Useless Dicta

Adventures in Lawyering #2

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 05:45:00 +0000

The new docket that I have been assigned to is somewhat of a nightmare, fairly disorganized and totally intimidating, but at least it provides for some decent entertaining moments throughout the day. Overheard in court this morning while judge was setting conditions of defendant's bond on the record:

Judge: Mr. Defendant you are prohibited from possessing any firearms, possessing or consuming alcohol or controlled substances without a valid prescription while on bond in this case. Do you understand?

Defendant: Wait a minute your honor, if I can't drink and I can't smoke pot, then what am I supposed to do to you know relax and take the edge off of well life in general, cause man it sucks?

Judge gives defendant one of the most stern looks I've ever seen a judge give a defendant from the bench

Judge: well Mr. Defendant, I can't give you legal advice, but I can give you some common sense: read a book, watch a movie, take a walk, try yoga, or hell maybe some good old fashioned hot chocolate would work for you, I frankly don't really care what it is that you do just so long as you never ever appear in my courtroom for another alcohol or drug related offense ever again. Am I making myself clear Mr. Defendant?

Defendant: Yes sir, you've made it very clear that you are one bitter asshole, frankly sir I'd suggest that you just go ahead and smoke a joint, might help you relax and take the edge off. But I ain't no lawyer, so I sure as hell can't give you legal advice.

My docket partner and I had the hardest time not busting up laughing in the courtroom while that exchange was occurring. Frankly I'm surprised the judge didn't hold the guy in contempt and increase the bond amount.

Nut Up or Shut Up*

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 06:13:00 +0000

Today was day #12 of my adventures as a DA. Although I did a short stint in the training division (minor traffic cases only) last summer, I started 2 weeks ago feeling rusty and like I definitely needed to find my footing again. Today I was finally starting to feel comfortable, like I finally was starting to get the hang of things. Then of course, in the usual fashion that is the chaos of my office, the chief of my division came and found me and told me that effective next week they are moving me back up to the main office to go into a regular misdemeanor docket to work with an attorney who has been with the office for about a year. I am beyond freaked out.

While it's flattering to be moved out of the training docket so quickly I really don't think I'm ready. I have practically no trial experience and although I did a ton of things as an intern I didn't learn how to effectively manage a docket because my job was primarily research and writing. Those are the things that I should be learning in the training docket, things that I haven't mastered yet.

All of the felony attorneys that I worked with as an intern think that it's fabulous that I'm "moving up" and that it's an accomplishment worthy of congratulations. But I see it differently. If I manage to survive and dare I say even do a good job in this docket it will look very good to the higher ups and could be good for future promotions. However, this is also a docket that has been known to chew people up and spit them out, if I'm not careful it could end in absolute disaster. It's literally a sink or swim scenario. I just hope I somehow manage to remember how to swim . . .

*For those of you who haven't seen Zombieland, go see it, it was hilarious, and once you see the movie the title of this post will make sense.

Punked

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 13:48:00 +0000

The people who run the admin side of my office really are morons. The office recently purchased software that will automatically make phone calls and send emails whenever the office is closed or opening late due to inclement weather. Idiot human resources director, who caused all the previous drama over the summer, is the person responsible for programming the information into the system. Useless city is currently getting pounded by the first big snow storm of the year. The roads are a mess, visibility is low and every school district in the metro area has had 2 snow days so far. Office was open at the usual time yesterday but by 3:30pm we were told to go home.

At 9:00pm we all got the automated phone call telling us that all offices in the district would be opening at 10:00am. Sweet right? I mean I snow day would be better, but at least a late start lets me sleep in a bit and not have to worry about driving in a raging snow storm in the dark. 10 minutes later phone rings again, this time automated system is telling us that only the main office is on a delayed schedule, the satellite office at the south end of the district (which is of course the one I work in) is opening at 8am like usual. F%&$. Apparently idiot HR director didn't double check the opening times for ALL offices in the district before programming the first message. After yelling about it on the phone with a couple of co workers for about 5 minutes I headed off to bed, set my alarm for 5am to make sure to give myself plenty of time to do the drive that usually takes only 20 minutes in good weather. By 6:30 this morning I had finally brushed 12 inches of snow off my car, scraped the ice and was on the highway headed south to the office. At 6:35 my cell phone rings. Yup, of course NOW automated system says that the south office is opening at 10:00am. FML. I could have turned around to go back home but that would have taken at least 15 minutes and frankly if I had done that I probably would have gotten another phone call saying never mind, just kidding, open at 8:00.

Needless to say I walked into the office at 7:25am and now I'm just waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out from behind a door and tell me I got punked......

