'll have it's gonna be awesome. The TSA agent looked at me and said, "you look really familiar. Where are you from?"

"I grew up in Howard Beach," I replied. "I have a younger sister and brother, maybe you know them."

"That must be it," he said as we passed through the screening area.

As I was zipping myself back into my boots, he came up to me again, "Tess. Your name is Tess and you used to workout in hot little leotards at Fitness Factory. Remember me, Joey Z, I worked there."

Well, damn, I thought, he does know me. Truly I remember the name totally, if not his face. He was cute though.

"You're still hot," he said, "you look the same, same face."

And there, my day was made. It was at least 30 years ago when I worked out at Fitness Factory. And apparently, I still got it. Now let's see what I can get in Vegas.

So now, in the glorious company of AAG, Twisted Monk and Diva, I'm ready to talk to porn stars, toy people and anyone else colorful and interesting.

You can follow along with us by checking the tweets, twitpics and videos that we'll be posting. You can check the special coverage column at CarnalNation, who so generously flew us out here to be your eyes and ears and maybe genitals (if I get lucky, oooooo Evan Stone, where are you? Stop hiding behind that palm tree, I can see you.)

And now, it's party time. See you later. Look out for the videos. '

sex
sexblog
erotica

Something Evil This Way Comes

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 16:07:00 +0000

While most of us have been feting and feasting our way through the holiday season, thoughts of good cheer and new beginnings foremost in our thoughts, someone has been actively pursuing an opposite course. December 27th saw the birth of Exposeaho, an anonymous seeming supporter of Alexa, who in the wake of the brouhaha started by Monica Shore's article "Reality and Faux Ho Bloggers" over who Alexa DiCarlo is or isn't - is she real or fake, is she a sex worker or does she just play one, is she an academic or a poseur - has chosen to demonstrate that support by offering cash rewards for information on other sex workers, which would then be passed around to neighbors and co-workers and even the IRS. This madness is all based on the claim that sex workers wanted Alexa outed and thus, what's good for the goose.

Nowhere have I seen, and I don't claim to have seen absolutely everything related to this topic but I have seen far too much, anyone advocate the outing of Alexa. I have seen sex workers offer Alexa ways to prove she exists and is who she claims to be by meeting with them, phoning them and even suggesting an interview with Dan Savage. These actions would have served to quash the naysayers while protecting Alexa's anonymity. Not one sex worker that I know of has ever threatened to reveal her identity.

The madness created some unforeseen repercussions. The guessing game resulted in conjecture that some male student whose face and name were shown might be the phantom known as Alexa. While it's fine to play these guessing games among ourselves, posting information that is purely conjecture is harmful. And now, John Pettit of Carnal Nation has written "Expose A Ho - The Cost of Free Speech" in opposition to the public cry for the flagging and removal of Exposeaho's douchebag blog.

First, let me be really clear, I wish Exposeaho would fuck the hell off. But all this attention is likely to have the opposite effect. Someone who does shit like this craves attention and wants the limelight. Don't fucking play that game. One reason John cites for writing his "freedom of speech goes both ways piece" (it's hard to argue that it doesn't) is that the cat was out of the bag already. There were pages of tweets regarding this fucktard and it was no secret. I also can't argue that. But not wanting to add to the uproar, here's what I did about Exposeaho. I flagged it because I believe that it's goal is to harm sex workers. I think that constitutes hate against a group. You can disagree, I don't give a fuck, to me, if there is ill intent, it's hate. And when Exposeaho snarkily says they'll make sure neighbors and co-workers are okay with what a sex worker is doing, is there any other way to see that than as an intent to cause harm? After I flagged the site, I DM'ed a few people and asked that they do the same. Why DM? Because Exposeaho flourishes in all this attention and fuck if I wanted them to have. Thus I was shocked to see other savvy sex workers and sex worker allies and other random people tweeting and asking people to flag the site. Do it, yes, but do it quietly. The effect would have been the same and the fucking asshole would not have gotten any free publicity.

Now, even someone I highly respect has thrown money into the ring for the identity of Exposeaho. Stop the madness. There is really no reason to know who this degenerate is unless you want to use the information publicly and that would be just as wrong as what Exposeaho is doing. So please, don't do it. Take the offer off the table and let this sorry excuse of a person vanish back into obscurity.

What concerns me greatly is the further publicizing of this insanity on a respected site like CarnalNation, a site that sex workers and allies trust. While I agree, as John says in the above referenced article, that its the unpopular speech that needs protection, I don't feel this is merely unpopular speech, it is speech mired in vindictiveness, in pettiness, in meanness and its intent is solely to cause harm. Let me repeat that because it's that important - its intent is solely to cause harm. I truly wish CarnalNation would retract this piece, though the damage has been done. People I like and respect and am concerned for are outraged and frightened and I am sad to say, I support them in their indignation and disappointment.

