Useless Things

Kevin Meaney At Catch A Rising Star - Miami Beach

2009-09-28T15:43:00.002-05:00

Legendary comedy club Catch a Rising Star invades Miami Beach on October 16th with Kevin Meaney. Here's a clip of Meaney's new stuff at Comix, New York.

Click here for more info:

www.comedy305.com

Oni Perez Will Perform at Comedy 305

2009-09-22T16:31:00.001-05:00

Check out this hilarious clip of comedian Oni Perez.

Search Car For Drugs

South Florida, you can catch Oni at Comedy 305 in Miami Beach this Saturday.

Josh Hartnett's Hot Model Girlfriend, Sophia Lie

2009-09-13T14:58:00.005-05:00

Ohhhhhh, yeaaaaah... I had to come back to post these. Not great pics, but she is cute!

Actor Josh Hartnett, left, and his girlfriend, Norwegian model Sophia Lie attend the semifinals match between Rafael Nadal, of Spain, and Juan Martin del Potro, of Argentina, at the U.S. Open tennis tournament in New York, Sunday, Sept. 13, 2009.

That's right, make the little baby bring daddy his bottled water. After all you're Josh Hartnett, she's just a little model chick.

That's right.

Lazy Susan Was Named After Someone...

2009-08-06T01:08:00.002-05:00

Dead Man's Turn vs. The Lazy Susan

This guy Mario Mateo runs a comedy club inside the famouse Newport Beachside Hotel in Miami Beach. Check it out, it's called Kitchen 305:

Comedy Live at Kitchen 305.

Smart Car? Smart Everything...

2009-08-06T01:05:00.001-05:00

Smart Car

check him out at www.facebook.com/mariomateo

Having Sex With Wall-E

2009-08-04T03:10:00.001-05:00

As put forth by my favorite comic, Mario Mateo. Enjoy:

Phil Spector's Wife, Rachelle

2009-06-10T15:05:00.003-05:00

She claims she's not a gold digger, and is insulted with that assumption. Okay, honey, I'll give it to you, I believe you.

But, if your not, you've got to be the biggest idiot in relationship history. "Hmm, my husband just got over 19 years for the murder of his Ex? Yeah, I think I'm gonna hang in there, see where this thing is going."

I love how shallow these Hollywood women are. If you zoom into her eyeballs in this picture, you can see the words "Reality Show!" in bright lights, sparkling away.

Phil Spector Without His Wig

2009-06-10T14:55:00.002-05:00

Haha! After all those weird hairstyles, actually, this seems the most normal.

It's funny how he totally looks ashamed in this mugshot, like, "Oh, how humiliating...." These are the ones you should have been ashamed of!

People's perceptions... They never cease to amaze.

Heather Graham's Nippy Nips

2009-06-10T14:39:00.002-05:00

Heather Graham's still got a smokin' body. Wheew! Nipples!

An 80's Party From 13 Years Ago...

2009-06-09T15:52:00.002-05:00

Hey, Joe, what's up? Oh, I mean, Juan.

Anyone else still checking UT?

Vote Kyle Cease!

2009-01-15T18:26:00.005-05:00

This idea is blowing up on myspace. Vote for Kyle Cease for Comedy Central's Stand Up Showdown, and Kyle Cease will mention your name on his daily podcast. Its a real fun idea, and it gives something back to the fans. Sure, no big deal. But more than what the other Comedians are doing. He deserves it!

Jokes.com

Kyle Cease - Original Nintendo

Evan Rachel Wood's Stupid Tattoo; Beautiful Eyes

2009-01-11T20:42:00.002-05:00

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream" is what's written on Evan Rachel Wood's back. I figured, since I have a huge comment post going for my Stupid Megan Fox Tattoo post, I would post this one, too.

Stupid girls. They belong on Useless Things.

Lovely eyes, though.

Hey, Evan, Marlyn Manson didn't sleep with you because you were the kind of girl who tattoos esoteric Edgar Allan Poe lines on your back...He slept with you because you were 19, skinny, beautiful, and beautifully naive.

God, I'm so jealous. Damn you, Manson.