Adventures in Lawyering

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 04:03:00 +0000

So far life as a lawyer has been fairly uneventful, which I suppose is good because it means that I haven't been fired and that I still have my bar license. However, that doesn't mean that working in the traffic division isn't entertaining, it's not as interesting on an academic type level as the felony division was, but the outrageous stories and excuses I get to hear on a daily basis really do make my day. In the 7 days I have been in the traffic division so far I have heard almost every excuse under the sun as to why people got a ticket, didn't renew their license plates, couldn't make their court dates, etc. But today I got the excuse that took the cake:

Me: "Ms. Driver, it looks like you got a ticket for not having valid auto insurance, is that correct?"
Driver: "Ummm well yes but I can explain, I had insurance when I was pulled over, I just didn't have the insurance card in my car."
Me: "Okay, well did you bring your insurance card with you to court today?"
Driver: "I brought what is left of it."
Me: "What do you mean?"
Driver: "I know this sounds ridiculous and I know you must hear a thousand excuses every day, and this one is the lamest one in the book, but my dog ate it."
Me: "Pardon?"
Driver: "Here, look- I brought what's left of it."

Driver pulls out piece of chewed up paper that is barely recognizable.

Needless to say we continued the case to give Driver time to call insurance agent and get a replacement insurance card . . .

When Will This Start to Feel Normal?

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 03:14:00 +0000

I have the piece of paper framed on the wall that says "Juris Doctor."

I have the 5 digit Useless State attorney registration number.

I have my name on the door to an office with a window.

I have a secretary who takes my messages and does all kinds of other extraordinary things.

And yet, despite all of the things that say "I'm an attorney now" I still feel like I should be an intern and a student. I was completely flustered today when an intern asked for my permission to do something on a case and then started asking me for advice about studying for the bar. She was sitting in my office, in the chair on the other side of the desk. The same chair where I sat 2 weeks ago in my then supervisor's office stressing out about the bar results and what would happen if I didn't get a job offer. It was surreal. Suddenly, without warning, I'm the attorney, not the intern. It's so strange.

And So It Begins

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 05:14:00 +0000

I'm all official now, got my attorney license number yesterday and was sworn in as a Deputy DA today. It didn't really hit me that I'm a real attorney with a real job until I went to my benefits orientation meeting and learned about those adult things I've always heard my parents talk about, 401(k)s, IRAs, HMOs, PPOs, etc. Apparently I have those now, so weird.

As we were waiting to be sworn in today, the mother of one of the other new attorneys getting sworn in today asked us what made us decide to be DAs. Most of the answers were the usual, predictable ones, such as great trial experience, stepping stone to the US Attorney's office or complex securities litigation, etc. While I definitely understand those responses, those aren't the reasons that made me want to be a prosecutor.

In both college and law school I was surrounded by people who strived to change the world and who dreamed of being the fighters for the helpless and defenseless members of our society. The initial reactions I got to my decision to intern with a prosecutor's office after my first year of law school was met with mixed feelings. Understandably, many of my friends and even some of my family viewed it as working for the wrong side, working for "the man" who was always trying to screw over the little person. Let's face it, prosecutors don't exactly have squeaky clean reputation, no thanks to the Duke Lacrosse debacle a few years ago. In light of that, many of my law school colleagues gravitated towards criminal defense. I'll admit, I've had moments where I wonder if I'm working for the right side. I've had days where I have felt like I could be more useful on the other side of the courtroom fighting to make sure that prosecutors and law enforcement have to follow the rules. And yet, despite those days, I have many many many more days where I leave work feeling like I'm doing work that matters, is important, and makes a difference. Somewhere along the way of interning these past two years I discovered that a good prosecutor can actually do more good than a good defense attorney. A defense attorney can't make the decision to drop an unsupported case or craft a plea bargain that gives a person a second chance. Only the prosecutor has that kind of discretion. And yes, it goes without saying that criminal prosecution necessarily gives rise to that old cliché "with great power comes great responsibility," but clichés aside, responsible, ethical, hard working prosecutors really can change the world. That's not to say that criminal defense work isn't rewarding or that there aren't plenty of hard working, responsible defense attorneys out there, because there are, and our system needs good people sitting on both sides of the courtroom. But despite the doubts I sometimes have, I always come back to the same place: I want to be a prosecutor because I get to do work that is worthwhile and might just make a difference, even if it is just a small difference. Oh, and I guess I shouldn't forget to mention that it is fun as heck, almost to the point of being addicting.

When I Grow Up

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 03:50:00 +0000

I'm getting sworn in as an attorney in Useless State tomorrow morning, and then on Thursday I'm getting sworn in as a Deputy DA. I can't believe it's already been 3 years since I started trying to figure out exactly how to read a case, how to prepare for law school classes, and how to outline, at the time it seemed like the end of law school was light years away. I don't think I ever really did figure out how to prepare for class or outline effectively. But luckily I did figure out how to read cases.