The best way, the only way, to make people like Exposeaho go away is to starve them of any attention. And were it not for my being affiliated with CarnalNation, I would not have felt the need to even write this piece for just that reason. CarnalNation's piece began a new flurry of tweets and I'm sure a HUGE influx of hits that Exposeaho would never have gotten otherwise. John seems to feel that the person behind Exposeaho is a world-class shit (his words were "vindictive idiot," that's my own extrapolation), so why go out of his way to make sure that so much attention is focused on something that has such an egregious and deplorable motivation? There surely needs to be journalistic sense of fair play and presenting both sides of an issue on a site like CarnalNation, a standard that I here on my own little blog do not need to adhere to, but when one side has the goal of harming individuals by disseminating private information, I think the greater good was not done by a presenting a piece focusing on that fool's right to free speech.

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Come to Kiss & Tell hosted by Abiola Abrams

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 21:52:00 +0000

I've been invited by the always awesome Abiola to read at the inaugural Kiss & Tell this coming Tuesday, December 15th. I'm really excited to be a part of anything Abiola does, she has a whirlwind of amazing energy, great hair and a killer smile.

Since the event is Kiss & Tell this gives me the opportunity to divulge too much information. We all know how averse I am to that. After all I am a blogger. Nothing is TMI.

But I need your help. Usually I read my dark, moody and often scary erotica, it is what I do best and what I like most. This time I want to read something lighter. Funny even. I have two stories I'd love you to read and choose which you'd rather hear me embarrass myself with at Kiss & Tell. It's a choice between my masturbation aneurysm or the meet up with a guy whose aroma was quite unique - Eau de Hebrew National Salami. So read and leave me a comment or tweet to me at @urban_gypsy.

Mind Blowing (Solo) Sex

Phone sex can be exciting. In my life, one that combines children, home and work, it is sometimes a choice between solo masturbation and masturbation with a little help from a far away friend.  To make it really special, a sexy phone voice, one that’s deep and resonant, and a kinky mind are essential.

Joseph, despite our very contentious non-relationship, has those qualities.  So one fine day, I happened to be at home on kid pick-up duty, Joseph called me in his usual state of horniness.

“I want you to do what I tell you.  Can you do that?” he said.

“Yes, sure I can, baby,” I said feeling myself getting creamy at the sound of his voice.

“Go into your bedroom and get on your bed.”

I trotted myself in there.

“What are you wearing, whore?”

“Jeans and a sweater, sheer black panties and a black bra, oh and shiny burgundy boots.”

“Take the pants and the panties off, hurry up.  Leave the rest on.  I want you on the bed with your legs spread wide in 30 seconds,” he commanded.

I hastened to comply, feeling myself getting that wonderfully familiar tingly feeling all through my body.  I got onto my big sleigh bed with the iron rails and soft crimson velvet spread, struggled a bit sliding my jeans and panties off over the boots, and reached under my pillow for my trusty blue dolphin vibrator.

I twisted the dial on top and FUCK, nothing, no buzz, no whir, no hum – dead, deader then a fucking doornail.  Goddammit!  Maybe I am over attached to that thing but damn I do love it when his long blue snot (proboscis, beak?) nuzzles against my pearl of a clit sending buzzy waves of delight through my entire body while the dildo portion remains buried in my pussy.

“Are you ready?” he asked.

“Yes and no, my vibe is dead.  But I know where I can get batteries fast.”

“OK,” he said, “but be quick about it, I’m waiting.”

I rush off, naked from the waist down, into my daughter’s room, retrieve, after an initial moment of panic at the state of her room, her gameboy and remove its batteries, leaving it dead and lifeless.  Better the gameboy then my blue dolphin, at least at this particular moment.

I get back to my room, slide the batteries in and am greeted with the dolphin’s soft, murmuring buzz buzz buzz.   Ummmm.  Yes.

“I’m back,” I breathe into the phone.

“Good.  Can you look into a mirror while you’re on your bed?  I want you to watch that pretty pussy of yours,” growls Joseph.

“Yes,” I reply.

“Yes what, bitch?”

“Yes sir,” I say.  I am quick like that.

“Good girl.  You’re my little whore.  And my little whore is going to do whatever I tell her, isn’t she?”

“Yes sir.”

“Get on the bed now so you can see your cunt in the mirror; make sure your legs are spread wide.  How does my pussy look?  Is it wet like it should be?”

“Yes, it’s wet and my lips are all pink and puffy.”

“Put one finger, just one inside your pussy and then take it out and lick it off,” Joseph commands.

I obey.

“Now, bitch, I want you to take that vibrator and stick it deep in your cunt and fuck yourself hard.  But you aren’t fucking yourself, are you?  Who’s fucking you, bitch?”

“You’re fucking me, sir….ooooooo….oooooo, mmmmmmm,” I moan as I turn the dial and feel that snot/proboscis/beak nestled against my clit.

“You’re such a good little whore.  I want my whore to come for me.  You going to come for me, baby?”
Instead of yes, oh yes, oh yes, baby, what I want to be saying, I find that I’m saying to myself what the fuckity fuck, NOOOOOOO, as the batteries in the dolphin manage to elicit a final low buzz and then die completely.  Muthafuckin’ energizer bunny, where the hell are you when I need you?  Goddammit.