Eminem - Lose Yourself

2009-01-06T14:52:00.000-05:00

Eminem - Lose Yourself
by Eminem

South Beach Comedy Festival

2009-01-04T22:14:00.003-05:00

The only ad i got running right now is for a comedy night at a place called Kitchen 305. Check 'em out, and go see the show later this January. Here's a Mario Mateo bit about solving CAPTCHAS. Hilarious.

Happy New Year!

2008-12-31T18:42:00.003-05:00

Sure, UT sucked this year. But at least we're still here. Here's to 2009.

Ryan Seacrest and singer Fergie appear at rehearsals for "Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve With Ryan Seacrest" on December 9, 2008 in Burbank, California. Seacrest will host from Times Square and Fergie will host from Hollywood.

Really Hot Spider-Woman Costume

2008-12-31T16:36:00.001-05:00

Enjoy, people.

JAKKS Pacific (NASDAQ: JAKK) completes its acquisition of Halloween costume maker Disguise, which gives JAKKS the right to market costumes for Marvel and other characters.

Exclusive Anne V Victoria's Secret Backstage Pics

2008-12-27T19:36:00.002-05:00

The more I see Anne V, the more I think see that she's the most beautiful Angel. This set was taken by a personal friend of mine at the newly renovated Fountainbleu Hotel in North Beach.

Oh, and here's a Bonus... Miranda Kerr:

Mischa Barton Sleeps With The Fishes

2008-11-24T18:18:00.002-05:00

I know, I know, dolphins aren't fish, they're mammals. But I wanted to have a clever mafia pun headline. Sue me.

She was there to promote the grand opening of Atlantis Aquaventure Water Park, in the Bahamas.

Simple. Beauty.

2008-11-24T18:17:00.001-05:00

No words. Just Cintia.

Sad News For Karate Kid Fans

2008-11-11T15:26:00.003-05:00

Yes, that's right, they are going to re-make The Karate Kid. This is wrong on so many levels, I really don't even want to talk about it. Yeah, nothing is really wrong here, except for the fact that...

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE 1984 VERSION!

It still holds up, even today. It's perfect. It's the greatest movie of all time!

It's not even the fact that Will Smith has his hands on this project, or that he's trying to pimp out his son for the lead... it's just that if there's nothing wrong with something, DON'T TRY TO FIX IT! Great! Make a Karate movie with your son, but DON'T call it The Karate Kid!

Jerry Weintraub is to blame here, not Will Smith. He's the one who agreed to this. I really wished we didn't live in a world where people devalue their previous work. It's really an insult to the fans.

It's s truly sad day for Karate Kid fans. I guess if you live long enough, you get to see everything. And by long enough, I guess I mean "30."

Christ.

The Hot Chick From Transporter 3

2008-10-31T19:51:00.002-05:00

Her name is Natalya Rudakova, and as of this post there is NO information on her on imdb.com other than she's in the Transporter 3, with Jason Statham. Bad ass. I'm sure they're will be soon. No one knew who Kate Nauta was when Transporter 2 came out, matter of fact, they still don't. But they're HOT, and they'll always have a place on UT.

TRAILER:
http://video.aol.com/video-detail/transporter-3-trailer/1421732381

Anne Vyalitsyna High Rez Shots

2008-10-30T21:05:00.003-05:00

She's becoming my favorite. Just wonderful.

So natural.

Is John Mayer A Douche?

2008-10-30T20:49:00.002-05:00

Something in this guy's face. I don't know. I kind of liked his music when he first came out, but now it looks like he loves playing this Britney-Paris-Lindsay celebrity running around town game a little too much.

John, focus on the music.

Sarah Jessica Parker Works For Obama

2008-10-30T20:45:00.001-05:00

God, can't we just get this thing over with? I don't even care who wins anymore.

Nader '08!

Sarah Jessica Parker makes calls to undecided voters at the phone bank of the Obama NYC Headquarters Thursday, Oct. 30, 2008 in New York.

Family Guy "Road to Germany" Complete Episode!

2008-10-30T17:20:00.003-05:00

I don't care. I think Hulu.com is the best thing to happen to the internet.

I'll keep posting Family Guy episodes, as they come out. The hell with it.