Every time I pause to think about everything that's happened, how life has seemingly fallen into place, I am simply stunned. I found myself at my ballet studio last night examining the hundreds of photos from past performances that adorn the walls and it felt like those performances, some of them almost 15 years ago, happened only yesterday. It was surreal to stand there, a woman of 25 about to become a lawyer, examining the girl who wasn't even a freshman in high school wearing a stunning royal blue tutu who didn't have an answer to the question "what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Today Trivia Boy stopped by my office to wish me congrats and to apologize for not being able to attend the swearing in ceremony on Thursday (he unfortunately didn't pass the barzam but is still going to be able to stay on as an intern with the office while he tries it again in Feb). I was bemoaning the fact that my supervisor thought I should call my mom and have her go with me to get sworn in at the attorney registration office tomorrow morning. Frankly I don't think any of the swearing in stuff is something to make a big fuss about, but tomorrow's swearing in consists of nothing more than filling out a few forms, paying my fee and signing the oath. There is absolutely no reason that anyone needs to go with me for that. Trivia Boy was supposed to agree that I didn't need to make a big production out of it, he never makes a big deal out of anything and I knew he would understand why I didn't want to make a big deal out of this. But instead he sided with my boss. He commented that tomorrow is kind of a big deal because tomorrow I officially become an adult with a career and a professional license. I'm no longer a student, I'm no longer a 20 something on the path to a goal, no longer searching for an answer to the "what do you want to be when you grown up" question, but rather an adult with an office, business cards, and a title. For some reason, as soon as he said that, I wanted absolutely nothing more than to be the 14 year old in the stunning royal blue tutu.

And so I picked up the phone and called my parents to invite them to the swearing in. Because as much as I hate to admit it, Trivia Boy is right, getting sworn in for the very first time is kind of a big deal and I might regret it later if my parents aren't there to share it.

Come Back Down

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 13:35:00 +0000

Thanks to all of you for the congrats, it's been a pretty amazing few days. For the most part I've been on cloud nine. But it all has to end at some point and I have to come back down to reality. The mandatory staff meeting we had yesterday afternoon at work managed to do just that. After the morning of congratulatory celebrations and hugs and cookies and flowers wore off the reality of what it means to be an attorney with my office set it.

It's going to be a lot of work, and I'm fully ready for it, I knew when I signed up it wasn't going to be an easy 8-5 M-F kind of gig. But along with that dose of reality came a lot of fear and anxiety. I know everyone has to start somewhere and no one knows everything out of the gate. But yesterday afternoon I literally felt like I know absolutely NOTHING despite the fact that I've worked at my office for two years and have seen more of the behind the scenes stuff that goes into prosecuting cases than most other people who just graduated law school and are hoping to get jobs as DAs.

I'm glad we have a 3 day weekend (yes, Monday is Columbus Day, a holiday I don't think I've ever had off, even years ago as a public school kid, thank you government work!) it'll hopefully give me some time to rest up before the madness begins. I'm also thinking some celebratory retail therapy is in order. There's a bracelet I've wanted forever that I promised myself I would get if I passed the bar and got a job. I wasn't planning on those two things happening the same day, but since they did I think that means I get to go buy my bracelet :-) And apparently there are these things called suits that attorneys have to wear, I guess I'll have to go in search of those too........

Pinch Me

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 22:23:00 +0000

Three days ago I wrote about how there were 3 scenarios for what would happen today. I have no idea how it happened, and it seems entirely too good to be true, but somehow scenario #3 happened: I passed the bar and got my dream job.

I got the fantastic phone call about the job this afternoon. I was literally silently screaming as the two hiring attorneys were on the phone telling me the great news and wishing me congrats. I screamed out loud the minute I hung up the phone and proceeded to dance around my apartment. Someone pinch me, cause I must be dreaming.

Useless Dicta, ESQUIRE!!!!!!!!!

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 16:06:00 +0000

I have no idea how I did it, but some how I managed to pass the Useless State Barzam.

Commence partying IMMEDIATELY :)

T Minus 60 hours

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 03:45:00 +0000

The results of Useless State Barzam will be posted sometime around 9:00am on Thursday. That's a little more or less than 60 hours from now. I haven't slept well for the past 3 nights, and every time I think about Thursday morning I get a little naseous. I know there's nothing I can do at this point. The exam was done and over the minute I put my pencil down for the final time back on that last Wednesday in July. Up until now I really haven't worried all that much about it. In fact, the barzam seems like a distant nightmare, I really don't remember all that much of it at all. Even though I know I can't change the outcome at this point and it seems silly to stress about things I can't control, my nerves are working some serious overtime this week.

Complicating matters is the job situation. I didn't really know what to think about the interview last week when I walked out of it. It didn't feel as bad as the quasi interview I had back in April. But it also didn't feel spectacular. However, I've heard through the grapevine of some higher-ups that I had a good interview last week. Several people have also made comments that the interview last week was just a formality and I have nothing to worry about. As much as I apperciate hearing good things from the attorneys and others that I work with, it makes me nervous at the same time. It's a lot of pressure to live up to. On the one hand, if I don't pass the barzam I could be faced with wondering whether or not a job that may have been mine by the end of this week will still be there come May. On the other hand, if I do pass the barzam but don't end up getting the job then I'm going to have to start back at square one and spend who knows how long trying to find a permanent job. I know that I should be hoping for the optimistic third scenario, the one which involves me passing the barzam and getting the job. Call me a pessimist, but the third scenario just sounds like something that would be too good to be true.