Well it looks like I’m going manual now.  It’s the point of no return and he wants me to come and to come now.  I have never been really good at coming on command.  I am better at holding off; it takes a lot of stimulation combined with concerted effort to make me come.  So I concentrate.  I concentrate so fucking hard.  My brow is furrowed. My eyes squeezed tightly shut.  I’m close, so close.

Joseph keeps talking softly in my ear, telling me all the things that usually get me almost there even without laying a finger on myself, but no, nothing, close but not there.

I press my eyes closed even tighter, my temples throb and all of a sudden it feels as if my head has exploded – and not in a good way.  At this point, I seriously think I may have had an aneurysm. You know what they say about sudden onset, extremely intense headaches.  Get thee to a doctor.  And fuck, I have a guy on the phone who thinks my cries of pain and shock are from an intense earth shattering orgasm not because my head feels like I imagine it would if it had made repeated contact with a blunt instrument. To top it off, I vaguely hear him telling me not to fucking stop until he says I should stop, I have kids to pick up at the bus stop in 15 minutes and my parents are due to arrive from Florida in a few hours for a two week stay and now I am debating calling 911 and asking them to send in the cavalry and he’s telling me not to fucking stop.
I hang up hastily, despite his annoyance, saying I’ll explain later.  All I can think about is the kids, I have to get the kids before the balloon in my head bursts because naturally the kids would be better off babysitting my corpse then safely ensconced in school.  I manage to get my clothes back on, fly into the car, tear out of the driveway and arrive at the school still alive.

I wait impatiently till the kids are rounded up and announce that they shouldn’t worry but we need to get in the car quickly and go to the doctor’s office. All the while I am trying to gauge this all consuming headache.  Is it any better?  No.  Is it any worse?  No.  It remains consistent in its dark intensity and I know my nerves are so frazzled that if the aneurysm doesn’t kill me I’ll simply just stroke out.

The four of us arrive at the doctor’s office.  I tell the receptionist my symptoms and she tells me to have a seat.  What the fuck?  Have a seat? Aren’t these the symptoms of someone whose brain is about to explode, I think as I settle myself and the kids into the waiting room.

At long last and miraculously still alive, my name is called.

Of course my doctor isn’t there on a Friday afternoon; I am greeted by a thirty something Asian male who I recall seeing around the office on prior visits. Dr. Prangathingy.  He asks me to raise my arm and hold it, I can.  He looks into my eyes with his little penlight.  He tests my reflexes.  Looks like I didn’t have a stroke.  That’s good.  But what about my goddamned aneurysm?

No, no, he assures me, no aneurysm.  It’s a tension headache.  And then the question I knew was coming – what were you doing when this happened.

“Er, well it’s a bit embarrassing,” I say under my breathe, my usual boldness lost somewhere in trying to make myself seem like somewhat less of an asshole.

“Were you having intercourse,” asks Dr. Prangathingy.

“Well, yes, though more of a solo sex experience,” I say, “looks like I’m pretty good at it too.  Managed to blow my own mind.”

Dr. Prangathingy tries to suppress his smile.

“Go on and laugh,” I tell him, “Dr. Sanchez (my usual physician) would.  I know you want to.”

“No, no, we see many, um, unusual things, we’re trained not to….,” he begins before a wide smile brightens his face and a hint of laughter betrays him.

That smile and laugh make me feel better though my head still feels cleaved in half. I leave feeling comforted that I am not dying and with a scrip for Fiorcet that I fill immediately.

It takes two at a time every four hours to even begin to dull the pain.

The headache lasts, though it gets less and less intense, for two weeks (coincidentally the length of my parents visit).

All that and I didn’t even get to come.  Fuck.

OR

Bologna, Bologna, Salami

In the early days of my on-line dating experience I wasn’t as discerning as I should have been.  I had a harder time calling a spade a spade or more accurately an asshole an asshole.  I met a lot of men, a ton of men, a plethora of men, and out of that multitude I honed maybe a couple that were, in the famous words of Elaine Bennis, sponge-worthy.

One guy, who I decided to meet for a drink after he bullied me into it, was memorably unsponge-worthy.
He sent me an initial unimpressive email.  Blah, I said and didn’t reply.  The next day another, just talk to me he pleaded, come on, what do you have to lose?  I thought to myself, okay, I’ll reply, maybe his personality just doesn’t come across in his profile or initial emails. Oh, how deluded I was back then.  We start to correspond and one of the first things I ask for, since his profile didn’t include one, is a photo.  He says he can’t, he says he’s discreet, but he guarantees me that he’s good looking.  Oh, how naïve I was back then.  (Note to any of you interested in meeting me, no photo, no meeting, never ever again. No. No. No. No.  There that feels better, let it out, Tess.)