I will be so glad when this week is over. I think the absolute worst part of all of this is the not knowing part. I wish I could just fast forward through the next 2 days and find out the results, no matter what they might be, so that I can figure out what comes next. (and so I can stop boring all you fantastic blog readers with my mundane worrying/griping/stressing about the bar, the results and jobs).

Get Back on the Roller Coaster

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 03:46:00 +0000

As if I haven't been through enough of a roller coaster with my job in the last 5 months (all of which are detailed here I'm apparently about to hop back on the roller coaster. HR director emailed all of the interns today to set up interviews with the elected DA later this week. YIKES. I have the very last slot on Thursday afternoon. Word on the street is that it's good to have the last interview of the day because it means that they aren't tied to an ending time and can talk more (which could end up being a curse- we'll see). They didn't let us pick our interview times, they assigned them and apparently elected DA usually tells HR director which order she'd like to see people in. I'm trying not to read too much into it. I literally felt like I might puke when that email came through today. I'm not really sure how I'm going to sleep the rest of this week (or next week when I find out barzam results for that matter). Although leaving the office I'm with might not the be worst thing thing in the world the job prospects everywhere else are pretty grim. That just puts even more pressure on everything. I think this means I need to restock the wine rack to gear up for the rest of the week. . .

You've Got the Wrong #

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 02:14:00 +0000

Public Service Announcement: if you are making a phone call to try and set up a drug deal or some other sort of criminal activity, make sure you dial the right phone number.

Around 3:45 this afternoon as I was putting the finishing touches on the brief that is due first thing Monday morning my office phone rang. I answered it with my usual "District Attorney's Office, [Useless Dicta] speaking" greeting. A very gruff voice on the other end of the phone said "It's going down at 1:23 tonight, corner of foothills and first." I responded with "I'm sorry, who are you trying to reach?" The very gruff voice said "Oh S%&@!, who the F*$% is this?" I responded very politely again with my name and said I was the felony department intern at the local DA's office. The conversation ended with "OH F*$%!" and a very quick click.

Lucky for Mr. Very Gruff voice he remembered to block his number before calling and the sheriff's department (who we are required to call whenever we get calls like that, which is rare) wasn't able to trace it. Lucky for me, that phone call provided some much needed entertainment and a good laugh with the rest of the office on what had been a very long and boring Friday afternoon.

Help A Sister Out

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 00:04:00 +0000

Fashionista has a dilemma so I told her I'd see if I could help a girl out by getting some insight from the bloggy world.

She's known this guy, we'll call him B, for about five years now. They were pretty close friends in college but fell out of touch when she went to law school and he went abroad with the Peace Corps. They never dated, they always had other significant others when they were friends in college. Now Fashionista has moved back to her home state and B is back from the Peace Corps so they've been hanging out, basically picking up the old college friendship where they left off. Neither one of them are seeing other people at the moment. Over the past month or so Fashionista has started to feel like she'd like to be something more than just buddies. She has no idea if he feels the same way, they haven't discussed the issue and as far as she can tell he's treating her like just another one of the guys. She asked me the other day if I thought she should just take a leap and ask him out. I had no idea what to tell her. On the one hand she values the friendship and doesn't want to make the current friendship awkward or strange. On the other hand if she doesn't take the leap of faith and ask him how he feels about going out on a date then she might never know the answer and she might be missing out on something great.

I've been in the situation of turning a friendship into something more and it definitely changes the whole dynamic. Knowing what I know now I really feel like there's no turning back once you go down that road. That's not to say that you can't maintain a friendship should a more romantic relationship not work out, but any friendship that happens to turn into something more than friendship is forever changed once that door is opened. That being said I'm a big fan of finding a significant other who is also a best friend, and I think some of the best relationships grow out of friendships. So that leaves me stuck with giving Fashionista pretty unhelpful commentary- either it could be great if he feels the same way or it could also be good to just leave the status quo alone.

She asked me to enlist the help of the others, she's definitely approaching this like a lawyer and conducting all of the research before engaging in some serious analysis to decide what to do. So come on bloggy world, help a sister out!

When Lawyers Try to be Docs

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 23:49:00 +0000

We had our annual 3 day training conference this week. Most of it was painfully boring and as you looked around the room you could tell that the 80 attorneys trapped in the room were all visualizing various ways to stab their own eyes out. One of our last sessions today was on Psychology in the Courtroom. A psychiatrist did the presentation and gave us a big handout of all the various mental conditions that we might be faced with at various points in our criminal careers that included checklists of symptoms for each condition. By the end of the hour the row of people I was sitting with had self diagnosed ourselves with ADD, ADHD, Major Depression, Conduct Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Substance Dependence, various Sleep Disorders, Bipolar disorder and possibly even mild schizophrenia. Seems like par for the course right? Too bad the doc didn't bring any meds with him.....

**Disclaimer: I don't really think the people I work with actually have those things, maybe ADD and Sleep Disorders, but that's about it. However the checklists that we were given just made it way too easy and tempting, we couldn't stop ourselves from checking off the absurd. Why yes I do in fact see circus clowns and talk to Bugs Bunny on a regular basis :)

The Bucket Post Law School/Post Barzam To Do List

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 12:15:00 +0000

About three weeks before the barzam I began compiling a list of things that I wanted to do once the craziness of the last three years of my legal education roller coaster finally came to an end. It's been more than a month since the barzam ended and so far, I'm failing miserably on my list. As usual I had very high ambitions but somehow I've once again found that my affinity for procrastination wins out even when I don't have things like school or exams on my agenda. Here's the list, original items that were on the list before the bar are in black, things that I added to the list after the barzam are in blue, and things that I've actually managed to finish are crossed out.

Things I Need to do When I Get My Life Back
1. Read 5 fun books that don't have anything to do with law or any sort of intellectual type subject. (I've read 2 so far: Time Traveler's Wife and Prep, both while on vacation 3 weeks ago).
~~2. Clean the apartment~~
3. Organize my apartment, donate things I no longer use/need to Goodwill
4. List all of my used Law School books and supplements on Amazon
5. Finish the knitted scarf and hat set I started last winter
6. Get resume and other job application materials together
7. Start serious job search
8. Research graduate school options as backup plan if being a lawyer doesn't work out
~~9. Research job options at local ski resorts to fund future career as ski bum if needed~~
~~10. Start going to ballet regularly~~
11. Sign up for tennis lessons
12. Call the bestie from high school and set up dinner
13. Plan Nintendo wii party with the crew
14. Seriously assess $$ situation and make budget for the next 6 months
15. Stop eating so much junk food.
16. Start making/cooking more meals
17. Stop drinking 2-3 large coffees a day
18. Clean out car
19. Finally get major law school paper from 2L year updated and ready for publication
20. Work my way through the long list of movies that the crew claims I must see before I die
21. Start reading the 10 books I still have left on my "read before you start law school and don't have time to read for fun anymore" shelf.
~~22. Organize my iTunes library~~
23. Organize my digital photos
24. Trek downtown to have lunch at crepes place with BFF
~~25. SLEEP~~
26. Win the lottery
27. Pay off all my school loans
28. Learn Spanish
29. Travel the world
30. Become the POTUS (or get appointed to SCOTUS)- either will do :-)

Too bad those last 5 are kind of unattainable, at least for the time being!

Vote for Pedro

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 03:06:00 +0000

The ABA Journal is currently taking nominations for blawgs to include in their annual Blawg 100 list that comes out in December. Click here to vote for Pedro!

*DISCLAIMER* I've never seen Napoleon Dynamite so I'm not really sure what all the "vote for pedro" hype is/was about, but somehow after a glass of wine and an evening of watching Nadal/Monfils US Open match it seemed like an appropriate theme for this little PSA.

OMG Drama Follow-up

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 00:16:00 +0000

Got an email from a reader today wondering what happened with the flowers that Trivia Boy sent to The Rebel a couple of weeks ago, so here's the update!

She got the flowers just as planned and apparently texted Trivia Boy the following day (mid-morning) with just a short "thanks." Trivia Boy proceeded to call me while I was at work (he was out of town visiting family) to ask what I thought the text meant and if Rebel had said anything about the flowers to me. She hadn't mentioned anything to me (and in fact 2 weeks later still hasn't said anything to us girls in the crew about the flowers) and I didn't really have any good insight on what her text meant, but I told him that since Rebel was watching his puppy the flowers might have been mistaken as a "thanks for watching my dog" kind of thing instead of a "hey I'd like to go out with you" gesture. So I told Trivia Boy that he should just ask her out when he went to pick up the dog. He said he'd think about it and then hung up.

Three days later Trivia Boy called me immediately when his plane landed in Useless City (literally hadn't de-boarded yet) to fret/stress out about whether he should really ask Rebel out when he went to get his dog. 45 minutes later he finally made it to his car and was on his way to Rebel's, I told him to just do it so he'd at least know one way or the other if she was interested. He called again 5 minutes after leaving her place, he somehow convinced himself to just ask her out to dinner, and she said sure. Problem is, Rebel is currently working odd hours at the job she found to bridge the gap between law school and bar results, so she's not available most evenings. So they haven't actually been out on a date yet, Trivia Boy was convinced today at work that they won't actually end up going out because she hasn't gotten back to him about a day/evening that would work for her (he thinks she's blowing him off).