We email back and forth a few times and somehow, even though he really doesn’t say much, I find him arrogant.  Arrogance, in simple terms, is a bad thing.  No one wants to be around an arrogant dick; even with a hot looking arrogant dick the thrill dies off real quick. Sensing his arrogance, I get a little forward myself and tell him I typically like younger men (he claimed to be forty two) and men with hair.  Oh yeah baby, he writes, I have a head full of thickwavyrunyourfingersthroughit hair and a thirty-one inch waist, and I look good, real good.  Trust me, babe. (Take my advice, ladies, you hear the “trust me” from a guy you haven’t met, run like hell in the opposite direction.) C’mon just meet me for a drink.

Like an ass I surrender, I cede, I consent to meet this man, figuring at worst it’s an hour and there will be alcohol and I can endure almost anyone for an hour.  Or so I thought.

I get to the appointed hotel bar early.  Have a seat on one of their lovely long white couches and wait.  Not long enough; after maybe five minutes in swaggers my date.  And yes, he has his hair.  Though unkempt would be how I’d describe it, actually unkempt is how I’d describe his overall appearance, and the only way I’m running my fingers through that morass is if I’m…well actually I can’t even think of an instance where I’d do that.  Yuck.  Just yuck.

As for the waistline, sure it might be thirty-one inches as tightly cinched as he had his belt (so tight I felt bad for that poor strained length of cowhide).  Tight enough so that masses of belly fat spilled over it.  Still, I am a lady and I don’t often judge a book by its cover. Though affecting a slovenly appearance, especially when you know you’re going to be meeting a woman that you hope to bed, is more a reflection on his lack of couth, taste and discernment then it is on my rigid standards.

I sit up straight and attempt to make it as civil as I can until I can cut a hasty retreat.  Silently praying, oh god, cellphone, ring, damn you, ring.  Our conversation takes a nose dive.  Mr. Slovenly speaks negatively about his wife, his life and the world.

As we talk, I detect a nefarious though somewhat familiar odor.  I can’t quite place it, but I think it is emanating from my date.  I push myself into the furthest corner of the sofa, trying to make myself smaller and smaller and praying for some sort of divine intervention.

It becomes apparent that nothing divine is headed my way.  Though he strains a bit to control it, my date emits of a soft belch.  All at once the pungent aroma becomes clear – it’s goddamned salami.  Mr. Slovenly not only looks a mess, he fucking smells bad.  I am treated to wave after wave of the garlicky aroma of salami each time my date speaks and even worse, belches.

I ask you, what sort of man would toss down a salami sandwich for lunch when he is going to meet a woman for a drink that evening.  A fucking lunatic.  My date.

The body language of a woman cringing in the corner of a sofa you would think quite clearly indicates her lack if interest if not downright revulsion.  Mr. S. apparently doesn’t have an inkling about such things as body language, because while I am cowering in my corner, he asks when we’ll be getting together for some fun and games (he actually uses those words).  I politely reply that I am not really feeling him and that I need to feel some sort of spark before partaking in any sort of fun and games.

“Well,” he says, completely undaunted by reality, “how about we get together for a dry run next week?”

Oh baby, you have no idea how dry that run would be.  This man has now proved himself to be cocky, slovenly, malodorous and clueless.  I find myself feeling sorry for his wife.

My hour of torment drags on until I glance at my cell, smile when I see I have put in the requisite time that politeness demands and attempt to bid my suitor farewell.

He rises off the sofa and strides towards me as if he is looking for a kiss goodbye.  I extend my arm to shake his hand (there will be no kisses, not while I still am capable of drawing a breathe) hoping that arms length is upwind enough.

Just when I think I’m safe, he’s begun to walk towards the door as I pretend to be organizing my stuff, he turns back, blows me a final kiss, redolent with the perfume of aged smoked dried sausage, and says I know where to find him when I change my mind.

And in a dizzying whirlwind of aromas, normally only found at a Hebrew National plant, he’s gone.
I sit back down, call over the waitress and treat myself to another Patron Silver, chilled and served in a martini glass, hoping that the gentle juice of the agave plant will help me forget the past horrific hour of my life.

It didn’t work; it is embedded in my olfactory sense memory where I fear it shall reside forever.

So there you have it. Which one do you think would make for a better presentation? I mean I can't always be switching on vibrators when I read. And if you're in NY come out, it will be a fun and fabulous night. Maybe you can help me figure out which of the categories Abiola has listed above, I best fit into. I know I'm no intellectual nor do I have a bestselling book out. And while I can be funny, I'm no comedian. That seems to leave skank. And I'm okay with that.

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Google Speaks Engrish? - Nice Try Assholes

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 14:43:00 +0000

Has anyone else been getting these emails for "Gmail," or am I the only lucky one selected for this type of annoying spam. Why it makes it past Gmail's spam filters is beyond me.