Meanwhile, both Trivia Boy and I have been put on a huge important somewhat high profile project at work. So far we've been doing well on the project, we both got lots of praise from the 2nd highest ranking person in the office last week during a meeting where we brought the mountain of research we'd done and the memo on the subject. My direct supervisor was impressed at how well we co-wrote the memo. Hopefully it'll lead to good things job wise for the both of us in October, fingers crossed!

Wake Me Up When September Ends

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 02:58:00 +0000

The month of August flew by so fast that I really don't quite know where the entire month went. Somehow now that the calendar has turned to September time seems to be creeping by. I've had no less than 4 ~~nightmares, premonitions, delusions~~ dreams about barzam results in the past week. This is particularly odd for me in that I very rarely (almost never) dream, and I guess if I do I never remember them by the time I wake up. Seeing as how results are still a full month away I can only imagine what is yet to come in my adventures of sleeping.

My task for this week is to finish up my job application materials so that everything is ready to go in October once results are posted. I'm making two sets of materials- a set for lawyer jobs if I pass and a set of non-lawyer jobs if I didn't pass/can't find legal job even if I did pass. Ugh. This of course is getting done with almost constant coverage of the US Open on in the background. I'm not sure when this happened, but suddenly I've developed this obsession with watching tennis, I could get lost in it for HOURS. I've been thinking I should check into lessons in my area, but I suppose I should have a guarenteed income before I do that right?

Another thing I want once I have a big kid job with a steady paycheck and a pet friendly apartment:

I've done a fair amount of research on those adorable little things this week and I really really really want one. Bad news is that puppies are really expensive from breeders (right around $2K) , there's no bulldog rescue in my state and they very rarely end up in the local shelters (which I suppose is a good thing).

Sorry for the somewhat boring blog post, life lately has been somewhat uneventful. The most exciting thing that September has brought is the return of the Pumpkin Spice Latte at Starbucks, so much for the post barzam diet & budget.

Got Lawyer?

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 23:33:00 +0000

Maybe law school and studying for the barzam came in handy after all.

I had to sign my apartment lease renewal today. My lease expires today and I've been going back and forth for 3 weeks now with the idiot girl who works in the leasing office to get her to actually do the renewal paperwork so I can sign the damn thing. Finally, on the very last day of my current lease, literally an hour before the office closes she finally has the paperwork done. I go to sign it and the renewal notice says "Discussed future billing of water, sewer, trash." Ummmm okay what? My rent currently includes water/sewer/trash and I pay for electric and gas separately. Dumb leasing office girl says "oh yeah, ummmm well they might start charging you separately for water but they probably won't so that clause just says we discussed it."

So I signed it. Good luck actually enforcing that clause bitches. Last time I checked, if they want to make a change so that rent no longer covers water/sewer/trash as outlined in my original lease agreement the wording that I agree to in the renewal will have to be more specific than "discussed future billing" and the girl who explains the clause will need to have a few more IQ points. Cause by signing the renewal with that clause and having that discussion with dumb girl all I did was acknowledge that she told me that the landlord is thinking about billing separately for water. Nothing in the signing or the conversation actually indicates my agreement to accept the change or my promise to go ahead and pay the water bill on my own. Clearly landlord didn't run this by a lawyer, and clearly he needs one. Maybe I should drop my resume in the box with my rent check tomorrow?

What Comes Next?

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 03:11:00 +0000

I've been back at my internship for about 3 weeks now and I absolutely love it. I get along really well with all of the attorneys, paralegals, and secretaries in the department that I work in and the work that I get to do is interesting, engaging, and sometimes just downright fun. Ever since I started in this department a year ago I have felt like I am learning a ton on a daily basis and that hasn't changed since I've been back from the barzam, which is great. Another cool thing that I've noticed happening is that the senior attorneys in the department have been including me on discussions about various new cases that have been filed and asking my opinions about whether I think there's enough evidence to proceed, what I think about the defenses being raised, etc.

All that being said, it's scary to think about what happens just a little over a month from now. There is no guarantee that I will have a job once bar results come out, no matter what the result ends up being. The other interns with the office, who are mostly working in the misdemeanor and traffic divisions, are hoping to get hired as full time attorneys so long as they pass the bar. They have basically been running dockets and doing the same kind of work that the attorneys in those divisions do so it would be a very smooth transition for them should they get hired. I on the other hand have been doing research and writing because I'm not authorized under the student practice act to appear in court on the cases in the division where I work (felony division). I do break away when I can to go do some court work in the traffic division, so it's not totally foreign to me, but should I get hired as an attorney after the barzam results I will definitely have a bigger adjustment to make.