Dear gmail user,
                      This is the (clue number one) legal notice to your gmail account.Since from (clue number two, try replacing from with "the" in the last sentence and we may be getting to a closer approximation of English) last few days we are getting some complaints against your account,that it comprising and consisting of illegal activities work and content. (I'd like details of my "illegal activities work and content." I must suck at this illegal shit because as far as I can tell I am still broke and I'd hope if I were doing anything shady it would at least be fucking profitable.)
                      We here (super glad you here to help, douchebags) to inform you that please stop those activities,if these complaints are repeated then your gmail account will be terminated permanently.Please get relogin here to continue your gmail account " http://gmail12345.com " (I changed the link in case anyone mistakenly clicked on it, but that's all I changed.)
                       After getting login,you will get receive a confirmation letter from our server,then you are allowed to continue your mail account.This will be considered as a serious activity to do such illegal work in gmail account.
                     We hope our services will reach u (really Google team, getting lazy all of a sudden?)well depending upon your conduct. (Now this sounds potentially hot. If I have bad conduct do you hope your services find me tossed in the street, writhing in the throes of a stomach virus, or oinking about with swine flu? Or are you offering spankings, because that could be up my alley. You know how to reach me if the latter. Thanks.)

                                                     Thank you,
                                                                                                                  gmail team.

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E[lust] the second

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 14:39:00 +0000

Photo courtesy of Twisted Monk

Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you're looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you're going to find it here. Want to be included in the next edition? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site's sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

♦ This Week's Top Three Posts ♦

The Heart of Darkness - "I swear that man can sense my fear like a hound scenting a rabbit, and just like the hound, his blood rises to it."

Forever... - "Forever is a beautiful idea, a wonderful goal, but it's not a magic spell."

His First Fuck - "He stood there, obviously nervous, obviously aroused by what he had been witness to seconds earlier."

◊ e[lust] Editress ◊

I Dare You - "Aided by our clutches of printed papers, me hiding my nipples that could cut glass and him hiding the hard bulge in his dress pants, we scurried back to our cubes where the messages flew back and forth."

♦ Featured Post ♦

Who am I? - "I've been through a lot of shit in my life and couldn't fit it all on one piece of poster board."

See also: Pleasurists #55 for all your sex toy review needs

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the "read more…" tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

♦ Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships ♦

First. Confession #380

In Defense of Squirting

Forever...

Gender, Buck Angel, and Me

G Spot Orgasms: It's all about the clitoris

Spitroast

They May be Bi, But They're Still Boys

Why I Sometimes Fake Orgasms

Wonderland: The British in Bed

♦ Kink & Fetish ♦

The Workout (fiction)

I Am Not Clark Kent

Caning

Lips Parted

Curve

She brought her own toys

Rope Bondage: Hemp vs. Mfp

Phew! Another Hole

Hearts

My virginity and how I lost it..

Gift

Spicing it up: Bondage Materials

♦ Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor ♦

20 Questions with Cyd

This Ain't No Disney

A Thank You Note

Vegas Virgins

Sex and Happiness

♦ Erotic Writing ♦

1 Full Body Massage / 1 Happy Ending

The Slut Chronicles #7 ~ I Said No

To Do List

the date

And Your Hands and Your Lips and Your Tongue Tricks

Oh Fuuuck

I Get Around

Sometimes, Love Hurts

In The Dark

Making Up

Quickie - A Good Girl

What I Want You To Do To Me

Hitachi Fun

Her Curves

Carnal

marks she left

Wicked Wednesday: I Love Watching You Watching Me

Birthday Boy

Fucking & Making Love

Thy Mother and Thy Father: A Vodoun Love Spell

What Just Happened?

Happy Birthday Me

What Cums Around

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Flake Factor Triumphantly Returns...With A Doozy

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 20:28:00 +0000

I don't spend much time on dating/hook up sites these days. The time and effort rarely seem worth the results. And frankly, Victor comes back to haunt my thoughts at the least appropriate times. After two and a half years, I guess that's to be expected, but no one is more shocked than I am at how raw and hurt I still feel. Angry, not so much, but still saddened to see how badly things turned out for him. I saw a lot of potential for good in that man, but his demons held fast and tight and he wasn't strong enough to shake them off.

Back on point, when I do get a message on probably the only site where I still maintain a profile, OKCupid, I can go days without bothering to look. Good thing I looked at this one immediately, cause I'd hate for someone to snatch him up first.

And away we go. I have changed nothing in this missive.

HELLO

Nov. 22, 2009 – 12:58am You profile is very intriguing! How are you??? Did you have a nice day? well...... Am prince williams,
am 5' 7 tall,attractive, sexual and sexy, faithful and honest, intelligent and well-educated,serious, caring. I have married before but now we both have seperated and i have no children. i was born in florida, my father died when i was 10yrs so since then i live with my mum in ocala presently my mother have remarried another man from Africa..so she has packed in with the man in Africa.So presently am in Africa with my mum..... I would like to know more about you and i don't know if you are going be online tonight so we can chat from
Yahoo messenger. If you dont have a Yahoo ID, please try and download it and we can chat to get to know more about each another and see if we can possibly meet for coffee sometime..
I am just a normal man who wants to find his happiness in this world. If it is meant to be, our hearts will find each other when we meet. And if our hearts melt together so will our bodies
and soul. Then, with every word and every touch, our passion is fueled by this beautiful flame within each of us. I will be faithfully yours, you will be mine, and we will be as one.........here
is my yahoo ID, (jackass84@yahoo.com), Please contact me so i can be able to show you a photo of myself, also you can write to me through the screen name. jackass84@yahoo.com. I await your reply so that we can start communicating together. It is a pleasure meeting you and hope we can continue our new
found relationship..