While I do want to be a prosecutor, and I know that I can't just start off in the big leagues where I am currently interning, I have been thinking lately that spending another year where I am would be fabulous. There's plenty of work to keep me busy for at least a year and in talking to my direct supervisor this morning it sounds like they will have to hire another intern to replace me after the bar results because there is too much work for the department to not have my position filled. So I'm trying to figure out exactly what I should do and how I should approach this. On the one hand I know I want to be a prosecutor and I don't want to fall way behind the rest of my peers meaning that if I'm offered a full time position I almost have to start in October to be on track for moving up with everyone else, etc. However, I love where I'm at right now and I think staying in my research/writing job longer would benefit my career down the road. While a full time attorney job would definitely pay more, this is likely the one time in life where I can get by on what I make at my current job and where I don't need to worry about benefits, retirement, etc. Also, staying in my current position would take the pressure off of trying to get hired in a class that has 6 other interns vying for positions. I have no idea if it will be easier to get a full time position in the spring or even next fall, but if I get to stay where I am then that provides at least a little job security for the time being.

I also have no idea how to ask to keep my current position after the bar results. I don't want the higher ups to think that I don't want to be a prosecutor or that I'm only asking because I'm paranoid about not having any job in a few months, but I also don't want to just sit around hoping for a permanent offer come October. Anyone have any thoughts/advice on how to proceed? I've been thinking about talking to my direct supervisor about this to see what she thinks before talking to the people higher up the chain that actually have the power to decide. But I want to make sure I have a well thought out reason/approach before I even talk to my direct supervisor.

Thanks for the help :)

OMG Drama!

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 00:44:00 +0000

A week before the barzam I mentioned that Trivia Boy has a huge crush on one of my friends, the rebel. While a few of us in the crew know that he's smitten for her, no one really knows if Rebel herself has any ideas about this crush. She's been wrapped up in an on again off again thing with another guy for the last 6 months or so and seems to be very preoccupied at the moment with that. Despite this, Trivia Boy hasn't been deterred from being interested in Rebel, but he hasn't exactly gotten up the nerve to just go ahead and ask her out.

I was totally taken aback today when Trivia Boy rolled into my office at work to tell me that he had flowers delivered to Rebel today as a way of letting her know that he's interested, even though he only wrote his name on the card instead of writing something that would for sure get across the message that he's into her. He's leaving town tonight so he timed it so that he wouldn't have to see her at Trivia tonight (which ended up getting canceled anyways- but that's besides the point) just in case the response isn't what he's hoping for. He told me all the details of the flower delivery, he went to the florist and picked out the arrangement himself, something with sunflowers as the main thing, he then made arrangements to have the flowers delivered to the main office of Rebel's apartment complex this afternoon while she was still at work (she has a temp job so he didn't want to try and have them taken to her office) and then called her apartment office to make sure that the receptionist would call Rebel and let her know that she had a delivery to come pick up when she got home. For some reason, the whole time he was telling me this story I was feeling jealous and I don't know why. I'm assuming it's cause I never seem to date guys who are thoughtful enough to randomly give flowers, much less get flowers from someone who I'm not dating and I was just having one of those days where I'd like to feel special, but I dunno.

I brushed all this off went back to the massive post conviction appeal that I'm currently working on (for a murder case no less!) and happily went about the rest of my day. Despite this, for some reason I found my mind drifting as I sat in horrible traffic on my commute home thinking about what it would be like if I got home and found a message from my apartment office and went down there to find flowers waiting for me. WTF? I've been saying all summer that there's nothing going on between us, plus it's clear that he's into someone else. Even though there was that one night after the barzam, it didn't go anywhere, it didn't mean anything, and it didn't change how I generally feel about the situation (that we're friends and nothing more). And yet, here I am today all of the sudden feeling jealous and who knows what else. Oye. I think this might require a bottle of wine and a good cheesy movie, hopefully I'll wake up tomorrow with my head glued back on straight.

Seems Like it Happened Only Yesterday

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 03:18:00 +0000

If we are lucky in our lifetimes we will have the privilege of knowing at least one person who touches us, inspires us, and pushes us more than any other person we've ever met before. For me that person was my ballet teacher who I had throughout middle school, high school, and college. I've talked about her briefly before on this blog. Today is the four year anniversary of her death, ever since I got the terrible news back in 2005, August 20 has always been kind of a sad day.

She was so much more than a ballet teacher, she was someone who literally was bursting at the seams with all kinds of life and optimism- qualities that I myself can only hope I achieve at some point in life. She was, and still remains, one of the greatest influences of my young life. I remember I was asked during my college entrance interview who the most influential person in my life is and I named her without even stopping to think because she was someone who had the upmost compassion for everyone she met in life and had this spark about her that was simply indescribable. She was 65 when she passed away, but she had the heart and soul of a 20 year old. She was constantly looking for new adventures and was always ready to start a new chapter of learning and exploration. About 3 weeks before she died she started asking me about the law school application process because she had become interested in possibly doing it after seeing me start the process. I was taken aback then as to why someone like her, someone who was literally a prima ballerina and one of the most well known teachers and composers in the area who already had 2 masters degrees would possibly need, much less want to go to law school. Her response simply was "why not?" I think had she had more time she would have actually done it, and it would have been spectacular.

I know that she wouldn't want any of her ballet students (all of whom remain like a second family to me) to be sad or depressed on this day, she would want us to have a good laugh, remember the good times, and of course dance, so I've tried to not dwell too much on the remembering today, because doing so inevitably makes me sad, but nevertheless I felt a need to write about her. I hope that I can some day learn to handle whatever life throws at me with the same level of grace and dignity that she always seemed to display. I will always be forever grateful to have known someone like her and to have been able to count her among one of my good friends, I really can't believe she's been gone for 4 years, I know all of her beloved students miss her like it happened only yesterday.

Best and Worst of 1L

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 21:47:00 +0000

As the 2009-2010 school year gets underway around the country, several other blogs have written about the topic "Best and Worst of 1L." Basically, just share your best memory and your worst memory of your 1L year- for all of you out there who have made it through the 1L battle please chime in!

Worst 1L Memory.
Despite how much I have complained on this blog during law school about arbitrary grading and grades in general, I made it a point never to talk specifically about the specific grades I got in any particular class (even though I have talked about the general kinds of grades I have gotten in law school). I've always had a rule against it, I just don't think grades are anyone else's business and I don't like it when people talk about their specific grades. But my worst memory of 1st year revolves around a specific grade in a specific class, so I'm going to have to break that rule.

The very first law school exam I took was a mid-term in Torts. I thought I understood torts, I liked the subject matter liked the professor and studied my ass off for the exam. I felt totally prepared walking into the exam and I walked out feeling like I was at least somewhat competent. I found out a week later that I got a D on the exam. I had never gotten a grade that low in my life. It was by far the biggest blow I think I suffered in law school. I was kind of a slacker in undergrad, I did papers at the last minute, never did my reading for class, and didn't put 100% effort into any of my science classes and yet I got by with grades that were still above average most of the time. At my worst my non studying would usually leave me with a C. I knew law school was different and I knew law school was hard so I put 110% effort into getting ready for that exam because I was terrified of it. I was devastated when I found out that after all that work I managed to get the lowest grade of my life. I literally cried for at least an entire day and then contemplated dropping out of law school without finishing the first semester for at least the next week.

I was absolutely terrified going into my first round of finals thanks to that grade because I was convinced that all of my grades were going to be that bad and that I was going to flunk out. In the end I ended up with a not so great, but not an abysmal grade in Torts and respectable grades in my other first semester classes and everything else after that turned out just fine. So moral of the story is, don't let one bad exam, bad day in class, bad grade, or even bad semester get you down. Ironically enough my highest grade that first semester was in the class I studied the least for, hence why I returned to my undergrad ways of procrastination and minimal preparation for the remainder of law school. Not sure it helped my overall GPA, but it definitely saved my sanity.

Best 1L Memory
Best day of 1L hands down was the day that I found out that I was accepted onto the international law journal. I got that news about a week after finding out about my bad grade on the Torts midterm and was worried that I wouldn't be on the journal long, but I was nonetheless over the moon that I had passed both sections of the write on. It was the first time I felt like I had a place where I belonged within the law school and it turned out to be one of the best things that I got to do while I was in law school. I was truly lucky to have been able to work with the group of people who were on that journal and I definitely made some long time friends in the process. That being said, the actual journal work itself wasn't glamorous or even always fun, but if I had to do law school all over again that is definitely one thing I wouldn't change on the second go around.

Rested, Relaxed, Tan, and Back to Work

uselessdicta@gmail.com (Useless Dicta) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 05:07:00 +0000

I've returned from my trip to Mexico and it was fantastic. I had a great couple of days with Fashionista in Useless City for a couple of days before we headed south of the border and the week was capped off by getting some much needed rest and relaxation. We visited the Tulum ruins which were about a 10 minute drive from our resort, the beach at the ruins is by far the most beautiful beach I have ever visited:

Tulum Castle overlooking the Caribbean

The beach at the Tulum ruins.

Big thanks for the book recommendations that I received prior to my vacay. I didn't get as much reading done this year as last year, but I did finish both The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger and Prep by Curtis Sittenfeld both of which were excellent. I think Time Traveler's Wife was definitely my favorite of the two, that was one of those books that you just couldn't put down. I will definitely have to try and see that movie this weekend.

I also managed to get pretty tan while down there, enough so that people at the office have been commenting on it for the past couple of days, which is honestly kind of starting to bug me, cause I don't think I look normal being this tan, but it is kind of fun nonetheless. I'm now contemplating scheduling a short trip during the weekend that bar results come out in October so that I'm not at work when results are announced- in my state they post a list of everyone who passed on the Internet and while it would be fun to be at work celebrating if I do pass, if my name isn't on that list I absolutely don't want to find out while at the office. If anyone has any suggestions of good places in the US to take a short trip please let me know! I've already been to San Francisco, New York City and Washington DC so I'd like to see another city/town.