I almost left in the Prince's contact info. But imagine the deluge of women who'd be vying for his affections.

One thing I love about OKCupid is they removed the spammer's profile without even a word from me. OKCupid rocks like that.

Now, because I am such a generous soul, if anyone wants to feel a burning passion so hot that you'll be eternally welded, mind, body and soul, to this yutz, quick download Yahoo messenger and then feel free to hit me up for his deets. Just make sure to keep me posted about your new found relationship.

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Vegas Virgins

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 16:14:00 +0000

Photo credit - http://www.flickr.com/photos/grahamking/2116698061/

I thought I was excited when Shaye aka @Mr_Carnal announced that our plans to entice him to NYC for the 2010 NYC Sex Blogger Calendar party had come to fruition. Diva and I really wanted him to be able to partake in all the fun and madness since he had been such a staunch supporter of our project from the first time he heard of it. It’s because of Shaye that some very lucky raffle winners find themselves the proud owners of some phenomenal Lelo products.

And it is also because of Shaye that Diva and I find ourselves on the verge of losing another virginity. Now, if you know Diva, you know that when I met her she hadn’t had Thai food (or much beyond meat and potatoes, Chinese food and pizza), she hadn’t ever had a martini or seen a male go-go dancer or been to an erotic reading. We’re still working on sushi, but that’s coming, take my word for it, sushi and sake (cold sake) are on the short list.

For me to find virginities that I actually want to lose is certainly the harder call. I haven’t eaten a sheep’s eye (my husband has, Scandinavians will eat any part of a sheep, I am not even going to get into those nasty rumors I’ve heard about sheep and hip-waders, shudder) or driven cross country trailing an RV for what’s often billed as “a way to see the country while experiencing quality family time” but sounds more like the tin can ride to hell to me.

But neither one of us has been to Vegas. And that’s the virginity we’re both about to lose. In some nearly surreal twist of fate, CarnalNation is sending us to Vegas for the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo and to make an exciting announcement. We’re thrilled to be going and to be able to take part in all the porni-goodness that is AVN, to meet and mingle and network with some of the most innovative and interesting people in the world of sex, and to do so in the company of some of my favorite friends. And also to hunt down my porn idol, Evan Stone. When CarnalNation told us to bring Monk(yes, we get to travel with the always awesome Monk, this just gets better and better) along for the ride, I first thought they wanted him to be our bodyguard/babysitter, now I’m wondering if they’re really looking out for Evan Stone.

I’m looking forward to spending time with Greg Delong and Dee of njoy, Jamye, Vera, Lucy, Kali, mistress of the dungeon sleepover, Megan and to finally meeting Theresa Ikard and John Pettitt of CarnalNation and of course, Evan Swoon Stone. Long hair or short hair, Evan, you’ll always remain my favorite porn star. Theresa sent me the Flutterby Butterfly Wireless Wearable Vibrator that I tested during my erotica reading at In The Flesh. You'll have to wait for the review to be up on CarnalNation to find out how that went.

Be sure to keep up with our Vegas adventures on our blogs, twitters, twitpics and facebooks.

Following these people on Twitter will allow you to join in all the Vegas wackiness. And wacky it will no doubt be. We've been told we remind people of Patsy and Edina from AbFab. Since Diva's is the French martini whore, she gets to to be Patsy (Patsy's taller too) and I get to be Eddie. Woohoo!

Me @Urban_Gypsy
Diva @DebauchedDiva
Monk@TwistedMonk
Shaye@Mr_Carnal
Dee @dee_hovey
Jamye @jamye
Vera @verafromFYN
Lucy @LucyVonne11
Kali @KinkAcademy
Megan @HiOhMegan (not OhHiMegan or even @HiHoMegan despite how cute it sounds)
Theresa @TheresaIkard
John Pettit @jpp123

If anyone else who's reading this is going, let me know and I'll add you to the list. When we think up a good hashtag, we'll let you know.

I'm off now, so many things to do, people to meet and places to see that I need to start setting up a binder for this trip.

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2010 NYC Sex Blogger Calendar Release Party Burlesque Performers

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 13:12:00 +0000

The party is almost here!

Tomorrow. Fontana's. 105 Eldridge St. 6:30- 9:30. Be there.

With the hot and hot-off-the-presses calendars, which only about four people have seen so far, finally making their public debut. Buy one, buy two for $20 a piece they're a bargain and since our amazing sponsors and supporters not only stuffed your goodie bags full but covered the cost of production, every penny of their purchase price goes to SWA. I have it on good word that Rachel will flash her boobs or spank you if you buy a calendar from her, I'm sure I can be convinced to do the same.

But in addition to the 200 gift bags stuffed to the brim with free porn, lube, condoms, vibrators, cock rings and more, we're giving you, or more accurately, some beautiful and generous dancers are giving you their ~~boobs~~ talent in a free burlesque show. Produced by, and starring, N, of HyperGender Burlesque, it is going to be super sexy and hot. And luckily for you, my genius idea of my performing to Spirit in the Sky never amounted to more than a hallucination. Maybe next year. Ahem.

So without further yakking here are the performers:

Photo credit - Stacie Joy

JZ Bich

Photo credit - Stacie Joy

Little Stormy

Photo credit - Stacie Joy

Jezebel Express

Photo credit - Stacie Joy

And we have a special reading you won't want to miss by calendar model, Sinclair Sexsmith.

Photo credit - Stacie Joy

Thanks to the vivacious Abiola Abrams, we'll also have two go-go performers, SHiNE and Lady Lucious.

So come out, show your support and enjoy the show!

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The Final (well nearly final) Raffle Prize Packages

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:50:00 +0000

The 2010 NYC Sex Blogger Calendar Release Party raffle was a huge hit last year. But it took forever. So this year with even more products, thanks to our super generous sponsors and supporters, we've made some insanely incredible raffle packages. You'll be able to use your tickets to bid on the packages you really want. While all our prizes are amazing, this year you can bid on the ones that really speak to you. And by limitied our packages to 22, it will go much faster. You won't have to hold you breath too long (unless that gets you off) to find out if you've won. We'll have volunteers manning the raffle table to help you make sure you slip your tickets into the proper containers.

Like last year, tickets are 1 for $2, 3 for $5 and 10 for $10. Please bring cash; exact change would be appreciated when possible. And let's not forget, buying a calendar supports not only SWA but makes the photographers and models who donated their time feel really appreciated. Calendars again are $20 and cash is the way to go. We are not set up for credit cards. The amazing coupon codes in the calendar will more than make up for the purchase price.

1)
Bo pleasure object – donated by Lelo.com

Fleshlight donated by TabuToys.com

His - erotica donated by Pretty Things Press

Guide to Sexual Pleasure video donated by Dr. Joy Davidson

Flogger and Cuffs donated by Stockroom.com

Lubricants donated by SystemJo.com

Silicone Cock Rings donated by PurePleasure.com

2)
Candy Apple Kink Kit donated by Babeland.com

Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z – Volumes 1 & 2 donated by Pretty Things Press

Lubricants donated by SystemJo.com

Jimmy Jane Gift Bag donated by PleasureChest.com

Jimmy Jane Form 6, Bourbon Scented Massage Candle, Ceramic Massage Stone, Cooling Massage Lotion, Spin Me Game, Indulgences Kit

Lubricants donated by SystemJo.com

Coming Together Hurricane Edition donated by Alessia Brio

Pink White Gift Bag donated by pinkwhite.biz

Crash Pad Series and other films and Signed Poster

Malibu Harness donated by Stockroom.com

Two I <3 Girl Porn T-shirts donated by Hot Movies For Her

Lubricants donated by SystemJo.com

Fun Factory Delight donated by TabuToys.com

Lesbian Couples Guide to Sexual Pleasure video donated by Dr. Joy Davidson

Coming Together With Pride erotica donated by Alessia Brio

Hers erotica donated by Pretty Things Press

Bad Girl erotica donated by Pretty Things Press

Flogger donated by Stockroom.com

Two I <3 Girl Porn T-shirts donated by HotMoviesForHer.com

Spare Parts Harness donated by Spare Parts

Lubricants donated by SystemJo.com

Footlong Toy Case donated by ForYourNymphomation.com

Luna Beads & Elise pleasure objects donated by Lelo.com

Coming Together Under Fire donated by Alessia Brio

Velvet Heat erotica donated by Pretty Things Press

Lubricants donated by SystemJo.com

Adult Toy Box – donated by ForYourNymphomation.com

Gigi pleasure object donated by Lelo.com
One of a Kind Glass Dildo donated by Pyrexions.com

Rubber Flogger donated by Stockroom.com

Sex and Candy erotica donated by Pretty Things Press

Juicy erotica donated by Pretty Things Press

Lubricants donated by SystemJo.com

Liv and Iris pleasure objects donated by Lelo.com

Two I <3 Girl Porn T-shirts donated by HotMoviesForHer.com

Down and Dirty Volumes 1 and 2 erotica donated by Pretty Things Press

Lubricants donated by SystemJo.com

Custom Exotic Rope Kit donated by TwistedMonk.com
Ceramic Butt Plug donated by Atraw Ceramics

Bondage on a Budget erotica donated by Pretty Things Press

Vegan Lube donated by Furry Girl
Lubricants donated by SystemJo.com

10)

10 incher toy case donated by ForYourNyphomation.com

One of a Kind Glass Dildo donated by Pyrexions.com

Guide to Heterosexual Sexual Pleasure donated by Dr. Joy Davidson

Lipstick on Her Collar erotica donated by Pretty Things Press

Naked erotica donated by Pretty Things Press

Lubricants donated by SystemJo.com

11)

Inflatable Fuck Lounger donated by ExtremeRestraints.com

Lubricants donated by SystemJo.com

12)

Liberator Scoop/Wedge Black Label donated by Liberator.com

Lubricants donated by SystemJo.com

13)

Two All Access Festival Passes to Cinekink NYC admission to all films and parties donated by Cinekink.com

Papaya Vibe donated by Dr. Dick

Naughty Stories A to Z volumes 1 – 4 donated by Pretty Things Press

Lubricants donated by SystemJo.com

14)

Rolling Toy Trunk donated by ForYourNymphomation.com

            Lubricants donated by SystemJo.com

            15)

Vergenza MK 1 aluminum dildo donated by Vergenza

Coming Together Special Memorial edition erotica donated by Alessia Brio

House to Half erotica donated by Pretty Things Press

Little Leolo donated by ErosandIsis.com
Lubricants donated by SystemJo.com

16)

Victor/Victoria donated by ErosandIsis.com

Mr. Mister donated by ErosandIsis.com

One Month membership FortheGirls.com donated by Ms Naughty

Fatty D films donated by April Flores
Lubricants donated by SystemJo.com

17)
The Njoy Eleven donated by Njoytoys.com

Lubricants donated by SystemJo.com

18)

Photo Shoot by JM Darling
Lubricants donated by SystemJo.com

19)

Print by Joseph (JC) W. Carey

Photo Shoot by Joseph (JC) W. Carey
Lubricants donated by SystemJo.com

20)

Gift Basket: (1 year membership to Kink Academy, Male T-shirt & Female tank-top, Role-Play Dialog Deck ; 1 Verbal Humilation Deck, Exploring Sexuality Journal, Aftercare Blanket, Set of Red Wooden Stocks) donated by KinkAcademy.com

21)

Gift Basket (including Lelo Ella, Bad Boy anal toy, Kama Sutra Tangerine & Cream Honey Dust, assorted videos, sex coupons, Sliquid Organics Lube and Stimulating O Gel, $25 Gift Card and assorted other items) donated by GoodVibes.com

22)

Gift Basket (including FreeStyle Vibe, Sliquid Organics Lube, Afterglow Toy Wipes, and T-shirt) donated by OhMiBod.com

Please note that the numbers are not the order in which prizes will be raffled.

See you all Friday!

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Tess and Diva's Big Surprise - Twisted Monk to Teach Sensual Rope Bondage in NYC

noreply@blogger.com (Tess) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 18:29:00 +0000

When we do things, we do them BIG.

And so, after meeting Monk at the Hartford GRUE and ~~twisting his arm~~ encouraging him to come to the Calendar Party, Diva and I thought it would be amazing if he could do a rope class on Saturday. And he thought so too. So without further ado, Diva and I welcome Twisted Monk back to NYC, to the calendar party and to teach 20 of you lucky kinksters some of his bad ass rope skills. He'll even be bringing some special rope kits you can purchase for the occasion.

The class will cost $35 (plus an additional $60 if you'd like to purchase the special rope kit, complete with DVD and exotic rope - regular price is $80 - that he'll be selling) and will be held November 7th at Fontana's at 3PM to 4:30PM with an hour social and Q&A session upstairs at the bar after the class. Please help us support Fontana's, which once again is allowing us to use their space for this event, by ordering yourselves a drink or two or three. It's doubtful you'd be turned down if you offered to buy your hostesses drinks. You do know Diva's superhero name is Diva DrinksAlot. Just in case, you all know my penchant for Patron Anejo and when was the last time Diva went anywhere and didn't freaking twitpic a French Martini? There's a rumor flying around that Monk enjoys a nice whiskey every so often.

Here's the class description. Remember it's limited to 20 on a first to reserve basis.

“Sensual Rope Bondage for the Not So Vanilla”
Rope, everybody is doing it.

So what is up with all this rope bondage stuff anyways? Seems like everywhere you look online these days folks are tying each other up and having sex. Maybe you have tried in the past, ya know silk ties to the bed posts perhaps, and now you want to know more?

Monk, founder of Twistedmonk.com the oldest and most trusted name in bondage rope, is hosting a once in a lifetime class on erotic rope bondage. More than your run of the mill “rope 101” class with a bunch of frustrating knots you will never remember, this class is all about providing you with the building blocks as well as how to “think” in rope to expand your play options and confidently bring rope bondage into your bedroom.

Topics Include:
Why Rope? Or “So, do you get a lot of chicks with this rope bondage thing?”
Resources
Rope Safety
Single and double column ties and variations
Chest Harnesses with variations
Boy and girl ‘bits” bondage
Incorporating Rope into your play

If you are just starting to explore bondage or perhaps just very curious, this small hands on class is for you.
Class size is limited to only 20. In addition to the class, Monk has a special rope kit for sale. Please go to http://www.twistedmonk.com/rsvp.htm to pre-register and reserve your kit. Supplies are limited.

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